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My Hero                             by Rachel Ann Cooper                1998

 

Roger and I have been pals since the 6th grade when he transferred in from Castle Shannon. By his standard, ours was a big town and for some reason, we seemed to hit it off right away. We spent a lot of time together doing typical kid stuff down by the creek and wondering throughout the woods gathering raspberries. I guess you’d say we were best friends. He was certainly MY best friend because I had precious few of them over my short lifetime. I dressed ‘funny’ and had long hair and was definitely into doing my ‘own thing.’

As it turned out, I was a nerd, a bookish kid who even, I’m afraid, carried his books like a girl using both arms to hold them to my chest. At that time, I don’t think I even knew the difference. They were just more secure the way I carried them. By the time we were ready to go into high school, Roger towered over me. He had become your typical football hero type, about 5'11" tall, maybe even 6', hard muscled and weighed about 195 pounds I’d guess. They wanted him to play half-back. He began growing like a weed in the seventh grade. He wasn’t through growing yet either. I, on the other hand, had more or less quit growing by the time I was 13 and if I cheated a little, could say I was 5'4" and weighed 120 pounds. If anything, you could say I had a ‘slight’ build, basically just plain skinny. Almost 15 when I entered high school, nothing had changed. I was still singing soprano too and practically didn’t have a hair on my body, legs, arms, face, nowhere, none that you could readily see anyway. What a bummer!

One day when I was really down in the dumps about all this I said, "Mom, when the heck am I going to start growing? If I were a fish, they’d throw me back!" "Oh, honey, she said, trying to comfort me, "we are all unique. We all have something special about us. You’ll see. There is something very special about you too. Just be patient. It will surface eventually."

"Yeah, OK Mom," I said dejectedly. "I hope it’s soon though!"

Roger had begun running with the football crowd and the high school coach couldn’t wait to get his hands on Roger’s talents, having big plans for him as a little surprise for the opposing teams this fall. With all of his popularity though, Roger and I remained good friends, and he made sure that I was invited to parties and continued to have a sort of social life as a tag along, wallflower though I was.

And tag along I did. Not what you’d call a side kick, you could find me most places Roger hung out, usually holding up a wall or something else just as useful. Once in a while, someone would even talk to me. I guess by now, you’ve figured out that I had gotten a little inferiority complex going. Well, in Roger’s circle, I WAS inferior, so I didn’t mind. At least I was breathing the same AIR. Sometimes even a GIRL would talk with me. I liked talking to girls. I sort of liked what they talked about better than what boys talked about since I couldn’t qualify for macho in any form.

Not that I’d ever been out on a date with a girl. I did have a couple of friends who were girls though. They too seemed to like me although they treated me more like a sister than a boy. Charlene even tried to dress me up in her clothes one time. Well, she actually succeeded I guess, with the help of my other girlfriend’s urging and teasing. Between the two of them, they had enough stuff that fit me perfectly and made me up and fixed my hair and everything. I still wear it long ever since then. There I was in a pretty, full skirted dress with panties and hose and mid heeled dress pumps with makeup and all and when they let me look at their labors I was just dumbfounded. They, on the other hand, just stood there and sniggered and made over me like I really was a girl telling me how cute I was. How embarrassing! And yet, on some level, it was thrilling too.

There had always been a kind of gnawing at my gut about my gender though, and Charlene and Terri must have seen right through me, because they had always treated me just like another girl. I wish my parents hadn’t named me Kim. It was short for Kimball, but Charlene and Terri called me Kimmie for Kimberly. Even the idea of my asking one of them out on a date was simply ridiculous; them or any other girl for that matter. I knew what a lesbian was and I would have felt like one taking a girl out. I suppose I really felt a little like a girl even if I didn’t want to admit it. I guess you could say I was teased into dressing up for them and it wasn’t even Halloween. They had threatened, make that promised, that the fall of my freshman year, they were going to take me out to a Halloween party as a girl. I just forgot about it though as just some more idle girl chatter although the idea was titillating.

Well, Roger was doing great on the football team and although he wasn’t a starter, he got to play quite a bit. I was really proud of him and Charlene and Terri and I would be there at every game cheering him on. I must have looked a little silly jumping up and down like my girlfriends but I was so excited for him and our team. I’d always see him at the after game parties and he’d introduce me around as his best friend. That gave me a really warm feeling, having a friend as big and handsome and popular as Roger. The girls thought he was a doll. I suppose he was. Anyway, Halloween did roll around and it was near the end of football season. We had snow flurries at the last game. I had forgotten all about the threat.

True to their promise, Char and Terri cornered me and bullied me into going to the party as a girl. Oh, I suppose I could have flatly refused, but that gnawing in my gut must have made me persuadable. They dressed me up as Diana Prince, the alter ego of Wonder Woman with a full skirted dark blue chiffon dress and high heels and everything. They said I was a natural with my long brunette hair and they made me work on my feminine deportment for two solid weeks before the party. Talk about indoctrination! They had me in that costume six times in two weeks just practicing, they said. I’m afraid I was beginning to agree with them. I WAS kind of cute.

It was rather hard for me at first. I mean, they dressed me from the skin out with a spandex panty and pantyhose and they filled the bra with gelatin filled balloons that warmed to my body heat and they bounced just like real boobies too. What a strange sensation to actually have that weight, those tantalizing orbs, bouncing out in front of me. It was really weird how realistic they felt in the bra and Charlene’s high heels made my feet and calves ache at first but after several hours of practice walking and sitting and smoothing my skirt and all that girl stuff, I got used to them. My legs ached the next day though.

The heels weren’t that bad. I kind of liked them, and they did make my feet look pretty, but I didn’t know if I should admit that to my friends. Judging from how they treated me when I was ‘practicing’ for the party, I suppose I really didn’t have to tell them anything at all. It seemed I warmed up to the role they had planned for me. We had a grand time and I seemed to absorb their feminine instructions like a sponge. They even made me go out to Wal-mart with them. They gave me a very feminine eyebrow plucking beforehand though. "Hey, that hurts!" "No kidding! If you’re going to be a girl, you have to endure a little pain. Get used to it." "Char! What if someone recognizes me? I’ll never live it down. I’m not really going to BE a girl. What do you MEAN, get used to it?"

"Think about that a minute Kimmie. Look at you. You make a really cute girl for one thing, almost a fox, and we wouldn’t suggest it if we thought you were going to embarrass us. We should have done this to you a long time ago, and for another thing, you are going to announce your ‘coming out’ to the whole school on Halloween anyway and then everyone will know how sweet and pretty and feminine you look. I really don’t think anyone is going to mind or get that bent about it. They’ve had years to get used to how unusual you are. You make a darling girl Kim."

