The Gown

Janet L. Stickney
Janetlynn17@Hotmail.com

 

When I was ready I slipped the dress over my head, then using a pull chain, I zipped it up, feeling the material tighten around me. Stepping into the shoes I walked to the mirror and stared at myself. The gown fit me perfectly, and except for the fact that I had zero cleavage, made me look like the girl I wanted to be. It had taken two weeks wages to buy the gown, more when you added in the corselet, padded pantybrief, shoes and purse. I stood there like that for a while before I grabbed the dress, picked it up, and walked to the kitchen to get a soft drink. It was the first and only time I had ever left my room. My hair flickered around, not quite down to my neck, brushed out as best I could. When I returned to my room I stayed dressed for a while longer, then had to change. It took about an hour for me to change, shower, and hide everything. When I went back to the kitchen, the lipstick print on the pop can was bright and clear, which caused me to wince when I realized my mistake. You see, my mom was standing right there looking at it. I had forgotten to take it with me, which left evidence that I had been, at a minimum, wearing lipstick. There was no way I could palm the can then toss it, which left me standing there waiting for one more stern warning about dressing up.

"How did it look?"

"What?" I asked

"The gown silly! I'm sure that you bought it in the right size, so how did it look?"

"Gown?"

"Shall I show you? The gown I'm talking about is the one that's in the big box under your bed."

I grabbed the can, threw it away, but didn't answer her. I went outside instead. It had never been a secret that I liked to dress up as a girl, I had done it all my life, usually staying in my room. I had been caught more than a few times, but it was only after my sister left that mom became less and less understanding about it. That's why I had reverted to being even more secretive about it, always hiding my stuff carefully. It wasn't as if I would leave the house, that was out of course, it was just that once in a while, I had to do it. I jumped in the car and drove to work, hoping that I could get in a few hours.

"Oh! Hi Thomas! What are you doing here?"

"I thought that if you had anything for me…"

"No, I'm sorry." Mrs. Stickney rolled her wheelchair from behind her desk and took my hand. "I'm closing the shop Thomas. I'm going to retire and live with my daughter. I'm closing at the end of the month." I was shocked! "The new owner has asked me to recommend someone to help, so if you're interested, I'll give them your name, and a very nice recommendation."

"That would be nice Mrs. Stickney, thanks."

"Let me get you the money that's due you."

She had added a small bonus, but until I heard from the new owners, I was out of a job, three weeks at the very least. On the way home I filled up the car, just in case. When I told mom she was concerned of course, but told me it would all work out. She did not mention my gown thankfully. School dragged on, and with almost a month left before summer break, everyone was looking forward to spending time on the beach. Except me. I had to work in order for mom and I to make ends meet. I didn't mind, but with a three week lapse in a job, it would be tight for us. I hoped the new owners would hire me. I knew everything about the shop, and could be a big help if they let me. About four days later I saw them putting up a new sign on the old shop, and my heart sank to a new low. "Gowns Galore" it said! A dress shop! The minute I saw the sign I knew that I would have to start looking around for a new job. Guys don't work in dress shops. When I got home however, there was a message that the new owner wanted to see me, so I drove back to the shop, walked in, and made my way through a sea of boxes to the office.

"Hi. I'm Tom. You left a message on my machine?"

"Oh yes!" She said as she stood up. "I'm Gloria Watson. Janet, Mrs. Stickney gave me your number. She said that you're very dependable." Pointing to the boxes…"As you can see, I need to set up all of the displays and signs, open the boxes, then sort through the gowns and hang them up. Can you help me?"

"Same money?"

"Same money to start, more if this works out."

"Where do I start?"

It took the two of us a whole week to set up the display racks, shelving and signs, then another week to sort through all of the gowns and hang them by size and style. When we were done I spent another two days cleaning up the mess we made, vacuuming and mopping, and finally, washing the front windows. Gloria and I worked hard, yet we worked together easily, and quickly developed a friendship. As the day of the grand opening grew closer, I wondered if she would keep me on, since, like I said, guys don't work in dress shops. When she asked me to stay, I was torn between my obvious desire to stay and my reluctance to have my friends find out that I worked in a dress shop. But, I needed the money, so I agreed to stay.

"That's great Tom!"

"Yeah, but what will I do? I mean…"

"You'll do the same thing I do! Sell dresses, why?"

"It's just that I'm not a…in case you haven't noticed, I'm a guy!"

"So? All you're going to do is sell dresses! It's not a reflection on you, unless you want to wear a dress that is, and even if you did, that's inside of you, and doesn't make it harder to sell, it probably makes it easier! We open on Thursday, so I'll expect you to be here, ready to go to work! Understand?"

Wearing dress slacks and a nice shirt, I was at the counter as Gloria opened the doors. Within an hour we had a store full of people, and as I watched, most of the girls would pick a few dresses then try them on. As they stepped out of the booth I would be able to see them, and I was able to see how they looked. The mirror on the back wall reflected me, so they could see that I was watching them. I wasn't sure how it started, but I would shake my head no or nod yes, and the girls, who were watching me, almost always took my advice. I saved many girls from buying a hideous dress. Somehow it became common knowledge that I was doing that, and some of the girls came to value my advice. As word spread about the shop, our sales grew, keeping Gloria and I both very busy. At the end of the first month…

"Tom, our sales have exceeded my best estimates, and I owe it all to you!"

"Me?"

"I had a call from a woman that was in here the other day with her daughter, insisting that the girl wear a certain style of dress. Remember her? And you told her that the girl needed to wear an Empire style dress? She wanted me to thank you for the advice. In her words. Her "daughter would have looked like a frog in that other dress, and I owe it to that young man to say that he was right." I have had a lot of calls like that, but the one that disturbed me was the one from that society page columnist. She wanted to know how a young man your age knows so much about dresses and the styles. I think that's an excellent question by the way, just how do you know so much about women's styles?"

"I know what I think looks good on someone I guess. We both know that certain body shapes look better in certain styles, so all I do is steer them in the right direction! I mean, if it looks really bad on them and they don't find out until they get home, or one of their friends tells them, what does that say about us? That we only care about the sale and not how it looks on them? But if they leave here knowing that their dress is perfect for them, and all of their friends tell them that, won't they say where they bought the dress? Then mention service they got?"

"That's a wonderful way to look at it, but you know the correct name of every style, all of the different fabrics, what the layers are called, and in some cases, how to alter the dress to fit better! Something tells me that you have a lot more experience around dresses than you want to admit. Is there something I should know?"

"Naaah, I just got the information from the boxes as we unpacked everything."

"I see. Well, okay then. You're doing a wonderful job, and to show my appreciation, here's your check. I'm sure that you'll like it."

I did like it. Not only had she paid me my normal wage, she had added 2 percent of my sales! I had more money than I had ever seen in one check before! I filled up the car, kept my allowance, then deposited the rest in the bank. When mom got home I showed her the stub, saw her grin, then I helped her make dinner. Later as mom was reading the paper, I heard her ask for me, then she showed me the column. As I read it I was both appalled and elated. The columnist Gloria had mentioned had once again done an article on the shop, how nice it was, the range of styles and prices and so on, then she wondered in print something I had no desire to see mentioned in any way. She went on to say that since I was so good at picking dresses for out clients, then I should be able to do the same thing for myself! She had actually wondered how I would look as a girl! In her opinion there was only one place for males that worked in dress shops, and that was in the back, but since I worked the front, why didn't I prove that I was as good as everyone thought I was! I looked at mom and saw her grinning at me.

"No" I said forcefully, then went in and watched television. The next day Gloria showed me the article, and wanted to know what I was going to do. When I said nothing, she took it well, although I'm sure I detected a bit of resignation in it. A few hours later a woman came in with the newspaper in her hand. About my mom's age, she was quite pretty.

"Are you Thomas?"

"Yes Ma'am. How can I help you?"

"You read this I assume?"

"Yes Ma'am."

"Well?"

"I have no intention of letting someone I met once, don't know, and don't care about, shame me into something I don't want to do Ma'am."

"Did you know that there is a huge charity ball coming up in a few months?"

"No Ma'am."

"How would you like to help me put that old battle axe in her place, and at the same time, not only make her eat her words, but look foolish to boot?" She paused a moment, then…"especially after what she said about you, that, and your obviously good taste in women's clothes…"

"That would be nice" I said warily, "how?"

"By doing exactly what she doesn't expect. Attend the charity ball!"

"I can do that! I'll get a tux and…"

"No dear, you misunderstand me. Not in a tux. In the most exquisite ball gown we can find!"

"I think that's a great idea" Gloria said from behind me, "Who are you by the way?"

"I'm sorry! I'm Carolyn Ermantopz. I'm the Chairwoman for the charity ball."

"That's ridiculous! Me? In a gown?"

"Just what did you mean" Gloria wanted to know, "when you said that he could put her in her place?"

