Mea Culpa

by Hypatia

Part 2

 

After she had washed the dishes Judy headed out, I was a little worried about her going out, but on a busy Saturday, there would be plenty of people around. Those that walk the night are rarely willing to bring their activities to the daylight. In the daytime, there are different rules.

For a while, I worried about her being out there and blamed myself for my inability to be out there with her. Eventually though, with the assistance of a 'Book of Mormon', that had somehow slipped its way into my library, I fell asleep. I don't know if Joseph Smith saw an angel, I don't know if the stories are true, but from my understanding of what I read the new Zion is Disneyland and the faithful still flock there. It's a pity they didn't know that when they set up home in the middle of a desert…a swamp would have been a lot more hospitable. It was good stuff to sleep by though.

I dreamt about the faithful flocking to see the Messiah who had returned and being greeted by an eight-foot tall mouse.

I have strange dreams, but at least it wasn't Barney…I love you…you love me…that might have been more than my mind could take. I dream a lot, I think it is my mind compensating for all the things I don't do. Somewhere though within my dreams of choirs of angelic Disney characters singing M-I-C-K-E-Y, M-O-U-S-E, Judy was present. Despite my terrors, despite the crowds, she took my hand tightly and the two of us walked up to meet our saviour.

I woke up trembling with fear, as the great mouse was about to lay his hands on me and it was probably a lucky thing for Mickey and me. I don't know what would have happened if I had actually nutted the new Mouse Messiah.

I looked around the room and found Judy picking up some of the dirty clothes on the floor.

"Sorry," she said.

"No it's ok, strange dream," I mumbled trying to pull my thoughts together.

"Why don't you sleep in bed, you might be more comfortable in there," she suggested.

"I sometimes get up there," I said, "but not very often."

"Why?" she asked.

"I just don't," I replied.

I walked through to the kitchen and switched the kettle on; the washing machine and the tumble dryer were running. I didn't know that the tumble dryer still worked, I tended to leave things to dry on the radiators.

"When did you last unblock the filter on your tumble dryer?" Judy asked as she returned to the kitchen with armloads of clothes.

"What filter?" I asked.

"Oh…that long," she said dumping the clothes on the floor.

"I haven't done it before, so it must have last been done when mum was around," I said. "Sometime in ninety eight."

"Sixteen years," she said with what I can only presume was a disbelieving look. "How old are you Billy?"

"Thirty four," I replied.

"Oh, I thought you were older," she said with some surprise. "You're only a few years older than me."

"Why how old are you?" I asked.

"Twenty eight," she said.

"I would have though you were much younger," I said honestly.

"Oh you're just saying that to flatter me," she said as she started sorting out the clothes into different piles for some reason.

"No I'm not," I said pouring the milk in my coffee and making my way back to the living room.

"Billy if you are going back to sleep again, do you mind doing it in bed," Judy asked from the kitchen.

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"I want to hit that front room, something has died in there," she said walking through. "Can't you smell it?"

"No," I said sniffing. "Are you sure it isn't me?"

"No Billy, I can assure you that it isn't you who stinks, I would have noticed it in the taxi."

I looked around the room; I spent most of my life in this room except when I was on the streets.

"Please…for me," she said with a sad look on her face.

"Maybe I should help you," I suggested feeling uncomfortable and guilty about leaving her to do it.

"No chance Billy, this operation should be done while you are unconscious," she said with a smile. "It'll hurt less…"

"It's just…" I protested.

"I know, I'll be careful," she said walking up to me. She bent down brushed my hair off my forehead and then kissed it gently. "I will be careful of your books and things."

I sat there stunned for a moment or two, trying not to look down her top at her cleavage, which was being so conveniently displayed. I shifted my gaze again and found myself looking at her legs on display in shorts another shift of my eyes and I found myself looking at her crotch and wondering…I felt myself blushing…but the panic, the fear that I usually felt was absent.

"For me?" she asked running her fingers through my beard. I hesitated a moment, I could see her breasts in their lacy confinement, I could smell her perfume and she was touching me without causing me fear. I luxuriated in these sensations for a moment or two before agreeing, though I already knew I would agree.

"Yes," I said standing up.

"Throw your clothes in the washing basket," she said as I made my way up the stairs.

"Washing basket?" I asked.

"You'll see it," she said with a giggle.

I did see it, a wicker basket that had been used to store something or other in the bedroom, why it rated a giggle I didn't understand. The bedroom was different, tidy and things like the cobwebs that had been on the ceiling were gone, the curtains were open and had obviously been washed. I stripped and slid into the bed picking the side that obviously hadn't been claimed by Judy, her teddy bear and nightdress were on the pillow on one side of the bed. I slept on clean sheets that smelled of her perfume and I slept like that for a long time.

*****

"What are you doing?" I asked when the movement woke me. I couldn't see very well the curtains had been closed and it was obviously dark outside.

"Trying to make myself pretty for you," Judy answered. I could feel her sitting on the edge of the bed and sometime while I slept, I had migrated over to that side.

"You're pretty whatever," I mumbled back.

"Oh, you are so sweet," she said as I rolled on my side to look at her.

"No, I just tell the truth," I said reaching out towards her shadow and encountering bare skin. I heard her give a little gasp.

I hesitated for a moment, trying to figure out where my hand was. The skin was almost silky smooth and softer than I could have imagined. I moved my hand upwards; figuring that was the safest direction and her hair tickled my hand just before I reached her bra straps. I rubbed her back for a minute or two and I could feel her pressing back towards me. My hand slid down her back and encountered a coarse band of material and I was caressing her lower back through her tights. A bit lower and I found her bum secreted now beneath two layers of soft fabric. I rubbed it for a bit as I was unsure what else to do. I felt her pull away and assumed I had gone beyond the bounds, I rolled back on my back when the bed again moved and she slipped underneath the covers next to me. Her breasts were now bare, pressing into my arm, but she still wore her tights and I could feel them against my leg causing an almost electric sensation. She rolled on her side throwing an arm and a leg across me, unconcerned about my nakedness, unlike me. I turned to say something and her hand slid up my chest to my cheek and pulled my face towards her, where her mouth was waiting for mine.

We kissed for a long time, after a while I allowed my hands to explore a little and found myself fascinated by the feeling of her legs inside their nylon prison. The smoothness and softness, with the hot flesh beneath seemed to hypnotise my fingers. Judy obliged by rubbing her upper leg across my body, seeming to pay special attention to my erection.

"I'm sorry they're tights rather than stockings," she said as she broke away from my mouth for air.

"Why?" I asked.

"Stockings are sexy, tights are just practical," she said her voice sounding even more husky than normal.

"Are they?" I asked.

"Oh you…" she said giggling and giving my chest a playful slap. Beneath the covers, though her leg was rubbing harder against my erection.

"Judy can you smell something burning?" I asked.

"Oh you," she said again and then her body tensed. "Damn, damn, damn, damn," she said getting out of bed and scrabbling for clothes. She fumbled with a bra then pulled a dress over her head and was gone while still buttoning it up.

Obviously, I had said something wrong.

*****

I washed and dressed and made my way downstairs, I found the living room transformed.

I could see the carpet and most of that carpet seemed damp under my bare feet, though it was rather cleaner than before. Piles of books had been moved to one end of the room and the surfaces had been cleaned of clutter and dusted. The curtains were open and clean and in the middle of the windowsill, that until recently had only been home to books and a collection of dead insects a potted plant stood alone.

"I've saved it despite all your efforts," Judy shouted from the kitchen.

"Oh have you?" I said suspiciously while still looking around the transformed room.

"Yes you nearly caused me to ruin dinner," she said. "I saved it though."

"I had some cleaner socks in here, have you seen them?" I asked.

