Don't read this if you aren't legally entitled, morally equipped, or fully aware that the story is a fantasy invocation, descriptive of nothing, recommending nothing. Critical comment ofany kind sent to vickietern@aol.com is always welcome.

 

Mmmmmm!

by Vickie Tern

 

v.

 

It took less time than she'd anticipated, Nick's external conversion to womanhood, what with Kelly eager for it and determined to keep Nick off balance and Nick willing to cooperate until he could decide what to do, decide how to turn her, decide what he really wanted. Kelly kept his attention absorbed with trying to not look ridiculous, like some kind of pansy imitation of a woman, until even he could realize it was too late, that he was the real thing, or nearly. His inner conversion to womanhood would follow soon enough afterward.

When he woke the next morning Kelly was bright and cheery, her head busy with plans. "Today we begin. This will be wonderful for you, darling, I'll see that it is. I know what you're giving up for my sake, but think what we're both gaining! Sacrificing the notion that you're still a man won't be easy, I suppose, but I'm sure you can do it. I was so afraid you wouldn't love me enough to do it, but now that you've agreed I'm overwhelmed! Awed, really! I promise you, my darling, no matter how difficult this gets for you, no matter how difficult I may get with you sometimes, I really do mean to make it all worth while for you, ten times over. For the rest of our lives together. You're my one true love! I can't ...."

"Kelly," Nick interrupted, trying not to puncture her euphoria, but he had to. "I've agreed to this plan of yours. Your happiness is at stake and I want you to be happy. Our happiness is at stake. But you said some unsettling things last night, so unsettling I still can't think straight."

Kelly wasn't in the slightest surprised. "Good, sweetheart, I want you to feel unsettled. I want you to be bewildered about lots of things, uneasy and uncertain, so you'll depend all the more on my judgment. So you'll trust me because you can't trust anything you once thought you knew. So tell me what's on your mind. Always tell me everything, always, so we can cope with the little problems before they become big ones."

"First, you tell me you've been medicating me during the past two months, making me impotent? That's terrible! In heaven's name why?"

She nodded slowly. "Why? I've told you already. Those furious arguments we used to have, the quarreling, the shouting, the meanness whenever I wanted something and you didn't? The threats? I was so afraid you'd turn violent! Honey, it got so I couldn't tolerate it! Often when you left for work I was weeping so hard I couldn't even leave the house! I phoned around, and it was Rachel who first suggested tranquilizers. So Igave you some, enough to mellow you out, bigger doses each time. But even the bigger doses weren't enough. They weren't effective enough by themselves. You probably don't remember but for a time you were walking around like a zombie. You were no good to me that way."

"So I got more advice. Go after the mainspring of all male aggression, your male hormones. Rachel wanted me to go for it once and for all, get you diagnosed with testicular cancer requiring an orchiectomy, and see to it that your balls were cut off. But that seemed cruel. She was very persuasive. It's only a wrinkly bag with a couple of lumps inside, she'd say, and you don't want kids, so why not?. But still, men do feel protective about the things, so I couldn't put you through the horror of finding them gone. In the end she told me how Kevin mellows out whenever she gives him a cancer drug, a male hormone suppressant. He used to tom cat around a lot, still does, but she controls him with it when he gets too obvious. And now and then she doses him when he gets disagreeable, too. And he doesn't even know! So I cut back on your tranquilizers a little and added the hormone suppressant, and it worked! My sweet baby emerged. No more testosterone! No more temper! Gone!"

Almost in a singsong afterthought she added, "Of course my baby also lost her zest for sex. Pretty much all interest in it, didn't she? The spark isn't really there any more, is it?"

Nick nodded. It wasn't. Even less now that he knew she was responsible for it and yet saw no harm done.

"So it cost both of us. I must say, ordinary sex with you is now quite boring, Nickie. It's just as well we're done with it. I sometimes couldn't enjoy it even at its best, not after our arguments. I'd be too angry, too conflicted, too unwilling to give you pleasure! So mostly I just used you to get me off, and I suspect you used me that way too! Then a few months ago I began daydreaming about other kinds of sex, especially what I had with Janet. I realized that without my intending it, all those drugs were preparing you to replace Janet, in a way. It's true that you still get soft erections, sometimes. But that won't happen much longer, and you don't much feel much like using them nowadays anyway, do you? It's just as well. A girl has no need for erections."

She seems so sure of herself, Nick was thinking. Why?

"Of course I don't want you to go all the way as a girl and ... ahhhh... become the same kind of woman I am. To enjoy everything women enjoy. To have a vagina of your own between your legs where someone could lick you or thrust into you. It might be nice for you, because then some day some man could help make you glad you're a woman. But it's risky. I don't want to lose you just because you've gotten dick-happy. So if you do find you must have a man inside you, you'll just have to make do, welcome him with your asshole. You're my girl, no one else's."

Nick tried to return to the main topic. "So I haven't been feeling horny because of the drugs?"

Duhhh? she was thinking. Where has he been? "That and maybe something else. You were right when you said that I haven't been encouraging you. I haven't. I've been weaning myself away your cock, sweetheart, now that I don't need it."

She had arrived at what was for Nick the heart of the matter. Nick tried to ignore his jealousy, to keep his tone of voice casual, but that was what had hurt him the most. That contained his deepest sense of betrayal, worse than those drugs. "Weaning yourself away from me by making love to other men?" he asked as if absent mindedly, the answer of no special interest.

"No, not at all! Nick, I mean Nicola, I've told you! By fucking other men!" Kelly replied. "By having sex with them. That's what it's called. Love is what we do, honey -- fuck is what they do. You see, sweetheart, I've learned a whole new vocabulary for controlling other men. 'Fuck' and 'cunt' and 'cocksucker' and 'fisting' and 'rim job' and 'bugger' for example. Direct, honest words. I've done a lot of things with other men and to other men that we never attempted. I've learned how to get them to do lots of things for me. And I've learned the words that pertain!"

Though she was trying to reassure him, Nick felt tears rise up in his heart. He'd hadn't lost her love, however it had always expressed itself, but he'd lost his exclusive rights to her body and he hadn't even known it! She was no longer his! He tried to ask something more, but nothing came. He choked and tried to swallow. He couldn't even do that!

She saw of course. She took his hands in hers. "Sweetheart, this doesn't affect us at all! Not really! What did you expect? Of course I'm fucking other men, and I won't say it isn't fun! Of course it's fun! You're less and less able, and I'm as hot as ever. You should have known I'd get my pussy filled up somewhere else!"

Again he tried to speak. Kelly saw, and decided to lay it all out.

No point of return.

"Honey, I know what's bothering you. You're still thinking about yourself, not about us! That damn male ego is hurt! Always feeling insecure, always feeling threatened! Remember what I said about male jealousy? Well, let me relieve you of all of your anxieties all at once! Yes, some men have bigger cocks than yours, some much bigger, and yes size does make a difference, they reach further into me and stretch me out more so I cum harder and longer than I ever did with your cock in me, and yours wasn't too bad in its prime! It's a loss, in a way. And yes some men can hold out longer so I get off more times when their cocks are deep inside me than I do with yours, and yes they've been inside my body in places you've never been, my ass for example, because when you tried I might have been feeling contrary or spiteful so I never let you, and yes when I got used to it I found I liked it. That it was just great. In fact it's fabulous! It's too bad you'll never know what it's like to get into me there. But look what you've got instead!"

Kelly took Nick's hand and enclosed it protectively in both of hers, and looked directly, unwaveringly, deep into his eyes, and continued. "There's no competition, baby. There never was. I don't love these guys, so I feel free to play with them. There's one guy who can make me cum just riding on his hand, and can blow me away by the way he kisses my nipples! And the things I can make them put in their mouths? And swallow? One of my guys has a huge pet dog. Did I ever ask you to give a dog a blow job? To deep throat a dog cock and swallow the cum? Then the next time do it without even being asked, just to please me? And get to like it? No, I never asked you because I love you. I only use him! Strictly speaking, I use his cock. The way nowadays he uses his dog's cock on his own asshole. Because it turns us both on!"

She had warmed to her subject as if her husband were really already her girlfriend. As if he were a confidante delighted to share her experiences with men. "Once there were three guys in me and I really couldn't tell where the pleasure was coming from -- I was one huge quivering harp string -- it was practically an out-of-body experience. By the time they'd all three pumped their cum into me I was on another planet!" Then she squeezed Nick's hand and looked into his eyes, and spoke so tenderly to him that he almost cried! "You'd never want to deny me that, would you, sweetheart? Remember, not even the best sex with other men can satisfy me the way you can with your bare face in my pussy. None of it's like sex with my sweet new girlfriend, you darling!"