"The woman is a snob of course, and has run this same ball for years. In that capacity she only invites people she thinks belong to the upper crust, and using her column, she insures that her favorites are always highlighted. That makes her a formidable force in that society, and everyone has catered to her for years. She has consistently turned away others that she doesn't think fit into her idea of what upper crust means. Nobody has managed to figure it out yet, but in any case, after a lot of hassle, I am the chair this year. As such, I have the freedom to invite anyone I wish, although she has been pushing me to allow her to manage the invitations so she can maintain what she calls her "standards". Since she puts such a high value on inviting, then surrounding herself with "the right people", anyone that upsets her vision, is necessarily, not of her "class". If Thomas agreed to my suggestion, he could become one of the debutantes, mingle and so on, and have more than a few pictures taken with that old broad. Then, a few days later, after she writes her column, we'll tell her who you really are. She'll have no choice but to keep her mouth shut, unless she wants to expose herself as a foolish old woman, and at the same time, the shop will gain lots of positive exposure, especially after we let everyone know where "her" dress came from. If you agree to attend, I'll make sure that nothing bad happens, but it's up to you of course."

I liked to dress up of course, but I had never gone out anywhere, and never planned on it, so her suggestion that I attend a charity ball as a girl was out of the question. I was just barely good enough to leave my room and go to the kitchen, and there wasn't any way I could, even if I wanted to, do what she wanted!

Looking right at me, Mrs. Ermantopz said, "I did some checking Thomas, and I know that you help support you and your mother, so I will assume that you couldn't afford everything involved. I will pay all of your expenses if you do this Thomas, but if you agree to it, I will expect you to do your very best in return."

I stand 5'7" in my bare feet and weigh in at about 145. I have brown hair and blue eyes, and wear a size 10 dress, if it's cut in the right style. Mrs. Ermantopz had virtually dared me to try it, and believe me, I wanted to be able to do it, but how? As a guy, I wasn't a graceful as a girl my age would be, my mannerisms wouldn't be completely right, and of course, my voice would give me away. As slender as I was, as much practice as I had, I was still unwilling to tempt fate and possibly ruin myself socially and personally. All it would take was one person to see through it all and decide that I was a boy, and my life would become one great big mess.

"Why don't you" Gloria said, "let Thomas and I talk about this Mrs. Ermantopz? If you have a card, we'll call and let you know what the decision is.

"Think about it Thomas. I have complete confidence in you, and I'm sure that you can do this."

"Thank you Ma'am, but…"

"As I said, we'll talk about this and let you know." Gloria sounded very firm right then.

Firm? I thought I had said no! Mrs. Ermantopz left, leaving Gloria and I standing there. She didn't say a word as she reached for her catalogue and started flipping through the pages, finally stopping about two thirds of the way through the book. Pointing, she showed me a gown, a gown that she obviously thought I should wear. Walking away, it was all I could do to keep myself focused on my work, and nothing else. "A few months" she had said, not nearly long enough for me to learn everything I needed to know. Oh, I figured that I could get all dressed up, and with enough help, maybe even look nice enough to get by, it was everything else. Like finding the nerve to try it! I tried, but simply could not put it out of my mind, and it lingered there all day. The risks were quite high, and the peril to my self esteem even higher. If I were caught, well, I would have one very long and miserable year, my last year in high school. I went home at six, planning on relaxing, but that was not to be.

Mom didn't say anything until we were eating dinner, then she casually mentioned that a Mrs. Ermantopz had called her. My heart sank as mom went on to tell me what she had been told, which was almost the same thing I had heard. My mom, who had steadfastly told me that she did not like my dressing up, asked me if I was considering it, and if not, why?

"You know why mom."

"What I know Thomas, is that you have been playing dress up since you were a little boy, and no matter what I do, you just keep on doing it. Having been mentioned in the paper as being able to help girls buy just the right dress, I can't help but wonder why you would turn down an offer like this! We both know that you like to dress as a girl, and if you do manage to do this well, think of the publicity that Gloria and the shop will get!"

"Yeah, and me too mother! I still have to go back to school, remember? I'd get torn to shreds if the guys found out that I had been a debutante!"

"If they find out you mean."

"You telling me you want me to do this?"

"No. What I'm saying is that you probably could; we both know that you want to, so the only factor is will you?"

There wasn't anything I could say. Both Gloria and my mom had told me I could do it, only I wasn't so sure. I went online and looked up the charity ball, finding lots of pictures from past events. All of the girls looked beautiful, smiling, with nice hair and makeup, nothing I had mastered as yet. At best, I was merely close to being able to look like a girl. Saddened by what I saw, I shut down the computer and sat there wondering what it was that was not only making me dress as a girl, but driving me to even consider something I had no right to even think about! That's where I was when mom came into my room, and told me that she thought that I would never be able to conquer what was driving me unless I did what Mrs. Ermantopz suggested, then asked me what sizes I wore!

"You were right Thomas. I have always said that I didn't like you dressing up, but maybe it's time that you and I settle this once and for all. I'll get you one complete outfit, we'll get you all dressed up, then we'll see how you look before we say anything to anyone. I'll even help you with your hair and makeup if you like. After that we'll sit down and talk about this. Okay?"

I said nothing as she left the room, wondering what the hell had come over her! My mom was going to help me? I almost convinced myself that I was dreaming at that point. The next day at work Gloria was a bit subdued for a while, then she told me that she had ordered the gown she had shown me, in a size 9/10, figuring that it was my size! I said nothing and went back to work, wondering why this was happening to me. Yet somewhere deep inside I was knew that I would, at the very least, let mom help me, if only to see how I would look. Maybe it wouldn't be any better than when I did it alone. Gloria gave me a sealed box to take home to mom when I left that night, cryptically telling me it was some odds and ends that my mom might find handy. I didn't give it a thought as I tossed it in the car and went home that night. Since we closed at four, I was home well before five. The minute I walked in the house I saw my mom standing there, a grin on her face as she wagged her finger at me.

"Gloria told me that she was sending over a box?" I handed it to her, then…"She also told me that she is giving you one day off, tomorrow, so I thought that we might as well see how you look. I bought you an outfit, which is on your bed, but I want you to go and do whatever it is that you do to get ready, then first thing in the morning, we'll get you all fixed up and see how you look!"

In my room I saw that she had a skirt and blouse set out, plus a package of new panties, pantyhose, and a pair of low heels. I was very confused by my mother's change of direction; one day she was against it, the next she was willing to help me, and I couldn't figure out why! As I held up the skirt, I tried hard to find a reason not to do what my mother was suggesting. Oh, I could have just said no, and made it stick, since all I could see in my mind was one great big fiasco. But it was also the greatest chance I had ever had to look almost normal, as a girl my age would look. It would be an experience I would carry with me forever, so I set aside my fears and worries, succumbing to my own desires. I undressed and went in the bath, filled the tub, then spent almost an hour making myself as hairless as I could. To be truthful, once I saw the clothes, I never really entertained the idea that I wasn't going to do it, I just had to get past years of fears and my own very inadequate abilities to look like a girl. That night as I lay in bed I sincerely hoped that mom wouldn't laugh at me when she saw how I looked. Right after breakfast, mom and I went into my bedroom, and as I watched, she opened the box that Gloria had sent over. The very first thing she set out were two smallish pink boxes, followed by a padded pantybrief. The pantybrief that mom handed me was fuller, with more padding on the hips and backside, expensive in contrast to my cheap one. Handing me a pair of panties and the pantybrief, I went in the bathroom and put them on, making sure there was no bulge before I went back in my room. Mom dragged me to her bedroom, sat me in a chair, and told me to show her how I did makeup. I made it as far as foundation, and was reaching for eye shadow when she stopped me. "Powder" she told me, then watched as I used it.

By the time I was done, she had made plenty of changes, starting with the colors I used, but the end result was that I looked better than I had ever managed to do on my own. Then she told me to that it was time to get dressed. I wrapped the bra around myself and reached for some rolled up socks, but she handed me a breast form instead! It looked and felt just the real thing to me, and as I slipped it into the bra, I just knew that it was perfect! The blouse was next, followed by the skirt. I tucked in the blouse, then sat on the bed and pulled on the pantyhose before I stepped into the shoes. With my hair not quite long enough to be made into a girls style, I looked like a boy all dolled up, and started for the closet to get my wig when mom handed me a new one. It was blond, just short of being shoulder length, curled under at the ends. I put it on, then stood looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't know exactly what it was that made the difference, but I had never managed to look that good. I was thrilled, yet I did my best to hold it in as mom handed me a lipstick.

"I'm surprised! I really am! You don't look at all like yourself honey! You're kind of cute as a blond!"

"Gee, thanks mom."

"I'm serious! You've been very careful, and I haven't seen you dressed up in almost three years, so yes, I'm surprised at how nice you look!"

The skirt was just above my knees, straight with a split, or vent in the back. It was gray, the blouse white, the shoes a soft gray. All in all, I didn't look nearly as bad as I had when I tried getting dressed on my own. Mom didn't say anything, just letting me look at myself for a while, then she left me standing there alone. I turned this way and that, trying to see all of myself, the most obvious change was that I had hips and a round little bottom that were better proportioned to my size. Before then I was sort of flat, which made all of the clothes fit badly. Unable to contain my joy, I decided to walk to the kitchen and get more coffee. It would be the first time I ever left my bedroom knowing mom was in the house. I boldly opened the door with a jerk, then took that first step. By the time I reached the kitchen my stomach was churning, still unsure of why mom helped me, then what she might say when she saw me in the daylight. It was her day off, so unless I changed clothes, she was going to see me dressed as a girl for a good portion of the day.

