The Good Provider

by: Karen Elizabeth L

 

My wife Mary had died several years ago leaving me to raise our then eight-year son Shane alone. I thought I was handling it pretty well, being a good provider as I had been in the past, but it soon became obvious that I was in over my head. Shane seemed to need more and more of my time as the years passed but I couldn’t afford to give it to him. I was laid off from my job and had to take a lower paying one. The bills began to pile up and son I had to take a second job just to feed us. With two jobs, overdue bills, and a small son who needed me more than ever, I was starting to wonder how I’d ever survive. Just when things looked bleakest, my sister Donna stepped in and saved the day.

Donna and I we were close as kids but had drifted apart over the years. She owned a small company out west and although she sent Shane birthday cards and Christmas gifts that was pretty much the extent of our contact with each other. She’d come east for Mary’s funeral but left shortly afterwards when I assured her that I had everything under control. It was only because I was on the verge of total collapse that I finally called her and asked if she could help in any way.

"Why didn’t you tell me you needed help?" She asked as she breezed through the front door with an air of authority. "You know you could ask me for anything."

"I thought I could handle it myself," I said meekly. "Things were okay before I got laid off, I just need a little help getting back on my feet."

"Don’t apologize or feel guilty," Donna told me. "I’m sure you did your best, things just got out of control, it wasn’t your fault. The question now is what can I do to help?"

"I have to get some money together to pay off some bills, there’s a job opening down south that would give me more than I need but I couldn’t take Shane along. I was hoping he might be able to spend the summer with you."

"I’d love to have Shane for the summer Dan," Donna shrugged. "But you don’t have to take that job, there are plenty of jobs where I live."

"This is different," I explained over a sandwich at a local fast food joint. Eating out was a luxury that Shane and I had to give up and it was surprising just how good a cheeseburger could taste. "It’s a temporary job with the federal government, the pays just to good to pass up but I’ve got to live on site. When it’s finished, I can come back, get Shane and we’ll be in a better position financially."

"Shane’s more than welcome to spend time with me," Donna smiled as she watched me devour my sandwich. "If things don’t work out when you come back, you’re both welcome to stay with me till you can get back on your feet."

We made all the arrangements with Shane who was thrilled to be able to spend the time at Donna’s where he could swim in her pool and enjoy luxuries like cable TV. I promised to be back by the end of summer with enough money to even enjoy a burger or two now and then. I put on my bravest smile as I watched Shane pack his meager belongings into my sister’s car and then drive off, leaving me to fend for myself for two weeks until I could start my new job.

The job was mostly clerical work typing, filing, and sorting out forms. I worked like a dog for several months; volunteering for all the overtime I could get, sometimes working sixteen hours a day, but I just kept thinking of how I’d finally be able to be back with Shane and kept plugging away. Donna kept in touch with letters and an occasional phone call. Shane was adjusting well she told me; he was eating well, spending considerable time in the pool, and just generally having fun. I couldn’t wait to get back but then I heard that there was going to be an opportunity to stay on for a few more months. I was torn; Shane had to be back in school soon but the thought of another couple of thousand dollars was hard to pass up. I fired off a quick letter to my sister asking what she thought.

A few days later I got a call from Donna saying that both she and Shane thought it would be best for me to stick it out for a little while longer. After all, the more money I made now, the easier things would be when I got back and she felt certain that she could find a school that would take Shane for a few months. Shane got on an extension phone and told me that everything was fine, he was having a wonderful time enjoying the warm weather and sunshine and although he missed me, he thought the extra money would be a big help to us. With that burden lifted from my shoulders I ran to the personnel office and signed on for three more months.

The job finally came to an end but I had managed to catch up on all of my old bills and stash away a few dollars too. I couldn’t wait to get back to Shane and start looking for a new job. I wrote and told Donna that I’d be there in a few weeks, once I found a new apartment in my old town and settled a few minor details. I couldn’t believe my luck when she wrote back and enclosed a plane ticket. I’d been gone too long to take a bus, she explained. Who was I to argue? I wrapped everything up early and was able to trade in my ticket for an earlier flight. I didn’t bother to say anything to Donna or Shane, preferring to surprise them.

I splurged and took a cab from the airport not wanting to waste any more time getting back with my son. Things were going to be different now, I told myself as I walked to Donna’s front door. We wouldn’t be rich but there’d be no more ground beef and macaroni for lunch and dinner, five times a week! I’d find a better job, save a few dollars, and spend more time with Shane.

I rang the doorbell and was stunned to see a familiar face as the door swung open. At least I thought the face was familiar. It looked like Shane, it was on a body about the same height and weight as he was, but it couldn’t be I thought as I stared at a girl wearing a red and blue plaid skirt with a white blouse, white knee socks, and saddle shoes. The little girl, her hair pulled into twin ponytails, just stared up at me in horror as she clutched a Barbie doll tightly.

"Who is it Sally?" I heard Donna ask just as the door opened further.

Donna stared at me then looked down at the cute little girl. "You’re early Dan," She said slowly. "Come in, I guess I have some explaining to do."

"Please may I go to my room Aunt Donna?" The little girl asked in a trembling, yet familiar voice.

"No Sally dear, it’s best that we speak with your dad together, now please sit over on the couch" Donna told her in a soft, yet firm voice. The little girl walked slowly to the couch, smoothed her skirt and sat down, clutching her doll tightly.

"Aunt Donna, Dad?" I asked in bewilderment. "There aren’t any more kids in the family and where’s Shane…"

I glanced over at the girl and it suddenly dawned on me why she seemed so familiar.

"God almighty," I exclaimed. "Tell me that’s not Shane."

"Actually, your new daughter’s name is Sarah, but she seems to also like being called Sally." Donna’s voice was so calm and matter of fact; she might very well have been describing what she planned for dinner that night. "Isn’t she adorable?"

"Adorable, are you out of your mind Donna?" I could feel my face getting redder and hotter by the second. What had she done to my boy? "How could you? I left my twelve-year-old son here because I trusted you and you’ve turned him into this, a little girl? What in the hell were you thinking?"

"Please stop yelling at Aunt Donna daddy,"

I turned and looked at what had been my son, my pride and joy, tears running down his cheeks.

"It’s not her fault daddy," I heard him say in a tiny voice. "It’s all my fault."

"Stay out of this Shane," I advised rather abruptly. "This is between your aunt and I, why don’t you go get changed so we can leave."

"I…I don’t want to get changed daddy," Shane stammered. "I like being a little girl."

"Excuse me?" My head swiveled around so quickly I hurt my neck. "What do you mean you like being a little girl? Christ Donna, what have you done to him?"

Donna didn’t seem in the least upset over turning my son into a little girl.

"I didn’t do anything he didn’t want done Dan," She explained. "It was about two weeks after he arrived that I caught him trying on my clothes. He didn’t expect me to come home early and there he was, wearing one of my dresses and looking for all the world like Dolly Parton after a bad night. He had on stockings, heels, a bra with way too much padding, my rose colored dress, and looked like a little girl playing in her mommy’s closet."

I looked over at Shane who simply shrugged and lowered his head to avert my gaze.

I had a thousand questions but only one could be voiced. "Why?" I asked. "What did I do wrong?"

"I think she may be a little upset right now Dan," Donna explained as she smiled at Shane. "Would you like me to tell your dad what you told me Sally?"

Shane nodded without raising his head.

"Shane and I had several long talks after I found him in my closet, it seems that she’d been wearing some of Mary’s clothes that you never bothered to get rid of."

Damn, I knew I should have gotten rid of those things, but somehow it made losing Mary a little easier, like having part of her still there.

"He was so upset over the loss of his mother that one day he tried on some old clothes that he found. He said that he felt so much better than he’d ever felt before. It was the first time since Mary died that he didn’t cry himself to sleep. That was almost four years ago, just after Mary died."

"You should have made him stop, why did you encourage him?"

As soon as I said it, I saw Shane stiffen up and start to sob. Something was seriously wrong here but was it them or me?

I got up and walked over to where he was sitting. Sitting next to him I unconsciously reached out and pulled him close. I couldn’t stand seeing him like that; it broke my heart.

