Chapter 16

I opened with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to welcome you to our production of ‘Guts and Garters’. On behalf of the cast, the crew, and myself, we hope that you'll enjoy our performance this evening. Due to an unfortunate accident, one of our members, Jeffrey Hornag, can’t be with us today. He's recovering from a leg injury. For tonight’s performance, we are honored to welcome Mr. Adam Tucker to our cast. He will replace Jeffrey for this performance, as he performs in the role of ‘Charles, the butler’. As many of you know, Mr. Tucker is the also the director and a former professional actor, and I know that you'll enjoy his performance."

That was the end of the introduction speech. Nobody came to my rescue by requesting my autograph, so I took a deep breath and started the monologue. I guess that people didn’t know how to take the jokes at first. I thought that I was bombing, but I continued on anyway, as I planned my retreat to the nearest dark corner where I would be able to hide. Hopefully I could find a hole with a good door or cover. I wondered if they had ever performed any plays in this theatre that require the prop department people to purchase a hara-kiri knife. Then I started to hear a few chuckles. That was at least enough to encourage me to continue. After a couple of more jokes, the audience began to warm up, and some people had actually laughed. The comedians at the local comedy clubs had nothing to fear from me, but I did manage to warm up the audience with the help of Mr. Tucker’s jokes.

After ten minutes on stage, I felt that the audience had warmed up about as much as I was capable of. So I used the joke that I had held in reserve because I thought that it was the best. After delivering the punch line and waiting for the laughs to subside, I said, "Thank you Ladies and Gentlemen. You’re a wonderful audience. The play will start in just a few minutes now. I hope that you'll enjoy it." I waved and began to walk off the stage. The audience suddenly erupted in applause. I wondered whether it was because they had enjoyed my monologue, or because I was getting off of the stage. A comedic insult about ‘swapping spit with a camel’ that I had once heard on ‘The Best of Carson’, as Johnny Carson had done a ‘Carnac the Magnificent ‘ skit and the audience had booed, occurred to me. I smiled at my thought but didn’t say anything. Whichever the reason for the applause, I was glad to get out of there. That had been the most difficult thing that I had ever done. Try standing up in front of 500 people and making a complete fool of yourself if you don’t believe me.

I walked to my starting position as Miss Prudy and faced towards the wall in order to gather my thoughts and get into character. It took me longer than usual because I was still reeling from my stand-up routine. When I finally turned around, I saw that everyone was watching me. They all had strange expressions on their faces. I nodded to the stage-manager and he looked around to make sure that everyone else was ready, and still awake. Then he gave the sign to open the curtain, and the play began. I quickly immersed myself in my performance and forgot about the monologue as I focused on the play.

When the final curtain call was complete, I went over to the settee backstage and collapsed into it. I felt more exhausted than at any other time during the past four weeks. Just hours ago I had felt wonderfully alive, and now I just felt wonderful just to be alive. Debbie came over to join me, and as we sat talking, Mr. Tucker approached.

He said, "Crystal, my delicate little flower, you were wonderful tonight. Your introduction was perfect and the audience was really primed when the play began. You stayed out there just the right amount of time. I’m more impressed with you everyday. The audience loved you, and so do we. Now get a good night’s sleep tonight, and we’ll work on your delivery a little more tomorrow afternoon. Good job, ladies. See you tomorrow." With a wave of his hand, he left.

Debbie and I sat on the settee and relaxed for about fifteen more minutes. The makeup room was packed with people, and I just didn’t feel like being in a crowd right now. When we did get up and go to makeup, most of the others had finished already. By the time that I had cleaned off the greasepaint, Marge had the acetone solution, and was free to start working on removing my wig.

When Debbie and I left the theatre, there were several autograph seekers waiting. We signed their books and pictures before we continued on to Debbie’s car. When we got to my house, Debbie parked in front, and we kissed briefly.

She said, "Where shall we go tomorrow?"

"Go?"

"Yes. We have a date to go out tomorrow, remember?"

"Oh. I’m sorry. I forgot. Yes, we do. I don’t know. Where do you think we should go?"

"What time do you think that you have to be at the theatre?"

"I would guess that Mr. Tucker wants me there by 3 o’clock. That’s what time we started today."

"That doesn’t leave us a lot of time. I’ll pick you up at 10 o’clock, okay?"

"Okay. I’ll see you then."

We kissed again, and then I got out and walked to the door. As I opened the door, I turned and waved. Debbie waved back and then drove away. Mom was watching one of the late night talk shows on television. I sat down next to her on the couch. She put her arm around me and pulled me to her.

She said, "You look tired, honey."

