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My Terror                by: Janet L. Stickney                     JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I felt the terror deep. Way down inside, searing my soul and sending shock waves through my body, making me shiver while sweat poured down my back. I stepped out into the cool night air expecting some relief, and there was, a little, until I heard the door slide open behind me. I froze, unwilling to see the face of my doom, yet, there was no way back in unless I turned around. I stood there, my hands clasped in front of my skirt, my grip making the blood in my hands slow almost to a stop while I also bit my lower lip. The silent yet extremely loud shriek, my pain of discovery inside, felt as if my life was slowly being sucked out. It was like an eternity as I waited for the command to turn around, unwilling, yet with no choice but to face the cruel fate that lay before me. A tumult of conflicting emotions tore through me like a hot desert wind, scattering the sand in all directions, and it took all of my nerve to face the ugly turn that fate had beset on me. I began to turn around, and out of the corner of my eye I saw him standing there. Dad. He said nothing as I slid past him, the perfume I had on filling the air, wafting behind me as I raced back to my room, slamming the door shut as I reached the only sanctuary I had.

I stripped and went in the shower to wash off the makeup, and also, the traces of perfume I had worn. Desperate to explain, yet afraid of the consequences, I remained in my room, frightened, knowing that I had let my father down. At that point I'm not sure which was worse, the waiting for him to come in and berate me, or my overwhelming self imposed shame, but I could not go out and face him. I just could not. I still had the panties on, ready to get into bed, but just then the door creaked open and he stepped into my room, and saw me standing there in nothing but the panties.

"We'll talk about this in the morning, but I just wanted to tell you that you looked…pretty good. Good night."

Needless to say, I didn't sleep worth a darn that night. In my only act of defiance, I wore the same panties under my jeans the next morning at breakfast, but they gave me no comfort at all. It was a Saturday, and dad would be home all day. Although he was supposed to have a date the night before, and had told me he would not be home last night, he had come home early, and found me all dressed up. That was the worst of it, but I had spent months buying clothes and planning for the day I would finally be able to finally get dressed as I wanted to, only my second time fully dressed by the way, and I had been busted. Life sucks, and dad was sitting there looking straight at me.

"That' Dad said, "was some display last night. Care to tell me about it?"

If I could have told him, I would have. But just how do I tell my dad that I had an irresistible urge to deny my own masculinity? How do I tell him that even in the throes of my terror, I had an inner peace that defied telling? How could I say, that if I could, I would dress as a girl as often as I was able, maybe full time? There were no words that would let me say any of that, and even if there were a way for me to tell him, how could I make him understand just how much it meant to me? I remained silent, and with a shrug, cast off his question, even as I stared into my plate.

"There is only the two of us, your mother has been gone almost a year now, and since we gave away all of her clothes except for her good jewelry, that can only mean that you bought those clothes yourself. That had to take a long time, given the size of your allowance and the odd jobs that you've had." I hate when he is right all the time! "So, if you bought them with your own money, that means this is more than just a lark. That tells me that dressing up as a girl means a lot to you, even if you won't, or can't tell me why. We cannot live together if we cannot trust one another Jimmy. If you want, or have to dress as a girl, then I want you to tell me. I can't say I understand it, but I might allow it if there aren't any lies between us. Now, tell me the truth."

Dad has that way about him. He almost never raises his voice, yet I always knew when he meant what he said. When mom died of cancer he was an emotional wreck, and we consoled each other for a long time. Learning to be two guys in one house was hard, but we really worked to make it. Over time, I began to take over many of mom's duties, simply because of his schedule. I did the laundry, cooked, and cleaned most of the house. I didn't mind, as it allowed me to pretend, in my mind at least, that I was the woman of the house. Dad helped out of course, but he left most things to me. Now he wants me to tell him how I felt, and why I was dressed as a girl. The terror I felt last night returned, softer, still nagging at me, yet dad just sat there, waiting, and there was no place for me to run. If I denied what he had seen with his own two eyes he would know I was lying, because he had seen me last night, and he also knew that I had bought the clothes myself. I had managed to corner myself. I looked up.

"As it is right now" Dad said,, "you do all of the cooking and laundry, while cleaning most of the house. While those are jobs that can be shared, they are most often done by women, yet in some ways, you are much better at it than your mother ever was." I finally looked at him. "Maybe you would like to be the woman of the house." His eyes narrowed a bit, then grew wide, and I saw him smile. "I have just the answer! Since it is painfully obvious that you are ashamed to even talk about dressing as a girl, I'll let you show me. I have to be in the office for most of the day today, so I want you to drop everything else and get all fixed up for me. When I get home tonight at say…four, I want to see and meet, this girl you have been hiding from me." Dad got up, looking down at me…"Four o'clock Jimmy. I want to see you all fixed, and as pretty as you can make yourself."

I watched him leave the house, having said not one word in my defense. He had given me an ultimatum, even though it did not sound like one. If was not dressed when he got home, my days of dressing would be over altogether. But if I did get dressed, and did the best I could, he would know that I wanted to be able to dress as a girl, and worse, that I liked it. If I did less than I was capable of, he would know, since he had seen me last night. I sat there, frozen, certainly willing, but afraid. Afraid that what dad would see when he looked at me was better than he imagined, yet I knew it would be worse than I wanted it to be. I had another coffee, sipping at the cup for a long time before I went to my room, then looked in my closet. My choices were slim at best. One dress, a sheath with a round neckline that fit me really nice, and a skirt with two blouses. I had one bra, a waist nipper and a pantybrief, a pair of pantyhose and black heels. My makeup kit was sparse to say the least, but dad had been wrong when he said we had gotten rid of all of mom's stuff. I had kept almost all of her makeup and hair care items, things like her curling iron. I had one bottle of hair remover left and a lone package of razor blades. Since I only shave three times a week at best, I never used much makeup, which worked to my benefit.

I knew I would do it. I had to. Dad would see me in all my glory, I would be ashamed beyond belief, or dad would accept me like that and he would let me dress once in a while. There wasn't going to be very much in the middle. Looking at the clock, I had six hours to get ready, more than I needed, yet I still struggled with that intangible, the indefinable ambiguous future that lay in front of me, and it was my future. As much as I wanted to get all dressed up, and look my best, I wasn't eager to stand there like that in front of my dad. Then I had a thought. I would go all the way. Nails, fingernail polish, perfume, the works, including the best makeup job I had ever done, and have skin as smooth as any woman's. It was the only way for me to console myself and get dad's undivided attention. With a new determination, I decided that if dad wanted to see a girl, then he would see one, and she would be me, in all my splendor, however good, or bad. Grabbing my wallet, I headed for the drugstore. I saw some kids I knew, passed them by quickly, sure that they knew what I was about to do, especially Cheryl. She lives a few doors down, and has to be the best looking girl I know. At the drugstore I bought fake nails, the glue, some polish, and for the first time, foundation that looked to be my color. I also bought another package of razors and a bottle of hair remover, exhausting almost all my money. Then I scurried home as fast as I could.