"I don’t know what to do Shane," I confessed as I stroked his hair. "I want you to be happy but this just isn’t right"

Shane looked up at me and wiped a tear from his cheek. "But I am happy daddy, I can’t remember ever being happier."
I kissed him on the head without thinking. Damn, I was starting to react to him as though he really was a girl.

"But what if someone sees you like this?" I hoped to bring a little logic into what seemed to be a totally illogical situation. Maybe I could scare some sense into him.

"People have already seen him like this Dan," Donna quickly informed me. "As far as anyone is concerned, I have an eight year old niece named Sarah, no one knows about a boy named Shane."

"You can’t just come home and put on a dress Shane, someone from school’s bound to see you and then what will you do?"

"Sarah is enrolled in the third grade at the Howell school Dan, she has quite a few friends, she’s doing very well in all her classes, and her teachers think she’s just the sweetest thing."

I don’t like to think that I’m stupid but until then I honestly never connected Shane’s wearing an obvious girl’s school uniform with the possibility that he actually went to school as a girl. Maybe my mind was just trying to shield me from the shock of feeling that I’d lost my son, my last link to what had once had been a loving, happy family.

"No, dear God no!" I shouted as images of a pretty little girl that had once been my son came to mind. "Shane’s a twelve year old boy in the seventh grade, what if someone looks at his records, we’ll never live it down!"

There was the noncommittal shrug from Donna once again. She didn’t seem in the least bit concerned that their little deception might be uncovered with serious consequences, let alone the humiliation Shane would face.

"It’s a private school run by my best friend, no one will ever find out. All of his records were changed to his new name and if you decide to pull him out they’ll be changed back again."

It took a few seconds to recover my composure. "You actually told someone else that you’re nephew likes to dress up like a girl?"

"Shane needed help Dan, obviously far more than I could have hoped to give him. My friend Zoë has worked with kids all her life, I knew she’d be able to help."

I knew just how a drowning man felt. Worse yet, my own sister had tossed me into the water and was casually watching me go under.

"Look, I know it’s tough to understand Dan," Donna said sympathetically. "Believe me, I never would have allowed such a thing to happen if I hadn’t thought it was best for Shane. Look at him Dan, he’s way too short to be a boy, he’s not much of an athlete, and was always being picked on by other boys. He fits right in now and he’s finally happy. Isn’t that what’s really important?"

I never knew that Shane had been picked on, he was always quiet, never complained, and I guess I was just too busy to notice that something was wrong. I thought back to my own childhood as a short, skinny kid and remembered how I’d been picked on. If I’d only known Shane was having the same problems, maybe I could have helped.

"This is just too much," I sighed. "My twelve year old son is now an eight year old girl, did you have to turn him into such a little girl? Christ, what am I saying, did you have to turn him into a girl at all?"

"Zoë, Shane and I talked it over and we all agreed; his test scores put him at just about the third grade level in nearly every subject. A short, delicate, twelve year old boy in the third grade might not be able to survive, we didn’t think that Shane would ever be able to handle the harassment he’d face as a boy but would fit in perfectly as a girl"

Donna looked at me and very slowly said, "We gave him a choice Dan, it was always up to him and this is what he wanted to do. Now will you accept your daughter?"

"Please daddy, don’t be mad at me, I love you." Shane said before he burst into tears.

What could I do? This was still my child, holding me, begging for my approval. It was easily the most bizarre thing I’d ever run across but it wasn’t Shane’s fault.

"I’ll try to understand honey," I told him as I dried his tears. "It won’t be easy for me but I promise to try."

I was immediately rewarded with a big hug and kiss. "Thank you daddy, I’ll try to be a good girl, I promise."

Donna treated us to dinner that evening, not just a cheeseburger and a coke but a real dinner at an honest to goodness restaurant. She looked great in the outfit she’d caught Shane wearing and I had to admit that Shane didn’t look bad either in a blue and white polka dot dress with white lace anklets and blue Mary-Jane’s on his little feet. I was originally worried that someone might be able to tell that the little girl with us wasn’t quite what she appeared to be but those fears vanished when people began complimenting us on our pretty daughter. Shane ate it up and Donna sat there with a smug look on her face.

We had a long talk that evening about Shane’s future. If he returned home with me, I’d let him dress at home but too many people in our small town knew that I had a son so he’d never be able to go out in public as Sarah. I’d do everything I could for him but it would have to be Shane and me, Sarah could only stop by for occasional visits.

"Why don’t you go back and get settled," Donna suggested. "Let Sarah spend a little more time with me then when you’re settled, I’ll send Shane back."

Shane hated the idea of being a boy again but he eventually agreed. I only hoped that I could be a better parent to him than I had been and make him forget about Sarah.

The next morning, I kissed my pretty little girl goodbye before she left for school then caught the next flight home to find an apartment and a job.

I quickly found a small apartment, just big enough for the two of us and began sending out resumes and filling out applications. Weeks later, the best I could do was to work as a waiter in a small, greasy spoon in town.

Since I could get tips I didn’t even get minimum wage, and since I was a guy I didn’t get many tips. A typical eight to ten hour day would sometimes get me seventy-five or eighty dollars, but most days I would barely manage to make fifty bucks. I worked as hard and as fast as I could but the restaurant wasn’t known for the quality of it’s food and the patrons, mostly truckers, gave the best tips to the women working with me. By the end of two months I could see that the money I had managed to set aside from my temporary job would barely make it another six months; I was constantly dipping into my reserves to help pay the rent. I had to get a better paying job but my only experience was as a clerk or a waiter, and neither skill was in high demand where I lived.

I sent out dozens of resumes and answered about thirty help wanted ads but no one seemed interested in hiring me. If I couldn’t get a job, how would I ever get my son back? I was afraid that the longer he stayed with Donna, the harder it would be to reclaim him as a boy.

Worse yet, I couldn’t get the picture of how Shane had looked that night at dinner out of my mind. There had been no sign of the twelve year old boy I had known, just the sweetest, prettiest little girl I’d ever seen. He seemed so comfortable in his pretty dress with his hair curled and a cute little bow that matched his dress. Donna had said that he’d been dressing secretly for years now, ever since Mary had died. It made him feel closer to his late mom she explained, but how?

One evening after work I was feeling particularly depressed. I had just transferred another hundred dollars of my reserve money to checking so that I could pay the rent. My refrigerator was nearly empty save for a small carton of milk that I used for my coffee, and some old macaroni and cheese which I practically lived on except for the times when I treated myself to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

I volunteered for extra shifts at work just for the free meals. I couldn’t put Shane through this type of life again; maybe he was better of as a girl with my sister. At least he could eat.

I wandered into what would have been Shane’s room and stared at the empty bed and closet. I couldn’t hold back the tears; I wanted so much for my son to be here yet I knew there was no way I could afford to bring him back.

As I stared into the empty closet I noticed a box that I had shoved into it when I moved in. Pulling it out I found that it was full of Mary’s clothes that I hadn’t been able to give away. I had emptied out her drawers and packed everything into boxes to give away but I saved this one to remind me of the woman I had loved.

Rummaging through the box I found panties, bras, slips, a few pairs of stockings, and the dress Mary had worn on our last anniversary, the year before she died. I don’t know what came over me but I started to strip of all of my clothes and put on the clothes I had found. When I was completely dressed in my wife’s clothes, I was suddenly overcome with a sense of contentment and joy that I hadn’t known since she died. I hurried over to a mirror and stared at the reflection of a slightly built man in a dress and stockings.

"With a little work, you wouldn’t look half bad!" I found myself thinking. "I’ll bet you could get some decent tips out of those truckers."

I spent the rest of the evening trying on different outfits that I found in the box and feeling better than I had in years. Had Shane stumbled onto a magic formula, I wondered?

The next morning I was surprised to find myself wearing a nightgown and panties, until I remembered the box of clothes and my little fashion show of the previous night. I hurriedly pulled off the nightgown and panties and dressed in my own clothes to go to work before I realized that in my haste I hadn’t bothered to shower and shave. I figured that I could manage to put up with feeling good just a little longer so I put the panties and nightgown back on and prepared for a shower.

Strangely enough though, when I was finally ready to dress for work, I just couldn’t take off those panties. I tried, honestly I did, but I felt so depressed without them that I just couldn’t stand it. Hoping no one would notice, I put the panties back on and finished dressing.

