"I have heard you calling in the night." - Hymn
"Be my everlasting. Be my hearts desire." - Chris Cullum
"...playing with those memories again,
And just when I thought time had set me free" - Air Supply
"Like a little voice inside my heart" - No Secrets
"...have you ever felt a memory pulling at your insides?" - One Dollar Short
"I only wanted all that's best for you" - No Authority
"And my pride was stronger when I was younger" - Patty Loveless
"Let's listen to the voice deep within..." - Akilles
"There's nowhere else on Earth I'd rather be" - Bryan Adams
"You wanna find my soul" - Ashes
"...I can't see tomorrow" - Larry Rushton & Jeremy Cash

 

A Life Ever Changing

by Angel

#24 Here I Am

 

I thought about where to begin with the Russell's and decided I would start from when I was hired by Mrs. Russell. I looked at Grace and Marjorie and began:

It was the beginning of September and the season was still summer and hot; the nights were cooler but the days still heated up quickly. I had just turned 10 and my mother had bought me a new bike for my birthday. It was way cool! I called it Black Beauty after the horse in the movie. Shiny black and chrome with a light and 5 speeds. It had saddlebags mounted over the rear wheel to carry things. I was riding by the Russell's house when Mrs. Russell called to me. I rode over to her and she asked me if I was free to take on a job that would probably last until Thanksgiving. That was great timing because I had just lost a job when Mrs. Rogers daughter dropped out of college and came back home to live. She offered me more than I had ever gotten before so I agreed right away.

She asked me, "Ricky, why don't you come in for a few minutes and I will go over what I want you to do okay?"

I said, "Of course Mrs. Russell that will help me a lot. I need to tell my mother about this and she likes to know as much as possible. She will want to call you or you can call her first if you like."

Mrs. Russell said, "You have your mommy call me anytime she wants to and I will be glad to go over anything I have planned for you with her before you begin okay?"

I said, "Okay, and I know she will be happy to talk with you."

All adults like to meet and talk with other mothers! She brought me inside her home and it was spacious but cluttered with furniture and tons of pictures everywhere! There were a lot of pictures taken of groups. Mrs. Russell was in all of them and about 12 young girls as well. Each had a little label with the year on it and it also had the name of the church and "Girl's Choir."

There were five of these pictures and Mrs. Russell noticed me looking at them and said, "Ricky, those are all pictures of my girl's choir's. I am the leader and singing coach and have been for almost six years now. We have won three state titles the last three years running. I also give singing lessons out of my home and that is why I need your help."

I said, "Wow, Mrs. Russell that is great! You must be a very good singing teacher and leader!" I was very impressed!

She gave me a big smile and a hug telling me, "You are such a dear sweet child and I know we will work well together. Now let me show you around and inform you of a few rules okay?"

I said, "Okay. Mrs. Russell I know I will enjoy working for you."

She smiled again shaking her head and saying, "You are just so sweet and your manners are wonderful for a boy your age."

I thanked her and smiled. Mrs. Russell was about to tell me something when a young girl a little older than me came running into the house yelling, "MOMMY, MOMMY!"

Mrs. Russell turned around and said, "What is it, Princess?"

The girl stopped in her tracks when she saw me and just stared at me. Mrs. Russell told her it was impolite to stare at people and introduced us.

She said, "Ricky this is my daughter Brenda. Princess, this is Ricky and he will be helping me around the house and yard if his mommy gives her okay. That will free you up so you can practice singing with me and the other students."

Brenda smiled big when she heard that and held out her hand to me. I shook her hand and told her I was very glad to meet her.

I then said, "My mother will agree I know so how can I be of help?"

Brenda just kept staring at me! Her mother took my hand and led me into the kitchen and told me to have a seat and asked me if I was thirsty. I was and she poured me a glass of orange kool-aid. Brenda came in and sat at the table as well so her mother poured her a cup while looking at her a little funny. That look adults have when a kid does something they do not expect.

Brenda asked me, "Is that your bike outside?"

I said, "Yes it is, my mother just gave it to me last week for my birthday present."

Both her and Mrs. Russell wished me a happy birthday and asked me how old I was.

I said "ten and I have wanted that bike for two years now and my mother always told me I was just a little boy and that it was a big boy's bike."

Brenda had a surprised look on her face and said, "Oh, I thought you were a tomboy. You do housework?"

I was surprised and a little hurt. It reminded me of a previous experience I had and what other adults thought of me.

I turned red and Mrs. Russell jumped in and said, "Ricky, I have heard from others you have worked for that you are very talented in the yard and in the home. That is why I hired you. So don't get embarrassed you are a very special boy and the people around here speak of you very highly. Why, old Mrs. Crowley even told me you changed her great niece's wet and messy diapers when her arthritis was so bad she couldn't move her fingers. You prepared the formula fed her and then without even being told burped her as well! I was so surprised to hear that I must say."

Brenda's eyes got huge and she said, "You know about babies?"

I said, "Yes, I do. I take care of my baby brother sometimes. My mother works and the babysitter has to leave before she gets home sometimes. So my mother taught me all about it. I also know how to cook and clean and do laundry. I can iron and sew a few simple things like missing buttons and stuff. I do yard work and have my own lawn mower I rebuilt myself."

Brenda said, "Holy cow Ricky, you are something!"

I turned red again and Mrs. Russell laughed. Mrs. Russell then said, "Princess, why don't you go and practice your piano lesson okay?"