"I am, Mom. It was an exhausting day."

"How did the play go tonight?"

"Great. The audience loved it."

"How did your introduction go?"

"Mr. Tucker liked it. At least he said that he liked it. I don’t know. I felt like I was drowning for a while. Then a few people stated to chuckle. Then some of them laughed. Then a lot of them laughed." I went on and described everything that I could remember.

"That sounds like they liked it."

"I don’t know if they were laughing ‘with’ me, or ‘at’ me."

"Does it make a difference?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

I thought for a minute. "Nobody wants to look like a fool."

"Except a fool."

"What do you mean?"

"Honey, comedy evolved out of the job of ‘court jester’. If accounts are correct, a jester would do anything to get a laugh. It’s still like that today. Look at comedians like Chevy Chase or Jim Carrey. And wonderful former comedians like Danny Kaye, Groucho Marx, and Dick Van Dyke. And look at that redheaded comedian that we see on television, Carrot Top. All of them have done some very strange things on camera, or in front of audiences, just to get a laugh. The laugh is the most important thing to a comedian. They don’t care if people are laughing ‘with’ them, or ‘at’ them, as long as they get the laugh. That’s their job. Get the audience to laugh. If people want to think that you're a fool when you give the introduction, let them. You’ll show them your acting talent when the play starts. And being able to do both will show them your ‘range’. As one last example, look at Marilyn Monroe. She was one sharp lady. She played a lot of roles where she was cast as a ‘blonde bimbo’. But she also had a few dramatic parts in which she did a wonderful job. The most important thing is to avoid being typecast. You must show your range as often as possible to avoid that. But don’t be ashamed of having people laugh at you occasionally. You know that’s it’s all an act, and that’s the most important thing."

I thought over what she had said. "Thanks Mom. I feel a little better about looking foolish."

"I don’t think that you looked foolish. The way that you described it, I think that people were just a little surprised to see the leading lady do a stand-up routine. Your own nervousness might have been felt also. If you're calmer, than that will be conveyed, and the audience will feel more relaxed. And they will respond to your comedy sooner."

"Thanks Mom. I’ll work on it tomorrow."

"Okay, honey. You’d better go to bed now."

"Okay, Mom. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, dear."

I got up and went to my bedroom. After I had undressed, I put on my robe and went back downstairs. I needed Mom to loosen my corset since Carol wasn't here. She wasn’t as practiced as Carol had become, and it took a little longer than normal. When she had finished, I went back upstairs, put on my sleep set, and went to bed. I lay awake and thought over everything that she had said. Mom always gave good advice and I felt that she was right. My eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier, so I rolled onto my side and went to sleep. I dreamed about Jason and Sean that night, but once again I didn’t dream about Debbie.

*****

When I woke up, I again found the Scarlet O’Hara doll clutched in my arms. I lay there trying to find any thread of memory about getting out of bed and taking the doll down from its perch on the shelf. I had no recollection at all of doing it.

I pulled back the sheet that covered me and swung my legs out of bed. Then I stood up and carried the doll to the shelf, and placed it back in its spot. After washing my hands and face, I went downstairs to the kitchen. I brewed some tea, made some pancake mix, and poured myself a glass of OJ. While I waited for Mom to come down, I sat and read an issue of ‘Teen’ magazine. I had just finished an article about dating tips when she appeared. I got up and turned on the heat under the skillet, and when the skillet was hot enough, I poured in some pancake mixture. After the pancakes were cooked, I turned off the heat and carried them to the table. Mom had put one of the antibiotic capsules out for me, and I swallowed it with some OJ.

She said, "I made an appointment with Dr. Danvers for Monday morning. We’ll stop there before heading back up to the lake."

"What for? I haven’t seen any evidence of infection."

"You’ve already had your breasts longer than we originally thought. And with the extension of the play, you’ll have them for a couple of weeks more. I want her to give you a checkup and take a blood sample."

"Okay, Mom."

"What time do you have to go in today?"

"I have to be there by 3 o’clock, but Debbie will be coming by about 10. I guess that we’re going to the arcade, or the Mall, until it’s time to go the theatre."

"Okay, dear. I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to the fabric store with me. I’m going to get some material to make some new curtains for the house at the lake."

"Sorry, Mom. I promised Debbie already."

After breakfast, I helped Mom to clean the kitchen before going up to take a bath. She came upstairs with me and helped me to remove the corset. I relaxed and enjoyed the warm bath for a little longer than normal because Carol was not waiting to use the tub. After I had gotten out of the tub, dried and powdered myself, I put on clean underwear and called to Mom to come help me. She came in and tightened the laces on the corset. When she had finished, I could barely breathe.

