This story is about being transgendered. If you don’t want to read such a story, please leave immediately and please never come back again. All characters are fictional. If you see yourself, you are a lucky girl! If you are here to read adult stuff, sorry, it is a innocent dream of mine.

Let me say some words before you start. I am grateful to a very special person we all know. She spends so much time and love for us. She motivated and helped me to finish this story.
Thank you Crystal

Do you know she is an Angel? She sent my story to her friend. My native language is German and her friend spent a lot of time to correct "my" English. I have learned so much from you.
Thank you Lynn

 

Labyrinth                  by: Sandra

 

It was a day like every school day. I biked the eight miles after school to our house in the hills. A short shower made me ready for the housework and after that duty I spent the rest of the day, like every day, with my Mom helping her around the house and preparing supper for us. After the supper and cleaning the kitchen we sat down in the living room and watched television. I zapped trough the channels till a film caught my eyes. One of the actors was David Bowie and there was a pretty girl. I thought that I was a little bit to old for the film, a fairytale about the King of Goblin’s who had robed the brother of the girl and she tried to get her brother back from him. It was the Goblin’s that held me back from zapping to another channel. Henson had created them, the father of the Muppet’s. I had a lot of fun watching her adventures till the scene of the dance. There I saw my dreams on the screen. I wanted so much to be like this girl. Her beautiful gown, her beautiful long hair and the grace of her movements touched my so long hidden girlish heart. I couldn’t help myself and I started to cry hard. I felt like this girl, caught in a labyrinth and no matter how far I ran, there was no way out in my prison. My Mom took me in her arms and held me tight. The frustration of my life ran down in streams along my cheeks. All the years of keeping it a secret, my wish to God to change me into a girl. The loneliness at school, the girl’s didn’t accept me as a friend but I understood them. I also didn’t want a boy as my friend. The long nights, when I cried me into sleep with no hope in me. All came up in me and wanted to face the world with my tears. The whole time I was hugged by my Mom and she tenderly stroked my hair. I ran out of tears after what seems like the eternity for me, but I still couldn’t find the strength to move. I felt the warmth of her love. I moved a little and she kissed me on the forehead.

"You want to be like the girl in this film?"

I slowly nodded my head.

"You want to be a girl for a long time?"

Again, I slowly nodded my head and still couldn’t find the strength to look in her eyes.

"I’ve known it for a long time darling. You’ve earned an Oscar for playing the role of Robert. Did you choose a name darling?"

I looked up and found her loving eyes and whispered, "Beverly."

"This is a very nice name darling." She kissed the tears away from my eyes. "Do you wonder why I never said a word to you?"

I nodded slowly.

"I don’t want to hurt you, Beverly. I was not sure if you are only going through a phase of being confused. Sometimes young boys in your age are confused before or until their puberty. Are you really sure that you are Beverly?"

I took a deep lungful of air. "Mommy, for as long as I can remember, I’ve known that I am a girl. I was frightened to tell you and Dad. As Dad died six years ago he said to me on his deathbed that I am now the man in the house, that I must be strong for you. I didn’t want to disappoint him so I never said a word to you and I tried to hide myself as best as I could. Mommy, it is hell on earth to be imprisoned in a life not worth living."

"My poor darling, you were only seven years old. I feel me guilty that I visualize you only one year ago."

"You mean the shopping trip?"

"Yes Beverly. I saw you holding up a dress like only a girl would do it."

In shame I looked down to my lap. "I never wear girl thing’s Mommy. In this mall, surrounded from all this beautiful female clothes, I couldn’t resist any longer. I had to find out how I would look in a dress. I envy the girls for their dresses and long hair. Mommy, I dream of long hair. I go every month to the barber to get a short haircut. It helps me to keep the facade of my life."

The tears flowed down her beautiful cheeks. "Forgive me Beverly. If I had known this earlier I …"

Now hugged I her and stroke her hair.

She stood up and took me by my hand. She led me up the stairs to her bedroom. She opened a drawer and got a nightgown and matching panties out. "These are much to big for you Beverly. We will take care of your clothes tomorrow. Now come with me in the bathroom. You need a bath to relax."

I started do cry again.

"Did I say something that hurt you Beverly?"

"No Mommy. I can’t wear this nightgown."

"Why Beverly?"

"If I wear it, I am sure, I can never play my role again."

"You must never play the role of my son again. Beverly, from this moment on you will be my daughter. I promise to protect you against the world like a lioness will protect her baby’s. I will help you become my daughter."

The strength drained out of my knees and I sunk to the floor. I cried from relief. I saw the brick’s of my labyrinth falling down and I saw a way out of my prison. Mom helped me on the bed and undressed me. Then, for the first time in my life, I stepped into silky panties and she slipped the silky nightgown over my head. From all the relief and wonderful silkiness around me I fainted.
When I woke up in the morning I found myself laying beside my Mom. I trembled from the sensation of the pure silk on my skin. I realized it was Thursday and I had to go to school. The clock at the nightstand told me it was half past eight. I said softly, "Mommy, wake up. I will be late to school."

She opened her eyes and smiled at me. "You have all time of the world Beverly. There are only four weeks till the school is over. I will call and say that you are not coming. You and I have a lot to do. Close your eyes, darling and try to sleep. It will be a long day for you."

I closed my eyes but I couldn’t sleep. Again and again my thoughts wondered through my previous life. It was half past nine when she stood up.

She went in the bathroom and filled the tub. She said, "Time for your bath Beverly."

I stood up and followed her. The silk caressed my thighs when I walked and I had to smile. The fragrance of roses drifted in my nose. She helped me out of the nightgown and I slipped the panties off. I lowered myself slowly into the bubbles. My body relaxed immediately in the hot water.

"Soak a little Beverly. I’ll prepare breakfast meanwhile and then I’ll come back to you."

"Thank you Mommy."

"No thanks Beverly. I can never make up for what I have done to you. If I had asked you, I could have saved you a year full of pain and sadness. I feel guilty for taking so long to realize your true nature." The tears came up in her eyes.

