Headlights Girl

by Catherine Linda Michel

Part 10

  

I slept, as they say, the sleep of the dead. I slept as I've never slept before, peacefully, without nightmares. I slept with sweet dreams and, when I awoke, it was around 9A.M. I could faintly hear, through the open window, the sounds of birds, and kids at play, and somewhere off in the distance, a lawn mower.

The house was quiet and I just laid there, luxuriating in the bed, feeling as I had never felt before. Messages coming into my brain from my body, were telling me that I was young, healthy and female. Well, I WAS female, at least for the next three years. Surprisingly that thought didn't seem to have the effect it might have had, or maybe SHOULD have had. I'd made a conscious decision to play this role, and I actually felt good about it, for the first time since this whole, strange journey began. I had no regrets, no reservations, no qualms whatsoever. I attribute a lot of that to the programming on the tapes, but a lot of it was due to the fact that I had finally accepted this female guise.

Somehow, through the process of freaking out yesterday, the conversation I had with Eric and Nancy, and my own sense of fair play and honor, all the misgivings and fears I'd had, were gone. I concentrated on those messages from my body, and although they were different from any messages I'd ever received before, they weren't unwelcome. It seemed that, having accepted, even embraced, the finality of my decision, I'd come to be at peace within this female shell, and I felt great! I lazily caressed my breasts, the nipples standing at attention the moment I touched them, sending a shiver through my whole being. How wonderful!

Knowing I had work ahead of me, I managed to tear my hands away from my body and I strrreeeeetched, one of those whole body stretches where every muscle in your body gets involved. Finally, I threw back the covers and sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, to the floor. Feeling around with my toes, I located my slippers and slipped them on. I stood up, stretched again, grabbed a robe from the back of my bedroom door and shrugged into it.

How can I describe the feeling of that robe, of those pajamas on my smooth, silky skin? How can I describe the feeling of being perched on three inch high heeled slippers, knowing that I'd be wearing them for the foreseeable future? Well, I can't. Not completely. There's no way to describe things like that to anyone who hasn't experienced them. It would be like trying to explain color to someone born blind, Beethoven to someone born deaf. Now I'm not saying that I felt as if I had been missing anything as Jimmy. On the contrary. My life as a male had been good, and I'd never had any reason to wonder about how it felt to be a woman, of how women felt about themselves, their bodies.

Now, feeling how different it was as a woman, from how I had felt as a male, there was almost a feeling that I had missed out on something. Frankly, I'd never felt more alive, more vital than I felt that morning. I guess the one thing I can point to, the one big difference was that I was fully awake the moment I opened my eyes. As Jimmy, I had never been a morning person. It usually took two or three Pepsis™ before I felt ready to face the day.(remember, I never was a coffee drinker, either)

I swayed my way into the bathroom and removed a large towel from the cabinet, closing and locking the door behind me. I couldn't have Eric walking in on me while I showered now, could I? Giggling, I undressed and got the shower running. I found a shower cap and tucked my hair up under it, making sure I got all the strands safely in there. I had washed my hair last night and I didn't want to have to do that this morning. Once that was done, and the water temperature was checked, I stepped into the shower and began cleaning the night dirt from my body. NOW was the time when the differences in Holly's body made themselves apparent. Smooth hairless skin, protrusions where none had ever been before, an indentation where once there was a protrusion, and the FEELINGS coming from those areas. Soft, sensual, sexy feelings that, if I wasn't careful, would take me places I'd never been before, I knew that.

While caressing myself with the soap, my mind began to drift a bit and I found myself daydreaming of a lover's touches. A strange tension began to build within me, one I'd never experienced before. I went with those feelings and continued touching myself, becoming more intimate as I went. Before long, my fingers encountered that secret place between my legs and a jolt went through my whole body when I first touched myself down there. The imaginary lover in my mind underwent a transmogrification and, instead of picturing myself with a woman, as I HAD been doing, there was instead, a MAN there in my mind. He was caressing me, touching me, taking me somewhere I'd never been before, but one I WANTED to go to, desperately!

I felt the tension build, and build, and somewhere in there, I inserted a finger where no finger had ever gone before. WOW! What was THAT? I withdrew the finger, fearing that I'd hurt myself with my long nail, but no, there was no blood, no skin that shouldn't have been there. Now there was a feeling of being empty down there. The tension began to fade a bit and I didn't want it to, so I slowly, carefully, re-inserted the finger, looking for that spot again. THERE! There it was! That sudden jolt. Now there was a need and I gave in to it. My other hand began caressing my breasts and the tension increased. As I rubbed and pinched my nipples, I felt the tension go higher and higher. Accompanied my finger sliding slowly in and out of that indentation between my legs, I felt something beginning to build. I added another finger in there and that tension went higher and higher until, all of a sudden, I felt like I'd fallen off the edge of a cliff.

