Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars    by: Roy Del Frink

 

Chapter One: Getting off the Ground

It all started innocently enough. As you are probably fully aware, I’m C. J. Floyd, the cracker industrialist. One out every five crackers sold on Earth is a Floyd cracker. But there’s more to me than crackers. I’m also a wealthy owner, No. 42 on the latest Forbes 500. I own the Floyd Foundation, and I donate a third of my earned millions into that charitable fund every year. And I’ve always been fond of cats, ever since I was a boy and little Scruffles saved Mom from a mouse. My partner D. M. and I have thirty cats in our penthouse apartment. It’s just so FUN to watch those cute little rascals yawn, stretch, lick themselves, beg for scraps at the table, and curl in a ball before napping. And a couple of those kitties are purebreds, which I enter in cat fancier shows. I’ve won five blue ribbons. But I had an embarrassing little secret; I’m also into transgenderism. Since I was a teenager, every summer I’ve visited the circus incognito, and paid to see the He And She freak. And after my "first time" at age 15, I was curious what the girls went through. Although I’ve always told the media I met D. M. at her father’s fiftieth birthday party (Mr. Robert Gingiss was a former Floyd Crackers manager), truth is, I met her online via this site called "FictionMania" during the summer of ‘98. I found this tale she’d written (under a pen name, of course), and I liked it so much, we began an e-correspondence that ended with our meeting, courtship, and wedding two years later. I was 46 at the time; she was just 24, young enough to be my daughter. But then again, what middle-aged male CEO isn’t tempted into marrying a youngish vixen like D. M. ? I sure was. And BOY, she was the prettiest lady I’ve ever seen. She even shares my interests in cats and TG. Unfortunately, a rare form of ovarian cancer forced her to get her womb, ovaries, and Fallopian tubes surgically removed two months before the wedding. And I didn’t want to suffer the red tape needed to adopt. So, alas, we were doomed to never have children. Or at least, that’s what I thought before I made that fateful space voyage.

Shortly after our tenth wedding anniversary, I was watching the Financial Channel when the news was interrupted with a special bulletin: "NASA has announced that plans to launch the Vulcan Probe to cool off the planet Venus have been cancelled. Apparently, the fusion accelerator was defective, and getting another one will take two weeks." TWO WEEKS? This was bad news; I’d sponsored the trip, and if the rocket didn’t take off, my cracker company would get egg in its face. I rushed out of my office, and using Bill Thayer, a professional rocket scientist under my hire, I purchased all the parts necessary for a fusion accelerator and had one built. The whole thing took just a couple days, and I took the fusion accelerator to NASA with Dr. Thayer.

"Someone here need a new fusion accelerator?" I asked, the moment I arrived at the command center. "I got one right here."

A scientist walked up to me and shook my hand "Dr. Peter Peyton, head of NASA security. I’m sorry, Mr. Floyd, but there’s no way we can use that fusion accelerator of yours. It would violate FAA regulations, and you need NASA to approve it personally. You could fix those details, but by then, we’ll be able to use one of our own fusion accelerators. We appreciate the offer, though. As a complimentary gesture, here’s tickets to the next Houston Astros game. They’re for balcony A, row 23, seats 35 and 36. Thanks, and be sure to keep sponsoring the space program!"

Some good THAT was. I took the tickets, and watched the game with Dr. Thayer the following day. During the game, we discussed what to do about the space program. "Doctor, I’m afraid I’ll be losing out if I can’t get a sponsored flight into outer space during the next week. I promised a few of my best friends the very first crackers made in outer space, and I really don’t want to let them down."

"Actually, sir, a couple boys in one of your labs are helping me work on a way to send a conventional airplane into outer space."

"Really? Why didn’t you tell me, Dr. Thayer?"

"We still have a couple more tests to run, but everything’s going A-OK so far. We installed a system into the cabin to sustain extra-low atmospheric pressure. Our test plane was made of a special extra-thick metallic alloy that can easily survive re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere. The engine’s been modified to use rocket fuel in place of gasoline. The chamber will be able to generate its own oxygen. I bought three space suits from NASA myself, so astronauts can leave the ship if needed. We even have enough room for a year’s supply of food and water for three, and we’ve placed three urinals inside to use as bathrooms. This means we will need three male volunteers, but we haven’t decided where to go or what to do for the first mission. Indeed, we don’t even have three astronauts lined up yet."

"I’m going."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, Doctor. I want to go aboard, and you better remember who’s paying for your missions!"

"But why, Mr. Floyd?"