Brenda looked a little disappointed she couldn't hang around but she got up and said, "Ok mommy nice to meet you Ricky and maybe you can practice with me sometime."

I said, "Nice to meet you Brenda but I don't know how to play the piano all I do is sing a little."

Brenda looked surprised and then smiling looked at her mother and said, "Mommy, maybe you can teach Ricky how to sing the right way?"

Mrs. Russell looked a little surprised and said, "Ricky, can you sing pretty well?"

I answered, "My mother and my teacher at school think I do. I don't think I can sing as well as the girls in your choir do though."

Mrs. Russell said, "We will see Ricky, sometime when we have a little free time I would like you to sing for me okay?"

I said, "Okay Mrs. Russell if you want me to, I really like to sing but only at home most of the time."

She asked me why I only liked to sing at home and I said, "All the kids make fun of me and call me names so I don't sing at school when I don't have to and never outside."

I must have looked sad because Mrs. Russell came over to me and gave me a hug and said, "Ricky, a good singing voice is a gift from God and you should not let what the kids call you stop you from doing something you enjoy."

I said, "But Mrs. Russell it isn't worth it. If I don't sing they leave me alone most of the time but when I do they start all over again and it lasts a long time. None of the boys like me and they call me nasty names just because I like to sing, but they all say I sound like a girl and look like one, too. They call me a sissy and a momma's boy. They say other things too and sometimes beat me up."

I felt real bad then remembering how all the boys treated me and started to cry.

Mrs. Russell hugged me some more and Brenda ran over to me and hugged me to. Mrs. Russell said, "You poor sweet child. You don't worry about that anymore. While you are working for me nobody is going to be picking on you. You make sure you have your mommy call me tonight okay?"

I said okay and Brenda came back with some tissue and dried my eyes. She was very nice to me and I thanked her and apologized for crying.

She said, "Why? You don't ever have to apologize for crying Ricky. It helps a lot to cry and it means you are sensitive and caring."

She hugged me and told me we were going to be the best of friends and she was sure her friends would like me to.

Mrs. Russell smiled at her and said, "Princess, I love you more every day."

She hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. Then she told her to go and practice her piano.

Present Time:

I looked at Marjorie and Grace and said, "That is when I started to meet a lot of girls and started having friends. Before that I did not have any. I had a couple of boys that would come around if they needed something or some help but they were not real friends, just a bunch of mothers and a few fathers, those that I had worked for. Other than that, the older ladies that had no one left at home. They liked me a lot. Okay, back to the Russell's."

Mrs. Russell hugged me again and said, "Okay Ricky let us go over a few rules and then I will tell you what I am asking you to do for me. The biggest rule of all is to mind what I say at all times. If I ask you to do something you do it. I will not tolerate bad behavior at any time. So the second rule is to always behave and mind your manners. The last rule is on cleanliness and I am very strict on that as you can tell by my person, home and my daughter. To that end you will arrive here each day clean and you will bring a change of clean clothes with you so you will return home clean as well. Is that clear?"

I thought this to be rather much, but I said "Yes, Mrs. Russell, it is very clear. I will come here clean and leave wearing clean clothes."

Mrs. Russell said, "No Ricky, you will bathe first, put on your clean clothes and then you can leave here to go home. Is that clearer now?"

Oh brother, I had to bathe and change before I left for home. Well, the pay was worth it!

I said, "Yes, Mrs. Russell, I understand. I come here clean and I go home just as clean"

She smiled and said, "Okay let me show you the house and yard and I will tell you what we will be doing."

That she did! She even showed me the walk up attic it was filled with boxes, crates and wardrobes. I knew I would be doing a lot of work up there by the way she was talking about it. I found out that if I was to be doing yard work and it rained my duties would change to things done inside the house. So, I would always have something to do no matter what the weather was like.

Just before I left Mrs. Russell's Brenda came out and gave me a hug saying, "Ricky, I know we will become good friends and I really want to hear you sing. Don't you worry about the girls studying here they won't pick on you at all okay?"

I thanked her and told her I thought we would be good friends to. I peddled back home and started dinner hoping my mom would be home on time tonight. She was! I told her about the Job at Mrs. Russell's and gave her the number to call and she did. They talked a long time and I could hear my mom laughing and saw her smiling a lot.

I knew I could have the job, but I was wondering why they talked so long. My mother hated gossiping so I knew they were talking about something besides regular "chit-chat." My mom hung up the phone and looked at me with a serious look on her face and asked me to sit with her.

I sat and she said, "Ricky I have agreed to sign you up for singing lessons with Mrs. Russell. The lessons will be given when you have time either after work or when ever Mrs. Russell decides okay?"

I said, "But Mommy! I have to be home to make dinner and take care of Jerry and do the other stuff around here. How can I stay after work and do my stuff here to?"

My mother chuckled and gave me a hug saying, "Honey, you are always thinking, aren't you? It just so happens that Mrs. Russell and I talked about that very same thing." She chuckled again and continued, "One of her neighbors who I will see tomorrow lives by herself and Mrs. Russell assured me she would love to watch Jerry so your problems are solved okay? If you and Jerry are not here then the house won't need as much tending. Monday, Wednesday and Friday you will work for Mrs. Russell. When school starts you will work for her a little while after school and on Saturday's okay?"

I said okay and realized I would have little time of my own. But I was getting paid well and Mrs. Russell seemed very nice and so did Brenda.

