"But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head see the world spinning round." -- The Beatles

  

A Life Ever Changing

by Angel

#40 The World Turning Round

  

I tuned them out and began thinking again...

My thoughts turned to the rare selfish kind I was not familiar with; the, me myself and I thoughts. What did I really want? What were my real desires for the future? I knew I was willing to do almost anything for those who loved me but at what cost to my self? Already I knew of two times I had withdrawn deep within enough to shut out the outside world. I also knew I did not want to do that again if I did I would not be returning. The three strikes and you're out rule loomed large in my mind.

Fight or flight? The human instinctive reactions! I flew twice already and fought very little. I have fought, but not in the physical sense it was always through reasoning and logic. Most of the reasoning and logic were given me by others I trusted and loved. That trust has led me to where I am now. Where the heck am I, anyway?

I am in a woman's world wrapped in a man's body. I have been physically changed to resemble a young woman through various means. Artificial boobs, hips and fingernails. I have a cunny formed from my own scrotum, my penis and testicles are trapped inside, useless, and according to Marge impotent! The only usefulness is for urinating and that is a bit messy. I must admit that my physical features were never that manly! No Adam's apple, small breasts and a girl's shape to my bottom. My face was too smooth, with features of a girl's face much more than a boy's. I had more muscle than a girl but the bulk of a boy was not there. Where the heck do I go from here?

I know I do not wish to remain female. I know this deep within myself and I also know I will return to being a male whenever this period does end. Where do I go from here? I go into the world of women. I go to be like them in as many ways as I can.

I go to learn a new career in the field of health care. This I realized would be much easier to achieve as a female! 99.5% of all health care workers, save doctors, were female. The rare and few males in this field were nurses or technicians. Those few males had it very hard, being labeled and judged unfairly by all.

I know I can do this and it will not be that hard for me to accomplish. I have the body and features that are easily transformed into that of a female, much easier than a male form. To be accepted as a male I would need further drug therapy, testosterone injections and plastic surgery. I chuckle to myself thinking about that. To be born a male and need more work to look like one than it takes to look like a female. So what the heck do I do about it?

Nothing right now, Rachel is here and she does exist! Her future promises much more than Richs does. So that is what I do, I become Rachel and learn all there is to learn in the time I have been given. Once I have done this I can begin my journey in becoming the real me!

Rich will survive and become more of a whole person than ever before. The knowledge I will posses and know well will be a rare thing for many other males or females for that matter to posses. To be able to understand and realize things better than most people is a gift indeed! For every gift there is a price that must be paid! For every action there is a reaction. I just hope and pray the price is not too high for me to pay. Only playing out the future will give that answer.

I heard my name and looked up to see my girl looking at me with a worried expression on her face. I smiled, laughed and said, "Just lost in thought, dear." The ladies laughed then sounding relieved and visibly relaxing.

I said, "Barbara, help me get dressed, okay? What time is it anyway?"

Barbara looked at her watch and said, "Tuesday, very early in the morning and I am very tired."

The others all nodded in agreement with her and my mother said, "Rachel, I will stay up with you and the others can get some well needed sleep."

I answered her, "No, Mommy, you go to bed as well. You look like you need to sleep as badly as they do."

Grace said, "Thanks a lot, Rachel! Do we all look that bad?"

I said, "You sure do; just look in my vanity mirror!" Grace did just that and let out a little gasp.

She looked at the other women and began to laugh saying, "She's right, we all look like hell." The other ladies joined with her in laughter as one by one they kissed and hugged me saying goodnight.

Barbara stayed with me and asked, "Rachel, do you have a nightgown I can borrow?"

I said, "I sure do; let me pick one out for you, okay?" Barbara nodded her head as I opened the closet door. I picked out a thin white silk sleeping gown for her. It had a robe that was layered with silk and lace. She undressed right in front of me and she was beautiful! I remembered seeing her in bra and panties but never naked. I had felt her breasts through her bra but had never seen them uncovered. She was so beautiful! She smiled, watching me watching her.

"Are you just going to stand there naked and smiling at me?" I realized she was right; I was still naked! I chuckled and she said, "Let me pick something out for you."