"Hi! I was beginning to wonder if you would come down like that or hide in your room again."

"You always said you didn't like it mom, but…"

"I don't like it. But, as I see it, Mrs. Ermantopz has offered you the chance to gain a lot more by doing what she has suggested than I have by not letting you do this. You would be able to finally see what you look like all dressed up, doing it right of course, your position at the shop would be secure, and maybe even become better, with more money perhaps, you would gain a powerful ally in Mrs. Ermantopz, and to top it all off, we could put an end to your inability to trust me enough to tell me why you feel this way!"

"But mom! Even if I did agree to this, which I don't, and someone found out, we would both be subjected to tons of press, all of it bad, and like I said before, that doesn't include what might happen if any of my friends found out that I was doing this!"

"Then we can't let them find out, can we?" I sat there unable to reconcile what mom was telling me with all of her past statements about my dressing up. "Honey, I hate to say this, but if you are still dressing up at your age, then I doubt that I could stop you no matter what I do, so I have decided to let you…explore this girl you say you have inside. But I'm telling you right now that I don't think I can handle this…change, unless it was all or none. I'm willing to let you do this, as practice for that charity thing, but you'll have to dress like a girl every day, or else I don't think I can handle it, with you changing back and forth all of the time."

"Mom! I have to go to work you know! You're not suggesting that go work as a girl are you? What would Gloria say? And what about the customers? I've already been mentioned in the papers, and if I showed up like this, how hard would it be for everyone to figure out who I am? Assuming I was dumb enough to do it that is!"

"None the less, those are my conditions. Gloria has already told me she has a way for you to work in the shop without any repercussions, so that isn't a problem. As far as you're friends go, that's why we have to make it possible for you to become a girl without anyone discovering who you really are."

Mom went on to list the ways that she knew of, and as I listened I realized that mom might just be right, although it would all hinge on my being able to leave the house, something I had yet to try. Worse, I would have to face the public every day, and be just as feminine as the girls that came into the shop. In effect, I would have to forget everything I knew about being a guy, then very rapidly train myself to be a girl! I didn't have enough clothes, I was worried about what people would say, and I was still wary of my mother and her motives. She almost never gave in as easily as she did this time, and this was just about the biggest stumbling block we had between us! We had sat there less than an hour when mom put her chin in her hands, and with her elbows on the table, she stared at me. Then…

"I think it's time we finally put an end to this Thomas. Either you'll do it or you won't. After all the times that we have struggled together about this, I think it's time that we both found out just how intense these feelings of yours are! Against my better judgment, I have agreed to let you try this, but if you won't, then go to your room and change clothes! But if you go change, then I want you to bring all of your stuff to me so I can throw it out. If you will try it, then we should go to a salon and let them help you! I'm quite sure that wearing a wig will become tedious rather quickly, so I'm thinking that we start by letting them add some extensions, then maybe some waxing where needed." Still shaken, I said nothing. "Well?" Caught between forces out of my control, and unable to actually voice it, I sat there, stunned into silence. "Well?" she asked again. Afraid as I was, I just couldn't give up a chance to be the girl that I thought I was, and merely nodded my head yes. "I'll be right back" mom said.

Mom returned with a purse, handed it to me, and stood waiting at the back door. Committed to social suicide, I rose, then took my first step towards an uncertain future that had spiraled into my life so quickly that I virtually had no choice but to follow along. I stepped outside, sweat running down my back in rivers as mom casually went to the car, got in, and waited for me to join her. When I did, she backed out, then started towards the salon. On the way, she asked me what name I used, or was going to use. Saying it out loud to my mom was extremely hard for me, but…"Tanya" I told her. She nodded her head, and within minutes we were parked in front of the salon. One of those new ones, it was huge. Actually, it was a one stop spa, salon, massage place that offered every service a woman could, or would, need to look beautiful. I was scared to death as we walked across the parking lot, yet mom kept moving, leaving me no option but to follow her or hide in the car. The minute we walked in I could see that there weren't many people there. The woman looked up with a question in her eyes.

"Yes" mom said, "my daughter needs to experience what it's like to be pampered. Her hair is actually short, so we would like you to add some extensions, but I want her to be blond like she is now, with a nice cut and style after that. She is also experiencing a hair problem on her upper lip, and both of her arms and legs could use a good waxing. Nails of course, feet and hands, and if you have the time, could you do her make up?"

"Of course madam! It will take most of the day to do everything; perhaps you would like to come back?"

"I'll be back in what? Four hours?"

"Five perhaps" the woman said while looking at me, a grin on her face.

The woman turned and motioned for me to follow her. The place was very elegant with hardwood floors and granite, and bright colors, with soft music flooding the room. She took me to a back room, then shut the door.

"You are a boy." Obviously she knew, which shook me, but I nodded my head yes. "Then we must be careful to make sure that no one else knows. We will do the waxing first, so you must change into a gown. When you are ready, please ring the bell and Wanda will be right with you."

I didn't know what to expect, but I undressed until all I had on were a bra and panties, slipped on the robe and soft slippers, then rang the bell. My vision of Wanda went unfilled as a beautiful young girl came in. Long black hair with dark brown eyes, she had a petite yet magnificent body that I could only dream of having. She and I went in a small room, then she began to torture me. Hot wax was first ladled on, then ripped away, taking all of the hair with it. After having shaved my legs, I was a bit surprised that she got anything at all, but quite a bit came off! Wanda did not seem to realize that I wasn't a woman, or if she did, she never gave me a clue. She waxed every square inch of my arms to the shoulder, my legs all the way to my groin, and my back from the shoulders to my waist, then the worst, my upper lip. I tingled all over as she led me to a small private booth, telling me to go inside, insisting that I hand her my panties and bra! It was a sauna, and as I looked around, I shut the door and removed the rest of my clothes, handing her everything but the breast forms. Baked with steam first, I was then doused with ice cold water. When it was over and I had recovered from the shock of the ice water, she cracked open the door and handed me a towel, my panties, bra and robe, which I put back on. With my carefully applied makeup in ruins, all I could do was wipe away the remains and hope for the best. It was way to late to do anything else.

Then I was taken to another small room where a lady named Beth worked on my nails, starting with my feet. When she was done, I had slightly longer fingernails, and all twenty of my nails were a soft brownish red. With cotton jammed between my toes, I was led gingerly to a chair that had a huge mirror behind it.

"Hi. My name is Carol! I understand that you need extensions, but you want to be a blond?" Without waiting for a response, she began by setting out the chemicals she would need, plus a huge pile of hair. "That sauna is just great isn't it? Cleanses the pores and let me tell you, it makes everything else feel just great!"

Carol started weaving in the extensions, which were actually a variety of colors, although most were darker, like my own hair. It was tedious to sit there watching in the mirror, trying not to talk. I did not want her to figure out that I wasn't a woman, but she ruined that delusion rather quickly.

"You must be planning on becoming a girl for quite a while, what with everything you're having done today, but fear not Tanya, you are not the only guy that's been here and asked us to make him beautiful. Trust me, when we're done with you, nobody except maybe your mother would ever guess!"

"You know?!"

"Of course! We all do! How else can we help you if we don't know the need?"

"But I thought…"

"Hold still Tanya!"

Three hours later my hair was shoulder length and strawberry blond. Carol had done it so that the ends curled under all around, with wispy bangs. Since my nails were completely dry, she removed all of the cotton, and told me to get dressed. Twenty minutes later I was firmly seated in another chair while a third woman did my makeup. I wasn't sure that a woman knew a darned thing about makeup on men, but I sat there and let her do it without saying a word. How bad could it be? I knew that without a doubt, I was about to embark on what could become a very dangerous thing for me, a boy trying to be a girl, yet with each glance in the mirror I knew that I was closer to that goal than at any time before. I had long hair for one, blond of course, beautiful nails, and courtesy of the sauna and waxing, smooth skin. Finally she was done, and I was able to see the girl they had created. I almost swooned in delight when I saw my reflection in the big mirror, and for the first time I had an inkling that just maybe, if all went well, I could do what Mrs. Ermantopz had suggested. I not only looked better than ever, I had discovered that I might have a chance after all, and that new confidence in myself caused me to realize that if I acted like the girl I seemed to be, that I might just be able to become the girl I saw in the mirror.

I was waiting in the lounge when mom returned. She walked right past me without a word, asking if I were done. The lady I first saw when we walked in there pointed at me and smiled. I stood up, my hands folded in front of me.

"Tanya? Is that you? You look…I didn't expect…you're gorgeous!"

"Thanks mom."

She paid the bill, taking a receipt to give to Mrs. Ermantopz, then, as we drove away, she told me that Gloria wanted to see me, so that would be our next stop. Since it was early in the afternoon, I knew that the shop would be nearly empty, and didn't say anything. It didn't matter anyway, since I was not only committed the moment I stepped out of the house, but when I had those extensions added. Mom kept looking at me, but she didn't say anything, reaching the shop a few minutes later. I was out of the car and started across the parking lot first, eager to see if Gloria also thought that I looked good enough to get by. Opening the door to the shop I heard the gentle jingle of the bells, then saw Gloria walk out from the back.