"Kelly, who were these men? Who are they?"

Her face turned firm. "You want to know if you know them, I suppose! If maybe one of your buddies is fucking your wife. Well, what difference does it make now? You aren't a rival, you aren't a man, you're my girlfriend! When you're ready, honey, you'll find out. I promise. You'll know. If you like, at first hand. And that's all I mean to say about that!"

"You intend to keep seeing them?" Despite himself his interrogation was becoming a grilling! This was not at all what he'd expected to hear, even last night when he decided to pretend he was her girlfriend Janet. That was to keep her. But now she was telling Nick she was already gone, her body was, anyhow! Long gone! No longer his. That for all he knew he was sharing her with half the world's population! He couldn't get used to the fact.

"Sweetheart, Nicola, how can I answer you? When you're really and truly my girlfriend I'll tell you everything I do and everything I intend to do, and I'll listen to your advice. That's the way girlfriends are. Now, no more! Let's get some breakfast." She closed down altogether. "Here, try this on! I know you love it. It's your taste, you chose it, remember!"

She handed Nick a pink satin robe with a quilted collar and small appliqued flowers. He still felt dumbfounded , but he finally recognized it as one of his Christmas presents to her of last year. He looked at it for a moment, not comprehending, then at her, then back at the robe. He hesitated.

"I chose it for you, honey," Nick said. His face was flushed.

Wear a woman's robe, in front of his own wife?

"Sure you feel embarrassed. But I want you to wear it. And you agreed, sweetie," Kelly said, her voice carefully neutral.

He slipped it on. It fit.

"That's my girl!" she said, and threw her arms around him and kissed him. "It's yours now until we can get you a robe of your own. One you think makes you look as pretty as I think you'll look. Maybe today, even." Then she left to go down to the kitchen.

Before following her Nick called his office to assess how long he could loiter at home this morning to deal with this new turn in his life.

He received some shocking news. "Nick," the office manager told him. "Don't you know? How can you not know? Remember the Garfield proposal, the one we were talking about a month ago? It came through suddenly a few days ago. The whole buyout. I phoned you to tell you it's done, not to bother coming in, so the lower level staff could get accustomed to their new bosses. You didn't get the message? I left it on your answerer, and then your wife called back to confirm it, yes here's the notation on the log. It was announced officially to everybody yesterday afternoon. It's a done deal. Where were you yesterday?"

"In my office, trying to get some work done. I was a little distracted. I didn't talk to anyone." He remembered the strange look his secretary had given him. He'd spent the day fearful and anxious, worrying that his wife had hinted she was sleeping with other men. That fear seemed so irrelevant now! She'd done it, and he'd accepted the fact. Nearly.

"Well, you're done with it now. Congratulations! Our CEO and all of the regional VPs including you are officially on leave as of this morning, all of you floating away on your golden parachutes. So you're all out of a job. But when you cash in your stock options you'll be rich enough."

Nick had begun early with the company, and the stock had split many times since then. As had his options. "I guess."

"Garfield took over just one hour ago. We've cleared out your office and your personal stuff is probably en route to your house right now. Relax and enjoy. It was good knowing you!"

Nick wished him well and hung up, and then just sat there. Kelly had gotten this message a few days ago and seen her opportunity. She'd seen in his sudden unexpected idleness and new wealth a way to change their marriage radically, not just to neuter him and then enjoy the whole male population until he caught on and they divorced, but a way to bring him into line with what she'd already done to him. Recast him as Janet and stay married. She'd rendered him impotent to stop the quarreling and improve their lives together, no doubt of that, but probably also to revenge herself for past injuries done her. Maybe to provide herself an excuse to leave him for one of the other men she'd been seeing? Or for all of them. But now that he had lots of time and money, she didn't want to leave him. A better idea had occurred to her -- enjoy her lovers and her husband both, each in the ways she loved most! As her girlfriend he'd never leave her! She'd made some decisions, and yesterday morning she had acted on them by opening her pussy to his mouth..

Should he feel insulted that she hadn't told him he was now suddenly one of the idle rich? Should he feel pleased that she was so eager to remain married to him despite everything? Even if his money was now an important part of it, she did just declare that she loved him, and he didn't doubt it. He also didn't doubt that she cherished her new special relationship with him. She really did want a live-in girlfriend.

He went down to the kitchen and found Kelly folding an omelet onto two plates and setting out some buttered toast. The coffee was almost ready.

"Kelly," he said. He wanted to hear her explanation, feeling faintly annoyed despite the tranquilizers she was feeding him somehow. He noticed that their extension phone was on the kitchen counter instead of the hall table. She'd heard the clicking as he'd made his call, and she'd listened in. So she knew he knew. And she wanted him to know she knew. She'd left it there. She was a lawyer, it wasn't accidental.

"Kelly," he said instead. "Is there anything else I should know that you haven't told me?"

She seized the coffee pot and sat herself down. "Lots, but now we have lots of time. You mean about the Garfield takeover? Forget about it! You're free and at leisure, and that's all that matters! That's what gives us this opportunity. What you need to know is that I'm taking a few days off from my own work so we can develop this new relationship we've got together, full time and uninterrupted. You'll be a very different girl soon, honey!"

"I don't doubt it," Nick said. "Seeing that I'm not a girl at all right now."

"Oh, yes you are," Kelly said. "You agreed. Think about it. It's all over but the doing, unless you want to welsh on your promises and then pack up and leave, the way I intended to leave you some months ago, and again last night. And I would have, Garfield stock options or no stock options. Do you want to leave? Don't be wishy-washy, there's the door! Go!"

She stared at him impassively as he stood there in his pink satin robe, but he sensed the disappointment in her eyes. Then she began to argue earnestly. "What are you now, honey? I'll tell you what you are. To the world, when the world finds out, you're an impotent wimp husband, a dupe and a cuckold, a pitiable and ridiculous eunuch, someone our friends will laugh at when they know, because you've been a contemptible bastard of a husband, and they've all known that for years, so they'll enjoy seeing you taken way down. They'll all find out sooner or later, you know. Some of my women friends already know, I've kept them informed ever since your penis first went on vacation. They all celebrated, though because of their loyalty to me their husbands don't know yet. Not yet. Are you with me so far?"

Nick was.

"But if any of them call you a wimp, right now I can deny it!

Because I don't think you're a lame excuse for a husband at all! You're my deeply devoted, loving, girlfriend-in-training! You're incredibly courageous, worthy of everyone's respect, even their awe, once they know what you've agreed to do for me, what you're willing to give up for me in the name of our love for each other."

Oh God, not again, he thought. He decided to be diplomatic. "I guess you're right. I'm your girlfriend."

Kelly took note with a flick of her eyelids, then continued her catechism. "Good. Now look at that robe you're wearing. What's the first thought that comes into your head."

"That you want me to get one of my own and return it to you," he replied.

"That's right. But what material do you want to wear? What shade?

What kind of a woman are you?"

He knew what she wanted him to reply. "I don't know," he said. "Something. I'll see what the different stores have. I'll have to see for myself what I think would look nice. Pink satin feels a little extreme for me right now."

She looked proud of him, and for some reason that made Nick feel proud too. "You may not have meant it, or you may have said more than you meant to say, sweetheart, but that's a girl's response. Exactly right. We'll begin looking today. This morning we'll make you presentable enough so this afternoon we can go shopping, so you can find out right away what looks nice on you, what's really you. Not too feminine at first, as you say."

Nick felt a sudden clutching in his gut! "Kelly! You mean for me to leave the house dressed as a girl? Today? I can't do that!"

"You need a robe of your own, honey. You just said it, and you'll need to try it on to see if it's really you. You need a whole new wardrobe! So that's what we'll do. As for going out in women's clothes, there'll always have to be a first time. The sooner the better. And who would you rather look like when you're trying on different robes and lingerie and dresses in different stores? Nick or Nicola? We can do it either way, sweetie!"

Nick was embarrassed. "I know what I look like," he told her, genuinely fearful. "I don't know what Nicola looks like. Maybe a freak?"

Kelly was pleased. He'd implicitly agreed! This was so much easier than she'd anticipated! "No, Nicola is not a freak! Not my girlfriend! Not if I can help it, honey, and I can! I want you to enjoy every minute of your new gender, remember? Finished eating? I forgot to mention, that was your last meal as a man, your last manly breakfast. By noon you're going to be a girl, maybe not very feminine yet, and maybe not yet firmly in your own mind, but convincingly enough for others. In my mind that's how I see you already. By tonight hundreds of other people will have seen that same girl. Above all, you'll have seen her, and accepted her as yourself! So you're slimming down after today. You need curves, not bulges. Stack your dishes and let's go upstairs and find out what Nicola looks like. I think I know. You'll be pleased."

