This is a true story up to the confrontation with Greg at the dress shop, with minor modifications and name changes, of course. From that point on, it becomes fantasy – but who knows? Terry and Janice have been friends for 5 years now and they get closer – and more in tune with each other - all the time.

 

Janice's Way

by Jasmine Lee

 

It all started in early December. Janice, the woman across the street, called after Terry as he walked up his front steps. "Scuse me, Terry? Could you do me a favor?" "Sure, Janice, what do you need?" "Could you carry my Xmas tree up the steps for me?" "Be glad to," Terry replied, wondering why she couldn’t ask her husband to do it.

Terry hated getting involved with the neighbors. He preferred to keep to himself and felt very ill at ease socializing with them, especially with Janice and her husband Tom. They were outgoing, mainstream kind of people – a former cheerleader and football quarterback – not at all like Terry, who was a shy nerd from way back.

Though she was going on 50, Janice was still quite attractive, with impossibly long legs, gorgeous breasts that took your breath away, they were so large and "out there," but which she carried with impressive grace and pride. Her striking face, with high cheekbones, wide eyes, and long, exquisite brows,, was framed by a mane of soft blond hair that curled to her shoulders. She had an extroverted beauty and forwardness that invited comparison with various movie stars.

Terry lugged the tree up the back steps, through the screened porch, and through the back door into Janice’s family room. He marveled at how she seemed to glide ahead of him; she moved so gracefully and with such confidence and poise. This was one thoroughbred woman, he mused.

After Terry had assembled the tree stand, mounted the spruce tree, and filled the basin with water, Janice invited him to sit and have a drink with her. He knew that she loved to chat and, as much as he enjoyed looking at her, he didn’t look forward to having to engage in small talk with a yuppie princess for a couple of hours. He was always flustered and felt awkward around women who attracted him anyway. "Thanks, but I’ve really got to go and…"

Janice was as assertive and direct as Terry was hesitant and malleable. "Aw, sure you have time for a drink. What do you want, a beer? Some juice?" "Just water would be fine." Janice giggled out loud: "Trying to keep your girlish figure, huh!" How about some pink lemonade? "OK, that would be fine, thanks."

They settled into their seats in the family room, Janice on a sofa and Terry in an armchair across the room from her. After a few perfunctory questions about the health of Terry’s parents, with whom he lived (he was in his 40’s, but didn’t make much money as an illustrator and preferred the comforts of home to the small apartments he could afford). Then she sat up, looked Terry in the eye, and said," I guess you’ve noticed Greg’s car hasn’t been here for a while." "No, I…" Suddenly, Janice began sobbing and blurting out sentence after sentence, as if they’d been welling up inside her for some time.

"Greg’s left me! He’s an abusive alcoholic and he used to beat me and tell me I was fat and ugly and then he had an affair with his assistant at the law office and now he’s moved into a townhouse with the slut!" "I’m so sorry…" "It’s for the best; he’s sick, and he’s cruel, and he’s ruined my life," she spoke in bursts, punctuated by sobs. The tears drenched her cheeks. She made no effort to hold back. Terry was amazed at her lack of inhibition. He moved to comfort her, but she held up her long, tapering fingers in a gesture that said "No, I’ll be all right."

This began Terry’s career as a sort of "Agony Aunt." Four or five nights a week, he would go to Janice’s and commiserate with her over her failed marriage and the psychological damage that had been done to her. These were almost like therapy sessions as they analysed Janice’s marriage and her feelings, and Terry assured her that she was still beautiful and perfectly sane and hadn’t deserved the abuse and rejection she had received. Occasionally, they’d go to a movie or a restaurant, or Janice would prepare a meal for them. Terry was always the perfect gentleman and let Janice guide the conversation and choose their outings.

Janice was always herself with everyone. She said exactly what she thought, which was probably why she had driven off her husband in the first place. True, he was a creep, but there was no way a small-minded twirp like him could deal with a force of nature like Janice. With Janice, you either got real or you got going – Greg got going. The wonder was that they had stayed together for 25 years. However, for all of her assertiveness, there was nothing "butch" or brassy about Janice. She delighted in all things feminine and was the picture of grace and beauty, with a lovely, musical voice and the daintiest of mannerisms.