My mom then informed me about something that I had forgotten to mention to her. She said, "Mrs. Russell wants you to bring a complete clean set of clothes everyday you are to be working for her. That includes your toothbrush. Do you understand me? No if and or butts about it!"

I said okay and thought at least I won't end up in a dress like before if I have clean clothes with me! I felt a lot better about bathing and changing over at the Russell's. My mom then said, "I will put a nice set of clothes for you to wear in a paper bag for you every day you are working. You will have to remember your toothbrush yourself okay?"

I said okay once more and she smiled and hugged me saying how proud she was of me and how grown up I acted.

My first day of work was today! I was really excited and I had gotten up early and taken my shower. I decided to wear something cool because the weatherman on TV said it was going to be 90 degrees and humid today. I hate sticky humid days, but I like dry hot days! I picked out a pair of my tan shorts that just pulled up so I didn't need a belt. Then I had to have a T-shirt. My mom always made me wear a T-shirt. She told me it's what absorbed all the sweat and if it got to hot I could always take off my shirt and just wear my T-shirt. My mom is really smart. I chose my brown pullover short sleeved shirt because it went with my shorts real good. But, then I changed my mind and just wore my T-shirt. It was going to very sticky hot today. Then my white socks that had brown and green rings on the top part and my black high top Converse sneakers! I love my sneakers, my class went to the factory where they make them and they gave some of us kits and I put these sneakers together myself! Well, my mom helped me a little bit. Allot of the kids didn't want the kit. I wonder why?

I was all set so I went to give my mother a hug and a kiss goodbye, but she stopped me and pointed to a bag next to the front door. She reminded me not to forget my clean set of clothes and that is where I would find it if she ever had to leave before I got up. I thanked her and gave her the automatic hug and kiss goodbye. She left for work.

I waited for the new babysitter and she arrived a few minutes later. Mrs. Stern's she looked old all right but she looked healthy and strong. She wore a gray dress and had her hair pinned up in a bun. She really liked Jerry and after only a few minutes Jerry liked her to!

I took the bag and put my toothbrush inside it and got my bike. I had to tie it on the handlebars because the saddlebags were dirty inside from all the junk and tools I had kept in them. It was a ten-minute bike ride to the Russell's house but it was mostly flat roads and was an easy go. Especially with my five speed bike!

I arrived at the Russell's early so I parked my bike and was going to wait until it was time outside on the front porch, but Mrs. Russell must have been looking out for me and opened the front door just as I reached the porch. She asked me inside but told me to be quiet because Brenda was still sleeping.

I asked her where I should put my clean set of clothes and she smiled real big like she had expected me to have forgotten them. GEEZ! She took the bag from me and said she would take care of it. We went into the kitchen and she told me I was to dust today. She wanted everything dusted and then all the furniture polished. She showed me where everything I would need was and then pulled out this stupid looking cap and an apron.

I must have had a nasty look on my face because she said, "Ricky, dusting and polishing is a very dirty job and I have a few other things for you to do afterwards and you wont be able to do them if you are covered in dust and polish. This cap keeps the dust out of your hair and the apron keeps the dust and polish off of your clothes. I also have a pair of gloves you will wear while polishing is that clear!"

I sighed and said "yes ma'am."

She smiled and said, "I will go to the store and get you a plain colored cap for next time okay?"

I smiled relieved because the cap had yellow flowers sewn onto it everywhere!

The apron was white but frilly with yellow and blue lace on the front pockets and all around the edges. It also had yellow flowers printed on it. The ties were made of white lace! YUCK! I hoped she would buy me my own apron as well. If not I would! Maybe I will buy one anyway to use at home. My clothes always did get polish on them!

Mrs. Russell put the cap on my head and it even tied on! Then she helped me with the apron and tied it in back. I was surprised because it wrapped all the way around me and covered my legs to just below my knees. I would have to remember not to wear shorts in the future! The neck strap tied as well and she made sure that the bib part went up to just below my neck. YUCK, I knew I looked weird.

I started dusting the bookshelves and shelves of knick-knacks were the worst. It was getting very hot in this get up by the time I was done downstairs. Sweat was getting in my eyes and it stung.

I could hear Mrs. Russell giving some poor kid singing lessons. I say poor kid because she sounded pretty bad to me. I wondered if she was part of the girls' choir but I doubted it.

I headed up the stairs and was going to go into Mrs. Russell's study when Brenda came out of her room heading for the bathroom. I turned my back to her right away because she was only wearing a pair of panties. She must have noticed my motion because she stopped and stared for a second and then said, "Oh Ricky!" And she hurried back into her room as I was apologizing to her.

I went to the study and started dusting hoping I wouldn't get into any trouble over this. I would have to remember to ask Mrs. Russell if it was okay to go upstairs in the future when Brenda was still in bed.

I was about half way done with the study when I heard a clicking and a ratcheting sound. It was Brenda and she was holding a Box Camera! OH NO!

She said, "Ricky you look so cute in my cap and apron I had to have a picture of you."

I said, "Please, Brenda, if anybody sees that picture I'm dead around here and I won't be able to work here anymore."

She said, "Oh Ricky, I'm not going to show it to anybody that would make fun of you and besides you owe me this picture."

I said, "How do I owe you a picture of me dressed like this?"

She said, "Because you saw me only in my panties and you saw my boobies to. How do I know you won't go blab that around?"

