Chapter 45

My popularity in town soared briefly again after the movie was released and I had to wear my disguise whenever I went out, but I didn't have any problems at school, so Mom insisted that I always wear my 'business attire' of ultra tight skirts, blouses, sweaters, and dresses, and, heels. As a friend of most of the guys on the football team because of my relationship with Brad, no one tried to get fresh unless they were looking to have their head handed to them.

I was writing to, or speaking with, Debbie, Brad, and of course, Carol, every week and they were all doing well at college. Brad probably wouldn't be home until Christmas because of football, but Debbie would be back on Thanksgiving. I was looking forward to her visit with great anticipation.

Between school, studying, and cheerleading, the weeks passed quickly. I made some new friends and strengthened friendships with others. I avoided Mrs. Abbott's attempts to get me involved with the school play. My excuse was that it wasn't fair to the other kids to be overshadowed by my acting reputation, and that someone else should have the lead this year. Fortunately, I didn’t have her for any classes this year.

Taking gym with the girls was a new experience. They certainly didn't play with the same intensity as the guys. There were a few 'jocks' of course, but they were largely ignored by the majority who were only there to complete the school requirements. And the irony of the situation was not totally lost on me. A year and a half ago I would have paid anything to be in the girl's locker room while they were showering, but I didn't feel any thrill about being here now. The price that I had paid to be here was becoming one of them, and I had long ago lost my excitement at seeing naked female forms. The medication that suppressed my sexual urges insured it.

Nothing had come of the interviews that I had had in California before school started. The tuna fish and car commercials were still running occasionally and the Barrett's Department Store chain had started running the commercials that I had made for them last year, no doubt attempting to capitalize on my movie appearance. Each time they appeared on television I earned a small check.

*****

It wasn't until early November that we heard anything from the agency. Mr. Daniels called, just before Mom got home, to say that I was wanted for a callback on one of the interviews that I had had in September. I was surprised because it had been two months since the initial interview. Mr. Daniels said that they had interviewed half the actresses in Hollywood and were starting over again.

"With a large group like that to select from," I said, "is it really worth my traveling to California to be interviewed? They have my last interview on tape, and it's just a small supporting role."

"It looks like it'll be a great movie and I don't think that you should pass up the opportunity. Right now we want exposure and this interview is by their invitation. The producer said that they didn't think that you were right for the part after your first interview, but after seeing you in 'A Promise of Spring', they've reconsidered and want you to read again. You did a wonderful job in that picture and people have noticed. I'm sure that after your last picture comes out, people will really sit up and take notice. I've spoken to George Marren about you. He was very impressed with your performance in 'Open Spaces, Closed Hearts' and believes that you have a great future ahead of you."

"That's nice to hear, Mr. Daniels. Do you know when the picture will be coming out?"

"That's another thing that I'm calling about. They want you to attend the premiere next month. It'll be in L.A. at the beginning of the month."

"When do the casting people want to see me?"

"As soon as you can make it. Their schedule calls for them to start shooting in March and they still have several key spots to fill. They need to make some decisions soon. These period pieces need plenty time for the costuming."

"Okay, Mr. Daniels. I'll talk to Mom as soon as she comes in."

"Great. I'll await her call so that I can set up the interview. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Mr. Daniels."

*****

Four days later Mom and I arrived at the condo in California. The casting company had sent me a small script with the title 'Under the Scarlet Maple' via FedEx and I had been studying it for the past 24 hours. My interview was tomorrow at nine a.m. in the casting director's offices. Mom and I had stopped and eaten dinner after landing at LAX, so after changing into my nightgown I worked on the script in my room while Mom watched television.

*****

We arrived at the office a little early and were given a cup of tea while we waited. A little after nine I was escorted into the conference room where the casting people, the movie producer Mr. Silver, and the director, Trevor Bacon, were waiting. We talked for a while about the two movies that I had been in, plus the television series and the two plays.