She picked a light blue nightgown that was sheer, frilly, and had matching panties. I laughed seeing how short it was and that the panties had rows of lace on the fanny. I said, "So you want me to be in frills?"

She said, "Yup, I want to sleep next to you as well. Is that okay?" I chuckled again and just motioned to my bed by bowing and sweeping my arm and hand towards it.

I dressed in the nightgown and panties, and then slipped in next to her pulling the sheet and blanket over us. We cuddled and kissed. Oh, what a kiss! Deep and probing, a sharing and oneness I will never forget! We fell asleep facing each other; the last I remember was her smile and warmth.

I awoke to a very full bladder and a snoring Barbara. I chuckled softly and eased out of the bed, putting on my robe. The sun was up; its shafts of light illuminating the dust particles swirling in the air near the window. I heard soft voices and noises of cooking downstairs as I walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror as I passed and chuckled softly once more at the reflection I saw. Rachel looked back at me chuckling as well.

I pulled down my panties and sat letting the directionless flow strike the water with a loud hiss and splashing sound. Using just enough tissue to pat myself somewhat dry, knowing the cleansing ritual would require further drying, I flushed the toilet. I went through the cleansing and then drying ritual of my cunny, noticing the swelling and redness was gone. For all intents and purposes I looked female down there. I chuckled again saying, "Good morning, Rachel," to my reflection, not expecting and not receiving a reply.

Just as I put away the last of the cleansing supplies, a very sleepy Barbara walked past me and sat on the toilet. I heard the now familiar sounds and heard her gasp. I looked toward her and she started to giggle saying, "Rachel, I didn't even see you in here!"

We both started giggling then as I left the bathroom giving her the privacy she needed. I went into my room and put on the slippers I had forgotten. I headed to the stairs and hollered to Barbara that I would meet her downstairs for breakfast. I heard her say okay as I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

My mother and Harriet were sitting at the table munching and talking away. They both looked rested and fresh, still dressed in their nightgowns. I said good morning and kissed them both. My mother said, "Just have a seat, sweetheart, and I will fix you breakfast."

I said, "Thanks, Mommy, Barbara will be down shortly. So what has been planned for today?"

Harriet said, "Well, Rachel, you are going shopping with Rita and Barbara while your mother and I clean her house and the little ones. We are going to take them to the amusement park and then take them both shopping for a surprise."

My mother jumped in and said, "Honey, they both have been so good and I need to spend some quality time with them. They are feeling a little neglected and are not used to me being gone so long."

I said, "I know, I miss them a lot. Could you get them something from me and let them know I miss and love them very much?"

"Of course I will, darling! I know you miss them but we will figure something out. You can call them and send them things. You know how much they love getting mail of their own."

They really did enjoy getting mail. I used to send them cards and letters just to see them get so excited. I giggled remembering when I sent them a few gifts through the mail instead of just bringing them home. Those two went nuts! It was just like Christmas, they were so excited. I started laughing and Harriet demanded I tell her what I was thinking about so I told her and she started laughing. My mother laughed as well as Barbara entered the kitchen.

Barbara said, "Do I look that funny?" That started us all off laughing again as she sat down in a huff. I tried to explain but it was hard while trying not to laugh. She felt better and smiled once she knew we were not laughing at her.

Harriet told her the plan for the day and Barbara got very excited and happy. This started another giggle fit and this time we were laughing at her. She acted just like the little ones did when they got a surprise!

We had our breakfast, chatting away about anything and everything. When we were done Barbara and I cleaned up and washed the dishes, putting them in the strainer to air dry. My mother and Harriett went upstairs to shower and dress while Barbara and I went to my room to pick out something to wear today before our turn to shower came.

Barbara decided to borrow some panties from me and just wear what she had on the day before. We would be going to her house anyway so she could change then. My stuff was about the right size but since I was taller all my clothes were too lengthy for her to wear comfortably. She did not want to wear a short set since we would be taking things off and on a lot while shopping. My shoulders were a little broader than hers as well, so my blouses and T's would not fit her properly. The nightgown sure looked good on her though! We showered together and had a little fun in doing that. I liked this situation more and more!