Using the hair remover was painful at best, and made me smell just terrible, but when I showered the stuff off, almost every bit of hair I had on my body was gone. After filling the tub, using the remaining bubblebath, I sat there and used a new razor to remove the last vestiges of hair I could find, including on my butt. My face was baby smooth, just like the rest of me, before I stepped out. I had about three hours to go. I checked every square inch of my body in the mirror before I pulled on the only clean panties I had, the yellow ones, then went into dad's room to use mom's vanity. The foundation I had bought was, as I figured, almost exactly the same color as my face, and easily hid the very slight trace of what beard I did have. Powder over that, which I brushed away, and all at once I had a smooth face that was all one color. I was elated, but knew that the rest of my effort had to be just as good. For dad of course, but also, for me.

Before I did anything else I opened the package of fake nails, and figured out what to do. I filed and trimmed a few to fit better, then used the glue to attach them to my fingers. The glue dried almost instantly, and I was able to trim my own nails to a length that I could manage, just about a quarter of an inch longer than my own nails. Polishing them was new to me, as it was my first time, but I managed, and after about 45 minutes I had ten reddish pink nails that made my fingers look thinner, and even made my hands seem smaller. With my nails dry, I set about using the blow dryer to fluff out my hair, then the curling iron to add a few curls and a wide brush to shape my hair. Then I finished my makeup, using soft brown eyeliner with a plum eyeshadow toned down with tan. The mascara made my lashes a bit longer, but the curl it added made my eyes seem wider and more open. I quit there, and went back to my own room to finish getting dressed.

Using tricks I had read in some of the stories I had downloaded from the Internet, I "tucked" things away, then pulled on the pantybrief, adding small folded towels to add roundness to my hips and fullness to my bottom. The waist nipper reduced my waist by an easy three inches, then came the pantyhose, which felt just electric as they slid up my now extra smooth legs. The pantybrief over that gave me a smooth appearance, which delighted me, because this was the first time that I actually felt like I had a chance to look at least like a normal girl, and not a boy in a dress. My determination to do everything right was in full force, and I'll admit it, I loved it. Back at the vanity I added blusher, and used a soft green pencil under each eye. My bra was white, a smooth cup style with lace trim that fastened in the front. I pulled it on, then added the matching birdseed nylons I used for breast forms. The dress, my sheath, was all black, and as I slipped it over my head I felt a shiver run through me. This was the one thing that would confirm my desire. I zipped it up and stepped into the shoes, which raised me up to 5'6". Looking in the mirror I grabbed the brush and hairspray, then began to brush my hair into the way I wanted it, which, by the way, was the only way I knew how to do it, a neck length bob. My naturally curly hair gave me curls across the back and around the sides, the top swept up, only to fall in bangs across my forehead. Satisfied, I went back in dad's room, opened the jewelry box, and slipped mom's pearl earrings into my hand along with the matching pearl choker. Her watch, plus two of her rings were added, then I sat at the vanity to put them on.

Finally, at half past three, I added the perfume and the lipstick, a soft red that defined my lips in a cupids bow shape. I took another look in the mirror, minutely checking everything. I looked as good as I ever had, better in many ways, especially my makeup. I grabbed a black purse out of the closet, took it to my room, and set it on the bed, then put my wallet, lipstick and some tissue in it. My fate was just a few minutes away, but I had passed the moment of my personal fear, and now had only to face my dad. I opened the door, then walked down the stairs and into the familyroom, where I sat, waiting for my future to arrive. I had time to ponder my fate, but also, felt my determination growing inside, almost a defiance, but not quite rebellion. I liked to dress as a girl, and maybe, if I had the chance, would dress as one every day, but doubted that I would have the chance. All I could do was wait for dad's reaction.

A few minutes after four, the door opened, and I heard him, the gentle footsteps as he walked into the familyroom, then our eyes locked. I stood up, my hands clasped in front of me, my mouth set in a forced smile, my purse on the couch next to me. The hem of the dress was above my knees, about mid thigh, and my legs, to be honest, my best feature, were almost fully displayed. Dad stood there, his mouth open, yet his eyes roamed from my head to my heels and back. My small but well defined breasts, my narrow waist and full hips, accented by the shape of the dress defied his logic. Boys cannot look this way, but I did. He stepped closer and my fear grew, then he stopped.

"You look exactly like your mother did at your age! Exactly! You're beautiful!" He plopped down in his chair while I remained standing, and after a long, pregnant pause…"What can I call you? Jimmy doesn't seem to fit any more, especially not when you look like this!"

I had selected the most feminine name I could imagine. "Emily" I said, then sat down on the couch, facing him. Neither of us spoke for what seemed like hours, then dad stood up, motioning me to stand as well.

"I told you I do not understand this compulsion of yours, but it isn't that rare, and you are not the only boy that wants to dress as a girl." He took my hands in his, looked at my nails, and smiled at me. "It would be a great waste of effort if I told you to go change, so I won't. Instead, I propose that we go out to dinner tonight, someplace nice, like that Italian place you like so much, and talk about this. I'll go take a shower and change, then we'll go."

I never had the chance to say no! Dad spun around and left me standing there! Go out? I had never left the sanctity of the house, except to walk out on the patio, once! Now, dad is taking me to dinner! It was all I could do to talk myself out of my self imposed exile from the outer world and accept the fact that I was going, like it or not. Dad would be there I consoled myself, he would not let me get into trouble I said to myself. With that thought firmly in my grasp, I sat back down and waited.

Those first steps outside of the house were traumatic, as I expected every neighbor, every friend I ever had, to jump out and yell ugly words at me. Dad patiently waited, saying nothing, until I drew up the nerve to leave the house, then he drove us across town to the best restaurant in town. He raised his arm, and I took it, more for my own safety than attachment, and as we walked in we were treated as any couple. Led to a table, I saw our name on the little placard, and knew that dad had planned this the moment he left the house. Seated, he let me have a small glass of wine, a red, then he looked outside.

"I brought your mother here. I asked her to marry me, right at this very table." The river below streamed by, bits of junk floating by once in a while, the evening sun casting shadows and light in strange patterns that changed with the water. "She was the most beautiful woman in the world Emily, and I loved her with all my heart." He drew in a deep breath, and took my hand in his. "I'm not sure how I can stand it Emily. You look so much like her, right down to the sparkling eyes and your smile, but if we had a daughter, she would look like you anyway, and I would still love her, our daughter I mean." The waiter interrupted, and we gave our order. "Emily. So feminine. Just looking at you, I know that this is what you want. To be my daughter I mean. If I let you do this, we will both have some serious adjusting to do, and I am wondering if you can handle it. Can you?"

My dad had just told me that I could dress all the time! All at once questions reverberated through my mind, things like, what do we tell Grandma, to what about the neighbors, and lastly, clothes. I did not have enough to come even close to dressing as a girl every day! Then an ugly thought raced through my mind. Unwanted, yet it lingered there, waiting to be spoken. Then, before I said it, dad did.

"I just want you to know that I am not looking to have you replace your mother in any way Emily, she is gone, and we both understand that. It's just that you look so much like her that it made me remember a lot of things that I had put away, just memories of the past."

Dinner arrived, and we both ate, slowly, savoring the delicious food. While we waited for dessert, dad sat back and grinned at me, which made me wonder what he was thinking. By that point I had accepted the fact that not one person looked at me funny. I had passed this test with flying colors, which bolstered my ego and gave me a newfound confidence to go with my determination. With dessert came coffee, a richly thick Italian brew that guaranteed to keep me wide awake. I sipped on it while dad, with a pensive look on his face studied the water.

