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My Mom, My Best Friend                      by: Karen Michelle

 

Chapter 1 – My Son has a secret

My name is Nina Jolly, and I never thought I’d be writing this, but I suppose stranger things have happened to parents. I’m sure I’m not the first mother to experience something unexpected when it comes to her children. This story is about my son, Michael, and how he changed my life and perspective on things.

I’m a single mom; my husband and I divorced when Michael was very young. It’s difficult being a mom and a dad. You try to play both roles, but its hard. I’ve always tried to give my son all that I could.. take him to things… do things with him. I could tell he was very close to me. I’ve always tried to let him be as normal as he could be. I even thought it might be good to get a male influence in his life. I tried Big Brothers, but that didn’t seem to work out. People told me as he was growing up that he seemed somewhat effeminate… hanging too close to me… almost like a daughter would. I can’t say I totally rejected their counsel, but I wanted to believe I had a normal son… and I wanted to believe I was doing everything in my power to raise my son correctly. I suppose what I’m trying to say at the outset is that I tried to help my son be a normal boy as much as I possibly could. Of course, being a woman myself, its difficult to know exactly what a young boy goes through. Still, I tried my best. Sometimes, I wonder if things just aren’t in the genes to begin with.

As Michael was growing up, there were the situations where he’d play with girls. Young boys do, that is before they figure out that girls after a certain age don’t want to play with boys anymore. Then they start playing with boys more. I noticed that Michael continued to want to play with girls, and he really didn’t want to play boys sports, or wasn’t really interested in boys activities that much. He wanted to stay around me and learn to cook . I even got some comments from the girls parents. One time, one of the parents told me that she had to have her daughter wear pants around my son... because it seemed that Michael looked for opportunities to see her daughters panties.

I also began to worry about Michael, when on occasion, I would notice my underwear was out of order. This would generally happen when I had to leave, and let Michael stay at home. I’m a single mom as I mentioned earlier, and sometimes, it just can’t be helped. I once caught him dressed in my clothes. I questioned him about it; I even asked if he liked being a boy; but it got me nowhere. I wasn’t completely satisfied with the response, but what are you going to do when you don’t get a lot of signals, and your inquiries are rebuffed? Still, I felt he was hiding something.

I bought a computer for Michael when he was about 13. We always had a computer of one sort or another; I just thought it was important to keep up with technology. Michael learned at an early age how to work with the computer as many children do, and was thrilled when we got the Internet connection. He spent a lot of time on the computer, even late night nights. I didn’t really think a lot about it; kids do that these days. I always heard about the porn sites, and other alternative lifestyle sites, but I never really gave them a second thought. Why should I? Every thing seemed normal. Little did I realize what was going on.

Every so often I would think things were a bit funny, especially when I’d walk in on Michael while he was on the computer, and he’d quickly shut things down. I could tell he was flushed when this happened, and asked him what was going on, but he said nothing…. I wondered if there was anything I could do… I mean to look on the computer to try to track down what, if anything, Michael was looking at that might be inappropriate for a boy of 15.

It was because of the computer, and the other signs I mentioned, that I suspected something was going on. I knew I had to do something. I suspected that Michael might be going somewhere on the Internet that wasn’t appropriate, and so I decided to take a class at the Junior College on computers and the Internet. I had to start somewhere… this was as good a place as any to begin. If I couldn’t find out directly by asking, maybe I could find out something by learning how to get around on the computer. If his past behavior was related to his Internet activity, maybe I could find something out about my sons activity.

 

My son wanted to know why I was going out taking classes. I told him it was just some personal interest classes. I wanted to keep my options open. I didn’t tell my son what I was taking. I didn’t want to raise my sons suspicions, or to tip my hand to my son. One thing I DID notice was that when it was time for me to leave for class, my son seemed rather eager. I wondered if he was trying to "get rid of me" for awhile… one less distraction.

I went to the Junior College and took a basic Internet. I expressly told the instructor that I wanted to monitor what my child was doing on the computer. The professor understood and told me one course would be sufficient, and he could provide some tools that I could use to see where my son was going, and what he was doing. He also told me he knew how a savvy child could hide things on the computer, and these tools would allow me to get around any barriers my son might try to use to keep a knowledgeable person from investigating his activities.

Once the courses were over, I thanked the professor, and left the college campus knowing I was prepared to find something out. What it was, I wasn’t sure. Was my son gay? Was he into some satanist group? I didn’t know, but if there were things to find out, I was prepared to do so.

 

Chapter 2 – Sherlock Holmes at work

Life went back to normal after the classes were over, and I was waiting for my opportunity. I knew if my son didn’t suspect anything, his activities would continue… and I was waiting for my chance to start my inquiries. Then one weekend the opportunity came.

My son was invited to a party… it was a overnight party at a friends house. It was unusual because he didn’t have that many male friends, but I wasn’t complaining. Michael played the guitar, and these kids were thinking of starting a band of sorts… well at least try. It was a music/practice party. I encouraged him to go. I spoke with the boys mother, and she told me they might even do this for two nights. I told her that would be fine…. thinking….. "more time for me to play detective". The evening came, and I fixed my son his favorite food, and wished him well. He said, "yeah mom, we decided to make it two nights". I told him to have a good time. In a few minutes the boys mother came and picked him up. I kissed him and off he went.

I went to the computer and turned it on. Those classes definitely helped. I wasn’t intimidated anymore. I tried logging onto my sons desktop at first, but he had a password. Luckily, I know my son pretty well, and I got lucky. I guessed what it was. He should have been more creative. The professor said that each Windows desktop had its own Explorer settings, and I needed to be there to be successful. Lucky for me, my son did not pick a complex password for security.

Once there, I looked at the Internet history…. nothing. The professor said that would be expected…. that a savvy youngster would clear history after each session…. if he were hiding things.

I then went to the list of sites he had been at… but it was empty. The list came down with nothing displayed. Once again…. this was expected.

I then went in search of temporary internet files… here it was a bit more interesting. I found a picture of a topless woman with substantial breasts. Ok, my son was into looking at girls. Not totally unusual. I had noticed that Michael liked looking at me… and although that might be a bit kinky… he is a pubescent boy, and there are such things as hormones. That might be normal.

I then started looking around on the hard drive. I hadn’t known how to do this before, but now, with my training, it was easy to find directories that were his, and recent ones too. In fact, most of the directories were his…. so it wasn’t hard to find what files were his. Also, the date and time signatures on the files told me what he had been recently been working with.

It wasn’t until I used the next trick the professor had given me that really allowed me to strike gold. He told me it was possible to hide files so that if you look on the disk, the uneducated wouldn’t see them. BUT, if a person knew what to do, they could see the files. I selected the necessary options, and all of a sudden, nine or ten files magically appeared.

Two such files were: KELLY1.JPG and KELLY1.TXT

Could they be related? I decided to start there.

I clicked on the JPG file (a picture file) and after a minute, a picture of an girl appeared. She must have been 24 or 25. She was attractive, pretty, and I could see where Michael would have enjoyed having her picture to look at. However, I struck gold when I clicked on the TXT file. Microsoft Word was started, and here was a lengthy document. I began to read.

The interesting thing about the document is that this Kelly and my son…. they must have been sending this file back and forth. There were entries by her, and entries by him, well I think by him. You see, the one set of entries was definitely from Kelly, the others were from a Karen. I began to read.

 

Karen: Kelly, you are so beautiful… its hard to imagine you didn’t always look like this.

Kelly : Karen, if you take the hormones I have for as long as I have, you’ll probably look better than me.

You’re only 15, and you’d be starting earlier than me.

I hear the younger you start, the better the results.

Karen: If I could only be a girl…. I know I’d be happy… I can’t tell you why. All I know is I look at other

girls, even my mom, and I’m jealous. I’m jealous of their bodies. I’m jealous of their lives. It

seems they have so much more fun than me. I wish I didn’t have the equipment I do have.

I don’t like boy stuff, and I really think I’d be happier as a girl., if that were possible.

Kelly : Are you sure you’re not just thrilled by dressing in girls clothes? That could be it too.

Karen: No, I think I really want to be a girl because I want my body to be female. Its like, if I were a girl,

I could just get dressed, and go out and be myself. I think I’d like the clothes, but after I got

dressed, the clothes would just be covering my body. I wouldn’t be getting excited about them.

It wouldn’t be my shirt that was exciting, but rather that I had breasts that allowed me to have a

bustline that would be thrilling. I’d physically be a girl, and I think that would allow me to just

get dressed and then go out and be myself. I think I’d forget about the clothes actually.

It would be my body that I’d be happy about. The clothes would just show what my body was.

Kelly : What if they could make you a girl… periods and all?

Karen : 100% Kelly…. that’s what I want. God I just can’t stop thinking about it sometimes. If that meant

periods and having a baby, I’d be TOTALLY a girl. That’s what I wish I had. I’d welcome it.

Kelly : Well, it certainly sounds like you are a true transsexual, most crossdressers only want to wear the

clothes for awhile, get their thrills, then go back to being guys..

Karen: I think that’s right. I…. oh-oh – my moms coming… gotta run – later.

As I sat there reading I realized it wasn’t that hard to find out what I wanted to know. Just a little information on what could be done on the computer. I hadn’t had to use any of the sophisticated tools the professor had shown me… and yet here was this file. If this were my son (and why not?) it pointed out some serious problems, some very deep-seated desires. It sounded like what he wanted more than anything was to be a girl. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t totally shocked about this concept. I have heard of this happening before, but this was my son. This was here in my backyard.

I did some more investigation that weekend, and was able to find some of the websites he had been looking at. They were all what was called "TG related"… transgendered. Mostly sites for boys that wanted to become girls, or had started the process, or had become girls completely. I also found sites that dealt with boys taking hormones to change their bodies, and some even had a diary of the changes that took place as they took the hormones. My son was actively seeking this out. This was no accident that he was at these sites. I decided to do some investigation on these subjects myself… and I decided to put NetNanny on the computer to track his Internet activity so if I had to confront him later… I’d have hard evidence.. Of course, I wasn’t going to tell him. Rather, I was going to let him tell me with the computer what he was doing. Then I’d have the information I needed to perhaps confront him. I was worried, but the first thing you have to do to solve a problem is to know what the problem is. It certainly looked like my son had a serious problem and I needed information. I was going to let him gather it for me.

After that weekend, I let nature take its course. I didn’t say anything, but I did notice that Michael’s activities continued to go on. I waited for my opportunity to check his usage… and at the same time did research on personal accounts of transsexuals. I never thought I’d know as much about M2F’s (as they are called – male to female transsexuals) as I did. I also went to some medical sites where they had frank discussions about hormones, and post operative pictures of men that had undergone sex change operations. It certainly was revealing. I didn’t realize the techniques were that good. It’s kind of funny. If Michael had been monitoring MY activity, he would have been in for a shock. I made sure I covered my trail quite completely.

 

Chapter 3 – Confrontation

After a month of gathering information, I waited for a Saturday night when we weren’t doing anything, and when Michael was taking a shower. He had just gotten out, and I asked him to come in my room. He came in as he often did, in just his underwear. That was what I wanted.

I decided I would question him about his happiness with being a boy. I knew that he might not want to reveal his heart to me…. what child would? I decided that if he was hesitant about telling me what I knew to be the truth… I would give him some shock treatment. If he wouldn’t tell me openly, I decided I would dress him in my clothes to see if that would help force the truth to the surface, and make him face me honestly. Cross dressing your son is not something to do on a whim, and it wasn’t some kinky thing I was doing either. I wanted to give him as much of a chance to tell me. I knew he might be resistant. I was hoping, if I had to do that, that it would be the catalyst that would help him tell me what I already knew… for his own good. It’s a terrible thing when you have to sneak around and do things.

I sat there for a minute looking at him, then I began.

"Michael" I said cautiously… "sit down on the bed. There’s something I need to talk to you about".

I looked at him as I said that and I saw a look of fear come across his face. Well, slight, but it was there none-the-less.

"What is it, mom?" he replied.

"Michael, I’ve been noticing some things about you over the years, and I’ve been concerned about you."

"What type of things?" he asked.

"Well, you’re 15, and I’ve just noticed that you don’t do things like other 15 year old boys. I’m concerned. Are you happy?"

"I don’t know if I understand the question" he said in an avoiding manner.

"Honey, my job as a parent is to understand you. It’s to know you, and to help you be happy. And quite frankly, I’m not sure you’re happy. I’ve noticed you don’t like to play with boys your own age that much, and I’ve noticed that you seem to prefer the company of girls, or my company."

"Well mom, we do a lot of things together".

"Yes we do, since you don’t have a father. But I’ve also noticed you looking at me, and at other girls. And since you don’t like to do things with other boys, I wonder if you’re ok."

"Mom, I’m not gay, if that’s what you’re asking"

"No, I’m not asking that. But I want to know… Is there a problem you’re having… something you’d like to tell me? Michael, I love you, and I always will love you… no matter what problem you might have."

Michael sat there for a long time…. then replied no.

"Ok.. if you won’t tell me, then let me ask this question. Being direct is the best approach, so that’s exactly what I’m going to be."

I could tell he was a bit on edge.

"Michael, I’ve noticed for some time that you liked girls more than boys, and I’ve even gotten comments from parents. I’ve also noticed you liked looking at me, and other girls. Well, I just wrote that off to being hormones and being a boy. I’ve also noticed you liked doing girl things more than boy things, like you wanted me to teach you how to sew, for example. And I’ve even noticed that on some occasions, my clothes were disturbed when I came back. And then, there were the couple of times I even caught you wearing my clothes. Are you sure you don’t want to tell me something?".

He said nothing, but I could tell I was making him nervous.

"No…." he replied.

"Very well" I continued. "I’ve also noticed that since we got the computer and the Internet, that you’ve been spending a lot of late nights on the computer. And also, anytime I come in on you suddenly, you shut everything down immediately. I can tell its something you don’t want me to see. I was wondering what you were doing on the computer… I’ve heard about the porn sites… and I wanted to know. I was worried if what you were looking at was appropriate for a child your age. So, I took a class at the community college on the Internet to be able to find out what you were looking at….."

"You did what?!!" he exclaimed in a horrified manner.

"I found out some methods to monitor your activities, because I love you, and I was concerned…. Michael I wanted to know what was going on in your world."

"You were spying on me?!" he yelled defensively.

"I was trying to understand what you were doing."

There was silence for a few minutes.

"Michael, what I found surprised me. From what other parents had told me, and from the signs you gave me, you know dressing in my clothes, I knew something was up. I HAD to find out what the situation was."

"What did you find?" he asked.

"This, for starters", I replied. I then handed him the printout of the conversation he had had with Kelly.

"Would you like to comment on it?"

He sat there and looked at it. It was obvious he felt cornered. It was written all over his face. He said nothing. There was only silence.

"Michael, or Karen, if that’s your name here, do you care to explain this?"

Still nothing.

"Michael, that’s the first piece of information I have that puts everything together. It might explain why you don’t hang around with boys any more than you do. It could explain why you like doing things with me."

Still no reply.

"Michael, that letter speaks volumes. Are you happy as a boy? Is the problem that you are unhappy, and what you really want is to be a girl?"

He said nothing, but it was obvious the effect this conversation was having on him.

"Michael, if you won’t comment about that, how about these websites you have been looking at? They are all about transsexuals… specifically m2f’s".

He shot a glance at me… like I had invaded his world by saying a secret word.

"Yes, I know about them… male to female transsexuals…. men that become women. I’m not totally naive you know. Michael, you’ve been spending a lot of time looking at these sites. In fact, that’s about all you’ve been looking at. It would seem that you are consumed by them. And the sites you’ve looked at have all been about their transformation on hormones, and looking at their pictures. And with this conversation file with Kelly, it would seem that that’s what you want too."

Michael just sat there saying nothing. I didn’t let up.

"Michael, look at me! I’m asking you… is there anything to this? Are you happy as a boy? Do you want to be a girl? It says here in your chat file with Kelley, that if you could, you’d take being a girl, including having a monthly period. Michael, that is serious, and I want to know the answer to the question".

"Mom…. I….." was all he could say.

I could see I was making headway. I decided now was the time to take further action. I went to my chest of drawers and took out one of my bras and went to him. He was only in his shorts as I had hoped.

"Michael, give me your arms."

"What….?" he protested.

"Michael…. I love you…. give me your arms."

He did as I asked.

I gently put the bra on him and went around to his back and hooked him up. I could tell he was trembling. I could tell he was looking at the bra now upon him. I went to him and told him to get up and come to the mirror.

"Michael, in your letter to Kelly you said you wanted to be a girl. If you really want to be a girl, you’d want to have breasts. And, as a girl, you’d need to wear a bra every day. Look at yourself. Is this what you want?"

I turned to him and looked at his eyes. They were welling up with tears. I could tell I was at the door of truth. I then went to my dresser and got out a pair of panties.

"Michael take your shorts off".

"What?" he said. Another mild protest.

"Darling, I love you…. you heard me. Take them off"

He was obedient and took off his shorts.

"Here sweetheart, put these panties on".

"But mother…those are…." he said in a weak voice.

"Darling, I know what they are….do as I say" and I held the panties for him to step into. "If you want to be a girl, if you TRULY want to be a girl, you KNOW you want to wear them."

I didn’t get an argument from him. He pulled up the panties and then I had him look in the mirror. He didn’t have a womanly shape at all. I stood there looking in the mirror with him.

"Michael, is this what you want? Michael, would you like to wear these clothes every day? For the rest of your life? I mean would you, if your body was such that you NEEDED to wear them, would you like to have breasts? Would you like to have a vagina? Would you like to menstruate like other girls? Michael, I love you… tell me!"

I turned him towards me and looked at him squarely in the face. Gently I repeated my request.

I could tell he was on the verge of replying, and I KNEW I had the truth. I went to the bathroom and got out a Maxi Pad.

"Come here Michael".

This time I didn’t get any refusal.

"Here, let’s put this in your panties."

He just kept looking down as I placed the pad to his panties; then I told him to pull them up. I had heard about boys "tucking" to conceal their penis between their legs, and I suggested it.

"Michael, tuck yourself".

"What mom?" … another faint rebuttal.

"Michael, I know you know what I’m talking about. Come on dear…".

He did as I asked. Then I put him in front of the full length mirror. I was amazed at what the pad and tucking did for the appearance. He looked like a real girl in the panties.

"Michael", I asked as I turned towards him. "Is this what you want? I won’t hate you if you tell me. DO YOU WANT TO BE A GIRL MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE? DO YOU WANT TO BE MY DAUGHTER?".

Tears started flowing and he threw himself towards me.

"Oh mother….. yes….. yes….. this is what I’ve always wanted". he said as he started sobbing. "That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just to be a girl like you. Just to be your daughter."

"Do you like the bra, the panties, the sanitary pad?"

Now he wasn’t holding back.

"Yes…. the pad feels so nice…. so natural…. Oh mom, I wish I was a real girl and I could really use the pad the way it was meant to be used".

"You wish you could menstruate like me? Like other girls?"

"Yes mother…. I do. Don’t hate me".

"Michael I don’t hate you. And the bra, you like it too?"

"Yes …. I love the way it feels around me. I just feel like something is missing."

"Like you wish you had breasts so you could fill it out like a real girl?"

"Yes… exactly. Oh mom, don’t hate me for this".

"Michael, stop saying that. I don’t hate you. I just needed to find out what was going on."

Then he confessed the rest.

"Mother, I’ve come in your room and secretly worn your clothes. I’ve looked through your magazines at the panty and bra ads wishing I could wear them…. I mean REALLY wear them because I NEEDED to wear them. I’ve looked at other girls wishing I could be them."

A pause, and then a desperate plea for love, and admittance.

"Mother, I wish I was a girl. I wish I was your daughter. I wish I had a girls body, and that I could wear girls clothes. Just to go out and be a girl, be treated like a girl with whatever that brings, good or bad".

"It’s not about the clothes… some cross-dressing fantasy thing?"

"No mom… the clothes are nice… I mean I like skirts, dresses, everything….but they are secondary. They’re only the shell that shows what’s underneath. I do like the way they show off a girls body, and I do like the colors girls get to wear… so much prettier than boring boys clothes. But the most important thing is to have a girls body and mind. The clothes would just be a covering, although a nice one. If I was a girl, and had a girls life, her body, then the clothes would just show who and what I was, a girl

"You want to be a girl that much you’re willing to give up everything about being a boy?"

"I can’t tell you why, I just know how I feel, and I wish I were female".

He just kept crying violently. I consoled him. Finally I had found the truth.

"Michael, we each need to think about this… how about this? I’m so glad you told me. At least I know what the truth is… I know how you feel. How about if we go to bed. You wear what you have on. Forget your clothes. And here’s a nightgown to wear." I gave him/her a pretty floral nightgown.

"Oh mother, I love how it feels. And I guess I love you for finding out. Can I wear this all to bed?"

"Yes honey, bra, panties, everything."

