Natural           by: Marti B.

 

Part 3

Note: Joe and Karen Lossin are having some marital difficulties. Karen thinks its because Joe is frustrated because he can’t dress around her. There is a problem with Joe’s dressing but its something inside Joe. Together Karen and Joe try to resolve the inner conflict that Joe is experiencing.

The ride home from Mary’s that Sunday evening was a memorable experience for both Karen and Joe.

Karen thought is was the most pleasant three hours she had ever spent in a car with her spouse. The primary reason for this was that they talked. They talked about real issues like feelings and emotions. Joe opened up completely. Karen could tell that he was more than a little scared as they pulled away from the safety of Mary’s but he seemed to come out of his shell more than he had over the last several years of marriage. She remembered one particular exchange that occurred about fifteen minutes after they had started their journey. The light and lively banter than began over dinner seemed to lose steam as they turned onto the street leading to downtown and the highway home. Karen sensed that Joe was afraid. Afraid of being found dressed? Afraid of going back to the real world? She wasn’t sure about the cause, but the symptoms were evident.

They drove in silence for about five minutes when Joe blurted out, "It’s not right!"

"What isn’t right honey?" Karen asked. "You look fine and we’ve had so much fun. You have nothing to worry about." Said Karen assuming that Joe was referring to the fear that she sensed.

"No, the name." Replied Joe. "The name isn’t right. Every time I hear the name Josie, I think of that Saturday morning cartoon. You know, ‘Josie and the Pussycats’! All I can see is that dizzy blonde and that is not me! Help me think of another name."

"Well, what kind of a name are you thinking about?"

"Something with character and strength. A name that says ‘this girl has her stuff in one neat pile’" said the woman sitting next to Karen.

Karen was more than a little concerned by the feeling that she wasn’t talking to the Joe she knew and loved. There was a lot of Joe in this person, but there were subtle differences as well.

"Do you have and particular favorites?" Karen asked.

"How about Debra, or Whitney, or Courtney, or …" Joe broke off the list as Karen burst out laughing. "What’s so funny?"

"Courtney? As in Courtney Love or Courtney Cox? Either way, you just don’t fit the image. I’m afraid I just could not keep a straight face while I conversed with Courtney."

"OK. Maybe I should keep with a J. What about Jane or Julliet?"

"As in Romeo, Romeo where for art thou?" laughed Karen. "Why not Janet?"

"Janet. Not a bad choice. It has character and I can see Janet being a strong, take charge type of girl. Janet it is!"

Karen tried to hide her concern over Janet’s desire to be a take charge woman. It was nothing she could put her finger on but, the tone of voice. Was this Joe or Janet talking? Moreover, what did "take charge" really mean?

With the name issue resolved, the mood in the car lightened considerably. The girls began to chat about likes and dislikes. They even got on the subject of spouses. Both agreed that they were blessed with the world’s best spouses. Nevertheless, there were those little things that neither could stand.

Karen mentioned that, if she were riding with Joe, he’d insist on driving and the only conversation other than "Feels like rain" would start with the phrase "Did you see that idiot?"

Janet laughed at that. She promised to pass the information along to Joe.

Joe also had a very memorable experience. One that left him shaken and worried about the future. He always prided himself on his self control and being in control. He was the master of the any situation. Except now. Janet had emerged so effortlessly that she surprised Joe. She had taken over before he even noticed that she was there. She was a fun-loving, carefree soul who enjoyed being with people and having a good time. She was also extremely strong and didn’t show any signs of relinquishing her hold on Joe’s body and that had Joe worried.

Deep down inside he understood that he and Janet were the same person but he was jealous. How many times had he and Karen been in the car when he wanted to open up and talk? Somehow, something always seemed to get in the way. Like those idiots that Karen and Janet were laughing about. Did Karen understand that Joe’s inner self hid behind those idiots? Now, just out for one day and Janet was saying all those things that Joe was always about to say. It wasn’t fair.

