Chapter 9

I swallowed hard and said, "Okay, I’ll try it."

Everyone was jubilant. Mr. Tucker hugged me and kissed my forehead. Barbara grabbed my hand and towed me to the wardrobe room as fast as I could walk in my tight skirt. She and Marge stripped off my blouse, skirt and shoes. They had me dressed in the first costume in record time. The heels were only two inches high. I hadn’t worn anything that short since my first day as a woman. To Barbara’s surprise the dress closed on the first try. She measured my waist.

"Crystal, your waist is only 21 inches now."

"Well, I haven’t been eating very much since I started wearing the corset."

"How many hours a day do you wear it?"

"Almost 24. I only take it off when I bathe. At night, Carol loosens it about an inch so that I can sleep better."

"How do you put it back on and tighten it?"

Carol tightens it twice each morning like you showed me. I walk around with it after the first application until I'm used to it, then she tightens it as much as she can, and ties off the laces."

"Well she's reduced your waist size by a full two inches. It worked out well for us. Pam’s waist, with a corset on is 21 inches. The costume alterations will be minor."

After I had tried on the four costumes, Marge took me into the makeup room. While Barbara sewed, Marge applied the wig and my makeup. Other cast members had started to arrive and had learned of Pam’s accident and my substitution. They all offered words of encouragement as they were made-up for their parts. By 7 PM, Barbara had finished the alterations. Because of the full week of dress rehearsals, the other actors were able to find and don their costumes without her assistance. Female crewmembers helped the other women to put on their corsets, underwear, and dresses. Barbara worked solely with me, making final adjustments by tacking with needle and thread. By 7:30 I was ready and standing backstage. At 7:55, Mr. Tucker got up on stage to address the audience. The theatre was packed, and hardly a single empty seat could be found.

Mr. Tucker welcomed the audience to our production. He told them that due to an unfortunate accident today, there had been a last minute cast change.

He said, "Less than four hours ago, we learned that our leading lady, Pamela Prentess, had fallen while at work. Fortunately, Pamela works at the hospital and received immediate medical attention. She has a compound fracture of her left leg. I’m assured that she is well, but she will be laid up for a number of weeks. Our prayers are with her for a speedy recovery."

"Faced with cancellation of the show unless we could find someone to fill in, I managed to convince our wonderful Assistant Director to take the part. So in the role of Miss Prudy will be Crystal Ramsey. I assure you that this lovely and talented young woman will give you a memorable performance. Please make the appropriate changes in your programs. Once again, her name is Crystal Ramsey, replacing the actress originally cast as Miss Prudy."

"So without further distraction, I give you our production of ‘Guts and Garters’. I hope that you enjoy it as much as we enjoy bringing it to you."

The curtain rose as soon as Mr. Tucker was off of the stage, and the house lights had dimmed. We all had opening night jitters. I managed to get through by blotting out the audience. I pretended that it was just another rehearsal and ignored the sounds coming from the audience seating. Since the stage was so brightly illuminated, it was all but impossible to see the audience anyway.

Within several minutes of being on stage, I had lost my jitters. It took so much concentration to deliver lines, plan and execute facial expressions and body english, hit your marks, and watch your timing, that there was little time to worry about anything else. When the time came for the big kissing scene in Act 3, the audience was primed. As soon as Rick bent me over to kiss me, the audience erupted in applause. Rick held me until two seconds after the applause ended, then straightened me up and we continued through to the end. When the final curtain fell, I was exhausted. I had been running on adrenaline since the play started, and now I was coming down. I trembled like a junkie in withdrawal during the curtain calls. As the female lead I was presented with a bouquet of roses during the first curtain call.

The audience kept applauding until we had completed seven curtain calls. I would judge that they had enjoyed it. After the final curtain call, we all cried and hugged each other. The months of effort had all been worth it. Mom, Aunt Jessica, and Carol came backstage as I was taking off my makeup. They congratulated me on my performance and we all hugged. Mom was beaming with pride. Mr. Tucker came backstage and congratulated all of the actors. I introduced him to my family. He praised my performance, and my courage to take on the role at the very last moment. He told my family that I had single handedly saved the night. Without me accepting the role, the performance would have had to be cancelled for this evening.

