More Than That

by Janet L. Stickney
JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I had no idea what I was going to do, but unless I thought of something, I would never hear the end of it. Last year I had faked illness instead of going, but this year, there was no way I could do that. I lay back on my bed trying to think of something, anything, that could be a costume, but wouldn't be my usual suit and tie bit. Everyone told me that being a used car salesman was getting old.

My parents always took this event very seriously, spending hours planning it, and as the Chairs of this years event, they simply weren't going to let me skate. I had to do something. I quickly dismissed all of the superheroes as trite, monsters were okay but always overdone, and that left very little to chose from. My folks had given me a grand to spend on the costume, whatever it turned out to be, and told me that they did not want to know in advance what it was. They only wanted me to be "spectacular" to use mom's words. I went to the computer and flicked it on, then began to surf the net to find something unusual. That's when I discovered a costume site full of ideas. Most fell into the few that I had ruled out, but a few caused me to pause. A female. I could go as a female! That wasn't exactly what you could call an original idea, but as I looked at the pictures, I wondered if I could not only dress as a female, but maybe, with some help, I could do better than most guys did. With that idea in mind, I starting looking around for everything I would need. There were the obvious things, like boobs and hips, but as I surfed the net I knew that I had to decide what kind of girl I was going to be. A housewife? Maid? Nurse? Schoolgirl? Showgirl? All I knew was that my mom wanted my costume to be spectacular, and that led me to decide to be as complete a girl as I could be! That way I could decide on what to be later without worrying about what it turned out to be! Basics first I told myself. That's when I added two more items. It took almost three hours, but I found it all, including several pages of hints and tips. I printed those, bookmarked the pages I needed, and shut down. By then I knew what I was going to do, and if everything worked as advertised, it would fit mom's definition of "spectacular" easily. I found a catalogue, took it to my room, and used the handy sizing guides to find out what I needed.

I wrote down all of the measurements, then made a trip to a local art store to get the information I needed, then went home, logged on again, and ordered everything I thought I would need. If my parents wanted me to have a spectacular costume, then this was it! Never having dressed as a girl before, I knew that I was going to have to let someone in on what I was doing, since I would need help doing lots of things, buying the right clothes just one of them. The only person I could even remotely trust that might help me, and keep her mouth shut, was my second cousin Maryann, who was two years older than I was. I called, then went over to her house, and told her what I planned on doing. She already knew why, she was going to the party too. I told her what I had bought, then showed her on her computer, which made her draw a deep breath as she looked at me.

"With those, you could wear anything! Even a bikini!"

"That would be to cold, and I don't think I could!"

"Yeah, well, I have an idea, What a sec. I have a picture here. Let me find it." She rummaged in a pile of magazines, then held one up. "It's in here. Let me show you."

When I saw the picture I gulped, but Maryann wasn't the least bit worried. She told me that when all of the stuff I had ordered arrived, she and I would begin, then she tore the picture out of the magazine and gave it to me. On the way home I glanced at it a few times, wondering if just maybe Maryann fell against the wall a little hard once or twice. In my mind, there wasn't any way I was every going to look like the girl in the picture, none. But, and it was a very big but, even if I came close, I would rock my folks back so far that I would never have to listen to them rag on me about a costume ever again. Besides, this was going to be the last time I was going to attend one of those stupid parties anyway. Hell, it wasn't even Halloween! Their club had held this same costume party every year since I could remember, always in the summer. I had no idea why, it just was.

When all of the packages arrived about two weeks later, mom set them aside for me, and within the three days following the first package arriving, I had everything I ordered. I took them to my room and began to open the packages, the first one so lifelike that I threw it on the bed. Then came the padding, corset, and breast forms. I set them on the bed and just stared at them. It was almost like looking at a disemboweled body, but I was still anxious to see how they all worked, so I quickly locked the door to my room and undressed. Following the instructions, within half an hour I had everything on, and looked in the mirror. I almost fainted when I saw my reflection, because from the neck down, I looked just like a girl! A hairy girl to be sure, but the body was there, and that's when I thought that just maybe Maryann might have been right about me looking like the girl in the picture. I took everything off, stuffed it all into the boxes, and carried them to my car, locking them securely in the trunk. Then I called Maryann.

That Friday night I went to her house, and the two of us locked ourselves in her bedroom. I tried it all on again so she could see, then she took a few measurements before she told me that I would have to shave my entire body if I had any hope of looking anything like a girl, which made sense, so I changed back into my own clothes leaving everything at her house. Then I went home with the promise that I would return the following afternoon, hairless. That's how I spent Saturday morning. Shaving. I nicked myself a few times, nothing bad, but when I slipped my jeans on, the material felt rougher against my skin. With every inch of skin I could reach hairless, I drove to Maryann's, and we once again locked ourselves in her bedroom. My Aunt was at her friends while my Uncle was at the driving range, so we had plenty of privacy. I undressed to my skivvies, and stood there, but she held out a pair of pale pink panties, and told me that if I wanted them to fit right, I had to start naked. I grabbed that one item from the box and went in her bath to put them on. When I stepped out, I wore the pink panties over it, no sign that I was a male. Then she laced me into the corset before she shoved the breast forms into the cups. All at once I had what appeared to be not only boobs, but the body and shape of a girl!

