Chapter 39

I was soaked in sweat when I awoke, but I remembered the dream, or should I say nightmare? I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash my face with cold water. Then I dried myself off and went back to bed, tossing my saturated pillow aside and using the extra one from my bed. I lay there thinking about the dream and trying to figure out why I would have such a dream. Underneath everything, I was still a male, wasn't I? I was attracted to girls… wasn't I? Well… wasn't I?

I thought back over the long list of boys that I had dated, and kissed, since summertime. Since the beginning, I had fallen into the part of a teenage girl with ease. How much of it was acting and how much was something else? Yes, I know my body had developed with all the characteristics of a female and I was, to any observer, a teenage girl. Even naked, I now appeared to be a teenage girl. But I had been a boy once, hadn't I? So why did I seem to find as much enjoyment in being held and kissed by boys now as I used to find when I dreamed about kissing Debbie. Had living as a girl for all these months, and no longer having male genitalia, so influenced my mind that my sexual preferences were changing? That was not supposed to be possible from what little I had read on the subject. A person's sexual orientation isn't supposed to just change all of a sudden. Can you call half a year, sudden? But the fact remained that I did enjoy kissing Brad and being held in his large powerful arms. As a boy I had always been picked on because of my small size and thin frame. But I always felt very safe and secure when I was with Brad. Was that the reason I enjoyed being with him? I couldn't explain things to my own satisfaction, so I determined to put it out of my mind, rolled over, and tried to go back to sleep. Eventually I succeeded.

On Wednesday, I took the bus over to Miss Boyer's house to work on the song that I would sing in the play. Since the song would be performed entirely in French, she was going to help me with my pronunciation and inflections. I found her house and, after ringing her doorbell, was greeted by her and invited in.

"Good morning, Crystal. You're right on time. Take off your coat and come into the living room."

"Good morning Miss Boyer," I said as I began to remove my winter coat. I hung it up on a coat rack behind the door and followed Miss Boyer. I was immediately struck by the femininity of the house. Everything seemed to be pink or frilly. I didn't see a single thing that spoke of a masculine presence in the house

"You're looking lovely this morning. I almost didn't recognize you though, with the dark hair and the different clothes. This is the first time that I've seen you in a loose fitting skirt."

"It's part of my disguise. The 'starlet' look is reserved for public appearances."

"I understand. It must be difficult at times."

"At times."

Miss Boyer sat down at the piano and handed me a copy of the sheet music. "I've been practicing the song this morning. Let me run through it to give you a feel for the music and the lyrics."

I listened and followed along on the music page as Miss Boyer played and sang. Her voice was very good and she was an accomplished pianist.

"It's quite nice, isn't it?" she said when she had finished.

"Yes, it is. I hope that I won't scare everyone out of the theatre when I sing."

Miss Boyer smiled. "Let's give it a try, shall we?"

Over the next two hours we rehearsed the song endlessly. I slowly began to feel that maybe I wouldn't totally embarrass myself on stage. At noon Miss Boyer called for a break. I was ready.

"Let's have something to drink and maybe a bite."

"Great. My throat feels like it's stuffed with cotton."

I followed Miss Boyer into her kitchen and took a seat at the table as she put the teakettle on the stove.

"How about a lettuce and tomato sandwich?"

"Sounds wonderful."

"Toast or plain?"

"Toast, please."

I watched Miss Boyer as she worked at the counter. I would have expected her to be dressed in something comfortable, but instead she was dressed as if she was on her way out to an event. She was wearing a very tight, black, knee length skirt, a white, jabot blouse, smoke colored stockings, and very high heels that looked to be almost five inches. As I had sat next to her on the piano bench, I had noticed that she was wearing some kind of waist nipper. It isn't a corset, but I could tell that it is very restrictive. With it her waist didn't appear to be any more than 22 or 23 inches.

She brought the sandwiches to the table and sat down. We had just started to eat when the teakettle started to whistle so she got up and made the tea. Afterwards she sat back down and we talked about the song, then about French class, and then about my career.