"Ah yes, the socks…" she said coming through. "You say some of those were cleaner."

"Well they weren't as bad as the ones I've put in the washing basket. When you do as many miles as I do socks tend to get a little ripe," I replied, I was starting to feel a little self conscious and plain terrified stood here under her gaze.

"They were more than a little ripe, some of those could have been classed as a health hazard," she said.

"I wasn't expecting company," I mumbled. "When I need socks I put them all in the wash together. I would have done it yesterday, but things happened."

I walked over to my chair and began to adjust its position. Judy had moved it so that it had a good view of the television. The television was of minor concern to me, my chair had to be in a position that I could easily see both doors to the room. I juggled it for a moment or two until a hand was placed on my shoulder.

I flinched and pulled away.

"Billy," Judy said gently her hand still outstretched. She walked up to me again her hand finding my chest where my heart must have been beating ten to the dozen.

"Yes," I mumbled, trying to find an escape route away from this woman. I needed to get away before I began to blow. Her hand slid up my chest and into my beard again.

"I'm sorry Billy," she whispered holding herself tight against me. I could feel the heat of her body underneath her thin dress and her free hand found one of my hands and pulled it around to her bum.

"Oh Billy, what am I going to do with you?" she asked.

"I don't know," I said.

She let her hand drop from my face and found my free hand by my side; she brought it up to her lips and kissed it before cradling it against her face. Slowly, ever so slowly she drew it down her face along her neck to the bare skin of her chest. She closed her eyes and edged my hand downwards, I could feel the cool cotton of her dress against the back of my fingertips and the rest of my hand sandwiched between the soft warm flesh of her upper breast and the firm pressure of her hand. My fingertips touched the lacy edging of her bra and I allowed my fingers to slide over it, but she pulled my hand back up and pressed it more firmly to her chest ensuring it slid underneath. For the first time in my life, I found myself with a handful of breast.

As she slid her own hand out I stood there analysing what I had in my hand. I could feel different textures of the flesh beneath, a hard hot rubbery nipple pressing into my hand and on the slopes underneath her breast a hot damp feeling of her sweat. Her free hand pressed against mine from outside of her dress, encouraging me to rub. The same happened with the hand holding my other hand on her bum. I obliged and she pulled herself tight to me and kissed me again.

"Billy," she said huskily as she broke off the kiss. "This is how I feel about you and I'm so sorry that my teasing upset you. Do you forgive me?"

"Of course," I whispered. Her nipple seemed to be even harder than when she first placed my hand down there. I squeezed it as gently as I possibly could and kneaded the breast, she moaned in response and held me tight for a moment.

"We can't carry on like this," she said.

"Why not?" I asked, confused.

"Because dinner is ready…" she said.

"Ok then," I said pulling my hand out of its confinement.

She gave me a strange look.

"Do you have problems with me because I am not a complete woman?" she asked and even I could feel the tensions rise.

"No," I said quickly.

"What about me being on the game?" she asked.

"You couldn't have been there long, I know all the girls…" I replied.

"You, know all the girls…" she said slowly and deliberately.

"Oh yes, even if I don't know their names they know me," I said.

"When you say know, what do you mean?" she asked that strange look on her face still.

"I don't often talk to most of them, but the few I have had dealings with always say hello and they tell their friends about me."

"Billy," she said with a serious tone of voice. "Whatever you answer isn't going to make any difference to how I feel about you, but are we talking the same subject here. Have you been a customer of the girls on Union Street?"

"Oh no," I said. "I couldn't have people that near me. You're the first person I haven't felt too scared to be near and you're the first person who has ever put up with me for this length of time."

"Billy have you ever been with a woman?" she asked gently, her hand in my beard again. I shook my head, blushing with my shame at this admission, but I do not lie and I wouldn't want to lie to her.

"Oh Billy," she said pulling me tight to her and kissing me again. "Shall we eat dinner?"

"Yes," I quickly agreed. I was starting to get very confused about the present situation. This relationship, if that was what it was, had caught me by surprise and Judy didn't make it any less confusing.

Dinner was at least something I could relate to, something I understood.

*****

I was wrong about dinner.

To start off with Judy had decided to make it a multi-course affair. There were a pair of candlesticks on the table, which had a tablecloth on from somewhere and despite the fact that she was trying to finish preparing the food and put it out in the kitchen where we were eating, she lit the candles and turned the lights out.

It started with an unidentifiable soup course; with a little bit more light I might have been able to identify it. As it was I cautiously ate it right up to the point where her nylon covered foot found my bare foot.

Then I nearly choked.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied taking a big drink from the wine glass by my plate.

"You are a different person out there on the streets," she said gently, "so much more confident."

"That is of a night though, during the day I'm different," I admitted.

"What is it about the night?" she asked.

"During the day everyone spends their time looking at everyone else, they decide what you are from how you appear. Of a night it's different, of a night there are those out having a good time and there are the predators and the victims."`

"What are you?" she asked.

"Me, I'm a predator, of a night I am the top of the food chain…"

"What are you during the day then," she asked her foot again finding mine and rubbing gently.

"During the daytime I am nothing," I admitted turning my attention back to the soup.

"I don't think you could ever be nothing," she said gently.

How little she knew of me…

*****

"Do you have to go out?" Judy asked after we had finished eating.

I considered this for a moment or two; Saturday night was just about my most profitable night. I still hadn't heard anything about my benefits since my altercation at the office and there was a hell of a lot of money still to pay to Frank.

I also needed some space away from Judy; her constant need for physical contact during the meal was beginning to frazzle my nerves. I needed to get some of my emotions out of my system and then maybe I could enjoy her company again. Not that I disliked her company I just needed some room.

"I have got to," I said gently. "We need the money to eat, pay Frank and get you the things you need."

"I knew I shouldn't have spent too much," she said her face falling.

"Judy, you didn't spend too much," I said as I slipped my coat on. "It's just that this is the only income I have at the moment."

"But you have a house," she said. "Here, away from the rougher places."

"Yes I have a house, a house that was my mothers," I said. "The fact that this house was paid for long ago is the only thing that has prevented me sleeping on the streets many times."

"Do you work?" she asked.

"I have worked, dozens of jobs but never for long," I admitted. "This is the only thing I seem to be any good at."

"Will you take care?" she asked.

"I will," I said, "and I shouldn't be too late."

She kissed me and then looked at me.

"One second," she said and returned with a bit of kitchen towel.

"I can't have you going out there with make up on, what would the world think?" she said dabbing at my lips.

"I don't know," I admitted.

*****

It wasn't long after I had started my evening that my routine and my night were disturbed. A taxi approaching from the other direction suddenly stopped and I was immediately on my guard.

"Mr 'arper," the man inside shouted across the road. "Wait 'ere 'arry is on 'is way 'e needs to 'ave a word with you."

I considered where I was and saw that the man was getting grief off his customer and nodded, he gave me a thumbs up and carried on his way. I stood around waiting for another five or ten minutes before Harry actually turned up. He looked nervous, looking up and down the street. I know enough of the man that if Harry isn't wearing his usual smile something is very wrong.

"Taxi Mr Jenkins," he said very loudly and I could see his eyes pleading with me not to ask any questions. I didn't, I got in the back of the cab without comment.

"Zero seven to base," Harry said into his radio.

"Go ahead Harry," a female voice on the other end of the radio replied.

"I ain't feeling too good Helen, I think that Indian I had last night might have been a little past best. I am going to call it quits for the nights, sorry to leave you in the lurch on a Saturday."

"And how many days off have you had in the last ten years?" the woman asked.

"I don't know," Harry replied.

"Neither do I but it is less than any other driver, get home get to bed and I will see you back when you are fit," the woman said with some concern.

