He Should Have Played Ball

by Erica Kennel

Part 3

 

Chris sat silently in the back of the minivan. He couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about the situation he was in. Here it was, a beautiful summer afternoon, and what was he doing? He was going with his mom and sister to meet a bunch of silly girls so they could try on their dresses for his cousin's wedding. Not only that, he was in this situation because he had not wanted to go play baseball with the guys in the neighborhood today.

He thought back to the morning when he had made the decision to not play ball with the guys. He had been just getting ready to go meet Johnny and Tim when his sister asked if he could stay around and help her. She was going to experiment with her hair and make-up and asked Chris if he would stick around and take pictures of her with the digital camera. When she had asked him, he remembered feeling... what? Was it was relief? Was he relieved he would not have to play ball? He was a little ashamed, but he admitted to himself that it was. He knew he didn't want to go play with the guys. They were so loud and rough he always felt scared when he had to play with them. And after the incident the previous week - the image of his jumping out of the way of the ball and the sound of his girly squeal came back to him - he was scared that another ball would come streaking at him. The thought of a ball hitting him made him shudder, he just knew it would hurt so bad and he would cry and guys would laugh at him.

And he couldn't deny that he always had fun with his sister, even though it usually involved something to do with her hair, make-up, or clothes. Chris resolved that he had done the right thing to not play ball. It was just one day, what could it hurt to take a day off anyway, he thought?

The rest of the day now floated through Chris' memory. Watching the soap operas, helping his sister with her hair and make-up, throwing a hissy fit and crying in front of his mom, and then, only moments ago, getting excited at how pretty Molly's dress was in front of his sister and mom. He contrasted his day with the memory of Johnny walking back to his house after the ballgame. He was so dirty and, with his bloody knee, looked like he had been through a battle. He thought about Johnny for a moment. He seems so different than me, Chris thought. He is so strong, so tough, and never seems to be afraid of anything. He couldn't help but be a little in awe of him.

Chris had known Johnny since he was a little boy, and he had always been nice to Chris, had not even taunted him last week when he had jumped out of the way of the ball. Had even put his arm around Chris' shoulder told him it would be ok and protected him from the taunts of the other boys. He had forgotten about Johnny's nice gesture soon after he had got home as he was so wrapped up in his own embarrassment, but now he remembered how sweet Johnny had been to him. Chris vowed to thank him some time, maybe even get him a little gift or something. He wished for a moment he could have helped Johnny today, maybe cleaned his knee for him or got him something to eat after the game. Chris suddenly felt a strong desire to run and see him right now. He wanted to give Johnny a hug and thank him for his kindness last week.

A horn from another car pulled Chris away from his thoughts for a moment. When he returned to his reflections he again looked across his day and contrasted it with the picture of Johnny. He felt ashamed. No real boy would have turned down a day to play ball so they could do the girly things he did today. Johnny would never have agreed to go with girls while they tried on dresses. Chris was sure he never watched soap operas or helped his sister with her hair and make-up. Why do I act like a stupid girl sometimes, he asked himself? He thought again of Molly's dress. He felt the familiar excitement when he pictured it. Again the girl in the catalog was walking across his imagination, twirling and basking in her girlish glory. He sighed. OK, it is a very pretty dress, and I admit it I really like it, but that is normal, right? Girls buy pretty dresses so that boys will like them, Chris reasoned. So it is only natural for me to get excited to see a pretty dress. I mean to see a girl in a pretty dress, Chris corrected to himself.

So it's no big deal to like a dress, but I need to stop hanging around my sister so much, Chris thought. I do things when she asks me that I shouldn't do. He told himself he just had to stop being so nice. He promised himself he would never stay inside again but would always go play with the boys.

Chris came up with a way to stop himself from making a future mistake like todays of not playing ball. He would always ask himself "What would Johnny do?" He would be his guide. I will also try to spend lots of time with him and learn how to be tougher, Chris thought eagerly. He suddenly felt excited at the prospect of learning from Johnny. He imagined himself studying Johnny as he mowed the lawn - a job Chris wasn't strong enough to do much to his dad's dismay. He was taking notes as a shirtless Johnny worked mowing the lawn sweating in the summer sun. Chris grew warm and tingly, and let the image linger for just a moment, enjoying the strange feeling. He could see his broadening shoulders and growing muscles, so unlike Chris' almost wispy frame. And Johnny's flat stomach and crew cut, so different from Chris' soft tummy and thick, full hair which now came almost to his shoulders. He told himself the strong feeling was of admiration, and that he would try to emulate Johnny from now on. The first thing he would do would be to ask him to help Chris be a better baseball player.