That sort of thing continued on the rest of the week, each time making me feel so ashamed that I vowed never to do it again. Until the next evening that is, when I could hardly wait to get home and change.

I held on for nearly two months before I called Donna again. I was getting down to my last few hundred dollars of my reserves and soon I’d have to move to a smaller apartment, one that wouldn’t be big enough for both Shane and me.

I explained my predicament to Donna and explained my worries about how I’d ever manage to reunite with Shane. She listened without saying a word as I ran through hall that I’d done to find a job. I left out the part about wearing Mary’s old clothes, it just seemed too weird to bring up and I was sure that once I was on my feet And no longer depressed, my desires to wear my wife’s old clothing would fade away.

"Why don’t you come back out here?" She finally asked. "I’d be happy to have you and Shane stay with me until you can get on your feet. With all the businesses and restaurants around here I’ll bet you’d find a job in no time at all."

"I owe you for this Donna and I swear I’ll find some way to pay you back." I said gratefully. "I’ll pack my things and be there in a week."

A week later a very pretty Shane who threw his arms around me and kissed me greeted me. "It’s so nice to see you daddy, Aunt Donna says you’re going to stay with us for a while, is that true?"

"That’s right sweetheart." I bit my lip, despite my promise to get my son back; I wasn’t there more than five minutes before I was treating him like a girl. I just couldn’t help myself though; he looked so cute in his school uniform with his hair pulled back in a ponytail. Even his small diamond earrings looked adorable.

"Aren’t you a little young for earrings?" I teased as I gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I think you’re aunt’s been spoiling you."

"A lot of girls my age have pierced ears daddy," He said as he folded his arms across his chest. "Aunt Donna thinks I look pretty when I wear earrings."

"You look pretty no matter what Sarah," I said as I scooped him into my arms and swung him around. "I’ll bet that you’re going to be just as pretty as your mom was!"

"Nice to see you again Dan," Donna greeted me before I could dwell on what I had just said. "And I plan to keep on spoiling my pretty little niece."

"Thanks Donna," I said in a quiet voice. "He is adorable and I could never afford to make him that happy. It means so much to me to see him smile."

"Let’s see what it takes to make you smile Dan," Donna whispered back. "Times have been hard, haven’t they?"

"Harder than I could ever imagine," I told her as we sat down for a cup of coffee. "I was sure I could turn things around but every time I reached for that brass ring, someone always moved it."

"Don’t worry, there are plenty of ads in the paper for clerks and waiters," She assured me. "You’ll be back on your feet in no time."

My string of bad luck must have followed me because once again, despite beating the sidewalk and dozens of resumes, I had no offers. I was starting to wonder if I’d ever find a job and watching Shane running around in dresses, playing Barbie’s with his girlfriends, wasn’t helping either. He looked so sweet and innocent as a girl, and that‘s exactly what was tearing me up.

Donna and I were sitting around talking one night after Sarah had gone to bed. "I just don’t get it," I nearly sobbed. "I send out resume after resume, I’ve filled out more applications than I can count, yet nothing ever happens. I’ve seen restaurants where there’s a new waitress every week, yet I can’t get an interview. It’s just like before when the waitresses got the tips and I got the shaft."

"Maybe you’re after the wrong kind of job?" Donna suggested with a hint of mystery to her voice.

"I only have experience as a clerk or a waiter, what else could I do?"

"Why not try being a secretary, or a waitress?" She said, her mouth starting to curl into a grin. "I’ll bet you’d get great tips as a waitress, you could do that while you’re trying for a secretarial job."

"Don’t even start that with me," I warned. "You’re not getting to me the way you got to Shane!"

"I never got to anyone," Donna said defensively. "Shane wanted to be a girl, I just helped him, the same as I’ll help you if you’ll let me."

"But there’s one tiny difference, I don’t want to be a girl." I could feel the saliva in my mouth drying up, could my sister know about my fashion shows?

"Then why have you been wearing my things and using my makeup while I’m at work?" She asked coyly. "Don’t deny it because I’ll bet that even now you’re wearing panties, aren’t you?"

How could she have known? It was true, every last word. I’d been feeling depressed one afternoon and started to put away the laundry, trying to earn my keep. I found some of her panties, one thing led to another and I found myself standing in her closet wearing a bra, panties, stockings and a slip, looking for something pretty to wear.

Soon it was an everyday thing; as soon as she was on her way to work, I’d rush into her room and put on one of her outfits. Once I was all dressed, I’d do my makeup and start reading the want ads and sending out resumes. I always changed before anyone got home and I thought she’d never notice.

"Don’t get upset Dan," She said softly. "I don’t mind, I have more than enough food and clothes t o go around. I’d like to help if you want to talk about it."

I broke down and confessed everything to Donna, it felt so good to finally have it off my chest and she never once even smiled.

"I’ve done quite a lot of research into this sort of thing since Shane came to stay with me," She said as she patted my hand. "There are actually quite a few men who enjoy dressing as women, some even live as women. Their reasons are varied but one thing is constant; once they start they never stop. Frankly, crossdressing appears to be at least as addictive as cocaine."

That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. On top of everything else, I was now hooked on dressing like a woman.

"Wonderful," I said sarcastically. "As if I don’t have enough problems in my life."

"It doesn’t have to be a problem Dan, actually it may just be the solution to your problems."

In my mind, I quickly ran over every possible way that dressing as a woman could be a benefit but I no matter how I twisted things around, I came up blank.

I shook my head. "I’m not even going to pretend that I understand how wearing women’s clothes might help me in any way."

Donna just smiled as though she were a teacher explaining a solution to a student’s problem, which I guess is what she was.

"It’s a cold hard fact that in this world the best looking men and the prettiest women get all the breaks. You saw it yourself, the good looking waitresses got the best tips, didn’t they?"

"You’d better believe that!" I nearly shouted as I thought of how degrading it had been to have to work overtime for free meals. "All they had to do was smile, laugh at a joke or two and they got great tips.’

"Could you do that?"

I had to think about that one. I suppose I could but what would it mean to my self- esteem? I was a man, and it just wasn’t right for a man to do those sorts of things.

"I don’t think I could," I finally answered. "I just couldn’t imagine flirting with another guy. That’s what it comes down to isn’t it, I’d be pretending to be a woman and flirting with other men?"

The way in which Donna stared at me made me feel very uncomfortable. "Yes, that’s what it comes down to Dan." She said sadly. "I really hate to say this to you but you’re more suited to living and working as a woman than as a man."

"I don’t need any cheap shots Donna, my ego’s battered enough as is."

"Listen to me please Dan," Donna urged. "You’re what, maybe five foot three, about a hundred and twenty pounds, you’ve got a complexion many women would die for, and your hair is so think and wavy, it’s a total waste for you to be a guy."

"Mary thought I was good enough as a man to marry me and have a child with me." I caustically reminded her.

I could tell in her voice that Donna meant no harm. "Mary’s been gone for four years now, have you found any other woman who was interested in you since?"

"Well no, but that doesn’t mean…"

"Give up Dan, it’s for your own good and Shane’s too. You could spend the rest of your days beating your head off walls or you can give yourself and Sarah the kind of lives you deserve."

Donna waited for everything to sink in, then continued on.

"You and I both know that you’ll never be the type of man that people will flock to, the type that will have everything handed to him. You’ll always struggle Dan and you’ll always watch others get what you deserve. As a man people look down on you because you don’t fit the profile of what society perceives a man should be. As a beautiful woman, you can have it all, looks, financial success, and with all of that you’ll finally be happy."

"Happy, as a woman?"

"Sarah’s never been happier Dan, you can see that for yourself. Do you think Shane could ever have been this happy?"

I glanced quickly at my crotch but it wasn’t quick enough.

"That’s up to you to decide. You can just live as a woman for now to see what it will take to make you feel whole as a woman. Later you may want to take hormones or have breast implants, but that’s all for you to decide."

"All I need to do is switch sex and become a woman and my life is infinitely better, is that what you want me to believe? You actually believe that I could successfully pass my self off as a woman?"

