by Jennifer White
I woke up in my bed, as the alarm clock blared. 6:30am. Time to get up for work. It was a typical morning: I was tired, a little sore, and just a little hung over from last night, when I had been drinking wine with my girlfriend Nicole. I sat up, and swung my feet over the edge of the bed. At this point, I hadn't noticed it yet. The thing that would rock my world, and change my life forever.
It was only when I went into the bathroom that I made my horrifying discovery. You see, I really had to pee, so I stood by the toilet, pulled apart the fly on my boxers, and reached in to guide myself out so I could relieve myself. But when I reached inside, I couldn't find me.
I felt my heart race. I felt flushed. Something was very wrong, and I started to panic. Why couldn't I find anything inside my boxers? I almost ripped them, pulling them off of me. I looked down, expecting to see my penis poking out, and the two sacks dangling below it. But there was nothing. Nothing! I had my tuft of pubic hair, and then below that, nothing! No! How could this be?
I tried to see myself in the mirror, but it was too high up, so that was no good. Nichole had a little makeup mirror on the counter, so I picked that up, and used it to look at myself. There it was between my legs. A pussy.
"This has to be a dream" I said out loud. A terrible nightmare at that! Guys don't wake up, and suddenly they've become girls, at least between the legs. All of the rest of me looked normal. It was the morning, so I needed a shave. I had hair all over my body, big muscles, broad shoulders, and all of the other traits you'd expect from a man. But not between my legs.
As much as I was stunned, as much as this was the most crushing blow a man could ever suffer, I still really had to go still! So I pulled down the toilet seat, and sat down to pee, which made me feel like an incredible wuss. Sitting down to pee! Me!
"If this is a dream, a shower will wake me up" I said.
My voice sounded normal. The hot water coming out of the shower seemed real. I let it get so hot that it hurt, and that was when I knew for sure that I wasn't dreaming. You can't feel pain in a dream, but the scalding hot water make me wince in pain. So this was real. My pussy was real. My manhood was gone, and I had a woman's parts between my legs now.
As I showered, I wondered how in the world this could have happened. And why to me? It had to be the most terrible feeling in the world to reach down there with the soap, and instead of finding my "friends" that I had since my birth, there were female things down there instead. I was too frightened to really touch them, and the thought of putting a finger *into* myself there was just out of the question. Not even to explore and see how complete the parts were. I just would *not* poke something into myself!
I dried off, shaved, and combed my hair. All the time, I was wondering what in the world I was going to do? I couldn't just go to a doctor and say "Hi, last night my private parts turned female. Can you help me?" They'd laugh me out of there. And how in the world could I tell someone about this? I would die of embarrassment!
And if telling some doctor was out, there wasn't even a chance that I could tell Nicole about it! How do you tell your girlfriend that something happened to you, and that you've become just like her between your legs? I mean, there just was no way I could do that!
The only choice that I felt like I had, was to ignore it, and hope that it would go away. So I got dressed, and went in to work after a quick breakfast, as if everything was normal. At least work kept me busy enough to take my mind off of my predicament, for the most part.
For one thing, after my morning coffee, I had to go pee again. That meant humiliating myself by sitting down in a stall, instead of using the urinal. Other guys in there would see someone sitting down, and hear the sound of them peeing. I waited for 10 minutes for the rest room to clear out before I ventured out of the stall. I didn't want anyone to know about what I had to do now, just to pee!
But the other thing was the *smell* of it. As I sat there in my office, I noticed a slight odor, which wasn't normal, but wasn't quite unfamiliar either. It was only after a while that I realized: the smell I was detecting was just like the way Nicole smelled between her legs. I was smelling an odor from my new pussy! I turned bright red. What if someone else smelled it? They would know about me! I couldn't let that happen.
I was *so* worried the rest of the day that someone would notice that I was a chick now, between my legs. I felt like everyone who looked at me somehow knew about it, and that they were all laughing behind my back. I know it was just an overreaction, and that I was being paranoid, but that's how I felt.
When work was done, I normally went to the gym to work out for thirty minutes. Then I'd shower and go home for dinner, quite often with Nicole. We were to the point in our relationship where she would stay at my place a couple of nights a week, and I would stay at her apartment now and then.
But now I realized that I couldn't keep up my normal routine. First of all, I would have to change out of my business clothes into my workout clothes, in a locker room in front of a bunch of guys. They might not notice the lack of a bulge between my legs (most guys don't go around checking out each other's packages at the gym!). But how was I going to shower? I couldn't let the guys see me like this!
So no workout for me. I went straight home. I changed into jeans and a T-shirt, and I was looking through the refrigerator to see what I had to eat, when the phone rang.
"Hi Tony!" said Nicole, in her lovely voice.
"Hey Nicole. How was work today, babe?"
"Oh, the usual. Nobody appreciates an administrative assistant. But if you are overloaded and get something done late, then everyone gets all upset."
She usually would rant about her work for a while, which of the other office girls were being bitchy to the others, and all of that. I had learned just to listen for a while, and say "uh-huh" until she got it all out of her system.
"....and so then Rhonda wouldn't even get the printout for me, even though she was going to the printer room. Don't you think that's terrible?"
"Oh yes. Terrible" I replied.
As she went on and on, all I could think about was that technically, *I* was an office girl now. And I was afraid. I'd have to hide my condition from her. What if she found out?
".....so I'll be over in thirty minutes" she said.
"I can't wait to see you" I replied.
"Hugs and kisses!"
"Hugs and kisses."
She hung up, and I sighed. I really did love her. She was smart. She was pretty. She was energetic. She was adventurous. Everything I wanted in a woman. I loved being with her. I couldn't wait to see her, every day. But now, I wasn't so sure. She might discover my terrible secret. That put me on pins and needles, and I was really nervous. I want to get a drink to calm myself, before she arrived.
Nicole came over, and we talked. We cooked dinner together. We ate, while drinking a bottle of wine. We watched a DVD she had rented, a romantic comedy which was actually pretty good. We sat there together on the couch, laughing as the movie ran. When it was over, she turned to me, and gave me a kiss.
"I love you" she said.
"I love you too" I replied.
She put her arms around me, and we kissed again. I should have felt so aroused by her! I should have been as hard as a rock. But now, I had nothing between my legs capable of getting hard. And I could tell that Nicole wanted me. She wanted to take me to bed, so that we could make love. But that was impossible now.
I turned aside, and pretend to cough.
"I think I'm coming down with something" I said. "I don't think we should be intimate tonight. I'd hate to give you my cold."
"But you haven't been coughing all night, just now" she said.
"I, um, took some cough medicine before you came. It must be wearing off" I said, letting out another round of coughs for show.
Nicole got a really disappointed look on her face. It broke my heart not to be able to be honest with her, but how could I do that? Plus, she wanted a boyfriend, not a girlfriend. I'd lose her forever if I told her. I had to keep it a secret, and hope it would go away.
