The Feminist's Revenge

by Jennifer

 

There are times when we create some nightmare situations for ourselves, and have no one to blame but ourselves. I found that out to my cost last year, and it certainly taught me a lesson I've never forgotten.

I was brought up in the Melbourne of the 1950's, and as was typical of that time I was from an early age imbued with an innate sense of the superiority of men over women. At school, we boys regarded the girls as silly, empty-headed weak little creatures, and one of the greatest insults that any boy could inflict on another was to call him 'girly'. It usually resulted in a fight and a bloody nose.

As I grew up, my feeling of the inferiority of the female of the species intensified almost as a reaction to the rise of feminism. Any provocative demonstration by women's liberationists was to me like a red rag to a bull, and more and more I took every opportunity to put them down derisively as being ridiculous and silly. Even my male friends were taken aback by the vehemence of my verbal attacks. Then came my day of retribution.

At the time in question I was employed by an electronics company who offered a mail order service, and I was in charge of the telephone orders department, which employed about a dozen women. In retrospect I know now that I treated them with little respect due to my general attitude towards women. That was to change.

One warm summer's morning I was strolling up my local high street in Northcote, a suburb of Melbourne about five miles out of the city, when I came across something I'd never noticed before. At first I thought it was some kind of office, but then I saw the sign on the door which said WOMEN'S RESISTANCE COLLECTIVE. There were also numerous posters in the window, one of which seemed to me to be particularly provocative. 'Liberated and feisty women welcome' it ran, 'Join our collective in the crusade against male chauvinism. Help us hasten the day when WE will run society and put men in their proper place.' I could hardly believe it. It was as if the poster had been specifically designed to provoke me personally, and was something I certainly wasn't prepared to let go unchallenged.

I looked inside through the open door and saw two young women chatting. The room contained a large selection of feminist literature for sale, and spoiling for an argument I stepped inside, determined to show the women how deluded they were.

I walked up to the bookshelves, and after giving me a contemptuous glance, the two women continued with their conversation. I could hear every word, and I could feel myself itching to say something witty and argumentative in response to anything they said. I thumbed through a couple of books as I listened, and then began my verbal attack. One of them told the other that she was organising a protest march during the following week, and unable to resist it, I looked up and said 'You women couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. You just haven't got the brains for it.'

If I'd meant to infuriate them I'd definitely succeeded. One of the women glared at me and said 'That's the sort of ignorant opinion I'd expect from a male chauvinist pig like you.'

'Really?' I sneered, walking over to them to get the argument really going. 'Then how come that 95% of history's great painters, composers and scientists are men, and how come men's athletic records are always superior to those of women. Face it girly, we're superior both mentally and physically, so you may as well accept it.'

If there's one thing guaranteed to raise a feminist's ire it's being called 'girly', and this young woman was no exception. 'How dare you call me girly!' she snapped, 'You're arrogant as well as ignorant. Can't you come up with something more original than that old argument? We just didn't get the chance while you men dominated the world that's all. Well things are changing buster believe me!'

It seemed she'd risen to the bait, and with a wide grin I said 'Really? And just how do you think you lot are going to manage that? Fat chance. We men are superior both mentally and physically and always will be, so get used to it.'

If this was calculated to raise their ire it certainly succeeded, and she was just about to reply when another girl walked into the room. She took one look at me and said 'Mr. Gerry Carter. Well well well, what brings you into a place like this?' I couldn't believe it. It was Linda Martin, who I'd had dismissed from the company only recently for extreme insubordination.

'You know this guy?' said the girl I'd confronted.

'I should Kelly,' grimaced Linda, 'He used to be my boss until he got me sacked a couple of months ago.'

'Why?'

'Because I got fed up with the way he was treating us women and I finally told him what I thought of him. He's not just a male chauvinist, he's a misogynist, a real woman hater.'

'Is he now?' said Kelly, looking at me with undisguised malevolence. She stared at me in silent thought for a moment, then smiled slightly and said 'You know Linda, it seems to me that you've been pretty hard done by, and I think that such arrogance deserves some humility as an antidote. Something to teach him to behave himself. Such as that lesson in humility we gave that other guy a few of months ago for instance?'

Linda looked at me for a moment, gave a wicked chuckle and said 'Now that I would like to see. The perfect revenge. Can we do it? Now?'

'Don't see why not grinned Kelly, 'We've still got all the stuff in the other room haven't we? Yes, I could do with a bit of amusement today. Go and get the others.'