"I picked up a few things so we can get a complete picture, but first, let's do something with your hair."

I sat there as she used gel and rollers on my hair, then, still wearing the rollers, she handed me a pair of pantyhose, coaching me on the right way to get them on. I'll admit that they felt great on my smooth skin, and instantly knew I liked them a bit more than I wanted to admit! Then she handed me a dress. It looked like so many others I had seen girls wearing, and with a shrug, I let her help me get it on. After she zipped it up I thought she was going to swoon or something, because she told me I had a great figure. Then I was back at her vanity learning the intricacies of makeup. Foundation to start with, then powder, followed by very pale eye shadow, blusher, and dark eyeliner. As I watched, my face became more and more feminine, then she took out the rollers and brushed out my hair, leaving me with a head full of wavy hair that was every bit as feminine as her own. Handing me a pair of low heels, I stepped into them, and as I stood up, she handed me the lipstick.

When I looked in the mirror, I was shocked. No, I was more than shocked. I was stunned. Other than feeling naked in that short dress, I didn't look like me at all! I looked like a girl that might have been my sister! Maryann handed me some clip earrings which I put on while she fastened a necklace around my neck. I had been watching in the mirror, and when she said she was done, we stood side by side.

"Now all we need is a name for this new girl we have created! Got any ideas?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Well, I do. I had this friend in high school, and believe me, you look so much like her that's it's scary. She moved away, but I don't think she'll mind if we borrow her name, it's Debra."

I nodded my head in agreement as she handed me a purse. "What's this for?"

"You can't possibly think that you can do this without any practice do you?"

"Huh?"

"You'll have to learn how to walk, use your arms and hands, things like that! Besides, you'll have to try on the outfit to see how it looks! You can't just buy it! The sizes may run small, or maybe large, and we'll have to see how you look in it! Then we have to get the right shoes, jewelry, purse, we have a bunch of stuff to do, and the best way to do it is for you to go just as you are!"

"This one time?" I asked hopefully.

"Once? I doubt it Debra. Probably every weekend from now until then, if you want to shock them like you say you do, but if you don't care…"

Since I could not afford to have her not help me, I took the purse, but just stood there, until she opened her bedroom door. Taking my hand, we walked out, then down the hallway to the familyroom, headed for the back door and my car. But just as we reached the kitchen, my Uncle walked in. I froze for a moment, but Maryann, smiled and introduced me as her friend Debra! He obviously didn't have a clue who I was! After I shook his hand, Maryann told him we were headed for the mall, and tugged my arm. I did not need any more encouragement than that, and followed her outside. I drove away from her house panting hard while she was giggling!

"He didn't have a clue Deb! Not a clue!"

"Yeah, well, I almost had an accident in my underwear!"

"That's what they make panty liners for silly!" Maryann was smirking when she said that.

We reached the mall, but very unsure of myself I really didn't want to go inside. Maryann calmly reminded me of what I had seen in the mirror, and with some urging, I finally went inside, following beside her as she headed straight for a very popular and expensive lady's lingerie shop. On the way, she told me that the corset I had on worked, but was the wrong style for the dress, and wanted me to get one that was a different color, maybe two, and was thinner while still able to make my waist smaller. Since I had no idea what she had in mind, I let her chose what she said I needed, which turned out to be corsets in white and flesh tone, both with satin and lace trim. After I paid for them, she dragged me into a changing booth where I was told to put on the flesh colored one. When we left the shop I had the same figure, maybe even better, a bag with a prominent logo on it clutched in my hand. Our next stop was a dress shop that specialized in knock offs of famous maker gowns. I followed her inside, then we went up and down the aisles until she finally found the dress we had seen on the photo. She handed it to me, then confused me when she kept on looking, adding three others to the pile. When she was satisfied, we went in the back, found a changing room, and I began to undress.

Our original choice looked dreadful on me, and we both agreed on that, so I tried on the second one, which was both sexy and fit me perfectly, but the color, purple, wasn't right. The third, which looked to me like nothing more than a random pile of materials, caused me some stress. Maryann didn't say anything when I looked at her; she just handed me what looked like a bathing suit. I stepped into it and pulled it up, then she fastened the skirt around my waist, turning the long slit to the side. I already knew that I had a good figure, but when I looked in the mirror, wow! I had swelling cleavage, a narrow waist, wider hips, and long sexy legs! The white material of the bathing suit part had glittery sequins sewn on it while the almost sheer skirt was trimmed in gold lame. If there was any doubt before, there wasn't any wearing that outfit! I looked just like a girl, a very sexy girl!

"Come on, step out here in the pedestal where the light is better. Lets see how it looks under the lights."

I had just stepped up on the pedestal and looked in the mirror just as a woman walked in. She took one look at me and smiled.

"Not many girls can wear that honey, you're a very lucky girl to have a figure like that!"

I almost laughed, but didn't, and went in to put my own dress back on. I bought the dress, then we hit a shoe store, buying sequined white satin shoes with a handbag to match. On the way out of the shop she told me that we could trim the shoes and purse in gold ourselves, with some glue and gold sequins. Then Maryann started towards a department store. When I asked why, she looked at me as if I were completely stupid!

