Chapter 30

After lunch Mom announced that she and I were going for a ride and she asked Carol if she wanted to come.

"Where are you going?"

"I thought that Crystal and I might drive an hour or so from here and do a little shopping. It's obvious that she can't go out around here without being pestered by admirers, and she can't stay cooped up here all of the time with school activities as her only distraction."

"I was going to go shopping with Rebecca from the squad, but I'll call her and tell her that I can't make. It wasn't very firm anyway."

"Okay. We'll leave about 2 o'clock. Crystal, since you're finished eating, why don't you go clean up and get ready while Carol and I clean up?"

"Okay, Mom." She didn't have to ask me twice. I was excited about getting out of the house and going somewhere where I would be free to walk around without being followed by fans.

While Carol was changing and I was working at my makeup table, Mom came into my room carrying an ordinary denim skirt, peasant style blouse, and pumps with one-inch heels. "Since we want to avoid attention today, you can wear these clothes of your sisters instead of your normal clothes. It'll make you less conspicuous."

"Thanks, Mom. I'll look just like the other teenagers, dressed like that."

Two hours later we pulled into a shopping mall 70 miles from home. This town didn’t have a Barrett’s Department Store so it was unlikely that anyone would expect to find me here. We spent the late afternoon shopping in the dozens of stores that made up the mall, and at dinnertime we left the mall and found a pleasant looking restaurant on the road to home. It was the nicest day that I had had in weeks.

Monday was an average day in school. I encountered Brad several times during the day. Each time, he walked me to class with his arm resting on my shoulders. Everyone that we passed stared at us but I don’t think that Brad even noticed since he was used to being stared at. At lunch I met my friends in the cafeteria. Brad must have gone out with his buddies, and thinking about it, I couldn’t ever remember having seen him in the cafeteria at lunchtime. That wasn’t unusual as many kids never ate there, preferring instead to patronize one of the many deli's or fast food places in the area.

We waited around after school so that we could meet Mom for the ride home. On the way we stopped at Dr. Danvers' office so that she could take a blood sample and give me a physical. When she had finished, she and Mom had a conference in her office while Carol and I waited in the waiting room. It was dinnertime when we arrived home so we all pitched in to make a quick dinner. As the meatloaf cooked, I sat at the kitchen table and read the Sunday paper that I had not had time for yesterday. In the entertainment section, I found a review of Oliver On Board by the same critic who had reviewed it several weeks ago. Mom was making a salad, and Carol was preparing some potatoes for nuking so I read it aloud.

'Oliver On Board' may soon be overboard. When I reviewed the premier episode of this new series last month, I felt that it held a lot of potential for winning its time slot. After watching the succeeding episodes I now wonder where the spark has gone. Oliver Addams' performances are wooden, and the scripts are most predictable. I would expect that network executives are already looking for a mid-season replacement for this eagle that has turned into a turkey.'

Mom said, "That's too bad, dear. I guess that our hopes for a long series and lots of callbacks will never be realized now."

Carol added, "Yeah. But at least you've had the exposure from the first episode, and you’ve been on the background behind the credits each week. Something might come from that."

"I hope so. I thought that I would have had some kind of offer by now. Even if it was only for a walk-on part."

"It'll come honey. Don't give up hope. I'm sure that you would have had more offers if we lived on the West Coast. Living a couple of thousand miles away makes things much more difficult. I’m sure that Mr. Daniels would have had many jobs for you if we lived in California."

After dinner Brad called me and we spent about an hour talking on the phone. He invited me to the victory party after Saturday's game.

"Victory party? Are you that sure that you're going to win?"

"Pretty sure. But I always call them victory parties before the game. I think it builds our confidence. In this case it's almost a lock. Bluthville hasn't had a winning season in years. It should be a blow-out."

I managed to avoid answering the question about the date but I should have realized that he would call every night to ask me until he wore me down.