Joe also wondered about how he looked. There hadn’t been a single mirror at Mary’s. He had slipped into the car and immediately tried to look in the vanity mirror behind the visor but it was gone. They even removed the inside rear view mirror. Joe was forced to trust the comments from everyone. He watched their eyes as they complimented him and he was sure they were being honest. He trusted Karen, Mary, and the others but he really wanted to confirm for himself.

They were in traffic now and Joe kept watching for any reaction from the other drivers. It was getting dark and Joe took comfort that he could gain anonominity in the dark recesses of the passenger seat.

They did pass through several towns and Karen could see Joe slide lower in the seat. She needed to shake him up and build his confidence. The opportunity came about two thirds of the way through their journey. They had exited the freeway to use the ladies room and to fill the tank. Joe had suggested the stop but now seemed confused over which room he should use.

"Can’t I get into trouble for using the ladies room?" He asked.

"Looking like you do now, I think there’d be a lot more trouble if you tried to use the men’s room." Karen replied. "Besides, it’s a one person operation so, you go inside and get the key and then I’ll stand guard while you go and you can do the same for me."

The look on Joe’s face said it all.

"OK Janet. I’ll go get the key, but you have to return it!"

The whole bathroom experience went exceedingly well. The station was busy but not crowded. Joe didn’t get any strange looks. Everyone took him at face value, as a woman. He was much more relaxed when they started out again.

Karen had to exit onto a side street before making a right to get back to the freeway. As she pulled out, she noticed a police car approaching behind her. Did she dare? Why not!

Karen rolled up to the stop sign with her right blinker going. She almost but not quite stopped.

"Why didn’t you stop?" Said Joe. "That isn’t like you at …"

He was interrupted as the red and blue-flashing lights came on. Karen laughed and looked at Joe who was trying to sink into the fabric of the seat. She saw the officer approaching and rolled down her window.

"Evening ladies." The officer stated after shining a powerful flashlight into both their faces. He moved the light over to Joe again and said "Anything wrong ma’am?"

Karen laughed and told the officer "Oh, my sister’s just worried that I’m going to carry out my threat and tell you that the rolling stop back there was her idea cause she thought you were cute!"

"Well, I’d tell your sister that there are better ways to meet eligible bachelors." He laughed holding up his left hand so they could see the ring on the third finger. "From now on I’d suggest that you keep your man chasing and your driving separate. Not that you’d ever have a problem finding interested guys. Night ladies. Drive safe."

"Why’d you do that?" Joe asked when they were safely headed down the freeway once again.

"You needed something to boost your confidence." Karen replied. "You look good but you just don’t want to believe the word of friends and family so I thought I’d get an impartial, outside opinion. You passed."

Joe seemed more at ease for the rest of the drive. Karen stopped as the garage door slid up on its track. Joe got out and went in to the house before Karen could stop him. She quickly pulled into the garage and followed Joe into the house.

She found him in their bath staring at his image in the mirror. The veil of inner conflict had already descended across his face. She was too late but had to try.

"Joe, honey. What’s the matter? You still look pretty good."

Joe’s eyes shifted toward her image in the mirror but he didn’t say a thing.

"I’m going down to watch a little TV." Karen said. "Why don’t you come on down?"

Karen went into the bedroom and put on her nightgown. She thought about leaving one out for Joe but was worried that none of her’s would fit. She went down to the family room and cuddled in her corner of the couch not really watching the images on the screen. About a half-hour, later Joe came into the room wearing his customary boxers and T-shirt. All vestiges of Janet were gone.

Karen tried to talk a couple of times during the movie. Joe would only say, "Not now."

They went up to bed. Later that night Karen looked at Joe. She never knew the opposite sides of a queen size bed were that many miles apart.

Janet all but disappeared over the next few days. Joe was firmly in charge. Karen attempted to talk about Mary’s and Joe’s feelings but, along with Joe’s dominance, came the veil of secrecy. They went to work each day, came home and ate dinner, sat in isolation in front of the TV for a couple of hours and then went to bed. Karen tried to seduce Joe on Monday and Tuesday without success. By Thursday, Karen was fed up with Joe and his attitude. The confrontation started at the dinner table.