* * *
But it didn't go away. Here it was, a full week after the first time I woke up with a pussy between my legs, and it was still there. Every morning, I'd reach down, hoping and praying that I'd be back to normal. But no such luck.
In the past week, I had stopped working out at the gym. I had sat down to pee every time I needed to go. And I had gone the whole week without making love with Nicole. These were all terrible things to deal with, particularly the last one! In my mind, I wanted her so much, but my body was incapable of pleasing her, now that I was like her 'down there'.
Last night, I had argued with Nicole. She was in a cranky mood, and so was I, and pretty soon we were having a bit of a fight. We didn't fight often, but when we did, we'd make up, and we'd usually end up making love. But that wouldn't be possible this time! I was really bummed out. It didn't help that I was grumpy too, and kind of on edge. It must have been because of this *thing* I had between my legs. I felt like I was snapping at her. She was a grump too. That didn't help! And to top it off, something I ate made me feel a bit bloated. So I wasn't very happy at all!
Anyway, that morning when I woke up, I had a new problem. First of all, I had one of those dreams where it felt like I was going pee. I woke up, and immediately noticed that I felt all wet and sticky between my legs. I had this feeling like liquid flowing slowly from my new pussy, with starts and stops. I had felt what it was like to go pee, but this was different somehow.
I got up and hurried to the bathroom. I hadn't peed my pants since I was a young boy. I sat down on the toilet (ugh!) and went. But as I looked down at my boxers, I noticed a red spot, the color of blood. I touched myself between my legs, and noticed that it was coming out of my pussy.
Horrified, I took some toilet paper to wipe myself off, as the terrible realization of what was going on settled into my brain. I looked at the T.P., which was stained red, with some little clots of blood. I was having a period. I was "on the rag" as I had teased my sisters when I was younger. Me! I was having a period. This was terrible! And it smelled.
The wave of horror swept over me, as I contemplated the implications. In my mind, I was reeling as I stepped into the shower. If I was having a period, then it meant something chilling: I didn't just have a pussy. I must also have a uterus, ovaries, and the whole works. *All* of the internal female sex organs. I was a complete woman on the inside too, not just the parts visible from the outside.
If I was capable of having a period, that meant that it was possible for me to get *pregnant*. Can you image how terrible it felt for me at that moment, as a man, to come to the inescapable conclusion that I was completely female, and that it was even possible for me to have a baby?
I felt so *unclean* from the flow coming out between my legs. I took such a long shower that the hot water was starting to run out. I dried off, but I was still oozing out from my pussy. I was in shock still, but I knew what I had to do, as disgusting as it was.
I put on a clean pair of boxers, because the ones from last night really smelled. I put an old pair of socks in it between my legs, so that the discharge from my pussy would get absorbed by the socks instead of getting on my boxers. I dressed quickly, then walked a block to the neighborhood drug store.
There I looked at the signs to find the "feminine products" aisle. I grabbed a box of tampons, and a box of maxi pads. I went to the counter to pay for them, and I was blushing with utter embarrassment.
"Your girlfriend is sending you out to buy those for her?" said the guy behind the counter.
"Yeah" I replied. "She's all out, so *I* have to do it."
"Women" he said, shaking his head.
I was glad he thought that I was buying them for a girlfriend. How would I explain it to him, if I had to say the truth, that they were for me? I felt nauseous. Was it from the disgust, or a symptom of having a period? I didn't know. I had never paid attention during sex ed at school. And now I had a massive headache, no doubt from the stress.
As I was driving home, I felt lightheaded. And now something else kicked in: in my lower back, I suddenly had this pain. It went right through me, and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Oh no. I was having menstrual cramps. This was *not* what I wanted! I felt like crying, and it took all my control not to break down as I drove home.
Back home, I took off my pants, and my boxers. My experiment with the socks didn't work out very well. The socks weren't absorbent enough, so the ooze that got on them also got onto my boxers. I threw out the socks, and tossed the boxers into the dirty clothes pile. I needed yet another pair, that was fresh and clean.
Now I read the instructions for the tampons. I sat on the toilet, and prepared to put one in. I had vowed not to put anything up my pussy. I didn't want anything to penetrate me there, ever! But I had no choice now. I tore open the paper, and looked at the tampon.
It had a plastic applicator. I put the round end up to my pussy, and I shuddered thinking about what I was about to do. I found my opening inside, knowing where it was from all the times I had put myself up into Nicole (or other girlfriends for that matter). The plastic made it slip in really easily.
Now I pushed the tampon in, as I pulled the plastic out of me. I was left holding just the plastic applicator in my hands, and looking down at a little white string sticking out of me. I was wearing a tampon now.
Back then, I didn't really know the difference between tampons and pads, so I decided to wear both. I took out a pad, but there was a problem. My boxers weren't cut right to have a pad attached to them. Where the legs came together, it was too narrow. I needed a wider strip of fabric between the legs so the pad would stick. I tried with my boxers, but it just wouldn't hold.
Then I came upon an idea: Nicole had plenty of clothes she kept at my house, for days that she stayed over. I'd borrow a pair of her panties, so I could get the pad in properly. I felt really funny pulling the panties up onto me. I knew that she might miss this pair, so I'd have to run out at lunch and buy a few pairs for myself.
They were actually very comfortable, and it wasn't unpleasant to wear them at all, other than knowing that I was now wearing a garment designed for a *woman*. I didn't want to be wearing women's clothes! But in this case, I didn't have much choice.
I got through the day at work, although I was terrified of having to go pee. That meant I'd have to take the tampon out, and put a new one in. So I kept a couple of them in my pocket, which was very intimidating and scary! I was also deathly afraid that when I was in the men's room, someone would catch me based on my smell. I hated how I smelled, now that I was flowing.
At lunch, I went to a clothing store, and bought a 3-pack of pink cotton panties that were on sale. When I got home from work, I put a pair of them on, and did Nicole's panties along with my other white clothes in a load of wash. I'd have them back in her drawer, and she'd never notice that they were gone.
I called her, and asked her if she'd like to come over for dinner.
"Not tonight Tony" she said. "I'm not feeling well. It's a female thing."
I was about to say that I understood (because I *really* did now!), but I thought better of it. But imagine my disgust knowing that our periods were synchronized. Ew!!!!
"I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe tomorrow."
* * *
Two days later, I felt better. I had stopped flowing, after it dwindled down to just a few little spots of the smelly discharge. Now, I was done. No more flow. No more cramps. No more having to wear panties, so I could wear a maxi pad. No more tampons. No more feeling grumpy. No more feeling bloated. Only now did I realize that I had been going through PMS the night that I had argued with Nicole. And so was she. Our periods were synchronized, which was somehow frightening too!