"You're a very pretty young girl, Crystal," she said. "I'm sure that that, combined with your other talents, will take you far if you stick with it. And you have a good ear for the French language."

"Thank you, Miss Boyer. I've very much enjoyed your classes. I wish that I hadn't missed so many in November."

"It doesn't seem to have hurt your grades. You did all of the assignments and have scored very well on the exams. You're well ahead of some that were there every day. Keep studying and you'll be fine." She paused for a few moments before saying, "You know, I have a few things that I think would look wonderful on you. I can't wear them anymore because I've gotten too fat."

"Miss Boyer, you're not fat. You have a wonderful figure and your waist is tiny."

"Thanks to my waist nipper. Without it I have a 24-inch waist. That's the largest that it's ever been so I have been watching my weight very carefully."

She took me upstairs to her bedroom after we had eaten, saying that she had some dresses that she would like to show me. Sliding open one of her closet doors, she began looking though dresses so densely packed that the heavy steel rod was bowed downward under the weight. I glanced around the room and saw that the décor in the room could not possibly be any more feminine. I wondered how long some 'macho' men would last in here before running from the room, screaming.

Meanwhile, Miss Boyer had accumulated a number of dresses on her arm before turning and carrying them to the bed where she laid them out. Then, one at a time, she held them against me. I helped by wrapping them around me as far as they would go. They were very good quality and were in almost new condition. From where we were standing, I could see my image in a triple set of floor length mirrors.

When we had held all of the dresses against me, Miss Boyer said, "Take off your blouse and skirt so that you can try some of these on."

I was unsure, at first, of how to react, but she was my teacher and I saw nothing wrong with trying on a dress in front of her. I removed my shoes, then unbuttoned my blouse, and removed my skirt. As I finished removing my blouse, Miss Boyer stooped over and held the dress ready for me to step into. I placed my hand on her shoulder for support and stepped into the dress. She started raising it and I had to move my legs tightly together for her get it up over my hips. It was a very tight fit and I could never have put it on over my head because the skirt portion would not have gone over my hips. It seemed like one of the dresses that Barbara had altered for me. Miss Boyer stepped behind me to close the zipper and I put my arms into the sleeves and worked it over my shoulders.

After working with the zipper for a couple of minutes, she said, "I can't seem to budge the zipper more than a few inches. I bought this dress in my senior year of high school when I had a nineteen inch waist."

"Well that explains it. Without my corset, I have a 21 or 22 inch waist."

Miss Boyer walked over to her dresser and opened a lower drawer. When she turned around she was holding a corset. She brought it over to me and said, "Take the dress off of your shoulders."

I worked the dress off of my arms and let it go to hang from my hips as she wrapped the corset around me and fastened the busk. Then she stepped behind me and tightened the laces as I sucked in. I held onto the post of the bed as she pulled on the laces. Just when I began to feel that I would faint if she tightened the corset any more, she tied the laces off worked the dress up onto my arms and shoulders again. This time Miss Boyer was able to close the zipper all the way to the top. Now the dress was actually loose around my waist.

"Crystal, it looks wonderful like this on you. I tightened the corset down a little too much but you should wear it like this while you can. You can have a seamstress adjust the dress to give you a better fit. It looks like it's about 17 inches."

I gasped out, "It's a bit tight, Miss Boyer. I'm not used to it being this tight. My usual size is 19 inches."

"You really should work on reducing your waist size while you can. A tiny waist drives the men wild."

Miss Boyer unzipped the dress and pulled it down enough to get to the corset laces. As she opened the corset slightly I began to breathe easier. When she had retied the laces and pulled the dress back up, the zipper still closed fairly easy but the fit was snugger. I assumed that I was almost back to my normal 19 inches.

"Try these on, " she said as she held a pair of shoes out.

I raised my feet for her as she fitted the shoes to them and buckled the small straps. When she was done I was at least five inches taller and she led me closer to the mirrors so that I could see.

"It's beautiful, Miss Boyer."

