My Husband???
by: Shirley Ann Sometimes © 1999
"That son of a bitch is probably running around the house all fagged up right now!"
"Slow down, Gail. You've been a steady stream of babble ever since you walked in here this evening. I've just let you keep talking so you'd blow off some steam, but I'm totally lost. You want to start at the beginning girl?"
"Oh Pam, I'm so upset I can't even think straight. I'm sorry hon."
Pam studied her closest friend. She'd never seen her like this before, not even the time she'd found out she'd been turned down for a promotion just because she was female. Gail was obviously more shaken and angry than Pam had ever seen in the ten years they’d been friends. "That's OK, Gail," she said. "Just start somewhere near the beginning to at least give me an idea what we're talking about."
"Donald! We're talking about Donald!" Gail said, her voice dripping with venom yet tinged with sadness. Her eyes flashed with anger as she thought a moment before continuing. "He's a cross dresser, a Transvestite!"
"What? I don't believe it! Not Donald. Are we talking about YOUR Donald?"
"Yes, dammit! My husband Donald is a freak. And, worse yet, he won't stop!"
"Oh no, you poor thing," Pam replied, getting up to give Gail a badly needed hug.
Predictably, Gail cried. She had a lot of pent up emotions to deal with and Pam was more than willing to just hold her friend as those emotions flooded out. Soon, Pam was also crying even though she didn't know the whole story yet. She knew enough to feel the devastation her best friend was suffering. In time, they moved to the kitchen, got some coffee and sat down in the dinette to talk.
"I caught him," Gail began. "You wouldn't have believed it. There he stood, all decked out in a blue dress. He had on a wig and jewelry, and, well, everything. I mean, he was even wearing pantyhose and high heels - spikes no less."
"Donald?" Pam said in disbelief as she thought of the macho man her friend had married. "What did you say?"
"Me? I didn't know what to say and neither did he. He just stood there with a dumb look on his face and turned ten shades of red. When he opened his mouth, he said something about thinking I'd gone shopping with you for the whole day. Now, what kind of a stupid thing is THAT to say - trying to make it MY fault for coming back to my own home?"
"I hope you didn't let him get away with that one."
"No way! I asked him just what the hell he thought he was doing."
"And?" Pam prodded.
"He said this was something he'd been wanting to tell me about for a long time. Well, as you can imagine, that did it for me. I wanted to throw him out right then and there. In fact, I opened the door and told him to get out. I told him I would pack his things and send them to him later."
"Good girl," Pam said. "I would have done the same thing. What did he do then?"
Gail paused to get herself under control after reliving the scene in her mind. "He tried to get something to show me, but I wasn't having any of it. I guess I got hysterical and started screaming. I made quite a scene and even started pushing him out the door. Everything happened so fast that he actually wound up outside. I locked the door right away and went upstairs for a good cry."
"I guess you did," Pam said sympathetically. Then she smiled a little and said, "You pushed him outside in broad daylight with him wearing a dress and heels?"
"Damn right I did! Left him out there too."
"Is he still outside?" Pam asked. "How did you get out past him to come here? Why didn't you just call me? I would have come right over."
"Oh, Pam, that was five years ago," Gail admitted sheepishly.
"Five years ago?!?!" Pam yelled. "You never told me - and it's been FIVE YEARS?" Pam was hurt. Then she considered the burden Gail had been carrying all those years - and she suddenly felt nothing but deep sympathy for her friend. Changing her tone to comfort Gail, she asked, "Why, honey? Why didn't you share this with me? You poor dear."
"I couldn't, Pam. I was totally devastated. You can't imagine the horror to discover something like that. I was crushed and embarrassed beyond words. How could I face you or anyone else? I felt dirty, betrayed and violated."
It was time for another hug and a little more crying. Pam could feel those same emotions just as vividly as Gail had felt them so long ago. She could imagine the crushing weight suddenly thrown on Gail's shoulders - thrown there by the very man who was supposed to help her with life's burdens. They cried together.