"Simple. Like many a boy, I was enthralled by the astronauts of the 1950's and 1960's. Alan Shepard, John Glenn, Buzz Aldrin, who wasn’t awed by watching these brave Americans go into outer space? And don’t tell me I’m not physically fit. I may be well into my fifties, but I can still bench-press with the best of them. I’ve been fit as a fiddle for years; I don’t even get colds! And I’ve always wanted to see the stars against the black backdrop of space. So let me on or I’m giving you a knuckle sandwich!"

"Okay, okay, Mr. Floyd. You’re in! Sheesh, sometimes you can get so -"

"- outa there!" the announcer yelled as the Astros hit the game-winning home run.

I know, I shouldn’t have blackmailed Dr. Thayer like that. But I so wanted to make the first manned privately-sponsored space voyage. And, as a major CEO, I get used to getting my way with my underlings. It’s not right, but I think it’s understandable.

 

Chapter Two: Mission to Mars

Anyhow, Dr. Thayer and I recruited three astronauts for the voyage: myself, Commander Farley Walker, and Cadet Robin Balchoi. I didn’t want to go through the rigors of training, and professional astronauts Walker and Balchoi didn’t need it, so we planned to take off only three days after the old ballgame. While Dr. Thayer’s men did some last-minute touch-ups on the converted aircraft, I told the media about the new self-financed space voyage, which took the wind out of NASA’s sails. Walker, Balchoi, and I were the main gossip for those couple days. We decided to take a trip to Mars, to discover whether setting up a permanent space colony would be viable and cost-effective. The "spaceship", a converted SST called the Golden Goose, was faster than any existing plane or rocket, so we’d get around a lot faster than NASA could. Even so, I’d be gone for about a year. I was worried about being away from my wife for who-knows-how-long, but I agreed to do it in the interests of science. Besides, D. M. couldn’t board because the urinals weren’t built for her.

The trip took four lonely months, during which we amused ourselves with cards, Monopoly (a special set donated by the Parker Brothers folks), special TV shows transmitted from Earth, stories, and puzzle magazines designed to keep up our wits. I REALLY missed my beloved D. M. all that time, but I’d promised to make it up to her after we returned home, and I called her almost daily on the ship’s video-phone. Walker and Balchoi did all the scientific analysis and the like, so I had nothing to do but sit and wait. It’s just as well; I wouldn’t have understood it anyway. I’m a businessman, not a scientist. I barely passed physics in college, and I never took chemistry or biology.

Finally, we landed on the Red Planet. It looked like the beautiful desert plateaus of Utah and Nevada, only more barren and much colder. We told Ground Control we’d go out for a half-hour stroll, then report back. Right after we signed off, the three of us put on spacesuits and left the ship. Because of Mars’s low gravity, we bounced with every step. I could jump higher than an elephant, but the fun was short-lived. Only ten minutes after we left the Golden Goose, Walker, Balchoi, and myself saw a hovercraft on the horizon. It moved about as fast as a conventional train, and stopped a few feet from us. The top dome opened, and revealed four aliens. They were bright green, like the stereotypical Martians from a bad sci-fi movie of the 1950's, generally human in appearance with clear differences. They were tall creatures, about seven feet each. They had triangular ears on top of their heads, where they met the sides. They also had three-foot-long green tails. Their lime-green lips concealed sharp teeth, including four lengthy ones that could only be called fangs. They had no fingernails; instead, there were claws, about three inches long, and sharper than tacks. Heck, they looked so pointed, I figured they’d have no need for professional diamond cutters. Their legs looked strange; they didn’t have knees, but instead looked joined backwards, so they could "squat" without their toes leaving the ground. Whiskers flew from their tiny, button noses. Other than that, there was no sign of hair anywhere on their bodies. They stood naked before us, not even wearing spacesuits; apparently, they could last without breathing oxygen. And all of them were female, with the telltale ladies’ pubic region and outrageously oversized breasts that stood out proudly from their chests. Apparently, Mars’s lower gravity meant Mother Nature gave their bodies an easier time. As I stared at them, the tallest woman spoke. She asked me, "Which of you is the leader?" It was a deep, demanding voice, almost like that of a husky earth female, though there were certain feline qualities that almost made it sound like a purr. As I learned later, this was no coincidence.

"He is," I replied, pointing to Commander Walker.

"LIAR!" she hissed at me. "You financed the mission yourself, and you insisted on going along with the mission, so you’re really in charge here. You shall pay for your insolence." She drove the vehicle over towards our spaceship, and hit the control panel with a rock. We could no longer reach Earth, and since the visual link had been disconnected at the time, nobody knew what had happened. Quickly, she drove back to us. "There. Now you’ll no longer be able to contact the inhabitants of that stupid bluish-green planet."

