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I Can't Go Home Like This by C. Sprite


 

Chapter 17

It had happened again. I awoke with the Scarlet doll wrapped in my arms. What was going on? I had to be walking in my sleep. Either that or the doll was possessed and was joining me in bed each night after I fell asleep. I held the doll at arm’s length and looked at it. I didn’t see any glowing eyes, or movements. It didn't offer any hint of animation, or spirit possession. Chucky, it was not. I laughed at my own silliness, got out of bed, and put the doll back on the shelf where it belonged.

After using the bathroom, I went downstairs. Mom was in the kitchen already, and had breakfast almost ready. I kissed her good morning and sat down. She brought me a glass of OJ, a cup of tea, and an antibiotic capsule. Several minutes later she brought over two pieces of French toast for each of us. We talked about the morning’s schedule as we ate. We had an appointment with Dr. Danvers this morning at 10 o’clock. After that we would go grocery shopping, and then leave for the lake. When we had cleaned the kitchen, we went upstairs to bathe and dress.

At 9:30 I set the timer for the lights and we left the house. Just as we approached our car, which was parked in the driveway, a car pulled in behind ours. A forty-something man stepped out and walked towards us. He introduced himself as Paul Daniels of Daniels & Lewis, and he gave Mom his card. The card identified him as a theatrical agent.

He said, "Mrs. Ramsey, I was privileged to see your daughter’s performance last night and I wanted to discuss the possibility of representing her interests in the professional community. Mr. Tucker was kind enough to provide me with your address. I know Adam from when he worked in New York."

Mom said, "I’m sorry Mr. Daniels, but we're late for a doctor’s appointment. We don’t have time to discuss this right now."

"How about tonight? I could come over after dinner."

"I’m sorry. We’re leaving town this afternoon, and we won't be back until Friday afternoon."

"Mrs. Ramsey, this could be very important to your daughter’s career. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning, and I don’t know when, or even if, I'll be back this way. I very rarely seek out clients, but I was touched by Crystal’s performance. She has a unique quality that I haven’t quite been able to put my finger on. I think that I may be able to provide an excellent opportunity for her."

Mom thought for a minute and said, "We can meet with you at noon if you're free."

"I am."

"Then we’ll see you at Romano’s Restaurant on Delaware Avenue at noon."

"I’ll be there."

"Fine. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to hurry."

"Of course." Mr. Daniels backed his car out of the driveway and turned towards the downtown. We got into our car and headed for the medical offices of Dr. Danvers.

As we drove, I said, "Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Why did you tell that man that we'd meet with him at Romano’s?"

"I felt that it wouldn’t hurt to listen to him. At some point you’ll have to learn to deal with agents and media professionals. If nothing else, this may be good experience."

We arrived at the offices right on time. The receptionist directed us into examination room B, and Dr. Danvers came within seconds after we entered. She and Mom hugged like the old friends that they were. She and I touched cheeks during our greeting.

She said, "It’s so nice to see you both again. What can I do for you today?"

Mom said, "Alicia, I wanted you to look at Crystal again. Originally, she was only supposed to wear the breast forms until about July 20th. With the success of her play, she's decided to extend that time. Since the play may last several more weeks, I wanted you to give her an examination and make sure that there are no signs of infection. She's been taking the capsules that you provided."

Dr. Danvers said, "Okay. Crystal, take off your blouse and bra, dear. By the way, I went to see your play yesterday and I enjoyed it immensely. I thought that you were wonderful in your role. I also loved your introduction. It was both funny and charming."

"Thank you, Dr. Danvers."

I had removed my clothes as she talked. She examined my chest and breasts, listened to my heart, and checked my blood pressure. Then she took the blood sample.

She said, "Crystal, have you been having any health problems?"

"No, Dr. Danvers."

"How does your chest feel?"

"Fine. It's been itching a lot lately. Scratching it doesn’t seem to help because of the synthetic skin."