I jumped out of the tub and hugged her. "It is all my fault, Mommy. I should’ve told you." I couldn’t see trough the tears in my eyes and I couldn’t speak any longer. I thought, "I hurt my Mom. Why did I have to cry yesterday? This is a stupid film!" After a while I found my strength. "Mommy please do not cry. You are so good to me. Forget what I told you yesterday. Close your eyes, count till ten and your son is back again."

"No Beverly. You are my daughter and I will do whatever is in my power to give you a happy childhood. Please Beverly, let me make up for my guilt and promise me not to thank me."

"I can’t promise this Mommy. I will thank you for everything you do for me, like you taught me. I love you with all my heart and to thank you is a really small price for what you do for me."

"Oh Beverly. You forgive me already?"

"I can’t forgive you Mommy, there was never anything you did that needed to be forgiven."

She wanted do say something, but I kissed her before she could. Again she tried it and again I kissed her. "Mommy, I don’t want to hear one more word about guilt or making up for anything. Let us just make a new start. Hi, I am Beverly. Today is my birthday and I think that you must be my beautiful Mom."

She laughed with relief and I started laughing, too. "Hi Beverly. Yes I am your mother, and you’re my wonderful daughter. I am sorry that there is no cake waiting for you. I didn’t expect you at home darling." She kissed me. "But now get back in the tub before you get a cold."

I kissed her again and went back into the bubbles. Twenty minutes later my Mom came back to me.

"Sit up Beverly. I want to shave your legs and arms. The nylons look terrible when there is hair inside of them and the hair on your arms is not acceptable." She worked softly and carefully with the razor along my skin. "Now come out of the water before you become a fish." She took a towel and rubbed me dry. She gave me a bottle of body lotion and told me to rub it all over my body. The sensation of the hairless smooth skin sent shiver through my body. I heard the doorbell and Mom said, "I will be back in a few minutes."

I was finished with the lotion and I didn’t know what to do next so I put the towel around my body, but this time around my chest, as a girl would do it.

Mom came back with a shopping bag. "I hope this will fit you Beverly. Come with me in the bedroom."

I followed her. She put one piece after the other out of the bag and laid it on the bed. I couldn’t believe what I saw. There on the bed laid panties, a bra, pantyhose, a very nice dress and sandals with heels. "Can you do magic Mommy?"

She laughed. "No Beverly. I am no wizard. When you fall asleep yesterday I called a very close friend of mine. She and her husband can help you."

"What can they do for me?"

"Mike is a doctor. He had promised me that after an examination to make sure that you are really a girl inside before the law, he will help you to look like a girl outside. They can do no magic Beverly. I am sorry, but you can not become a full woman."

"I know Mommy. I can never give birth to a baby. I read everything I can find on the Internet. I will be very happy to be your daughter. I can adopt a baby and give her or him the love you give to me."

She smiled and hugged me. "Now come on. We should not let Cindy wait so long."

"Is she your close friend?"

"Yes, she will do your hair."

My smile faded. "It is too short Mommy. Nobody can style my hair that it doesn’t look like a boys style."

"We will see. Now, let us start, daughter. First put the panties on."

She gave them to me and I put them on slowly. They were so silky.

"They don’t fit very well, Beverly. May I try to hide your maleness?"

"Sure Mom. How can you do it?"

"Lay down on the bed Beverly." I did what she said. "I will push your testicles inside you. There is enough room for them inside you." She slipped the panties down and pushed them softy in me. "Does it hurt?"

"No Mom. It’s all fine."

"Well, I‘ll put your penis between your legs." She did it and pulled the panties up. "Much better Beverly. How do you feel?"

I stood up and took a few steps. I looked down and saw only a female impression. "It is wonderful Mom."

"Come here. I will help you with the bra." She held the bra out for me and I slid my arms trough the straps. Mom fastened the hooks in the back and adjusted the straps for me. "This is a wonder bra. It is padded to give you a little bit of breasts before your own develops. How does it feel Beverly?"

"Wonderful, a little bit tight but wonderful."

"A bra is not an accessory Beverly. The bra holds our breasts so that they don’t hurt when you are busy the whole day. Sure, it must be a pretty bra. Girls like to be pretty. Nobody will see your bra and panties, but if you know you’re wearing pretty things, you feel pretty. You will learn this soon. Now let us put the pantyhose on. Sit on the bed please and look close how I do it."

I sat down and looked at her hands. First she rolled one leg up and slid it over my toes and then over my foot, then the other one.

"Now stand up and pull them up. Be careful and gentle, otherwise there you’ll get a run. We girls hate runs. You can’t feel them but everybody else can see them."

I did it slowly. The nylon on my hairless skin was fantastic.

"Very good Beverly, make sure that they fit well in the crotch and don’t pull the top up to high. The waistband must fit well or the pantyhose will roll down your body. You cannot adjust it in public and it’ll feel horrible. Ready for the dress?"

I smiled at her. "Yes Mommy."

She unzipped the dress and held it out for me and I stepped into it. She slowly pulled it up and I put my arms in the sleeves. She zipped me up and adjusted the fit. She knelt down and helped me in the sandals. "How do you feel?"

"I feel wonderful Mom. My dreams are coming true. It is all so soft and so pretty. I can’t wait to see me in the mirror."

"Please don’t look now Beverly. Let Cindy do her magic first, okay?"

"I waited my whole life Mommy. A few hours more shouldn’t be a problem for me." I smiled at her and she hugged me. I followed her down to the living room. At the door I stopped.

"What’s the matter Beverly?"

"I don’t know Mommy. It is.. It is not that I am ashamed to see anyone, but.. I don’t look good. I look like a boy in a dress and I don’t want anybody else to see me like this."

"Cindy will understand and she will help you with your hair, nails and makeup. In a few hours you will look like a pretty young girl. You will look like you feel. Is this worth it to trust Cindy and me?"

I smiled and hugged her and then I went in the living room.

Cindy stood up from the sofa and came to me. "Hi Beverly. Nice to meet you."

