It Just Happened            by: Janet L. Stickney              Janetlynn17@Hotmail.com

 

All my life I had liked to dress up as a girl, gathering courage and experience as time went by, but when I was in college, in my own apartment, everything I had dreamed about became possible. Like all new students, it took some time to get settled in, but as soon as it was possible, maybe a month after school started, I got all dressed up, and went out. As a girl, I don't think I'm pretty, merely passably average, and as long as I'm careful about where I go, I have not been discovered since that one night when I was 16. I guess you could say that I was lucky. Since I rarely dated, wasn't involved in sports or athletics in any way, nobody paid any attention to me, and I had always been able to get dressed up, go out, and never be recognized. It was fun, and since I had always wanted to be a girl, I had carefully researched every possible way to enhance how I looked, all with nobody the wiser. I never experienced the trauma so many I had read about on the Internet, or had gone through what they did when they were caught. My mother didn't like it, but she didn't threaten to skin me alive either. That night I simply went out to have dinner at a small café, not far from my apartment.

I had just turned 18 when I came to the college, and at 127 pounds and only 5'7" tall, I am not what you would call an impressive specimen of the male of our species, but I had graduated from high school number one in my class, and I feel really good about that. Like all new students, I was given my class schedule, then struggled to find the various buildings and classrooms, which lasted at least a week. Then, in my computer class, I met a guy named Marcus, and we hit it off right away. Mark as he likes to be called, is tall, about 6'3" not interested in sports, and like me, he also graduated number one in his graduating class. Mark has something about him, some charisma, aura, whatever you want to call it, and everyone seemed to be drawn to him. His friendly nature, wide grin and easy manner made him very popular, especially with the girls, but Mark and I, teamed together in out computer class hit it off quickly, almost literally on all bases when it came to our computer class, and working together, we came up with an idea for some software, and began to work on it, developing a final product within a few weeks. We gave away a few copies, and as word of the software spread, we started making copies, then, after demand kept getting bigger, we started to charge for it, and the money...lots of money, started pouring in.

My parents insisted that I save most of the money, and I did put a lot aside, but with my newfound wealth, I carefully planned well ahead, made the arrangements, then got dressed as Paula, and went to another city and invested in some custom made breast forms, and a special panty that gave me rounder hips, fuller thighs and bottom, and also, a false vagina, all while providing for the ability for complete evacuation without removing it. Three weeks later they called me, and I went in to be fitted, wearing the items home. Mark and I were close when we were creating software, but since we always used my computer, I had a standing rule that he always had to call first before he stopped by, for the obvious reasons. During the time I had to wait for my newest items to become ready, I scanned in my student ID, and created a whole new one, bearing the name Paula, and the best picture I had of myself as a girl. I had not yet used it, or needed to, but it made me feel better to know that I had a good ID in my girl name. I made it, just in case I did need it. The day I went to be fitted for the final time, I was so excited that I almost couldn't stand it, and when the woman asked me if I wanted to use the adhesive, I said yes, without even thinking. With me helping, she did the panty first, which is when I thankfully realized what I had done. If I had let her do the breasts first, I would have had them stuck on my chest for quite a while, two months the woman told me, which wouldn't have been good at all!

Having to sit down to use the toilet wasn't so bad, it was having wider hips fuller thighs and a rounder butt that concerned me, but all I could do was live with it, and hope someone didn't ask me about it. Mark and I kept working on our program, adding features and so on, which meant that he was at my place a lot of the time. With no lock on my bedroom door, all I could do was shut the door, and hope he stayed out. Since my dresses hung in the closet, open to view, and my makeup was set out on the vanity, I didn't need the hassle. He and I almost never worked together on Sunday, and I had begun to eat breakfast as a local family style place, always dressed of course. One Sunday morning I saw Mark walk in with a couple that were clearly his parents, and I almost choked. Waiting until they were seated, I casually finished, paid the bill, and left, as unobtrusively as possible. He did not see me, but if he did, he apparently didn't recognize me. After that I went for a drive, then did a little shopping, buying a new bra, slip and panty set, plus some women's jeans and a couple of pair of shorts. I was calm by the time I got home, and fully relaxed.

As the days went by and I got used to wearing that special panty, certain things started to become natural, like not even starting towards a urinal, or walking with a little sway because my center of gravity was different, plus, I was taking shorter steps when I walked, a product of my brain telling me I was a girl, and my constant dressing up. Mark started seeing a girl in the law school, and I went on just doing my class work and going out as Paula when I could. During class hours, I was always myself, but I would always change when I got home, preferring a skirt and blouse, whenever Mark wasn't coming over of course. He called a few times, wanting to work on the program, but I had been dressed, and told him I was tired, which he seemed to understand. We had a long weekend coming, and I planned on spending every minute of it as Paula, so for the first time, I used the adhesive to attach the breast forms, careful to use only enough to make it easy for me to get them off.

What I didn't know, because they didn't tell me, was that my parents had planned to drive up and see me. An hour removing any excess hair with my razor and some hair remover, then a bubblebath followed by a liberal application of skin lotion and a dusting of body talc, which left my skin silky smooth was first, then I attached my breast forms, using some makeup to cover the thin seams before I pulled on the black high cut lace trimmed panties. Slipping on the matching bra was, while not a new experience, a thrill, because I actually had something to put into it. The low cut cups displayed a lot of breast, while the soft underwire pushed my breasts up, together, and out a little. Sitting at my small homemade vanity, I carefully did my makeup, using soft eye shadow colors. Light green with silver, tempered with plum brushed out to blend them. Black eyeliner and pencil to outline my eyes, then peach blusher before I stood up and slipped the black sheath dress over my head. As I zipped it up I was once again in awe of the way both the breast forms and the special panty made me look. I had an almost perfect figure, measuring 36A-25-37. I brushed my hair out, then used the curling iron and some hairspray to create a very feminine hairstyle, adding a pair of small gold and black clips, one on each side of my head to hold my hair back and expose my ears.

Gold and black earrings, my gold watch, a bit of perfume, and lastly, I put on the plum lipstick and stepped into my black heels. Transferring everything to my girl wallet, I added the lipstick, a brush, my pager and cell phone to my purse, then made sure everything in the apartment was turned off. Because it was warm, I did not need a coat, and being excited at being able to wear the breast forms, attached for the first time, I failed to take the routinely simple precaution of peeking outside through the peep hole before I opened the door like I usually did. Smiling, I grabbed the doorknob, twisted, and yanked it open, and saw my dad with his finger about to land on my doorbell.

