New Me

by Karin Roberts

 

I sat quietly in the kitchen contemplating my situation, how the hell had I got into this my half baked idea of bringing a woman at home back into George’s life and certainly backfired slightly. He had a woman I thought Amanda, but then again she was only interested in one thing and it certainly wasn’t Melissa. How would he react, most likely I would be on the first train home in the morning and then how do I explain my return home to my parents. The shadows were lengthening as I stirred and began to make the evening meal here I was dressed as a woman making dinner for my cousin and his daughter how bizarre was that. The meal almost complete and my nerves and stress level’s rising I walked into the conservatory to check on Melissa she was fast asleep I picked up the used coffee cups form my earlier encounter with Amanda, as I passed the settee I looked down there sort of half covered by a cushion was Amanda’s pack of cigarettes, she must have dropped them when she picked up her bag. I lifted the pack and opened it, just what I need I thought to calm my nerves. I had noticed a slim gold lighter which must have been Graces’s in a drawer in the lounge, I walked through and found it , heading back to the conservatory I stepped outside and removed a cigarette from the packet lifting it to my lips I gripped it and sparked the lighter into life, pushing the tip into the flame I inhaled the cool menthol flavour filling my mouth as the distant sound of a landrover heading this way became evident. George was coming home.

I watched discretely from an upstairs window as George stepped out of the vehicle, praying that he would not ask Pete in. Happily he did not and Pete crossed to the barn in seconds the sound of his motorbike roared into life as he sped out of the barn and back down the farm road. George busied himself garaging the landrover for the night locking up the barn and checking on some of the livestock in the cattle shed. Then just as the outhouse lights ignited on their timer’s I saw him head toward the house. This is it I thought taking a final drag from the cigarette and depositing it in the toilet, I flushed it away. For some bizarre reason I straightened my skirt and fluffed up my hair before descending the stairs as I hit the bottom the sound of the door opening greeted me. "Alex I’m back how’s my daughter been today" he still had not seen me his back turned as he closed the door behind him. "Eh good" I answered, he turned, silence as he looked across the room at me, a long pause as he stared and his eyes adjusted to the sight. "I can explain" I stammered, "Alex is that you, what the fuck are you doing, and is that Graces’s clothes, your wearing."

For the next ten minutes or so I tried as best I could to explain my dress and why I had done it.

My concerns over George’s welfare, his drinking, my daft idea that maybe having a woman around the house would help cure it or change his habits, him blurting out the other night about getting Grace back etc. He questioned me had I done this sort of thing before, was I gay

Both of which I nervously denied. "Ok then just go and get changed and let’s say no more about it" he announced "Eh there’s just one slight problem with that" I said "What" he said agitated with the situation "Well you had a visitor this afternoon" he looked at me his mood deepening "Who" he asked "Amanda" this lit the blue touch paper "You mean to say that you were prancing around the house in Grace’s clothes and my Social Worker saw you." I nodded sheepishly. "Well that’s just fucking fantastic I’d be surprised if she’s not putting the papers together just now to have Melissa taken into care. Single parent father with crossdressing babysitter, that’s just fucking wonderful I can see the headlines just now" I heard Melissa begin to cry "Don’t shout you’ll scare her" I said "Scare her that’s the least of my worries just now, did she say anything." "Eh no I think I got away with it, she thought I was a woman" I replied.

"At least that’s something," Melissa continued to cry I stood and started to go towards her "Leave her" he commanded "I’ll see to her right now I can’t bear to look at you get out of my sight" I turned and ran up the stairs leaving the scene behind. Bursting into my room I needed a cigarette picking up the packet I opened the window and leaning out lit the ciggie and blew out a cool stream of smoke as the night air swirled around me, then I began to cry.