"Don’t worry about it. It’s normal. It’s like a person wearing a cast. As old skin cells die, your body wants to shed them and expose the new cells to the air. The itching is a bodily reaction so that you scratch and help the process. Of course, you can’t get at the area right now. I would recommend that you remove the breasts, clean the area, and reapply them, as soon as you can."

"Is there any danger of infection?"

"I don’t see any problem at present, but the itching will probably intensify. And it will not be very pleasant at times."

Mom said, "I think that we should look into this before we leave for the lake, Crystal."

"Okay, Momma. I don’t even know if Barbara has the solvent yet. I haven’t asked because I needed them to continue in my role as Miss Prudy."

"After lunch we’ll see if we can find Barbara and ask her."

Dr. Danvers said, "Okay Crystal, you can dress now. Why don’t you wait in the waiting room for your Mother? Susan, come into my office for a few minutes so that I can get you some solution to use on the skin after you remove the breasts."

Mom and Dr. Danvers went into the doctor’s office, while I dressed and returned to the waiting room. Mom came out about ten minutes later and we left. She drove right to the theatre. Amazingly, we found both Marge and Barbara at the theatre. As usual, they were playing cards.

Mom said, "Hi ladies. Barbara, have you received the solvent for Crystal’s breasts?"

Barbara seemed a little taken aback. "You’re not going to remove them are you? We still have performances to do. We need Crystal."

"We just came from the doctor’s office. She recommends that the breasts be removed, and the skin underneath cleaned, before reapplying them. Crystal’s been having a slight problem with itching. Dr. Danvers says that swabbing the skin with some solution that she gave me will help that problem."

"Oh, I see. Well, actually I have been in contact with the company. They told me that the solvent that I have is the correct one."

Mom said, "I don’t understand. That solution doesn’t work. Are you saying that the breasts can’t be removed without destroying them?"

"No, not at all. I found out that the adhesive we used is designed for long term use. It doesn’t start to break down for four weeks. After it begins to break down, the solvent will work and the breasts can be removed."

Mom said, "That’s crazy. Theatrical disguises are never left on for four weeks."

"The breasts were originally designed for mastectomy patients who wouldn’t want to remove them often. There is a different adhesive that is only for temporary applications. It can’t stand up to close inspection though. It’s only for use where no part of the breast can be seen."

"Well, let’s remove the breasts and clean the skin. How long will it take."

"About two hours if you want to put them back on today."

Mom said, "We’ll have to wait until later. I told some theatrical agent that we would meet him for lunch at noon."

Marge said, "A theatrical agent? Somebody in this town?"

Mom took out the card that the man had given her. "No, it’s a Paul Daniels of Los Angeles."

Barbara said, "Paul Daniels? Paul Daniels of Daniels & Lewis in Los Angeles, California?"

"That’s what the card says."

"Oh, Gawd. I can’t believe it. Paul Daniels is here?"

Mom said, "Is he important?"

Barbara said, "You never heard of him? Don’t you read Variety? No, of course you don’t. Sorry. He’s only the president of one of the top agencies on the West Coast."

Marge said, "He came to you?"

"He stopped at the house this morning. I told him that we were late for an appointment and couldn’t talk to him. Then he offered to come back tonight, but I told him that we’re leaving town until Friday. I finally agreed to meet him for lunch at noon."

Barbara said, "Oh, Gawd. It’s almost noon. You’d better hurry. You don’t want to be late for that appointment. Actors on the West Coast, who are trying to break into show business, would kill to have lunch with Paul Daniels."

Mom said, "You think that he’s that important?"

Barbara said, "This could be one of those big breaks that we all wish for, but rarely get. The one’s that only come along maybe a couple of times in a lifetime."

Mom looked pensive. She said, "I guess that we’d better get going then. Come on Crystal. Let’s go meet Mr. Daniels. Ladies, we’ll come back later to take care of Crystal’s problem."

We arrived at the restaurant a couple of minutes after noon. The hostess recognized me as soon as we walked in and escorted us to Mr. Daniels table without us even having to say anything. He greeted us and we all sat down. The hostess asked if we wanted anything to drink. Mom asked for tea, and I dittoed. She said that a waiter would be with us in a minute.