I froze in place as dad and I traded stares, then he calmly asked if Greg was home! Before I could answer him, mom moved up, then stepped inside, taking me by the arm and turning me around so that I was facing her. She looked me over from head to toe, not missing my obvious cleavage, showing because of the square cut neckline of the dress, nor the fact that the dress was at mid thigh on me. I have great legs, my best feature as a matter of fact. Mom didn't say a word for what seemed like forever, then, when dad started to ask where Greg was again, mom stopped him.

"We stopped by to take our son to dinner, sort of a surprise weekend, but it looks like we'll be taking our daughter to dinner instead."

"Daughter?" Dad asked, "we don't have a daugh….ter…."

Mom patted his arm, then, "Yes dear, I afraid we do. We have always have a daughter, you just never got the chance to meet her." Holding me tightly by the hand, "Tom," mom said to dad, "this is Paula, your daughter Paula."

Dad, knowing full well that I was an only child, finally got it. His eyes went wide as saucers, and once again I felt his eyes on me as he looked me over carefully, stopping of course, when he got to my breasts. The slow rise of his head until we were once again eye to eye was an excruciating wait, but all I could do was stand there and wait until he quit swallowing his tongue.

"Since, mom said, "it seems that we're all ready, why don't we go ahead and have dinner?"

What mom meant was lunch, but her meaning was clear. They were there to take me out to eat, and since I was on my way out, there wasn't any reason not to just go. Of course, my stomach was in a small knot, and while dad, who had no idea that I dressed as a girl was stunned, mom simply ignored all that, and with my hand in hers, she pushed by dad and we stepped outside. Mom and I stood out front waiting, then, just as dad stepped outside and pulled the door shut, Mark drove up, parking behind dad's car. My life was going downhill rapidly, quickly turning as bleak as I ever imagined, and there wasn't one thing I could do to stop it. Mark, who had met my parents before, walked up to us, a confused look on his face.

"Hi! I just stopped by to see Greg! He and I are working on something. I had an idea I wanted to talk about."

He was talking to dad, but his eyes were on me the whole time. Like all guys, he glanced at my boobs, then at the rest of me before he looked me in the eye. When he got it, his eyes went wide, and he started to say something, but mom interrupted him..

"Marcus, this is Paula, our daughter Paula. We were just on our way out to eat, perhaps you would like to join us?"

Now, Mark also knew that I was an only child, and I know that he knew who I really was, but he didn't even flinch, especially after mom stressed the words "our daughter". He graciously accepted mom's offer, which left me stuck between my dad and my best friend, dressed as a girl! Mom didn't seem to see that I was up to my butt in worry, or she was doing an excellent job of ignoring it. Mark escorted me to the car, held the door for mom and I, then joined dad in the front seat. Sitting there unable to talk, mom merely patted my hand and smiled at me. Going inside, Mark once again escorted me, but took me by the elbow. Neither dad or Mark made any comment on the way I was dressed. Yet both of them kept staring at me, which was unnerving to say the least, and made me wonder what they thought of me. We ordered our meals, then mom told the guys we were going to the powder room, and I gladly stood up to join her. Anywhere but with Mark and dad would be an improvement. On our way to the restroom….

"Mark thinks you're quite pretty. I saw the way he was watching you Paula."

"He didn't know before this mom, he's only in shock, like dad."

"You're father, regardless of what he said, always knew that you dressed up Paula, I told him. What he is so shocked with is how you look, and I have to say, while I don't know how you managed to do it, you have a wonderful figure, and you look so much better than the last time I saw you. Can you tell me how you manage it?"

"Not here" I said, "maybe when we get home, okay?"

"That's fine dear. But a word of caution, go easy on your dad. He is trying really hard to grasp the fact that your really quite beautiful, so be polite, and don't antagonize him."

"Don't worry mom, I'm probably more nervous than he is!"

"You shouldn't be honey, you're a lovely girl, so act like one. It'll be easier on everyone, especially Marcus I think."

"Mom! He's my best friend! He knows that I'm not…how could he could be…attracted to me?…We're friends!"

"And you think that your father and I weren't friends before we got married? Paula, you are an attractive girl, Marcus is a handsome young man, your friend, and whatever happens, I think he always will be! Now then, you be the polite young lady I know you can be, and lets go back and enjoy dinner."

Dinner was pleasant although the undercurrent of my new status, unsaid but always there, held all of us in check, unwilling to say anything that might disrupt dinner or possibly embarrass me or anyone else. Sitting there next to Mark, knowing that he liked what he saw when he looked at me, was making me feel both very feminine, yet scared to death. Dad drove us back to my apartment, which is when Mark said he had to go, but promised to come back the next day, then, very casually it seemed, stressed that he wanted to see Paula again! Mom and I, leaving dad to watch television, went in my bedroom, shut the door, then, with her urging, I slipped off my dress, preparing to show mom how I managed to do everything. When I removed my bra then turned to face her, I expected more than I got I guess. Mom got close and checked out the breast forms very carefully, and seemed to be okay with them, but when I pulled down my panties and she saw the special panty I had on, well, I thought she was going to faint. Then I casually mentioned that I had no choice but to wear it, since it was glued on, with almost a month to go before I could get it off. Mom, her eyes still wide, recovered from the shock, then sat on the bed as I pulled on a pair of panties followed by my new jeans, slipped my bra back on then a pullover top. I figured it would be better than showing dad my cleavage. Mom said I was wrong, but waited until much later to tell me that.

My new jeans fit me well, just tight enough to cause concern but loose enough not to be lewd. The front, filling out like they would on any girl, was fine, except that the seam of the jeans faintly cut into my false vagina, and exemplified a womanhood that I wasn't supposed to have, and the thin top merely hugged my boobs while clinging to my waist, making my figure even more profoundly feminine. Mom and I walked out to see dad, and I saw him make those cow eyes a again.

"This is…different" dad said without any preamble, "your mother told me that you were doing this when you were in high school, but I thought it was just a phase. Apparently, I was wrong. This afternoon it certainly looked like you have breasts, and now, well, there isn't much doubt that you have done something more to yourself! To be honest with you, I can't say that I'm fond of the idea that my son likes to dress as a girl, or that he might even look better as a girl! But tell me. Is this how you dress when we're not around? And how come Marcus seemed so comfortable around you? Do you two have something going that we should know about? Are you and he…"

"Thomas!" mom said…"How can you ask her questions like that!?"