"Didn't we agree that you would have to practice? At least every weekend? Just what did you plan on wearing? That same dress? You need more panties, and of course, I doubt if you'll want to wear that corset all of the time, so we'll get you a waist nipper and some bras to start with, a few skirts and blouses, and at least two more dresses, plus some flats. Otherwise you'll always look the same, and women just don't do that!"

That's how I ended up with two packages of panties, two bras, a slip, three skirts, four blouses, and two more dresses with flats in black and white. I still had about $250 left out of the grand my parents gave me, and for the life of me, I couldn't see what else I needed, but Maryann did, and she didn't hesitate to tell me. From the first moment I left her house dressed as a girl, I was concerned about being discovered and humiliated, but not that fearful, because it was only for a party. It wasn't as if I were going to dress this way all of the time, but when she told me what she had in mind, I went very cold. It was only when she told me that I could wait until the weekend of the party that I relaxed. I had no intention of going into a beautyshop unless I absolutely had to. She did manage to drag me into one of those makeup shops though, and to my great horror, told the woman that I needed fantastic makeup, and wanted her to do it so I would know how! That's when I had to wash off everything that Maryann had done that very morning, which exposed the faint trace of my beard. The lady saw it, excused herself, and I was sure that she was going to call the cops, but she returned with another lady. Except it wasn't a lady, at least I don't think so. In any case, she started in on my face, beginning with a cream that she used to cover my entire face lightly. Then she used normal makeup. By the time she was done Maryann was oohing and aahing, but I wasn't sure why until I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked wonderful! Some, not me of course, might have even said cute.

"You have the perfect face" the lady said, "elfin in a way. Nice cheekbones, smallish nose, wide set eyes, you have it all!"

I paid the bill, and walked out feeling as if I could go anywhere as a girl, and with the stuff I had on, I probably could! Maryann and I stopped for lunch, then went back to her house. We left the bags in my car and went inside, only to see her mother on the phone!

Maryann introduced us, then her mother said…

"Your apartment is ready honey. All of the furniture is there, ready for you to move in. Your father and I will bring the dishes later. Maybe Debra can take a few things in her car? That way everything will be there, and you can spend tomorrow night in your new apartment!"

Maryann looked at me, then told her mom to go ahead, telling her that I had an appointment, but she would call the male me and ask for help. When her mom left I went to her bedroom and washed all of the makeup off, changed into my own clothes, and brushed my hair back into its normal style. Then I went home, only to return the next day, helping her pack and move. We packed up my car, then she and I packed up everything left in her bedroom and stuffed it into her car. I followed them, then helped carry everything inside. Her mom left after a few hours or so, leaving Maryann and I flopped on the couch.

"What a weekend!" I said, "nobody would believe it if I told them!"

"Yup, but I'm sure glad that I told her I was going to call you, or else she might have wondered about you when you were Debra."

"I have to go Maryann, but thanks for all of the help today!"

I went home, all of the new clothes and stuff still in my trunk. There was no way I could take them in the house since mom would find them and my secret would be out. Two days later I got a call from Maryann. She wanted me to move in with her! Her parents had paid the rent on the apartment for a whole year, just so she could start getting out on her own without being far away, which I knew that Maryann was looking forward to. After a few days alone, she told her parents was that having someone else around would be safer, and suggested me as her room mate. Since I was family, they did not object, but had some guidelines. My parents, thinking the same thing, agreed, and since I was out of high school, simply waiting to start college, they said I could. On one level it was true. Maryann wanted a room mate. On another, I think they were ready for some time to themselves. Since dad kept hinting at all of the things he and mom were going to do once I went to school, I figured they wanted the time alone. But Maryann and I both knew of another reason. I could become Debra more often, perfecting my "presentation" as she called it. I packed everything into two cars, then dad and I moved my stuff to her apartment the next day. After he left, I hauled all of the girl clothes and stuff to my new bedroom.

It took us four days to settle in, with our parents stopping by every day to make sure we were okay, then, as the weekend loomed, Maryann asked me if I was ready for another outing that weekend, first a movie, then dinner on Friday night, cruising her favorite place that Saturday. I said yes to the movie and dinner, but no to the cruising, telling her that I wasn't good enough for that, and besides, what did I know about guys? If I were interested that is, which I wasn't. She didn't say much, and on Friday afternoon, she introduced me to bubblebath. I shaved my body again, then once I was in my room, I used the skin lotion she left for me. Starting with that panty that made me look like a girl, I stepped into it, careful to get things in the right place, then slipped on some panties just as she walked in.

"Oh! Good! You're ready!"

"Not quite Maryann, in about an hour?"

"That's not what I meant. Since you won't be wearing the corset tonight, I was going to attach these to your chest. That way, when you wear a bra, it'll feel, and you'll look, more normal. Stand over here in the light and I'll do it for you."

"They'll come off okay won't they? I can't be walking around with boobs all of the time!"

"Why not? I do!"

"Yeah, well, you're a girl."

"You will be as soon as I get these glued to your chest!"

"Just make sure they'll come off, okay?"

"The bottle says they will, so I guess they will, now hold still."