"Boy, you do make things tough Dan," Donna laughed nervously. "Yes, I do believe that as a woman your life would be better, yes, even infinitely better. As for passing yourself off as a woman, you’re short enough, you’re thin enough, and even though it really hurts me to admit this – you’re at least as pretty as I am! Have you any idea how it feels for a girl to grow up having a brother who’s as pretty as she is? Kids used to joke about your being pretty Dan, but now you can turn the tables and make being pretty a real asset.

So that was it? My life as a man, a husband and a father would just simply cease to exist. Of course, if my new life turned out to be anything like Donna was describing it to be, I would finally have it made. Call me weak but it wasn’t a tough choice.

"What about things like my birth certificate and work history, how do I get around them?"

"Zoë has a lawyer she works with, he did all of the paperwork to change Shane to Sarah. Most people don’t know that in this state you can change the sex designation on your records and as long as you don’t get into any trouble, no one will ever know. By the way, how does Danielle Marie sound for a name?"

"Close enough to my real name and I like the Marie part, it reminds me of Mary." I shrugged. "Okay, Danielle Marie it is. What do I need to do?"

My next step was to be covered in hair removal cream then a nice, hot relaxing bubble bath. When I finished I slipped on a pair of Donna’s panties and a short cotton nightgown. I didn’t even bother trying to fight off the simply wonderful sensations that overcame me as Donna set my hair in curlers.

"You’re going to be so cute, I can’t wait for Sarah to see her new mommy." Donna told me as she rolled and pinned my hair. "I’ll bet that Danielle gets tons of job offers!"

I couldn’t stop the tears as they ran down my cheeks. "Thank you so much Donna," I bawled. "No matter how things turn out for me in the future, I’ll never forget that you were here to help me."

My crying seemed to hit Donna hard for the next thing I knew we were hugging each other and crying like babies.

"I’ll always be here for you Danielle, for my sister and her sweet daughter."

I felt wonderful as I climbed into bed that night, sure there were some underlying fears about passing myself off as a woman but I knew that no matter what I had told Donna, it would only be until I could get enough money to go back to being Dan and bring Shane back with me.

Sarah couldn’t believe his eyes the next morning at breakfast. "A nightgown and curlers daddy, what’s up?"

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. ""Aunt Donna and I had a long talk last night Sarah, I think you should start calling me mommy from now on."

"Oh mommy, that’s so nice!" He said cheerily. "I can’t wait for all my teachers and friends to meet my pretty mommy! Maybe you could take me to school today?"

"Oh honey, you’re such a sweetie but I don’t think that mommy’s quite ready to meet anyone just yet. Maybe later, okay?"

"It won’t be long Sarah," I heard Donna say as she came into the room. "I’m taking a few days off to help make your mommy here into a pretty lady. Once she’s all ready, I promise your friends will be the first to meet her."

Donna spent the next couple of days tirelessly working to make a woman out of me. She taught me how to select clothes, do my hair and makeup, as well as how to talk, walk, and act like a woman. We were like a couple of little girls; giggling and laughing as she showed me how to wear a bra and pad it out properly. After all of the stress that I had been through in the past few years, I was having a great time relaxing and learning the things that I would need to know as a woman.

I never realized how much work actually went into being a woman; I had to learn how to shave my legs and underarms, pluck my eyebrows, do my nails, and the trickiest part of all – how to walk in heels without killing myself. Except for getting used to the heels I truly enjoyed wearing women’s clothes; nylon panties felt so much better than cotton briefs, I loved the way my legs felt when I wore stockings, and of course the lingerie that Donna had me wear was not just pretty but downright sexy looking. I just loved standing in front of a mirror wearing only a bra, panties, and nylons admiring myself and when I was all dressed with my hair and makeup done, I thought I made a hell of a good looking lady.

Donna introduced me to the wonderful world of the Internet and all of the fantastic sites offering products for men who wanted to look like women. I ordered two sets of breast forms; Donna said I’d feel better if I could wear a little more revealing tops and I couldn’t do that with a padded bra. A set of CD’s that would condition me to act more feminine, and a gargle that help me sound more like a woman and a belt that kept my private parts neatly tucked away when I wore slacks or shorts rounded out my first order. I was diving headfirst into womanhood and I didn’t care, for the first time in years I was happy, really happy.

Donna was thrilled with my progress; by the time she went back to work her brother Dan was gone and her sister Danielle was spending her days in dresses, nylons, and heels, cleaning up, making dinner and redoing her resume.

"Are you ready to go out in public Danni?" Donna asked after my second week as a woman. "I’d love to take my beautiful sister and her daughter out to dinner if you girls feel up to it?"

"Please can we go mommy?" Sarah pleaded. "I’ve got this really pretty new skirt and Aunt Donna even bought me a pair of stockings, I could get all dressed up like a big girl!"

"First pierced ears, now stockings," I asked with a big smile. "What’s happening to my little girl, Sally?"

"I don’t like being called Sally anymore mommy, it’s babyish and I’m a big girl. Call me Sarah."

"You certainly are a big girl now Sarah, and just to prove it I want you to wear your new stockings to dinner tonight, but no high heels or makeup, do you understand me young lady?"

"Thank you mommy!" Shane squealed in delight. "I promise, no high heels or makeup, at least until I’m twelve!"

"And no car dates either!" I called as he ran to change.

"I hope I’m ready for this," I later confided to Donna as we dressed. "It’s a big step for me."

"Just put one high heeled foot in front of the other and you’ll be fine sis," She told me as I fastened my nylons to my new garter belt. Yeah, garter belts and nylons were another treat that Donna introduced me to. It’s just impossible to think of my self as anything but a woman when I feel my garters tugging on my nylons, my butt starts to sway and I feel just so incredibly sexy!

"I still have times when I can’t believe that I’m doing this you know," I remarked as I tugged a lace-trimmed slip over my breast forms. "Somehow though it all feels so right, that I really should be a woman."

"It’s only natural to feel apprehensive Danni, after all, you grew up expecting to be a husband and father."

I smoothed out my slip and started to do my makeup. "True, but I’m really enjoying being Sarah’s mom, it sort of bonds me to him in a way that I can’t describe."

"Nothing quite compares to being a mother huh?" Donna laughed.

We had a lovely evening; Sarah was so pretty in her new outfit and stockings, and my nervousness faded after the second cocktail. Before long, I was laughing and having a great time with my sister and daughter, I never noticed the men who had come to our table until they asked us to dance.

"We’d love to," Donna answered and quickly moved out of the way of my badly aimed kick at her shins. "I’m Donna and this is my sister Danielle." She smiled and took the hand of her partner.

Being dirt poor meant no eating out and that meant that I hadn’t had a drink in years. The two drinks I had with dinner snuck up on me, clouding my head and numbing my better judgment. I accepted my partner’s hand.

Please call me Danni," I said as I flashed a big smile. Hopefully it wasn’t a seductive one, I didn’t want to end the night in a motel room on my back with my dress around my neck!

Sam, my partner was a great dancer and when he held me in his arms I felt strangely secure and content. I relaxed and let him lead me through several songs before I begged off to use the ladies room.

"You looked pretty relaxed out there sis, your date must be pretty interesting." Donna remarked as we touched up our hair and makeup. "Maybe a new daddy for Sarah?"

"Nothing like that," I giggled. "I’m just trying out some of the things you taught me about men. All I have to do is smile and let him lead me and he’s so happy I thought he’d wet himself. I can’t believe the effect I’m having on him"

"The power of a beautiful woman Danni, and you’ve got it." Donna beamed knowingly. "Intoxicating, isn’t it?"

I just nodded in agreement, too many women were coming in for us to discuss how much I was enjoying becoming a woman. Besides, our dance partners were waiting for us and I couldn’t wait to get back into Sam’s arms.

As Sam gently pulled me close he told me that I looked very pretty and was a great dancer. I knew the dancing part was nonsense but I hoped he meant the part about my being pretty. I noticed the smell of his cologne and the broadness of his chest; I could never come close to looking as good as he did, I thought to myself. He seemed so strong and so handsome that I knew I made the right choice in becoming a woman. Later, after I was financially secure, I’d go back to being a man, the kind of man Sam was I hoped, for now though I would be the kind of woman Sam was looking for in a date. He deserved that much for making me feel so good.

The evening ended all too quickly, we said goodnight to our new friends and gave them a kiss for their troubles.