The minivan stopped in front of Chris's cousin's house. Lisa, the bride-to-be, would meet Chris' mom and the girls at the salon. She was coming with two of her friends that were bridesmaids, too. Chris' mom was stopping to pick up Lisa's sisters, who would also be in the bridal party. The first to come out was Christi, Lisa's younger sister. She was Staci's age and just as beautiful, Chris thought. He couldn't help but immediately take note that she was wearing a very cute little denim miniskirt and tank top. Like Staci, she also had her hair up in a ponytail and wore silver hoops. She was just as developed as Stacie and as she opened the side door of the minivan a strong feminine smell of flowers wafted in. Her perfume made Chris light headed for a second and as she bounded into the bench seat next to him, he felt momentarily dizzy.

Christi, after saying hello to Chris' mom, immediately began talking with Staci in the accelerated pace that seems so natural to teenage girls. Chris found himself following the conversation that went on uninterrupted for a couple of minutes. Staci just loved Christi's mini and had to know where she got it. Christi totally had to try on Staci's strappy heels. Staci thought Christi's purse was sooo cute. Christi loved Staci's nail color. Chris' mom finally interrupted the girltalk and asked where Laura - Lisa's other sister - was.

"Oh, she'll be out in a sec. She's on the phone with Brad." Christi said.

Staci quickly coooed "Oooh, who is Brad?"

Christi giggled. "This guy she met last weekend. He is like this thirty-year-old lawyer who she is already totally into after only a week. They have gone out a couple times already. When you meet him you can't believe he is that old, though."

Chris' mom piped in with mock anger "Hey!"

Staci quickly asked, "You have met him already, tell us!"

Christi went on "Omygosh, he is so hot. He is like 6 foot 2 or something and is really good shape. He is real polite to mom and dad and drives a really nice car, a BMW I think. And he is so gorgeous. Apparently he played football in college or something. You know Laura, she only likes really manly guys and he is all man!"

Chris was growing uncomfortable in the presence of all the girltalk. He wanted to get out to pretend to stretch his legs, but was blocked in by Christi. He tried to concentrate on baseball, and how he was going to get better. But he kept focusing on the conversation, could not block out the words of the girls. His mind switched to the thought of Missy Milam from church. She probably only liked strong manly guys, too, he figured. The picture of a big strong shirtless guy came into his mind. He blushed at the thought of himself next to a man like this. He would feel so small and delicate next a guy like that. I bet Johnny wouldn't, though, Chris thought. I bet he will be a guy like that when he gets older. The man in his thoughts changed into an older version of Johnny, and Chris was struck with how handsome he was going to be. I bet he will get lots of girls when he gets older, he will be able to go out with whatever girl he wants. The weird feeling bounced through him again and he tried to get the image of an older Johnny out of his mind but couldn't for a minute. He was trying to figure out his thoughts when he saw Laura come out of the house.

Laura was Lisa's older sister. She was 25 and to Chris, was one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. He had always felt that way and remembered following her around during family functions when he was younger. Today he watched closely her as she approached the van. She was wearing a knee-length black skirt, a low cut red blouse, and black heels. Her hair was long and full, and Chris felt a desire to run his hands through it as he watched her walking to the van.

"OOOOOOOhhhhhhh." The girls let out a loud chorus of oooh followed by mock clapping as Laura got into the van. Laura sat down in the back behind Chris and Christi, and looked perplexed.

She asked, "What, did I just win something?"

Staci giggled out the question, "Sooo, how is Brad?" Christi and Chris' mom giggled as well at the question.

Laura playfully hit Christi on the shoulder and said "Christi, what did you tell them?"

Christi said, "The truth, sis. You are in loooooove."

Laura smiled, said "I am not, I mean he is a great, great guy, but I am still just getting to know him."

"Oh come on, I heard you on the phone, and you are totally in love. Its OK, if you don't want him I'll take him!"