 

Chapter 4 – Reflections

Nina’s thoughts

Well, this has been some night. I don’t know if this was better left said or unsaid, but at least I finally know the truth. It’s a big relief to know where things are between me and my son…. or is he my son? I am glad the truth is finally out. Its amazing what some tough love can do, and that’s why I did this tonight… because I LOVE my son…. because I wanted to find out… because he is my child no matter what or who he is. At least I have a much better idea about why he was doing these things. The truth is… my son is unhappy as a boy, and he wants to be a girl. From what he told me, he DESPARATELY wants to be a girl.

Was it something I did? Everything I’ve read on the Internet says that its nothing that a parent ever did. It’s something that is innermost to a ….. dare I say the word….. transsexual? But that’s exactly what these people are. They are transsexuals… and my son has claimed membership in that group.

I don’t think I’m going to let Michael run headlong into this decision. This is something that will take careful consideration. At least this idea is nothing new. I’ve seen transsexuals on talk shows.. at least the concept is not totally foreign. However, we’re going to have to seek some professional help, some counseling. He says he wants to be a girl, but I need some help in this matter. If it came down to helping him down this road, I think I love him enough to help him do this. But I think I want to take the cautious approach. Let’s see what the professionals have to say. Perhaps this is the road for my son, but it would certainly be easier if it could be avoided… our society does not handle people well that don’t fit within the norm.

Still, he, or should I say she?… is my child. I will do what I can to help, love, and protect, no matter which way this goes… Well, only time will tell.

 

Michael’s thoughts

I can’t believe this. My mother caught me…. and I think I’m glad. No, I KNOW I’m glad. Here I am in bed.. wearing girls clothes…. REAL girls clothes… and my mother knows about it… she even MADE me wear them. I always tried to hide the evidence. I didn’t want to be discovered… yet I DID want to be discovered. I always wanted my mom to help me become the girl I feel I am. I’m scared, and yet I’m excited. Maybe this is the start of a new life for me.

The bra, the panties… I feel so comfortable in them. They feel so nice against my skin. Most of all, they just feel so right. I should have been wearing them a long time ago. I feel such a release laying in bed here with them on. Its not a kinky sex thing… no…. they just feel so natural. Not having to sneak around. I am wearing them with her permission. And the pad…. it feels nice… like it should have been there for so many years. I wish I could have been having periods like other girls.

I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I think I don’t want this to stop. Its somewhat frightening… because I’m getting what I wished for. I’m not sure what others might think… I’m not sure how things will go… but I’m glad it happened… my Mom loves me. I’m glad she at last knows. Maybe we can do this together as mother and daughter…. yes….. as her daughter.

Well, I think I better get some sleep. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring… but it certainly will be interesting.

 

Chapter 5 - The Next Day

This is Michael, and I’m writing the story for now…

"Get up Michael" my mother said as she hovered over my bed.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Young lady, I’m assuming that’s ok with you, we have a lot to discuss. You need to get dressed and then come down for a bite to eat."

"Can you help me out of this so I can get dressed?"

She shot a glance at me when I said that.

"Michael, I thought you liked wearing what you have on….".

I stood there speechless for a few seconds.

"Michael," she said.. "I thought we established that you LIKED wearing that, and that you WANTED to be a girl, didn’t we?"

I still didn’t say anything.

"Michael… if nothing else… I think I showed that you can be truthful with me and I’m not going to clobber you for telling me the truth, right?"

"Yes mom", I said.

"Then I’ll ask again… You do like wearing your panties and bra, don’t you?"

"Yes…. more than anything".

"Then why take them off for heavens sake… And there’s no sense in wasting a perfectly good sanitary pad… I paid money for it. You do like it, don’t you?"

I sighed, and then gave a very relieved yes.

She came over and hugged me.

"Then just leave them on and enjoy them. A girl likes to feel her underwear next to her body many times. Get dressed, enjoy them, and come downstairs".

She left the room, and I just stood there feeling lucky, relishing the moment. I got dressed and came downstairs to meet her for a late breakfast.

"Michael, we have a lot to talk about. Are you ready to have a frank, mother-daughter talk with me?".

"Mother-Daughter?" I asked.

She just rolled her eyes.

"Michael, what you proposed last night was that you wanted to become my daughter, that you were already a girl inside, right?"

"Yes" I said… the yesses were coming easier by now.

"Then we need to have a mother-daughter talk. It is all right if I use the feminine with you, isn’t it?"

"Yes".

"Good. Michael, well that’s the first thing I need to address. If you’re going to be my daughter, you can’t very well have a name like Michael, can you?"

"I suppose not".

"I know your name on your Internet chat was Karen, but if I had had a girl, I would have named her Kathyrine Michelle. If its ok with you, I’d like to name you that. We can call you Kathy for short"

"Mother, that’s pretty. I think I like it, and I’d be proud to use that if that’s what you would have named me."

"Good Kathy. Now honey, we have a lot to talk about. I’d like you to tell me when you first started having these feelings, and I’d like you to tell me how deep they go, and why you think you have them."

"Well mom, its hard to tell. I think I started feeling I wanted to be a girl when I was 6 or 7. I saw other girls playing, and I liked them, and wanted to play with them… more than boys. It’s just kind of gone on from there. When I hit 11 or 12, and I started noticing girls begin to develop, I wished it were me. I looked at the pretty clothes they got to wear, and I was jealous. I looked at their bodies, and I was jealous. I looked at how the boys looked at them… and I was jealous of the attention they got, and how they were treated. I wanted to be the girl being taken out by the boy. And about how deep the feelings go… well, I don’t know. But I do know that I just "was’ a girl… I mean that my being was female… and then everything just went from there. And why I have them… I don’t know. They’re just there."

"So you’ve felt this way for a long time?" she asked.

"Ever since I can remember" I said as I mused about the question.

"That sounds like a lot of the other transsexual websites I’ve visited. I read their autobiographies as I’m sure you did. They express some of the same most basic feelings as you have. What did you think when you read their stories?"

"That they were telling my story".

"I see." she said as she paused.

"And you never wanted to date girls? I mean, you said you wanted the boys to take you out, if I’m hearing what I think I’m hearing."

"Mom, I want to be a girl. I’m jealous of them, their lives, their bodies. Why would I want to date them? I want to be one of them. And I guess, yes, I would like to be taken out by a boy, if I liked him, I guess."

"Kathy, I think what we need to do is seek out professional help. If in fact you really do want to be a girl as much as you say, and you are a transsexual girl, we can’t do this by ourselves. There are medical people out there that can help, that have helped others, and from what I’ve seen on the Internet, this is not something to take lightly. I think we should investigate it".

"You mean I can become a girl… start taking hormones?" I said eagerly.

"I’m not going that far yet young lady. I’m saying I see the potential for that happening, but I think we need to get you some professional help, see what they say, see if they agree, and see if there isn’t some other way to address this, if possible."

"Some other way? But I just want to be a girl, Mom".

"I know dear, but the world out there is a mean place, and they don’t agree with people who show alternate lifestyles. Especially alternate sexual lifestyles. We need to see if we can choose another way for you if that’s possible."

I sat there dejected.

"Kathy, I’m not saying you can’t go down the road to becoming a girl. I’m not saying either that I’m totally in agreement with this. I am saying that whatever happens, lets be careful. Let’s examine all the aspects. Let’s make sure you’re making the right decision"

I looked up at her.

"Mom, what if the doctors say I should be a girl? What if every fiber in my being says I should be a girl?"

She paused in thoughtful contemplation.

"Kathy, I decided last night that whatever happens, you are my child and I’ll love you. If, and I use that as a BIG word… IF it happens that you still want to be a girl after we do our investigation… that you NEED to be a girl…. then I’ll still love you. It would take some adjustment certainly, but if after seeking help we find out that’s what you NEED, you will become my daughter in every way."

"Thank you" I said as I gave her a hug. My mom was quickly becoming my best friend.

"But for right now, I think we need to see a professional; get their counsel. Will you agree to that?"

"Yes".

"And it just so happens that there’s someone that’s open today on Sunday who is a gender specialist. I called and spoke with her already, and if you’re open to it, we can go and see her in an hour. That will be your first step toward womanhood".

"Towards womanhood"… I trailed off..

"Michael, its not all a bed a roses" my mother said as she laughed a little.

"I guess not, but its got to be a whole lot better than what I am now."

"Okay then, if its ok with you, let’s go see what this doctor has to say".

 

Chapter 6 – The Doctor

With that, we got up, cleared the dishes, got in the car, and drove to see the specialist, a woman. Her name was Dr. Lane, and she was both an MD and a gender specialist. I was a bit nervous when we got there. She asked a lot of questions, about how I felt, who I thought I was, where I saw myself in society. I can’t remember all the questions. That was the first time.

We went back a few more times, each session was more probing. I guess she was trying to figure out what made me work. Anyway, at the end of the fourth session, she had my mom and I come into her office.

"Mrs. Jolly, Kathy, you’ve only been coming a short time, but I think I’ve heard enough to come to a decision. Over the years, I’ve seen quite a few male to female transsexuals. I’ve heard their feelings, and seen some of them post-operatively. I’ve tried to correlate what they say in the beginning with how they come out afterward, so that I can confidently predict after just a few visits whether I think they’ll be successful candidates for reassignment. I’ve gained a lot of experience over the years, and have been fairly successful, so what I’m about to tell you is said with a lot of background."

"With everything that Kathy has told me, I believe, Mrs. Jolly, that Kathy is a true transsexual, and I believe that her feelings are genuine, down to her inner being. You told me when you first came here that if it were possible, it would be good if Kathy could choose some other path, due to society’s norms. If that is possible, I normally agree with that. However, in Kathy’s case, and while an alternate path might be possible, I don’t think doing that will make Kathy happy."

"You think she needs to become a female?" my mother asked.

"Yes I do. Kathy says the if she could, she’d be a woman 100%, including her monthly cycle, and being able to get pregnant and have a baby. I asked her those questions specifically because they are some of the red flags, the signature feelings that separate say a cross-dresser from a transsexual. A cross-dresser for example gets his temporary satisfaction from dressing, then goes back to being a male. He is fundamentally happy with his male body, but needs some sexual release from time to time. A transsexual likes the clothes, but the clothes are only secondary. The BODY is what is important.. to come in line with the mind. Then once, the body is there, well it lets the clothes show that shape that a woman has. Although the clothes are important, the body is what the transsexual really wants, and the life that it brings.

By changing the body, it admits the transsexual to a new life. In the case of a male to female transsexual, it allows the male to gain admittance permanently to the life of a female, which is what they want. Once the body has been changed, then they can move on with life. They don’t have to be in turmoil about their body anymore because they feel at peace with it. And the clothes? They just become the clothes that show off the assets the hormones and nature give them. And that’s the way you and I have felt our entire lives. We like our body, are happy with it, and the clothes… well they are just clothes that show off our bodies. Kathy has demonstrated that also. Kathy has also indicated an interest in boys, more than girls. She told me she wanted to be a girl, not date them. That is a normal response for male to female transsexuals. There are some other indicators, which I really don’t need to go into, unless you’d like me to. The important thing is that Kathy matches the profile of a person that wants to be a girl, needs to be a girl. Yes, she could pursue another way, but I honestly don’t think she’ll ever be happy, completely, and these feelings do NOT go away, until they are addressed and corrected."

"Therefore doctor?" my mom asked. I was on pins and needles.

"Therefore, Mrs. Jolly, you have a daughter here. Help her to become that daughter she desperately wants to be. We can help her with the physical aspect. I can refer you to an endocrinologist who can put her on hormones. If you and Kathy have done as much research on the Internet as you say… I think you know what the hormones will do to her."

"Kathy, this is no kidding.. The hormones are going to change you. You’re going to get what you’ve been asking for, and if we get to a certain point, there is no turning back. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Oh mom, let me be your daughter… let me be a girl".

We hugged. My mom looked at the doctor.

"Well, you see what I have on my hands. If she needs to be my daughter that badly, I won’t deny her."

"Good then", said Dr. Lane, "I’ll make an appointment to see the endo, and Kathy can start on hormones fairly quickly after an exam and some blood work of course. Oh, and Mrs. Jolly, you need to start thinking about getting your daughter some clothes. If she’s going to be a girl, I want her dressing in girls clothes as soon as possible to start making her transition. Perhaps not in public yet, but definitely around the house. Eventually of course, changes will occur and it will then be difficult to hide what’s going on. When that happens, dressing full-time will become necessary. And you need to start teaching her how to act as a girl also."

"Is that ok with you Kathy?" mom asked me.

I looked at her with a very resolved face.

"Mom, I can’t wait. Let’s get started right now".

"Mrs. Jolly", the doctor said, "can we speak privately for just a few minutes before you go? Kathy, you can wait outside.. this will just take a few minutes".

I nodded and left the room

* * * *

"Mrs. Jolly, I just want to let you know what is about to happen. On the outside, you have a boy. But on the inside, you have Kathy. As Kathy starts her transition, expect to see real female emotions come out. They are hidden, because right now, society tells Kathy that she can’t have these feelings openly. But once she starts treatment, you’ll see them come to the surface, because Kathy is getting to become the person that she is inside fundamentally. It won’t be unusual, once on hormones, for her to cry suddenly like other girls. It won’t be unusual for her to be very excited when she wears her first bra. Granted, that will take a while, but it will happen. You know what I’m talking about. We’ve both been through these things ourselves. I want you to be on the lookout for these signs. These feelings cannot be learned… they are part of her makeup already. That’s why I can tell you with confidence that what you have here is your daughter. Seeing these will be your assurance that you are doing the right thing. A normal boy would not, and could not have the emotions that Kathy has expressed; the emotions that even she doesn’t know she has yet."

She paused for a moment.

"Also, you’ll want to get Kathy to see a voice therapist. Her voice isn’t too bad, but it is on the male side. If she is going to be a woman, she needs to have a female voice. I can recommend one. Also, she needs to start electrolysis to remove her beard, although its obvious she doesn’t have much of one at all, so that will be to her advantage."

"Thank you doctor".

"Just be watchful. You’ll see. It will help you accept what is happening too. You’ll see that this is the best thing for Kathy."

* * * *

A few minutes later the door opened up and my mom came out

"Well, what did she say?" I asked.

"Just gave me some tips, that’s all… nothing serious."

"It wasn’t about me?"

"Of course it was about you. It’s nothing to worry about Kathy."

"Mom," I said.

"Yes?"

"I love you!".

"I know dear… let’s go home".

 

Chapter 7 – Starting down the road

It was a few days after that last visit to the specialist that we went to the endocrinologist. Nothing much to report there. He was nice, examined me, did some blood work. I could tell he had been through this before, and it was strictly business. After the results of the exams were back, he called my mom. When she came back, she had a small bag with her.

"What’s in the bag mom?" I could see it was from a pharmacy.

"I think you know. Take a look" she said.

I opened the bag and took out two bottles. One bottle said "Kathy Jolly…. Estrogen…. 1 tablet twice a day". The other bottle was Premarin…. one tablet a day.

"Estrogen and Premarin…." I said dreamily.

"Yes honey, your hormones. You’ll take enough to kill your testosterone, and I think you know what else will happen."

"Yes I do" I said wistfully. "Can I start right now?"

"I don’t see why not" she said.

I went to the kitchen, got some water and took the prescribed amount of both. I felt like the cat swallowing the canary.

"The only thing mom, is that this is going to take a while."

"Yes Kathy, but all girls have to wait for their bodies to change. The doctor says you’re young enough that you’ll probably be very close to 100% of a normal girls development. That’s the good thing… we caught this early enough. In the meantime, I have something else for you."

"You do?" I asked.

"You remember the doctor saying she wanted you to start wearing girls clothes all the time?"

"Yes" I replied.

"I went to the store and bought you some clothes.".

She brought out some bags, and I could tell she had spent quite a lot of money. Panties, tops, pants, sweaters, a couple of skirts, shoes, the works. But I did notice there were no bras.

"You must have spent a fortune, mom" I said.

"Well, that’s one benefit of having a good paying job. Consider it an early Christmas present. Christmas is only a couple of weeks away."

"Mom, this is great, but I don’t see any bras. How come?"

"Well dear, a girl gets her first bra when she has a need to wear one. That’s what my mother told me You’ll just need to wait for nature to take its course."

I paused for a minute, then I had to ask another question.

"Mom, am I supposed to wear these clothes all the time? At school?"

"You heard the doctor. We can limit it to around the house at first. But eventually, yes, it will become full-time. But that’s not something we have to worry about right now. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it."

So there it was. I started living half and half. Boy mode for half the time at school, not being able to tell anybody what was going on, then girl-mode at home. I suppose it was good I didn’t have a lot of friends at school. It would have made things very difficult if people came in on me at home in a skirt.

One thing that helped me get through the ups and downs and feelings of frustration was my music. You see I take violin lessons, and I love classical music. Mom gave me that love from a very early age, and I’m glad she did. I absolutely love to play, and want to get into the school orchestra. But besides being fun, it also helps to relieve stress. When I would come home, and if I was feeling kind of down, I’d put on a CD of my favorite symphony or concerto, and try playing along. It really helped release the tension.

 

Chapter 8 – First Changes

Christmas had come and gone. I hadn’t gotten a lot this year, but then mom told me I had already gotten my Christmas presents for this year, clothes, getting to start living as a girl. Life had been going fairly smoothly. It had been about four months since I had started everything, and I woke up on a Sunday and I felt strange. My chest had been itching, but today it was more than usual. My skin also felt funny all over.

"Mom" I yelled, "come here, my chest is itching".

She came in my room. I was wearing my panties and nightgown like I did all the time now.

"What’s wrong?" she asked.

"My chest feels funny, funnier than usual, and my skin, its ….. strange".

"Let’s see" she said as she told me to take my nightgown off. She looked at my chest and then looked me in the face.

"What do you think is happening, young lady? Look at your chest".

I looked at it, and could see two mounds sticking out behind my nipples. I looked at her.

"Mom, I’m getting my breasts, aren’t I?"

"You most certainly are young lady. You’re going through what every girl has to go through."

"They itch" I said.

"Yes, but that’s because they’re growing. The hormones are working just like they’re supposed to. I was waiting for this day. I have something for you."

She was wearing her robe, and reached into the pocket. and pulled out…….. A BRA.

"Kathy, this is one of the first stages of changes that you’ll be going through. And if you want to continue with this… you’ll need to wear this. In fact if you continue, you’ll be wearing one of these for the rest of your life."

"Mom, that’s …… A BRA… isn’t it?" I said staring at what she held in her hands.

"Yes honey, and if you’d like it, its YOUR bra. To support and hold up YOUR breasts. It’s what every girl has to wear. Would you like me to help you put it on?"

I was in awe of the situation. Then I spoke, and it was with such anticipation I surprised even myself.

"Oh yes…. would you?"

I slipped my arms in the straps, and I felt her snap the back. I looked down at the cups, and you could see the half dollar size protrusions coming through.

"Oh mom, this is a lot different than when you made me wear your bra… the night I told you everything. Mom, now I …. NEED…. to wear this, don’t I?"

"Yes honey, just like every other girl needs to wear one eventually. And in just a short time, you’ll be needing to wear a larger size too. But be patient. That will come."

"Mom, I don’t know how to describe it. It feels so nice. It makes me feel so pretty."

I looked at my body and saw how the bra encircled it. I heard her laugh.

"Well Kathy, one of these days, if you continue as you are, you won’t even notice it’s on. It’s just part of a girls wardrobe and that’s about it. But I remember when I wore my first bra and how excited I was. I’m glad you like it, and I’m glad you’re happy about what’s happening to you."

"Mom, thank you for getting it for me. And yes, I really AM HAPPY about what is happening."

"I can tell, sweetheart." She paused.

"Kathy, you also said your skin felt funny. What’s that about?"

"I don’t know, it just feels funny."

She looked at my skin, and then looked at hers.

"Honey, that’s nothing that hasn’t happened to other girls. Your skin is softening. Do you notice how it looks clearer, smoother?"

"Yes, I guess so".

"You don’t have as much hair, its thinning a little, and the skin is smoother, right?"

"Yes".

"Look at mine, feel mine". she said.

"Its starting to feel like yours."

"Exactly…. you’re just becoming more of a female… that’s all. Just going through what every other girl goes through."

"I really AM becoming a girl. Those hormones are really working, aren’t they?"

"Yes honey, you just wait and see."

* * * * *

This is Mrs. Jolly, and I need to make an entry here.

This morning was Kathy’s real debut into womanhood. Her body is starting to change, even though the changes are small. Today, she got her first bra. Its been a long time since that happened to me, but I do remember how excited I was to think I was becoming a woman. Kathy exhibits the same giddy glee over this event. The doctor told me to be looking for signs such as this… and Kathy is performing true to form as the doctor predicted. I don’t think any boy would ever be that excited about wearing a bra. Only a girl who knew she was being admitted to becoming a woman and who WANTED to become a woman would feel this way. If Kathy continues to show these signs, and it looks like she will, then we’re doing the right thing.