Since I no longer had anything to lose, my ego had been shot clean through when my parents had seen me dressed, the only direction left was up, and since I was buying my own stuff…."That's okay mom" I said, a little angry, "I wouldn't have answered a question like that anyway." Then I looked at him. "To start with dad, I have been going out as a girl since I was in high school, almost every time you went to the cabin as a matter of fact. When I got here, and I had my own apartment, I was able to dress up as often as I liked, which was always after classes. When Mark and I started selling our program, I had enough money to have custom made breast forms and a special panty made to fit me, which is why, when you looked at my boobs, they looked so real, just like my special panty makes it possible for me to look this way wearing slacks or jeans." I sat back, then gave dad the rest. "Mark did not know until today dad, nobody does. Just us, and Mark."

"Program?" Mom asked, "What program?"

"It's the program I told you about mom, Mark and I developed a computer program, and we have been selling it. First here at the college, but now we sell it on the internet. We always use my computer, but Mark is supposed to call before he comes over, it's a rule I have. That's why he never saw me dressed until today."

"I know that you two are making money selling this program" dad said, somewhat skeptically, "but I had no idea that you were doing so well…well enough to buy all that girl stuff anyway!"

"Enough" I told him with a smirk, "to pay for the rest of my college, buy a car, and still have money left over."

"If" mom said, Paula can support her habits, then we have no reason to tell her she cannot dress this way! Besides, it was very nice having a daughter with us at lunch for a change."

"But what about everything else!?" Dad was beginning to sound frantic.

"What everything else Tom? Paula is 18, and she can do as she wishes, but if it makes you happy, I'll come up" mom chimed in, "and teach Paula all about being a lady. That way she will be able to be the lady we would expect of any daughter of ours. The rest is up to her, not us."

Dad sat back, clearly confused by a son that not only wanted to be a girl, but could look like one! He didn't like it, but he didn't make an issue of it, and slowly, he nodded his head in a wary agreement with mom, and my fate was sealed. Mom was going to teach me how to be a lady, and there wasn't any doubt in my mind. I was going to eagerly let her. They stayed all that day, going home in the morning. I was up early, making breakfast for us, wearing one of my shortie nightgowns and a robe when dad walked in. He glanced at me, poured a coffee, then sat at the table.

"Do you go to classes that way?" Dad asked in the offhand way he has.

"Not really, I usually don't wear nightgowns to class." I said, trying to be flip.

"Don't get smart with me. Do you attend your classes as a girl?"

"Not yet, like I told you yesterday, I only get dressed after classes, but I've thought about it though."

"Thought about what" mom said as she walked into the room.

"Dad asked me if I was attending my classes as a girl, and I said I was thinking about it."

Just then I bent over to pour a coffee for everyone and my robe slipped open, revealing my breasts, only the sheer nightgown between me and disaster. I saw dad's eyes go wide and quickly wrapped the robe tighter.

"It seems to me" mom said, "that you might as well. What I mean is, you're almost all the way there now anyway, and it doesn't seem that you're going to quit trying to be a girl, so why not?"

Dad didn't say a word, but the implications of what mom suggested hung there, thick and heavy. If I started to attend classes as Paula, that's how my degree would read when I graduated, and if I decided to regain my manhood, it would be very hard to get a new degree issued in another name. Plus, there was the rest of the family to think of, my Neanderthal cousins for example. Their idea of a good time is drinking, chasing girls, racing cars on public streets, and so on. In fact, not one of them is arrest free, all of them had been nailed for DUI, Disturbing the Peace, or Trespassing. A swell bunch all, with the collective IQ of a cow in my opinion. We almost never saw them, but they would surely get the word, and there wasn't any doubt that they would try to make my life miserable. Then there are the neighbors to consider, all of whom had known me since I was a kid, growing up with me as my classmates.

My reasons for not attending classes as a girl, varied as they were, all held a certain meaning for me, most of them just ways for me to avoid the truth that mom knew and I was scared to admit. I was going to become a woman someday, I was sure of that, which made the question of when I would start the transition only a matter of choice…my choice, but both of my parents didn't seem to mind that I was thinking of it. Dad was the one to break the silence when he told me that while he still didn't like the idea of me becoming a girl, he could see that arguing about it was futile, then told me that if I decided to live and attend school as a girl, he would make the arrangements to have my name changed, then square it with the college. The rest would be up to me, and by that, he meant that I would have to cope with any barbs that came my way.

Mom and I cleaned up the kitchen, then I went to change. When I reappeared I had on a short skirt with a simple white blouse and my gym shoes, my hair in short floppy pigtails high on my head with small blue ribbons to match the skirt. Both of them gave me a hug when they left, but I kissed dad on the cheek. Mom winked at me, then the were gone. I cleaned up, started the laundry, and hit the books. I was trying to study, but failing as everything that had happened tumbled through my mind in an ever changing set of scenarios. One thing was certain, Mom had been right. Other than attending my classes, I was living as a girl, and no matter what I did, nobody knew, or cared. It was easy. All I had to do was get ready, wear something nice, and go to class. Easy to say, probably easy to do, then again, maybe not easy to do.

I decided to go for a walk, staying close to my apartment, and took only my apartment key, using one of those springy bracelet to hold it. I walked outside, turned, and walked to the small pond nearby, stopping to toss some bread to the ducks, paying no attention to anything else. When I felt the finger on my back I jumped up, spun around with my hand clenched in a fist ready to strike when I saw who it was.

"Hi Paula. I told you I would be over. I went to your place and you weren't there, then I saw you down here and walked over. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, hi Mark."

"You look real nice Paula. Lets sit over here." Mark put his arm around my waist and led me to the bench by the tree. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know" I said, "and besides, I've been hiding this for so long it's second nature. I didn't want to upset anything, we work so well together, and I…"

"You ever been on a date" he asked me, right out of the blue.

"No, of course not!" I said, a little on edge.

"Have you ever been kissed?"

"What!?"

"I said, have you ever been kissed?"

Mark was going crazy on me!

"Well…no" I said, somewhat petulantly.