Several pieces of facial tissue later, and after taking a calming sip of her coffee, Pam prodded, "Keep going. You've got him locked out in his dress and all. What happened next?"
"He came knocking at the door about an hour later. He'd been hiding in the bushes and said he was cold. I didn't open the door. I just told him to get the hell away from the house before I called the police. He said he didn't have any money or his car keys or license so he couldn't go anywhere. Besides, he said he couldn't leave looking like that, he needed some of his clothes to wear."
Pam was smiling as she pictured the scene. "I guess he did need some clothes. Did you give him any?"
"I started to, even got them together and put 'em in a bag for him, but I couldn't find his keys and wallet so I went to the door and asked him where they were. He told me they were upstairs in his office so I went to get them. That's when I found his stuff spread all over the place. He had a bunch of girl's clothes including all kinds of underwear and everything. There was even a purse and a coat."
"Well, I found his keys and wallet in his pants which were right where he'd thrown them on the chair. At that point I was fit to be tied. No way I was giving him any of his clothes. You know what I did? I threw those girl's clothes of his in the suitcase he kept them in and took the house keys off his key ring. Then I stuck his wallet and car keys in the purse and put everything out the back door."
"You didn't! You devil you!" Pam said in admiration.
"That's just what I did. You should have heard him begging through the back door when he found what was out there. He didn't go away until I told him I was calling the police in exactly one minute. I told him I'd call some of the neighbors too and tell them I had a prowler in my yard. That did it. I watched from the window as he walked out to the car and got in."
"I'd have paid money to watch that," Pam said, smiling again.
"You'd have gotten your money's worth. He moved just like a girl. If I hadn't known who it was, I never would have believed it was Donald. He walked perfectly in those heels with his hips gently swaying just like he'd been a girl all his life. It made me want to throw up. Just think, I slept with him. Suddenly I hated him."
"Did he look like a girl?"
"Hell no! He looked like Donald with makeup on and in a dress. At least that's how he looked when you saw his face. Oh, I suppose he looked like an oversized girl at any distance and he sure moved like one. I tell you, I came real close to calling you that very night but I just couldn't bring myself to do it."
"I can't imagine how you suffered through the night. It must have been terrible."
"You can say that again. My whole world had just come to an end. The only thing that kept me going was anger. I started looking around and found some more of his girl stuff and tore it to shreds, like I was killing 'her'. I even started tearing up some of his other clothes too but I calmed down a little before I got too far. I just started packing up his stuff to throw it out the door. After a while, I calmed down some more, but that took a good five hours."
Gail took a long sip of coffee before continuing. "I realized I wanted to get even with him. So I went outside and got the first suitcase I'd packed. I decided I’d just keep ALL his clothes until we got a separation agreement signed. I wanted him to have to face the judge while dressed as a woman. That would sure set things right in a hurry."
"He called me that night after dark wanting to come home and talk to me but I just hung up on him. He kept calling every hour or so pleading with me to listen to him. Finally I told him I needed some time to sort things out. That was Saturday night. I said he could come back on Monday morning and we might talk or I might just let my lawyer talk to him but I didn't want to see or hear from him until then."
"You left him out dressed like a woman until Monday?"
"I thought I did. It turns out he stayed like that driving around for most of the night before he drove over to Pine Bluffs and found a little motel. He got a room after giving them some kind of a story about why he was dressed like that and got some sleep. He said he didn't sleep well and that he had a hell of a time Sunday after he got up. He wanted to get some clothes. He put on..." Gail chuckled as she continued, "a cute little short skirt and blouse. Then he went looking for someplace to buy clothes. It was Sunday so all the stores out there were closed. Well, he hadn't eaten in twenty four hours so he went to a diner. He told me that walking in there was pure agony. After he ate, he asked where he could go to buy some male clothes."
"I'm surprised they served him," Pam observed.
"He said he got a lot of strange looks when people saw him up close enough to see he was a man and the waitress had a good time at his expense. Anyway, he ate and went back to the motel to ask them about shopping since he didn't get any answers at the diner."