Tuesday and Wednesday at school went pretty much like Monday except that we had a cheerleading practice on Wednesday. When we arrived home after school on Wednesday, Mom found a message from Mr. Daniels that she should call him at her earliest opportunity. So before she even went to her room to change her shoes, she called the agency. Carol and I were excited so we stood near her trying to figure out the conversation from listening to Mom, but Mr. Daniels did most of the talking. When the conversation ended, Mom hung up the phone and looked at me.

"They want you to come out on Sunday and be ready to work on Monday morning."

"Great. I'm ready. What's the job and how many days?"

"They want you on the set of Oliver On Board."

"What? With the series about to go under? If I do the show and the series gets cancelled then everyone will remember me as a failure. I'll never get another job out there."

"Mr. Daniels wouldn't recommend that you take the job if he thought that it would hurt your career. Aside from personal feelings, his agency stands to benefit if you have a long and prosperous career."

"Then why does he want me to get involved with a dying show?"

"Because they hope that you can save it. Or at least breathe enough life into it to get it back on track."

"In one episode?"

"No. They're offering a four episode deal, with options if the series isn't cancelled at mid-season."

"Four episodes? That would mean another 20 thousand dollars in the fund."

"Better than that. Mr. Daniels has negotiated 50 thousand per show. It seems that you are a proven commodity now, AND they need YOU."

"FIFTY THOUSAND PER SHOW?" Carol and I looked at one another and then we both started jumping up and down and shrieking."

"Girls, calm down. We don't get to keep the entire 50 thousand."

"What?"

"Remember, the government takes half for taxes, and the agency gets 5 thousand for its fee for each show. Then there are the expenses."

"How much do you figure will go into the fund."

"Conservatively, I think that we'll be able to add 15 thousand per show."

"That's 60 thousand for the 4 shows. That's more than enough for Carol's first year at almost any college in the country."

"Then I take it that you want to do it?"

"Of course."

"Okay. I'll call Mr. Daniels back and tell him that we'll be there Sunday evening." Looking at Carol she added, "The three of us."

While Mom made the call, Carol and I ran to the kitchen to begin preparing dinner. As we worked I repeated the stories that I had told her about the people on the set and the hotels where we had stayed while shooting the first episode. Dinner was already cooking in the oven when Mom joined us in the kitchen. We sat down and talked about the trip. There was a lot to do in the remaining 3 and a half days before we would leave. Mainly, we would have to get all of our homework assignments from our teachers so that we would be current when we returned, we had to pack for a four week stay, and I had to go back to see Dr. Danvers on Friday. Mom would have to get a leave of absence from work, but they had enough help in the office so that it would not be a burden on her co-workers. Then there were all of the tiny details to see to such as canceling the newspaper subscription for the four weeks that we would be gone, and arranging with someone to check on the house occasionally. After dinner Mom called Aunt Jessica to tell her the news. Carol and I went up to do our homework because we knew that Mom would be on the phone for a while as she talked with her sister.

On Thursday we broke the news to the cheerleader squad that we would be away for 4 weeks because of the acting job. I had expected them to be a little upset but instead they were excited about one of the squad members being on TV again.

Friday's practice was Carol's and my last practice with the squad until we returned but we still had one more game before we left. After practice we hurried to meet Mom who would just be finishing up in the office. We walked to the car together and Mom drove us straight to Dr. Danvers' office.

Dr. Danvers' receptionist directed us to Dr. Danvers' office as soon as we walked in. Dr. Danvers had seen all of her patients for the day and was doing paperwork. She greeted us and invited Mom and I to sit down, but asked Carol to wait in the outer office. Mom said that Carol was a member of the family and would hear the results anyway so she told her to sit down. After exchanging a few pleasantries, Dr. Danvers began to report her findings.

"Crystal, we have discovered a considerable hormonal imbalance in your system."

Mom, suddenly looking very concerned, said, "It is a dangerous imbalance?"

"No, not really dangerous." She paused for several seconds before addressing me. "From the first time that I met you I believed that you wished to become a woman. You asked me to refer to you as Crystal rather than as Cary, you were dressed as a woman, and you had breast forms semi-permanently affixed to your chest. I have seen your performances on TV and have observed you closely in our personal meetings. Everything about you exudes femininity. Your movements, your speech, and your reactions, all say 'female'."

