Headlights Girl

by Catherine Linda Michel

Part 11

 

Well, the rest of the week just flew by. Once I'd decided to really DO this, I just threw myself into the learning processes and it seemed to make things flow a lot more smoothly. Eric and I did go out a few times, but he never used the "extreme Holly" part of the training again, nor did he have to. It seemed like the more I WANTED to do this, the easier it got.

Sunday arrived much sooner than I wanted it to, though. Of all the feelings I was experiencing, some of them for the first time, the one that took precedence Sunday evening was sorrow. This would be the last night with Eric. He would be leaving to get on with his life, in the morning and I couldn't help feeling like I was losing my best friend. I was sad, I was angry, I was anxious about the future, I was a mess, emotionally.

I moped around the house all day, after viewing the tapes for the last time. On the verge of tears all day long, I wasn't very good company and I know that Eric could sense how I felt. He was very gentle with me all day long and, by early that evening, we were hardly speaking. Him, I think because he didn't know what to say to me, and me because I didn't trust myself to say much for fear of breaking down and crying.

How odd it seemed to me, to be feeling this way about another man. Logically I knew that it was due to the programming on the tapes and the built in behaviors designed into the bodysuit I wore, but all that aside, I still felt like I was being abandoned by Eric. Silly, huh?

Through the wildest and strangest week of my life, Eric had been a rock for me to cling to, a brick wall for me to bounce my feelings off of and a fountain of useful information for me to learn from. Now he was going to be gone! I'd wake up all alone in my house for the first time, knowing that, for the next three years, I wouldn't see him or even talk to him again. I was an emotional wreck and I didn't know how to get myself out of the blue funk I was in.

Oh, there were thoughts about what I'd like to do. Some of them were thoughts I never dreamed of having. Thoughts like taking Eric back to my bedroom and showing him how much I appreciated all he'd done for me. Thoughts of showing him how much I'd miss him. Thoughts I would NEVER have had as Jimmy, that's for sure! Yet, every time those thoughts would make themselves known to me, they were overridden by the thought that it wouldn't be right. It would be "gay" or something like that. Stupid thoughts, I know, but there they were. I hadn't crossed the threshold between Jimmy and Holly yet and the battle between the two people was wearing me out.

I WANTED Eric! I needed him, but I couldn't bring myself to take that final step of actually HAVING him. So I was miserable all day long, and I guess I took some of that out on him because, like I said, we didn't say much to one another all day long. It was like we were avoiding one another. After lunch I went to my bedroom and laid down on the bed, just thinking or maybe trying NOT to think.

Finally, around 6 P.M. Eric came to my bedroom door which was closed because I was hiding in there, sort of. I heard him knock gently on the door, but I didn't answer right away. Trying to ignore him wasn't working though, because he just kept knocking. I gave in after a few minutes though, and said,

"What do you want, Eric?"

I know it must have sounded to him like I was angry, but I couldn't make my voice sound any other way for fear of starting to cry. I was trying to keep an iron grip on emotions I had never had before and it wasn't easy.

"Holly?" his voice came through the door. "Are you going to stay in there the rest of the day? I was thinking that, since this will be our last day together, we could maybe go for a drive, or go dancing or for dinner or something?"

Oh CHRIST! He HAD to say something like that! Well, that opened the floodgates and I began to cry softly. I didn't want him to know that I was crying so I muffled my sobs with a pillow, but I didn't answer him. I couldn't. I heard him say something else, but I couldn't make out what he said through my sobs. My heart was aching and it all just spilled out of me in the form of tears and sobs.

I heard the door open, and then I felt a soft touch on my back. SHIT! I hadn't locked the damn door! Oh GOD! Now he was going to know that I was crying! DAMN! DAMN!! DAMN!!!

He started to rub my back. Nothing sexual or sensual, just slow, comforting, easy touching and rubbing, and that just made me cry harder. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer and I turned over and just grabbed at him, pulling him into a hug I never wanted to let go of.

"What's wrong, Holly?" He asked in a concerned tone of voice. What's got you so worked up? Is it something I've done or said?"

"N..n...noooo!" I wailed. Y.y..you're gonna go away in the m.m..morning and I'm n.n..neverrr gonna SEE you again!" And then all hell DID bust loose. I cried like I've NEVER cried in my whole life! Great big, huge gulping sobs escaped from deep inside me and I soaked his shoulder with my tears. "W..w...whaaat am I gonna do without you? I d..d..don't know enough about being Holly yet! I...I...I can't DO this without you, Eric! PLEASE, don't LEAVE me!!!" And from there, all I could do was sob into his strong shoulder, holding him as close as I could.