"They sent him all the way back into town to the K-Mart. He had to stop for gas on his way in. He said it was a very humiliating experience. Then he drove to K-Mart and actually walked in dressed like that. Those spike heels were the only shoes he had since I hadn't thrown any shoes into the bag, so he marched himself right in there wearing them. He said this was the most embarrassing experience of his life."
"Too damn bad," Pam said. "Imagine him talking about embarrassing and humiliating. He had his nerve after doing that to you. I'm glad. It served him right."
"That's just how I felt," Gail responded. She was now smiling too. "I bet he was quite a sight as he walked in there dressed in that outfit. He managed to find some jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers. They even let him change in the dressing room, though he had to square it with the manager first," she added with a snicker. "That's how he was dressed, jeans and sweatshirt, when he showed up on Monday."
"Well Gail, you didn't throw him out five years ago, so what happened?"
"Oh, you know me. I'd cooled down by the time he showed up and with him looking normal again, we talked. He said he had been dressing secretly since he was eight years old. He went on to say it was NOT something he wanted to do but something he NEEDED to do - said it was more of a compulsion or irresistible impulse."
"I asked why he hadn't told me before we got married. He said he thought it would go away after we were married since he was so deeply in love and all."
"Yeah, Right!" Pam commented. "He married you under false pretenses."
"That was my very thought and it's just what I said. He said he was sorry, but I wasn't buying it. He tried again to give me some information to read and even gave me a place to go on the Internet so I could get some idea what this was all about. I wasn't buying into any of that. I married a man and that was all I was going to settle for. I threw all the books right back in his face and asked him if he was gay."
"And?"
"He said no, but I'm not at all sure I can believe him. He'd lied to me since before we got married by not telling me about this and I told him so. He said this was exactly why he hadn't told me about it. Said he was afraid I'd take it wrong and he was so in love with me that he couldn't bear to lose me."
"He should have thought about that before he started dressing in women's clothes," Pam offered. "Well..." She paused. "If he started when he was eight years old, I guess he wouldn't have been thinking about how this would affect his wife. He could have at least cut it out once he started seeing you. That seems like little enough to ask. Still, he should have told you about having done it when he was a kid. You have a right to know these things."
"Pam, no wonder I like you so much. We think alike. I wish I'd told you all about it sooner. You can't know how much better I feel right now, just having someone to share this with and to finally talk about it."
Gail was truly feeling so much better, now that she could safely share her deepest and darkest secret with someone. The relief was suddenly flowing all through her body as she began to relax. Finally she was with someone and she wasn't hiding anything. It was a new feeling for the first time in five long years.
She was marveling at how her body seemed to suddenly feel so much more relaxed when Pam broke into her thoughts.
"You know I'm always here for you and I would have been here for you anytime you needed to talk. Now I have to hear the rest of the story."
"Sorry, Pam. I was thinking about how good it feels to finally unload. I hope I'm not putting too much on you though."
"Don't be silly! What are friends for anyway? Besides, I'm going to make a fortune on the TV talk shows and then there's the book."
Gail glared playfully at Pam for a few seconds before both women broke out laughing. "You know you can't tell anyone," Gail admonished, still laughing.
"Of course not, you know better than that," came the reassuring reply. "Now get on with it. What else did he have to say?"
"Not much. To be honest, I didn't want to hear anything more about it. I pretty much just laid down the law. I told him this perversion of his would have to stop immediately and permanently or there was no way I was going to let him stay."
"You go girl! What did he say to that?"
"He said it wasn't a perversion and it wasn't something he could just turn off or on, so I told him he better turn it off and he should get help if that was what it took. In the end he agreed to stop and we even boxed up everything he had and took it to the Salvation Army."
Gail thought back to the boxes they had donated. "Some of those things were real nice. I wouldn't have minded having them myself except for who had owned them and what they brought to mind. Guess it was a shame really, but I needed to see him get rid of all of it and that's just what we did."