Mark, without a word, put his arm around me, slid over close, then using his other hand, turned my face to him, and that's when he kissed me, right on the lips! Shocked, I did nothing, which he took as a sign that I liked it, so he kissed me again! I broke away, but my heart was pounding like a bass drum and my hands were shaking.

"Why did you do that?!" I asked frantically, "You know I'm not really a girl! You have all those girls in class after you all the time! You could have your pick any time you wanted!"

"Yup" he said, "you're right. I could have any girl I want. Have you ever seen me with any of them?"

"Noooo, I don't think so…but what about Sarah, that girl in the law school?"

"That died a natural death Paula. She and I agreed it wasn't working." He sat back, then…"Why don't the two of us go out for pizza tonight? By your own admission, you've never been on a date, and if you like, you can think of it as practice."

"Just pizza?" I said, afraid of what else he might have on his mind.

"Just pizza." He said, when I didn't say anything…"I'll be over to get you at six, which gives you…four hours to get ready, or whatever else you have to do." Mark stood up, squeezed my hand, said "six o'clock", and left me sitting there!

I watched him walk to his car, get in, and drive away. I was still panting, but managed to walk back home, go in, and collapse on the couch. Mark wanted to take me out? Why? He had kissed me! What did that mean? Regardless of what mom had said, I did not think I was pretty, merely average in looks, and there were plenty of girls on campus that would have jumped on Mark's bones in a minute if he gave them the chance, so why had he asked me out? I had no answers, and while part of me was repulsed at being kissed by another guy, another part was elated. Even though I had four hours to get ready, I stripped and went in the shower. It seems as if I tried on everything I owned, but in the end I wore that same blue skirt with matching pale blue panties and bra and a thin blue top. I brushed out my hair, letting it flow out, did my makeup, added perfume and jewelry, stepped into my white flats, then sat playing on the computer while waiting for Mark to come and get me.

By the time he got there, I was on edge, but he was very polite, and I let him take control, following his lead. Dinner was nice, and I discovered another side of Mark that I had not known about. He was funny, very attentive, and while I knew he was smart, the range of things he could talk about were amazing. By the time we were standing at my doorstep, I never felt more like a girl. Face to face, I moved to open the door when he swept me into his arms and kissed me, the urgency of it new but very nice. Then I felt his tongue on my lips, and without thought, open up and allowed him entry. One of his hands around my waist held me close, the other, on the back of my head assured him that I would not pull away. Finally, he let me go, and we both stood there panting hard.

"I'll come get you in the morning for class Paula." Mark said, then turned and walked away!

That night all I could think about was Mark, and what he wanted me to do. There wasn't any doubt in my mind at all. He expected me to appear, ready for school the next morning, as Paula. I wanted to do it, my parents told me it was my decision, and my best friend Mark wanted me to be a girl as well. I lay in bed trying to sleep, but the smell of his aftershave lingered, reminding me of what I had done, continually provoking me to just be the girl that I knew I was. Some time during the night I made my decision, and the next morning, when Mark arrived, I was wearing a pleated tan skirt with a brown turtleneck top with tan flats. I wore my hair in a pageboy, tasteful earrings, and a very light perfume. Mark picked me up, the smile on his face telling me that he was happy that I had decided to attend school as a girl. I wasn't so sure it was the right thing to do, those old feelings of fear still nagging at me, but since Mark was driving, I was committed.

Our first class was English, which was held in a big hall, so nobody knew that I wasn't myself, and I simply signed in using my real name. Mark and did not share our next class, so he left, and I walked over to the history department. This time the classroom was small, and with only 38 students, it was obvious when I sat in my assigned seat that I wasn't who I was supposed to be, but the professor, a woman, merely looked at me as she put a mark next to my name, and started the class as usual. As I was leaving, she stopped me, and asked me if I would be dressing as a girl all of the time, and when I said yes, she asked me what name to write in her book. That was it! I told her, she smiled, and I walked over to my next class, math. I usually shared a desk with a girl named Beth, and without thinking, I sat in my normal place. When Beth arrived, she looked around for me, then sat next to me. It was only after a few minutes that I saw the recognition on her face. When I smiled back, she grinned at me.

"Greg?" she asked incredulously…"is that you?"

"It's not Greg" I said, "it's Paula from now on."

The professor called for order, and began the class. He never took roll, assuming that since we were paying for the class, we would be there. He couldn't have cared less who was there, or how anyone dressed. Beth and I walked out together, heading for the computer labs. Along with Mark and I, she shared the class with us.

"You didn't just decide to come to class that way Paula, you've done this before!"

"All my life Beth" I answered, "My parents told me it was my decision if I wanted to attend college as a girl, and I just couldn't say no, so here I am."

"You have a nice figure for a guy in a dress Paula."

"I am not" I told her, somewhat sharply, "a guy in a dress! I'm a girl, and I always have been. I just dressed like a guy for a long time, but that's over now. I'm going to be myself!"

"I happen to know that you aren't a female, so what you're telling me is that you have decided to become a girl on the outside to match the girl inside?"

"Right! That's it exactly!"

"Then…you'll be dating guys?" Beth asked.

"I already have. Mark took me out for pizza last night."

"Mark…took you out?"

"Don't worry Beth, I was a perfect lady all evening."

We both laughed at that, then went into the lab building, where we met up with Mark. The guy that ran the class was not a professor, just a hired teacher. He saw me walk in, sit with Mark, then smiled. He did not say a word until the end of the class when he asked me what he should call me. I told him, and that was the end of it. Mark, Beth and I left together, with Mark driving first Beth, then myself home. After the day as Paula, I knew that I was never going to go back to being a guy, and went inside with a feeling of great accomplishment in my heart. That night I called and talked to mom, telling her what I had done, which is when she told me that she would be up the next weekend, telling me that she wanted to have a long talk, then she said, we would go shopping, and I would buy whatever she told me I needed! How could I say no? Beth called a bit later and wanted to get together the next day after classes, and invited me to her place. I told her I would be delighted.

The next day I wore jeans and a top, and once again nobody seemed to care how I dressed, or who I was. Beth and I went to her place, which was in the women's dorm. She roomed with a girl named Cheryl, who was home because of a death in the family. Beth wanted to know how I managed to do certain things, but all I told her was that if I stripped, I would look like her. She didn't like it, but she accepted what I told her. We had dinner together, studied for a while, then I went home. By the time Friday rolled around five days later, I felt, acted, and looked just like all of the other girls on campus, and since nobody seemed to know, or care who or what I was, I no longer worried about being discovered. I spent the afternoon cleaning the apartment since I didn't want mom to think I needed lessons in that!

