A Life Ever Changing

by Angel

 

#10 Come Together

"Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see... Come together--over me." -- The Beatles

 

... Aunt Harriet then asked what color hair tie I wanted to use. My mom jumped in and said, "Let's match them to each set of clothes he is modeling." 

"That is a great idea," Harriet said. So I was now ready to do the fashion show....

Aunt Harriet then said, "but first your eyebrows are just a little too thick." They did a fine job of shaping, you just need a little thinning."

I said, "Aunt Harriet I do not want girl shaped eyebrows. I let them do a lot of things to me, but please don't try and make me look like a girl." Aunt Harriet, my mother and Mrs. Brown looked at me with "THAT" look again!

Mrs. Brown then said to me, "Ricky, the look you will need to begin working is an androgynous one. Do you know what that means? (What? What the hell did androgynous mean?)

I answered, "no, I never heard of it before."

Mrs. Brown then told me, "A famous person named Coleridge said, 'The truth is, a great mind must be androgynous.' You already have an androgynous mind, Ricky, now you must appear androgynous. The word means {uniting both sexes in one, or having the characteristics of both.} Now do you understand?"

I said, "Please just give me a minute to think." They all paused at this and were I must say looking a little worried at what I might say next. Concern was on all their faces. My mom looked the most tense and Aunt Harriet was gently massaging my shoulders.

Just then the phone rang and all four of us jumped with the sound of the first loud ring. My mom answered it and I could hear her say, "Hh, hi Barbara, no, Rich is a little busy right now, can he call you back tomorrow? We both are busy and we have company. Oh, (chuckle) no, he isn't hurt or anything like that. The nurse that brought him home is Rich's new employer. Yes. He has a job at the nursing home. What? Yes, he will be starting Monday morning. Okay, tell your mother I will call her in the morning ok? Yes, I will let Rich call you first. Bye."

My mom was laughing softly as she turned to me and said, "That was Barbara, she thought you were hurt or something when she saw Grace. She wants you to call her in the morning. You are supposed to call her before I talk to Rita." (Her mom.) She chuckled again at that.

Now they were all looking at me again and Mrs. Brown asked me, "Well, what have you thought about and do you need us to explain anything further?"

I answered, "If I have figured this out correctly, you don't want me to look like an all boy or an all girl, but you want me to look like I could be either one?" All three answered me at the same time, which was a little confusing until I figured out they all meant the same thing and that was EXACTLY! I had figured it out, but now what? I then asked Mrs. Brown, "Why? Why is this step so necessary? I have never really cared what people thought of the way I looked, but this seems a little questionable to me. What happens when I go out in public looking (What was that word) androgynous?"

Mrs. Brown, my mom and Aunt Harriet (Who was still massaging me, now working on my back. It felt so good!) tried to answer me all at the same time again when Mrs. Brown spoke up louder with, "Let me answer that for you, Ricky." My mom and Aunt Harriet kept quiet then and Mrs. Brown continued, "You will be working with all women and also be taking care of women residents. To look 'ALL MALE' as you mentioned would be a harder handicap for you. More than you realize right now. We all feel that you should look like your personality and qualities dictate. This will help you immensely in this field and we do believe in your personal life as well. Ricky, you are the most gender-neutral person I have ever encountered. Do what we ask of you and you will succeed far better and have a much easier time working with women. What do you say you just give it a try?"

(Gender neutral? She said it like it was a compliment, but it hurt me just the same.) I thought hard and deep just then. They were telling me I was not a boy or man. I was not girl or women either, thank God. But, what did this make me? When I look in the mirror I see a young man. I have a penis and it works like it is supposed to. (Well, I hadn't had intercourse yet, but my exploration of this item sure had its pleasurable surprises.) True, my voice wasn't a deep one, but it wasn't high either. Damn it, I look like a boy! This is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done and I just know I do not have any real choice other than to do it their way.

"Okay, I will give it my best" I said. "This is going to be hard for me to do and I will need a lot of help and support. Mom? You will have to help me with Barbara and the Nelsons. (My neighbors.) I just don't want to look so feminine people think I am gay or something. I like girls and I don't want to lose the only one that seems to like me as I am, ok?"