Mr. Silver said, "Miss Ramsey, I was very impressed by your performance in A Promise of Spring. After seeing your work in Oliver on Board, and reviewing the video tape of the play that was provided by your agent, I thought that you were mainly suited to comedy, but now I think that there's a serious dramatic actress behind those baby blues also. I'm happy that you've consented to read for us again. As we said in the note attached to the script, we'd like you to read the part of Victoria. Trevor and Ms. Cavendish will play the other parts. Are you ready?"

"Whenever you are, Mr. Silver."

"Okay. Trevor? Nancy?"

The three of us walked to an open area of the conference room where a video camera had been set up. Mr. Bacon set up the scene for us and we began. Mr. Bacon stopped us a number of times to change the tempo, to have me move a different way, or have me give a different look. Once we had it down the way that he wanted we did the scene twice more.

We continued with several other scenes, spending more than two hours working in the conference room, taking just one break for a beverage when I was so dry that I could barely speak. Anyone would think that I had the part and that we were rehearsing. When we finished, Mr. Silver and Mr. Bacon thanked me for coming in and told me that they would be in touch. Mom and I stopped and had lunch before returning to the condo.

Since it was still early afternoon, we changed into our suits and went out to the pool. Chet wasn't around so I guessed that he was away working on his next picture. It was great being able to enjoy the afternoon sun, since it had turned cold back home already. We stayed out by the pool for over an hour and then returned to the condo and changed to go to dinner. We left about 5:30 for the restaurant where we would meet Carol and her roommate Samantha.

We arrived before Carol and Sam so we got a table and waited. They arrived about 15 minutes later and after a quick reunion greeting we sat down and ordered our meals. During the meal we caught up on each other's news.

As we were enjoying our tea after the meal a young woman came up to the table and said, "Excuse me for interrupting, but are you Crystal Ramsey from A Promise of Spring?"

"Yes, I am."

"Oh, I knew it. May I have your autograph please?"

"Certainly."

She handed me her autograph book as she said, "I enjoyed your performance so much that I went back to see the movie three times. You were wonderful."

"Thank you. What's your name?"

"Desiree. That's not my real name of course. It's my stage name. I want to be an actress also."

As I wrote a personalized message I said, "Good luck Desiree. Keep working at it and perhaps we'll work together one day."

"Oh, thank you Miss Ramsey. Are you working in any movies right now?"

"No. I'm not currently employed. I was in a picture that's being released in a few weeks though. It's titled 'Open Spaces, Closed Hearts'."

"I'll watch for it and be sure to go when it comes out."

"Thank you Desiree. I hope that you enjoy it."

"Thank you Miss Ramsey. I'll go now. I'm sorry to have interrupted your meal."

"Goodbye Desiree."

"Bye."

Samantha looked at me and said, "Wow! Does that happen often?"

"Back home it's so bad that I have to wear a disguise when I go out. It hasn't happened out here before. I guess that I blend in better because of all the people in show business. Even the non-showbiz folks dress like me."

"Wait until your next movie comes out," Carol said. "You had such a large part that you'll be recognized much more often."

"That reminds me," Mom said. "I have to order more pictures. The last batch is almost gone. We'll probably get a new flood of fan mail after the new picture."

"This is so exciting," Sam said. "I've never known anybody famous before. Certainly no one who gets fan mail."

"It's nice to be popular, but when you have to alter your appearance to get a little privacy, and you wind up staying cooped up at home to avoid being recognized, you almost start to feel like a criminal. And it only gets worse as you become more successful."

"So tell us about your new picture, Crys," Carol said."

"New picture?"

"The one that you came out here for."

"This trip is only for an interview."

"But it's the second time?"

"That doesn't mean that I'll get it, only that I'm in the finalists, or maybe the semi-finalists. I didn't get any kind of indication that they were leaning towards me over any others."

"They'd be nuts to hire anyone else. When is the premiere for the last one?"

"On the 2^nd. Mom and I will travel back here with you after Thanksgiving."

"Whom are you going with?"

"The agency has arranged with Oliver Addams to be my escort."

"Oliver Addams from the televisions series?" Sam asked.

I nodded.

"He's so handsome. Oh, you are so lucky. Can I meet him?"