"It’s kind of obvious you like the clothes Kimmie. Be honest. They’re YOU, so soft and sweet. And the way you’ve taken to your ‘girl’ lessons, well, let’s just say that you’re a very fast study. Must be in your genes or something. Besides, you have Roger to protect you, don’t you?"

"You two guys are really great. I don’t know how I’d get along with out you and Roger and yes, I suppose he IS my protector." "Kimmie, if you only knew how many times he has gone to bat for you and saved your bacon, you wouldn’t believe it." "Really?" "Yes, really. Some of his football friends have been wanting to beat on you but they won’t mess with you because of Roger so I’d be a very grateful little girl if I were you."

"Oh, I am Terri. I am very grateful to have Roger as my friend. Terri, you just called me... a girl!!" "Well? I can’t tell the difference between you and any other girl except for that little thing between your legs. Your panties are almost as smooth as mine and we just KNOW how you feel deep down where it counts Kim. We never said anything before, but why do you think we’re your friends? Would we hang out with a crude, girl crazy BOY for heaven’s sake? I mean, they’re fun to date and tease but...c’mon! We have too much fun together for you to really be a boy. You may be male on paper but that’s just a technicality."

"You know, I’ve always felt you two thought of me that way and I thought I resented it. But now I realize I don’t. I really love you two. Thank you so much for teaching me and helping me to understand about myself but I’m still worried about the fallout from this party." "Just remember you still have Roger and us and you’ll be fine. Just have a good time. Go with it. Play the part. You’ll have a ball and who knows, some of your detractors may even see the light and come around. You never know." "I suppose you’re right. Are we still going to stop by my house and tease my parents before the party?" "Kimmie, I wouldn’t miss that one for the world. When they see what a sweet daughter they have, I’ll bet you get along a lot better at home too." "Well, Dad has just never warmed up to me much although he doesn’t bug me and Mom, well, I could gain an Allie there maybe. I don’t know."

"She’s always noticed how I act and she has never discouraged me from helping her at home and doing girl stuff. She’s even taught me some girl things like sewing and about eating, sitting and walking like a lady." "So THAT’S how you knew how to walk in heels." "Yeah. Mom caught me in hers one time and said if I was so interested in girl’s clothes, then she was going to make me learn to walk like a lady. I don’t know if she thought she was punishing me or not but she made me walk in heels with a book on my head until I got the walk just right. I guess I have walked that way ever since, haven’t I?" "Yes, Kimmie. That is part of the problem. You glide and take little steps and I swear your hips are as wide as mine. You sort of look like a boy when you’re not in a dress but you sure don’t act like one."

"I can’t imagine the trouble I’ve caused poor Roger. He must take an awful ribbing about us being friends." "Yes, he does," said Char, "but for some reason, he sticks by you every time. I suppose some day we’ll figure that one out. For now, we’ll just have to file it under ‘unsolved mysteries’."

Charlene and Terri had me pretty well calmed down about showing my girl side to the whole school. I really was calm, resigned, you might say.

I knew I wouldn’t disappoint my friends and chicken out and I had to agree with them. I DID make a cute girl in my Diana costume at least.

So the big night arrived and I went over to Char’s house right after dinner to get ready for the party. They hot rolled my hair and fixed it extra pretty and feminine and took extra care with some very adult makeup on me, lining and shadowing my eyes. I looked 15 going on 22.

Just then, with one of them on each side of me with their heads down near mine looking in the makeup mirror, they both grabbed an ear lobe and for about five seconds I was in pain. "Hey, what did you guys do?" "You’ll see in a minute Kimmie." Then they both inserted 2" gold hoop earrings in the holes they had just made. "My GAWD! You pierced my ears. Now I AM in for it." "Honey, the way you look, anything less would be a sacrilege. You just HAVE to have pierced ears like the rest of us. You’ll love it. Clip ons hurt but you’ll hardly notice the pierced ones." "Well, maybe I won’t, but everyone else in the world will!" "Oh be still, cry baby. You can let them heal over but we’re betting you don’t. If there are some guys at the party that don’t know you, you are going to get hit on girlfriend. You are just too cute." "As if I wasn’t in enough trouble! Now I’ve got to watch out for guys trying to cop a feel."

At that I blushed big time although I was secretly, well, maybe not SO secretly, thrilled to hear it. Char and Terri got into their costumes as Batgirl and Catwoman and we left for my house ‘trick or treating’. That’s what we actually did. I had a mask on over my eyes and nose that matched my dress and we did ring the bell and when Mom came to the door, we said ‘trick or treat’. "We’re just kidding Mrs. Robinson. It’s Charlene and Terri." "Oh, you girls look terrific. And who is your lovely friend. Diana Prince, I presume?" "Well, yes and no Mrs. Robinson. This is Kim. Isn’t she just gorgeous?" "Oh my lord. KIM? Is that really you?" "Yes Mom. Do you like the costume?" "Well, it certainly becomes you dear and the high heels and everything and pierced ears? My, you do make a lovely girl. Henry, come in here and look at Kim’s friend’s costumes." "(this is going to be fun, girls.)" (now my MOM just called me a girl. Is this a conspiracy or what?)

"Hi girls. Which one is who?" "I’m Charlene," said Batgirl" "and I’m Terri," said Catwoman and "I’m the mystery guest," I said on the spur of the moment. "Oh, a little guessing game? Alright. Who else does Kim hang out with Doris?"

By this time, the three of us and Mom had the giggles so badly, we were ready to pee ourselves. Charlene finally got her breath and said, "Mr. Robinson, may I present your daughter, Kimberly?" I could see Dad was visibly shaken but he was a trouper and made very appreciative noises and complimented me. The compliment sounded sincere if not a little hollow, but only time would tell. I could see he was a bit shaken. We then left for the party and broke out in another fit of the giggles after the door was shut. Thankfully, Charlene had her new license and her Dad’s car so we didn’t have to walk the six blocks to the party. We all had 3" high heels on and none of us would have relished that. Pretty shoes are made to look at, not for serious walking.

Some of the kids at the party recognized Char and Terri but not me, at least, not right away. However, despite my best efforts and a pretty good job of my best girlish voice, I think I was scoped out due to guilt by association. The three of us were always together and therefore tada, tada, tada. Pretty soon there was a buzz going around the room. I could feel eyes on me, undressing me, not believing and yet definitely believing. I could see it in their faces. Well, the cat was out now even though I kept my mask on.

And sure enough, a fellow I didn’t know came up and asked me to dance. I started to say no but Terri punched me in the ribs and I do mean HARD, so I went. He was a good four inches taller than me even in my heels and a wonderful dancer. I was grateful that it was a fast dance though and we didn’t touch much. He thanked me and I went back to the girls. "Well? Wasn’t that fun?" "Yeah. It was. This is all becoming very confusing to me." "Like we said Kimmie, just have a good time. The rest will take care of itself." I decided to try and do just that. It WAS fun!