"And???" Pam prodded again knowing there was a lot more to tell.
"And everything was just fine for a while. Well, things were a little strained, but they got better - until..." Gail thought a moment, picking the right words. "Until the pressure started to build up and wear him down as he fought it. First I noticed was that his moods seemed to change. He was grumpy much of the time and then he seemed tense. I went though a few months of that with him - though we never talked about it. Come to think of it, we weren't talking very much about anything toward the end of that cycle. Of course I had no idea what was going on."
"Then one day he seemed like his old self again - all smiles and chatter and everything. I was relieved, like a crisis had passed or something. Things were suddenly great between us again. It went on like that until I found his stash."
"His stash?" asked Pam.
"Yeah. He'd gotten some more girl's clothes. I found them pretty much by accident down in the basement. Well, I had a fit. Called him at the office and told him not to bother coming home. What else could I do?"
"He'd gone back on his word to you. I'm sure you felt very hurt."
"Hurt didn't cover it. Twenty minutes later he was home. We went round and round about it and he tried to give me more stuff to read. I called him some pretty ugly names and he finally promised to try again not to do it anymore."
"Well, ever since then it has gone the same way. He will promise and things might be all right for six months or so and then he will start showing the signs again. He will withdraw and be miserable to be around. Suddenly he will be back to normal so I go looking for his stuff. Sooner or later I find it and we start all over again."
"I even tried to read some of the books he gave me. Did that last year. All they said was there's nothing wrong with what he's doing and I should just go along with it. Can you imagine the nerve? They said it was his problem, not mine. Hah!!!"
Pam gave this a little thought. "Seems he could have found something more informative to give you if you ask me. It should be clear to anyone that this was your problem too, and in a very big way."
"Absolutely!" Gail shouted. "Now he's just come off one of his down cycles and is suddenly happy and lovey again. I know he's back on his dressing kick. You should have seen him smile when I told him I was coming to your house today. You can just bet he's home right now all dressed up in something or other."
Pam could see that Gail was starting to choke up a little. She just didn't know what to say so she simply reached out and took her hand.
"I guess I just don't understand this," Gail finally said. "Why won't he give this up when he can see it's breaking us apart? I know I'm going to have to leave him. I'm just at the end of my rope."
"I know dear, I know," Pam offered reassuringly. "I'm sure I don't understand it either, but there must be more to it than that. It might be a good idea if we tried to get some information about it. You have any of those books he gave you?"
"’Fraid not. I got rid of them. I already told you, they just wanted me to get with the program."
"How about the Web site you mentioned? You still have that information?"
"Why? It's probably just more of the same," Gail answered, shaking her head.
"Probably," Pam agreed. "Just give it to me anyway. I'm more than a little curious and I think it's important enough that we need to at least try to understand it."
Gail said she had it at home and would call later with the information. They went on to discuss a large number of related things before the conversation drifted into different topics. Every now and then it would come back to Donald and his activities but they were now mostly trying to move on - to think about other things.
It was later that night when Gail called with the information Pam had been waiting for. The more she thought about their situation the less answers she had and the more questions. Gail spelled out the Web address for Pam. She read it back to her to be sure she got it right.
Gail added, "If that doesn't work, he said to try this address for the same site."
"OK, got it. I'm going to give it a look. Now you be good and don't start any trouble tonight," Pam admonished. "We'll talk in the morning, after Donald goes to work."
The next morning, Donald had only been gone for five minutes when Pam placed the call. "Have you read any of this stuff?" she asked, somewhat excitedly.
"No, why?" answered Gail, more than a little surprised to hear from Pam so early in the morning. Pam was usually a late sleeper.
"You absolutely MUST go read this stuff," Pam said with more enthusiasm than Gail would have expected. "I was up for hours last night reading it and I couldn't wait to call you this morning. You need to read it and then we need to talk."
"What? Have you sold out to the enemy? I thought you were my friend!" Gail was now somewhat miffed at Pam. "Isn't it just more of the same stuff telling me to get over it - that it's no big thing?"