I was cooking dinner for us, when she came over. She had a fresh loaf of French bread, and a bottle of wine. Soon, we were talking, drinking, and eating dinner. Everything seemed to be back to normal. We went out to see a show, then took a walk back to my place in the moonlight.
When we got inside my house, Nicole sat on the couch across from me, and she had a strange look on her face.
"You don't love me anymore" she said.
"Yes I do!" I replied defensively. "I love you more than anything!"
"You say that, but I don't think it's true. You never make love to me anymore. You don't hold me like you used to. And now, you're seeing someone else."
"What?" I said. "There is nobody else for me but you. How can you say that?"
"Who is the other girl Tony? Just tell me!"
"There is no other girl" I said.
"Really? Then why do you have a tampon box in your bathroom now? And tampon wrappers in your trash? And when I took your clothes out of the dryer for you while you were cooking, I found pink panties with your wash."
"It's not what you think" I said.
"Its another girl, isn't it? Those are *her* panties, and *her* feminine care products. That's why you don't make love to me anymore. That's why you don't love me."
Now she was in tears, and nothing I said worked to console her. In fact, she was hysterical. We didn't so much talk; it was more of her ranting and raving against me. Nothing I could say mattered one bit. Her mind was made up that I was cheating on her, and that was that. She stormed out the door, and just like that, I had lost her forever.
* * *
The next morning, I woke up feeling *so* depressed. I had lost my manhood. Now I had lost Nicole too. I knew that even though I'd try to call her that day, it was over between us. I just knew it. And there was nothing I could do about it.
My head was down, and I felt like crying as I took my shower. I dried off, and looked at my face in the mirror. Out of habit, I had a razor in my hands, ready to shave. But today, I didn't really need to do it. I thought back. When *was* the last time I had shaved my face? I guess that my beard and mustache had completely stopped growing, since I wasn't producing any more testosterone. And that made me feel like even less of a man, if that was possible.
I went to my room to get dressed now. I noticed that Nicole had left out a pile of clothing, as she often did. To save time in her hectic morning, she liked to have her outfit for the next day ready to go. I looked at her panties, which were red and lacy. I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to put them on.
Part of it, was they were *hers*, and I was desperate to feel close to her, any way I could. Another part of it, was how comfortable my panties felt, when I had to wear them during my period. I guess it was curiosity too. Something inside of me was telling me to wear her panties.
So I put them on. And they felt good. They felt *right*.
"I guess I'm a girl now, so I might as well wear panties" I said out loud. I was punishing myself for my problems, which weren't even something that I could control. And if it felt good, what harm could there be in it? I went to work in panties again, even though I wasn't even on my period.
That night, I was getting ready for bed. I pulled back the quilt and the sheet, and I noticed something strange on the bed: there were lots of little hairs on the sheet. Was I losing my hair? I went and looked in the bathroom, in the drain from the shower. Sure enough, there were lots of hairs there too. Great. Not only had my beard stopped growing, but now I was starting to lose my body hair.
The next morning when I showered, I really noticed how my hairs were coming off from my chest, my arms, and even the few stray ones on my shoulders. I was so frustrated, that I picked up Nicole's pink shaver that she left in the shower, and I started to just shave my chest clean. There. Now I wouldn't keep losing hair there.
I was so upset that I was crying. So upset, that I just kept going, out of self-hate. I shaved the hairs off of my legs. I shaved the hairs out from my armpits. There. Now I wouldn't be losing any more stupid hairs all over the place. I was so ashamed of myself. It was the start of many days where I was lower than lower, and bluer than blue.
* * *
It had been about a month since I had lost Nicole. Yes, I hard tried time and time again to talk to her on the phone, but no matter what I said, she insisted that if I wouldn't admit to her who "the other woman" was that I was seeing, that she couldn't forgive me.
"Why can't you just tell me about her" she said.
"Because there is no one! How can I tell you about someone who doesn't exist?"
"See, there you go lying again. I can't talk to you if you're going to lie to me."
Click. Hang-up. And that was one of our *better* talks!
Anyway, that day I was getting ready. I was going to get dressed up in a nice casual outfit, and go meat some guys I knew from work. We were going to meet for lunch, then drinks, then play some golf. The problem today though, was my pants. They just didn't feel comfortable on me. So I tried another pair. Same thing.
It wasn't like I was getting too fat to wear them. In fact, my belt was one notch tighter than I used to wear it, so that meant my waist was getting smaller. And if my waist was getting smaller, then I had to be losing weight, right?
Yes my pants just didn't seem to fit on my body anymore. For one thing, although they were plenty small enough in the waist, they seemed tight in the rear. Yet the legs seemed almost too long. I didn't remember having to roll my pants up into cuffs before. So I tried pulling them up higher, but that didn't look very good either.
I went to the mirror to get a good lock at myself. As I stared, I noticed something. A change that had been so gradual, that I hadn't even noticed it. You see, while my waist was slimmer now than it had been before, it was my hips that were all wrong. They seemed wider, and my butt seemed rounder. Maybe it was because with the slimmer waist that sort of pinched in a bit, it made my hips seem wider.
But then it really hit me. It wasn't that I was getting smaller in the tummy and the waist because I was losing weight; I was getting that way, because my body was starting to develop feminine curves. Me! With curves!
Out of curiosity, I went to Nicole's clothes pile, and picked out one of her pairs of pants. They were that kind that chicks wear, that just come barely below the knee. I pulled them on, and I was shocked at just how well the fit me.
Now some things were different. There was no room at all in the crotch for example (but since I didn't have anything poking out there anymore, that didn't make any difference). They were also cut to match my body's style better, with the pinched in waist and the wider hips.
It was such a terrible feeling all over, as the inescapable truth set in: I fit into women's pants better than men's pants now.
I had to go to the sore, and buy myself several pairs of new pants. Jeans, khakis, and dark ones I could wear to work. I picked out styles that wouldn't look obviously feminine. Or there was one pair that I was looking at, until I discovered that they had a zipper in the *back*. No, I couldn't very well go with those into work!
I felt too crushed by this latest development to even think of going out with the guys. I had to scrap that. Plus, I was feeling cranky now from all the traffic I encountered on my drive home. It was a feeling that I knew from before: I was PMSing, and my body was getting ready to have another period.
* * *
One day I was putting on my shoes for work, when I noticed how loose they were on my feet. I was immediately alarmed. My feet were getting smaller? My clothes had been fitting funny like I told you, and now I knew one reason: besides the fact that I was starting to develop curves, I was also getting shorter.
I had to put on an extra pair of thick socks just to keep my feet from sliding all around inside my shoes. I shuddered to think about it: if this kept up, pretty soon it would become very difficult to hide the fact that I was well on my way to becoming a woman.