We were at the punch bowl and another tall, handsome blond fellow in a Superman costume asked me to dance. He had the build for it too. What a hunk! I recognized this one. It was Roger. "Hi Kimmie. You look wonderful. Come on. Let’s have some fun." "And so my hero and I went out onto the dance floor. With all the ribbing he took over me to begin with, I couldn’t imagine him actually risking dancing with me. And the feelings I was having about him were so...strange!

A path cleared in front of us and the others left us a little air space. It was another fast dance and Roger and I had a good time. The next number was slow. He looked down at me with the strangest look on his face and pulled me to him in his strong arms. I almost melted. I couldn’t have resisted his embrace even if I had wanted to. I felt so weak, helpless and delicate in his grasp as he twirled me around and held me close just like he would have any other girl with my skirt swirling about me as we danced. It was really weird. It was like there was some kind of special feeling passing between us. We had a bond of long standing friendship surely, but this was WAY different.

I looked up at him and he was staring at me, at my eyes or my lips I think. I wasn’t sure. It felt like he wanted to kiss me. It was just a feeling. Call it intuition. If it hadn’t been for a room full of people, I really wouldn’t have minded. Roger was not only my friend. From my new feminine perspective, he was a hunk and I couldn’t believe the feelings I was having, especially in my panties. When the dance was over, he was still holding me and then realized the music had stopped. A bit self consciously, we split and he escorted me back to my friends. "Thank you Kim. That was great," he said and went back to his group of football buddies.

There wasn’t any teasing going on over there. We checked. "Well, Kimmie. How was it dancing with your hero?" "I don’t really think I can do my feelings justice in words." "That’s OK", said Char. "From the dreamy way you two were looking at each other, it was pretty obvious from here. We think you’re both in love and don’t know it." "You’ve got to be kidding Char! I can’t be in love with a boy, let alone my best friend." "Would I lie to one of my best girlfriends? Trust me little sister. There’s some kind of new electricity between you two. After all, he KNEW who he was dancing with!"

"I think you’re just imagining things. I CAN"T be interested in a BOY!" "Wait and see." The rest of the night went pretty normal. We all got to dance and mingle and since the next day was a school day, the masks came off at eleven o’clock. They announced the last dance which was always a slow one, and Roger came straight to me and without a word took my little hand with it’s long, sculptured finger nails, guiding me onto the floor and once again embraced me in his power. All of a sudden, I realized I was in heaven and looked up at him and smiled a demure, sweet, helpless smile and lay my head on his shoulder. At that instant we knew. We knew something we had never known or admitted before. We knew the new ‘why’ of our friendship. It was love unrequited and I wondered if it ever could be. All I knew was I was going to enjoy this dance in my hero’s arms if it was the last thing I ever did. Heaven help me, I was in love with a boy, my best friend. I was going to Hell for sure.

"May I see you home Kimmie?" "Really Roger?" "Yes. I don’t want any harm to come to you." "Am I in danger from your friends?"

"Not if they want to stay my friends." "Alright. Thank you." "I’ll get your coat. It’s the blue wool, isn’t it?" "My, you are observant. You knew it was me all along didn’t you?" "Of course. How could I not?"

Roger helped me into my coat and we left the party for my house. He opened the car door for me and escorted me right to the front door.

"Kim, I don’t quite know what to say." It was at this point that I realized that I was supposed to have gone back to Char’s house and gotten back into my boy clothes. Just as suddenly, I realized I didn’t care. I was with Roger. I wouldn’t have missed this moment for the world on a string.

Roger had totally made me forget and I didn’t care how I went into the house. The porch light was on but Roger, again with that sweet, peculiar look on his face, bent down and kissed me full on the lips and hesitating for only a fraction of a second, I returned the kiss. We were locked together for at least a full minute. It was the most wonderful minute of my life so far. And then, just as quickly, it was over, and he said, still holding my feminine, painted hand in his, "see you in class Kimberly." My knees almost went out from under me. He called me ‘Kimberly.’ He really saw me as a girl too! What was happening to my world? Roger had kissed me, really kissed me and I had loved every second. Oh, my!

I was still standing there and watched him drive off. I was mesmerized but then the chill of the evening breeze rushing up my dress brought me back to reality and I put my key in the door. True to form, Mom and Dad were still up, waiting for me. I don’t think they expected to see Diana Prince any more than I had intended them to, but there she was. "Hello darling, said Mom. Have a nice time?" Mom never skipped a beat despite my appearance, and she was staring right at my lips. I just knew my lipstick was smeared. Why didn’t I have the sense to straighten it up on the porch? Lack of experience. Too thrilled at what happened I suppose, and having never been kissed as a girl, forgot about the lipstick. Well, the damage is done. I’m sure I’ll hear about it tomorrow.

"I’m tired. Yes we had a great time thanks. Good night." And with that I tapped my way upstairs to bed. After removing my makeup and Char’s clothing, I put in the little studs Char had given me and poured peroxide on my lobes. When I rolled back the covers, there was a silky, nylon, royal blue nightie lying there with a matching pair of lacy satin panties. Of course, I put them on. ‘Mom, I love you.’ What next, I wondered?

Kim’s dad was already gone by the time he came down for school. This morning, Kim stayed in his new nightie after finding a girl’s robe and mules just the right size in his closet which, of course, ‘she’ put on.

"Good morning honey. Did you sleep well?" "Wonderfully Mom, and thank you. I mean really, thank you for the presents. Did you go shopping while we were at the party?" "Well, as a matter of fact I did, sweetheart. What you have found so far isn’t all of it, pretty much just the tip of the iceberg, actually. I think I am going to rather enjoy having a daughter finally out in the open. I’ve always known I had one anyway." "How is Dad with this?" "A little uncomfortable but he’s always known your nature too, so he’ll get used to it in time. Come sit. Eat. You’re a growing girl." "Oh boy, you too? The girls have been all over me about how much girl I am."

"What were you using for a bosom last night? It looked very real." "Gelatin filled balloons." "Have you thought about having the real thing honey?" "I haven’t thought about much else Mom. I just don’t know how. Could I? I mean really?" "We’ll see honey. Maybe we just won’t tell your father until after the fact. At any rate, I’ll ask our doctor about seeing one of those gender psychiatrists I’ve heard about and that should take care of it one way or the other." "Thanks Mom."

"Go get dressed for school and try to look boyish (giggle) will you?" "I’ll try, but you know I’m not going to enjoy it." "After that smeared lipstick last night, I guess you won’t." "You SAW that?" "Oh yes dear, I saw it and I’ve been dying to ask you about that and who brought you home, and why I heard the click of your heels on the porch but it was so long until you came in and I didn’t hear any conversation. But I’m not going to ask right now, and we don’t have time for you to volunteer. Tell it to the psychiatrist first and then maybe we’ll talk about it?" "Sure Mom."