They all agreed and started to hug me. Even Mrs. Brown joined in with the group hug! The tension that was building in the room just dissipated then. Vanished like it never was.

Aunt Harriet took out my new pair of tweezers and started on my eyebrows making them less bushy as she had said. My mother and Mrs. Brown went into the living room to select my first set of clothes I was to model.

Maybe I would start a new fad! The androgynous look! I started to laugh thinking about it. OUCH!!!!!! Man that hurts! How do girls do this to themselves? I would remember to compliment Barbara on her eyes and brows the next time I saw her! Hell, I would compliment about her hair and nails as well!

This started me thinking about shopping for clothes with my family. With my brother and me it was mom would pick them out and ask if we liked them. This question was a waste of time because she always got what she had picked out anyway. She would do the "MOM CHECK" and that was that.

Not so with my sister. It was a whole new experience watching them shop for clothes. They had a blast! My sister would get all excited and they would take forever trying things on and picking things out. If my mom went to buy one new dress for herself and my sister they would try on 50 of them! (Well slight exaggeration there.) They would have so much fun.

I must admit at being jealous seeing this knowing shopping for us boys was a drag for her and us. Why couldn't we have as much fun? Couldn't I try on a bunch of clothes I would like to wear? Just to see what they looked like on me? Why not? Maybe I will talk to my mom about this and see what happens.

I came back to earth then and noticed my Aunt Harriet was looking at my face real intense like. She then asked me what I was thinking about and I said, "Oh, nothing that important."

She laughed and said she knew me better than that. "Out with it Ricky!"

So, I sighed (A nice deep sigh at that.) and reluctantly I told her what I had been thinking and what I thought about it and then asked her what she thought. Well, the answer I received was not what I expected at all.

She hollered so loud it startled me she said, "JULIA and GRACE get in here and listen to this! (OH GEEZ and double CRAP!) Before I knew it the three of them were going to take me shopping for new clothes the following Saturday! They told me it was going to be fun and I would be able to try on anything I wanted and as much as I wanted. COOL and double COOL! (I just wondered who's money we were going to spend?) Well, they were happy that was for sure!

My eyebrows were done and we all went into the living room. The first set was the clothes I was the most reluctant to wear. Yupper! Those stretchy tight ones with the shirt Betty had given me. With those, a pair of sneakers that someone had put a pair of the light blue laces in.

The socks were not socks at all! They were more like tights! You know the kind, thicker than nylons and they looked like they were long enough to reach well above my knees! These were white. OH GEEZ!

Next I noticed a web belt of light blue. The underwear? Well the T-shirt was plain, but it wasn't like my normal ones. The neck opening was round and for over the shoulder it had two thin straps. The underpants? I did not see any, but I saw my mom holding a box. It was wrapped and I remembered Betty giving it to me as a present. (OH CRAP!)

I looked at my mom and said, "I suppose my new underpants are in that box?"

"Yes, honey, and something for this particular outfit that we know you will need."

I took the box and opened it. It was wrapped in lots of tissue paper. I took it out of the box and unwrapped it. "What is this thing?" I asked. It looked like a tight fitting pair of boxer shorts. Then I noticed there were two pairs clipped together.

My mom said, "Those are underpants that support your privates and hold them closer to your body so you don't show as much. They will protect you from injury and keep you from being embarrassed at certain times." All three started chuckling and my mother went on with, "You know the times, honey. What happens when you get up in the morning and make me breakfast? (She is smiling that knowing smile here.) You have a hard time hiding that thing of yours in just your robe, don't you?" She said this as a fact not a question. "Well, this takes care of that problem." All three with knowing smiles! Oh GEEZ!

I realized that working with all women it could be a very embarrassing problem at that. So with a shrug of my shoulders I said I understood. They did look like they were going to be a tight fit that was sure!

Mom added, "Honey, you have to wear something under those to prevent irritation. Look in the box dear." What now? Oh Lord! Now these were girl's panties!!!! No doubt about it! Oh no! At least they were white ones, even though they were nylon and shiny!