Maybe humoring her to gain time wasn't such a good idea, Nick thought. She wants to move fast! I can't back off just yet.

An hour later he was stark naked, his body utterly hairless. He'd already rubbed a fragrant, warm oil into his skin to soften it, and now he was sitting at Kelly's makeup table while she put his hair up in rollers and then sprayed it stiff. Soon after, it formed a molded halo around his head and then tumbled down his neck. He was wearing her panties, and she'd clasped one of her stretched out brassieres around his chest.

She was studying its empty cups. "You'll want your own breasts, but for now we'll need to improvise," she said.

My own breasts, Nick repeated, dazed. He watched puzzled as she opened her lingerie drawer and took some condoms from a large, half-empty container, expertly stripped the foil, pushed one inside the other, and handed them to him. Then did it again. "Doubled," she said. "Two layers, just to be safe."

What was a box of condoms doing in her bureau? A box already half-empty?

Seeing his puzzled expression, she grinned broadly. "No, sweetie, not that, not now! These aren't for your prick, even doubled! It doesn't get hard enough these days to need a condom. No, just take them into the bathroom and fill them with warm water, not too much, and then knot them. These are your breasts for now. Enjoy them!"

A pair of nested condoms in each hand, he gestured at the half-empty box still visible in her half-open drawer. "You use these?" he asked vaguely.

"I refill my purse with some every morning, yes," she replied evenly. "You never know what the day will bring. But I don't use them myself, no." She said nothing more. Let him imagine my men in a line stretching to the horizon, condom-covered pricks at full mast, she thought. The poor dear really does need to get used to the idea. Eventually I'll tell him the condoms are only for the occasional strange man I may pick up when it suits my fancy. That most of my men ride me bare, that they squirt jism deep into me and then leave it there so I'll have something to remember them by when they go home to their wives.

Nick found when he had filled and installed them that the water-filled condoms were heavy. They pulled on his bra straps and jounced when he moved. He said so. "Breasts do," was all Kelly replied. "You'll see. Learn to live with them." Let him get used to that too, she smiled to herself.

Then quickly she put Nick into a slip and open-toed sling-backed sandals, the only shoes in her closet that fit him. She handed him a long loose dress that hung to his ankles without a waistline, commenting that he was in luck, this style was very becoming on him and very much in, and would be for several more years. When he asked to wear jeans for this first excursion into the public view, go unisex, her response was emphatic.

"You think that when you're wearing makeup and those sandals, with your hair done up in soft waves and your chest bouncing, you think you can hide a feminine appearance in a pair of jeans and pretend you're a man? That's exactly what people might well see, because you don't yet move like a woman -- just for openers you walk wide-legged with toes pointed out, and no woman has ever walked that way! Your only recourse if you're afraid to be read and ridiculed is to be so self-confident in your femininity that no one would dream you were anything else. Then people will take you at your word. What are you, Nicola?"

"What am I, Kelly? Your husband."

Kelly waited. Wrong answer.

"And now a woman, I suppose."

She relented somewhat.

"Like Janet!" he added.

Finally Kelly relaxed. Why am I doing this? he asked himself.

"You bet your ass you're a woman, Nicola! Like Janet? You wish!

I certainly do! And you will bet your ass if I think you should! If that happens you'd better be especially persuasive! Lots of men don't take kindly to women who turn out to be men."

Nick had no idea what Kelly meant by that, and didn't want to ask.

She was serious about taking him shopping! A half-hour later he was groomed smooth, she'd made him up passably and she'd had him do the same thing several times, and he was walking nervously with short steps and drooping wrists through their local mall, thighs together and elbows clamped to his ribs as ordered, near-paralyzed with fright. "What if we see someone we know?" Nick had asked fearfully as she'd waited for him to get out of the car. "What if we do?" was all Kelly replied. "You are who you are. I'm proud of you. You be proud too!" His fingernails like his lips were now rose beige, and a purse was tucked under his arm as they strolled through store after store, two women on an outing. They were looking for a robe that appealed to him and along the way they were buying additional lingerie, dresses, blouses, shoes, cosmetics, something of practically everything a woman needs.

With each item Kelly had Nick declare his preferences, telling her "I'll love wearing that" or "That's what I want," or, "No, that's too frilly and flirty for around the house," or "Booorring!" And for each item he had to mean it, so his new wardrobe as assembled would be all his. His responses grew quick, reflexive. She'd guide him sometimes of course. "This necklace, it's you! Do try it on," she'd say. He began to form an idea who was "you" and who wasn't.

"No hiding behind the idea that all this is being 'forced' on you, sweetie," she said. "I want this to be what you chose every step of the way. Women make thousands of choices like these instinctively when they shop. You're developing a notion or two about what kind of woman you are. When you see a blouse or a bra that's you, you know it! Whose clothes are these?"

"Mine, Kelly," Nick replied.

"Damned straight!" she said emphatically. "Enjoy them! They express what you are!" Then amused by what she'd just said, she improvised a catechism for him as they walked back to the car burdened with packages despite two earlier similar trips. "Are you a sissy man in a woman's dress, Nicola?"

Nick heard what she wanted him to say by what she'd just called him. "No, Kelly, I'm a woman-in-training with a man's body." Or at least now I look like one, he added to himself.

"And do you look like one?"

"Yes." He did. He was a rather tall woman, but as he strolled along he saw many others, real women who looked less feminine than he did. He learned from them to hold himself more delicately. Posture meant a lot. Kelly was right about his ability to pass as long as he never doubted what he was.

"Then you aren't cross-dressing now?"

"No," he replied. "Women dress like this."

"And are you straight or queer?"

He realized this was a trick question, that he'd already given her the answer. If he was a man who desired Kelly he was heterosexual, straight, and therefore a sissy pervert to dress as he was dressed for whatever the reasons. If he was a woman who desired Kelly he was a Lesbian, and therefore queer.

"Queer," he said, hoping he'd gotten the syllogisms correct.

"Damn straight!" Kelly said again, grinning. "Remember that! And any time anyone asks you, say it without hesitating! Or our marriage ends. Just like that!"

 

 

vi.

 

To his horror, ten minutes later Nick found himself in a doctor's office undergoing the same catechism. There was Rachel in a white coat. This was the woman who'd prescribed the medications that had made him impotent! This was Kelly's witch doctor!

"Hi, Nick," she said. "Still the husband with the towering rages? Still threatening Kelly with physical abuse? I hear Kelly's tamed you some. I bet you're as sweet as my Kevin now. That's a darling outfit, very becoming. No, really! What can I do for you?"

"This is my new girl friend Nicola," Kelly replied for him. "I have no husband now."

"I've wondered about that, Kelly," Rachel replied, amused. "For some years. But especially the way you were dancing with Jeff last Thursday at the Country Club. Plastered together in both senses! Where did you both disappear so soon afterward?"

Thursday night Nick had been home preparing a report while Kelly was out with friends seeing a movie. Supposedly. He remembered that she was stunningly dressed when she left, but he'd shrugged it off. Women like to show off their clothes to each other. He'd been asleep when she returned.

"Never mind Jeff now, Rachel," Kelly said, annoyed, glancing at Nick to see how he was taking this information. She knew he knew both of the Jeffs who were club members. One was another regional Vice President in Nick's firm, like Nick now bought off, wealthy, married to a dim bulb blonde. The other was the Club golf pro, muscular, handsome, and single. "It was the Golf Pro this time, sweetheart," Kelly said to her husband when she saw him trying to add up what he knew. "I have to be honest with you now. It was the other Jeff last month, but only a few times. So put your mind at rest. Let's get your legalities attended to, Rachel, shall we?"

The doctor shrugged and turned toward Nick while he was still shaken by this news. What was that reference to years? Rachel had never liked him.

"So, Nicola, are you a man or a woman."

"A woman," he replied. He realized that when Kelly had been questioning him earlier, she'd been coaching him. No hesitation! "I'm a woman."

"You need to live like a woman now?"

"I guess so." Kelly looked displeased. "Yes, I do," he said with more conviction. He did, too!

"And that's why you dress like a woman?"

"Yes."

"Tell me, do you have normal relations with men? Like Kelly here? If anyone who wants to have relations with Jeff can be called normal -- I know from personal experience that he's hung like a barnyard animal!"

"No, I'm a lesbian," Nick replied. He saw that Rachel was goading him for some reason.

"So am I sometimes," was her response. "Like Kelly, in a way. Though sometimes not. Maybe we can get together some time when I have fewer patients in the waiting room. Your friend Kelly comes to see me these days only when she needs a prescription for tranquilizers, though once ...."