I floated there for a second, and then I began shaking, shivering, almost convulsing! It scared me a bit, but it felt SO good that I couldn't have stopped myself if I'd WANTED to, which I didn't. So THIS was a female orgasm! WOW! NEVER could I have imagined that it felt THIS good for a woman. My knees slowly gave way and I slid down the shower wall to end up sitting on the floor of the tub. Every muscle in my body seemed to have relaxed, but then, there was another jolt, and another, and ANOTHER! In between each jolt there was a slight buildup, and then a release. My mind seemed to go into a dream state, and I just sat there, drained, feeling very good and very relaxed.

'WHEW!' I thought to myself, when I was ABLE to think again. That was intense! That was amazing! That was.....about that time another thought inserted itself into my mind. That thought was, "If simple masturbation was that good, what would it be like with a real live MAN doing those things to me?" And then, BANG! My mind hit a kind of wall. My eyes opened wide and I got frightened! 'What the hell was I thinking about? I WAS a man, just a couple of days before! How could I even be thinking about letting another man have his way with me?'

Well, that sobered me up quickly and I quickly stood up to finish my shower. Rinsing off, I shut off the water and reached outside the shower door for the towel. Finding it, I quickly patted myself dry and stepped out of the tub, taking off the shower cap at the same time. I tossed the cap in the sink, and wrapped the towel around my body as I had seem women do. I gathered up my night clothing from the floor of the bathroom and, opening the door, I scurried back to my bedroom, again closing and locking the door behind me. I hung the towel on the back of the doorknob, and turned to survey my body in the full length mirror on the wall.

Yep. No doubt about the fact that I was now a full fledged woman. Long, curly, soft hair topped a face that could have launched a thousand ships. Beneath that a body calculated to drive MEN to distraction and lust. Large, firm breasts, a narrow waist that flared out into what could only be called child bearing hips. Then, there it was. That 'secret place.' That place where life could emerge from. That place that every man wants to get into. I stared at it. I examined it, as best I could without starting things up all over again. The hair there was soft and silky, not at all like the hair down there was, when I was Jimmy. Amazing. From there long smooth, gorgeous legs ended in the cutest feet I had ever seen, painted toenails at their terminus just served to reinforce the total feminine package that was staring back at me from that mirror.

I could feel that panic begin to build again. That feeling that this wasn't right. I shouldn't look like this. I'm a MAN for God's sake! By sheer force of will, I forced those panicky feelings back down inside me. I was NOT going to let them take me over again! I couldn't stop thinking about this, but I was not going to let it get the best of me again. Finally succeeding at quelling those feelings, I moved away from the mirror and began to get dressed for the day.

Picking out a matching bra and panty set, I then moved to the closet. I found a pair of jeans that hadn't been there the day before and which looked new. I figured that Eric must have gotten them for me. 'How sweet!', I remember thinking. I tossed everything on the bed and searched through the closet for a blouse or a top. Finding a light yellow, spaghetti strapped pullover, I added it to the pile on the bed. I took my nightclothes and towel, and deposited them in a hamper near the closet. Then I returned to the bed to begin dressing.

I had performed this task every day since donning this bodysuit, but it seemed to feel more sensual this morning, more intimate. The panties, as I slid them slowly up my legs to my hips, felt particularly soft and sexy. The bra, which I put on backwards for ease of operation, then slid around to insert my arms into the straps and settle my breasts into the cups, felt comforting and very nice against my still over sensitive nipples. I looked over into the mirror again and I got one of those full body shivers. You know the ones? Where, for no apparent reason, your whole body just clenches up and shivers all over for a second or two? I turned from the mirror and got into those jeans. DAMN! They were TIGHT! It took a lot of tugging and jumping up and down(which did interesting things to my breasts, by the way), before I could get them pulled all the way up to my waist. Then I practically had to let all my breath out and really PULL to get the button closed and the zipper up. I thought for a second that Eric must have gotten the size wrong because they felt like a second(or third?) skin once i had them all done up, but when I turned to the mirror I knew they were the right size. They hugged my curves in a way that left no doubt that I was female. I remembered watching other women, wearing jeans like those. Watching and admiring the way they defined their bodies. Now _I_ would be the one being watched, admired, desired, lusted after. Dismissing THOSE thoughts from my mind, I pulled the top over my head and settled it over my breasts and down to the top of the jeans. One more look into the mirror showed me that I looked good. I looked freaking AMAZING!