After a few months of probing discussions with Terry about her ordeal, Janice began to feel better and began to take an interest in Terry’s life. As she became less absorbed in her own troubles, she noticed that Terry didn’t have much going for him in his life. He was not very attractive – just a shade taller than she was and sort of soft and rounded. Not fat, but not at all muscular or commanding. She noticed that he stood and moved awkwardly and never seemed to know what to do with his hands, so he folded them on his chest or behind his back. He was too polite and accommodating, and whenever she asked him to choose a movie or a restaurant, he never would – "No, you choose. You have better taste than I do." And his clothes! Nothing but jeans and old t-shirts and bottom of the line tennis shoes. And he wore his hair in a ponytail that almost reached his belt. He was clean and he was sweet and supportive, but he was so withdrawn and unimpressive. She decided that she would return his favor and try to boost his confidence – try to bring him out a bit.

"Terry, you are such a wise and loving person." "Naaa…" "Oh shush! You really are! You can empathize so well and see things from a man’s perspective as well as from a woman’s. That is so rare and so wonderful. You’ve been such a lovely friend to me – I don’t know what I would have done without you." "Janice, I’m just glad I could be of help. You’re such a wonderful person, too – I really admire you a great deal; you’ve been through so much."

This seemed to cement their friendship to the point where Janice’s misfortunes weren’t the only thing they had in common. They began to chat about many subjects and do more things together. Janice was a very sociable, outgoing person, and most of her friends and even family had pulled away from her because of the bitterness caused by the breakup of her marriage and her impending divorce. So Terry had become her closest friend. They must have seemed an odd couple to people who saw them together: the confident, vivacious beauty queen and the rumpled, bashful nerd. But Janice wasn’t one to be self-conscious and Terry just coasted along in her wake.

A year after they had first become close, they celebrated a year of friendship by repeating the Christmas tree ritual. Terry set it up once again, and he and Janice went Christmas shopping together. They spent long hours looking at toys and clothes, jewelry and ornaments. Janice was in her element, and Terry tagged along gratefully, amazed that anyone could make the world so much her oyster. They agreed that they would get together to decorate her Xmas tree every year from then on.

Whenever they greeted each other or said goodbye, they would hug each other briefly, but there was never even a hint of romantic possibilities. It was just so obvious that Terry was not man enough for a woman like Janice. Still, a physical intimacy of a sort did develop. Janice had her share of aches and pains, mostly from tension because of the disruption of her family life and the lingering effects of her disastrous marriage. One evening, she was so sore, she asked Terry to massage her neck for her. To her mild surprise, he was quite good at it. So good, in fact, that she had him massage her arms, legs, and feet as well. Then she asked him to rub some cream into her feet, which felt heavenly. The massage sessions became a regular part of their get-togethers, always without a hint of sexual undertones.

For Terry, these massages were a revelation. By the end of each session, he would be literally tingling, as if Janice’s energy had penetrated him through his fingertips. He felt almost drunk afterwards, and very calm and relaxed, as if he had been on the receiving end of the massage. Very rarely, when he first began, there would be a slight movement in his groin, but it never led to an erection and any sense of arousal of a lustful nature soon passed away. He knew instinctively that, in order to give a healing massage, he had to become completely attuned to Janice’s sensations, and feelings. He had to subordinate himself to her body’s needs and be led by her impulses. It was this submission to Janice that made his massages so therapeutic for both of them. In truth, their conversations operated on the same principle; he was able to help Janice because he harmonized his mind and emotions with hers. He became like an extension of her consciousness, able to give her a different perspective on her own emotions. This process was as uplifting to Terry as the massages were.

One night, Janice was feeling icky and totally exhausted. After her massage, she asked Terry to brush her hair for her. At first Terry was too gentle, afraid of hurting her scalp, but Janice taught him to brush more vigorously and soon he was in ecstasy, smoothing her baby soft hair after each stroke, his fingers picking up the most delightful scent. He got a flash of working in a beauty salon – how nice it must be to spend the day playing with pretty tresses and talking to women like Janice about all sorts of things. He was so contented that he began to hum very softly. He couldn’t see Janice’s eyes widen as she thought the same thing. "Terry! You would be such a wonderful hairdresser! You have such magical fingers." But Terry was afraid of the connotations of being a hairdresser and shrugged off her suggestion, though he was ashamed at being so narrow-minded.

Finally, Janice’s divorce was settled. She moved out of the house she had been living in and moved to another city, about an hour’s drive away. Nevertheless, as the months went by, Janice and Terry became closer and closer friends. Every night, they chatted on the phone for at least an hour, and Terry often made the trip to visit Janice. They’d go shopping and to a movie and out for dinner. Afterwards, they’d go to her place and Terry would give her a good massage and foot-rub and brush Janice’s hair.