Linda went back into the adjoining room and left the door open. I could hear the sound of several women's voices in conversation, but I couldn't make out what she said. It must have been amusing though, because they laughed several times.

After a few moments, Linda came back into the room with five other girls, who looked at me with some degree of amusement. It seemed as if they knew something I didn't and I suddenly felt uneasy as two particularly powerful looking girls positioned themselves on either side of me.

'Well girls' said Kelly, looking at me with a grin, 'It seems that this male chauvinist pig needs a lesson in humility. I suggest that we give him a dose of the same lesson as we gave that other guy a while back. How about it?'

'Lovely idea' chuckled one girl, 'I could do with some fun today.'

'Well it was hilarious last time' grinned another, 'Let's go for it!'

'All right then' said Kelly, looking at me with a malicious grin, 'Bring him into the other room and we'll get started.'

Before I could move, the two girls on either side of me grabbed my arms. I struggled to free myself, but they instantly put me into two painful arm locks and marched me unceremoniously into the next room.

'Don't try struggling' warned one, 'We both do martial arts, and we can control a little pipsqueak like you with ease. So don't struggle if you don't want to get hurt.' That was self-evident.

'OK' said Kelly 'Get his clothes off.' The girls threw me down onto my back on an exercise mat, pinned me down with ease, and two of them began removing my clothes while the others held me down securely. In a short space of time I was spreadeagled on the mat, totally naked. One girl pointed between my legs, grinned, and said 'Well you don't have much to brag about do you?' A ripple of giggles followed her remark, while I blushed profusely.

Kelly looked down at me and smiled. 'Well' she said, 'I expect you're wondering what we're going to do to you, so I'll explain. You seem to be suffering from a severe case of male arrogance, so in order to rectify such errant behaviour, we're going to give you a generous dose of humility to neutralise it. If there's one thing we enjoy, it's humiliating arrogant chauvinist males like you, and a while ago we devised an exquisite way of doing it. We're now going to humiliate you in a way that you can't possibly imagine, and how are we going to do that? I'll tell you. We're going to dress you up as a sweet little baby girl, strap you into a pushchair, and then take you into the city for the day so everyone can admire you. Won't that be fun?' she chuckled.

A chill went through me as I realised she was quite serious, but I still couldn't quite believe it. 'You wouldn't dare!' I shouted in defiant desperation, 'Let me go you Amazons!' I jerked and struggled in their iron grip, but a quick twist of my arm brought me back into instant submission.

Kelly grinned and said 'Tut tut, naughty naughty. Never mind, we know how to put a stop to these little tantrums. Now let's get our little baby girl's clothes ready.'

I watched in horrified fascination as she went to a small wardrobe and took out a terry towelling square, some pink nappy pins, and a large pair of translucent plastic waterproof baby pants which were obviously big enough to fit me. I looked at them in amazement and couldn't help asking 'Where on earth did you get those?'

'Off the internet' she smiled, 'Like several other items you're about to put on. It's amazing what's available.'

She knelt down next to me, folded a large terry towelling square into the familiar kite shaped nappy worn by babies, and said 'Right, botty up.'

The girls lifted me up slightly, and Kelly slipped the nappy under me. Then she brought one point through between my legs to the front, two around my hips, and fastened the nappy on securely with the four nappy pins. Then she took the plastic baby pants and pulled them on over my ankles, and up my legs until they covered the nappy. She tucked it in around the nappy at the waist and legs, smiled, and said 'There we are. Baby's nice and waterproof. Now for her baby frock.'

I looked on with dismay as she picked up a large baby frock and held it up for me to see. 'Here you are little girl' grinned Kelly, 'We ordered several of these gorgeous little baby frocks off the internet, and this one's just your size. Pretty isn't it?' It certainly was. The dress was made of white satin, and had a peter pan collar, short puffed sleeves, and pink and blue smocking across the front of the bodice. A row of buttons ran down the back, and the dress was fitted with a broad sash belt which tied in a bow at the back. It was pretty all right, and the style would have looked delightful on any baby girl. But it wasn't intended for a little girl, it was to be worn by me, and I recoiled with horror at the prospect of being forced to wear it.

'OK girls' said Kelly, 'Sit him up and let's get him into it.' Strong hands forced me into a sitting position, and my hands and head were thrust into the baby frock. Kelly quickly pulled the dress down around me and said 'Now lay him down on his tummy while I do it up.' The girls stretched me out face down, and Kelly fastened the row of buttons up the back and secured a hook and eye at the top. Then she tied the sash belt in a non-slip double bow at the back of his waist.