Well, from there, I sat down at my vanity and began brushing out my hair. I didn't really think about doing that, it just seemed to be the thing to do. The long, slow strokes through my silky hair seemed to calm me and I kept it up for quite a little while. When it looked right to me, I stopped and surveyed my face. I remember thinking, 'Well, I'm not going anywhere until later, so a little blush and a touch of pale lipstick should do just fine.' When I finished with that, I gave my hair one more quick touch up and put some cute little earrings into the holes in my ears. A couple of rings, a bracelet, and a necklace that seemed to match the earrings and I was ready to face the world again, or at least ready to face the house and Eric.

While I'd been dressing, I'd heard noises outside my room and I assumed that Eric was up and performing his morning ritual. I heard the shower running as I passed the bathroom, headed for the kitchen. I decided I might as well start on some breakfast and I located some eggs, some bacon, some butter and the bread. I thought I'd whip up some french toast, so I got the milk out of the fridge and added some to the several eggs I'd already cracked into a bowl. I started the bacon cooking and greased another pan for the toast. I noticed that the coffee pot was already filling so I didn't have to bother with that. I heard the bathroom door open and I knew that Eric would be out in a few minutes, so I started the toast cooking.

By the time things were nearing completion, Eric came walking down the hall to the kitchen and, smelling the food, he said,

"Hey! Breakfast! Great going, Holly. This will be a treat for me. I haven't had anyone cook for me in a long time. Thanks very much." And he leaned over and kissed me on my cheek!

Well, I almost dropped the spatula as I stepped back in shock!

"What in the world do you think you're doing Eric?" I almost yelled at him.

""What do you mean, Holly? All I did is give you a friendly little smooch on the cheek to thank you for cooking breakfast for us. What's wrong with that?

"What's WRONG with it? What's WRONG with it? I'll TELL you what's wrong with it! It's, it's, well it's...." I kind of trailed off and my thoughts seemed scattered. "Well, it's just not right, Eric, that's all. I'm not ready for kissing or other stuff yet. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. It's just that, well, this morning, in the shower, I sort of, well what I did was, umm, oh, you know what I did, don't you?" I was getting frustrated by my inability to express exactly what was wrong with Eric kissing me, and my embarrassment at having to try to explain what I'd done in the shower.

Eric backed off a step or two and looked at me, intently. You mean that you...in the shower this morning...you umm.....oh hell! You masturbated?"

I felt my face get very hot and I knew that I was blushing like a schoolgirl. I busied myself with the food, trying to get myself back under some kind of control.

"Well, YES, Eric!" I finally retorted. 'That's exactly what I did! I'm not proud of it. I didn't intend to do it, but that's just what happened. I'm very ashamed of doing that in there, but it seemed that once I got started, I couldn't stop! It felt so GOOD, and so different, and so GOOD....ohhh, I'm so confused!"

I had finished up with the food by that time and as I turned off the burners on the stove, Eric reached out to me saying,

"Hey. Hey. Don't be ashamed. Don't feel weird or anything about this. It's perfectly natural for you to explore your new body like that! I'm surprised you didn't do this in the first day you became Holly. It's okay, Holly. Everyone does it. It's just that nobody talks about is all. C'mon, let's have breakfast and talk this through, okay?"

He pulled me into a hug and I just stood there, ashamed, my face burning, the spatula long forgotten in my hand. After a few seconds, I just dropped the spatula and put my arms around him, hugging him back. I buried my face in his shirt and began to cry, softly. Eric made comforting noises and tried to get me to stop, hugging me even harder.

"Holly," he whispered in my ear. "Come on, it's okay, it's okay. I EXPECTED this. I was hoping for it! It's the BEST way to find out about your new body and what it's capable of, and it IS fun, isn't it? I mean, you did orgasm, right? Jeeze, I HOPE you did! OH man, Holly, is THAT what this is all about? You didn't orgasm? Hey, that sometimes happens the first time, Holly. It's nothing to be concerned about. I can promise you that that body CAN orgasm and HAS orgasmed. It'll come, no pun intended, just give it some time."

I stopped him right there. Gulping back my tears I corrected him saying,

"No Eric, That's not it at all! I DID orgasm! It happened SEVERAL times. It felt SO good, but it shouldn't, should it? I mean, I'm still a guy under here, aren't I? I shouldn't be feeling like that, like a well fucked woman, should I?"

 

Eric took hold of my chin, gently in his fingers and turned my face up so I was looking in his eyes.