"Joe, we have to talk." Karen stated bluntly.

Joe started to change the subject but Karen was not to be denied.

"No Joe, we have to talk now! I don’t know what happened when we got back here last Sunday. Something is very wrong and it threatens to undo all the progress we’ve made over the last couple of weeks. You seemed so happy on Sunday, at least till we arrived here. Then something happened. I don’t know what it was or what you think you saw, but you changed. You didn’t want to talk and it was like you had to erase all traces of Janet."

"Karen, I don’t know what it is!" Joe sobbed. "Every time I look in the mirror when I’m dressed I don’t see a woman. I see a man trying very hard to be a woman but doing it poorly. Last Sunday you all told me how god I looked and I believed you although I couldn’t see for myself. Then, the police officer clearly saw anyone but two women in the car. I keep telling myself that he’s trained to notice details and, if I could fool him, the image must be good. When we got home, I couldn’t wait to see myself. I told myself that it would be different, that it would be convincing and it was, at first. Then I started to notice the little things. A hint of beard was showing through on my chin, the shape of my chin, the hairline that wasn’t quite right. Then I’m standing there tearing myself apart. By the time I was done examining myself there wasn’t a thing that truly looked feminine in my view."

"I know you want to help but, maybe we’re going in the wrong direction. Maybe we should find someone to help me suppress my feminine urges forever."

"Joe, that’s not the answer and deep down inside you know it!" Said Karen firmly. "After all these years, I know you. Last Sunday I saw another side of you to love just as much as I love this big oaf I’m sitting with today. Janet is you! But she’s different! The thing is, I think that you need to express yourself fully. I believe that there’s a point where our lives are in balance. For you, that’s a combination of Joe and Janet. Look, last Sunday was only the first session and I think it was more of a get acquainted meeting than a real session. Please, for me, don’t give up!"

Joe and Karen talked a great deal that night. Karen was getting a better feeling to the person she loved. As she thought about it, person was the right word because she loved both the man Joe, and the woman Janet who inhabited that large cuddly body sitting next to her. She quietly resolved that neither she or Joe would give up until the man nor woman coexisted peacefully.

That night Karen turned off all the lights when they went to bed. She slowly removed Joe’s clothes. She had a plan. She felt Joe’s body tense when he recognized the silky feel of the nightie as she slipped it over his head. She felt Joe relax emotionally as her fingers and tongue traced an erotic path toward his manhood. They tumbled into bed. Joe remembered everything! He was patient. He drew Karen along the path to orgasm slowly and delicately. He also enjoyed the journey as much as the destination. They brought each other to the edge of rapture several times before leaping over the edge. Their passions exploded like a super nova flooding the room with a blinding light.

As he lay there in a tangle of arms and legs Joe realized that the light was coming from the windows. He looked at the clock. Six thirty! He had to run if he was going to make it in early as he had promised Fred. Joe carefully tried to extract himself from the tangle on the bed. Karen had other ideas. Her left hand snaked out of the jumble and found its mark, locking firmly around Joe’s penis. She squeezed firmly but gently and drew her lover back into the fray. Joe arrived at the office, bleary eyed and somewhat disheveled around 9:45. Fred took one look at his co-worker, smiled and shook his head. God, Fred wished he could be that lucky!

Another week went by and Joe was on his way to his second session with the staff from Aunt Mary’s. It was Thursday and Joe had an appointment with Veronica in a sleek new office building downtown. He congratulated himself as he arrived exactly five minutes early. A perky twenty something with a rich brunette, chin length bob manned the guard post disguised as a reception desk. She smiled at him as Joe signed in. The nameplate on the counter announced her name as Jill. Joe was glad to see that he was the only one in the waiting room. Exactly at two the inner door opened and Veronica called Joe for his appointment.

