Mulligan - Why Can't A Man Be More Like A Woman?

by Tyrone Slothrop

  

Opening: Storm Tossed Seas

Bobbi Cyprini struggled with the controls. Her co-pilot was trying to get a radio message out, but the antenna seemed to have been stripped when the last wind driven debris raked the fuselage.

"Mulligan! Can you get anybody? We're going down real soon." Bobbi said, watching the horizon indicator.

Barbara Mulligan was more scared than she had ever been. She knew their chances of surviving a water landing in this kind of storm were slim.

"Nothing, Chief! I don't think we are even sending!" Mulligan said.

Chief Cyprini , her old Navy rank, fought to keep the ancient Convair twin engine turboprop on as gradual approach to the tossing Pacific as she could. She knew she was going to lose the 'Cyprinidae' and the old plane represented her entire asset base.

"Mulligan, we're going in! I hope our passengers are strapped down! Did you secure the cargo?" Chief said, almost shouting to be heard over the straining engines and wind.

"You bet, Chief!"

 

Scene 1: Tropical Island, Two Months Later

Mulligan was worried the Chief was going to scream at her again. She had tried to snag the floating debris but the sharks were just too close. So far all Barbara had been able to retrieve from the wreck was some of the cargo.

A case of disposable razors, two cases of shampoo in individual sample packs, like you got in hotel rooms, a case of soap scented with flowers also labeled with the name of an island resort. Three hundred plus size muu muus ranging from size 14 to sizes too huge to be believed. Three cases of women's panties from smalls to very large sizes, all white and decorated with little pink hearts.

Georgina had managed to salvage bits and pieces from the cockpit last month when she dove on the wreck of the plane which had settled in the lagoon. She was still limping from the shark bite which took a large piece out of her right calf.

The group all decided Georgina was too valuable to them, being a Phd in both mechanical and electrical engineering and a hobby inventor. She had cobbled together a working pump for the fresh water source which saved them countless hours of carrying it in their single leak proof pail to their huts, which she also designed. The Chief told her swimming in the lagoon was off limits. Mulligan now had the job of snagging any floating debris. Mulligan always got the dirty and dangerous jobs.

Freddie Backus looked soft, because he was soft. Normally, most desert island survivors got a lean and gaunt look, but fortunately for these castaways, the little island was full of fruit and tarot root, wild pigs and a plentiful supply of fish, plus sundry other edible plants. So Freddie had managed to gain weight while he was stranded.

Freddie had two talents which had always served him well. He had picked excellent parents, who sent him to the right schools and gave him a long list of contacts and he offended nobody. He was one of those people who got everything done by knowing the right people, one of whom was his very wealthy wife, who was as he said, also 'pleasingly plump'. Freddie had even been smart enough to change his name to Backus, so as to enhance his influence inside the empire Julie had inherited.

Julie Backus was pleasant and assumed everyone was just on this planet to serve her needs. She was not malicious, she just had never been refused since she was age three. The other people in the group just waited on her because they all came to the conclusion that if Julie was to actually try and learn survival skills they would spend days extricating her from problems and self inflicted danger. Freddie was bad enough, and they had carefully given him tasks he could perform without endangering himself, like watching Mulligan dive and avoid sharks.

Georgina and the Chief were drinking something Georgina had distilled from a combination of fruits and cocoanut milk. It had quite a subtle effect at first and the Chief knew to stop at two shells full.

"I can't fix the radio, Chief, it's hopeless. Our best bet is to keep a watch and have a signal fire ready at a moments notice for a plane. At least we won't starve." Georgina said calmly.

"Two of my passengers aren't, at least. The Backus couple seems to be getting larger before our eyes. Where are the other two?" The Chief said, scanning the beach.

"Our film star is afraid to sully his 'natural skin tone' with too much exposure and his make up artist is following Mulligan wherever she goes. I think he has a crush on Barbara. I wish they'd focus more on helping us hunt pigs or fish. "

"Robert Dolling hunt pig? That big crybaby can't even swim. I'd be afraid to give him sharp objects. How did he ever do all those movies?" The Chief laughed.

"Stunt doubles and computer graphics. I've never seen a man so consumed with how he looks. He's had Dougie wash his clothes to rags by now. At least little Dougie is helpful when he isn't waiting on Mr Movie Star." Georgina finished her drink and threw the shell onto the beach.