"She knows, Rachel," Kelly interrupted. "About the drugs, I mean. And I should add, she's had her tranquilizers and toast this morning along with her T-suppressants and coffee, so you aren't going to be able to arouse her ire. Maybe we'll discuss a threesome some time when Nicola is better prepared, more of a woman, so let's not be devious about medications or catty about Jeff or any of my previous men any more, shall we?"

Rachel was impressed. "Oh, he knows, does he? And he's still here? You've gone a long way with him in only a day or two, Kelly! With her, I mean." She flashed Nick what she obviously thought was an encouraging smile. Then, "Nicola, are you a virgin as far as men are concerned? Your hymen is intact? Your asshole, I mean?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Then you really don't know what you're missing, do you. Have you ever sucked a man's cock to climax and swallowed?"

Kelly came to his rescue. "She will when she feels ready, if she wants to," she said. "Or if it's good for confirming her womanliness, or for us as a couple, if that's what you're implying."

"I was," Rachel said. "I have an obligation to all my patients to know why they're here, what they want, to make sure they're not malingering nor persuaded to do anything against their own wills. Are you, Nicola? Do you freely state that you want a body that will match the way you feel?"

What were Rachel and Kelly scheming now? "I do," Nick said, because it was literally if misleadingly true. He had to say it to stay in the game.

"Very well, sign these papers here. And here. Now under here. Good! This set we'll hold in reserve -- they authorize appropriate surgeons to make you a true virgin and to eliminate any unnecessary parts. As a test of sustained sincerity your signature on this application for surgery provides me with the authority to put you on less drastic procedures, in this case a hormone regimen in the absence of extensive psychiatric counselling. That's if anyone ever questions my judgment, and who would do such a thing? Up on this examining table and lower your panties please, Nicola."

He did. His feet went into the stirrups and were velcroed there. She dropped the part of the table under his crotch and legs. He felt helpless, terribly vulnerable. Was she going to cut off his balls?

"Hands at your sides or I'll have to secure them there too! Yes, I thought so. See, Kelly? These things dangling here are already fossils. We can dispense with the T-blockers now I think." Rachel seemed amused. "Once plums, then grapes, now raisins. That part's done!"

What? Nick wondered. What's done? He asked Rachel what she meant. "You mean my testicles? Is there a problem?"

"Your former testicles? No problem at all, Nick. You are not a man any more, nor will you ever be again. You're chemically castrated. A gelding. You're making less testosterone right now than I am I bet. There's nothing down there to interfere with your progress into womanhood. In fact to recover any kind of sexual energy you'll probably need to take in trace amounts of testosterone in some form. Luckily, semen contains trace elements. I do prescribe cocksucking for you to recover your desires. The more you do it, the more you'll find you want to do it! Some girls actually find swallowing sperm addictive, did you know that? They can't get enough!" She smiled reassuringly at him.

Was she kidding? What was she saying? Nick felt confused!

"Rachel," Kelly said. "I told you, no disrespect! I mean it ...."

"Don't worry," Rachel replied, grinning. "My little joke. His estrogen replacement therapy will include trace elements of the other things he needs. We'll soon have him feeling horny again! I know you need something to work with."

It suddenly sank in! Terrible news! Nick thought. My balls gone?

Why am I not shocked? Those tranquilizers again?

"Now, Nicola, you're going to feel two little pricks, no, not like the one I'm looking at. One on the inside of each thigh," Rachel said next. "I'm going to insert two slow release estrogen and progesterone capsules under your skin there. They'll keep you going for three months, and they'll speed some sizable changes in the distribution of your adipose tissue. There. Also, to jump start you I'm injecting you too. There we go! And there! All right, Nick, congratulations! Welcome to the sisterhood! You now have more female hormones flowing through your body than a ballroom of pregnant debutantes! Expect to be nauseous for a few days. Well, maybe not, but expect to feel really lovely, really nice, really soon! Soon you'll have hips and breasts and a bigger tush, things every woman needs. All natural, all your own doing! We'll decide what else to do then. You and me and your wife. By the way, she can't really be your wife any more, can she? You being a woman and all?"

"Yes, she's my wife," Nick said. "I love her." He watched Kelly's face twist, conflicted by this failure to play her game yet gratified by his confession. "And I'm her wife, I guess. We're friends." Nick wanted Kelly to be proud of him, and at this moment she was. "Great save!" she told him. Then to Rachel, "Later, Rachel! We'll talk!"

"Yes," said Rachel cryptically. "I'm looking forward to it! I must say, I'm feeling very good about your 'Nicola' here."

A few minutes later they were back in the car and driving toward Nick's next appointment. "You need to have your hair done properly," Kelly told him. "And a few other things too."

This is moving way faster than I'd anticipated, Nick thought. But I suppose Kelly's rushing it deliberately, so I won't have time to back off. Why? Why really?

"What are you thinking?" Kelly asked him. "I want to know everything!"

"My bra pinches a little," Nick said, to answer her with something. He was still trying to grasp the enormity of it. His testicles finished? Gone? It was appalling! He wished he could feel anger! Sorrow? He'd never wanted kids, so did it matter? Best not think about it at all! "Do they always? Women's bras, I mean?"

"When you have real breasts we'll get you bras that are properly fitted," Kelly replied. "Don't worry. Your injections will see to it, but I'm also thinking about implants, so you can enjoy them sooner."

Then with a mischievous smile she added, "Rachel has this thing about oral sex! You know what she prescribed for you as we were leaving? A very interesting notion. That to confirm your womanhood and the change in our relationship, to test your sincerity as it were, I should ask you to suck the cock of every man I've slept with. The first few would be debasing and demoralizing and humiliating, maybe even disgusting, because down under you still think you're a man, and you aren't gay, so giving another man sexual pleasure would be ... difficult for you." She smiled at the thought.

Nick said nothing. He was feeling sick at the thought. Suck another man's cock?

"But by the time you'd brought them all off -- there are probably a dozen still in town -- you wouldn't care any more. You'd be into promiscuity as far as I am, and servicing a man would be as easy and ordinary as breathing. You might even like it. You might feel proud that you can bring men off one after another! All that cum might give you a warm feeling in your tummy!"

Kelly noticed with satisfaction that her husband said nothing, not even by a change of expression. It was really outrageous, that idea. To Nick it probably sounded like a preposterous insult, as Rachel had intended it. Rachel claimed that to punish Kevin she'd once made him fellate a stranger in a bar while she watched -- 'that straightened him out,' she'd said. Probably not true, but still, Kelly thought, all this talk does help Nicola get accustomed to the fact that I do sleep with other men, and also that no matter how bad things seem, there are always worse things I could be asking of him. While he's worrying about how to avoid going gay, I'll have no problem at all making him over into a respectable woman.

She glanced at him. "Fix your lipstick, honey," she said gently. It was fine, quite neat, but he needed the practice. Then as he fumbled with his purse latch and looked for his lipstick tube, she continued.

"Maybe we'll follow Rachel's advice. Sucking cock might be a good test of your new femininity, come to think of it. You'd know immediately how you're really feeling while you're sliding your lips up and down a man's tube, whether you're doing it as a woman with a man or as a gay man with a man. Or as a straight man forced to do it with a man." She looked at him. Nick remained impassive.

 

She decided to keep going. Lay it all out and see if he cracks. "Especially the first time you open your ass to a man and he slides himself into you, and it feels good. That would bring you around. A few cocks in your mouth and your ass and you'd be so purged of masculine jealousy or feelings of humiliation that I'll bet you'd enjoy the feel and flavor of cock as much as I do. Jeff the horse would be a little too hard on any girl's mouth or cunt, certainly on a new girl's ass, no doubt about that. So we may save him for graduation ceremony. But you have a lot to learn before then."

I'll bet even now he hasn't accepted that there's no going back, she thought. But by tonight he will know in his heart that he can only move on. I want him eager to move on. I know him. Part of him still thinks this is all very tentative, I bet. He thinks he's biding his time. I'm a little whacko, he's probably thinking, I'm on a binge, so he's humoring me. Well, my sweet new Nicola, maybe I am! But I've thought about this for a long time. And your foul temper is now gone -- one teeny pill daily is all it takes to mellow you out now. Your sperm is gone, along with your male hormones. Your balls are gone, irreversibly. The girl-juice Rachel just injected into you won't go away either! And now we'll make your face irreversibly feminine, so you'll have nowhere to go but straight ahead!