When mom arrived in the early evening Friday after school, she sat me down, and gave me a very frank talk about what she said were "acceptable" ways for a young girl to satisfy her guy without resorting to taking her panties off. When I protested, she reminded me what I had told her. The "special panty I had on was fully functional, and I could, if I wanted to, have sex with a guy, just like any other girl", but, in her terms, having sex that way was not to be included on my list of approved ways to satisfy a guy, and she made that abundantly clear. It was embarrassing, but mom insisted that I listen, then told me that maybe we should visit the place I bought them, and have them reset before we began shopping. I agreed, then she looked over my clothes, announcing them tolerable, and we left for the shop after I changed into shorts and a top. I had my breast forms and the panty reset using adhesive that would last for months, then we headed for the mall, making one stop on the way…at a salon.

I had my hair trimmed and styled to make it easier for me to take care of, then I had my nails done. When we left the salon I could add one more new experience to my list. That had been my first time in a salon. The first thing mom did when we were in the mall was add more panties, then a couple of bras, one of them strapless, to my collection, plus a corselet, and a garterbelt. More skirts, blouses and dresses of course, but also two suits, jeans, slacks, a jacket, coat, swimsuit, more pantyhose and shoes, then I added to my jewelry collection. By the time we were back at my place, we were tired, yet I was excited that mom was helping me be the girl I wanted to be, and told her that.

"I know honey" she told me, "but how can I do anything else? Your father is still having trouble with the idea that you're dressing as a girl all of the time now, because it doesn't fit his image of what a man is, or does, and you have thrown his entire set of masculine rules right out the window! You didn't even bother to look back when you did it, and now he's confused, maybe even hurt, but he isn't fighting you about it, because he knows that no matter what he says, you'll do what you have to do anyway, regardless of what he says! He and I had a talk on the way home, which is when I told him that I was fairly certain that this was going to be the outcome when we talked, back when you were in high school. I also told him that we would have had a wonderful daughter if you had been born a girl, and that fact that we are going to help you become that girl makes it no less important, to you, and us, especially him. It's my job to get you two back together, certainly not as father and son, but as father and daughter, and the only way to do that is to make sure that you are a woman through to the core, with all of the same values you always had, only set in a slightly different light. I am convinced that if you become the girl you think you are, it'll be easier on both of you."

"Okay" I said, "but why are you helping me? I know that you don't like it either, yet here you are, helping me, making me into the daughter that I should have been."

"Well, like I told you, I knew way back when you were in high school that someday you would find a way to become a girl. I had a son, and I liked it that way, but when I saw you, you were about 16 I think, I knew then. There wasn't any way the average person would have known you were boy, even then, and that told me quite a bit. That's why I always made sure that you had the time to get dressed and go out. All those weekends at the cabin? All those vacations when we left you at home? I knew what you were doing, I just didn't tell your father, and you always looked like our son when we returned, which is why he never knew just how good you were. Do I like it? Lets just say that I have accepted the fact that we have a daughter now, and let it go at that."

Mom did not give me a ringing endorsement, but she had swallowed her dislike and agreed to help me, and that alone is more than I had any right to expect. I hugged her, and after I wiped away my tears, she and I went in my bedroom where she led me through the delights of wearing a corselet, how to wear a strapless bra, then, if the need came up, how to hide my nipples with band aids when I went braless. The corselet was tight, making my waist smaller and hiking my boobs up, but the discomfort was worth the results. The strapless bra gave me a nice cleavage and while also tight, looked sexy as hell. Everything else was fine, and it was only when we got to the swimsuit that I slowed down. I had no reason to worry, but I did, and as I slipped on the bottoms and pulled them up, I felt half dressed. The top, only slightly more than two triangles and string, made me look like a beach bunny and feel extremely naked! Mom ooohed and aaahed while I looked in the mirror, telling me that "it", meaning the suit, looked "just darling". Thirsty, I went in the kitchen just as the doorbell rang. Mom opened the door, and there stood Beth. When she saw me in that skimpy next to nothing suit, her eyes popped open.

"Damn girl! I knew that you looked nice in regular clothes, but when you told me that you were a girl just like me, I didn't believe it, but…wow! That little next to nothing you have on makes me a believer!"

"Mom" I said, "this is my friend Beth. She and I have some classes together. Beth, this is my mom."

I quickly went in my bedroom and slipped on some shorts and a top, then rejoined mom and Beth. Mom was excited to find out that I had a girl friend, but didn't make a big issue of it. She was surprised to find out that Beth was okay with my status, as well as the fact that I had been in the women's dorm. Beth told her to "think about how silly that sounded", and mom started to laugh. Beth had a date, so she left a little later, leaving mom and I alone again.

"So, tell me Paula, how good a kisser is Marcus?"

"What!?"

"You heard me" she said, "based on the way he was looking at you, he at least tried to kiss you, but probably did, so…"

"It was okay I guess" I told her, "Nothing special about it if that what you want to know, he was being polite."

Mom let it go at that. The next day mom and I rearranged my clothes, removing all but one set of my male clothes, then later that afternoon she went home. I went to my classes, always dressed as Paula, and after another week of that, I was more comfortable than ever as a girl. I had met a few other girls, and we formed a sort of clique that ate lunch together, and twice we went out as a group. Mark and I continued to work together, and went out a few times, but I never felt a strong attraction to him. I chalked it up to being a male, until Cathy, one of the girls in our clique introduced me to her brother. We had gone out, as a group, for dinner, which is when he showed up. I know that Cathy wasn't expecting him, but she was glad to see him. When he joined us, he sat across from me, and for the first time ever, I found myself unable to take my eyes off him. I'm sure that I made an ass out of myself, flirting by smiling, sitting with rapt attention when he talked, and pulling my shoulders back to make my blouse tighter. I had no idea that I was doing any of that until Heather told me when we went to the ladies room.

"Bill seems to have cranked up your motor Paula!"

"Why do you say that? I didn't do anything!"

"Honey" she told me, "you did everything except take your clothes off! Smiling, batting your eyes and laughing is fine, but pushing those shoulders back? Now that's a message!"

"I did all that?" I said, shocked that what Heather told me.

"Yup, and I'll bet it worked too!"