When I got to school, Charlene and Terri were on me in a flash. "Well?"

"Well what?" "Don’t be coy young lady. What happened last night when you got home in my clothes instead of your own and what went on between you and Roger? Give! Tell all! We have no secrets now." "Do I HAVE to?" "Yes, and don’t forget to bring my clothes back. I like that dress. You could maybe keep the lingerie and heels though. That isn’t a favorite pair of mine and I have more lingerie than I need." "Well, thank you. I’m still wearing the panties anyway."

"Well, he drove me home and saw me to the door is all." "Bull!" "Not buying it huh?" "Nope" they chimed in unison. "OK. He kissed me. I mean he REALLY kissed me and I kissed him back and I’ve never felt that way in my life. It may have even been better than SEX! I never thought I was gay and yet there I was, kissing a boy and loving it, a boy I’ve known for years. It’s just so outrageous! I thought it was fun DANCING with him but the kiss was just...incredible!" "That’s more like it. We KNEW it! I can’t wait to see what happens next," said Terri. "You mark my words girlfriend, you are in love and so is Roger!"

"Well, you’re going to find out anyway so I may as well tell you. I’m going to see a gender psychiatrist about maybe..." "Really becoming a girl?" "Yeah. See what you two started. Aren’t you ashamed?"(giggle) "Not for a minute. Will the doctor give you hormones and make you grow boobs and all?" "That’s what I’m hoping. Mom went out and got me some very feminine presents last night and I slept in one of them and matching panties last night and I have your pair on right now and a camisole in place of my tee shirt." "Well, I’ll be," said Char. See, you do have an Allie. How about your dad?" "She says maybe we’ll just wait until I’ve developed and can’t turn back to tell him I’m really going to be his daughter later."

After school that day: "Well hon, I got you an appointment with Dr. Grant for this Monday after school at 4. Do you think you can be ready by then?" "Oh, sure Mom." "As Kimberly?" "Oh! Well, yes, if I wear my lingerie that Char gave me to school, except for the bra, of course."

"You won’t have to rely on Char’s honey. You haven’t been to the back of your underwear drawer yet. Why don’t you go up and look around your room some more? Alright. I want you to go as Kimberly because he should see the real you to get the full impact of your situation, I think. It will help put things in perspective for him and you too, probably, having to interact with him as a girl."

"We’re going to have to go shopping for a dress and some shoes for you this weekend. You should wear your lingerie and hose then too so we get the right size. Imagine. A mother/daughter shopping trip with my son. How droll and decadent. We’ll pass you off as a girl even in boy clothes. It will be easy. Hmmm! May as well get you a few other things like slacks and blouses too. I have a feeling you’ll grow into them soon."

Monday: I barely made it on time. Kept smudging my mascara. Dr. Grant was a nice looking middle aged man in a dark suit. He seemed really warm and congenial, inviting me into his inner office. He did do a small double take when he saw me dressed as Kimberly, but it was hardly a hiccup as he bade me be seated which I did in my most girlish fashion. The dress and shoes Mom got me were extremely feminine and I reveled in my appearance. "Now, Kim. Tell me about yourself and what is going on with you. I must say you do make a very attractive girl but are you sure this is what you want and please tell me why! Take your time."

"I hardly know where to begin doctor. I’ve had this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach for as long as I can remember but I didn’t know what it was. I mean, of course I know how I look and act and I’ve always been a bit off the beaten track, but until my girlfriends opened the door this Halloween, I really didn’t understand. Now, I know for certain." I then went on to explain everything leading up to my ride home with Roger and the results. "I knew then that I was either gay or a transsexual and the thought of being gay just gave me chills. I really want the picket fence and the 2 kid thing. I want to be a Mom. I really do."

"I don’t want to have a relationship with a boy like I am. I just can’t. At least, not a gay relationship. You know. That’s not who I am or what I am about. I want the whole magilla, loving husband, home, kids, all normal as blueberry pie. Do you understand Doctor?"

"Yes Kim. Of course. I just had to be sure YOU understood. I know it’s only been an hour, but I am quite certain you fit the profile perfectly. We’ll do some nuts and bolts psychological testing at your next session though. I want you to take this prescription to this laboratory and get some blood work done. Then I will call and have you come in for your first shots and your Premarin prescription." "Shots AND pills?" "Yes Kim. You’ll develop faster and your male hormones will be completely suppressed. You will become incapable of being a boy anymore. One of those will be Spironolactone which will block all your male testosterone receptors. Your body won’t recognize male hormones anymore. It will forget you were ever a boy. Judging by those hips, it may have forgotten already <smile>."

"Then, young lady, you will be on your way to your dream. I usually don’t recommend shaking up a young life so early but in your case, it will be of enormous benefit to you never to develop the secondary sexual characteristics of a male. At 15 you must have something unusual going on with your blood not to have developed some secondary male characteristics. I will help you deal with all the legal and school problems when they arise. It has been delightful meeting you Kimberly. We will of course have many sessions like this one over the next three months while we evaluate the effects of reversing your chemistry. Please tell your mother to call me tomorrow. Here is my card. Have a safe trip home Kim." "Goodbye Doctor and thank you."

To say that I was euphoric would be very inaccurate. I was way beyond that. Fly me to the moon on gossamer wings would be more like it. It was a good thing I had to take the bus as I was several months from getting my driver’s license and would have probably run into someone as my mind was racing and wandering all over the place. I almost missed my stop as it was.

"Well, how did it go honey?" "Terrific Mom. He says I fit the profile perfectly and I’m to get blood work done. He wants you to call him tomorrow. Here’s his card. He’s going to give me a battery of tests but he’ll begin my shots on my next visit if the blood work turns out."

"Well, that’s wonderful dear. Now, why don’t you go up and get out of your pretty dress and into something a little less provocative." "Ok Mom." I went up and, leaving my hair, makeup and jewelry just as before, put on some slacks, a blouse and some flats she had bought me and went back downstairs. "That’s better dear. Your father will be home soon. How about helping me with supper?" "Sure. What do you want me to do?" "Get the potatoes ready hon and put on an apron."

I couldn’t help noticing how much better Mom and I were getting along now that I was out in the open as her part time daughter. It was Dad we had to win over and while he didn’t say much about my appearance lately, he never failed to notice that he had a son in name only, the one on my birth certificate, that is. Although I was totally feminine at dinner tonight, he just carried on like it was normal. Maybe he was getting used to the idea. I sure hoped so. On the other hand, he could just be faking it. I didn’t have a clue. He was a good poker player.