Ten minutes later Kelly drove into a mall and pulled up to a salon called "Chez Betsy." "Betsy's doing us a great favor," she told Nick, her voice now quite serious. "She's turned over half of her establishment to you for the next few hours. Her girls will prove to both of us that you can be as lovely as any other woman. But they have a lot to do. So you behave yourself, no matter what they want you to do. Go on, now. Betsy knows what's wanted."

Deeper and deeper! A beauty salon? Nick began to feel helplessly trapped, for the first time. This was out of control. "You won't be staying with me?" he asked.

"There's no need for me to hold your hand, love. The manicurist will do that. I have something I must do before we begin our next few days together. Betsy will call me when you're ready, or I'll be back after a few hours. Hurry now, out of the car!"

Kelly had found the morning's activities quite exciting. She'd dreamed of this morning for months, this revenge, and now she was actually living it! She was actually wiping out the man she'd quarreled with so bitterly and furiously for so long, erasing him before her very eyes and his and replacing him with a girl she could love, the kind of girl she'd wanted to live with ever since Janet. What a final victory! She'd gotten so wet enjoying it that she'd had to borrow a tampon from one of the saleswomen to stop trickling. So while Nick was in one of his changing rooms trying on blouses and skirts she'd called one of her stalwart young men on her cell phone and arranged to meet him for lunch and a session of hard fucking afterward. She craved it. She told him she needed to be fucked senseless by an iron-stiff heavily-muscled naked male body, really pounded! He'd laughed and promised to do just that. Kelly was now looking forward to it.

This was all working out so well! A double dose of tranquilizers had gotten Nick through all of her confessions of last night and again this morning, enough of the decisions, all of the shopping, and into and out of Rachel's office with his body loaded with the female hormones that would soon determine its shape and his future. Even the news that his testicles were shrunken, that his masculinity was gone, lost, even that didn't seem yet to have sunk in.

She knew one thing now though that she hadn't known before. He hadn't yet wavered once in his desire to stay with her at all costs, even at this ultimate cost. He thought he could get out of it later, no doubt, but he really was willing to go where she wanted him to go. Though he'd been an impossible husband, he really did love her! What a marvelous person! What a darling! What a difference between this Nick and the contentious bastard she'd married! As Nick lost zest she'd been surprised to find that she really did miss their crazed, grasping fuck fests, all that squeezing and wrenching and wrestling for domination. She'd looked for that kind of sexual combat elsewhere and she'd found it soon enough. It's easy to manipulate males when you aren't married to them, when they have no claim on you.

And Nick defeated was something special! Look where she was with him now! She was getting laid by some of the most vigorous young men around, and soon she'd be sleeping with a dedicated pussy worshiper every night for the rest of her life. She'd be married to someone as devoted to her cunt as Janet had been, even more so. Could life get any better?

Nick got out of the car, and Kelly drove off toward her tryst, thinking happily that from now on she wouldn't need makeup to hide the hickeys and bruises some of these men left as evidence of the passion she incited. She could even exhibit them to Nicola and watch her grow envious! Not jealous, the way a man would feel when his wife had been fucked to exhaustion by someone else. Envious! And not of the men. Of her!

Nick walked carefully through the door into Betsy's salon, consoling himself that when this one day was done, when Kelly was finally satisfied that he was truly her girlfriend, her worshiper, her nightly cuntsucker, when she eased off, he'd be able to decide what to do, even whether he really could live the rest of his life without her. Maybe he could. He'd always admired her feistiness, and they'd always had great sex, or so he'd thought. He did love her, he supposed. But she'd done some unforgivable things! She'd hit him way below the belt. She'd tried to drug him into submission, and that was appalling, he supposed, even though he didn't yet feel appalled -- those damned drugs worked! And now these hormones! What to do about them? If he'd been in fact deprived of his masculinity beyond recall, if his hard choices were now celibacy or womanhood, maybe female hormones were the way to go? And why did he feel he still wanted her? Because the adversary in him still couldn't admit defeat, cut and run and save himself? Because in his peculiar way he really did love her. He'd thought so once. He thought so still?

Betsy treated him from the outset like a woman. "Hi, Nicola!" she greeted him cheerfully. "We've been expecting you! You look worried, honey! Relax, today isn't even the first day of the rest of your life, not yet anyhow! You haven't begun to live! But you will! What a lovely outfit, I adore that scarf! You've been shopping? Right this way! We're going to make you so pretty, you'll never believe it!"

"Thank you," Nick replied. Despite himself he felt gratified. The scarf had been his own special choice. Women are always complimenting each other on their outfits -- I must remember to do that, he told himself. There's no going back. Like it or not, the way forward is the way out. Let's see where it takes me.

He sat down. None of the girls seemed to recognize that he was a man, or anyhow none of them cared about it. Doreen, Betsy's chief hair operator, and Connie, her expert colorist, stared at his head. Doreen gathered up his long hair in one hand and examined his reflection in the mirror. "Plenty to work with here," she said. "You're going to be gorgeous, honey! You'll break hearts."

"I hope not, Doreen," Nick replied, reading the tag on her smock in reverse in the mirror. He'd play along. "But if I must, I must."

The two beauticians giggled, and though he couldn't tell why, Nick joined in. It felt odd. For a fleeting moment he did feel like one of them. Even without Kelly around, he was a girl. They were three girls together.

Three hours later Nick was unrecognizable. His long hair was now thick and several streaked shades of blonde, and it fell smooth and glossy to below his ears and tucked into a cute curve just under his chin. His whole face now looked much smaller under the full hairdo that framed it. It was a "Jennifer Anniston" doll look, Doreen said, very soignee, except that his brow was hidden under long wisps of bangs. "Now your face is nicely proportioned," she told him. "Very feminine."

She explained to Nick that his new hairdo looked simple but would require considerable care. "It'll hang straight down and swing with each movement of your head, and it'll always look full-bodied," she told him. "But it'll curl and crinkle unless you set it in huge rollers each night and then brush the curves out, a hundred strokes each morning, until it's all come perfectly smooth again. Of course when it's in your way when you're doing housework or something, you can easily put it up in a French Twist or a high ponytail with a scrunchie -- that'd really look quite attractive if a man should happen to come to the door."

Nick just stared at himself in the mirror. He saw a girl made up to go anywhere. His face looked elegant, subtly shaded and toned, and his eyebrows were thin and arched over beautifully oval eyes.

"You'll have plenty of time to take proper care of your hair," Doreen added. "Because your make-up won't take any time at all. That blue eye shadow on your lids with just a hint of purple high up, the white streak just under your eyebrows, the dark eye liner, and that luscious red on your lips? Those aren't ordinary apply-and-wipe-away cosmetics, honey. They're permanent stains. Well, not permanent, we should all be so lucky, but they won't need retouching for months! Don't they look nearly natural? Your boyfriends'll hardly know -- they'll think it's all you -- especially because no matter how affectionate they get they'll never manage to kiss the colors off. You can cover them with other shades of cosmetics of course when you want to go more dramatic, or if you need to match the shades of some outfit you're wearing."

"My face doesn't wipe off? I'll look like this all the time?" Nick asked, a little disturbed. "When will I look like myself again?"

Doreen was puzzled. "Honey, this IS you. What do you mean?"

"Like a man? Sometimes?"

"Oh, you're into that? Listen, you'll enjoy this! If you really want to make yourself look like a man, you'll need to wear a heavy pancake makeup on your cheeks and eyes to cover the blush and the eye-tones, and at least a pinkie-beige lipstick -- we have a shade called "Bare" if you want to carry it around. Because that's what you'll have to do. You'll need a whole extra make-up kit in your purse. Then every few hours you'll have to excuse yourself and go somewhere to re-apply your make-up and refresh your lipstick. I wonder where you'd go for that? The men's room?" She giggled. "The ladies' room is where you belong. And to look feminine you don't need to do anything -- you'll look perfectly made up dawn to midnight and wake up as pretty as when you went to sleep. Why in the world would you want to resemble a man, honey? You're gorgeous! Enjoy it!"

With that, Nick heard one more door to his former life closing behind him. Wear lipstick to avoid looking as though he were wearing lipstick?

Betsy came by. "Yes," she said. "That's exactly the look Kelly wanted -- wide-eyed and innocent. That dab of shadow in the upper corner of each eye is just right, Doreen -- she looks so worried and vulnerable, as if she were asking for protection! Men will fall all over their hard-ons trying to help her cross the street if she looks at them like that. Oh, yes, honey, you should know that the hairs in your eyebrows are all tattooed on now. That makes for a much higher, thinner arch. You look as if you were questioning the world and yet mocking it. Guys love that, you'll see. They love the challenge it implies. All in all you now have cocksucker eyes -- that's what I usually call them, though in your case I guess they're cuntlapper eyes. They'll look so wistful and imploring when you stare up at someone's face from between their legs. They'll melt! They'll do anything you ask!"