As they walked down the tastefully decorated hallway Veronica explained the plan for the day to Joe. She told Joe that the weekend at Aunt Mary’s was an initial screening and introduction session. Today, she said, Joe would undergo a series of psychological tests to validate the initial assessments and to provide the team with then information necessary to help him. Veronica ushered Joe into a well appointed office and indicated that he should take a seat in one of the easy chairs positioned next to the door. Over the next hour and a half, they talked. Joe was surprised by the details that the team had uncovered about he and Karen. Veronica seemed to focus in on critical events in Joe’s life. As they talked, she continuously made marks on the pages on her clipboard. She did seem surprised when Joe told her that Josie, now Janet had not made an appearance since that Sunday afternoon. She asked why? Joe tried to formulate and answer but his stumbling, disconnected response did little more than indicate that he really didn’t want to talk about the subject. As least not at this time and place.

Joe completed several essay questions and two separate multiple choice tests in a small cubicle just across the hall from Veronica’s office. Jill seemed to appear almost by magic each time Joe had a question of was finishing a particular portion of a test. Joe had just completed the last answer on the third test. He looked up expecting to see Jill appear on cue. Instead, Veronica collected the paper and told Joe to accompany her for the final test of the day. She guided Joe around a partition to a chair in front of a computer monitor. As she effortlessly navigated the web to the particular site she wanted, Veronica told Joe that this test was a little different. It was scored automatically and Joe would be able to see the results as soon as he was done. Joe sat and read ‘Combined Gender Identity and Transexuality Inventory (COGIATI). Joe quickly skimmed through the instructions and the statement of purpose before launching into the test. For the next thirty minutes Joe read and answered questions. Sometimes the answers came quickly. Other times he had to sit and think about his response. On a couple of occasions he had to push back and think for quite a while before he was able to respond. Throughout the process, Joe tried to be sure that he was being honest in his responses and not answering the way he thought Karen or Veronica wanted.

Almost immediately after Joe submitted his last answer he was presented with the result screen. Joe scored 123, which, according to the onscreen information made him Androgyne. Joe read the guidance that accompanied the test results found more confusion rather than answers.

"Interesting." Came a voice from over his shoulder. "You realize that these results, along with the result from the other tests, means that I owe Victor fifty dollars." Said Veronica. "I don’t know how he does it but he’s never ever wrong. Let’s go back to my office and talk."

"Alright, I saw the results, but what does it mean?" Asked Joe after he was sitting in Veronica’s office.

"It means." Veronica replied. "That you have the characteristics of both male and female genders. Let me start at the beginning. Have you ever heard of brain sex? No, I didn’t think so."

"Joe, lets talk about the difference between sex and gender. To put it simply, sex is physical and gender is the person inside. Sometimes though, there’s a mismatch between a person’s sex and gender. When this happens, your mind tells you that you are a female yet the body is male. What’s more, when puberty hits, the body is flooded with male hormones causing more distress. In your case, your mind has the characteristics of both sexes. Because your body was male, the female side of your brain has been suppressed for all these years. You probably had events where your feminine side came through all the male oriented defenses. The incident with your mother’s panties was probably one of those."

Joe and Veronica continued to talk for the next thirty minutes. Joe promised to visit Mary’s house the following weekend. He left with more questions than answers. That night Joe and Karen talked until well after midnight. Joe related everything he learned that afternoon. When Karen wasn’t satisfied with Joe’s answers, they found more information on the Internet. They read about the COGIATI and the BEM. The discussion moved from the family room to the computer to the bedroom.

Karen had one burning question that went unanswered that night. Although Joe never mentioned it, his scores on both the tests showed a strong propensity toward the feminine side. This was the suppressed feminine side. Did that mean that Joe would move even further toward the female if Janet gained more freedom? Karen loved both the male and female sides of Joe but she wanted to live with the physical male. Was she being selfish? After all, it was her idea to free Joe to express himself.