Occasionally, Janice would visit Terry at his parents’ house. Once, she stopped by the day after going to a wedding – she couldn’t wait to tell Terry all about it. She always told him all about her adventures and feelings now – he was her best friend, after all.

Janice sat with Terry and Terry’s mother and described every detail about the wedding – the food, the flowers, what she wore, what the bridesmaids wore, the bridal gown. "Oh Terry, she looked just darling! Her dress was trimmed with lace down the sleeves and the train was like a cloud and she looked so pretty that I just cried and cried. And you would have loved her bouquet, it was breathtaking, and the flower girl was just adorable and…" She noticed that Terry had a very strange look on his face and had gone as white as a sheet.

Terry felt like he might pass out. Janice was being her usual effusive, feminine self, and he was, as always, harmonizing his feelings with hers and sharing her joy over every detail of the wedding – but his mother was sitting right there, and he was in the habit of recoiling from "girl talk" in her presence. And yet he felt so drawn to the mood that Janice was creating. He wanted to ask more about the wedding dresses and he wanted to know how Janice felt when the couple exchanged vows and how the bride wore her hair and which earrings Janice had decided on and… There seemed to be a humming noise in the room, and it seemed to Terry that the source was right below his own heart. He felt a vibrating, pulsing, expanding energy building up inside him. He began to sweat and feel faint. It was a wonderful feeling in a way, but he felt he would explode unless he did something!

"JANICE!" He’d cut her off in mid-sentence. She looked perplexed, "Yes?" A pause. "Would you please come with me for a second?" "Of course." He grabbed her hand and took her upstairs to his room. Then he hesitated, looked at her and blurted out "It’s just…all that talk about the wedding dress, I…I can’t keep this hidden anymore…I…" He was literally trembling. He opened his bedroom closet door, grabbed something from the rack, and spread three dresses across his bed. "These are MINE!" Janice was stunned; her mouth opened wide and stayed that way. Finally, she found her tongue and said, "You mean…you wear these?" "Yes." A thousand little hints came together in Janice’s mind and she put it all together. Of course! She thought. He thinks like a woman and feels like a woman, how else could we be the bosom friends that we are; how else could he understand so much? "That’s OK, that’s fine. Do your parents know?" "No." "You’ll have to tell them, of course."

Then she looked at the dresses and said, "Nice…but, they’re not really you." Terry grasped Janice’s hands and, with a great urgency said, "Help me, please!" "With what?" "Help me explore this side of myself, find out who I am." Janice was not one to make promises she might regret or be coerced into anything. "We’ll see. Well, you do think and feel like a woman, so this isn’t all that surprising, but I don’t think I’m the one to, you know…’ "But you’ve already taught me so much; you’re my role model! I’d do anything to be like you." "That’s sweet…" she said uncertainly, "Of course I support you and I’ll help if I can. But you have to tell your parents."

To make a long story less long, Terry did tell his parents, but that didn’t really help him, nor did it do much for them. It was really beyond their comprehension, once he had convinced them he wasn’t gay and didn’t want a sex change operation. They didn’t see the point of it all, but at least it meant that he didn’t have to worry about them "finding out" anymore. Otherwise, it meant nothing at all. They seemed to forget about his disclosure in any case – they had lived through enough in their lives not to take anything too seriously, especially if it couldn’t be helped. And Terry came to realize that what he really wanted was to be accepted as a woman by a woman that he admired and found attractive. Other men desired such women. They wanted to possess and penetrate and protect them. Terry wanted to BE them, or at least as much like them as possible, to be their friend and confidante.

So Janice and Terry became closer than ever. Janice had never been inhibited about sharing her thoughts and feelings, but now Terry could lower the barriers and reveal his keen interest in all things feminine. Finally, he had someone to tell his lonely tale to – his ecstasies and miseries, his loneliness and his absolute devotion and admiration for women. "Feeling like a woman makes me feel close to God, Janice. For me, women are the living symbols of the Divine." He even asked Janice to let him worship her, as a goddess, but Janice was having none of that. She wasn’t about to be a pawn in someone else’s fantasy, even Terry’s.

Terry was disappointed, but he consoled himself with the pleasures of being able to express himself and interact with a woman as her girlfriend. He allowed himself to use girlish expressions and reveal all of his feelings without inhibition. Previously, he never could have said things like, "Oh Janice, I’m sooo glad you called. I was almost in tears when you didn’t answer a while ago." Or have asked her to tell him every detail about what it was like to give birth or nurse a child and confess that he would do anything, bear any pain, to experience such things.

