"Rachel, Rachel, I've been thinking, what a grand world this would be..." - Traditional Campfire Song

 

A Life Ever Changing

by Angel

  

#17 Rachel, Rachel

  

I slung "my" purse over my shoulder and we were off to my Doctors....

I stepped out through the door and into a new world. I felt every breeze! My senses were treated to new sensations. I had been on sensory overload going on two days! Brain and body overload was coming I could feel it! My mind went in fifty million different directions all at once, trying to keep pace with so much new information. I had to slow it down and approach this in some sort of order.

I actually felt dizzy, lightheaded and my breathing had lost its regular automatic pace. My heart was pounding I could feel my pulse beating hard and fast through my veins. It was getting increasingly difficult to focus on things clearly with my eyes. Everything I tried to look at was only a blur.

The car door opened and Grace helped me inside. "FOCUS" she was telling me. I tried to focus and was able to sit the proper way a young lady should; sweeping her dress under her as she sat. I looked up and saw Grace blur in and out of focus.

I tried to tell myself to "get it together" but failed. I was losing my control! I felt Grace fastening my seat belt and the door closed with an echoing slam. In my ears I heard slam, slam, slam. I laid my head back and tried to relax. My mind swirled like a carnival ride. I moaned and rolled my head from side to side. I heard a soft echo saying, "relax, relax, relax." It did not help.

I felt the car start to move and that was all I thought for awhile. All I did was feel. I felt everything. I was awash with feelings. I cried and I did not know why.

The tears fell and fell and fell. They flowed heavily down my cheeks and neck soaking into my dress. I could feel their wetness as the tears flowed taking the easiest path off my face and down my neck. I tried to push my head harder backwards and the tears wetness found my ears. Still I cried.

I could hear a slight sound echoing in the background but could make no sense of it. I felt a hand on my left hand, but it felt cold and uncomforting. I felt an intense heat deep within me radiating outwards spreading its warmth all around me. I tried to move my hand away from that cold touch but I could not make it move. I was frozen in place, awash in heat and tears.

My crying sobs were soft but steady and rhythmic. I lost myself in that rhythm. I focused on that rhythm and slowly began to regain some control. I could hear again and the soft sounds I heard were Grace telling me everything was going to be better soon. She kept calling me Rachel.

Rachel? Was I Rachel?

As the tears flowed and the sobs continued I looked at myself. I looked at my hands and they were a girl's hands. Long fingers ended with manicured rose-colored nails tapered, shiny and smooth. Long bare arms hard with muscle were smooth and hairless. I saw breasts outlined through a white dress with roses. There were rose-shaped buttons fastening it close to my upper body. The waist looked small and was covered with a wide belt that matched the dress; it made my waist stand out from the hips. My hips looked wide and full. A flowing light dress loosely covered my thighs. I could see their outline clearly though. They looked hard and shapely. My knees were covered by flesh colored hose that continued downward and disappeared into a pair of rose-colored shoes with short tapered heels. The heels came to a point the size of a dime.

My sobs had stopped, when? Tears no longer fell from my eyes as I reached for the hidden mirror. I pulled down the sun-visor and saw Rachel. She had been crying, her eyes were red. Her face and neck had tears slowly drying leaving their path clearly marked. Her lips looked puffy and full-colored with a deep red gloss. Her complexion was very smooth and soft.

But her eyes, her eyes are what held me! Hazel eyes with many colors flashing through them! Large, sad, confused eyes that would not release me from their gaze. I saw the lashes dance downward and upward blinking; trying to clear away the burning haze left from crying.

I felt sorry for this pretty creature, she was so sad and confused. I smiled to reassure her that everything would be okay. I would comfort her. She smiled back! A beautiful smile it was! It made her eyes dance with light! I felt so happy she had smiled back at me.

The sadness was gone but the confusion remained. Why was she so confused? About what I wondered. So I asked her.

It was then I felt a tight grip on my left arm. Someone was squeezing it! I looked and saw a woman. Grace! That is/was her name! She, she what? She was talking to me with a pleading look written on her features. She was saying, "Rachel, look at me!"

I looked in the small mirror But Rachel was looking at me not at Grace. I smiled and Rachel smiled. I looked back at Grace and said, "She is pretty and I love her eyes and her smile."