"How dare you! But how did -" I replied, not knowing how she knew so much of me, or how she understood English, for that matter.

"My telepathic abilities. We can read minds, and we used our mind-reading abilities to learn how to speak English, as well as learn every little thing about you puny selves. Bartok, Peela, Yento, escort our human prisoners to the Study Center."

Oh, dear. I didn’t like the sound of that. The three of us were taken to the Study Center. On the way, I asked the leader what her name was.

"I am called ‘Felia,’" she replied, "and I will ask the questions around here. However, planetary law demands I tell you about our Martian race first. We are descended from a renegade group of human beings from a million years ago. Those early humanoids were fond of their pet cats. Too fond, apparently, as they preferred the physical company of cats to their fellow humans. A race of wise, advanced beings from another galaxy landed on Earth, and found them. The Wise Ones (as we call them) were disgusted at our ancestors’ sexual habits, so they fused their DNA together. The Martians and Venusians were the result. All the females were transported to Mars, and the males to Venus. Not a single male lives on this planet, and no females can be found on Venus."

"I find that odd, Felia," I remarked. "I thought Mars was the ‘male’ planet and Venus the ‘female’ planet."

"A common misconception among Earthlings," Felia sneered at me. "It was implanted into the remaining humans’ consciousness by the Wise Ones. They built us each special living chambers, then left, never to return. Over the centuries, we have evolved to survive our environment. We need no oxygen to survive, only air. Lower gravity on Mars has made us larger than humans on Earth. Our green skin was the result of an unfortunate nuclear accident two centuries ago. And we can reproduce without any need for males. I’d show you how, but we’re almost there." Just then, I noticed a large white dome a hundred feet away. Inside was a large race of the same naked green female humanoids that had captured us. A few more questions remained to be answered, like how Earth probes to Mars failed to find them, but I decided not to press them yet. Walker, Balchoi, and myself were all escorted inside, and we were led into a large laboratory. We had no idea what the Martians planned.

"Felia, what will become of us?"

"Oh, you foolish Earthling. We don’t like trespassers, so we’re going to integrate you into our society." That was when I noticed a large ray gun in the middle of the room. Bartok was at the controls, and it was pointed straight at us. "My science officer Bartok is about to turn you into Martians like ourselves. Don’t fidget; this won’t hurt a bit." The moment she finished talking, the gun fired. I saw a bright blue ray of light shoot out, and it hit all three of us.

Within moments, I felt my body squirm. I was growing taller, until my space suit and clothing burst. I was gasping for breath, until a strange substance filled my lungs and I could breathe easily. My skin turned a pale green, except for my lips and nipples, which turned more lime green. My male organs rearranged themselves, and I saw female organs taking their place, complete with a lime-green set of outer lips, just like the Martians. My breasts swelled bigger than my now-larger head. I could see my fingernails drop off, and felt claws take their place. My canines grew longer and sharper. My ears turned pointy, and migrated up my head. All my body hair fell out, and all my skin pores closed up. My spine grew longer, and I could feel a foreign object growing out my spine and behind my legs. My nose got smaller, and odd hairs grew out on either side. My legs changed shape, to that of large hairless kitty legs. My torso took on more feminine proportions, as well. But the last sensation was the oddest; I could suddenly look anyone in the eyes, and I knew exactly what they were thinking. The whole time, I saw poor Walker and Bolchoi turn into Martians too, and judging by the looks on their faces, I knew exactly what they were going through, even before my new telepathic powers set in.

Everyone looked stunned, but we just stood there, confused. Finally, I worked up the nerve to ask Felia another question. "What do we do now?"

I heard a loud voice enter my head. It was Felia’s. She replied, "SILENCE! You fools! Since we can read minds, we have no need for verbal communication! We speak by transmitting thought patterns to each other. Go ahead, try it out."

I concentrated, and I sent a message to Walker. "Can you hear me, Commander?" I asked him.

"Loud and clear, Mr. Floyd," I heard him relay back. All without a single lip moving or even open. Strange.

"Excellent," Felia thought back at us. "Walker and Balchoi will become common prostitutes. Yento, take them to the cat house." I mentally groaned at her pun as my comrades were carted off, then asked her, "What do I do next?"

