How I Spent My Summer Vacation

by C. Sprite

 

Chapter Eighteen

 

Jennifer arrived a little after seven, and I would never have known that it was her standing there in the rented tux if I hadn't known about her costume in advance. Her hair was pushed up under a top hat, and her chest had been 'flattened' by a couple of Ace bandages. She had grown a 'moustache', held on by spirit gum, and heavy eyebrows made from the same wig as the moustache. Her face had a 'five o'clock' shadow, thanks to some excellent makeup work, and she wore a pair of black wingtips on her feet. Men's white dress gloves hid her hands. She looked fantastic and I told her so.

"Thanks. I think my costume turned out pretty good," she said. "My name for the evening is Stephen so you should only think of me that way so you don't slip up. Now come on, you aren't finishing dressing yet. You women take forever to get ready. Hurry up, the limo's waiting."

I giggled at her remark while Mom pinned the veil to my hair and I put on my gloves. I was already wearing the teardrop pearl earrings that I selected to go with the gown, and Mom put the single strand of pearls around my neck. Finished, I turned to Mom and said, "How do I look?" only realizing then that tears were working their way down her cheeks.

"You're beautiful, darling, simply beautiful," she managed to get out in a cracked voice.

"Mom, I'm not getting married. This is just a costume."

"I know dear, but I can't help it. You look so lovely in that gown."

"Thanks, Mom," I said smiling.

"Wait, I have to get picture."

I knew what that meant. Another entire roll of file would sacrifice its existence as she clicked picture after picture, but it was a special event this time and we had expended a lot of effort to look like we did.

Mom posed my Halloween husband, Stephan, and me in the living room and took picture after picture as we changed positions slightly in response to her instructions. When the roll was finished, we were allowed to leave. Mom kissed me, put the rhinestone-bordered mask on me, and then pulled the veil over my face. I took my purse, a sort of white satin drawstring pouch, and turned to Stephen who extended his arm.

"Call me if you have any problems at all," Mom whispered as I walked out the door.

I nodded, fought down the nervous knots in my stomach, and then had to concentrate on walking to the limo in a dress that prevented me from seeing my feet. Getting into the limo in the voluminous gown was another hurdle to overcome. With Stephen's help I finally made it and plopped onto the soft, dark blue, velvet-like cushions of the rear seat.

Stephen plopped down next to me after closing the door and the limo pulled out onto the road. The school was only ten minutes away and we passed the time talking about our entrance and behavior. So that no one would discover who we were, we decided not to acknowledge anyone that we knew, and we would keep our talking to an absolute minimum so that no one could recognize our voices.

I grew more nervous the closer we got to the school.

The school security guard just looked at us with a dumbfounded look as the limo pulled up near the school's front entrance to drop us off. Stephen extended his elbow and I took hold of his arm to be led inside.

At the table outside the gym entrance, Stephen filled out a nametag for each of us using the names Stephen and Michelle. They were the sticky labels that sometimes leave a residue and I shook my head when he tried to put mine on the gown. Turning back to the table, he made one that read "Stephen & Michelle" and stuck it on his breast pocket in place of the other. I smiled and nodded.

As we appeared at the door to the gym, the room seemed to quiet appreciably. I imagine we made quite a spectacle. Like last year, some people could hardly be said to be in costume, while others were elaborately done up. We definitely fell into the latter group. People immediately began to crowd around us trying to determine our identity, but we never said a word, just nodding or shaking our heads to general questions.

Failing to learn who we were, or engage us in conversation, most people drifted away. The band was playing one slow dance in every three and Stephen led me to the floor each time a slow dance began.

The first dance was a little awkward in the ball gown and five inch heels, but I got the hang of it about the same time that Stephen got the hang of leading.

 

Some of our classmates refused to give up and tried repeatedly to get us to disclose our identities every time we returned from the dance floor, but we remained mum, literally. I stayed by Stephen's side and several times refused offers to dance by guys who approached me. When Stephen/Jennifer's former boyfriend, Kyle, approached and asked me to dance, I shook my head, but Stephan took my hand and handed it to him. I was confused, but allowed myself to be led to the dance floor.

During the slow dance, Kyle held me tightly to him and tried to get me to talk. I just smiled and nodded or shook my head. Kyle, frustrated that I wouldn’t talk, pulled me closer and kissed me as the dance ended. I tried to pull away, but he held my head tightly. I didn't allow his tongue to enter my mouth though, and as soon as he released me, I pulled away and walked back to Stephen.