Mr. Daniels said, "Thank you for coming, ladies. A friend of mine knew that I would be up in Chicago this weekend, and told me that I should fly down here. He suggested that I attend your play and even arranged for a ticket. I’m very glad that he did. As I said in your driveway, I was most impressed with Miss Ramsey’s performance yesterday. I went to the library this morning and read the accounts that have appeared in the newspaper. A very friendly librarian named Sylvia had a folder with all of the clippings in it. She said that you're one of their regulars, and showed me the autographed pictures in the display case. It appears that you have developed quite a following in this town. I couldn’t find any other references though. How many plays have you participated in Miss Ramsey."

I said, "This is my first."

He got a funny look on his face, "Where did you study acting?"

"At the theatre, with Mr. Tucker. I got the job of ‘script girl’ and ‘assistant to the director’ on July 6th. On July 13th, he promoted me to Assistant Director. And on July 16th, I was asked to assume the role of Miss Prudy. The actress who had been selected for the role had fallen, and broken her leg, just hours before our opening night performance."

The look got even stranger. "I read that, but I found it hard to believe. You were the understudy for the role then?"

"No. The understudy didn’t feel that she could do it on such short notice. She hadn’t rehearsed the part at all."

He gave me an incredulous look and said, "And yet you did take on the role?"

"It was either that, or cancel the opening night. I knew all of the lines because of my role as Mr. Tucker’s assistant, and I thought that it would only be for one night. I assumed that Debbie would take over the next day. But Mr. Tucker wanted me to stay in the role. He felt that I did a pretty good job, and the local theatre critic agreed. And that was that."

"Who’s Debbie?"

"Oh, sorry. She’s the girl who plays Daphne. She was the understudy for Miss Prudy."

"That’s a most unusual story Miss Ramsey. To go from script girl to highly successful, and critically acclaimed, lead actress in two weeks, and without having had any formal training, is nothing less than astonishing. I felt that your onstage acting presence was remarkable. And you seem so at ease in front of the audience while you do the introduction."

"I can hardly believe it myself. I guess that I was just right for the part. And I am always nervous doing the introduction, even if it doesn’t show."

How long have you been doing standup routines?"

"A week."

He looked at me strangely again. "Then what kind of performing have you been doing?"

"None. But I was in several Christmas plays with my classmates while in grade school."

"Did you have a starring role?"

"No. We just did normal, class group stuff."

"That’s been your only show business up until now?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm. Well." He seemed to be searching for words. "All I can say is that you must be a natural. All successful actors have a certain natural ability. With study, and hard work, they learn how to use their talents in front of an audience, or a camera. And, of course, some actors learn quicker than others do. But only a few pick it up as fast as you apparently have."

"Mr. Tucker is a wonderful director, and teacher. He’s spent a great deal of time tutoring me about acting."

The waiter brought our beverages just then, and stayed to take our orders. We resumed our conversation when the waiter had left.

Mr. Daniels said, "Miss Ramsey, I think that you have an amazing gift. I would like you to consider having my firm represent you. I realize that you're new to this business and may not have heard about us, so I invite you to investigate our record before agreeing to anything. We represent some of the biggest names in show business, as well as some of today’s fastest rising stars."

Mom said, "Mr. Daniels, before coming here today, we spoke with a couple of friends who are familiar with your firm. If you are who you say that you are, then we need not investigate any further."

"Wonderful. I like it when I find a client who does their homework in advance. It makes things go easier."

"What are you proposing for Crystal?"

"Basically, our standard 5 year contract. Fifteen percent of all earnings up to $100,000. Ten percent thereafter. I have a copy of a contract with me for you to review with your attorney if you are interested."

"And what do you do for your 15%."

"We work with casting directors and industry personnel to find jobs for our clients, then we negotiate terms of employment, and we work to resolve any artistic disputes that may arise."

"Do we have right of refusal for any jobs which might not seem appropriate for Crystal."

"Always. We only provide the opportunities for work. Of course we would never promote any position inconsistent with a client’s image and desires."