She paused for a long breath, "So I was very surprised when your mother told me that you were distressed when you discovered that your breasts were developing. Believing that your ultimate goal was a surgical operation to complete your transsexual change, I would have expected you to believe that that is the most wonderful thing that could happen to you. No woman would prefer breast forms or implants to having her own, real breasts. In my talk with your mother following your first examination, we discussed your situation. Your mother was concerned that your voice might begin to change and cause you embarrassment, so I prescribed a male hormone blocker, an anti-androgen, which would slow or delay the effects brought on by increased male hormone levels. Your body would resume its natural testosterone output if you chose to stop taking the pills, and the pills would not destroy your ability to reproduce." Smiling, she said, "Your mother kept referring to the anti-androgens as antibiotics." Putting her clinical face back on, she continued, "As you may be aware, both sexes produce both male and female hormones. While your male hormone production was affected, your body continued to produce estrogen hormones. This, in itself, should not have had the rapid effect that you are experiencing so we had to investigate further. In a discussion with your mother I got the name of the manufacturer of the breast forms and I contacted them. I spoke directly with their top clinical researcher, a Dr. Bramford. He told me that the breast forms are a standard design, but the adhesive varies. The long-term adhesive that you are using contains a heavy concentration of a product called Estrace, which is an estrogen replacement drug. This adhesive was intended for pre-op transsexual use and the heavy concentrations of estrogen replacements were intentional. A sheet is contained with all shipments, but apparently it got separated from the breast forms while they were stored at the theatre. Of course, it was never expected that a male who was not transitioning would be using the long term adhesive anyway."

She stopped to take a drink of water and invited us to have a cup also. I needed a drink, as my mouth and throat were getting very dry.

Dr. Danvers continued. "We also discovered a third part to this puzzle. Your mother has been using herbs and natural supplements for a number of years. She's been frequenting a little shop locally and I called the owner. He said that the herbs that she's been purchasing are the ones that claim to provide softer skin, more luxuriant hair, and healthy bodies. He gave me a list of the items that she normally purchases, including a special mixture that he makes up which contain, among other things, Shamento and Ivenkiki. These last are Amazon rain forest herbs, and are safe as long as they are used in the right quantities. However, research has shown that they may affect the hormonal balance in the body. These, and the other things that your mom has purchased from the herbalist, including extracts of yams, soybeans, beets and sweet potatoes, appear to have had an impact on your system and led, in part, to your current condition. The main cause, however, was the heavy concentrations in the breast form adhesive."

I said, "Will the condition reverse when I remove the breast forms?"

"No. Once the breasts are formed, a return to normal testosterone levels will not reduce their size."

"What can I do then?"

"In recent years a number of men have been undergoing breast reduction surgery. The problem of higher than normal estrogen levels in men has been around for years. It is a naturally occurring situation in the physiology of some males."

"Will my breasts continue to grow."

"Your mother told me that the breast forms were just reapplied for the third time. By now the adhesive has already begun to work in your body. Even if you were to remove them immediately, your breasts will continue to grow for the near term. But the sooner that they are removed, then the sooner that the adhesive will stop having an affect on you. Other physiological conditions could continue to promote their growth."

I was in shock and began to slump in my seat. The only thing that I could think to mumble was, "Well, thank you Dr. Danvers. You have given me a lot to think about."

"There's more, Crystal."

I sat upright again. "More? More good, or more bad?"

"Just more. The mixtures, which the herbalist has been selling to your mother for years, were intended for ingestion by a woman. He knew that your mom was divorced, and he didn't know that there were any males in the house. Many estrogen replacement products are made from the same extracts of beets, yams, soybeans, and sweet potatoes that your Mom has been purchasing. When you were first examined, I noticed that your hips were much wider than I would have expected in a young male your age. Also, your voice was much higher than most prepubescent males, and your genitalia was at a… 'very under-developed' stage." She paused for a second. "Your excellent muscle tone, which I understand came from riding your bike everywhere, disguised the size of your hips while the hormonal imbalance of the past four months had increased their size further as your body is still growing. Lack of the exercise that you received before has caused fat to accumulate on your hips and thighs leading to your more defined female appearance. Returning to normal testosterone levels will not reduce the size of your pelvis although exercise will give you better muscle tone. Your voice should deepen though, and you'll grow facial hair. I am not sure about the effects on your genitalia but it should grow some."

My mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour. "Your saying that my body was growing like a female's even before July when the adhesive started working on me?"

"Uh… yes. But normal male hormonal development that comes with puberty should have emerged in the near future. The effects of the herbs might have been responsible for delaying puberty, but your body should have compensated in the near future. Some teens experience it later than others, especially males, who typically go through puberty a year or two later than females."

"How long have I been taking the herbs?"

"Your mother has been adding the herbs to her tea since you were an infant, so only for as long as you've been drinking tea."

"I've been drinking tea since I was eight or nine. Why did it only start tasting bitter a few months ago?"

"Your mother had gotten a new supply the same weekend that you first became Crystal, but the adhesive probably had an effect on your system and your taste buds became more sensitive to the herbs temporarily. I understand that nobody else in the family tasted any difference."

"Is there anything else?"

"No, I guess that that covers it, except to tell you that you should stop taking the anti-androgens that I prescribed if you want to resume your male identity."

"How soon will I begin to see the emergence of male characteristics when I do?"

"It's impossible to say. You could notice slight differences in days, or it might take a couple of weeks before your male hormones cause your body to start exhibiting any masculine characteristics."

We thanked Dr. Danvers for her efforts and left. I was deep in thought, but Mom and Carol discussed the situation as we drove home. When we arrived home we sat down in the kitchen to talk.

Mom said, "Crystal honey, I'm sorry about the herbs. I never suspected that they could have harmed you in any way. I thought that they were good for all of us."

I said quietly, "I know, Mom. The question that faces us now is whether I continue as Crystal or not. My body is still changing, I guess, and unless I stop taking the 'antibiotic' pills it will continue. Even that won't stop my breasts from forming until the adhesive starts to break down."

Carol said, "But if I understand it, when you stop taking the medicine your voice will change and you will start getting hairy. Yuck. I can't imagine having a hairy face. And if you do stop taking the anti-whatis-pills then you will stop being my sister. I don't want to loose you now. I love having a wonderful sister much more than having a creepy brother. I don't want you to go."

I smiled sadly. "The worst part is that I may no longer be able to get roles as Crystal. My brief career may be over."

Mom said, "Your health and happiness is more important than any career, dear."

Tiredly, I said, "I'm going upstairs to lay down, I have a splitting headache."

"Okay, dear. We'll call you when dinner is ready."

"Thanks, Mom."

I left the kitchen and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. After changing my clothes I lay down on the bed to think over my situation. If I didn't stop taking the pills then my hips and pelvis might get even wider. I could always get breast reduction, but hip reduction is infinity more involved. If I stopped taking the pills, then I would have to pull out of the TV series deal and that meant the end of my college dreams. Facial hair could be dealt with because it would probably be very light for a while, but if my voice started to deepen suddenly, I would not be able to disguise it. Prior to becoming Crystal I had hated my high pitched voice, which was always confused with Carol's when I answered the phone because we still sounded almost alike. Things had begun to look so wonderful lately, and now I began to feel the crushing weight of despair descending upon my shoulders. I had always intended to return to being Cary, and even looked forward to the day that I would throw away the corsets and uncomfortable clothes that I so frequently had to wear. But I didn't expect it to happen like this. This turn of events had once more turned my life, and now my future plans, upside down. I suddenly began to weep. I don't know how long I cried, and surprisingly I fell asleep as I sniffled.

 

(continued in Chapter 31)

I want to express my grateful appreciation to Lynn Jennings for proofreading this story and all of the others in this series, and also to Lynn and J.B. for their editing help and suggestions. 

 

 

 

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© 1999 by Crystal Sprite. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
Anyone wishing to make comments is welcome to e-mail me at crystal@storysite.org