Honey I'm Home

by Kimberly Anne Kennedy

 

"Hi honey I’m home," I said sheepishly waiting for her response. As she raised her head from the pillow on the sofa I could see she wasn’t real happy to see me. "Where the hell have you been? You told me you would be home four hours ago." Before I could say anything she continued, "Oh let me guess… You were at the Casino again winning." I started to speak but she cut me off. "I’m not done talking, don’t interrupt me." It was bad enough losing money now I was going to get read the riot act again. "That’s the last time you’re going to leave me here alone. I know you’re never going again and you’re sorry, save it. I’ve heard it one too many times before." There are times when there’s nothing you can say and this was one of them. I had stepped on the straw that broke the camel’s back. "I’m going to bed" looking for my escape from the inquisition. "I think we need to have a little talk" glaring at me with an angry look in her eyes. Women reserve that phrase for one time in a relationship, the end! "You have obviously not taken my warnings seriously and leave me with no choice." I stood there realizing I was being written into the pages of her history book. With one last ditch effort to head her off at the pass before she officially said it’s over, I did what any man under these circumstances would do and began to beg and grovel shamelessly. "I’m so sorry, I’ll do anything please, please! With an evil look of satisfaction on her face she replied "Anything?" Without a second thought I said "Yes, yes anything". Knowing she had me at her mercy she continued, "If you don’t do exactly as I say you will find yourself living alone in you’re mother’s basement again. Is that understood?" I had been granted a stay of execution but at what price? "It’s late now, lets go to bed we’ll talk more in the morning" was all she said.

Needless to say I didn’t sleep well, wondering what she was up to and knowing as a starving musician, if I didn’t play along my mother’s basement awaited me. As we sat drinking coffee on the sofa she began to pronounce my sentence. "You obviously have little self control with your gambling and I’ve developed a plan to correct your problem." Hanging on her every word she continued "We are going out to the mall today and if you so much as look at me the wrong way, I will drop you off at your mother’s house. Understood?" "Yes," was my only response. "Good, now go in the closet and get the large suitcase and put all your clothes and wallet inside it and meet me in the car." As I packed I thought maybe she was really just throwing me out but trying to avoid the whole messy scene. I placed the suitcase in the open trunk and climbed in the car expecting to be dropped off at my mother’s. I was surprised when we pulled up to one of those storage rental places. I looked at her to ask why but could see she was in no mood to be questioned. "Wait in the car. I’ll be back" was all she said as she walked to the office. She returned to the car with some paperwork in hand and drove to the gate. Getting out she entered the security code and the gate started to open. She drove through the gate and stopped in front of a unit. Now she got out of the car, opened the trunk and took out the suitcase. Opening the door to the unit she placed the suitcase inside, closed the door and placed a padlock on it. A million thoughts ran through my mind, how was I going to function in society. Without a word she drove to the gate, got out, entered the code and we left.

As we drove on the highway she opened her window and tossed the keys to the padlock out the window. In a state of shock I looked at her. Coyly she spoke, "I guess I will have to show them the paperwork and some ID to have them cut the lock off for me." Shit I thought, my life as I knew it was completely dependent on her whim. As we pulled into the mall I thought of running but where, to my mother’s basement?

If things weren’t already bad enough, they were about to get far worse. "Follow me" she said heading towards the salon. I started to stutter "I’m" but before I got it out she cut me off with a piercing glare saying "I’m what, going to live in my mother’s basement?" Knowing I was whipped I followed her to the receptionist. Catching the receptionist’s attention, "My boyfriend here lost a little bet so to speak, and now it’s time to pay up." The receptionist looked back and asked "So what can we do for you?" "He’s going to get a full body wax including the face." Cringing with the thought of the pain the receptionist sarcastically said, "You want the eyebrows done too?" "No, that’s ok" she laughed. I was escorted to a private room in the back and told to undress except my underwear. As I laid on the table on my back the woman spread the hot wax on my right shin and covered it with a strip of cloth. "This might hurt a little bit" she smiled. She ripped the cloth off and my leg, seconds later, felt like it was on fire. I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes absorbing the stinging pain. "So you lost a bet," the technician questioned. "You could say that" I responded. "I’d be more careful what you wager," she said as she ripped off another patch of hair. "Won’t happen again" was all I said. When she finished she rubbed a cooling lotion over my naked face and body. I got dressed and returned to my girlfriend in the waiting area. She paid the receptionist and we continued down the mall with my red skin on fire. I reluctantly followed her into one of those earring boutiques fearing the worse. "I want you to have your ears both pierced, now go tell the sales girl" she ordered. I hesitated comprehending what she was saying. The sales girl sat me down in the chair and before I knew it the piercing gun had placed a stud in each ear. Mean while my girlfriend had been shopping the racks and met me at the counter. Keeping what she had found out of my sight she told me to go wait for her in the mall. After making her purchase she met me in the mall carrying a bag. "Ok let’s go" she said. With a sigh of relief I followed her to the car but knew this was far from over. As we drove I asked "Can I ask you where this is all going?" "You’ll find out soon enough" was all she said. We pulled into the parking lot of a Wal-Mart and parked. "Wait here I’ll be back." She returned a little while later with a bag in hand and got in the car. She tossed the bag in my lap and said "Put this on now." I opened the bag and removed the contents. A pair of pink women’s underwear, a pink bra and a long flowered polyester moo moo dress were inside. "I can’t wear this stuff" I protested. "I guess it’s off to your mother’s then." After removing my clothes, I pulled on the underwear, she helped clip the bra on me and I pulled the dress on. I felt ridiculous as I sat there seeing a smile come to her face, "Don’t you look cute." She gathered up my clothes and placed them in the plastic bag. She got out of the car and placed the bag in the garbage can. "Ok it’s time to go home now," she said as we headed for the highway. The bra straps were uncomfortable, the polyester dress humiliating and God forbid anyone I knew saw me like this.