"Can I help you?"

"Sure" I said casually, "you can call me Tanya."

"Tanya?" When she saw mom walk in behind me, she got it. Gloria, for all of her usual calm, and even after having sent a box of things for me to use, was still shocked at the way I looked. "Damn!"

"Tanya has turned out to be a very pretty girl, hasn't she?" Still surprising me, mom sounded proud in a way!

"I'll say!

"Can you make sure that Tanya gets home tonight? I have a few errands to run, and I thought that she might get a few hours in?"

"I'll bring her home when we close then?"

"That'll be fine Gloria, thank you."

We stood there like that for a few minutes, then we went in the back where Gloria told me how she was going to explain away Thomas, replacing him, with the new me, Tanya. According to her, Thomas, who was tired of all of the publicity, had quit rather suddenly, then decided to spend the summer with his best friend, a cousin, in another state. It was just plausible enough that it might work, if nobody demanded any details.

"Since it looks like you'll be Tanya for a while, have you attached the breast forms yet?"

"No! I didn't know that you could do that!"

"Take you blouse and bra off and I'll attach them for you then."

That's how I came to have boobs that were not only stuck on, but also looked just about as real as possible. I got dressed again, then we heard customers coming in and went out front. Gloria helped the girl and her mother while I stayed at the counter. The rest of the day went by quickly, and I began to quit worrying about being discovered. My hair was soft and loose, yet maintained it's shape and style, and with the longer nails my hands looked smaller, and I personally felt more like a girl than at any time in the past. Gloria dropped me off at home, and I went in, only to see mom waiting for me, with Mrs. Ermantopz sitting next to her!

"When your mother told me that you were very pretty, I believed her, but now I can see for myself just how right she was! In fact, I think she understated just how pretty you are!" Before I could say anything…"This is a check, enough money that you can buy a small wardrobe. You'll need enough clothes for the next few months, and of course there are other expenses, which I am sure that you'll need to have covered." She gave the check to mom. "A week from Saturday I am having a small dinner party, and I would like you and your mother to attend. There is someone I want you to meet, and a week should be long enough for you to get a little more acclimated to being a girl. Seven" she said as she stood up, "and elegant dress is required."

She left rather abruptly, leaving mom and I alone. Without a word mom took me to my room. On the bed were bags of stuff, all new. Mom told me that she only bought those things that she knew I had to have, and only one more skirt and blouse. She said that with my exceptional ability to pick out what looked good, she and I were going out that Sunday, and I would be able to buy what I wanted! There were bras and panties, pantyhose and hair clips, some earrings and other assorted jewelry, plus slips and a camisole. I also found a corselet and a waist nipper, something I always wanted but never found the courage to buy. Mom left me to sort through things and put them away, telling me that she would start dinner.

When I walked in the kitchen, mom turned to look at me, then burst into tears! She dropped the ladle as I ran to her and held her in my arms as she sobbed on my shoulder. I sat her in a chair and turned down the stove before I went to her, and held her in my arms, waiting until she managed to stop sobbing.

"Mom? What's the matter? Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me? I'll go change if that's what this is about. I like it, but it's not worth it if it's going to make you cry!"

"No honey, it's just…sit down a minute, will you?" I sat right next to her. "You don't know the circumstances, why your father left, do you?"

"You got a divorce; right?"

"That's right. But the reason, you don't know that." She gripped my hand tightly and looked at me. "I came home early from work one day and caught your father in bed with another man. Your father was dressed as a woman, and he was doing things to that man that…well…I couldn't live with that, and your father moved out right after that incident. I have not heard from him since then. Our only contact is his child support payments, which the courts send me. I don't even know where he is now." That's when I knew why mom had started crying! "When I found out that you also liked to dress up, all I could think of was that day, and what I saw. Angie was just 11 and you were just 5 when it happened. I had a boy and a girl, the perfect family, and we managed to get along just fine, then I caught you wearing that little sun dress of Angie's, and began to doubt myself. What was I doing that made the men in my life want to be women? I couldn't figure it out, and until very recently I made every effort to keep you from becoming like your father."

"Mom I…"

"Hush up! After Angie got married and moved away I thought that you would quit, not having Angie around all of the time, then I found out that you were buying girly things for yourself. You were always discrete about what you were doing, so I bit my tongue and let you have your fun, hoping it was just a stage you were going through, then I realized that it wasn't a stage, it was what you wanted. That worried me a lot, because I wasn't sure what it all meant. When you started working in the a dress shop, I knew, without any doubt, that just being around all those dresses would drive you even further towards dressing as a girl, which is when I realized that you are old enough to know what you wanted. That's when I made the decision to see just how far you would go. When Mrs. Ermantopz made her proposal, I saw a way to find out, which is why I took you to the best salon in the city today. If you had balked, I would have known that it was just a….hobby, or maybe a fetish. But if you went in and let them make you over, like you did, then I would know that you were serious about being a girl."

"Mom I…"

"I said be quiet! When I saw you for the first time, it was all you could do not to break out in a smile; you were so happy that you almost couldn't contain it, could you?" Pausing while looking into my eyes, "Tanya. That's a pretty name." Drawing herself upright…"You and I, we each have to find out the truth, which means that I am willing to let you become the girl I see here right now, but in return, I want you to do your very best to become the girl I see. It's the only way we can find out. You will know if being a girl is what you really want, and I will find out if I can accept that I have another daughter."

"I'm not going to hurt you mother! I'll quit first!"

"No dear, you're not going to quit. You are going to become the girl I see right now, and you are going to let me teach you everything I can about being a woman. You will continue to work at the shop, then you and I are going to attend that dinner party Mrs. Ermantopz has invited us to. You are going to do your very best, and I will help you. I think I need to do this as much as you do honey, okay?"

What was there to say? Mom was adamant that I not change. Up to the point when I first saw the "new" me, I was afraid of almost everything. Being found out, letting people see me, and especially, having mom find out how I felt. When I first saw the girl that had been created in that salon, it was as if I found a well of confidence deep inside. The girl I saw in the mirror wasn't me, she was another person, a girl that had nothing to fear. That's why I did not hesitate to be the first one into the dress shop, or stay there, working, as if I belonged there. I sat there holding mom's hand, my love for her growing stronger as I finally understood the torment that she had to overcome to allow me to become the girl I called Tanya. She went back to making dinner while I set the table, and later, I tried on the new skirt she had bought me. It was a little tight on me, so I tried the waist nipper, which made the skirt fit just right. I had plenty to think about as I lay in bed that night, from how mom acted around me, to the alibi Gloria had concocted to explain my absence, to the certain fact that I was about to start working as a girl. Although Gloria had not said anything about it, as a girl, I would be expected to help our customers both get into and out of their dresses if they asked. Nudity according to Gloria, wasn't unheard of during those times, and I wondered how I would be able to cope with that!

In the morning I was faced with having to do my hair and makeup, only I had to do it so that it didn't look like I troweled it on, and it took me almost an hour to get ready! My hope was that I would get better at it as the days went by. Wearing the new skirt with the white pullover top and the new flats, I grabbed a cup of coffee, and drove to work. Gloria was busy on the phone so I set up the shop, opened the register and generally waited for a customer. The skirt was short, a lot shorter than the other one, the hem at mid thigh. But, the pantyhose made my legs look terrific, and I did my best to put that half naked feeling out of my mind. About half an hour later three girls came in. I knew two of them. The girl I didn't know wanted to try on a dress and slipped into a booth, coming out a few minutes later. They didn't stay long and left just as Gloria walked up.

"No sale?"

"Browsers"

"I was thinking that after we close today and before you go home, that you try on the dress I ordered for you. It came in yesterday."

"Okay, but I'll have to call mom and tell her I'll be late then…"

"Why not have her come over after work? I'm sure that she'll want to see it too."

"Ummm….Gloria?"

"Yes dear?"

"I need a dress. For a dinner party. Can I…borrow one?"

"I can't do that, but why not let me make a gift of it?"

"I'll have to ask mom first."

When mom arrived we closed the store, then in the back I undressed and tried on the gown. They couldn't zip it up, which meant that it was to small, or at least that's what I thought. Both mom and Gloria had other ideas, which is when I was laced into my first corset. The dress fit but was still a bit tight, so mom made a few marks on the dress, and after I took it off, she put it in a bag to take home. Then Gloria handed me another dress, telling me she had picked it out for me, specifically for the dinner party. It was a fitted red dress with a square neckline, two straps, and a flaring skirt which almost made it to my knees. The fitted bodice hugged me pretty tightly, but the design helped me with the illusion of a having a shapely figure. It was also one of our most popular styles. Mom and I went home soon after, but I was still wearing the corset, and it was starting to feel tight. When I told mom, all she did was grin and tell me to get used to it! Every day after that I wore that corset, and each night mom ran me through all of the mannerisms that I would have to know, telling me how important it was going to be for me to know them, as if I couldn't figure that out.