"You’re special. You’re a bigger cheese than those two no-name bozos, so we’ve chosen you to help us deal with Earth. Before I tell you about that unfortunate planet, I think I’ll let Peela do the honors of de-flowering you. You wanted to know how we can reproduce without males; she’ll show you. Peela, lick her pussy."

She obeyed Felia’s command, running her long, rough, cat-like tongue all over my ladylike opening. It was strange, but I felt the kind of sensations of arousal a human female must. But I was sure something had to be different. Just then, Felia asked me to rub Peela’s breasts. I obeyed, not sure what else to do. Her nipples turned hard and erect, but instead of just crinkling up slightly, they just grew out, longer and longer, thicker and thicker. As I continued to give her a boob massage, the lime-green aureola on each bosom migrated outwards, towards the tips. I could see individual veins and arteries form on the nipples, and the area just below the areola thinned slightly into a strangely familiar shape. Then I realized it - Peela’s nipples here hardening into two human penises! Now that her nipple-cocks were fully aroused, she bent down and pushed the left one into my vaginal opening. She thrust in and out, like an ordinary human male, until I came. The strange feeling was accentuated by Peela coming, too. After she withdrew, I picked up a damp cloth at my foot, washed her still-erect left nipple clean, and noticed a final small spurt of liquid release from her unused right nipple. I tasted it, and it was - sperm! So that’s how the birds and bees work on Mars!

"You amaze me, Floyd. You have correctly deduced many of the most important aspects of your new anatomy, but there’s more. If you wonder how breast feeding works, we just take the babies to our breasts. They only produce sperm when the nipples are erect. Otherwise, Martian breast milk comes out. And yes, the substance released inside yourself was exactly what Earth females produce. We carry and deliver our babies the exact same way Earth females do. Don’t worry about your body’s waste, however; we’ve learned to absorb our own waste, and the blood released during your period. You shall just release the surplus air by burping. You will feel uncomfortable for about three Earth-days every four Earth-weeks, and your vagina will be especially sore, but you have no need for a maxi-pad. Speaking of Earth days, you probably know that Mars’s year is twice as long as Earth’s. Since you were 56 when I zapped you, your body is now 28 Martian-years old. Not only does time move half as fast on Mars, but we age twice as slowly as well. Thus you will not be physically 29 until two Earth-years from now. And to answer your question about escaping notice, this is the only outpost of civilization on all Mars. We coated it with a thick layer of red rocks when your probes came here. The foolish toys didn’t find a thing. Your satellites couldn’t detect them, either, because a false signal of static easily fooled it into ignoring us. And we’ve never developed a space program, because the Wise Ones warned us never to go to Earth or Venus. Even so, we communicate with the Venusians via radio-waves. We send signals back and forth whenever Venus and Mars approach closely, with Earth far away. We despise Earthlings, and what they stand for! Now that you know all you need to know about how Martians thrive and survive, we need you to board that Golden Goose of yours and go to Venus. As a mere Earthling, the codes of the Wise Ones don’t apply to you. Well, actually, this is exactly what the Wise Ones told us to do if the Earthlings should ever find us. Once you get there, Phase Two of our plan will be enacted. Take these tools, to fix your ship. Do NOT fix the video-phone, however. Disobey, and the Venusians will vaporize you." She patted me on the back just before I left. With a Martian body, I knew Earthlings would never take me seriously, so I fixed the panel per Felia’s instructions, boarded my makeshift rocket and prepared for a trip to Venus.

 

Chapter Three: Voyage to Venus

I was throughly bored during the entire six months I was stuck alone, especially since I had so little left in terms of amusements. And my flying skills were still rusty, so I had to wing it (tee hee). Still, I somehow retained my sanity, and every so often, I tried masturbation. Actually, my new Martian anatomy allowed for two forms of releasing sexual tension solo: rub my hand over and inside my cunt, or rub my nipples until they got erect and came. I explored about every possible position and sexual perversion, given I was alone. I even formed several makeshift dildos and vaginas from some of the Golden Goose’s equipment. Of course, I always cleaned up afterwards.

There was more to do than sex, though. I also tested out my new body’s other abilities. My new ears and nose helped me hear and smell much better than any human could. My whiskers weren’t too helpful, but they did prove slightly ticklish to the touch. I figured there had to be a way to use this when I returned to D. M. and had sex, maybe. My tail was molded onto my spine, and I could wag and move it as well as any other part of me. I even tried sticking it up my cunthole, for variety, during my sexcapades. Furthermore, it helped me stay nimble on my toes. With those humongous hooters attached to my chest, I needed all the help I could get. Even the burping and period parts happened just as Felia told me. Anyway, just when I thought I couldn’t last another second on the ship, I finally made it to Venus, landed, and opened the ship’s hatch.