He said, "I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you what a wonderful daughter you have here Mrs. Ramsey. Nobody has worked harder to insure the success of our little production. And with her performance tonight, she has secured a permanent place in all of our hearts. I hope that you'll all stay for a little party that we have planned. Please excuse me for now, I have other cast members to see."

I resumed removing the garish stage makeup and wig. Carol helped me to fix my own hair, and make up my face with the proper cosmetics. As soon as I was done, I moved out of the way so that other actors could work on removing their makeup.

The party was being held on stage. The theatre had been cleared and the curtains were open again. Tables had been erected onstage and were loaded with food and beverages. We found Sean and Pete waiting for us in the theatre. They had been allowed to stay when they said that they were in my party. Both kissed me and told me how much they loved the play and especially my performance.

Mr. Tucker got up and made another speech about how wonderful we all were, and how he could not have been more proud if we were all his children. Then he invited everyone to dig in like hungry actors. Sean brought me a plate with a cheese sandwich, cold slaw, and an iced tea. We all sat in the theatre and talked for a while. Then I went back to the wardrobe room to remove my costume. Carol came with me to help. I had an impulse to put on the satin evening dress, but decided against it. Instead I put on the skirt and blouse that I had worn to the theatre. Other actors were removing their costumes and Carol and I helped for a while. When we returned to the party, it was still going strong. I figured that it would last for as long as the food held out.

I told Mom and Aunt Jessica that Carol and I were going out with Sean and Pete for a little while, and that we would see them back at the house. Then I made the rounds saying goodnight to everybody before we left. I looked for Debbie, but she was nowhere in sight.

We had another performance tomorrow night and two on Sunday, plus two more weekends of performances. But the most important performance was behind us, and we could settle down and finish out the schedule over the next two weeks without the anxiety of opening night.

I felt relaxed and relieved as we left the theatre. The adrenaline rush and subsequent withdrawal was over, and I felt at peace. I didn’t even care where we were going. I just sat in the back seat with Sean as Pete drove. Carol was in the front seat with Pete, of course. Sean had placed his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. When the car stopped, I realized that we had driven to Lookout Point. A dozen other cars were all around us. Some of them were rocking, but most were eerily quiet.

Sean leaned me back and started to kiss me. It was a repeat of last weekend in the parking lot behind the restaurant. We kissed, and I struggled to corral his hands. I couldn’t stop him from feeling me up, but I never allowed his hands to stay in one place for too long so that he didn’t get the wrong message. I had, by now, become accustomed to being kissed by boys. Sean was tall and good-looking. He had powerful hands and arms, and he was an excellent kisser. His lips were firm, and yet tender. I knew, deep down, that this was wrong, but I also knew that I had to maintain my disguise, and this was expected of any teenage girl. It wouldn’t hurt me, or Sean, to kiss like this. So I relaxed and returned his kisses.

At midnight, Carol told Pete that we had to get home. He started the car and drove back to the highway. Sean and I continued in the back seat until we reached the house. The boys walked us to the door and we shared one last kiss. Sean pinched my rear as we parted. I yelped and slapped his hand. He smiled and waved as Carol and I entered the house. We took tissues from our purses and did a minor repair to our makeup before going into the kitchen. Since the lights were on, we knew that Mom, Aunt Jessica, or both, were waiting up for us.

We found both sitting in the kitchen drinking tea. We sat and shared a cup with them. The main topic was the play. They wanted to know how I wound up with the lead, over more experienced actors. I explained about the age factor and the last minute costume problems that would prevent any other substitutions. My family again praised my performance. I credited the education that I had acquired from working with Mr. Tucker. They continued to talk about my performance, going over every scene and critiquing the play.

After we had finished our tea, Carol and I went upstairs. She helped me to undress, and to loosen my corset, and then went to her own room. I removed my makeup, and got into bed after putting on my sleepwear. I lay in bed thinking about the day’s activities for some time.

The realization, and implications, that I was one of the lead characters in the play were only now sinking in. Along with the status of the role came the responsibility. I was expecting to return to my former identity in a few days. The manufacturer’s office should reopen on Monday, and by Thursday I will be my old self. I can’t continue in the role of Miss Prudy after that. If I were to be switching back and forth between Crystal and Cary for the production, word would surely get out. The only solution was to give up the role. Besides, I was beginning to fear that my continued existence as Crystal was affecting my mind. I had actually liked being held and kissed by Sean tonight. And I no longer had to make any conscious efforts to behave like a woman; my actions were, by now, automatic. I had convinced myself, and everybody around me, that I was Crystal. I now had to remind myself that I was not a female.