I smiled at her. "Hello." I made a curtsy. "I am sorry but I only know you as Cindy. May I call you Cindy?"

She laughed, "Sure Beverly. I don’t know what your Mom had told you about me."

"Not much. She said that you can help me to become myself."

"Yes Beverly. During my college time I worked at a beauty parlor to get the money for college. You can say that I am still a professional. I have brought all the necessary equipment with me."

Mom said, "Before Cindy start her magic on you we will have breakfast."

We all went to the kitchen. Like I had seen it done for years, I used my hand to smooth the skirt before I sat down.

Cindy asked me, "You are really in a dress for the first time?"

"Yes Cindy. This is the first time I‘ve worn female clothes. No, that is not right. Yesterday I slept in a nightgown."

"Your movements are so natural. There are a few minor details in your walk, but the way you stand and hold your hands. You use your hand like any girl would to sit down. You hold your knees together when you sit. Your curtsy is perfect. How did you know?"

I smiled at her, "Thank you for your kind words. I think you know that I’ve always felt like a girl. I watched the girls closely, always in fear that they’d notice me. When I was alone in my room I practiced being a girl. It was always a time of release for me. Well, I never wore shoes with heels before, it is much harder to handle that I thought."

Cindy said to Mom, "You have a proper daughter, Joan. If Mike were here and had heard this, he had immediately signed the papers. Look at her, there is no doubt, she is a girl."

"I know Cindy. I hope that from now on she can live a happy life. Let us eat now, I know that Beverly can hardly wait for your help."

After the breakfast I helped Mom clean the table and put the dishes into the dishwasher.

Cindy brought meanwhile a large suitcase from her car. "Your Mom told me that you dream of having long and curly hair."

"Yes Cindy. It will be a long time before it’ll grow long enough."

"Are you willing to spend a whole day for long hair?"

"I will do anything for long hair Cindy."

"There is a method to extend your hair. I have everything with me and it is a pleasure for me to make your dream come true. I will work on your hair for hours and I hope you can sit long enough."

I hugged her and cried.

"I see you like it. This is payment enough for me."

"What will Mike say when you are here all day?"

"Nothing Beverly. He comes tomorrow to see you and he will speak with you. He will stay till Monday morning if it is necessary."

The tears flow heavier. "Why are you both so good to me?"

"Beverly please don’t cry. You don’t know anything about us and you don’t know why your Mom called us."

"No."

"Beverly sit down and please don’t cry. I will tell you about our child."

I sat at the table and looked at her. My eyes were still full of tears.

"Ben was born when I was seventeen years old. Your Mom is my best friend. While I worked at the parlor she kept an eye on Ben. Mike worked too. Our parents had kicked us out from home and we needed the money. Only your Mom made it possible that I could finish college and that Mike could go to the university. What none of us suspected till it was to late, was that Ben was the same as you."

"You say was. I am sorry to ask you, what happen to him?"

The tears came up in her eyes as she said, "Sara killed herself. We only know what she felt from a farewell letter." She put her hands before her eyes and cried.

I stood up and hugged her. "I don’t know what to say Cindy. The only thing I can say is that both of you shouldn’t blame yourself. Children like us dread to tell anyone about ourselves. Now I know it that it was stupid for me to say nothing to Mom. We do not want to disappoint our parents."

She hugged me and cried for a long time. "Now you know why we want to help you. We and your Mom are full of fear that you will also do something stupid."

"No chance Cindy, I had thought more than twice a day to take the easy road, but I didn’t want to hurt my Mom. I love her more than my life. I’ve known this since I stood on the railing of a bridge and looked down in the abyss. I saw a mother with her child walking hand in hand down there. When I saw them, I remembered how much love my Mommy has given to me. If you know that someone love you, you can stand the life. I think that Sara had not the luck to be reminded how much you both love her. When you are willing do die, you can not think clearly." My Mom came to me and I saw her face, it was white like a sheet. "Don’t fear Mom. I won’t do anything stupid again."

Cindy said, "I think you are right Beverly. Who know better than you what Sara thought and felt. You are so wonderful. What you say helps me more than the ten years of therapy. I should help you and instead you help me." She looked to Mommy, "You have an Angel Joan."

"I know Cindy. A wonderful Angel with a golden heart full of love."

Cindy smiled at me, "I will freshen my makeup and then we start on you Angel." She stood up, took her purse and went to the bathroom.

My face was red like a fire engine. I looked down to the hem of my dress and whispered embarrassed, "I’m no Angel, I am only Beverly."

Mommy hugged me and said, "You are my Angel Beverly. You have got a wonderful gift. I looked at you when Cindy told you about Sara. The way you can show your emotions and the way you can empathize with others, you are really an Angel for Cindy. It is a long time since Sara had left us. Cindy was never the same since then. Now her eyes sparkle again. What you said really helped her. Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Yes Mommy."

"Can you accept Cindy as your Aunt? I was the Aunt of Ben, well, Sara. It will mean a lot to Cindy."

"I will love it Mommy, but I will ask her later. She needs time now to think about Sara and her."

"You are so wonderful Beverly."

We only stood there and hugged till Cindy came back to us. "Ready Beverly?"

"Yes Cindy."

"All right, sit on the chair please." She put the large suitcase on the table and opened it. It was full of bottles and makeup, a large blow dryer, rollers and hair. She took the hair out and said, "This is real human hair. The shade is a little bit darker then yours but we can fix it later. Is it long enough for you?"

I looked with big eyes at the one-yard long hair. "Who allows such beautiful hair to be cut?"

"Poor girls in Italy. They use every chance to get money. Is it long enough for you?"

"Much too long, I think. I cannot handle such long hair. It will go down past my bottom."

She laughed, "Half length enough?"

"Yes Cindy. I can’t believe it."

"Okay let’s start." She separated the extensions and laid them out on the table. Soon the table was full of beautiful long brown hair. She took a comb out and used many hair clips to separate my own short hair. She picked up one strand of hair and begun to plait the extension into my hair. She said, "We must repeat this every two weeks till your own hair is long enough. Over time we’ll not need so many extensions."