As my lips brushed against Sam’s cheek he squeezed my hand and asked if he could call me sometime. I wasn’t sure what to do, I really wanted to experience the thrill of being the date of an attractive man but I wasn’t sure that I could do it again stone cold sober.

Sam seemed to sense my hesitation.

"Maybe we’ll meet here again sometime," he said trying to act nonchalant.

"That would be nice," I smiled and whispered demurely. "But why take chances, let me give you my number."

Sam took my phone number and carefully tucked it into his wallet. I could tell from his actions that he thought that it was something valuable and worth taking care of. Maybe someday a man would feel that way about me, I started to think.

Whoa, what was I thinking? Danielle was just a little rest stop for me, just until I was able to get back on my feet. Then it would be out of these heels and this bra and back to life as a guy.

"You gave him your phone number?" Donna later asked in amazement. "I didn’t think you’d be ready to date so soon."

"I guess I’m just so damned lonely." I said as I stepped out of my dress. "But I don’t care, Sam’s a cutie pie and I love the way he makes me feel. If he calls, I’m going out with him."

"That’s a girl Danni," Donna laughed. "Strut your stuff, show ‘em what a woman you can be and make him glad that he’s a man!"

It took another week for Sam to call and all of two milliseconds for me to accept. We were going back to the restaurant for another night of fine food and dancing and I couldn’t wait to be held in those strong arms again.

I decided to wear a little black dress of Donna’s black nylons with a rose at the ankles, and some of the sexiest black lingerie Donna could find for me. I spent two hours in a hot bubble bath then carefully slid my feet into the sheer nylons I had bought myself. I occasionally wore pantyhose for convenience but for my first date as a woman I didn’t give a damn about convenience, I wanted everything to be extra pretty and sexy so that I’d have no trouble believing in myself as a woman.

Once I got my nylons fastened, I pulled on a pair of black lace panties, fastened my breast forms into a matching bra, then allowed a gorgeous black full slip to shimmy over my arms and settle around my hips.

I’d had to dress in many men’s suits in my life but I can honestly say that dressing in them didn’t provide any where near the thrill I now got when I dressed in sexy lingerie and a pretty dress, there was just no comparison.

I slid my dress over my head, stepped into a pair of pumps, did my makeup, and spent a few moments admiring myself in a mirror.

"I hope you appreciate this Sam," I smiled as I smoothed out my skirt. "Cause I certainly appreciate what you’re doing for me!"

I sprayed on a little perfume, made certain my hair was perfect. All that was left was for Sam to take me into his arms and tell me how beautiful I looked!

Shane looked up from playing with his dolls as I walked into the living room. "Will I be getting a new daddy soon?"

"No, you silly girl," I joked as I kissed his head. "It’s going to be you and me for a while Sarah."

"You’re awfully pretty mommy," Shane told me. "I hope I can look as pretty as you when I grow up."

If it weren’t for ruining my mascara I would have broke into tears right then and there. Shane just had to settle for me hugging him so hard that I nearly cracked his ribs and leaving a lipstick imprint on his cheek.

"Thank you Sarah, I’m sure you’ll be a beautiful lady too!"

I hurried off to the powder room to touch up my lipstick and finished just in time for the doorbell.

"You look lovely tonight Danielle," Sam told me as he handed me a bouquet of roses.

"Thank you Sam, it’s sweet of you to notice." I smiled and went to find something to put the roses in as Sam got acquainted with Shane.

"Your daughter’s quite a pretty girl and a real sweetheart," He remarked as he held my coat for me. "It’s easy to see where she gets her looks and personality."

God, what a smooth talker, I wanted to melt into his arms and let him have his way with me! He’d just have to settle for a Thank you and a kiss on the cheek though; I wasn’t that kind of girl – yet.

Dinner was delicious, or was it just being there with Sam who took every chance he could to flatter me and make me comfortable. When he wasn’t telling me that I was beautiful he was guiding me around the dance floor as though I weighed but a feather, I couldn’t imagine giving it all up to go back to being a man. I was sure that I’d do it when the time came but I was also sure that this was the time for being a woman and I intended to use that time wisely!

I accepted a few other dates and Sam and I dated off and on for several months before drifting apart. He was looking for a wife and although he’d made me feel wonderful, I simply couldn’t imagine myself as another man’s wife; I was on a mission to reclaim my manhood and my son.

My luck changed for the better employment wise though, a very trendy restaurant I had applied to contacted me and asked if I was still interested in a waitress job. Of course I was interested! I had applied to a dozen of those places before as Dan but never heard a peep from them. Now, one of the best in town wanted Danielle to work for them.

I had to wear a skirt, blouse, and heels for the job but after spending the last few months living and dating as Danielle, wearing a skirt to work would be simple.

My boss introduced me to the other waitresses and assigned me to work with another girl for a few nights until I got the hang of things but after two nights I was waiting tables alone and raking in some very respectable tips.

My first night alone wasn’t bad at all, I made sure that al of my customers were well taken care of throughout their meals, managed to return the smiles of a few men and took home seventy five dollars in tips alone, almost as much as some of my previous paychecks!

"With this kind of money to start with, it won’t be long before I can afford to live on my own," I excitedly told Donna as we sipped coffee that night. "I appreciate all that you’ve done for me but I can’t wait to go back to being Dan, Shane’s father."

Donna looked at me strangely for several very long seconds before she spoke up. "How will you support yourself and Shane?"

"My luck’s finally changed and with this experience I can land a job at some other swanky restaurant with no trouble." I shrugged; certain that I’d figured everything out.

"A woman named Danielle has the experience, not a man named Daniel." Donna replied, blowing my euphoric mood into a million tiny pieces. "I don’t see how you could ever go back to being a man again."

How had I missed that, the flaw that made my plans fall apart?

"There has to be a way, I can’t stay like this forever!" I motioned towards my skirt. "Shane needs a father, someone who he can look up to and try to imitate."

"Sarah has a wonderful mother Danni, someone she loves very much and wants to be just like. She often tells me how happy she is that you’ve decided to become a woman and how she hopes to be just as pretty as you are. My nephew and my brother are both gone Danni, you have to face that."

"No, I won’t give in Donna." I said defiantly. "There just has to be a way back from all of this madness and I intend to find it."
"I’ll help if I can Danni, you know that." She said softly. "Promise me one thing though. If Sarah doesn’t want to go back, please don’t force it on her. Let it be her choice, okay?"

It was a hard decision to make, I was after all doing it all for Shane. How could my sister expect me to forget about my son, to allow him to spend his life pretending to be a girl?

"Please Danni, he’s finally happy. Don’t ruin it." She pleaded as I hesitated.

"I’ll leave the choice to him," I sighed deeply. "But this is all for him, you know that don’t you?"

"Yes, I know how much you’ve sacrificed and I know it’s all for Shane but I also know that Shane will always love and look up to you. He loves you Danni, more than you can imagine. He’s very fragile and could easily be broken."

It was dirty pool I thought, to make me worry about Shane’s survival, yet Donna was right, if I was doing it all for Shane, I should let him make the choice.

Shane and I became closer than ever before after that night. I willingly put myself in the position of becoming his mother and I wouldn’t let him down. I helped with his homework, listened closely as he told me all about his Barbie dolls and how he enjoyed playing with his girlfriends, and even agreed to let him have a few over for a sleepover. My twelve-year-old son was giving himself up to the role of an eight-year-old girl and I was helping him every step of the way.

The money I was making was finally allowing me to afford a few luxuries and one of the first things I did was to buy Shane a new Barbie doll with a few outfits. I was rewarded with a hug and kiss that touched me so deeply that I knew my sweet little daughter would be getting all the Barbie’s I could buy her.

My life started looking so much better since I had a few dollars to spare. I bought a few outfits for myself and one or two for Donna to pay her back for the loan of so many of her outfits. I started volunteering at the school in my spare time, helping with lunches and field trips, even joining the PTA. I had a great time meeting other parents and talking about our kids but the big drawback was that the other mom’s; feeling sorry for me trying to raise my daughter alone, they kept trying to match me with single men they knew.

