The Male Debutantes' Pageant

by Annabel Naismith

 

Chapter Nineteen

After their friends left Mandy and Amy were left alone to talk.

"I was thinking, Mandy, about you and the bridesmaid's dress that Karen had when you were little. When did you try it on?"

"When mum went out with Karen and Dad was working in the garden. I went into Karen's room and got it out of her cupboard. It was always at the back on its own hanger, under a dust wrapper."

"How did you know you wouldn't be caught?"

"Dad was cutting the grass. I knew as long as I could hear the lawn mower, I would be safe. He never used to come in the house, not for ages. Even if he needed the bathroom, he would use the one downstairs."

"How long did you wear it for?"

"The first time? Just a few minutes. I was so excited. It felt beautiful. All shimmery and floaty. I was the pretty bridesmaid I always wished I could have been. I just twirled and let the layers of the dress float out. It was heaven, each time I wore it"

"How many times did you wear it?"

"Hundreds. Well, probably twenty or thirty. I could only wear it when Karen went out with mum and dad was in the garden. As I got more confident, I wore it for longer. I was so sad when mum took it to the charity shop because it was too small for Karen. It was even getting small on me."

"I wonder if your mum knew you were wearing it and didn't take it to the charity shop until you had grown out of it."

"I was always so careful to put it back the way I found it. But it does seem a bit of a coincidence, now you mention it."

"What did you wear after she gave the bridesmaid's dress away?"

"Other dresses and skirts. I always chose dresses that I thought Karen had stopped wearing. Generally, mum got really pretty girly dresses and Karen didn't like wearing them. But I did. And I loved her skirts too, but I really did prefer her dresses. They were so much more feminine. I think I need to buy some more dresses of my own, now I'm Mandy all the time."

"Are you going to be Mandy all the time after the pageant?"

"Not all the time. But I do want to keep being Mandy."

"Mandy, I think you need to tell your mum all about how you felt for that dress and how you feel about nearly losing your willy and dressing as a girl, even after the pageant. I know she'll be supportive because she's supportive of Deirdre."

"I don't know what to say."

"Just say what you feel. Be like a girl. I'll stay with you when you talk to her."

"I can't tell her I've been wearing Karen's dresses and skirts. Karen will go mad."

"I think Karen probably suspects and anyway, she would much rather you were honest and didn't sneak around ruining her nicest clothes. You don't need to any more, because you're building a nice wardrobe of your own clothes."

"Do you really think that they won't mind?"

"Mandy, Karen will mind you wearing her clothes. She will resent the fact that you have worn her clothes. You can't get away from that. I think you should get her a nice present to say sorry. Maybe a really nice dress or a lovely lingerie set. Something unusual for a brother to give his sister, but a really nice present for a sister to give. But your mum and dad will accept what you are because they love you. The fact that you dad has become Deirdre shows how accepting they are of you dressing as a girl. They won't mind. They'll be so happy to know what you really think and feel."

"Mum will be home soon. Do you think I should talk to her now?"

"Definitely. The sooner the better. Does she like a nice cup of tea when she gets in from work?"

"Not usually. Generally she watches the news on the telly for half an hour and then she starts making the dinner. But I'm sure she'd like one if someone else made it."

"I'll make us all a nice cup of tea. Talking this over will be much more important than watching the news on telly."

Amy went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. Mandy sat in the armchair where she had been all afternoon and wondered if Amy was right. She wondered what her mother would say.

Before the kettle had boiled the car pulled into the drive and Amy was filling the teapot as Jane walked into the living room.

"Hello Mandy. How are you?"

"Hi mum, not too bad. I've just sat here all afternoon."

"Those flowers are lovely. Where did they come from?"

"Gemma and Lucy."

"Gemma and Lucy came here?"

"Yes. They came to say sorry. They've been suspended from school and they wondered if they could come and look after me next week if I still need it."

"I don't know about that." Jane stopped and considered. "How do you feel about it, Mandy?"

"I think it would be good. They were so sorry I got hurt and they really want to make it up. I think it would be good to get to know them better. If they knew me better, they might like me more."

Amy came in carrying the tea tray.

"Hello Jane, I've made some tea."

"Hello Amy, that's a nice surprise."

"Jane, Mandy and I have done a lot of talking today and Mandy wants to talk to you."

Jane looked at Amy. Then at Mandy. Mandy looked awkward.