After two months of weekly shots and pills, it seemed that I was removing some gelatin from the balloons every week and my butt was definitely blooming to the extent that I had no choice but to start wearing my girl’s jeans to school. It wasn’t like anyone could tell. I mean they’re all alike except for the fact that mine had a ‘Chic’ label on them. I didn’t think anybody noticed. HA! Joke’s on me. They noticed! Of course, having jeans on that accentuated my behind and hips made my already small waist look even smaller. I began getting compliments on my tush and my ‘figure’ and ROGER even gave me one and right in school too. I was being ogled. I must have blushed at least three shades but I really appreciated his noticing. Charlene and Terri just kept egging me on to wear more girlish things but I didn’t think I dared. I took to wearing bulky sweaters to school because I was making good progress, better than anyone realized, I hoped.

At my next doctors visit:

"Well, Kim. Let’s have a look at you. Take off your blouse and your bra please. I need to see how you are doing. I need to measure you. I can do a pretty accurate measurement around your skirt so don’t bother with that. I know what else is happening down there. You are shrinking. We’ll check that at three months."

"OK Doctor." I then did as instructed. "It’s been ten weeks. How are you feeling?" "Great. I had a little dizziness at first, but it only lasted a few days." "Well! You’ve gained fourteen centimeters in your bust and 20 in your hips. Good progress for such a short time. Are you encountering any problems with the kids?" "Not really. I had to start wearing girl’s jeans and I try to wear bulky sweaters, sweat shirts and otherwise baggy tops but I AM wearing a bra all the time now even though it’s a sports bra when I’m at school." "What did the gym teacher say?" "He really didn’t get a chance. Mom wrote a note to the principal and I’m not taking gym anymore." "What did she say to him?" "I don’t know. She wouldn’t tell me."

"Well, we’ll see if we can’t get the ball rolling and get you back in...to the girl’s class." "Really?" "Yes. From our talks, your IQ and preference tests and your response to the therapy, there is no doubt left in my mind. You really want this, are obviously comfortable with it and I think it is right for you so I’m going to start my formal recommendations beginning with your school that you be re-assigned as a female."

"Besides, I’ve never discussed the results of your blood test with you. You might find it interesting." "Really doctor? Blood is blood, isn’t it?"

"Essentially, yes. However, I had them run a special chromosome test on yours. I doubt that you have any female organs although it is possible, but you definitely have an interesting chromosome count. Boys are supposed to be XY while girls are supposed be XX. Yours is a combination of the two, XXXY. There could actually be up to five Xs in front of the Y. Although we used to think this also caused a lower mentality, we were wrong. You have what is called a form of ‘Klinefelter’s Syndrome’ for want of a better description, and as far as your blood goes, you are more girl than boy and always have been. I hope that is some comfort to you." "It helps to explain some things all right Doctor." "Essentially what I think happened in your case Kim, was that when your body differentiated as outwardly male in your mother’s womb, your mind & other areas were flooded with estrogen and did not. In the final analysis, the mind rules the body and so bringing you back to a female body would be more in tune with your true nature."

"Now we’ll petition the court to give you a legal name change and then the State to change your birth certificate. There have been a lot of re-assignments here and the State isn’t a problem after you’ve had the name change. What is your Principal’s name?" "Harvey Peterson." "Alright. I’ll advise him of my findings and we’ll see about getting a status change for you so you can start being yourself all the time. What about your father?" "I think he should definitely receive a copy of that letter. I’m still not sure about him and it will probably help." "Consider it done."

"By the time your 3 month evaluation is over in a couple weeks, we should have things going in the right direction"said Dr Grant. I’m going to teach you how to give yourself shots because I have to charge you for doing that. You don’t mind saving your folks some money do you?" "No. They’d like that, especially Daddy." "That’s interesting." "What?" "You just called him Daddy. That’s the first time you’ve done that and that is typically what girls call their fathers." "Gee. You’re right. Do hormones change your head too?" "Absolutely, Kimberly."

"The glands that make and send out hormones, which are not all between your legs incidentally, are being reversed and your brain is no longer receiving male signals. You have begun really thinking like a girl. That’s a good sign Kim. Start calling him Daddy at home too, OK?" "I think I’d like that. I hope he doesn’t mind."

And so, with summer vacation less than three months away, I would be sixteen in May, soon to be a sixteen year old girl. When I told Char and Terri, they were beside themselves. I had never let them see how I was developing on top although I couldn’t hide my bottom, but after everything the doctor said, I figured it was time. Friday, I went over to Charlene’s wearing my regular bra, one that enhanced my own budding figure, without the gel inserts in the larger C cup one.

The first thing out of Char’s mouth was, "what happened to your boobs? They’ve shrunk!" "No Char. I’m not using the balloons anymore." "You’re WHAT?" "That’s YOU?" "Every 34A+ almost B inch." "Holy shit! Sorry. Wow. I’m impressed. Honey, you are going to be stacked like your Mom." "That would be pretty neat. With the accelerated growth hormones, I should be there inside of six more months." "Guess you can’t hide anymore, huh?"

"Guess not. Kimberly is definitely here to stay thanks to your meddling,

Charlene. Thank you again for meddling, you devious wench!" "You’re welcome already. It was about time you realized who you were and what better opportunity than good old Halloween. By the way, what are you and Roger up to these days?" "Nothing at all, really. He comes over to the house occasionally but we don’t hang out at school anymore at all. I guess it’s too much pressure for him or something. I do miss his company, but it’s understandable."

"Wait until this summer when he sees you in a bikini. What size are you now?" "A nine." "I’ll bet that will be a full ten by the fourth of July. We’re going to have such fun teasing boys this summer. You might get lucky." "I don’t want to ‘get lucky’ Char. I don’t want some guy doing me up the rear." "Oh. I’m sorry. I just thought...!" "Boys are more or less off limits if they start to get serious. Understood?" "Ok. We won’t press it. Terri and I will keep on looking out for you and keep the wolves at bay but it won’t be easy." "Thanks. I want to go to the dances and stuff but I’m really afraid to get stuck in the back seat at the drive in, if you know what I mean." "Oh, do I ever. You may change your mind though. Petting is really fun." "I’m sure, but let’s drop it, OK?" "Sure."

Two weeks later, Mr. Peterson called me into his office. I was still doing ‘baggy’. "Kim, after that note from your mother and now from your doctor, I see we are going to have to make some changes. Please forgive me if I’m a little awkward at this. It’s my first time. I know that there are tens of thousands of ‘you’ out there but I just never met one that I actually knew, especially a student."

