Follow Your Heart

by Maggie O'Malley

 

The young woman sat alone at a small table near the large windows of the observation lounge. Seemingly oblivious to the conversations at nearby tables, and the general noise associated with the comings and goings of Starfleet personnel, Maggie O'Malley cupped her steaming mug of herbal tea with both hands and stared intently into the vast star filled space before her.

Even when she was sitting, it was obvious she was tall, with a slender athletic build. Tussled auburn locks cascaded over her shoulders and half way down her back, feathery bangs, and two long, tightly woven braids, one on each side, framed the young woman's face. Her eyes, normally a sparkling azure blue, were now a deep darker hue.

This signaled her strong emotional state. Her lightly tanned face gave her a healthy, outdoors look; and, despite the troubled thoughts that occupied her mind, her face still had a youthful countenance that made her look younger than her true 22 years of age.

A delicate gold chain encircled her neck, and from it hung a small quartz crystal set in a finely detailed metal clasp. As Maggie gazed down into her steaming mug, the crystal swung forward from her chest, dancing and sparking before her. Her left hand reached up and held the crystal, squeezing it lovingly. Her expression changed from worry to warm remembrance and a slight smile teased at the corners of her mouth.

Suddenly, she was 10 years old and home again in her village just outside Killarney, Ireland. It was the day before her "Coming of Age" ceremony and she stood with her mother, pouring out her young soul, sharing her pain, and impossible dreams.

Only Maggie wasn't called Maggie then. She, wasn't even a she then! Her name was Matthew, and she was the younger of the two boys in her family. Yet, even before Matthew was Maggie, both Matthew and his mother knew that his spirit was one of a girl.

When Matthew was born, he carried a heart shaped birthmark on his left shoulder. This birthmark is the symbol of a healer and is usually found on the first born daughter of a healer. No male child in Matthew's village had ever been born with that symbol, and as Matthew grew, it became apparent; he was not like the other boys.

As long as the boys and girls played together he was content, but when the girls left to play their games and the boys went to play rough and tumble, Matthew wouldn't play with the other boys. He would sit on a hill above where the girls would play and watch them with envy. He couldn't understand why they wouldn't let him play, and after awhile he would often run into the woods, climb his favorite tree and cry until his mother or father came looking for him.

Many times, they would sit with him, and try to explain why he couldn't play with the girls; or, even more importantly, why he couldn't be a girl. These conversations usually ended with both parties frustrated and often in tears.

Matthew's father could only hope his son might outgrow his painful feelings. Matthew's mother knew her son would not, but despite her powers as a healer, she knew not how to help him.

Matthew could never understand why he wasn't a girl. He carried the healers mark proudly. Every one knew that only a girl could be a healer. If only his parents would let him be a healer, then everyone would be able to see he really was a girl after all.

As Matthew grew to school age, he suffered even more. He was welcomed by neither the boys nor the girls. He would run away from school; and, either climb his favorite tree, higher and higher up as he grew older and stronger; or, he would find his mother.

Crying and shaking, he would beg her not to send him back to school. Her heart breaking, she would give in, and he would accompany her on both her daily chores, and her visits to the sick and troubled. Matthew marveled at his mother's soft touch, and skill as a healer. She had a strong gift and helped so many.

Matthew was never happier, then when he was accompanying his mother on her rounds.

Matthew's tenth birthday was fast approaching and it was time for him to select his life path, and begin his apprenticeship in a craft. Most boys followed in their father's path. They looked forward to farming, building, or shaping horseshoes from raw metal over a flame.

Matthew's father was a goldsmith. His finely detailed work was among the best in the village. Matthew's older brother was already apprenticed, and Matthew's father would be proud if both his sons were to join the family trade.

Matthew loved the creations his father made, but he didn't want to be a goldsmith. He wanted to be what she was in her heart, and what do was his destiny from the day he was born. He wanted to be a healer.

Matthew's mother came to him the day before his Coming of Age ceremony and asked him if he had decided what path he wished to choose. Matthew's mother had a special gift as a healer. She could sense the deep emotions of other; and sometimes almost feel their joys and pains as if they were her very own, but at that moment she didn't need that gift to know what her child was feeling.

Matthew looked up at her with his eyes a deep blue and told her he wanted to be a healer like her. It didn't matter to him if all the healers were girls. He had the mark, and he knew that deep inside he had the gift, and that he really was a girl, even if nobody would believe him.

He told his mother he had dreams of being a girl. He would go to bed as Matthew and when he would wake up, he would be a beautiful little girl with long auburn hair just like his mothers. He even had a girl's name. It was Maggie.

When Matthew said his girl name was Maggie, his mother swallowed hard and looked deep into her child's eyes. Chills ran down her back as she thought, "Maggie was the name I selected when I was so sure I was going to have a daughter. I never told Matthew that. Nobody knew that. How could he have known?"

If I wasn't sure before, I am now." Maggie's mother hugged her child tightly and spoke, "Matthew, if you want to be a healer, then you will be one. If you really want to be a girl, then we'll do all that we can to let you be that too. It will be much more difficult than you can imagine."

She paused a moment to stroke her child's hair, "But your life will be difficult no matter which path you choose. From this day on, you will be a healer; and you will live as a girl. You will be Maggie to us, and all that know you."

Matthew was overjoyed. He was going to be a healer, and he would live and dress just like a girl. It didn't really matter then if he had a boy's body. All that mattered was Maggie would live!

Matthew's mother and father spent a sleepless night discussing their child's wish to be a healer, and a girl. In the end, Matthew's father agreed. He loved his child too much to keep him or her from what appeared to be an undeniable destiny.

The next day at her Coming of Age ceremony, Maggie stood proudly between (behind? Beside or between, might be better) her parents, as most of the village looked on. Then as tradition would have it, her parents each took one of her hands and asked her if she had made her decision.

She took a deep breath, and stepped out from behind her parents.

A hush fellow over the crowd as out stepped young Maggie, wearing a girl's dress and a bow in her hair. She bravely looked into the crowd and stated, "My name is Maggie O'Malley and I choose to be a healer and pledge my life to help others."

Maggie seemed spent after saying that and her knees started to buckle. The villagers were obviously shocked and confused, voices rose from the crowd. Her father squeezed her hand and kissed his child's forehead, before stepping aside and allowing Matthew's mother to stand directly before her child.

Matthew's mother spoke, "Please be quiet. Everyone now, I've me piece to speak, and I'd be obliged if you'd let me speak it. Today my child has chosen the path. Let all know that from this day forward my child shall be known as Maggie O'Malley, my daughter and an apprentice healer. There be those of you who would say, he can't be a girl, he's a boy, but I say to you within this child's body is the heart and soul of a girl, just as real as any daughters of yours. If you deny my child the chance to be herself, then you deny her the chance to live.

Now which of you is gonna tell my child she can't live? The crowd hushed, faces looked to the ground, and not one would take the challenge offered. "Now there are those who may doubt my child has the right to be a healer, just as you would doubt her right to be a girl, but my child carries the mark, that you can see, and there's no doubting to me, the gift is there.

Yes, Maggie is different, but our village, our way of life was founded by those who were different. The world couldn't see or understand why our founders felt the way they did, but their beliefs were true then as they are now. My child believes in something that perhaps you can't see or understand, but it's just as true as our founders' dreams. If you be condemning my child for being different and chasing a dream, then you be turning your back on everything we've ever lived by."

Maggie's mother searched the crowd for disapproval, but no one spoke a word. "I ask you all now to find it within your hearts to accept my child as the soul that stands truly before you."

Maggie's father and brother stood proudly by Maggie's side as her mother produced a crystal necklace from her pocket. "My husband, my son, and me proudly present our child to you. From this day forward, let it be known her name is Maggie and she is a healer."

Maggie's eyes were wide open and her heart nearly leapt from her chest. She was going to be a healer and a girl. She wished she looked more like a girl, but at least she could finally dress and live like one, and that was much better than trying to be the boy she never was.

Maggie looked up at her mother as she placed the crystal around her neck. It matched the one worn by her mother and was known throughout her land as the talisman of a healer. The villagers one by one came up and welcomed the village's newest healer.

It was awkward and difficult for all parties; but the most difficult task lay before the family. From the moment her mother and father agreed to let her live her dream, Matthew had died, and given life to Maggie.

Everyone would have to get used to saying, 'she, her and Maggie'. It took quite an adjustment by Maggie's family and the villagers. Many were not readily accepting, but she began to win their hearts and respect, as it became more evident that she had really been a 'Maggie', all along.

For Maggie, the changes came as easy and as welcomed as if she had been living as a girl all along. She worked very hard at learning her chosen craft and all the things a young girl should know.

There was no more demanding or rewarding a profession, than to be a healer. A healer could care for the body, mind and soul of a person through using applied medical and holistic techniques or natural medicines made from the minerals, herbs, and other plants found nearby.

While a healer could set a broken bone, or act as a midwife, it was the potions they made, and their empathic abilities that made them special. The procuring, making, and administrating of the various potions and medicines was an exact science. An improperly picked root, and ounce too much, or administered too soon could kill a patient instead of cure. A well-worn leather bound book carried the formulas and warnings for many potions. It had been handed down generation to generation from the first known healers, who many called sorceress or white witches then. While the many potions and their properties could be learned, the gift of empathic powers could not be.

Her mother, Bridgette, a petite woman with fair skin, azure blue eyes, and long auburn hair, had a strong gift and was the best healer in the village. The challenge a healer faced was a great one. People would come at all hours of the day and night. Troubled by the loss of a loved one, unsure of a path to take, confused, frustrated and frightened, they'd seek out the healer's wisdom. Men and women would sit with Bridgette; sometimes they would talk, or cry, or laugh for hours on end. Other times barely a word was spoken and often she would hold that person's hand, lightly touch their shoulder, or cradle them and rock. Other times Bridgette would grab her brown satchel bag, which was always filled with clothes, potions and a blanket and she would leave with the troubled soul. They would go into the forest, often for days before returning, but almost always seeming more at peace upon their return. Bridgette explained to Maggie that she really didn't understand how this gift worked, only that somehow, she could feel strong emotions in the people around her, often before they even spoke a word. Sometimes laying a hand on a person's shoulder would bring their feelings to her, so strong, and, so vibrant as if they were her own. She not only could see their pain, but feel it too. She tried to help others find answers, and to accept things, when there were no answers to be found. She would often wonder how she could ever be like her mother.

Bridgette sensing the child's uneasiness, kissed her on the cheek, and drew her close to her. "Don't worry so little one, you will find your way, and I will always be here to help you." softly spoke her mother. Maggie's mother had great confidence and pride in her daughter as she started her life path. Maggie wondered if she would be just as proud of her decision to join Starfleet, as she was those days so long ago.