The two remained close and continued their telephone chats, but the truth was that Janice was somewhat ambivalent about the new Terry. She enjoyed their talks as much as ever, but she sensed his desire to be coaxed into femininity; to be encouraged and shown the way by her. This didn’t appeal to her at all, and she felt that somehow this was just another case of a man trying to make her do what he wanted her to do for his own sake. She knew this wasn’t really fair to Terry, who had been so sweet, but she just couldn’t bring herself to take him under her wing in the way he wanted.

Once, she had dropped in on him at home to find him fully dressed, with his long hair in curls and in full make-up. Terry was obviously thrilled to have a lady visitor while looking his best, but Janice felt a little uncomfortable. Terry looked much more feminine than she ever imagined he could, and he did his best to move and speak like a woman, but he was still awkward and Janice felt like it was all a bit of a charade – something she never felt during their "girl talk" on the phone.

For Terry, his inability to really connect with Janice in person on a woman to woman basis was a great frustration. He longed to hold her and be held by her, as very close woman friends would do, and to feel a sisterly bond with his idol. He tried to be more naturally feminine in his movements, even in public, but without Janice’s prompting and encouragement, he still felt self-conscious. When they went shopping together at women’s clothing stores, his heart would fill with excitement and anticipation, only to be crushed when he found himself unable to let go and express his enthusiasm. He still went around in his jeans and t-shirts and made no effort to "pass," but he wanted to let down his guard and really shop with Janice, like so many effeminate gay men did with their woman friends. Instead, he stood awkwardly by as she tried things on that he would have died for, pretending to be bored.

They finally fell into a not too unpleasant rut where they would chatter like schoolgirls on the phone, but act like a woman and her shy male friend when they were together. She didn’t mind his wearing earrings at her place, while they were alone and during his massage sessions, and she knew he always wore a bra and panties under his clothes, but she didn’t encourage him to go any further in her presence and he knew better than to ask.

This all changed suddenly and in a most unexpected way. They were in a dress shop at the mall when Janice’s former husband Greg walked by the door. He greeted her as if all was well between them and gave Terry a condescending glance. It was obvious he had nothing but contempt for her new pony-tailed friend. Somehow, Terry thought he owed it to Janice to pretend to be more of a man than he was so that she wouldn’t seem to have had to settled for such a wimp. Of course, it never occurred to Janice that anyone would think they were a couple, so she found Terry’s sudden posturing and attempt to measure up to Greg revolting. The two males bantered and jousted in the mock friendly way that she found so disgusting. Then Greg said, "I see she’s still spending money like there’s no tomorrow – women!" He acted like it was a joke, but this was an old sore point between them. To Janice’s horror, Terry, standing with his arms folded and his legs apart in a ridiculous masculine pose, chuckled and said, "I know what you’re saying" with a conspiratorial glance at Greg.

Janice was furious. Right then and there, she lit into Terry in full voice. Fortunately for him, Greg had moved on, but the whole store heard what she said; "And you call yourself a woman! I thought you were sweet and kind, but you’re just as much a pig as Greg is. How could you? I don’t ever want to see you in a dress again – you don’t deserve to wear one! You’re nothing but a chauvinist pig!"

Titters and gasps filled the store. Terry was bright red and felt as if he might faint. He became so dizzy that he was forced to sit in a chair. He looked like he might pass out yet, but then he started crying. And then he was balling. "I’m so sorry, Janice, I didn’t mean it. I was trying to be a regular guy so Greg would think… Oh, I don’t know, I’ve tried to be a regular guy for so long that I don’t think I can ever be a woman like you. I might as well kill myself."

Janice saw that everyone was staring at him in astonishment. Terry was completely humiliated and dejected and crying like a baby. Somehow, this made her feel exulted and powerful. Why? She wondered. Then it came into her mind: For a moment, she had seen Terry as another Greg, and then she had reduced him to tears, just as Greg had reduced Janice to tears so many times, by calling her fat or ugly or silly. She felt the urge to remove all vestiges of masculinity from Terry, to make him into the most feminine girl imaginable. But she cared for Terry, and this seemed mean. She didn’t want to hurt him – but, after all, this was what he wanted. Wanted so much that he said he might as well kill himself if he didn’t attain it.

Janice helped Terry to his feet, put her arm around his shoulder, and led him out of the store. "That’s OK, sweetheart, I know you didn’t mean it. Come on now, there, there. I’ll help you. We’re friends, Terry, I’ll help you. It’ll be OK."