Jane pulled a chair close to Mandy's armchair. Amy poured three cups of tea and sat down also.

"What do you want to talk about, dear?" asked Jane gently.

"Errm, I was thinking. When I nearly had my erm, you know, cut off," began Mandy hesitantly. "It made me think that I really am glad that I'm a boy. And I'm glad I love Amy." Mandy paused. She was finding it a struggle to find the words.

"That's good, dear. Go on," encouraged Jane gently.

"But I love being Mandy as well. I've always loved girl's clothes."

"I know Mandy. It's OK."

"You knew about me wearing Karen's bridesmaid's dress?"

"Of course. I could see from the first time you saw Karen wearing it, that you desperately wanted to wear a dress like that. A mother instinctively knows these things. It was so obvious that you were captivated by the dress, much more so than Karen ever was. I knew you would love to wear a dress, but I never knew how to approach the subject with you. Whether I should confront you with it, or if I should wait for you to talk to me as you are now. It's not always easy being a mum, you know Mandy. You always try to be there for your children and you try to encourage and help, but sometimes you get it wrong."

"Did you keep it until it was too small for me?"

Jane nodded.

"I was so sad when I saw you were giving it away, but I didn't know how to say I wanted to keep it and that I wanted a dress of my own."

"And I didn't know how to ask you if you wanted a dress of your own. I was worried it might make you repress that side of your nature. I knew if I asked you straight out, you would say 'no, I never want to wear a dress' even though I knew you did. It's also why I used to make sure there were always a couple of pretty dresses Karen had outgrown in the back of the cupboard, so you could wear a dress every so often. I knew you would dress up when I went shopping with Karen and Dad was doing the garden."

"Does Karen know?"

"I don't know. She asked me occasionally if I had moved her things and I always said I had done a bit of tidying in her room, even if I hadn't. So I may have allayed her suspicions. I thought it was best to leave a few dresses she wouldn't want to wear in the back of her cupboard for you. I'm sure she would have been cross if she found out you were wearing clothes she wanted to wear."

"Does Dad know then?"

"Of course."

"And he doesn't mind?"

"Of course not. Why do you think he's being Deirdre?"

"To give me a bit of support for the pageant."

"Yes, but mainly to show you that, as far as we are concerned, it doesn't matter to us how you want to dress. If you want to be a boy and wear dresses, it doesn't matter. That first night when you told us the pageant was going to happen, I suggested to dad that he dress as a woman to show you that it's OK to be who you are. It's all right to wear what you want to wear. I know Deirdre has looked a bit strange sometimes and she has had her embarrassing moments, bless her. But I prayed that you seeing Deirdre would show you that we would accept whatever you wanted to tell us. I would say again what I said when this pageant business started and you started to become Mandy. Please be careful. I know you were badly injured. It could be even worse next time, if you're not careful. And never, never give a man the impression that you are really a girl. You will be very lucky not to be hurt."

"Me and Amy were talking about that earlier."

"That's right, Jane. I really want to go dancing with Mandy. I love dancing. But Mandy doesn't want to go because she's worried about being chatted up by boys. I wanted to go with Mandy to the school dance, but Mandy thought it wouldn't be a good idea."

"I think there are risks. But at the same time, I don't see why you shouldn't go to the dance together as Mandy and Amy. Make sure you stick with a crowd of girls or boys who know it's you, Mandy. Make sure that a lot of your friends know you will be going as Mandy and take the chance. But do please be careful."

"You wouldn't mind me going to the school dance as Mandy?"

"No, I wouldn't mind at all. My only concern would be for your safety. I know you're careful and you know the risks only too well. If anything, people will respect you for surviving this attack and still being sure that you want to wear skirts and dresses."

Jane drank her tea and considered the situation.

"I have to say, Mandy, until you started seeing a lot of Amy, your father and I did wonder if you were gay, or if you really wanted to be a girl. You were always sensitive and so much in touch with your feminine side. The two boys you spent most of your time with seemed quite sensitive too. From time to time I've spoken to Janet about Sam. We wondered how things would turn out for you two."

"Sam and Ali are getting on really well," said Amy. "They've started going out and Sam proposed with a really romantic song and bought Ali a gorgeous ring."

"Really? He's a quick worker. I'm really pleased. I've always liked Alison. She's such a cheerful girl; she'll be very good for Sam. Did she accept his proposal?"

