I started this story in 2003 as a series, which I did not complete. I have now revised the original story line and completed the story. I am grateful to Holly for all her help. If there are still errors, it is not because Holly did not do a good job as editor.

 

Mommy Must I

Robin Diaz

Chapter Eight

   

Mrs. Strikler parked the car. She sat in the car thinking about Bobby and what she overheard the night before. She was disturbed by Becky's comment about Bobby having a boyfriend. She spent her day worrying about him. She thought about having the 'sex talk' with him several times during the year. Each time she avoided the talk, uncertain what to say. She now knew that she could not avoid the talk any longer. She had also spent the day rethinking her position on allowing Bobby to wear girl's clothes. She had changed her mind several times during the day, not sure which was the mistake, denying or allowing him. She knew her sister's attitude, be supportive and encouraging. Most important let him know he is loved. She did love him, but that did not make the situation any less complicated.

Becky saw her Mom sitting in the car, "Mom's home." She looked at Bobby, "Do you guys want to get out of the house; maybe go to the movies tonight?"

All week Vanessa had been wanting to go out on a date with Bobbie Sue. In unison both said, "Yeah." Realizing what they had done, they lightly punched each other on the shoulder, "Psyche", and then giggled. Becky thought 'teeny-boppers'.

"Well, if you want to go to the movies you're going to have to act sweet. Be bubbly; maybe give Mom a small hug when she enters. Don't just say 'Hey'." Becky emphasized 'hey' in a deeper monotone voice. She also slouched and cocked her head to the side.

I didn't like being mocked.

Vanessa looked at me. She could see I was angry, "It would be nice to go to the movies." She hoped to stop the argument before it started.

"Listen to your boyfriend," Becky stated.

We both gave her a cold stare.

"Just joking."

We opened our mouths ready to protest when we heard the car door shut. Mom entered the trailer. It felt a little awkward greeting Mom with a hug, but I did what was necessary to get out of the house. Mom was taken back and pleasantly surprised with my greeting. I had not hugged her at the door since I was in preschool.

"That was a nice greeting," she looked at me and asked light heartedly, "What did you do wrong?"

"Nothing, can't I say hi?" I rebuffed, with a small pout. I knew she would see through my insincere greeting. Well it wasn't totally insincere. Over the last week, I had discovered that I enjoyed giving and receiving the small hugs from Vanessa. However, I also thought it sissy like behavior, which made me uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, I should know that you would never do anything wrong." She looked at Bobby in his new skirt and top. She was amazed at how much he now looked like Becky. "The outfit looks very good on you," She said stepping back to admire him more.

"You think," I smiled and struck a pose. I quickly became self-conscious about posing like a girl.

Mrs. Strikler was surprised at how feminine Bobby was acting. It was like she had two teenage daughters. She was no longer confused with what was best for Bobby. The thought reminded her that she had to give Bobbie Sue the 'sex talk.' Approaching Becky for the sex talk was easy; a natural event for a mother and daughter. She decided to give Bobbie Sue the same talk she had given Becky.

"Hi Mom," Becky said. "How was work?"

She looked at Becky, "Work was Okay, a typical Friday, a little aggravating." She knew Becky only acted concerned when she wanted something, "What is going on?"

"Nothing," Becky paused for a moment. "Well, actually, Bobby wants to go to the movies. I told him that you would never relent on his punishment."

Mom questioned Becky, "And you're helping his cause?"

"He asked, insisted that I help. I warned him you would see through the nice routine. However, I was thinking Bobbie Sue was not the one who got in trouble. She has been a dear all this week helping me with the dress. I think she earned a night out."

"And you?" Mom asked Becky.

"Well, yes. I didn't just sit around all day, I cleaned the trailer," She motioned for her mother to see how clean the trailer looked.

Mrs. Strikler looked around, "Wow, I'm impressed."

Vanessa and I shot Becky a look. I was ready to protest, but Becky singled for me to be quiet. We could not believe that Becky had the nerve to take credit for our work, especially after she spent the last hour talking on the phone.

Mrs. Strikler was delighted that the two were working together. It reminded her of her and her sister, "Okay, you can go to the movies."

"Thank you," Becky said, with a little bounce.

"I can't afford for us to eat out, so you will have to start dinner," she told Becky.

"Me! Why not Bobbie Sue," Becky continued to complain, "he hadn't done anything all day."

"I need to talk to Bobby," Mom stated.

"But, I…" Mom cut her off with the stop signal, raising her hand in front of Becky's face.

"Vanessa you should go ask your mother if you can go to the movies tonight." She looked back at Becky, "Bake the chicken strips and fries." Then she looked at me, "I need to talk to you."