The only solution was to resign from the play and try to become Cary again before it was too late. I had already lost the urgency to return that I had felt two weeks ago, and I feared that if I stayed as Crystal much longer, I might not want to go back. With the decision made to quit the play, I rolled over and drifted off to sleep.

My family was still fascinated with the play the following morning. I hadn’t imagined that it had had such an impact on them. My Mom was so proud that I thought that she would burst. I know that she wanted to call everybody that she knew and tell them about my performance, but she couldn’t because she would have to explain how Crystal had become her daughter. I couldn’t tell them of my decision at this time. I would let them enjoy their thoughts for the weekend.

I took the bus down to the theatre around 3 o’clock. It was much later than my usual time but since we were in production, I thought that there would be little to do. As soon as I entered the makeup room, Marge ran over to me.

"Crystal, you’re so late. We were worried that something may have happened to you too."

"What do you mean, too?

"You know, like with Pam. If you have an accident, the play would have to be cancelled."

"I’m sorry, Marge. I didn’t think that there would be anything to do so I would not be needed so early."

"You’re right, of course. There isn’t as much to do now. It’s just that you have always been so early. Mr. Tucker called a short time ago. He wants you to get into costume as soon as you come in. No stage makeup though, just regular cosmetics."

"What for? The play doesn’t start for almost 5 hours."

"Pictures. When we took the cast pictures on Wednesday, you were the Assistant Director, not the female lead. Mr. Tucker is bringing the photographer back to shoot your picture. He wants shots of you in all four of your costumes. They should be here any minute. Come on, let’s get started."

Marge and I went to Wardrobe and I started to dress in my second costume. We would finish up with my first costume so that I would not have to put it on twice. I noticed that Barbara had been busy making alterations. The temporary tacks had been replaced with permanent modifications. When I was dressed, Marge and I went back to Makeup so that she could apply my wig. When that was done, she did my face with regular cosmetics. The photographer would shoot with regular photo studio lightning, so the stage makeup would have made me look like a clown.

I was all ready when Mr. Tucker came in to get me. I apologized for not having his coffee ready. He brushed it off saying that his leading lady does not have to make the coffee.

We walked out onto the stage where the photographer had set up his equipment. For the next three hours, the photographer shot a dozen rolls of film as I changed into each costume. He posed me in various positions using the play’s scenery and props. At 5 o’clock, while I was still in my fourth costume, Rick came in. Mr. Tucker had him change into his last costume, and the photographer took pictures of us in various stages of embrace, including the kissing scene. By the time that I was in my first costume, many of the other cast members had arrived and changed into their costumes. The photographer took photos of me with the various actors that I shared scenes with, which included almost the entire cast. Just before the theatre opened to allow the audience in, the photographer took new, ‘entire cast’ pictures. I was posed in the middle, with Rick’s arm around me. He also had me stand in front of Rick, with Rick’s arms around me. Since Rick towered over me, I didn't hide his face. The final shots had Rick and I kissing while the entire cast looked on.

When the photographer was finally done, the entire cast scrambled to get ready for curtain time. The actors in the first scene got priority in makeup. Although we were all costumed, nobody had their stage makeup on yet. We were all ready to go when the curtain opened. I felt much better than I had last night, but I was still a little nervous. That wore off several minutes into the play. We were playing to another sold-out audience. They applauded and laughed at all the right places, so we knew that we were doing our job correctly.

Under the bright lights of the stage, it is almost impossible to see an audience who is sitting in a darkened theatre, but you can feel their presence. You hear involuntary giggles, gasps, and oohs and ahhs. Those reactions are almost intoxicating because they are true emotions, unlike polite applause. I hadn’t been tuned into them for the first performance, but I was tonight. I guess that I had been too nervous last night.

By Act 3, we knew that we had put on another successful performance. When the big kissing scene came, it seemed like the audience would never stop applauding. Rick raised me up two seconds after the clapping stopped. I was almost dizzy from having been bent over for so long. When the play had ended, the audience brought us back for 6 curtain calls. Knowing that you have participated in a show that has brought that much pleasure to an audience is always exhilarating. Last night I had attributed my feelings to an adrenaline rush resulting from nervousness, but tonight I had similar feelings without having been overly nervous. Whatever was causing the sensations, I liked it.