"Of course. Come over to the condo on the night of the premiere."

Carol said, "We'll both be there. Where are you getting your gown from?"

"Barbara's making it for me. Did you see the pictures of the other one that she made? It was wonderful."

Carol nodded. "It looked like the ones made by the famous designers. Did you get to keep it?"

"Yes. It didn't come from the theatre. I paid for the material and for Barbara's time to make it. I had a picture of it, and the newspaper article that named her, matted and framed. She has it hanging in the theatre. She said that this time she's going to make one that the newspapers will show as well as talk about."

"Do you have to wear a corset?"

"Yep. It's the only way that I can get my waist down to 18 inches. If I get the new role I'll have to wear one in the movie because it's set at the turn of the century. I wore one to the interview today and I'm sure that it didn't go unnoticed although no one said anything. I only wore it at 19 inches though."

"You wore one to the interview? Why?"

"To show them that I would, and that I could without having it adversely affect my performance. I tried to look as much like the character as I could without wearing a full costume. I even wore a calf-length skirt. I probably looked more fifties than turn of the century, but that’s a lot closer look then the current fashions."

"When does it start, if you get it?"

"Around March."

"March. What would you do about school?"

"Get my assignments by mail I guess."

Mom said, "We'll work it out if it happens. Let's not count the chicks before the eggs are hatched. Crystal has another interview tomorrow for a role in a television series. Maybe that'll bring an offer."

"And if not, we go back home until December."

*****

The next day I went on the other interview. The casting director was familiar with me because of Oliver on Board and we spent about 10 minutes chatting about that series before getting down to the script reading. An hour later we were finished and I was on my way home with the classic line 'We'll be in touch' still ringing in my ears.

We stayed in California for one more full day and then returned home on the following morning.

*****

Carol came home for the Thanksgiving Day holiday vacation a couple of weeks later. I hadn't heard anything about the movie or the television series but I had been hired to do more commercials for the auto company. This time the commercials would be shot by a West Coast ad agency so that they could be shot outdoors. Mr. Daniels had arranged it so that I could do it in the week following the movie premiere. We would stay at the condo until we were done.

Carol, Mom, and I worked on Wednesday evening getting the food ready for cooking on Thursday morning. Debbie called to let me know that she was home and I invited her over. She said that she would drop by Thursday afternoon. Her parents wanted her to stay home with them the first night home. I told her to come by whenever she could.

*****

We got up early and stuffed the bird so that it could start cooking, and then after breakfast we worked on cooking the other foods. Aunt Jessica arrived a little after 11 o'clock and we worked together on the final preparations for dinner.

A little after noon, as we were getting ready to take the turkey from the oven, the doorbell rang. I went to answer it and was surprised to see Dad. I pushed the door open wide so that he could enter.

After he had come in and closed the door behind him I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. "Hi Daddy. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Hi, honey. Happy Thanksgiving to you also. You look beautiful today."

"Thanks. Daddy. Let me take your coat."

I hung up his coat and then we walked to the kitchen.

"Look everyone. Daddy's here."

Carol came over and gave him a kiss followed by Mom who came close and sniffed his breath. "Hello, Bill."

"Hi Susan. Thanks for inviting me. It sure smells good in here. Hi Jessica."

"Hi Bill. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Thanks. Anything I can do to help?"

Mom said, "You can take the bird out of the oven. It should be ready."

"You got it." Dad grabbed a couple of potholders and lifted the large baking pan out of the oven and placed it on the stovetop.

"Okay. I'll take it from here. We have to make the gravy. Go sit down."

Dad went over to the table and sat down as we finished up the preparations for dinner. When the turkey had cooled down enough for carving Mom put it on a platter and carried it into the dining room. Without saying a word she handed Dad the carving set. As he carved the bird we carried everything into the dining room.

When the table was completely filled with food we took our seats. Dad had carved enough meat to satisfy our appetites and sat down with us.

We all filled our plates before stopping for a short prayer of thanks. Then we attacked our food. As always, it was delicious. I especially enjoyed the mushrooms and the stuffing.

