The story below is told in first person, and like "real" people often do, the main character sometimes uses bad grammar, less than accurate terminology for items for which he's not familiar, and incorrectly switches from present to past tense forms. These errors are minimal, but are intended.

 

Meaningless

by Yukiko Tsukashima

 

I was starting to feel pretty dizzy...pretty dopey. This party seemed so wild and fun when I took those pills...that girl in the pink and white mini dress seemed so beautiful and interested in me when she smiled that luscious smile...sweetly talking me into taking them. Where was she now? I don't see her.

How many drinks have I have? It couldn't have been more than two or three...I shouldn't have felt as tired and lightheaded from the alcohol alone. I feel myself just sinking back into this chair...no one seems to be paying attention to me at all...

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My eyes hurt a little. I feel my head aching a little between my eyes, and maybe at the back of my neck too. It's maybe a little too hard to breathe through my nose too...my right nostril feels like I need to blow it out. I want to open my mouth take in a few deep breaths, but something is in my mouth.

Why is there something in my mouth? I think about slowly trying to open my eyes, but do try to raise my hand to wipe my eyes, but my hand only moves up a couple of inches before is can't move any higher, and I hear the sound of metal rubbing against metal.

What the hell is this? I pop open my eyes and quickly try to move my arms and legs to sit up, but I can't move any of my limbs more than a few inches. Something is holding my chest and stomach in place on what I think is a bed too. I can't see much more than pink fabric when I raise my head up as far as I can to look down...I can't seem to raise myself up enough to see what's happening down there. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God--I'm in some serious trouble....what the hell is going on here? I jerk my body against my bonds, fighting there hold on my body, but Instead of making way against the restraints, my body just kind of sinks and rises into the semi-soft mattress I'm apparently laying on. The restraints are solid. Trying with everything I have to yell out for help, I find that thing in my mouth is muffling my throat sounds. I stop fighting for a moment and just roll my head back.

There's a mirror over the bed. Oh my God, what the hell is this? I'm handcuffed to a hospital bed...which explains why I can't move my arms and legs, and there are straps across my chest, stomach, and thighs as well to hold me to the bed....that much I had already guessed. But I can see also that the blur of pink I only nominally noticed before is some kind of baby dress or nightgown. It's a....light-toned pink thing with a ludicrous amount of ruffles and lace. Below the ruffles at the hem I see I'm wearing what looks like pink plastic pants that bulge out a bit...I'm guessing there's a diaper under those pink pants.

I can also see what looks like the end of a giant pacifier in my mouth, harnessed over my head to keep it in place. I try to slurp for a moment, but the...soft part(?)...of the pacifier--it isn't soft and pliable like I would think the "sucking piece" of a pacifier would be. My jaw won't open any more or less than it does now either. Wedged into place? I can't tell from the view.

The weirdest thing--no, take that back, it's not the weirdest thing by far, but it's just another bizarrely weird thing--the hair on my head looks like big ringlets of blond, highlighted hair. I can't tell if it's my hair or a wig in the mirror, but I think it's my hair that's been redone.

I scream and scream muffled screams. What the hell is this? No one comes when I make my muffled noises, so after quite a few shrieks, I stop.

So I can breathe with less trouble, I try blowing out hard through my nose, and I think I got some snot out--but some of it landed on my face. Well at least I can breathe a little easier.

Wait-wait-wait...Where in God's name am I? Rolling my head to the left and right to see where I am, and then raising my head as far up as I can to see as far down as I could--over the top of those damn ruffles--I saw I was in what looked to be a master bedroom-sized, windowless room. Of course the walls were pink...some kind of patterned wallpaper. What little furniture there was in the room all was two-toned pink, with the exception of the white floor lamps...somebody really liked pink!

I would have to guess that this was a room in some renovated basement, although there was no way of knowing for sure. The lack of windows told me that...well...where else would you have a room in a house with no windows? Assuming this was a house...God, I had no idea. Wherever it was, it looked like there is no point of yelling or screaming anymore...obviously, no one was going to hear my muffled yelling here. The room itself was too well premeditated for the designer not to have thought about noise suppression.

I just lay there. I wouldn't say I relaxed, but I wasn't thrashing about or trying to make noise. I figured whoever did this to me had a plan, and I was going to have to just wait to see what it was.

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I don't know how long I laid there--I had no clock to help me gauge the passing of time. It seemed like quite a while though. I needed to piss something fierce, but I was not going to piss on myself if I could help it--God, my head hurt.