"If we asked, I'm sure that Grandma would help you, not that it looks like you need a lot of help, but there will be times when I simply won't be able to answer your questions, and she will be able to."

Dad had put a lot of stuff out for me to digest, and I was overwhelmed by it all. Dad had always been very open minded about other people, but this was me, his own flesh and blood, his son. He had just told me that I could be his daughter, if I wanted to, and he also knew that he would have to spend some money so that I would have at least a minimum wardrobe, yet he hadn't once flinched. Each word, each gesture, the way he acted around me and the tone of his voice all told me that it was okay for me to feel this way. As much as I wanted it, I had to make sure. When I told him bluntly, all he said was buying clothes for a 15 year old girl was best left to the girl, and her mother, or in this case, her Grandmother, but he also added that if he let me do this, he would expect me to be a lady in every sense of the word, and told me directly, and in no uncertain terms, that he would not let me hide in the house all the time. I would be expected to do all the same chores I had now, and that included the shopping. Dad left me no wiggle room at all. If I accepted him at his word, and began to dress like a teenage girl, then I would have to do it all the time, not just when it suited me.

We traded looks for a moment, and I slowly nodded my head yes. With his grin, I knew that I had stepped into uncharted waters, and it would be up to me to learn how to swim. Dad was about to say something when I saw his face light up, then, a female figure coming from my right only to sit in the chair next to dads. It was Cheryl, my friend from down the street!

"Hi Mr. C! I saw you over here and thought I would stop and say hi!"

Perky as ever, Cheryl looked directly at me, smiled, then I saw her eyes go wide, and I knew that she had recognized me.

"Cheryl, this is Emily. Emily, this is Cheryl."

Dad wasn't helping me much. I felt as if I wanted to sink out of sight.

"Listen hon…Emily, I could use some help. Maybe you can come over in the morning and give me a hand?"

"Doing what" I said in a shaky voice. "I'm not sure….I…"

"I just need to hem a skirt. You just put it on and I'll mark it. Okay?"

Before I could say a word, Cheryl stood up and asked me to be there at ten, and left! Looking at dad, he just gave a little laugh, and told me it was my choice, but hemming a skirt did seem like a girl thing to him, and told me to go ahead, since it was obvious that Cheryl knew who I really was. I swallowed hard, my tongue thick with concern, so I stuck a fork full of dessert in my mouth and sipped on my coffee before I said something stupid and nixed the whole deal. On the way out, I once again held dad's arm, and saw Cheryl waving at me as we walked by. Dad was still grinning.

As I undressed I looked at myself once again, and saw that my makeup still looked really good, and was proud of myself. Just before I went to bed, I put out my only skirt and my best blouse, then went to bed, wondering what the next day would bring. It would be Sunday, and I still had two months of school to go before summer hit. There was no way I could be a girl at school, I would be killed for sure. All I had were the weekends, but I intended to make the most of them. Dad and I would have to learn how to accept me as a girl, and while my desires were clear to me, I had to figure out why my father was so willing to let me become his daughter. He said I looked like mom, but I was me, a different person, a girl that was actually a boy. I had to know he truth. If Cheryl turned out to be as good a friend as I hoped, maybe she would be able to help me a little, if I asked her. If she had set me up to be ridiculed, there wasn't one thing I could do about it, but my life in school would be just as bad as if I showed up in a dress. Then of course, there was her mother. She knew me well enough that she might just tumble to my real identity. I had another uneasy night.

In the morning I once again went through my ritual of getting dressed, except that I wore the skirt and blouse with my gym shoes. Dad said I looked nice, then asked me if those were my only casual shoes. When I said yes, he told me eat up, and we would go to the local bargain store and get me some things I knew I would need. Only a little less nervous, he and I went to the store, and while he followed me around, he let me pick out a few things. True to his word, he did not say a thing as I bought three pairs of shoes, two pair of flats and one more pair of heels, plus another bra and some more panties. I also picked up one more dress, two skirts and some tops, all pullovers. By the time we got home I had changed into the beige flats. They matched the tan skirt better. Looking at the clock, I saw it was almost ten, so I grabbed my purse, and for the first time, kissed dad on the cheek before I walked out of the house, and also for the first time, started down the street, in broad daylight, dressed as a girl. I didn't, or maybe couldn't, worry about what would happen if our neighbors saw me. I had to act as if I belonged there. Dad had told me that, and it was the best advice I ever got. People were out, going to church, mowing the lawn, washing the car, some knew me well, some not so well, yet not one person even looked at me. The bright sunny morning did not match my mood, which bordered on gray, at best, but I smiled, and made my way to Cheryl's front door, then, drawing in a deep breath, rang the bell.

To say she looked fantastic would be understating it. Cheryl always looked nice. Today she had on a short skirt and a top, much like I did. She smiled, took my hand, and we walked right past her mother and into her bedroom. The door closed, and to my great surprise, she hugged me. Then giggled!

"You are so precious! Last night I wasn't even sure that it was you until I got up close, and even then it was scary just how good you looked!" She looked me over from head to toe, then…"Seeing that you came here at all tells me that this is more than a lark. Is it? Do I have a new girlfriend?"

She would find out anyway, so, looking in her eyes for any sign of deceit, and finding none, I told her the truth.

"Just on weekends Cheryl. School, remember?"

"Yeah. School. But what about after that?"

"The minute I get home after summer break begins, Emily is moving in for the summer. Dad and I went shopping this morning to get me enough clothes to last for a while. You won't tell anyone, will you?"

"Tell who what? One look at you and they would be calling me a liar! I don't think you realize just how good looking you are, so I am going to prove it to you."

"You said you had a skirt to hem up."

"Oh, that. I made that up just to see if you would show up. I do want you to try on a dress I have. It's big on me, but might fit you perfectly. Let me get it."

I watched as Cheryl went into her closet, which was almost the size of my bedroom, then emerge with a fantastic looking party dress. All chiffon and satin, lilac in color, with a pair of spaghetti straps to hold it up. With her watching me, urging me to try the dress on, I gave in to my impulses, and slipped off my skirt and blouse, then stepped into the dress. Cheryl zipped it up and stood beside me so we could look in the mirror.

"Damn!"

"What?"

"I never looked that good in a dress this style!"

I had to admit it, the dress did look good on me. I had no cleavage, but neither did any of the girls I knew, so it didn't matter. Cheryl shoved the matching heels at me, and I stepped into them to complete the picture. We were both staring at my reflection when her mother burst into the room. One look at me and she smiled.

"I see you found someone that looks good in that dress."

"Mom" Cheryl said, "this is Emily."

"Hello Emily, nice to meet you." Turning to Cheryl, "Remember, you have to be ready to leave in about an hour. You and I have that meeting for the planning committee this afternoon." Turning to me, she asked, "maybe Emily would like to come along."

Cheryl told me they were on the planning committee for the annual Debutante Ball, and almost begged me to tag along. I resisted, since just the thought of a room full of women, everyone of them with a potential debutante, scared me, but before I said no, Cheryl told her mother we had to ask my dad, and dragged me, still wearing the gown, outside, and back to my house! My terror was returning. Everyone on the street looked this time, since a girl in a ball gown is not a normal sight on our street. It was all I could do to try and look dignified. Dad took one look at me, then Cheryl, and listened as Cheryl told him all about the committee, and almost begged him for permission to let me go. Of course he agreed, but with a wink and a grin. With Cheryl in tow, I went to my room, removed the dress, and put on one of my new skirts and a top, changing into the white flats.