A loud chorus of hoots and laugher filled the lounge and brought Maggie quickly back to the present. A group of cadets across the room seem to be having a celebration of sorts. Perhaps they had just graduated or were celebrating the postings of their first deep space assignment.

Maggie remembered her first "deep space assignment"; and the role her father played in it. Michael O'Malley was Maggie's father; and besides being a fine gold smith, he also was the leader of the village council. He had curly brown hair, long side burns, and soft brown eyes. He was tall, well built and strong. Yet, for the most part he was a gentle, fun loving, patient man with a great pride in his work, and the history of his people, and respect for the lifestyle they lived. It was those qualities that made him a well-respected leader of the village; and it was out of that respect for their lifestyle, that sent Michael 120 miles horseback into Dublin.

The village had far outgrown the lands allotted to them long ago, and Michael carried with him a proposal to annex additional lands in the area. Maggie remembered the day her father rode off to Dublin, and how handsome he looked in his pants, tall boots, white ruffled shirt, and cloak. He picked up his eight-year-old child, then known as Matthew, as if he weighed nothing at all; and he gave him a hug and kiss before riding off to Dublin. The journey was only 120 miles, but nearly 600 years into the future. The people, who lived in Dublin, knew the people who lived in Maggie's village as 'Naturalists'. Despite the fact, it was the 24th century; her people lived much the same way as their ancestors had nearly 600 years ago. The original settlers founded the village some 200 years earlier, spurning modern civilization, and returning to the simpler existence their ancestors had known in 18th century Ireland. It was a return to nature, hence the name Naturalist".

The people who lived in the village were not ignorant of the advances of modern civilization, they just chose not to live with them. The closeness they felt with nature, and with one another in this tightly knit group, far outweighed the advanced form of life most of the world enjoyed. Very seldom did any villager leave the area to go into modern civilization, nor did anyone come to visit very often.

Outsiders were welcome so long as they left their technology behind. The occasional visitor seldom stayed long as they felt life without their replicators and computers were far too primitive.

Michael returned within a fortnight, but without a land grant for more land. As he called the villagers together, he explained as best he could what stood before them. The Irish government had no choice but to deny the villager's request. The only lands in the area suitable for expansion were wildlife preserves, and those areas were strictly forbidden for human habitation. The government was sympathetic to their situation, but it couldn't give them land that did not exist. One of the council members, very sympathetic to the cause directed Michael to the Starfleet headquarters in Dublin, and instructed him to inquire about something called a 'relocation program'. Michael did just that, and it was a proposal from Starfleet that Michael held in his hand.

If the villagers were willing to not only leave Ireland, but the Earth as well, Starfleet would begin searching their databases for uninhabited worlds recently discovered in Federation space. They would try to match their survey profiles with a world similar to the one they were now living in. Once found, the villagers would be transported there; given any assistance they needed to be settled, and could begin life again. Starfleet vessels would make periodic visits to check on their welfare, bring supplies, address medical needs etc.

The decision was the biggest ever faced by the villagers. It all came down to, would they be willing to leave home to have a home. There was much debate; but in the end, Michael returned to Starfleet headquarters in Dublin; and accepted the offer.

Maggie would be 13 before a suitable planet was found and arrangements could be made. Maggie had been living as a girl for three years now. Her hair had grown long. She was tall and thin. Taller than most girls, yet, she was very feminine in appearance and mannerism. Most boys her age were showing the signs of impending manhood. Most girls were developing in both hips and bust. Maggie seemed to be standing still, her body becoming neither a man's nor a woman's.

Yet, she knew it was probably only a matter of time, before the dreaded changes would begin. She could try to shave the hair, but the deep voice would come, and that thing between her legs would grow. Oh, how she hated that thing! It was her constant reminder that her body betrayed her spirit. As Maggie remembered her last sights of home before being loaded into the huge bowels of a transport ship, she looked forward to her future world, if not her future body. In an age where Starships traversed solar systems at speeds of up to warp 9, the villagers were in for a six-month journey aboard a transport ship with a top speed of warp 1. Maggie would have plenty of time to wonder what she would find at her new home and to wonder what changes would take place within her by the time she reached it.

Maggie took a sip of her tea; and for the first time since she had been sitting there, took a really good look at the star-scape before her. It was all just as exciting, powerful and compelling today, as it was the first time she saw it. To think that standing before her was an endless universe. Within that universe, were a myriad of huge galaxies. Within those galaxies, stars, which were surrounded by worlds. Each inhabited by millions of beings, some very much like herself, and others so very different, she might not even recognize them as life at all. It was all as ancient as time itself and yet new worlds were being born every minute.

Maggie blew out a gentle sigh, and shook her head. "No," she thought, "every gaze will always be just as special and exciting as the first."

Had it not been for her mother, and her talent as a healer, Maggie may never have had her first gaze into deep space. Shortly after leaving Earth, Maggie contracted the fever. It ravaged her body, and she nearly died, before her mother was finally able to break the fever. Maggie slept for days, lapsing in and out of consciousness, but always seeing her mother's face, feeling her cool touch, and hearing her soft voice singing, whenever she would awaken.

By the time Maggie was well enough to be up and around another situation occurred. It was not as serious as Maggie's illness had been, but it involved the entire group of settlers. Michael O'Malley, together with the ship's captain informed the settlers that the ship's engine had gone down, and was not repairable by the crew. Before panic could break out among the crowds, the captain reassured them that they were in no immediate danger, and that a Federation Starship was on the way to rendezvous with them within three days. The Starship would carry them until another transport ship could be made ready.

True to his word, the Starship arrived three days later and transported the settlers and their belongings aboard.

Maggie hadn't much cared for her stint aboard the transport ship. She was deathly ill for most of it, and the vessel, with its cavernous space, made Maggie feel like she'd been swallowed by a giant metal whale.

The starship on the other hand, was of far more interest to Maggie. Her time on that ship would be scarcely more than a fortnight; but the impact on her future would be tremendous.

The transport ship was little more than a holding area, but a starship contained loads of interesting people, places and machines, that Maggie could only dream of. Had Maggie been the daughter of anyone else in the group beside Michael and Bridgette O'Malley, she may never have gotten a chance to explore much of the starship's world outside the settlers quarters. Most of the villagers preferred not to expose themselves or their children to such things, seeing nothing to be gained in the experience. Michael however, being the liaison between the settlers, and those in charge of the settlers well being, made numerous trips all over the ship; and Maggie was ready to tag about every chance he'd let her.

At first, Maggie was worried that the crew might realize she wasn't a "whole" girl; but her parents eased her fears when they told her that people of all races came aboard these ships, and that everyone, no matter who or what they were, were welcome. Maggie would have nothing to fear when she journeyed the ship. She could hardly wait for her first trip out.

Stepping into the ship's corridors was like stepping into another world for Maggie. Each turn, each corridor was filled with unimaginable wonders and uniforms briskly moving about. Maggie met several of the crewmembers during her trips with her father.

She met the first officer; a tall well built handsome man with a beard, and a warm smile. He made several trips to the settlers quarters, and caught the eye of every woman there; and, even Maggie felt her face blush and grow hot any time he spoke to her. Maggie hadn't really thought about boys, like the other girls did. Maybe, because she knew she wasn't quite like the other girls, but she felt all funny inside whenever she thought of the handsome first officer.

It was the kind of funny, she had heard other girls describe, when they watched the boys in the village. Maggie realized, although her body might mature into a man, her heart and soul was growing more into a woman's with each passing day.

She also met an extremely fierce looking crewman, who resembled a monster more than a man, in Maggie's opinion. Her father told her he was a Klingon. Maggie saw him only once, and for her, that was more than enough.

She also met several of the crew through her mother. The ship's doctor, a warm and friendly woman who reminded Maggie a great deal of her own mother came down to see the settlers shortly after they had come aboard. Once the doctor found out Bridgette was a healer, she struck up an immediate friendship. The doctor's grandmother had taught her a little about natural medicine and herbs, and she was eager to learn more and share any medical knowledge that Bridgette might be interested in. Maggie, being a healer's apprentice, was included in their conversations and their journeys. The doctor invited them both to visit where she worked; a place called 'Sickbay'.

To Maggie, 'Sickbay', was the most wondrous place she would visit on the entire ship. Her mother was familiar with some of the techniques that modern medicine had to offer; but even she was in awe of what she saw. Wounds could disappear from a patient's body as quickly and as easily, as the doctor could run her hand over them. Small machines, held in the palm of a doctor's hand, could tell her nearly anything she needed to know about the patient, all by just passing it over the body. Potions sitting atop small metallic tubes could be "shot" right into the patient without exposing a drop of blood; and, often within minutes, if not sooner, the patient would be better or fully cured.

Maggie thought about her own fever; and how she wished her mother could have cured her fever so easily. Maggie felt a sadness in her heart; and instinctively, she knew it was her mother's feelings. She looked over at her, took her hand and squeezed it. She knew what her mother was thinking. How many people had she watched suffer and die, that might have been saved by the miracles that stood before her? There was deep pain and frustration in her mother's heart, and another thought. For the first time ever, Bridgette questioned the wisdom in living a life that could allow that to happen. The doctor had shown them much of her medical technology; but she was quick to point out, that with all that she had shown them, she was just as powerless to stop death when it was destined, and she was just as saddened by the loss as they were.

The doctor also showed them a large bay where they grew all sorts of plants, and all without the benefit of the sun. Amazingly enough, they made their own indoor sun. The trips to this indoor garden were much more relaxed than the tours through sick bay, and the three women relaxed and spent hours planting, talking and examining the species of plants.

Bridgette shared her knowledge of her plants and their properties, along with a supply of seeds, from those, which she had brought with her, to cultivate in their new home. During those hours of gardening, Maggie felt that more than plants were being discussed by the doctor and her mother. Several times, the two older women would send Maggie over to the other side of the bay to search for seedlings. Upon returning, both the doctor and Bridgette would stop talking in mid sentence; and after that, Maggie would feel the doctors eyes studying her, whenever she turned her back.

Maggie tried to tell herself that she was just being self conscious, wondering if the doctor could tell that she was a boy in a dress. The doctor had treated Maggie just like a real girl, and with the same respect as her mother. Maggie really liked the doctor, and once she got to know her, apart from all her medical technology, she was very much like a healer. The only major difference she discovered was that doctors in this world almost exclusively deal with healing the body. Another doctor called a 'counselor' does the healing of the mind or spirit.

The doctor introduced Maggie and Bridgette to the ship's counselor the day after she had met them. The counselor was a beautiful and charming woman with raven black hair and eyes to match. The dark pupil less eyes were the only characteristic that Maggie could see that would have distinguished her race from Maggie's own. The counselor came from a race known as Betazed. The counselor herself was only one half Betazed, but retained the dark eyes and to a lesser degree, the other attributes of her race.