"No, they're not engaged yet," replied Amy. "But she did say yes, provided he goes on being nice. Sally's much nicer and happier than Sam was. Ali really likes Sally, but she's not sure about Sam yet."

"I must say that I'm really pleased both you, Mandy, and Sam, or Sally, have found such lovely girlfriends. I know you are both such caring boys, you'll make very caring and attentive boyfriends and someday husbands and maybe fathers. Mandy, I'm really sorry. You wanted to talk to me and I've been going on. Is there something else you want to say?"

"I just feel so lucky. I'm so lucky to have Amy. I want to be a boy and grow up to be a man. But I do want to be Mandy. I just love the clothes and make-up and shopping so much." Mandy paused. "You know, mum. Amy said she would still be my girlfriend even if Jess had cut everything off. Isn't that wonderful?"

Jane smiled and nodded. She was getting quite emotional.

Mandy carried on. "I'm pleased, in one way, that I got hurt. It made me think about what I am and what I want. It's shown me that I really do want to be a boy, but still dress as a girl. And I think even Gemma and Lucy accept that. And if they come and spend a week with me, they will realise that I'm not a freak. Well maybe I am, but not a nasty freak or a bad person. I'm just different. But I am lucky I've got such loving people around me. People who accept me despite the different things I want to do." Mandy paused and smiled. "Amy had a really mad idea, mum. She thought I might get too far behind if I can't go to school because I can't wear trousers. She thought I would be more comfortable in a skirt. Do you think the school would let me go to school in a girl's uniform?"

"Really, Mandy, you do go looking for trouble. They might. I don't know what Jess and Gemma and Lucy would make of it."

"We asked Gemma and Lucy. They said they would look after me. And Jess probably won't be allowed back in school."

"Do you really want to do this Mandy?" Jane looked carefully into Mandy's eyes.

"Yes mum. The more I think about it, the more I do."

"OK. If, when you're well enough to go back to school, it is painful to wear trousers, I'll ask the school if they mind. But if they say no, then you don't."

OK mum, that's fair."

"What about your work experience?"

"That's not until July. I should be able to wear trousers by then."

"You and Amy are coming to work in my office for a couple of weeks. There are all girls in the office. You could come as Mandy."

"Oh Mandy! That would be fab!" Amy bounced with excitement.

"I could be an office girl? Could I really, mum? That would make up for never being a bridesmaid."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. In fact, I know they won't mind."

"Ooh Mandy, when you're better, we can go shopping for your office outfits. You could get another pencil skirt"

"Just one condition."

"Anything, mum."

"I come shopping with my daughter as well."

Tears ran down Mandy's cheeks. She was too overcome to speak and just held her arms out to her mother like a little child does when she needs a mother's hug. Amy joined the hug.

"I love you so much, mum," sobbed Mandy.

Chapter Twenty

While Mandy was having her talk with Jane, Alison was trying to relax in the bath. She hated having baths before her little brother had gone to bed. She always asked him if he needed the bathroom and he always said no. Then just as she had finished washing her hair, he was desperate. It was so annoying. How she envied Sally, living in a house with three bathrooms and no little brother.

While she relaxed in the fragrant bubbles, she thought about what she would wear.

My nicest underwear set, of course. It's silky, pink with white polka dots and I've only worn it twice. Should I wear a skirt, or a dress? If I'm too dressed up, would Janet suspect something? Jeans or trousers would be too boring for such a special evening, even embroidered jeans. A skirt and top, then. Which skirt? The black asymmetric skirt with the slit in the long side, maybe. That's flattering and sexy without being slutty. Or maybe the gypsy skirt. That's so flattering and it's such a pretty red colour. Which top? The sky blue silk camisole perhaps? It's pretty and a nice colour and shows just a little cleavage. What about the pale green wrap around top. That's pretty too and I haven't worn it for weeks. I'll try them both and see which one I prefer.

Alison continued to dream about a romantic evening with Sally. She so desperately wanted this evening to be special. As always, she was disturbed in her bath by her little brother, Mikey, wanting to use the bathroom.

"Ali, are you going to be long?"

"Just a few minutes. I did say I was going to have a bath."

"OK, I'll be all right for a few minutes, but don't be too long."

Alison loved Mikey. He was a good little brother, he was generally cheerful and helpful, but he could be a pain, especially when Alison wanted a bath.

Alison wallowed for a couple more minutes then stood up and started to dry herself. She checked her legs for stray hairs and applied her favourite moisturizer. Then she drained the bath and went to her room to dry her hair.