By the time they got to Janice’s place, Terry had calmed down, but he was still dejected. He wondered to himself what Janice meant about helping him. She said nothing as she drove, so he was afraid she was just trying to put an end to his public humiliation, but that their friendship was over, now that his weakness and hypocrisy had been exposed. Janice led him to a chair and gave him a glass of lemonade.

"OK, I know that you really want to be one of the girls, and that you are ashamed of your masculine tendencies. I will help you, but it will be on my conditions. You can’t become a woman just by flouncing around in a dress – you need a girlhood and you need responsibilities and discipline."

Her mind had been racing all the way home and she had devised a strange but wonderful new life for Terry, who she knew would do whatever she told him to do.

"I want you to move in here and I will show you how to be a woman in mind, body, and spirit. But you will have to promise to do exactly as I say at all times."

Terry turned her words over in his mind. His heart began to flutter with joy, but, inevitably, problems occurred to him. "What will I do for a living? All my clients are in my home town." "Don’t worry, Terry, I’ve figured that out. You’ll be helping me and it’ll be fun."

Janice ran an adoption agency. She was constantly finding herself having to bring babies home with her because their mothers dropped them off too soon or the legal hassles kept the new parents from picking them up as planned. Terry could watch after the infants, freeing Janice to attend to other matters. Also, Janice had been looking for a woman to come in a couple of days a week and clean her house for her – babysitting and housecleaning were just the kind of occupation that Terry needed. She explained her idea to him and noticed that he couldn’t hide his excitement. Terry LOVED babies. "But won’t people object to a man looking after infants? And don’t I need a certificate or something?" "Not for casual babysitting like this, and I’ll be around enough to supervise. But Terry, you’re missing the point. You’ll live here as a woman at all times – you didn’t think I’d let the neighbors think I was living with a man, did you?"

Now Terry’s eyes were as big as saucers. "You really think I can pass as a woman?" "Of course you can! At first, you’ll have to lay a bit low when people come around, but I’ll have you looking and acting like the sweetest little housewife in town in no time, you wait and see." "Are you going to give me female hormones?" "Let’s wait and see, shall we? I doubt they’ll be necessary – when you’re living the life, I think you’ll find it impossible to look very masculine. You already shave your body and you’re a little bit chubby – it’s just a matter of rearranging your flesh here and there. Your hair is as thick and as long as any teenaged girl’s. And my friend Mary is an electrologist – she can get rid of that awful beard for you. As for the rest, lets just wait and see, shall we?"

When Terry moved in, he brought only his girl stuff. Everything else remained in storage at his parents’. Janice had decorated her spare room beautifully – not pink or too frilly, but very definitely a woman’s room. Terry couldn’t help bouncing on the bed, he – or she, from now on – was so excited. "Take a few minutes to freshen up and then come on downstairs for your orientation, OK?" "OK." "How about, yes, Ma’am?" "Yes, Ma’am!" "I think that would be best, Terry – I’m no dominatrix, but you are now a little girl and I’ll be your Mommy for the time being. You’re to do as I say at all times and I think ‘Yes, Ma’am’ will remind you to be obedient and respectful." Terry smiled broadly, picked up a lace-trimmed pillow, hugged it close to her bosom, and said "YES MA’AM!" She was so happy, she began to cry.

Terry joined Janice at the kitchen table for a cup of tea. It was clear that Janice had put a lot of thought into this new beginning for Terry, and took her feminization very seriously. Her pupil was more grateful than she could say, and determined to be the perfect student. "First of all, your name is now spelled Terri with an "i." You are going to have to erase a lifetime of thinking you are a male – not an easy task. You have confirmed your male identity a hundred times a day since early childhood, through your thoughts, actions, and attitudes, despite your desire to be feminine.Now you will have to declare your girlhood at least as many times, but with twice as much conviction.

Whenever I ask you who you are, I want you to say with a sweet and happy voice, "My name is Terri with an "i" and I am all girl!’ Whenever I ask you WHAT you are, I want you to answer with something in this vein: ‘I am a pretty girl, I am a sweet girl, I am a lovely girl, I am a very feminine girl.’ In addition, I want you to say these things with great joy every single time and for as long as you look in the mirror. I want to hear you affirm your girlhood every night when you take off your make-up and brush you hair, and every morning when you put on your make-up and do your hair and every time you repair your lipstick and make sure you look nice – you get the idea. And I will be very pleased if you say these things at other times, too, just as a reminder." "Yes, Ma’am!"