Modern technology did not seem to play the role in a counselor's work, as it did a doctor's. Perhaps it was because counselors, just like healers, listened to, and advised those troubled souls who sought them out, and just like a healer, there were sessions of laughter and hugs, tears and silence. The counselor, like the healer seemed to rely on her ability to feel a persons emotions, and together with her own wisdom, would help the person find the answers and the peace they sought. The amazing thing about Betazed counselors was that not only could they sense strong emotions, but also they could read the very words from your mind, and could talk among each other, using only their thoughts. Maggie found that to be a bit unnerving and wondered if the counselor was reading her thoughts.

If anyone aboard the whole ship would know that she wasn't the same as other girls it would be this counselor. Yet like the ship's doctor, she treated Maggie with kindness and respect. Only once, did Maggie suspect the counselor knew the truth. Just as Maggie and her mother were about to leave the counselors quarters, the counselor put her hand on Maggie's shoulder and told her that she was welcome to come visit her, and talk to her, anytime, about anything. Maggie just smiled and said thank you. She wondered if she was just being kind, or did she know the truth? Maggie never took her up on that invitation, but she did return with her mother, to learn more about the role of the ship's counselor.

During their return visit, the counselor was quick to point out, that many counselors aboard starships had no empathic powers what so ever. They relied totally on their training and life experience to help others. At least Bridgette and Maggie could be thankful for having that one advantage in being a healer.

Of all the people she met, one stood out as the most interesting, the most curious, and her favorite.

It was their last night aboard the ship and Maggie couldn't sleep. She desperately wanted once last trip through the ship. "This is the last time I will ever be on a starship" she thought, "I just have to see more."

Maggie, breaking rule number one aboard the starship, by leaving alone, slipped quietly out of her quarters. Rules two and three were: never, ever, go to the captain's bridge, and never touch anything without permission. "Breaking the first rule was as good as breaking all three." She thought, as she made her way about the series of corridors.

The decks were much less active now do to the lateness of the hour; but she still encountered a few crewmen, who were probably oblivious to her. Yet she would not look them in the eye, certain they would read the guilt she had in hers. Maggie had journeyed for the better part of the hour, taking numerous turns, and climbing up and down ladders in long tubes; but for the most part, she hadn't seen anything that was as interesting as she had hoped. Having summoned up nearly all her courage just to make this trip, she had very little left to actually go into most sections she encountered.

Disgusted that she had risked so much, and seen so little, she began to retrace her steps back to the settlers quarters. It didn't take Maggie long to realize she was traveling in circles and getting more lost by the minute. Maggie's heart pounded, and tears began to well in her eyes as fear and shame gripped her. She wasn't really afraid of being lost. She could ask the next crewman she saw to help her; or even ask the ship to give her directions, as she had seen others do. However, this would undoubtedly alert her parents, and possibly the captain, that she had betrayed her parents trust, and brought shame to her people.

Maggie wandered a while longer; and then, finally succumbing to fatigue and frustration, decided to enter the next door that would open, and turn her self over for the punishment that was sure to follow.

She stepped into the next entrance and the doors gave way to sounds of music, laughter, and quiet conversations. To her right was a long counter with stools, where people were sitting, drinking, and socializing. She'd walked into the ship's pub. It was quite a bit fancier than the one the men drank in at home, but a pub nonetheless.

Almost as quickly as Maggie had set foot inside the pub, a woman, the proprietor no doubt, came from behind the counter and headed straight for Maggie. Maggie, knowing that children weren't allowed in pubs back home, turned to leave, and thought perhaps to try the next door she came to; but a soft hand touched her shoulder, and Maggie turned to face the woman.

She was a dark skinned woman, probably not Starfleet personnel as she was dressed in a purple gown, and large hat to match. She greeted Maggie with a warm smile, and soft words, "Hello...Please come in." She directed Maggie to a table near the window and, then sat down across from her.

Maggie hadn't spoke a word yet; and her kindly host continued to carry the conversation, "You must be one of the settlers, right? And this is your first deep space voyage, and you are here for your drink aren't you? But the question is, what kind of drink are you?"

Maggie wasn't sure if she was supposed to answer that question or not, thankfully, she didn't have to. Her charming host regarded her, and then the smile returned to her face and eyes. "Butterscotch milkshake!" she stated. "That's what you are. You're a butterscotch milkshake."

Her charming but curious host went to the bar and returned almost immediately with a tall glass filled with a white, thick, liquid and two narrow cylinders, standing in the middle of it. Maggie eyed the cylinders suspiciously. Her host, noticing her quandary, bent over and said, "They're straws. That's the way you drink a milkshake. Just suck it through the straw like this." The woman leaned over, placed her lips over the top of one straw and pulled the liquid toward her. She smiled at Maggie, and said, "That's the great thing about milkshakes, not only do they taste great; but, they're fun to drink, and wait to until you get to the bottom of the glass and you hear the sound the straws make"!

Maggie needed no further encouragement, and placing her own lips over the other straw, drew the liquid toward her lips. It was cold, creamy, and deliciously sweet. Maggie liked it, and her eyes and mouth smiled in approval.

Her host continued to chat to her while Maggie mostly smiled, nodded and drank. When Maggie got to the bottom of the glass her straw made the funniest "slurping" sounds, and she just knew, that was what her new friend had told her about.

One butterscotch milkshake led to another, and by the time Maggie had nearly completed the second, her host turned the conversation to the inevitable. "See, I knew you were a butterscotch milkshake, and I bet I know something else about you too. I bet your parents don't know you're out roaming around the ship in the middle of the night?"

Maggie swallowed her last sip of milkshake hard. "Well this is it" she thought, "She's taking me straight to the captain for sure."

Her friend, seeing the fear in her eyes, immediately reassured her, "Hey, it's okay. Look I used to be somewhat of an explorer myself, when I was about your age. Used to drive my father crazy, when I would take off.

Tell you what I do. How about you finish that milkshake while we talk some more and I will lead you back to your quarters, and no one will ever have to know. It will be our secret."

Maggie was delighted, but the thought of the captain returned to her. "What if we run into the Captain?" asked Maggie. Her friend smiled, "The captain and I go way back. We are very special friends, and as long as you're with me, we won't have trouble with anyone."

Maggie felt relieved; but her feeling was short lived as her friend reached out to take her hand, and looked deep into her eyes. Maggie started to fidget beneath the woman's penetrating gaze; and she wondered why she was staring at her so intently. She didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Maggie" her friend spoke softly, "I know something else about you too. I know that in your heart you've been Maggie all your life, but you haven't always lived as Maggie, have you?"

When Maggie heard those words, her first thought was to just get up and start running. Just bolt from the room and run, until she couldn't run anymore. She wouldn't even care if she made it back to her quarters or not.

Her friend could see the fear in her eyes, and she quickly tried to calm her. "Hey, its all right. You don't have to be afraid. I think you are a very beautiful girl, and in fact...I might even be able to help you, but we're gonna have to talk for awhile, and talking makes me thirsty, so we're probably gonna need another butterscotch milkshake. What do you say?"

Maggie's fear disappeared; and her thirst, for information and butterscotch milkshakes, reappeared. Over the next hour Maggie and her friend exchanged more information.

Maggie found out that her host had been involved in a discussion with the ship's doctor and the counselor about Maggie that very same day. It seems that Maggie's mother had discussed her condition with the doctor and the counselor. Much to Maggie's delight they both thought she was very much a real girl, and they would both like to use their knowledge and technology to help Maggie realize her dream. They couldn't just magically turn her into a girl. However, there were medicines and surgeries that could help to alter her body to give it a female appearance.

Therein lay the heart of their discussion. Maggie's world divorced itself from modern technology long ago. The technology was there to help Maggie; but as much as Bridgette wanted to, she could not accept the kind offer of assistance the counselor and the doctor had made, because it would violate the customs her world was built on. The counselor and the doctor had even gone to the ship's captain in hope he could convince Maggie's parents to allow them to help her. "The captain", Maggie thought, "Oh no! What would he think of her, and her parents, and her world. There's sure to be trouble now." As her host continued, she breathed a sigh of relief. The captain felt once the offer had been refused, his hands were tied, and he would not intervene.

Her friend then stopped to see how Maggie was taking it all in. Maggie was bombarded by many emotions: utter surprise that there was technology that could help her, anger and sadness that she could not use that technology, and compassion for her parents who had to say no to their child's one chance at realizing a dream.

Maggie tried unsuccessfully to hold back the tears but she was overwhelmed. Her compassionate friend wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at her. "No tears, you'll water down your milkshake, and besides I said, I thought I could help you." She smiled and then spoke again; "Do you believe in magic? Do you believe in luck?" Maggie thought for a minute and shook her head yes. "Good! I do too!" It was luck that I was in the conversation with the doctor and the counselor, and learned about your problem. It was luck, that of all the places you could've come tonight, you came here."

Maggie slowly smiled as she began to believe the tale this woman was spinning. "Now comes the magic!" and her friend smiled as she pulled a small box from a pocket in her dress. The box was white and had the words; "Hugglebugs Ltd." printed on the outside. She opened the box to show two small containers and a booklet.

Maggie started to fire several quick questions at her friend, but she was cut off before she could ever start. "Before we go any further, I want to be sure this is what you would really want. You've told me some things about your people, and your beliefs; but I want you to tell me about you. Tell me what you want for you, more than anything else." She paused a moment, "Just tell me the truth, there are no wrong answers, I just need you and me to be sure, before we go any further, okay?"

Maggie nodded, took a sip of milkshake; and told her about living as Matthew; and of her dreams of waking up and being a real girl; and how much she hated her body.

After about 30 minutes, she stopped, and the woman smiled again. "See, I already knew what you were going to say, kind of like I knew you were a butterscotch milkshake; and I was right about that wasn't I?" Maggie nodded. "Okay, then trust me with what I am about to show you and tell you." She sat the box down on the table in front of Maggie. "As I said, this is magic! It is very old magic to me. I have had this box for many, many years. I was visiting Earth on one of those visits my father didn't know about when I came across Hugglebugs'. She paused for a moment as if to collect her thoughts. "It was in Australia I think, no, New Zealand, and about the turn of the 21st century. I met the most wonderful little girl there. I don't remember her name; but I do remember her telling me that she used to be a man, and that a magic spray had made him what he always wished to be a little girl. The little girl told me where I could get that spray if I had a dream like hers. I didn't, but I wanted that spray just in case. So I got it; and here it is, and I think you are, 'JUST IN CASE!'"