"No! Not at all. I'm not convinced about anything yet, but there's a lot of information there and I was surprised to find it trying to cover both sides of the issue. Overall, I thought this... uh... person... tried to cover things fairly. In fact, I would almost think he was on your side."
"He? Person? Is this written by one of THEM?"
"Come on Gail, who the heck can give you the best information about this? Naturally it's written by one of them. And, I am on your side. That's why I think it's so important for you to read it. Start with the General Information and then do the Wives' page and the Levels page. I think you might learn something. I know I did."
Gail practically exploded. "Why should I spend MY time learning about HIS perversion? What he's doing is just not right. It's unnatural!"
"Gail! Will you listen?! You remember how relieved you were when you finally shared this with me? You had someone to talk to about it, to unload, and that alone made you feel so much better - right?"
"So?"
"So, you won't let him talk about it. You won't even think about it. And your whole relationship may well hinge on this one issue. You sat on it for five years until you couldn't take it any more so you told me."
"I wanted to tell you, Pam."
"I know, and HE wanted to tell you. He NEEDED to tell you. You didn't tell me at first because you were afraid of what I would think or say or even do. Couldn't it be the same for him, and he's been sitting on this for, what is it, more than twenty-five years now? Where's his relief?"
"In a suitcase or a bag somewhere. I haven't found it yet," Gail answered, trying to inject some sick humor. She added, "OK, I'll read it if that will make you happy."
Two days went by. Pam didn't hear anything and she was now worried. She'd decided it was Gail's move but she felt there should have been some kind of a call by now. Feeling antsy, she dialed her friend's number, but changed her mind and hung up. Half an hour later she was parking in front of Gail's house, relieved to see Donald's car gone.
"You all right?" Pam asked when Gail opened the door.
"I was just getting ready to call you," she answered. "Come on in. We need to talk."
"Well?" inquired Pam when they were seated.
"I don't know. I read it, but, to be honest, I had an attitude about it. Not too much got through. That's why I haven't called. I had to go back the next day and read it again with a little less attitude. It took me a while to start to understand what was there. Now I am truly confused."
"Confused? How's that?"
"Well, for one thing, I refuse to feel guilty."
"I didn't see anything there that said you should feel guilty."
"No. It didn't say that, but I felt like I should feel a little guilty after reading through it - and that's just not right. I haven't done anything to feel guilty about."
"Hon, that's just you. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Nobody else would think you should feel bad and I know you won't be able to understand until you get past that - along with the idea that SOMEONE has to be guilty of something."
"Fine! It's still wrong for a guy to wear a dress, isn’t it?"
"What are you wearing right now Gail?"
"Your point?" she challenged.
"We're both wearing jeans and sweatshirts. There was a time people would have been shocked. We are women and so we were expected to wear dresses, not pants."
"That was a long time ago. Thankfully those times have passed," Gail said with a little laugh. "I find this more comfortable and relaxing."
Pam just looked at her.
"OK. I'm supposed to see that some guys might find a dress more relaxing."
"Bingo!"
"It's still not natural," Gail objected.
"Perhaps it will be in another thirty years or so, just as women wearing pants is natural now."
"This is now and not thirty years from now. If it's okay in thirty years, he can wear dresses then. How's that?"
Pam laughed. "Look, I'm not trying to make your position appear wrong. I'm just trying to help you see that there could be another side to this - a side that could keep your relationship and your marriage together and not put you through those bad cycles when Donald is miserable and making you miserable. Hey, you could both even wind up happier. Isn't that worth a look?"
"Oh, Pam. I could handle this if it were anyone but Donald. Well, now that I've read the information and all, I could handle it. It's just dealing with it up close and so very personal that's giving me big problems. Still, I've got to admit I'm softening quite a bit. I never realized there were so many of them. Why, it said there are millions in the United States alone. It also surprised me to learn the vast majority aren't gay, but normal, everyday, husbands and fathers. I have to wonder if that's all true."