Nick was now scarcely listening. His little rebellious schemes, his stalling tactics, had collapsed utterly. Permanent make-up? How can I ever explain this look to anyone? he asked himself. I can't! Unless I play Kelly's game and become a girl, so it needs no explanation. And for my hair to look less girlish I'd have to cut it off altogether! Yet even bald, my face still looks like a woman's! My face, a woman's. Is that what I am?

Nick was shaken! For the first time he realized that he'd been trapped, outmaneuvered, committed to Kelly's plan despite all his private reservations. He'd was already what she'd wanted, he was no longer himself. Confidence oozed out of him for the first time, and he looked around feeling timid, a little frightened.

Betsy whispered something to Doreen, who responded "Oh yes, I forgot!" and went away for a moment. She came back behind Nick as he sat there, and he felt a sudden sting in each of his ear lobes. When he looked in the mirror, there were delicate gold hoops hanging from each lobe. "That's so pretty!" she said. "And no problem, they're perfect circles, they go with everything and they don't come out! Don't you just love them?"

Nick just stared. It was like falling deeper and deeper into an abyss.

"Kelly did specify ruby red for your lips," Doreen said. "Men like that in a girl, so they can see clearly what's wrapped around them and sliding up and down. I guess Kelly wanted it too, for her glimpses of your mouth when you're kissing her where she loves it. But I couldn't do it, I'm sorry! Tell her that. Raspberry red is your color, definitely, with those shades of blonde hair. I changed the shade on your nails to match. So now you're perfect, honeybun! Here, let me show you how to quarter your hair for the rollers. You'll need to sleep on them every night from now on, you know. But it shouldn't take more than a few minutes for you to put your hair up after you've been making love, not much longer than it'll take you to douche."

Nick's mind whirled as he realized how completely he'd lost control. He stepped carefully back to the outer reception area to await Kelly's return, and found she was there already, wriggling on the seat of a chair impatiently.

As he looked at her hips squirming, Nick felt an unaccountable affection stir in his chest. Erotic desire returning? She did look beautiful, as if she'd just finished an extremely satisfying workout at her health club. Her face was flushed, her eyes sparkled, and a small smile was playing across her face. She was thinking about what?

She looked up and suddenly saw her husband -- now not the man she'd left behind, now not a husband at all, but a soignee young woman! At first she didn't recognize him. Then it came to her all at once.

"Nick? Nicola? Is that you, darling!" she said, a bit awestruck. "You ...you're... so feminine now! So simply lovely!" What have I done? she was thinking. This is marvelous! He's perfect! He's a whole new person! I mean, she is! I must take her to bed immediately, and put that gorgeous face between my legs and keep it there all night!

"I hope you don't mind what they did," Nick said a bit apologetically, waving his beautifully manicured hands at his own face and hair while wondering at her astonished facial expression. "Because I can't change it. The make-up. Doreen says it's permanent. This is it." Nick felt strangely in need of reassurance. "This is me now. Tell me it's all right!" If she doesn't like it, he was thinking, what'll I do? Leave? Ask her to leave? He felt suddenly sad. Near tears.

And he realized immediately that this was unusual, to be so emotional about needing her approval! Was this a side effect of those hormones Rachel had pumped into him?

"You're perfect, Nicola!" Kelly finally said, obviously impressed. "I love it. I couldn't hope for a more beautiful girlfriend! I want you to kiss me. Let's go home!"

 

vii.

They did. Only ten minutes after they arrived Kelly was lying back on their bed with her legs wide apart, and Nick's Raspberry mouth was burrowing deep into her crotch. She was looking down affectionately at Nick's huge dark eyes as they stared poignantly back up at her, and she reached low and stroked his blonde hair as if it were a puppy's. Her hips began to writhe in the rhythm set by his mouth. Stan had fucked her three times that afternoon and he was hung! She'd felt stretched out and sore as she'd hurried back to Betsy's to pick up her re-made husband, Stan's cum still oozing from her. She'd even felt resentful because she still craved more cock, and meeting Nick was depriving her.

Now? Nicola between her thighs did have its compensations! She felt soothed and satisfied. There was her very own Nicola's face, shiny, gleaming, coated slick and heavy with Stan's cum and her own pussy juices as they ran out of her, and there was her very own Nicola's marvelous tongue inside her. That tongue was a state of grace, a divine glory making sensations that rose up and bloomed out from her pussy into her whole body. All from the mouth of the lovely young woman between her legs! How luxurious! She wriggled.

At that moment Kelly fell in love with Nick all over again, the years of bitter animosity forgotten. Or rather, she fell in love with the new Nick, Nicola. It was especially satisfying that after all those years of sparring she'd ended up triumphant. That Nick was no more. Or rather, what there was of him was now hers and yet she was no way his. She breathed deep and writhed and let her groin rise and press into Nick's face as she orgasmed, then decided to go again, her hand on the back of his head pushing Nick back to his task. "Ohhhhhh, this is so gooood Nicola!" she allowed herself to moan. "You have no idea, you dear! So loveleeee!"

But even as he wiped his face on her and lapped so devotedly at her clit, Nick was puzzled. She was soaked even when she began! Dripping! Drenched! So slippery from the moment his tongue first touched her, and then when he'd sunk his whole face deep between her labia, it was like dipping it into a sopping wet sponge. And those labia were so pink and swollen! Why had she been so eager to get him into bed with her? Why she couldn't wait? The way he looked now turned her on? Was he that attractive now?

She tasted a lot like the first time he'd licked her -- only two days ago was it? He'd cum into her the previous night with what little fluid he had in him these days, then the next morning she'd auditioned him at her pussy as Janet. He'd nearly suffocated, but she'd gotten really excited. Was this the taste of Kelly when she was really excited? There was so much juice in her! It was confusing.

As he tried to think it through, he noticed that whenever she orgasmed blebs of thick, cloudy fluid came out of her. Yet she always wanted more, pressing his head between her legs even as she spasmed, so he'd keep going. And as she orgasmed again, more emerged. He wiped her crotch with his mouth and nose even more vigorously, and eventually she came yet again, and leaked even more sticky fluid. At least her legs stayed spread far apart, as if she needed the cool of the air on her pussy to quench the heat, not just his tongue. He was grateful that this time he could breathe.

When she finally finished, had had enough, she sighed deeply. "Let me see," she said suddenly.

Nick didn't understand.

"Your face!"

Nick crept up over her torso until his gleaming, sticky face was above hers. She looked at him and smiled sweetly. "Yes. It's true. There's nothing smeared. You're perfect, sweetheart. Your lips are still beautiful! Even the shading on your eyelids! And your cheeks are still glowing pink, that's so romantic! You know, it's funny, the way your whole face glistens! Though that's probably not your make-up." She smiled again. "That Stan! He's a fountain!" She made no move to kiss him.

"What?" Nick's heart warmed -- she liked his looks. But she wasn't talking sense. "Who?"

"Someone I know. Never mind, you'll get used to it, we both will. That was heaven, I want you to know that! Sheer heaven! Nicola, would you mind spending the whole night down there the way Janet sometimes did? I'd feel so good knowing you're snugged in there between my legs. And I'll want you to kiss me any time you wake up, on my bottom or my pussy or my mound, wherever you find yourself."

"Maybe. All right." But he still felt uncertain about all this. All this praise made him feel good. Affectionate. He knew he wasn't himself, and he was still uncomfortable with how far this thing had gone, how far he'd gone with it. He needed reassurance. He needed to regain a minimal amount of respect. Self-respect, anyhow. "May I kiss you now?" he asked. He put his slick face down close to her mouth.

But Kelly's mouth curled, and she turned her own face away. "No, Nicola. Only my pussy. I appreciate what you've done, really, I love it, and I might kiss you for it, but not right now. I don't like the taste. Your face isn't decent. Some other time?"

Not decent? "The taste of what? You mean because I'm wet with your juices?"

What an innocent he was! Well, this was his life from now on, he might as well know so he can learn to enjoy it. "No, not exactly. I'd often kiss Janet when she was sloppy with my juices! I love tasting my own flavor on a lover's lips. I'll kiss you too when it's only me you're wet with after you've been kissing me down there. It's men's juices I don't much care for."

"This isn't only you? It's men?" He touched his face. It was beginning to dry. It no longer felt slick but thick and sticky. Sticky like ....

Sperm. Not his own sperm, certainly. And finally he recognized the taste in his mouth! Salty, musky. Like last time, that was his own sperm.