Vanessa stepped up to me and whispered, "I'll see you soon."

Becky walked away mumbling, thinking it wasn't right that she had to cook dinner. She didn't think it was right that her Mom shoved her hand in her face. She didn't think it was right that Bobby got away with everything.

"Bobbie, we can talk in my room," Mom motioned for me to follow her.

Her bedroom was larger than mine. However, she had a Queen sized bed; and like my room, the bed took up most of the floor space.

"Sit next to me," She told me patting the bed.

I tucked my skirt as I sat. I went to cross my legs, but because of the height of the bed sitting with my legs crossed was uncomfortable. I switched my posture to hold my knees together and cross my ankles, but that felt awkward. I was not sure how to sit. When, I noticed Mom watching me, I realized I was acting 'girlish.' I did not want her to get the wrong idea. She thought she was punishing me by making me wear girl's clothes. She had no idea that I was enjoying myself. I thought about sitting like a boy with my legs spread apart, so she wouldn't get the wrong idea about me.

Mrs. Strikler decided to give Bobbie Sue a hint. She crossed her legs, even though she was wearing slacks, and adjusted herself to lean on one hand. She sat facing Bobbie Sue. Bobby mirrored her actions, not realizing that he had followed her lead until after he saw he was sitting like her.

"Bobbie Sue I need to talk to you," She paused. She thought to herself, 'Bobbie Sue is my daughter, and she needs to know.' "I want to talk to you about sex."

"Mom!" I blushed.

"You're a teenager and…"

I cut her off, "No way!" I stood to leave. The thought of having the sex talk with her was a total embarrassment.

Mom pulled me back down, "Bobbie I should have had this talk with you months ago. We are going to have it now."

"Mom, I don't need to talk. They taught us in health class."

"Bobby we're having the talk," she held on to my arm. "And sit properly."

I crossed my legs and adjusted my skirt. I felt uneasy, and trapped.

"I know in school they went over the physical aspect of the male and female body; and the act of procreation, sex."

"Mom, really, I know."

"Bobbie Sue," Mom cut in, her tone authoritative.

"I just don't," I was intent on getting out of the conversation.

Mom raised her hand in front of my face, "Don't interrupt me again!"

I heard her command, "Sorry." I decided that I would sit and pretend to listen. When she was done talking, I would get the hell out of her room.

"Bobbie Sue, it is important for a girl to understand more than how a baby is created. There is much more to dating. First, teenage boys have one track minds. All they want is sex."

I thought about her statement that boys only think of sex. I felt that was inaccurate. I did not always think of sex. I tried to remember what I thought the other day when Vanessa stood in front of me in her underwear. I didn't think of sex. I remembered being scared. I remembered that I was amazed with her breasts; and at how soft and smooth her skin looked. I remembered that I did want to touch her breasts. However, I did not think of sex. I started to have doubts about myself. Maybe I wasn't normal. Any real boy would have tried to have sex with her. It is true that sex was the common subject in the boy's toilet room in school. It is also true that a real boy would never wear girl's clothes, let alone enjoy doing so. I knew I was not normal. I had wondered if I was gay. Then I thought, 'if I was gay I would think of sex with boys'. I had never thought of sex with a boy. I had never really thought of sex. My thoughts of Vanessa were more about being girlfriends; which were confusing.

"Do you understand what I telling you?" Mom asked.

I did not hear much of what she told me, "Yeah"

"Now, Becky started to take the pill at your age but I don't see any reason for you to take the pill. You can't become pregnant nor will you be troubled by cramping pains. I did stop at the drug store." Mom picked up her purse and pulled out a packet of condoms. "I'm not condoning sex at your age. I'm just being practical. If you find yourself…"

I could see she was starting to have problems discussing sex with me.

"Well you know. If the boy did not bring any of his own, then." She placed the condoms in my hand.

I sat dumbfounded. This wasn't about Mom worrying that Vanessa and I having sex. She thought I was going to have sex with a boy.

"Make sure they wear it, even…" Again she had troubles saying the words. She felt the talk had gone easier with Becky. It was natural to tell Becky how boys were pigs, and how they sniffed around like dogs, only wanting one thing. She couldn't say that to her son. She looked at him in his skirt, sitting with his legs crossed, which she noticed were hairless and smooth. She realized he had shaved his legs. She also saw that he had shaved his armpits and that his nails were painted. Her little boy was becoming a young lady. "…even with oral sex. You can still get a STD from oral sex, even if you don't swallow. Another thing, you can never trust a boy. A boy will say that he will pull out before, you know …Don't trust them, they won't."