 

I said, "Mom, that’s a little tight."

"If you’re going to be spending a lot of time without your corset while you’re up at the lake, then you’ll have to wear it tighter when it’s on, dear."

Mom helped me to finish dressing while she was there. After she left, I sat and did my makeup, and fixed my hair. I was ready to go when Debbie arrived. Debbie was wearing a dark blue miniskirt and sleeveless blouse. We kissed when I got into the car.

I said, "I thought that you were going to dress like a guy for our next date?"

"This isn’t a real date. We have to go to work later. I can’t show up there dressed like a guy."

"Why not? I show up there dressed as a woman for every performance."

"That’s different. Almost everyone there has forgotten that you’re a male, and only think of you as a woman."

That stopped me cold. I just stared at her for a minute. "Are you serious?"

"Of course. If you showed up as a guy, everyone would freak out. Most of them didn’t really notice you when you were running errands and helping with the set construction. After your change, you were at all of the rehearsals, and helping out Mr. Tucker as his ‘female’ assistant. That’s when people started to identify you as a member of the company. So most of them don’t remember your other self."

"Are you sure about this? Have you discussed it with anybody?"

"Yes, I’m sure. And no, I haven’t discussed it with anybody. I haven’t wanted to jog their memory. They believe you to be a girl, and will continue to think that way unless someone forces them to remember old-what’s-his-name. I don’t want to be the one to burst the bubble."

"Why not?"

"A bunch of reasons. The play needs you as Miss Prudy, and it might be difficult to continue if you were unmasked. We have a chance to set new records of attendance for an amateur play in this town. Also, I get excited seeing you like this, so I don’t want to it to end. And finally, I think that it would cause you a great deal of embarrassment, and I couldn’t hurt you that way. I love my little girlfriend Crystal."

"Thanks Debbie. I love you too. You and my sister Carol are my best friends."

We kissed again and then drove away. We decided to go the new arcade that I had been to the week before. The arcade was already crowded with teenagers, and younger kids, when we arrived. Debbie and I got some game tokens and walked around looking at the various games before settling on one that we both wanted to play. Debbie was really good and ran up high scores every time. My own scores were pretty good and I came close to tying her a couple of times. After we had been there for about an hour, somebody recognized me and thereafter we had a gallery that followed us around. When I wasn’t playing, I was signing autographs or talking with fans.

At noon, Debbie and I visited the snack bar in order to get a slice of pizza. Our gallery followed us, and soon the snack bar was packed. Several fans gave up a table for us in the center of the room. We sat and ate as kids of every age watched us. I could imagine how a fish in a glass tank felt. After we ate, Debbie and I went to the miniature golf course. Our gallery followed, and one would have thought that we were at a pro golf tournament.

We met Heather and Sheri waiting to play, so we formed a foursome. Since we had been friends with both girls before fame overtook us, they were not in awe of us. So we could just be ourselves in each other’s company. I ignored the gallery that followed us around. It had shrunk when we entered the golf course because you had to pay to come in. Sheri, once again, had problems with the windmill hole. She kept hitting one of the blades. I wondered silently if she was setting a new record for most windmill hits. Would she win a prize when she hit a thousand? That could be today.

When we had completed the nine holes, we discovered that our gallery had grown. Before exiting the golf course grounds, Debbie and I decided to leave the Arcade Park. We said goodbye to Heather and Sheri before being surrounded by the crowd of fans. Debbie and I signed autographs for a while, and then walked to her car after saying good bye to the crowd of followers. Some of them followed us right up to the car. I half expected them to try to climb into the back seat, but Debbie never unlocked the rear doors. We breathed a sigh of relief when we pulled out of the parking lot and put some distance between the fans and us. It was only 2:30, but we decided to go to the theatre anyway.

We walked into the makeup room and found Barbara and Marge playing cards. We sat down and watched.

Marge said to me, "Mr. Tucker left an envelope for you. It’s on the desk backstage."

I thanked her, got up, and walked out to the backstage area where I found the large, manila envelop and opened it. There were more pages of jokes inside. I sat down and started to memorize them. When Mr. Tucker arrived, we started working on my delivery again. Debbie had come out and she sat in the audience seating while I worked. The jokes were a hit with her at least and she giggled as I worked. Mr. Tucker kept at me until I was performing to his satisfaction. He constantly reminded me to smile, and corrected my timing on each joke until he said that I was doing it perfectly. When other cast members began to show up at 5 o’clock, we wrapped up the training session. Mr. Tucker went on to work with some of the other actors, while I joined Debbie in the front row of seats.