So I asked the next question. "Why do I have to wear girl's panties under this? Can't I wear my regular briefs?"

Aunt Harriet jumped in here and said, "Okay, Ricky, why don't you try wearing your briefs under them and see what happens."

"I will" I said and all 4 of us just looked at each other. My mom then told me to go change in the den instead of going upstairs. It would be easier and we wouldn't wake the little ones. The den did not have a mirror or a door! I had a funny feeling about this. I took a pair of my new regular briefs off of another set of clothes and headed to the den.

I realized that these were the most feminine looking set of clothes out of all of them. If I could get through the ordeal of wearing this set. I would be home free. I took off my robe and put on the new pair of regular briefs. Snug fit, comfortable and I thought they would be ok under the tight boxers. I then put on the T-shirt, light and silky, felt good, but did not look right to me. (It looked to much like the one that lady in the shop wanted me to try on!)

Then I went to put on the boxer's and in walked my mom and Aunt Harriet! (Oh GEEZ!) Aunt Harriet said, "I forgot to tie your hair back." (SURE!)

Mom said, "Honey, we knew you would need some help anyway and I am glad we came in just now. You should put on your hose first. Oh Lord! I took the white long stockings and started to put them on like my regular socks when my mom stopped me.

"Not like that, Honey, you will ruin them that way! Let me show you." She took one and rolled it up until just the toe part was on the end. She told me to sit down which I did and then she put the end over my toes. She unrolled it as she pulled it up to my knee. She did the same with the other one on my other leg. She explained what she was doing while she went.

Then I had to stand up and she pulled them up to my thigh and smoothed them out. She said, "That is how you put these on. If you don't do it this way you will put to much strain on the threads and they will run on you. Okay?"

I said okay and that was when Aunt Harriet handed me the boxers to squeeze into. I do mean squeeze! I could see why I had to put the "hose" on first because the legs of the boxers covered the tops of the hose. The boxers were so tight they scrunched my briefs in the most uncomfortable of places! I could feel lumps as I felt around trying to fix the problem. (Not to mention my private parts were squeezed and hurt!)

Both of them laughed then and told me that was why I needed the other type of underwear. (They did not use the word panties.) OH CRAP! This was going to be bad! (For me anyway.) Okay, off with the boxers and it just so happened, my mom had the underwear mentioned ready for me.

Without even thinking about I just took off my briefs before I realized what I just did! Too late now and they did not even crack a smile or utter a chuckle. I put on the underwear and they felt real different. Smoother, cooler and much lighter they covered my whole butt and were cut fuller in the legs. They had a higher waist than my briefs.

But, I really showed! You could see right through them! OH CRAP! My mom told me to tuck my penis downward and I did. I quickly grabbed the boxers and squeezed them on. Yes, there was a big difference I had to admit. My mom and Harriet both said at the same time, "SEE THE DIFFERENCE?"

I did and admitted they were right. It felt very strange though. My testicles were pushed back inside of me, which hurt for a few seconds and my penis was no longer evident. I had a smooth front! (OH CRAP! Nothing showed! I looked like I had no penis at all!) I was going to put the pants on next when my mom told me I had to put the shirt on first. GEEZ! This was a lot more trouble than I thought it was going to be! I put on the shirt and it was snug just like I remembered from the store. My mom told me to tuck the shirt into my boxers. I did and thankfully was finally able to put on my pants!

Now these pants were the stylish ones remember dear readers? Snug fitting above the knees with bell-bottoms. Stylish was what Betty had called them. I threaded the belt on and figured out the buckle. You slid the end of the belt through it and pulled back on it to secure it.

I reached for the sneakers and my mom handed me a pair of socks saying, "Put these on first, Honey." Great, light blue socks and they did not go up on my calves either. They went to just below my ankles. I now got to put on the sneakers.

I stood up and Aunt Harriet was waiting for me with a light blue hair tie. She brushed my hair and pulled it back tying it into a ponytail. A girl's style ponytail! Higher up on my head!

I was ready for my entrance to show Mrs. Brown and thinking of what to say to all of them once I got into the living room! My mom told me to wait till she called me from the living room. They both left and it took them longer than I figured it should.