"How could you do that to me?" I hissed at Stephen.

"I wanted to see if he was still as much of a jerk as he was when we dated. He is. Better fix your lipstick; you smeared it when you kissed him."

"I didn't kiss him, he kissed me. I couldn't stop him." I took out my compact, lipstick, and a tissue, and repaired the damage.

At ten o'clock, one of the teacher-chaperones got up on the stage as the band stopped for a break.

"Attention, please," Mrs. Stein said. "It's time for the costume judging. Our panel of judges has looked over all of the costumed individuals and prepared a list of semi-finalists. I'd like them to come up on the stage now as I describe their costumes." Looking at a list she held up to the light, she began to identify the potential winners for best costume. "Would Sabrina, the witch with the broom come up here, and Jack, the werewolf with the severe overbite. Also, we need Tarzan, the jungle man, and Selina, the cat woman. Finally, we want Stephen and Michelle, the newlyweds."

I had begun to think that I might be able to get through the night without exposing my identity, but it now appeared that I was about to be unmasked before the entire dance crowd. I suppose it didn't really make much of a difference if a dozen people knew or two hundred knew. Even if we weren't identified tonight, everyone would know tomorrow when Jennifer, excuse me, Stephen told the gang at lunch. At least five other guys were in some form of drag, but none were close to passable, and were obviously doing it for laughs.

Stephen led me through the crowd to the stage and helped me climb the stairs.

Standing there on the stage, I wondered if I'd ever be able to live down the humiliation that I expected to be heaped upon me any minute.

There were two prizes for best costume, one for the best male costume and the other for the best female costume, and the kids at the dance would determine the winners. Mrs. Stein said, "Girls over here please, on my right, and boys over here, on my left."

I looked at Stephen, unsure where to go. He smiled and walked over to stand with the girls, so I walked over to stand with the boys.

Mrs. Stein came over and took my arm, pulling me over to the girl's side, saying, "No dear, the girls should stand over here." Then took Stephen's arm and gave him a shove towards where the two boys were standing.

Stephen shrugged his shoulders and moved back to where the girls were, so I smiled and walked back to where the boys were.

Mrs. Stein looked at us strangely, but not as strange as the shocked reaction we were getting from the kids at the dance. The entire gym had grown quiet.

Mrs. Stein shook her head, shrugged, and mumbled, "Okay, stand where you want." Turning to the kids in the gym, she said, "Cast your vote, for the GIRL of your choice, with your applause. Please don’t vote for more than one person in each category." Standing behind Sabrina, the witch, she held up her hand and a number of students applauded. Standing behind Selina, the cat woman, she held up her hand and again a mild applause sounded in the gym. As Mrs. Stein moved behind Stephen and raised her hand, he removed his hat, causing his hair to spill down onto his shoulders. When he removed his mask, there was a gasp from the audience, followed by extremely loud applause as everyone suddenly recognized Jennifer. Mrs. Stein declared her the winner of the girl's category.

Then it was time for the boys to be judged. I could understand girls winning for cross-dressing, because no one ever seemed to think it odd, but I wondered how I would be received, now that everyone saw me lined up with the males. It was true that guys in drag had become a lot more socially acceptable in recent years, at least on stage.

Mrs. Stein stood behind Jack, the werewolf, first and raised her hand. The applause was light. When she raised her hand behind Tarzan, the jungle man, the applause was just as light. Then she stood behind me and raised her hand, and not a single person applauded.

Mrs. Stein, obviously taken by surprise, said, "You'll have to vote again. I couldn't determine the winner. Please, everybody vote for one of the costumed finalists."

Standing behind Jack, the werewolf, and raising her hand, even less applauded this time. When she stood behind Tarzan, the jungle man, about the same number applauded. I was surprised when she even bothered to stand behind me again, but she did.

Again, no one applauded, but Kyle yelled out, "That's no guy; I danced with her before. We can't give a girl the prize in this category also."

Mrs. Stein was clearly unsure what to do. She walked around me and said, "Do you have your ID with you?"

I nodded and produced my school ID from my purse.

She looked at it, then looked closely at me, and smiled before handing it back. Turning to the audience she said, "I know this student and I'm satisfied with his identity." A ripple of excited conversation moved through the gym as Mrs. Stein moved behind me and held her hand over my head. A few people applauded, but as Mrs. Stein started to lower her hand, it began to grow quickly until the gym was rocking.