First one, then the other were attached, then she left me to get dressed on my own. Pantyhose first, then I sat at my makeshift table and tried my hand at doing my own makeup. I used the same stuff that lady? at the makeup shop had used on me, in the same order. When I was done, while it wasn't as good as before, was just about as good as when Maryann had done it for me. That's when I started my struggle with the bra. Unfamiliar straps and hooks that I couldn't reach, compounded by the fact that the boobs were always in the way, made me feel like I was in some kind of slapstick movie. I finally managed by fastening the hooks in front and spinning it to the back, then slipping my arms through the straps and sliding it upward. Once I managed that feat, I looked in the closet. I didn't feel like wearing a dress again, and decided to try a skirt and blouse, selecting the white and tan checked skirt with a white blouse. I wrapped the waist nipper around myself and made it secure, then stepped into the skirt and zipped it up before I slipped on the blouse and put my white flats on. The skirt was shorter than I remembered. It was midway up my thigh! Maryann came and helped me with my hair, but when she walked in wearing just her panties and a bra, I almost choked.

"What's the matter with you?! At the moment, you have the exact same equipment I do, so there's nothing for you to see that you don't already have!"

She did my hair the same way as before, and once I added lipstick and earrings, I was ready to go. Maryann wore almost the same thing I did, and we left the apartment for the movies. Again, nobody looked twice, well, not as if they knew I was a guy I mean, then we had dinner at a café downtown. Maryann had coached me all night on how to walk and sit, so I was getting used to having my arms bent at the elbow and taking shorter strides by the time we sat down for dinner. About halfway through dinner it hit me. I had to use the restroom, and looked at Maryann for support, but she reminded me that by wearing that panty I would have to sit anyway, so I should just go ahead and go! I did, and for the first time used that particular function built into the panty. I was relieved so to speak, to know that I was as close to being a real girl as it was possible to get, and that everything worked just fine. It was an exhilarating experience to be where no man had gone before, and not only look the part, but to know that I could go there. Later, Maryann and I went to our own rooms, and as I undressed, I found that since the breast forms were attached and didn't know how to get them off, I would have to sleep wearing them. That's when I decided to leave the special panty on as well, and simply slipped the nightgown over my head before I went out to watch the news. Maryann stayed in her bedroom, so I sat there alone for about an hour before I also went to bed.

The next morning she and I got dressed. Her in jeans, me in a skirt, which is when she told me that I should get some jeans, since wearing a skirt all of the time wasn't something most girls did, and right after we ate, we went to a local mart where I bought a pair of jeans, some khaki slacks and a pair of shorts. By the time we got home, her mom had showed up and was waiting inside for us. I could only hope that I looked good enough to get past her one more time, but…

"Hi mom!"

"Hello girls. Debra, are you staying here now?"

"Huh?"

"I couldn't help but notice that you have clothes on the bed, and since Greg is supposed to be here…." I locked up, breathing very shallowly as she turned to look at me. I saw it in her eyes. She knew. Maryann and I both tried to get her mind on something else, but…"Greg? Is that you? It is! Why on earth are you dressed like a girl? Maryann? What's going on here? And tell me the truth!"

There was no getting around it, so we sat her down and explained it to her, but as she kept looking at me, we knew there was only one way to convince her. With a nod from Maryann, I went to my room and put on the white dress I had bought for the party, complete with the corset and shoes. When I walked out I thought she might faint, but she didn't. Instead, I got the head to toe look that only mothers have. When she turned to face Maryann, I went back in my room and started to get undressed. I was down to my panties when her mom walked in on me. Naked from the waist up, the cleft in my groin just visible through the sheer panties, I stood up and turned to face her.

"That's…you have…I never imagined that a boy could…I'm sorry I barged in. Get dressed honey, I'll wait out there with Maryann."

The minute I was dressed I went out and sat next to Maryann, and answered all of her mothers questions, well, almost all of them anyway. I told her about the panty and breast forms, and that Maryann was teaching me how to walk and so on like a girl. Maryann told her that we had been to the mall, tried on clothes, gone to the movies and ate out, all without any trouble, which is when she started to giggle! She was my mothers cousin, but since they had known each other since childhood, she knew that my mother had always wanted a girl. Almost falling on the floor laughing, she said that my mom finally had what she wanted, only it was her son, not her daughter that was beautiful! Waiting until she calmed down, I pointed out that I was only doing it for the party, and nothing else. I told her my plan was to return to being my old self the day after the party, never to return to dresses. That drew a snort and a grin.

"I'll bet that your parents will have a fit when they see you, and that party is almost three months away! If you are dressing like this, how often? Every day or so? Don't you think you'll get used to it by then? Maybe you'll like it so much that you'll stay this way!"

"Not likely!" I said forcefully, "this is a costume, and I'm only dressing this way to get better at it!"

"You won't tell anyone will you mother? Not even dad, or Deb's folks?"

"No dear. I won't tell. I love it! I can hardly wait to see the expression on your mothers face when she sets her eyes on you!" She stayed a while longer, then, just as she was about to leave…"With Greg here I wasn't worried about you bringing boys home, but with Debra here, I'll remind both of you. No boys are allowed in here. You girls aren't allowed that freedom yet, okay?"