I would have sighed if I could have opened my mouth. I hated looking at myself in that damn mirror, but I was bound to the bed face-up, and couldn't help seeing my strangely dressed self there. I thought it was a depressing view that needed at least one sigh.

Out of the blue--no, make that pink--I heard the door to the room open. Over to my side came...a woman(?). I couldn't tell the gender for sure. The "woman" wore a latex mask of a made-up woman's face, and also what I guessed was to be a long, blond wavy haired wig perched on her head. For clothing, she wore a dark pink, shiny jumpsuit zipped to the neck, and latex surgical gloves. I couldn't see "her" feet.

I don't know why this thought popped into my head, but "she" didn't have ample bosoms, or particularly small bosoms either. With a latex outfit, I would think that the cups would be filled with something double-D sized or better. Normal sized breasts just didn't seem to fit this strange scenario.

Well of course I writhed and vocalized some urgent sounding noises right after I saw her. I knew almost as soon as I started doing this that it was absolutely pointless, but it seemed like the...expected(?)...thing to do. So I kept trying to convey that I didn't like this experience at all...which kind of sounds stupid when I think about it. If someone took the time to create this kind of bizarre set-up, I think that "they" would already know I wouldn't like the experience.

God, I'm like over-thinking everything since I woke up in this room--but thinking is basically all I have the ability to do at the moment.

"She" just stood there at the side of the bed until I stopped writhing and making noise. I was looking at "her" face, but "she" never caught my eyes. Shortly after I stopped, this person, whom I am now going to label a she for lack of any clues, moved her hands to the pacifier, did something I couldn't see, and then pulled out the center of the thing. She walked then sort of behind the head of the bed, out of my line of sight, where I guess there was a small cart or something. Before she walked away, I could see that the "soft part" of the pacifier she'd removed was shaped like a small penis--this was all so weird! Why the hell would a pacifier have a penis center? I took notice with my tongue that now I had a hole opened up to my mouth--my mouth was wedged in place just as I'd thought.

After doing something on the cart outside my line of sight, she came back to my bedside. She kept whatever she had had retrieved from the table too low for me to tell what it was, but I was guessing that whatever it was, it was going to plug up my mouth hole. I started writhing and making noise again...I wasn't going to get something new put into my mouth without a fight.

She, never catching my eyes or saying a word, took that whatever she had back behind the headboard--I heard her put it down. Then she came back into my line of sight. In her hand was a Tazer, or at least a Tazer-like device. She just held it up so I could see it for like 10-seconds or so. I got her crystal clear message that I better behave "or else."

Out of my view again, she exchanged items on the table, and again came back with whatever it was with which she was going to fill up my mouth hole, and again kept it out of my line of sight so I couldn't see what it was. I kept very still while she inserted it. This one went a little deeper into my throat than the "penis," to the point I experienced a gag reflex. (She didn't seem to mind that, thank God. I did not want to get shocked!) Then, she did something with the "pacifier," which I assume was securing the new center piece in place.

Again, out of my line of sight, she started doing something. All of a sudden, I felt liquid going down the back of my throat. I had another gagging reaction, but it didn't matter...the liquid was still going down so far in the back of my throat that I couldn't even taste it--or stop it. Something else happened too...when I gagged this time, my bladder let loose, and I started urinating in what I now knew was a diaper. I just gave up and just let it go--I stopped trying to hold in my urine.

After a few reflex gags, I stopped almost choking while the liquid just kept coming down the back of my throat. I was hoping this was some kind of blended up food or shake to keep me healthy, but again, I had no idea. Two minutes? Three minutes? The liquid finally stopped coming through the "nipple." The woman(?) unsecured the liquid dispenser from the pacifier and slid it out from the hole. She didn't hide it from my view this time, and I saw it was another penis shaped center piece. I could see it was an inch or more longer than the first nipple, had a tube connected to the back of it, and that it had a hole at the tip of it. Useless information now.

She reinstalled and secured the earlier penis-shaped pacifier nipple, and I didn't fight it. What was the point? Plus I didn't want to get shocked. Then, she did something else out of my sight at the cart, and as suddenly as she came, she left.

No eye contact, and not a word spoken. Why? I don't get it!

This was sooooo strange, and getting stranger and scarier all the time. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why this was all going on, and--in a darker frame of thought--why it hadn't escalated to the point of physical torture. That Tazer told me it easily could escalate to torture in the future though, and I couldn't do a thing about it.

After another indeterminate amount of time, I started feeling gassy, and also like I needed to take a dump. I also was beginning to feel very sleepy. I guessed I'd received some kind of laxative and some kind of narcotic in the liquid she fed me--so much for the healthy food thought. As I was getting sleepier, I lost control of my bowels and soiled myself. The last thought I remembered having before I passed out was "Great! I'm laying in my own filth!"