"Mmmmmm!" was all Kelly replied. "No, it's only one man, but he's quite a man! Some of it's me. Let's go to sleep, you lovely girl, you!"

"Kelly, you've just .... While I was in that salon ..., you were making ... you were with another man?"

She looked up at her husband's beautifully made up face, his elegantly coiffed hair a touch askew but his features gorgeous. He was a woman. Her heart went out to him. "No, sweetheart, I wasn't with 'another' man. Just one. You aren't a man -- you're too beautiful, and you can't get it up like a man either, remember? You don't qualify either way."

I suppose he still hasn't grasped the reality of his situation yet, she was thinking. I need to wave it in his face! "Yes, I was with one of the men I've been seeing since you became incapable. Stan, in this case. While you were getting all girly, he was being a real man with me. We fucked all afternoon, three times I think it was. It was marvelous! He's incredibly well-hung, he makes your prick at its peak look like a little boy's. Should that seem so surprising? I've never tasted him, I don't want to, but he always feels just great in my pussy. Do you like the way he tastes? Are you a little sad you've never had him in your pussy? Or its equivalent?"

I should be kinder to him, the poor dear, she thought. Now he's really baffled. He really needs to see for himself what I need that he can't provide. I guess he needs to stand there and actually watch them mount me and pump me, or he needs to see me impale myself on one of those bucking stallions and then ride him to glory. Then maybe he'll understand why I do what I do and go away and leave me forever, and only Nicola will remain.

But that idea wasn't that all attractive as she turned it over. Kelly wasn't an exhibitionist, she enjoyed her privacy. She'd been meeting various men for sex for quite a while, and her husband had known nothing, and that had all been part of the fun. It was all part of her secret revenge on him, their competition, that she knew and he didn't! No, she'd leave him guessing. Fearful that any time she wasn't actually with him she was being fucked somewhere else.

"Kelly, what I just did ...." He stopped and thought it through. She'd wanted him to suck her vagina as part of their new relationship. He'd agreed. Nick swallowed hard. The taste of Stan's cum was still in his throat, stuck there. He'd swallowed another man's cum from his own wife's cunt. She'd wanted him to do just that. His throat tightened, and his voice came out thin, tense. "I know you told me you have needs, and all. But I thought if I did this, this becoming a girl thing, if I went along with you, then maybe you'd ...."

He stopped, realizing that she'd made no promises other than not to leave him. So he began again. "Kelly, there I was in that salon making this tremendous concession to your desires, letting them do whatever they did to me to make me look the way I look now. I know I can't satisfy you as a man any more, I know that. You've told me why and you know you're responsible for it, at least in part. So you owe me a little for that. And you did tell me that you were ... seeing others, and I appreciate that you're honest about it." Honest about cheating on me, crossed his mind, but he couldn't think it through. "But at that very moment, when I was losing the last of my masculinity for you, did you have to go find another man? Rub my nose in it?"

Kelly grinned broadly. "Especially then! And I didn't rub your nose in it, baby. You did! Just now!" She almost laughed out loud. "Honey, I just couldn't help it. It was so exciting, watching you give up trying to be a man, letting me make you into the girl of my dreams, getting you to let me feminize you. It's so endearing! I got so horny watching you shop that I just had to go out and get stuffed! I couldn't help it!"

Then in a more conciliatory manner she added, "It wasn't to spite you or anything, lover girl. I just wanted to, that's all. It's how I am. I love sex, you know that! And you don't, not that kind, not any more. That's how things are! I'm sorry you're offended. But let's not ruin this wonderful night with another quarrel. Please, just snuggle back down where you were before, and let's go to sleep."

Nick gave up. She pushed on his head and helplessly, uneasily , he slid back down between her legs.

"Oh," she said. "I do love your voice when it sounds like that. From now on, everywhere, try to speak with that tight sound in your throat. I suppose it's from realizing you've swallowed another man's cum. So think that you've swallowed another man's cum whenever you open your mouth. Then no one will ever suspect you're a man. Maybe it'll be true enough often enough!"

From between her legs came an indistinguishable whimper. Crying?

"Oh, you're so sweet!" she said, to reassure him. "I do love you like this!" She stroked his lovely, blonde-streaked hair.

As Nick's breathing grew regular, Kelly's face remained seriously thoughtful. I shouldn't be so cruel. I did want him to debase his manhood by making him slurp another man's cum out of me and know it, she reflected. And now he knows he'll be doing it again. But maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. I want him to be happy in his new life. I better call Rachel first thing, and see if she has any more pills or advice.

Nick was still asleep when she unwrapped her legs from around his head and wriggled her groin out from under and went into her study to call Rachel. "Rachel," she said. "Can we talk? Nicola is doing fine, better than we could have expected, much better. But she's having a problem accepting that there are other men in my life. She's cooperating, but I suspect she isn't all there for me yet. It could get worse for both of us. Do you have any quick solutions? Another pill maybe?"

Rachel didn't hesitate. "No problem! Honey, think a moment, you've got him where you want him, but what's in it for him?" Bring him in today, and we'll do his breast enlargement. Immediately. No more delays -- he needs tits so he can start enjoying them. No new pills -- your poor dear would forget even his name if we gave him any more of those things. But I have something for him for next week when his breasts have healed that'll speed things considerably I suspect. Next week we'll do something that'll take him out of any competition with other men altogether."

"What's that, Rachel? I don't want him hurt, you know!"

"Oh, it won't hurt! It shouldn't. Quite the reverse! We'll bitch him!" she said. "That's what's needed."

"Ditch him?" Kelly misheard. Ditch him? After all that work making that bastard husband over into a second loving Janet, and so close to success? "No way!"

"That's right. Bitch him! We've agreed that's the way he'll have to go sooner or later. Once a woman, never again a man! I guess now it's sooner, not later! Make him some man's bitch! Then he can hardly feel offended when you go off to play with some other man, can he?"

"Oh, I see. Yes. I do want him to enjoy some of the things women enjoy. That I enjoy, so he'll understand. A good stiff cock high up inside you, there's nothing like it! But there are limits.

I want Nick -- I mean Nicola -- I want her to be like Janet, remember, not some slut screwing anything in pants. I want her to be a lesbian wholly devoted to me! I don't want her mooning and daydreaming about the different men she's sleeping with! Or thinking about leaving me for one of them. That's why I don't want her to have a vagina, remember? I told you that way back, when you wanted to give him one, because you thought castration was too good for him, that what he deserved was to wake up from one of his tantrums one morning and stare in horror at a full-scale pussy and an empty crotch, no cock, no balls, and realize that for the rest of his life he'd be the one who was fucked! You remember, I disagreed, I wanted to bring him along gradually, because if he had a pussy he might want to use it, and then where would I be?"

"Of course I remember, Kelly. I don't know which of us argued the crueler choice, give him a cunt, or don't give him one. You really should think about it, Kelly. I know you want the satisfaction of knowing he has to be a girl without the main advantage of being a girl, depriving him, that's the kind of triumph you can really cherish. But think about the alternative! Destroying his manhood utterly! No cock, no balls, erasing him from the face of the earth and making him all female, a slut obsessed with humping guys when he isn't busy sucking on your twat! Think of that! That's an even bigger triumph!"

Kelly was silent a moment. Then, "All right Rachel, I'll think about it. But I won't trick him into a vagina the way I'm tricking him into everything else. He'd have to decide on it himself. It would have to be his call. Because anything else would really be cruel, and even though he's been a rotten husband he's a nice person now, and I do love him in some ways. I mean, I love her! Anyhow, if she does it herself, I can have the satisfaction of telling her afterward that she did it herself, that she has no one to blame but herself if she isn't satisfied. But I don't see it happening."

Rachel smiled, though Kelly couldn't see it. "Kelly girl," she said. "Don't worry about it. I see it happening. Once again you've brought your problem to the right place. We'll get him some breasts right away, and then we'll put a good stiff cock into his ass next week just as soon as his breasts heal. Let him have a taste of what it's really like to be a woman. Maybe even get him hooked on it. Then at the very least he'll have no way to raise objections whenever you give him a taste of whatever you've been doing."

"All right. We'll get Nicola some breasts, and then get her a man. But what man, Rachel? Someone we can control, certainly, but she isn't ready for one of mine. My guys would never screw a man in a dress with a cock in his ass no matter how big his breasts were. I know your favorite daydream, that some day he'll suck off all my men, prick by prick. I even told Nicola about it. But it won't happen. Not yet. Some day, if they don't know who she once was. They'd like getting a blow job from a friend of mine, because I don't give head myself and they all know it. But not yet."

"Oh, honey, of course not with your guys, though believe me, there are men who'd love to get close to a man like Nick just as he is! We could find him one of those. Lots of gay men go cruising for transsexual women, straight men too! But it isn't necessary. I've got one already."