On Sunday morning, just like mom told me, we went shopping. I bought skirts and blouses, slacks and jeans, shoes and a jacket, then we bought some very sexy underwear, including a satin and lace corselet and a red lace underwire bra with panties to match. More earrings and other jewelry were added to our growing pile, then mom went into the drugstore and bough a package of feminine products. When she handed them to me I asked why.

"Because all girls your age use them, and most girls carry at least a few in their purse for those times when an accident might happen."

"But I don't need…"

"True, but you'll put a few in your purse anyway, won't you?"

By the time we got home I knew for sure that I could pass easily as a girl, especially after I had to try on a bra in that lingerie shop. Gloria and I slipped back into our routine, and while a few customers asked about the old me, most just shrugged it off without a word. On Saturday morning mom and I both went to the salon. I had my hair, makeup and nails done again, then we went home. I had not quite four hours to get dressed, so I slipped into a bubblebath and lay there letting the oily water sink into my skin. Then I used the skin lotion before I went in my room to get dressed. First came the tape. I didn't like it much when I first tried it, and until I shaved, just getting it off was a real thrill. I really don't recommend it since tearing your own hair out with tape is not any fun at all! The night of my first day working as a girl, I had experimented, and successfully managed to tape myself in a way that gave me a smooth front while also allowing me to evacuate easily, although I had to sit down. That's when I discovered the thrill of removing tape from hairy parts. When I was done with the taping, and as much as I hated that corset, I knew that I had to wear it, and reluctantly wrapped it around myself. I tugged the laces tight, to the point that I actually hurt, then let off a little. Next came the panties and the padded brief. That red bra had a front fastener, and when I closed it, the bra drew my breasts together, the underwires and side padding shoving them up a little. I pulled on the pantyhose then the dress. My shoes were a soft red to match the dress as was my handbag. Adding earrings and a small tennis bracelet, then perfume, I touched up my lipstick and took one last look before I went to the familyroom.

Mom was there already, looking terrific in her black sheath dress. She drove us to Mrs. Ermantopz home where we were admitted by a butler and shown to the banquet room. Mrs. Ermantopz was talking to that columnist, but she saw us enter, and quickly came over, dragging us over to "meet" the columnist. I got the head to toe "look" from her before she even spoke.

"Betty, this is Tanya and her mother Marilyn. Tanya is going to be one of this years debutantes."

"Oh? What color is your gown my dear?"

"I don't think I should say Ma'am. Gloria over at Gown's Galore ordered it especially for me, and I think she wants me to keep it secret. She says she doesn't want anyone else ordering it."

"I see! Gloria seems to be selling a lot of dresses to our girls this year!"

"Well, she does have a wide selection, and the prices are less than anywhere else."

"Is that boy still working there?"

"No Ma'am. I think he quit after you embarrassed him."

"Tanya" mom said, "was hired by Gloria after that boy left."

"That explains her allegiance to Gloria and her shop then."

"Tanya" Mrs. Ermantopz said, "let me introduce you to a few of my other guests." As we walked away…"you were provoking her Tanya, and that might not be the smartest thing to do, not yet anyway."

"She had it coming though!"

"I agree, but don't push it."

Mom and I were introduced to a lot of people, all of whom accepted me as a girl, which still both thrilled and shocked me. In my mind, I had made some bizarre decisions, none of which had any basis in common sense, yet I felt like a girl, and with the scent of perfume surrounding me to confirm it, I was relaxed and at ease with myself, even when I realized that some men tended to talk to my chest rather than my face. Mrs. Ermantopz, mom and I made our way around the room until I came face to face with Jillian. Jill was a classmate of mine, a snobbish kind of girl because her daddy could afford anything she wanted. I never fitted in with her little group of friends, and didn't bother to try.

"Jillian, this is Tanya and her mother. She is new around here, so I am introducing her to everyone."

"Jill's eyes flickered with a look that I took to be her rather quickly sizing me up."

"Nice to meet you Tanya. Will you be starting school here in the fall?"

"I'm not sure if I'll be staying that long Jill."

"Well, okay, but if you do, look me up!"

"I'll be sure to do that."

As we walked away both mom and Mrs. Ermantopz snickered! "What?!"

"You just got daggers stuck in you! A lot of them!"

"Why mom? I didn't do anything wrong did I?"

"No dear" Mrs. Ermantopz said, "she sees you as a threat!"

"That mean's" mom said with a chuckle, "that you passed the test! If she sees you as a threat, then she sees you as a girl, right?"

"I have someone else for you to meet Tanya, he's standing right over there."

Looking where she pointed, I saw Jill's brother standing there, completely at ease in his tuxedo, smiling as he chatted with an elderly woman. Aaron was nothing like his sister in any way, and most kids liked him a lot because he wasn't the type to throw his families wealth around. He also knew me quite well, since we had several classes together. I held back when mom started in his direction, but she gave me "the look", and I reluctantly followed along. Aaron saw us coming, and immediately his attention turned from the old woman to me.

"Aaron, I would like you to meet Tanya."

"A true pleasure Tanya."

"Carolyn," mom said, "didn't you have some new china you wanted to show me?"

"Oh! Of course! You kids have a nice time, we'll only be a short while!"

As mom and Mrs. Ermantopz walked off…"It seems that both Carolyn and your mother have left me to your tender mercies Tanya."

"More likely they have other ideas."

"Ah yes! The new girl in town needs an escort to the charity ball?"

"Well, yeah, but…"

"Then allow me to be the lucky fellow! I would be delighted to be your escort!"

"Did Mrs. Ermantopz put you up to this Aaron?"

"She only mentioned that she had invited a new girl to this little soiree of hers, and she wanted me to meet you. She might have mentioned that you would be attending the charity ball, but that's all, I swear!"

"I'll bet!"

"Drink?" he asked me as he smoothly took my hand. As we walked to the small bar…"really, she did not ask me to ask you if I could be your escort, that was all my idea, but it's one of my best I think!"

"But aren't you dating…Mary….something?"

"You get around quick Tanya. I was dating her, until she recently decided to try heroin. It's taken over her life, and I want no part of that, so no, I am not dating her."

"I see. I just met your sister Jill."

"She's to full of herself Tanya. Just ignore her and she'll go away." I sipped the soda, then…"So. Will you allow me to escort you to the charity ball? I should warn you though, you will be paraded in front of the very best society has to offer, and in the finest tradition, every little old lady there will be tearing you and your gown apart, along with me of course."

Laughing a little, I was taken by how easily he carried himself, and after we sat in some nearby chairs, he started pointing at people, and began to tell me all about them. The pompous ones, the stupid ones, the old ladies that wore to much makeup and dressed like teenagers, men that always tried to hit on any woman younger than their mothers, then he started in on some of the kids our age that were there. He and Jill were the only ones I knew, the rest all attended private schools. I sat there doing my very best to be ladylike and not make a glaring error that would give me away, all while listening to Aaron, a smile stuck on my face. He was funny and handsome, easy going and insightful, everything a girl could want, and he had asked if he could be my escort!

"You never answered my question Tanya."

"I…I'm not sure Aaron. What if mom and Mrs. Ermantopz have other plans?"

"Then we'll tell them what we have decided, then force them to accept it!"

I had just been asked out, something almost all girls my age had experienced before, and I wasn't sure what to say! Looking at him, I smiled, then simply nodded my head yes. He broke out in a wide smile just as the bell chimed, signaling dinner. He put his arm around my waist and led me into the dining room. I saw mom and Mrs. Ermantopz watching as we walked in. We sat together through dinner, and while I wasn't aware of it, his sister Jill was fuming, but I didn't find out why until the next day. He walked mom and I to our car when we left, kissing both mom's hand as well as mine just as we got in the car. There is no way to describe what I was feeling, that sense of accomplishment, yet with the absolute knowledge that I had accepted a date with a guy that was the eldest son of the wealthiest family in the valley! You could say that I was more than elated, and scared at the same time. Mom and Mrs. Ermantopz had set me up, that much I knew, but that ran counter to everything mom had always said about my dressing up! Why? That was the question, so I asked."

"You do need an escort to the ball honey, so when Carolyn suggested Aaron, I had to agree. Who else do you know that would do it?"

"But…you…"

"After watching you all evening, I have come to the conclusion that you loved every minute of it. You acted like the perfect young lady all evening, and the way you pitched your voice, you sounded just like a girl! Since it's plainly obvious to everyone that you are a girl, what choice do I have? I never thought, not in a million years that you could, or even would, look and act like you have, and that tells me that I have just acquired another daughter, whether I like it or not!"

"Mom, all I need is a haircut and some polish remover, and I'll be myself again!"

"No dear. I now know that whatever you feel isn't going to go away with a haircut, and you know it too."

"But what I don't understand is why, if you don't like me doing this, did you ever agree in the first place? I mean, I could have quit my job and this would have all gone away!"

"Maybe, but we both know that you would still be playing dress up when you could, don't we? And if that's the case, why not let you experience what it's really like to be a girl?"

"Like that guy that kept staring at my chest?"

Mom laughed and said yes, just as she drove in the driveway. I went to my room after mom unzipped me, and undressed getting ready for bed. I was reaching for my nightgown when mom walked into my room and sat on the bed. Of course, she saw that I had somehow managed to create what looked like girl parts, but she said nothing until I had the nightgown on.

