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Standard warning and disclaimer: All characters are fictional. If you see yourself, buy a new mirror. Contains subjects some people may find offensive. If you are one of them, why are your reading this? Protect your kids. If you are worried about them reading this sort of material, please censor free speech and use a safe surfing program such as net nanny. Or better yet, teach them early and lovingly to understand and accept different lifestyles. Before they learn from bad experiences.

All constructive comments are welcome. Please e-mail to me: sam@pobox.alaska.net or samanthas_michelle@yahoo.com

Finally, this is a piece of adult fiction. If you are underage, or if you find it offensive, please go elsewhere. Quickly.

 

Majic-2                  by: Samantha Michelle                  2000

 

I knew it was going to be a Garfield Monday. When we arrived there was a formal looking guy waiting for us. "Are you the proprietor of J&S Apothecary and Alchemy supply?" I nodded. He pulled out his badge, and stared down my blouse. "I'm Howard Olsen, Postal Inspections, and I'm here to discuss your shipping unlabeled hazardous materials through the cleavage." He turned red. "I mean the mail."

Samantha gave him a really dirty look, but did nothing unpleasant. Once the place was unlocked, I took him to the office, and had Samantha make tea. "Since we are very careful to limit our postal shipments, it seems unlikely that we committed any indiscretions."

He opened his briefcase, and pulled out pictures of a package bearing our shipping label. There was a black ooze that appeared to have leaked from the box. "We had to evacuate the office and sanitize the whole place. Six workers filed for workmen's compensation and are receiving pensions, the union filed grievances, and the postmaster, claiming he was possessed, got arrested for running naked down the street chasing a sheep." I giggled as I carefully looked at the photographs. The close-up of the label showed our tracking number.

"Samantha, can you pull our shipping log for December, last year?" I noticed that she was very careful about who got which teacup. When she returned, I checked the log. "When and where was this package discovered, Mr. Olsen?"

"It was in the priority delivery area of the Manchester post office, last week." He paused, drooling. "You are aware how big your breasts are, erk, I mean, how hard I am, er, how serious this situation is, Ms..."

"Ms. Adams, JoAnn Adams." I was trying to keep from heaving, or heaving him out. It was becoming clear that his underwear held most of his brain, and he was definitely no Einstein. "Well, Mr. Olsen, it seems your crew has discovered the fruitcake I mailed Priority Air to a friend in Portsmouth the week before Christmas."

"F...Fruitcake?"

"Yes Mr. Olsen, fruitcake. A different type than are most of the postal workers, but a fruitcake nonetheless. Now if you will quit wasting my time, I have work to do." I managed to pry my fanny out of the chair, and gave him a panty shot as I bent from the waist to pick up something behind me.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you, Ms Adams. I hope the next time I look up your dress, er, I visit this address, I come at a better time." He was almost purple, and went running, well, limping, out the door.

Samantha came in. "Talk about a sexist pig." I nodded. The bastard was probably out in his car jerking off. "I wonder if he'll finish playing with himself before this stuff kicks in."

I stared at her. She was holding up a small bottle. When I read the label I smiled. He was going to have a very busy day. I looked at his cup, which was empty "How much?"

"Four drops." I sputtered. One drop would clean out a Clydesdale. I told her to wash everything up and make sure there was no evidence.

We shipped out a couple of dozen routine orders in the morning, and rejected a badly needed shipment from Australia when we found it had not been properly refrigerated. The customer was adamant about freshness. I would have to stay up and call the shipper at midnight. Dammed time zone differences. By the late afternoon I figured we had made enough profit to buy an ice cream cone. Before taxes.

I knew it wasn't over yet, when just before closing the drop-dead gorgeous blond wiggled inside. From tdaisy-dukes to hayseed hat, she looked as wholesome as the filling in a Twinkie.

"I here y'all carry a bunch a witchin' supplies, and I gotta burning desire to cook up a mess 'a trouble for some'n." She managed to pull a crumpled list out of her denim shoulder-bag, and toss it on the counter. "Y'all take Visa or Gold?" I nodded. Just then Samantha came out of the warehouse, rubbing her left breast and muttering dire things about a specific wizard.