Maggie was speechless, there in a little white box sat every dream she ever had rolled into one. No surgeries, no medicines, just a little bottle of spray. She was so ecstatic; but reality then dampened her enthusiasm. If her parents wouldn't let the doctor and the counselor help her, would they let her friend help her? She said it was magic; but what would her family, and the villagers call it? She couldn't do this without her parents' permission; and they would probably require the council's permission.

She didn't know what to do; but her friend, who seemed to have all the answers, and the magic, had one more answer. She had written a note explaining her gift to Maggie, and for her parents to at least read the instructions, and think about the magic, before making a decision. She handed the box to Maggie.

Maggie hugged her tightly and then asked her a question, "Will you get in trouble with the captain and Starfleet for helping me?" Her co-conspirator flashed that big smile of hers and spoke, "See, I'm not exactly Starfleet; and sometimes I kinda work around the rules a little; and this is one of those times, okay?" Maggie shook her head in agreement and finished her drink.

Maggie's friend, realizing the lateness of the hour, told Maggie it was time for her to take her home. True to her word, she led her through the winding corridors of the ship. All the while, Maggie was gossiping like a magpie, telling her friend more about the world she had left, her near death illness, and the new world they were going to. In hardly any time at all, and without seeing nary a person, her partner-in-crime had her standing just outside the settlers quarters.

Maggie thanked the woman for her kindness, the milkshakes, and most of all for the little white box that held her dream. She hugged her once last time and before Maggie went in, she told her goodbye, as her people would be transferring to the new ship tomorrow morning. Her friend was a strange and wonderful person; but it was the last thing she said, that seemed the oddest of all to Maggie. "This isn't goodbye. I'll be seeing you back here again. You can be sure of that."

Maggie could only smile, and wave back at her as she entered her quarters. No one knew she had been gone. She slipped quietly into her bed, wondering if she ever really would be back aboard a starship; and if she did, would she come back as the girl she dreamed of being? Those answers would come tomorrow, she hoped.

Maggie glanced down at her lukewarm mug of tea. It was no match for a good butterscotch milkshake, she thought. She had been tempted to order one; but decided to wait, to see if she could find her friend again. She had a feeling, that no one but her, could make one taste that good again.

She looked at the clock and saw it was 1500 hours. She still had an hour before she was due to report. All she could do was sit and wait. She had become an expert at waiting, but she had never learned to like it.

On one of the longest nights of her life, was the night she had received the box of Hugglebugs spray. By the time she had returned to her quarters, and slipped into bed, it was less than two hours before morning; but those were two of the most agonizing hours she had ever spent.

How was she going to explain to her parents, everything that had happened? The least of her worries, was the fact she had slipped out, and explored the ship. It was the little white box and all that it represented, not only to her family, but also to all her people that had her up rocking in her bed.

Just before it was time to rise, Maggie reached her first decision. She would not tell her parents about the Hugglebugs spray, until they were well on their way aboard the transport ship. She knew that this might possibly get her into more trouble; but as deep in trouble as she thought she was in now, a little bit more wasn't going to make it worse. Besides, once they were underway, her parents couldn't go to her friend and get her into trouble, or demand that she take back the box.

Maggie waited until the starship was long gone; and her family had begun settling into their new quarters. She went up to her parents and her brother, and told them she had something very important to tell, and to show them. She pulled out the box from her leather bag and handed it to her father.

He stared at it curiously, but before he could ask the obvious questions, Maggie reached over and squeezed his hand, "Please father, before you say anything, let me say my piece, will you?" She looked from face to face, and all nodded in silent agreement.

"Okay, now you're probably going to get mad." She hesitated, nervously dropping her eyes and twisting her boot on the floor, "No, you are definitely going to be mad; but please, don't say anything until I finish.

Last night I went out exploring on the ship. I just had to take one last look at it before I left. I know I shouldn't have done it; but, I'm glad I did; and I hope after I tell you everything else, you will be too. Anyway, I started wandering about. There really wasn't that much to see that was interesting, so I decided to come back, only I couldn't find my way back, and I sort of got lost." Her pitch raised in excitement and her words came twice as fast. "I ended up in a place like a pub; but, it was much nicer than the ones we have at home, and I think even kids are allowed there; but I didn't ask.

Then, I met this lady who runs the pub; and you would really like her, she was so nice. She gave me free drinks. They were called butterscotch milkshakes; we talked, and talked, and she knew about me even before we met; because she heard the doctor and the counselor talking about me. She said she wished she could help me; and, that's when she gave me this box; and walked me home."

Immediately Maggie let out a huge breath, part from unloading her tale, and part from talking so fast, and for so long. Her father looked at her mother, and then both looked back at Maggie.

Her father then took the lead. "That's quite a tale you have there Maggie; but you've not explained what you have in that box; and I've a feeling, there's more to this story than you be telling." He paused a minute to study Maggie's face, and then finished. "Well, out with the rest of it then, you've come this far. As long as you tell the truth, you've nothing to fear."

Maggie knew she had to tell the rest of the truth. She wanted to, but truth or not, she still felt she had something to fear. Her mother came to her, gave her a hug, and spoke softly, "It's all right Maggie, just relax and tell us now."

Maggie took another deep breath, and began again. "This box is a gift from my friend. When I said she knew about me, I meant she knew about me being a girl, with a boy's body. She also knew that the doctor offered to help me; but you wouldn't let them; because we don't believe in modern technology." Tears welled in Bridgette's eyes, and she spoke out, "Oh darling, you don't know how much your father and I wanted to accept their offer, but we just couldn't. God as my witness, I wanted to; but we just couldn't." Her voice trailed off as she buried her head in her husband's chest. "Oh damn this life."

Maggie cut in, "Please Mother, don't cry, just let me finish. My friend told me what technology could do for me, but even technology couldn't make me a real girl. Only magic could do that, and that's what she gave me." Maggie took the lid of the box to reveal the spray bottles, the booklet, and a small, hand written note. She smiled as she presented it to her father.

"Please father, this isn't really technology. It's 21st century Earth magic. It can make me a real girl. Please, just read the note my friend wrote; and then read the instructions. Don't say anything else, until you do that, please!"

Both her father and her mother sat down, so they could concentrate on the articles Maggie had just given them. Slowly they examined the contents of the box, gently placing the bottles back in the box, before reading the enclosed notes.

The first note was from Maggie's friend. It read:

To Maggie's family:

Enclosed are two bottles of magic that I would like to share with your child. It is old magic; but I assure you, it is safe, and will work, as long as you follow the enclosed directions.

I understand and respect your peoples rights and beliefs; but, I think that Maggie has rights too, one of them being the right to be the woman she was intended to be. Maggie needs this magic to live; or I fear, she will truly die. What I do and say here stands only for me. It does not represent Starfleet or their policies. It is a gift of life, from me, to Maggie and all of you, if you will accept it.

I hope you will search your hearts and find the right answer. Maggie's life depends on it.

Good Luck,

A friend.

The note touched all their hearts, but answered few questions as to what magic they actually held in their hands. They put the note aside and examined the instruction booklet. Each member of the family took a turn at examining the booklet; and all shook their heads in disbelief, as they read what this magic proclaimed it could do.

Whether Maggie's kind friend referred to Hugglebugs as magic or not, it was clear it was a form of technology. Nanites are not magic.

Michael knew enough about modern technology to know a little about nanite technology, even if, he had never heard of Hugglebugs. What truly amazed him, was that although this "magic" came from a time over 300 years ago, he had never heard of anything today, that could transform a body like this magic claimed. Not even the wise doctor aboard the starship could have given Maggie a new body. Was it technology, because it used terms like nanites, or was it magic, because what it claimed to do, was far beyond any technology the 24th century had to offer?

The rest of the day was spent discussing Hugglebugs. In the end, they felt the issue did impact more than just Maggie or their own family. It might be magic, it might be technology, but either way, it could violate laws of the people, and therefore a meeting of the council was in order.

Michael would stand before the other members and explain Hugglebugs as best he could. It was his hope, and his family's hope, that the council would not consider Hugglebugs a violation of their beliefs; and at least let Maggie and her family make the decision.

The next afternoon, an emergency session was called; and Michael made his emotion-filled plea. The council was visibly touched, by the emotions of a concerned parent; but his proposal would take serious consideration. The council adjourned; and did not reconvene for three days. They called Michael to their chambers, and he returned home an hour later with the decision.

Their decision, was almost no decision at all, thought Maggie. The council felt something of such consequence could not be decided in a few days or a few months. It was their decision, to place the box and its Hugglebugs magic in the possession of the council, until Maggie neared her 17th birthday, and adulthood. During that time, all parties could and would consider the ramifications of Hugglebugs.

If Maggie still felt she wanted to use this 'magic', she could address the council as an adult then. A final decision would be made at that time.

Maggie didn't know how to feel. They hadn't said yes. They hadn't said no. They said, "Wait!" Maggie didn't want to violate her beliefs; but she didn't want to wait one more day, and know she would have to wait nearly three years.

At least she had her families blessing. They had all agreed to allow, and support her decision to use Hugglebugs, if the council would allow it. Until that time, she had to once again wait. Wait until they landed on their new home and wait until she reached age 17. Tomorrow seemed like an eternity to Maggie.

Maggie's thoughts of Hugglebugs magic stayed strong in her mind; but as the ship approached their destination and made orbit, she was as excited and as curious as every other villager. Starfleet Relocation had said the landing would be in area that was geographically, and climate wise, very much like Ireland; and when the settlers landed and saw it for the first time, it was obvious Starfleet had been true to their word. It was lush and green with rolling hills and tall grasses. Maggie felt a faint mist in the air, and knew that a warm rain had just fallen.

The settlers spilled out into the meadow and rejoiced at finally coming home. Michael grabbed Bridgette up straight away and proceeded to carry her about the meadow. Laughing and protesting she succeeded in doing nothing more than causing them both to spill into the wet grass. They lay there holding each other and gazing into the blue sky.

Maggie climbed the first tall tree she could find, and looked out over the landscape. Save for the different animals and plants they would encounter, and the twin moons that shown every night. Maggie would never have known she'd ever left Earth.

During the next three and a half years, the settlers built, planted, and made a good life for themselves in New Killarney. Maggie spent most of her time learning as a healer's apprentice. Both she and her mother planted seeds to grow the herbs that she'd brought with her from Earth; but they also experimented with the new ones they'd found upon arrival. If she wasn't training as an apprentice, she was often daydreaming on the bank of the nearby lake.

Starships still were on her mind. She kept thinking about the wonders she had encountered: replicator machines that could instantly make anything you asked for; holodecks, magical places, where the computer could create people and worlds that seemed so real and endless. Yet were just fairy tales, all contained in a single room; weapons she'd heard tell of that could destroy a man, or a whole planet, in little more than instant.

That last thought made her shudder. Maggie began to understand why her people did not think modern technology was always such a good thing. If computers did everything for you, what would you do? What could you do? Weapons that could kill so many, so easily, were just too dangerous.