"I’m a little new to all this too, Mr. Stevenson but what are we going to do now?" "Well, for one thing, all your teachers have been informed. You will begin girl’s gym class next Monday and you’ll be expected to adhere to the guidelines of conduct and dress of our female students. That’s about it. I’m oversimplifying but essentially, that’s it. I understand you have a legal name change in progress and that you wear a special undergarment that makes you look just like the other girls?" "Yes sir." "And the doctor says your birth certificate will be changed to ‘female’?" "Yes sir." "Well then. That’s that. I don’t suppose you’ll be the last."

"Welcome to our school, Kimberly Anne Robinson." "Thank you sir. I hope I won’t be a disappointment to you or the faculty." "If we have a problem with you young lady, believe me, you’ll be sitting here in a little different capacity." "I get the message sir. Thank you." "Have a good day Kim."

Over the phone immediately after dinner:

"Roger?" "Yes?" "You won’t believe it. I start school next week as me, I mean as the girl me, Kimberly Anne." "Well, it’s about TIME." "You too?" "Of course me too! I hope I can see a little more of you now Kimmie." "You really WANT to Roger?" "Sure sugar. You don’t think that kiss was an accident do you?" "I really didn’t know WHAT to think. You’ve been kind of avoiding me ever since." "I know, and I’m sorry about that. School politics. But now that you’re going to be legal, I don’t’ care. I want to see you." "You mean as in ‘date’ me?" "What am I doing here, talking Chinese? Yes you silly little thing. I want to date you. Why do you think I’ve been coming by the house schmoozing with your parents all this time?" "I had no idea." "Well?" "I really didn’t know you felt that way about me Roger." "Neither did I but now I do, so...?" "Yes, of course, yes. Nothing would make me happier." "All right. Your house. Seven o’clock next Friday. A movie and the sundae shop?" "Sure." "Then it’s a date. If I don’t see you before, dress up a little for me, OK?" "No problem."

"Mom. I just talked to Roger on the phone and he wants to take me out next Friday. Can I?" (I’d already said yes, but I knew she would too.) "Well, of course honey. Roger is a very nice boy and he’s been your friend a long time. I think we can trust him, don’t you?" "Yes, but I didn’t know how you’d feel about me dating him." "Honey you are going to be a real girl and you will have to learn to handle men. Your teen years are the time for doing that so you may as well get started." "What did Daddy think of the doctor’s letter?" "It was a good idea having him send one to your father. You won’t have any more mixed signals from him. We had a talk and he is resigned if not enthusiastic, but you just keep on being you and he’ll be happy that you are his daughter eventually. You’ll see." "Great."

The following Monday, I, Kimberly Ann, reported to home room. My teacher, Mrs. Burton, was very kind and I just took my regular seat. I wore a simple straight skirt and a white blouse with a lightly padded B cup bra and a pair of skimmer flats. I got a few stares and there were some whispers for a few seconds but Mrs. Burton wasn’t someone you wanted to mess with and the room quieted down at once. Just before nine, we did our Pledge of Allegiance and then headed to our first classes. Strangely enough, mine was gym. I had brought my bag with it’s new tee shirt, shorts and pink and white sneakers along with clean panties and a fresh bra. My gaff would take care of the shower room. The doctor had placed boy Kim’s testes up inside me and nothing else showed.

Apparently, Mrs. Cline had called Mom after the teacher’s meeting and told her how I was to handle the shower room. I could still pee. It was pretty easy. Felt a little weird, but it didn’t hurt, and Mrs. Cline didn’t want me offending the other girls when I showered. I didn’t want to offend them either, standing there with boobs and boy stuff showing. There was quite a hubbub in the locker room when I showed up though. Shirley, who was tall and usually got chosen as basketball team captain was the first to speak. "Well, little sister, we wondered when you’d be showing up! Welcome to club chick-a-dee."

About a dozen girls broke out in giggles. "Thanks Shirley, but what do you mean about when I’d be showing up?" "Honey, you are the worst kept secret in school. What! You thought you were getting away with all those baggy sweaters? Every time you’d stretch or yawn or run, we’d see ‘them’ or see them jiggle. We all know what they look like, remember? You look like a B cup." "Damn! And I thought I was getting away with it. I’ll give you girls more credit from now on." "You’d better girlie. We don’t miss much. Just one word of warning. Keep your distance from our boyfriends. You’re too darn cute." "Uh...you really don’t have to be concerned about that Shirley." "Good!" At this point, my ‘relationship’ with Roger was not entirely out in the open yet.

Well, gym class should take care of spreading the word to the rest of the school. I suppose I could have taken an ad out on the closed circuit TV in school, but the girls in gym class would get the word out faster. Kim was as much girl as the other girls with one little exception. In a couple of days, people who had never bothered with me before were actually speaking to me, both girls and boys. Thank heaven for the 90s and the ‘information’ age. Jerry Springer aside, they found out that a transsexual isn’t such a strange creature after all. In my case, it was more like being born with a birth defect. I really was a girl chemically and made sure everyone got the story straight.

I spent the entire week getting ready for my first real date as a girl. I was still having a hard time believing it was happening and was both nervous and excited. I’m sure you understand. Nothing was left to chance. Mom thought it was such a special occasion, she treated me to ‘the works’ at the salon I’d been going to ever since Halloween and Margie really did a number on me. She gave me a new, soft and curly perm, a little highlighting and double pierced my ears putting birth stone studs in the upper ones with my hoops in the bottom. Then Veronica did my nails. I wore the dress I would wear for Roger so they could coordinate my lipstick and polish. He said he wanted me to dress up a little and it had a full skirt and a bit of a revealing bodice. She gave me a pedicure and a waxing too, even a bikini wax. By the time I left, I couldn’t imagine feeling more feminine. But then, Roger and I hadn’t been on our date yet.<wink>

As promised, Roger picked me up at seven with no honking at the curb. He came in and talked to my parents and then we left. The movie was great. It was a love story and I found myself snuggling closer to him. Roger held my hand with my now long, totally feminine nails buried in his palm the whole time. When the movie was over, we went for ice cream and there wasn’t a moment that he didn’t treat me like a lady. He was so attentive, he gave me goose bumps. The kids at the sundae shop sure did a double take on Roger and me out on a date but it passed on to business as usual after a few minutes. Now, the word WAS out. I think I got a few jealous stares from other girls though.

When we got to my place about 11, instead of going right to my door, we parked out in front of the house and talked. Roger has a little pickup truck and it has a bench seat. I found myself moving closer to him and he put his arm around me. This was the moment of truth, the moment I’d been waiting, praying for, my next kiss. I just knew it! We both knew it was coming. Roger drew me to him and he tenderly kissed me.