"Can't even stock shelves without these damn things getting in the way." She saw we had a customer. "OOPS, sorry." She looked the busty blonde over. "Guess you have an idea how much trouble these cause."

"Sorry sugar, mine're the key to my panties, and I make sure the key is always available." She wiggled. I swore I saw steam come out of Samantha's ears.

I looked at the list. "Crawdads, butter, okra, black-eye'd peas.."

She grabbed the paper. "Um, grocery list." She dug out another paper.

It wasn't much different, at least the first page. Kinda looked like the makings for a spicy soup base, or rocket fuel. And really poisonous. When I turned it over, I frowned. "Fraid I'm going to have to see your guild card, and run a background check. These last two items are on the FBI's restricted access list.

"What're them reven'oors doing messin with us now for?" I stared at her.

"The Federal Bureau of Incantations?" She must really be from the sticks. "They've been regulating this stuff since the twenties."

She dug around in her bag, and I saw Sam dive behind the counter. Before I could react, I was facing a short pistol with a very big barrel. "Here's my guild card, and my background check. Dammed city slickers. Hurry it up, I ain't got all day, and the moon's up early tonight." I knew Samantha had gone for the silent alarm. "And tell your boob-happy helper I cut the lines fer'n I came in." Samantha crawled out from behind the counter. I handed her the list, and she collected everything.

The woman checked each package as it went in the box, including the two bees-wax sealed security vials. "It were'nt nice doin business with y'all." She pulled out a small glass vial from her purse, and as she left she threw it to the floor. There was a puff of nasty looking green smoke, and a loud "Zzappp"

I was glad I had updated our protection spells after the last disaster. A small printer appeared, and delivered me a sheet of paper. I love the new arcane support division of Hewlett Packard. I read it over. Nasty stuff. I'd have been over 90 years old within minutes. When I looked at Samantha, instead of fear, she was smiling wickedly.

"She's in for a surprise." Her tone was unpleasant.

"Okay, what'd you do?"

"Remember those mutant silverfish that had to be shipped frozen, cause they only live for about fifteen minutes once they start munching?" It was a bit familiar. "The ones that guy named Steve Z-something special ordered to send in with his tax return?" Now it came back. We had to order them from some place in Israel, and got cleaned on shipping costs. I nodded. "We still had a bunch on the freezer, so I put a nice thick layer of them in the bottom of the box, covered with newspaper. They ought to be getting real hungry in about two hours."

I stared at Samantha. Those little pests would eat anything that was both organic, and dead. Including clothing. And spell books. And the box and bags containing all the stuff the woman had stolen. They would even eat the labels off the bottles. They only lived for a few minutes, but...

"I've gotta call Dannie and tell her. And let her know there's someone not quite human playing with dark magic on the loose."

"What do you mean, not human?"

"Didn't you see? She was wearing a glove on the hand that pulled the gun. And was very careful not to touch anything iron." I didn't like the sound of that one bit. Between the inherent powers of some creatures, and those ingredients, a real catastrophe could be, literally, brewing.

A few minutes later I had fixed the phone line and as soon as I called in the theft, one of the FBI agents popped in. "ZZApppp!" A three-inch high person, embedded up to it's neck in stone, and surrounded by an iron cage was on the floor when the smoke cleared. I could hear the high-pitched cursing, and called the FBI back, reminding them about the protection spells, and asking if they could come and collect their agent.

The next agents came in via the door. "Sorry about the improper entry. We'll pay for a recharge on your security system." The little guy, complete with cage, was carried, still cursing, outside. "Bet the boss will keep him as a desk ornament for a few days. Now can you describe the thief, and give us any other information?" Samantha and I gave them a complete rundown. "We'll get out an all points bulletin."

He gave me a spray can. It said "Krylon" "It's clear, and smells sort of funny, but if that creature is any of a variety of demons, this stuff will keep it away for months. Do your doors and windows. After turning off your protection spells. It dries in fifteen minutes." Samantha did the honors.

When they were gone, I called the insurance company, and filed a claim. We were getting ready to leave when the phone rang. Samantha answered. "Hi Dannie. WHAT? So the Wiz knows?" She giggled. "Sure, we'll drop over for the show. See ya."

I looked her in the eye. "We are going to SRU?" She nodded. "Don't you remember how we got these?" I fondled one of my huge tits. And got wet. Okay, I liked that part.