"Yes, I bought it for a special party. I've only worn it a couple of times, and I fear that I shall never be able to fit into it again. There's not enough fabric to let it out so that it will fit me, so it's yours. Wear it in good health. It does look wonderful on you. I just knew that you were about the same size that I used to be."

"Thank you, Miss Boyer."

"Call me Cathy. Outside of the classroom, that is. I'm only six or seven years older than you are and my first name is Catherine, but we still have to maintain propriety while in school."

"Okay, Cathy."

"Come on. Let's try on the others."

By the time we were done, I had added at least a dozen dresses and about a dozen skirts, that Cathy could no longer wear, to my wardrobe. Each seemed to be tighter than the last. I knew that she usually wore tight clothes to class, and now I saw that most of her wardrobe was like this. I remembered back to that first day of school when she had greeted me after class and told me how happy she was to see a young girl who takes pride in her femininity and wasn't afraid to express it. Miss Boyer certainly wasn't afraid to express her femininity.

After spending several hours talking about clothes and fashions while Miss Boyer showed me the contents of much of her current closet, one garment at a time, we went downstairs to have a cup of tea. I was still wearing the last of the dresses that I had tried on and had difficulty navigating the carpeted stairs in the 5 inch heels and tight skirt. I would have preferred to wear the loose fitting skirt and blouse that I had worn to come here but Miss Boyer seemed to prefer me dressed like this. I guessed that she was looking for a kindred spirit.

After our tea, we spent another hour or so working on the song. I had a bit more difficulty singing because the corset hampered my breathing, so I stood up to sing. It was approaching 5 o'clock when we ended for the day.

"You're doing wonderfully, Crystal" Miss Boyer said. "By the time we are finished a Frenchman wouldn't be able to tell that that you weren't born and raised in France after hearing you sing."

"Thank you, Cathy."

"I think that one more day should do it. How about Friday?"

"Okay. I don't have any plans. Same time?"

"Sure. Wait down here and I'll get your dresses. Then I'll drive you home."

Miss Boyer went upstairs as I wandered around the living room and looked at her photographs. When she returned she helped me to change my shoes.

"Oh wait, I'm still wearing your corset" I said as I was about to put on my coat.

"Oh, you can bring it back Friday rather than undressing now. I don't wear it anymore. In fact, you can keep it. It fits you like it was made for you, and I know that you'll get more use of it than I will since you still wear a corset on a daily basis."

"Okay, Cathy, thank you."

We put on our coats and left for my house, each of us carrying half of my new clothes. Miss Boyer pulled her car into our driveway and parked behind Mom's car. As she helped me into the house with the clothes, I called to Mom who was in the kitchen making dinner. Introductions were not necessary since they knew each other from the school.

"Miss Boyer gave me some lovely, almost new, dresses that she can't use anymore."

"Thank you Miss Boyer. They're lovely. How did Crystal do today?"

"Wonderful, Mrs. Ramsey. We're going to practice once more and she'll be ready."

"Call me Susan. Please."

"Okay Susan, and you must call me Cathy."

"Of course, Cathy. We'll be sitting down to dinner shortly. Would you like to stay and eat with us?"

"I wouldn't want to impose."

"No imposition at all. We have plenty and I insist. Excuse me I have to get back into the kitchen. Crystal, take our guest into the living room."

Mom hurried back to the kitchen as I escorted Miss Boyer into the living room. We draped the dresses over the back of one of the chairs and took off our coats, which I carried to the hall closet and hung up. When I returned Miss Boyer was holding the award that I had received from the Community Theatre.

"This is a beautiful award, Crystal. I saw the presentation when it was replayed on television. Your mother must be very proud."

"Yes. The award was quite a surprise. I had no idea that the company was going to give it to me. It was the first award that they ever gave out."

"I'm sure that it's not the last that you'll receive."

"I'm beginning to wonder. I haven't heard a thing from my agent since we returned after Thanksgiving. I was hoping that I would get something to do over the Christmas Recess. Even a small commercial would have been nice."

"Does it pay to go all the way to California for just a commercial."