Mom looked at me waiting to hear what I had to say. My first thought was, 'Mom, gross, yuck.' I sat dumbfounded and disgusted, not knowing how to respond to her. I needed to escape, to get out of the girls clothes. I needed my life to go back to the way it was.

Mrs. Strikler was a little puzzled by Bobbie Sue's silence. Becky had many questions. They talked for hours, spending some time talking about the pill. It dawned on her that Bobbie Sue may feel uneasy asking about the pill. "I know I said there wasn't a reason for you to take the pill, because you can't get pregnant. However, it does help some girls with their complexion; if you want I can see what the doctor has to say." She stroked Bobbies Sue's hair.

"Ah," I did not understand why she thought I would want to take the pill or have sex with a boy. I sat in silence. I opened my mouth and closed it without uttering a sound.

She saw my reluctance to talk, "You do know you can come to me with anything. If you have a question or a problem, I'm here for you." With her fingers, she combed my bangs back and kissed me on the forehead. "I love you, and I am very proud of you."

I looked up at her. She could see the tears forming. Not knowing what I should do, I went with what felt natural, "Can I go?" I wanted to leave before I started to cry. I did not want to be seen crying.

Mrs. Strikler did not want him to leave. She wanted to have a heart to heart conversation with him. She felt that it was important that he share with her what he was feeling, "Not yet. Do you want to tell me something; something you feel is important?"

Before answering I used the back of my hands to wipe the tears from my eyes, "No." Thinking, 'You don't want to know the truth.'

Mrs. Strikler smiled working hard at suppressing the giggle inside her, "I'm sorry; it's just that you have raccoon eyes."

"Ha!" I did not understand her statement. Then I noticed the black streaks on the back of my hands.

"Tears and mascara don't mix." Mom took my hands and tugged me to stand, "Look in the mirror."

I stood. Looking in her mirror, I could see she was right; my eyes had large black rings like a raccoon. However, I didn't find it funny, "Damn!"

"Honey, Honey." She turned me around to face her. "It's Okay, it's no big deal. We can fix it."

That was when I started to cry. Mom pulled me in and held me. We stood that way for a short time; until I quit crying.

"I'm sorry," I stood erect and used the palms of my hands to clean the tears from my eyes. When I saw the blackness on my palms, I cursed again, "Damn!"

"It's Okay. There is no reason to be upset; we can fix it." She raised my head, "I can have you looking pretty in no time."

"Mom I don't want to look pretty," That was a lie. I didn't want to wish to look pretty. "Can I change?"

This confused her, "Honey what is wrong?"

"Nothing, can I change?"

"Not until you tell me what is wrong," she held my arms so I couldn't walk away.

I wanted to yell at her to let me go, but I could never disrespect her, "Nothing."

"Honey I think you need to tell me," She gave my arms a small squeeze.

"I…" I did not want to hear the words aloud. "I…" I looked Mom in the eyes and made my proclamation, "I like looking pretty."

"Of course you do Dear. All girls like to look pretty."

"Mom, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy. I shouldn't want to look pretty."

"You…" she looked at me and smiled, "You are my child, and I love you. If you want to look pretty, than that is who you are."

I didn't know how to respond. Her words made me feel better. I thought about how Vanessa was treating me, and now Mom, and smiled. Mom fiddled with my hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up. You can't be going to the movies with raccoon eyes," She let out a small giggle.

"I'll go change."

"Why? You look great in that outfit."

"I didn't think I was going to movies like this."

"Do you prefer the green dress?"

"I mean in a dress, like a girl. I can't leave the house looking like this."

"Sure you can, Dear. You are very pretty."

"Mom, if kids discover who I am, my life would be over. I could never again show my face in school."

She did not want to cause problems for Bobby, but she felt it necessary that he go out as Bobbie Sue. "I understand. I'll tell you what. I'll take you to the I-Max Theater. That is half-way across town. You shouldn't run into anyone from school." She gave him a questioning look, "Is that Okay?"

"Why must I wear a dress?"

"You can wear the skirt."

"You know what I mean. Why can't I wear jeans and a T-shirt?"

"Because you're being punished," that was not her reason, but she had determined earlier that Bobby would decide the limits of his actions. If he truly did not want to go to the movies as a girl, he would do more than whine; he would refuse.

I slumped my shoulders, rolled my eyes and sighed. Her comment was illogical, I can go to the movies, but since I was still being punished I had to go in a dress, "Never mind, I'll stay home."

She felt his comment was more of a whine than a refusal. She pushed him wanting a refusal, "I think it is too late to change your mind, Becky and Vanessa are looking forward to going out. You're stuck."

It was apparent that I was not going to change her mind, "Okay, if I'm stuck."

  

To Be Continued

  

  

  

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