 

Scene 2: Tropical Island, One Year Later

Mulligan rounded up the final pig and Dougie opened the pen door for her to get it back in. Barbara thought Dougie looked real cute, with his hair in plaits and the flowered muu muu tight around his butt. Dougie was an excellent tailor and had taken the garment in to fit his frame. He had also tailored ones for Robert, Freddie, Julie and Georgina. And especially for Barbara.

The Chief refused to wear one, sticking with a rotation of her two pilots shirts and pants. Mulligan had decided to only wear her muu muu in the evenings, so as to not make the Chief mad.

Life had settled down, with Georgina working on signal flares and attempting to make a boat, The Chief and Mulligan catching fish and pigs and Dougie and Robert picking fruit. The Backuses were in charge of entertainment, defining bridge tournaments and other diversions.

 

Scene 3: Tropical Island, Two Years Later

Georgina watched Robert walk away from her. His hair was shining and swayed beautifully across his back in the tropical breeze.

Robert had claimed most of the shampoo with conditioner for his own use. His kept his body smoothly shaven or had poor little Dougie do it, just like he had Dougie manufacture eye makeup from various roots and berries he found.

Life was always a performance for Robert, he was a cliche actor, all feeling and no brains. Georgina watched his butt move in his tight fitting muu muu and licked her lips.

Georgina had caught Robert on the rebound from the Chief six months ago and was believing that the Chief was about to get lucky again.

Robert spent most of his time being beautiful and helpless, and he had lots of time to practice. It helped that he was both to start with.

Georgina and the Chief had made peace and agreed to share Robert as things went along. Besides, the Chief was the best company on the island.

She was glad and she and the Chief had had their tubes tied, so they were able to spare the sum total box of condoms, now down to twenty, for the two kids, Barbara and Dougie who were like teenagers going steady.

No one knew if the Backuses had sex, no one wanted to know.

The Chief came out of the clearing, wearing a pair of the infamous pink heart panties they all wore like a uniform. She had finally given up on her shirt and pants and had claimed the least flowery muu muus left in the packing crate.

"Georgina, I need you to make us some decent brassieres. Mine is finally going and these jugs need support at my age. " The Chief said, grinning at her.

"I'll talk to our seamstress Dougie. I'll bet we can do something with those plus size panties that fit no one. Unless we think Fred and Julie will eventually get that large. By the way, Robert just got bored with me. I think it's your turn now. You owe me a drink."

 

Scene 4: Tropical Island, Two Years Later

The Chief is watching the boys arranging their hair and talking. Julie had joined them.

Robert was unattached for now, having just left the Chief, and the Chief looked him over with a bit of regret. He was still beautiful, wearing the dress, now a bit looser since he had begun to gain weight. His hair reminded the Chief of some Polynesian girls, all shiny and straight, flowing about his waist when he walked.

Dougie had made some lip dye which seemed to be very long lasting and they were all trying it.

Georgina and Mulligan were on the beach, having successfully tested the one woman boat in the lagoon. Georgina had laughed about the designation, since none of the boys could swim, a one man boat had sounded not quite right.

The Chief looked on the horizon and thought she saw a thin curl of smoke. She jumped up and began screaming at Georgina. The plan was put in motion.

Signal fire lit. Mulligan, being the youngest with the most endurance, began paddling out to an intercept point for what they thought could be a ship. The Chief knew she was motivated, there only being one condom left.

The boys pranced down to the beach and begin cheering Mulligan on.

 

Closing Credits: On The Rescue Ship

Georgina sat in the wardroom of the freighter, drinking real coffee for the first time in a long time. She smiled at the Chief.

"Well, Bobbi, will you miss being a castaway?" Georgina looked at the Chief, who had a faraway look in her eye.

"In some ways, Georgie. You were great and Mulligan was even helpful and she did get out to the ship and save us, and the boys were comforting and I guess they did what they could. Sometimes I wish they could have been…" The Chief stopped, looking for a phrase.

"More like a woman? It would have helped. But what do you want? The flight was only supposed to be a three hour tour. So now we leave Mulligan's Island."

 

END- cue theme song

  

  

  

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