"I declare the newlywed bride to be the winner of the best costume in the male category," Mrs. Stein said, relieved that it was over.

Stephen and I each received a trophy while camera flashes flickered from the gym floor, ensuring that my cross-dressing wouldn't be soon forgotten at the school, and we prepared to rejoin the crowd as the band came back on stage to play their next set.

As we descended the steps, we were immediately surrounded by people that we knew. Our friends forgot their boyfriends and immediately moved in for a closer look.

One of the girls said, "Since you're Jennifer, then this MUST be Jimmy because you two have been inseparable during the past two months."

I smiled, "Hi Maryann. Good guess."

"Oh my God, Jimmy, you’re so gorgeous," she said. "I love your wedding gown."

"Her name is Michelle for tonight," Jennifer said smiling as she tried to push all her hair back up under her top hat, "and I'm Stephen."

The girls giggled as Barbara Huffing said, "Yes, sir."

Crowding even closer to me, if that was possible, to examine the gown and feel the beaded lace bodice, the girls started plying Stephen and me with questions.

One of the jock boyfriends, standing on the periphery of the group and feeling a little left out, said, "Hey Ashley, let's see your legs."

Another guy quickly said, "Legs, hell, lets see your tits."

A third said, "Is that why you wear such loose fitting clothes to school? To hide your tits?"

This was what I had dreaded, but I knew what I had to do. I smiled as if it was a big joke. "Do you think I could hide these under a tee shirt and sweater?" I asked sweetly, cupping my bosoms.

Maryann came to my defense, angrily asking, "Why don't you go ask Billy Thomas how he hides his boobs during the week, Carl?"

Billy Thomas was one of the guys in drag at the dance, and his breasts appeared to be balloons, hidden beneath a varsity sweater, over a cheerleader's skirt. He also happened to be a co-captain on the football team, and one of the tallest players. He had been joking with friends about his costume, but I doubted if any hecklers had ridiculed him because I hadn't seen anyone lying unconscious on the gym floor.

Maryann's angry response started an avalanche of defensive comments from the other girls, and the guys suddenly found themselves on the receiving end as their costumes were criticized for lack of originality or quality. They immediately began retreating, leaving just Stephen and myself surrounded by a couple of dozen girls. We felt a little like celebrities as the group made a fuss over us. The music from the band had started and it was difficult to hear so we moved to the far side of the gym where it was possible to talk above the music.

"That's the most beautiful wedding gown I've ever seen, Michelle," Barbara Huffing said. "Did you buy it just for tonight?"

"Stephen's mom gave it to me. His sister bought it for her wedding. Stephen's mom altered it to fit me."

"Michelle is a little better endowed than my sister," Stephen said.

"Michelle has a great rack," Maryann said. "I should be so lucky."

"But yours are real," I said. "I don't have any sensation with mine."

"They sure look real," she said. "I watched as you came down from the stage and they jiggle just like the real thing."

"They're breast forms, like those used for mastectomy patients. It's almost impossible for anyone to see a difference."

"That's what made your costume so convincing," Sharon Cedar said.

"That's not all it was," Barbara said. "I agreed with Kyle. Michelle's hair and figure had me believing that it was a gag when she lined up on the boy's side. She even has her movements down perfectly, and she walks in those high heels like she was born in them. I don’t think anyone in this gym believed she was anything except a girl."

"Kyle was completely taken in," Stephan said, still in character. "He kissed Michelle after dancing with her."

"Shut– up!" Sharon said incredulously.

"It's true," Stephen insisted. "At the end of the dance he grabbed her head and kissed her."

"But she was wearing a mask," Cecilia Edding said. "He couldn't see her face."

"She's not wearing a mask now," Barbara said. "Does she look like anything but a girl to you?"

"Well– no," Cecilia admitted.

"Damn right," Maryann said. "I'd hate to go up against Michelle in a contest for Prom Queen."

"What costume are you wearing to school tomorrow, Michelle?"

"Oh, just my regular clothes," I said.

"But it's Halloween, almost" Maryann said. "We're allowed to wear our costumes. Everyone will be dressed up."

"I can't very well wear a wedding gown to school. Can you see me trying to get through the hallways between classes? Or trying to sit at a desk?"

Everyone was quiet as they pictured it, and I hoped that the thought would be enough to end any thoughts of me coming to school in costume.

"How about wearing an after-wedding costume?" Barbara suggested. "Pretend it's the next day, after the wedding, and you're about to leave on your honeymoon. Just wear a skirt or dress."