Let me tell you one thing about Venus, it’s blazing HOT! Since my Martian body was made for icy-cold temperatures, I couldn’t stand the heat. Still, I could breathe comfortably, thanks to their special breathing abilities. Nevertheless, I needed the temperature-controlled space suit to move around. The place looked like the Sahara, except for the pea-soup fog. And I MEAN pea-soup; it was the same shade of green. Fortunately, my feline eyes allowed me to see through it as well as if it had been crystal. I found an extra-large space suit on the ersatz spaceship, and managed to squeeze into it. I disembarked on my latest adventure, not knowing what the men of Venus would have in store for me.

After five minutes bouncing around the surface (like Mars, Venus is smaller than Earth), I noticed a rock-like structure moving closer towards me. It moved as fast as a car, and it stopped two feet away from me. Too close for comfort. I heard a loud CLICK, and I saw a door open on the side. Two men came out. The Venusians were baby-blue humanoids. They had the same ears, whiskers, tail, claws, tongue, fangs, and legs of the Martians; it’s clear they were feline cross-breeds, too. They were clearly male, since the organs coming out of their groins looked like those of an earthly male. Its tip, along with the Venusians’ lips and nipples, were royal blue. Each male was about six and a half feet tall, so I towered over them. While the Martian ladies’ shapely bodies had no rear hole, the Venusian men did. I was curious about this and other Venusian things, until I heard the taller male speak.

"Welcome to Venus. My name is Fennis, and this is my companion Hestruk. I’ve never seen your kind here before; what are you?"

It had been six months since I’d spoken to anyone, so it took me awhile to remember how to speak. (All the more so since my body wasn’t made for oral speech.) Finally, I opened my lips and managed to say, "I am an Earthling, sent here from Mars. The Martians captured me and turned me into one of them. I was told to come here, and I am at your mercy. But where did you learn to speak English?"

"The Martians sent us the basics of the language in our last radio transmission. We’ve never seen a Martian before, since neither of us travels into space, so we’d like you to come into our labs for some examinations."

I consented to Fennis’s request, so we rode back into Venusian civilization in their car. I asked them some questions about their society, and I shall sum up the answers Fennis and Hestruk gave me. Earth probes didn’t discover life on Venus because everything they use is made of pure rock. The Venusians always hide in their buildings and vehicles. Like the Martians, Venusians can breathe their atmosphere comfortably, as long as there’s air. They probably couldn’t stand Mars’s cold climate without a spacesuit, however. Just like the Martians have telepathic powers, Venusians have an equally special power: They can teleport anywhere they want. Fennis and Hestruk were driving for a scenic distraction from everyday life, the only reason anybody would travel long distances so slowly. I asked how they could possibly reproduce without any females, but they didn’t want to tell me; they preferred to show me. I patiently waited until we reached their city. I was told there were about a dozen, all of which were carefully hidden underground. An unseen hole opened up, and Fennis steered the three of us underground.

We rode through the streets of the city until we reached their lab. I noticed some Venusians stare at me, but I attributed it to the fact that they’d only seen fellow Venusians, so I was something new to them. (Yes, I was still a Martian female, not an Earthly male, but I knew I’d never pass as an Earthling any more.) At the lab, I asked what was going on. Fennis sneered at me, "Like the Martians, we Venusians have contempt for anything Earthly. We work a lot like the Martians, since we’re descended from the same common stock. We do have one difference, however; we’re male. But we can reproduce without the help of any females. Allow me to show you how."

Fennis now took Hestruk, and mounted him. Fennis’s penis, which was about ten inches long like most Venusians, entered into Hestruk’s asshole. I was surprised that the rear opening was a lot looser than any Earthly ones; in fact, it seemed no tighter than a human female vagina! I watched both Fennis and Hestruk get more aroused, and eventually, the look on their faces gave away their orgasms. I could also still read their thoughts, and I knew they’d been sexually satisfied. I could see the sperm released from Fennis’s penis as it withdrew from Hestruk, but I was curious if Hestruk had released anything. I asked him, "What did you just do?"

He replied, "Earthling, I released exactly what a female Earthling would during sex with a male Earthling. Us Venusians also have wombs and ovaries. In fact, the rear entrance is essentially a vagina. We have no need for butt holes, as we release our waste the same way as the Martians do. In fact, apart from our sexual organs and color, we’re alike in every way. We even have the same monthly periods, which cause a Venusian’s rear to hurt whenever he sits down. Nevertheless, we must insist on teleporting your wife over."