I had noticed that the hair on my chest hadn't grown back. And the few hairs that there were on my arms were so fine that they were all but invisible. Only the hair on my legs and my armpits continued to grow. My armpits were itching as the hair started to grow back, and I had to keep them shaved to stop that. But so far I had resisted the urge to shave my legs again. Now they were covered with stubble, which wasn't a good look for a man *or* a woman.
At work that day, as I ate my lunch I noticed something else that had escaped my attention before: I was eating at a lunch table with four women, and no men. Back before I started to change, I had always eaten lunch with "the guys". There might be a woman or two at our table, but they were always in the minority.
As I thought about it now, I had been spending more and more time with the women in the office. They were easier to talk to, and I enjoyed their company far more. It was only today, as I was eating that I came to the realization that I was talking like they did now. I was communicating as they did. And so they understood me so much better then the men did.
It had been so gradual that I hadn't even noticed it. Yet somehow, I had changed inside. I talked like a chick now. The wheels were turning inside my head about all the implications, as I chewed my food.
"Tony, the girls are all going out tonight" said Maria. "Why don't you go out with us?"
"We all love your company" said Kelly.
"Yeah, it would be fun!" added Danielle.
"Sure" I said. "It would be fun to hang out with you outside of work."
Just like that, I had been accepted as one of the girls. I thought some more of my recent days. I wasn't talking to the guys, because I had lost all interest in sports. I didn't know who won last night's game, or even which teams were in the playoffs. I had been watching romance movies at home, rather than action movies or sporting events.
And as I watched the movies, I now realized something else that was quite disturbing: as I thought about the movie from the night before, I now understood that I had identified with the *female* lead character more than the male. Again, it had been very a gradual change. But somehow, my inner self had gone over more to the female side than I had realized.
The night out with the girls was a great relief though. I was able to forget the worries of the day, and concentrate on having fun instead. We ate, we drank, we talked, and we had a great time. They treated me like a friend, and I was able to finally relax. We even danced together, as a group.
"We like you" said Danielle, at the end of the night.
"Yeah" added Maria. "You don't drool over us like the other guys."
"And you don't stare at me like I'm a piece of meat" said Kelly.
"Most of the guys just want to get into our pants. But you're not like that."
"Thanks" I said, not sure that I liked what they were implying. They liked me now, because I wasn't after them. They must have thought that I liked guys, which turned my stomach! But at least I had one fun night, after all the troubles I'd had lately!
* * *
The next morning as I was in the shower washing myself, I noticed something alarming. First of all, as I was washing my chest, I found that it felt very sore to the touch around my nipples. I looked down after rinsing off the soap, and it seemed to me like the ring of color around my nipple was a little darker than I remembered. Was it larger too? I wasn't too sure. I never really checked out my own nipples, if you know what I mean!
But that wasn't the worst part: it was the fact that there seemed to be like a small mound under the nipple itself. I hoped it was just my imagination, and I was over thinking things a bit. With all that had been going on, maybe I was jumping the gun.
However, I had other suspicions. It was a fact that I had a pussy now. And my period told me that I had all the other internal female plumbing. That meant I was producing female hormones inside my body! They must be what was changing me inside, making me feel much closer socially to the girls at work. And exposure to female hormones is what makes a girl's boobs start to bud and grow.
Since *I* was soaking in the hormones like that, in time, they would make *my* boobs start to grow. That was certainly something I didn't want, and I had been dreading the very thought of it! But here was the first evidence that it was stating to happen to me!
* * *
I went about six weeks before my next period. I wondered why it would be irregular like this. Wasn't it supposed to be a monthly cycle? But anyway, the worst of it was that it hit me at work. I had seen the signs of it coming, like the bloating and the grumpiness. So I was prepared. I took a tampon with me, hiding it in the very back of my briefcase, inside an old eyeglass case, in case anyone saw it.
I ran to the men's room to insert it, when I started to flow. Inside, with the door shut, I was terrified that someone would be able to smell me, because I thought the odor was terrible! I decided that I would have to buy a feminine deodorant product, to keep me from smelling so bad.
It was also nerve-wracking to be inserting a tampon inside myself, while I could hear the guys from the office talking to each other as they washed their hands. Once again, I felt like crying. These female hormones were making me feel so emotional! I hated how I was becoming. I reached up to dry my eyes, and I could swear that the skin on my face felt softer than normal.
In fact, all over I was getting softer now. I had surfed the web, and read that this was a side effect of taking estrogen. Great. Just one more confirmation that it was flowing in my bloodstream now. I was under the constant effects of female hormones now. I read too that they would alter my mind, as well as my body. Now I started to cry again, just thinking of that!
I came home after work, and the first thing I did was to change my tampon. The box said not to keep it in for more than 4-6 hours, or I could be at risk for toxic shock syndrome. I couldn't go to my family doctor, and tell him I needed to treated for TSS! So I was very careful to follow the instructions and change it on time.
But today, there was one minor problem: I was flowing a lot heavier than I had in the past. The tampon wasn't absorbing enough, and I was a bit of a mess. So as embarrassing as it was, I had to go to the drug store, and buy some super-absorbant tampons. I also grabbed a box of pads, just to be safe. Next, I picked up a can of feminine deodorant, to hide my smell at work for tomorrow.
"Boy, your girlfriend is cruel" said the cash register clerk, as I paid for my new things.
"Yeah, but what can you do?" I replied, handing over the cash, so I could make a quick exit!
I went back home, and put the pad inside my boxers. Now I felt a little safer, although the whole thing about having a period was quite disgusting to me!
* * *
I was really bummed. I told you how I noticed that I was starting to get a little smaller. I was having to put on three pairs of socks now, in order to wear my work shoes. I was going to have to buy some new ones for myself now. But my body seemed a little smaller too. Shirts were longer on me than they used to be. Pants were looser in the waist, and getting too long in the legs. I would need a whole new wardrobe soon.
I stared at my body in the mirror. looking for other changes. There was definitely more swelling in my chest area now. And I was definite that my nipples were getting bigger. I was going to need to do something soon to hide my breasts, so they wouldn't show. My nipples were dark enough too, that I couldn't wear a white shirt anymore, unless I had a T-shirt on underneath.
My waist seemed to be just a tiny bit smaller than my hips were. Was I starting to get curves? That was a scary thought. But as I stared at myself, something looked really wrong. My legs. They were all hairy. From the waist down, I looked like a girl, but an ugly one, with hairy legs. All of a sudden, I couldn't stand to have all that hair!
I took a shower, and I shaved my legs smooth. I guess in a way I was giving in a little, letting myself go a little over to the dark side. Or the pink side. But I just didn't feel *right* seeing myself with hairy legs. I couldn't explain it. I should have fought off this feminine urge. But I didn't. And after I shaved my legs, I felt *better*. Now I felt like I needed chocolate to console myself, that I had given in like this.