"I don’t know how I can thank you Cindy for what you are doing for me."

"Just be a happy girl. That is thanks enough for me."

Happy tears run down my cheeks and I smiled all the time. Strand after strand were plait into my hair and I begun to feel the weight of it. It was a beautiful feeling. I couldn’t see it but I could feel it, one more of my dreams came true. Meanwhile, Mommy prepared a light lunch for us. A turkey salad was the meal.

Cindy said; "We girls are very conscious of our weight. You are slender Beverly, but you should lose some weight. Later when you get your hormonal treatment you will loose some weight, too, then you can end your diet. Now please help me to put these things away so we can eat."

I stood up and my hair fell down my back. I couldn’t help smiling and I spin round. I was a spinning top of hair. Mommy and Cindy looked at me and both laughed.

Mommy asked, "You like you hair?"

"Yes Mommy. I can’t find the words to say what I feel. I feel.. I feel like me."

She smiled. "That is good to hear Beverly."

I helped Cindy with her suitcase and then I set the table. I made a carafe of iced tea and brought it to the table. We all sat down and Cindy looked at me and then she asked Mom, "Do we have some time before we eat?"

"Of course. What will you do?"

"Look at Beverly, Joan. She is so happy and only her hands look not right. It is her first lunch as a girl. Please let me do her nails."

"Sure Cindy."

I smiled from ear to ear.

Cindy opened her suitcase again and took a large box out of it. She took my hand and led me into the living room. She opened the box and took a cloth out and spread it over her thighs. She got a bottle and a wad and cleaned my nails. "Very short. Better than most of the boys, but too short." She took another box and searched in it. She held up an acrylic nail. "Do you think you can handle long nails?"

I smiled. "I don’t know Cindy but I will give it a try." I gave her a peek on her cheek. I looked at Mom and she nodded her head. "Cindy. Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Whatever you want Beverly."

"Well, you know that Mommy has no sister or brother."

"Yes?"

"My Daddy was also a single child."

"And?"

"Can you be my Aunt?" I looked into her eyes and she looked back into mine.

She smiled and hugged me and started to cry. Not a sad crying, a really happy crying. "Sure, Beverly, I will be very happy to be your Aunt. I’d love to be your Aunt." These were the only words she could speak through her tears. She hugged me for a long time and then she looked into my eyes. "Since you are my niece, I must now ask you for a favor."

"Gladly Auntie."

"Can you visit me from time to time so I can show my beautiful niece around?"

"Sure Auntie Cindy. I will love to come to visit you"

Again she hugged me and cried happily. After several minutes she found the strength to let me go. She opened her purse and got a tissue out. I took it and softly dabbed her tears away. Her eyes were happiness itself. She wanted to say something but I pressed my finger softly over her lips.

"Sssh, Auntie Cindy, we can talk later when you had time to think about us. Maybe we can take a walk this evening."

My Mommy stood there with tears in her eyes and I run to her and hugged her. Cindy came to us and hugged us both. Without words, the touch told enough, we stood there for a long time. Mommy said, "We should finish before the tea is warm."

We all released the hug and Cindy took my hand and led me back to the sofa. With a smile on her lips, she took ten nails out of the box and attached them to my own. She used the nail file to shape them carefully. When she was ready with my left hand she called Mommy to paint my nails.

I got dizzy from looking on my left and right hand. My left nails became a dark red and my right nails became the right shape. Cindy stood up and whispered something in Mommy’s ear. Mommy smiled and nodded. Cindy left and Mommy painted my right nails. I loved the color on my nails. Cindy came back with another box but I didn’t pay much attention to it. I couldn’t take my eyes off the nails. I felt something at my right earlobe and a loud noise followed by a sharp hurt. I smiled at Cindy and turned my head to give her the chance to pierce my left ear. I’m all smiles for Cindy and Mommy. I carefully hugged them with my wet nails and stammered my thanks through my tears. They sat me back on the sofa and Cindy tried to stop my tears but I was so happy. Mommy came back and Cindy lifted me up on my feet’s. She carefully lifted my hair around the neck and Mommy put a necklace around my neck.

Mommy turned me and said, "This is an very old heirloom Beverly. It is given from mother to daughter for six generations. I feared that this family tradition would end. But now it is yours to use and then give to your daughter."

I hugged her, I kissed her, I hugged Cindy, I kissed Cindy, I hugged Mommy again and cried. I could say nothing, I could only cry and hug my Mommy. She softly stroked my long hair and held me tight. When the tears ebbed and only run slowly down my cheeks, she kissed me and took my hand and led me back to the kitchen. I couldn’t eat much. My heart raced and I was all churned up inside. Every time I picked up some salad I saw my nails. I looked often at the golden heart lying on my chest. I touched my earlobes to feel the studs. I stroked my long hair and I was happy. After the meal I stood up and cleaned the table. I felt the hem of the dress swaying around my nylon covered legs. I started to tremble all over and cry again.

Mom asked, "What is wrong with you Beverly?"

"Nothing Mommy. Everything is alright. It is only that I feel so good, so happy, so like myself."

"Are you strong enough for Cindy’s help or do you need some time to think alone about your emotions."

"I want Cindy’s help, please. I can’t wait any longer to look in a mirror."

Mommy and Cindy smiled and Cindy again took the necessary equipment out of the suitcase. She worked quickly on my hair. Soon she was ready with the extensions and took a brush and brushed slowly and softly my long new hair. I had to stand up so that she could finish. I looked down along my hair. It covered my whole dress. Mommy took a picture of me.

Cindy took the scissors out and stood in front of me. She took a strand of hair and asked me, "How long should it be?"

"Hard question to think about Cindy. Is a little bit under my chest to long?"