End of Entry

 

Chapter 9 – Harvest time

It was around April when I started wearing my first bra. It was kind of hard at school trying to hide the fact that I was getting breasts, but somehow I managed it. Mom had gotten a note from the doctor and had excused me from PE, so that was a big relief. After that, things pretty much went on as usual, except I was getting more edgy. Things weren’t happening as fast as I thought they should, and I had to switch back and forth between girl and boy mode. The frustration level was definitely high.

Parents that are in touch with their children can usually tell when something is wrong. My mom had proven she had a sense of my mood. After a particularly difficult day one time, I remember getting out my violin, and putting on the most aggressive symphony music I had in my collection. I had to practice anyway, but today I played for 3 hours, instead of the 2 hours I usually played. Mom heard how hard I was playing the instrument and came in to my room.

"Feeling down honey?" she asked.

"Yes" I replied as I put the instrument down.

"Mom, it’s a couple of things. I see other girls at school, and then I look at myself, and think I’m never going to get where I want to be."

"Honey," she said.. "it takes a few years for the normal girl to develop. So why should you expect things to be any different for you? Be patient. Anything else?"

"Well, It’s also my music. You know I love playing, but I’ll just never get into the orchestra class at school. I’ve been practicing and practicing, and I guess I’m not good enough."

"Kathy," she said "that’s an advanced orchestra class you’ve been trying to get into. They’re playing difficult material. I know you want to play in that Honors class. And besides, the year is almost over. Now is not a good time to let someone in. I spoke with your violin teacher and the orchestra director at school. They both think you’re close to being good enough to tackle the music you’ll be required to play. And they both said this fall would probably be a good time to get into the class, if you stay focussed and keep practicing. I’ll find out what music they’re playing and get you some CD’s that you can play along with. Perhaps if you’re playing what they’re playing it will prepare you a little more."

"Thanks, mom. I sure hope it does. This music is the one way I have of letting out my feelings, besides coming to you." I said.

"Well, honey, I’m just glad you know you can come and talk to me. I’ll see what I can do."

I didn’t get in the honors orchestra class, but one good thing happened. The year was over, and summer was upon us. I never complain about summer vacation.

It was about July, when a big development happened. I was going to see my doctor regularly to monitor my progress, but one day, while on summer vacation, I got a call from Dr. Lane. She wanted to talk to Mom, who was at work, as usual.

"She’s not here right now" I replied.

"Well, tell her to call Dr. Lane when she gets home."

All of a sudden, I heard the door open up. It was only 3pm and in walked my mother.

"Hey, she just walked in" I said over the phone.

"Good, put her on the phone" I heard Dr. Lane say.

"Hello?…. Yes…. Yes… I see… Yes that is an important breakthrough…. I see… 4 O’clock? Yes, we can be there… We’ll see you then".

And she hung up the phone. I was jumping up and down with curiosity.

"What is it?" I asked in anticipation.

"Mom, what was the phone call about?" I asked

"Well, young lady, you’ve been talking lately about becoming more of a woman, and how slowly things are going. That was Dr. Lane. She has some big news about what you’ve been preoccupied with. She wants us at her office in an hour. I think you’ll be interested in what she has to say."

"What is it?"

"I’ll let her tell you".

We got in the car, and were there at Dr. Lane’s office as ordered. She came out, greeted us, and brought us into her office.

"Kathy, Mrs. Jolly, I have some potentially good news… that is it could be good news depending on what

you think Kathy."

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well, the government has been fighting about stem cell research for quite some time, and it seems that they have finally struck a compromise. Stem cell medicine has just been approved recently by Congress, and the AMA was quick to approve it to the general public. We’ve had our findings ready for some time, and we already know it works, but we had to wait for the politicians to get it together and give us the green light. Stem cell research is the technology that allows us to make new organs. It has given us the technology to create organs from cells, and create organs from cells they are related to. The benefits of course are obvious. We’ve already cloned ears and other basic parts. With the stem cell research, transplantation without rejection is now possible. We’ve already seen that in the laboratory. But we couldn’t take it any further without an act of Congress and that has just been confirmed."

I sat there, not quite seeing where the doctor was taking this.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"Kathy, what this means is that creating organs is now technologically and more importantly, politically possible. We can create organs from a donor and transplant them back in. Since the organs come from the donor, it means rejection is a thing of the past."

The doctor paused, then she continued.

"Kathy, what it means is we can clone ovaries, fallopian tubes, a uterus, and a vagina for you. The entire set of organs you’ll need to be a fully mature female.".

I sat there for a second.

"Ovaries and a uterus?" I said.

My mom looked at me.

"Kathy, it means that you can become a real girl. Do you understand?" she said.

"A real girl doctor? Periods?" I asked.

"Yes Kathy… and don’t forget…. pregnancy also" she replied.

"I can have a baby?" I said in a shocked manner.

"If we don’t delay. The question is, do you want to proceed in this way? This would make you undeniably a girl, in every way."

"How would it work?" I asked.

"First, I have to ask you a question. Are you still having erections, and do you still ejaculate the white fluid, or is it completely clear?"

"Yes, they’re not as often, but yes, they’re still there, and yes I still notice the white fluid."

"When was the last time this happened?"

"Maybe three or four days ago, I was dreaming of being a girl, and had a wet dream. I woke up and I had an erection. All sticky. It was gross."

"That’s good, because it means your male cells are still active. You’ve been throwing massive amounts of hormones at them, and eventually they die. We need to have active sex cells from the testicles and penis in order to do this growing. Once we get them, we reprogram the cells, and in time, the organs will grow. The testicles are the ovaries anyway, just mutated with male hormones. The penis is the equivalent of the vagina in the male. We simply feed the cells female hormones, and they’ll react the same way your external body will eventually react. We can take a few hundred thousand cells, and grow more than one of the organs we need. Also, we’ll collect some sperm, and reprogram them. They’ll form the eggs which we’ll implant in the ovaries. And with reprogramming, they’ll no longer have the Y chromosome, but rather the X chromosome, which a girl’s eggs must have in order for a baby to be formed. Then, once everything is grown, we can freeze them for later use, and eventually transplant them when you’ve completed your transition on hormones and you’re ready for your sex change operation. End result, you will be completely a female. That is what you wanted in the first place, isn’t it?"

"My sex change…." I repeated.

I thought for a second.

"That means I would have menstrual periods? I could have….." I trailed off.

"A baby? Yes that’s exactly what I’m proposing." Dr. Lane completed the sentence.

"Kathy" she continue. "As I said from the beginning, I have noticed that you have a need to be a female. This isn’t a passing fancy, it’s a need. Although its still early in your development, I can see professionally where this is going. As such, we want to give you every opportunity to live a normal life, if things go to their logical conclusion, which I expect. We’re proposing to meet that need, 100% of the way."

I turned to my mom.

"Oh mother, can I? I’d be a real girl".

"Kathy, this is a BIG step… but if its what you want…. it is what you want, isn’t it Kathy?" she asked.

"Yes" I said as I slowly shook my head.

"What do we need to do, Dr. Lane?" my mother asked.

"The problem is time. Its against us, and we need to act quickly. If you’re willing, I want to check Kathy into the hospital tonight and schedule her for outpatient surgery tomorrow morning. This will be somewhat

intrusive, but all we’re doing is gathering cells. She should be out in a day and at home. Mrs. Jolly, can you take some time off work? She’ll need a couple of days to recover."

"I think I can do that." mom said.

"Good, then we’ll see you in the morning.

The surgery went without too much discomfort. The one thing I remember is that they put me up in stirrups so they could do their work. It was uncomfortable, but well, that’s the price a girl has to pay for being who she is.

I was home the next day recovering

We got a call from Dr. Lane a couple of weeks later.

"Kathy, Dr. Lane called and said the cells they collected were in good condition. The cell structures are taking good shape. She doesn’t see any problems growing your female organs."

I laughed.

"What’s so funny?" mom asked.

"I’m going to be a real girl…. to the MAXI".

She laughed.

"Well, we’ll see how you like it once it actually happens. Still, that’s some time away."

We hugged, but we both knew that this was my eventual destiny.

 

Chapter 10 – Hard to Hide

A year had passed, and people around me and the kids at school were starting to notice I was different. For those at school that saw me often, I just got funny looks. From those that didn’t know me, or when we were in public, I got REALLY funny looks.

As before, the one thing that helped me through these days was my music. I had made it to the honors orchestra class at the beginning of the school year, although I wasn’t the best player, yet. But as usual, the daily practicing and playing helped me toward becoming that, and once again it really helped to relieve the stress that I went through when others would look at me, or maybe even say something. One thing about the music I noticed was that it helped people to overlook the subtle changes they noticed. Oh, they still noticed them, but if I spoke to another player that could appreciate what I was working towards, we could talk about music, and it helped give us something in common and the changes didn’t seem so bad. I suppose the music made me more of a person in their eyes, and I guess they were getting used to me.

I had been in electrolysis, and I had also been seeing a speech therapist. Both for some time. It was getting difficult to switch back and forth between boy and girl modes. Sometimes I’d open my mouth, and it would come out wrong. People would look at me like they didn’t know who… or what I was. Also, my breasts had begun filling out a little more, and it was beginning to get more difficult to hide my two assets.

It was still cold weather, so I could wear layers to cover things up. However, my mom had other ideas.

"You’re just going to have to start wearing your clothes to school, Kathy. You’re… in-between. Its getting a bit confusing for people to tell whether you’re a boy or a girl. They need some visual cues.

"Yes… but what will the kids at school think?".

"You told me you wanted to be a girl." she said. "And you knew eventually it would come down to this. Now if you really want to do this, you are going to have to face the music. People need to know what you want to be. I think you need to wear your clothes all the time at this point. Do you think I go around wearing women’s clothes one minute, and then change into men’s clothes the next?"

"No, but you’re a woman" I said.

"And so will you in a short time, that’s obvious. Those hormones aren’t just sitting there in your body doing nothing. They’re changing you the way I think you want to be changed, right? Giving you the body you said you want, right?"

"Yes".

"And when you get the body you want, you’re going to HAVE, or rather as you said, NEED to wear them.

Kathy, if you’re going to be a girl, you’re just going to have to learn to cope with the kids at school. At some time, you’re going to have to come out and tell them what is going on. They ARE going to find out eventually.".

"But its going to be embarrassing".

"If you want to be a girl badly enough, you’ll do it" she pressed.

"Yes" I said, knowing she was right.

"Then you’re going to have to deal with it. Kathy, I’ll help you. We’ll go to the principal and tell him what’s going on. The school doesn’t put up with harassment so why should this be any different? Yes, it won’t be easy, but nothing in life worth having is easy. You should know that better than some people because of your playing. You only get satisfaction after you’ve done something you really want to do, even if it is difficult. If this is what you want, then you’ll just have to do what makes it happen. Understand?"

"Yes" I said. "I guess if that’s what it takes, I’ll just have to do it".

"Good. I’ve scheduled an appointment with the principal, and we’ll go explain the situation to him tomorrow. Looks like you have a day off."

The next day my mom made me get dressed to go out in girl mode. Nothing fancy. A white shirt with some flowers on it, some neutral pants, a sweater. socks and loafers. The clothes weren’t that much different than what I had been used to wearing around the house, except…. they were what a girl would wear, and I was going OUT in them. My hair was also long for a boy. We had decided a couple of months ago to let it grow. My mom did what she could with it to make it presentable.

"Well, if you’re going to be a girl, you’re going to have to take you to a salon one of these days and get your hair cut and styled. For right now, this will have to do."

We then got in the car and went to the school to talk to the principal. He was about 45, and for an old guy, he was surprisingly understanding.

"Well, that is an amazing story. And you say you’ve been doing this for about a year?" the principal said.

"Yes, Kathy has been seeing a doctor to help her make these changes." my mom said.

"Kathy…. is that what you’d like to be called?" he asked me.

"That’s what my mom named me" turning to her and giving her a smile.

"Kathy… you are an amazing, courageous, young person. I say young person, because its hard for me right now to think of you as who you want to become, although I can see you’re kind of "in-between" as the expression goes. I had been hearing rumors, but now I get to see for myself, and I can see exactly what is happening. If you’re under doctors orders, and are taking the steps to become Kathy, then I’m going to have to try to accommodate you. I think your mom is right, you need to continue in school, and learn to fit in with the other kids as Kathy. Some will be ok with it, others won’t understand, but I’m prepared to have an assembly and tell the school about you, and threaten them to not hurt you, and to try to get to know you. Of course, you’ll continue to not take boys PE, especially if things are progressing as I think they are. "

"Can I take home-ec?" I asked.

"I don’t see why not. Its true the second semester has already started, but you haven’t missed that much. Considering the circumstances, I don’t think that’s a problem. I’ll make the arrangements. You come back to school at the start of next week. That will give the teachers time to tell everyone. In the meantime, enjoy your couple of days off. A little vacation from me to you".

"You’re so kind" I told the principal. "How come?"

He laughed… "It’s a small world. My sister used to be my brother. That’s her picture on my desk.".

"Her?…" I gasped.

"Yes."

"She’s beautiful."

He replied.. "The doctors did miracles for her. She’s a new person. She’s happier than she ever was as my brother. And that’s why I understand."

 

Chapter 11 – A new day at School

The next week came, and I was very nervous. It was Monday and I was moping. It was getting late and I knew I had better get ready. My mom walked in to my room.

"Kathy, you’re not ready!" she said in a firm voice.

"Mom… I’m nervous about this".

"Young lady, we’ve been through all this. Everything has been set. All the teachers and students know. Its kind of late to back out now."

She came over to me.

"Let me help you get dressed. I can’t do this all the time Kathy, but I know you’re nervous. You’re just going to have to do this. How about the outfit you wore to the principals office? That doesn’t take much work, and its not ultra-feminine either."

"I suppose that would be ok."

"Okay, get dressed, and I’ll come back to do your makeup."

"Makeup?".

"Of course. Today you’re a girl going to school, and a 16 year old girl wears makeup."

No protests from me. I knew she was right. Mom hugged me and left.

Okay well I guess its "put up or shut up" time. I got dressed and then called for her. Mom came in and put my makeup on… not a lot… but enough so that you could definitely tell I was wearing it. It gave me a healthy glow.

"Its not a lot of makeup, is it?"

"No dear, but its enough to put you over the edge. Your looks have changed, and this helps to tell everyone who and what you are. We want them know you’re serious about what you’re doing; that you’re trying to fit in and be who you say you want to be. And anyway, you don’t need a lot. Luckily, as Michael, you never really started shaving, and with the electrolysis, the look is convincing. There’s not very much at all to cover. That’s to your advantage."

I hugged her and started to cry.

"Kathy, don’t start crying on me. You’ll run your makeup, and I don’t have time to do it again!" she said in a firm, but half laughing manner. "You look nice dear".

I looked in the mirror…. and I DID LIKE what I saw.

"Do or die, right mom?" I said with a hopeful look.

"Yes dear, it will work out. You’ll see."

After that we were ready to go. We got in the car and off we went.

 

That first day was frightening. The kids kind of avoided me. The teachers seemed cool towards me. Nobody really said anything offensive; I don’t think they really knew what to think. A couple of girls told me they liked what I was wearing, but that was about it. It wasn’t until AFTER school that things really started to happen… after I got home.

The doorbell rang, and mom looked out.

"Kathy, it looks like there are some girls here to see you."

"For me? No girls ever came to see me before".

"Well, today is a new day. Go answer the door".

I stood there frozen for a minute.

"Kathy…. Go… Answer… The Door!!" she said firmly.

I went over there and opened it up. It was Cindy Johnson, Sarah Kent, and Brenda Willis… and their mothers. They were all pretty, and I wondered what was going on. I stood there.

"Can we come in?" they asked.

"Sure, I guess so".

As they came in, my mother came out of the kitchen with a tray of drinks and sandwiches. She was always the perfect hostess. Somehow I could tell that this wasn’t an accident.

"Sit down girls" my mother called out.

"What’s this all about?" I asked.

Silence for a minute, then Cindy Johnson spoke up.

"Kathy, we’ve come over to say hi, and to talk to you. Last week the principal told us all about you. He even told us about his sister who was there at school to talk to us. He said that we had in our school a young person who didn’t feel comfortable with who he, rather she, was, and who had the courage to confront what needed to be done, and that next week, she’d be coming as who she REALLY was. He said you were going to need some friends too."

Then Sarah Kent chimed in.

"Yeah, Kathy, we had heard the rumors about you, and didn’t really understand what was going on… why you looked out of place sometimes. Then, after that assembly, we went and told our moms. They told us about transsexuals and explained why you were looking the way you were looking. Are you really taking female hormones to change yourself?"

I nodded.

"Anyway," Sarah continue, "all three of us girls have been close since grade school, and we all got together and discussed what you were doing. We decided we wanted to try to help…. if you were genuine about this… and we asked our moms what we could do?"

Then Sarah’s mom took the lead.

 

"Kathy, what Sarah is trying to tell you is that we’ve always told our daughters that a girl should be judged by who she is, not what she looks like, or not what she appears to be. That’s not how everyone does it, but it’s what we believe and what we’ve taught our girls. I suppose my daughter and her friends have learned that lesson better than we expected. All three of us mothers have tried to teach our daughters that. They came and told us about you… and said that they admired you for your courage… and that if you had the courage to come out with such a difficult story… and were really genuine…. could we maybe help? So then we phoned your mother and made arrangements to come over and talk to you. We told our daughters that if they were going to be your friend, as a girl, we needed to meet and talk to you"

I was speechless.

"Kathy" my mother said, "what do you have to say?"

It was difficult to respond to such an open display of caring.

"I guess I’m surprised, and happy too. I never expected anything like this".

"Kathy…." said Brenda Willis, "tell us about how you feel. Do you REALLY want to be a girl? You know it isn’t always easy."

 

"You want to know?" I replied.

"Yes. If we are going to be your friends, we’d like to know the girl we are becoming friends with".

So I began to tell them…. everything.

"And you even wish you could have a period?" Cindy asked.

"Yes I do".

"You have it bad girl, but it isn’t always a fun time".

All three girls giggled about that one.

"And if those hormones do as good a job on you as they did on the principals sister, well the boys will be looking at you. And they WON’T always be looking you in the face when they’re talking to you either!!".

"Girls…" Cindy’s mom said. "We need to go, but we did want to come and offer our support, right? I can see that Kathy is serious, and If this is what she wants, our girls will support her through the changes that await her. Right girls?"

"Yes" they all said together.

"And Nina, for as long as we’ve all known each other, we know you’re a good person, and will do a good job teaching your daughter how to be a young lady."

With that, they got up, and the girls all hugged me. Then they left. It was just the two of us again.

"Well Kathy, you’ve had quite a first day at school, don’t you think?"

"I’ll say. I never thought I’d have anything like this from such pretty girls."

She laughed.

"Well, you better get used to the fact that women don’t base their friendship on how they look. Not all women anyway. Some do, but most don’t. Yes, they’re pretty girls, but whether they are or aren’t had nothing to do with why they came over. They had caring hearts, and they wanted to come over to help you. It just so happens that on top of that that they’re considered good looking. Women just don’t place the importance of looks on a friendship. That’s a male thing. But you’ll learn."

 

Chapter 12 – Shopping

It was a about two weeks after my first meeting with Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda, that Sarah called me up one Saturday morning.

"Hi Kathy" said Sarah. "What’s going on?"

"Nothing much." I was getting used to talking to them and it was funny… it was starting to get to be rather routine.

"Hey listen" she said over the phone. "We wanted to go to the mall, and thought you might like to go. How about it?"

"To the mall? Me?"

"Sure, why not?" she replied.

"Well, I’ve never been to the mall" I said.

"Never been? Sure you have. We’ve seen you there."

"I mean, I’ve never been there as Kathy before."

"As Kathy? Say what is this? Are you our girlfriend or what?"

"Well sure I am!" I said bravely.

"Well then how about it? The four of us GIRLS!!!"… and she emphasized the word GIRLS.

I thought for a minute, then I thought about doing everything or nothing.

"Well, what the heck. I AM yours, and Cindy’s, and Brenda’s girlfriend, right?"

"That’s why I’m calling silly" she said with a laugh.

"OK then, do or die, either I go as Kathy or this whole thing is a joke, and I know its not."

"That’s the spirit!" she replied. "How about our moms and us come by in a half hour?"

I turned to my mom.

"Mom, can I go to the mall with my friends?"

"Tell her forty-five minutes, you need to get presentable".

"Thanks mom… Hey Sarah… forty-five minutes? Mom wants to get me ready".

"Sounds like my mom!" Sarah said. "Ok, sounds good. See you then".

It was a fast forty-five minutes, and the car horn was honking already. I had on a pair of jeans and a sweater and some loafers. My mom gave me a small shoulder purse she had bought for me with some money in it and told me to have a good time.

"A purse mom?" I asked.

She shot a glance at me said "You’re a ….".

"Girl…" I completed the sentence. Nothing more needed to be said. I hugged her and left the house.

"Hi Kathy" Cindy said. "Ready for you’re shopping debut?"

"I guess so"

We got to the mall and didn’t waste any time invading the shops. After a little while, the girls looked at me.