After I had removed my stage makeup and changed out of my costume, I went looking for Mr. Tucker. As much as I had enjoyed the accolades, I still wanted to let him know that I was leaving the show after this weekend. That would give them a full week to fill my spot. I found him backstage talking with the stage manager. I waited until they had finished their conversation, and stepped up to him. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and hugged me.

"Crystal, my delicate little flower. Your performance tonight was spectacular. The critic from the paper was absolutely correct. You really make the show. As sorry as I am that Pam was injured, I could not have found a better replacement. You are wonderful."

"Paper?"

"Yes. Didn’t you see the review? We sold out all of the performances for this weekend right after the box office opened at noon today. And there are only a limited number of seats available for next weekend. And it’s all due to the wonderful performances that you have been giving us."

"Mr. Tucker, the play is wonderful, and the entire cast have been giving everything that they have to make it successful. My small contribution hardly makes much of a difference."

"Oh contraire, ma petit. Come with me. I’ll show you."

I followed Mr. Tucker to the desk backstage where I usually worked. He held up a page from our local paper, the Daily Dispatch. The page was from the entertainment section. The largest article on the page was a review of our play by the newspaper’s critic-at-large.

I read, "Last night I was privileged to review the play ‘Guts and Garters’ at the Community Playhouse. I have to tell you that I have seldom enjoyed a performance as much as I did last night’s. This play has been a favorite of mine for some time and the production by our local players was wonderful. An announcement prior to the start of the performance by the show’s Director, Adam Tucker, caused me to fear that I would be disappointed by the performance. It seems that the actress that had been selected to play the lead female role of Miss Prudy, fell and broke her leg yesterday afternoon. She is recuperating at the hospital where the accident occurred, and was certainly not able to perform. In small productions, the loss of lead characters so close to a performance date is cause for grave concern. Understudies are typically not very well practiced in the roles, and the last minute loss of a main character can be disastrous.

In this case however, the play’s very young Assistant Director, Miss Crystal Ramsey, very ably filled the part. Miss Ramsey stepped into the shoes of Miss Prudy and performed flawlessly. She never missed a mark, nor dropped or tripped over a line of dialogue. One would have thought that she had been the lead actress since the beginning of rehearsals, rather than a last minute replacement. Her performance was fresh and exhilarating, and I saw the character that she portrayed, in a whole new light after seeing the production. I felt, at various times, happy, sad, apprehensive, and optimistic. Miss Ramsey’s performance drew me into her character in ways that I would not have believed possible. In short, she was sensational.

The other members of the cast were wonderful also. Rick Verkasky, who plays Captain Martin, gave a wonderful performance, and was the perfect compliment to Miss Ramsey. Neil Broderick, who plays Miss Ramsey’s indulgent father, and Patricia Silbey, who plays her scatterbrained mother, gave brilliant performances as well. And I can’t say enough good things about the other cast members. Space limitations prevent me from naming them all here, so you will just have to go down to see the show, and get a program. Just remember to associate the name Crystal Ramsey with the character of Miss Prudy. Adam Tucker, a consummate director, has delivered to us another wonderful presentation in this play. And I give this show my highest rating of five stars."

I put the paper down and thought about what I had read.

Mr. Tucker said, "See. The paper’s critic agrees. You were wonderful. The paper wants to do a full spread in the Sunday edition. That was the reason for all of the photos today. The paper is footing the bill for the photographer and the film processing. People are coming to see you, my dear girl. And to enjoy your wonderful performances. While we usually sell out our opening night show because family members buy most of the tickets, we have never sold out our Sunday night show before."

I just stood there and looked at Mr. Tucker. I was in shock. I had been about to resign from the show, and once again my destiny had been shaped by outside forces. I had intended to bow out on the pretext that I was not capable of playing the role the way that it should played. But that was before the paper’s critic decided to become a fan. I couldn’t quit now, at least not using the excuse that I had prepared. With the new focus on my role by the critic, my absence would raise more questions and difficulties that I was prepared to deal with. Also, I would be letting down my fellow actors and friends. I had a sudden, chilling fear that all the publicity might have the effect of unmasking me, and yet I couldn’t leave. I would have to stay and hope that the publicity died down quickly.