"WHAT? Why does D. M. have to get involved in this?"

"It’s what the Wise Ones commanded us to do whenever an Earthling manages to reach our planet. Just tell me where you live, and we can teleport her over in an instant."

"Fine. My address is 34 Financial Way, Spartanburg, South Carolina, United States."

With a snap of his fingers, Fennis managed to get D. M. into the room. She was gasping for breath, unable to breathe, until Hestruk injected her with some strange chemical I’d never seen before. Instantly she grew taller, turned blue, and grew the distinctive part-human-male, part-feline characteristics of a Venusian. Since her outfit wasn’t designed for a six-and-a-half-footer, her blouse and jeans ripped right off of her.

"What happened?" she asked in her newly-male voice.

"Your husband has gone to Mars unwanted, and he’s been sent here as a punishment," Fennis replied.

"My HUSBAND? He left for Mars about ten months ago, and nobody’s heard from him in six. He’s assumed dead."

"I’m afraid not, dear. I’ve been turned into a Martian," I replied. "These two blue gentlemen are Venusians, and you’re on Venus. You’re a Venusian too, by the way."

"No. You can’t be my husband."

"Yes, I am. Your favorite color is purple, you like taking baths in water scented with rose pedals, and your favorite song is ‘Endless Love.’"

"That’s true, but I want to be totally sure, so I’m asking you a question only C. J. would know. He gave me a special silver necklace for my thirtieth birthday. I always keep it hidden in a special place. Where would that be?"

"In our study, in a hollowed-out book. It’s located in the music section, between ‘Mozart in Five Easy Lessons’ and ‘Piano Theory for Beginners.’ It has a green hardback cover, and it’s called, ‘The Ultimate Fake Book.’"

"My goodness, it really is you, C. J," D. M. replied. "How did you get here?"

"It’s a long story. Listen, Fennis, what do D. M. and I do now?"

"Take the rocket ship back to Earth, together, just the two of you. Allow D. M. to adjust to her new anatomy, as you have done. When the two of you return, you’ll know what to do." I did so, and felt Fennis pat me on the back as I left.

 

Chapter Four: The Outside Threat

It was difficult, but I returned to the Golden Goose with D. M. After two long months, we made it back to Earth. We didn’t have much to do, so we spent a considerable amount of time exploring our new alien anatomies, trying out nearly every possible position for sex. We did just about everything. In that time, I told my wife -make that "husband"- about my voyage, and how Walker and Bolchoi were trapped as Martian hookers. She, in turn, told me about events on Earth in the same time - we’d lost contact with them after landing on Mars, and a funeral was held in our memories just a month before. Other things happened, too, but I wasn’t concerned about that. Floyd Crackers were still selling well, and in fact, sales had increased since my "disappearance," out of sympathy. Everything Fennis and Hestruk told me about Venusians was true; D. M. had the periods and burping, and like me she didn’t need a urinal. By the time I returned to Earth, we were both longing for the planet we call home. To our surprise, both of us didn’t need space-suits to survive on Earth’s surface. We just sauntered home, uncertain what Fennis implied by his last statement.

"Now what, dear?" I asked D. M. "Our clothes are too small for us, and we’ll never be able to be seen in public again unless we want to meet the Alien Task Force."

D. M. suggested, "Why don’t we have sex? True, it’s not the best thing, but it’s something. And I’m curious what it’ll be like, trying out a position I just thought up that we haven’t tried yet."

"Sounds like a plan to me." D. M.’s position was for me to arouse my nipples, and stick them up her (whoops, his) rear, like conventional intercourse. (Of course, many things about it made it far from conventional!) As soon as we finished, I felt a strange feeling course through my body. It was mostly concentrated on my crotch and rear, and I felt a peculiar pulling in those areas. At the same time, my mind started running laps around my head. When I came to, I noticed I was different. A bluish penis was sticking out from my groin, just above my greenish vagina, and a bluish tinge on my back indicated the presence of a rear hole. I’d just acquired the distinctive characteristics of a Venusian on my Martian body! D. M. stared at me, perplexed, from across the bed. He now had the green Martian breasts and green Martian vagina on his mostly blue Venusian body. We’d become Martian-Venusian cross breeds!