'There we are' she smiled, 'Now sit him up again while I put his shoes and socks on.' I was brought up into a sitting position, and she took a pair of white cotton ankle socks and pulled them onto my feet before turning them down neatly. Then she picked up a white leather shoe, slid it onto my right foot, and fastened the strap securely with a buckle at the side of the foot. She followed suit with the other shoe, and I groaned to myself as I looked at my feet. The shoes couldn't have been more suitable for a little girl. They were white leather T bar mary jane style strap shoes decorated with pink flowers, and as I looked at them I blushed crimson with humiliation.

'Very nice' grinned Kelly, 'But I'm sure that our little girl would desperately like to rip that pretty dress off at the first opportunity, so we'd better put a stop to that hadn't we?' She opened a drawer and took out a pair of white leather fingerless mittens. Kneeling down next to me, she said 'All right, hold out his hand and make it into a clenched fist.' Two of the girls forced my right hand into a fist, and she slipped the close fitting mitten over it. It was fitted with laces up the back of the wrist much like a small boxing glove, and as she tightened the laces my hand became constricted into a useless ball. Kelly would the laces around my wrist a couple of times, and then tied them off in a non slip double bow. She encased my other hand in the same way, and smiling, she said 'And now let's make baby's handy pandies look prettier.'

She took a white satin fingerless mitten, slipped it over one of my leather mittens, and secured it in place with a pink ribbon sewn in around the wrist. She pulled it tight, would it around my wrist a few times, and finally tight it in a non-slip bow. My hands were now completely helpless.

'There we are' Kelly smiled, 'That looks lovely. But now I think it's time for some baby restraints to keep her out of mischief.' Reaching into the wardrobe, she took out a bundle of white leather straps. For a moment I was puzzled as to what they might be, but as she began to arrange them I realised what they were, and my heart began to sink. My worst fears were realised as she held them up for me to see and said 'Aren't they cute? We ordered these off the internet as well, and they're very effective for restraining fidgety babies, as you are about to find out.'

I gulped as he looked at the leather straps with a sort of horrified fascination as I realised that they were a set of traditional style white leather baby reins. Across the front chest plate were three little bells that jingled as Kelly shook them, and the chest plate was decorated with a picture of a teddy bear and a child's play brick with the letters ABC on it.

Linda couldn't suppress a giggle as Kelly arranged the straps of the baby reins and said, 'Right girls, let's get him into them.' Willing hands thrust my arms in through the straps, and threading the straps through the buckles, Kelly fastened them and tightened them until the baby reins held me securely in their unyielding grip. I quickly realised that with my hands securely encased in the fingerless mittens it would be impossible for me to unfasten any of the buckles and get out of the reins.

I sat there on the ground, blushing with humiliation as the girls chuckled with relish at my embarrassment. They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves.

'Well there we are' grinned Kelly, 'One little baby girl all ready for her trip to the city, so let's get her into her transport shall we?'

Transport? I thought, what sort of transport does she mean? I should have guessed.

Until that moment I hadn't notice a large toddler's pushchair in the corner of the room, and I looked on in dismay as Kelly went across to it and wheeled it into the middle of the room. Noticing the look on my face, Kelly grinned and said 'Don't worry, you'll fit into it all right. One company makes pushchairs big enough for the older child and even up into adulthood. Oh yes, you'll fit into it all right. So let's get baby into her pushchair shall we?' she laughed.

Strong hands effortlessly picked me up dragged me struggling over to the pushchair, turned me around, and forced me down into it, while Kelly and Linda began to fasten the restraints. Kelly first brought four straps attached to the back of the pushchair over my shoulders and around my chest, and clipped them into D rings attached to the front of my baby reins. She pulled them tight and buckled them up securely before fastening another strap around my waist. Finally, she fastened a strap gently but firmly round my neck, immobilising my head. Meanwhile, Linda fastened the ankle straps which secured my feet neatly together to the foot rest, and further up, an additional strap went around my legs just above the knees. This was attached by two additional straps connected to each side of the pushchair, which meant that I couldn't move my knees from side to side. Two of the girls now held my arms straight down by my sides while Kelly strapped my upper arms and wrists to the sides of the pushchair. I could now see how clever they had been to immobilise my hands. Wrapped up as they were, it would be completely impossible for me to undo the straps with my fingers and free myself. I was literally as helpless as a baby, and completely at the girls' mercy.