I started to say something but Maryann shot me a look, so I kept quiet until her mom left. That's when Maryann broke out laughing, and soon, I was laughing too. It was an absurd situation growing worse. Her mom didn't want me to bring a boy home? What was she thinking!? I went into my room and changed into the jeans, then we cleaned the apartment, stopping only to talk about her mothers reaction, what my own mother might do when she saw me, then, what she said about me not quitting. I knew I would, but Maryann didn't say much about that, only that between then and the party, I should just dress every day like we planned. We went out that night, and while I kept saying no, she took me to her favorite place, a dance club downtown.

I refused all offers to dance, and we went home about midnight. Maryann was pissed because I wouldn't dance with the guys that asked me, even though there was very little touching. She was interested in some guy, but when I turned down his buddy, he left Maryann for another girl. It wasn't until the next morning that she let me have it, and I got both barrels.

"Dammit Deb, I liked that guy! All you had to do was dance with his buddy! But nooooo. The virginal Debra wouldn't budge from the stupid table!"

"Maryann, I…"

"It's not like you had to sleep with the guy, just a few dances, but nooooo, you couldn't even do that for me!"

"Maryann, I…"

"I'm wondering why somebody that looks like you do would turn down a guy! Shit! Half the girls in there would kill to have your figure, or even look as pretty as you do, but what do you do? You sit there like a lump all night! Thanks a lot Deb!"

"But I'm not…what I mean is, I've never been attracted to guys! How can you expect me to…"

"Take a good look in the mirror Debra! Then tell me what you aren't a girl! You look, smell, walk and talk like a girl now! What did you expect? Of course you're going to get hit on! That's what guys do! They hit on us, and we decide which one suits us best! Besides, like I said, it's not like you have to sleep with a guy, all you have to do is be nice to them! You'd be surprised at how easily we can lead them around. Guys are so stupid Deb; they'll do almost anything if they think it'll get them what they want, and all we have to do is be nice to them!"

"How am I supposed to know all that! If you remember it's only been a little over two weeks since this all started, and this is the first time I've had to…think about it!"

After she calmed down a bit she admitted that I was right, then told me I could have another chance. The guy she was interested in and his buddy were coming over later that day to take us to the show! With a grin, she told me to be nice to him, smile a lot, and let him think he was getting his way. I didn't have to kiss him, sleep with him, nothing. Just be nice; "and by the way, wear the plaid skirt", you have great legs and you might as well show them off"! I went into my room to get dressed, returning all washed up and looking as good as I could, wearing the plaid skirt with a white shell top and my white flats. Maryann and I waited on the couch, and when they showed up, I was introduced to the same guy that had asked me to dance the night before. His name was Bill. Just as we were about to leave the phone rang. Maryann answered it.

"Mom wants us to stop by her house for a minute. She sounded anxious. You don't mind do you?"

They said no, but I knew that the minute her mom saw me with some guy, her mind would go into overdrive; only there wasn't anything I could do about it, and slipped into the back seat, with Bill climbing in next to me. He seemed nice enough, and I relaxed to the point that I could actually talk without thinking about how I was dressed, and the fact that I was on a date of sorts. Maryann ran in the house when we reached her mom's, then came right back out, with her mom in tow.

"You're dad's been in an accident at work Deb! Mom wants us to take her to the hospital!"

Jeff and I moved over, and she slid in next to me, then Mike, the guy driving, took us to the hospital. As we all piled out of the car, I looked at both Maryann and her mom. My mother was inside, and with dad hurt, this probably wasn't the best time for her to find out what I was doing. I didn't want to go inside, but I had to. My dad was in there, and he might need me. Her mom took my hand and squeezed it, then we all walked in together. I could see that mom was standing by a bed in the emergency room.

"You better go in Debby. We'll all wait here."

I walked across the emergency room, then up to the bed where my father lay. Mom looked up at me.

"Your father was on a scaffold that collapsed, and like a dummy, he wasn't wearing his safety harness. After all those classes he had to go to! The doctor says that he has a broken leg and he'll be sore in a lot of places, but he'll be okay."

Reaching out, she took my hand in hers, squeezed, then I went to my dad. He was asleep from the medication, so I stroked his forehead and kissed him on the cheek. His hands were warm and he had a great pulse. Mom took my hand again and we walked out to see the others.

"He's going to be okay" I said.

"Boys, this is Debra's mother, Marion." She pointed at the boys, "This is….?"

"Mike and Jeff" Maryann said.

"Is there anything we can do for you Ma'am?" Mike sounded sincerely concerned.

"No, but thanks. Maybe Debra and I should stay here for a while, just to make sure he'll be okay. I have my car, so I'll make sure that she gets home alright."

"Let me stay with you Ma'am. I can get us some lunch if you like." Jeff was smiling, and had moved a bit closer to me.

"That would be very nice Jeff, thank you."

Jeff waited patiently as mom and I went in to see dad again, then, while we sat next to his bed…

"You're quite lovely."