Now my legs were smooth and soft like the rest of my body. From that day forward, they would always be.
* * *
At work on Monday, it was funny. I found myself staring at Maria's face, as we at our salads together. She had convinced me that if I was to try becoming a vegetarian, I would be a lot healthier. I was convinced, and so I was eating like she did every day now. No more pizzas. No more hot dogs. Instead, I ate salad, veggies, tofu, and other healthy things.
But anyway, as we were sitting there, I was staring at her face. I was noting the details of her makeup. The way her mascara made her eyes seem so much more attractive. Her pink lipstick. Her rouge. Her eye shadow. And it made me feel funny. Sort of jealous and envious of how pretty she was.
How can I explain this, without sounding crazy? It wasn't like I *desired* her. Once I had, but now I didn't have the right equipment to please her. And I knew she had a boyfriend. I guess she was like a *sister* to me. A sister of who I looked up to, and felt somewhat jealous of somehow.
It was a terrible thing to have to wrestle with these feelings! A part of me wanted to be just like her. A part of me wanted to resist any more changes. A part of me though was curious to see what it would feel like to be in her shoes. Literally.
Inside, one part of me wanted to explore my new feminine side, as scary as the thought was. "Just to see how it feels" I told myself. But another part of me felt like if I took another step into the feminine realm, I'd never get myself back out. If I did dress up and put on makeup, was I giving up my manhood forever? Was I giving up on my former self?
"Okay" I said to myself. "I will try this. Just once. It doesn't mean anything. I just have to see what it's like."
I took the day off on Friday. First, I went out and did some shopping for myself. I needed clothes that fit me, underwear, and cosmetics. It was embarrassing to go around looking like a man, shopping for women's things. But I did it. After buying myself tampons, nothing was hard! Soon, all was ready. It was time for me to see what it felt like to be a girl.
I started out by taking a shower, using the lilac scented soap I had just bought. I shaved my legs and my armpits, to make sure they were as smooth as possible. After I got out of the shower, I used an after bath splash, with a light floral scent. I also put a little bit of talcum powder between my legs. I had been doing that lately, to help with the smell.
Now it was time to put on my new panties. They were thong style, red and soft, with a lacy pattern and pretty scalloped edges. In the front, there was a little bow which I had thought was cute. I put them on, and admired myself in the mirror. I hadn't realized how much my butt was shaped like that of a real girl.
Next it was time for my chest. My breasts had continued to swell, and I looked like a little girl there now. I had bought a bra with an A-cup for myself. It had a lot of padding, and the latest technology to enhance the size of a girl's breasts. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it all the way. I fumbled a bit putting on the bra, but I got the hang of it after a while. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I felt a chill all over. I looked *so* much like a girl. I even *felt* like a girl.
I almost stopped right then and there. For that one moment, when I felt like I really was a girl, and I kind of freaked out. I didn't quite know how to handle it! I mean, here I was, a man all of my life, and what I was doing to myself was making me feel more female. What kind of guy would do something to make himself feel feminine? But I wasn't just any guy. I had a pussy now. And so I pushed on.
I took out the bottle of pink nail polish, and applied it to my toes. Then I did my fingernails. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was a mistake. You see, the problem was that it takes time for nail polish to dry properly. I got impatient, and started to open the box that held a pair of pumps, and not only did I get wet nailpolish on the box, I also ruined the polish on the fingernail.
So I had to use nail polish remover, and redo that nail. But in the process, I ruined another one. Ugh! How did women do this, and make it look so easy? I had to slow down. Next time, I'd wait until everything else was done before I messed around with nail polish.
After I finally had a good nail polish job on both my fingers and toes, I was ready to get dressed up some more. I had bought a pair of control-top pantyhose, which I put onto myself. They made my legs look even smoother, and dark as well. They made me look and feel even more like a young girl, when I saw myself in the mirror. The cotton in the crotch was very intimidating to me somehow. The male part of my mind must have found it sexy, while the female in me found it practical, so that I'd breath down there between my legs.
To go with my red bra and panty set, I had bought a silky feeling red camisole, which I put on now. Between the fact that I had A-cup breasts now, and that the bra was so padded, I had mounds poking out from my chest, pushing the top of the cami into a pleasing form. For a moment, I wanted to stuff my bra with something bigger, so I could see how I'd look with more womanly breasts. But I let it slide. If things kept going like they were, soon I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore!
Nicole had left behind a skirt, which was black, and made from some kind of stretchy material. I pulled it on, and zipped it up. I could feel it brushing against my legs. The nylon from the pantyhose seemed to amplify the sensation. And it was so weird to look down at see one single line across the front of me, instead of two legs like you had in pants. I turned to look at myself over my shoulder. From the back, you really couldn't tell that I wasn't a woman.
Everything fit wonderfully. My body was female enough that a skirt looked good on me. I *did* have curves now, albeit small ones. But what a strange thing to see myself looking more and more feminine in the mirror! Now I set about making my hair look nice, and my face.
I had seen many girlfriends fix up their hair, so I tried to imitate what they did. But I wasn't very good at it. And my hair wasn't long enough to really look pretty. After a few tries, I got it looking somewhat better, but I knew I'd need professional help to really do a good job.
The makeup was easier to put on, and I had been studying the girls at work. I think I overdid it a little, but it came out okay. I did my eyelashes, my eyes, my cheeks, my lips, and everything. Looking in the mirror, I was even *more* feminine now.
In fact, I knew that I could go outside the house like this, and nobody would blink. They'd all think I was a chick. And somehow, that idea was *exciting*. Go out like this! A tingle went up my spine. I could go out in public like a woman!
I put on my shoes, took the old handbag that Nicole had left behind, and loaded it up with the things I'd need to go out. I got in my car, and drove to the mall. I put the purse over my shoulder, and walked on in. Nobody blinked! They all thought I was a girl. Unbelievable.
I went inside, and I felt swept away. There were so many things I wanted to buy! When I was dressed up as a man, it was still embarrassing to go up to a clerk and buy something for a woman. But now that I looked female, I could walk up, buy a skirt or a dress, and nobody would think anything of it!
"Hello Miss, can I help you?" said the saleswoman.
"Yes, I'm looking for some shoes for work" I said.
"We have a fine selection here. You came to the right place. I'm Joanne."
"Um.... Heather" I said, blurting out the first name that came to my mind.
"Nice to meat you Heather. Lets see what we can find for you..."
So now I was 'Heather' instead of Tony. It was kind of difficult being called 'Miss', but being called by a girl's name was also a shock to my system. But it also showed that I could pass as female, without any problems.
And so I found myself going to little overboard, buying things "just in case", so I wouldn't have to do it as a man. As much as I hated to admit it, it was *fun* trying on all those clothes, going on a shopping spree, getting properly fitted for a bra, and so on.