"That man that I caught your father with? He was there tonight."

"Who!?"

"It doesn't matter. In any case, he did not recognize me, but it's hard to forget the face of my husbands boyfriend." You better go to bed now honey."

That night I had a dream. It included me in the gown, just as beautiful as any other girl there, Aaron holding my arm, and later, the forbidden. Him kissing me. In the morning I took a shower then slipped on a pair of shorts and a top and went to make breakfast. I wasn't wearing a bra or makeup, and I had not brushed out my hair, yet when I looked in the mirror, I thought I still looked like a girl. Maybe because my boobs were pushing out on the thin top. Mom didn't say anything as I served her breakfast. She and I were just lounging around when the phone rang just before eleven. It was Aaron! He wanted to come over, and mom told to him we would be waiting, so I raced to my room brushed out my hair, put on some makeup and a bra, finishing just before he arrived. Aaron was just as polite, and while I didn't know what was making me act the way I was, I became the quintessential teenage girl around him. He wanted to talk, so we went outside and sat on the bench by the big oak tree in our backyard.

"Carolyn told me who you are Tanya." My heart jumped into my throat when he said that, and I prepared myself for a torrent of hate filled words. "She told me because I had to know, so don't blame her. Okay?"

"What did she tell you then?"

"That you weren't exactly the girl I thought you were." Here it comes I thought! "But that doesn't matter to me Tanya. I'm Gay and you're Transgendered; we're the perfect couple!"

"Gay? You're Gay!?"

"Why do you think I never stay with anyone girl very long? They don't interest me Tanya, I only date girls to throw everyone off the track."

"But I'm not Gay!"

"I understand, but think about it. If you and I stay together, we'll each get what we need. You get a boyfriend, which will keep the other guys away, and I'll have a girlfriend, which means that I don't have to date other girls, and since all we're doing is using the other, we won't have any real commitment, will we?"

"Did Mrs. Ermantopz just tell you who I was, or…"

"I had my suspicions Tanya. You have that scar on your hand. I was there when that chisel slipped and cut you, remember? I was sure you were a girl until I noticed it, but that's when I knew. Carolyn is the only one that knows I'm Gay Tanya, that's why she put us together."

"How does she know you're Gay?"

"She's my Aunt. I was feeling really low, and since I could always talk to her, I told her. Since then, she hasn't brought it up once, not even with me. How else can you explain her putting us together?"

"But if you assume we're going to be a couple, that means that you think I'll be attending school like this!"

"After all this, and looking the way you do? You're telling me you can just quit? I doubt that Tanya. You like it to much, and besides, having you around will be the best thing that ever happened to me."

I was shocked that Aaron knew who I really was, but the revelation that he was Gay stunned me. I know for sure that nobody in school knew. What he had suggested was never in my plans, and I almost dismissed the idea right away, but something made me keep silent. Maybe it was when he put his hand over mine.

"If we do become a couple" he said softly, "then people will expect us to be at least a little affectionate won't they?"

"I guess, probably, why?"

"This is why."

Without warning, he used his hand to turn my face, then he kissed me, right on the lips! I yanked myself away, but the deed was done, and I saw him grinning at me. That made me giggle, then laugh. He pulled me close to him, and kissed me again, lightly, and let me go. I had kissed another boy for the first time, and I was very confused. I was supposed to be revolted by the idea of it, but I wasn't. It was almost a confirmation that I had succeeded in becoming enough of a girl that another boy wanted to kiss me! That's when I knew that Aaron was right about us being a couple. For him, he had not kissed a girl, merely a boy that looked like a girl, while I had kissed a boy. We went back in the house, and I beat the socks off of him playing on my game computer. When he went home later that afternoon, mom and I were sitting in the familyroom when she asked me about Aaron. I told her about his family, his pain in the ass sister, that Carolyn Ermantopz was his Aunt, and that he had asked me to let him be my escort to the ball. She didn't say anything for a moment, then…

"He's very handsome, and seems very well mannered. How did you feel when he kissed you?"

Mom must have seen us! "It was okay I guess, I wasn't expecting it though."

"Are you going to let him escort you?"

"I was thinking I would, yes. Why?"

"No reason, just asking." Mom paused a moment, then…"but there's something else, isn't there? Something that you two are planning?"

Just how in the hell did she do that!? "He doesn't think that I can give up being a girl when school starts. He says that he figured that I like it to much to do that."

"And?"

"And he wants us to be a couple." I waited a moment, then added, "He told me that he knows who I really am. He saw the scar on my hand and figured it out."

"Let me get this straight" mom said incredulously, "Aaron knows that you're not a girl, thinks that you can't give it up, and for those reasons, he wants you two to be a couple?! There is, has to be, more to it than that Tanya."

With a sigh, I swore her to secrecy first, then I told her that he was Gay. When I explained his reasons it would work for both of us, I watched her as she visibly slumped in her chair. The connection to my father was almost to eerie, for both mom and myself, but I had told her because she asked. But she and I were well past the point of holding secrets. She did not say anything and went back to her knitting, but those needles were flying, so I knew that she was deep in thought. I went back to the game computer to try and get my mind off of what might turn out to be a really bad blow up between mom and myself. I had thought about going back to school as a girl of course, but it was only a dream, and planned on returning as myself the minute the ball was over. If anyone ever found out, like Aaron did, my life span could be measured in seconds. Social outcast would be a generous description if it happened.

Later that night, right out of the blue, mom casually said that she also did not think that I could give up being a girl, and as a girl, having Aaron for a boyfriend wouldn't be the worst thing that could happen to me! When I told her what might happen in school, she agreed, then told me that I would just have to be careful enough that it didn't happen! My mother was telling me that she thought I should return to school as a girl?

"Are you serious? You can't be serious, are you?"

"I guess I am Tanya. In just a short time you have become the girl you always tried to be! You still make mistakes, but not many, and you have even started talking like a girl for heavens sake! I still don't understand what's making you act this way, or want to be a girl, but I have to face reality, don't I? All your life you have wanted to be a girl and now you are, at least to look at anyway, and with Aaron asking you to be his girlfriend, what else can I think? Besides, the minute you appear at that charity ball with Aaron, and with that columnist knowing his family so well, she is going to be all over you! Between that, and all of those people that you met at the dinner party combined, it makes it virtually impossible for you to just disappear! When this all started, I thought, why not just give in, just that one time, and let you experience being a girl. Then everything escalated out of control, didn't it? Thomas went away and Tanya took over at the shop, which led to Gloria promoting her shop by buying you that gown and using you as her model, then, without thinking, you jumped in head first! Now, I just don't see any way for you to disappear without raising a lot of questions, and you can believe that a columnist that is as connected as she is will certainly make an issue of it if that happened! How can I do anything but let you continue being girl?!" What could I say? "When I caught your father with that man I doubted my own ability as a woman; what was he getting that I could not provide? It tore me up inside honey. I struggled with that until long after your father left, but you were playing dress up at the same time, and I was positive that I was at fault. First my husband, then my son; both wanted to be treated as a woman! He left, but you kept on dressing up, thinking that you were doing it in secret, but I always knew, always. As you got older and it didn't stop, I knew that my days of stopping you were getting farther and farther apart, but when you started at the shop, I knew in my heart that you would never quit. That brings us to this point Tanya. If you and Aaron do become a couple, just how long will it be before you two start experimenting? He sees you as a boy dressing as a girl, and as such, you fulfill his needs. But you, if you are not Gay, and see him as a normal boy, how will you react? Don't you see it? Boys and girls do things together, and if you each see the other in a different light, how long will it be before you give in and do something with Aaron?"

"Mom, I…"

"I worried about your sister when she was a teenager, but she could get pregnant. You can't, but that doesn't make it any less worrisome, does it?" I said nothing, since I didn't know what to say! "Tanya" mom said softly, "look at me." I did, and…"tell me this is absolutely the only way that you'll be happy. Tell me that you can give up being a boy, then tell me that it's not my fault."

Mom started to cry, and I went to her, holding her in my arms as we both cried. It wasn't her fault, that much I knew. It was something inside of me, something that I had no control over. Whatever it was that drove me to take all of those risks had led to this point. With nobody at fault, mom and I could only cope with what was, and not what might have been, a dilemma that we both suffered with. As much as I wanted to be a girl, as much as I had experienced, and as happy as I had been, I was willing to give it all up in order to save my mother from the constantly nagging feeling that she had done something wrong. I wanted nothing to do with hurting her, and would not continue if it did. I told her that, but she didn't say anything for a moment; I thought she would say yes, but she didn't. She took my hand and squeezed it, then told me she would talk to a lawyer about whatever needed to be done in order for me to become a girl full time! We hugged each other tightly, unwilling to let go, possibly breaking a newly forged bond.