He didn't say anything for quite awhile. He just held me tight and stroked my head and shoulders lightly, reassuringly, while rocking back and forth with me. I felt so embarrassed to be seen this way by him, but at the same time, I felt safe somehow, held close in his arms while I cried. I don't know how long we stayed that way. Later Eric told me that he held me for almost an hour before I finally cried myself out. Then, he told me later, he'd laid me down and covered me with a blanket and had left me alone for awhile, feeling that I needed to close my eyes and recover with a little nap.

I laid there, not sleeping, just dozing a bit, exhausted it seemed, by the rush of emotions I'd just experienced. I didn't really even think, for close to an hour. Then there was a hesitant knock on my door.

"Holly?" Came Eric's soft voice. "Are you okay? Are you awake? I think we need to talk, don't you?"

"Yes, Eric. I'm awake." I answered in a somewhat hoarse voice, scratchy from all the crying and wailing I'd done. "Please come in."

He entered carrying a small tray on which there was a glass of cold Pepsi and a rose, in a glass of water. I looked at him, and at the tray, and at the rose, and I lost it again. The only thought I can remember having was, 'That's so SWEET!"

This time my crying didn't last very long, although it still felt good to have him hold and comfort me. For a little while, neither of us said anything. We just stayed there on the bed, holding one another very tightly. Finally we pulled back from one another and, looking at his face that close to me, something happened. I still don't know for sure what it was, but I tightened my arms around the back of his neck and pulled his face to me, pressing my lips to his.

For a second or two he didn't respond. He just let me have control. Then he began to return the kiss, tightening his arms around my body. Then....well, then, things got a little confused for me. I knew I was kissing a man and there was a little voice in my head telling me that I shouldn't be doing that, but that voice kept getting more and more faint until I couldn't hear it any more. My hands began to wander on his body and he returned my caresses, slowly at first and then with increasing urgency. Before too long, we were shedding clothing, not caring if it was ruined in the process of getting rid of it. That didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was that I needed to be closer to him and our clothes were in the way of that happening.

I could feel his touches on my breasts and he played with my nipples which just fanned the flames of passion and I lost myself in these new and exciting feelings. He stroked and played me like a violin and I returned his caressing touches with ones of my own on him. For the first time in my life, I touched another man's penis. I was amazed by the soft, velvety feel of it, but at the same time, frightened by it's firmness. It felt like a steel rod in a velvet glove, and it was VERY warm!

His hands wandered below my waist and began touching me...well, there. My, my...vagina. A silly thought ran through my mind right then. Something like, 'my, my, my, myyy vagina'(to the tune of My Sharona), but that thought quickly vanished as I became lost in the feelings he was giving me there. I was actually SHIVERING from his touches and caresses! My GOD! I had NEVER felt like this before. Vulnerable, yet in control, while at the same time, OUT of control!

It ceased to matter that Eric was a man. It ceased to matter whether I was a man or a woman. The only thing that mattered was that I NEEDED him! I began to feel an emptiness in my genital area and a wetness there told me that I was more than ready for him. I was so turned on that I couldn't believe it! Was this how women feel when approaching sex with a man? WOW! It felt goooooood! I remember thinking that if sex as a woman was any better than what we had been doing so far, I'd NEVER want to go back to being plain old Jimmy! What I did know, beyond a doubt was that I was going to HAVE Eric, right there, right THEN, no matter WHAT it meant!

Well, honey, let me tell you. Eric played me, like I said, like a violin. He brought me up the scales and back down, and then back up again until I thought I was going to go crazy! I could feel the same tension I'd felt in the shower, only this time it seemed different, more intense, deeper somehow. Eric teased me, caressed me, touched me, kissed me until I thought I was going to have to explode and then....and then...!

Slowly, carefully, with intricate care, he began to enter me. I could feel the head of his penis at the entrance of my vagina and he paused there for a few seconds, looking me directly in the eyes.

"Are you sure about this Holly?" He said. Be sure, because there's no going back from here and no stopping once I start. I CAN stop here and back off if you really don't want me to do this, but you have to TELL me, one way or the other. Do you WANT this, Holly? Are you READY for this? Because THIS is the final step in BECOMING Holly for the next three years. After this, you will BE her in thought and mind. You'll always know who you really are, but you won't be able to act any other way other than the way Holly, a real woman, would until your time is up. Be sure, Holly. This is the most important thing you will ever do and you HAVE to be sure.

I made a kind of growling noise in the back of my throat, a noise I didn't even know I COULD make, and I answered him, saying.

"If you don't stick that thing in me right NOW, I'm gonna rip the damned thing off and insert it mySELF! YES, I WANT this, Eric you son of a bitch! You KNOW I want this! You KNOW I NEED this, now DO IT! Oh GOD, Eric! DO IT!"