Well, her mother never even once suggested that she knew who I was, and simply drove us to the meeting. I was right. The room was full of women, their daughters beside them, and worse, I knew most of them. Cheryl whispered for me to quit worrying, and just listen, which I did, then, as we were leaving, I was handed a form to fill out. It was a debutante information form!

"I can't fill this out! What if…"

"It's not a commitment Emily, just fill it out. You can always say no at a later date."

So, I filled it out, using all of the correct information, except for my name of course. For my middle name I wrote in Elizabeth. A woman picked it up, and I joined Cheryl and her mother and we walked out to her car. Neither Cheryl or I spoke during the ride. As we turned on our street, her mother stopped right in front of my house, and smiled at me.

"This is where you live isn't it?…Emily"

She knew! The whole time, she had known who I was! If that was true, why did she take me with them to that meeting? And why did she insist that I fill out one of those forms? Cheryl's mother twisted around in her seat and looked me right in the eye.

"Emily, honey, I used to be in show business, and I have seen it all. I have never understood the attraction some men have to women's clothes or what they represent, but I accept that some of you do. A few men can portray themselves as women fairly well, while a rare few look spectacular without even trying. That's you Emily. You are welcome in our home at any time, and if you need to talk to me, just call or come over. Okay?"

I almost started crying I was so happy, but nodded my head yes and ran in the house. Dad wasn't there, so I went to my room. I found solace in trying on all of my new clothes, testing the various combinations of colors even as my mind raced. Me? A debutante? Just the thought of it was ludicrous, and I dismissed the idea almost out of hand. I heard dad come in, and went to meet him. I heard him in the kitchen, and without a thought, I walked in, only to see him holding Claire, his latest flame, their lips firmly locked together. I took one step back, ready to head back to my room when he saw me.

"Emily! Come in and let me introduce you to Claire."

Claire was a littler taller than I am, with a fantastic shape, an oval face framed with blond hair, blue eyes that seemed a bit small, but a smile that could melt ice. She was very pretty. She put out her well manicured hand, and I took it. Our eyes met, and while I said nothing, she must have sensed my unease.

"Emily dear, I am not stealing your father away, I am just borrowing him! We can share…right?"

She had taken my tenseness to mean that I was afraid that she would take my father away from me! As an only child, purported to be a girl, and naturally close with her father, Claire had misunderstood. I forced a smile, and said "okay", then went to my room.

I heard the door shut, and a bit later dad came into my room.

"Claire thinks you are quite cute."

"Yeah, but what happens when she finds out that I'm not a girl?"

He sat on the bed and sighed. "Claire and I have been talking about marriage, and I told her the truth. She already knows that you are not a girl, but I also told her that you would be living as a girl, full time once school lets out, and she would just have to accept that before we went any further. Claire told me, after you left, that she was stunned at how pretty you were, and assured me that it did not matter what you wore." I waited, because it was obvious that there was more. "But she has already tried to get me to sell the house and move in with her Emily. She likes things her way, and I'm not sure that would be best for you." Dad lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Claire is a nice girl, and I like her, but you are my only concern right now. I read up on what you are doing. The book said that stifling your urges only drives it underground, and can make you edgy and tense, trying to keep a secret like this. That's why I agreed to let you try it, and so far, you haven't flinched, even once." He rolled over and looked right at me. "Tell me the truth. If I could arrange it so that you could be a girl all of the time, would you do it? Could you do it?"

I was stunned, yet confused. Dad had virtually given me the chance to say that I wanted to be a girl, and more, that he would let me! I swallowed hard, trying to see myself as a girl, in school, every day, full time. I just could not say the words, but I nodded my head yes.

If Claire wasn't exactly the kind of girl he wanted, and slightly distrusted her, that would mean he would be in the market for another opportunity, and I had just the candidate! Dad got up, hugged me, then left the room. I had school the next day, and as much as I hated it, I sat down and began to remove my nails. I took my time to change back, but I still wore a skirt and blouse to dinner, my bra still holding my fake breasts. Only the nails and makeup were gone. Dad did not say a word.

The next day Cheryl and I walked to school together, and I will admit it. I missed everything about being a girl. Just seeing Cheryl seemed like torture to me since I wanted to be just like her, and she knew it. But I had other things on my mind, and I needed her help. I explained it to her, and while she looked at me funny at first, she was ginning when I was done. For the first time ever, she held my hand, more a confidant to a girlfriend than anything else. We had a plan, now all we had to do was set it in motion. But it would take two girls, and we had plenty of time to plan. Two months to be exact. The days dragged by slowly. Dad gave up on Claire while I would only get dressed on the weekends. About three weeks later, on a Friday, I was in my room changing when I heard the doorbell. Without a thought, I put on my lipstick and went to the door, expecting to see Cheryl, but opening the door, I saw my Grandma standing there! I let her in, and while she watched, I casually put my earrings in. I had gained enough confidence in myself to be the girl I wanted to be, and had begun to act like a girl every time I changed, and besides, I didn't want to show any fear.

I pointed into the familyroom, and Grandma followed my twisting skirt as I went in ahead of her.

"So! You're Emily! You father told me how pretty you were, but I never imagined! Turn around and let me see!"

Just then the doorbell rang again. It was Cheryl. She burst in like a whirlwind, talking the whole time.

"Mom said yes, and now all we have to do is get your dad to agree, and we'll have them right where…" She saw Grandma, and stopped, then smiled. "Oh! Hi! I'm Cheryl. I live just down the street. Emily and I are good friends. We're just…"

"It sounds" Grandma said, "like you girls are trying to get two people together." She looked me with those green eyes of hers, then a wizened smile crept on her face. "Your father" then at Cheryl, "and your…mother?"

Both Cheryl and must have looked stunned, because Grandma waved us to sit.

"Okay you two, tell me all about it, and keep in mind that I think it's time Steven found a wife. Maybe I can help."

We traded looks, and gave in to the obvious. Grandma was going to find out, and she made it clear that we would tell her. Grandma has that way about her. Cheryl and I told her the entire plan, and why we thought it was perfect. Grandma just sat there listening, but a smile grew on her face by the time we had finished.

"Sisters? You both understand that sisters fight all the time, especially if they are the same age, or close to it. They fight over boys, clothes, space, anything at all. Is that what you want?"

"Yes" we both said at the same time.

"Okay then, here's what we'll do…."

Grandma changed our plan a little, but we both agreed. Then Grandma told me that she would be over again in the morning, and I was not to say anything to dad. She had a surprise for me. Cheryl went home, Grandma told me everything would be okay, then she left, and I started dinner.

Dad was in a pleasant mood, and told me to get my list of things I needed, and right after dinner he and I would go shopping. I told him that I would need Grandma to go with me instead, and offered to call her. He agreed, and gave me his credit card. I went down to see Cheryl right after dinner, and her mom let me in. Going to Cheryl's room, I heard voices, and started to turn away when her mom opened the door for me and I saw who was in there with her. Sally, a friend of ours that we had both known since grade school.