Grace got out of the car and opened my door. She took a firm grip of both my hands and guided me free from the car. She closed my door and took hold of my hand and arm. She led me up to a big white house that had a sign hanging from the front porch roof. It said "Dr. Marjorie Purnell Pediatric Physician and Family Medicine."

I remembered her! She was my doctor. But, why was I here? Am I sick? I could not remember why I was here. Grace led me up the stairs. Funny it is hard walking in these shoes. I looked down and saw red heels! What?

Grace hurried me along and opened the front door. She hollered in a loud voice, "Marjorie we have an emergency!"

She practically pushed me inside as Dr. Purnell came rushing toward us. She looked right into my eyes and said, "Oh Lord!" as she took my other hand and arm. They led me to an examination room and lay me down. Oh, that felt so good! My feet were starting to hurt for some reason.

Marjorie told Grace to keep talking to me and she left. She was telling me everything would be okay soon and to just relax. Relax? Okay, so I settled back and just let my body go limp.

It felt strange this body of mine. Something was pushing against my head from the back. I felt that my hair was tied in a ponytail. My lips felt a little funny and I felt them. Something covered them and I felt and tasted them with my tongue. Smooth and what tasted like my mother's lipstick. Had someone kissed me?

Grace held both my hands in hers now. I could explore no more with them. I did feel something different about my chest. My hips felt different as well.

Marjorie came back and helped Grace unbutton my shirt. Funny looking shirt! They stood me up and lifted it over my head. I felt something cold swipe my shoulder and then a sting.

I looked at Marjorie and she had given me a needle shot. She looked very concerned. She was looking deep into my eyes. She asked me, "Rich?"

I looked at her and said, "What?" I was quickly losing consciousness. The both helped lay me back down and I just drifted away.

I stirred and slowly eased my eyes open. I saw I was in a softly lit room and I was lying on an examination table. I tried to move but my arms were bound at the wrists, my legs bound at the ankles. WHAT? I was covered with a sheet and as I looked down I saw two raised areas on my chest. What?

Slowly everything started coming back. Memories of recent events came in pictures like snapshots as I tried to remember. I was very thirsty and asked the semi-darkness in a loud but controlled voice, "Could I have some water please?"

I heard footsteps, two sets coming closer. The door opened, Grace and Marjorie came over to me. Grace said, "Welcome back, sleepy head." She turned and went a little ways and I heard water running.

Dr. Purnell took a small flashlight and shined it into each of my eyes. She smiled and told me she was going to turn the lights on now.

I said, "Great, but why am I tied up? I have to pee badly." Marjorie turned the lights on then and I blinked at the sudden brightness.

She answered me, "For now you must remain restrained until I talk to you some. We are all very worried about you and we don't want you to hurt yourself."

What? Hurt myself? I said, "Why would I want to hurt myself? That would be a stupid thing to do!"

Grace held a glass of water with a straw as she let me sip greedily from it. Oh, that tasted so good! I turned to look at Marjorie and said, "Look, I don't have any desire to hurt myself or anyone else. I just have been overloaded with so many different things all in a very short time. I just need some time to catch-up with it all so I can put it all in some type of orderly reasoning."

They both looked at me and smiled. Grace held a urinal in her hands and pulled down the sheet. OH LORDY!

I looked down and saw I was wearing nothing at all! My breast forms were still attached, as were my hip extenders. Funny, if you did not know they were there you would never have noticed! Anna had done a fantastic job. I was finally able to pee and it was a big relief! That done I was covered again and Marjorie asked me if I was ready to talk with her and I said "Sure."

About three hours later Grace and Marjorie untied me and I was free. I sat up and rubbed my wrists and then my ankles. That felt good! Had we really talked that long? Things made a lot more sense to me now.

The biggest concern they had had was when I split myself into two people. Rachel was in the little mirror and Ricky was trying to find out why she was confused and sad. Ricky was attracted to Rachel and thought she was pretty and Rachel seemed to be attracted to and also trusted Ricky.

The problem came to a head with trying to communicate with each other. The eyes had said it all, but Ricky just refused to see. OVERLOAD! Time for some deep dreamless sleep! Time to talk to and solve the problems with someone!

Things had moved too quickly for me and the speed of the change triggered many deep feelings that were hidden and desperately needed to surface. When they did surface it was in one big sensory overload!

The seven P's were back and in full swing. I was ready to face the next part of my ordeal. The examination and possible cosmetic surgery was next on the list. I stood up and raised my arms for a big stretch. Oh, that felt good.