"It could, for a commercial that going to run nationally. In addition to the money that you get paid for doing it, you get a small check every time that it's run. A commercial that runs a lot can ultimately pay six figures."

"My, I had no idea."

As we talked, Carol came in. She had been out with Heather and Sheri and upon hearing the voices in the living room, she came in to investigate.

"Hi Carol," I said. "You know Miss Boyer from school, don't you?"

"I know who Miss Boyer is but she doesn't know me since I haven't had any classes with her." To Miss Boyer she said, "Hello Miss Boyer."

"Hello Carol. I recognize you from having seen you with Crystal. You don't take any languages studies, do you?"

"I took a year of French with Mrs. Collins in my sophomore year. That was before you came to the school. If I had stayed with it I would have been in your class since you replaced Mrs. Collins when she retired. I'm a senior now."

"You didn't enjoy the French classes?"

"No, not very much. Mrs. Collins was old and cranky. I always dreaded having to face her sour moods every day."

"Then it was good that she retired. A student shouldn't dread going to class every day. I imagine that Mrs. Collins had begun dreading to go to class each day also. That's usually the case when a teacher's attitude changes like that."

Carol had been looking at me as we talked. "Crys, where did you get that dress? I don't remember it."

"Cathy gave it to me."

"Whose Cathy?"

"I'm sorry. I meant Miss Boyer gave it to me."

"Oh."

"Look, she gave me all of those also." I pointed to the stack of dresses that lay over the back of the chair nearest to the hallway entrance. We spent several minutes going through the dresses.

"Well, I guess that I'm not going to be borrowing any of these" Carol said.

Seeing the puzzled look on Miss Boyer's face, I said, "Because of the waist size."

"Well that shouldn't be a problem for a beautiful young girl with a good figure. A corset will easily reduce your waist enough to wear any of these dresses."

"No way," Carol said, "can I wear one of those things. Crys suffers it because of her career, but I don't need the 'look' that bad."

"It's not always a matter of 'needing' the look, but more a matter of 'desiring' the look, and being desired. What woman will ever admit to not wanting to be 'desired'? Many may decry those feeling as being from a different era, but secretly, even those women have them."

Mom had come into the living room to tell us that dinner was ready so we went into the kitchen and sat down. Tonight's entrée was Mom's wonderful Chicken Cacciatore. I took small portions of white rice and Italian green beans as Mom passed the plate of chicken to Miss Boyer. After Miss Boyer had taken a piece she passed the plate to me. I selected the smallest piece that I could find and put it on my plate before passing the plate to Carol. Seeing Carol take a piece twice the size of mine made me think about the days when I would eat five times as much as I had taken. However, with the corset on, I might not even be able to finish this. I sighed silently to myself and began to eat my dinner.

Over dinner Miss Boyer told us about her schooling and how she had decided to become a language instructor. Following her graduation from college, she had lived in France for an entire summer as she perfected her enunciation and studied the slang and colloquialisms that they don't teach in school. She told us of visiting the museums and historical sites in France, along with a few quick tours to Belgium, Germany, Austria, and Switzerland. It would be wonderful to spend several months touring Europe some day.

Miss Boyer stayed and visited until around 9 o'clock. Carol excused herself around 7 to use the phone and didn't come back until Miss Boyer was getting ready to leave. I would visit Miss Boyer again on Friday to finish our work on the song. Just after she left, Brad called, and I spent about an hour talking with him before giving up the phone to Carol again. With Mom's help I carried my new wardrobe up to my room and we spent some time going through the clothes as we hung them up.

"This was very nice of Miss Boyer. These clothes are lovely, and we won't even have to have any of these altered by Barbara", Mom said.

"You should see her closets. She must spend most of her free time shopping. I never saw so many clothes owned by one person. Even Heather and Sheri don't come close to Miss Boyer. At least not yet."

"I know some other women like that. We all have our pleasures in life. Their pleasure is shopping."