During the meal we told Dad about our year, since we hadn't seen him since Christmas. He had seen the commercials that I had made and gone to see the movie that I was in even though it wasn't the type of movie that he preferred.

"You've done wonderfully well, Crystal. You say that you've made enough money to pay for Carol's and your educations already? Then you can end your disguise now."

"No, I can't. In order to get the movie deal that gave us most of the money, I had to sign a contact to do two sequels. I have to stay as I am for five years or until the third movie is released."

"As soon as you get paid you should change back to being a male and forget about this nonsense once and for all. Let them find someone else for their sequels."

"I can't do that. I agreed to do the sequels. I gave my word. Once the sequels are done I can quit the business and fade from view. If I don't do them it'll bother me forever. And they may sue and I would lose the money that I've already earned."

"They wouldn't sue. As soon as they find out that you're not a real woman, they'll spend any amount to keep it quiet."

"I've given my word and I won't go back on it, Daddy. That's all there is all to it. Besides, I'll be well compensated for the 5 years. If they make the two sequels, I'll get at least a million dollars for each."

"Holy… A million dollars for three months work?"

"Well, it only nets out to Four Hundred Fifty Thousand after taxes and agent's fees," Mom said. "But that's pretty good also. More than you or I will ever earn in a year, Bill."

"More than I take home in ten years. Even before child support."

"And we haven't talked about Crystal's other revenues from the commercials and any new jobs that she'll get. It was her decision to stay as she is for the five years and to make as much money as she can during that time. We'll bank it and she'll be financially secure by the time that she graduates from college. Crystal felt that it's worth the five years to have total financial freedom for the rest of her life."

"It looks like I'm outvoted again. Okay, I'll shut up. Five years, eh?"

"It's not so bad, Daddy. I get to travel and learn all kinds of new things and meet interesting people. I can do it for another five years. And who knows, I may fall out of favor with the public and not get any more work. Except for the car commercials that I have coming up I haven't had any new offers since May. I keep going on interviews and not getting the jobs. Maybe my 'turn' is over."

"Don't be silly, honey. You're beautiful and I know that you have a talent for acting. The jobs will come. You just need to be patient until the right role comes along. You've already done two movies this year. That ain't bad for a first year actress. Not bad at all."

I giggled. "Then you think that I should continue while I have the opportunity?"

Dad looked confused. "Well… that's not exactly what I meant. But… I guess that you have to since you agreed to."

"Of course she has to Daddy," Carol said. "She gave her word. You wouldn't want her to go back on her word would you?"

"Of course not. If she gave her word than she has to do it. I guess that I wouldn't really want her to break her word."

I smiled slightly and suppressed a giggle. Carol had just gotten Daddy to refer to me using female pronouns five times.

"Crystal's new picture is coming out on the 2^nd of December in case you want to see it," Mom said to Dad.

"Of course I want to see it. I wouldn't miss it for the world. I have the picture that you sent me last year, at the office. You know, the one with both girls on my knees while Carol pulled my Santa beard down. I'm the envy of every guy in the office. Even some of the VP's drop around to talk with me now and ask how the girls are doing."

"You sound as if you're proud of your two daughters?" Aunt Jessica said.

"Of course I am. One is in USC and the other's a famous actress. What dad wouldn't be proud of such wonderful daughters?"

I smiled to myself again. Everyone was getting into it and Dad didn't even appear to realize how he was referring to me with each mention.

I got up and went around to where Dad was, sat on his lap and gave him a big kiss on the cheek and a hug. "Thank you, Daddy."

"You're welcome, baby."

Mom said, "Crystal, would you put the tea kettle on please?" Mom must have felt that I was pushing it just a little too far.

"Sure, Momma." I took my arms from around dad's neck and went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. As it heated up I returned to the dining room and sat down. I had a little left on my plate so I finished it.

We cleared the table as Dad went into the living room to see the football scores. As soon as everything was cleaned we brought out the pumpkin and apple pies and Dad came back to the table for desert when Mom called. We had made both tea for us and coffee for Dad and we sat at the dining room table for a couple of hours talking. The atmosphere was much lighter than it had been during Dad's last visit at Christmas.