"Oh Hi Emily! This is Sally, another friend of mine. We were just talking about her brother, and what a noodge he is."

Sally said hi, then went on to talk about her brother Sam, but we all knew Sally's brother was a fool, and most of us ignored him. Only Sam didn't know it. He was, according to him, God's gift to the rest of us lowly sorts, and if he gifted us with his presence, we should just be thankful. Mostly he was a boor. But, he had always been that way, and none of us thought we could change him.

"What Sam needs is a really good kick in the pants!" Sally sounded angry. "He put a lock on my bedroom door and left with his buddies! Dad had to cut the lock off with a hacksaw! Then, when I did get into my room, all my clothes were on the bed! Mom was furious, and dad said he was in for it, but they never do anything to him! He always gets away with it!"

"Maybe he needs a lesson he won't forget then" Cheryl said. "Maybe we should let him see what its like to be one of us!"

"Like what?" I asked.

"Take him somewhere he really wants to be, then stick him in a dress. Get him all fixed up, then leave him by the side of the road and let him find his own way home. That would teach him to mess with a girl!"

"Yeah" Sally said, but where and how?"

"Well, he knows all of us, so we would need a girl he doesn't know, someone that's pretty enough to get him where we want him, then the rest of us can make him over!"

They both looked at me, and I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh no! Not me! I can't! What if he….I mean He might try to…"

"Yes" they both shouted, and began to plan Sam's revenge right then. I had no choice but to stay, just to see what I would be in for. By the time Sally left, she was almost singing, but I was very mad at Cheryl.

"I cannot do this Cheryl! You'll need several other girls, and if they find out about me, I won't be any better off than Sam!"

"Maybe, but just how are they going to find out? Are you going to tell them? I don't think so! Listen. You do this, and it works like we planned it, every girl in school will think you're the next Mata Hari, while almost every guy we know will want to know about this fox that set up Sam. Only those fools he hangs with will be angry, but just how will they find you? I mean, at school you're just another guy. Right? And guys cannot look as pretty as you do…right?"

Well, against my better judgement, I agreed, and everything was set for next weekend. I was going to be the bait in this little plan. I hoped everything worked like they said, or I would be the laughing stock of the school. Dad was watching television when I came in, but rather than join him I went to my room so that I could calm the terror that had returned. As long as I was in my envelope of safety I was okay, but Cheryl had set in motion something that might be very hard to recover from if it went badly, and me, not Sam, would take the hit. Sally didn't even know who I really was! As far as she was concerned, I was just a girlfriend of Cheryl's, and never even gave me a second look. With no experience at all, I was supposed to lure Sam away from his friends, take him to the park, and let the other girls work on him. Sam would get a serious lesson, but I might be the one that gets the grade.

In the morning Grandma showed up around ten. I was dressed of course. I had on a simple straight skirt with a top. Without any discussion, she told me to go to my room, then she had me take my top off. When she opened her bag, she took out a pair of very realistic breast forms, and handed me one. It felt just like the real deal, and was flesh colored! I held it up to my chest and saw that they were a close match for my own skin tone, and quickly removed my trusty bags of birdseed, replacing them with the ones that Grandma gave me. All at once I could feel the difference. They were heavier, and pulled my bra down a bit, but they filled each cup easily, and when I touched them through the material, they felt very real.

"Those were your mothers Emily. I think maybe you should have them. I also have this. I saw it in the store and bought it. Try it on and tell me what you think."

The pantybrief had built in pads, and gave me a nicely rounded set of hips! I joyfully finished dressing, then Grandma and I went shopping, and during our drive to the mall, I told her all about the plan to get Sam. With a snicker, all she told me was that we would be sure to buy exactly the right dress to lure Sam into the trap! Grandma seemed to understand a girls need for revenge, and made a few comments on how I could bait him easier. About $1600 later, and laden with all sorts of clothes, we returned home. Skirts, blouses, dresses, suits, jeans, slacks, shoes, jewelry, makeup, more nails and glue, bras, panties, slips and more were piled on my bed. Grandma helped me put them all away, then told me to make sure I wore the special item she had insisted that I buy. Since my rendezvous with Sam would be that night, she left me to get ready.

I called Cheryl, who said everything was set, and to meet at her house at seven. I had time, so I stripped and went top the bath for a long bubblebath. Starting with black panties, I did my makeup using the new stuff I had bought that day, did my hair, and picked up that special item. Grandma called it a corselet. I wrapped it around myself, fastened the hooks and zipped it up, marveling at the way it created cleavage from almost nothing, while at the same time took my waist down four whole inches. Pantyhose were next, then my padded pantybrief. The dress we had bought was royal blue, with a square neckline the exposed the tops of my own, now compressed flesh, making ersatz breasts, which looked very full after I pushed the birdseed breast forms under my now swollen flesh. I loved it. The shoes were next, then a simple gold necklace, some perfume, and bright red lipstick. Gold and blue earrings, a thin gold bracelet, and I was ready. I put everything in my wallet into the new girls wallet Grandma said I needed, then grabbed my purse, and took one last look in the mirror before I left for Cheryl's house. I had a kaleidoscope of emotions tumbling within, ranging from fear to elation, and while I harbored a lot of doubt about my ability to do this, I soldiered on, relying on my determination and the knowledge that I had been out many times, all without incident. I rang the bell, and Cheryl let me in.

She confirmed the plan was in motion already, and told me that Sam would be at the Burger Bin in just a few minutes. Given his self centered notions, there wasn't any doubt in anyone's mind, including my own, that he would hit on me. I would lure him to the park, then with the excuse of using the ladies, I would leave, and his life would change. When she was ready, we walked to the Burger Bin, entered, and sure enough, we were both hit on. Sam reserved himself for me, and while Cheryl distracted the others, I let Sam lay it on. Everything he said sounded so trite that I almost laughed, but I acted as if I had never heard it before, and when he asked me if I wanted to take a walk, I told him the park was nice that time of year. After that, well, the plan was executed without a hitch. Four girls jumped him, stripping him naked while two others held him down. Shredding his clothes made him fall silent, until he saw the panties. But Heather was bigger than Sam, and held him in place easily. Next came a bra, then pantyhose, a very short skirt and a see through blouse. Sam knew what was happening, yet there wasn't one thing he could do about it, and since everyone but me was wearing a hood, he had no idea who everyone was. By the time they let him sit up, he looked pitiful. His hair was brushed out, then braided into two pigtails, a black ribbon set into each one, black heels were slipped on his feet, and garish makeup was added.

By then I had left, and did not see the finished product until later. Cheryl and I ran to the Burger Bin where I told his buddies that Sam had gone crazy! Then I told them that he said always wanted to be a girl, then left, and went into the ladies room and changed clothes! Cheryl and I sounded like we were scared, and we were very believable. His friends didn't believe us of course, but when they walked outside, they saw Sam standing there, all made up like a girl. He had been dragged there, then set free just as his friends walked out. To them, everything that Cheryl and I said was true, since the evidence was standing right in front of them. Sam knew that he was in trouble, but his lack of training in heels made it almost impossible for him to run away, so he had to stand there as everyone stared, and laughed at him. No matter what he said, his tale of kidnapping, was dismissed out of hand, and his friends taunted him without mercy. He named me, but Sam is clearly bigger than I am, and everyone called him a liar. As he watched, his friends left him standing there, a six block walk home dressed like that his only option. He had tears on his cheeks when we left.