Grace helped me into a hospital gown and then led me to another examination room. It said "GYN Exam Room 2" on a little sign above the door. I knew this was coming and I WAS ready. So Grace helped me out of my hospital gown and now completely naked again I was examined by Marjorie.

She checked everything as she had done once before a few months ago, but this time it was a little different. She kept looking at the pictures Grace had brought with her and then examining things even closer. She spent a lot of time with my pubic area! Then she had Grace help me onto the exam table and adjusted these metal stirrup things for my feet to rest in. She made the adjustments so my knees were bent upward, back and far apart.

It wasn't a very comfortable position to find oneself in! Very EXPOSED was the feeling I had. More exposed than anything I had experienced before. I now knew how a girl or woman must feel held in this same position! Exposed and vulnerable was what came to my mind.

Marjorie pulled over and sat on a stool with wheels and turned on a light, which she pointed right on my groin area. Grace held a tube of something and when Marjorie held out one of her gloved hands, Grace squeezed a glob of it on the tips of her fingers. Marjorie told me she had to examine and feel inside me and to try and relax. SURE I WILL!

I felt a cold wetness and pressure as she slid first one then two fingers inside of me. OUCH! She told me to try and relax again. SURE I WILL! BULL!

She moved all around in there and she then touched something that made me jump! What was that? She removed her fingers and said to Grace, "Prostate small and underdeveloped." Grace wrote this down.

Marjorie said a few more things in a language invented by aliens, I think, and then took off her gloves. She washed her hands as Grace cleaned me up down there. Then Marjorie came back and put on another pair of gloves. She sat and examined my most private of areas.

The only thing that surprised me was when she said, "Testes small and underdeveloped for this age." What? Oh no! I did have a problem! I wasn't average at least? I was ashamed of myself. I could tell you more, but I will leave it there. What did result was Marjorie did explain that everything else was normal of size and condition. I trusted her to tell me the truth; she had never lied to me.

It was time for my decision. Marjorie explained that with a new procedure there would be no cutting or actual changes made to me. She said they were just temporary cosmetic changes and they would work perfectly with me. She told me that with my testes being underdeveloped my discomfort would be minimal and only last a second or two. She did say they would be using a few stitches, which no one would be able to see.

She showed me a picture of what I would look like there after she was done. I could not believe it. I saw a girl's groin, and Marjorie assured me that this picture was taken of what used to be a boy and that everything a boy had was still there. With that I agreed and they both smiled.

She asked me if I had to pee and I did so Grace held the urinal for me again. I was done and Marjorie was busy setting thing up when Grace came over with some diapers. What? She told me that I was going to be numbed up and I would lose control for about four to six hours after the procedure and the diapers were for my own comfort and her car seats protection. She said this with a chuckle. I also saw a pair of pale pink plastic pants. Oh No! (No disposables back then dear readers!)

Marjorie came over as Grace slid the diapers under my butt, having me lift my bottom for her. Marjorie then told me that this next step was to clean the area real well and it would be very cold. IT WAS! She changed gloves again and told me this part would sting for a few seconds. IT DID! OUCH! Then she told me she would be back in a few minutes.

I just lay there with my bottom in the air with my legs spread wide. I felt my groin going numb and soon I could not feel anything at all down there.

Marjorie came back then and washed her hands she put on another set of gloves as did Grace. She sat on the stool again and asked Grace to hand her certain things.

I felt pressure and then a few tugs but that was all. I could see Grace and she was smiling real big. She looked at me and said, "Rachel it is, for awhile," and she smiled at me. Marjorie put something against me for a few seconds and then looked up at me and smiled. She said, "Rachel, you look exactly like any girl now." She held a mirror for me to see myself and I was surprised that I did look just like a girl down there!

All I could say was, "WOW." She smiled and stood up. Grace went over and pulled up and fastened the diapers and freed me from the stirrups. She helped me sit up and slid the plastic pants over my feet and up my legs. She helped me to stand and it was a little difficult at first. She pulled the plastic panties up the rest of the way. Marjorie told me I could get dressed now.

Grace helped me into all my clothes leaving the thong and panties off, we just put on the pantyhose. I was Rachel once again, but this time I was ready to be her. (I Think) After this she wiped my face off with a cool damp cloth and helped me re-apply some more lipstick. I was ready to go home...

  

  

  

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