"Will do Helen, zero seven out," Harry said and started driving.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"My house," he said. "That is if you can cope. I'll keep the kids out of the way, but Claire will want to say hello…"

"Yes, I'll cope," I said without enthusiasm.

"I'm glad it was Aitchless, that saw you, there is a man who knows how to keep his mouth shut," Harry said. "Then again with the amount of shit he takes every time he opens his mouth it isn't surprising, he doesn't talk much."

"What's going on Harry?" I asked.

"Shit is coming and it's coming for you Mr Harper," he said more seriously than I had ever heard him before.

"Shit?" I asked.

"Oh yes, we'll talk about this at my place. It's better if you aren't seen on the streets."

*****

"Hi Billy," Claire, Harry's wife said as we entered his house. She knew enough about me to keep her distance as did Harry, but her smile, like the house was warm and welcoming.

"How are you?" I asked feeling the tension within me from being in this foreign environment.

"Fine dear and you?" she asked.

"Better than normal, a fair bit better than normal," I admitted.

"That's good dear, would you like a drink?" she asked and I nodded.

"People are asking a lot of questions of you Mr Harper," Harry said indicating a chair that had obviously been moved to its present position for me.

"They always do don't they?" I said.

"Not like this and not people of this magnitude," I could see by his face he was worried. "What do you know of the big business skin trade?"

"Not a lot," I admitted. "People like Jessie and Merv Dawkins are strictly local, there is too much local talent putting out for anything bigger to take off."

"You did us all a favour with Dawkins," he agreed. "That animal needed to be off the streets."

"He shouldn't have been so quick to use his fists on his girls."

"That's true, but as you say the reason that big business has never took off here is the local talent undercuts the market. It wouldn't be worthwhile unless you had a commodity that was unique," Harry said.

"Wait a second, there have always been TS hookers," I said.

"Come off it Mr Harper, you and I have seen the couple of TS girls working around here, they aren't exactly what I would call feminine…most of them are barely human," he could see my disapproval on my face, some of Harry's views I didn't agree with…some of them bordered on pure bigotry. "What I am saying is that most of the novelty market around here most people with serious money wouldn't touch with a barge pole. That girl however is something special and besides is something that has a hell of a lot of money invested in."

"I know, she owes twenty five grand," I said.

"That is just to keep her on a tight reign, that is a debt that will never be paid off, not while she still has her looks anyway."

"Harry what's going on, come on tell me," I said as Claire brought in a cup and placed it on the table before me.

"A crew from London specialising in special girls for discerning clients with lots of money brought a sample up here, a fresh sample. This is a sample that was two years in the making specifically for them to open up a new market, there is much money in Cheshire," he said.

"Are you talking about Judy," I asked, rather slow on the uptake.

"Yes, that kid was marked from day one as something special," Harry said. "That kid has been an investment for them, the first of many and all of them fresh meat, up to their necks in debt, with nothing left in their lives."

"Well what was she doing on the streets, if she is that much of an investment?" I asked.

"She shouldn't have been," Harry said. "She should have been at home waiting to be picked up by her first of many customers and the gentleman in question had paid a very large amount for the privilege of being first."

"This can't be serious business…" I said.

"What has that girl given up to get to this stage?" Harry asked.

"Her house and everything she has," I replied.

"They pick rich kids. A house in London is a hell of a lot of money, whatever she had in the bank and whatever she has been able to earn before she was too female to hide it any more goes for 'the treatments'. I doubt that kid has paid less than a million to get to her current looks. That is a hell of a lot of money; from what I'm hearing though, is that they expect at least the same from her in earnings…that is if they don't sell her."

"Harry where did you get all this?" I asked. "It sounds too unbelievable to be real."

"They are offering ten grand for information on your whereabouts," he said.

"That is a hell of a lot of money. Are there any takers?"

"Not yet, the only people who know where you live are a few of the taxis and none of them will talk. The girls on the street are a different matter, someone there will talk and then they will learn where you like to play of a night."

"Oh…" I said after a moment or two.

"These are a big crew, the girls are just a sideline. They have been slowly taking over the drug market around here; the word is they are responsible for a number of disappearances and unexplained bodies. Murder doesn't bother them. The thing is these girls are a profitable sideline. If we are talking a dozen girls up here we are talking millions a year…that is a lot of money for one man to jeopardise."

"You can't be serious about that sort of money…" I said after adding things up in my mind.

"These girls are available for anything …if your thing is to kill one you can arrange it beforehand, it is all a matter of money."

"And the girls know nothing about this?" I said.

"No," Harry said. "That's why the first time rates such a high price. They aren't exactly willing to be call girls, but there are their needs and the hormones and such that most of them can't or won't live without. They have given up everything; their dignity is but one more thing to be sold. The final twist is that they are not exactly going to be normal call girls. They are just flesh to be used."

"Shit," I said. "Shit, shit, shit."

"Can I offer some advice?" Harry asked and I nodded. "Drop her, take her back where you found her and keep your head down…maybe they'll leave you alone."

"I can't," I said. "I can't do that."

"What would have happened if Billy had kept out of it with us?" Claire demanded. "I'll tell you what would have happened we would have had a petrol bomb through the window and then god only knows what would have happened to us and the girls."

"Harry's, right," I said my head swimming with the thoughts going through it. "This isn't like the gangs, with the gangs it was just a case of cracking skulls until they gave up, with these bastards it's different, this isn't the same game…I need to be outside, I need some air."

"Shift Claire, let him get through to the backyard, its safer there than out front," Harry said.

Out in the back yard I took some deep breaths; it was a little better than inside the strange house.

"Harry I know you hear things so I'm not going to ask how you know all this, but are this crew that heavy…couldn't they just be all piss and wind?" I asked.

"No Billy," he said using my first name for what had to be the first time and shaking his head. "These bastards are saying bugger all beyond the fact that they are interested in you and the girl. What information I have got on them has been like pulling teeth. What I am getting is that they are advertising on a limited level."

"Advertising Judy?" I said.

"Well her mind anyway," Harry said almost offhand and then saw the look of astonishment on my face. "You mean you didn't know the kid was a Network Freak? The special isn't just because she is a transsexual; the special is because of the hardware she carries around. Do you know how much a decent two way setup costs?"

"No," I admitted.

"I suppose there is no reason you would know, Networking is a rich mans game. Even just to get input would cost more than most people would sell their families for," Harry replied.

"A Net-head, a full blown Net-head…"

"That long hair could hide a multitude of sins and you know how fine the kit is," I shook my head at this. I could understand drugs and the proliferation of the Dust-heads was making my hobby a risky preoccupation. There is nothing quite like the sensation you get when a four foot six, thirteen year old picks you up with one hand and throws you. Networking though was something that to me seemed perverse. Sharing your mind with another individual, or recording sensations for others to enjoy later was my idea of hell.

"She is an addict, just like any other junkie on the streets. Just because her habit is so much more expensive don't let that fool you. That's how they are getting these kids; you know how strict most places are about not employing a Net-head. Even if they had plenty of money to start with and they can drag themselves away for long enough to look for a job they aren't going to get one," Harry said gently. "They end up in debt, dear Frank comes along to help them out and the rest as they say is history…"

"Maybe she isn't an addict," I replied.

"Come on get real Mr Harper," Harry said with some desperation in his voice. "She has a two way setup installed at her own expense before she ever came into Frank Hallows sphere of influence. It isn't like 'Smack' or 'Crack'; it doesn't destroy you physically until you become too tied up in other people's minds to bother eating. You aren't going to see many getting to that stage though, they tend to have 'Stroked' long before they get to that stage. She was way beyond the external units long before she turned up on the game and no one has surgery like that unless they are a serious user."

"I need to get back home," I said feeling a coldness deep in my heart.

"I understand," Harry said, "can I drop you off?"