Sally called us at Cheryl's house later, and filled us in on what happened when he returned home. It seems his father did not believe that mere girls could do that to his son, and would not let Sam change clothes until his mother and Sally had all seen "what Sam had done to himself". By the time he was able to change, his entire demeanor had changed, especially when his mother told him he looked "cute, if a bit garish", and maybe now he "would understand why girls hate having their things messed with, or being talked down to". Sally was almost shouting into the phone she was so happy. Then there was me. All of the kids at the Burger Bin assumed that I was innocent, since it was obvious that I could not do that to someone Sam's size, and the fact that I had invited him along was dismissed, as they all assumed that I meant it, while they all thought that Sam had other ideas.

The next day I found out that Sam was grounded! I was free to come and go as I pleased, and like Cheryl told me, everyone of the girls accepted me as one of them without question. I was their hero! Sally, Cheryl and I were at my house when the phone rang. It was Cheryl's mother. She told me that there were three boys at her door, and they wanted to know where we were. When I told Sally and Cheryl, they told me to tell her we would be right there. Up to that point I had managed really well, and had been accepted as a girl, but my contact with boys had only been Sam, and of course, as another boy, in school! I lingered a bit, which made Cheryl stop.

"What's the matter Emily? Aren't you coming? There are three hunks down at my house waiting for us!"

"You know why."

Sally, who had not, as far as I knew, been told the truth, walked over to me, put her hand on my arm, and said…

"Because you think you're a boy? Well you're not! I didn't even know until after we sacked Sam, and nobody knows but the three of us. Hell, if the truth were told, I have heard a lot of the girls say that they wished they looked half as good as you do!"

"But" I said…

"But nothing Emily. You are a girl, just like we are, and our task in life is to torment the boys until we get our way, and the only way we can do that is to be available! Now hike up your panties and lets go down there and turn the boys on so we can ice them down later!"

Well, Sally took one hand, Cheryl the other, and out we went. All of us wore skirts and tops, which swayed as one when we walked. I could see the boys sitting on the porch, one of them Jeff. He was the only one of the boys to tell me "well done" when Sam appeared as a girl at the Burger Bin. To say that I was in complete awe of him would understate it. Jeff is tall and muscular, well spoken and nice looking. In other words, every girls dream catch. In school he always spoke to me even though the only thing we had in common was our manhood. Cheryl, Sally and I walked up to the porch, and just like it had been rehearsed, Tom took Sally's hand, Greg took Cheryl's, and Jeff took mine. They were all smiles as we sat down next to them. I had about a month left in school, and wasn't anxious to start anything, with anybody, but…

"Hi. My name is Jeff. I spoke to you the other night. That was some trick you pulled on Sam."

"But I…"

"Set that fool up perfectly. He deserved it, so don't worry about me."

Jeff had that way about him that puts people at ease, and I relaxed a bit even though I was unsure about trying to relate to a boy, as a girl. My one and only foray with boys was to lure Sam to the park, but it was obvious that Jeff was attracted to me. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there and listened. A bit later, Cheryl, Sally and I went in the house, leaving the guys on the front porch.

"Jeff has it bad for you Emily!"

"Great. What do I do now? We still have a month to go until school lets out!"

"And that means…..? Sally asked.

"It means that I can't get involved with Jeff, even if I wanted too!"

"Yeah! Right!" Cheryl said. "You know as well as we do that nobody knows but us, and we aren't telling. Jeff is the only the best looking guy in school, and he is after you Emily! You just can't say no! Not now! Get your butt out there and be the nice little girl he expects you to be!"

"What if he wants to take me out?! What do I do then?"

They both looked at me like a meteor fell on me. "Say yes" Cheryl said, "then go change into that little blue dress of yours. He'll take it from there, and believe me, he knows exactly where to go!"

"I'm sure he does, but I can't go there!" I said, getting frustrated. "Then there's my dad! What will he say?"

"If he doesn't know how attractive you are by now, he'll know the minute that great big hunk fills your doorway! Now go out there and just be yourself!"

With a shove from Cheryl, I went back outside, and saw that winning smile of Jeff's again. He took my hand, and without any pause, asked me if I would like to go to a show with him. I don't remember saying yes, but I must have, because he lit right up. He squeezed my hand, then asked me where I lived, and I pointed right at my house. He said he would be over at seven, then left! Sally and Cheryl also accepted dates, and the three of us sat on the front porch.

A little bit later I went home, made a quick snack, then went to take a shower. By the time dad got home I had changed, redone my makeup, and was waiting for Jeff to show up. Dad took one look at me and asked me where I was going.

"I umm…have a date."

"You going out with Cheryl and Sally again?"

"No dad. A date. With a boy. His name is Jeff. He'll be here at seven."

When no storm clouds crossed his face, I knew that he wouldn't make a scene, and relaxed a little.

"You be home, in the house by midnight, and no drinking!"

"Dad!"

"If you are going to be a girl, then you have a girl's curfew. Midnight, and don't test me on this Emily!"

Other than a new curfew, dad never said a word about my date with Jeff, and was very cordial and polite when Jeff arrived at our house, although he did tell Jeff that I had to be in by midnight. The show was fine. The burger afterwards was fine. When Jeff pulled up in front of my house, took me into his arms, and kissed me, well, that wasn't fine. It was wonderful. It was as if that kiss was the columniation of my dreams, my wish to be a girl come true. I had been accepted as a girl, and now, I felt like one, and did not know if I could go back to being a boy, even for a month. I gave Jeff my number, then went inside. Every nerve ending was on fire, and I could still taste his lips on mine. I had definitely crossed the barrier, and by kissing another boy, committed myself, and my future to the great unknown. If I returned to school in the fall as a girl, everyone would know, especially Jeff, yet, if, when I go to school on Monday, Jeff recognizes the smallest thing about me that is at all familiar, I'll be dead anyway. In my heart I knew that I had committed no sin, but I could not find the strength to just get dressed, and walk into the school, consequences be damned.

Dad asked me about my date, said Jeff seemed nice, then dropped it! I spent the morning cleaning the house, not because I had to, but to get my mind off something else, something that would ruin me, or let me have the life I wanted. Dad did not seem to have a clue to what I was thinking, and spent the day in his office. Of course, Cheryl came over and wanted all the details, in great detail, as in minute by minute. It was when I was telling her about my first date that I broke down. It all came out. How I wanted to be a girl more than anything, how I felt when Jeff kissed me, and how, every time I had to dress as a boy, I felt like a traitor. Cheryl listened, cried with me and hugged me, then, she told me something that shook me to the core.

"Emily Elizabeth, you listen to me! If you decide to show up dressed as a girl, so what? Everyone thinks you're a girl now for goodness sake, and only a fool would say otherwise."

"But the minute they call my name, everyone will know!"

"True" she said, "but the agony of being found out will be over, once and for all, won't it? And with only a few weeks left in school, I'll bet that not many will make an issue of it, and in the fall, when you come back, they'll be expecting a girl, which they'll get."

"Jeff" I said, and Cheryl knew exactly what I meant. Before she could answer, dad walked in on us.