"Now then, you are going to be very busy. Besides learning to behave and look like a lady, you must also learn all there is to know about cooking and cleaning and mothering babies and sewing and crocheting and, of course, shopping!" Terri giggled at that – she loved shopping through Janice’s eyes, maybe someday she could shop with her own! "And, of course, there’s diet and exercise. I want you to lose 20 pounds and start jazzercizing twice a day. You’ll find it’s not easy being a girl – much more challenging than lounging around in your jeans and t-shirts and letting other people take care of you. But, I have come to realize, Terri, that womanhood is something that you have to work very hard for, and it makes me proud to realize how fortunate we women really are to be born into such an exalted calling." Terri stood up and curtsied and kneeled beside Janice, putting her head into her "Mommy’s" lap. "Thank you SOOOO much, Mommy, for letting me be a girl! Please help me to become a wonderful woman like you!" "Awwww, sweetheart! I’m so happy to do it, darling! Now, who are you precious?" "My name is Terri with an "i" and I am all girl!" The two girls held each other for a long time, rocking gently together, both shedding large, sweet, healing tears.

Terri was the perfect student – totally dedicated and conscientious and eager to please. It gave Janice such a warm feeling that she couldn’t resist smiling and shedding a tear or two when she heard her earnest pupil, in another part of the house, repeating "I am such a pretty girl, I am SOOO lovely, I am SUCH a FEMININE girl, I am SOOO pretty, I am a lovely girl…" Janice noticed that Terri was doing this more and more frequently – her love affair with the mirror was obviously in full bloom. Every so often, Janice would call upstairs and say, "Give the mirror a break and practice your crocheting or something!" "Yes, Ma’am," Terri would reply, a bit sheepishly. Sweetest of all, though, was when Janice saw Terri repeating these affirmations to herself, with her eyes closed, but obviously with every fiber of her being behind every word.

As the weeks went by and Terri grew in confidence and in femininity, she became more and more anxious for Janice to bring home one of her little bundles of joy. But the occasion just didn’t arise. By now, Terri was going out as a woman, mainly short trips to the grocery store or the drug store. She still didn’t feel ready to go clothes shopping yet, but she read catalogs and surfed the internet voraciously so that she would be an educated shopper when the courage came.

Janice squealed with delight one day when she came home to find her little princess diapering a baby doll. "I just couldn’t wait, Mommy! I want to be ready when you bring one of the real little darlings home!" "What’s her name, sweetheart?" said Janice, surprised at how proud she was. Terri was a little embarrassed and flicked her right hand nervously across the long curls that lay on her chest – a very girlish gesture, and totally unconscious, which pleased Janice no end. "Well," Terri began, expelling all her breath in one word, "I thought of naming her Dolly, but that seemed lame, so I decided on Charleen. Doesn’t she look like a cute wittle Charleen?" "Of course she does Darling!" said Janice, amazed at how completely Terri had embraced his girlish identity, and so quickly. She watched Terri skip away, both arms wrapped around her Charleen, repeating softly to herself, "I am such a PRETTY girl, I am SOOOO lovely, I am sooo SWEET, I am SUCH a pretty girl!…:

But Janice was very upset – in fact, furious – when, two days later, she heard a suspicious sound coming from Terri’s room. Her image of her sweet, virginal girl was shattered. Terri was breathlessly repeating a new mantra – without Mommy’s permission. She was saying in a low voice, "I am a lovely WOMAN, I am SUCH a sweet, feminine WOMAN…." However, this would have been excused had it not been for another sound – a rhythmic, slapping, slurping sound! Terri was masturbating! A little girl does NOT play with a man’s cock, even if it’s attached to her body! Janice had been quite clear on this, and Terri had agreed wholeheartedly.

Janice burst into the room - and nearly fell over at the sight that greeted her. Terri was sitting in her rocking chair with Charleen, using a breast pump! She saw the look of astonishment on Janice’s face. "Oh! Mommy, I so sorry! I know I should have asked you. It’s just that…I want so much to have breasts and to be able to nurse a baby. I know I can never have babies of my own, but I read on the internet that, with proper stimulation of the nipples, a male breast can be made to grow and even give milk, just like a woman’s. PLEASE let me try this! It would mean more to me than I can say." Janice could only shake her head in disbelief and take her sweet little girl into her arms. "You would be the perfect little mother, too! Of course you should try! Anything is possible if you want it badly enough!" Terri kissed Janice on the cheek, and then she kissed Charleen, and went back to her blissful pumping: "I am such a SWEET, pretty woman, I am such a loving MOTHER!…"

Terri grew more womanly every day. At last Janice brought home a baby for her to take care of. She was so excited and so wonderful with the baby – Janice was thrilled to see that her "daughter" had all the instincts and tenderness of a natural woman. It was a little girl named Cara, six months old, and the two of them fussed and cooed over her together with such joy – and cried in each others’ arms when they had to let her go.