On Friday I returned to Miss Boyer's home and we practiced the song for several hours. I had worn a tight skirt and blouse combination that I knew that she would approve of. It was a small price to pay for the help and beautiful clothes that she had given to me. By lunchtime we had finished and Miss Boyer congratulated me on my last rendition. We had spoken only in French since I had arrived and continued as she invited me to have lunch with her. Having had a year and a half of French enabled me to hold a basic conversation, although Miss Boyer corrected me often and she stopped several times to explain things in English.

After lunch she dropped me off at my house. I was glad to be able to change into one of my new loose fitting denim skirts and a normal blouse. Carol had gone out with Heather and Sheri, and Mom had gone grocery shopping. I spent some more time practicing for the play although I didn't feel any more time with the song was necessary, and at 4:30 I went downstairs and began preparing dinner. Mom came in as I washed the chicken and placed it in the pan. I stopped long enough to help her carry in the groceries and then returned to cooking as she put things away. We finished about the same time and sat down at the kitchen table to talk.

Mom said, "Mr. Daniels called this morning. He wanted to know about your schedule. He expects to have some work for you in about four or five weeks."

"What is it?"

"He wouldn't say because so far it's only an idea that is being kicked around and the producer doesn’t want any rumors floating around. But he did say that you wouldn't be displeased. It will mean a trip to New York City for about ten days."

"Less than two weeks? It must be a commercial, or a series of commercials. Maybe it's a spot on a daytime soap. It wouldn't be a play, and that's too long for just a guest appearance on a late night show like Dave Letterman or Craig Kilborn. I 'think' that both Letterman and Kilborn are shot in New York City. Are they shooting any movies in NYC right now?"

"We'll find out when Mr. Daniels is ready to tell you. I naturally told him that you were available."

"That will be after the play is over. Too bad, it would have enabled me to get out of doing it with a valid excuse."

"You don't want to do it? After working so hard?"

"It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to sing. I'm not a singer."

"You have a nice voice. Perhaps you just need some training to help boost your confidence. How about my making some arrangements with a voice coach?"

"It's a little late for late for that. The play is in three weeks."

"It's never too late to start learning something new. I'll make some calls tomorrow. Even if it doesn't help you with the play, there may be other times when singing will come up while you are in show business."

Carol came in just as Mom talked about making some calls.

"What calls? What's up?"

"Mom thinks that I should have some voice lessons to help with my singing."

"Oh. More lessons. It sure is hard work becoming a star, even with your natural ability. I can't believe the number of hours that you spend studying scripts. I always thought that they read their lines off one of those tele… monitor… prompter thingies like the news people do. That's the kind of job to get. You just sit and read as the lines that somebody else wrote flash onto a TV set."

"Even they work hard at their craft, Carol."

"Come on," Carol said lightly. "Their only hard work is looking good for the TV camera. People dress them, fix their makeup, and style their hair. Then they sit there and read the monitor, or from a stack of papers."

"Most news people are journalism college grads. They have to work their way up before they land a cushy spot, and only the best achieve it and survive."

"Maybe, but I still think that they have it made."

"Is that what you want to do, dear?" Mom asked.

"Maybe. It's seems to pay well. I hadn't really ever thought about it until we went to California. Or maybe there's something else I'm suited for in the entertainment business if it isn't the news part."

"Why don't you go with your sister to the voice coach. Maybe you'll learn something also."

"Okay. When?"

"I'll have to make arrangements. I'll tell you as soon as I find out." The buzzer on the microwave sounded. "There's the timer. Dinner must be ready."

The following weeks were very busy. With the time to the play so short, we started rehearing every night, and on weekends. Mom found a voice coach and I began taking lessons when I could squeeze the time from my schedule. Mid-term exams came, and went, and that left more time to devote to the rehearsals of the play. Brad wasn't happy that I couldn't go out with him but I think that he understood. He seemed to get to me during most breaks between classes so that he could walk me to my next class.