By now securely restrained I felt horrendously humiliated and frustrated, and began to squirm and writhe against the strong leather straps. I jerked this way and that, grunting with the effort while the girls stood back and giggled with relish at my frustration. Finally I stopped, panting after my exertions.

'Let me go!' I yelled, 'Let me go!'

'What after all the trouble we've taken so far?' chuckled Kelly, 'Not likely. And besides, we're going to take you into the city for the day. On the train. Won't that be fun little baby girl?'

Realising that she really meant it, I yelled 'Nooooo!' at the top of my voice 'You can't do this to me! You can't!'

'Shhhh!' said Kelly, quickly putting her hand over my mouth, 'The people in the shop next door might hear you, and we can't have that can we? Very well then, you asked for this. I think it's time to keep you quiet, and we've got just the thing to do it with.' She went over to a drawer and took something out which she came back and held up in front of me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was an oversized baby's dummy with a round pink plastic circular mouth cover and a ring at the front. The large silicon rubber bulb was obviously designed to protrude into the mouth, and there were two long pink ribbons hanging from the dummy to secure it in place.

I stared at it in fascinated horror as Kelly started arranging the dummy's securing ribbons. She looked down at me, grinned, and said 'Now we all know how little babies just love their dummies, don't we? Come on little girl, open wide.'

I kept my mouth tightly closed, and Kelly chuckled as she said 'All right then, looks like we'll have to do it the hard way. Girls, one of you, hold his head and someone pinch his nose shut will you?' One of the girls held my head tightly and another one pinched my nose shut, and a few moments later I had to gasp for air. The moment I did so, Kelly quickly forced the large silicon rubber bulb of the dummy deep into my mouth, filling it completely. Then she wound the dummy's securing ribbons tightly round the back of my head and to the front again several times before tying them in a non-slip bow at the back. Desperate to show my outrage at this insult to my male pride, I furiously tossed my head from side to side and tried to yell into the dummy in protest. But with the rubber bulb filling my mouth and holding down my tongue, all I could manage was a quiet muffled 'Mmmmm! Mmmmmf! Mmmmmmmp!'

The girls chuckled with amusement at my frustration, and after a few moments I stopped struggling so as not to afford them more of their fun at the expense of my dignity which was by now almost completely gone.

'That'll keep baby nice and quiet' giggled Kelly, 'Now let me see, what else is there? Oh yes, baby girls always have cute little ribbons in their hair don't they? It makes them look so sweet, so let's do the same for this little girl. After all, we want her to look her best don't we? I've got some ribbons in the draw.' She opened a drawer and took out a roll of pink satin hair ribbon and a pair of scissors, and carefully cut two equal lengths.

With my head held still by the strap around my neck, I was in no position to prevent Kelly continuing with this next stage of my humiliation. With a smile of amusement she carefully combed my hair with a parting down the middle, and then arranged it into two bunches with a couple of elastic bands. Taking one of the ribbons, she carefully tied it tightly round the base of one of the bunches, and arranged it in a neat non-slip bow. She repeated the process with the other ribbon, making sure that they were identical in size, and then she took two white plastic hair slides, slid them into position next to the ribbons, and clicked them shut. 'There we are' she grinned as she combed the front of my hair forward in a little fringe, 'That looks lovely. What a pretty little girl he makes. I think we're nearly done.'

Just then Linda looked at me, grinned, and said 'Just a minute. Shouldn't we give our sweet little baby girl a suitable name?'

'Good point' smiled Kelly, 'Any suggestions anyone?' There was a moment's pause until one girl said 'How about Emily? That's very sweet.'

'Emily?' chuckled Kelly, 'Oh yes I like that. Very cute. All right then everybody, this is now our little girl called Emily. Don't forget to use it when you're talking to her.'

I squirmed with embarrassment and blushed at the idea, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Looking down at me, Kelly she gave a wicked smile and said 'All right then you male chauvinist pig, this is where you now get your come uppance for all those insults you've no doubt inflicted on the female gender. As I said, we're now going to take you on a lovely little trip into the city. Just as you are. Won't that be fun? Believe me, being paraded through the city dressed as a cute little baby strapped in her pushchair will give you a lesson in humiliation you're never going to forget!'