Well, honey, he did it. He slowly inserted himself into a place I'd never had before. When he was all the way in, and that seemed to take forever(!), he paused, our crotches touching one another. It felt.....well, it felt amazing, is all I can say. My mind was saying, 'A MAN is inside you! His PENIS is inside YOUR vagina!', but my body was saying, 'Who CARES! This is inCREDIBLE!! UnBELIEVABLE! Ab-so-freaking-lutely asTOUNDING! MORE! Give me MORE!'

And he did. He gave me more. He began to move in and out, slowly at first and picking up speed and force as he went. Before too long, we were moving back and forth as one, with me meeting his downward thrusts with upward thrusts of my own. Deeper and deeper he penetrated until I thought I could feel that damned thing in my stomach, and STILL deeper he went! I could feel that cliff approaching, that almost weightless feeling I'd experienced in the shower, only this time, it seemed like I was coming to the brink of a bottomless pit.

Our lovemaking, and yes, that's what it was, lovemaking, got more and more urgent and I could feel him beginning to tense inside me. Somehow I knew that this meant that he was nearing his own release and that spurred me towards that abyss. As he released, I hovered for a second on the brink of the long drop, then I exploded over the edge!

Colors, sounds, meaningless things that suddenly made sense, all these and more went through my mind. I tried to pull him deeper inside me, as if trying to engulf him entirely! Our bodies spasmed and bucked and I know that, if we'd HAD any neighbors, they'd have been calling the police to report a murder, because I could hear myself screaming at the top of my lungs. "YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! Oh GOD, YEEEESSSSS!!"

 

Afterwards, laying there cuddled close to Eric, his arm supporting my head, him still inside me, slowly deflating, I sighed. A deep, cleansing sigh of satisfaction and relief. He was playing with my hair and it felt good, soothing, relaxing to me. I knew I'd crossed some kind of border, a line that I would not be able to go back across for a long time, if ever. I turned towards him and kissed him, a long slow, grateful kind of kiss. Oh, I still knew that I was Jimmy in a girlsuit, but, at the same time, I was also now Holly, the beautiful, sexy, popular waitress. A woman for real, for the next three years or more, depending. I had no regrets, no lingering doubts, that this was what I wanted. I wasn't just resigned to this anymore, I was committed to it, and THAT was the difference.

Eric just looked deep into my eyes as if reading my thoughts in them. He smiled a tender smile at me and returned my kiss. We settled into each others' arms and didn't speak at all. Our bodies said it all. In all, we made love four times that evening. Each time was better than it's predecessor and each time I became more certain that the next three years were going to be the most rewarding, exciting years of my life.

I also knew that I'd have to say goodbye to Eric in the morning, but somehow that didn't seem so bad as it had seemed earlier. It seemed like our act of love had cleared my mind and I could understand things much better than I had before. Oh, I'd miss him, there was no doubt about that, but I knew now, that I could really do this. I could really BE Holly. What's more, I could ENJOY being Holly. Eric had shown me that being a woman was a GOOD thing, not the bad thing I'd still been thinking, despite what he and Nancy had told me.

Yes, it was going to be a whole new way of life for me, but I could take comfort in the fact that not only wasn't I the first one that this had happened to, but I also wouldn't be the LAST one. There would be others to follow me or some of the other girls at HEADLIGHTS, and my role would be to be the best damned Holly I could be and then to train someone, the way Eric had trained me, if that's what my decision would be at that time. To show them that becoming a woman wasn't a thing to be dreaded or feared, but something to be treasured and sought after, and enjoyed for what it was and what it could be.

Was I in love with Eric? No, I don't think I was. I mean, yes I LOVED him, but I wasn't IN love with him if that makes any sense. I loved him for what he'd given me, the new way of life that I was going to be able to experience, the new ways I'd be looking at life and the new things I'd be learning every day, but I wasn't IN love with him in the sense of wanting to settle down and raise a family with him. That wasn't possible.........well, not YET it wasn't.

I knew that the possibility DID exist that I would WANT to become a real woman and I also knew that it was entirely possible to do that. At the end of my three years I COULD opt for that, but I didn't have to worry about that right now, and I wouldn't have to worry about it for at least three years. Would I go there? I didn't know. What I DID know was that I owed Eric more than I would ever be able to repay and I loved him for that too.

We drifted off to sleep early that evening, still holding each other, him still slightly inside me. Did I dream? I don't really remember. I only remember feeling safe and secure, held in Eric's arms, our bodies touching, our breath in each others' face. I felt.......well, like a woman, I guess. That's the only way I can describe it. Protected, loved, cherished and appreciated for what I was, what I am, a woman.

 

PART 12 WILL FOLLOW AS SOON AS I CAN GET IT TYPED AND PROOFREAD. Wheeeeeee! LOL

  

  

  

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