Karen spent a restless night. In her dreams, Joe decided that he wanted to transition and began hormone therapy. Karen dreamt about all sorts of embarrassing situations trying to explain a husband with breasts. She woke with the vision of Janet proudly coming home following SRS. Could she deal with that? She refused to search her soul because she was afraid that her answer would be no.

Joe and Karen dealt with their personal fears for the rest of the week. Their conversations were superficial and their physical contact accidental. Karen called Mary. Unable to contain the tears any longer Karen sobbed as she talked about her fears. Mary asked Karen to visit on Friday. She gave the address of an office in the northern suburbs. Karen called in sick on Thursday and Friday. Joe volunteered to stay home Friday morning because this was so out of character. Karen insisted that she would be ok and directed Joe to go to work.

All her worst fears accompanied Karen as she entered the waiting room of Mary’s office. As she sat for the ten minutes between her arrival and her appointment, these fears seemed to gain strength. Mentally, she had already resigned herself to the fact that she would lose Joe. Janet was stronger. She enjoyed herself so much more than Joe did. Clearly, Janet would win any direct contest. Karen entered Mary’s office a defeated woman. All her fears came spilling out as soon as Mary asked her "What’s wrong?"

Karen talked for forty minutes without letup. Mary listened patiently. She jotted a few notes but let Karen talk until she eventually ran out of steam. "Karen, what did Joe say to make you feel this way?"

It was a simple question with a tremendous impact. Karen sat with a shocked look on her face. Hadn’t Mary heard a word she said? Anger gave way to confusion. It slowly dawned on Karen that there wasn’t a thing Joe said or did to cause her current feelings. All these fears came from deep inside her being. The next thirty minutes were spent in quiet conversation. Karen left with renewed spirits. She wouldn’t lose Joe. At least not if she could do anything about it.

Joe was waiting in the family room when Karen returned. She immediately noticed the suitcase sitting next to the chair. All those fears that just a short time ago had been put in their place came rushing forward. Karen almost lost it. Joe sensed Karen’s fear.

"Well." He said. "I guess I’m ready for my second weekend session at Mary’s."

"Oh Joe. I completely forgot that you were going away this weekend. Do you really have to go?" Asked Karen even though she already knew the answer.

"Do you want me to drive with you? It won’t take long for me to throw a couple of things in a bag. I could stay at that little motel in Placerville."

"Karen. I really think that I have to do this alone." Joe said. "After my session with Ronnie I’m just plain confused. I need answers and the only place I can get them is at Mary’s. It’s only for two days. I’ll be back late Sunday afternoon and we’ll go out for dinner so I can tell you everything."

Karen dabbed at a tear as she watched Joe drive off. She sincerely hoped that he would return on Sunday.

The drive up to Mary’s was uneventful. It was a little past nine when Joe parked under the tall pines and walked up to the front door. As he climbed the last step, the front door opened and Victor greeted Joe with a hearty handshake. Joe thought a lot about the handshake as he put his things away in the room. Sure, it was the customary way for men to greet each other but somehow, it just didn’t feel right. As he closed the top drawer Joe looked at the collection of underwear. Panties and Bras were neatly lined up across the drawer. A selection of dresses, skirts, slacks, and blouses hung in the closet. Veronica had been very precise in her instructions. Mary expected to spend the weekend with Janet. Joe glanced at his hands as he began to undress. He laughed silently as he realized that he definitely needed a fill for the nails. Slowly he headed off for the bathroom to get ready for drinks and conversation in the parlor.

At that same moment, Karen was making her own discovery. She was putting a few items away when she noticed that Joe’s favorite shirt was still hanging in the closet. Joe wouldn’t have gone without ‘his shirt’ unless. Karen went to the guestroom where Janet’s clothes were carefully arranged. She immediately realized that several of the outfits she bought for Joe right after the last session at Mary’s were missing. She slumped on the guest bed as the impact hit her. Janet was going to Mary’s. Who would return? Karen fell asleep that night clutching Joe’s shirt against her breast just like a small child cuddles a security blanket.