She smiled, "No, it will look beautiful on you." She cut the strand and then the next and soon I stood in a pile of hair. All three of us cleaned the floor and then I was led upstairs to the bathroom. Mommy helped me out of the dress and then Cindy washed my hair. She made a turban with the towel and looked me over. Her face showed her surprise and then fear when her look came across my panties. I blushed and told her what Mommy did for me. She laughed in relief and gave me a hug. Cindy helped me back into my dress and soon I sat at the table in the kitchen again. She put the rollers in my hair. It took a long time till all my hair was rolled up. A lotion was spread over my head and a cap came over it. We sat down in the living room and talked for a while. The washing process repeated and again my hair was rolled up. This time I must sat under the drier but Mommy and Cindy kept my company. The bell told Cindy to shut the drier off and then she took the rollers out of my hair. The curls made me happy. She brushed the hair out and took Mom’s hand in hers.

Mommy said, "Stand up princess and show us your beauty."

I stood up with a smile and turned slowly around. I took the skirt of the dress in my hands and made a curtsy. The smile on their faces said everything. "May I see myself now, please."

They separated their hands only to take mine and we went upstairs to Mom’s bedroom. There was the only full-length mirror in our house.

"Close your eyes Beverly."

"Yes Mommy."

She led me and I could still feel her hands on my shoulders when she said, "Open your eyes darling."

I blinked at the reflection. I saw Mom and I saw a beautiful girl. I saw the girl straighten herself in pride of her beauty. I saw her mouth open and I could hear me say, "She is beautiful. I mean…" I turned slowly my head to see more of the curls. I saw the little golden stud in my earlobe. I saw the golden heart on my chest. I saw the dress caressing my body. The shimmer on my legs, they seem to be more slender now. I started to cry happy tears and slung my arms around my Mommy. "Thank you Mommy. Thank you."

My Mom held me tight. "Don’t cry Beverly. You are a beautiful young lady and I am proud to have such a wonderful daughter."

"I can’t help it, Mommy. I am so happy."

"I can see that."

Cindy left us alone and Mommy carried me to the bed. She sat down and placed me on her lap and held me. I trembled and cried for a long time.

"I hope you don’t cry each time you look in a mirror."

"No Mommy. It is only after those years of wishes it is too much emotion for me. I feel me like a butterfly who had just left his cocoon to face the world." I kissed her.

"So you like the way you look now?"

"Yes Mommy. I can’t find the words to say how much I like it."

She strokes the hair out of my face and smiled. "We have a lot to do Beverly. Are you strong enough to go out with us?"

"Yes Mommy." I stood up and took her hand and we both went downstairs to meet Cindy. She sat on the sofa and cried quietly. I went to her and hugged her. "Auntie Cindy, why do you cry?"

"I was thinking about Sara darling."

"It is hard to see Mommy and me, isn’t it?"

"Yes Beverly. It opens an old scar’s in my soul."

"I know I am a bad substitute for Sara but give us a chance Auntie Cindy. I love you." I kissed her and she holds me tight.

Her tears flow heavier but only for a short moment. The smile came back on her lips and she said, "Thank you Angel."

I took her purse and with the other hand, her hand and said, "Mommy want to go out with us. We should get ready Auntie. "

I led her out of the living room but on the stairs she hold back. "Where you want to go Beverly?"

"To the bathroom, with you, so you can freshen up your makeup."

She looked at Mom and smiled. "Only a little bit makeup Cindy. She is only thirteen, you know."

I beamed at Mommy and then at Cindy. Now she led me back to the kitchen to her suitcase. She took a bottle out and spread the fluid over my eyes. "This will help your eyes. Nobody will see that you have been crying. Sit still please and keep your eyes closed till we come back to you."

After a while in the darkness I calmed down a little and I was able to think about the day. ´Yesterday I did my housework at this time and now, to live is not dream anymore. No vegetating in a life as a boy, but a delightful life as my real self, a life as a girl.´ The miracle of the transformation had started and I was simply happy. These last hours were so full of emotions; they hit me like falling rocks, but like my heroine Supergirl, I lifted them up and threw them far away. My soul was now full of freedom. I touched the studs in my earlobes again and dreamed of long and glittering earrings I saw so often on the girls. But now this dream is no longer a dream, it is the reality. It is only a question of time before I wear them with pride. My hands touched the long and curly and soft hair I dreamed my whole life. Well, it was not my own hair, but I must never go to the barber again to get it cut. The next time it will be the saloon to for styling. My hands found the heart. ´Mommy is so happy to have a daughter and I am happy and proud to be her daughter. ‘Daughter,’ what a beautiful word. She loved me as her son, but she gives the same love, and whenever, possible more love to her daughter, me.´ I touched the dress. It is so silky, so pretty. It emphasized the way I feel. To touch my thighs through the dress and the pantyhose is so silky. It is so wonderful to be a girl. The butterfly spreads her wings and flew high up in the blue and sunny sky. Forgotten was the time as a grub, now only looking forward to see the beauty of the world. I sat there quiet, so relaxed, and so happy as never before. My smile must have shown the world how I felt.

I heard Mommy saying, "Look Cindy, she is blossoming into a peaceful and beautiful girl. I never saw Robert so happy. And now, Beverly is happiness itself."

I heard them move. The unmistakable noise a heel makes on the floor. Just in this moment I realized that my heels made this noise too. I was so excited all day that I didn’t notice it. My smile grows, even though it doesn’t seem possible.

I heard Cindy, "keep your eyes closed, Beverly. We will show you later how to do your makeup. Your Mommy and I want see your surprise when we are ready. Will you do this for us?"

I nodded my head. I heard noises from the suitcase and felt a wad removing the liquid above my eyes. "This will hurt a little, but we girls must suffer for the beauty. Say stop when I should pause." I felt her soft hands along my eyebrows and then something cold on my skin and finally a pull and some pain. But I kept on smiling. I knew what she was doing. Bushy eyebrows are really ugly. She pulled out one hair after the other. The pain forced small tears in my eyes but I still smiled.

"You are a very brave girl. The next time will not so hard for you and after a while they stop growing."