I dressed in a wrap around skirt and a pullover blouse that Barbara picked out for me. I was glad the skirt was thick enough so I would not need a slip. This would be much easier to change into and out of while trying on outfits at the stores. A little primping with our make up, lipstick, hair and a quick check of our nails and we were ready to go. It was funny fighting over the mirror, actually setting us off into giggle fits again. I wore a pair of flats instead of the dreaded heels and opted for pantyhose instead of socks. Barbara said this would make it easier shopping. Okay, she knew best; after all, she has had lots of practice where I had so very little experience in this area.

Harriett and my mother were ready so we locked up and went out to the car. It was only when we were underway that I realized I would be right next door to my siblings! I said, "WAIT!"

Aunt Harriet quickly pulled over to the side of the road. I said, "I can't go to Barbara's house, Terry and Jerry will see me!"

My mother laughed and said, "We thought of that already, Honey. We are dropping you and Barbara off at the supermarket. Rita wants you both to pick some things up for her and she will pick you up and bring you back to her house. We will be gone by then with the kids. Harriett and I decided to clean the house after the outing."

Oh, what a relief that was! I said okay and we were off once again. We were left off at the supermarket with a list my mother handed Barbara along with some money. After all the see-you-laters, Barbara and I entered the store looking over the list. The regular things like milk, bread and a bag of sugar, then there were a few items on the list that made Barbara blush.

I started to giggle at her. "I have a few in my purse if you need one now." She slapped me on the shoulder and started to giggle as well. We found the appropriate isle and I found out what she used during that time of the month. I couldn't pass this up so I asked her, "Why do you like that particular kind, Barb?" She turned all red again so I pressed on with saying, "There are so many brands to choose from why the Kotex brand, and are they better?" A lady next to us started chuckling to herself and Barbara got even redder! Having a lot of fun with this I said, "I prefer the Modess brand myself. My mother told me they have been around longer and are better made."

The lady next to us turned around facing me and said, "Your mother is right, the Modess brand is better and more comfortable to wear as well. Of course, I use the napkins but my daughter insists on the tampons. You know, I think I will give them a try after all." Looking me straight in the face she asked, "Why do you prefer the tampons over the napkins, young lady?"

Now this was getting too much! Barbara started giggling then so I answered her, "I don't prefer the tampons, ma'am; I use the napkins myself."

The lady said, "Oh my, that is a switch I thought all the young women were using the tampons. At least, that is what my daughter has been telling me. Well, I guess I should at least try them, that way my daughter can't say I don't know what I'm talking about."

I said, "That is a good idea ma'am, we should at least try something once before making judgments."

She said, "You are such a smart young lady! My name is Mrs. Norma Alexander." She extended out her hand for me to grasp so I introduced Barbara and me to her.

I took the list from Barbara and said, "Well, Barb, we should be getting the rest of these things; your mother will be picking us up soon." We both said goodbye to Mrs. Alexander and off we went to hunt down the other items. When we turned the corner and entered the next aisle, Barbara punched me on the shoulder. OUCH! She laughed then and I asked her if she felt better now?

"Yes, thank you, much better." We both laughed and picked up the other items and headed for the check out.

Of all the luck, Mrs. Alexander was in front of us at the check out. Luckily the cashier was ringing her purchases up but she did flash a package of Modess tampons at us with a smile. Barbara turned red again, so I said, "You know Barb; you should at least give the Modess brand a try." She hit me again!

We waved as Mrs. Alexander wheeled her cart out of the store and it was our turn for check out. We could see Barbara's mom pull up just as we were finished bagging up the items. I always hated waiting for the cashier to bag. I was faster and did a better job. They always tended to toss things from one hand to the other and into the bags.

We put the items in the trunk and as we got into the back seat, with Rita smiling, I said to Barbara, "Why do you dislike the Modess tampons so much?" Barbara squealed and Rita started laughing.

She asked me what that was all about so I told her what had transpired with Mrs. Alexander all the while being pummeled by Barbara. She really laughed then which set us all off laughing. As we pulled into their driveway Rita asked Barbara, "Honey, why don't you like the Modess brand tampons?

Barbara screamed "MOTHER!"

Rita and I laughed and giggled all the way into the house...

  

  

  

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