Joe relaxed in the fragrant water of the tub. He struggled to shave the back of his left calf. After what seemed to be an eternity he was satisfied with the results. He, no she stepped from the tub and wrapped up in a large soft towel. Janet pulled on a pair of french-cut panties and a matching bra in soft pink. She only hesitated a moment as she examined the breast forms she had found on the closet shelf. They slipped easily into the bra cups. They looked good!

Now, seated at the vanity table Janet attended to her makeup. A light dusting of powder. Just enough coverage to even the color out. She frowned as she spotted the telltale traces of the beard peeking through. She thought about starting over with a heavy foundation but the instructions were very specific. A little blush and a touch of mascara helped to complete the picture. She finished with a light lip-gloss. Janet took one last critical look at her image in the mirror. There was still a lot of Joe showing. Entirely too much. She wasn’t happy at all but she was running late.

She had originally planned to wear the little black dress that Karen bought with the hopes that she and Janet would occasionally go out on the town together.

Janet was holding the black dress up in front of her and looking in the mirror when there was a soft knock on the door. Janet was just about to answer when the door swung open and Mary peeked around the edge.

"I just wanted to see if you were ready to come downstairs." Mary said with a slight questioning tone to her voice. "Is everything alright? You look wonderful! I really wish more people I work with had your sense of style."

"Thanks for the compliment." Janet replied. "But I think you really came in to make sure I wasn’t going to chicken out. Didn’t you?

Mary smiled. "Well?"

"I’m glad you checked, I think. I was just about to lose my nerve and get Joe ready to come down." A solitary tear formed on the outer corned of Janet’s left eye. Mary dabbed at it before it could begin its journey down the cheek.

"I’m able to get just so far before the illusion disintegrates before my eyes. I look at my face and see Joe everywhere!"

"That’s ok. Remember that Joe is you. He will always be there. The key is that most people only see what they expect to see. When you dress, look, and act like a lady they see a lady. Our minds are wonderful things. Give them a few clues and the mind leaps to a conclusion. Once that conclusion is reached then they will often discard conflicting information unless the new evidence demands a re-evaluation."

"I also think that there is a lot of inner conflict that you are dealing with. Am I right?"

"This weekend we’re going to start to teach you to set the feminine illusion and teach you to deal with your inner conflicts. The battle will not be won here and now but with your cooperation; we’ll map out a winning strategy. Now, lets go down and meet the girls."

While they talked Janet had slipped the dress over her head and, with Mary’s help had fixed her hair. They chatted happily about the next couple of days as they descended the stairs.

Joe/Janet was surprised to see several strange women in the sitting room. Mary introduced Janet to the girls. She then introduced each of the girls to Janet. Barbara was a striking woman with a platinum blonde pageboy. Her exceptionally thin body was encased in an exquisite burgundy pantsuit. Her lips and nails matched the color of her outfit perfectly. June was a petite redhead with a cute pixie cut. She had a beautiful floral dress with a exceedingly short skirt to show off her legs. These were legs to die for! Her green eyes flashed when she smiled. Rhonda looked to be a size eight. Well proportioned but a little overdone in the make-up department. She wore a sequined cocktail dress that screamed ‘Look at me!’. Her deep brown hair was pulled into a bun at the nape of the neck. She reminded Janet of the girls in that Robert Palmer video "Simply Irresistible’.

Janet had a wonderful time with the girls. They talked about fashions and current events. She and Rhonda had a long conversation about experiences in public. Rhonda proved to be a very intelligent person with a wealth of wisdom to share. Around two, the party began to break up and the girls made their way upstairs. Janet couldn’t wait to get to bed. She washed and moisturized her face, hung up the dress after taking one last appraising look and deciding she did in fact look good, and put on the night gown. Just before turning off the light, she turned off the alarm. There was no way she was going to get up at 8:00 AM.

 

 

 

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