"What the-" D. M. told me, then I suddenly, unexpectedly, lunged at him and smacked his face. Since I was taller and stronger than D. M, he bleed and cried. In a sinister monotone voice, I told him, "Silence! I am not your beloved C. J. I am Hermaph, the leader of the Wise Ones. My race created the Martians and Venusians your wife met, and we waited for an Earthly human to arrive on our planets. We gave the Martians and the Venusians instructions to turn two Earthlings into a Martian and a Venusian. As soon as you had sex on your home planet, you acquired all the special anatomical abnormalities and psychic abilities of both races. And now, every person on Earth shall become like you, and the Wise Ones shall complete their million-year plan to take over Earth! Hah hah hah hah!"

D. M. didn’t like what he heard. Neither did I, but I wasn’t in control. You see, Hermaph had taken over my body the moment I transformed into the humanoid hermaphrodite. He (or was that she? I’ll just call Hermaph "it"; seems appropriate for an evil would-be dictator) was in total control of my actions and words. I could still think for myself, but I also heard Hermaph’s thoughts in my head. In a way, we communicated via our thoughts. Still, I was now a pawn in a dastardly planetary conquest, and couldn’t do a thing about it. Or could I... ?

"How dare you!" D. M. replied. "I won’t do anything to help you."

"But dear," I replied in my Hermaph mode, "you’re my husband, and you’d do anything to help me. Look at me, and tell me you’d stop your beloved partner."

D. M. was powerless to resist; the soothing, purring rhythm of my voice must have brainwashed him somehow. My eyes started turning in weird circles as I commanded her, "You will have sex with all the human males and females you meet. The males will turn into Martians, while the females shall become Venusians. And every time they have sex with another person, they’ll spread the body change to others. I’ll make sure they screw to the max, by injecting you in a moment. You will too. That’s why we didn’t try to take over the planet right away. We’d never be able to get everyone on the planet in a matter of days. But now, we can. Thanks to all your wondrous methods of transportation and communications. I’ve formed a special chemical in C. J.’s saliva, so you’ll have an insatiable desire to fuck everyone you meet. So will anyone else affected by the sex. I’ll just probe your front pussy and throat with my tongue, and then you’ll be mine!" I did exactly as Hermaph threatened, and D. M. suddenly ran out the bedroom and started screwing all our servants. I totally regained total control over by body, and shuddered at the thought of what would happen next.

 

Chapter Five: A Tri-planetary Solution

Well, I figured, how do I stop the Wise Ones? In a snap, I figured that, since I had the Venusians’ abilities now, I can teleport to another planet! I used this ability to return to Felia’s lab on Mars. I mentally told her the whole situation, and she was in total shock.

"The cads! I had no idea the so-called Wise Ones were just using us to their own sinister ends! We must tell the Venusians about this," Felia thought back.

"Will do," I telepathically replied. "I’m going to Venus right now. The new Venusian parts in me gave me their transporting abilities, so I’ll have a quick discussion with them now." Instantly, I left for Mars and explained the situation to Fennis. He too agreed the Wise Ones must be stopped, and told me to arrange a special meeting on Mars to discuss the situation. I provided a special leftover space suit for him, and two days later, the three of us took stock of the situation.

"Well, it looks like we’ve been had all these millennia," Felia said. "What can we do now?"

"It’s worse than it sounds," I replied. "Last I checked, about 90% of all Earthlings had been altered by Hermaph’s sexual chemical. We don’t have very long to solve this dilemma."

"I studied the situation with my pal Hestruk, and after a couple conjectures, we realized the problem could be solved if only we could find one or two Earthlings turned into Martians or Venusians without the ‘venereal disease’."

"Wait a minute," I realized. "There ARE two of them! Walker and Balchoi, my pals from our flight to Mars, were turned into Matrian sluts."

"Perfect!" Fennis replied. "Now we just have to find them and start the process of un-contaminating the humans. We just have to extract a small sample from their DNA. Since they were once human, traces of human DNA should still be in their system. This, combined with their Martian DNA, will allow Hestruk and I to create an anti-virus to combat Hermaph’s evil virus of transformation. We only need to inject every single person on Earth with it, and voila! Problem solved."

"Thanks, Fennis," I replied. "But how will we give it to the Earthlings?"

"Leave that to me," Felia replied. She called Yento over, and asked her to retrieve Walker and Balchoi from their "business". They were so eager to continue pleasing the Martian ladies, but first things first. Fennis took DNA samples, and had a finished anti-virus created within two hours. There was no time to lose, so I teleported to Earth, holding Felia’s hand in the process. Fennis teleported separately, and told me where he’d be.

When I got back, I didn’t recognize anyone. Every person was a Martian or a Venusian. Felia warned me that capturing Hermaph might be tricky, so I stayed alert. Then a thought occurred to me. I telepathically told her, "Wait a minute. Hermaph chose my body because I’d been turned into a hermaphrodite, right?"