But I know that in a way, I had just lost a part of my old self, and had seen a glimpse into my future.
* * *
After my first time going out of the house as a woman, I got really scared. The fact that I could easily pass as a woman made me feel like I was losing myself. So I put all of my new things deep into the closet in the guest room, and I went about trying to pretend that I was still a man.
My boobs seemed to be growing larger every day now, and I was amazed at the speed at which they were starting to fill out the bra I wore at night to keep them from flopping around. At first, I had been wearing a sports bra under my male clothes, because it held them down flatter, and hid them. But now, even with the sports bra, there were two distinct mounds on my chest. I couldn't hide them for much longer.
I tried using a wide bandage around my chest, wrapping it tight, trying to conceal my boobs. But that didn't work very well, and it was uncomfortable. I didn't realize that boobs would be so tender and sensitive, particularly at certain times of the month, if you know what I mean.
Speaking of which, my cycle seemed to have settled down. I was now flowing on a monthly basis, as regular as clockwork. Not that this made things any more comfortable. I sure didn't like having a period! But I had come to accept it as a part of the new me.
I went out (as a man still), and bought myself a series of progressively larger bras. One day, my B-cup bra just wasn't cutting it, and I knew I was moving into C-cup territory. I inspected myself in the mirror. I had two large firm perky breasts on my chest. They were like a young girl's, pointy and cone shaped, slightly upturned. I didn't like how it felt in that they both seemed to point off to the side a bit, instead of straight ahead.
But it was so strange to look at myself in the mirror, and see the chest of a college girl staring back at me. I was getting more defined curves now, as my tummy had shrunk, while my hips and butt seemed to have filled out more. I realized something that day: I'd never be able to pass as a man again. I just couldn't hide it anymore.
I had been wearing loose fitting clothes, padding myself in places to try and even things out, and anything else I could think of. But it was no use. There was no more hiding it. My body was way too female now. Other than a few features on my face (which seemed to be changing too), you'd never know I had ever been a man.
How crushing to know that you're not a man anymore, in any sense of the word. Reluctantly, I went to the guest room, and pulled out a pair of panties to wear. I pulled them up my legs, knowing that from that moment on, I would *always* be wearing panties instead of boxers.
Then I put on my new C-cup bra, which I filled out wonderfully. It was a push-up bra, which made my cleavage look even bigger than it was. Instead of trying to hide my breasts, it was time to celebrate them. So I picked out the black V-neck top I had bought, and the short red ruffled skirt. I put on heels. I did my hair, which I had been letting grow out. And I did my makeup.
I looked at myself, and sighed. I was a woman now. But I couldn't go into work dressed like this. It was way too casual. I didn't have any clothes appropriate for a woman in the office. So I went out shopping, and bought myself a few things.
I got this really cool blue suit with a pencil skirt and a contoured jacket. I also bought several pairs of pants like the girls in the office wore, and two black skirts. I bought several white blouses, and a few in muted colors appropriate for the workplace. I also purchased several pairs of shoes, and a half-dozen pairs of pantyhose.
And as a treat, I went into a lingerie store, bought myself more bras and panties, and a half-slip along with a wonderful silky nightie, in a glimmery pink color.
I went home, and tried on all of my new clothes. And now I started to reorganize my closet. Of the male clothes I had, there were only a few I could salvage. A few T-shirts for example, which I could wear around the house, although the came down well below my waist now. I could use them to sleep in too, if I needed something warmer than my nightie.
I organized my new clothes, and then went to clean out the dresser. I took the bags and bags of clothes to the car, and went to donate them to the poor, so somebody would get use out of them. Then it was off to the department store, to get some accessories I'd need, and more cosmetics. Then it was over to the mall, to get myself a necklace, a bracelet, a woman's watch, and a couple of cute rings.
It was a frantic weekend of shopping, cleaning, putting away, and doing it all over again.
* * *
On Monday morning, I got up extra early. I shaved my legs, so there wouldn't be any stubble. I did my hair as I had been practicing over the weekend, styling it so it had volume. I dressed up in my new suit, with the pencil skirt. I wore my new heels. I did my makeup, and then I put on some of the jewelry I had purchased.
I inspected myself in the mirror. I looked like a professional businesswoman.
But that was a problem. How could I just walk into the office like this? How could I go see my manager, and say "Good morning boss. By the way, I'm a chick now". How could I walk past the guys who used to be my buddies, having them gape at me? Guys at the mall had been staring at my boobs, and I felt really uncomfortable when they did that!
I knew that I had to quit my old job, and get one with a new company. I'd really miss the girls at work. Maybe I'd invite them over for a party, and show them the new me. They would love it, and they would be supportive and understanding. But I knew it wasn't right to go back to my old job, now that I was Heather full time.
So I printed out a couple copies of my resume from my computer (after updating the name of course), and drove around town to several of the other large companies I was familiar with. And I was in for a shock: because I was a woman, they treated me differently. I was great at what I did, but it wasn't considered "woman's work". And so nobody took me seriously!
I had years of experience, a wealth of industry knowledge, and I had excelled at my job for years. But here I was, interviewing for a similar position, and I was being told that I should apply for a job as a secretary!
I had heard of discrimination against women before, but I had never really believed it. I thought they were exaggerating things. But now I knew it was *real*. I was disgusted. I wasn't going to go work as a secretary! As bad as it was, I realized I only had one choice now: go back to my job.
I was very frazzled after my long day hunting for jobs. And I wasn't sure what I should do about going back to work. So I did what any girl would do: I called up some friends.
"Hi Maria. Tony here. Listen, are you and the girls busy tonight?"
"I'm free, and Danielle is, but Kelly's niece is in town, and she's going to go see her tonight."
"Okay. Would you and Danielle be able to meet me for dinner? I need to talk to you. This is important."
"Sure! We'll see you at 6:30. The usual place?"
"Sounds great" I said. "Thanks. You're a real friend."
"Don't mention it" she said.
There. I was all set to meet the girls. As one of *them*.
* * *
I parked my car, and walked up to the front door. Believe it or not, going in to introduce myself to my friends as a woman, was far harder than anything I had done before. Harder than buying tampons as a man. Harder than going outside as a chick for the first time. These people *knew* me. But I had to do this.
I walked in, and noticed Maria sitting with Danielle in the corner. Their usual spot. Danielle was smoking, a habit she was always promising to break, but never did. I smiled. She would be telling Maria that she would be having 'just one'. She always made me laugh.
I walked over to where they were sitting, grabbed the vacant chair at their table, and took a seat. My heart was beating so hard! I could feel it pounding. I had one of those adrenaline rushes, and I felt shaky all over.
"Hi" said Maria. "I'm sorry, but we're expecting somebody to join us."
"I know" I said, using my most feminine tone of voice. "I called you to ask you and Danielle to come here."