I said right away, "Brenda, I would never do that! I turned my back as soon as I saw you were undressed."

She smiled and came over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek saying, "I knew I could trust you Ricky, but let's not let my mommy know you saw me like that okay?"

I agreed knowing that would be the best thing to do. I was still real worried about that picture though. Brenda kept me company while I finished dusting the study so I asked her about the girl that was trying to sing with her mother.

She said, "Oh, you mean Tracy. She really does have a wonderful voice but she was hit in the throat with a baseball while watching her brother play in a little league game. A boy hit a foul ball and it was a hard hit going real fast and before she could do anything it hit her right in the throat. She was in the hospital for over a week!"

I felt bad about what I had thought of her singing earlier. I should have known Mrs. Russell wouldn't take on a student who couldn't sing, she was too good of a teacher. I finished with the study and since I did not have to do the bathroom or bedrooms I headed back down stairs. I just had made it to the landing when the music room door opened and a girl who had tears in her eyes and Mrs. Russell came out.

I felt bad for Tracy and went over to her and said, "Don't worry your singing voice will come back it might take a little while but soon you will be back in the choir."

I realized then I might have made a mistake because she was looking at me with the "Who are you?" look.

I looked at Mrs. Russell and she had a big smile on her face and said, "Tracy this is Ricky who I hired to help me around the house and do some gardening for me so I could spend this extra time with you."

Tracy gave me a big smile and hugged me and kissed me saying, "Oh thank you Ricky, I am so glad Mrs. Russell hired you because I can get my voice back sooner now. Thank you for saying those nice things to me. I was feeling down after today's lesson. I sounded horrible."

I said, "Its okay Tracy I know how bad it feels when you loose your singing voice. When I had pneumonia I couldn't sing for several months after I was better."

Tracy then said, "Ricky you are sweet and thoughtful. If you sing well you might want to try out for the choir."

I was surprised she had said that because it was an all girls choir! So I said to her, "I couldn't do that Tracy, the choir is for girls only."

She looked at me real surprised and said, "But Ricky, you are a girl!"

I turned red as a beet and said, "No Tracy I am a boy. It must be this apron and cap I am wearing." I laughed to cover up my embarrassment.

Mrs. Russell just kept on smiling, but she was looking at me very closely. Tracy looked at Mrs. Russell with a questioning look. She didn't believe me! Mrs. Russell asked Tracy why she thought I was a girl. I can't believe this! I wanted Mrs. Russell to just tell her I was a boy and instead she asked this stupid question! GEEZ!

Tracy said, "She's too cute to be a boy and she doesn't have an Adams apple and all boys have those and girls don't. Why does she say she's a boy?"

I was getting very upset! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I wanted to say something but Mrs. Russell came to my rescue FINALLY! She said "Ricky is a boy Tracy, he is cute and he doesn't have an Adams apple as you have noticed, but he is still a boy."

Tracy just said "WOW! Ricky I am sorry but really with you dressed like that and well you look just like a pretty girl. Will you forgive me?"

What could I say to that? I said, "Its okay Tracy when I am not dressed like this you will see that I am a boy."

Tracy didn't say anything, she just gave me one of those I wonder looks! OH GEEZ!

Mrs. Russell was all smiles and she said to me, "Ricky, Tracy was our soloist in the choir. The reason she needs these extra lessons is that we are all hoping she can get her voice back in time for the choir competition this year. I'm afraid without her we don't stand a chance of even qualifying past the initial round."

Tracy looked troubled then and she had a tear in her eye so I hugged her and said, "Don't worry Tracy you will get it back in time I am sure."

She hugged me back and kissed me on the cheek again and said I was sweet.

Mrs. Russell asked me if I had finished dusting and I said I had.

She looked at me and said, "why don't you take a break before you start polishing. I want to hear you sing for me now okay?"

I said, "Okay Mrs. Russell, this cap is making me sweat a lot and it is very hot in this apron."

She looked at Tracy and said, "We finished up very early today Tracy when is your mother picking you up?"

Tracy answered, "Not for at least another half hour. She was going school clothes shopping with my brother so she might even be later."

Mrs. Russell asked us both if we wanted something to drink and we both said yes. She led us into the kitchen and Brenda was there. She had just finished eating a bowl of cereal and was drinking some juice when we came in. She saw Tracy and ran to her giving her a hug and kiss, Tracy did the same and whispered something into Brenda's ear. They both looked at me and smiled. GEEZ!

Mrs. Russell took the cap off my head and I was glad. She told me to go wash up and I headed for the bathroom. I could hear them all talking as I left there; giggling was the last thing I heard as I went upstairs to wash up and comb my hair. It was at the end of summer and I had not had my school haircut yet so my hair was just over my ears and just a tad long in the back, but it didn't look anything like a girl's haircut.

I washed up and looked at myself in the mirror, OH GEEZ! This apron looked like a dress on me! I knew why Tracy had thought what she did now. But now that I didn't have that cap on my head I was sure she would see I was a boy! I wish I could take this apron off but I would have to ask Mrs. Russell to untie it for me I couldn't reach it well enough to get it untied myself. For some reason when I pulled on the ends it didn't loosen. I was still very hot wearing my shorts under the apron it was trapping the heat and I could feel my underwear sticking to me and they felt very damp. Yuck!

I went back downstairs and the three of them were still together. I had some nice cold juice and when I had finished Mrs. Russell asked me if I was ready and I said I was. Brenda and Tracy each took one of my hands and walked with me into the music room.