I finally gave up trying to fend off the helpfulness of my new friends and accepted a few dates here and there. Some of the guys were really sweet but I wasn’t about to let my self get tied down with any of them for obvious reasons. Still it was fun having men take me to dinner and movies, afterwards all I had to do was to give them a kiss and my phone number now and then. Life was good.

The months seemed to fly by and with them the memories of being a man and a father. I was completely comfortable in my role as Sarah’s mom and Donna’s sister; so much so that it was getting tougher and tougher to convince myself that I really wanted to be a man again. Shane was getting very good grades in school, had many friends, and had completely assimilated himself into the life of a little girl that I was thinking of him less and less as my son. I lost track of the times when I watched him playing with his girlfriends, his pretty blonde hair in curls, and smiled at my cute daughter, unable to help but think of what a fine young lady she would grow up to be.

Before long it had been almost two years since I had become Danielle and even though I hated to admit it, just like Shane, my life had improved dramatically. It wasn’t comparable to the years I had with Mary, those would never be equaled, but in the past two years I had found the happiness and self-confidence that had eluded me since Mary’s death. True, I was a woman, but I was a pretty, self-assured, happy, and very sought after woman. It appeared that I had finally caught that elusive brass ring, but now it was a very pretty shade of pink!

Just when I thought things couldn’t be better I hit the lottery! Sure, there were four of us girls who pitched in to but the ticket but even after the government took their share in taxes we were each left with several million

dollars!

I treated Shane and Donna to a fabulous dinner at the restaurant where I worked, gave Donna several thousand to cover what she had spent in taking care of us, then took her and Shane on a shopping spree.

What a blast we had shopping in some of the best women’s shops in town; Donna and I found so many to-die-for outfits that it was hard to make a choice so I bought them all. After all, Donna has to look good for her business and I wanted to look good for my dates.

Shane wasn’t exactly left out either; he found himself several cute dresses but his real interest was in Barbie dolls so I bought him five new dolls, a Barbie Dream House, a cute red convertible for Barbie to drive around in, along with a Skipper, Ken, and other assorted Barbie friends. My little girl would be the envy of all of her friends and she was worth every penny I spent on her!

Most of all though I wanted to make sure that Shane would never have to endure the hardships I had endured so I decided to set up a trust fund to provide a college education and the operation that would allow him to live out the rest of his life as the woman I knew he would want to be.

Yes, I know that I vowed to bring back my son but as time passed it was clear that my son was gone and that any attempts to resurrect him could irreparably harm the wonderful little girl that I was proud to call my daughter. No, it was best to forget about Shane and let Sarah have the life she deserved.

When I mentioned to Donna that I needed help in setting up Sarah’s trust fund she told me to contact Mike Doyle, her friend’s attorney, the one who had set up Sarah and my new lives. He not only handled legal problems for Sarah’s school, he was considered to be one of the most knowledgeable attorneys in the field of trust and estate law.

I met Mike at his office and realized that we had met several times before at school functions. He was tall, good-looking, and very easy to talk to; translating technical terms in trust law into simple, easy to understand English. My first meeting with him lasted for two hours, it took only forty-five minutes to determine how to set up the trust but Mike started to talk about my life and I couldn’t seem to help but open up to him.

We talked about how things had been before Mary had died, how Mary, Shane, and I had been such a happy family and how he and I had been plunged into darkness and despair after her death.

"It sounds as though you did everything you could do to straighten things out yourself," He said with a smile that made me feel that I could trust him and glad I had opened up to him. "I was a little dumbfounded when Zoë came to me with your sister’s plan to make it appear that your twelve year old son was an eight year old girl but after listening to what she had to say I realized that she was right and that she and your sister were only looking out for Shane’s best interests."

I thought back to how upset I had been at the time.

"I was furious at first but I realized that they were right and now I’m glad they took such an unorthodox approach to helping us." I smiled as I stared into his blue eyes. What was it about this man that I found so fascinating, I wondered?

"When my sister suggested that I follow the same route I was stunned to say the least, but once again she knew exactly how to help." I couldn’t tear myself away from Mike’s eyes; he seemed to have an almost hypnotic effect on me.

He looked at me and smiled broadly. "You seem to have adapted every bit as well as Sarah. I hope you won’t think I’m rude but you’re a very attractive woman."

I blushed in embarrassment; not over his compliment, many of my dates had told me the same thing. It was different though coming from Mike, I was embarrassed because of what I found myself thinking – how can I get a kiss from this gorgeous hunk of man? Between the twinkle in his eyes and his smile I was lost and had no desire to find my way home.

"Thank you," I crossed my legs and wondered if he’d take a look at what I had to offer. When he did, my heart nearly stopped. He not only looked, he lingered, seeming to like what he saw.

We talked and talked and to my delight he asked if I would mind going out with him sometime.

"I’m not sure that would work out," I said reluctantly. "After all, you know the real me and I think that would get in our way."

"I’m sorry to hear that Danni, but I’ll respect your wishes."

There was that smile and twinkle in his eyes again. Why did he have to be so good looking and why did I want his so badly?

We met several more times to set up the actual trust and to make a few changes for Sarah.

Sarah was now ten years old but Shane was fourteen and nature was beginning to make some changes that would make it impossible to think of him as a ten-year-old girl. He started to change physically, in one year gaining five pounds and an inch in height. It had come time to sit down and have a mother-daughter talk.

I had to fill out several different forms and Shane had to undergo counseling but with Mike’s help we got the courts permission for Shane to begin taking medication to block production of the male hormones his body was trying to produce. Shane would round out a bit; nothing much but enough that he’d look like any other girl his age.

The tough part, at least for me, was getting permission to have Shane’s genitals surgically altered to be appropriate for a girl his age. The surgery wouldn’t do anything irreversible but with his entering Middle School he’d have to take showers after his gym classes and he’d need to fit in as a girl.

My hands were trembling as I signed the permission forms in Mike’s office.

"I know it’s for the best but it’s still so hard to do." I began to cry. "This is only the first step."

"It has to be done Danni," Mike said in a soft, reassuring voice. "Your daughter needs to be like every other girl if she’s going to survive and grow into a young woman. Think of her future Danni."

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I signed the forms. Finished, I dropped the pen and began to sob uncontrollably. That’s when Mike took me in his arms and held me tight. It was also when I fell in love.

Having Mike hold me while I cried my eyes out felt so wonderful it almost made feeling like a wimp worthwhile. I regained my composure and thanked Mike for his concern.

"I’d love to show you how concerned I can be Danni, would that be possible?" He asked as he offered me tissues to dry my tears.

"I won’t lie to you Mike," I sniffed. "I’ve spent so much time as a woman that you’re offer is very appealing. I just know it wouldn’t work out for us though, there are so many real women that you could be with."

"I want to be with you Danni," He told me as he took my hand and looked into my eyes. "Yes, I know all about you but if I thought there was one chance in a million that you were still a man, I would have never asked. Will you let me show you how much of a woman you really are?"

What was I supposed to do? I’d grown accustomed to being a mother, a sister, and had dated several men over the last two years, why should it be different with Mike?

Who was I kidding? I knew very well that it would be different than with any man in the past. There was something about Mike that appealed to me like no other man had and it scared the crap out of me. Whenever I was around Mike I couldn’t help feeling that I wanted him to take me into his arms and carry me off, to care for me, to love me as only a woman could be loved. If being a girl felt right to Shane, being a woman, Mike’s woman, didn’t feel right to me, it excited the hell out of me! As I stared into those mesmerizing eyes I knew that if Mike wanted to I’d let him take me on his desk, right there in his office, right then and there.

"I may regret this," I whimpered as I let him pull me close. "But somehow I doubt it."

Our lips met and I knew that there was no chance I’d ever want to be a man again.

Our kiss lasted longer than anything I could remember and sent shivers down my spine, sending me tighter into Mike’s arms.

"I saw you at a school board meeting last winter and I’ve been wanting to hold you and tell you that I love you ever since." He told me when we finally stopped kissing. "I don’t want to scare you off but I plan on marrying you."

"Please Mike, this is all new to me," I said breathlessly. "Let’s not rush anything, we can take our time and …"

We took our time all right, Mike’s lips met mine again and I lost all track of time. I remembered saying that I wanted us to take our time and that’s exactly what I wanted him to do; take his time kissing me. All I could think about was nestling into those arms and letting his tongue into my mouth.