When we pulled in the garage she told me to go up to the bathroom and wait for her. Nervously I waited for her in the bathroom knowing she was not done with me yet. When she entered the bathroom she spoke, "I know my methods are a little extreme but you need to be taught a lesson you will never forget. Now sit down on the toilet." As I sat down she continued talking "Just taking your money, ID and clothes, I’m afraid, is not enough to guarantee you’ll be here when I get home from work. So I’m going to have to alter your appearance a little so you wouldn’t want to leave and have some one see you like this." Taking out a bottle of nail polish she painted my finger nails and toenails a bright shade of pink. Holding up another bottle she spoke "This is nail polish remover" then promptly poured the contents down the drain. "How am I going to get this stuff off my nails" I spoke in panic. "That’s the whole idea silly, you can’t and won’t be tempted to call someone to get you without a whole lot of humiliation and explaining to do. Oh I’m not done yet but you are" she smiled. What she did next put the icing on the cake and sealed my fate. Taking the razor from the shower she removed both my eyebrows from my face. "Don’t worry honey they’ll grow back in a month" she laughed. Oh my God she’s keeping me captive for a month. What did I agree to? To add insult to injury she pulled out a black sharpie permanent marker, lined my eyes and drew thin high arched eyebrows where mine use to be. Putting that one away she grabbed the red one and colored in my lips. "Now close your eyes" she ordered. The last thing I saw before I closed them was her coming at my face with the blue colored marker. I could feel her filling in my eye lid with the marker. I didn’t even want to imagine how ridiculous I looked now. She opened the bag from the earring store and pulled out a pair of earrings. They were quarter sized button earrings made of cheap red plastic. She removed the studs from my ears and put the earrings in place but left the backings on the counter. Oh shit I thought as I saw her pull the superglue she used to fix a broken nail from the drawer. A drop of glue was added to each backing before being slid on the post. Next from the bag came a matching red plastic necklace strung with marble sized balls. It was too small to slide over my head. She opened the clasp and put it on me. I saw her grab the super glue again and permanently bond the clasp. "One last thing and I’d say you were pretty much finished so to speak" she said reaching again into the bag. Pulling out a black turban she placed it on my head covering my hair. She grabbed a bottle of old perfume and doused me in its gagging smell. "Almost forgot to give you some tits," she said reaching into the dirty laundry basket. She proceeded to stuff my bra with a handful of her dirty underwear. "Ok you can look and see how pretty I’ve made you." I didn’t even want to look and started to leave the bathroom. She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back and forced me to look at myself in the mirror. Horrified by the image before me she said, "This should keep you at home where you belong!" I was never going to let anyone see me like this. I spoke, "I can’t believe you did this to me." "Quite to the contrary you did this to yourself. Besides you’re free to go anytime you like" she snickered looking me up and down. "This is only the beginning of your little rehabilitation program, now get down on your hands and knees and kiss my feet." I sat there looking at her thinking you can’t be serious. "What are you waiting for, get down there now before I throw you out on the street." I got down on my hands and knees and crawled over and kissed her foot. "Now the other foot." This was a living nightmare beyond belief. "Now go sit at the kitchen table and I’ll be there in a minute."

Once in the kitchen she began to speak, "I don’t expect you to just sit around here all day while I’m at work. This place is to be cleaned top to bottom and dinner on the table, or there will be hell to pay. Do you understand me?" "Yes" "I’ve password protected the computer and thrown out your little stash of porno magazines. I don’t want you distracted from your domestic responsibilities. It’s also time you quit smoking so don’t expect me to be buying you any cigarettes." If there was anything as hell on earth I had found it.

The next day seamed like an eternity, making her breakfast and seeing her off to work. I ran the vacuum and popped a couple of TV dinners in the microwave before she got home. Sitting on the sofa I heard the door open and her say, "Honey I’m home." Needless to say she wasn’t impressed with the cleaning nor the TV dinner. Slamming the Betty Crocker Cookbook on the kitchen table she began her tirade. "This place is a mess, what the hell did you do all day. I expect a homemade supper on the table and a spotless house when I get home. You’ve got hell to pay now. Put your hands on the kitchen table now and look down at that cookbook." I felt her pull my panties down around my ankles and lift my housedress exposing my naked backside. Then I felt the stinging crack of a wooden spoon. "That is a cook book. You will be making me dinner from it every night. Do you understand me?" Crack. "Yes" I responded. Crack again. " I expect this place spotless do you understand me?" Crack. "Ouch, yes." I reached to rub my sore backside only to feel the crack of the spoon on my hand. "Put your hands back on the table. I didn’t tell you to move them, did I" Crack. "No" I said. Crack, Crack. "I don’t want to have to go through this every night, do your understand me?" Crack. "Yes." She must have smacked me 15 more times and said, "That stinging sore ass of yours should keep you from sitting on it all day tomorrow. I’m going out to dinner tonight, I can’t eat this crap. Now go stand in the corner and think about how bad you have been today." As I stood In the corner I could hear her taking on the phone to someone. She hung up the phone and said, "I’m going out with the girls for dinner, don’t wait up we’re going bar hopping after. It’s time you found out what it’s like to be left home alone wondering what I’m out doing all night."

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Kimberly Anne Kennedy. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.