"Hey girl, its time for you to take a dare. You game?"

"Take a dare?"

"Yeah, we dare you to go into Claires’ boutique and get your ears pierced. You need some earrings".

"Earrings?"

"Sure, look, we have them. All girls get them. And you did say "do or die", on the phone, didn’t you?".

I suppose I did say that.

"Yes I did…. well let’s go."

We went in the store, and they selected some simple gold studs. We went up to the register to pay for them, then told the sales lady what we wanted.

"Which ear do you want this in?" she asked.

"Ma’am" Sarah said, "You don’t understand, she wants both ears done."

"She?" the lady asked. "You mean, he, don’t you?"

This was going to be a problem. It was then I saw a side of my girlfriends that I could have never seen before, when I was Michael. The side that is only shown through friendship when a girl is admitted in to another girls inner circle.

"Ma’am, this is our friend Kathy. She may look like a boy on the outside, but she is becoming a girl, and we are her friends. Isn’t her money the same as ours? She wants these earrings and we want to help her get them. Can you accept that?"

She shrugged her shoulders and motioned for me to sit up on the stool and get ready. Then she spoke to me.

"Young….. lady… I guess you’re pretty lucky to have friends like these. Okay, get ready. Here we go."

It only hurt a little. After it was done, I looked in the mirror. I LIKED them. We left the store and got a soda. We must have sat there for an hour talking. Then I spoke up.

"You girls brought me here on purpose to get this done, didn’t you!!?"

"We sure did!" said Brenda. "This was a test, and you passed with flying colors!"

"A test?" I said.

"Yes, your mom and our moms were talking and thought it would be fun to see just how serious you were. Getting earrings is definitely a feminine thing. They wanted to see if you’d do it. And girl, you should have seen yourself when you looked in the mirror. You really LIKED it when she put them in, didn’t you? We could see you blushing when that sales lady put them in. We could tell. You like how they look, don’t you."

"Yes," I said as I began blushing again. "I sure did, and I sure do. And I also enjoyed something else."

"What’s that?" Brenda asked.

"Well, its only been two weeks since this all started at school, and yet I can tell I have your unconditional friendship. You told that sales woman where to go."

"We told you we’d help you, and we weren’t kidding, were we?"

She looked at Sarah and Cindy. They all nodded in agreement.

I squeezed Brenda’s hand. The feelings were communicated immediately.

"Hey, I have an idea" Brenda said.

"What’s that?". I was all ears.

"You know you said ‘do or die’ when Sarah talked to you on the phone?

"Yes." I replied.

"Well let’s call us the ‘Do Or Die’ club".

I thought about it and agreed. I was starting to see what having close girl friends was like… And I liked it.

After that, it was time to leave. When I arrived home, my mom was waiting for me.

"Well, how did it go?" she said.

"I think you know… after all… you planned this!".

"Just trying to give you opportunities to experience things as a young girl should. Those earrings look nice on you, they go nice with your hair color. Do you like them?"

"Yes I do" I said triumphantly. "I have a feeling my friends and I will be going shopping quite a bit".

"I’m sure of it Kathy. That’s what girls do."

 

Chapter 13 – Signs of Trouble

The next day when I got dressed, I couldn’t help but notice my budding breasts. It had been a little over a year since I started the hormones. My breasts had started as little knots behind my nipples. Now they were filling out a little more each day. I put on my bra and stood in front of the mirror. It was obvious they were filling up the A cup. They were getting a little more noticeable. It was getting to the point where I HAD to wear a bra, but that didn’t really bother me. It was still cold out, so I decided a sweater and shirt was still in order. After I got dressed, I went back to the mirror. The layers pretty well hid what was happening, but inside, I knew what was happening. And I knew it wouldn’t be long before this would be starting to show.

Monday… well its school again. But today, I had something to tell my friends. Mom was calling to me and it was time to go.

Lunch came quickly that day, and it was the four of us girls at our usual table. I must have been glowing all over, because Cindy didn’t waste a minute trying to pry me open.

"Kathy, what’s going on with you? You’re smiling from ear to ear."

I sat there and just looked at them, and I could tell I was grinning.

"Yes Kathy" said Sarah. "Tell us what it is".

I still didn’t say anything, but my hand unconsciously went to my bra strap to adjust it.

"I…. I….." I sputtered.

They gasped, a knowing look came over their faces.

"Kathy, you’re wearing a bra, aren’t you?!"

"Yes" I said with glee. "I have been for awhile, but only publicly since I came out at school."

Sarah paused, then looked me straight in the eye.

"Kathy, are you getting your boobs?"

I shook my head yes.

"Congratulations girl" said Brenda.

"Yes, congratulations", said Sarah. "Do you like them?".

This time I shook my head yes with a very slow, deliberate motion.

"You REALLY DO like them, don’t you?!" she said in response to my slow nods.

"I can’t describe it, but yes, I really do. The only problem is they itch, and I wish they were a little bigger".

They all laughed.

"Well, that’s just the price you pay for getting what you wish for and being one of us".

We decided to leave the cafeteria early and get our books from our lockers for the afternoon. We walked to each others locker; mine was the last stop. When I opened my locker, I was greeted with a surprise.

"My coat!" I yelled.

I stood there looking in shock, seeing that someone had sprayed shaving cream all over the inside of my locker. My coat was covered, not to mention some of my books. On the inside of the locker door was a note.

"Hey faggot girl, or whatever you are, have a nice day!!" And it was signed "The Stud!"

"Who would do such a thing!?" I asked, starting to cry.

"Its that Bob Miller creep." Cindy replied. "He’s a nothing jerk, and he thinks he’s a real stud!".

"I don’t think so, I know I am!!" we heard in the background. "More of a stud than you’ll ever hope to get!".

"Why don’t you go play with yourself!" said Sarah. "Kathy is our friend, leave her alone you piece of crap!".

"Getting mighty chummy with a faggot boy who can’t decide what he is, are we?" he said.

"She’s our friend!" Sarah continued. "Leave her and us alone!".

He came over, and got real close. You could smell marijuana on him. He was obviously high and feeling his oats. He put his hands on me.

"Get your hands off me!" I yelled. I struggled to break free, but he was a lot bigger and stronger than I had ever even hoped to me.

"Maybe you’d like a little of what I have, if you hate being a boy so much!".

I tried to push him away, but I wasn’t that strong to begin with. Cindy came over and tried to pry him off of me. He pushed her down, and she hit the floor. He was getting loud now.

"Yeah, you know you want it faggot thing".

I was looking away, trying to get away, trying to flee. Then all of a sudden, I felt him release his grip. He let forth an "Ooof" sound, then I heard another loud thud. He laid there curled up holding himself. The pain was obvious.

"Get out of here you creep, and leave Kathy and us alone if you know what’s good for you!" said Brenda as she stood there with her twirling baton.

All of a sudden a door opened up, and out walked the assistant principal. The "Stud" had chosen the wrong place to start an attack.

"What’s going on here?!" he asked.

"Hi Mr. Charles" Brenda replied. "This Bob Miller creep sprayed our friend Kathy’s locker with shaving cream, and then almost attacked her. He was talking dirty to her too."

"What’s he doing laying in the floor?" he asked.

"My mom and dad told me what to do with jerks like him, so I just used my baton where I knew it would do the maximum damage".

"Young lady, violence doesn’t solve anything…" he said looking at her, me, and the Stud.

He paused… By that time, some other teachers had arrived and were helping the Stud to a bench.. He was still in substantial pain. Mr. Charles looked at me and continued.

"You’re Kathy Jolly, the boy, I mean girl, that we had the assembly for, right?"

"Yes, sir" I said, still shaking.

"Did he do this to you? What did you do to him to antagonize him?"

"Mr. Charles, she didn’t do anything to him" said Cindy, having gotten up off the floor.

"Let her tell it" he said.

"I didn’t do anything to him. I’m just trying to fit in Mr. Charles. It’s hard enough to fit in without his help." I was crying. "These are my friends. We were just coming to get our books for the next class and he showed up. I found this note in my locker and then he attacked".

I handed him the note. He looked at it.

"Will you all be willing to back up Kathy’s story?" he asked.

Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda all shook their heads.

"Well, considering the physical evidence, and the note, and the fact that I know Mr. Miller calls himself the "Stud", there’s no doubt it was he that did this. Take him into my office." he said to the other teachers. "He’s been causing too much of a problem around here; he’s expelled for a week, and we’ll be talking to his parents too."

Before they took him into Mr. Charles office, I saw him look up at me.

"You haven’t heard the last of me… faggot bitch!"

"Get him in my office!!" Mr. Charles snapped.

There was a pause.

"Kathy" said Mr. Charles. "Considering the circumstances, I think you and your friends need to go see the school counselor and talk about this. Take the afternoon off from class. I’ll talk to your teachers and give you all an excuse. We’ll call your parents, and after the session with the counselors, I want you to go home where you can be safe. We’ll see you tomorrow."

He turned to Brenda.

"What’s your name, young lady?"

"Brenda Willis" she replied.

"My official word to you is to watch it! We don’t put with violence around here, especially what you did. You could damage a young man".

He paused.

"And my unofficial word is…. nice job with the baton. He’s caused similar trouble before and I’m sure he deserved it!"

We all went to the counselor and talked about what had happened. After that, our parents showed up.

When we got home mom and I started talking.

"Mom, why would anybody do this? What did I ever do to them? To HIM?"

"Dear, its like I told you before. Not everyone is going to understand. Some can be open-minded, others can’t be. Some people, like this Miller character feel threatened or inadequate, and have to prove something. Unfortunately, he manifests it with violence. He might also feel threatened."

"Threatened?" I asked.

"Yes, the thought of some boy doing what you’re doing …. well he can’t handle it. He doesn’t understand, and he never will understand it, and he feels so threatened that he has to use violence.".

"Mom, I never did ANYTHING to him".

"Yes, I know dear. I’ve heard nothing but good reports about you from school. But from now on, you just need to be on your guard at school. The good news is that they’re behind you."

"I suppose so, but its scary." I said.

"Well, you haven’t had any problems like this up until now. The kids have been pretty good haven’t they?"

"Yes, including Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda." I replied. "They’ve been so good to me".

"Well, you just continue to be with them. Let’s hope this is just an isolated incident and everything goes smoothly from here."

She paused and then looked at me.

"Honey, I have a question".

"Sure mom"

"How do you feel about being a girl, considering what has happened? Every girl worries about this. The potential for attack, rape even, is always there. Its always about some guy with a power problem. He wants to control you. This is one of the dark sides to being female, honey. You know you could avoid all this by going back to being a boy."

I looked at her.

"A boy?" I said.

"Yes, if you’re too scared about all this, you could just say the word and we could undo all of this. Your development isn’t that far that we couldn’t just stop all of this."

I looked at her in shock.

"No mom" I said as I shook my head emphatically. "Mom, I’ve wanted this for too long. No… even with this….no…. I still want to be a girl."

"The good, bad, everything?" she said, pressing me.

"Yes mom, I’d do it all over again".

We hugged. Tomorrow was another day.

 

Chapter 14 – Talking with the doctor

This is Mrs. Jolly again… I have to make an entry

Yesterday, my daughter was threatened, and almost attacked. I was horrified at the thought. I needed to talk to someone with some experience, so I called Dr. Lane. I made an appointment to go see her.

"So…. Mrs. Jolly, your daughter was threatened." she said.

"Yes, it was traumatic for her."

"I imagine so. What is it that you wanted to talk about?" she asked?

"Well, after we talked, I asked Kathy one question. I asked her if she’d like to stop this. I told her that she could undo it all right now since she wasn’t that far along."

"And what did she reply?" asked the doctor?

"She said she’d take the good, bad, and everything. Even this. And she’d do it all over again."

The doctor paused.

"Well, this is one of those red-flags I was talking about. This really shows how serious Kathy is about doing what she’s doing. This shows that this is the right path for her to take. It was good thinking on your part to ask her that question. You really got a glimpse of how badly she needs to be a female".

"I can see that. I’m getting used to the idea that what I really have on my hands is a daughter… that something happened to her and she was deprived".

"If Kathy gave you that kind of response, then I agree, that’s exactly what you have. A person that should have been a girl. Are you ok with that? Can you accept that?"

"Well, I never rejected her before, but more and more, I see this is the path that my child, my daughter, must take.".

The doctor shook her head. We exchanged a few pleasantries, then I left.

A daughter. My daughter. I knew my son was no longer, and, was she really ever my son in the first place?

END OF ENTRY

Kathy will be writing once again.

 

Chapter 15 – Trouble on the horizon

Another five months had passed, and everything had settled down and was going fairly well. I had three very supportive friends, and most of the kids at school were warming up to me. Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda had been my lifelines, and I was glad I knew them.

If that wasn’t good enough, I had also finally made first chair in the violin section in our Honors orchestra. It had been a lot of work, no question about that. But mom had been right. Nothing comes without a little work, and sacrifice. I had worked hard, and I was getting to be the best player in the violin section. And, at least to the other kids in the orchestra, it helped them accept and respect me. And I could use all the help I could get with fitting in.

It was finally Saturday again, and the phone was ringing.

"Hi Kathy" Sarah said. "We’re going to the mall again. Want to come?"

By this time it was a no-brainer on whether to go shopping. I asked my mother.

"I don’t see why not" she said. "But tell them this afternoon about 2, and tell them there’s a good reason, and they won’t be disappointed if they wait. And tell them to wear something casual, but a little dressy."

I relayed the message.

"This sounds serious, Kathy", Sarah said. "What’s up?"

‘I don’t know, mom won’t tell me".

"Well, if its going to be good, we’re interested. I’ll tell Brenda and Cindy and we’ll see you at your place at 2".

I made arrangements and got off the phone to go upstairs to get ready to go.

"Kathy" my mom said.

"Yes mom?"

"You’ve been Kathy now in public for about five months, and you’ve made good progress. But today

I want to step things up a bit."

"Step it up?"

"Yes, your hair has grown out, and its time you stopped just wearing it in a ponytail. I think its time that you get it cut and styled as a girl should have her hair. I’ve not really said anything to this point because I wanted to let it grow, but now it’s definitely long enough. So today I made an appointment at the salon for you to get your hair styled and cut. It’s time you looked like the rest of us women."

"Like a woman…." I repeated.

"That’s right".

Is that all?" I asked.

 

"No. Another thing is that all this time you’ve been wearing slacks and sweaters. Its been the winter months, so I haven’t said much about it. But now its getting close to June, warming up, and there’s no reason why you can’t wear a skirt out in public. I bought you those skirts for a reason you know. You’ve been wearing them around here, and that’s good. But you’re a young woman, and I want you to get dressed up a little and go out in public in a skirt today. Also, you’ve been wearing mostly sweaters or sweatshirts … again because its cold. Now that its warning up, I want you to wear a regular top. As a matter of fact, I want you to start wearing skirts and tops to school also before the year is over."

I looked at her. I wasn’t really surprised, well maybe a little. By this time I had been dressing as a girl, and was getting used to it. This however, was pushing the envelope further than I had ever done before.

"It’s just something I need to do, isn’t it mom? All girls wear skirts".

"Yes dear. I see I’m getting through to you".

"It’s what I wanted from the beginning, mom, you’re right. If I’m going to be the girl I’m becoming, I DO NEED to learn to wear a skirt in public. I’ll go get changed, but maybe you could help me."

I started to leave the room, but she stopped me.

"Kathy, there’s one other thing."

I stopped and turned towards her.

"Yes?" I said. By this time, I was ready for anything.

"If you’re going to wear a skirt in public, you need to shave your legs. I’ll come up and help you. We’ll get it done, get you dressed, go to the salon, and when those girls see you this afternoon, they will certainly be surprised. "

Shaving was certainly an experience. I liked what I saw when I was done. After I was done, I went into her bedroom wearing my panties and bra. She looked at me for a few seconds.

"What mom?" I asked.

"Nothing dear".

With that, I put on top with some pretty colors, and she helped me put on a casual navy skirt.

"Uh-huh" she said.

"What’s Uh-huh?" I asked

"Look in the mirror" she replied.

I took one look in the mirror, and immediately saw it. First, the skirt didn’t offer any resistance to my male body part. When I was wearing pants, they helped to pull things in. My male part had definitely been affected by the hormones, but in a skirt it was a different story…. Second of all, I could see I had grown some more in the chest. It was undeniable.

"Kathy, you’re just going to have to wear a pad today. No doubt about that one."

She went and got me a maxi. This time I didn’t have any problem putting it in my panties. After I got my clothes fixed, we looked again.

"Well, what do you think, young lady?" she said.

"Wow mom, I look a LOT better, don’t I?"

"Turn to the side and look" she said.

I did, and the effect was much better. Then I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before.

"Mom, I’m getting a butt!!".

"You most certainly are Kathy, the hormones are doing their work. That butt gives us a distinctive shape, but its also a problem area. See how your skirt is starting to fall off your behind? Its one thing that makes us look different than men."

"I like it, but that’s not the only thing, mom. Look at my chest".

"Yes you’ve grown some more, and that’s another reason why I wanted you to wear a skirt and top today.

It would seem that you’ve got some of my genes, and that nature is working its charms. I was a fast developer also, and well you can look at my chest and see where I ended up, a full D cup. It looks like those websites we looked at earlier were right. The daughter follows the mother in her genetics, just like normal females, and that’s what you’re doing. I’d say you’re getting close to a B cup, dear. There’s no hiding this anymore. You need to let people see you are a girl. I saw this coming and I’ve already bought you some new bras."

I changed, then put everything else back on. Things had been a little tight, and the new bra felt a lot better.

"Well that top certainly doesn’t hide anything, does it?" she commented.

"It sure doesn’t. Mom you can see my bra too, through the top."

"Kathy, that’s just the way the clothes are made. That’s the way its supposed to look."

"And its ok? I mean you can see it."

"Honey, you don’t have to be self-conscious about this. This is the way a young woman is supposed to look. And if guys are going to stare at your bra, well, maybe they need to be going through what you’re doing."

We both laughed.

"Well you can certainly see I have breasts. There’s no doubt. Mom, my friends have never seen me in an outfit like this. They’ve never seen me expose myself like this before. What will they think?"

"They’re girls, dear. They know what a girl that is developing looks like. But I bet they will be surprised. Now, we need to be going to the salon. Your appointment is in an hour."

We finished getting ready, and went to the salon. It took an hour to get to the operator… I guess hair salons are like doctors offices. You make an appointment and then expect to wait. The woman that cut my hair asked my mom what she wanted done, and mom told her to cut it and style it in a wedge. I sat there and watched as she did her craft, and when she was done, I looked in the mirror.

It was amazing. The hairstyle looked …. feminine…. well that was the point. I had my earrings on… but something looked different.

I sat there looking at it, not quite knowing what to think. I couldn’t figure out what was so different.

"How do you like it Kathy?" my mom asked.

"I like it mom, it feels nice. But there’s something else, I can’t quite put my finger on it."

"What do you mean?"

"There’s something else about how I look, I just don’t look the same."

"Come on Kathy, I’ll pay and we’ll talk about it on the way home."

Mom paid the woman and we left. We got home, and she had me come in her room and stand in front of the mirror.

"Kathy, I noticed the changes you mentioned before this. That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to get your hair styled. I thought it was time you got to see the whole picture. You see, just the hair, or just the makeup, well alone, the changes are not that dramatic. But, put them all together, the hairstyle, makeup, the changes in your face, your new chest, well you see the TOTAL effect."

She was right. It was the hairstyle that now framed my face, the makeup, my changing skin, the fact that my face fundamentally DID look different, my chest. All these things put together just brought everything out all at once. It was amazing.

"What is it, mom?"

"You’re getting pretty Kathy. It’s still not obvious, I mean not REALLY obvious, but I can see where this is going to lead, and I think you’re going to turn into a very pretty young woman when you’re done."

I hugged her.

"Now, aren’t your friends coming to meet you here to go to the mall?"

"Yes mom".

I paused, turning to look at myself in the mirror

"They’ll be surprised, won’t they?"

"I imagine so, dear." she said with a laugh.

It was only a short time later that Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda got to our house.

"Holy cow, girl, you have boobs!!" Brenda squealed. "You told us you were wearing a bra, and getting your boobs, but wow, this is the first time you can actually SEE them!".

"Yeah, and look at your hair" said Cindy.

"You’ve been busy this winter. We didn’t realize how much you had changed." continued Cindy. "We knew you had gotten earrings, and started dressing like a girl, but wow…".

She paused.

"Well, you really ARE becoming a girl, just like us. Congratulations!! Your mom was right, you WERE worth waiting for today. You look great."

"You really think so?" I asked.

They stood there, and their mouths dropped open.

"Say that again Kathy!" Sarah said.

"Say what?" I said.

"Holy cow, girl, you even SOUND more like a girl. Wow, you are on your way. If you keep going like this, well, who knows what you’re going to look like in a year?"

"I sound more like a girl?"

"You sure do." said Sarah.

"Well, I have been taking voice lessons to help me."