I had little doubt of that, and I paused for a moment as the full horror of what she was saying sank in. For an instant I hoped she just might be joking, but immediately realise that she certainly wasn't. Suddenly I understood the full implication of what she was saying, and lost control of myself. I began to violently struggle against my restraints and to voice my protest, but all I could do was slightly rock the pushchair and let out a quiet, muffled gurgle. The girls laughed long and loud at my frustration, before Kelly said 'O.K., let's get ready.' Leaving me to struggle helplessly in the pushchair, the girls went out of the room to get ready for our day out.

After a few minutes the girls came into the room wearing their jackets, while two of them volunteered to remain behind and run the shop. Kelly put some bags into the tray underneath the pushchair and then smiled, looked at me, and said 'Right then. Are we ready for our outing Emily?' I attempted a last protest, but once again could only manage a muted and resigned 'Mmmf mmm!' With a wicked chuckle she released the brake of the pushchair and wheeled me into the other room. Then she pushed me to the front door. Linda opened it, and Kelly pushed me out through the door and into the street. Once all the girls were outside, Linda shut it behind us and they began walking along the street, with Kelly wheeling the pushchair.

Linda looked up at a darkening sky and said 'Looks like rain. Oh well' she smiled,' We'll be able to keep little Emily dry, won't we?' I would realise the significance of that remark later.

As I was being pushed along the pavement, Linda suddenly took out a small camera and took the first of many photographs she took of me that afternoon 'Just for the record' she grinned. I tried to cringe down into the pushchair out of sight, but firmly restrained as I was, it was impossible. The strap around my neck prevented me from hiding my face, so there I was, dressed as a helpless little baby in her pushchair being taken along the main street of Northcote for all the world to see. Soon enough, the amusement of passers by became apparent. The girls stopped several times to explain the situation to several women, most of whom expressed their delight at seeing me rewarded for my male chauvinism in such an amusing and salutary way. Most of them thought that it was a great idea, and one little girl thought it was particularly hilarious as they fell about squealing with laughter and pointing at me.

After a few more minutes we reached Northcote station, and I had a feeling of dire foreboding as the girls bought their train tickets and wheeled me onto the city bound platform to wait for the train

While we waited, I suddenly realised to my dismay that I'd forgotten to go to the toilet before leaving home, and could feel the pressure building up in my bladder. I fervently hoped that I wouldn't be forced to endure the ultimate indignity of wetting my nappy, and self-consciously squirmed in my pushchair restraints and gave a little moan. Kelly looked at me, and her quick brain soon detected by my actions what was causing it. Her face broke into a grin as she leaned over me and pressed on my stomach. I gave a moan as I felt this extra pressure on my bladder, and she straightened up with a chuckle as she said 'Hey guess what? I think baby Emily wants to go to the toilet. How delightful.' Then she smiled at me and said 'Well go on then Emily, do it in your nappy like a good little girl. That's what nappies are for, and with those plastic baby pants on there's no chance of any leaks!'

The girls started giggling as I writhed and squirmed against the strong straps, and Linda said 'Well he won't last the day will he? He's bound to wet his nappy sooner or later. How delightful!'

The sky had by then become quite dark, and it began to rain as Linda had predicted. Kelly said 'My goodness, we don't want our little baby girl to get wet do we? Let's cover Emily up.' She reached under the pushchair, took something out of the tray, and shook it out. It was a pink PVC pushchair raincape decorated with little yellow ducks wearing blue gumboots and carrying red umbrellas. It had two small holes in it that she pushed the ends of the pushchair handles through, and then she slid the raincape down the handles until it was bunched up behind my head. Then she spread the raincape over me and down over my feet, pushed my head through a hole, and tucked it in all around me. She fastened some securing tapes underneath the pushchair with press studs to keep the raincape in position. Then came the most humiliating bit. Where my head poked through the hole, she pulled up an attached pointed pixie hood over my head, and fastened it on securely with two press studs under my chin. As I peered out demurely from under the hood, Kelly smiled and said 'There we are Emily. Don't you look cute? But here's something extra just to keep you really dry.'

She reached under the pushchair, and drew out the clear PVC rain cover. Then with Linda's help, she began to fit it to the pushchair. It had a ribbed frame to support it, rather like an umbrella. This clipped onto the frame of the pushchair at the top, and then unfolded down over me until it came down over my feet so that I was completely covered. It had press stud fasteners and tabs attached to hold it in place under the pushchair, and Kelly reached down and secured them. Then she stood up and said 'There, now we're ready.' Looking down at me through the clear plastic of the storm cover she said 'Well that'll keep the rain off you Emily, but not necessarily dry. You see, if the rain stops and the sun comes out, we won't remove your raincoat and that plastic storm cover. Oh no. We'll find a nice sunny place to sit you for a while, and it'll soon be like a hot house in there. Won't that be lovely for you!'