Alison took her time getting ready. She blow dried her hair, brushing it out into her usual style, but with more care than usual. She wanted to make sure her make-up was perfect, just enough to be subtle. A subtle spritz of perfume and then it was just a matter of deciding which top. At length she chose the blue camisole. She put on her favourite leather jacket; the spring evening would be chilly later and said good-bye to her mother and left the house for the ten minute walk through the late evening sunshine to Sally's house.

Sally was wearing a lovely dark blue dress. It really flattered her slim waist and full breasts. Sally seemed nervous as she shyly kissed her and took her coat.

"Hi, Sally. I love that dress, it really suits you." Alison gave Sally a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you. I love your top and your perfume is lovely." Sally hugged Alison and breathed in her perfume. "Your hair smells lovely too. I always love the way you smell."

"Thank you, Sally. Shall I go and show Janet the ring?"

"Yes, she's been dying to see it."

Alison went through to the living room with Sally behind her.

"Hello Janet."

"Hello Alison. Let me see this ring I've heard so much about. Oh it's lovely. Did you choose it?"

Alison was wearing the ring on the third finger of her right hand. The two rubies shone with a gentle lustre.

"You're not getting engaged just yet, I hope. I don't think Sally earns enough to support a wife just yet."

"I have to confess, Sally tricked me into saying yes. But I told her that if she goes back to being grumpy old Sam, the engagement's off. All the while I see romantic, cheerful Sally, I'll be happy to be engaged." Alison smiled mischievously as she said this.

"That's fair enough. I hope you took that on board, Sally. If you want a lovely wife, you cherish her."

"I do want a lovely wife and I shall always cherish her." Sally put an arm round Alison and she snuggled into the embrace.

"I must say, you do look so natural together. But I'm biased. Take your time. Don't rush into things; you do hardly know each other. Can I make you a drink or anything?"

"Milky coffee, please Janet."

"Coffee for me too please, mum."

"OK. Will you be going up to your room?"

Sally looked at Alison. "Yes, I was going to give Ali another piano lesson."

They went upstairs and Sally got the keyboard ready. Alison played the songs she had learned during her previous lesson, but she felt distracted. There was heavy tension in the air. After a few minutes, Janet brought the coffee up.

"Are you ready to give your first performance yet, Ali?"

"OK, then."

Alison gave a reasonable performance. The notes were all there, but she paused to get her fingers in the right place on a couple of occasions.

Janet was impressed, however. "Well done Ali, that's very good, considering you've only had one and a bit lessons. You'll soon be in a concert hall."

"I don't know about that. But I've got a lovely patient teacher." Alison put her hand on Sally's and smiled at her.

"I won't interrupt you. If you need anything, just call."

Janet left the room.

"Sally, can we just listen to some music for a bit. I don't feel like playing the piano this evening."

"OK Ali, you choose a CD."

Alison selected a CD from Sally's collection. She chose a girl band. It seemed appropriate; there didn't seem to be many boys in her life at the moment.

They sat on the couch, holding hands.

"Sally, I know I asked you to do something for me, but please give me time to get ready. What I asked is a big step for a girl and I'm sure it's a big step for you too. I really need to be sure that I'm doing the right thing. I do need time. I really like you. I like you a lot. But I'm really not sure I can love you until you're Sam again."

Sally was disappointed in one way and relieved in another. Things had been moving so fast that she had not had a chance to think about the significance of the offer she had made to Alison.

"That's OK, Ali. I don't want to put you under pressure, but I do really love you. Or I think I do. I just know that I love being with you. I love the way you look, the way you smell, the way you laugh and the way you make me laugh. Even when you're not with me, I think about you all the time and I count the hours and minutes until I will see you again."

"That's sweet, Sally." Alison kissed her.

Sally put her arm round Alison and Alison snuggled into the embrace, resting her head on Sally's breasts. They sat without speaking for several minutes, just listening to the music.

Eventually, Sally spoke. "Ali, I was wondering. Would you let me be Sam for a day, so that you can get to know Sam as well as Sally?"

"I don't know about that." Alison looked in Sally's eyes. Her eyes were so big and trusting. "You're not trying to get out of being Sally are you?"

"Just for one day. Just long enough to convince you that Sam is nice as well as Sally. Please Ali. I can't bear you holding back because you're not sure what Sam is like."

"We'll need to ask Janet and I should really ask Abi. She's part of our team as well."