"Well I guess its been kicking in, you sound more like one of us… doesn’t she?" she said to Brenda and Cindy. They all agreed.

I squealed along with them in glee, and it was time to leave. My mom told me before I left that it was about time I bought some clothes for myself, and to have my friends help me pick out an extra skirt for my wardrobe. I wasn’t sure how this day could go much better.

We got to the mall, and this time I didn’t get as many looks as I had before. The outfit and the hair must have done the trick, and people didn’t react when I spoke so much. I guessed all the hard work was paying off.

We got to a store, and I saw a cute navy skirt with an anchor on it, and a matching top.. kind of like a sailors outfit…. they were popular this year. I tried it on.

"That’s cute, Kathy, its you", they all agreed.

I paid for the outfit, then told the other girls I wanted to go outside, just to sit on the bench and take up the sun. I had noticed since starting my treatment that I appreciated the sun just a bit more.

"That’s fine, Kathy, we’ll be out in a few minutes. Then we can wait for your mom to come pick us up."

Outside I sat on the bench. It was nice. There wasn’t anybody around.

Before Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda could come out, the door opened up, and out came Bob Miller, and his two friends. The same goon we had encountered at school. I didn’t pay any attention, but he and his friends saw me.

"Hey guys, look who we have here?! The faggot little boy that wants to be turned into a girl!!".

"Yeah faggot boy" one of his cronies came in. "Do you like wearing a skirt????"

"Hey guys, look, it even has tits, and…. its even wearing a bra!!! Do you like having tits, faggot boy?"

"Get out of here, you jerk", I yelled.

"Hey guys, he wants to dress and act like a girl, but he doesn’t like being TREATED like a girl."

"Yeah girl, would you like to see what I have for you? I bet you’d like it, wouldn’t you faggot?"

I looked around… the place was empty… this was the side of the mall that people usually DIDN’T park in. Too far to walk. We were still alone. I tried to run, but he was too fast for me. He knocked me down.

"Not so fast, faggot boy, or girl, or it, or whatever you are."

He grabbed me by the arm and put his hand over my mouth. I was struggling again. I hadn’t been that strong to begin with, and the hormones had been doing their work, making me even less so. I had been happy how they had started to diminish my strength, but there was a downside… I was vulnerable.

"I told you I’d get even faggot. Looks like this my chance. Hey, lets take the faggot "it" and show him how we like her".

There was still no signs of anyone anywhere. I tried to scream, but his hands over my mouth prevented it. I wondered where my friends were, probably still in the checkout. I wanted to get away, but he was strong, and his two friends grabbed me too. I struggled, but they dragged me to an alcove.

"Let’s have some fun with this fag".

I was where nobody could see me now, and they had me down. I was struggling, but they were all 200 or so. I was about 150, and it was a futile struggle.

Then I heard a knife come out. I knew I was in deep trouble. It didn’t matter what I had to do, I knew I had to get away at any cost.

"Hey fellas" the big bully said, "let’s see if she bleeds like other girls".

I wasn’t about to wait and find out, and I bit hard on the hand that was over my mouth. I heard a yell. They were startled and I started running, but not before I heard something tear. It was my skirt. The blade

of the knife had found my skirt, and torn it completely. I grabbed it and ran for my life. It was falling off and I was pretty much down to my panties, screaming for my life, my modesty torn away.

By that time, my friends had come out and had been wondering where I was, when I came running back towards them.

 

"Holy Shit!" said Sarah. "What happened to you?"

I just ran to them crying. I was standing there in front of them in practically just my panties. By that time, others had heard the commotion and were coming out to see what was happening.

"Let’s get her out of here. She’s upset. Grab her bag" said Cindy. "Sarah, you wait here for her mom. We’ll help her get cleaned up. We can talk about this later."

They took me into the girls bathroom, and let me cry. Luckily, I had bought that skirt. They helped me into it.

"Gosh guys, I never expected to be in here with you …. like this. I’m so…….".

"Vulnerable?" Brenda said.

"Yes, I’m exposing everything to you here. I’m down to my panties!"

"Well so what? We know what panties look like for heavens sake. And it’s not like we’re wanting to gawk at you or anything. Kathy, we’re your friends, and you’ve been hurt, and we’re here for you. And anyway, we’ve seen how much of a girl you want to be. I mean, you’re developing just like us. We can tell you’re really serious about becoming a complete girl, I mean in every way, right?"

"Of course I am, or I wouldn’t be doing all of this".

"Well, then it doesn’t matter what you look like right now. Our moms told us what you were having to do, and well, if you can show this much courage and determination, it just doesn’t matter. You’ll be one of us soon enough."

We hugged and we both had a good cry, then left the restroom. My mother and Sarah was waiting for us as we walked out the door. The police were there too.

I ran to my mother. "It was that Bob Miller creep again mom".

"Let’s talk to the police." she said.

We gave the police a statement, then left before any media could show up. It wasn’t too long after that that we heard that Bob Miller had been taken to juvenile hall .. where he DESERVED to be.

 

Chapter 16 – The pool party

It was turning August, and school was right around the corner. We still had about a month to go. It had been seven months since I had started my transformation, publicly anyway. The total time on the hormones was about 19 months, and my body was undeniably becoming more and more female. It was difficult to hide things. The hormones, my mothers genes, were all in full force. I even looked more feminine in my face.

"Kathy" my mom yelled to me one evening.

"Yes mom?" I replied.

"I just got a call from Cindy’s mom, and she wanted to know if we’d like to go to a pool party at their house Saturday afternoon. Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda will be there."

"A pool party? I guess, but…." I hesitated.

"What?" Mom asked.

"Well I don’t exactly have a swimming suit, and uhhh… that’s kind of revealing. It might be kind of…. hard to hide….."

"Kathy Jolly, I’m surprised at you. Cindy and her friends, and their parents, have been very supportive, in fact dear friends. They don’t see you as a boy anymore. And you’re worried about how you’ll look?"

"Well, I am changing, but I still have one flaw mom".

"Yes that’s true, but it is getting easier to tuck these days… you told me yourself".

"Yes, that’s true" I replied.

"You’ve been on the hormones for over a year and a half, Kathy, and you’re very female in many respects, except of course the obvious one. How about if we go to the store, try to pick out a bathing suit for you… maybe a one-piece for your first one. I think I know what to look for that would hide your flaw.

I agreed.

"But first I need to measure you" she said.

As she ran the measuring tape around me, I could tell she was seeing more than she expected.

"What is it mom?" I asked.

"Well, you’re 34B, 32, 34, but I see there’s more here than meets the eye" she announced.

"That’s good, isn’t it?" I asked.

"Well Kathy, all the women in our family have been endowed with a nice figure, and it looks like that blessing will be coming to you. You never did have a big build, and that is certainly playing to your favor. Your waist has dropped 2 inches, and your hips have gone up about the same. But what I DIDN’T notice before is that the hips are SPREADING. See how your legs don’t completely come together like they used to? And see how your body looks ROUNDER in the hips?"

"Yes" I said.

"Put your skirt back on and sit down and put your knees together".

I did. I noticed it was EASIER to do that than before.

"Hey, its easier to keep them together" I commented.

"Yes, because your hips are spreading, and it brings your knees together naturally. We’ll need to get you some new clothes. You’ll definitely be looking more feminine, and you’ll have to pay attention to what I’ve been teaching you about sitting, crossing your legs, etc… except I think now it will become more natural".

"I’m becoming more of a woman than I was before, mom?" I asked.

"No doubt about it Kathy. You’re getting your figure.".

So off we went shopping. It was definitely easier walking into the stores these days. With a little makeup, and my hair fixed, and my body, well everything made it a lot easier. We bought some new pants, and six new bras, and then we started looking for a bathing suit. Mom found one I wasn’t expecting.

"See honey, it has a modesty skirt in front. Some girls use it to go swimming when they’re having their period, so its not quite so obvious what’s happening. We’ll just use it to your advantage."

I tried the suit on and it was amazing. There was absolutely no doubt that I was a girl. And the modesty skirt, after I tucked, it certainly did the trick. The skirt lay flat against my front, just as it should.

"Mom, look at me!!" I said excitedly. "I’m a girl!!"

"No question about it honey. You’re definitely filling it out nicely. You’ll look nice at the party" she commented.

We took the suit home, and Saturday finally rolled around. I changed into my suit, and put on a pair of shorts, did my makeup and hair, and we were off.

"Wow, Kathy" said Sarah when she saw me, "You have hips, and boobs, and…. wow… you look good in that suit."

"Thanks" I said. "Its these hormones I’m taking, and my moms genes. I had her genetics all this time, and nowhere to use them, but that’s changing." I said with a laugh.

"I’ll say…" she paused. "With all the changes, its getting REALLY hard to tell you used to be a …."

"A boy?" I finished. "I know… and you know what? I’m GLAD things are going the way they’re going. I feel so good about myself."

"Well, you certainly are one of us. Let’s go swim." she said.

We jumped in the pool and wore ourselves out.

* * * *

Entry by Mrs. Jolly

As I sat here with the other moms, it was plainly obvious that what we were doing was right. I sat there thinking about all that had happened, when Mrs. Johnson, Cindy’s mom, spoke up.

"Well, Kathy is certainly adjusting well, and its amazing how those hormones are changing her body. I’m certainly impressed on how attractive she is becoming.".

"It certainly is amazing…" I replied.

"It’s just too bad, with as good results as she’s getting, that she won’t be able to have children. Girls like Kathy may look that part, but…".

I interrupted her.

"Natalie, we thought that was going to be Kathy’s fate also, but we got a call from our specialist about a year ago. She told us that stem cell research had been approved and that its techniques could be used to grow new organs, specifically fully functioning female organs for Kathy, which could be transplanted when she has her sex change operation."

The other mothers looked at me in disbelief.

"You’re kidding?! they said in astonishment.

"Not at all." I replied.

"And Kathy? How did she take it?"

"Do you remember how excited you were when you thought of wearing your first bra, or getting your first period?" I asked.

"She really wants this, doesn’t she?" Natalie asked.

"More than anything in the world. Since she started this, I can see an entirely new person in her. Yes… she most certainly does." I replied.

"And she’s ok with having her period eventually, becoming a mother?"

"Well, one thing at a time. I don’t think she’s really thought about becoming a mother, but when the doctor told her that she could be a real girl, having her period like other girls, she didn’t hesitate at all. She was ready for whatever came, and that was over a year ago.".

"Well then" replied Natalie. "I suggest you better tell her about the birds and the bees, and be ready to be a grandmother one day with Kathy’s baby".

"Not quite yet. She still has growing to do, and her operation, and I hope she waits awhile and enjoys life as a single girl, but I’m growing mighty used to the idea let me tell you."

"Congratulations…" they all said. "Isn’t it amazing what science can do these days?"

"It certainly is, and I know Kathy is looking forward to everything these changes are going to bring."

END OF ENTRY

 

Chapter 17 – Back at school

It was September, and school registration was in progress. We went to register, and were greeted by the Principal.

"Hi Kathy" he said. "I wanted to see you this fall before you registered. My, you’ve been busy growing and changing".

"Yes I have" I replied.

"This year," he said "its obvious we need to register you under the name Kathy. That’s why I’m here. We need to talk." he said. "Why not come into my office."

Mom lead the way and I followed her in.

 

"I called your doctor last week, and spoke with her. She advised me of your progress, which I can see is coming along very nicely. She told me that in her opinion, you would not be turning back from this, and that as such, you needed to fit in at school as much as possible. I told her that right now, you were registered under the name Michael, although everybody knew you as Kathy by now. Because of the changes and your progress, I told her I was wondering if we needed to do anything special this year, such as registering you under your female name. It’s obvious to me looking at you that we CAN’T continue to have you registered as Michael. She said that she thought you were ready for this, but to talk to you."

He paused.

"Kathy", he said, "If its ok with you and Mrs. Jolly, I’m proposing to wipe out Michael from the school records."

"Forever?" I asked.

"Well, as far as the school is concerned, Michael Jolly will be no longer. Dr. Lane told me that everything was progressing towards your eventual sex change, and she didn’t see any reason not to do this. She did, however, ask me to tell you one thing."

"What’s that?" my mother asked.

"In order for us to do this, and Dr. Lane thinks we should, you need to do one more thing. It will require you to legally change your name to Kathyrine Michelle Jolly".

Mom looked at me.

"This is a big step Kathy. Not only will your friends know you as Kathy, but you’ll be known as Kathy legally. Your life will be changed.".

I thought about it for a moment.

"Mom, do I really look like I want to change back? I mean really…" I said with a frank look.

"What do we have to do?" mom asked.

"Well," the principal continued "you’ll have to see a judge and have Kathy’s name and birth certificate changed. Once that’s done, there’s nothing stopping us here. And I’ve already called a judge. He can see you this afternoon. After you’re done there, come back and we’ll finish everything."

"Let’s do it mom…. I’m sure this is what I want. Do or die, right?" I said.

We left the school and went to the judges chambers. He sat there looking at me.

"You’re sure this is what you want to do, Michael, or Kathy?" the judge asked.

"Judge, I’ve never been happier. Yes, I’m sure, and I plan to go the whole way."

"Mom?" he said. "You’re ok with this? He, or she, can’t do it without your consent since we have a minor here."

"Judge, I know this is the right thing for my daughter. And believe me, she IS my daughter."

"Very well, then by the powers vested in me, I certify that Michael Jolly no longer exists, and that your new name and identity is Kathyrine Michelle Jolly, and that you are a female."

With that he banged the gavel on his desk. It was so final. It was so irrevocable. It was forever.

And…. it was right.

We returned to school with the papers, and my registration was completed. Now I was Kathy in mind, almost in body, and legally. There weren’t a lot more things to do. Waiting was going to be the hardest part.

A few months had gone by, and things had been going fairly smoothly. Thanksgiving had come and gone, and I was reaching the two year mark in my transition. The other kids at school were much friendlier now. I suppose that was because I was feeling more at ease with myself. Confidence and attitude go a long way, or so I’m told, to convincing people about who you are. It probably also helped that my looks had changed, and my body was sending the signals too.

I was in math class one day, along with my friend Sarah. It was my favorite subject, along with my orchestra class. We had gotten there about five minutes before class and were chatting. All of a sudden, I heard a voice call my name.

"Hi… are you….. Kathy?" he said. It was obvious he was a little nervous.

I turned around. He was sitting in the next desk…. looking at me. It made me feel a little self conscious, and then again, I felt kind of giddy.

"Yes." I said, looking at him directly.

"Hi… I’m Brad, Brad Cooper…." he said and then trailed off.

He was the jock type, big and strong, but not too much upstairs. He sat there for a few seconds not saying anything. I heard Sarah giggle in the background.

"Yes…." I said waiting for him to say something.

"Well, I was wondering if you could ……help me……sometime with the stuff we’re working on. I have study hall with you, you know."

I didn’t know, and what did study hall have to do with math class? But ok. I noticed his gaze was going up and down. It was a little unnerving…. and a little ….. exciting perhaps?

"Everyone knows you and Sarah are the smartest ones in the class when it comes to this stuff. I’m having trouble getting what we’re working on right now. I was wondering if you could maybe explain it to me. Maybe ….. uh…..in study hall?"

I noticed he still wasn’t making eye contact with me. And then it seemed like he was staring at me. I adjusted my hair in reaction.

"I guess," I said. "How about this afternoon?"

"That would be great….. if you don’t mind" he replied.

"Ok, see you then." I said. Then I turned back to Sarah.

Class started, and Brad continued to sit in the front beside me, which was not his assigned seat. The teacher asked him why he was sitting there, and he told her he wanted to see the board better. She didn’t say anything. I suppose if you’re not causing trouble then its no big deal.. Class was eventually over, and after that was our lunch break. Sarah and I met Cindy and Brenda and we were at our customary table.

"Boy Kathy, you’ve got a live one on your hands" Sarah started out.

"What’s up?" asked Brenda. Cindy was all ears too.

"Well, I think Kathy has a secret admirer, maybe a potential boyfriend."

I looked at Sarah with a quizzical look.

"What are you talking about?!" I said.

"Didn’t you notice, silly? Brad Cooper! He practically fell all over himself when he was talking to you." she said.

"You mean the guy that wanted help with math?" I asked.

"That’s the one." Sarah replied.

"Come on… " I said.

"For real, girl…. I think he likes you. Didn’t you notice how he wouldn’t make eye contact with you all the time? I noticed what he was looking at, and it wasn’t the lights on the ceiling. He was checking you out."

"You mean he was making me a little nervous with the way he was looking at me." I corrected her.

"Yes, I saw that" she replied, "but it also seemed you liked the attention just a little too… the way you started flipping your hair, and the way you sat up and looked at him. You DID like the attention, maybe a little, didn’t you?".

I thought about it for a minute. And she was right. I did sit up and pay attention. And I DID halfway like the attention.

"He was paying attention to me, wasn’t he?" I said in surprise, and a slight smile came over my face.

"You DID like it, didn’t you Kathy? I knew I could tell that!" she said.

"Yes, I suppose I did, kind of. That’s a feeling I’ve never felt before." I said.

"Well," she replied "that’s because you were never a girl before, but now you are, and now you see how girls have felt for years. Giddy, and yet vulnerable".

"I suppose that’s a good way to describe it," I continued, "It was kind of nice, having him fawn all over me, but it was a little unsettling having him look at me like that…. looking at … my chest! He was checking out my boobs wasn’t he?!" I said with just a touch of disgust. I wasn’t used to that.

"Kathy" said Sarah with a laugh, "you’ve just got to understand one thing… guys look at girls. My mother told me its just the way they’re made. They can’t help it. They look at your face, they look at your boobs, they look at your butt. And sometimes they can’t stop looking at you, especially if you’re attractive. And Kathy, you ARE attractive. Go talk to you mom, she’ll tell you the same thing."

"Well, I guess I know I am pretty" I said trying to be modest.

"OF COURSE you know" she said. "You’ve changed quite a bit. Notice how you’re fitting in? The girls here are feeling more at ease with you, aren’t they? I mean they know what’s going on, but it’s hard not to treat you like a girl, especially with the way you act, dress, look, talk, and everything. You are a girl, and there’s no doubt in our minds about that, is there?"

She looked at Brenda and Cindy and got a confident nod. Then Brenda came in.

"But more important" Brenda continued, "the BOYS are noticing you, and THEY are considering you a girl too."

"I guess I’ve been preoccupied with what’s been happening to me." I replied.

"You just haven’t noticed it. You’re too used to seeing yourself every day. So are we. But for others that don’t hang around with you like we do, it’s a sudden thing. I guess it’s kind of like the time you had your hair done and got dressed up, the first time we went shopping last summer. It was a shock to us…. we weren’t expecting that at all. It was all of a sudden… there you were… everything came together… and wow! It was the new you. And now, well you’re just looking better, you’re more comfortable with who you are, and you’re fitting in even more. And…. mother nature hasn’t been bad to you at all either…people are noticing… and that includes the BOYS.".

She paused.

"Kathy, I’ll bet you a dollar he asks you for your phone number in study hall."

‘How do you know that?" I asked.

"Well," Brenda replied, "He had one of his friends ask Cindy about you. His friend said Brad thought you were cute, and smart, but he was a bit shy to do anything about it considering the circumstances. Do you think Brad is cute?"

I paused not saying anything.

"I guess so, but I don’t think I’d want to go out with him. He’s a jock, and doesn’t seem to have a lot of brains."

"You’re not attracted to girls are you?" she added.

"DEFINITELY NOT!." I said quickly. "I was always JEALOUS of girls, that’s why I’m where I am now. I wanted the boys to take me out."

 

I paused, then continued.

"So what did you tell his friend, Cindy?" I asked.

"I told Brads’ friend that you were a very dear friend to us, a very pretty girl, and he should just take you for what he sees… that that was the real you… not who you used to be."

"So…." continued Brenda "what are you going to do if he asks you for your phone number? I bet he will. You want to bet me a dollar?"

I wasn’t sure.

Lunch was over. Cindy was in my study hall. As it turned out, if I had bet Cindy a dollar, she’d have been a dollar richer. I told Brad I’d think about it.

That night, I had to tell my mom.

"Mom, its so strange…" I started.

"What’s strange, dear?" she replied as we sat there eating dinner.

"A boy asked me for my phone number today." I started off.

"What’s so strange about a boy asking a pretty girl for her phone number?" she said.

"Well, I guess I’m not used to boys doing things like that mom".

She laughed.

"Kathy, you told me in the beginning that you wanted to be a girl more than anything, and that meant whatever happened, right?"

"Yes" I replied.

"And you said you were jealous of girls because of the way the boys treated them, and because you wanted the boys to treat you that way too, right?"

"Yes, I did say that."

She laughed again.

"Well, Kathy, dear, you’ve gotten your wish.. Come with me". she said as she got up.

We went to the mirror.

"Tell me what you see" she asked.

"I see someone who I’m finally happy with. I like how I look, I like how my body looks, I like how I feel inside. Everything looks the way it should." I answered.