The doorbell rang just after 4 o'clock. It was Debbie and I pushed the door open so that she could come in. As soon as the door was closed she grabbed me and kissed me passionately.

Our separation since graduation got the better of my good sense and I returned her ardor, but only temporarily. The family was still just 20 feet away, and even if they couldn't see us from the dining room, someone might walk past the entrance hallway. I reluctantly pushed Debbie away and shook my head, using my finger to point towards the dining room as a signal that the family was there. I checked my makeup in the hall mirror before taking Debbie's hand and pulling her to the dining room.

"It's Debbie," I said as we reached the dining room. "Debbie, this is my father. Daddy, this is Debbie, whom you might remember from the play at the Community Theatre. You know everyone else Deb."

"Hi Mr. Ramsey. It's nice to meet you. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving everyone."

Everybody returned the greeting and then Mom said, "Would you like some tea, Debbie? And maybe a piece of pie?"

As Debbie was taking a seat she said, "Thanks, Mrs. Ramsey. That sounds great. Mom made rhubarb pies this year and I didn't care for it I'd love a piece of pumpkin pie."

"Help yourself, dear. There's plenty and we have more in the kitchen. The whipped cream is in the bowl there."

Debbie sliced a piece of pie as I poured her a cup of tea. Mom, Aunt Jess and Dad resumed the conversation that they had been having as Carol and I spoke with Debbie. At some point Carol and Debbie began comparing their colleges while I mostly listened. When they asked me about my plans I told them that I had submitted an application to Carnegie Mellon University, but since they only accepted 6 students per year into the Directing curriculum and 32 students into Acting, I had also applied to the USC School of Theatre as my second choice. There were several other good schools that I had selected as alternatives but I hadn't submitted applications yet. I didn't know how many schools I should apply to. Carol had applied to three and been accepted at all. Debbie had applied to four and been accepted at two. Debbie advised me to send the other applications in, just in case.

I would have liked to have invited Debbie up to my room but since Dad was there it didn't seem right to go upstairs, so we sat at the table until almost 6 o'clock, then we got out the food again. Nobody was terribly hungry but everyone nibbled on the leftovers.

Dad left at 8 o'clock after kissing Carol and myself goodbye. I told him that I looked forward to seeing Santa at Christmas again this year. He smiled and said, "He's looking forward to seeing you also. Be a good girl."

"I will, Daddy. Goodbye."

Debbie stayed until 11 o'clock then left to get her beauty sleep. We were going to the Mall tomorrow with Carol, Heather, and Sheri. It would be the best place to be this holiday weekend because I expected that most of the kids home from college would be there. Brad had a football game on Saturday so he would still be in Pennsylvania.

Once in bed I thought about Dad's last words before he left. Did he mean that I should be good, or that I should be a good girl? He has increasingly used female pronouns when referring to me, hardly making reference to my former gender. He had said that he usually forgot that I hadn't been born a girl, and he was treating me like I saw other fathers treat their daughters. He had even kissed me several times today and didn't flinch when I hopped onto his lap and hugged him. Instead he had laughed and hugged me back. I was steadily losing my anchors to the reality of the situation. Only Debbie seemed to be consciously cognizant of my former gender. Everyone else who knew my secret seemed to have forgotten, or at least buried it in their conscious mind. I knew that they would remember immediately if reminded, but without that reminder, I was a real female to them. Everyone else knew me only as a girl and treated me as such, and I could tell the difference having been born and raised as a boy.

What I was most afraid of was what would happen when Debbie learned that male genitalia no longer hung from body. She had positively freaked when she had discovered that I had real breasts. What would she do if she discovered that I had a faux vagina instead of what she was expecting to find? I was seventeen now and she was eighteen. Neither of us had rushed to be sexually active, not that I could have anyway, and we had limited ourselves to not much more than kissing so far, but how much longer could I keep my secret from Debbie and what would she do when she found out?

 

(continued in Chapter 46)

 

 

 

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