At home, when two men took to fighting, there was usually nothing more than a goodly amount of swearing, a bloody nose or two; and then, they both ended up at the pub, buying each other an ale, before going home.

The loser of a fight with a Starship weapon didn't get to go home. It was a wondrous and dangerous place, and Maggie still thought about her friend's last words; and, wondered if she ever would see her again. Most of all, Maggie thought about her little white box of Hugglebugs, sitting in the council chambers.

If Maggie wanted that magic when she was 13, she wanted it even more as she neared 17. Her body that had seemed to pay little attention to her sex for the first 13 years finally rebelled against her. She had grown nearly as tall as her father now; and while still thin, her shoulders had broadened, and hair had began to sprout on her face and chest, faster than she could pull them out. Her hair was still long, but had lost some of its softness; and despite all her best efforts she cut quite a peculiar figure walking about in a young woman's attire and a young man's body.

Yet, as bad as the body had betrayed her, her voice conspired along with it. Her soft voice, which had been very much like her own mothers had deepened now; and no matter how softly she tried to speak, a young man's voice filled the air.

Her family, friends, and other villagers, tried to treat Maggie as they had for the last 7 years, but it was obvious to all that Maggie was fighting a losing battle. Her only hope lay in a sympathetic council and a little white box.

Maggie drifted back into the real world; and checked to see, that only 10 more minutes had gone by. She tried to focus on her meeting with the commodore.

How she presented herself might be the difference between a career in Starfleet, and being sent home packing. She gathered herself up and shook her head to clear her mind. This reminded her that her hair was still down, and she bit her lip trying to decide if she should wear it up or down. Up meant working, and that's what she came here to do.

So, she reached into her brown leather bag, the same bag her mother had always carried and surveyed its contents. She found the brown leather book of herbs and potions, several changes of clothes, although she was sure Starfleet would provide her with proper uniforms, should she be accepted, her mothers necklace, the flute her father made for her, Meaghan's well-worn doll. Meaghan, was her brother Ian's four-year-old daughter, and the apple of Aunt Maggie's eye. She had frustratingly searched for a four-leaf clover to give Maggie for luck, but upon finding none, gave her a favorite doll instead. She was going to miss that little elf, she thought.

Maggie dug deeper into the contents, and found the hair tie she'd been searching for. She grabbed it and put her hair up in a ponytail.

With her hair properly fixed, she looked down at her attire. Not really much she could do about it. It was her mother's dress. She wore it now, as much to honor her mother, as she did the principles her world had been built on. Her mother had worn that dress 8 years ago when she first "tried" to set foot on their new home planet. The dress was a mixture of soft blues and teal and highlighted the blue in Maggie's eyes. It had been nearly full length on her mother, but barely mid calf on Maggie. It was made of a soft cotton like material, drawn tight at the waist, loosely laced above the breast, and easy about the neck. The sleeves, short of mid-length, were flared a bit at the ends. Maggie's dusty brown leather boots and cape were well worn, but warm and comfortable.

That dress held more personal significance to her than any piece of clothing she had ever, or would ever own. It was not only her mother's dress, but also a dress she had hoped to wear when she reached adulthood and her 17th birthday.

Three days before her 17th birthday, the council had agreed to listen to Maggie's petition. They promised they would have her answer within two days, and in time for her 17th birthday. Maggie came to the council with her family, and hugged each one of them, before turning to address the 8 council members. Her father obviously was not allowed to vote, and could only watch helplessly along with the other family members.

She would have to convince them all. There was no majority vote needed. One negative vote would be her undoing. She stood before them, dressed, as she dressed everyday. She had written a speech, and then threw it away. The words would come from the heart, her father had told her. "Just open up, and you will find them." She glanced into their eyes. Most were as anxious and uneasy as she felt. She took a breath, and began, "Council members I stand before you today as you have seen me among you for several years. You know me, my family, and what brings me here. I know, you want to make the right decision, and you are trying hard to understand, what I am, what the Hugglebugs spray will mean, and what you should do.

I've been thinking about Hugglebugs, and that little white box, every moment, of every day, for over three years. I have been thinking about, why I am, the way I am, for all my life; and I still don't have the answers. And, maybe I never will.

Maybe it's not important why I was born this way, only that you and I can accept it as truth. I am asking you to accept me, without understanding me. No man could understand how much I could hate this body; and no woman could understand, how I envy the body she possesses. Nor, could she truly appreciate, how fortunate she is to have a body, that matches her soul. How can anyone with eyes that see, know the pain of being blind?

All of us here, have a form of blindness you see." Maggie was shaking and she searched her heart for the words. "You are all my friends, and some seven years ago, you turned your eyes blind to what you saw when you looked at me. You opened your hearts and tried to see what I so desperately wanted to be. You treated my family and me with kindness, tolerance and respect. My family closed their eyes to a sad, tortured little boy, and tried to see the little girl that was within him. And I closed my eyes to the truth every time I stood before a mirror, saw my reflection in the lake, or heard the sound of my voice. We all went blind.

Well now, I'm asking you to open your eyes and look at me. See this creature that stands before you." Maggie stepped back, spread her legs, and opened her arms up to the heavens. "For God's sakes, look at me! I'm a queer, twisted creature, a cruel joke by Mother Nature, a laughable, pitiable sight!"

Tears streamed down Maggie's face and she braced herself at the table where she stood. "I can't change the past, nor forget the pain. I don't think I would want to. It is a part of who I am. But, you have the power to change my future, not to just change my life, but to give me life." Maggie paused a moment to regain her composure. "I'll not ask you to sacrifice the principles that our world was founded on. I'm not asking you to change the world. Just let me, change me."

"You ask is it technology? I don't know. Maybe it is."

"You ask is it magic? Absolutely!"

"Anything, be it potion, herb, or nanite spray that can give one the power to have a body to match their soul has to be magic. My friend explained Hugglebugs to me in a way I think you should hear. Hugglebugs is a key, a magic key that releases the chains that hold the soul. Once free, the heart and soul can take the dream that's been in your mind and make it a reality.

Now, if that magic key is made from nanites, or such, I really don't think it matters, cause its the heart that performs the true magic."

Emotionally spent, she tried to gather her thoughts one last time. "Whatever be the decision of this court, I will accept it, and do my best to contribute as I can to our world. I only add this one last plea. Our founders rejected modern technology as they felt it took us away from nature and God, yet without modern technology we wouldn't be on the world we are today. I ask you all to think of this. Think beyond replicators, transporters, and even little white boxes of magic.

Think about your lives, your children's lives, and the sick and the dying. I tell you now, when I was aboard that starship I seen wonders that could save life and prevent suffering. My mother is a fine healer, and she's helped many, but many have died and suffered who could have been assisted by modern medicine. Not all technology is against God and nature. My God would not want his people to suffer needlessly.

I say to all of you now, if you cannot find it in your hearts, to grant me my life, then at least consider making the changes that just might save your life and your children's."

Maggie dropped her head and leaned again on the table. The council chambers were silent, and Maggie's family came to her. One member spoke out, "Maggie, you have stated your case well, and touched every member of this council. I have but one question for you. What if this magic kills you? Have you thought of that?"

Maggie raised her face to meet the lone voice. "Ayah, I've thought of that, but death and I are not strangers. I have thought of it often, prayed for it at times. I don't fear it now. I would rather risk the magic and a chance for life, than too to keep dying day by day."

Maggie searched the members for another question, but few would even meet her eyes. With the help of her family, she walked from the chambers and to her home, to do what she hated most, wait.

Shortly after supper, on the eve of her 17th birthday, a messenger brought a letter to Maggie's house. Her father took the letter and put it in Maggie's trembling hands. She broke the seal and removed the parchment, but she couldn't bear to read the letter so she gave it to her father to read.

Maggie sat on the edge of her bed, as her mother held one hand and her brother the other. Michael cleared his throat and read the words: "To Maggie O'Malley and family, regarding her petition to this council.

Your words and wisdom's from one still so young touched this council. Your pain is felt in every heart here. Yet, we must make a decision, for not only your welfare, but for the future of our village. You have brought forth much to be considered. Is Hugglebugs modern technology? It is this council's belief that it is.

Could it be magic? Perhaps it is. If we are to believe it is your soul, and your will that brings on this change, just as much as the Hugglebugs, then indeed it must be magic. A beautiful, and a powerful magic. You ask us to open our eyes and see. We see a tortured soul before us. We have seen the young woman within. We have seen someone so concerned for her people, that she would sacrifice her own dream, if need be, just to ask us to consider the future of our own lives. Most of all, we see a way to help this soul.

It is the decision of this council that whatever Hugglebugs truly be, technology or magic, it is irrelevant. Compassion, love, and life must be taken into account in any interpretation of law or tradition. Maggie O'Malley you have our permission and blessing to use the Hugglebugs, and may it bring you all the peace and happiness you deserve. One final note: Your words and plea about modern medical technology will be taken under consideration, but please, one miracle at a time if you will."

As her father finished the words, Maggie jumped up to hug him; and they both went tumbling to the ground, with Maggie's mother and brother joining them. They hugged, and cried, and shouted, such that their neighbors must have thought they were having a terrible row; but Maggie didn't care. She had waited so long for this dream, and now it was only minutes away from reality. Her father wasted no time in going to the council chambers and retrieving the white box.

Maggie looked at each of her family. One by one she went to them hugged them and told them she loved them. Just in case this magic did put her to sleep forever, she wanted her last words to be those of love. It was agreed that Bridgette and Maggie would go to Maggie's room alone and they would administer the spray while Michael and Maggie's brother Ian would wait outside.

Maggie paced about her room, nervous and impatient. Bridgette, just as nervous, tried to calm her excited daughter. "Alright now Maggie, settle down. We've got to do just what the instructions say to do, so be patient."

Bridgette carefully read the instructions and then had Maggie to strip down to her panties. "As best as I understand this dear, you should be wearing clothes of the sex you want to be, so your panties will do just fine." Maggie sat off the edge of her bed, wringing her hands and looking up anxiously at her mother. "I'm ready for the spray. I'm ready for the spray!" Maggie shouted impatiently.

Bridgette took a long look at the child that sat before her, a child that at first had been her son, and then her daughter, but no matter the sex, this was her baby. Bridgette took Maggie's hand and spoke, "Oh my baby, no matter what happens, whether this works or not, I love you with all my heart."

Maggie leaned up and kissed her mother, and returned, "I love you too, mother."

Bridgette then continued to read the instructions, and then stopped abruptly, her eyes opened wide and she shook her head.

Maggie jumped up from the bed and shouted, "Mother, what is it? What's wrong?"