I hesitated for a moment, this man was the nearest thing to a friend I had in my life. There were things he couldn't see though, things deep within me that would sicken him. I needed to release these things before I talked to Judy, then I might be able to keep myself sane.

Then she might not bear the brunt of my anger and hate.

"I'll walk," I said and I could see the worry on his face. I gingerly reached out a hand and touched his arm. "You can't watch over me all the time," I told him.

"Yet you try so hard to watch over all of us," he replied, "who's going to save you?"

"I'm long past saving or redemption…" I replied.

*****

I walked for over an hour, looking for someone, anyone to vent my fury at. An addict is an addict and deep in my heart was the worry that Judy was using me.

No…that is wrong…deep in my heart was the worry that Judy was only using me, that nothing meant anything to her. I could understand her using me, that was only to be expected…but if everything was an act…

Ahead of me I could hear sounds of fighting, some people were moving quickly to get away from the trouble. A small group of young men were fighting while a girl, well a female, not that far removed from the whores of Union Street egged them on. Four against two and all were wearing colours. Normally I would keep out of such blatant gang squabbles; normally I would let them beat the crap out of each other…not tonight though.

The girl must have sensed my intentions as I came striding towards the fight; she intercepted me and tried to rake my face with long, green-painted, talons of fingernails. I wasted no time and shoved her hard, sending her careering back into a wall.

"You think you're fucking animals," I screamed as I grabbed a man with his back to me by the shoulders and brought my knee up into his lower back. "You think you can roam the streets at will," I screamed and brought my fist and forearm across the face of one who was turning to see what was had happened to his companion. "You think you can cause fear in all who see you…" I screamed kicking the legs out from under a third. "Well let me show you an animal to really fear…Let me teach you about fear and pain," I shouted as I stamped with all my force on the fingers of the first man who had dropped. I could hear the bones in his hand break…it felt so good as he screamed in his pain…

"No more…" I screamed bringing my head into the nose of the fourth man. Now it was just the two men who were being attacked who were left and I hesitated.

"Thanks man…" one of them started to say.

"Too long have these streets been a place of fear," I whispered, these were the victims, yet both of them had predator written across their faces.

"Whatcha talking about," the second demanded smearing blood from his nose across his face with the back of his hand.

"The time has come," I said and caught sight of the man I had caught across the face with my forearm struggling to get up. I turned and kicked him in the groin with all the hate and anger I had built up. "The time has come to clean the filth from the streets," I said. "Anyone wearing colours is now a target, not just the predators. You want to be animals you can be animals, but remember if you want to be animals you then play in my world."

I turned and kicked a body in the ribs, hard, to emphasise my point.

The two men hesitated, unsure about what my next move would be.

"Run," I whispered and they needed no further urging.

"Run," I screamed. "Because somewhere in the shadows I am waiting for you…for all of you…"

*****

Judy was asleep on the couch when I got in, still dressed," I knelt down by her and studied her head. I couldn't see the geometric patterns in her hair that were the classic sign of a net head. Her hair was far too thick for fine scars from the implantation to show through. I gently stroked her hair and she opened her eyes and raised a hand to mine. Gently she grasped my hand and brought it down to her lips. I stroked her face with my fingers, tracing her lips and gradually my hands were stroking her hair again, she again reached up and took my hand. I could see the uncertainty in her face, she was looking for an emotional response from me, but I was emotionally sated. My face would not show my fears. I pulled my hand out of hers with possibly a little more force than was necessary and reached for her hair again.

"Please…" she said. "Don't…"

I continued, running my fingers across her forehead and then suddenly up into her hair. I could feel it there embedded beneath the skin small wires. They were tightly packed and very fine, occasionally thickening as some micro technology was encountered. This was a professional job an expensive professional job and even with my limited experience of Networking I knew that this was not a job for a casual user. The net covered almost all of her scalp, with a slightly larger bulge at the point where her neck met her skull.

I let my hand fall away.

"It's not what you think," she whispered, I didn't reply just walked across to my chair.

"Billy…it's not what you're thinking…" she said coming across and kneeling by my chair.

"Mummy and daddy were techno heads," she said grabbing my hand. "Daddy was born in the late sixties, he grew up with technology. When Networking came out he just had to have it…"

"And he just happened to force you…and you just happened to make me think Hallows had you working the streets…" I said with a disbelieving glare.

"Listen to me," she said, "please…"

I sat there impassively.

"Daddy and Mummy were amongst the first to Network recreationally, they did it for years…until Daddy 'stroked out' while Mummy was still in his mind…" she was crying now. "He almost took her with him as he died and she was never the same again, she never spoke again, but I could tell there was something still there…"

"That is the risk you take Networking," I said. "Aneurism, stroke or whatever you want to call it is all due to the brain not being able to take the stresses…but they say that it destroys the mind being in contact with someone who dies…"

"No, no…" she said wiping her eyes. "She was in there, disconnected from the world yes, but Mummy was in there…"

"How often did you do this?" I asked, somewhat aghast at this almost incestual act.

"I was seventeen when Daddy died and I was twenty six when Mummy died. They said she was a vegetable, she wasn't, she lived her life through me," she said with some pride in her voice.

"Was it while you were living in her mind that you decided you were female?" I asked.

"Sort of," she said and paused. "I wanted something in my life, something was wrong and in my mother I found it."

This didn't convince me, most people feel something is wrong in their lives especially adolescents. If she looked after a mother who had her brain fried for nine years then something was wrong, she needed to find a life and she had chosen this life instead. Such that it was and as short as it might be…

"I never said to you that Frank had me on the streets, I was scared in case you decided to throw me out…I was scared because it was my first time and I couldn't go through with it. I wouldn't go through with it," she said firmly.

"Frank has a price on our heads, large enough to bring in people with guns," I said.

"I thought you had a deal with him about the money," Judy said her face losing what colour it did have.

"So did I, but the money isn't the issue. It is you he's after, a large investment in his time and money. He never had any intention of you paying it off."

"Well it is simple then, I go back to him," she said standing up. "You didn't ask for this shit you just helped me out."

"No," I said placing a hand on her arm. "Do you have any idea what Frank has in store for you?"

"Yes rich people with rather strange tastes will pick me up from the flat and I will go and do whatever they require."

"Judy, you were chosen because you Network, so you can interact with the client and so that your experiences can be recorded," she looked slightly shocked but seemed to accept it. "It isn't necessarily going to be sex that makes the clients get their rocks off, it could be pain or for the right price murder."

"It still isn't a reason to bring you into this," she said the tears flowing down her face. "All you've done is be kind, that's no reason for you to get mixed up in this. I brought this on myself, I only have myself to blame…"

"No," I said angrily. "You are thinking like a victim, never think like a victim even if you have to be one. If a bastard attacks you, you try to figure out how to rip his throat out…not how to get pally with him."

"Will you come upstairs with me?" Judy asked.

"Not tonight, not now," I said. "I need to get my head around a few things, I need to figure out what the hell we can do."

"We?" she asked.

"It's what I do," I said.

*****

It was after five that I dozed off and almost midday by the time I woke up, the house was quiet. I knew almost immediately that Judy wasn't there; I was alone in the house. I headed upstairs to the bedroom; her clothes had gone, as had the jewellery of her mothers. In the centre of the bed though was a teddy bear sat on a pile of money. There was little doubt in my mind that this was an indication that she didn't want Mr Ed going into the same shit as she was. If she was just running she would have taken him, she had gone back to Frank.

She had done it for me…she had given everything up for me…

Could I do the same for her?