It was a short kiss, but that was only the first one. He had that look in his eyes again and this time, I kissed him first putting my arms around his neck. He was a great kisser and then I felt his tongue probing my lips, seeking entry. I parted my teeth and our tongues danced as we both became more passionate in our embrace. I was melting and lipstick was smearing. All of a sudden, it was getting rather warm in Roger’s truck or, was it just me?. My resolve was waning. I knew that not too much could happen in front of my house but whatever that was, it would probably happen. I had lost control...again. I now knew what the girls meant about getting ‘hot’.

Roger reached up with his left hand as we were still locked in a kiss and fondled my right unpadded breast. My now large, brown nipple sprang to attention and as it did, he began to massage and to tweak it. It felt sooo good. Charlene was right. Petting was really fun. And then, I don’t know what came over me, but my right hand found itself resting on his right thigh. We continued our kiss and my hand went higher, finding it’s throbbing target. Oh, he was so big and so hard. I found myself reaching for his zipper and then I got my control back when I realized what I was thinking of doing.

What was I doing? I promised myself I wasn’t going to get in this position. This wasn’t any different than being at the drive in movie but I knew that if Roger asked me, I would go to the drive in with him. A girl in love is willing to go a long way with her sweetheart and I was undoubtedly in my mind, in love with Roger. "Roger honey, I have to go in. Mom and Daddy probably know we are out here and besides, I’m getting a little cold." "Kimmie, one thing you are not is cold, but I agree with you. You’d better go in."

"Will you go to the dance with me tomorrow night?" "The only thing that could stop me is ‘death by chocolate.’ "Well, how about we get some AFTER the dance?" "Wonderful." And with that, I kissed him a short goodnight kiss, turned on the visor vanity mirror and fixed my lipstick, giving him a little clean up too, then spun myself out of the pickup and wiggled my way to the front door in my spikes. Boy, that doctor was right about the hormones. I was a complete mental convert already and I just knew I was going to have a time controlling myself around Roger after tonight. He was a dream come true. My hero. My friend. My lover. Oh, my!

One look at me and Mom almost broke out laughing. She knew what I was going through and probably what we’d been up to. After all, she was a young girl once. I think I had a little whisker burn from Roger’s beard. I couldn’t help notice Mom giving my face a quick stare. Well, what did she expect? She was the one who told me I’d have to learn to handle men, wasn’t she?

"How was it honey?" "He asked me to the dance tomorrow." "I suppose I don’t need to ask. You’re going!" "You bet!" "OK honey. Goodnight." Off to bed and dreams of Roger I went in my baby dolls with the rhumba panties. I don’t know why I had been afraid to explore my feelings for so long. I wish Char and Terri HAD done this to me years ago. Well, I’d catch up soon. I drifted off encased in my aqua colored baby dolls. Oh, I had such a naughty dream and woke up having to change my panties. Well, you don’t wear rhumba panties to school anyway!

Saturday, Mom and I went shopping. Oh, yes, we bought some groceries but now that I was ‘committed,’ she wanted to treat me to all the things I’d missed and all the things she had missed doing with her daughter, like trips to Victoria’s secret where I got the most luscious lingerie, panties, bras, camisoles and slips. I think she must have spent a hundred dollars on me in there and it didn’t buy an awful lot. She bought me more cosmetics and earrings and perfume too. Boy, what a great mom! I was just going to wear a skirt and blouse to the dance and a pair of flats. I had to get used to dressing like a normal girl on a date, not fancy all the time.

When Roger picked me up, I think he was a little disappointed, but I liked the way he was almost a head taller than me that way. It made me feel even more feminine and protected somehow beside my tall, muscular prince. Nobody batted an eye when we walked in and we had a great time. We both danced with other people but the ones we danced together were special.

Four other boys asked me to dance that night. I danced with all of them.

Maybe I wanted to make Roger a little jealous, I don’t know. Maybe I just needed the experience. At the least, I wanted him to appreciate me. The way he held me on the dance floor, it was quite obvious now that we were a ‘couple’.

Amazing how my life was turning around. Our return home was pretty much a repeat of last night only this time I got in his pants. That was part of my naughty dream, a small part. I couldn’t help myself nor could I believe what a real man felt like as they say, up close and personal, and he made me so hot I almost lost it myself. All I did was give him a little massage. When I got upstairs, I found out that I had indeed ‘lost it’ without even realizing, as my panties were soaked with very watery, whitish liquid. I think they call it seminal fluid, but I was sure there wasn’t anything worthwhile in it anymore. So THAT’S what all the twitching in my panties was all about! Oh, that felt sooo good! Of course, I had discovered self gratification long ago, but that was before my new hormones. Back then, this stuff was thick and sticky. Not any more! I’m sure glad Roger didn’t touch me there. It would ruin it for both of us.

By the time our freshman year was over, Roger and I were quite ‘an item’ and everyone in school knew it. I had more friends. I was almost becoming popular. I had joined the Glee Club and occasionally had a solo. I was as outgoing and friendly as I could be and to earn extra money, I began babysitting. I just loved little kids. I never volunteered my status and none of the parents said anything, even if they HAD heard about me. I rather doubt that any parent that had heard about me would let me near their child. After all, I must be some kind of pervert, right? Wrong! Sometimes Roger would come over and we’d neck. But I never let him between my ever increasing thighs and never did anything that smacked of slutty. I realized teen romance can end abruptly and I certainly didn’t want a ‘reputation’ as being one of ‘those’ girls. Mom had warned me and so had my friends.

Just as Charlene said, by the time term was over, I was into a 10 with a full 34B bra and a 36 bottom. It all looked pretty good with my 25 inch waist. I was becoming quite fond of my breasts. We were becoming good friends. Sometimes I talked to them, referring to them kiddingly as ‘the girls’. Sometimes I fondled them myself as Char had shown me how recently. I had no idea girls could turn themselves on like that. OOH, I LIKED it! I liked THEM and they liked me back and Roger certainly liked my new growths a lot as he proved when we petted. That DOES feel really neat, even more when a boy does it. Charlene had urged me to let him, and again, she had given me rewarding advice. It was the very girlish ideas I was having about Roger that were a little disturbing.

Char and Terri and I went on a shopping trip to try on the latest bathing suits for summer. I came home with three, a stretch satin speedo and two bikinis. "Kim, you are getting a really cute bod. We’re going to have to fight the boys off this summer." "Sounds like fun. Lead me to the water," I said. One of my suits just covered the bare, and I do mean bare essentials but it looked so cute and daring, I couldn’t resist it. I didn’t particularly want my Mom to see me in it though as it only covered my patch and my nipples really. My hair was now down to my shoulder blades and I knew it looked good and decided to leave it long and wear it in a pony tail or French braid most of the time for summer. Roger had never seen me in a bathing suit and even though he was well acquainted with my body by now, sometimes what you can only glimpse is more tantalizing than what you can actually see. Conjure up a picture of a black satin corselet with six garters leading to black hose and 4" black patent spikes. I had just such a set from Victoria’s and he had seen that too although Mom hadn’t. It about drove him over the edge. I was beginning to regret my ‘partial’ status immensely.