I thanked Mr. Tucker and walked back to the makeup room. My 4-inch heels clicking hollowly on the stage floor. I retrieved my purse and said goodnight to everyone. Debbie was nowhere in sight again. I hadn’t spoken to her for more than a few minutes since before I was cast as Miss Prudy. Was she angry with me for accepting a part that she had been the understudy for? She had declared that she was unprepared to assume the role. I decided to make time to talk with her tomorrow before the matinee show.

I exited the theatre and walked to the bus stop. As I stood there waiting for the bus, some cars would slow down and the drivers would look at me. Sometimes, young men would yell things out, but I ignored them and looked elsewhere. My tight skirt and high heels were definitely giving the wrong impression. I hoped that the bus arrived before any police cars cruised by.

Finally, the correct bus came along and I was on my way home. I slipped into a melancholy mood as I rode. I had set a course of action and then been thwarted when I attempted to implement it. It seemed as if I was destined to remain a woman. I didn’t even notice when the bus driver stopped at my street without me pulling the buzzer. He must have remembered me from a previous ride.

When I entered the house, Carol ran up to me and hugged me.

She said, "Did you see the article, Crystal? You’re famous. My friends have been calling all afternoon and evening. I can’t believe that my little sister is a star."

"Yes, I saw the article."

"But aren’t you happy?"

"I’m worried about the publicity. What if somebody discovers my… original identity."

"Oh, I hadn’t thought about that."

We walked into the kitchen. Mom and Aunt Jessica were sitting at the table. They got up and came to me. Mom hugged me while Aunt Jessica put her hand on my arm in a comforting move. I could tell that they understood the situation. Changes like the one that I had experienced, and was still experiencing, were best left confidential. The small article on the entertainment page was bad enough, what would happen after tomorrow’s paper was out? I told them about the photos and the pending release tomorrow in the Sunday paper.

We all sat down to have a cup of tea. I automatically added an extra spoonful of sugar. Mom reminded me that I hadn’t taken one of the antibiotic capsules this morning, so I took one now.

Mom said, "Honey, there nothing to worry about. It’s unlikely that anybody will make a connection. We’ll tell anybody who asks that Cary is with his father in Dayton, and you're here visiting for the summer. Just as we had decided to do two weeks ago."

"I never expected anything like this. I refused when Mr. Tucker wanted me to play the small role of Daphne. And here I am in the lead female role, with my picture about to be spread out under every bird cage and litter box in town."

Carol giggled, and Mom said, "Well at least you haven’t lost your sense of humor."

I smiled weakly. "Like Grandma always used to say, ‘No use crying over spilled milk’. I can’t stop things, so I might as well go with the traffic, instead of against it."

Aunt Jessica said, "That’s the spirit. This will all blow over in a few days. In the meantime, enjoy your 15 minutes of fame."

"My what?"

"It’s an old expression from an artist named Andy Warhol. He said that everybody gets 15 minutes of fame during their life."

"I’d be happy if this only lasted 15 minutes."

Mom said, "Just relax and enjoy it, Crystal. Remember that every girl in town would gladly trade places with you in an instant. You’re a very lucky young lady."

"Okay, Mom."

I said goodnight and went up to bed. Carol came up several minutes later to help me.

As she loosened my corset, she said, "Mom’s right, you know. Every girl I know would sell their soul to be in your shoes. I’m so proud of my little sister, the star."

"Thanks, sis. I guess that I’ll survive the publicity. And I have enjoyed my time working with the Theatre Company. In a little more than two weeks the play will be over and I can put all this behind me."

We hugged, and Carol went to her bedroom while I finished getting ready for bed. Once again, I lay in bed thinking about the day’s events. I had believed last night that, with my resignation from the play, my problems would soon be resolved. I did have mixed emotions about the play. On the one hand I wanted to get my life straightened out. Things seemed to be getting more complicated each day. On the other hand, I enjoyed performing at the theatre. The applause from the audiences was like a narcotic. But, since the option of resigning from the play had been virtually taken from me, I would have to find other ways to cope with my situation. I slowly drifted off to sleep as I contemplated my choices.

 

(Continued in Chapter 10)

 

 

 

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