"Crystal, that is so great. I wouldn’t have the nerve to do that."

"I don’t know how I find the nerve either. Every time I have to go out on stage to do it, I’m trembling on the inside."

"But you seem so relaxed."

"Only on the outside. I feel like everyone in the audience should be able to hear my bones shaking."

When it came time to go onstage for my introduction, I was just as nervous as always, but I calmed down sooner. The repeated practice had helped to make me feel more comfortable doing it. The play was another success that night. It was becoming almost routine, now that we were in our fourth weekend.

Mom was still up when I got home. I sat with her on the couch again, and she put her arm around me and pulled me to her.

She said, "How did it go tonight, honey?"

"Better, Mom. I didn’t get concerned about whether people were laughing at me, or with me. I just did my best to relax, deliver the jokes, and get the laughs. I concentrated on my timing as Mr. Tucker taught me, and the audience responded better."

"That’s wonderful, dear. I’m so proud of you."

"Thanks, Mom. Did you find the any fabric that you liked?"

"Yes, I did. I’ll show it to you in the morning. You have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow, so you’d better go to bed now."

"Yeah, I’m kind of tired. Can you help me with my corset, please?"

"Of course, dear."

We walked upstairs and Mom helped me to undress, and then loosened my corset a little. After I had taken my bra off, she asked me to turn around so that she could examine my breasts.

She said, "Have they bothered you at all?"

"They’ve itched a little lately. It doesn’t help when I scratch them though. I guess that the itch is on my real skin."

"We’ll ask Alicia about it on Monday and see what she recommends.

Goodnight, honey."

"Goodnight, Mom."

I finished getting ready for bed after she had left. I was tired and fell asleep quickly. I dreamed about really being Miss Prudy that night and living in the 1800’s, with Rick as my husband. I awoke in a sweat as the sun was rising above the horizon. What had been causing me to sweat was a dream in which I was giving birth to a diminutive version of Scarlet O’Hara.

*****

When I awoke, I found the Scarlet doll in my arms again. This was getting too weird.

After setting the doll back on the shelf, I trudged to the bathroom and washed my face and hands. Mom was already there when I went downstairs, and she cooked eggs for the two of us. The house seemed strangely quiet with Carol and Aunt Jessica being up at the lake, but it gave Mom and I a chance to talk and share some time together. After breakfast, Mom helped me to remove my corset so that I could take a bath. She went into her bathroom to bathe at the same time.

When she had finished her bath, she came back in and helped me to dress. Again this morning, she laced the corset down very tight. With the corset so tight, I couldn’t bend very well. So she helped me until I was fully dressed. We talked as I did my makeup, and then she helped me with my hair. I told her the jokes that I had used in my monologue yesterday, and she laughed as she combed and brushed. When she had finished with my hair, we went into her bedroom so that she could finish dressing. I brushed her hair when she had dressed, and then we talked about jewelry. I had never looked through her jewelry box before. She took out various pieces and told me where she had gotten them. Some were family heirlooms, and many were gifts from friends. A few were even from Dad. I had never seen her wear any of the pieces that she had gotten from him.

After a while we went back downstairs and Mom made a pot of tea. We sat in the kitchen and talked until it was time for me to leave. Mom took me to the theatre so that I didn’t have to catch the bus, and I invited her to come in rather than having her go back to an empty house. If not for my performance, she would have been up at the lake and I felt a little guilty about that. She followed me around as I got into costume and makeup, and she said that she found the process fascinating. When I was finished, I went backstage in order to study the joke pages. Mom went to Wardrobe and helped Barbara with the other cast member’s costumes. During my costume changes, she stayed in the wardrobe department and helped out. When the first show was over, I went to makeup and removed the greasepaint. Then I went to wardrobe to change out of my costume. Mom was there and helped me to change into my street clothes. When I was done, we went backstage to enjoy the Sunday afternoon buffet.

After filling a plate, we settled down with Debbie and the others.

As I introduced Mom to all of the women, Patricia Silbey, the actress who plays my scatterbrained mother in the play, said, "Mrs. Ramsey, you must be very proud of Crystal. She’s done such an outstanding job for so young an actress."

"Yes, I am. It's been a very pleasant surprise to learn of Crystal’s wonderful talent for acting. I’ve encouraged her to keep at it and learn as much as she can. She’s thinking of making it into a career."