The waiter bringing our food orders interrupted us. When he was gone, Mom said, "If we agree to this, what would be the next step?"

"We operate a little differently than most agents, who only require the performer to submit a number of ‘head shots’ and a bio. We would fly you out to Los Angeles for interviews with our staff members, an in-house screen test, and a day of photo sessions."

"Crystal has a commitment to the play for the next several weekends."

"That’s not a problem. We never interfere with an artist’s schedule. If you come out next week, we can have you back for your performances by Friday."

Mom thought for a few seconds, then said, "You’ve given us a lot to think about Mr. Daniels. We’ll need a couple of days before we answer. Can we reach you on Wednesday?"

"Yes. I’ll be back in our Los Angeles offices by that time. My number is on the card. I’ll leave word to put you through when you call. If they tell you that I'm not available, it’s not a stall. Just leave your number and I’ll call you back just as soon as I can."

While we ate, Mr. Daniels told us about his firm and the clients that they represent. We spent an hour listening to him talk about show business. After we had eaten, he gave Mom a copy of the contract that he had mentioned, and he insisted upon picking up the check for the meal. We said our good-byes and told him that we would be in touch.

Mom drove us back to the theatre. I was thinking about what was said at lunch and didn’t have anything to say as we drove the six blocks.

Barbara and Marge were in the makeup room when we came in. Barbara had the solvent ready and told me to remove my blouse. As she supported the weight of the breast with one hand, she applied the solvent to the edges of the breast form and waited for the amount of time specified in the instructions. Then she lowered her hand to allow the breast form to peel off and fall into her hand. It slowly peeled off of my chest. The skin underneath looked dry, gray, and peeling. Then she did the same for the one. For the first time in over a month I didn’t have the weight of the breasts weighing down my chest. I looked down at my chest and was shocked to see what looked like tiny breasts.

Barbara said, "Don’t be concerned. It looks like the weight of the breasts has stretched the skin underneath. It should shrink back once you don’t have the breast forms on anymore."

I cupped my ‘new’ breasts and was surprised at the sensation. Playing with the nipple caused it to stiffen a little, and I experienced a strange sensation in my stomach.

When I mentioned this, Barbara said, "You’ve been deprived of sensory information on your chest for the past month. Your skin may be overly sensitive right now."

She took the solution, that Mom had gotten from Dr. Danvers, and swabbed my chest. The gray skin gave way to a rosy pink color as the dead skin cells, and old adhesive, were removed. She dried me off once I was clean. Rubbing my chest caused the nipples to enlarge and harden, and my breathing quickened. Mom examined my chest while Barbara and Marge cleaned the old adhesive from the breast forms.

When the breast forms were clean, Barbara reapplied them to my chest. After being firmly attached, Marge worked her magic with the permanent makeup and once again they appeared to be part of me. My freedom had been short lived. Even worse, I knew that they would not come off for at least a month. It would take that long for the adhesive to begin to break down again. Having the breasts reapplied brought back memories of July 3rd. So much had happened since then that it seemed like a year ago, rather then just a little over five weeks.

While we had waited for the adhesive to set, Mom had told both Marge and Barbara about the meeting with Mr. Daniels, and his offer to bring us out to Los Angeles for testing.

Barbara said, "That’s wonderful. You’re so lucky to have such a terrific opportunity when you’re so young. Make the best of it, kiddo."

Marge said, "This is a marvelous opportunity, Crystal. We wish you all the best of luck. We know that you'll do well."

I simply said, "Thank you." I was so confused about how I felt that I couldn’t say anything more.

When we were finished, and I had dressed again, Mom and I said goodbye to Barbara and Marge, and we left for the grocery store. We purchased all of the groceries that Mom had on her list, plus a few other things. Frozen food went into the cooler, and then we filled it up to the top with ice. By 4 o’clock we were headed for the lake.

When we reached the highway, I said, "Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"You don’t think that we should seriously consider Mr. Daniels’ offer do you?"

"Why shouldn’t we consider it?"

I didn’t say anything right away. I adjusted one of my bra straps and then folded my hands on my lap.