*****

For the first time I dressed for the night, even though it was still daylight. It was not I who would be out there during the daylight today; it would be the thing that I had become. I stopped by a mirror near the front door; looking at myself and realised this wasn't going to work. The creature of the night had no place during the daytime. If I walked into the lair of the beast looking like this, I would be dead long before I got near Frank. This was not a situation that 'The Creature' could walk into, if I wanted to save her I would have to do it as myself. I stripped off my protective coating, that which shielded me from the outside world and headed upstairs. There in the bathroom, I began hacking away at my beard first with scissors, then with an electric razor and a younger face I hadn't seen for many years emerged. I looked pale and gaunt without my disguise, a mere shadow of the youth who had hidden so many years before. Again the scissors and razor went to work, this time on my hair, the hair I had even longer than the beard. Not that the hair was a choice, sitting in a barber shop with other people had not been an option for many years, letting someone stand behind me touching me was the stuff of nightmares. I took my hair down to mere fuzz, not long enough to run my fingers through and though it was not a brilliant job, it would do. The person looking back at me bore no relation to the person who had met Frank and that at least would give me a few moments surprise.

I looked in my wardrobe, thanks to Judy, there were plenty of clean clothes, but none of my casual clothes would allow me to go equipped. At the back, still there from when I didn't wear it when I didn't go to my mothers' funeral was a suit. Bought specially for the funeral before she died, I had never worn it. Now I would wear it not for a death, but for a rebirth. If I could do this today for her, it would be a start and perhaps I could make a start at rebuilding my life. It would be one step at a time though. Years of indoctrination about the evils of the world had prevented me knowing the world; all I saw was that which vilified my mothers' views. The world around me was dirty, the world around me was evil but there was good too. Though my mother wouldn't have agreed, there were good people…far better people than I.

My years of seclusion had given me nothing, as the sin was in me and there it had festered.

Could the child inherit the sins of the father? Did the product of a rape have to be a creature of sin or could I walk in the daylight unafraid?

I didn't know, but I was willing to give it a try…

*****

The Ring-o-Bells was quieter than of the night, though the clientele seemed much the same. The women who had been there of the night were absent and that made my job here that little bit easier. The suit and the long black coat that went with it made me somewhat out of place here; only the man on Frank's door wore a suit. My hairstyle at least allayed any suspicions that the customers might have had. They weren't in to asking too many questions here either.

"Where have you been all dressed up?" the barman asked as I ordered a drink.

"Funeral," I replied barely above a whisper, he just nodded.

I sat in a corner nursing the drink and watched the door. The gorilla was there, attentive of anyone who approached. He wasn't going to be easy and any warning that he gave would give his sidekick Geoff the time he would need. I had no doubt that Geoff would be armed again. The nickel plated nine millimetre was a pretty weapon but I doubted it would be his only weapon. If there were a struggle outside the door I had no doubt that the first person through that door would find themselves on the receiving end of a well placed round or two.

I had no choice, the big bastard had to go down hard and fast. Though he had done nothing to me personally, I couldn't let that stop what had to be done. If he died, so be it. I could see the office in my mind, the desk opposite the door against the wall. Frank had full view of whoever walked into his office. On the right hidden by the door, if it didn't open far enough, was Geoff. The ape on the door always opened the door and only so far. From the moment someone walked in there Frank should be in total control of the situation.

I felt in the pockets of the coat, the right-hand pocket had been torn and inside the lining was the snooker cue. Under my jacket tucked in the waistband was the nine millimetre and in the left pocket was a carving knife. I had intended it for use on Frank, where as many people will shrug off a beating, knives are a different matter. If he didn't tell me what I wanted to know I was willing to cut off a finger or two. Perhaps now I would have to put holes in him or he might just sing anyway.

I drained the last of my pint, took the empty glass to the bar and walked towards Frank's door. The ape tensed for a moment until he saw me head towards the gents. Inside in the safety of a locked filthy cubical I made my final preparations. Knife in my left hand hidden in my pocket, the pistol was in my right hand a round in the chamber and the safety off hidden in my right. I took a deep breath and walked for the door, pushing it open with my shoulder I walked out into the bar staying closer to the wall than most people. The ape looked at me for a second and I thrust the knife with all my force deep into his gut.

He wailed like an injured animal and sank to the floor, clutching at the blade buried in him.

I kicked the door and it sprang open, the pistol was already in my hand. Geoff was there, getting up from his chair his bruised face not hiding his shock. I'm no marksman, I had never used a pistol before and the noise was most surprising. At a range of ten feet no skill was needed to hit him in the chest, throwing him backwards into his chair. I finished the job by walking up to him and putting a round through his forehead, he looked confused rather than scared in his last moments of life. Perhaps he was wondering who it was that had killed him. Inside his jacket where he had been reaching was another pistol a twin to the one I had. I put it in my pocket, took the handkerchief out of his breast pocket and turned to Frank.

"Who the fuck are you?" he screamed.

"We could have had a beneficial arrangement," I said to him. "You could have been paid for your bullshit expenses and I would have never crossed your path again. But you had to be a cocky bastard, you had to make it known that both Judy and I had a price…"

Realisation began to dawn on his face, as did panic. He reached for his desk drawer and I raised the pistol.

He stopped…

"Shoot me and you will never find her…" he screamed.

The bottle of whiskey was still on his desk I grabbed it and shoved the handkerchief in the neck of the bottle. A quick shake and I had a primed Molotov cocktail.

"Light me," I said to Frank, holding the bottle out towards him, while indicating he should do as he was told with the pistol. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a Zippo flicked it and the handkerchief caught light with a blue flame.

"You got a car?" I asked him as I watched entranced by the flame.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I don't drive and if you do it might just save your life or at least let you live that little bit longer," I replied. In the bar behind me, I could hear movement. People were starting to overcome their shock; people were starting to get angry at this intrusion into their space. I could relate to that, though it wouldn't make me lose any sleep.

"Yes," he said.

"You got the keys?" I asked and he nodded.

I turned and hurled the bottle through the open door. I was lucky, there is a knack to throwing petrol bombs and it is something I have never practiced. The fluid though stayed in the bottle, the wick stayed burning and it smashed on the floor in the middle of the bar. No bright bursts of flame, no people running around screaming. The flames, at least at first, were too dim to see in the well-lit room. I wasted a shot firing into the room, careful not to hit anyone and then turned back to Frank.

"Get up and walk to the door," I said. "Fuck with me and I will spread your brains over fifty feet of carpet."

I indicated he should back away from the desk and he did without argument. I opened the drawer and found a large revolver in there, prominent by its position on top of everything. This man wasn't worried about being raided; he had no fear of the police at all. I picked it up and slipped it in my pocket, I had quite a little arsenal now.

"We are going to your car now," I told him. "If you try anything I will put a bullet in you without hesitation."

He was silent, staring at me and then glancing at the ever-increasing conflagration in the bar.

"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" I screamed at him.

"Yes, yes I understand," he whispered. His eyes fell on the body of Geoff and he shuddered…I knew fear when I saw it…I knew fear too well…

"To the car now, if you try anything I'll shoot you in the legs and leave you to burn," I told him. I honestly don't think I needed more threats; he seemed more than willing to do everything he was told. You often found that in victims, when the animals had their way they were too stunned to think and often the animals made the most of this. I could now see the draw of this particular attraction. It wasn't the high of the violence; this was a feeling of power of being in control.

If I shouted bang, he would probably piss himself…and I liked it.

The Gorilla was still lying by the door to Frank's office; the people who had ran when the place caught fire hadn't even bothered to help him. They left him there to burn, but I couldn't so I made Frank drag him out with both of them moaning and groaning as he did. Outside a hostile crowd was gathered, but no police yet. If Frank was somehow immune to police intervention then it was likely that they wouldn't be too quick to turn up here or to stop his car. The crowd backed off as I swung the pistol around a few of them dived for the ground or ran; again, I liked this feeling of empowerment. It couldn't be allowed to happen again though; too much confidence would get me killed. Operating with a gun would attract the attention of the police eventually, but for now I could enjoy it.