"Gee thanks mom, just what I always wanted to hear. How come you weren't surprised to see me like…"

"A girl? That was easy honey. I got the credit card bill three days ago. There were charges from that lingerie store I get those catalogues from, you know, the ones you always like to look at? Then there was a long list from the department store. Lingerie, dresses, shoes, a makeup shop? Plus, some charges from places I didn't recognize, but it was obvious that you had decided to be a girl for the party, and knowing Maryann, I knew that she was helping you. That probably meant that she had you dressing up just to get used to it. That's why I wasn't surprised to see you dressed like a girl. What surprises me is that you have a young man with you."

"Mom! I'm…I only agreed because Maryann wanted to have a day with Mike! His buddy was involved, so I kind of got roped into it! You don't think that I…"

"Jeff is a very nice looking young man, and I can see for myself why he is attracted to you, so there is nothing to be ashamed of honey."

"Ma'am?" Looking up, we saw the nurse. "Your husband will be in surgery for a while, so maybe you would like to come back later? He'll be out of it for several hours, maybe until the morning."

Mom didn't like it, but the three of us left. Mom took us home rather than dropping Jeff and I at Maryann's apartment. She and I made a small lunch, the we sat at the kitchen table eating. Even though I had zero experience with guys, I could see for myself the way Jeff was looking at me, and that made me edgy. I was having enough trouble as it was just coping with being a girl, trying not to screw up, then having my dad in the hospital and my mom knowing what I was doing! The very last thing I needed was to have some guy making eyes at me! Mom never left us alone, except for when Jeff and I did the dishes. He was tall with short hair, brown eyes and an easy manner about himself; and polite almost to a fault. I could see why a girl, not me, could fall for a guy like him. Maryann and Mike showed up with her mom about an hour later. Our mom's went in the study while the rest of us went in the familyroom. They asked how dad was doing, then Mike wanted to know if we were still up for dinner and a show.

"We should ask our mom's, but I think it'll be okay. Wait here." Maryann was gone only a moment. "They said okay, but maybe you should take us home so we can sort of clean up first?"

We changed clothes, and later went out with the guys. By that point I had almost given up worrying about being discovered, and actually had a very nice time. Jeff did kiss me on the cheek, but that's all, and once we were inside the apartment, I collapsed on the couch. What had started out to be a mere costume for a party had escalated to become an adventure in what it's like being a girl! I had not planned on it, particularly going on a date, having my mom find out what I was doing, or even seeing me before the party, but that's what happened. "Be nice" Maryann had said, and she was right. I told myself I didn't want to be a girl, yet I had enjoyed my date, the attention, and the way my mom had accepted me the way I was. For some reason, dressing as a girl didn't seem so strange anymore. In some ways, it was even fun. In the past Maryann and I had tried different styles of makeup and hair and like two little girls, we giggled at, and with each other. For the first time in my life I found myself telling someone how I felt, and that someone, Maryann, seemed to know exactly what I meant.

There was one very special feature built into the device that made me look like a girl, but I had refused to even admit that to myself. The mere fact that I could, if I wanted to, make it with a guy was exciting, scary, and out of the question, but so far, I was the only one that knew it. I knew that Maryann was a virgin, she told me, but that did not mean that she didn't think about it, which I also found myself thinking about once or twice! I went in my room to undress, and found myself face to face with the girl I had become. There was no sign that I was a boy, only an awkward and very scared girl. I tried to put those thoughts aside, but I couldn't, because I knew in my heart that I liked wearing makeup and skirts, having my hair styled and the taste of lipstick. The fact that I liked all of those things really scared me. Boys do not want to be girls, it was as simple as that. I slipped out of the panty, and instantly felt naked somehow. Just the sight of my manhood could not revive thoughts of my previously intense desire to do this only for the party, and in some ways I felt like a voyeur. Looking at my male equipment, I wondered why seeing it made me feel that way, and quickly pulled the panty back on then went to bed, thinking of everything that had happened to me that day.

By the morning I had made up my mind, and asked Maryann to remove the breast forms, which she reluctantly did, then I spent an hour becoming myself again, the boy I had not seen for a while. Maryann, with no advance knowledge of what I was doing, was shocked when she saw me, but after telling her I was going out, I left the apartment and went to my mothers house. I was confused because I found out that I liked being a girl, and afraid of what that might mean. I needed my mom to tell me that I was okay, that I was her son, and I needed her to tell me she still loved me, regardless of the fact that I had been dressing a girl for almost a month. When she opened the door I fell into her arms and started crying like a baby. As she held me we went in and sat down. Like a dance with no choreography, my words tumbled out in a mishmash of disconnected thoughts and fears. One after another those thoughts became words as I stumbled to find some way to tell her what was happening to me. I had to know if I was a freak, some sideshow attraction, a boy that liked being a girl, but kept denying it. It wasn't about Maryann, or Jeff, or anyone else, it was all about me. As my mother stroked my hair and listened I wondered if Debra, the girl I had become, could just fade away and disappear.

"It's tough when you find out something about yourself, even when you always thought it was wrong, isn't it?" I said nothing. "Until a few days ago I had no idea what you were up to, even when you and Maryann started sharing that apartment, but when I did find out, I was actually relieved!"

"You were?"

"We both knew that you hated those parties we always dragged you to, but we only wanted you to experience the same fun we always did. The outlandish costumes, the dancing, and the music. It was as if you were not letting us into your world, and at the same time you shut yourself out of ours! Dressing as a girl is a time honored costume, and many men have used it over the years at a number of parties. There is nothing to be ashamed of because you're dressing as a girl!"