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My head was aching again. It felt like I had sinus headache just behind my lightly throbbing eyes. Something was in my mouth.

Oh God, that wasn't a dream. I tried to move my arms and legs, and experienced the same restrictions again. I was afraid to open my eyes, but I did anyway.

I was wearing what I would call a "toddler" dress. It was pink and white with a high waist, full skirt with a lacy...petticoat?...I think that's the right word...and puffy sleeves, as well as a "Peter Pan" collar. I noticed that there was a tube running from under the skirt to the foot rail, and felt something on my penis.

I tried to move my butt around to raise the skirt. I wanted to see if the tube was attached to my penis like I thought, but my left cheek stung when I moved it against the mattress. When I looked as closely as I could at the translucent tube, I thought I could see patches of yellow in it. Not 100% sure on the yellow, but I was sure enough.

Oh yeah, the tube was attached to my penis. It was there to drain me so I wouldn't piss on myself. I wondered if there was any plan for any future shitting I might do.

Same hairstyle, I saw. Well, at least something was stable. I let out a sort of giggly snort. Stable--now that was funny thought given my unbelievable circumstances.

I just lay there. I thought about that the placing of the mirror and cart were pretty thought out. I couldn't see the cart with the mirror--that means someone probably laid in this bed while another adjusted the angle and placement of the mirror specifically so I couldn't see behind the bed. The person or persons behind this had thought this out fairly thoroughly. That amazes me...why the hell were they doing this to me, and with so much thought put into the scenario? I had absolutely no answer to this thought.

After laying there some lengthy amount of time while thinking about that Tazer, "She" came back in the room. Same mask, same wig, different shiny outfit. It was a white, mock nurse's dress, complete with a white, shiny hat. Instead of red crosses, it had two pink crosses on the normal sized bosom (why normal sized?), and one pink cross on the hat. Was the nurse's outfit indicating she was going to do some sort of procedure on me?

Again to the cart. No, that's not right. I hear a sound like a refrigerator opening and closing--can't see anything back there though, damn it!

I hear something being set on the cart. Again, wordlessly and without catching my eyes, she removes the center piece of the pacifier. She returns to the cart, and comes back with a giant baby bottle with a penis nipple about the size of my "normal" pacifier penis nipple.

I feel tears welling in my eyes. I know this probably has some sort of narcotic in the liquid, and I don't want to drink from a baby bottle--let alone with a penis nipple--but the alternate choice is to get electrically shocked, and then probably giving in and drinking the bottle anyway. I angle my head for her to put the bottle in my mouth while feeling a tear run down my cheek.

In went the nipple. I wondered how I was going to suck on the bottle with my jaw stuck in one position, but the nipple was so soft and pliable that just tonguing the nipple caused liquid to come out.

It tasted like sweetened milk. My "nurse" held the bottle, and I "sucked" a penis on a baby bottle for the milk. I tongued the nipple until most of the milk was gone. She pulled the bottle out, and did what she needed to replace my pacifier's penis and secure it in place. She took the bottle off the cart, and left the room with it. Again, not a word spoken through the whole episode.

I just wept until I fell passed out from the drugs.

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My head was aching again. This time I knew it was from the drugs. I felt the penis pacifier in my mouth again.

There was no point in crying anymore. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen. I was just going to have to take it until "they" were done.

I opened my eyes, expecting to see another sissy girl's dress, only to see that I'm wearing a pink leather corset, and a short, white, net skirt. The skirt looked very, very full. Now that I saw the corset, I could feel its tightness across my stomach and chest.

I also saw an IV was now in my arm, and there was no tube coming from under my skirt.

What the hell are "they" doing? Am I supposed to be a Sissy girl, or a sexy woman? Even my hair was restyled into some new tousled looking adult style.

I feel angry now. This is making less and less sense, and I'm tired of it. I struggle against my restraints and let out what would be loud yells if I could undo this thing from my mouth, but I know I'm not going anywhere, and no one is going to hear me. My left butt cheek still hurts when I move it against the bed, but not as much as before.

I start crying again. If I could let sounds loose from my mouth, I'm sure I'd sound like a bawling girl.

I don't know how long I cried, but I stopped after awhile. I just lay there again, waiting for the next nightmare to begin.

Sure enough, "she" came through to door again. Same mask and hair, but this time in a pink shiny jumper over a white shiny mock turtleneck. She went straight to the cart this time, and when she comes back into view, I see she has a TV controller looking device in her surgically gloved hand.