Kelly grinned. "Oh?" It suddenly struck her. "Do you mean Kevin? Kevin's available? For real? You'd let him? Have you talked it over with him yet, Rachel? Would he want to?"

"Honey, of course not! But starting next week what he wants won't matter! Yes, I mean Kevin! He's being punished again. All next week he's going to eat some of my pills and wear my clothes. I need to humiliate that male superiority of his again. The bastard actually flirted with one of my receptionists, can you imagine? She flipped a switch to let me know and I heard it all on the intercom."

"Only flirted, Rachel? Haven't you gone a little further than that yourself now and then when it suited your fancy? A lot further? As far as a girl can go?"

"What has that got to do with it? That's me! He doesn't know anything about what I do! He's my husband, and I do know about him! You know, as I think of it, the timing's perfect. I meant to blast his balls all next week with a T-Suppressant, so he couldn't possibly get it up again for a month. But now I think I'll do the reverse. Feed him Viagra all week, so he thinks it's his bra and his panties and lipstick that're giving him his erections. Then after a week's stroll on the girly side I'll set him up with Nick. Let him earn his way back into boy clothes so he can get back to his office. Make him fuck a man, that's what I'll set up for him! Fuck a man with tits who lives like a woman! Yes! He won't remember whether he's straight or crooked after that! Let them become lovers! It would teach him to appreciate me more for sure. Unless of course he should find he actually is gay and prefers Nick! But that'd teach him too! Either way it would keep him too busy to get into much more of his usual kind of trouble."

Kelly smiled. Sometimes Rachel was just too much.

"And there's a bonus, honey. Kevin's very good with breasts. Nick will finish up glad that he has them, even if he doesn't finish up glad that he has an asshole!"

"Oh. I like that, it's perfect! But Rachel, remember, Nick is Nicola now, not a man. She's a woman, or anyhow she's a woman-in-training. Let's respect her for that. Are you sure you want Kevin to start an affair with a woman? You can never tell where that might go!"

"Oh Kelly, come on! Do you really think ... well you probably do, you don't want him to be a man ever again and who am I to discourage you? No problem, as long as they hump their heads off. Good, it's done! Bring your girlfriend 'Nicola' by about four this afternoon. I have a colleague who does breasts, beautiful work --

I'll set him up with her for then. I'll say this for Nick. He looked quite convincing when I saw him yesterday. What's he like today now that Betsy's really got him all tarted up?"

"As a matter of fact it's amazing, Rachel. You'd never believe it. He has a cute hairdo and permanent make-up that needs no attention at all and he looks gorgeous. With sweet little hoop earrings. He's quite lovely. She is, I mean. Nicola. Please, Rachel, call her Nicola."

"Nicola? Honey, I knew him when! Only yesterday I hefted his shriveled balls, remember? And I'm the one who pumped his first tank of girl-juice into him! 'Nicola'? Well, all right, Nicola, I know you're still hoping that nasty thing you married will turn into a reincarnation of Janet. Oh, one more thing, can Nicola still do anything with ...ahhh ... her penis? If we're to get our two lovebirds real close I wouldn't mind humiliating Kevin just that extra little bit, requiring that he suck on Nicola's extra little bit."

"Maybe. She still cums through a soft erection, if you can call it that -- it's sort of pathetic. More like drooling. At least she still could a day or so ago. So maybe Kevin could do something with her. But what I mainly want is for Kevin to fuck her hard, the way I love getting fucked. Up her rear, and the sooner the better. So she can't possibly feel bad in the future whenever she sees I'm also getting laid, or she happens to taste someone else's cum in me. I want her never to forget that she's also had a man's prick in her, and that she's also been filled with cum, so she won't feel bad that I'm enjoying myself that way."

"You mean that you're enjoying yourself that way and she isn't?"

"No, she hasn't gotten to that stage yet. She's sad because she still wants to be the only man in my life, even though she knows now that she isn't the only man, and that she isn't even a man. When she kisses me down below she feels conflicted."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Last night she tasted a man in me, and she recognized what it was because I'd already tricked her into tasting herself there. It upset her a little, she isn't used to the idea just yet. And I do feel so sad when she's sad."

"Honey, don't worry, I'll see to it that Nicola's ass is filled to the brim. Next week it'll be Spunk City."

"Well, thank you Rachel. You're a doll, I really appreciate it. I don't know why you're so helpful. See you at four."

"My pleasure!" It is indeed, too, Rachel was thinking. And she really doesn't know why!

As Kelly hung up she saw that Nick had come down. He was clutching his new pale blue wraparound closed with one hand while trying to make coffee with the other. He'd rolled his hair without being told, she saw, and then showered -- he was still wearing the flowered plastic hood that barely covered his rollers. His face was clear, his permanent blush just barely accenting his cheekbones, his eyes large and dark, and his lips delicately tinted Raspberry. Kelly felt a surge of pride and love. He's almost perfect, she thought. She is, I mean. She's trying, she really is! Trying to please me. Trying to make the best of what I've done to her. It comes to the same thing.

"We'll go out later this afternoon, honey, and we'll pick up whatever dinner we feel like having after that. No need to prepare anything for the two of us for tonight. That'll be your job from now on, you know, now that you're a lady of leisure around the house and I'm still a working woman. But it won't be necessary tonight."

"Working?" Nick was puzzled. "I thought you were taking a few days off so we can have all the time we need to ... reach our understandings."

How he's revised it! Trying to back off! Kelly was amused. "No, baby, we already have our understandings. What you need now is time to reconcile yourself to what we've agreed, to learn how to do it. To be the best woman you can be. For example, right now you need to sit up straight and close your thighs. Whenever you're not wearing slacks and you're sitting down, your knees need to be touching, and keeping your ankles crossed is a good idea too. Shoulders back, always, you slouch like a teenage girl, and you're past that now. And stir that spoon using only your fingers, not your whole hand and arm. That's it! Delicate and feminine, always! Men love that!"

Nick was puzzled by this last. Men? Was she needling him? "I thought what you wanted was for me to be Janet and sleep between your legs!" he said quietly, in his moderated, tense "girl" voice. It came out lilting, almost like a croon. "What difference does it make what men think? When they look at me they'll see a drag queen."

Kelly was trying to prepare him to accept intimacies with Kevin, to enjoy the rest of what women enjoy too, the feminine flirting and the chance of a sexual conquest. But Nick didn't know that. So she presented it as a matter of self-esteem. "I don't think so, Nicola. You need to feel proud of yourself. Believe in what you are. Feel attractive. You don't want anyone to imagine that you were once a man now, do you? Well then, convince yourself you're a woman and attractive to men. I want you to go all the way, to think and behave so feminine no one could possibly imagine you were ever anything else."

"Go swish?"

"No, much more difficult. Go natural and graceful. Move nice and easy. Always tell yourself that you're lovely! Finished with breakfast? School's open."

They went into the living room where a scant two days ago Nick had agreed to try, and all morning Kelly trained him toward womanhood. How to be graceful and lovely while sitting, standing, holding himself, reaching for things. How to manage his handbag and adjust his skirt. When to drape his fingers, and when to curl them. How to look deep into the eyes of anyone who spoke to him, and to question, not assert, when disagreeing. How to say "I'd like," or "Might I have" instead of a brute male "I want" or "Give me," so women could feel generous and men privileged when they provided whatever was wanted. "Of course whenever you accept anything from a woman, smile and nod gratefully," Kelly told him. "Because women understand and try to be generous with each other. But whenever you accept anything from a man, whether you smile or not be prepared to give him something in return. And you already know what most men will want in return. Sometimes you'll have to kiss them. Get used to the idea!"

Whenever he couldn't quite find the most elegant posture, the daintiest position of repose, the gentlest tones of voice, Kelly urged him to let his inner girl take over his body. "You already look sweetly feminine," she said. "Let yourself feel fulfilled because you know you're loved, because you want to nurse and nurture others into that same feeling, because your heart is full of love for them. Let yourself go all limp and deliciously dreamy, and let that feeling take over. Can you do that?"

Oddly, Nick realized, he could, in a way. "Yes," he replied as tenderly as he could.

Kelly looked mildly into his eyes, but never wavered. "No, don't look away. Look at me. Tell me, with feeling, that you want to be the loveliest woman you can be. That you'll really try."

"I want to be the loveliest woman I can be, Kelly. I really will try!"

Kelly made him repeat it several times because she thought he didn't sound sincere. The fourth time or so, Nick surprised himself when he realized that he was genuinely and sincerely saying it.

(continued)

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Vickie Tern. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.