There was one disappointment, though. Terri used the breast pump every two hours, and at least once every night after bedtime for more than three months. Her nipples had grown tremendously, both in size and in sensitivity, and her breasts had filled out so much from the stimulation that she could easily fill a B cup bra without any padding. She hoped and prayed that a baby’s lips would bring forth milk, but it didn’t happen. Still, it felt so wonderful when Cara sucked on her, that she couldn’t suppress a smile as she looked for comfort at Janice. "Ohhhh, darling, I’m so sorry!" She protruded her lower lip as Terri wiped away a tear. "Just be patient – I know your dream will come true!"

After Cara was gone, the two women stood arm in arm for several minutes, Terri resting her head on Janice’s shoulder. Then Janice turned Terri toward her and said, "Want to go shopping? They’re having a wonderful sale at Becky’s! You KNOW what lovely dresses they have, and I need some shoes. What do you say?" Terri was a little hesitant – she still became self-conscious and shy at clothes stores and had let Janice do her shopping for her, other than what she ordered on the internet or by mail. But Janice seemed to think she was ready, so she nodded "Yes" and the two raced up stairs to fix their hair and make-up and get their purses.

Terri loved it when she and Janice shared a bathroom, each patting their curls into place and putting on lipstick, talking a mile a minute. It confirmed their closeness, their harmony. They chattered happily all the way to Becky’s, about what they were going to buy and how sweet Cara had been. Everything was just perfect and Terri felt completely at ease, until… They got to Becky’s, and found a large, loud man hanging around the checkout. Apparently, he was a manager or owner, looking over the clientele with a studied nonchalance that failed to hide his lust. Terri couldn’t help it. As soon as she felt his eyes on her, she forgot how to walk, what to do with her hands. Her face burned and she felt like a man in women’s clothes – again. "I’ll wait in the car," she said softly to Janice. "Ohhhh, poor baby! I’ll come with you. I’m sooo sorry." Janice stroked her crestfallen friend’s arm as they left the shop. Terri hung her head and said nothing on the way home.

Janice knew that Terri couldn’t be completely happy until every vestige of her male past was erased; until she was always completely secure in her womanhood. She felt that there was something missing, something that she needed to do to help her friend, her daughter, attain the womanhood she had worked so hard for.

The next few days were hard for Terri. Janice heard her in the mornings, repeating her mantras softly, listlessly, almost in a monotone: "I am a pretty woman, I am a lovely woman, I am such a feminine girl…"

All at once, she knew what she had to do…

That night, Terri was sitting in front of the TV in her nightgown, watching the Shopping Channel and crocheting, when she heard Janice call, "Sweetheart, come to my room please." "Yes, Ma’am" Terri seldom adhered to such formality anymore, but there was something in Janice’s voice that sounded serious. She hurried upstairs and went to Janice’s room. It was dimly lit by candles, and Janice was in her bra and panties, with her back to Terri, leaning over her dresser.

"Honey, the time has come for your next lesson. You’ve become such a sweet girl, I’m so proud of you, but you’ll never be completely a woman without an experience of this." She turned around, and Terri gasped and sat on the bed as she saw that Janice was wearing a strapon dildo. Terri’s face betrayed desire and curiosity and fear, mostly fear. "Don’t worry, Sweetheart, I’ll be very, very gentle with you. There are many ways to initiate a woman; I promise to do it as tenderly and lovingly as I possible can. Now, lie on the bed and tell me who you are." "I am Terri with an ‘I’ and I am all girl." "That’s right, Precious, now tell me what you are, and keep telling me until you feel it in every pore of your body." "I am a lovely woman, I am SUCH a PRETTY woman, I am soo sweet and pretty, I am a LOVELY WOMAN, I am such a FEMININE girl, I am a sweet, lovely WOMAN…

As Terri repeated her mantras, Janice arranged her legs wide apart and began to coat her annual opening with KY jelly. Then she slowly, gently inserted her lubricated finger deep inside Terri. She made sure not to force it too quickly and coaxed Terri to lift her knees and spread them so that her anal passage was as wide and relaxed as possible. "It is very important that you imagine my cock to be an offering, an instrument of love that makes it’s libation deep within you, as a log is fed to a sacred fire or a sweet is placed in a lover’s mouth. Welcome this sacred phallus by caressing it with your pussy. If you strive to give it pleasure and receive its gift, you will know a woman’s joy."