"And do you see a pretty girl standing there in the mirror?" she asked.

"Yes, I guess I do" I answered.

"Well honey, you ARE pretty, and I’m sure the boys think so too. Dear, you’ve gotten a lot of my genetics, and in my day, I was considered an attractive young lady. The boys are simply getting used to the idea of who you are, and who you will become. And they obviously want to call you. Its normal. If they didn’t want to call you, I’d be worried, considering your looks. If one boy has asked you for your phone number, you can expect others to be looking at you too. Its something a girl should expect if she’s reasonably pretty."

She paused for a minute.

"It just proves that everything you said about yourself, about the way you felt inside, was true. Dr. Lane was right. You were female inside, wanting to get out. That must have been terrible for you. You must have felt a terrible conflict inside. I can tell you feel so much more relaxed and confident with yourself now. More than Michael ever was."

"You can tell that, mom?" I asked.

"You’re more carefree, more outgoing. You’re more at ease with yourself, and with other people. The fact that other people, especially boys, are noticing you, proves that. THEY feel comfortable with you too."

"So….. considering all that" she continued, "why didn’t you give that boy our phone number?" she asked.

"I guess I was startled by being asked, and the idea of who asked didn’t exactly do a whole lot for me. I guess I didn’t know how to respond."

"But you’re ok with the idea?" she added.

"Yes," I thought for a second, "I did like the attention…and I guess I wouldn’t mind giving a boy our phone number if he had more to offer. But it was a little surprising… being examined by him… Like I said, I didn’t know what to say. And anyway, he doesn’t have much upstairs between the ears. Some guy that’s all muscles with no brains isn’t exactly appealing."

"You wait" she said. "If you’re as much of a girl as I’ve seen, you’ll get asked again, and you won’t have to think very hard about it. But be prepared. boys will want to look you over, they’ll examine you like a hunk of meat. Its only natural, especially if you’re attractive. They’ll try to undress you in their mind, and they’ll want to kiss you, hold your hand, and even try to touch you, or as we called it, get to first base. And… if you’re going to have a baby one day, a man will be doing a lot more with you then."

I thought about that one for a minute.

"They’ll want to have sex with me, won’t they mom?" I asked.

"That’s nature Kathy. Yes, they’ll want to have sex with you. And why not? You’re attractive, and very soon, you’ll be completely a girl, with everything a girl normally has. And girls get married, and they have sex with their husbands, get pregnant, and have babies. Have you thought about that one?" she asked.

I had never had sex before, so I didn’t really know how to think about that one.

"Well mom, the good and the bad, in for a penny, in for a pound, right? I wanted the whole thing, and… I still do. I wouldn’t want to go back to being Michael." I replied.

"Well, it would be rather difficult now to go back to being Michael. Boys don’t have a body like yours. And anyway, I’m getting used to having a daughter at this point, and I rather like it.".

"Mom, I like it too" I said looking at her right in the eyes. "I just wish I were completely a girl".

"Well, you will be soon enough. And I guess now that this is all happening, we need to have a little talk about boys. They will want to have sex with you, that’s their hormones talking. But you have to think about yourself first. Your new body was made for one purpose… to make children. Once you have your sex change, you’ll be as vulnerable as any girl ever was. If you have sex, and get pregnant, and have your baby, you’re committed to a life of raising a child, and it’s a BIG responsibility. Its kind of like having a pet, but much more responsibility. You can’t do what you want, you’re responsible for that little child. That one act of bad judgement will cost you your freedom, and 20 years of your life."

"You make it sound terrible, mom" I replied.

"No, its not, provided you’re MENTALLY ready for it. And provided the man is ready to be committed to you. Teenage boys want to have fun, but they are NOT ready to settle down. You haven’t always listened to me when I’ve told you things, but now, you are my daughter, and I’m telling you the truth, because I love you. You need to be ready for that responsibility, and dear, a girl your age is NOT ready to take on those responsibilities. You have a lot of living to do, finding out about who you are and what you like. Sex is enjoyable, but the price you pay for having it could put an end to having a lot of fun as a young woman.

My advice is to tell them NO. Protect yourself from being tied down too early. If they want to have sex with you, don’t. At least not until you’re out of college. Give yourself time to form your own opinions on things. You’ll find the right man, one that likes the same things you do, shares the same opinions. That’s why you want to wait… so you know who you are and what you like. When you meet him, I think you’ll know it. You’ll get that giddy feeling you talked about, and the fact that you like the same things will make you feel warm inside. When that happens, then is the time to consider settling down. But don’t ruin your life with a silly mistake."

"Wow mom, that’s a lot to think about" I said.

"Just remember, they can have sex, and walk away. They’ve taken care of their physical need. But girls, and you in particular, are the ones that have to "carry" what is left over after it all happens. Its with you for nine months afterwards, and then the rest of your life."

She paused.

"You’re lucky Kathy." she continued. "Nature played a cruel trick on you, but now you’re getting to live life the way you were meant to. Now you’re a girl, the person you always were inside. There are some good experiences waiting for you. Enjoy them. It’s wonderful being a girl in most respects. Just be careful."

I decided in this one thing, she had a lot more experience than I did.

 

Chapter 18 – Merry Christmas

It was coming up on Christmas, and it was time for my monthly ritual with Dr. Lane. We went there as usual, and she gave me my checkup. After that, we met in her office as we usually did.

"Well, I have good news, and I have ok news, Kathy. What would you like to hear?" she asked.

"Give me the good news first" I replied.

"Well, the good news is that we’ve reached a point where I can see that the my assumptions were right. You’ve adjusted well. I’ve talked to teachers, your mom, and its obvious you’re where you need to be, and you’re ready to take the next step."

She paused.

 

"But before I go on, how do you like who you are now? You’re quite a different person than who you were when you came to me first."

"Dr. Lane, I feel so much more at home with who I am. I like who I am, I like what I see… I like me. I get up in the morning and get dressed… and…. I don’t have to think about whether I’m happy or not. I don’t think about… what if I were a girl. I’m just…. me. I just…. am"

"And how do you like being one of the girls at school?" she continued.

"I like talking to them as one of their friends. Its so much easier, and…, I’m not jealous of them anymore. I have my own assets and it’s nice just being happy with me. I can just look in the mirror and be happy with that."

"And boys?" she added.

"Boys?" I asked.

"Yes, how do you feel about them?" she continued.

"Well, one did ask me for my phone number. I wasn’t really prepared for it. It kind of startled me. Mom told me it was normal… and she told me it was to be expected because of the way I had changed."

I thought for a second, then continued.

"Before I was me now, I always was jealous of girls because the boys took them out, and I wanted to be on the receiving end too."

"Do you still feel that way now?" she inquired.

"I think if it were the right boy… I might be interested. He was a jock with nothing between the ears. It sure beats being jealous, and the attention was nice. Something I’m going to have to get used to though, or so my Mom told me." I answered.

"I see" she said.

"So…" she continued. "If it were the right boy, with some brains, you might go for that."

"Yes, I think so". It didn’t take much time to answer that.

"Well that’s good Kathy, because I think I have some news that will be exciting for you." she said.

"Tell me" I asked sitting forward in my chair.

"Kathy, with everything that’s been going on, and you’re progress, I think its time to take the plunge, and finish what you’ve started." she said.

"Finish? You mean…." I said in anticipation.

"Yes Kathy, I think its time, if you’d like, to complete things with your sex change" she said looking me directly in the eyes to see my reaction.

I sat there for a minute thinking about what it would be like afterwards.

"Would you like that Kathy?" she continued.

"Yes Dr. Lane" I said in a satisfied tone.

"Mom, did you hear that? I can finally be a girl, and be your daughter." I replied.

"Kathy," Dr. Lane continued, "you’re already a girl inside. This will just be the finishing touch. We’re not really changing anything. We’re just going to make the outside match the inside. That’s a misnomer that people have about sex change operations. They think you come here a man, and go out a woman. The truth is, a person who does this is already a female way before the operation happens.".

"You’re right Dr. Lane" I commented. "I’ve been a lot happier for a while now." I replied.

"So I’ve noticed." she commented.

"But the big thing now is that when we get done, you’ll be a REAL girl in every respect. You’ll be ready to experience every aspect of being female, including periods, pregnancy, and everything."

"Oh doctor Lane, I can’t wait. When can we do it?" I said excitedly.

"I don’t see why we couldn’t schedule it for say June. You’ll have the summer to recover, and then this next fall, you’ll return to school a girl, 100% a girl. Sound ok to you?" she asked.

"Does it?!" I answered. It didn’t take me anytime to blurt it out.

"There is one small problem though" she continued.

"What’s that?" my mother asked.

"Well, Kathy has had good development on the outside, but there’s a potential problem on the inside. I wanted to tell you about this, and give you some options."

"Go on" my mother said.

"Well, Kathy has had good breast development, she’s trimmed down, and she’s filled out quite nicely. However, her hips aren’t right." doctor Lane said.

"They look normal enough.. she has the making of a nice figure" my mother said.

 

"No doubt about that. Yes on the outside they do look fine, but on the inside they’re different. Unfortunately, they are still male on the inside. The bones form in utero, and the hormones don’t change the way they are made. The hormones did cause them to spread like a normal female, and that’s good, but the bones have a male configuration on the inside. We can do surgery on them to correct that, but it is rather invasive. If Kathy is going to have children, and I don’ see why not, she either needs to have them fixed, or she needs to deliver C-Section.".

"I see" said my mother.

"Would there be any danger to the baby if she didn’t have them fixed?" mom continued.

"There might be. The configuration might injure the baby. Its difficult to say. A normal woman’s hips on the inside are shaped like a bowl so the baby can sit in there. It cold be possible with the male bones that the baby could be hurt. Its hard to tell."

"What are your recommendations?" my mom asked.

"Well, its not something that has to be done immediately. It could be done down the road. Maybe a year after Kathy has her sex change. There’s no reason why she can’t enjoy life now, and after her surgery. But this is something we need to consider at some time. And it might even be possible that she doesn’t need it. But to be safe, for the baby’s sake, it probably should happen."

"But for right now we can wait?" my mom asked.

"Yes, if you’re ready Kathy, we’ll schedule you for June. And then, you know what will happen."

"I’ll finally get my wish" I said.

"Yes, that’s right." the doctor continued. "Sooooo, Merry Christmas, and we’ll be seeing you in June after school."

She stood up, we shook hands, and left.

"Well Kathy," my mom said as we left, "its all set. You happy?".

"More than I can say. You know it mom. Is there any doubt?"

We hugged and knew the end was in sight.

 

Chapter 19 – Back in the routine

Christmas was over and it was back to work. Math and music were particularly difficult this semester, but thank goodness they were my favorite subjects. And anyway, I like a challenge. Brenda got accepted into my orchestra class too. She had been studying the viola, and of course I played the violin. She sat behind me.

The first day of the second semester came, and we got some new kids in the class, transfer students I guess. Two new girls and a boy. I took a look at the boy, and he was…. well cute. I noticed that especially, because I had never gotten that impression from boys that quickly before. it was a strange sensation, one coming over me suddenly, but it still felt nice. I dismissed the thought. He had a violin case under his arm and was talking to the teacher.

"Take a seat beside Kathy Jolly" Mr. Johnson, our teacher told him.

"Hi" he said as he sat down next to me. "My name is Brian".

He didn’t waste any time, did he?

"Hi, I’m Kathy". I said back.

"So I heard" he replied. "The teacher told me what we’re playing. Sounds pretty difficult."

"It’s not easy" I said "but you’ll catch on".

We were working on Mendelsohn’s violin concerto in E minor, a difficult piece for a violin soloist. There was going to be a concert that spring, and Mr. Johnson wanted to show the school that the music department was doing good things. We had been working on it for about a month, and I had been practicing as diligently as I could, but it was a hard piece to play. The whole piece was written for the violin soloist, and it was particularly difficult. Anyway, Mr. Johnson wasn’t one to wait long to get started. He loved his work, was passionate about his music, and made us work.

"Ok class, we’re going to do the Mendelsohn. Our new student violinist Brian Archer tells me he’s been playing violin for about 9 years, and that the E minor is one of his favorite concertos. Soo…. Brain, if its ok with you, I’m going to put you on the spot. Nothing like breaking someone in by putting them to the test. You take the solo part; let’s see what you can do. Kathy, you help him if he gets stuck."

Help him?! I was the first chair, the best in the violin section, and was working on the solo part myself!

We began playing the concerto. He stood up to play, just like you would if you were at a symphony hall. I tried to ignore him and play my part. There’s one thing about music. It transcends personal feelings you may have about someone. If they can play, and if you have the talent to know it, you HAVE to take notice of what they can do. That’s how others had gotten to know me better. Now the shoe was on the other foot.

No matter how hard I tried to ignore him, I couldn’t help but hear his playing. It was powerful, it was gentle, it was sweet. He had an excellent command of the instrument. Some of the parts I had had difficulty with he breezed through. And some that were easy for me, he was squeaking through, but there was no doubt…. this guy could PLAY!! Then all of a sudden, the funniest thing happened.

I stopped playing, and started watching him. He was engrossed in what he was doing, and didn’t notice that I was looking at him. His eyes almost closed as the music burned within his soul, his body swaying as he made the bow glide almost effortlessly over the strings, and the fingers on his other hand dancing over the fingerboard.

I thought to myself again…."He’s cute… AND… he can PLAY!!"

All of a sudden I got a poke with Brenda’s bow from behind me. I resumed playing. Finally the concerto was over. He sat down.

"Hey, you sounded great" he said looking directly at me.

I sat there looking at him.

"Yeah….Well, you sounded good too on that solo part." I replied.

"How long have you been playing?" he continued.

"Oh, about 6-7 years" I answered.

"I can tell. You must practice a lot" he shot back.

"A couple of hours a day. You have to do that to keep things up.".

"No doubt about that" he said. "Hey, time for the next class. But I want to tell you It sure is nice to sit by a girl who can play, AND who is as pretty as you are".

He smiled at me. I blushed. He was certainly direct.

"Got to run. See you next time" he said, and he was out the door.

I sat there. Then it hit me. He was cute, he could PLAY, and he told me I was pretty. WOW.

"Hey Kathy" I heard Brenda say in the distance.

"Uh.. yeah" I answered back.

"You going to get your stuff together and let’s go?"

School let out that day and the four of us went to the mall. It was a no-brainer by now. We sat at a table in the food court drinking a soda.

"Well you two…." said Brenda to Cindy and Sarah, "you should have seen Kathy today. I think she’s met her match!"

"What happened?" replied Cindy.

"We got a new kid in orchestra class today, and I think Kathy likes him!" continued Brenda.

"Kathy’s got a thing for another musician?" asked Sarah. "Tell us about it Kathy!" she said anxiously.

What the heck, I thought, these are my friends.

"Well… he is cute… I thought that when he came in class. And… wow… can he play!!" I said thinking about it. I started turning a shade of pink.

"Ahhhhhh" they gasped. "You DO like him, don’t you?!"

"Yes… " I paused… "I guess I do".

"And… " Brenda jumped back in, "He told Kathy he thought she was pretty. And that didn’t sound like any fish line to me."

"Wow, this could be the start of something. What are you going to do about it Kathy?" asked Sarah.

"Do???" I asked.

"Yes, DOOOO… Aren’t you going to get his phone number? I mean if he likes playing as much as you do, and we KNOW you love playing, then you ought to get his phone number. Maybe you two will hit it off. He obviously noticed you from what Brenda is saying."

"Hmmmm… maybe I will" I said.

"You go girl… hey Kathy… do or die, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained".

"Do or die!" I replied as I smiled and shook my head yes.

And that was it for that excursion into afternoon fun. It was time to go home.

* * *

It was dinner time and mom and I were sitting at the table. I had been waiting for this since this afternoon, and I didn’t waste any time.

"Mom," I asked "I have a question."

"Yes dear" she said.

"Mom, I met this boy today. He doesn’t know anything about me. I met him in orchestra class. He’s a violin player…"

"I see. does he play well?" she asked.

"Yes, very. You know the piece I’ve been working on so hard for the last month?" I asked.

"Yes, you’ve been spending every spare minute you can. What about it?"

"Well, Mr. Johnson made me mad, and let HIM play the soloist part."

"And … how did he do?" she said as she took a drink.

"I was real mad, and then… I heard him play. Mom, I couldn’t stay mad, you should have heard him play. He made it look so easy. You should have heard his tone, his attack, it was obvious he knew what he was doing with the instrument.".

"Do you like him?" she countered.

"Mom, I’m not finished", I said in a half-angry tone.

"Oh, ok dear, then by all means continue" she said.

"Mom, he played effortlessly, and then he did something I wasn’t expecting".

"What’s that, honey?" she asked.

"He came over, told me he heard ME playing, said he liked what he heard, and then….." I trailed off.

"Go on dear, finish your thought"

"He told me he thought it was nice to sit by a girl that could PLAY, and who was as pretty as I was".

There was silence for a second, then mom laughed and jumped in.

"So Kathy, is he cute? Do you like him? It sounds like you’re taken with him for more than one reason." she queried.

"Well, I think so, and I think so, and yes".

"Did you have kind of a giddy feeling when he was talking to you, complimenting you?" she asked.

"Yes I did" I replied back.

"Well Kathy, it sounds like my daughter has her first crush on a boy." she answered.

"I even stopped playing when he was doing the solo. I couldn’t help but watch him. Brenda had to poke me with her bow to bring me back down."

"Yep Kathy, you have your first crush. What’s his name, and did you get his phone number? It sounds like if he’s cute, and he can play, this is someone you might want to get to know. Its always nice to like someone, but when they share your passion too, you don’t want to pass that up."

"His name is Brian Archer, and mom, he is cute. You think I should get his phone number, Mom? I guess that’s what I wanted to ask you tonight."

"Well Kathy, you’ll never know unless you take a chance." she said.

 

Chapter 20 – The two violins

The next week in class, Brian was early, and so was I, waiting for him. We had a good time in class working together. Class never went so fast. Those were the kind of classes you wished you had twice as much time in them. The bell rang too quickly, and it was over. too soon.

One day, as we were putting our instruments away, Brian touched me on the shoulder, and started talking to me.

"Hey Kathy, I have an idea".

"What’s that?" I said, looking up at him.

"I’m having some trouble with some parts on the Mendelsohn, and so are you. What I’m having trouble with, you’re getting, and what you’re having trouble with, I’m getting. How about if we spend some time together after school with Mr. Johnson and work on those parts? It would be fun."

"Yeah, it WOULD be fun" I said, hoping I didn’t emphasize WOULD too much.

"Well, I’d have to tell Brenda and my other friends. We like to spend time after school doing stuff, but I think it would be ok, if its ok with Mr. Johnson".

"Cool, let’s ask him" he said, and with that he grabbed my hand suddenly and pulled me up to where Mr. Johnson was standing putting his papers away.

And there I was, holding his hand. I was startled, and yet, I was enjoying it. The guy that could play so well was holding my hand. I slipped out of his grasp, and we began to talk to Mr. Johnson. No problem, he said. He’d find the time to stay an extra hour and a half for two of his best violin players. We could start this afternoon. And so we did. After just a couple of sessions, Brian didn’t waste any time.

"Kathy" he said "I’ve really enjoyed working with you. You have such a passion for this music."

"So do you" I replied.

"Where do you think you want to go with your music?" he continued.

"Hmmm… I don’t know" I said thinking about that one.

"Well, I know what I want to do. I want to go to Juliard and play solos, become a real player, like my hero, Joshua Bell".

"You want to play concerts?" I said in an admiring tone.

"Absolutely. When I’m playing, its like I’m on another plane of consciousness. And I get to share it with those that are listening too."

"Wow, I’ve only dreamed about doing something like that." I said.

"Well, maybe you’d like to come over to my place sometime and listen to some of my CD’s. I have a whole lot of classical music.. and sometimes I try to play along with them. Of course the big boys always leave me eating their dust."

"Come over?" I said… "I guess so."

"Can I have your phone number?" he asked.

And there it was. He asked me for MY phone number. A BOY asked me for my phone number. And it was a boy that wanted me to share something with him that was very personal. I didn’t hesitate.

At home that night, I told my mom.

"Mom, I gave Brian Archer my phone number." I said.

"Isn’t that the boy you’ve been practicing with after school?" she asked.

"Yes" I said, "He wants me to come over and listen to music, and maybe play along with him."

"That sounds nice dear. Just remember, keep it at that level. No first base."

"I don’t think he wants to do that, mom" I replied.

"It doesn’t sound like it dear, but just keep it in mind and be careful."

"Ok mom" I answered.

* * *

Things went well for about 3 weeks. We were meeting after school, and I went over to Brian’s house a few times. We enjoyed each others company, playing together, and listening to music. Little did I know that Brian’s mother was the type who wanted to know everything about who her children were interested in.

 

Chapter 21 – The Argument

"You want to do what?!" she said in a loud voice.

"You heard me mom, I want to ask her out" Brian said to his mother.

"Honey, I don’t think you know what you’re thinking about.

She paused.