At a loss for words and confused by what I had done, I said nothing, and after we were done and back at the table, I sat with my hands in my lap like a good little girl. As we left, Cathy asked me if it would be okay if Bill called me, and without a thought, I said yes, committing myself to possibly more than I wanted. I could not deny the attraction he had for me, my only question was "why?" I mean, I wasn't a real girl, and I had never felt attracted to a guy before, which left me full of questions about myself. Telling myself that simply dressing and being accepted as a girl was enough, I had ignored the possibility that a guy would find me attractive, or that I would feel drawn to a guy like a normal girl would. Mark had been the only guy that had accepted me up to then, and he knew the truth. Bill had no clue, which made my reaction to him so bewildering. Tall, well over six foot, with blue eyes and blond hair that was almost white, a face that seemed to be chiseled out of stone and a smile that simply flashed white and straight when he blessed you with his best. The moment I saw him I felt a pang, then more, all of which were new to me. That night I wore my smallest, sheerest babydoll, naked underneath, just to look at myself. I saw a young girl, eager in a newfound sexuality, a body ripe and lush with a winsome smile that seemed to say more than words.

I lay in bed thinking, wondering how I would react if he asked me out. What would I do? How would I act? Would I cross that line mom had told me about, or would I do something she told me was okay but seemed so alien to me? So many questions, all with no answers, or at least none that I wanted to contemplate. It was settled the next day when Bill called me, then asked me out to dinner on Friday. As soon as I hung up the phone I was like a fluttering bird as I went from this to that and back again, trying to pick out just the right thing to wear. Not sexy, but not staid, not showy, but also, not ineptly telling him that I was easy. I settled on my pleated tan skirt with a pink blouse and a thin white sweater with low heels. Standing flat footed, I would come up to his chin, and the heels would help that.

I called Cathy and found out that Bill was starting at the college the next term, but for the moment he was staying with a friend of his, then she told me that Bill had called her and wanted all the details she could give him about me! Since Cathy was not in on my real identity, she assumed that I was a girl, and told him what she knew. When Bill showed up on my doorstep I was a wreck when I opened the door for him, but I put on a brave face and a wide smile, then let him lead the way. All night long he never took his eyes off me, which was unnerving but flattering, but when we danced, and he had his arms around me, I felt secure and safe, and warm all over, while he felt solid like a mountain. His hands drifted downward, and I did not stop him as he pulled me closer and closer, then, in the darkness, his lips touched mine and I saw stars. Flashes of light cascaded through my mind like lightening, making me shiver, yet I could not pull away. He smiled at me and I smiled back, knowing I wanted more lightening, and with my smile, beckoned him to provide it.

When we sat in the car, parked in front of my apartment, he took me into his arms once more, and left me breathless when he kissed me. His hands, so big and hard, seemed to soft and delicate when he touched my face, drawing me closer, and I succumbed to his needs without thought. When his hand moved to my breast, I could feel it. After wearing the breast forms for so long I had become able to sense touch through them, which no longer mattered. I lay back and let him touch me, unaware that he was rock hard. When his hand touched my leg and moved upward, my instinct was to close my knees together, but didn't…until his fingers reached the edge of my panties. I sat upright, and told him what fun I had, then ran in the house, leaving him to wonder if he did something wrong.

Panting hard, I sat on the couch to recover. Bill had set in motion emotions and feelings I never realized I had. Feelings of lust…for another man for one. Taking my clothes off I was surprised when I realized that all during the time we were out together, I had not had an erection! Then again, girls don't have erections, so I put that thought aside only to lay in bed naked and wonder just what would happen when I saw Bill again, but sure that I would. For the first time ever, I took my very private toy from it's hiding place. Long and thick with a bulbous end, my hand wrapped around it while I imagined that it was Bill's. Stroking it with one hand while holding it with the other I had a chill come over me. Taking the small jar of lube, I greased myself, spread my legs, and worked it into my false vagina. Back and forth it went, my eyes closed, enjoying the filling sensation it gave me. Then, all at once I felt it, a throbbing that made me shake, and I knew that my manhood had responded, filling the small tube, which leaked out and onto the sheets. With a shudder I pulled it out, then lay there in bed, holding it, and as I lay there in bed naked, I wondered if I could do that with Bill. Before I fell asleep, I knew that I could.

Bill and I went out a few more times, each time pushing me closer to the ultimate act. Only the holiday break saved me from it. As I packed to go home, I wondered what my parents had told the family, but I was unable to bring myself to worry about it, or even care. I went to the salon and had my hair done, my arms and legs waxed, my eyebrows thinned and arched a little better, then acrylic nails added. Shaped only a bit longer than my own nails and painted a soft pink with clear polish over that, I was ready to go home. My weight had dropped to 118, which made all of my clothes look better, and my shape was as good as ever. I wore my jeans and a sweater for the ride home.

Dad greeted me the minute I walked in the house, hugging me tightly, then I took everything to my room. Opening the door however gave me a shock when I saw what had been done. My room had been redone in pastel blue and white, shelves that once held toy planes now held dolls! The bed and curtains matched, a soft yellow and white print to match the pale yellow carpet. I set my case on the bed and looked around. There was a small vanity, the closet held a few new clothes, but the biggest shock came when I turned and saw dad in the doorway.

"You look like your mother at your age" he said as he walked into the room. "I…um, still don't understand what's going on, but I have to admit that you don't look anything like a boy in a dress, which is what I expected when your mom told me. You're quite pretty as a matter of fact. I…your mother and I redid the room. We figured you would like it better."

Dad was struggling to tell me something, and I made a guess. "I love you to dad. The room is lovely. Thanks." Then it hit me! "This was your idea wasn't it? Mom just picked out the colors…right?"

"No…your mom was involved." he said, but I didn't believe him. He couldn't lie worth a damn.

"Liar" I said as I went to him, wrapping my arms around him. Slowly, he put his arms around me and held me.

"As long as you're happy" he whispered in my ear, "I'll be happy too. Are you happy?"

"Now I am" I said, "Now that you are holding me!"

He kissed me on the cheek, hugged me once again, and for the first time, I think dad accepted me as a daughter. I know his eyes were a bit teary, but he blew his nose to hide it.

"How many boys have you had to chase away" he asked with a smile…

"A few" I said with a wink, "because none of them were as handsome as my father."