"Are you sure" dad said, "that you want to do that Emily? It might turn out worse than Cheryl suggests."

I looked right up at him and started crying again. The torment I was in causing me pain that was worse than any I could imagine. In my mind I could not continue the dual roles of male and female. I was torn between his love, my desires and what I had discovered about myself. Being a boy did not fit the image I had of myself, and when Jeff kissed me, I knew that was true. I had managed to dress, make friends, and even date a boy, all within a few weeks because I had an inner belief in myself, the help of some close friends, and a loving father that did not judge me. Now, with only a few weeks left in school, I had come to the crossroads, and I had to choose a path. Cowardice, stupidity, or the truth were my choices. Cheryl was holding my hand, dad was standing there calmly, and I was weeping. There was no right, and worse, no wrong decision.

"I want you to make yourself as pretty as you can and go to school on Monday morning Emily. I'll go with you and set things straight with the school. Cheryl will be there, and that girl Sally. If this is what you want, then you don't have any choice, do you? If things get rough, call me, and I'll be right there."

It took me all day and a phone call to Grandma to decide to do it. Then I began planning what I would wear, right down to the color of my lipstick and the way I would do my hair. Cheryl said she would walk with me, and dad said he would be there when school opened. That night I very carefully removed all my body hair again, laid out my clothes, and went to bed, but did not sleep well, and got up early the next morning. It did not really take me longer to get ready, it only seemed that way. My breast forms, the ones Grandma gave me, were there on the dresser, waiting for me. I knew the adhesive was in the drawer, but had never used it before. I found the tube, read the instructions, and after carefully noting the right place, I used the glue to attach the forms to my chest, smoothing down the seams with my finger. Then I got dressed. A normal white blouse, short sleeved with a round neck, a pale blue skirt that had a flare to it and was just above my knees, white flats, and my purse. My padded pantybrief gave me hips, my makeup as good as I usually do it, my hair brushed out in a pageboy with a pair of barrettes to control it. Pale red lipstick, a dab of perfume, and I was ready. My books were in the sack, which I grabbed on the way out of my room. Dad was not in sight.

Cheryl was waiting for me, along with her mother.

"Be brave honey. If this is right for you, then do it, but hold your head up high and don't look ashamed of yourself."

"I will Ma'am. I'll try anyway."

"If you need me, just call and I'll be right there. Okay?"

I hugged Cheryl's mom, then we left for school. Those few blocks seemed endless, yet with every step I drew greater strength. I knew that I would make or break my future that day. I would be ridiculed or I would be left alone. Either way, the die was cast, and I could not back out now. Cheryl and I met up with Sally and the three of us walked into the school together. Just three average girls going to school, yet one of them, me, was a boy. I almost made it to my locker when we were stopped by Mrs. Mathers, the school Principal.

"Can I talk to you a minute Emily?" She knew my name! Moving out of the stream of kids and into her office, I stood there as primly as I could. She looked me over carefully, then… "I have heard about this new girl named Emily from some of the kids, and wondered who she was, and why I didn't know her. Now I finally get to meet you!" She sat down. "Both your father and Cheryl's mother called me today, early, and told me what you were doing, and why. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?"

I had known this woman for two years, and knew that she was fair, but also, did not take lying very well. Standing there in her office dressed like every other girl in school, how could I not say "yes"? Then I sat down and poured it all out. The years of endless frustration punctuated with moments of sheer pleasure when I could dress as a girl, then I described the month that I had dressed every weekend, my date with Jeff, and my conviction that I was right. She sat there a moment, then handed me a note that I was to give to my teachers, one by one as I went from class to class. I was dismissed, and went to my first class. I gave the teacher the note, saw her read it, then she told me to take a seat.

"Class, this is Emily. She will be with us until the end of the year. Now, our lesson will be…"

And that's how the day went. I read the note at lunch, with both Sally and Cheryl beside me. All it said was that all my grades were to be assigned to me, but under my male name, and no mention of my true nature was to be mentioned. So far, nobody had questioned me, but some kids knew who lived in my house, and they could certainly add up the facts. Jeff stopped by and said hello, then left for practice. Kim and Julie, friends of Sally's joined us and I was introduced even though I already knew them. Only Julie gave me a bit of a stare. The tension I was under did not ease off until school was out, and even then I knew that I had a month to go, and I couldn't make one mistake, or risk being found out. Only my inner determination, helped with a padded pantybrief and really great breast forms kept me on and kind of even keel.

Dad asked me about my day, showing great concern, and I told him what had happened, and what the Principal had done for me. I walked to school with Cheryl and Sally every day after that, and never had a problem with the teachers or the kids, and by the end of that week I was beginning to be accepted by most of them for what I seemed to be. Jeff and I went out that Friday night, and once again he turned me on like a light. Still shaky about kissing other boys, I kept my feelings to myself, and did not tell even Cheryl. On Thursday of the following week I got my invitation to participate in the Ball as one of the years debutantes! After I read it, I showed it to dad, then he read it.

"It does seem natural doesn't it? I mean, you have become a girl in almost every way, and being a debutante would sort of make that statement wouldn't it? A new beginning for new girl."

"You mean it's okay?" I asked.

Dad motioned to the chair next to his desk. "Emily. That's a very pretty name, and like you told me, it's a very feminine name." Dad sat back in his chair, looking straight at me. "I always wanted a daughter you know. Your mother and I planned on it, then she got sick, and it was out of the question. I had a son, and that was fine with me. As you grew older, I expected that you would be as big as I am, but you never were. Instead, you never got much bigger than your mother. She and I knew about your dressing up, even when you were little, because, like most kids, you never could manage to hide it very well. We put it off as just childish exploration, and forgot about it, until I saw you that night. That's when I knew that we had misjudged you. You always wanted to be a girl, even back then, and it was obvious that night. When I saw you standing there, looking so much like your mother I was speechless, and it wasn't until I calmed down that I was able to even speak to you!" Dad leaned forward. "I had to ask you to dress up one more time, just to see if I was right Emily, and you proved that the next day. It broke my heart to see you dressed as a girl, and obviously liking it, but worse, you reminded me of your mother. I loved her Emily, I still do. I let you continue to dress as a girl for selfish reasons Emily, not because you needed it, but because I wanted to see you, and remember your mother as she was."

Dad started to cry, the tears slowly creeping down his face to drip from his face and land on his desk. He wasn't sobbing, just the tears of a lost love, years of anguish and loss. "Emily" he said as he wiped his tears away, "you have become a woman that any man would be proud to call his daughter, and I am. I still don't understand why you have to do this, I don't think I ever will, but it is clear to me that you do, and have accepted the challenge, and beat it. You have become a girl in every sense of the word, and I am very proud of you for it." I moved to get up, but he motioned me to stay put. "Since we both agree that you are a woman, why don't we make it legal? I will contact our lawyer, and make the arrangements to have your name changed, then we can redo your room any way that you like."