I didn't need to ask which was Frank's car; the new Mercedes was out of place here and still in one piece. That indicated the man with muscle or the man with the gun owned it and I couldn't see Frank being outdone by Geoff.

"You're fucking nuts, you're crazy," Frank muttered as he got into the drivers seat of the car. I sat down in the back directly behind him.

"Yes," I said.

"What?" he replied somewhat shocked.

"Yes, I'm a fucking nutter, but I am the fucking nutter with the gun, now drive," I replied shoving the pistol hard enough into his back for him to feel it.

"Where to?" he asked.

"You tell me, you know where she is," I snapped back. "If we are stopped by the police you will be dead before they realise anything is wrong. So don't even think it."

He sort of sagged in his seat, the confidence he seemed to have found again while calling me a nutter evaporated. He was a man without options and he knew it.

*****

I didn't look back as we drove off, I didn't even ask where we were going. Frank knew if he was driving me into a trap he wouldn't see the trap sprung. We headed into the centre of Birkenhead and then through the Tunnel to the centre of Liverpool. It made sense, I doubted most of the clients would be willing to do their thing at Judy's flat and Liverpool did have a few nice hotels. To my surprise though it was the Adelphi that Frank drove us to, I would have thought that its reputation would prohibit such activities. As I knew though, money opened many doors, which were closed to us mere mortals.

"Don't think you can try anything just because we are in public," I said to Frank as he parked the car. "If I go down I never get out anyway, one more death isn't going to be enough to worry me."

"Look we can do a deal," Frank said. His voice was calmer; somewhere in that diseased organ he called a brain, something was brewing.

"Not interested," I snapped back at him, he visibly flinched at my words.

"Look I have money, more money than you can imagine. You and the girl…Judy, I can set you up. You can go where you like in the world and live it up," his voice was pleading now.

"I didn't want all that," I screamed at him. "All I wanted was to pay you off and to be left alone."

"I will leave you alone," he damn near screamed back. "I promise I'll leave you alone."

"Nah," I said. "I gave you your chance, but now your word isn't worth shit. You have nothing left to bargain with."

"I know where she is…" he said and was then silent as the pistol touched his ear.

"That's what has kept you alive so far and it might be what keeps you alive for the foreseeable future, but if you think it is something to barter with you are sadly mistaken. Have no doubt I can make you talk and I will drop a round in you just to prove my point, if you think I need too?" I told him and he shook his head. I could see him trembling in his fear, the same sort of fear I lived with. From here, I could analyse that fear in another human being and it seemed so stupid. It was pointless, unlike the rage I created. It turned this man who felt he was so big, important and brutal into this shivering wreck and all this fear would achieve nothing. Shit happens, so why worry about it worrying isn't going to solve anything, using your brains might.

As we sat there in the car I used my brains, figuring out where the next threat lay. I doubted he would try anything in public view, he knew that an audience wouldn't stop me killing him. It had to be in the room. I knew nothing about the room where Judy was, but I doubted she would be there alone. They would want some muscle there just in case she decided not to play. It wouldn't be serious muscle like Frank had on his door, but Frank would feel he had an element of surprise with them. Actually, I would have the element of surprise, for they wouldn't be expecting Frank nor most especially me.

We made our way from the car park over to the entrance of the once grand hotel. Now it wasn't exactly grand, it was a tarnished place unable to compete with more modern hotels. It still had a reputation that it traded on, but that was obviously something that had become less important with time. The door was opened for us by a man in a suit, the girl at reception nodded to Frank as we walked across to the lifts. He was known here, he had made his preparations in advance. He probably had something on the owners or the manager.

We stood in the lift in silence; again, I could see his confidence building. I was sure I had the measure of the situation there couldn't be much that I wasn't prepared for. We walked along a corridor to the last door and Frank knocked.

As the door opened, I thrust Frank forwards into the room. I wasn't willing to use the pistol here, as it would attract too much attention. For a second or two I fumbled with the snooker cue as it became entangled in the lining of my coat. Once I had it out, Frank was very much out of position and I caught him across the shoulder and back rather than a proper blow to stun him. I kicked the door hard and felt it contact with someone behind it and found there were some things in life I couldn't anticipate.

Judy was tied to a bed face down and naked. From her buttocks to her shoulders was a mass of bleeding welts. I could see blackened cigarette burns on the soles of her feet and I couldn't tell if she was breathing. For a fraction of a second, I hesitated and it almost cost me my life.

Something hit me from the side, all of my attention had been focused on the sight before me and I had no idea what the layout of the room was or even how many people were here. A body was on top of me as I lay face down on the floor, rather than knocking me over and kicking the hell out of me; this man had made a mistake. A bare arm was pressed against my face, threatening to smother me and I bit down deep and hard, my teeth met somewhere deep in the mans flesh and he screamed as he pulled away. There was a hunk of flesh in my mouth and a taste of blood; I wasn't concerned though. I reached above my head and backwards until my hands found hair and ears and with a firm grip yanked, down into the back of my head. For a fraction of a second I was stunned, by both the force of the impact and the pain it caused.

The pain though was good; it drove the shock of seeing Judy like that from my system and awakened the rage. I pulled the head into the back of mine again, again and again, the pain intensifying with each impact, the sound of teeth and bone cracking starting me on the escalation of violence that would result in my high.

The man on my back sagged and slid off and I rolled, a foot caught me a glancing blow in the ribs as I did and in my pocket, my collection of pistols dug into me. Another kick caught my ribs and something cracked, I reached down into my pocket as the man kicked me again, this time catching my thigh. My hand found the grip of one of the weapons and I looked up at my assailant as I drew out the large revolver and fired. The power of the shot lifted him off the ground and threw him back.

I looked around the room as everyone hesitated. One man was sat at a computer, another was half dressed and Frank was picking himself off the floor. The man I had shot was obviously dead, lying across Judy's body and the other man…I hesitated for a second, his face was ruined, teeth shattered, lips cut and bleeding and his nose most obviously smashed. He moaned in his pain and I echoed his moan as I got to my feet, keeping the gun moving from person to person.

"You bastards are dead," I said, my ribs hurting far too much to scream at them.

"Billy…" came a voice I wasn't expecting. "Billy is that you?" Judy asked turning her head towards me. They hadn't touched her face, though the bruises from her first beating were evident.

"Yes," I said rushing to drag the body off her. She gasped in pain as the body drew across the multitude of wounds across her back.

"Untie her," I screamed at the half dressed man after a quick glance at the complicated straps and buckles, which held her to the bed. I gasped in pain at this rather reckless action, at least one rib was broken.

"Not him, not him, don't let him touch me…" Judy screamed as she looked up to see who was coming to free her.

"Not him please," she said dropping her face into the pillow and weeping.

"Get back and get on your knees, you too Frank," I snapped at the half dressed man. I turned to the younger man who appeared to be working the computer system in the room. "You untie her."

"It's ok now," I said gently to her stroking her hair. "It's all over now…"

"I didn't want you to come," she whispered back. "I didn't want you involved, it wasn't fair to drag you into all this…"

"I am involved," I replied. "Because I care."

"Touching, so touching," Frank sneered. "Where do you think you can go that we can't find you? If you want to live happy families you are going to have to talk to me."

"Like hell we are," Judy said wincing as she sat up and pulled a sheet around her. "When you were in my mind I felt something, you're scared and hiding something."

"What?" I said confused.

"He's networked too, he couldn't resist a peek inside to gloat," she replied with a shudder. "I got a glimpse of him though."

"You didn't have time to get anything," Frank said somewhat less than convincingly.