At first I could hear noises of George banging around in the kitchen, Melissa had quitened down by now. The noises stopped and assumed both had sat down to dinner, I was not in the least hungry I had more on my mind. Somehow I must have dropped off, I awoke with a light tapping at the door "Alex you ok" George asked. I got up, some sort of instinct took over I looked in the mirror fluffed up the wig I still had on there were some dark blotches under my eyes where I had been crying and the mascara had run, I picked up a tissue and walked towards the door dabbing my eyes as I went. I opened it "Can I come in we need to talk" I stepped aside and George walked in. "Do you want me to go home" I asked he sighed "That’s not really practical is it I still need someone for Melissa" he hesitated I walked over and picked up the cigarettes and took one out, lighting it I sat on the bed. "So what do we do I asked" looking to him for some help. "Well we don’t have much choice do we Amanda knows about you, you can’t just transform back into Alex the boy" he said "So what do we do" I asked getting a bit anxious. "Well either you go home and I hire someone else or you stay and stay as Alex," I looked at him you mean like this I gestured towards my dress as I blew out a cloud of smoke. "Well yes I suppose" he answered, there was a pause "Eh I don’t know what if I muck up and someone finds out," "Well you said you tricked Amanda and you had me fooled for a minute downstairs so maybe we can make it work" "I’d need some help some tips or coaching with thing’s" I said "The less people that know the better, who did you have in mind" he asked "Well I met Debby in the village a couple of days back she seems nice," "Debby Cairns who’s married to Gavin" he asked "Yeah that’s her" he paused "I’m not sure about that" I interrupted "It’ll be ok, I’ll call her tomorrow swear her to secrecy ask her to help me with clothes and make up" I could see him thinking "Ok let’s both think about it overnight I’ll leave you a note in the morning," "Ok, see you in the morning" I said as he got up to leave, as he reached the door he turned "Oh just one thing Alex if your going to do this then I don’t want you wearing any of Graces things Ok, If your going to do it you need to get your own clothes Ok." I nodded "Good then get some sleep" he said as he left the room.

Next morning I got up early before George had left for his days work on the farm. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt I padded downstairs. George was busy filling a flask of coffee as I entered the kitchen and went opened the bread bin to get some bread and make some toast. "Sleep well" he asked "As well as I could " I answered "You thought about our talk last night" he asked "Didn’t think about much else" I replied "And," "Well I guess I’ve no choice I’ll need to be Alex for the summer or however long I’m here" He looked at me "You sure" he asked again "Well there’s no way I want you to lose Melissa because of something I did, so I guess I’ll need to run with it," "Ok well you need your own clothes as I said I don’t want you wearing Grace’s stuff" he said reaching inside his jacket pocket he brought out his wallet "Here take this, the pin number’s 3916" he said handing me a cash line card. "Eh, thanks" I said "But don’t go mad" he said as he picked up his lunch and flask and headed for the door "I’ll see you later" he said as he walked out into the bright morning sunshine. The toaster popped and I picked up the two bronzed slices of bread and spread a little marmalade on each. Sitting at the table I mulled over my decision this was going to be one hell of a challenge and I could still not believe I was going to try and pull it off, but hey it was my own fault. Finishing the toast I put the plate in the sink and headed towards the lounge. I looked in the phone book and found the number I wanted picking up the receiver I dialled the number it rang. "3689412, Debbie speaking" came the answer "Eh Debbie is that you" I waited "Yeah who is this" "It’s Alex remember I’m looking after Melissa" "Oh yeah how are you" "Eh ok but I’ve got a bit of a problem and I need some help you busy" "No not really I was going into town later but nothing that can’t wait what can I do" I paused "can you come over" I asked "I’m in a bit of a fix and need some help" "Sounds intriguing" she said I hesitated "It well it’s a bit awkward I’ll explain when you get here" "Ok see you about ten" "Thanks" I replied "No problem see you later" and then she was gone.

I stood up "Well I’ve done it now" I said to myself, returning to the kitchen I washed up the dirty dishes and then headed of to see to Melissa, today was going to be an interesting day.

  

  

  

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