Both my lipstick and my heart were a total waste by the time Mike was finished with me; the lipstick could be fixed, the heart would take time, time I planned on spending with Mike.

I told Donna everything that evening after Shane went to bed; the kisses,

Mike’s profession of love to me, and how much I wanted him.

"What happened to being a man Danni?" She asked with a grin. "I thought you had your heart set on someday getting out of dresses?"

"If Mike wants me out of my dress, all he has to do is ask," I said with a sly grin. "Did I mention that I wanted him to do me right there on his desk?"

"Several times already sister dear," Donna laughed. "If it helps, you’ve landed yourself the prize that many a woman has tried for. Mike has been considered to be the most desirable guy in town for ages."

"I don’t know what I’ll do with him though," I said with a twinge of sadness. "I’d love to give myself to him but something’s holding me back."

"Biology?" Donna suggested.

"I’d change in a second," I replied without blinking. "No, it’s more than just a physical problem."

Donna nodded in agreement. "I understand Danni, you’re not just a woman, you’re also a mother and you want to make sure that you’re child will be protected. I think you can be sure that Mike will look after Shane and be a good father but you’ll have to make that decision for yourself."

That night I fell asleep thinking of Mike; how he had been pursuing me for months and I never gave him a thought, how we seemed to feel about each other and what I was going to do about it. I decided that Mary had been an excellent example; like Mike, I had been head over heels in love but Mary insisted that we wait to make sure. We both tried dating others but we gave up after a few months, we just couldn’t shake the feeling that we were meant for each other. That’s what I’d do with Mike, I resolved; I’d make him wait. We’d date but not exclusively, if it were meant to be, it would be, otherwise we’d still have a great time.

The next afternoon as I was getting ready for work the doorbell rang. When I answered it I was presented with a dozen of the most beautiful red roses I’d ever seen. The card read; "To the lady I dream of" and had Mike’s signature.

It was so touching, not just the roses but also that he’d written and signed the card himself. He could have sent his secretary to handle the job but he did it personally. I had to redo my mascara twice before I left for work.

That Friday Mike called and asked if we could get together for dinner over the weekend. I wanted to act reserved and lady-like but I was thrilled to death as I gave him an enthusiastic yes.

Of course I wore by best and sexiest lingerie for the evening; a matching set consisting of a wispy black lace garter belt, panties, bra, and slip. I loved the feel of the ultra lightweight garter as I fastened it around my waist and slid my sheer nylons up my legs. If there was anything that I could point to that first made me feel glad to dress as a woman, it had to be my garter belts and nylons; there was no comparison in a man’s world to the delight of rolling a pair of sheer, silky, nylons up freshly shaven, smooth as a baby’s bottom, legs. Of course, in time I also soon came to love the feelings I got when a man looked appreciatively at my nylon clad legs.

"You smell pretty mommy," Shane said as he zipped my dress. "Is this man someone important?"
"He’s very important to me sweetheart," I replied while smoothing any wrinkles from my dress. "He’s very nice and he makes me feel so special."

"Will I think about boys like that someday mommy?" He asked shyly while playing with the toy makeup kit I’d bought for him.

I looked at the blue eye shadow, pink lipstick, and blush adorning the sweetest little face the world would ever know. Shane would be a heart breaker in just a few more years. Boys would flock to that angelic face and the cute shape he was already starting to develop. "Someday, you’ll look at a boy and feel all funny inside, that’s when you’ll know that you’re not a little girl anymore and that you’re becoming a grown up lady."

"I’m not a little girl mommy, I’m a big girl now!" He protested.

I looked at the round butt and the little mounds on his chest that he was starting to develop. "Yes Sarah, you are a big girl but someday all those pills you’re taking will change you from a girl into a woman. Things will be different for you then but you’ll always be my little girl."

"Are you going to become a woman someday too mommy?" He asked innocently. "Will you start taking pills and get changed like I did?"

I stared into his eyes and realized that he understood far more than I had given him credit for.

"Yes Sarah, I’m going to be a woman just like you." I said solemnly. "Someday soon, I hope."

"I hope so too mommy," He said with a smile.

"That was quite a little talk you two had in there," Donna said as I bumped into her in the hallway. "Were you serious about becoming a woman soon?"

"You told me yourself that I was a woman now Donna," I nodded as I brushed out my hair. "It’s time to make the outside match the inside."

Donna gave me a big hug. "You’ll never regret it Danni," She whispered. "You’re a great mother and you’ll make some man a wonderful wife."

"I think I know who that man’s going to be but I need to be sure." I smiled. "But it doesn’t change anything, I’ve been pretending too long."

That evening as we ate dinner I could understand why so many women wanted to take Mike to bed and have their way with him. It was more than just the physical attraction we felt in his office; Mike was sweet, thoughtful, and simply delightful company. His eyes never strayed from my face despite the many beautiful women around us; his attention was focused strictly on me. He had to know how women felt about him, I knew from talking to Donna and Zoë that he didn’t lack for dates, but he never showed the least bit of an inflated ego; all that he was interested in was me.

"It must have been awfully difficult for you and Sarah," Mike commented as he held my hand over dinner. "I can’t imagine having to decide what bill I’d pay this month."

"It was unbearable at the end," I nodded, reliving the horrors of the past. "If not for Donna I’m not sure how we would have survived."

"Were you mad at her for what she did to Shane?"

"At first I was but Shane was finally happy and I couldn’t be mad at anyone who made him happy."

"I’m glad you decided to go along too Danni," He said softly, gazing into my eyes. "You are just so beautiful."

"It wasn’t a very tough choice at first," I admitted. I quickly scanned the area to ensure that no one was close enough to hear us. "Starve or pretend to be woman? An easy choice."

"It must have been hell growing up if you’re this pretty now."

"I went through the same thing as Shane did, I just never knew it was happening to him though. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there to help."

"I can see that you’re a big help to Sarah now, I understand that she idolizes you and wants to be just like you."

"She means the world to me Mike, I’d do anything for her."

"How about giving her a dad?"

"I’ve been giving that some serious thought lately," I smiled, hoping he’d catch my meaning. "I have to get my life in order though before I can make any decisions."

"Once that’s done, I’ll start looking for Mr. Right." I teased.

"I’ll wait as long as it takes Danni, I love you and want to be that Mr. Right." He squeezed my hand gently and smiled. "I know you’re the right woman for me."

I leaned closer. "Please Mike, this isn’t easy for me. Right now I feel like a woman but we both know it’s just window dressing. Beneath the dress and makeup, I’m as much a man as you are."

"Beneath the dress, but not where it counts Danni," He whispered. "You’re a woman, and someday you’ll be my woman, my wife. I’ll take good care of you and our daughter Sarah, I promise."

I couldn’t begin to understand the feelings Mike was causing in me. Despite my assurances that I was a man, he was making me doubt myself. Nothing and no one in the past several years had ever made me want to be a woman more than I did when I was with him. I wanted so badly be his wife, to live and love with him, but it was still too early to tell him that.

I was floating on air that night, it was spring and I was in love with the most wonderful man in the whole world. I had a lot of work to do; I’d have to make him wait to make sure he was the one but the wait couldn’t be too long so that I didn’t lose him. Maybe another day or two, I giggled to myself as I hung up my dress.

I started hormone therapy two weeks later. I didn’t want to say anything to Mike though; I thought I’d surprise him when I had breasts of my own. From past experience with Mary, I knew there were all kinds of delightful things a man could do with a woman’s breasts and I wanted Mike to be the man to do them!

Mike and I saw each other on and off for several long months after that first date and each time his profession of love for me was as strong as ever. I hated to string him along any further; after all, I was as much in love with him as he was with me. I invited him to have dinner with Donna and Sarah. If they approved, as I was sure they would, I would willingly be his steady girl.

I prepared the entire meal that night, I was out to show Mike that his future wife was up to the task of taking care of her man’s needs so I shooed Donna out of the kitchen. I prepared the appetizers, the main course, and the desert with loving care; I wanted my man to be proud of me!

I wore a figure hugging white dress that evening. I had to help it out with just a little padding but I was becoming quite proud of how my new body

was turning out; my breasts were still only a thirty-two AA but they were mine as well as the cute little butt and the curves my hormone regimen were providing.