"Yes, so what?" she replied.

"Well," I thought, "there’s only one person on the entire planet besides me with that body, and I think it’s taken over his body."

"Who?" Felia mentally queried.

"My spouse, D. M!" I told her. "Now let’s go to Spartanburg, and end this invasion once and for all!"

I teleported to my mansion with Felia. We found D. M. in the master bedroom, surrounded by several Martians and Venusians. "Hello, my pretties, it seems you’ve found me!" D. M. thought. Since her body was now part Martian, I figured she’d have those telepathic abilities. "I’ve just finished turning all humans into human-feline cross breeds like Felia. Pretty soon I’ll rule the world, as promised by the prophecies!"

"What prophecies?" I mentally asked Felia.

She telepathically replied, "It’s written in the Great Book of the Wise Ones. A creature, born of human blood, but neither wholly human nor wholly feline, shall take over the planet. But..." She stopped, and pulled out a sheet of paper. Thanks to her scanning of my mind, she could now write English as well as read it. She wrote out something rather important she obviously didn’t want Hermaph to hear. (Thinking wouldn’t do, since Hermaph was also a mind-reader.) Now I knew exactly what to do.

"Hermaph, I’m afraid you’ve beaten me. I surrender. The Earth is yours to keep."

"Excellent," it replied. "Now that I’ve won, I think I’ll celebrate. What’s the best place on Earth for a coronation?"

"The Sahara," I replied. I gave Hermaph an exact latitudinal and longitudinal location, and it teleported there immediately. I followed it, giving Felia a special environmental temperature-controlled cold suit designed by my company. It had been especially designed for tall Norwegians, so it fit her perfectly. And she’d need it, to survive the heat of the desert. We arrived moments later, Hermaph in D. M.’s body nearby.

"Hey, what gives! I’m a cold-blooded creature! I can’t survive in these hundred-degree temperatures!"

"Exactly. Felia told me about your weakness: a need to live in a temperate climate zone. The heat of the desert is too much for you. Now release D. M. from your grip, and call off your invasion of Earth, or stay and die!"

"Ooooh... okay, you win! I’m going home. I never wanted this stupid planet anyway!" I watched D. M.’s body faint, then asked him if he was alright.

"I’m fine, honey," he replied. "And I’m glad we’re finally rid of that beast."

"Me too," I told D. M. "Now we’ve got a planet to cure!"

I teleported D. M. home, then found Fennis in the Australian outback. With Felia’s help (and with some assistance from an environmentally-controlled heat suit for my Venusian friend), we distributed the anti-virus to every laboratory on the planet. Within a couple weeks, everyone was cured of the menace, and the planet was once more populated by humans. Alas, D. M. and I were stuck in our weird alien bodies, but we were Earth’s heroes. And Floyd Crackers totally cornered the market in snack foods for the next several years.

 

Epilogue

It’s now ten Earth-years later. Now that we’ve found the Martians and the Venusians, we’ve started to treat them as a fellow nation. Because of our experiences and unique anatomy, I’ve become Earth’s Ambassador to Mars, while my loving partner D. M. is Earth’s Ambassador to Venus. Thanks to a special collaboration between Floyd Industries, NASA and several other Earthly space programs, Venus, and Mars, residents of all three planets regularly travel between them, and communicate via satellite transmissions. It takes awhile, especially, to send messages between Venus and Mars, but it can be done. Some humans have decided to live on Mars or Venus, where they are treated as full equals. Special precautions must be taken for humanoids living off their native planets, but we can control any humanoid’s environment as needed. Last year, scientists also began a special program to turn a human who wishes into a Venusian or a Martian. Thanks partially to their time as one or the other, several thousand humans have already changed their race, or are on a list to change sometime in the future. The waiting list is five years long, though, so don’t do it right away. And you’ll have to talk to your therapist about it first, for at least eight months. If you wanna become a cross-breed like myself or D. M, forget it. Human scientists believe our changes into half-Venusians, half-Martians was a fluke that cannot be replicated by any knowable means. Still, life on all three planets now is pretty nice. And the best part is, D. M. and I have now borne heirs for the Floyd clan! We’ve both been pregnant twice, once as a Martian, and once as a Venusian. And we’ve each given birth to a boy and a girl. But the best part is, we’re both heroes. And thanks to their heroic efforts, Felia is the elected-for-life Queen of Mars, while Fennis was just appointed President of Venus. Bravery does have its rewards.

 

THE END

 

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