The Halloween Ride of Paul(a) Revere

by Jezzi Belle Stewart

©2002 TRP

 

Listen my darlings and you shall hear
Of the Halloween ride of Paul(a) Revere.
On the 31st of October of '95
No "man" involved is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

Paul said to his friends, "When our mothers march
With our fathers out to their parties tonight,
Hang a lantern aloft in the window's arch
Of your bedroom to act as a signal light -
One if you've eggs and two if whipped cream;
And I in my "Shredder" costume will be seen
Ready to join you in spreading the beat
Through every suburban avenue and street
Of mischievous mayhem, won't that be neat?!"

Then he said goodbye and hung up the phone.
Their mothers didn't understand they were almost grown -
That men had to raise just a little hell
When Halloween cast it's ghostly spell
And whispered it's time wild oats should be sown.
Wild oats to be sown with TP and eggs
As the moon made shadows from torsos and legs,
And monstrous forms at each condo and house
Put fear in the hearts of each husband and spouse.

Meanwhile his friends, under blankets and sheets,
Told stories of illness in mother's sweet ear -
"But go to your party, you've nothing to fear;
I'll just close my eyes and go swiftly to sleep.
I've really no need of those sickening sweets!"
And mother, simple mother, and even dad too
Bought the whole ball of wax, left the two little dears.

After waiting awhile they climbed from their beds,
Pulled hidden boxes from closet backs
holding costume props that could skewer and hack.
Then dressed in humped backs with masks on their heads
of the famous monsters that Hollywood made,
Started getting the thrills for which they had paid.
Put the light in each window and put up the shade
Then went to their meeting in Old Thompson's Glade
To meet with The Shredder who really was Paul,
To begin their ride at the start of nightfall,
To spread their message: "Be VERY afraid!"

And out in their houses, adults lay
On couches with remotes and the TV on
Watching with glee their favorite sitcom
While waiting for children "Trick or treat!" to say.
Or at their parties, merry and gay
With costumes sometimes quite risque.
And at one house of goodly size,
The first the three would terrorize,
Their parents by design were at
And waiting for their offspring sat
Knowing all their ghastly plans
For Paul's wise mom had overheard
On phone the miscreant's every word
And now while sitting waiting they
Knew for their boys 'twould be Hell to pay!

Meanwhile, impatient to start the ride,
Booted and spurred with heavy stride,
From Thompson's Glade strode Paul Revere
And with Albert and John right by his side
He thought of the houses far and near -
Then, impetuous, stamped the earth,
Shouted "C'mon let's get our money's worth!"
And away they went, and began the search
Past house and office and business and church
To the first house they'd chosen to have their fill,
Lonely and Spectral on Florence Hill.
Albert took TP off to the right,
John threw the eggs to cause a fright,
And Paul squirted whipped cream at an opening front door,
But it splattered his mom , oh my what a sight!
That moment he knew that his butt would be sore.

A flurry of action in the moonlit drive:
Three figures captured, no escape in the dark.
Six parents angry; all 'twould take was a spark
To set off their anger; for peace three must strive.
"We're sorry! We're sorry!" was all they could say,
And quivered and quavered and started to pray.
Ohmygawd! What price for their crimes would they pay?
The mothers had planned for this very situation;
Paul's house would function as an impromptu police station.
"You'll obey us," they said, "without hesitation!
We expect no resistance, though you'll want to swear.
You'll have your night of tricking and treats
But the tricks now on you, our darlings, our sweets
For we have pretty new costumes for you all to wear."

It was just after seven by the old village clock
When the boys saw their doom on Paul's lacy bedspread:
"You'll look pretty," said mom, "in your frilly pink frock.
Joan is in yellow, Allie is in blue
And, Paula, there's cute matching undies there, too
Where your decor's been Star Wars, it's now Barbie instead!"

" Now you "girls" must be ready by eight of the clock
To canvas our neighbors for a Halloween treat;
Princess Barbie times three on their doors must knock."
Looking to dads gave the three no respite:
"Don't look at us; you're mothers now rule;
There's dresses for us if we don't say this is cool.
So behave like sweet girls, you're our daughters tonight.
And your friends won't find out if you're femmy and sweet."

And for that hour on the clock
The moms with makeup, curlers and bows
Undertook the transformation of the cowed little flock.
And the tears ran down till the moms said, "Quit!
If you ruin your mascara, we'll have a fit!"
Accept it: You're girlie girls down to your polished toes!"
By eight sure enough there were three little sweethearts.
Yellow Joan and Blue Allie were certainly a vision,
But Pink Paula was more feminine by far than her counterparts -
Paul would rather have been destroyed by nuclear fission.

Now you know the story from the tabloids you've read -
How those three little sissies would much rather have fled
To the nearest basement with a lockable door
Than faced what this Halloween stroll had in store,
But the Dads went before them and moms followed in back
So there was no choice for the darlings but to stay on the track,
Sashaying and mincing at mothers' direction:
Three little sissies attracting attention.

But the worst ride of the night was for poor Paul Revere.
His macho vision of causing stress and alarm
Was changed to displaying "her" feminine charm;
Mom brought a paddle to make sure of that!
The plan was rough growls bringing tension and fear
But simpering only brought "My you're cute, dear."
When the night of embarrassment finally was through,
Silly Paul thought his time in sissy dresses was too,
But mom set him straight, "Dear, you saw your new room,
And Paula's much nicer than Paul, it's so clear!
Now we've got a daughter, we've been granted a boon
From the Halloween ride of Miss Paula Revere!"

Boo! Honey

  

  

  

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© 2004 by Jezzi Belle Stewart. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, and compilation design) may be printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without the express written consent of StorySite and the copyright holder.