She wiped the tears away and lovingly stroked my cheek. I felt something cold and smooth spread over my face. She used two fingers, the foundation. None of my classmates wore foundation. Maybe they where not allowed to wear full makeup. I remembered what Mommy said, ´Only a little bit makeup Cindy. She is only thirteen, you know.´ A powder puff was the next. A brush went all over my face. I felt something at my eyelashes, and guessed it was mascara. The next was something sharp like a pencil, the eyeliner. Cindy gave me a full make over. A small brush went over my eyelids and I knew it too, the eye shadow. Cindy worked so soft and yet with passion, I realized that this day must be a very hard time for her, to see me and to think about Sara.

"I love you Auntie Cindy."

"I love you too Beverly."

Another brush went over my cheeks with the rouge. I heard the sound of opening of lipstick. I spread my lips a little and I heard the surprise. When she was ready, I pressed my lips together, like I have seen so often my Mom and all the other girls do it.

Cindy brushed my hair again and said, "Keep your eyes closed please. We’ll go upstairs to the mirror again."

Mommy and Cindy took my hands and we where soon upstairs. They adjusted the fit of the dress again and Mommy gave me something to hold. It was a purse!

Mommy said, "If you promise us not to cry again you can open your eyes, princess."

After a deep breath I opened my eyes. Again I saw the beautiful girl. She seems to be older now. Her full red lips smiled and her big green eyes looked dramatically. The nice archer brought out her eyes. Her long dark lashes blink incredulous. She held a purse in her hands. The color of the nail polish was the same like her lips, a dark red. The color of the purse was a light yellow. It matched the color of the dress perfectly. She relaxed a little and took the purse under her left arm. She turned left and right and looked at the swaying hem of her dress. She turned around. "I don’t know what I should say."

Mommy said, "No tears Beverly. It ruins the makeup."

"I know."

Cindy asked, "Do you like the way you look?"

"Yes Auntie Cindy. I look better then I ever hoped."

Mommy said, "You will grow up to be a real beauty Beverly. We will go to the mall to buy some pretty things for you. Will you be fine?"

"Yes Mommy."

"You have no fear that someone will recognize you?"

"Why should I? This is me now. They will see Beverly. Robert was the mask. I was always in fear that someone would notice the girl."

Mommy hugged me and she had trouble holding back the tears. We all went down and out of the house. It was a wonderful sensation to feel the wind caressing my legs. Each gust played with the dress. It was wonderful. Both smiled when I slid in the car. I did it well. "I told you that I have practiced being a girl."

Cindy said, "You are a girl Beverly. You have better behavior then most of the daughters of my friends. Soon you’ll be a pretty lady and nobody will say that you lived thirteen years as a boy."

I could only smile at her and Mommy.

The way to the mall was a pleasure. I watched the world completely different now. All seems to be brighter and more beautiful today. The flowers seem to be grown only for me. I saw things I never noticed before. As we drove in the parking area Mom saw a couple of girls. They were all classmates of mine.

"We will drive to the next town."

"Why Mommy? Are you ashamed to be seen with me?"

"No Beverly. I only think it is to early for you."

"Sooner or later everybody will know, Mommy. I am very proud to be your daughter and I love you. I start a brand new life, but I don’t want to hide myself. We can make it easy and move to another town, but I don’t want to do that. Cindy is here, and I don’t want to go away from Dad. We have such a beautiful house. I don’t want to go away from here."

"Are you sure? They will not understand you and your needs. The silly ones will beat you up for what you are."

"I will present them the other cheek. I am no freak. I am not ill. I am what I am. A girl borne into the wrong body. I can do nothing to change this fact. It will be a hard and disgraceful time for me and surly for you, also. I will fight for my rights, but not with fists. I will fight with my mind, with my appearances, with my pride and with my heart. These are the strongest weapons existing. For me is only one thing that’s important and that is your love."

"I love you Beverly. I am very proud of my daughter. I am sure you will make your way."

Cindy was near tears again and I said to her, "Remember what Mommy said, Auntie. Tears ruin the makeup." This made her smile again.

We left the car and I smoothed my dress. I placed the purse under my left arm and asked, "Do I look all right?"

Both said, "You look beautiful."

We walked slowly to the entrance. My pose was straight and full of pride. I knew I was pretty and I was sure that everybody who looked on us could only see three beautiful women. One a little bit young, but all beautiful. We passed my classmates and they looked at us. There were no stares, only the looks to check another girl. I wanted to say out loud `Hi, I am Beverly. I took Robert’s place.`, but this moment will come soon enough. Our first stop was a lingerie department. As Robert, I had examined the floor. As Beverly I was in heaven. I could look at and touch the beautiful garments without fear. A clerk offered to help, but Mom said we that we didn’t need any. We selected a lot of panties in different colors and styles. Some plain white cotton panties, but the most were pure silk with lace. Next came bras. Mommy and Cindy were astonished how much I knew about lingerie. I told them about the catalogs and magazines that I read at the nights when I couldn’t sleep. Very pretty bras were selected and I was told to try them on.

I looked down and said quiet, "I know about bras, but I don’t know how to put them on or off."

Both smiled and Mommy whispered in my ear how to do it. We went to the changing rooms and Cindy took my purse and Mommy unzipped my dress. I stepped into the cubicle and slid my dress off. I slid the straps of the bra down and slid my arms through them. I turned the hooks in front and opened it. ´I have a lot to learn.´ I thought. I picked up the first bra and reversed the procedure. It was easy that way. The first thing I see is that the cups hang loose on my flat chest.

"Mommy. Please come in. The bra doesn’t fit."

Mom came in and she adjusted the straps with a smile. "It seems fine."

I pushed the cups with my fingertips and looked in her eyes. She smiled.

Cindy said, "I have a little surprise for the princess." She handed a box to Mommy. She smiled too. Mommy opened the box and showed me the contents. I immediately smiled and hugged her. She laid the box on the chair and took one small breast out and slipped it in my right cup, then the other one.

"They are much better then the tissues I used when I was young."

The weight on my chest was wonderful. I hugged her and she reminded me, "No tears please."

