In the Name of the Prophet                by: Roy Del Frink

 

DECEMBER 2000:

Abdul al-Hassan congratulated himself for blowing up the American ship Cole in the port of Aden. "That was great work," he said to himself, "destroying the war machine of the Jewish scum and their allies, the Great American Satan!" But then Abdul wondered why he hadn’t felt the blast. Shouldn’t he be crippled in pain?

"What’s going on here? I volunteered for a suicide mission in the name of the Prophet. Why aren’t I dead yet?" Then Abdul looked at his surroundings. He was on a mountaintop, and the temperature was a cool (though not uncomfortable) 65 degrees Fahrenheit. Ahead of him lay a giant shimmering wall made of pure gold. There was a window to the side; inside, Abdul saw a lush, vegetative garden, full of fruit trees and birds. He could hear happy people inside, laughing and singing and playing. Abdul came to one conclusion; "I must have died and gone to Paradise."

Like any good Muslim, Abdul wasn’t about to turn down a chance to enter Paradise. As he reached the gate, he prepared to open the door when, all of a sudden, a red-haired Arab opened the door and emerged next to Abdul. "Abdul al-Hassan, you don’t deserve this."

"Mohammed! In person! I feel blessed."

"Sorry, Abdul, but this visit is no blessing. I came here to tell you what a fool you’ve been during your 50 years on earth. You meant to help your fellow Muslims in Palestine, but what you really did was seal your own doom."

"But, Master, I thought you told us to kill the heathens."

"I didn’t tell you to kill the heathens, your local Ayatollah did. Listen to me, Abdul! Didn’t you read the Koran, like a good Muslim?"

"Of course."

"Then you should have read the passages about being tolerant of Jews, who are also believers in Father Abraham and the Great Moses, and Christians, who recognize the Great Jesus as a prophet, too."

"But I also recall the passage that said anyone dying during a Jihad is guaranteed free passage to Paradise."

"Blowing up a barge to send a message is not a holy war, it’s mere foolishness. Did you really think that would convert any Infidels to Islam?"

"No, but..."

"But nothing! You weren’t trying to win more followers, you were killing Jews and Christians over land for secular reasons, as is anyone Muslim who’s spend his time fighting the Sons of Israel. Why do you think God blessed them?"

"But they were encroaching on the Palestinians’ land. Your followers should live in the Holy Land, not those Jew-boys!"

"Have you not forgotten, Abdul, that God gave them that land as an entitlement? Sure, they may not be allowed possession of Israel one hundred percent of the time, but sooner or later they will always get it back. Why do you think Israel is still around after all the Arabs’ efforts to stop them?"

"But the Palestinians..."

"Quiet, Abdul! You’re missing the point. You’re not supposed to rush them off the land, you’re supposed to find a way to live together. If Yasser Arafat is willing to consider the idea, you should be, too."

"No way! The Great American Satan shall not be victorious!"

"And that Great American Satan crap was the idea of an evil spirit. Mere propaganda trying to justify the killing of millions. But worst of all, destroying life and property in my name does a major disservice to the name of Allah. You need to learn a lesson about respecting all of God’s people, Abdul. Since you’ve generally been a good Muslim, going to Mecca and fasting during Ramadan and giving to the poor and all, I can’t send you to Hell, but you don’t deserve Paradise either, not yet. So you leave me no choice!" Abdul felt a flash around him. Then the Prophet and Paradise were gone.

Abdul saw himself in a small town nothing like his native Jordan. Trees were everywhere, and grass filled the open countryside. Residents rode around in strange-looking vehicles the locals called "cars". The residents were clean-shaven, and Abdul himself couldn’t believe his beard was gone. Then he noticed a nearby mirror. Staring into it, Abdul saw he was no longer himself. His body was far smaller and younger, about 15 years of age, still with his usual Arabic features. But it was far different than his teenage years. His hair (now black again, no more gray and white) was modeled into a rather conservative bun, and there was no longer a turban upon his head. He noticed what he could have sworn was a robe on his body, only it fit far more snugly. (If he’d spent time in the Western World, he’d know he was wearing a dress.) But the worst part for Abdul was - he was no longer male! Instead, he was a young lady, and judging by the three bumps emerging from his chest and stomach, probably with child. As soon as he soaked in his surroundings, Abdul’s real troubles began.

A gentleman dressed in a business suit and bowler pointed at him. "There’s the Mohammedan pagan! She must be having Satan’s child, for no respectable girl would allow herself to be with another man. After her! Make sure Paula Hastings doesn’t get away!"

As soon as Abdul (now realizing he was a girl named Paula) heard those words, he ran for his life, fearful of what would happen next. He (or rather, she) ran down the roads of town, as far and fast as she could. (Being in an advanced state of pregnancy, that wasn’t very far or fast.) Paula didn’t realize how ANYONE could forbid the idea of a 15-year-old lady having a child. And why was she unwed? Where Abdul had come from, if a young unmarried woman got pregnant, she’d simply marry the father. She wasn’t used to this. And why would anyone criticize her for believing in the prophet? None of it made sense to her.

As Paula left the city limits, she failed to notice a nearby sign:

Now Leaving Junctionville, Alabama

"The Buckle of the Bible Belt"

2000 Census Population: 350

Come Back Again Now, Y’ Heah?

 

THE END

© 2001
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