I was just going to holler when my mom told me to come into the living room "Smiling" she said. I walked into the living room 'SMILING' and then FLASH and FLASH and FLASH again! PICTURES! OH CRAP! I was getting mad again! All three of them had cameras!

I heard Mrs. Brown say, "He's gorgeous!"

My mother had a huge grin and Aunt Harriet quickly said, "Don't get upset, Ricky, there is a very good reason for you to be wearing this outfit. Grace has something for you and her friend Betty made her decision when she met and talked with you." Mrs. Brown then handed me a letter.

It was in a fancy envelope (Nice stationary!) and was sealed with wax and had a big "B" imprinted in it. I opened the envelope and took out the letter. Mrs. Brown asked me to read it aloud so everybody could know what Betty had written to me. I paused for a minute just holding the letter.

I was so angry right then that I was afraid to try and talk. I looked at them with what must have been the old "this had better be worth it" look!

Mrs. Brown said, "Read the letter and you will get the answers to the questions you have."

My mom added, "Please don't be angry with us, Honey, read the letter." My Aunt just kept nodding at me.

The letter began;

"Dearest Ricky"

"By your reading this I know you have on the outfit I picked out just for you. There is a very important reason for this, which I will explain later on in this letter. First though I want you to know that it was your loving mother, Harriet and Grace who I met and talked to at length about you and a problem I have. I could not believe what I heard when you were described to me by Grace and my new good friends your mother and Harriet."

I looked up at the three women and they smiled and motioned for me to continue. Betty went on with, "I had to be sure about you and when Grace told me you had applied for work at her facility I saw my chance of meeting and talking to you without my problem being mentioned first. I was skeptical when I first saw you, but as time went on I was sure they were right and you would be the answer I was looking for." (WHAT? This was getting strange.)

"Your looks, mannerisms and speech were androgynous." (That word again!) "With little effort you could look like either a girl or a boy." (OH GEEZ!) "This is what is needed for you to be able to help my family."

"Let me now explain my problem and you can then make you decision if you wish to help us or not. We have two daughters that are mentally handicapped just like your brother. They are more infantile in their behavior though and are older and much stronger. They can get violent and they do hurt when they hit and kick. We have been told they should be institutionalized but we will never do that! We have hired many caregivers over the years and most quit shortly after they started working, as the girl's got older. The few that did stay turned out to be abusive and rough with the girls. My daughters I found would have bruises and they would cry a lot when they saw the caregiver approach them.

"Ricky, this is very important and I stress the need we have of a strong compassionate caregiver with a heart. You must appear to be a girl for my husband to accept you as a caregiver. He would never allow a boy to provide care for our girls. I have recently been told the agency we have used for years will no longer send caregivers to our home. We have contacted other agencies that supply help in our area and they have all refused to send anyone. If we cannot find anyone soon our girls will have to be institutionalized. I cannot care for them myself. They are too heavy for me to care for and their combativeness I could not control. You are our last hope. Before you make a decision on this matter let me explain my offer for your employment and what will be required of you."

I was awestruck! I was numb, confused, hurt, mad, embarrassed and humiliated all at one time!

I must have looked like I was just hit by a train because I was group hugged right then! My mom told me it would be okay and I could decide either way and they would not think badly of me. They knew what was being asked and it would have been hard for anybody in the same situation.

I looked up at them and tried to talk. I couldn't. I sat down and asked for a drink. My mom nodded to Aunt Harriet and gave her a key. My Aunt went to the liquor cabinet and made me a drink. (My first ever other than a little wine. I had never even tried the hard stuff before.)

She came over and handed me the drink, which I gulped down. Holy CRAP! I coughed and sputtered and they chuckled.

I took a deep breath and found I could speak now. So I began by asking, "Do I really look like a girl?" I did not wait for an answer and kept on talking. "This letter has me so confused. I feel hurt by it and humiliated. I feel like a freak that really doesn't fit in anywhere. What am I? I don't know what I am anymore."

I stopped talking and started thinking lost in my own world. I thought I was mature and a good brother and son. I thought I was a male! Now I am being told by those I love and their friends I am androgynous. I could be either with little effort! The worst thing for me to deal with right then was the fact that I was being asked to look like a girl!