"You can't bullshit me," she said with a little more determination than I had ever heard from her. "I've spent years inside another's mind…you Frank are just an amateur."

"Can we use it?" I asked.

"Give me a moment," she said with a forced smile. "Let me get dressed…"

She stopped in front of me for a second and raised a hand to my bare cheek.

"My god you look different, but good," she gingerly bent down and picked some clothes off the floor. "Let me get dressed and sorted, then we can see about reaming this bastards brains…"

"Take as long as you need, they aren't going anywhere," I answered as I indicated the younger man should get down on his knees too. I could see the fear on his face as Judy tried to walk across to the bathroom without causing more pain, it was an impossibility though and I heard her gasp again and again.

"Frank get on the bed," I shouted my anger returning.

"We need him conscious," Judy said from the bathroom, Frank was hesitant.

"Get him on the bed or I will shoot both of you," I said to the half naked man and the computer operator.

"You need me mister," the younger man suddenly piped up.

"You think I can't work that heap of crap?" I said lying through my teeth. "Get him on the bed and get him strapped down or you will be as dead as that heap of shit on the floor."

The two men unenthusiastically got the protesting Frank onto the bed and strapped him down. Once there he began screaming obscenities and threats, until I made use of the contents of an overfull ashtray and began dropping cigarette ends and ash into his mouth every time he screamed. When he decided to keep his mouth shut, I contented myself with sprinkling ash into his eyes for a while. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to destroy him slowly, but I would content myself with this for the moment.

"You haven't hurt him too much have you?" Judy asked emerging from the bathroom.

"No," I said. "Not yet."

"Good, I wouldn't want to lessen the experience for him," Judy said bitterly. "He is going to love it in here at the moment…it's going to be a ride he doesn't forget."

"Are you ok?" I asked as she sank into a chair.

"I will be, but I intend to tattoo this experience onto his fucking brain, every time he closes his eyes he will remember this. Hey Techno Boy…Boot Me…"

"I haven't got his password, I need his password to link him into any network," the younger man protested.

Judy just looked at me for a moment.

"You do look good like that Billy, you still got that club?" She asked.

"Yes," I said walking over to the snooker cue on the floor and picking it up.

"You didn't need to ask him his password this morning when you let him have a peek," she snapped at him. "Don't break his hands Hon, he needs them."

"How about his kneecaps?" I asked walking towards him.

"I'll do it, I'll do it," the man screamed.

I dragged him up by his hair and threw him towards the computer system.

"Lie to me or her again and I will rip out one of your eyeballs and make you eat it," I snarled and he hesitated as a shudder ran through his body.

"Do you think I wouldn't do it?" I screamed, moving towards him as his fingers moved rapidly. Frank on the bed let out a scream.

"Relax Hon," Judy said behind me. "I'm in…"

I stood there watching as Frank twisted and writhed with the pain that Judy was feeling in her abused body and Techno Boy on the computer kept his fingers moving on the keyboard.

"Your cheating now," Judy said. "You keep dropping my output, you must be down at least thirty five percent. A big boy like Frank can take a hell of a lot more than a freak like me…take it up and keep going up until I say stop."

"He could 'Stroke Out'," Techno Boy protested.

"Not before I'm through with him," Judy replied. "Take it up or lose an eye, the choice is yours."

Frank was wide eyed now, the bloodshot eyes from my earlier games with the ash showed fear and agony. He pulled and twisted against the chains, but these chains were not for show…they held and he screamed.

"Now that's a nice sound," Judy said with satisfaction. "What's the amplification, somewhere around two hundred percent of input?"

"Two twenty," the man replied.

"Good, now I want your fingers working. I want a ten second oscillation from nothing up to five hundred percent for a while and back down. You keep those fingers moving, I don't want this fucker passing out on me because you held it there a little too long."

"I understand…I understand," he replied with a glance up towards me. Frank's scream became a wail for a second or two and then his body went limp. For a moment I thought he had 'Stroked Out' or just plain passed out, but again his body tensed, his fingernails dug into his palms and he began screaming again. I could see the look of horror on the face of the half dressed man kneeling by the bed; he may have enjoyed torturing Judy, but Judy was showing him how it should be done. Frank went through five repetitions before I was on the point of calling a halt to it. I couldn't see anyone disturbing us because of the screaming, Frank would have seen that that aspect was well covered and paid for, but he was looking pale in the respite periods and purple when he was receiving five times the pain that Judy was feeling. I was worried he might die and take Judy with him.

"That's enough," Judy said to my immense relief. "Now drop his input to zero and crank my sensitivity up to the top peg…"

I watched as Frank relaxed and for a moment or two Judy tensed. I watched as her breathing fell into synchronisation with Frank's and the hand movements that Frank made were mirrored too. Two people so intimately connected that even their hearts would act in unison. I felt revulsion and also a stab of jealousy that this animal could have something with Judy that I never could.

"Oh boy," Judy whispered. "Does he have a few skeletons in his attic…there's enough in here to get him life imprisonment a hundred times. There is better though, bright boy here has been on the fiddle, he has been skimming the profits of the operations he runs and he has grassed up more than a few people who stood in his way. This boy is dead meat, he talked to the police on at least half a dozen occasions and got paid too."

"For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith…" I quoted.

"Yes and dear Frank here has strayed far from the faith," Judy replied. "Get recording Techno Boy, I want all of this on disk."

"No," Frank croaked. "Do it Simmons and you're dead."

"Don't do it and you will live a world of pain," I said. "I can make this seem like nothing."

"Frank is a dead man Simmons, Billy here is very much alive," Judy said. "I would listen to the threats of the living rather than fearing the dead."

"I'm recording…" Simmons said quickly.

"Done," Judy said. "Now drop us down to zero and show Billy how to enter new passwords for both of our nets."

"What do you mean?" I asked Judy.

"This thing scared you. You think deep down that I may be an addict, but you my dear will now see to it that I can't do it again," Judy said opening her eyes and giving me a smile. "Without that password the transmitter and receiver are nothing but junk. Only with that password can I Network and if I was an addict I would never give up something so close to my heart. Just press the keys, don't bother looking at them and hit return, then neither of us know it."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Oh yes," she said with a warm smile, "so very sure."

I did what she said, hitting keys at random and paused before hitting the return button, she nodded and I did.

"Now do the same for Frank, I don't want anyone getting in his mind to undo the shit I've caused," she said. I did glancing across at Frank as I did so, he was pleading with me. Blood ash and saliva dribbled down his face, he had obviously bitten his tongue at some point. He wasn't beaten totally though, I could see the hatred in his eyes as I pressed return. Given a chance he would kill both of us with his bare hands.

"Help me over there can you Billy, I need to be at the computer for the next bit and things are starting to hurt…" Judy said. I walked over to her and helped her up, wrapping an arm around her gently. I felt no fear and no revulsion at being this close to her; I only felt love and concern.

She looked at me and started to apologise.

"Judy," I said silencing the apology before it started. "It's not there anymore, the fear isn't there."

"Has it gone for good?" she asked.

"I don't know," I admitted. "But I do know I can beat it now."

"No," she said firmly pulling me that little closer to her. "We can beat it."

"Yes," I said. "Yes, we can beat it."

She winced as she sat down in the chair, which Simmons vacated and looked at the screen. In a moment she was using both mouse and keyboard seeming to forget about the world around her.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well this recording is pure gold," she said looking away from the computer screen. "It has all his memories that he was trying to hide from me, his criminal acts, the deals he skimmed and a beautiful compilation of him talking to the police. Now I intend to see that it gets to as many people as possible."

"Yes but what are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh I am dropping it to all the Networking Sites under two names, 'rape of a seven year old boy' and 'the memoirs of Frank Hallows or how I screwed my own people', that should get all the police and every hit man on the planet after dear old Frank here," she said with a smile towards Frank.