When I went back to work I did not say anything to Gloria, but with mom's insight, I knew enough to be wary of her motives for promoting her shop by using me when I wore one of her gowns. About two days later I started surfing the web for something that would allow me to look like a girl all over, and finally found just what I wanted. After printing out the instruction sheet and a few pictures, I broached the subject with mom. When she asked, I showed her the pictures. After I explained why, she thought about it, then gave me the go ahead, and I ordered the best they had. A week later it arrived. Following the instructions, I put it on that night, attaching it with the same glue I used on the breast forms. My reasons for buying it were simple. If, as mom suspected, Gloria was using me to promote her shop, what better way than to tell everyone that I was a guy! She could say that if one of her gowns made a boy look that good, what would it do for a real girl? I tried not to believe that, but being careful wouldn't hurt. When I went to work the next day I no longer needed a padded pantybrief since it was all built into the item I had bought. Just panties and a bra, a skirt and blouse. I was able to get completely undressed and still look like a girl, which I hoped would make Gloria hold off, if she was leaning towards exposing me.

Mom had made the alterations to the gown, then brought it to the shop so I could try it on and Gloria could see me in it, but after thinking about it, that morning I told mom that it was the perfect opportunity for me to let Gloria know that exposing me wouldn't work, and she agreed. That's why, for the first time, I did not wear any panties to work. Only my pantyhose stood between me and my nakedness. That afternoon we were all in the back, both mom and Gloria watching as I removed my skirt and blouse, then let my bra hit the floor as well. Standing there virtually naked like that caused Gloria to draw in a clearly audible breath.

"Tanya! You've got…what have you done!?"

"Tanya" mom said, "had decided to become a girl full time, so…"

"But…but…oh my!"

"It also" mom went on, "protects Tanya from someone that might want to expose her. Tanya can prove that she is a female, and as you can plainly see, it's true."

"But that's impossible! It takes months if not years for a guy to become a female!"

"Go ahead Tanya, show her."

I pulled down my pantyhose, found the small string, pulled, and out it came. I tossed it in the waste can and pulled my pantyhose back up while Gloria watched, silently.

"What this means Gloria, is that while we both appreciate everything you have done for Tanya, we are ready to purchase the gown rather than have you sponsor her."

"But why?! Do you think that I would…tell everyone that she's a…was a…boy?"

"I don't think either of us said that Gloria. It's just that we have to reduce the possibilities that it might happen, if not by you, then someone else! Certainly you can understand that?"

"I would never…that thought never occurred to me! Tanya is an asset to the shop! Why would I do something as foolish as that? How would that make me look?"

That's when mom explained it to her. Gloria listened, and when mom was done, chuckled. Telling mom she had a devious mind, she assured us both that she had no plans to expose me, and in fact was glad that I had decided to become a girl full time! After being wrapped in a new corset, I slipped the gown on and let them adjust it where they thought it needed it. Then Gloria gave me a small box of jewelry that she said she had worn when she went to her first ball. Once I was dressed again, mom and I went home. I had an appointment at the salon the next day, and I was once again given the full treatment, from sauna to massage to hair and nails plus waxing. It took me almost an hour to get ready to get the gown on once I got home. Skin lotion first, then having the corset laced up. Nylons rather than pantyhose, satin panties and a push up bra, then the dress. It fit me perfectly, and as mom added the tiara to my hair I knew that I was doing the right thing. Earrings and a choker necklace completed my jewelry. Perfume and lipstick, then I stepped into the shoes and took my purse in hand.

When I next saw mom, she was wearing a beautiful pale yellow lace and satin gown that made her look ten years younger! Her hair and makeup were perfect, and as we smiled at each other, the doorbell rang. Mom went to the door and opened it. I was expecting Aaron, but a man I had never seen before walked in.

"Tanya, this is Michael. He and I work together. Mike, my daughter Tanya."

Moments later Aaron showed up, and after we took some pictures, we all left. Mike and mom in his car, Aaron and I in his. The four of us walked in together, Aaron and I first. We were inundated with camera flashes as we managed to find our table. Mrs. Ermantopz saw us, waved, and started in our direction, but was quickly joined by that nosy columnist. They reached our table, and after we all said hello, the questions started; Did Aaron and I have a relationship beyond the ball, did I get my dress at Gloria's shop, and so on. Then she once again asked me if I knew Thomas. I said not really, hoping to hedge my answer.

"There is a certain family resemblance dear. That's why I asked. After all, this is Thomas's mother isn't it?"

"Yes" mom said, I am Thomas's mother, why?"

"Isn't it odd that Tanya calls you mom?"

"Not at all! We have become very close, and since she and I are living together, she has started to call me mom."

She left, and I know that I for one sighed in relief. Both mom and Mrs. Ermantopz grinned, then, after she left our table, the music started, and I was introduced to ballroom dancing. Aaron was very good, and I had no trouble following him as we twirled and danced around the floor. I saw Mike and mom dancing, and he was either nibbling on, or was whispering in her ear. I hoped it was a nibble. About an hour later all of the girls and their escorts were paraded in front of everyone, with Mrs. Ermantopz describing the gowns, where the came from and so on. I hated it, but kept smiling as Aaron and I walked across the room. We had our picture taken with the governing board of the charity, with the columnist and several others, then we rejoined mom and Mike. About eleven it was time to go, so Aaron and I left together. As we stood up to go, mom told me she might be really late, smiled, and waved her hand for us to leave. I could guess what they had in mind.

Aaron took me home, but as we sat in the car in front of the house, he took my hand and drew me close to him. Still not ready for that kind of action, I let him kiss me, but did not let things get out of control, and went inside. It took me a bit to get out of the dress and the corset, but as I lay in bed, I knew that I would have to tell Aaron that I no longer had what he wanted, even if it meant that he and I could not be together. He liked boys, and I was no longer able to be the boy he thought I was, and I had no intention of removing my special panty. The next morning when I got up, I glanced in mom's room, but she wasn't there, which merely confirmed my suspicions. She and Mike were off somewhere making whoopee. It was about time too. Mom had been single for years, and now that we had settled our differences, she was free to explore her options for the future. I took a shower, fixed my hair into a ponytail and did my makeup, then started to get dressed, then there was a small knock on the door to my room. Assuming it was mom, I said to come in before I turned to look. It was my sister! I quickly slipped on the panties and grabbed my robe before she said a word.

"Tanya?"

"Hi Audrey."

"Go ahead and get dressed. I'll make some coffee." I slipped on a pair of jeans and a blouse, my gym shoes and went into the kitchen. Audrey saw me walk in and poured a cup for both of us. "Mom told me I would be surprised, and I am! You don't look at all like the little brother I left behind! Care to tell me how you managed to have…to look like a girl, even naked?"

"I…no. As far as everyone is concerned, I am a girl now, and I want to keep it that way."

"Where's mom?"

"She didn't come home last night."

"She get lost?"

I gave Audrey a look, which is when she got it. Smiling, she then asked to see my gown, so I showed it to her, then downloaded the pictures to the computer so she could see me in the dress. I asked her why she was there, about the kids, and her husband Jeff, all in one sentence. Mom had told her about me she said, and had to see for herself. The kids were fine, both bundles of unmitigated energy, and Jeff had just been promoted.

"I'll admit that you're quite pretty Tanya, but I'm not sure that I can take this! I mean, I've always had a brother, and all of a sudden I have a sister? What do I tell Jeff, or the kids?"

"Don't tell the kids anything Audrey. I don't see them enough for it to make a difference, and besides, they're way to young to understand, and if Jeff is as unbiased as you've always said he was…it won't matter, will it? Just tell him I have become a girl, complete with all the right parts, which you have seen for yourself is true! He doesn't have to like it, just not broadcast it or make fun of it."

"I guess, but…"

"Audrey, I am what I am, and nothing is going to change that, but right now I need you to be my sister, just like you always were, and accept me the way I am."

"Looking like you do, how can I do anything else!? Now, tell me all about Aaron."

Mom showed up a few hours later, wearing a pair of jeans and a top, her dress in a plastic bag. Mike was with her, so Audrey got to meet him. They were like teenagers, all blushing red and stammering, but Audrey and I didn't say a word about the obvious. Mike left a bit later, and for the first time in years, the three of us sat and talked. Audrey still had trouble with my change, and made it clear that she would have to think about it before she would tell anyone, especially Jeff. When she said that she just couldn't picture me and a boy together, I almost said something, but mom squeezed my arm and I kept quiet.

"Audrey" mom said, "it's true that Tanya isn't like you and I, but she is still a girl, just like we are. It took me a very long time to come to that conclusion, but Tanya is a happier person than Thomas ever was, and now we talk more often about things that we never discussed before! If Tanya is forced to be someone she's not, just how miserable will she have to get before something breaks? It's up to us to accept her for what she says she is rather than expect her to conform to what we think she is; right?"

"I suppose, but why does she have to be so damned pretty!? She makes me feel like an old lady!"

"You are an old lady" I said with a grin, "you're married with two kids, a house and a cat! Me? I'm just a teenager!"