I was now cocooned in true baby fashion in two layers of PVC, which immediately began to feel hot. I tried to wriggle a little, but couldn't move. Linda looked at me and grinned. 'Don't worry Emily' she grinned. 'Everyone will still be able to see you through that rain cover.' The girls put up their umbrellas and the hoods of their jackets as the rain intensified and drummed hard on the pushchair's rain cover.

Shortly afterwards, the train drew in and we got on. The carriage floor was level with the platform, so Kelly was able to wheel me onto it without a problem She parked the pushchair next to a seat at the end, put the brake on, and sat down next to me with Linda and the other girls.

The train set off on its journey to the city, and we were soon speeding through the Melbourne suburbs. Three teenage school girls sat nearby dressed in typical Australian girl's school uniforms consisting of a green and white check dress with white collar and cuffs, a cream coloured straw panama school hat on their heads, and white ankle socks and black T bar sandals on their feet.

After a while, one of the girls stood up and went over to look at a Melbourne metropolitan railway network map on the wall behind me for a moment. As she was about to return to her seat, she looked down at me under the pushchair storm cover, no doubt expecting to see a sweet little baby, but she immediately realised that this baby wasn't quite what she seemed! Gradually, a broad smile crossed her face, and she suddenly burst out laughing. She turned to Kelly, grinned, and said 'Isn't your baby a bit big for a pushchair?'

'Of course' said Kelly, 'Would you like to have a proper look at her?'

'Yes I would' replied the girl, and turning to her two companions said 'Here girls, have a look at this baby.' The two girls stood up and came over for a closer look. Kelly slowly and deliberately removed the wet storm cover and put it under the pushchair. Then she unfastened the hood of my raincape before drawing the whole cape off me. This gave the girls an unhindered view of me dressed in my baby frock, securely restrained in my pushchair, with ribbons in my hair, and the huge dummy tied tightly in my mouth. Automatically, I heaved and strained, wriggled and writhed, in a futile attempt to free myself. I tried to call out through the dummy, but all that came out was a muffled 'Mmmf mmm mmp!'

The girls fell about with laughter while Kelly stood there looking at them with a triumphant grin on her face. When the laughter had subsided, one of the girls said to Kelly 'Well we can see that he's really a bloke, but what's this all about?' Kelly explained why I was being punished in this way, and as she explained, the girls nodded their approval of this method of teaching me a lesson.

'What a fantastic way of punishing a male chauvinist!' exclaimed the girl, 'It's brilliant. Quite a few of the boys at our school are always giving us a hard time, and teasing us. Gee I'd love to do this to some of them.'

'Especially Ricky Phelan' added another girl with feeling, 'He's the worst of the lot. He's already been reprimanded three times for hitting girls.'

'You mean he actually hits girls?' said Kelly incredulously.

'Well I should know. I was one of them. He's a real chauvinist pig. And a bully.'

Kelly frowned for a moment and then grinned as she said 'How would you like to get your own back?'

'I'd love to' said the girl, 'But how?'

'Well like this of course' Kelly chuckled, pointing at me.

The girl looked at me, laughed, and said 'You mean dress him up as a baby girl, strap him into a pushchair and take him into the city? Oh if only, that would be the perfect punishment. But how? I mean he's not going exactly to volunteer is he?'

'Of course not' grinned Kelly mischievously, 'That's part of the fun. All you have to do is somehow entice him into our shop in Northcote High Street and we'll take care of the rest. We'll have him in a nappy and baby frock and strapped into his pushchair before he knows what's hit him. Then you can take him out for a nice long walk where everybody can see him. I also suggest you take plenty of photos of him as well. I imagine that if they appeared in your school magazine and were passed around all your friends at school, his street cred would be gone forever. He wouldn't dare ever tease you again after that!'

'Oh that would be just perfect' the girl giggled. Then she looked at her friends who nodded eagerly, and she grinned and said 'Let's do it!' She and Kelly swapped phone numbers and arranged to get together to arrange her tormentor's punishment, and I couldn't help feeling sorry for young master Ricky Phelan. If he'd only known what was coming to him!

The train drew into Melbourne's Flinders Street station, and as the three schoolgirls left us, one of them leaned down over me, grinned broadly and said 'Have a nice time little girl, enjoy all the attention you're bound to attract,' and with a final giggle of amusement she gave me a little wave and walked off with her two schoolfriends.