Tracy said, "Ricky I love your hair like that. It looks like a pixie cut."

WHAT? Oh no!

Brenda added, "All you need is different sneakers."

OH GEEZ!

I said "I haven't had my school haircut yet and I like my sneakers! I made them from a kit I got at the Converse sneaker factory in Massachusetts."

The girls just smiled at me!

The music room was a large room and it was oddly shaped sort of a triangle but with a squared end instead of a point. The piano was a beauty, a Steinway! All black and very shiny the keys even gleamed; the ivory was a perfect match for the ebony keys. The two girls gave me a hug and each kissed a cheek. I blushed as they went to sit down and listen. Mrs. Russell chuckled and asked me if I knew how to sing the scales. I told her I didn't and she told me to just try and match the note she was playing with my voice. I said okay and we began.

I was still uncomfortable and fidgeted a lot because of the dampness of my shorts and underwear when Mrs. Russell stopped and asked me what was wrong. I just couldn't concentrate on singing I was so uncomfortable. So I told her quietly so the girls couldn't hear me. So I thought! Girls can hear through six-foot thick walls!

Mrs. Russell lifted up the apron and felt my shorts! How embarrassing! I turned red as a beat again! She said, "Oh you poor dear those shorts are soaked through with sweat. You must be very uncomfortable."

I said, "Yes, and I can't concentrate on singing the notes I'm sorry, Mrs. Russell."

She smiled and said, "Don't worry Ricky we will fix you right up and you will feel a lot cooler. Don't forget you have to polish the furniture yet and a few other tasks I want you to do for me today." She looked at Brenda and asked her, "Princess, do you think you could get that package of new underwear I bought the other day?"

Brenda smiled real big and said, "Sure mommy they are still in the bag and unopened."

Mrs. Russell took my hand and led me upstairs to the bathroom. She said, "Ricky just slip your shorts and underwear off don't worry the apron covers you completely and I will turn my back okay?"

I said, "Can't you just take the apron off me" She chuckled and said, "Ricky you have a lot more work to do yet and need the apron. All you have left to wear is your clean set of clothes and you will need them to go home in and I am sure you don't want to get your one clean pair of underwear all sweaty and wet as well do you?"

I had to agree with her and did as she asked. It felt real strange standing there knowing I was naked under the apron. At least it was heavy enough so you couldn't see through it. Mrs. Russell handed me a cool damp washcloth and told me to wipe myself off real well. She turned her back for me as I did that and I rinsed the washcloth out in the sink. She handed me a little towel and told me to dry myself real good and I did. She then handed me some tissues she had sprinkled some powder on it and told me to pat myself with it all over my fanny and front. I did that. It did feel good.

Brenda and Tracy came back with even bigger smiles on their faces as Brenda handed her mom the package. They were girl's underwear and they had flowers on them! OH NO!

Mrs. Russell looked at me and smiled saying, "You and Brenda look about the same size so these should fit you well." She asked me, "Ricky, what color would you like? There is yellow, blue and pink."

So now I had to be the one to choose which pair of girl's underwear I was to wear! GEEZ! I chose the blue pair, blue standing for boys! So she handed me the pair of blue flowered ones and I waited until they all turned their backs to me and slipped them on. Hmm, they fit and felt different than my usual underwear. They were tighter and much smoother, even cooler.

Mrs. Russell said, "Those should feel much cooler Ricky they are made of nylon and are much lighter than these."

She was holding up my pair of underwear! GEEZ! She asked Brenda to put my shorts and undies in the washing machine. Of course Tracy went with her.

Mrs. Russell took my hand and we went back to the music room. While we were walking there she said, "Now Ricky, please don't be embarrassed about this. The girls will never tell anyone and you must admit you must be a lot more comfortable aren't you?"

I said, "Mrs. Russell, you sure they won't tell anybody? I would die if they did. I could never show myself anywhere around here. But I must admit I am a lot more comfortable now."

Mrs. Russell assured me that Tracy and Brenda would never tell anyone. She even promised to talk to them to make sure they didn't even tell their closest friends. I felt a little better knowing that. It felt very strange wearing only a t-shirt, apron and a pair of girl's blue flowered nylon underwear. But I was physically comfortable and we began the scales again.

Tracy and Brenda came in quietly and sat down listening and watching me. Mrs. Russell started on a low key that I could not sing, but shortly she reached one I could sing well and I did. Up and up the notes went and I tried to match them which I thought I did pretty well. I did what Mrs. Russell said was the standard scales and we took a little break.

Tracy and Brenda were just staring at me with their mouths open. This made me a little nervous and I thought I might have messed up. Mrs. Russell explained the next thing she wanted me to do.

She said, "Ricky, now I want you to listen carefully while I play two notes and then you should match the first note and smoothly move up the scale until you reach the second note I play. I want you to hold the second note as long as you comfortably can without straining ok?"

I said I would try and we began again.

Mrs. Russell started by playing two notes not so far apart from each other. She waited until I was done with the second note and played the next pair of notes. After about five pairs of notes she called a break. That was way cool I thought. I love to sing but I never did this scale or the sing and hold the second note thing. All three of them were just looking at me with these dumb grins on their faces.

Tracy and Brenda came over and Brenda said, "Wow Ricky, you can really sing well."

Tracy said, "Your transition is really smooth and you can really hold a note a long time, longer than I ever could!"