"Brian honey, she… I mean he…. isn’t even a girl…. I found out."

"What do you mean? She looks like a girl, and talks like a girl, and acts like a girl." he said back.

"Well, that may be so, but Brian, she’s a he, in girls clothing. And I’ll not have my son going out with some cross-dressing transsexual weirdo."

"Cross-dressing transsexual weirdo?" he replied.

"Yes dear. I found out that this ‘girl’ you want to date is a boy.. well sort of. Half girl and half boy, actually. He may be convincing, but facts are facts" she said.

"Well she doesn’t look like any boy I know" Brian said back to her.

"Dear, SHE is NOT a female, and SHE can’t have children. If she were, and she could, then I wouldn’t have a problem with this. But she is a fake. I don’t want you getting mixed up with someone like her."

"But mom, you don’t know her. She loves music just the way I do. You should hear her play. You should see how she reacts to the music when I play music for her. You always told me I should be looking for a girl that loves music as passionately as I do. She FEELS it mom, I can tell."

He paused.

"Mom," he continued "You’re a musician too. You always told me that hard work and diligent practice make for a good musician, and are good qualities in a person. Well its obvious she’s done those things, so why do you have to be so mean?".

There was silence for a moment, then Brian’s father stepped in.

Ordinarily a person that didn’t like to get into arguments, and one that didn’t share Brian’s and his mother’s passion for music, he was the more level headed agent in the Archer household, and he intervened this time to try to quell the storm.

"Linda, don’t you think you’re being a little unreasonable? We’ve always tried to teach Brian that fair play and treating people based on who they are, and what they’ve done, is the way he should behave? He’s found someone that shares his passion. And anyway, you’re the one that has put him on this path to Juliard. You always said that if he should find someone that shares that level of passion, that person could be potential marriage material since they would understand him."

Linda Archer stood there in silence. She had said all those things enough times.

"Ok, yes, I did say all that" she countered. "But…." she added.

"But?…." Roy Archer answered back.

"I want grandchildren too, and I don’t want to have a …. thing …. in the family." she finished.

Roy Archer laughed.

"Linda, dear, you act like this is the girl that Brian is going to marry. He just wants to date her. Do you have any other arguments?"

"I don’t want any scandal" she added.

"Scandal? Dear, do you think this is the 1920’s or something? We’re in the new century. Even if what you heard is true, Linda, she and her family are people, and they deserve to be treated as such. And its not like this is something new. It is a medical condition. This is a problem that is treated like any other disorder. And if what you say is true, that this Kathy is who and WHAT you say she is, then the doctors have identified she has a problem, and have prescribed treatment to correct it. And according to Brian, he couldn’t tell, based on the way she looks and behaves. Is that right son?"

"Exactly dad. She acts like any other girl I’ve known. No difference." he replied.

"So, Linda, dear" he added "it seems that if she is fitting in so well, that Brian couldn’t tell, that perhaps this is where she NEEDS to be. You can’t fit in unless you feel comfortable with who you are. People sense a phony. Maybe she’s happier this way, and maybe this is where she SHOULD have been to begin with. Perhaps she was a FREAK as a boy. Perhaps nature played a cruel trick on her and she SHOULD have been a female in the first place."

Linda Archer didn’t like it that Roy Archer was so open-minded, and not only that, a doctor too.

"Well I still don’t like it that Brian is wanting to date someone like this. I won’t have it, and you’re not going to change my mind. And that’s final!" she said.

"Linda, I see its going to be difficult to live with you." He looked at Brain, then looked back at her.

"Linda.." he continued, "what if we go talk to Kathy and her mom? Maybe that would change your mind."

"I don’t want to do anything like that. I don’t want Brian seeing her, and I’m not changing my mind." she said emphatically, and walked out of the room.

"Brian, do you enjoy her as a person?" he asked his son.

"Dad, you should hear her play!" he responded.

"Well, Brian, you better keep things cool for now." Mr. Archer continued. "Your mother can be a pill sometimes with her opinions. You can continue to practice with her, because that’s school work. I won’t have any problem getting that across to your mother. But nothing else for right now. Sometimes your mother can be pretty stubborn. But I PROMISE… I’ll work on her."

Brian knew his mother. It would take a miracle to change her mind.

 

Chapter 22 – The Visit

About another two weeks had gone by, and Brian and I were furiously practicing the Mendelsohn after school. Things were definitely improving with the music. It was our lunch break again, and as usual, the four of us girls were at our usual table chatting.

"So how are things going with you and Brian?" asked Cindy curiously.

"Pretty well. We’re working hard on the music for the spring concert."

"That’s not what I’m asking" Cindy responded. "Has he been calling you much?" she added.

"No, not really… well once or twice…. but only to talk about school stuff." I replied.

I sat there thinking about that statement… wishing he would call me, wishing things were more than the way they were. But I knew why. Brian had told me what his Mom had said, and how his Dad had tried to come to my defense.

"Well why not?" Sarah asked. "You’re a 17 year old girl, and nice looking, and girls date boys."

"Well, there’s this small problem with his mother. She doesn’t like me." I replied.

"Has she met you?" Cindy jumped back in.

"No. She told Brian she thought I….. was a freak." I started crying.

"Wow, what a mother he has! I’m glad my mom isn’t like that. If she was, we wouldn’t be friends."

"Well how does Brian feel?" Cindy continued.

"He told me it doesn’t matter to him. He told me when he’s with me, he doesn’t see any of that. He told me what his father told him, and he says as far as he’s concerned, he likes me for who I am, for my music, and nothing his mother is going to say is going to change his mind. He says as far as he’s concerned I’m a girl, and he likes what he sees, who I am, and that’s that."

"Good answer… " said Sarah who had been quiet up to this point.

"Do you believe him?" Sarah added.

"Well, I have no reason not to believe him. We’ve been playing together for the last month. Things have been good between us." I responded.

And then the bell rang. Time to go.

* * *

Mothers must be psychics, because my mom saw that I was somewhat depressed. I had told her what Brian had told me, and she wasn’t too happy about it.

"This was not easy at first for me to deal with, Kathy, and it took me awhile to see that the course you’ve taken is what you really needed to do. But I know you ARE doing the right thing, and this IS right for you.

And I KNOW that this is not just a passing thought.. this is something you NEEDED to do. Everything in my being tells me that you ARE my daughter, you always were, and you are on the right road. I told you there would be people that wouldn’t understand, and here’s this woman saying the things she’s saying. I guess I thought adults could be more open-minded, but I guess I was wrong."

She paused.

"And you do like Brian, and you would like to go out with him, wouldn’t you?" she asked.

"Well, mom, we do work so well together at school. We understand each other when we’re playing. And yes… I do like him." I replied.

"And you ought to be able to experience what every teenage girl experiences, going on her first date with a boy she likes. And, as a girl, you NEED to do that. It’s just part of growing up. I’ve always said friendship is a good basis for a dating relationship. If you don’t have that, it’s trouble. And here you have someone that shares the same passion with you, and this WOMAN won’t let it happen."

She paused again, in deep thought.

"Well, we’ll see about that!" she said in a very resolute voice.

When my mother said something in such a tone, it was obvious she had come to a conclusion. And nothing was going to deter her from her decision.

* * *

The doorbell rang, and Mr. Archer went to the door. It wasn’t real late, but then nobody was expected.

"Yes?" he said as he opened the door.

"Hi," my mom said as she peered through the door.

"I’m Nina Jolly, Kathy’s mom. Are you Mr. Archer?" she asked extending a hand.

"Yes I am, but please, call me Roy" he said with an understanding tome, as he shook mom’s hand.

"I was wondering if things would come to this point. Please, come in." he said politely.

"Thank you" my mother replied.

"Linda," Roy Archer called out "we have company. You need to get presentable and come in here."

Linda Archer came in the living room in a few minutes. She was dressed nicely. She sat down next to her husband, across from my mom.

"Linda," Mr. Archer continued with a slight hesitation "this is Mrs. Jolly, Kathy Jollys’ mom. You remember Kathy, the girl that Brian has been practicing with at school."

Linda Archer sat there for a second, knowing that this could be difficult.

"Hello" she said politely.

Mom didn’t waste any time getting to what she came for.

"Mr. and Mrs. Archer, I am not usually a confrontational person, nor am I a hothead. I try to be reasonable with people, and work out things by being direct. That’s why I’m here. There’s a problem, and I want to see if we can resolve this reasonably."

Silence.

"My daughter Kathy tells me, Mrs. Archer, that you don’t like her, and that you won’t let your son Brian, date her. And this is all because of the problem she has, and not based on her character or who she is as a person in any way. Is that true?" she asked without hesitating.

Silence.

"Linda, dear" said Roy Archer "that’s a fair question, don’t you think? I think it deserves an answer."

He was enjoying watching his wife squirm.

"Well…. " said Linda Archer slowly. She had to think.

"I don’t think I have anything against your … child…. personally. I just don’t want Brian to go out with….". The words were difficult.

"A weirdo, a pervert, a freak?" my mother injected. "Is that what you think of my daughter?"

She paused.

"Mrs. Archer" mom continued, "it was difficult enough for me to accept my child when I found out that my son wanted … no NEEDED… to be my daughter. It wasn’t easy, but believe me, I’ve seen signs and things from her that only a female experiences. I didn’t understand them at first, but it proved to me that this is who she was, and is, and this is what she needed."

Still no reply from Mrs. Archer.

"Mrs. Archer," my mom continued, "would you deny your son the opportunity to play the violin?" she asked.

"No…" Linda Archer replied, "but this is not the violin we’re talking about. This is entirely different."

"Is it?" mom countered. "Mrs. Archer, how deep within Brian’s soul does music go? "

"It’s everything he is. He lives for the music. It’s who he is."

"Exactly, just as it is with Kathy. I can’t make her stop playing. It’s simply within her, something I didn’t put there, and something I can’t take away. It’s not going away, and it will be with her all of her life. Can you understand that?" she said looking directly at Linda.

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Mrs. Archer, I didn’t ask for Kathy to be like this either. I’m not some weird mother making her child do something that is sadistic or kinky. I wanted what every mother wants for her child. To grow up happy, normal, just like every other child. But Kathy had a problem. She wasn’t happy with who she was. If you could only have seen what I’ve seen, you’d know I was telling the truth. I took Kathy to a doctor and discussed if there was a treatment, some way, to avoid this. The doctor told me this was part of Kathy’s makeup. I didn’t put it there, and I couldn’t take it away. This was something that was just there, probably from before Kathy was born, and it was like the violin, it’s just part of her makeup, and I can’t change it, and YOU can’t change it, no matter how much you want to. Kathy needed to be Kathy, it was in her inner being. You should see her now. She is much happier now".

Roy Archer broke the silence.

"Linda, dear, I tried to tell you this."

"I know what you tried to tell me" she said looking at him in a disgusted fashion.

Then she looked back at mom.

"Mrs. Jolly, I can appreciate the position you’re in. You’re a mother, and you’re trying to protect your child. I probably would too. But this is just something that I have a problem with, ok? I can’t tell you why, but I just don’t want Brian to see Kathy, if that’s what you want to call her. Can we leave it at that?"

It was obvious Linda Archer was not going to be moved easily.

"I see…" replied my mother. "Well I guess all I have to say is that you’re the loser for not at least getting to know my daughter. You might change your mind. She is a beautiful person within. And she likes Brian. You should hear her talk about the way he plays. And she plays the violin beautifully also. I thought perhaps you could understand about feelings and needs that go to the core since you are a musician, or so Brian tells Kathy. Kathy’s feelings are not so dissimilar."

She paused, and looked at Roy Archer.

"Thank you for having me in your home. It is a lovely home" she said looking around. "I hope you’ll reconsider Mrs. Archer. Kathy really does like Brian".

And with that, mom got up, showed herself to the door, and left.

"Well dear" said Roy Archer, "I think you’ve totally made a fool of yourself. It would take a real miracle for you to change your mind, wouldn’t it?"

He walked away leaving her in the room alone.

 

Chapter 23 – The decision

Time was drawing closer to the performance of the big spring concert. Brian and I had continued to work together, and although things hadn’t progressed as I would have liked, we had made excellent progress. Unfortunately, there was a problem. We were both working on the solo part. Only one of us could play it at the concert. One day, at one of our extra practice sessions, Mr. Johnson had a talk with us.

"Kathy and Brian, I need to talk to you. No practicing today."

"What’s up?" asked Brian, giving me a look at the same time.

"You both are doing excellent work on the Mendelsohn, but unfortunately only one can play it at the concert. I want you to both know, honestly, that either one of you could do this piece justice. You’re both excellent musicians."

"But…." I said, opening the door.

"Well, I’ve noticed you two have become pretty friendly, and so I hope what I’m about to say doesn’t hurt that relationship. I have to choose one of you to play the solo." he said.

He paused.

"Sooooo…" Brian said… "who is it?"

"Brian, you and Kathy are very close in technical ability. However, since you’ve made it known that you want to go to Juliard, and Kathy hasn’t, I feel I need to give you the playing experience. They’re a tough place to get into, and a young aspiring musician needs all the experience he or she can get to make it there. For that reason alone, Brian, I’m giving you the solo."

I sat there a bit disappointed, but I did understand. This was business, and Mr. Johnson was thinking about Brian’s future.

"Kathy, you ok with this?" Mr. Johnson asked me.

"Well," I replied "I did want the part.".

I had to put my personal feelings aside at this point and think as a musician.

"But I suppose I understand. I don’t have to like it, but I understand." I answered.

"Kathy" Mr. Johnson continued, "I want you to be the backup. If anything happens to Brian, its yours. I think you’re that good that you could handle it."

 

Chapter 24 – Bad Practice Day

Practice, practice, practice! That’s all Brian and I had done for the last four or five months. Brenda, Sarah, and Cindy were a little miffed with me because I had been spending so much time working with him after school. It definitely curtailed our afternoon jaunts to the mall. I explained to them that this piece we were going to play was extremely difficult, and we needed all the practice time we could get. And anyway, it was only after school. The weekends were made for partying, and I made sure I didn’t leave my friends out completely. I asked them to come and listen to us practice, and after a couple of times of being there, all three girls were satisfied it was strictly business and hard work.

A week before the concert, we were there with Mr. Johnson as usual.

"Well you two," he said with a smile. "I think you’re both ready. You’ve worked hard on the Mendelsohn, and it shows. You both have an excellent work ethic, and I’m proud to have both of you playing for me. If you do as well at the concert as you’ve been doing here, we have nothing to worry about. I have to go to the office for about 30 minutes, and then I’ll be back. Why don’t you get started."

"Hey Kathy, how about if we have a light session today? Let’s celebrate… I’ll go get us a Coke."

"Sure" I said.. No argument from me.

Brian waved to me as he trotted out the door with his violin under his arm.

The soda machine was on the other side of the campus, about a 15 minute walk, so I knew Brian would be gone for a little while. Might as well start doing what needed to be done. I picked up the music and started thumbing through it. Boy had we done some work. All the hours we had put in. But it would be worth it. I opened my case and was getting ready to pick up my violin to tune it, when I heard a voice.

"Hey…. faggot…. it!!!"

It took me a second to think, and then immediately I knew I was in imminent danger. I started to turn, but before I could, I felt a blow to the head and I went sprawling on the floor.

It was Bob Miller!!

There must have been a problem with people stealing the chairs in the practice room, because all of them were bolted solidly to the floor. Miller must have been casing the place, because he waited no time in rolling me over on my back and taking out a pair of handcuffs, and slapping my wrists in them; then attaching them to the leg of a chair. In seconds he was sitting on top of me, big as an ox, and he had a menacing look on his face. I couldn’t move my arms or my legs. He finished the job by putting duct tape over my mouth as I began to scream.

"Not so fast… IT!" he said with a sadistic tone.

It was unfortunate, at that moment, that the hormones had done such a good job on me. I was 5’7" and only 130 pounds. My arms, skinny even before the hormones, had been made small and slender, which was exactly what I had wanted. Unfortunately, right now, they offered me no means of resistance. Being in handcuffs didn’t help either. I was no match for him at 225 pounds. The juvenile facility he had been in had obviously forced him to work out heavily… probably to defend himself. He was a mass of muscle and I had no strength to resist.

"Well" he said "I see you’ve changed quite a bit. I wouldn’t have recognized you, but people are stupid. They told me where you were in here, and I just took advantage of the information. Nice tits too, and what a pretty face, for an IT!. I was just a bit upset that I had to go to juvee hall… and it was all because of YOU! I swore I’d get even.".

What had I done to him? Nothing. But some people just have it in for you, and I was in a real predicament. Brian and Mr. Johnson had exited from the far side of the room. They must not have seen him in the hall. He must have come in by the other entrance, and it was going to be at least 20-30 minutes before the two of them came back. I was terrified!!

I tried to yell obscenities at him, but the tape was doing too good of a job.

"You won’t be able to say anything, so you might as well hold your breath" he said in a sneering voice.

"And… " he said in his sadistic tone… "You might even ENJOY this… I certainly AM!! We’re going to take things nice and slow."

Not hesitating, he proceeded to unbutton my blouse. Slowly. He was relishing every second. He pulled the tails out of my slacks and flung the middle of the blouse to each side, almost ripping it. Exposed was my chest.

"Well, well, what do we have here. The IT has been growing in more than one place, nice and big!! You really HAVE been busy, haven’t you IT!!".

Then he reached into his pants and pulled out a gun. It had a silencer on it. I thought those were illegal, but I guess where he hung out, you could get anything you wanted.

"I thought about using this on you… " he said as he shot the gun and a bullet went ripping into the wall. "But this would make things go too fast."

He put the gun away and started talking again.

"No, I wanted this to go nice and slow."

He continued and his hands went to my belt on my slacks.

"Let’s see what we have in here." he said as he undid the buckle. His hands were rough and dirty. I struggled, but I was no match for his weight.

He unzipped my pants and pulled them down below my knees. My panties were exposed.

"Ahhhh," he said with a condescending tone. "Such pretty panties for an IT! Let’s see what’s inside them." he said being more sadistic than before.

"But first, I want to see what’s in your BRA, IT!".

His hands went up to my bra, I could feel him reaching around to undo the clasp. It was so humiliating, so frightening. I felt the clasp go loose. I had my eyes closed… I didn’t want to look at him… and then….

BANG!!! SPROING!!! CRASH!!!

I felt his body go stiff, then move, and I heard something breaking, contact being made. I opened my eyes in time to hear it again, and see….. BRIAN!! I didn’t think a violin case could be used as a weapon, but Brian was there, and he hit Miller right in the face with it. Miller went reeling. Brian didn’t waste any time, and hit him over the head with it again. Millers 225 pounds was against him. He got up trying to steady himself, but Brian was quicker, and gave it to him again in the side of the head a third time. I suppose surprise was on Brian’s side, just as it had been with Miller, because Miller went crashing into one of the chairs. They were immobile, and it made the damage that much worse. Brian didn’t stop there, but went over and gave Miller six or seven kicks to the chest and side. Miller was bleeding and not moving.

Brian took advantage of the fact that Miller wasn’t moving, and went through his pockets, finding the keys to the handcuffs. I was frightened that Miller would recover any second, but Brian had done a good job on him. Finally I was out of those cuffs.

Brian helped me up. I had to hold on to my clothes and run out, but we did it. There was a phone on the wall in the room, and Brian called 911. Miller didn’t appear to be going anywhere. We got out of there as fast as we could.

Brian took me to the restroom and I quickly got decent. We ran for the office where the police had arrived. Mr. Johnson was just getting ready return to the orchestra room as they got there. We ran in there out of breath. I was starting to shake.

"What’s going on you two?" said Mr. Johnson.

"Do we have a problem here?" said one of the officers.

"My friend was just attacked by some creep in the orchestra room. He had her clothes off, and I don’t know what he was going to do with her. I was going for a coke for us, and realized I had forgotten my money. I came back to get it, and saw him towering over her. I made short order of him with my violin. He’s out cold and bleeding."

They sat me down in the office, and Brian and Mr. Johnson, and the police raced back to the scene. Brian, the violin case, and the chair, had indeed done a complete job on Miller. He had a couple of teeth out, and had hit almost face first on the chair. That was enough to knock him unconscious. The police cuffed Miller, and surveyed the room, finding the bullet he had fired in his stupidity They called in a police photographer who took pictures for evidence, and hauled him off. Before they left, they took the story from Brian and me.

Both of us went home. It was in the news. A counselor from the police came to see both of us. We just needed a couple of days off. The counselor told my mom and me that it looked really bad for Miller. The fact that he had a gun, and fired it could make the charges attempted murder. Add that to the fact that he had a record of attacking me. And, since he was 18, he was definitely in line for the big house. Two to five years was what Miller could expect.

We eventually had to go to court, but I won’t go into details on that. Miller eventually got five years and he was out of the picture.

 

Chapter 25 – The Show Must Go On

It was two days before the concert, and we were back in school. We still had lives, and we still had the concert that was coming up. Mr. Johnson called us to his office.