Kelly released the brake of the pushchair and wheeled me onto the platform. We went along to the station exit and she pushed me through and out into busy Flinders Street.

The streets of the city were thronged with people, and it had stopped raining, so Kelly left me uncovered by the cape and rain cover so that everyone could see me clearly.

As we approached the Bourke Street shopping mall the number of people around us increased, and shortly afterwards came the first of many humiliating incidents that I was to undergo. Two women, accompanied by three little girls of about six, stopped and engaged Kelly in conversation as soon as they saw me. They roared with laughter as she explained my punishment to them, and the little girls burst into a fit of giggles before they continued on their way. Wave after wave of humiliating derision covered me on that nightmare walk.

Quite a few women in particular were amused to see me in such a humiliating situation, especially when Kelly explained that it was their way of dealing with me as a male chauvinist. They then nearly always said how much they approved of what Kelly was doing and showed no sympathy towards me.

I was now slowly and deliberately paraded along the mall, and cringed with humiliation as people saw me and burst out laughing, with small children finding it particularly amusing to see a grown man reduced to the same helplessness that they had to endure so much. The little girls particularly found my frock and baby reins cause for shrieks of mirth, and their mothers grinned indulgently.

I was walked further up the street, and eventually into the Treasury Gardens, a popular area for walking toddlers in their pushchairs. The sun came out from behind the clouds, and was soon shining down with typical Australian intensity. The girls decided to sit in the shade on a park bench for a while, and it was while they sat there, that my bodily functions began to operate completely beyond my control. Kelly was the first to notice my by now desperate efforts not to let go into my nappy, as I moaned and squirmed against the straps of my pushchair restraints, and as I began to groan and gurgle with the strain, the delight on the girl's faces grew as well. But eventually my bladder could stand it no longer, and I gave a slight sobbing moan as a flood out into my nappy and trickled down into my crutch.

'Very good Emily' laughed Kelly, 'Just like a proper baby. And the beauty of it is that you're going to have to sit in that wet nappy for quite a while. I have a feeling that by the time we let you go you'll have developed a lovely case of nappy rash!'

'What a delightful souvenir for him' chuckled Linda.

'It sure will be' grinned Kelly, 'Now for the next part of his punishment. Let's cover baby Emily up again.' She took out the pushchair raincape and storm cover from the tray underneath, and in a few moments I was once more encased in two layers of PVC. Kelly looked down at me and said 'Oh by the way Emily, I've covered up the ventilation holes in the storm cover with tape. That means that baby Emily is shortly going to find herself in a little sauna. With the heat from the direct sun, it's going to get pretty uncomfortable in there.' She grinned as I gave a little moan of despair into my dummy.

'O.K. everyone' she said, 'How about some lunch?' The girls murmured in agreement, and soon I was being wheeled back towards the city centre. The girls found a pavement café to sit and eat outside, and as they sat down at a table with a sunshade over it, Kelly moved the pushchair so that I was sitting directly in the hot sun.

Kelly was right about my being in a sauna. While they ate their lunch at a relaxed pace and drank their iced drinks, the hot sun beat down on the double layer of plastic that surrounded me. It got steadily hotter and more steamy in the pushchair, and added to this misery, I continued to wet my nappy.

Eventually, the girls finished eating, and Kelly stood up and removed both the pushchair rain cover and the raincape to once more reveal me wearing my cute little baby frock.

She untied the ribbons securing the dummy, and slowly took it out of my mouth. I gave a sigh of relief, and moved my aching jaw from side to side. 'Better?' smiled Kelly. 'Well, we can't give you your feed with your dummy in, can we?' The girls laughed as she removed a bib, a jar of baby food, and a baby's bottle of milk from her bag. I looked at them with horror as I realised I was to suffer yet another indignity, completely helpless to prevent it.

Kelly tied the bib around my neck, and I now went through the humiliation of being fed like a baby in full view of some very amused other customers, while Kelly explained everything to them, especially the women, who expressed their delight at seeing me suitably humiliated in this way. I squirmed in my restraints, but could do nothing to prevent the baby food being spooned into my mouth, aided by Linda holding my nose to force it down. Then I had to suck the baby bottle empty by its rubber teat. That done, Kelly and Linda once more forced the dummy back into my mouth, and tied it in even more tightly than before.