Suddenly all the girls became excited about my coming to school in a skirt. They started discussing what they would wear following their wedding. The suggestions varied from jeans and a tube top to a business suit. I tried to squash the idea but two dozen excited female voices, centered on a common theme, are difficult to overcome.

Finally I said, "But Stephan doesn't have a costume."

"I can just wear this tux again," he said, "My mom doesn't have to return it until Monday. I won't have trouble getting through the halls or sitting at the desks."

"Who has an outfit that Michelle can wear tomorrow?" Maryann asked of the crowd. Immediately a dozen voices began offering me outfits.

"I can find something for her," Stephen said. "My sister left a lot of clothes when she moved out. I know she won’t mind Michelle borrowing something. She has a gorgeous grey suede skirt and jacket suit that would be perfect. She even has matching boots."

I knew immediately that Stephen was talking about the suit that I had brought back from Illinois. I hadn't worn it since the trip home, but Stephen probably knew the contents my closet as well as his/her own.

I made one last stab at nipping this thing before it went any further. "You all saw what happened with those guys a little while ago. If I show up tomorrow dressed in a skirt, I'll be taunted all day. Every boy in school will have heard about me wearing this gown and be ready with his comments."

"They'll do that anyway," Cecilia said, "so wearing a costume on Halloween won't make any difference. If it matters, Billy Thomas is going to wear his cheerleading costume tomorrow."

"Really?"

"That's what he said."

"Michelle," Barbara said, "if any boy gives you a problem, just let us know. You're one of us, and most everyone knows that by now. But if they don't, we'll explain it to them."

I knew that they had always protected me. When they couldn't do it on their own, a few boyfriends had been persuaded to convince the offender to leave me alone. But most of the guys had considered me inconsequential, almost a non-entity, before. The girls weren't going to drop it so I said, "Okay, I'll probably regret it, but I'll do it; just for all of you."

With that settled, most of the girls started to drift back to their dates. I wondered how many couldn't wait to talk to their boyfriends about me, and some girls probably just wanted to talk about me where I couldn't overhear the conversation. The girls that I usually sat with at lunch stayed with us until their boyfriends or dates showed up and asked them to dance. Stephen and I walked back to the dance floor when another slow dance began to play.

"What am I going to do?" I asked Stephen as we danced. "I can't wear a skirt to school tomorrow. It was one thing to come to the dance wearing a dress, but school is completely different, even if it is Halloween costume day."

"I wear pants every day."

"That's different and you know it. Girls can wear a guy's clothes and nobody gives it a second thought, but let a guy wear something remotely feminine and he gets teased and harassed unmercifully."

"Nobody is going to bother you. Look, I'll get my Mom to bring us to school in the morning so you don’t have to ride the bus. Does that make you feel better?"

"Much better."

"Good." Smiling she added, "I'm looking forward to seeing you in that suede skirt."

I sighed. "You men are all alike. You just want a trophy wife on your arm."

 

Stephen and I spent the entire ten-minute ride to my house in a lip lock. I didn't care what the limo driver thought, and I didn't worry about my makeup anymore. I must have looked a sight when we reached my house. Mom was still up and wanted to hear all about the dance, but Stephen had to get home because we had school tomorrow, so I wound up relating the events of the evening alone.

"That's all," she said, "just a few comments during the judging and a few afterward?"

"That was all for tonight, but I don't know what it's going to be like tomorrow; especially if I wear a skirt."

"You can still change your mind."

"I promised Jennif– I mean Stephen. He's going to wear his tux."

"But she won't be teased like you would."

I slumped slightly in the chair. "I know. I wish I knew what to do. If I don’t wear the skirt, I'll be teased and called a 'chicken', and if I do wear it, I'll probably be called a lot worse names. I can't win."

"Maybe it's time to come out."

"What do you mean, come out?"

"I mean that perhaps you should tell your friends that you're transitioning to become a woman."

I sat up straight and looked at her. "Even if that was the case, I still wouldn't tell people."

"Isn't it the case? You become Michelle every day after school, and live as her all day on weekends. Your cousins have told me that you want to be a woman more than anything."

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"From Suzanne. She said that you told them you felt cheated by not having been born female. She said that you told them you had found yourself at last when you started dressing as a woman."

I distinctly remembered saying those things, but it was because I was trying to deprive Lizbeth of any satisfaction for what she had done to me.

"Well, did you say those things or didn't you?" Mom asked.