Bridgette put her hand on Maggie and spoke, "It's alright dear, but the wonders of this spray truly amaze me. Why, not only can you change your sex, you can change your age! Oh Maggie this truly is magic indeed. Why you could even be a little girl, the little girl you never got to be. Oh that would be grand, why I could dress you in the cutest outfits. You'd be the darlin of the village, I tell you." Bridgette looked at Maggie, her eyes smiling as if she was seeing a little girl standing before her.

Maggie sat back down on the bed, and thought about all the joys of being a little girl, joys that she never knew, and spent many a night wishing for. She smiled to herself for a moment, and then stood to face her mother again. "Oh mother, I wish I could be a little girl, but part of being a child is what you don't know, innocence. Even if I had the body of a little girl, I would still have my memories, and my maturity.

I can't go back. It would be a cheat I think. Mother Nature cheated me; that's true, but I've no desire to ask for more years than I'm due. I'm a soon to be 17 year old girl, and that's all I want to be."

Bridgette looked at her daughter proudly, and nodded her head in agreement. "Alright Maggie then, stand up and I'll begin the spraying. Now according to this book, I've got to get it all over you, even inside your mouth, so open up." Bridgette sprayed a healthy dose down Maggie's mouth, and proceeded to cover her whole body in spray, until the bottle was empty.

Maggie stood still, her body covered in spray, shivering a bit, but trying not to move. Bridgette finished the instructions and told Maggie to think young woman thoughts and very soon something should began to happen.

It didn't take long before Maggie noticed a change. The chill quickly passed, and was replaced by a feeling of warmth and light-headedness. She started to get dizzy, and Bridgette led her to her bed. As Maggie's head felt the pillow, her eyes got heavy and she felt like her body was floating in a warm water lake. She was either slipping under the influence of the Hugglebugs or she was dying, but she felt such at peace, she wasn't about to fight either.

Bridgette felt Maggie's forehead and realized she was fevered and starting to perspire. She went to the basin, and poured cool water on a cloth to place on Maggie's head. When she turned back to Maggie, she saw the first signs of change. The small tufts of hair that had grown on Maggie's chest were gone, and so was the facial hair she had battled. She couldn't be sure at first, but Maggie looked smaller. She had been a solid 6'2 only moments ago, but now she seemed smaller in her bed.

Bridgette put the cold compress on Maggie's forehead, and listened to her soft, deep breathing. It was like she was sleeping, a very deep sleep. Bridgette took Maggie's hand in hers, and found it had grown smaller and softer. The changes began to come faster, and more pronounced. Bridgette watched in amazement, as Maggie's shoulders and waist began to narrow, and her hips began to widen. Her chest, which at first had become as flat and hairless as a child's, began to grow breasts and spreading nipples. Maggie's dark hair grew down over her shoulders to a length near her waist, and got lighter in color, nearly matching Bridgette's own auburn hue.

Even Maggie's face had changed. Her eyes were larger and more oval, her lips fuller, her cheeks higher and more prominent, and even her Adams apple disappeared into her neck. Bridgette looked down at the panties Maggie wore, and recognized the shape they now outlined as the flesh therein of a woman. The face and body that lay there before Bridgette was indistinguishable from that of any other young woman.

Maggie groaned and tried to raise her head from the pillow; but she was too weak to move. Bridgette searched the instructions, but found no mention of sleep being part of the process. Yet, Maggie didn't seem in pain, and perhaps she just needed the rest.

Bridgette laid a gentle hand on her chest, and spoke softly, "Here now little one, will have none of that now. You just lay here and rest a bit, you need to sleep now."

Maggie whispered in her mothers ear, "Mother did it work, am I a beautiful girl?"

Bridgette was startled by the sound of Maggie's soft voice, but answered, "Yes my love, you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Maggie smiled and drifted off to sleep. Bridgette laid a quilt over her, kissed her forehead, and went downstairs to tell her husband and son, what she herself scarcely believed, had happened.

Ian and Michael went up to Maggie's room as she slept, but could see little more than a bundle beneath a quilt and long auburn hair. They would have to wait until the morning, Maggie's birthday, to see what the magic had given them.

Maggie awoke in the early hours of the morning, raising her arms above her head, stretching and letting out a high pitched yawn. The sound of such a soft, feminine voice caused her to open her eyes wide in surprise. She froze, her arms in mid air, and surveyed the room around her. It was her room, her mother was asleep in the chair by her bed, and everything looked the same around her.

Maggie started breathing heavy, afraid to look down at herself for fear she had not really changed at all, but the heavy breathing in her chest made her aware of a heaviness upon it, and her eyes and face lowered to view her chest. Much to her delight and disbelief, there were two well-formed breasts. Slowly she lowered her hands, and cupped each breast. They were firm, and the skin was soft to touch.

The next thing Maggie noticed was her long hair. She could feel it falling over her shoulders and down to her waist as she sat up in bed. It was soft and a beautiful auburn like her mothers.

She took her hands and began to explore all over her body. Every where she touched was smooth, soft, and supple. Her hands and feet seemed tiny in comparison to the day before, and although it was difficult to tell while sitting in bed, she knew she had to be shorter. She saved the most important for last. She ran her left hand down to her waist, and then to the edge of her panties. She closed her eyes, swallowed and edged her fingers beneath the material. Her fingers found the soft down, and the feminine folds of skin that lay within. She pulled out her hand and shrieked in joy.

Bridgette awoke immediately, and Maggie reached out to hug her mother. Bridgette hugged her daughter, a daughter in both body and soul for the first time. Tears rolled down both women's faces, before Maggie spoke. "Oh mother, look at me. It really worked. I'm a woman!" Maggie put her hand to her mouth as if she could hardly believe the sound of the words that were coming from it. "I've a body and a voice, but what about my face? I have to know what I look like!"

Maggie tossed off the quilt and bounded out of her bed to stand in front of her dresser mirror. She raised a hand to her cheek, and like all the rest of her body it was soft and smooth. She traced the line of her jaw, and noticed her high cheekbones. She ran her finger over her soft, full lips. Her eyes seemed twice as big, and twice as beautiful. They were her mother's eyes, and the blue sparkled in her reflection. So much of her was just like her mother now. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind she was the daughter of Bridgette O'Malley. She turned and faced her mother, Maggie's eyes beaming and showing a peace and contentment that Bridgette had never seen.

Bridgette hugged and held her daughter again. Maggie released the embrace and stood staring at herself in the mirror. She would turn and move and watch herself from every angle. Bridgette could barely suppress a laugh.

Finally she had to speak, "All right Cinderella, your father and Ian are waiting, and as we both know, no one in this family likes to wait. So, before they come up here and fetch you down, we best get you dressed, unless you plan to greet them in nothing but panties, and I don't think that'll do at all anymore." Maggie smiled at her mother and then went to her wardrobe to get a dress, but when she pulled one out, it was obvious it would no longer fit.

Just as she had suspected, she was smaller, barely 5'8 considerably lighter, and with a shape suited for women's clothes. Bridgette, being the wise mother, had foreseen this dilemma, and presented Maggie with a beautiful dress. It was the dress Bridgette had worn the day they landed. Bridgette held up the dress to Maggie and looked her up and down.

"That's gonna fit you just fine. It will be shorter on you, and I may have to let out the bust line a bit," Maggie's face turned red as she blushed, and Bridgette laughed. "You best get used to this girl, you've a whole world ahead of you, and a lot to learn.

Now, here's a proper bra, and we'll have to get more clothes for you later." She set a pair of leather boots by Maggie's dresser, and walked to the door. "See if you can squeeze into these boots until we can see the cobbler. When you are dressed and ready, come down, we'll all be waiting to help you celebrate your 17th birthday. You know when a girl turns 17, it's a special day." Bridgette closed the door behind her, and Maggie took one last look at her new body, and then said a prayer of thanks to Hugglebugs spray and her friend aboard the starship.

Michael, Ian, and Bridgette stood in the living room as Maggie came to the head of the stairs and descended them. Ian and Michael's eye grew wide as Maggie came into view. She looked at each of them and when neither of them spoke, she ran to her father and cried, "Father, it's really me, Maggie!"

Michael hugged his daughter tightly, as tears streamed down his own cheeks. Maggie felt small, but safe and loved, in her father's arms. When her father released her, Ian grabbed her from behind, and picked her up in the air, before bringing her down to hug her.

He smiled at her with that infectious grin of his, and spoke, "You know, having a little sister like this is gonna be awful hard on me, having to keep all the rogues at bay and such. Why I've your honor to defend don't you know?" Maggie shook her head and smiled at her loving brother. It was funny to hear him talk that way; but it was true. Maggie was a woman now, all woman; and neither he, nor the rest of the world would treat her quite the same.

Bridgette walked up to Michael, and said, "Michael O'Malley, today is your daughters 17th birthday; and unless you want her to be an old maid, it's time for the ceremony. Time to give your daughter her bridal braids."

Maggie looked first at her mother and then at her father. She hadn't been a woman for a day yet; and already, she was about to experience one of the biggest days in a young woman's life. She took a deep breath, and began to walk over to her father. She stopped just before him, and held out a lock of her hair.

The sounds of the intercom announcing the arrival of a cargo ship awoke Maggie from her dream state. Instinctively, she raised her hand to the left side of her face; and worked up and down the tightly woven braid. She breathed a heavy sigh. Her hand trembled just as her father's had nearly five years ago. The very first day she lived as a woman was also important, because a girls 17th birthday, is the day she receives her bridal braids. The braids signify that she is now a young woman, and is of marrying age. The two braids, one on each side of the face, are placed there the first time by the girls father, and are not to be removed, save for when the young woman washes her hair, until her husband takes them out on their wedding night. It was the biggest day in a father and daughters life. The very first day that Maggie could truly live as a woman, she could also be proposed to.

Maggie was looking forward to life as a woman, but marriage would definitely have to wait. Michael looked down at his lovely daughter. He turned to his wife, "She's you 20 years ago Bridgette, will you look at my daughter now," her father proudly spoke. Michael reached toward Maggie and took the lock of hair from her hand, and began braiding it. Maggie watched as her father twice lost the lock as his hand gently trembled. A man known for his finely detailed silver work yet now couldn't even make a simple braid. Frustrated and wrought with emotion, he misdirected it at Maggie, "Girl you're gonna have to sit still if I'm to make you a proper braid. You were always the one to squirm about."

The words escaped him before he could call them back. Maggie dropped her head and uttered, "Sorry Father." Michael took his daughters hand and held it lovingly in his. "I don't suppose it would be against tradition if a daughter helped her foolish father make a braid now would it." Maggie raised her head, and they both looked at Maggie's mother. She smiled and nodded her acceptance, and together they wove the two braids in Maggie's hair.