The girls gaped at me for a moment, then looked at each other.
"Tony?" said Danielle, in shock and disbelief.
"It's Heather now" I said.
"Heather, you look very pretty" said Maria.
Her tone of voice told me that she was also in total shock. Can you blame her?
"Thank you" I said, "but I'll never be as pretty as you."
"You know" said Danielle, "I imagined the other day that I saw two mounds on your chest, under your suit coat at work. I thought I was seeing things. But I can't believe that you're dressed up as a girl in public!"
Maria elbowed her. Maria was always more diplomatic, whereas Danielle was more prone to blurt out things.
"Tell me Heather" she said, "Tell me what this is about."
"I've become a woman" I said, with my voice shaky. "From now on, I am Heather. I am going to come into work tomorrow like this, and I'm scared as h*ll. I don't know how I can do it. But I need a job, and I like what I do. And I like the people I work with. But I just don't know how I can walk in the office tomorrow like this."
"I always wondered about you" said Danielle. "For a while, I thought you might be a boy who liked other boys, the way you acted, the way you giggled, the way you talked like a girl. I am *so* sorry! I didn't realize you were having a sex change operation."
"There's no need to be sorry" I said.
Actually, I was somewhat relieved. They thought I had an operation. That would be easier for them to accept than knowing that I had become a *real* woman somehow.
We talked for hours, with the girls giving me many useful suggestions of what I should do to ease the shock of my transition. They convinced me that walking into the office in full female dress would be too much. Instead, I'd come in wearing male clothes, with light makeup, and not trying to hide my boobs or my curves.
I would go to my boss first (with them there for support), and the to the personnel department, to get my legal name and gender changed. Then over the course of a few weeks, I'd start to wear more and more feminine things, until I would come into the office as I was dressed at the moment.
It would be a very difficult thing to accomplish, but at least I had the help and support of two wonderful girlfriends. That was a lot easier than doing it on my own!
"Now about your makeup" said Danielle. "You've got a lot to learn."
"And we're the ones who can teach you" said Maria.
The next phase of my transition into womanhood had begun. The girls had accepted me as a peer, and I would start to learn the secrets of fashion, makeup and hair care that girls learn as they grow up. I missed out not having grown up as a girl, so I had a lot of catching up to do...
* * *
As the next six months passed by, time just flew. What can I tell you? Lets see. My boobs stopped growing somewhere in between a C-cup and a D-cup, which meant that neither one fit me right! It was frustrating at first, but I finally found one brand that fit me better.
My voice kept changing, and now I couldn't sound like a man anymore, even if I wanted to. My face had become prettier, and looking back on old photographs, there was very little left of my old features. If you saw me now, and a picture from back then, you'd say I looked like Tony's sister. A few major things the same, but everything else different, feminine, soft and pretty.
By now, the girls had helped me learn how to walk properly, how to sit, how to do my hair and my makeup, although even after six months, I still felt like I had a lot more to learn. Things seemed to come naturally to them, which I had to struggle with. But I was getting there.
I had my ears pierced now, and I liked to wear dangly earrings. My had had grown down to shoulder length, and I was considering getting a perm. Or blonde highlights. Or both. I wasn't sure.
I had let my fingernails grow out longer, and now I was getting a manicure every other week. Sometimes I'd just get a polish change. But I loved being pampered at the beauty salon. I had my eyebrows plucked and waxed. I even started to consider a bikini wax. I had been shaving my hair down there into a little rectangle, but I didn't like all the stubble.
One day on a Saturday, I was working around the house. I was wearing a pair of jeans, which I loved because of the way they showed off my curves, and made my butt look so good. I had a sleeveless yellow top on as well. I thought it was a real rip-off how something like my top had about a third the material in a men's shirt, but cost twice as much! The hiring process wasn't the only place that women were discriminated against if you ask me!
I was wiping down the counter tops in the kitchen, when the doorbell rang. I put down the wash rag, took off the yellow rubber gloves I had on, and I went to the door. I looked through the peephole before opening it, since a girl has to be careful. You can't just open your door as if you're a guy.
But much to my surprise I saw an old friend standing there. Nicole! My old girlfriend.
I opened the door, and smiled at her. She looked as pretty as I remembered. She saw me, and saw that the inside of my place had all been redecorated in a feminine manner.
"Oh, I'm sorry miss" she said, starting to turn away. "My boyfriend used to live here. I was going to see if he still had some of my old things I had left behind."
"Nicole!" I said. "Don't go! Please come in."
"How do you know my name?" she said. "Are you Tony's new girlfriend? Did he tell you all about me, and show you pictures?"
"No" I said gently. "But I think you had better come in and have a seat."
Nicole came in and sat on the couch. I made us a pot of tea, then sat down across from her. I poured us each a cup, then I took a deep breath and explained who I was now.
"...and so you see, I *had* to leave you. I was becoming a woman, and I couldn't be with you anymore."
Nicole was in tears. All along, she had thought I didn't lover her anymore. Or that I had cheated on her with another woman. She had thought of all sorts of bad scenarios. But not one where I had become female!
"Why didn't you tell me?" she said. "I would have tried to help you."
"How could I tell you?" I said. "I didn't have the communication skills I needed back then. I was just a man. How could I have gone to you and said that between the legs, I was a chick now? You wouldn't have believed me if I had told you. I didn't want you to be hurt. I didn't ask for this to happen to me. I feel so bad. Sometimes I think about what happened to us, and I cry."
"Really?" she said.
Now we were able to really talk, in a way we never could have back when I was a guy. I thought like she did now, I felt emotions like she did, and we had so much more in common. We talked for hours, well into the evening, and we shared so much.
After that Nicole became my best friend. She was so supportive and helpful! We'd go shopping together, go to the movies to see a 'chick flick', go out with her friends, or with me and the girls from work. She helped me in my quest to make my place look like a woman lived there. She was great at picking out a few accents I needed here and there, like scarfs for the windows, a plant over here, a picture over there.
"You know what's missing in your kitchen?" she said.
"No, what?" I asked.
"Your fridge is way too empty. Almost every girlfriend I have covers their fridge with pictures of their friends, their family, and friend's babies."
"You're right" I said. "Lets work on that!"
Nicole went to the store to get some magnets, while I hauled out my box of photographs. I sorted through them and soon I had selected enough to fill up most of the space on the refrigerator.
"There" she said when we were through. "*Now* it looks like a woman's kitchen."
"Thank you so much!" I said, giving her a hug.
* * *
One day, after Nicole and I ate popcorn and watched a romantic comedy on my DVD player, she got serious and turned to me to ask a question.
"Heather," she said, "You are so feminine. You definitely are a chick now, and I *think* of you as one."
I nodded my head.