The family dynamics were once again in place, with Audrey asserting her place in the family as second only to mom, but she knew that she had been pushed aside by a brother turned sister, and she was having trouble with that as well. I couldn't help her as she tried to find some rational understanding to a problem that had no basis in rationality, only my emotional and physical needs. I wanted to have a vagina and boobs, and I got them, even if they were fake. I wanted to wear skirts and makeup, and I did. My emotional side was satisfied if still a bit shaky, but I also had all the rest, including a guy that wanted to be with me. Audrey never had any biases that I could remember, but her introduction to my change had been rather blunt. Seeing me naked, apparently with all girl parts, had shaken her badly, and she was trying hard to cope with my change. Mom and I both told her they were fakes, appliances glued in place to help protect me, and while the quality of them did not make it obvious that I was wearing something, they did help. I had become the center of mom's focus as we both found a way to live with my being a girl, and Audrey, while trying to understand, was also wondering why she had moved to third in the pecking order. It was obvious, she had married and moved away, leaving mom and I alone, yet all those years of being the only daughter still remained. There was nothing I could say to make her accept me the way I was, I could only try to explain it and hope that her love would overcome her doubts.

"Mike" mom said, "has asked me to dinner tonight. I suggested that he and the three of us have dinner instead. He'll be here around six; is that alright with you?"

"Sure" we both said at he same time.

Audrey was alone in my room with me as I changed clothes. Her demand that I try to help her understand what was going on lay between us like a huge chasm we both had to cross. I was down to my bra and panties when I turned to face her.

"Audie, look at me. You can't possibly believe that I would go through all this if I had any choice do you? You have no idea what it's like to be out in public dressed this way, knowing that the slightest mistake, or even having one person deciding I'm not a girl, could ruin both mom and I. I'm afraid every time I go out of the house. I've had a lot of help, and the appliances help a lot, but deep down, I know. I know that I am still a boy dressing as a girl, a boy that wants to be a girl like you, but I also know that I never will be like you. I will never have the memories you have, girlfriends like you have, I can't get married without telling, and I can never have children. All dressing up does is let me feel like I should. I should have been a girl but wasn't, and this is the closest I'll ever get! Does that sound like fun to you? I've had a columnist on my tail for a while now, and attending that ball with Aaron only made it worse! His family is wealthy and well known, which means that my picture will probably be plastered all over the paper; how does that sound to you? Everyone that reads that article is going to want to know about me, the girl Tanya, but what is there to say? I should not have gone, but I got caught up in my own dreams and let it happen without thinking ahead. You, you're the one that I always wanted to be like, but you don't want that, do you? You want me to be the brother you always knew, but I can't, not any more, not now, not ever!"

"Come sit next to me." I sat on the bed next to her. "It's not that I don't love you, you're family! But the first time I found out about this was when mom called and told me that you were going to attend that charity ball, and that your gown was simply gorgeous! What was I supposed to think? I could always tell when you were into my stuff, which always pissed me off by the way, but I never expected you to…do this, or change so much!" Putting her arm around my shoulder…"You're right. I don't understand why a guy would want to give all that up to be a girl, but obviously you have, and that doesn't leave me any choice but to accept the fact that I now have a sister, does it? In my humble opinion, you only have two choices now. Quit, or go on. Since you say that you can't quit, then I'm telling you that you have to do everything in your power to be as much a girl as it's possible for you to become, and ignore everything else. If you can do that, then it won't matter what that woman says, does it? If you really sure that you're a girl, then go see a doctor and find out if he can help you, and if he can, the do what he says! I'm not completely stupid Tanya, I know they can help boys like you become girls, but you have to take that step yourself. As far as children go, you're probably right, but there is adoption, or maybe surrogacy. In any case, you too can become a mother, if you're willing that is." She hugged me, then…"To tell the truth, I am very confused by all this Tanya, and I'm not even sure how Jeff will take it, but I do know that you've been doing this since we were kids, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised."

"Audie?…thanks."

"We better get changed"

I slipped on a skirt and top while Audrey stayed in my room, changing into a nice dress. Being in the same room with her while she changed clothes was a brand new experience, yet somehow, it didn't matter. We walked to the familyroom together and waited with mom for Mike to show up. As we waited I thought about what had happened in the last few days. No matter who had found out, everyone of them had trouble accepting me as a girl for one reason or another. Audrey had not expected it, and what she saw did not match her mental vision, which confused her. She was doing her best, but I knew that she and I still had lots of things to iron out. All I had from her so far was a grudging acceptance of something she couldn't change, and didn't know how, even if she wanted to. Mom had also found herself in a position where she had to accept me, although she seemed to be handling it better. Then there was Aaron, a heartthrob for every girl in school, yet he was Gay and had only a superficial interest in them. With his interest in me, every girl I knew would be doing their best to find out why me and not them. Mrs. Ermantopz, who used me to spite an old woman, and that same old woman who was using her society column to promote herself, and who wouldn't think twice about skewering me if it suited her. Gloria used me to help gain more sales, and while she knew the truth, what did she really think? Becoming a girl, for me, was a selfish delusion that I couldn't ignore, and I had let it take over my life while I ignored everyone around me.

I knew that girls kissed and maybe more with boys, but my internal mindset would not let me accept that. It was a contradiction I had no answer for. If I were a girl and a boy asked me out, what would I do? I had kissed Aaron, but that was more perfunctory than eagerness. If, as Audrey said, I saw a doctor and he helped turn me into a real girl, would I still hold back around the guys, or would I be able to enjoy the feeling of togetherness that couples have, like Mike and mom, or Audrey and Jeff. I sat there like a zombie, lost in my thoughts, almost ready to chuck it all, unwilling to cause any more hurt, to myself or anyone else. The bell rang, mom opened the door, and in walked that old woman, the columnist! Without preamble…

"I know who you really are, and I am going to crucify you, Gloria, and Carolyn. When I'm done with you you'll be lucky to get out of the house!"

Audrey was on her feet, instantly standing nose to nose with her. "You listen to me you old bat! Tanya is my sister, and I'm not going to tolerate any crap from you…got it?" Audrey's temper started to flare, and I glanced at mom. "Tell us, just what is it you think you know about Tanya anyway?"

"That she is not a girl, but that boy Thomas!" she said quickly, with a certainty that bordered on anger.

"Is that all?" Spinning around, she said…"Tanya, come with me! I'll bring the old bat!"

Well, Audrey dragged her unwillingly into my bedroom, with mom following right behind her. I really didn't want to do it, but Audrey insisted, and seeing a chance to get out from under what could be a terrible outcome, I did it. I pulled my skirt up and slipped my panties down to my knees. The old woman gasped as I put myself back to together and Audrey once again got in her face.

"Any suggestion that Tanya is a boy, one word, and we'll drag your hefty ass into court faster than you can blink, and we'll win, while your reputation, such as it is, will be pretty well shredded, won't it? Now, I suggest that when you write your next column, Tanya is portrayed as well as any other girl at that ball. Am I making myself clear enough for you or do you need some more clarification?"

Mom escorted her to the door, a grim look on her face. I had, with that one action, removed any doubt in her mind, and at the same time propelled myself into the ranks of those not only featured in her column, but I was willing to bet that she would go out of her way to extol my beauty such as it was. I had once again jumped from the frying pan into the fire, and by appearing in the column, it was a cinch that I would be starting school as a girl, because there wasn't any other way after that. If I wanted to disappear and have Thomas return from his cousin's, I suppose I could do that, but I would have to give up everything I had gained, and I knew that I just couldn't do that. Mike arrived a few minutes later, catching all of us churning in both anger and anxiousness, wondering if we had done the right thing. Audrey had come to my defense before mom did, then provoked the old woman into accepting me as a girl, and although I was the one on display, I was sort of glad it was over. I could be the girl I always said I was without everyone wondering if it was true.

Dinner was a subdued affair, and we did not talk about me, the columnist or the dance. I was very glad to be back in my room that night so I could just lay on the bed and cry. Being a boy that wanted to be a girl wasn't turning out to be as easy as I thought. It was painful at best, usually making me tense as I constantly worried about being found out. Audrey, while coming to my defense, was still confused although she had seemed to accept me. She was my sister, and I needed her, maybe more than mom, especially now that mom had Mike to keep her busy. As I lay there on my bed, naked and staring at the ceiling with tears in my eyes, I heard the door open, then the weight on the bed as she sat next to me.

"Tanya" she said softly, "look at me." I turned my head and saw her eyes, so green and bright. "I want you to come and stay with me."

"What?! Why?!"

"You need to get away and start over honey, and now that mom has met someone, well, she needs to have some time to herself."

"What about Jeff? What will he say?"

"He told me that if I said you were my sister, that it was good enough for him."

"Really!?"

"Really" Audrey said as she wiped her hand across my forehead. "Maybe we can learn to be more like the sisters we should have been to start with." I sat up and hugged her, then…"that is really…it looks so real!"

"Yeah, but for what I had to pay for it, it should!"

When Audrey left for home, I was in the car with her, all of my stuff in the small trailer we were pulling. While Jeff was surprised by how I looked, he was very gracious, and never said a word. I started school that fall, taking a job as a file clerk so I would only have to attend half days. The columnist had done a piece that focused on Aaron and I, which meant that Gloria got her publicity. Mom and Mike dated for a while, then announced they were getting married the following spring. Audrey took me to see her doctor, and over time I did develop the body a girl my age would have. I never heard from Aaron or Mrs. Ermantopz again, but I had met someone, and was quite happy with him. I never did wear that first gown I had hidden under my bed again, but I kept it as a memento, a reminder of just how long the road is for a boy that wants to be a girl.

 

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© 2002 by Janet Stickney. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
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