"Uh, yes, I guess I did. When did you speak to Suzanne?"

"Right after Mr. Miller at the pharmacy told me exactly what those daily vitamins you've been taking, really are."

"What do you mean?"

"The pills that Suzanne gave you."

"What? What are they?"

"You don't know?"

"Mom! What are they?"

"They're hormones, intended to help you become a woman. They also block any male androgens that your body would produce naturally and replace them with female hormones. They're helping to mold your body into a female form. Suzanne said that you desired that. She told me that they were only prescribed after all the necessary tests had been performed. She also said that it's about time you went in for another checkup. She gave me the names of a couple of doctors in this area that will help you."

I sat in stunned silence. I finally said, "I didn't know. Suzanne never told me that."

"She knew you were confused, but that it was what you really wanted, so she decided to help you. She said that she had explained to you how a person's body develops into either male or female, and that since puberty began your body had been developing, naturally, like a female's instead of a male's. She said she told you that your pelvic area was as large as would be expected for a girl your age."

"Yes, she told me that my body wasn't producing enough male hormones, and that was responsible for my lack of distinctive male characteristics, while the female hormones had already taken me a long way to making me appear feminine. But she didn't tell me that the pills were female hormones."

"She said that she would have asked the doctor to prescribe male hormones, but for your statements that you wished you had been born a female, so she asked the doctor to prescribe the female hormones instead."

"She never told me I could get male hormones."

"She was moved by your declaration of wishing you'd been born female, and since your body was already developing that way naturally, she simply gave it a slight push to help it along. She also told me that you can stop taking the pills if you want. It won't undo the recent changes that have already occurred, but that you can still grow a beard, if that's what you want, by shifting to male hormones."

"What recent changes can't be undone?"

"Mainly your chest. Your hormonal imbalance was already causing your breasts to develop slowly, but the hormones that you've been taking are enhancing that. She said that your breasts can be reduced by elective surgery at any time, if you wish."

"I thought that the breast forms were responsible for my changes on my chest. I thought that the weight was stretching the skin out."

"The only reason that your breasts weren't already more pronounced, was because you were so skinny, but they would have appeared on their own as you gained weight. Your hips were already as wide as they were going to get, that have occurred once you entered puberty, and long before you went to Illinois, but the hormones have helped fill out your lower torso and legs."

"I thought one of the pills was a salt tablet, and that was making me retain water."

"The prescription was changed as your body began to respond. The large bottles that Suzanne gave you just before you left for home were different from those she first gave you."

"I knew that; the shapes and colors changed. But I didn't know that my body's shape was being changed, other than by my corsets."

"Are you saying that you want to stop taking the female hormones? You can start taking male hormones if you want. They won’t reduce thee size of your pelvis, but you'll develop a beard, and your breasts should stop growing in a few months."

"A few months? In a few months I could be a C cup."

"Probably not. Suzanne says that you'll probably never be more than a small B cup, unless you get implants, or put on a lot of weight."

"So I'll only be a token female, like I've been a token male?"

Mom looked at me for a few seconds before responding. "The only one that can make you a token person is yourself. You are not a token person, regardless of what gender you choose to be. Nature has been cruel, by dropping you somewhere in the middle of the gender line, but that doesn't make you a token person. It does give you the unique opportunity to decide which way you want to move along that line. As to bra size, most thin women only have a B cup, naturally. That's why they make padded bras, push-up bras, and water bras, not to mention breast forms. Plastic surgeons have gotten rich doing breast implants on women with small bosoms. I've told you that I'll support you in whatever decision you make, and I meant it, but you have make the decision. It seemed to me as though you had."

"Why?"

"Because you're never Jimmy when you can be Michelle. It's easy to see where your heart is."

I hung my head and put my hands to my face. "I just don't know. If I was attracted to boys, I'd have my answer, but I'm not. When Kyle kissed me tonight, I didn't feel anything except revulsion."

"Most women feel exactly that same way when a man grabs them and forces a kiss. We're not mannequins, honey. Perhaps you felt differently towards George because he treated you differently."

"I haven't been attracted to any of the boys at school, and they haven't forced me to do anything."

"But you also haven't appeared as Michelle, so they haven't treated you as a woman. It makes a difference."

I shook my head. "I just don't know, Mom."

"Okay, honey. Would you like me to help you undress?"

I nodded. "Yes, please. I'll never get out of this gown without help."

 

(continued)

  

  

  

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