Mrs. Russell said, "Now girls, don't be making Ricky nervous we have the higher ranges to go yet and we shall see how well that goes."

I thanked Brenda and Tracy and after a little drink of ice water we began again. I was a little worried I wouldn't have enough time to finish polishing plus do those other tasks Mrs. Russell had wanted me to do today, but she was the one who asked me to sing so I guess it would be ok.

This time it was a little harder. The ranges were far apart and ended with higher notes. I did the notes well but I couldn't hold the higher notes as long because of the scale differences. They were pretty far apart.

The last one I did was the toughest of all! Mrs. Russell started with the lowest key I could sing and then hit the highest key I could sing. I could only hold the high note for about 10 seconds. I guess we were done then because Mrs. Russell did not play any more notes on the piano. She just sat there looking at me with a funny expression on her face and a big smile.

I asked "Mrs. Russell are we done now?"

She shook her head a little and stood up reached and gave me a big strong hug.

She said, "My dear sweet beautiful child you have a voice like an angel sent from Heaven!"

I blushed real red then and that's when I saw Brenda and Tracy just standing up and staring at me again with their mouths hanging wide open.

Mrs. Russell looked where I was and noticed them just standing and staring and said, "What did you think girls? Was I right, a voice of an angel sent from Heaven?"

They both snapped out of whatever place they were stuck at and smiled real big and came running over and practically knocked me down as they jumped me giving me hugs and kisses on my cheeks. I was very red then! I blushed from my head to my toes!

Tracy said, "Oh Ricky, you sing as beautiful as you look!"

OH GEEZ!

She continued, "I have never been able to sing that wide of a range or hold the notes so long! How do you do that?"

I said, "I don't really know, I just always liked the sound of a long note. It always gives me the shivers and I like the way that feels. My mother does too. She says she gets goose bumps when ever I do that." I chuckled and they giggled.

Brenda said, "Ricky, you sure did give me the goose bumps! I never felt that way listening to someone else sing before and I agree with Tracy. You sing as beautifully as you look."

I said, "Would you please stop saying I look beautiful! I'm a boy and I really don't think I am beautiful either. I saw my self in the mirror upstairs and I am a long way from being beautiful! Boys aren't beautiful!"

I was a little mad, but not angry. Mostly I was embarrassed by what they said and I knew I was red all over from blushing. The girls just stood there with surprised looks on their faces.

Mrs. Russell said, "Ricky, don't be so stubborn with the girls. I strongly agree with them. You can't see yourself when you are singing. You send out a feeling and you have a glow about you like pure joy and you do look beautiful when you look like that. Yes Ricky, when singing you are very beautiful and you make people listening to you actually feel that beauty as well. I got goose bumps listening to you sing! Boys can be beautiful."

I looked up at the clock and noticed we had been going at it for over three hours.

Just then I heard a voice from the doorway it said, "You can't tell me that this is a boy! Not with that voice and that face! Just look at her she is still glowing from that wonderful performance and to think it was only advanced scales! I can't wait to hear her sing a real song! Cindy who is she?"

I was even redder than I was before if you can believe that! What is it with these people! I AM A BOY DARN IT! I did not say it out loud of course. That just seems to get them even more convinced of just the opposite of what I want to hear.

Mrs. Russell was smiling like the cat that caught the canary!

She said, "Why, hello, Greta, how long have you been standing there?"

Greta said, "Oh just long enough to hear the most difficult part of the advanced scales sung to perfection and the notes held longer than I have ever heard in my life by a child that's all!"

Tracy ran over to Greta saying, "Mommy, mommy! Did you hear? Did you get goose bumps like we did?"

Greta scooped up Tracy in her arms hugged and kissed her and said, "Yes Pumpkin I did and now Cindy, introduce me to this lovely girl will you already?"

Mrs. Russell still beaming said, "Greta this girl is really a boy and his name is Ricky. I hired him to help around the house so I could spend more time with Tracy to help her get that wonderful voice of hers back in working order in time for the competition. I also could spend more time with Brenda, but now I think my original plans have changed."

WHAT? What does she mean her plans have changed! I need this job and my mother could really use the extra money! I hope she doesn't take my job away!

Greta let Tracy down and said, "Brenda, what do you think about Ricky?"

Oh no! Not again! Brenda went over to Greta and gave her a big hug and a kiss. There was something familiar about this lady. That's it! She was in the pictures with Mrs. Russell. Who is she? It sounded like she knew about singing that was for sure.

Brenda said, "Oh Mrs. Dell, Just like my mommy says, he's an angel with a voice that comes straight from Heaven. Don't you think he is beautiful? We know he is, but Ricky doesn't! I wish I had taken a picture like I did this morning."

OH GEEZ! Now she did it! Brenda got a guilty look on her face and now there was no escape for us. Sure enough both Greta and Mrs. Russell said at the same time, "What picture?"

Brenda told them about the whole incident of me walking up the stairs and catching her dressed only in her panties. She did quickly add that I turned my back right away and apologized.

She then said, "After I got dressed I looked in my mommy's study and there she was. Oh, I mean he was. He looked so cute in my cap and apron I had to get a picture of him that way so I went back to my room and got my camera. I waited in the doorway until he was in the position I wanted and took his picture. He looked so pretty because he was humming a song and he sort of looked like he does now, but not as much."