She said, "What’s the matter, dear."

"I’m confused by everything that’s happened to me."

"This is a wonderful opportunity that’s come your way. You heard Marge and Barbara talk about it. These opportunities only come along a couple of times in your lifetime. If you wait, study acting, and then go to California, you’ll only be one of thousands trying to catch the eye of someone in a position to help your career. You have that chance right now. It’s yours for the taking. Also, there’s no guarantee that you're suited for the film industry. The tests that Mr. Daniels talked about would show that. This would give you a chance to see what it’s like before you spend 4 years in college studying drama. Maybe you’ll decide that you'd like to pursue other interests instead. And if you do get some small roles, it would really help to pay your tuition expenses for college. You know that we don’t have much money. As it stands right now, you'll have to go to the community college, where the tuition is lower. But I’ve heard that an actor can make a six-figure income just from doing a few commercials. Every time the commercial airs, you get a check. They’re called residuals, I think. Don’t you feel that it’s worth exploring this opportunity?"

I thought about everything that she had said. "I guess so, Mom."

"That’s my girl. And I don’t want you to be too disappointed if nothing comes of this. You’ll still have the satisfaction of knowing how much enjoyment that you’ve brought to the people that have seen your play."

"I know, Mom. It’s been fun doing it. Most of the time."

I settled back into the seat and looked out of the window, but I didn’t see the scenery. I was too lost in my own thoughts. I knew that at least Debbie would be happy. I would have to maintain this disguise for another month. She loved seeing me dressed ‘sexy’, in tight skirts and high heels. For that matter, Sean and Jason would be happy also. But I had misgivings about going to California. My disguise would be difficult to maintain under the close scrutiny of a camera. And what would happen if they wanted me to wear a bikini? I couldn’t hide my little secret in a bikini. Even if the rest of me could pass the tests, that wouldn’t. What would happen if I was found out? If they had learned of my deception in town, I would have been embarrassed and ridiculed even though I had somewhat of an excuse because of how it happened. But if I go to California and I am found out, I might be embarrassed in front of the whole country. There would be nowhere that I could hide. How would I handle that? I had never really looked for that hara-kiri knife.

We rode in silence for about 30 minutes. We were both self-absorbed in our thoughts. Then Mom broke the silence when she said, "Did we get batteries for the flashlight?"

"Yes, I picked up 2 packages."

"Good."

After that we maintained a normal conversation until we pulled up in front of the lake house a few minutes before 6 o’clock. Aunt Jessica and Carol came out to greet us as soon as we were out of the car.

Aunt Jessica said, "We were starting to get worried. We expected you here hours ago."

Mom said, "We had to take care of some things before we could leave town. We’ll tell you after we unpack the car."

Carol said, "Dinner is almost ready. Let’s hurry and carry everything in."

We carried in all of the groceries and our suitcases. Carol finished cooking dinner while we stored the groceries in the refrigerator, or kitchen cabinets. We set the table as Carol put the stew, which she had made, into a serving bowl. It was nice to sit down to a hot meal after a long trip. As we ate, Mom told Aunt Jessica and Carol about our meeting with Mr. Daniels.

When Mom was done, Carol said, "I knew it. I told Crystal that she might be discovered, but she said that nobody important was ever going to see her play. She said that to the professionals, her play is just another ‘hick’ play in a ‘hick’ town."

Aunt Jessica said, "I would have said the same thing. I’m very surprised that such a prestigious talent agency person would show up at her play. The odds are incredibly high against anything like that happening. It’s like winning a lottery or something."

Mom said, "Regardless of the odds, it happened. Crystal has been handed a wonderful opportunity to break into show business. She has the final say, of course, but because of her age, this affects us all, and we should discuss it and look at all of the potential impacts on our lives."

Carol said, "I think that it’s wonderful. Will we all get to go to Hollywood?"