"But tell me something. When you watched the movie, who were you? Did you feel like you were the guy, chasing after the girl? Or did you feel like you were the girl, falling for the guy? I guess I'm asking what your desires are."
I took a deep breath.
"I have to say that I feel confused on this point. All my life, I've always wanted to be in love with a woman. All my life I desired women. But now I *am* a woman, and I don't feel that attraction anymore when I see a girl. But there is something inside me that still thinks it is wrong to be with a man. I've had a few times when I've seen a guy, and had something stir inside me. I've felt a tiny bit of attraction. But I haven't *really* felt it. I don't feel like I need a man."
"I bought something for you" she said. "When I was a an unattached girl, with no hope for a good boyfriend, I had bought myself a little something so I could take care of myself. When I see you here all alone every night, you made me think of the girl I used to be. So I bought you one of your own."
I wasn't sure what she meant, but she went to the hallway, and returned with a box for me. I smiled at her for receiving a surprise gift, and I opened it. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that she had bought me a vibrator! It was white colored, and tapered to a smooth round point at the top. I felt really intimidated. How could I stick this thing up inside me?
Nicole must have read the shocked look on my face.
"Have you tested out your new equipment? I mean, between your legs?"
"No" I had to admit. I was still too scared to touch myself down there, and please myself.
"Try your vibrator tonight" she said. "You won't be sorry."
"Okay" I said.
"When you lay in bed, think of the movie from tonight. Think of the scene where the guy sweeps the heroine off her feet. Imagine you're her. That should help you get wet, so that it eases in nicely."
"Okay" I said.
That night, for the first time, I laid on my back, spread my legs wide open, and discovered the magic of the female orgasm. Or should I say: orgasms. Multiple orgasms! One more wonderful than the last. When I went to sleep that night, for the first time, I was really *glad* that I was a girl now.
* * *
After Nicole tuned me on to the vibrator, I started to use it nightly. Female orgasms were addicting! I just loved them. And so the next time a guy flirted with me, and I felt the ping of attraction to him, I just melted. If a cold little piece of plastic could make me feel so good, what could a real *man* do?
We went out on several dates, where he wined me and dined me. He was very romantic, attractive and exciting. And so on our fifth date, after drinking a bottle of champagne at his house, I gave in when he made his advances to me.
Soon we were in his bed, making love. Having a warm body with me was nice indeed, but he pawed at my boobs too hard, which was distracting. And he came too quick. I hadn't climaxed yet, and bang! There he went.
"Would you go down on me, and let me have an orgasm?" I said.
"No way. Tastes awful" he said.
"But you came too quick!" I protested.
"You're too hot babe. I saw your boobs, and they made me come. Blame them."
What? Blame my boobs for his inability to hold it in? I felt terrible about the whole experience.
And after I had given in to him, rather than that bringing us closer together, it seemed to drive us apart. He had made his conquest, and now he was ready to move on! Fine. I let him go. What a jerk! I hoped I hadn't been like that back when *I* was a man.
I told the girls at work all about him, and they related to me one bad dating story after another. I guess that most guys had problems. If only there could be some women with penis. Then we wouldn't have all this trouble. Men!
* * *
I went back to using the vibrator to please myself. I was happy hanging out with my girlfriends. Maria was great, and Nicole was my best friend. I was happy with myself, and my life.
But one day, I was in for rude shock.
"Excuse me" whispered Kelly, as we at dinner with the other girls after work.
"What is it?" I replied.
"I think I just started. And I forgot to put a tampon in my purse. Do you have one?"
"Of course" I said, digging one out of my new Kate Spade bag. I handed it to her discretely, and saw her trot off to the little girl's room.
But that got me thinking: I hadn't had a period that month. Or the last. The color drained from my face as the realization swept over me. I felt sick, and I had to leave. I rushed to the pharmacy, and bought a home pregnancy tester. I followed the instructions, and in fifteen minutes I had the results. I was pregnant!
No! This couldn't be happening to me! There must be some mistake. I was only with a guy once! I made a frantic call to my OB/GYN to leave a message on her machine that I'd be in to see the first thing in the morning.
* * *
The doctor's test confirmed it: I was pregnant. Now I become frantic. I called Nicole over, and sobbed as I told her the news. She came over, and gave me a hug. She comforted me. She told me that it would be all right.
I was there, as she held me in her arms, and she smiled that pretty smile at me. She got me to finally smile back to her. She moved her head closer to mine, as she had done when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I felt so weak in her arms. We moved closer. And then we kissed.
The kiss let loose a torrent within me, of pent-up emotion and longing. I *needed* to be touched by a loving partner. I *needed* to have someone with whom I could share all of my passions, my emotions, and my desires. I just never imagined that it could be Nicole again.
I was in a daze as we moved into my bedroom, and began to undress each other. They way she touched me was so gently, so loving. She didn't paw at me like the guy did. She caressed me. She knew just how to touch a girl. And from my experimentation with the vibrator, I did too now. I touched her back.
After what must have been an hour of foreplay, we were both really excited, really wet, and full of anticipation. She went first, spreading my legs wide open, then going down on me. It was the most heavenly feeling you could imagine! She knew just what to do, and I came so hard, so many times!
She stuck a finger inside me, then she played with my clit using her tongue. Oh my god! I was just overwhelmed. I got so tender to the touch that I eventually had to make her stop. And then I went at her. It felt so good to be pleasing a woman. It felt so right.
When we were done, we held each other and talked for hours. I had been in love with her once before, and she had been in love with me. But now, we were far beyond that. We were lovers again, but with a much stronger tie this time. We would never separate again.
* * *
After that night, Nicole moved in with me. Right now, her house is for sale, and we're making plans to turn the guest room into a nursery. My latest ultrasound showed that my baby is doing just fine. She is going to be a little girl, which made me very happy. I hate men, and I would dread the thought of bringing another one of *them* into the world.
So now I have everything. My lover is my best friend, and she is just like me inside. We even fit into each other's clothes, although I'm showing, and I'm starting to wear my maternity clothes. But its cool how we can have one big collection of shoes, or wear each other's skirts. With our two collections of clothes together, we have a fine wardrobe.
Nicole admitted to me one day that she bought me the vibrator, because she was hoping I'd ask her to use it on me. She said that once we became girlfriends, she knew that she was in love with me as Heather, far deeper than she had been in love with me as Tony. I should have known something was up. I don't think that too many girls go around buying each other vibrators!
But that doesn't matter. All that matters is the happiness we have together. We are totally in love, we're going to have a baby, and I could not ask for a better life. I'm so happy that I'm a woman now. I don't know how it all happened to me, but I'm a better person for it. And I wouldn't go back if I could.
Authors note: Of course, every girl knows that you start growing your boobs before you get your period! But for the sake of the story, it made more sense for poor Tony to get his period first. Plus, he's a guy! What do they know? They do everything else wrong, so why not this too?
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