"Holly, Holly. That's EXACTLY how you should feel! That's what that suit does! That's what all the programming on those tapes is all about! You're SUPPOSED to feel like a 'well fucked woman' to use your own words! It's all a part of the adjustment process that'll conclude Sunday evening when you finally "merge" with the suit and "become" Holly. You HAVE to go through this so you'll seem completely natural as a woman. Three years is WAY too long to simply pretend to be a woman. You have to BE a woman, in your mind and in your emotions, otherwise you'll look odd, out of place, unnatural. Look, let's eat. The food is getting cold, and you need some nourishment to get through today. You've got to go through the tapes again and then we're going out later. Now SIT your cute butt down in that chair and I'll serve, okay?"

He let me go then, and backed off to get the plates and food. I went over and sat down where he had indicated I should, grabbing a napkin or two to dry my tears and blow my nose. Strangely, I felt better about things after that crying session. I felt cleansed and at ease again, the way I'd felt getting dressed that morning.

 

We sat down at the table, and Eric dished up the food I'd prepared. The bacon got a little bit crisp, and the french toast was, well, dark, but it didn't taste too bad, and it was filling. Eric did a bit more talking, though, telling me one or two more things that he knew about what was happening to me.

"Holly." He began, after getting settled at the table. "I DO know part of the reason you are so flighty and emotional. I knew it yesterday. As a matter of fact, I knew it was going to happen, but there was no way to tell you about it. No way to prepare you for it. You already know about the programming on the tapes. You even know about the built in things that the suit possesses, but what you don't know, is this. In order to ensure a feminine self image, there are certain hormones that the suit releases, once it's sealed up. They are released in measured doses, and they serve to build and keep a female mindset, once it's achieved, which will happen sometime Sunday afternoon after you've viewed the tapes that day. These hormones do NOT have any lasting or permanent effect on a person, and once you are out of it for a couple of days, pretty much everything returns to the point is was at when you originally put the suit on. These hormones cause your emotions to become female and keeps them there until you remove the suit. They also inhibit the growth of any hair inside the suit, so you won't be bothered by that, and you already know that no hair grows on the outside of the suit except the hair on your head, your eyebrows and lashes, and in your genital area, and then it only grows to a certain length and stops."

He took a few bites of his food and then continued.

"I couldn't and didn't tell you about these hormones because, up until yesterday, you would have blown a gasket and flipped out on me and I can't afford to have you do that. As it is, you almost did that anyway, yesterday. The attitudes and beliefs you held, until yesterday would have caused you to dump this whole deal and I couldn't have that happening. Not only for myself, but for you, Holly. I KNOW what you're going through because I've been through it myself and I've babysat others who have gone through it as well. Now, having said all that, let me say this. BEFORE you view the tapes today, I'm going to give you one last chance to back out of this deal. I still have enough time, barely, to get back in the suit and get re-acclimated to it before Holly has to be back at work, Monday. There are NO more surprises. There's nothing I haven't told you that I know about. Look. I WANT to get my real life going again. There are a LOT of things I am looking forward to that I haven't been able to do for the last three years, but if it would mean you being stuck inside that suit against your will, I'd rather just forget this whole thing and climb back in, myself. That's all I have to say about it. All the rest is up to you, but this IS your last chance to give this up."

Eric stopped speaking and just looked at me, across the table. I sat there, thinking. Well, there was no way I was going to back out on this deal now. I'd given my word, and I was going to hold to it, no matter what. The additional information that Eric had just passed along to me Was helpful and did explain why I had been so emotional the last couple of days, and for that, I was grateful. It removed what I considered the last stumbling block from my path and strengthened my resolve. I didn't say anything until I finished my breakfast. Then I stood up, put my dishes in the sink, turned around and hugged Eric around his neck, kissing him on his cheek, like he had done to me. I said,

"A lot has happened in the last couple of days. You've been a real friend, mentor, coach and rock for me to hang onto. I want to do this, and I am NOT going to back out. If all this is what it takes to do this thing, then I'll just have to learn to deal with it. After all, it's only for three years, and I'll only age about half that, right? Plus I'll come out of it with a lot of money and experiences that DAMN few guys ever get a chance to learn. I already know a lot of stuff that I not only didn't know, but I didn't even know that I didn't know it! It's a done deal, Eric. Go and formalize your plans. I'm staying. Subject closed. Now, you take care of your own dishes AND mine. I'm going to go potty and then sit down and watch those infernal tapes!"

 

MORE TO COME IN PART 11. Keep yer shirts on! I'm working as fast as my poor tired old fingers can type! LOL! Cathy_t_

  

  

  

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