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Man in Saree

by Rahul shah

 

Part 1 - How Ritu come to know my female persona

 

I have wanted to be a bride ever since I saw the Royal Wedding Prince of Wales and Lady Diana Spencer in 1981, when I was 18. I fell in love with Princess Diana's gown! Even though I was pretty much a typical boy, I always used to daydream about being a bride or a princess - especially wearing a pretty bridal gown or being fussed over. I wanted to know what it felt like to wear a really gorgeous Bridal gown, with full-length petticoats and layers and layers of satin. My bridal dreams probably grew out of those young "girl" desires.

I wanted to be Bahu (Daughter-in-law) of a big orthodox Khandan(Royal Family). I wanted to serve my husband and then In-laws wearing Sarees and keeping Ghunghat(Veil of Saree). It was exciting to imagine someone controlling me that way, taking away the responsibility for what was happening, forcing me to become a woman, a wife and a Bhabhi(Brother's wife, Sister-in-law), something I might really enjoy anyway. At the same time, it was a scary concept, giving up control of your life to another person.

When I first reached puberty seeing Rajstani women wearing Sarees with Ghunghat over their face always turned me on. I always wanted to be a Bahu of a Rajstani family because I wanted to wear Sarees & Ghagra-cholis covering my face with Ghunghat was also a deep satisfaction. I always dreamed of female dominance and submission involving public humiliation and cross-dressing. My biggest regret was to realize what fun I could have if I become a Saree & Ghunghat clad Bahu of a huge Rajstani family.

The sources of my arousal and satisfaction were far ranging: from avidly reading Saree, Ghagra-cholis and Bridal Gowns advertisements in newspapers, magazines and internet, through careful but discrete observation of Gujrati & Rajstani women in temples and bazars, also discrete, in social situations of Rajstani women to require keep Ghunghat over their face for the proper respect towards men.

As I grew up, watching with concealed envy as rustling petticoat layers presented themselves before me under Sarees of every woman especially the Ghunghat clad Rajstani women from neighborhood. I remember hearing them in temples about the intricacies of Sarees Petticoats, Ghagra-cholis & Ghunghat.

I had gotten the job at the store for the summer. I was an Engineering college student who needed extra cash and with the recession going on. I had little choice as to what job I could get. I was hired as a computer operator "RITU's BRIDALS" in Bandra, Mumbai. I had worked through the summer with the embarrassment subsiding after the first week.

Wedding gowns, Brides-Maid's gowns, Bridal Sarees, Ghagra-cholis and more, I had never been exposed to this before but at least most of my work was done behind the closed doors, in the back room. I worked as a data entry operator, the trucks when they came in, boxed the articles for shipping, and after the store closed I would maintain the computers and do other chores. I worked the late shift, 5 pm until midnight. This gave me two hours each night after the store was closed to clean up. By the end of the summer, Ritu had enough confidence in me to let me stay the final hour alone and lock the store up.

I guess, before I go on with my tale, I should tell you that I have been into dressing in women's clothes since Jr. High. I slipped on a petticoat when I was in the 7th grade and have been hooked since. Obviously living at home I don't have much of an occasion to wear Sarees & petticoats but when I do I thoroughly enjoy it. Now in spite of my proclivity for women's clothes I was good and did not take or try anything on in the store for fear of getting caught. Tonight that would all change.

Ritu came to me about 7:00 and asked if I could stay late tonight. There was a shipment coming in around midnight that needed to be unloaded and stored in the back room. This was my last weekend and unfortunately I had nothing to do this Saturday night. I agreed to do it.

 

The entire night my thoughts turned to trying on one of the bridal gown. How could I let a golden opportunity slip away like this??? The night dragged on but Ritu let me go home for dinner at 8:00. I barely had enough time to shave myself from arms to toes. A few little nicks would have to do, as I was running out of time. I packed a few things and headed back for the store.

It was a slow day so Ritu was out of the store within a half hour after closing. I finished my chores and the truck showed up earlier than expected. I unloaded the truck and it left on its way. It was now only reaching midnight and I would have time to play. Ritu knew I was staying late so there would be no problem with the alarm company.

I went to the racks and found the gown that I had loved since I first saw it. It was a huge & long flowing bridal gown that would spread around me like a cloud. I grabbed the necessary petticoats, two of them huge and made of thick cotton with lot of frill.

I went to the back room and tore off my clothes. Slowly and deliberately the transformation took place. The petticoats came first. Finally I was ready for the gown. I stepped into it and pulled the shoulders up. I reached behind my back and pulled the zipper up to the neck.

Next came the big wig of long hair having length more than 6'. I donned the wig I had bought. The length was just below my ass and it caressed my back as I moved my head. I put elastic to hold it on my head. Next I wore the earrings and necklace. It would be another four hours before I had to vacate the store so I was able to indulge myself in the little things. Next came the veil. Within fifteen minutes the whole transformation was complete.

I walked onto the floor and over to a full-length mirror. I could not believe my eyes. I was a gorgeous bride. The long flowing gown and full petticoats made it difficult to walk but that just added to my state of vulnerability. The storeroom was too small for me to experience the walking in gown. I wanted to walk a lot. I was eager to walk around the store; I was standing there just admiring the feel of the gown and petticoats. I was in heaven.

The mall officially closed at 10:00 pm but many employees stayed until as late as 11:00 to finish their nightly tasks. I was always the last one to leave. I was not satisfied anymore with just wear the bridal gown I wanted to walk around the store. I looked to the front door of the store to where it led into the enclosed mall. My palms got sweaty and my heart started to race.