After that, the proud parents took their daughter all over the village. The villagers were shocked and amazed, but genuinely happy for Maggie. For years they had treated her like a girl, out of compassion and pity. From now on, they would look at her as the young woman she had always been inside.

The young men in the village spent quite a bit of time looking at Maggie that day. There was no doubt that she'd be turning quite a few heads whenever she walked through the village. It was the most cherished memory in Maggie's life; but unfortunately, also one of the last she would ever have of her parents, and such a happy time.

Two days after her 17th birthday, strangers came , four travelers, aliens, but very much humanoid came to the village. They spoke English, and wore uniforms, but not of Starfleet. They were a small landing party from a ship orbiting the planet. Their engine had failed, and they were in desperate need of a rare ore to complete repairs. It so happened that New Killarney had an ample supply of the precious ore. They informed the villagers they could mine the ore without any danger or destruction of the land and complete the process within a day. If the villagers would agree to this, they would be more than willing to buy or trade for the privilege. Michael and the other council members deliberated very shortly on the proposal. The men seemed honest, peaceful, and obviously in trouble. The council agreed to let them have what they needed and the men left to begin mining operations at their camp, a short distance from the village.

If Maggie had any ideas of sneaking over to their camp to get a look at what they were doing, her mother foiled those plans straight away. Shortly after the strangers left, Bridgette sent both Maggie and Ian into the woods with a long list of plants, and minerals she needed. The journey itself would take all the rest of the day. Maggie knew full well that by the time she and Ian had returned, the strangers would probably be long gone.

Maggie and Ian set out on the journey, gathering the list as they went along and by sundown they had gotten most of it. They made camp, had supper, and lay beneath the stars and moons. That night they both talked, Maggie, as always, about starships, and the places they go, and the things they must see; and Ian, as always, about Sarah. Sarah was Ian's betrothed and they were going to be married in just a few months. Ian could barely think or talk of anything else these days.

Maggie drifted off to sleep, but it was a fitful sleep and when she awoke in the wee hours of the morning, she had an overwhelming feeling she needed to get home. She woke Ian, and they set off immediately for the village.

Within a half mile of the village, they saw smoke; and upon entering it, they found the village burning, the streets lined with dead and dying bodies. The sounds of people crying and screaming in pain filled the air. It was as if a giant lightning bolt had come down from the heavens and struck the tiny village.

Maggie and Ian frantically searched for their parents. Maggie's heart and head pounded with her own fear and pain, and the pain of those around her. Ian and Maggie spotted their mother amid a host of fallen villagers. She was hovering over several of her fallen friends; desperately trying to save lives and ease pain. Parts of her skin were badly burned, and she choked from the stench of charred flesh. Her dress torn and burned adhered to her body by the blood of her own wounds.

Before Maggie and Ian could reach her, she looked up at them both. She shouted, "Ian go find your father. Maggie, find a horse and get to the Starfleet station as fast as you can and send the distress signal!" Maggie stopped in her tracks. She wanted to stay and help her mother, but she knew she could help most by summoning a ship for help. She turned, ran a few steps, and stopped to look back at her mother. She could see and feel the pain and frustration her mother felt, as she was unable to help so many of her friends who desperately needed help.

The station was a good hour away on a hard ride. Maggie quickly found a horse quickly and made the trip in less than an hour. The station, which had been built by the survey teams who originally mapped this planet for the federation, housed a small computer database, and an automatic distress signal. Maggie's father had shown her how to activate the signal on an earlier trip up they had taken. Maggie activated the signal, in hope's hope that a nearby ship would respond immediately.

She then mounted and then began her ride back to the village. Not far into her journey, she felt sharp pains within her stomach, and a wetness between her legs. She slowed the horse to a stop, and ran her fingers between her legs. When she raised her hand she saw drops of blood clinging to her fingertips. "Oh me God, I can't believe it, 'tis the curse come to call!" She wiped the blood from her fingertips and stared into the sky. "I'm sorry Mother Nature, but I've no time to deal with you now. I've gotta get home!" She then nudged the horse with her boot and continued to run her until she entered the village.

She went to the spot where she had seen her mother, but she was no longer there. Frantic, and unable to think where she might be, she headed for home, hoping to find her family there. Ten minutes and she was just outside the house. No sooner than she had dismounted and headed toward the door, Ian was there to meet her. She could see the pain in his eyes, and she knew. In her heart she knew what she would find, even before she pushed by Ian and went through the door. Her father, one of the first men killed, lay on the bed, where Ian had carried him in.

Her mother lay next to him, her hand in his and her head on his shoulder. She was still alive, but barely conscious. She was burned and bleeding badly. Maggie hugged her father and kissed his head, with a tear-choked voice, she spoke to her mother, "Mother, you've lost so much blood, and you're burned so bad. I...I...don't know what to do, please mother I don't know what to do. I can't let you die."

Maggie sobbing and hysterical, ran to her mothers bag and brought out the healers book. Maggie tore through the pages, staining them with the blood from her parents' wounds, as she hopelessly searched for a magic potion that would somehow save her mother's life. Discouraged, she threw the book down, and Ian tried to hold her; but she pushed him away, and then a thought came to her. She ran up the stairs and into her room. She opened the little white box that had given her life just a short while ago, and removed the second bottle in hope it would do the same for her mother. She was down the stairs and by her mother's side again. "Mother, you're not going to die now. I can't save Father, but I can save you. I've got the other bottle of Hugglebugs spray, and I can spray you and you will be alive and as beautiful as always. Bridgette raised up her head and looked into the eyes of her frightened young daughter. She summoned all her strength to speak, and her voice was weak and raspy. "Oh little one, I can't take your magic. I've not been cheated. I've had the love of a good man, and two beautiful children. Like you said, I only want what I am entitled to, and not one minute more." Bridgette coughed and her eyes began to close. Maggie held her tight and sobbed, "Mother, please don't leave me!" Bridgette whispered, "Little one I'll always be there when you need me. I will always be in your heart."

Bridgette lapsed into unconsciousness as she laid her head on Michael's chest. Maggie and Ian both in tears went to their parents and hugged them. Maggie and Ian lay by their sides; sometime in the night, Michael took the hand of his wife, and together, they went on to another world. By morning, Maggie and Ian had lost their parents, and most of the world they knew.

A Starfleet vessel arrived 2 days after Maggie had sent the signal. They offered medical assistance, and supplies to the villagers. Those who had witnessed the attack gave a full report to the rescue teams. There was really so little to tell them, and even less to understand. Shortly before day break, these same travelers, along with maybe another 20 or 30 more, returned and killed nearly 500 innocent men, women and children. They demanded nothing, nor took anything, yet destroyed almost everything. Of the 300+ settlers remaining, nearly 100 returned to Earth when the starship left. Maggie, Ian, and 200 villagers were left to rebuild the dream started by 800 just four years earlier.

The first night after the last of Starfleet left, Maggie wandered down to the lake alone. She carried with her the flute her father had made her when she was still Matthew, although, she doubted she would even play it tonight. The lake was a "Maggie" place, a place to go when she was sad, or troubled, or just wanted to feel close to God. Tonight, she felt all of that, and more. As Maggie neared the waters' edge, the cool breeze off the lake caressed her face, and lightly rustled her hair and dress. The air was heavy with a night musk, and Maggie drank it in, as she sat down upon the lake bank. The twin moons were full, and their reflection shown on the water. Maggie glanced down into the dark blue waters and her own reflection greeted her. Just a few short weeks ago she might have sold her soul to see such a reflection, but tonight she would gladly trade it all, just to hear her parent's voices.

Yes, she was happy to be a "complete woman", able to share all of herself with the world; but the two people she wanted to share herself with most, were no longer here. All the mother and daughter activities she had dreamed of sharing with her mother would never happen. No proud father would walk her down the aisle at her wedding. No grandparents would ever hold her first child. No parent would ever hold Maggie in their arms again. Tears trickled down Maggie's face, jumping from her cheeks to the water below, dispelling her reflection and making Maggie wish she could disappear so easily.

Maggie wiped the tears from her eyes and took in a deep breath. Hoping the coolness of the lake might clear her head; she slipped off her boots and slid her feet into the water. The cool wetness enveloped her, and sent tiny shivers up her body. Maggie reached into her pocket and pulled out the flute. Moistening her lips, she took the flute to her mouth and began to play. The melody was old, and familiar. It was a children's song, the first song her father had taught her to play.

As the song filled the night, warm memories came flooding back to Maggie. She remembered her 8th birthday and how special she felt when her father presented her with that flute. She thought of the countless hours her father practiced with her, his strong but gentle fingers placed over hers as he patiently taught her the notes. She could still hear the music from when they had played together and still see her mother's eyes, filled with love and pride, as she shared the music with them. Now Maggie would never again feel her fathers gentle touch, or gaze into her mother's loving eyes. The music from the flute trailed off as the tears returned. Only this time they came in a torrent, and Maggie pulled her knees to her chest, sobbing, and rocking, until exhaustion claimed her, and left her sleeping on the bank. It was the early hours of the morning when Ian found her there. He gathered her up into his arms, kissed her forehead, and took her home to bed. This long night of mourning had to pass, as tomorrow held the future of their world, and those who remained had the responsibility of building it.

Over the next four years, the remaining villagers worked long, hard days, suffered through the nights, and tried to rebuild and heal. Both Ian and Maggie tried to take their parent's places in the community.

Ian, like his father, became a strong voice on the council; and Maggie, like her mother, became quite skilled at the making of potions, and treatments. Her knowledge of plants, both those indigenous to this planet, and the ones they had transplanted, was the best in the village. Yet as a healer of the mind, and spirit, she suffered terribly. The gift that had begun to develop within her, before the massacre, seemed to have left with her parents the night they died. Being unable to feel her own emotions at times, let alone those of others around her, and being only 20 years old, meant she lacked the life experience to draw on as well. She felt totally inadequate to do little more than heal the body.

Over four years had passed since Maggie had lost her parents, and she had become more withdrawn with each passing year. She had become a woman and realized her greatest dream; but without her parents to share it with, she was lost. Had it not been for Ian, Sarah, and Meaghan, she would have been totally alone. Sarah had survived the attack and married Ian shortly thereafter. Within a year, Meaghan was born; and as custom dictated, Maggie, having neither father nor husband, lived with Ian and his family. Maggie developed quite an attachment to Meaghan; and she became about the only person who could raise a smile out of Maggie, and just about anything else the little princess wanted as well. If Maggie was not out collecting herbs and plants, playing with Meaghan, or sitting in a tree playing her flute, then she was at the station.

Starfleet vessels checked on the villagers more frequently after the attack, and Maggie made it a point to be at the station whenever they visited. She was somewhat of a tag-about and soon struck up friendships with several of the personnel who came by regularly. After she had expressed interest in learning more about Starfleet, and the Federation, they offered to teach her some basic computer skills.