It was a catharsis. Dad had admitted that his only motive for letting me dress as a girl was as a reminder of mom, yet he finally shed that shell of denial, then told me that the he accepted me as his daughter. He was overcome with emotion, the tears still raining from his face as I went to him, put my arms around him and hugged him tightly. Our love for one another grew that day and a greater understanding of each others needs blossomed. The shell he had been in was, like mine, a fantasy. I was not my mother, yet he fed his own fantasy by letting me continue to dress as a girl because I looked like her. I am not a girl, but my fantasy was that I wanted to be one. I turned out looking like mom, but I was dressing as a girl, making friends and enjoying my freedom to dress as a girl. Our fantasies intersected, each feeding from the other, stoking the fires of each, yet growing stagnant and tense with each passing day. I stood up, facing my father, and smiled. I had the answer to his pain.

He picked up the phone to call the lawyer while I walked down to Cheryl's. I told her I had been accepted as a debutante, then filled her in on what had happened, and told her that now was the time to put our other plan in motion. Her mother was all smiles until she saw my tear stained face, and almost demanded to know what had happened. At first I was unwilling to share such an intimate moment with her, but I saw Cheryl nodding her head yes, and began. Cheryl's mother held my hand until I was done, the truth was out, and she knew it all. My fathers acceptance had been based on the way I looked and my self centered delusion that I had it all. When I was done, she hugged me, and told me that while my father wanted one thing and I took it as another, in no way took away from his feelings for me. The fact that he told me himself should have been enough to tell me that. Before I could even respond she told Cheryl and I that since we were going to be in the Ball, we had better start looking for our dresses. Then she told me to call dad and tell him I needed some money. Cheryl smiled and I winked. It was working.

Well, I did call dad, and I did tell him I needed money, but I also told him that he should come along. He said he would be glad to, and was soon standing on Cheryl's front porch. We went to the mall, and while Cheryl and I were rummaging through the expanse of dresses, her mom and my dad stood talking. Cheryl and I made our way to the bridal salon where I tried on four dresses before I found one I liked. It was perfect for a virginal debutante. Cheryl found one as well, and we both stepped out of the changing room at the same time so that our parents could see the dresses. Dad didn't say much, but Cheryl's mom called over a seamstress and made some recommendations. In a few minutes our dresses were shorter, just below ankle length, and the low cut front on Cheryl's dress had been raised a little while mine had been lowered a touch. I wanted this dress, and dad knew it, so he nodded his head. Cheryl got hers as well, and we returned to the fitting room to have the dress tailored for an exact fit. The whole time Dad was talking to Cheryl's mother. When we were done, we insisted that she also find, and try on a dress, but first, we had one for her to try on.

Cheryl's mother looked like an absolute dream. Other than a few gray hairs, she could fill in as a debutante herself! Dad's eyes lit up when he saw her in that dress, a smile creasing his face. Her blue eyes sparkled as she walked back and forth, the white satin brocaded sheath so snug, outlining her exquisite figure, her dark hair the perfect offset. I watched as dad watched her walk back and forth, his eyes locked on hers, and her shape. Cheryl and I changed clothes, then dad went to pay the bill. I could almost hear his wallet crying as he signed the ticket.

"Aren't you going to buy that sheath? You looked spectacular in it" dad said as arrangements were made for Cheryl's dress.

"But where would I wear it again? That's a lot of money for a dress that I'll only wear once."

"It could be a wedding dress mom, and you know you look great in it."

"Maybe it would be worth it if the right guy took you to this Ball" dad said with a grin.

"Maybe. We'll see."

"Dad" I said, Cheryl and I are going to look at lingerie. Can we meet you guys somewhere, in a few hours?"

Together, they said, "Okay", and we split as fast as we could.

We set them up, and while both Cheryl and I had each lost a parent to death, and we lived close enough together, we hoped that our parents would "find" each other. I bought a new corselet, some white hose and another bra plus white satin panties. Cheryl bought similar things, and we found our parents sitting at a table, deep in conversation. They were holding hands.

At home, dad never said a word about the day, and he didn't even mention Melanie, Cheryl's mom, but he seemed to smile when he said her name. The next day Jeff stopped by, angry, his voice filled with fury, his fists balled tightly.

"You're Jim! You're not a girl! You let me kiss you!"

His voice could be heard all over the house, and dad came out to see what was going on.

"Is something wrong Emily?" It was obvious, so I never said a word. "Is there something wrong Jeff? Why are you so angry?"

"Emily isn't a girl that's why!"

"Is that so" dad said, "she is my daughter, her name is Emily, and she lives here with me. What makes you think she isn't a girl? You thought she was before."

"Some of the kids are saying that Emily is Jim, and this is where Jim lives! That's why!"

"I see" dad said. "Perhaps, if someone else tells you who she really is, you'll believe it?"

"Maybe, depends on who it is."

"Emily" Dad said, "Call Melanie and ask her to walk over here."

Within minutes Melanie was at our front door, a strange, questioning look on her face.

"Melanie, how long have you known Emily?'

"Why, almost all her life, why?"

"Jeffrey has some friends that are saying that Emily is a boy, even though I am her father and say she is a girl. Can you tell Jeff her full name?"

"Of course. Emily Elizabeth."

By then, Jeff was moving backwards, unwilling, or maybe didn't know how, to apologize. He left, and I went back inside. Dad stayed outside with Melanie.

By convention, I needed an escort to the Ball, and had planned on asking Jeff, but now I was unsure. Melanie told me the best way for me to make everyone believe me, was to ask Jeff, and if he said no, try someone else. So I called him and asked him to be my escort to the Ball, and he surprised me by saying yes! On the day of the Ball, Grandma, Cheryl, Melanie and I all went to the salon together, and we all had our hair, nails, and makeup done. Dad had asked Melanie to join him and Grandma, and she accepted, which made me very happy. His mind was now on her and not on me. I had Jeff for that, and I was prepared to prove to him just how much of a girl I was willing to be. All he had to do was wait.

Dad took Melanie in the limo with Grandma and Cheryl plus her escort, Bill, while Jeff and I went in his dad's Cadillac. The whole affair was wonderful, and as Jeff and I made the Promenade around the room, I could see our parents smiling and taking pictures like crazy. Then it was time for me to dance with my father. He swept me into his arms, and led me through a waltz. I was in heaven, and I couldn't see how it could be any better. Then, when the dance was over, Jeff and I began to dance, and I could feel his hot breath on my shoulder, the gentle way his fingers caressed my back, and the way he held me. Then we moved to the balcony overlooking the lake. The music in the background, the stars shiny, glimmering on the water, all combined to make this the most perfect night in my life. Then Jeff took me into his arms and kissed me again, his tongue sliding in, making contact with mine, and I held his head, pulling him closer, tighter, so that my breasts were pushed into his chest.

Later that night, all alone, I did my best to let him know how much of a girl I was. Jeff had his hand on my breast, which was mostly all me anyway because of the corselet, and knew that he had a girl in his arms. When my hand touched him, he shivered, then submitted to my desires. I had done what I set out to do, and there was no doubt in his mind any more.

Dad didn't make it home until the next morning, but Grandma was at my house with Cheryl and I. When he did show up, he and Melanie were both smiling, and Cheryl, Grandma and I hoped that he had found someone to love. It looked like he had. I finished school as Emily, then, with a legal name change, began to take mild doses of a hormone to make my body conform to my needs. Cheryl and I were as close as sisters, and I never looked back on the turmoil I had gone through.

My terror had been beaten, and I had managed to have it all. Whether it was luck, desire, stupidity or something else, I don't really care. I am woman as the song says, and that's enough for me.

 


2000

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