She turned towards me, and I could see her thumb hit a button. All of a sudden, I felt a vibrator rapidly pulsating in my ass. I felt a wave of pleasure rip through my body, and a wave of loathing and fear ripple through my brain. Oh God, this is a nightmare!

My real penis (not the pacifier one in my mouth) attempted to rise, but it was constricted...it hurts when tries to widen and harden! What the hell did they do to my penis?

I writhed, restrained to the bed for what felt like hours, but I'm sure were only excruciatingly confusing minutes. The pleasure that I didn't want to feel throughout my body (but felt anyway), the pain I felt in my penis and ass cheek, the intense emotions I felt inside--I can't think of a better word than nightmare. God, what a nightmare this was!

The woman must have turned off the vibrator with the controller, as I felt it stop. I didn't want to, but I immediately started weeping. I didn't want this shiny, evil person at my bedside to see me crack and crumble, but I cracked and crumbled anyway.

Through my tears, I saw that she was messing with the IV. I knew what was coming...I was about to pass out again. This time, she stayed in the room while I passed out.

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I started moving my arms and instinctively move to wipe my eyes, when it dawned on me that my arms were free. I moved my legs, and they moved! I sort of sat up and opened my eyes.

I think I was home in my apartment's bedroom, I think I am anyway, but now it's all decorated in shades of pink and pink floral patterns. The furniture was that two-towed pink like in that nightmare dungeon, the walls were covered with pink and white patterned wall paper, and pink floral curtains that coordinated with the wallpaper.

I looked down, and I was wearing a long, powder pink nightgown. I tried to stand up to as a step to taking it off, but I couldn't get flat footed on the floor and fell back on the bed...noticing a constriction about my waist as I fell.

Oh, God, what is going on now? I lift the nightgowns skirt, and see I'm wearing high heeled pink shoes with little straps and locks to hold them on my feet. I have socks on beneath the shoes...little white socks with fold downs and lace. I carefully stood up on the heels, and slowly lifted the nightgown over my head, taking it off. I'm wearing a pink, leather corset. The cups on the corset are filled, but I don't think they're mine. God, I hope they're not mine!

I need to see a full length mirror quickly.

I very carefully walk to the mirror in the hall (pink walls), turn on the light with my...pink, long nailed fingers?

I see I'm wearing make-up. My hair is a mess, but I can see blond bangs and a highlighted, blond tousled hair on my head, ready to be brushed into the same hairdo I saw on me at the dungeon. I twist about--almost falling over in the process--and see that the corset is laced-up and locked in the back with three little locks. I also notice that there is a roughly 3-inch wide, pink, lace-edged heart tattoo on my left butt cheek, with the word "Cutie" written across it at an angle in curvy handwriting.

Shit. I saw in profile, a metal tube over my penis, curved the wrong way for an erection. It's held in place with a locked handcuff loop encircling the base of my balls...

I literally had one of those experiences where my mouth literally went slack-jawed. That couldn't be me in the mirror, but it was.

Nightmare. That's the word. A total, fucking nightmare.

I go through my apartment (pink-pink-floral pink patterns-white-more pink) looking for my phone...I think I'm going to need a locksmith and an explanation from hell, only to find I have no phone. My captor or captors set this up so I'm going to have to leave my apartment to make a call for help.

I slowly walked back to my bedroom, to check in the pink dresser drawers and in the closet for something to wear.

I opened the closet first...pink and white--Pink and white clothing filling the closet, and all of it incredibly feminine looking. I check the dresser drawers, and there's nothing but pink and white ruffled underwear.

The most masculine pair of pants I found was a pair of pink pair of bellbottom jeans, with rear pockets shaped like hearts, and decorated with rhinestones and white lace.

The tops were just as bad. Everyone of them with lace, bell sleeves, embroidery...something incredibly feminine about all of them.

I don't know what to wear. After a long cry (that didn't affect my make-up?--How is that?) I got dressed in the pink "heart" jeans and a lacey, renaissance looking white top. Teetering on my high heeled shoes, I was mentally preparing to leave the apartment and call one of my friends. It dawned on me that I couldn't find my ID, credit cards, or any cash. I don't know which friend to call, and my God, what is he or she to think?

I can't figure out what this all means, and why me? What the hell did I do? I'm at a total loss...and I know that I have continue the nightmare a little longer to permanently get out of this hyper-feminine clothing.

I guess it's about time to leave the apartment to make a collect call...Oh God, oh God, oh God....

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Yukiko Tsukashima. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.