Getting fitted for our costumes for the play had been interesting. I was really glad that I had had the procedure in California or my secret would have been discovered for sure. The clothes that I would wear in the play left nothing for the imagination. The 'gendarme' uniforms that the boys would wear were being rented from a theatrical costume supplier, but seniors from one of Mrs. Lynch's sewing classes were making the streetwalker's clothes. More than once my crotch was felt as I was being fitted for my wardrobe. The touching was not of a sexual nature, just what was required to fit and pin material for alterations, but if I were still Cary, it would surely have been discovered. There were no professional ethics here that would have prevented my secret from being spread around the entire town within a day. My costumes were theatrical versions of what the stereotypical French 'streetwalker' of the 60's would wear. Miniskirts that were split almost to the waist, 5 inch black pumps, fishnet stockings, and blouses so low cut that I almost fell out of them.

Carol came along with me to my voice lessons and showed interest in having her own so Mom signed her up as well. We spent a lot of time early on with breathing exercises, enunciation, and singing scales.

The final three days before the play were devoted to full dress rehearsals. Mrs. Abbott had done a good job with the new actors. I had helped out as much as I could and I felt that they would do a respectful job. The male lead, Darin Reynolds, had been in last year's play and the experience was noticeable in his acting, but with my streetwalker stiletto heels I was as tall as he was, and he probably only weighed in at about 130 pounds. It was quite a difference to be held and kissed by him after having been held and kissed by other leading men, and by Brad. I doubted if he could hold me and bend me over backwards to kiss me as Rick Verkasky had done in the play at the Community Theatre. I would be afraid of falling on my head. But, he was right for the part of an honest, naïve policeman who accidentally dominates the large pimp who controlled Irma before he came along.

The school district actually took out an ad for the play. To the best of my knowledge that had never been done before. I hoped that they remembered that this was still a VERY amateur production. Although I had had some success, my performance alone would not be able to project the image of a professional production. I knew that many of the people who would attend would be parents and relatives of the actors, and to them the performance of their child would be flawless, regardless of the actual facts. I only hoped that the press would remember the extremely amateur status of the production and be kind to all of us.

Opening night finally arrived, and with it came the opening night jitters. Many of my fellow actors were nervously pacing in the hallway next to the backstage entrance. This section of the school was closed off by fire doors so that we would not be disturbed by unauthorized visitors. Only custodial and security personnel could open the doors from outside the hallway. Several classrooms in the wing had been turned into dressing rooms and a makeup room. As if the cast and crew were not enough people milling about in this area, we also had the school band members who would provide the music for the play. It was bedlam on the first night.

As curtain time approached, the crowds began to thin. The band members took their seats in the auditorium's orchestra pit, and the backstage crew took their places. Actors not involved in a scene had been instructed to stay in the hallway until needed.

Just before curtain time, Mrs. Abbott stepped out onto the stage to give the welcome and introduction. At least I wouldn't have to do that for the play. When she was done, Mrs. Abbott stepped back between the curtains and looked around the set. As she walked to the stage left wing she signaled the curtain man to open the curtains.

The play went fairly well. There were the usual flubs, miscues, and dropped lines, caused by the stage fright and inexperience that is found in all amateur productions. One of the crew members stood by, slightly off stage, with a script to prompt any of the actors who forgot their lines. One of the singers forgot the words to his song, so he made up his own. This in turn caused most of the cast and audience to break out in giggles, mainly because the new lyrics were not very good. Darin did a good job as my leading man and at the end of the play we got four curtain calls. Aren't families wonderful?

Instead of being exhausted at the end of the night, most of the cast members were jumping with excitement. I guess that it was due to having the first night under our belt, but we still had two more performances to do since the school play runs only one weekend each year. I declined a couple of offers to go 'out' with the other cast members for pizza. I was tired and I didn't know what to expect from 'fans' now that I was back in the spotlight again. Mom and Carol were waiting for me when I had finished with my makeup and changed out of my costume.

"Excellent performance, honey" Mom said. "The play went very well."

"Yeah, sis, it was good" Carol added.

I smiled, "No it wasn't, but it was fair. Some of the actors did a very good job, and the others will improve with work and after getting used to performing in front of an audience. Tomorrow will be better, and Sunday will be the best."

 

(Continued in Chapter 40)

 

 

 

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