"Well, you two, you’ve been through a lot, but I need to tell you, I’m going to have to let Kathy play the concert, if she feels up to it. If not, think I’m going to cancel the concert." he said.

We sat there stunned.

"Cancel the concert?" I asked.

"Yes Kathy. I’m offering this to you because you’re the backup. You’re totally qualified to play this, and Brian is out of the picture with his instrument being in pieces after he came to your rescue. But I also recognize that emotionally you may not be able to do it. It’s a lot of stress. It might be better if we just cancel this altogether."

I sat there thinking. I felt fine, and I probably could do it. I didn’t want to see the concert cancelled. I had worked hard, and so had Brian. I had wanted the part from the beginning, and here was my big chance if I wanted it. But then, I thought about Brian. He wanted to go to Juliard, a very difficult place to get into. I didn’t want to see all his work go to waste. That just wasn’t fair. Brian aside, this was about a persons career, and as Mr. Johnson had said. A person that feels as deeply about music as Brian and who wants to make it his life SHOULD get to do what he needs to do. Just like I was given the opportunity to do what I had NEEDED to do. This was an opportunity to give him experience for Juliard. And he NEEDED the experience.

Then I came up with one of the most unselfish ideas I have ever thought of. I guess the things my mom had tried to teach me about putting others before yourself finally sunk in.

"Mr. Johnson, I think I know how we can still have the concert, AND have Brian get the opportunity he needs".

"How Kathy?" he asked.

"Brian" I said looking at him seriously. "Play my instrument. I want YOU to play the concert. You DESERVE to play it. Play for both of us."

He sat there stunned.

"But Kathy, this is your chance, if you want it. You don’t want to play this concert? You’d do that for me?" he asked.

"Brian, I like you, a lot, and this is just bigger than me. You need the experience. You have music in your soul. You NEED to play this, more than me. You play it for both of us. Don’t say no. This is what I want."

Brian looked at me in amazement. So did Mr. Johnson. Brian couldn’t control himself. Despite what his mother had said, he leaned over, hugged me, and gave me a big kiss.

"I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time Kathy, a very long time. Are you sure?"

"Positive. You play it, and I’ll enjoy it. Trust me, I’ll enjoy hearing every note floating off your fingers."

"Is that ok, Mr. Johnson?" he asked.

 

 

"Well, I’ve seen the sparks between you two coming for awhile. If Kathy is ok with it, and you think you can play her instrument, its ok with me. You’re a good enough player it ought to work. She does have a different instrument, and you will have to play on it for a day to get used to it. But we still have time. Its fine with me if you want to do that."

We left Mr. Johnson’s office, but this time, Brian and I were holding hands.

* * *

The night of the concert came, and Brian played magnificently. He only made one or two boo-boos, which was good, considering the concerto was a 45 minute work. Every note that floated off the strings of that violin was superb, and it sent chills down my spine, especially with his expression on that instrument. When it was all over, Brian got applause that was well deserved.

After the concert, everybody was talking to Brian. Then Mr. Johnson came up to Brian.

"Brian, I’d like you to meet someone" he said.

What Mr. Johnson hadn’t told Brian was that he knew someone that was on the staff at Juliard. He had called his contact, and had him come to the school to listen to Brian play.

"Brian," Mr. Johnson said, "I said you needed this opportunity to play because I wanted my friend from Juliard to come hear you. Brian, this is Sam Jones. He was out in the audience all night."

Then he turned to his friend.

"Sam, tell Brian what you thought." Mr. Johnson said.

"Brian, for a boy of 18, you have great interpretation. I loved your phrasing, and your technique was excellent. You really did justice to the Mehdelsohn, and your teacher can be proud to have a promising player such as you. I understand this is your senior year. If you’re open to it, I’d like to invite you to come visit this summer. It would be a lot of work, but considering what I’ve heard, and the way I think you feel the music, I think it would do you good."

Brian was stunned.

"You’re kidding, right?" he asked.

"No, you need to broaden your horizons. Come play with some of the big boys."

Brian paused.

"Well sure I’d love to come! I’ve always wanted to come there, especially if I could meet Joshua Bell. He’s my hero. But I’ll have to discuss it with my parents." he replied.

"Fine. You do that. Just tell Mr. Johnson. I’ll talk to him And I might even be able to arrange that meeting. I know Joshua personally."

Wow! What an opportunity. It made me happy. You could see the excitement in Brian’s eyes. Brian was getting his big opportunity.

 

 

* * *

That night, after the concert, Brian and Mr. and Mrs. Archer all came over to our house. Mom was gracious as always. This time, Mrs. Archer was a little friendlier.

"Kathy," she said, "I can’t begin to thank you enough for what you did for Brian. Your unselfish act will allow him to do what we’ve been working toward for the last 9 years. I still can’t believe you did that, when you had the opportunity to play the solo part."

"It’s simple, Mrs. Archer," I said. "I like Brian, and my mom always taught me that sometimes its better to give than to get. I knew how much I liked Brian, and how much he wanted to play professionally, so I knew this was bigger than me, and the rest fell into place."

"Well, dear, I think I’ve misjudged you badly. When I found out what your situation was, I didn’t want anything to do with you, and I didn’t want Brian getting mixed up with anyone like you. But frankly, you are more thoughtful than some of the real women I’ve known."

She paused.

"It is, though, too bad that you weren’t a real girl. Don’t get me wrong. I’m seeing who you really are, and I like the qualities in you Kathy. How could I not like you after what you have done for Brian? You have proven me wrong. A girl like you … well yes… I will say that… is what I had hoped for, for Brian… that is when it comes time for him to marry. It’s just unfortunate that you’re not a REAL girl, in case that ever happened."

I sat there looking at my mom, and she looked at me. Then she spoke.

"Well, Mrs. Archer, or can I call you Linda?" mom said.

"Please do" Mrs. Archer replied.

"Well, Linda, ordinarily with people like Kathy, that would be true, at least it has been in the past. The prior medical techniques did not provide girls like Kathy the ability to have children. But recently, the doctors found a way to clone real female reproductive organs for people like Kathy. Organs cloned from their own DNA, which their bodies won’t reject. And they’ve found a way to transplant them, and make them fully functional, fully and completely female, in every respect."

There was silence.

"What that means, is that very soon, this month, Kathy will have surgery to complete her long journey. When she is done, she will be a girl, in every way."

"Really!!" Linda Archer replied in astonishment. "Including all the inconveniences we women have to put up with?" she added.

"Yes, even with all the inconveniences." said mom. "I tried to tell her that, but I can see, for my daughter, there was no other way."

"And you’re ok with it all, Kathy?" Linda Archer asked.

"Mrs. Archer, its what I wanted my whole life. Good, bad, or otherwise." I replied.

Mrs. Archer was silent. Then Mr. Archer spoke up.

"Well Linda, it looks like you better change the way you think." he said with a smile.

"No question about it dear." she said shaking her head. Then she looked at both of us.

"I hope you can forgive me" she said. "I was wrong, and I hope you’ll accept my most sincere apology."

The rest of the night, things went better. Mrs. Archer said she didn’t have any more problems with Brian and me seeing each other.

School was letting out shortly. The concert was over and there was only a few days left, and then my surgery was coming up quickly also. Brian didn’t waste any time. The next day, he asked me if we could go out on a double date (for starters) with one of my friends. It sounded like fun. I told him sure, and we planned it for that Friday night.

Finally the big date came. It was Brenda and me, and her boyfriend and Brian. We went to movie and had dinner. Brian was holding hands with me all night, and really treated me well. Brenda and I went to the powder room and she couldn’t contain herself.

"Wow Kathy, he kissed you, you’re holding hands, and now you’re here! Looks like he’s a lot of fun to be with." she said.

"He’s funny, and cute, and I like him". I replied.

"You’re doing ok, Kathy, don’t let this one go." she said.

We spent the rest of the night just laughing, and having a good time. Brian was a gentleman, and didn’t do anything else than what a gentleman should do…. well…. maybe a LITTLE more. I found out what making out was about, and it was nice! When I got home my mother was waiting for me. Lucky for both of us tomorrow was Saturday. We were up until 3 am talking.

 

Chapter 26 – Finally

The concert, and our big date, had come and gone now. It was the end of the second week in June and my big date with Dr. Lane had finally arrived. On a Wednesday night we packed my bags, and on Thursday afternoon we showed up at the hospital. I can’t say that I like hospitals very much, but this was different. I entered it with great anticipation. I was about to complete my journey. They admitted me, and I got my hospital bracelet. It read, Kathy Michelle Jolly, and I knew, after my stay here, that I would really be her, in every way.

I was put on a floor with other women. That was a bit strange. I had never been put on a floor with women, but then why not? I was 99% female already. Only one small thing left to take care of.

After I was in the room, it was just me and my mom in a private room. We were talking, and then in walked Dr. Lane.

"Hi Kathy, how are you doing today?" she said with a laugh.

"Hi Dr. Lane…. feeling good… and maybe a little scared… not knowing what to expect." I replied.

"Oh, I think you know what to expect" she said with a grin.

"I brought another doctor with me, this is Dr. Williams. He will be the surgeon on the case." she said introducing the other doctor.

"Hi Kathy" he said.

"Hello Dr. Williams" I said in a friendly manner.

"Kathy" continued Dr. Lane "we have your organs ready to go, and they look just fine. Tomorrow morning we’ll be doing surgery. It won’t be a traditional sex-change as we’ve done in the past. This will be quite a bit easier. More like a C-Section that we’d do when a woman has a baby. Well it will still take awhile. Dr. Williams is a OB-GYN doctor, with some specialized training for this surgery. He will be performing the surgery tomorrow. I was wondering if you had any questions."

"Well, I guess, what are you going to do?" I asked.

"Well, we’ll have to amputate the penis, what you have left, and we’ll have to do some skin grafting as usual, to be able to move things down where they need to be. But we won’t have to do a penile inversion, and that should mean a faster healing. While in surgery, we’ll open you as I said, like a C-Section, and implant your organs. Since we have grown a functional vagina, all we’ll have to do is suture it to the external genital area which will be created from the skin grafts. And because we don’t have to use any of the penile material for the vagina, we can use it all to form the labia also. So, you won’t require a second surgery to create the labia. We can do it all in one surgery. That should mean a normal C-Section recovery time – about 10 weeks. All that has to happen is the sutures heal up on the outside where we re-create things and sew in the new organs. Any questions?"

"Well, I do have one. From what I’ve read of pervious surgeries on the Internet, dilation was involved after surgery. Will I have to do that?" I asked.

"Well, Kathy, that’s the beauty of this new method. You see, that’s necessary, because in the penile inversion method, we’re asking the penis to do something it hasn’t done before. Therefore, it has to learn a new behavior. Dilation is necessary then to allow it to learn that new function, and so it doesn’t close up. But, with this technique, we’ve eliminate the penis from the equation. And, since you have a full set of female organs, including a vagina, your vagina already knows its function. No natural female needs to dilate. Your organs are exactly the same. You won’t either. Any other questions?" Dr. Lane asked.

"Well, can you make it not hurt?" I asked.

"Sorry Kathy, but no pain, no gain." she said with a laugh.

"However," she continued "since you won’t be going down the traditional path, and the C-Section path is your road, I think we should expect a faster recovery, since we aren’t dealing with the same procedures and potential problems."

She paused waiting for any other questions. Hearing none, she concluded.

"Okay Kathy, if you don’t have any more questions, we’ll see you tomorrow morning."

With that she left. It was just me and my mother.

"Well, Kathy, this is it. What you’ve waited for, and wanted. Any second thoughts?" she asked.

"Well mom," I answered "sure, I’m a little scared. And yes, I don’t know what to completely expect from the surgery, and afterward, but I’m not turning back now. If I don’t do this, I’ll always have doubts. I’ve wanted to be a girl for as long as I can remember, and I’m going to see this through."

"Good for you honey" she said.

A little while later, Cindy, Sarah, and Brenda came in to see me with their moms. They brought flowers, and we chatted for a bit.

"Hi Kathy," said Brenda.

"Do or die time!" said Sarah.

"You got that right" I said.

"This is sure a lot more than just getting your ears pierced like at the mall that one time." added Cindy.

"It sure is" I replied.

"Pretty soon, you’ll be one of us … well you already are one of us. This will just make it official" said Brenda.

They wished me well, and after awhile, left.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I was too nervous.

The next day came, and there was a lot of activity in my room. I was prepped, given a dose of medicine to start the anesthetic, and wheeled off to surgery. I remember counting backwards from 100. That was it.

There was the usual pain after surgery, and they had a catheter in me, and I was wearing a pad. I was rather… exposed…. but I knew it was over. Now… I NEEDED to wear this. Although it was a little uncomfortable, I was glad I was here now. I had been admitted to a new life. I could move on and just be Kathy.

The next day, Brenda, Sarah, Cindy, Brian, and some other friends came to see me. I was in pain, but was glad to see them. They all wished me well, especially Brian, who brought me a big stuffed Teddy Bear.

 

Over the next couple of days, I was up and down. It took awhile for things to get working again. As I regained feeling, it was kind of strange, not having my thing there anymore. Well, maybe a LITTLE strange. Actually, BETTER. I was GLAD it wasn’t there. And while it didn’t feel EXACTLY like I had

imagined, my expectation as to how it felt to really have a vagina was (I think) fairly close to what it actually felt like.

And I liked it. It felt RIGHT for once.

The nurses had to show me how to use the bathroom like a normal girl. Well, after all, I WAS a normal girl. I had wished my mother could have done that, but in the weeks to come, she helped me enough to make me really feel like her daughter. After all, I WAS her daughter now.

Finally I was released. I had to wear dresses and loose fitting clothes for the next few weeks, and a pad was mandatory. It was inconvenient, and the hassles (to a degree anyway) of being a female were being shown to me.

"Eww… this is messy, mom" I said one day.

"Get used to it young lady. It’s part of the bad, well kind of bad, that you wanted, and that you’ll have to learn to live with for the next 30 or so years years."

* * *

One day after taking a shower and getting out, my mom came in the bathroom. She stood me in front of the full length mirror. I was naked, but it was ok. I was standing next to my mother after all.

"Well Kathy, look at you. It’s amazing. You’re totally female. Look at your body. How do you like your new body? How does it feel now that you don’t have your boy part?" she asked.

I stood there trying to experience everything about me.

"Mom, look at me. I have breasts. I love the way they feel, and yet they’re just part of me. And my waist and hips, they make me look…. so…." I stopped.

"Female?" she came in.

"Yes mom…. exactly! FEMALE!" I answered.

"Well, honey, there’s no question. You are a female completely now." she said.

And I’m pretty too. Look at me, it’s just so hard to believe. I can finally enjoy who I am."

"Get dressed and then let’s take a look." she said.

I got dressed and she came back in.

"And how do you like the way your clothes fit?" she asked.

"Mom, this is EXACTLY how I wanted to look. Everything fits the way it should. Everything looks just like I wanted it to. Mom, how did I ever exist as a boy before?".

"You’re glad you went through this?" she asked.

"Yes mom, I really am. And I’d do it all over again."

"Kathy, you look so nice, I’m glad you’re my daughter."

"Me too" I said.

She hugged me and left the room. I just stood there in awe of the experience.

* * *

Eventually, swelling went down, and the discharge lessened. About 10 weeks went by, and I went back to see Dr. Lane. This time, it was up in the stirrups.

"This is uncomfortable!" I said as I was placed in position.

"That’s what every woman says" replied Dr. Lane.

She paused and looked around, feeling inside of me, then checking my bikini line incision.

"Looks good. Everything looks good. Kathy, I think you can start wearing more than what you’ve been wearing. How do you feel? Strong?" she asked.

"Pretty much. I still have to watch it that I don’t do too much." I replied.

"That’s normal, but I think you can return to fairly normal activity, maybe light swimming too. It all looks good. Now it’s time to do the one thing that remains."

"What’s that?" I asked.

"Get your reproductive system working." she replied.

With that, she took out some medication.

"Kathy, this is the last of your hormones. Your body will soon be going on auto-pilot. When it does, your ovaries will be producing normal hormone levels of a female. You won’t need the artificial hormones anymore. Your cycle will be starting and once it does, you’ll have it for about the next 35-40 years. That will end for you a little later than the normal woman, but the overall duration will be about what a normal female can expect. Once it all starts, your body will drive itself."

"My cycle" I said in anticipation. "We’re talking about…" I said, trailing off.

"Your menstrual period? Yes, Kathy. And after all, that IS what you wanted from the beginning, right?" she said with a smile.

"It is" I said nodding my head. "It’s just hard to believe that it will be actually happening to me. I mean, it will be MY period, won’t it?"

"Every month, Kathy, just like all of us women." Dr. Lane replied.

I looked at Dr. Lane with a stern face, then replied.

"I want to be a complete girl. That’s what I’ve wanted for a long time. I haven’t come this far to stop now. Let’s do it."

"Good, Kathy. Just follow the instructions on the bottle. Mother Nature will do the rest."

We left her office that day. I was on my way. It was only a matter of time now.

 

Chapter 27 – Celebrations

It had been about 11 weeks, the end of August, and I was feeling much better. One day, before school had started, I got a phone call. It was Cindy.

"Hey Kathy, what’s up? How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Not much, and I feel a lot better. What do you need?" I asked.

"Well, I was wondering if you could come over tomorrow night to swim? Just wanted to say hello. Haven’t seen you in awhile with you healing up and everything."

"I guess so. I’ll ask mom, and if we can’t I’ll call you back." I said.

"Cool" she said, and we hung up.

I asked Mom, and she said Saturday night would be just fine. Mom told me to try on my bathing suit from last year. I did, and it was obvious what had to happen.

"Well, Kathy, I think you’re going to need a new bathing suit. My measurements show you a 34C, 26, 36. You’ve developed a very nice figure over the last two and a half years."

I looked in the mirror, and she was right. I had started as some skinny boy, and look at me now. I had a full bust, and my waist… it looked wonderful… and my hips… everything was so round and curvy. I got out of the suit and back into my underwear.

"Wow mom, look at me. I have real girl curves."

"You certainly do, honey. You are very attractive. We’ll need to get you a suit that can show off the new you." she replied.

* * *

The next day we went shopping for my new bathing suit. I don’t need to tell you I had no problems from the sales staff. I was just one of the girls. Last year I had had the one-piece with the modesty skirt, but this year I wanted to let everybody know who I was now. I settled on a bikini.

"Kathy, that suit looks really nice on you. You certainly fill it out well, and it doesn’t hide your assets at all."

"Yeah mom, I sure like the way it looks, EVERYWHERE. Including the important places."

We bought the suit, and left the store.

 

* * *

The evening came and we arrived at Cindys’ house. Cindy greeted me at the door, and took me back to the pool. As I opened the gate to the pool area, I received the surprise of my life.

"SURPRISE!!" said about 20 people as they jumped out at me.

It was a surprise welcome home party. A big banner was strung across two trees saying WELCOME HOME KATHY. Cindy, Sarah, Brenda, and their boyfriends were there. And so was Brian. And a few other friends, and parents. They all had presents, and we partied into the wee hours of the night.

"Wow!" my three girlfriends said, "you’re a knockout in that bathing suit." they said.

"Thanks!" I replied. "I sure like how I can fill it out the RIGHT way now."

"No question about that at all, girl! No question at ALL.".

Brian and I got some time together too. He was just as amazed.

"Wow Kathy, you look great! You look just like…" he trailed off. I could see his eyes looking me up and down, but it didn’t bother me one bit.

"Like a girl?" I asked.

"Yeah, all the way." he replied.

"Silly, I always was one… the packaging was just wrong." I said

"It’s definitely right now!" he said.

 

"It sure is!" I replied.

I looked at myself. It felt so good to be me.

* * *

School had started, and things were back to normal. Vacation was over. School was out for the day and I came home. I was going to go to the mall, but I felt strange. Then all of a sudden I noticed something. I kind of hurt, and I felt wet. I went to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet, pulled my pantyhose and panties down. Looking, I could see it. No wonder I had felt strange.

By this time, Maxi’s weren’t strange to me at all. I got one out and put it in my panties, then went to talk to my mom.

"Mom…" I said.

"Yes honey?" she answered.

"Mom, today I’m REALLY your daughter. I went on auto-pilot."

I stood there looking at her. She sat there for a moment, then remembered Dr. Lane’s words. She came over to me and hugged me. We both cried tears of joy.

"Oh Kathy," she said, as we stood there crying, "welcome home honey. What do you think?"

 

"It’s a little messy, but I know this is who I should have been all along." I replied. "I’m really glad I finally arrived. Now I feel comfortable with myself."

"Well, Kathy, there’s a lot ahead of you, a brand new life."

"I’m ready mom. I’m ready for anything."

* * *

I’m back in school now, and just one of the girls these days. Brian got his big chance, and got to go to Juliard. I don’t know if anything will come of that, but I’m just enjoying life now. Mom always said enjoy each day. Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing. Enjoying the girl I am, the REAL ME.

 

THE END

 

 

 

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2001 by Karen Michelle. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.