With these words, Janice began to press the dildo’s head against Terri’s opening. There were no sudden movements, she pushed carefully and patiently, waiting for Terri to open on her own and become adjusted. At last the dildo was all the way inside her, and, very gradually, Janice began to thrust in and out, back and forth, increasing speed imperceptibly. With her fingertips, she arranged Terri’s long curls over her shoulders and began to play with her nipples. At once, they became erect and Terri arched her back to meet Janice’s touch. "Relax, darling, just relax, and tell me what you are." Terri had gotten so absorbed in these new feelings, that she had forgotten: "I am a LOVELY woman, I am a PRETTY woman, I am…ohhhhhm …mmmmm… I…I…I am a sweet, pretty WOMANNNNNN! Uhhhhnnnnn. I am a WOMAN, I am a WOMAN…."

Janice was stroking with the full length of her shaft now, and kneading Terri’s blossoming breasts. She nibbled and kissed them, and Terri shivered with delight. Suddenly, Terri began to thrust rhythmically in response to Janice. Her eyes, which had been closed, opened wide at the discovery of this womanly impulse within her. Her whole body was hungry for the phallus’ precious gift. Her pussy caressed and squeezed all on its own. Terri’s primal sexuality had come into play, and it was all female.

The pace quickened. Terri began to moan and shake her head back and forth, her breasts were quivering. "Tell me what you are, Darling!" said Janice. In a soft, high, feminine voice, Terri proclaimed, "I am a WOMAN, I am a pretty, pretty WOMAN, a WOOOMMMMANNN, I AM a WOMANNNNN, Uhhhh! Oh God, PLEEEEEAAASE FUCK ME, I AM a WOMANNNNN, Mmmmmmmmmmmm…"

Terri was vibrating all over, her nipples were leaking a clear liquid, her cock, now become her clitoris, was still flaccid but spewed out a slow steady stream of fluid, her vagina pulsed with waves of sheer bliss. The vibrations seemed to move higher, into the region of her heart, then into her throat, finally into the crown of her head. She was lifted into another state. She felt the presence of Divine Woman and could see the most beautiful light in her mind’s eye. She felt as if her heart was floating in a pool of joy. She wanted nothing, she was completely content, her entire body mind and spirit were bathed in Mother’s grace. She was SACRED WOMAN, complete.

Janice’s experience mirrored Terri’s perfectly. The dildo’s base had brought her to orgasm at the same time and with the same intensity as Terri, the first orgasm Janice had experienced in many years. So many images raced through her mind while she made love to Terri – she remembered the brief collusion with Greg at the dress shop, and she was a vengeful goddess, raping and emasculating arrogant man, avenging her humiliation and rejection. She was Woman triumphant! And then she was a tender mother and lover to Terri, grateful to be present at the moment of her birth as a woman. And finally, she was one with Terri – together, they were the Immortal Mother, Daughter, Sister, and Friend, united in their sweet, harmonizing hearts.

They spent the night in each other’s arms, their nipples pressed against each other, and dreamt the same dreams.

The next day, they went shopping together. Terri bought so many clothes at the mall that they had to deposit her purchases at the car twice. They went to Becky’s – the same leering man was there. Terri not only tried on dozens of dresses, she even flirted with him and asked him how she looked. Of course, she wasn’t interested in him – Janice was all the man (and woman) she wanted, but she wanted to prove to herself, and to Janice, that the doubts, the insecurities were gone. There was not even a shadow of her past left.

The next week brought even greater wonders. Janice brought home month old twins for Terri to look after. As soon as they were in her arms, Terri lowered her peasant blouse and guided each nipple into a baby’s mouth. Almost at once, the milk began to flow. Janice gasped in surprise, but Terri looked at her and, with a knowing smile, said, "Well, of course!" Terri had the most satisfied look on her face that Janice had ever seen. When Terri lifted her arm to brush her hair off her chest, Janice said, "Here, Honey, let me." She grabbed her brush and stroked Terri’s beautiful hair, so gently, so lovingly, as the tiny infants suckled. Finally, Janice tied Terri’s shimmering curls in a pink satin ribbon, and kissed her sweetly on top of the head. Then she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "I can see they’re in good hands, bye bye!" Terri just smiled and mouthed the words, "Thank you! I love you!"

That Christmas, Terri bought a beautiful tree. When she got home, she got out of her car and looked around her. Across the street was a neighbor named Pat she had seen several times before. She waved at him and said, "Scuse me, could you do me a favor?"

 

 

 

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© 2002 by Jasmine Lee. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.