"Sure makes you think," Pam replied thoughtfully. "Gail, did you ever really consider why you married Donald? According to that Web site, some of the things you loved most about him could well be tied in with the cross dressing thing."
"What else would you expect one of 'them' to say, Pam?"
"Think about it. It does seem to make some sense after all. You know, the part about all of us having some of both male and female in us. A touch more or less in someone seems like it could certainly influence their personality. I have to wonder, if he truly stopped this, would his personality change?"
"Oh, don't go there. I have enough to try to deal with, don't you think?"
"Of course you do, Hon. But remember, he's dealing with a lot too and has been most of his life. Guess you're both suffering now," Pam added sadly.
Gail thought for a moment. "Yeah, I've been thinking I want to do something positive," she said. "But, I just couldn't face anyone if this got out and I'm not sure I could bear to be around when he's dressing up like that. Not at first anyway."
"Sounds to me like a good start," Pam said, now more than a little pleased and hopeful. "You just might be ready to talk to him about this before too long."
"Possibly," Gail replied, uncertainly. "I know I have some serious thinking to do and I want to go back and do more reading too. Why don’t you come over for lunch tomorrow? That’ll give me some time. Could you do that for me?"
Pam agreed to the plan and left rather quickly. When she returned the next day, Gail was waiting in the doorway to greet her. Pam thought she looked worried but determined. She wasn’t at all sure that was a good sign.
"Hi," Pam sang out. "You look like you’ve decided something but you’ve got some real mixed feelings about it. Am I close?" Pam knew she had nailed it.
Gail started laughing. "Come on," she said, turning to walk through the house toward the back door. Pam followed. Gail led the way to the tool shed where Donald kept the lawn mower. Inside, she opened a large metal box after moving the gas can and some tools which were piled on top of it.
Pam looked on as Gail showed her Donald's new stash of women's clothes hidden in the box under a plastic tarp. The top item was still in a plastic store bag. It was a brand new pair of sexy pink panties. Neatly folded inside was a note from Gail.
"What's that?" Pam asked.
"I bought him a new pair of panties last night," Gail replied with a grin. "They're a surprise. He won't see them until the next time he looks in this box." She smiled, and added, "I guess it's sort of a combination time bomb and peace offering. I put a note in with HIS new panties."
Pam took the note and unfolded it. It read, "I think it's time we had that talk, Donald. Or is it Donna???" The note was signed, "Your loving wife."
The End - No! - The Beginning
----- Cut Above This Line -----
Story Footnote:
One possible way to GENTLY prepare your lady and open up the CD subject might be to print out this story, after cutting this last part off, then leave it to be found.
I think most women would be very curious about this story if they came across it in their home. There’s enough emotion displayed in the first half page to capture her curiosity if not her interest. That should be enough to keep her reading to see if it’s full of sex or something else. She would be wondering, "What’s he into???"
Finding it sex-free, she would have some real questions. They could well start with, "What's he doing with this?" That should lead to the question of is he one of "them"? and she would probably ask about it. That, my friend, would open up the discussion quite nicely and on her timetable.
If she is resourceful and smart, she would assume where there’s smoke, there's fire and she would arm herself with some information. Hopefully she would go to the Web site in the story or to some other sources and gather information. That would be the best possible result I could hope for. SHE would then be ready to spring the question on you, having been prepared enough so she won't be knocked off her feet and she may even have been "softened" enough to be willing to see that things aren't as bad as she may have thought—without the preparation.
And she might even be ready to give it a fair hearing. How would that be?
Also - I certainly hope you picked up on the emotions she is going to feel. You must understand and prepare yourself for these very real and justified feelings she is going to have. You also need to do some studying to prepare for this event in your lives. One place you could start would be on my Web site - it was mentioned in the story. I have a page on "Telling your wife" which, I hope, will give you a good start in the right direction.
Best of Luck To You - BOTH,
Shirley Ann Sometimes
© 1999
The above work is copyrighted material. Anyone wishing to copy, archive, or re-post this
story must contact the author for permission.