Mom said, "No. Not the first time at least. That will be only Crystal and myself. And we won’t be doing any sightseeing or shopping. The agency wants to do interviews, screen tests, and photo sessions. It will be all work, and we’ll only be there for a couple of days. Mr. Daniels said that we would fly out on Monday, and return in time for Friday’s performance. That means that we would have to leave Thursday evening because of the length of time of the flight, and the time-zone differences."

Aunt Jessica said, "Don’t worry about Carol and myself. We’ll be just fine up here at the lake. The Conroys will be here until after Labor Day. But I think that Carol and I should go back with you on Friday so that I can pick up my car. I would feel better if we had transportation available while you and Crystal are not here for a week and a half."

Mom said, "That’s a good idea. You should have transportation in the event of an emergency. I wish that we had a telephone up here. We never really needed one before. The Conroys have one so there must be service on the road. I’m going to ask Mrs. Conroy tomorrow if I can use her phone to call the local phone company. I’ll see about getting one installed."

Carol said, "Great. I’ll be able to call Barry every day."

Aunt Jessica said, "Why bother, those two boys practically live here now."

Carol said to Mom, and me "Wait til you see what the boys have been working on. We're going to have our own dock."

I said excitedly, "They’re building us a dock?"

"Yep. Just like theirs. Jason knows of a place that sells 55-gallon oil drums. He had a bunch of them delivered this week. We spent a couple of days painting them with marine paint so that they wouldn’t rust right out, and now the boys are building platforms that will sit on top of them. When they’re done, we'll have two eight foot sections that will be hinged together. They should finish the carpentry tomorrow. Then we only have to paint it, and finish the assembly. We should have a dock by sometime Wednesday."

I said, "That’s great. I’ve always wished that we had a dock."

Mom said, "Carol, I hope that you didn’t push them into building it."

"No Momma. It was Barry’s idea. He didn’t like pulling the boat into the shore because he was afraid that he might damage the propeller. So he and Jason started to talk about options. In the end they decided that the best thing to do was to build us a dock. I told them that it was okay to do it."

Mom said, "It’s nice of them to do that for us. We’ll have to think of some way to thank them."

After dinner, Mom and Aunt Jessica went into the living room while Carol and I cleaned the kitchen and washed the dishes.

Carol said, "Crys, It’s so exciting. You’re really going to Hollywood?"

"I guess."

"You don’t seem very excited about it. I wouldn’t be able to sit still."

"I have too many skeletons in the closet for me to be comfortable with it."

"What skeletons?"

"Cary’s."

"Oh. That’s not a problem. He’s still with Dad in Dayton."

"Carol, regardless of what we tell people, my secret can still be discovered."

"Crys, you’re my sister, and I’ll fight anybody who says different."

"I love you too, Carol. But what if they want me to wear clothing that reveals my alter ego? I can’t wear a bikini for example."

"Then don’t wear one. Simply refuse. Don’t forget that they came to you. That gives you a small amount of power that other actresses might not have. You already have acting credits and acclaimed reviews."

"I’m still afraid of their close inspection. They'll be shooting film or videos, in addition to still photographs." I suddenly had a thought. "Oh, my God. What if they want me to have a medical examination like some employers do?"

"They wouldn’t ask that. Would they?"

"I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like this before. I know that a lot of employers require them these days, as well as lie detector tests."

"Do you really think that they would ask you something that you would have to lie to?"

"Well…. what if they were to ask me something like….. how many close girlfriends did you have when you became a teenager? I can’t answer, 'None'. Yet any number that I give would be a lie."

"Crys, I think that you’re getting paranoid."

"Maybe."

We finished cleaning up and went into the living room, where we sat and watched television until it was time for bed. While Mom and Aunt Jessica stayed up to watch a late night talk show, Carol and I went upstairs. It had been a long, trying day, and I had no trouble falling asleep. I dreamed that I went to Los Angeles and was hired to make a movie. When the movie was complete, I was booked on a personal appearance tour of talk shows. On one show I was confronted with all of my former classmates and they revealed my secret on national television.

 

(continued in Chapter 18)

 

 

 

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© 1999 by Crystal Sprite. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
Anyone wishing to make comments is welcome to e-mail me at crystal@storysite.org