"Will anyone see it?" I asked.

"Believe me Hon, there are a hell of a lot of us…no I mean them out there," Judy replied. "By tomorrow a thousand people will have seen it, give it a week in the public domain and ten million will have been inside Frank's mind. He's a dead man his body just hasn't noticed it yet."

"Let's get out of here then, we're safe," I said.

"No, first I settle things with that animal, I want his balls," she said angrily. She was pointing to the half naked man and the colour left his face.

"No," I said.

"He enjoyed it, he enjoyed torturing me…" she shouted at me.

"I'm sure he did, but I don't torture people for revenge…" I told her.

"Let me do it then," she demanded.

"No, you are not like him," I said gently.

"You do it of a night, you go out there and you do it for strangers…why not for me?" she asked.

"The Creature feeds on the predators, when they do nothing the creature cannot feed…besides, it's gone now…you banished it," I told her and she looked at me.

"You killed a man here," she said not understanding what I was saying.

"Yes I killed a man and had I found him doing the things to you he did, I'd have killed him too. But not after the fact…not now…"

"I'll do it then," she said coolly with no hint of anger at my decision or my explanation. "I'll rip his balls off…"

"No you won't," I said. "He's bigger and stronger than you, you wouldn't last a second."

"Give me your cue," she demanded.

"No," I replied.

"You do it," she pleaded. "Why can't I?"

"I did it on the street and it was never as torture, as the beast I fed on battle not on pain."

"He…he…" she said, the tears filling her eyes with frustration, humiliation and pain. "He raped me…he hurt me…"

"Well kill him then," I said pulling the nickel-plated nine out of my pocket and passing it to her. "He deserves death, but no one deserves torturing."

"We tortured Frank," she protested looking at the weapon I held out.

"For information to save our lives, not for revenge and not for pleasure."

I watched as she took the weapon from me and stood up gingerly. She walked so she had a clear line of sight on the man and raised the weapon, yet I could still see the conflict deep inside her. All my lies had touched her, because despite the fact that I would have ripped the bastards balls off, I would not do it in front of her. I could not let her see what I could be and I would not let her become like me. Yet it was not all lies, the creature was dead.

"I won't stop you killing him," I whispered. "That is your choice, but something changes inside you when you do kill a man. Billy was finally lost when he killed a man and the creature was born…it took many years and someone as special as you to find him again…"

She hesitated, her other hand came up to support the weapon but she was trembling, hesitating.

"You will leave me if I do this, you would hate me?" she asked as the tears rolled down her face.

"No, I'll never leave you and I could never hate you," I answered. "I just ask you not to…"

She stood there still indecisive the conflict raging inside her visible on her face.

"You always tell the truth don't you?" she said.

"Yes," I replied knowing that this was now a lie. With my humanity, I had found the ability to lie, to lie to protect someone.

"What are your feelings to me?" she asked.

"I love you…" I said.

The pistol began to drop but ever so slowly.

"You love me, honestly?" she asked.

"My only fear is that you don't feel the same," I said gently as I walked towards her.

"I do, Oh I do," she said turning to me.

"This is the police," a voice boomed distorted by electronic amplification. "The building is surrounded come out with your hands up…"

The window behind her exploded as she turned and her body was thrown to the floor. Three red blooms had appeared on her white dress. I ran to her side, where she lay twisted on the floor. But she was dead already, the shots were a close grouping above her heart. Of all the people in this room she was the innocent and yet it was her who they had taken…with a gun in her hand that she couldn't use because she was a good person…too fucking good…

"Fucking priceless, just fucking priceless," Frank shouted from his position on the bed. "I wouldn't have missed this for the fucking world. It's time to let me go Billy Boy, because if you don't want to end up like your little boyfriend, you're going to have to talk through me."

I hesitated, the rage was not inside me, there was nothing but a hole and numbness. Where there had been warmth mere seconds ago, the warmth had been extinguished. They had probably thought she was turning the gun on me; they had killed her to save me and thus doomed me in the process.

No matter what happened the spark of humanity in my soul was gone forever.

"Yes, yes," I said. Walking up to the bed, both Simmons and Judy's rapist were crawling on the floor. Only I remained standing, yet no bullets came. I reached for the straps that held Frank's legs and fumbled with the buckles, then I undid one of his hands and he pulled away to undo the last one himself.

"I can make a deal with the police," he said sitting on the edge of the bed looking suspiciously at the weapon I still held. "I might be able to cut a deal for you too…"

"Yes," I said indicating he should stand. "You can talk to the police, see if you can sort something out."

I was by his side as the two of us began walking to the window, hesitantly. I slid in behind him, grabbed an arm, forced it behind his back and began pushing with all my might.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he screamed as he found himself being frogmarched towards the window.

"I'm letting you talk to the police," I said with a last shove as we got to the window. He fell across the jagged glass and screamed, his body outside and his feet inside. As he kicked and screamed I grabbed a foot, lifted and he was gone leaving scraps of flesh and cloth on the jagged glass.

"Shit," Simmons screamed making a run for the door, my hand rose of its own volition and fired. The bullet twisted him around and he left a bloody streak on the wall as he sank to the floor.

There was no emotion within me at this act, the creature, which would have fed on it was dead…as was I.

"Jesus no please no…" Judy's rapist screamed at me standing up and backing away. I fired again, low down hitting him somewhere around the groin, he screamed and wailed.

I sat down on the floor next to Judy and carefully lifted her head into my lap, stroking her face and hair. She didn't look peaceful and she didn't look surprised…she looked in pain; frozen at the moment the bullets hit her, with her eyes still open.

"No more pain now my love," I whispered as I closed her eyes gently.

I stayed there for a long time, holding her tenderly and whispering to her as the police shouted outside and the injured man screamed.

I looked outside and realised it was dark. Judy's rapist was still breathing, but I doubted he would last much longer, there is only so much blood that the human body can afford to lose. The man with the ruined face just lay there, his breathing barely noticeable.

I realised I must have been here hours, yet they still hadn't come inside.

They must think I have hostages and it is now night…the creature was gone, but the night is still my time. I looked around the room trying to feel any emotion for what I had done, there was none. I had killed them without remorse, I had done it intentionally and I had no qualms about it…there was no pleasure either.

Everything I had done before had been done in the name of The Creature, with these last acts I had shown that I had even less morality than it.

I didn't even do it for the pleasure…

Of all the deeds I have done this was by far the worst…this was the one done without the fog of madness.

Mea Culpa…

I am guilty of this and I know for this I will come to a bad end…

"Come on Judy," I said gently as I stood up; with the broken window it was cold and she was far too cold.

I dropped the revolver on the floor next to her, then picked the discarded snooker cue up and slid it inside my coat.

"I'm not going anywhere without that," I told her. "That's my good luck charm and as important to me as Mr Ed is to you."

She seemed to understand and I took the last pistol out of my pocket, the one that I took from the dead body of Geoff and slid the first round into the chamber.

"No, I'm not going to leave you, I promised that I'd never leave you and I am not breaking that promise," I told her when she protested as I picked her up. There was no weight in her at all and she was like a rag doll slung across my shoulder.

"It's night and the night is my time. Once we get outside they are in my world and in my world I am the nastiest bastard there is," I told her. "Once we get out there it's easy…"

I hesitated for a moment by the door.

"You didn't see Lefors out there, did you?" I asked as I steadied her on my shoulder. I stood to the side of the door and opened it…from outside the room there were no shots …there was not a sound.

"Lefors…No…" she said quietly as I was getting a firm grip on the pistol.

"Good, for a moment there I thought we were in trouble…" I told her and we stepped into the doorway.

Before me was the corridor.

And I started running…

THE END

  

  

  

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