The Last Word 2

by

Paul G. Jutras

  

When Mark was first born, he always died. While his family wasn't rich, he lived comfortable and got by as best he could with the touch of brain damage he had. The one thing he always noticed was his interest in girls.

Unlike most boys who were interested in dating girls and kissing them, Mark was jealous and the beautiful clothes they wore. Like the black jumper and trouser outfit with court shoes he often saw his friend Missy wear. Every time New Years came, he would make a New Year resolution that this year he'd tell his mother his real feelings.

When he got old enough to shave he felt nothing but sick disgust over what was happening to his body. His smooth skin disappearing and replace by hair. While his parents were out to dinner one night, he got his mother's razor and tried shaving his own legs. Unfortunately as he scratched himself up, he wished his mother would teach him to shave properly like a mother would a daughter. While tears weald up in his eyes, he sliced his arms with the razor while dropping to his knees in tears.

"What you do?" His mother asked when his parents got home and saw the scratches on his arms and legs. He looked up how beautiful she looked in her white lace top, pink skirt and black sandals.

"The cat got a little rough playing with her teeth and claws." Mark lied as he sat on the floor before the TV. He folded his legs up under him and rolled over so his folks couldn't see the tears in his eyes.

When Mark was around 18 years old he walked up to his mother and sat down beside her on the couch. He was just glad his dad was off playing cards with his pals."Can we talk?" He asked. "I don't know how to say it but just to say it. I've always felt more like a tom boy that a real boy. That I've always felt like I should have been a girl."

"You want to shave your legs that's fine with me." His mother said with a sigh. "Your dad is a total bigot and would never understand this. I confess I'm a bit of a bigot myself and you're never going to change your body."

Despite Mark's age to be old enough to be independent, the fact of his brain was a little on the slow side made it hard to keep a job. He had gone through several jobs and the best he currently had was that of a part time bag boy making $160 a week. With the cost of apartments he knew if he tried to transition and lost his job he would end up on the street. As his mother returned to the book she was reading, Mark ran off to his room in tears. He though of taking his electric razor to the bath tub and shocking himself.

 

His mother never changed his mind even though he tried to get his mother to understand his point of view. Even though Mark crossed dressed in private it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to be a real girl 24/ 7. What Mark's mother did do was convince him to try to continue his education and get a bachelor degree in the local college.

At the age of 24, Mark was thinking of killing himself at a regular basis. He choice to confront his mother for what he had hoped would be the last time. She wouldn't here him out. She would just scream at him until he felt lower than dirt and told him that she was changing his insurance policy so he needed a check up at the doctor.

"Everything seems to be fine." The doctor said as he finished his test. "The only problem I see is your stress level. If you don't learn to control your stress problem you'll drop dead of a heart attack. In fact, you're blood pressure is so high I'm surprise you're not already dead."

This was a total shock to Mark who went out to the lobby after getting dressed and watching his mother pay the doctor bill. He didn't say a work to his mother the whole way home even though the thought of suing her for attempted murder. He didn't know if his mother shouting at him to the point of heart attack would count as attempted murder or not.

At his parent's party to celebrate their new pool that afternoon, one of his mothers friends approached him. "Do you like the new pool?"

"It's great." Mark said as he found his voice and his back bone. As far as he was concern, he had nothing to loose but his life. "It will be great for drowning myself, great for shocking myself, or draining the pool and diving into the cement bottom. "

"What are you saying?" his mother's friend Pat asked as she stood in a Valentine red dress and black sandals.

"I'm saying that mother has told me to kill myself for years and since I no longer care if I live or die, I don't care if I ruin this party." Mark said as he found himself unable to stop his tears. "I made my first suicide attempt as a kid and mom has kept it up till I almost drop dead of a heart attack. I've always know I should have been born a girl, but my bigot of a mother would rather have a dead son over a live daughter. I don't care what I have to sell or how many jobs I have to work, I'm going to be the woman I was always meant to."

"I think you all need some time alone to talk." Pat's husband said as the two of them left with Mark and his parents just starting at one another in silence. Mark knew his life wasn't going to be easy but the benefits and joy of being himself far out weighed the sorrow he was now going through.

A few weeks later he had seen set his appointments with the doctors for electroysis and hormone replacement. The doctor showed him the proper way to make his first injection so that he could do it on his own at home. He would start therapy and working as a female bag-girl at the super market as well as a second part time job working the counter at McDonalds.

His friend Missy was surprise when on Valentine Day, he showed up in a white tank top, shorts and loafers with light brown pantyhose covering his shaven legs. His hair had been perm and he had make up on his face. "I legally changed my name to Mary. This is who I really am. You've been my friend since before pre-school and I hope you'll remain that way."

"I think we'll be even closer." Missy said as she stood barefoot in a pink top and blue skirt. She always felt that Mark would of fit right in at her slumber parties. With that she gave him a fem hug.

 

THE END

  

  

  

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