I was going to remain a blushing red color for the rest of my life! Maybe if I took the apron off, I could prove it. No wait! Bad idea, they would first see those blue-flowered girl's undies! GEEZ my goose was cooked for sure! I will never get out of this one! I wish I could change right this instant. Yes! That's it.

I looked at Mrs. Russell and said, "Mrs. Russell I really should start the polishing now or I will never get done in time."

Mrs. Russell answered, "You just forget about the polishing for today, Ricky, I want you to sing a song for me in a few minutes when we are all calm and Greta can evaluate your singing better. You see she has what they call an ear for music. She has perfect pitch recognition. She knows how each note should sound just by listening."

Brenda then said, "Mommy, can we have something to eat and drink. I'm hungry and thirsty we have been here all through lunch time."

Mrs. Russell said, "Sure Princess, but I want to make a phone call first okay?"

Brenda was not satisfied with that answer because she said, "Ricky knows how to make lunch, can he make us all something while you are on the phone?"

Well, Greta and Tracy were surprised at that and Mrs. Russell asked me, "Ricky, would you mind making us some lunch?"

I said, "No, not at all I am working for you and getting paid."

Mrs. Russell and everybody else thought this was funny because they all laughed.

Well, there went my opportunity to change so I went into the kitchen and started poking around to see where everything was and what was in the fridge. I kicked everybody out of the kitchen and they actually listened to me! I liked that a lot!

I found some great stuff and made open-faced sandwiches of ham, cheese and tomato. All you have to do is take one slice of bread and butter it on the underside. You place this on a cookie sheet and then the ham, cover the ham with a slice of cheese and broil it until it melts the cheese and the ham gets just a little crisp on the edges. You add the tomato after they are cooked and presto! All you have to do is add mayonnaise or salad dressing. It's really quick to, only takes about 10 minutes from start to finish.

I called everybody letting them know lunch was served. I had put on a pot of coffee and water to boil for some tea. The coffee was ready so the percolator top showed me. The teakettle whistled and everything was now done. I dished out the open-faced sandwiches and asked everyone what they would like to drink. Well, actually all I offered them was coffee, tea or milk. Juice or soda pop did not go well with this type of lunch. Brenda, Tracy and I had tea while Greta asked for coffee and told me that Mrs. Russell would have coffee as well.

Mrs. Russell came back from calling whom-ever it was and asked me to say grace. OH GEEZ! I said the standard "Bless us, oh Lord and these thy gifts..." prayer and we all dug in. Everyone loved the lunch and Mrs. Russell asked me how I made it so quickly. I told her how to make open-faced sandwiches. She was happy. We all finished eating and after I poured another cup of coffee for both Mrs. Dell and Mrs. Russell I kicked them all out of the kitchen again. Tracy and Brenda wrecked my streak by insisting in helping me with the clean up and dishes. It was more enjoyable than doing it alone not to mention much quicker. I still felt funny walking around in just an apron, T-shirt, sneakers and girl's undies though!

We heard the doorbell ring and then a couple of minutes later it rang again! We had just finished the clean up and dishes so Tracy and Brenda went out to see who it could be. I sure didn't want to go out their dressed like this! I could sure hear them though! Mrs. Russell called my name but I did not want to go out there as you can imagine.

When I did not make an appearance she came into the kitchen to fetch me. I told her why I did not go out when she called so she wouldn't be mad.

She gave me a hug and smiled saying, "Ricky, it doesn't matter how you are dressed so let's go out there and you can sing, this time with the choir okay?"

OH NO! GEEZ! I went with her, I really had no choice she was holding my hand real tight and leading me out. There were now ten more young girls and four more women. I think they were some of the mothers of the girls, but I wasn't sure.

Mrs. Russell made the introductions I really don't think she told them I was a boy because most of the women told me how pretty I was and how cute I looked. I knew better than to correct them because they probably wouldn't believe me anyway. Especially the way I was dressed!

I was really nervous but that was when Brenda and Tracy came and saved me from all those women. I ended up in the middle of 12 girls! All of them hugging and kissing, giggling and then just looking at me. Brenda made the introductions I won't name all the girls now, but let me tell you it was very awkward at first. All of them were in the hug and kiss mode because that's what each one did as I was introduced to them. This is, hug, kiss and this is, hug, kiss and so it went ten times!

Mrs. Russell let out a loud whistle and everybody got quiet real fast. She told us all to go into the music room and form up. What? I didn't know what that was. Greta and Tracy came over to me and each took hold of one of my hands. They led me into the music room and I saw that the women were all seated. Some had cameras! OH NO!

One lady had a tape recording machine they call a reel-to-reel recorder. That is because one reel held all the recording tape and the other reel was used to reel it in as it recorded. No cassettes back then folks, not even 8 tracks were invented yet! Well, they were invented, but they cost a fortune and didn't work good all the time.

Mrs. Russell was sitting at the piano and Greta showed me some sheet music. Mrs. Russell started playing so all the girls could warm up their singing voices and get it all together. Greta asked me if I understood sheet music and I said I did. My teacher at school, well actually several of them had taught me to read music and what each symbol meant.

I saw the name of the song and I was happy because I knew it well. I loved that song! Wonderful use of voices and the tonal ranges of the soloist part I really liked. There were several parts you had to carry a note for a minimum of 15 seconds, even longer, if you could, would make it even better. It was a very difficult song to learn. It was a goose bump raiser for sure!