Cindy handed Mom a scissors and she cut the price tag off. She helped me back in my dress and Cindy gave me my purse. She carried the box and the bras. To go around with my brand new breasts was wonderful. I felt each one as I moved. It was hard to concentrate on the slips. Wonderful silky nightgowns were next followed from a pink robe. I love pink. Last but not least we bought a lot of pantyhose in different colors and styles. I was startled about the bill. To be a girl is not cheap! We brought my purchases to the car to free up our hands.

Back in the mall I said, "Mommy, I must visit the bathroom."

"You know the door?"

"The ladies room." I whispered in her ear, "I don’t know if I am able to hide my maleness alone."

She whispered in mine, "Try it. It is not so difficult, but stop if it hurt. Sit down and be careful to not wet your dress. Use the paper to wipe yourself dry. I know it is not necessary for you, but it is very important for a girl. It makes a typical sound and if you don’t do it, you will attract the other’s attention. In your purse is a small brush. After washing your hands brush your hair. It is a ritual that you’ll have to remember." She hugged me and I made my way to the restroom.

I was nervous. I tried hard to follow her instructions. To sit was nothing new. To hold up the dress and pulling down the pantyhose and panties was new. As soon as the panties were down, my testicles came out of me. I used the paper and listened to the noise. Mom was right, it is noisy. It was easy to hide the testicles and penis. I was very careful with the pantyhose. My long nails looked like the right weapon to destroy nylon. I smoothed the dress and dropped my nervousness. Nobody yelled or ran out. I washed my hands and opened my purse. I saw the brush, a pocket mirror, some tissues and the lipstick. I was near tears when I saw Mom’s silver powder compact. I stared long in my purse and my mind drove back to that moment when Mom had told me about her special present. It was the gift she got to her sixteen’s birthday. Her Dad had given it to her as the permission to wear makeup. Small tears came up in my eyes.

The woman next to me asked, "Something wrong Miss?"

"No, I’m fine. I just found my Mom’s gift in my purse."

She took a tissue out of her purse and dabbed the tears away.

"You must be careful young lady. Your mascara will start to run."

"Thank you very much." followed by a curtsy made her smile. I brushed my hair and wanted to run to my Mom. ´Girls don’t run Beverly! Only during playing and sports!´ I went with a smile to Mommy and hugged her.

"Thank you Mommy." I was near tears again and Mom could hear this in my voice.

"So you found my present?"

"Yes Mommy, I love you."

"I love you too Beverly. Please don’t cry, else I will cry too."

We shopped hours for dresses, skirts, blouses, girl jeans, tops, shirts and all the other wonderful clothes a girl could wear. We need to drop the shopping bags off at the car five times. Mommy and Cindy were like in a trance. They enjoyed the shopping even more then I did. Twelve pairs of shoes in different styles and colors and pretty pink slippers followed. After bringing then to the car we had a short snack and then we threw ourselves back into the fray again. We shopped for makeup and after my promise to not do all the works everyday, we bought all these magical things. In the jewelry shop I told them to stop spending so much money on me. This brought only a puzzled look on their faces and they continued to search for the prettiest things. My fatigue finally brought them out of their delirious state. Our last stop was a furniture store. Mom got a catalog and we headed home. My legs hurt from walking on heels. The whole trunk was full of shopping bags. Beside me was a pretty casket full of jewelry and a beauty case full of makeup and pretty accessories. Three lovely purses, one black, one white and a peach colored with pearls laid beside the casket. Yesterday was the girl in a dream, now she sat tired in the car with a full wardrobe, all very pretty and girlish. She had everything needed to make herself pretty. I was so happy and tired, that I fell asleep.

Mom woke me. "Beverly. We are home."

I looked in her loving eyes and smiled.

"You need practice in shopping darling. We just got warm. I will couch you next week."

"Mommy. You should not spend so much money."

"Why? Money is made for spending."

"But .."

"No buts Beverly. We have more money than you think. We are wealthy. Did you never wonder why I don’t work?"

"No I haven’t. I thought about other things Mommy."

"Silly question of mine, sorry darling. We have more money than we can spend. Each day there is more. Your Dad and I had agreed to give you a rather normal childhood. We didn’t want a spoiled child. And when I look at you, we were right to do so."

I looked astonished.

"We will talk about this later. Now it is better for you to sleep. Mike comes tomorrow and it will be a hard day for you. He will ask you very intimate questions and I want you to be honest. Each lie can destroy your dreams. Honesty will bring you to your goal, to be my daughter."

"I promise to be honest Mommy. I love you." I kissed her.

Cindy searched meanwhile for the bags with the lingerie. We went upstairs to Mom’s bedroom and I changed into new panties and a silky pink nightgown. Mommy removed my makeup and I was soon sleeping with wonderful dreams of this special day, my real birthday.

The sunlight woke me up. Mommy was not here. On the cover laid my pretty new robe. Beside the bed were my pink slippers. It was no dream. I stood up and went into the bathroom. I used the paper again. It was not necessary but I wanted to become familiar doing it.

Mom had said no, yesterday, when I wanted to push my genitals out of sight before sleeping. Now I pushed the testicles inside and the penis between my legs. I hated my penis. It was my strongest reminder that I was borne as a boy. I slipped in my silky robe and went downstairs into the kitchen. Mommy sat there at the table, sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Good morning Beverly. Had nice dreams?"

"Wonderful dreams about yesterday Mommy. Where is Cindy?"

"She drove home after helping me bring your wardrobe inside. She will come back in the afternoon with Mike. She needed to talk with him, but not about you. She must talk with him about Sara."

"It was a hard day for her. Whenever she saw us she thought about her own child. I know her helping me brought her pleasure, but I know too that she wish she could’ve done it for Sara. If you don’t mind, I’ll visit her soon for a few days, alone. I like her really, I think I love her. I think some time with me will help her, if not I will leave her and beg her not to visit me again. It will hurt me but I want only the best for my Auntie."

Mom spread her arms to hug me. We let go from each other and she wanted to make breakfast.

"It’s now my duty Mommy."