Ian, as head of the new council convinced the members to allow Maggie access. As depressed as she was, it was the least he could give her.

It wasn't long before she learned basic computer skills, and was given access to some low-level learning programs. For almost two years, Maggie used every opportunity to learn more about the world outside hers. There was almost 600 years of knowledge waiting for her, and she was eager to meet it. Her time at the station, broadened her knowledge of the worlds beyond, and rekindled the passion she first felt for starships.

Maggie was coming to a crossroads in her young life. She was restless, frustrated as both a healer and a woman. The more she learned about the federation and its mission, the more it beckoned to her. She learned that the Federation was founded on the principles of peace, exploration, learning, and respect for all life forms and cultures. They were about protection, not conquest. War was always the last resort.

She wanted to be a part of this, yet how could she leave the world her parents and so many of her friends built and died for.

One night she did not come home. She sat in the meadow and starred stared at the stars and moons. The next morning came, and having reached a decision, she went to the station, and submitted her application to Starfleet Academy. It was a difficult decision, especially without her parents to talk to, yet as difficult as it was, she now faced another task equally as difficult. She had to go home and tell Ian she was leaving.

On her way back to the village, she rehearsed her speech to Ian. Ian had tried to be as much a father to her as he was a big brother. Even before Hugglebugs and her 17th birthday, he had been her protector. After she had become a full-fledged woman, there wasn't a prospective suitor that didn't fear Ian's wrath.

There was no doubts in Maggie's mind he would disagree with her decision, try to discourage her, and when all else failed, maybe even flat forbid her to go. "I got to be sure of myself. I have got to make him listen, and no matter what he say, I can't cry!" Maggie thought to herself. She paused just outside the door to Ian and Sarah's house, and took a deep breath. With her shoulders back, and head held high, she marched in.

Ian was sitting at the table, packing his pipe. Maggie noticed how much he did resemble her father, but she couldn't allow herself that weakness now.

"Ian, I've got something to tell you, it's important, and please don't say anything until I am finished." The seriousness in her voice got Ian's immediate attention. Ian put down his pipe, and regarded his sister. Her stand, her heavy breathing, the look of determination on her face, and the dark blue of her eyes only confirmed what her voice had told him.

"All right then Maggie, what's this all about?" he returned. Maggie took one last deep breath, "Ian, I've decided to leave and-" but before Maggie could say another word, Ian rose to meet her and cut her off.

"Leave are you, and just where do you plan on going girl? You're not moving into that station of yours, and unless one of those Fitzsimmons boys finally got nerve enough to propose to you, you can stay right here with your family." His voice softened a bit as he finished, "You know Sarah and I love you, and Meaghan just adores you. You need not be alone somewhere as long as you have a home here."

Ian had softened his tone, but Maggie's face was flushed, and she paid little attention to his tone. "Ian! Please!" she took a quick breath, "Will you just let me speak?" Ian sat back down without speaking another word. Maggie continued, "I'm not moving into the station, nor will I be alone, and I may be a little daft, but not so daft as to marry either of the Fitzsimmons boys!

Ian, I'm joining Starfleet if they'll take the likes of me, and even if they don't, I'm taking the next Federation ship that comes. I'll work for my passage, and keep trying until I'm good enough to make Starfleet." Her voice softened a bit to match Ian's. "Oh Ian, I do love you and Sarah, and Meaghan. This will always be my home, but I'm not happy here. I'm not the healer mother was, and I don't think I will ever be. I'm not ready to be a mother or a wife.

What I DO want to do is be a part of Starfleet. Ian, Starfleet is not what you think. It's not all about fighting, and wars. It's about exploring, learning, protecting, and making peaceful contact with new worlds. I can learn so much about medicine and saving lives. I will never forget the frustration, pain and helplessness in Mother's eyes as our friends died around her, and she could do so little to help them. I can't do that Ian, I won't watch others suffer or die if there's medical technology that I can learn, and use to help them." She paused and took a breath. "Ian I do believe in our world here, and the principles our parents and friends died for. By being a part of Starfleet, I think I can help protect our world and others just like it, maybe even saving someone else from going through what we have had to." Her voice trailed off. Emotionally spent, she looked at Ian.

He sat quietly, looking down at the table, rubbing his fingers across his chin, looking as if he was deciding just how to attack what Maggie had said. Finally, he looked up at Maggie, drew a long breath, and then uttered, "Is there any chance that they'd let you come home now and again, just to get a decent meal. I put no faith in a machine that makes food out'ta thin air."

He hesitated a moment, a smile turned at the corners of lips, then badly trying to feign a bit of concern, he spoke, "And of course there's the poor Fitzsimmons boys to consider. They'll be crushed to hear you leave ya know."

Maggie's eyes lit up, and with a mischievous grin returned, "Crushed is it!

It's not those damn Fitzsimmons boys that need worry about being crushed!" She shot round the table playfully chasing after him as she had done since they were children. Ian took a turn or two and then stopped and caught her. He gave her a brotherly bear hug that took Maggie clear off her feet.

He sat her down as both of them were laughing. It felt good to laugh and they both desperately needed that after the speech Maggie had just made. Maggie was so glad it was all over. It was easier than she thought after all. Ian hadn't put up near the fight she thought he would, and she knew Ian well enough to know he wasn't one to give in that easily.

She regarded her brother for a moment and asked, "Ian, you know ...I thought we'd have one heck of a row over this, mine you now, I'm glad we didn't, but I can't believe you didn't try and talk me out of it."

Ian thought for a moment and spoke. "In a way, I think I knew you were leaving within a year after Mother and Father died. We were all mad, and lost, and hurt, but most of us healed as best we could and went on with life. You just got more depressed and restless. I knew you've tried hard to be a healer like mother, but I could see your heart wasn't in it.

The only time I ever see you smile is with Meaghan, or when you're stargazing, and going on about starships. If it's my blessings you want Maggie, you've got them. I stood by you when the kids made fun of you, and I stood by you when you addressed the council and won your right to use that magic. I'll stand by now, even if it is to leave home. All I ever wanted for you Maggie was your happiness." Course now if you still want a good row-." His eyes twinkled at her.

Maggie smiled, and kissed her brother on the cheek. "No dear brother" she spoke, "You best save your strength for Meaghan, she's going to be a handful."

It was nearly a month before Maggie received her official reply from Starfleet Academy. She'd been accepted, and a ship would be in orbit within two weeks to pick her up and take her to Academy headquarters. She was to meet with the commodore at 16:00 hours the day she arrived. That was it. It almost seemed too easy, but she knew in order to stay in the academy and graduate, she would have to work harder than she had ever before, and probably harder than any other cadet there. Even with what she had learned on the computer over the last two years, she knew she was still ignorant of most things cadets probably already knew, and lived with everyday.

The two weeks quickly came and passed; and Maggie found herself standing very near the meadow where they had first landed and now she was to depart. Ian, Sarah, and Meaghan waved to her as the tingling sensation overcame Maggie; and she was whisked aboard the vessel, while the last images of home were still fresh in her mind.

Shortly after leaving orbit, Maggie began to feel nervous, and uneasy, almost as if she'd left her courage and convictions back in New Killarney.. Her resolve, that had been so strong before she left, eroded with self-doubt. She tried to tell herself, it was probably the same thing each cadet must go through; but, that gave her little solace, as the doubts and questions even pursued her into sleep. "Was she really Starfleet material, or had she been given this chance, only out of pity, because of the terrible loss of her parents, and friends? What possible skills did she really have to offer? What if she failed?

Sure, she could go home again, but to what? Living off of Ian and Sarah, or with whatever man would have her? The Fitzsimmons boys! Oh no!

Was she turning her back on the world that so many had died for?" The questions would wake her in the middle of the night; and as always, Maggie wished for the same thing. "If only Mother and Father were here. If they hadn't left me, I know they would tell me how to find the answers" she thought. Her mother always said she'd never leave her, but she could never have known what was to happen, and where Maggie would be when she needed her most. Maggie was certain she was alone, and millions of miles from home.

Maggie's transport had docked early that morning, and since then, she had wandered about the station, alone among thousands of people. She had decided to bide her time at this lounge, as it was only about 10 minutes from Academy Headquarters by transporter.. She had been here all afternoon, nursing a cup of herbal tea and hoping to clear her head. She hadn't been too successful with either. She gazed at the clock, 1540 hours,

"Might as well pack it and go girl. You're about as ready as you'll ever be" she thought. She began repacking her bag, but when she grabbed the leather bound healers book, she had the urge to open it. There inside the book was the inscription her mother had written when Maggie had her Coming of Age ceremony.

It was the first time she had ever been called Maggie, and it read, "To my beloved daughter Maggie, as a healer and in all that you will do, always follow your heart, because in the end, it's the only thing you can trust. I will be with you always. Love, Mother" "Yes!" Maggie shouted, and then turned to see if everyone in the place had thought she'd gone mad. The answer she had sought had been with her all along.

"Follow my heart." She thought, "Just follow my heart!" The same words her mother had written 12 years ago, are the same words her parents would've said had they been here now. It was her heart that had told her she was a little girl, when nothing else said she was. It was her heart that somehow led her to her friend aboard the starship. It was her heart that told the Hugglebugs spray to make her the woman she truly was; and, it was that same heart that had led her to Starfleet.

Her fears, her worries, her doubts and guilt didn't really matter anymore; because, now she knew she was doing the right thing, the only thing! And the only way she could fail was to not try at all. Maggie looked down at the book again, and closed it. She ran her hand over the well-worn leather cover, and smiled. All along she had thought her parents had left her, but she had been wrong. That book reminded her that she carried them with her everywhere she went. They had been walking with her everyday, watching her grow, and letting her find the answers, but when she needed them most, they came to her, just as sure as if it had been her mother who turned the page in the book. Maggie thought, "Who knows, maybe Mother did turn the page?"

Maggie began to pack her bag, and as she reached deep inside it, she felt the familiar shape of a little white box. She pulled it out and ran her hand over it lovingly. She still had the one bottle left.

She brought it with her for the very same reason her friend had gotten it originally. Maggie wanted to be able to help someone else, just like she had been helped. Maggie thought to herself, "Maybe someday, I'll run into a 'JUST IN CASE'. She smiled warmly as she finished packing her bag, and headed for her appointment with the commodore and destiny. She knew then, that as long as she followed her heart, she would never be alone, and never be lost.

HUGS!

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Thanks to everyone who helped in the proofing of this story.  You helped me to find the best words possible for what I was desperately trying to say.

Thanks to the creators of the Hugglebugs Universe. Your magic inspired me to write and made this tale possible.

Thanks to all the special souls in the Chatroom who have counciled me, cuddled me and encouraged me to write.  You are my family.

   

  

  

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