"Apparently Dannie called the Wiz about our visitor, and he came back from his vacation right away. He wants you to bring a copy of the security printout. And she says Seamus is out of commission for a few weeks. Something about greed and dropping an ingot on his toe."

We set the alarms and drove to the mall. I had to rescue Samantha from the shoe store. I wondered if I could wheedle the Wiz out of an amulet to make Samantha immune to shopping sprees. Hmmm... Maybe they have some new heels in my size...

The Wiz greeted us at the door, and ogled our cleavage. I gave him a dirty look. We collected in the back room, by the Wiz's new digital crystal. His taste in movies was downright filthy. But some of those positions looked like fun... He asked for the printout, and Samantha gave him the ingredients list from memory. He frowned.

"That's some dangerous stuff. Mixed wrong and there could be all sorts of fireworks."

Suddenly Dannie giggled. "Better get the popcorn ready" He gave her a "you are about to be a frog" stare. She knelt before him. "Oh great master wizard, can a poor humble apprentice beg to explain?" He preened for a moment.

"Go ahead Dannie."

"Samantha said those bugs eat anything organic. Which means they will eat the packages, and the ingredients. So when things mix in their little stomachs..."

The Wiz froze, and stared at her, then at Samantha "How many of the silverfish did you put in the box?"

"Probably about a hundred, why?"

"When should they start eating?"

"In about ten minutes, why?"

"Go down to the candy store and get a bunch of their best buttered popcorn. Tonight's fireworks are going to be great." He made some weird incantations, and we were watching the city area from an eagle-eyes view. "I hope she's somewhere out in the industrial district. Anyone within a quarter-mile had best watch for falling toads." He waived and handed Samantha a twenty.

We were all sitting around, watching the crystal when there was a brilliant green flash near the bottom of the screen. Dannie was given the honors of zooming in. The location was out in the swamp, by an old factory. Samantha piped up "Hey, isn't that where the police think that bunch of teenage hoodlums has been hiding?" We looked at each other.

The Wizard's snicker was downright evil. So Dannie zoomed in for a better look. In between the flashes, things were running out the main door. A monkey wearing baggies and trying to run with a baseball-bat sized hard-on was being chased by five helium-breasted blondes with hooves. A pig was being chased by a very horny goat. Several things flew out the door after them. They looked like big-breasted turkeys.

Soon it was back to just fireworks, and the building started to crumble. It was a great show. Just after the biggest explosion, a female form staggered out the door. Dannie zoomed in again. It was the woman who had robbed us. Well, at least part of it was. Her hair looked like fried steel wool, and her boobs resembled deflated weather balloons. Her skin looked like alligator. And below the waist, there were a pair of apple-sized balls and a two-inch long erection. In a pale yellow.

We were all surprised when the Wiz muttered something, and disappeared. Dannie zoomed out, and we watched as a number of pink flashes could be seen at different places near the building. The Wiz reappeared, cursing. He was coated with slime from the armpits down. "Breep. Breep." A frog hopped out of his robe, and headed under a table.

"I hate swamps. Stopped for a moment on a rock, and found it was a turtle." Dannie made the mistake of laughing. Soon there were two frogs hopping around the floor. The green one seemed amorous. The new pink one was trying desperately to stay one jump ahead.

We left when the Wiz said the show was over. The pink frog tried to hop into my cleavage, but missed. The Wiz piped up. "Sorry Dannie, but tonight you get to enjoy the wildlife that hitchhiked back with me. And the frog is no prince charming." We left the Wiz to watch over Dannie.

The next morning the paper reported that a large amount of hazardous waste had caught fire and exploded in an old chemical plant. There were reports of animals deformed by the toxins, and a strange half-human monster being found and sent to a government research lab. A separate article mentioned that a group of beautiful blond teenage girls, all apparently mentally challenged, has escaped the blast and were holding a troop of boy scouts for ransom. So far the only demand was for whipped cream and pizza. Despite there being several scouts for each girl, for some reason none had managed to escape.

Just after we opened, Sam, giggling, brought a faxed order to me. "200 crickets, live. Please forward immediately via local delivery. SRU, on account. P.S. Dannie croaks "Hi"."

 


2000
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