Sure, I got a little moody at times and there was the slight problem of putting on weight but since it was all for the man I was going to marry, I put up with the moods and joined an aerobics class to handle the weight.

My doctor had recommended the aerobics class, saying that the exercise would help distribute the extra weight I was putting on and prevent it from ending up in my stomach. I worked out twice a week before work and sure enough my figure started to develop nicely.

Mike took one look at me when I opened the door and immediately swept me into his arms.

"You just keep getting more beautiful every time I see you Danni my love." He said with a smile. "I’m going to take you off and have my way with you!"

"Not tonight babe," I said seductively. "Tonight I have my way with you, it’s only dinner though so don’t get your engine racing!"

"My engine’s always racing when you’re around pretty lady," He whispered as he loosened his grip around my waist. "I just can’t help myself around you!"

"You could talk a cow out of milk, couldn’t you?" I laughed as I ran my hand down his chest. "Trust me, flattery will get you everywhere with this girl."

Dinner was fabulous and Mike passed his test with flying colors. "I’m all yours Michael dear," I cooed as we sat on the porch and watched the sunset. "If you’re good enough for my sister and daughter, you’re good enough for me. I’ll be your girl for as long as you’ll have me."

Mike put his arm around me and pulled me to his side. "Does that mean you’ll finally marry me?" He asked excitedly.

"You’ll have to propose first silly," I teased. "But I have a sneaky feeling you’ll like my answer."
Mike promptly dropped to one knee and took my hand.

"Danielle Marie, I love you with all my heart, will you marry me?"

"I promise to be the best wife a man could ever want Michael," I answered through my sobs of sheer joy. "But we still have to wait until I can clear a few things up, okay?"

"As long as I know you’ll be mine, I’ll wait forever." He pledged. "But I still have one more thing to ask you. Will you accept this?"

While I was wiping the tears away he had reached into his pocket and produced a small box, which he held out to me.

"I don’t believe this," I murmured as I carefully pried open the lid. "This isn’t really happening to me."

The lid came open to reveal a beautiful engagement ring with a huge diamond sitting in the center. Mike gently took the ring from my hand and placed it on my finger. I threw my arms around him and gave him the most passionate kiss I could.

Suddenly there was clapping. I turned and saw Donna and Shane standing in the doorway, watching me try to shove my tongue as far down Mike’s throat as was humanly possible.

"Congratulations!" Donna called as she and Shane rushed to my side to hug me.

"Way to go mommy!" Shane shouted gleefully as I swung him until his skirt flared out.

"What about me?" Mike asked feigning a pout.

"Welcome to the family Mike," Donna said as she gave him a hug. "I didn’t think she’d ever give in."

"I was getting a little worried myself," Mike laughed. "But it’s official now, she gave me her word."

Mike leaned over and pulled Shane to his side.

"I’ll be a good daddy to you Sarah, I promise."

"Can I start calling you Daddy now?" Shane asked hopefully. "You promised I could if mommy said yes."

"I smell a rat!" I laughed. "You two knew all along that he was planning this, didn’t you?"

"He made us promise not to tell you mommy," Shane giggled. "But I just know he’ll be a good daddy so please don’t be mad at him."

"It looks like you’re in my love," I said as I moved close to be with him and Shane. "You got the votes that counted."

"I appreciate the votes, but you’re all that counts to me." He told me right before he gave me a kiss that amply expressed his love for me. I was overcome with a sense of peace; things were definitely looking up for me.

My girlfriends at work were thrilled to see my ring but I’d kept them in the dark about Mike.
"Good grief Danni, that rock is huge!" One woman said as she examined my ring. "You must have landed a whopper of a guy!"

"He’s just the most wonderful man I’ve ever met," I smiled as the women flocked to see my ring. "I can’t believe the size of it myself though, I sort of feel bad about what it must have cost Mike."

"Mike, is that your boyfriends name?" One woman asked. "Anyone we might know?"

"You might know him, he’s an attorney that works with the school my daughter goes to." I shrugged.

"You’re engaged to Mike Boyle?" A woman asked. Suddenly all the chatter over my ring died off and I was the center of attention.

"Uh, yeah, his last name is Boyle, why?"

Donna had mentioned that many women considered Mike the ultimate catch but why did the mention of his name cause such a gasp?

"Why?" The woman who was amazed at the size of my diamond asked. "I guess you won’t be working here much longer with the money you have?"

"The lottery money?" I asked, mystified. "I’ve spent a good chunk of that already paying back my sister and setting up a trust fund for Sarah. No, I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon."

Suddenly the women all started to laugh, making me feel even more confused.

"I give up, what’s the joke?" I asked, hoping someone would be nice enough to share the punch line.

"You mean your sweetie hasn’t mentioned that he’s filthy rich?" A woman asked. "He wasn’t the most sought after guy just because of his looks, although I must admit I’d never toss him out of bed for eating crackers even if he wasn’t rich."

"Congratulations Danni, you’ve just landed the cutest and the richest guy in town!"

Oh boy, I had some serious thinking to do. How was I, a dirt-poor waitress, going to fit in with a bunch of rich people. This was the first time in my life that I had enough money to be comfortable and suddenly I was going to be rich? Mike and I needed to have a long talk.

I called Mike as soon as I got home that night and asked why he forgot to mention that his family was rich.

"I guess I wanted to make sure it was me that you wanted Danni," He apologized. "I shouldn’t have doubted you but if it helps, you’ll never want for anything again."

"I’ll have you my love," I said in a sexy voice. "Why would I ever want more?"

Mike took me to meet his parents a few weeks later and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I’d have no trouble fitting in with his family. Mike was an only child and as far as his parents were concerned, the world revolved around him. If Mike thought I was good enough, that’s all they cared about. I was welcomed into the family with open arms.

A few months later I decided that the hormones I’d been taking had done all they could do for my breasts, leaving me at a thirty two B cup which just wasn’t good enough for me. If I was going to be a woman, I wanted to have a body that men would notice, at least one man that is. I scheduled a little time off and had my breasts enlarged to a thirty-four C cup which I enjoyed showing off in figure hugging tops.

At that time I also began to take a lot more interest in my looks, spending time getting my hair done, facials, manicures, everything I could think of doing that would make me look prettier for Mike. Now that we were going to be married, I wanted to be the trophy wife that every man dreams of.

Of course Mike and I started spending most of our free time together, there was so much to do in planning our wedding and our life afterwards. I would have my final surgery, Shane and my ID’s would be permanently set for Female, then Mike, Sarah, and I would be a family at last.

It was almost a year later that Mike and I finally got married; the surgery was successful, I was a woman and frankly I couldn’t wait to try out my new equipment.

I was a little nervous at first; I wanted so badly to please Mike but I was worried that I wouldn’t be woman enough for him. Luckily for me Mike was as sweet and lovable in bed as he was on his feet. He kissed me, held me tight, and told me how much he loved me and how grateful he was that I was his wife.

He did tease me just a little, calling me "Runt" and "short stuff" because of my size but those names didn’t bother me the way they had as a child; now coming from the man I loved, they were just another expression of his love for me.

We spent most of our honeymoon getting acquainted with each other in the bedroom; Mike was a dedicated lover working hard to please me and I used all my old memories of being a man to please him.

"Mike," I asked in a little girl’s pouting voice as I gently stroked the underside of his organ with my fingernail. "Do you think I’ll ever miss having one of these?

"Not as long as I can help it honey," He replied firmly as he rolled me onto my back and quickly filled me with his organ. "If you ever find yourself missing it, you just whistle and I’ll be right there to give you mine."

Give it to me he did, several times that first night alone! In the throes of my third consecutive orgasm, I made a mental note to call Donna and profusely thank her for making a woman out of me.

We’re a happy little family now, I quit my job to be a wife to Mike and a mom to Sarah but I don’t regret it. I don’t need the money anymore and it gives me so much more satisfaction to know that my husband and daughter are happy and well taken care of.

I wonder if Mary is ever looking down on me, smiling at how the man who worked so hard to be a good provider for his family finally has finally succeeded in providing by becoming a happy, contented little housewife.

 

 

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© 2001 by Karen Elizabeth L. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.