He hugged me again, and we went to the kitchen to get a soft drink. For the next two days the three of us bonded and became a family again, with dad becoming more protective as the days went by. Then mom told me there was a family dinner scheduled, with my cousins first to say they would be there. Nobody doubted that, since if they didn't have to pay for the meal they were always there. I wasn't nervous about how I looked, only the reaction I would get. Dad told me not to worry, so on the day of the dinner, I went to my room to get ready. I had thought about it, and decided to make a statement that was so clear that a blind man would get it. After a shower, I asked mom to help me. Getting ready took only an hour, but when I was done, I was very happy with myself.

I started with black satin panties. Over that went the corselet which mom tightened for me, then ecru hose which I fastened to the garter straps. Making sure that my boobs were hiked up and had a lot of cleavage, I sat at the vanity. My techniques at makeup were quite good by then and I had no trouble hiding my light beard, and using three tones of eye shadow, outlined with eyeliner and pencil, I made my eyes very sexy indeed. Using the coral blusher I highlighted my cheeks, using a small sponge to drag the color around. The dress I selected was a lilac colored cocktail dress with a sweetheart neckline, a plunging back, and was just above knee length. I did my hair in a modified pageboy that left my earrings showing. The choker necklace matched the earrings, while my shoes matched the dress and my handbag. I did my lipstick in a soft red, added perfume, then went to the familyroom to wait for my parents.

Mom smiled when she saw me, but dad drew in a breath and stared. With a smile, I took his arm, and we left for the dinner, which was being held at a hall across town. We walked in together, joining my Aunt Mary at her table. Mary is my dad's older sister. She has known about me since this all started.

"Your mother told me you were gorgeous Paula, but that's an understatement!"

"Thank you" I said, but couldn't say anything else. I was interrupted.

"Hey! Who's the foxy chick?"

It was my cousin Fred, one of the Neanderthal we have in the family.

"Fred" mom said politely, "this is your cousin Paula."

"Oh yeah? Who's she belong to?" His voice was starting to grate on me.

"She is our daughter Fred! Don't you remember? Or is your brain so pickled you can't remember?"

Dad was deliberately provoking Fred for a reason. He might just agree that he knew me, which would make it harder to come back on me later when he found out the truth. But Fred stumbled off, leaving me feeling dirty somehow. Mom insisted that I join her, so I made the round of tables with her, being introduced to everyone as Paula. Mom also made it clear that I was her daughte. For the most part, once people looked at me, they smiled and agreed, or they swallowed their tongue and said nothing. Only Fred and his family were left, and as we approached them, mom squeezed my hand.

"Betty" mom said, "this is our daughter Paula."

Betty is one of mom's cousins. Basically, she started out good, having married, then had two sons. But her husband died when he was 33, and Betty, in a rush to find someone else, began to use her body to attract men. Sadly, she had two more kids by two different men, which made her unable to find anyone. The first two sons were bullies and always had been, her third, a boy named Isaac was slow but not retarded, and for some reason, he turned out okay. Her fourth was a girl named Joann, who, like her mother, used her body to get what she wanted. Joann had turned to drugs, then had four kids of her own, starting in high school, all by different guys. She was 27 and looked 45.

"You ain't got no daughter!" Betty said in a loud voice, "you have a son! His name is…..George….no wait….Greg! That's it! Greg! This here girl ain't no kin of ours!"

"Betty" mom said politely, "this is our daughter. Her name is Paula. Just accept that and have a nice day."

We started to walk away when Dick, her second oldest son suddenly stood up. "This here filly is Greg! He's dressed like a girl!" They all looked at me, then, "You got a real nice shape to ya honey, but if I check, I'll bet I don't find a girl under all that dress you got on!"

"Then you would be wrong!" I said angrily, and started to walk away.

Dick came out of his chair, headed straight for me, pushing mom out of the way as he drew closer. He grabbed my arm and started to tear at my dress when, right out of the haze, I saw a fist whiz by my head, landing right on Dick's nose. Dick staggered back, but came up bloody and grinning, his fists balled tightly as he ran towards me. I was shoved aside, caught in the lap of a distant Uncle, so I didn't see who was facing off with Dick. Then he turned. It was Bill, and he stood there like a statue, waiting for Dick to make his move. But coward that he is, Dick waited for Fred to join him. Together they rushed Bill, and in a flurry of punches, none of which even touched Bill, both Fred and Dick lay prostrate on the floor, out cold. Betty and Joann, in their anger at what Bill had done, came at me, but never got close. Dad yanked on Betty while another cousin, Julie, tripped Joann. Both of them hit the floor hard. To a round of applause, Bill took my hand, helped me stand up, then took me back to the table, leaving Betty and her brood to get themselves up.

Dad had moved over one seat so that Bill could sit next to me. How he got to our family party was my biggest question, so I asked him. That's when he casually mentioned that his dad owned the company that my dad dealt with every day. When he told his dad about me, his dad had called my dad, who had invited Bill to be there! As much as dad had protested my becoming a girl, he had set up a date for me! I could not have been happier to see Bill, and it must have shown, because both mom and Aunt Mary mentioned it when we used the ladies room. Later, at the table, a lot of people came over and apologized for Betty and her clan, welcoming me to the family as if I belonged there, as the daughter my parents said I was. Later, as we were leaving, both Fred and Dick stood in the doorway, blocking our exit. They both faced Bill.

"We're going to find you, then come teach you some manners boy!" Fred always did have a big mouth.

Bill, unperturbed, calmly opened his wallet, and handed each of them his card. "Any time you feel the need, just call, or better yet, stop by! We'll have a nice chat! In fact, I'll called the paramedics in advance!"

"You don't scare me fella" Dick said, but the spittle on his chin said a lot more…"we can do this now if you like, then we'll straighten out you sissy girlfriend here!"

Bill did not bite, but took my hand in his, winked at both Fred and Dick, and walked me to his car, leaving Fred and Dick with nothing but nasty invectives to throw at us. The minute we were in the car I told Bill I would thank him later, but all he did was grin at me! We did not go home, instead he took me to meet his parents! Both of them were charming, and his mother seemed to be very happy that we had met, so much so that I felt welcome almost at once. His dad laid on the charm, which is where I knew Bill got it from. Later, on the way home…

"My mother likes you. She rarely acts that way when I bring a girl home."

"She's a lovely woman Bill, you're very lucky to have her."

"No Paula, I'm lucky to have you."