"But I…"

"But you have come to like it, haven't you?"

"You hate me mother, I just know it! Now that I'm not the son you wanted!"

"That's not true! If you had said that having a son that wanted to be a girl, then yes. I will admit that I don't like it one bit, but you have always been a wonderful son!"

"I never said that I wanted to be a girl!"

"Not in so many words, that's true. But if it isn't true, why are you crying? It's clear to me that you have found out that you like being a girl, that it can be fun, and now you're worried that everyone will hate you for it. Right? Well I don't hate you. I don't understand what you're feeling, but I don't hate you."

"Can I come back home? Please?"

Mom just sat there for a moment, then she smiled. "I'd like that. I miss having you here. I know that you and Maryann have become close, so why not give us the same chance?"

"Huh?"

"When you move back, I want you to help me understand how and why you feel about this. Maybe…what if I asked Debra to come back? Maybe together we can find out what's going on, and why you feel this way."

"Me? Debra? Mom, I…what I mean is…"

"It will be different having two women in the house, and your father will have to adjust, but how can we ever understand what's going on, and maybe even help you understand, unless we see Debra every day?"

"Maryann's mom says that you always wanted a daughter. Is that why you…"

"That's insulting! It's true that I always wanted a daughter, you knew that, but I would never think of making you dress like one…that you could…that's not why I… I always wanted a daughter, but that never happened, and for you to say, or even imply that I wouldn't want you is just plain mean! You are who you are! Nobody can change that! If you decide that being a girl is what's right for you, then how can I say no? Even if we tried to discouraged you, if you knew that it was right for you, all you would do is move back in with Maryann! Then what? Would we ever see you again? I'm not going to gamble on that honey. We'll still love you no matter what, but if being a girl is what is right for you, even if neither of us like it! We'll just have to adjust to it, and our liking it simply doesn't figure into it!"

We talked for a long time, then mom suggested that I go back to Maryann's and change. She said she would pick me up. After a few more words to tell me it was alright, I left, going back to the apartment. Maryann wanted to know what was going on, so I told her. It took almost an hour to change and get ready, then mom, Maryann, and I went to see dad. Maryann was very subdued as I told her how I felt, yet she held my hand tightly as we walked into my fathers room. He was awake, watching the news, his leg in a cast held up by a sling when we walked in. He looked at us, then his eyes settled on me. He knew who I was, yet he could see that I had on a short skirt and looked like a girl.

"Honey, this is Debra. Let's all sit down, and I'll tell you all about her." Mom sounded giddy in a way.

As I sat there mom detailed how I had come to be wearing a skirt, then told him that since he would need some help at home, she had asked me to come back to help out. His very first question was if I planned on dressing as a girl at home! Mom and Maryann said yes while I just nodded my head. He lay there staring at the ceiling for a moment, then quietly nodded his head in agreement. I kissed him, which wasn't unusual, leaving a lipstick print was, but when he caught a whiff of my perfume, he looked up into my eyes.

"You smell good" he said, then closed his eyes and fell asleep!

"He's tired. We'll come back later, but right now I think that we should get all of Debra's things home."

We moved everything, and that night, mom saw me naked for the first time. It wasn't accidental either. I wanted her to know just how complete I looked, which might help us both learn to cope with what was happening to me. She knocked, and I opened the bedroom door, standing there without a stitch of clothing on as she first gasped, then sat on the bed. I let her touch me, then I slipped on some panties and a robe. Sitting next to her, I told her all about the special panty, the padding, and the breast forms. How they all glued on, functioned, everything. When I was done she sat there with her eyes wide open, not saying a word. Then she told me to go to bed!

After that I always dressed as a girl, and when dad got home, I tended to him. He was in a wheel chair for a while, then crutches. My dressing as a girl had not made me weaker, and I was able to help him when he needed it. He wasn't in any condition to make me quit dressing as a girl, but he never said a word about it either. As the days went by my hair got longer and I started doing my nails, all while mom kept buying things for me. A blouse or a skirt, maybe jeans or a top, never mentioning it. They just seemed to appear. Then Jeff called me. Dad answered the phone, handing it to me with a plain face. "Boyfriend"? He asked. I needed a break, so when Jeff asked me to the show, I said yes, smiling back at my dad as I hung up the phone. If he could tease me, I could dish it out just as well.

Jeff was once again impeccably polite, especially when he met my dad. We had a good time, and I was relaxed and at ease with myself, until we stood at my front door. I knew he was going to do it, and I was right. I got it, right on the lips, twice. Going inside I ran to my room and undressed, then I jumped into bed naked. Jeff, both my friend and the cause of some serious concern, foremost in my mind. Putting him out of my mind, I decided it was time to make my first appointment at a beauty shop, and asked mom to go with me. The party was two days away, so I had my appointment the same day. I had the works, eyebrows plucked, my hair and nails done, as well as my makeup. Then we went home. Locking myself in my bedroom, I carefully slipped into a bubblebath, shaved myself all over, then began to get dressed. Neither of my parents knew what I was wearing, and even though they had seen Debra every day for almost a month, I was positive they would be shocked. Starting with the white almost a thong panties, pantyhose without the thicker and darker panty, and my white corset, I laced myself down as far as I could stand, then stepped into the bathing suit portion of the outfit and pulled it up.