Everybody here I knew thought that I could and should do this thing. WHY? What was so important about this to make me feel so bad about myself? I was so hurt and confused I started to cry then. The tears just poured out of me. I was being hugged and petted. I heard sounds but I could not make them out.

I started to calm down enough to just sob and that is when I felt a cool damp cloth being drawn softly against my eyes and face. I looked up and my Aunt handed me another drink and told me to just sip it this time. I did several times.

My mother started talking softly, "You are my son that I love more than anything in this world. You will always be my son and a boy to me. You have a God given gift that makes you special and rare. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is something to learn about, control and use so you can help others. I am so proud of you for doing what you have done in you life. The decisions you have made by yourself and your attitude have always been mature ones and well above what anyone would expect from someone so young. You are what you are Ricky. Only you can decide what you will do with that knowledge. I am here to help and support you whatever you decide. Just know that you are not a freak! You are a boy with a rare gift and I love you and you are even more precious to me because of it."

My Aunt Harriet started up, "You are not alone you know! There are other boys just like you. Not many, but there are more of them than you think. There is one thing about your body that I bet you have never noticed. Do you know what it is?"

I didn't and said so. She then told me to feel my neck and I did. She then told me to feel hers and I did. She asked me if I felt any difference and I said no.

She continued, "You have a wonderful soft voice and you sing beautifully. You can sing notes in a range most boys can't. Your music teacher has told you this and that is why she wanted you in the school choir. Grace noticed this as well. Now do you know what is different about you?"

I still said I didn't know as I was feeling my neck wondering what it could be.

Mrs. Brown said, "Ricky, you have no Adams apple. (WHAT?) I never really noticed that!

I asked her, "How could that happen? All males have Adams apples!"

Mrs. Brown said, "Not all males Ricky, you don't have one." She smiled and said, "Now that you are calm, do you think you could finish Betty's letter? I think you will understand even more when you have finished it and you will not be hurt by what is says either. I promise."

I continued to read after a few more good sips of my drink. Those drinks sure started to make me feel better! Soda Pop, with a kick.

Betty's letter continued, "We will provide for any items you need including uniforms, clothing and all the accessories. We also will provide your transportation to and from our home. You will have a bedroom of your own which has its own full bath. All your meals will be provided and you will be required to do no housework. We have a cook, a maid and a housekeeper to do those tasks. Your pay will be $200.00 weekly." (WOW! $200 a week! That's what my mom makes now! That would solve our money problems for sure! But, what do I really have to do to earn it?)

"What is required of you is first to be trained by Grace or someone she chooses to help train you. You will not be alone at anytime while you are in training. Someone will always be with you to help and guide you. While you are at work you will be in uniform at all times. Your appearance must be close to perfection. This is a must. If you do stay over your work times for any reason, you must be suitably attired to maintain your appearance. If not in uniform then other clothing that suits this purpose. You will be caring for my twin daughters. Their physical age is 20. Their mental abilities are that of 2 years for most things less in others, and a little more for speech. You will be providing basic care including that for incontinence. They have frequent accidents. I must warn you again about their combativeness. If you make one of them mad, the other will become mad as well. Grace will give you more detailed instructions and all the information you will need."

As a postscript she added, "I hope and pray you decide to help us. All I can promise you is that you will be rewarded for your kindness and sacrifices. I know this will be a very hard decision for you to make. One thing I will promise you if you decide to accept this position. Your further education past high school will also be provided for." Then there was the signature.

I looked around the room and I had a million questions none of which I could put into words just then. Aunt Harriet said, "I know what you are thinking, Ricky, we set up a full length mirror in the kitchen. Why don't you come with us and we will show you something that might surprise you."

(OH NO!)...

 

Editor's note: Things are getting interesting for Ricky. Almost like in an old Chinese curse, maybe. I've read several episodes ahead and they keep getting more interesting and more confusing for poor Ricky. :) This is a unique story and I hope you all are enjoying it as much as I am. Please, leave a comment and let us know.

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Angel O'Hare. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.