I kissed her and started to prepare a light breakfast for us. I set the table and walked out in the garden. Soon I was back with a pretty bunch of flowers. The table looked cute with the flowers on it. We had always breakfast together but this one was special. We talked about everything. Without shame we talked about how it is to be a girl. Only a mother and her daughter can do this so freely. She asked many question about me and I told her everything. She told me everything about her youth. Her first period, the first kiss, we laughed a lot as she told me about how her Mom had told her about the birds and the bee. She also told me about loosing her virginity with Dad. We two were never so close before. We were both a little bit shocked when we looked at the watch. It was 12:15. We had talked over four hours.

"Let us get pretty, Beverly. I will show you how you can do it by yourself."

Mommy enjoyed teaching me the secrets of womanhood and I was a receptive student. She showed me many tricks and promised to teach me till I become perfect. It was too bad that the doorbell so rudely interrupted us.

Mom said, "Stay here till I call you. You look so pretty and I will prepare for your great entry."

I hugged her and sat again at the vanity. My hair was beautiful curled with a pretty pink bow in it. The pink lipstick matched perfectly my pink nails and toenails. The eye shadow shades from a dark to a light pink. The lashes looked long and full. The eyeliner exposed my eyes nicely. My smile showed my perfectly white teeth, thank to the baking powder. The silver earrings with diamonds glitter in the light. The silver necklace with the diamond pendant pointed at my cleavage. The pink dress had a laced neckline, a huge bodice and a waving skirt. My legs shimmered in the same pink color like the dress. The shoes where pink heels. On both wrists where heavy silver bracelets and on both hands two diamond rings. The white purse made a pretty contrast to the pink. I stood up and felt the petticoat playing with my thighs. I took the perfume and sprayed it behind my ears and on my wrists. I smoothed the dress and went to the door. As soon as I got there, I heard Mommy calling for me. I was a little bit overdressed for a Friday afternoon, but Mommy wanted to impress the man who is able to give me a peaceful life. I went slowly and with grace down the stairs. Mommy looked so proud and Cindy smiled at me. Mike stood there with an open mouth and stared at me.

"Hi Auntie Cindy. This must be your husband Mike. I am very happy to meet you."

He was able to speak, "Hi Beverly. You are a real beauty. Cindy had understate yesterday when she told me about how pretty you are."

"Thank you, Mike. It is all Cindy’s and Mommy’s work."

We chatted for a while and then Cindy took my Mommy with her and Mike and I took a walk. He asked me many questions and asked me to describe my feelings. Like I had promised to Mommy I was always honest. After two hours I asked him to go back home, I still was not used to walking in heels for so long. We sat down in the living room and talked till Cindy called us for supper. He talked for a long time with Mom and then they came back to me. Everybody smiled.

Mike said, "You are really a girl, Beverly. This is a fact. Before we can start to let you look like you feel we must speak with another doctor. Her name is Susan. Don’t worry, though, Beverly, she will ask you almost the same questions. It is a mere formality. After that we will change your ID’s to Beverly and the gender to female. You will start taking female hormones. You haven’t started your puberty, so you will have a normal female puberty with one exception, you will not have periods. After a year you will see Susan, and me, again. If we are sure that your mind has not changed, we will give our permission for a surgery. They will not remove your penis or the testicles. We will hide them inside you and we will build a vagina. On your eighteenth birthday you’ll be able to decide to have the final surgery. Is this what you want?"

I break out in tears and hugged him. "Yes." I could not say any more. I let him go and hugged Mommy. I sobbed and shook, I was so happy.

"Everything is alright, Beverly. I love you."

"I love you too Mommy." She led me upstairs and helped me to get ready for bed.

Three lovely weeks later, Mom had an idea. "Beverly, I want to give a ball to present my daughter to the world. It is the easiest way to face the others."

"That’s a wonderful idea, Mommy. Then, everybody know it and they can get use to it over the summer."

We had a busy time and a lot of fun to prepare everything. The invitation cards betrayed nothing about the reason. Mom called a dressmaker for my dress. She had a pretty idea for me. On the day of the ball, Cindy came and styled my hair. I was nervous when I stood behind the curtain on the stage in the ballroom. My heart raced and I could hear Mommy telling my story.

Then she said, "Please welcome my daughter, Beverly."

The curtain opened and I stood in the bright light. It was quiet, I panicked and I wanted to run away when suddenly a voice said, "Welcome sister." The following applause showed their acceptance for me. I relaxed a little.

You can see that my dress was the same that the girl wore in the scene that started everything. It was my Mom’s lovely idea. After a lot of questions from the girls about why I wanted to live as a girl it became clear to them that I was just a girl. The girls were jealous of me. I looked better then the most of them. We discussed my situation and I soon had a lot of friends. After a while the boys started to ask me questions too and again and again I told my story and why I loved to be a girl. Most accepted me, but others called me gay or mad. The girls around me, now my friends, boxed their ears and the boys walked them out. When they came back to me, I saw the sign of the fight they had. I told them again the story with a smile and invited them to meet Mike. Soon they were all polite and we had a lot of fun. After that beautiful ball I had no problems being accepted in my hometown.

This all happened five lovely years ago. Mom and I had so much fun and she raised me to be a real lady. After my first surgery I was able to live as any other girl. Well, I could not have vaginal sex but I could to anything else. The suitcases are packed and tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday, the longed-for day of my final surgery. Don’t be surprised that I am now engaged with Stephen, I am just a woman and need love. We will marry next September and I think you know how my wedding dress will look like. I don’t want to tell you more about my youth and how I met my true love. It is private and I will share it only with my daughters, like Mommy shared hers with me. I can tell you that it was a normal time for a girl. The reason for this story is to show you that openness between you and the persons you love is important. Learn from my mistake. Don’t hide yourself from others. To be transgender is normal, not a disease. If someone doesn’t understand the way you are, that is not your problem. They have a problem! If they cannot accept you as you are, ask yourself, do they really love you or do they love the mask? Try your best to convince them and if they really love you they will accept you and give you the chance to live as happy as possible.

 

 © 2000 By Sandra

The above work is copyrighted material. Anyone wishing to copy, archive, or re-post this story must contact the author for permission.