The song? "Here I Am!" There are several versions but this one was written for a choir and a soloist. I even forgot how I was dressed I was so excited I could sing it with a choir. I just wondered what position I was supposed to take and who the lucky soloist was going to be.

Then I remembered Tracy and I saw her sitting next to Mrs. Russell on the piano bench. Oh, I got it now! ME! I was going to sing the soloist part! I decided even though I had just sung the scales for three hours I would like to warm up a little as well.

I handed the sheet music back to Greta and joined the choir in warming up. GEEZ! Why did they stop? I didn't even realize they did stop for a little while, I just noticed I was the only one accompanying Mrs. Russell. I stopped and everybody was starring at me. Oh boy was I nervous then!

I saw Brenda and she was telling some of the girls, "I told you so."

I looked at the women and they were just staring at me as well! Greta came over to me and held my hand and set me right in the middle in front of the choir. OH BOY WAS I NERVOUS!

She hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Ricky just sing the song. Sing it like you would if nobody was here okay?"

I looked at her and said, "I will try Mrs. Dell."

She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and went to take her seat. It was now or never. Thankfully the choir began singing first a full chorus and then a small lead in to accompany the beginning for the soloist then I would be on my own with the choir just singing the chorus. The music started, the choir began to sing and they sounded beautiful! I took a deep breath, went within and forgot everything and everybody else.

I just was going to sing to my Lord because that is what I usually always did. It flowed and it ebbed and it soared! I felt wonderful and free! I let my feelings flow with each note and in the end I was strong enough to hold the last note for a long time. Mrs. Dell told me later on I had held it for 24 seconds!

The song ended and it was utterly silent. Not a sound, not a peep, not a whisper could I hear, all at once I heard the recorder's motor and a lot of clicking and ratcheting. Some flashes of light and then I was mobbed by a bunch of screaming girls!

I fell to the floor and the rest jumped on top of me! GEEZ! I was trying to hold on to my apron with all my strength. It was up around my waist and I know a lot of people saw the undies I was wearing! OH NO!

Then I saw Brenda, Tracy and their mothers pulling girls off of me and telling them to settle down. The other mothers joined in then and before I could fully pull the apron down Greta grabbed my hands and lifted me up.

Thankfully the apron fell over the panties quickly then. I knew it was too late though. Everybody got a good look at those blue flowered nylon panties! I was so embarrassed! Yes, I would blush from head to toe eternally! I looked around and everybody was happy and very excited. It looked like nobody cared about my undies. Hmm.

Mrs. Russell did her whistle thing and everybody got real quiet. She looked at Greta and nodded. Greta held me close and walked me to the piano. She turned and we both were facing everybody in the music room. Two of the ladies kept snapping pictures one after the other as fast as they could wind their cameras to the next shot. Greta whispered to me that I was wonderful and a little louder she said right into my ear, "PLEASE SMILE NOW!" So I did. You could feel the excitement and energy in the room.

Brenda said, "I got goose bumps all over me!"

The other girls all said the same thing and the women did to. I knew I had them as well and I still tingled all over. I was happy they were happy.

Greta raised her hands and called for quiet. We all heard a deep male voice just then and everyone turned to where it had came from.

It said, "A beautiful angel has arrived in Spring Hills in the form of a little girl." OH GEEZ! Not again!

He walked in and apologized for being a bit sneaky but he had heard a rumor and had to see if it was true for himself.

He walked over to me and asked, "What is your name, little angel? And where did you get such a beautiful and strong voice?"

I said, "My name is Ricky but I am no angel and God has given me this voice. It is a gift and a curse all rolled into one."

I heard a lot of people there gasp when I said that and the man asked me, "Why do you call it a curse young lady?"

Greta squeezed my shoulders giving me much needed support just then and I said, "Because I am not a young lady Sir. I am a boy."

I heard many of the women there laugh at that. I saw the girls looking at me. Staring is more like it though.

Greta said, "Pastor Kit, it is true. I didn't believe it either but Cindy told me he indeed is a boy."

Everybody was staring at me now looking at me real closely. One lady even tried to stick her hand under my apron! I held my hands down there real close and tight against me grabbing a handful of apron so she couldn't lift it up. She wanted to!

Pastor Kit then said, "Where is your mother, Ricky?"

I told him, "She is working now, sir, but she should be home real soon."

I looked around and nobody there believed that I was a boy.

Even Greta looked like she still had her doubts. GEEZ! I could hear comments like, "NO WAY IS SHE A BOY" and "I saw she was wearing flowered panties and no boy would ever wear those" and "Look what she is wearing, you can't tell me a boy would dress like that."

I started to cry then and Brenda, Tracy, Mrs. Russell and Mrs. Dell were suddenly all right next to me and hugged me real tight and kept telling me over and over that, "everything was going to be alright." I was maneuvered through and out of the room and upstairs. I could still hear arguing going on in the music room. I was so shaken I could not move by myself. Mrs. Russell called my house and luckily my mother was home from work.

Present Time:

I looked at Marjorie and Grace they had tears in their eyes and I said, "Now I know what my mother meant by what she had said earlier. She said I knew more than I would admit and she knows more as well. I have locked most of this memory far away and deep inside of my mind. There are others I know, but this one is very important that I get it back and remember isn't it?"

Marjorie just nodded and Grace gave me a hug and a kiss and said, "Go on Rachel, get it all out and remember it. This is very important. It is the beginning really isn't it?"

Now it was my turn to just nod. I looked at them and continued...

  

  

  

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