After making sure that I had plenty of cleavage, I pulled the skirt on, moved the slit to the side, and stepped into the shoes. Gold and white earrings, a small rhinestone choker and tennis bracelet to match, lipstick in bright red, and perfume to finish. I couldn't stop myself from looking, reveling in the way I looked. I opened my bedroom door and stepped out, saw nobody in sight, then went to the familyroom. Barely able to stand up, dad did just that, while mom's eyes went wide.

"I…I can see right through that!"

"But you don't see anything dad! It's like a bath suit underneath!"

"You look exquisite honey! I knew, but I never imagined!"

"Why aren't you dressed? Aren't you going?"

"We'll be along later. Why don't you go ahead. We'll meet you there Deb."

"You sure dad? I mean, I can wait…"

"No, that's okay. You go."

The doorbell rang, and mom went to get the door. I heard voices, then I turned to see Superman standing there. It was Jeff of course, but I had not invited him, so that meant that one or both of my parents had! The doorbell rang again, and in walked Maryann and Mike. They were dressed like Cinderella and her Prince. Superman took my arm and led me to the car with Maryann and Mike following. Mom and dad showed up about an hour after we did, as a nurse and patient. It was a wonderful evening, and while I didn't win, it was worth every bit of effort I put into it. I lost because I couldn't unmask myself. I could have, but…I couldn't bring myself to do it. That night Jeff and I had our first make out session, and while nothing else happened, it was revealing in that I didn't mind having him want me. After that night he did not call me for almost two weeks, which is when I had another crisis of doubt, and once again tried to become the boy underneath it all, and failed miserably. I walked and talked like a girl, I felt naked without a bra, and I found myself sitting to use the bath, every time. It lasted for three whole days before my dad dragged me into his office and sat me down.

"You know that I miss having my son, but every since you started dressing this way, things have changed around here! You were sometimes argumentative and stubborn once in a while, before Debra arrived, and we could handle that! But as a girl, we never once saw that part of you, and until a few days ago, when we attended that party, we didn't realize exactly how much you've changed! If you're going to be testy and miserable around us like you have been the last few days, then I'm telling you to go change right now!"

"I thought you didn't like Debra!"

"I wanted my son back, which does not mean that I wanted Debra gone! But clearly, you are much happier as a girl than you ever were our son; what I'm saying is, I would rather have a happy, well adjusted daughter than a surly inconsiderate son! Is that clear enough?"

"Yes sir."

"Good! Now tell me what's bothering you."

There wasn't any way I was going to tell my dad that I was upset because Jeff hadn't called, not dressed as a boy anyway, so I told him that I would change, and went to my room. Once I had changed clothes, I went back in and told my father why I was upset. He couldn't help me of course. I never again reverted to being a boy, and our lives returned to an almost even keel. Jeff finally called me, telling me he had been called up, couldn't tell me where he was, and would be out of touch for a while. "Called up?" I phoned Maryann to find out if she knew anything. It turned out that Jeff, according to Mike, was in some kind of specialty outfit put together by the Army, and as a reservist, he had been called up for duty! I hadn't known that. Hell, I didn't even know what Jeff was a specialist in! His being away explained, I settled down and took a job as a file clerk so I wasn't lounging around the house all day.

Working as a girl wasn't at all like just being a girl. The other girls were sneaky, vicious, back biting bitches if they thought it would help them, and the language they used in the restroom wasn't at all like I envisioned it would be, Talk about boyfriends, fashions, female problems and sex populated the conversation, with an occasional lewd joke tossed in. It was an eye opener that's for sure! About a month after I started working I had my first appointment with the doctor. He took about ten seconds to approve of and write me a prescription to help me be a girl. With no boyfriend, I started taking classes part time at a local college, whiling away my time at work and school. My parents never once said a word about me being a girl, which was good, because that's how I saw myself. Maryann and I would see each other on Thursday nights and tell all, but listening to her talk about Mike while all I could do was listen was getting depressing.

Almost six months to the day I last saw him, Jeff appeared on my front porch, a grin on his face and a single flower in his hand. His other hand held a cane! He wouldn't tell me what happened, not exactly anyway; all he would say was that the Air Force missed a target. Since I knew that the only bombing our government was involved in was far away, I guessed. Then I remembered that the only troops there were specialists. Snipers and targeting specialists. Since I knew he was Army and not Air Force, that made him a sniper. Still, I was overjoyed to see that he was in one piece, even if he did had a few dents. The pills I had been taking had reacted with my body chemistry quickly, and I no longer had to use the breast forms, which meant that when Jeff and I went out that night, what he got a handful of was all me.

Being a woman I was well aware of the effect I could have on Jeff, but being a woman is more than that. It's about loving someone more than yourself, wanting to fill a void they didn't know existed. As a woman being held by a man, I was excited at what might lay ahead for us, and when he took me home that night, I went to bed confidently assured that I had been woman enough to capture a mans heart. Hopefully someday, it will be more than that.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Janet Stickney. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
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