My mind questioned: What if I got caught?

My mind quickly answered: But there was never anyone around when I left and the mall didn't have a night security force.

How much longer did I have? It was only 12.00 and I had over three hours to walk around and get back to change.

What if I damaged the gown?

I could store it in a box in the back and Ritu would not find out for weeks. I'm scared! You will never have another opportunity like this again. My mind screamed back at me.

I looked out of the store. The mall was relatively dark, only a few night-lights on which was enough to allow me to walk around. I unlocked the door and slowly opened it. I cautiously looked out and verified that there was not a sound in the mall. I picked up the gown and walked from the safe confines of the store. The door closed behind me and I let out a big breath. I waited to see if I could hear anything. After two minutes there again was not another sound. I started to relax.

I walked towards the main entrance. From there I could go down either of the other two branches of the mall or walk up the stairs to the upper level. As I walked I could hear the noise my petticoats were making. Every so often I would stop and listen. Never did I hear a thing. I felt so wonderful! I imagined myself on my wedding day, so beautiful! And all the eyes on me. At almost every mirror I could see my reflection. Sometimes I would even stop to admire myself. I reached lower floor and had to make a decision. I thought for a moment and decided to go to the upper level where the walkway overlooked the main level. Again I picked up the gown and started to walk up the stairs. It was very difficult walking.

I was thoroughly enjoying myself. This night would bring memories for the rest of my life. I could picture the wedding guests looking up at me saying how pretty bride I was. I got to the bottom of the stairs and made my way back to the store. Everything looked as I had left it. I paused at the door did I remember to put the lock safety on? My hand delicately grasped the handle and I pulled.... It opened.

I walked inside and started to walk towards the back room when I heard a woman's voice... Ritu's voice. She started to sing...

"Here comes the bride, here comes the bride"

I stopped, as did my heart. I looked to the sidewall and saw Ritu emerge from the office.

"My! My! Don't you look pretty?" Ritu walked toward me from the office. She was wearing a nice yellow T-shirt, jacket and Jeans with black leather shoes.

I just stood there. I couldn't move. My own shoulders sagged, my own head drooped, my own eyes filled near to overflowing with shame and confusion. My mind raced to think of something to tell her but I couldn't. She came up to me and looked close at my long hair and how the gown fit. I could feel the sweat start on my hands.

"An admirable job for a male. This is obviously not the first time that you have done this is it?", she looked in the eyes.

Ritu whispered: "You will make a beautiful girl, you will be a real princess."

I stammered for a moment, "No. Well Yes, I mean this is the first time I have taken any of your things to try them on but I have dressed before at home." There it was out. I finally admitted it to someone.

She said more firmly. "One day you will walk down the aisle in a full wedding gown and say 'I do'. After that happens, you and your groom will go off on your honeymoon to start your new life as a married woman."

"I'm not going to hold any judgments against you but I think that you have betrayed my trust. I am not a harsh person and would like to give you the opportunity to make it up to Me.", she looked serious.

"Well, what do you have in mind?"

"I am in need of a model for this weekend's show there at 'Mumbai Church'. I think that you look great in that gown and I need you to model it and some others." she paused waiting to see my reaction.

"But, I would feel... it's just... No, I can't." I finally managed to say something intelligent.

"Ok. I am sorry that you feel that way. I do have the store surveillance videotape and I'll just have to bring it to your friends and explain why I had to fire you on your last night." I could see a glint in her eye.

"No, wait you can't do that. I mean it wouldn't be fair.", I pleaded with her.

"It's your decision", she seemed to lose the glint.

I thought about it for a moment. It would be great to be able to wear bridal gowns like these in front of people. Would I pass? What if someone who knew me saw me?

"Ritu? Would I really pass as a girl?"

"Yes. But you would need a little help with your make up and walk. Tell you what. Come to my house Saturday night and you will sleep over. I'll give you the treatment and teach you how to be a woman. The next morning you will come to the store, do the show and then I'll destroy the tape for you.", She started to get excited. I smiled at her and then looked at my clothes, "I should change before I go home."

"Yes. Before you get totally dressed I will need to take measurements to assure that the items are fit properly." she followed me to the backroom.

She helped me take the gown off and then she started measuring me. It didn't take too long and I was on my way home. A thousand thoughts went through my mind. Most of them questions. Ritu assured me that everything would work out just fine.

The whole next day I couldn't concentrate. I was thinking of Saturday night and what would happen to me. In the afternoon I went to the local bookstore and bought copies of 'Modern Bride', 'Bride & wedding', 'Dulhan' the clerk never gave me a second look and off I went to the nearby park.

I found a secluded area and laid out a blanket and started to read the magazine. There were so many beautiful gowns I once again drifted off to fantasyland. How would it have been if I had been a girl on my wedding day?

After a few moments I broke my thoughts and continued reading about makeup, gown styles, wedding arrangements and more. I was ready to be transformed! I learnt from the magazine 'Dulhan' that 'It is always been advised to the Rajstani brides that once the Bride is aware that she has lost her freedom after the wedding she must obey her in-laws in every way. If for some reason she is unable to obey she must indicate to her in-laws the reason for her failure. If the reason is not acceptable to her in-law the Bahu may expect punishments like standing bent over for her failure to be obedient. The Bahu must at all times react eagerly to the commands of her in-laws in adventures. It is important that she be especially vigilant in displaying her submissiveness to her in-laws in order to their status as her MASTERS.

 

 

 

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2002 by Rahul shah. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.