"OK then. If both of them say it's OK, then I can be Sam for a day. Is that a deal?"

Alison smiled. "Come on. Let's go and ask Janet."

Sally picked up the coffee cups and followed Alison downstairs.

"Can we ask you something Janet?" began Alison. "I want to get to know Sam and it's confusing with Sally here all the time. Would you mind I Sam came back for a day?"

"No I don't mind. But I think we need to think about Sam's diet. I don't want him eating like a pig and undoing all the good work he's done in losing all that weight."

"What could we do?" asked Alison.

"What about a bike ride? Sam's got a nice bike. It will be good exercise for both of you."

"I don't have a bike. I used to ride one when I was little, but I haven't ridden a bike in years."

"You could borrow Mandy's," Sally suggested. "She's got a really nice bike with suspension and everything. She won't be able to ride it for a while."

"Where shall we go?"

"The Forest Way. It's downhill almost all the way there, and when we get to Forest Row it's so flat it will be really easy to ride and it's nice and safe. Mum can pick us up on the way back and give you a lift back to Nutstead."

"Are you sure we'll be safe riding in the lanes? I haven't ridden on roads before."

"You'll be fine, Ali. You can practice on the drive until you get your balance. When we're on the road, I'll ride behind you and keep between you and the cars. Me and Andy ride quite a lot and we've never been hit. The lanes down to Forest Row are nice and wide and there's never much traffic on them. We can cross the London Road in Forest Row on the pedestrian crossing and I know a really quiet way round the back of the shops to the path."

"OK then, that sounds nice. Is that all right with you, Janet? Can you pick us up later?"

"Yes. That will be fine and I think you can have a day off wearing your corset, Sally, seeing as how you'll be getting so much healthy exercise."

"Thanks mum."

"I wonder if you should cycle back up the hill, though. I appreciate Ali won't be able to because she's not used to cycling, like you are. What do you think, Ali?"

"Let's see how Sam feels after he's ridden twenty miles. I'll be exhausted, I know."

"Excellent, that's agreed then. Are you going back for another music lesson?"

"OK, Come on Ali."

Alison followed Sally upstairs. Alison was better able to concentrate on playing the keyboard then she had been earlier and Sally taught her a couple of new pieces. Eventually at ten o'clock, Janet gave her a lift home.

As arranged, Alison phoned Abigail.

"Hi Ali. How did it go?"

"Hi. We didn't do anything. I just didn't feel ready. I don't think Sally was too upset. We sat and talked and listened to a CD."

"She didn't mind at all?"

"No, she was really sweet. She just said she loved me and everything. She said she loves being with me and counts the minutes until she sees me again when we aren't together. She's so romantic."

"Ahh."

"Abi, Janet and me have decided to let Sam out tomorrow. Sally asked if it would be OK so I get to see the new Sam, you know, as a boy. Are you OK with that?"

"Definitely not. We can't have Sally back-sliding and becoming a nasty horrid, smelly boy again, just as she's getting used to being a sweet, elegant young lady."

"Oh, please say yes Abi. I really want to see new Sam."

"Of course Sam can come out to play with you Ali. I just wanted to see how much you wanted to see new Sam. You really do want to see new Sam, don't you?"

Alison smiled.

"You caught me out. How could I let you do that? Yes, I do want to see new Sam."

"What are you going to do?"

"We're going on a bike ride, along the Forest Way."

"I didn't know you had a bike."

"I don't. I'm going to borrow Mandy's."

"She's hardly going to be able to use it with her injuries."

"No, not for weeks, I should imagine. I haven't ridden a bike for years, not since I grew out of the one I had when I was little. I hope I haven't forgotten how to ride one."

"You never forget, so they say. Ali, there is one thing that Sam might need, which he would never think of in a month of Sundays, and that's a sports bra."

"A sports bra?"

"Yeah, have you noticed how big his boobs are, now the corsets have forced the flesh up away from his midriff? His boobs are really big. Can you lend him an anti-bounce crop top? That he'll have some support for his boobs but without it being too obvious under his top."

"Good thinking, Abi. Yeah, I've got one but he's a bit bigger than me, it might be too tight."

"He's not that much bigger than you, only one size at the most. And it will support him better."

"Ok. I'm sure you're right and if it's uncomfortable, he can always take it off."

So the plans for the following day were made and Alison and Abigail continued their conversation for another hour.

 

To be continued

  

  

  

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