Each time he spoke, every word seemed to make me tingle all over, but I knew that he had heard what Fred and Dick had said, that I was a boy in a dress, and that confused me so much, making me so edgy that Bill noticed, and asked me about it. I did not want to tell him the truth, but he earned it, and I simply couldn't lie to him any more. He pulled into the lakeside park, stopped the car, and we got out. He held me close, kissed me, but I broke away. I had to tell him, and there wasn't any easy way. We were about five feet apart when I turned to face him, the tears I had running down my cheeks were not of shame, but dismay.

"Bill" I said, "I have something to tell you. Fred was right. I'm not…I can't…" With a sob in my voice, "I'm not a real girl! This is all fake! Just silicone padding and makeup!" Moving back a little, "You don't have to take me home, I can call my dad, he'll come get me…"

"I should slap your face Paula" he said angrily, "I would never leave you out here alone! Never! Not even if you weren't a girl!" He rushed to me, put his arms on my shoulders, then yanked me to him. I collapsed against him, sobbing like a baby as he stroked my hair. "Paula" he whispered, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met. You're intelligent, unassuming, and unlike a few girls I know, not interested in me for my money. Now then, tell me all about it."

So I did, starting way back in grade school, all the way to right at that moment. I told him about the panty, my breast forms, how I felt, everything. Bill listened without saying anything, then, when I was done, and we were face to face…

"Tell me this Paula, do you tingle when we kiss? Do you lay awake at night thinking about me? Do you want to be with me? In other words, do you feel like I do?"

"Oh yes" I said, hoping he wasn't lying to me. "I do!"

"Then anything else we can work out, can't we?" He held me, a hand on each upper arm, looked me right in the eye, and said, "Paula, I'm in love with you, and I think that you love me. Beyond that, nothing matters, does it?"

Then he kissed me, and I let him touch me anywhere he wanted to. Once we were in the car the kissing continued, and for the first time, he touched me in that forbidden spot. Then, to my great surprise, I touched him. We were both excited, and I would have done something for him right then, but common sense prevailed, and he took me home. He did not stay, but promised to come over the next day. I ran to my room so that my runny eye makeup would not be so evident. I didn't count on mom's eagle eye. She came in the room right behind me, shutting the door when she saw how I looked. I started crying again, the strain of everything had risen to the top, bursting out in one huge, ugly bubble that threatened to destroy me. No longer able to control my emotions, I had burst into tears. Mom merely held me until I stopped.

"Hard day…uh?" Mom pulled me to the bed, sat, and made me sit next to her. "Now, tell me all about it" she said.

It came out, the good, the bad, and the very ugly truth. I was in love with a man that loved me back, but I was not a woman, merely a caricature of one. I felt dirty, yet swollen with pride that Bill loved me. I was willing to do things for him that only girls do, and I didn't feel the slightest remorse about it. I was willing to take Bill to my bed and make him as happy as I could, without being a woman. As the words tumbled out in a rush of pent up frustrations, mom listened until I finally could say no more. I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for mom to tell me how foolish I was to love Bill.

"I think it's time you see the doctor Paula. I know there are programs out there for girls like you, so we'll just have to find one so that when you and Bill get married, you can be the woman he knows you are!"

"You're not mad at me?" I asked

"Mad? No!" Mom replied, "I think it's time we talked about what it is that you want."

So we talked and talked and talked, but in the end, it came down to my wanting to be a real girl. Along the way mom casually mentioned that it was perfectly alright for me to take care of Bill's needs, telling me in a very soft voice that my father certainly liked when they were dating! It was the first admission that my own mother would do something like that, and it made us both giggle.

"The guys like it Paula," mom said, "and it slows them down when they start thinking about getting into your pants. Now, let me help you get undressed, you take a shower, and I'll make some popcorn."

Nothing was said that night, except that dad commented that he thought Bill was quite a man. "He didn't back down from those two today, not even a little, then, when he knocked them both out! What a punch that boy has!"

"And" mom said, "he is in love with Paula."

Dad started to say something, but one look from mom was all it took to make him fall silent. The next day, wearing jeans and a blouse, almost no makeup and my hair pulled back in a ponytail, I was helping mom clean house when Bill stopped by. With a wave of her hand, she told me to go, so Bill and I left. We ended back at lakeside, where Bill produced a blanket, a small basket, and some wine. When I saw it, he winked, grinned, then kept on walking until we were in the most secluded spot he could find. We talked, ate, talked some more, then he kissed me, and the tingling started all over again. Those hands caressed me softly, making me purr with desire, then, I unbuttoned my jeans and pushed them down and off. Laying there in my bra and panties, covered only by the blouse, Bill reacted like any man would. He stood at attention. Not wanting to lose any momentum, I unbuckled his pants, unzipped him, and watched as he stepped out of them. As he lay next to me, my hand reached him, and just like in my dreams, my hand wrapped around him, and I began to stroke him. He quickly pushed my blouse over my head, and I lay there, ready to prove my womanhood. But he did nothing for a moment, standing on his knees staring down at me, his member right in my face.

I did what I wanted to do. I reached up, kissed it, then took him. I felt his hand on my head as I stroked him, then all at once, he was on top of me, pushing for entry. I helped him, then, I felt him. Like before, I felt the size of it as he filled me up, then, as he worked to completion, I also felt a surge run through me. When he was done he rolled off of me, grinning. I lay next to him, basking in the knowledge that I had managed to make him happy, feeling as if I had somehow become a more complete woman. I lay there naked as he got dressed, then slipped my panties on and ran down to the lake, wading in up to my waist. He quickly shed his clothes, then joined me. I never knew skinny dipping could be so much fun, especially after he pulled my panties off, held me in his arms, and impaled me again.

I got home, my clothes still wet, and Mom took one look, then pointed at my room, but she was grinning at me. It had to happen, eventually I was going to make love to a man. Starting in high school I knew it, and now that it had happened, I didn't mind at all. That night dad handed me some papers to sign. They would legally change my name to Paula Kimberly, and would allow me to start in a program to become a woman.

Three weeks later I did start in a program, and by the end of the next year I no longer needed any padding at all. Bill and I were both sad to see the demise of my special panty, but right after it came off for the last time, He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Mark was going to be the best man, while Beth would be my Maid of Honor. What happened to me I never expected, it just happened, but I'm glad it did. Within a month after I graduate I'll be a wife, and someday, a mother.

 

 

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© 2001 by Janet Stickney. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
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