"Hey, he is all mine!" Laura laughed and the girls joined in.

Laura went on to gush about Brad. He was gorgeous, sexy, smart, and a great kisser! As the minivan pulled out of the driveway, the girls continued to talk about Brad. She detailed their dates up to this point going over what she had worn each time and gave specifics about the first time Brad had kissed her. This of course brought a volley of squeals from the teenage girls. Soon the topic moved to Christi and Staci and any guys they were currently into. The topics came and went fast. Was Staci dating anyone over the summer? No, not really, just hangin out. Who were the hot guys in her upcoming class in school? Staci thought Tommy was just the hottest guy and he was on the varsity football team! What was the latest on Ryan, Christi's summer boyfriend? He was OK, but she was ready to move on because he was kinda a wimp.

Chris felt more and more uncomfortable. He wanted to sink into the seat. Luckily, he thought, so far the girls had not even noticed him, had made no mention at all of his presence in the van. He hoped they could get to the mall or... he realized he didn't really know where they were going... well, he hoped wherever they were going he could get to the toy section of the store or maybe an arcade before they even noticed him.

The talk was back to their bridesmaid dresses when Christi finally noticed Chris.

"Hey Chris, why are you so quiet? Don't you want to tell us what guys you think are cute in your class?" She asked in a giggly voice. The other girls giggled too. Laura added "Yeah Chris, and aren't you totally excited to get fitted for your dress today?"

Chris felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him and blushed brightly. "Guys who were cute, fitted for your dress." The words penetrated into him. He felt suddenly trapped by the femininity in the van. He felt like it was in someway pulling at him, drawing him closer to... what? Was it something bad or something good? It felt so weird and squirmy inside his stomach. He realized it always felt like that, when he was in his sister's room, when he was called a sissy by bullies, even when he was looking at pretty girls and their outfits. And now the perfume, Christi's crossed legs in front of him, Staci's heels, Christi's mini, Laura's hair, and their including him in their girly questions were almost too much for him. Oh, how he just wanted to run!

But he was aware of another feeling, something he didn't want to admit. He also just wanted to let go, let himself be carried away by the squishy pink feelings in his tummy. What should he do? He now remembered his plan, and asked himself "What would Johnny do?" He wouldn't care about the girls around, he would just say something cool or clever, Chris thought quickly. He just wouldn't sit here and blush like a sissy. Chris tried to say something, but the words would not come, and he only stammered "uh..." Christi, who often teased boys by challenging their masculinity - she thought it was so funny how you could make any boy run with just a tube of lipstick - was satisfied with Chris' embarrassed blush and quickly went on.

"Hey, where is Molly? Let me guess, hiding somewhere?"

Chris' mom said "I have to go pick her up next, apparently she is over at a friends house."

The girls and Chris' mom continued to chat as they made their way to pick up Molly. They again seemed to forget about Chris and he was thankful that their interest in him had waned. He tried to put all of the weird feelings out of his head; he figured he could think about them later, back in the solitude of his own room.

After a few more minutes, Chris began to recognize the area that they were entering - they were going to Tim's house! Tim had at one time been Chris' best friend but they didn't hang out as much very much anymore. He had grown a lot bigger than Chris and would often push him around when they were together. As a result, Chris now tried to avoid being alone with him. Only a few weeks ago, he had made Chris cry by putting him in a headlock and then laughed at him.

Chris now couldn't help but ask, "Mom, why are we going to Tim's?"

As they pulled into the driveway, Chris mom replied, "Baby, I told you," Chris cringed when she called him baby in front of his cousins, "we are picking up Molly. She came over here this morning after I specifically told her to stay home today."

Chris' mom honked the horn, and after a few moments, they all saw a rough looking boy run out of the house. He was covered with dirt and had scrapes on both knees. He had his hat on backwards and was carrying a bat over his shoulder. Chris was puzzled; he figured somebody new must have moved into the neighborhood. He certainly looked like he would be a good baseball player, that's for sure. Chris felt ashamed again, knew it should be him running out dressed like that. As the dirty boy came close to the window where Chris' mom was, his mind suddenly flashed recognition of the boy, and he asked, "Is that?" Just then, Chris' mom yelled,

"Molly!?!?"

  

  

  

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