Well, finally, I had my driver’s license. Now, Char, Terri and I could take turns on ‘girl’s’ nite out or when we had to ‘batch’ it to a game or a dance. Over the course of the summer, I continued to grow, and by the time we started back to school, I was a almost a 12; 34C, 24, 37. I had to start watching what I ate. I loved my new figure but didn’t want to be a cow. Roger and I continued to be an item. He had ingratiated himself with my father, offering to cut our grass, which he did since it was no longer one of my duties. I was inside labor now.

I was learning to be a domestic goddess, as Rosanne calls it. Mom and I were becoming more like sisters. My wardrobe was ever expanding as well as my collection of sexy lingerie and shoes. Well, I guess I had a little shoe fetish going. There were 30 some pairs and I was sure I wasn’t done yet. I even wore heels at home a lot, especially with dressy slacks and sometimes even to school although not my spikes. There’s just nothing that defines a girl like high heels. School was becoming fun and I was no longer a nerd. I guess I was a little bit on the preppy side. I was pretty and popular and got better grades than boy Kim ever did even though I had less time to study, what with doing hair and nails all the time. Thank heaven I only had to shave my legs once a week.

My endocrinologist (I finally learned what a gland doctor was) had brought me a long way and seemed quite pleased with himself. Praise the Lord, I stopped developing but I was certainly matured at 16 years old. And I found out the truth of a basic law of nature. Girls DO mature mentally faster than boys. I was now older than Roger in those terms. He had become a starting half back on the football team though, and I was just so proud of him when practice started in August. He caught a lot of passes and some of them were from me.

By now, both my name change and my birth certificate were official and I was in the middle of my ‘real life test’ as a girl. I didn’t figure I could have my surgery before I was 18 anyway, so it wasn’t really important to me. I sort of forgot about it. Dr. Grant kept track of me and I saw him every month. The gland specialist was better equipped to oversee my medical transition though. Dr. Breck was nice too and he changed my hormone mix a little. I began developing even faster after that in particular mentally, to where I am now, and boy Kim seemed like a distant memory. I thankfully didn’t gain any weight but I surely filled out to womanly proportions and without a muscle showing. Roger had qualified and become a lifeguard, so I got to see him at work as well as on our dates. I don’t think he appreciated all the boys buzzing around but Char and Terri attracted a lot of them too. I didn’t mind having cute friends. It was a friendly competition. When I hung around his lifeguard chair, the other girls knew enough to stay away. Now I had claws and knew how to use them. I was more in love with him than ever and everyone had gotten used to ‘us’ being together. It was no big deal anymore. I was his chick.

Charlene’s parents had a big six passenger car and so, we three and our boyfriends did end up at the drive-in movie that summer. Well, it was a triple date and nothing much happened and I had the sense to wear shorts and a halter. I wasn’t ashamed of myself in a halter top now after the reactions I got at the pool. True to form, the boys nailed us with some heavy petting and my halter was all but a little TOO convenient, one knot and there they were. Roger was such a fox. I just loved him to pieces. That was my FIRST time at the drive-in and without a real bra. I couldn’t believe I let ‘the girls’ loose in front of my friends though.

My second time was a little different. Roger asked me to go with him alone. I couldn’t refuse. What can I say? I thought I’d get smart and wear a skirt and button front blouse that night with a regular bra. I had on a lacy demi cup bra and a pair of tight spandex panties and just like for gym, I wore my gaff. There was no way I was going to let Roger touch that thing.

What’s that they say about the road to ruin being paved with good intentions? By the time the feature was 30 minutes gone, Roger and I were steaming up the windows and they were half open. Well, you get my drift. He’d unhooked my bra and I had very carefully taken both hands and unzipped him and managed to unleash his manhood. I was so hot, I couldn’t stop myself and wasn’t sure I wanted to. When I did that, he reached under my skirt and ran his hand down the front of my panties finding...nothing! However, as I lovingly caressed him, he did manage to find a little spot that helped to bring me to ecstasy. We arrived at a shuddering state of collapse at almost the same time and I was SO thankful for panty liners. He was very messy but didn’t seem to mind at all. There were plenty of tissues in the car and the only lipstick on him was on his face. Not that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind. Oh, it had alright but at a drive in movie. Not my style. And I, well, now I guess he had something to talk about but it felt so wonderful, I didn’t care. He told me he loved me and I did the same. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could go on forever like this, I thought?

Everything was going along pretty normally until Christmas. In addition to the usual girl stuff you’d expect for Christmas, there was an envelope there addressed to me from GIC, whatever that was. Mom seemed on pins and needles as it was the last thing I opened. It was REALLY a good thing I was sitting down. On the basis of my psychiatric and medical evaluations, I had been invited to a gender identity clinic for evaluation prior to surgery.

"SURGERY? Mom! Daddy! Is this for real? Does it mean what I think it does?" "Yes sweetheart. As soon as your summer vacation starts this year, you will be a whole person for the first time in your life. You go in for testing over spring break but it’s just a formality, I’m told. Your dad re-financed the car, so we can pay for it." "Oh Daddy. Thank you. I love you both so much." Well, needless to say, all the other presents paled in comparison. I was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to tell Char and Terri but I wanted to do it in person. I called Terri and asked her to meet me at Char’s and went over there.

"Well Kimmie, what’s this all about? You sounded so excited and mysterious over the phone I thought you were going to come right through the line and pop out on my end," said Terri. I didn’t say a word but was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I just handed them the letter. They opened and read it aloud. I imagine Char’s parents wondered what we three were screaming and jumping up and down about up in her room. This was definitely over the top. Nothing so far in my life could top this, not even Roger. And, believe it or not, I had no plans to tell him. I didn’t want his love to have anything to do with anticipating intercourse with me in the near future. The girls agreed and we made a vow of silence on Christmas. That should be holy enough to hold everyone to it. We did respect the meaning of Christmas.

Roger had a great season and so did I. I had signed up for the computer course and finally learned how to work the programs that employers were using as well as surf the ‘net’ and I had a blast with my newfound knowledge. I also found a lot of my ‘sisters’ in cyberspace and found a new little circle of pen pals and friends, not to mention a neat story site hosted by a girl named ‘Mindy’. All at once, I had an extremely full life as a girl. Roger was still as attentive as ever. It was amazing. Most high school romances don’t last this long. He was my first beau. Could it be that he would also be my last? And what would he do when he found out why I’d been away ‘on vacation’ so long this summer? Maybe by then I’d be ready to spread my lipstick around a little. We’ll just have to see now, won’t we?

The end



1998
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