"Well she certainly has the ability to go far in this business. Of course the big thing is to be seen by somebody who can make it happen. And then to be able to take advantage when the opportunity becomes available. Her weeks of exposure as the lead in this play will certainly help her career, especially with the recent addition of her introduction duties. I’ve observed a big change in her presentation since she’s started. She’s much more at ease in front of the audience now than when she started just last Sunday. We’re all a little jealous of her success. But we love her so much, we’re happy for her."

"That’s wonderful to hear. Crystal is certainly a loving child. I’m so lucky to have such a marvelous daughter."

They continued to talk about me as if I wasn’t there. I blushed from the praise that was being thrown in my direction. Eventually, almost everyone got into the conversation about me. They all had suggestions of how I should launch my career in acting. I guess that on a positive note, there were no suggestions that I couldn’t make it in show business, just advice on how best to accomplish it. I just sat back and ate while everyone talked with Mom, about me. Once in a while I nodded or shook my head. Mom loved every minute of it so I didn’t object or try to interfere. She had worked very hard to support two kids in a single parent home, and she deserved a little ‘proud mom’ time.

When it came time to begin preparations for the next show, they were still at it. Mom was positively glowing when we got up and went to the wardrobe room. When I was dressed in my first costume, Barbara stopped me to make a few adjustments. She took a tape and made some measurements, then told me to remove my dress. She gave me a robe and told me to relax while she made some fitting adjustments. I used the time to show Mom the beautiful, floor length, strapless evening gown of dark blue satin, that I had originally planned to wear on opening night. When Barbara was done with the alterations, I put the dress back on. Now it was a little too tight.

She said, "I don’t have time to alter it again. Turn around, kiddo."

When I did, she untied my laces and tugged on them until I was having difficulty breathing. Then she tied them off and measured my waist.

"Okay, that should do it. Let’s try it again."

This time the dress closed easily and was no longer tight. Of course I felt like I was in a bear hug with a pro wrestler.

Mom said, "Oh Barbara, that looks so much better then before. Crystal’s figure is really accentuated now. You should alter her other costumes the same way. The dress hangs so much better now."

"Okay, Susan. I’ll change the others as soon as the play begins. Crystal honey, just walk around for a little while to get used to the smaller waist. And watch what you eat for the next couple of weeks. You’ll have to keep that same waist size until the play ends so that you fit into your costumes."

"Okay Barbara." I left the wardrobe room and walked around backstage until I began to feel a little more comfortable. Then I went to makeup. The audience would be coming in soon and Marge would be busy, so I wanted to get to her now. A lot of the cast still had most of their makeup on, so they would only need some repair work before going on. As a result, Marge was free when I walked in.

She said, "You’re walking a little stiffly, are you okay, Crys."

"Yes. Barbara altered my costume and took it in a little too much. She laced me tighter so that I could fit into it. It’s going to take me a little while to get used to it. It would have been better if it had happened before I ate. The potato salad was so good, that I ate a little too much."

"Just don’t start purging yourself. A smaller waist isn’t worth risking your health. You have a wonderful figure as it is."

She turned her attention to getting me ready. Marge’s expert hands had me in full makeup in no time. When she was done, I thanked her and went backstage to prepare myself for the introduction. I could hear the sounds of the audience as people found their seats and chatted with friends. By the time that the stage manager came to tell me that I had two minutes, I was almost breathing normally.

The audience enjoyed the play and I was glad to complete another weekend of performances. I looked forward to returning to the lake tomorrow. I knew that there would be at least two more weekends of performances before our run ended. Next weekend was sold out but the following weekend still had unsold seats. So that might mark the end of the play.

As we drove home, Mom said, "Honey, I really enjoyed being in the theatre with you today. It was the most fun that I’ve had all summer. I’m glad that you invited me to come in this morning."

"You’re welcome anytime, Mom. The people in the company are wonderful and will always make you feel at home."

"I could see how strenuous it was on you today. I understand why you’re so tired after doing two shows on Sunday."

"It does wear you down. But we have five days to recuperate before the next show."

As we pulled into our driveway, she said, "You’ll have a chance to relax up at the lake tomorrow. And now you can get right in bed and get a good night’s sleep."

We parked and went into the house. We didn’t even pause downstairs, but rather went right up to our bedrooms. Mom came into my bedroom after she had put her things down, and kicked off her shoes. She helped me to undress and loosened the corset so I would be able to sleep. The inch or so made a big difference. I was able to bend a little and I felt much more comfortable. After I was ready for bed, I turned off the light and slid under the sheet. In the darkness I could see the silhouette of the Scarlet doll as it sat on the shelf. I rolled onto my side and went to sleep.

 

(continued in Chapter 17)

 

 

 

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© 1999 by Crystal Sprite. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
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