'Well there we are, that's lunch over' said Kelly, 'Let's get going again shall we?'

They paid their bill, and a moment later I was once more being wheeled through the precinct exposed to the jeers and taunts of all and sundry. Tears ran down my cheeks as I felt the utter humiliation of being a completely helpless little baby girl.

As we were passing a store called Tots to Teens that sold baby and children's wear, Kelly looked inside, grinned and said 'Let's go in. I've got an idea.' I was pushed into the store, and Kelly wheeled me up to the counter where two shop assistants were standing. Predictably, as we approached they looked into the pushchair, and when they saw me they immediately burst out laughing.

'Oh my goodness' giggled one, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye, 'What a cute little girl!'

'Isn't she just?' laughed the other, and then turning to Kelly she said 'What's it all about? I mean he looks absolutely delightful, but surely he didn't just volunteer to be humiliated like this.'

'Oh no, he sure didn't' grinned Kelly, and she quickly explained the situation. As she did so the girls stopped laughing and became more serious, and started looking at me with disapproval. By the time Kelly had brought them up to date they had grim smiles on their faces and nodded in agreement at nearly everything Kelly told them.

'So we have a nasty little male chauvinist do we?' said one, grinning down at my helpless form, 'Well in that case mate, you deserve everything you get. Boy this sure is an ideal way to teach an arrogant male a lesson.'

'That's what we thought' said Kelly, 'Which brings me to why I came in. I was thinking that although our baby girl looks oh so sweet with her pretty bows in her hair, I thought it might be nice if we could find her a nice sun bonnet to put on her head. I'd just love to see her wearing one, they look so cute don't they? Is there any chance you would have one that would be big enough for him?'

'Funny you should ask' said the girl, going to a cupboard, 'Last year we ran a line of childish clothes for the fun loving teenager, and we stocked a range of babyish sun bonnets. The girls looked so cute sitting on the beach wearing them with their swimsuits. I'm pretty sure we've got one or two left, so let me see if I can find one for you.'

She went to the rear of the shop into a storeroom, and after a few moments she came back carrying a bonnet on a stand that she set down on the counter. 'Here you are, how about this?' she said with a grin. I looked at it in horror as I realised what was coming. The bonnet couldn't have been more babyish, and had obviously been made in an adult size. Fun for the girls to wear when larking about on the beach perhaps, but for me? Ugh.

It certainly was babyish. It was made of pink and white gingham with a wide brim to frame the face, edged with a white lacy frill. Two wide white satin ribbons were attached to the front to tie in a bow under the chin. It certainly was sweet. For a little girl that is, and I was the one who was going to be wearing it.

Kelly looked at it, grinned, and said 'That's exactly what I had in mind, and it certainly looks big enough. Let's see how it looks on him.'

The shop assistant removed the bonnet from its stand, and leaning over me, brought it down carefully onto my head. She pulled it on firmly, and tied the ribbons under my chin in a neat bow. Then she stood back, and the girls burst out laughing.

'Oh that's delightful' laughed Kelly, 'And it fits him perfectly. He just looks so sweet with his face framed in his pretty little sun bonnet like any other little girl.' She turned to the girl and said 'That's great, I'll take it. And don't bother to put it in a bag' she added with a chuckle, 'Our little girl can wear it home.' With my head now adorned in just about the most humiliating way possible, I was wheeled back out into the street to be once more assailed with the grins and laughter of passers by.

After about an hour, Kelly looked at her watch and said 'I think it's time we headed back to the shop. The girls from Northcote Girl's Grammar will be coming out of school at 3.30.'

'Good point' grinned Linda, 'Let's get back.' I was unaware of the significance of their remarks, but heaved a sigh of relief at the thought that my ordeal might soon be coming to an end. My relief was to be premature.

I was pushed back to the station, and we were soon speeding back to Northcote. We arrived there at about mid afternoon, and the girls wheeled me back up the street to their shop. We reached the front door and Kelly pushed me inside. The two girls in the shop looked at me, grinned, and one said 'So how did little Emily enjoy her trip to the city?'

'Well we certainly enjoyed it' laughed Kelly, 'But I don't know about Emily. The laughs came thick and fast, and he never stopped blushing. He even wet his nappy!'

'Oh how delightful' laughed one of the girls, 'You never know, he might get a dose of nappy rash as a souvenir!' More laughter greeted that suggestion as the other girl looked at me, chuckled, and said 'And I just love that bonnet. It's the perfect touch.'

This banter continued for a few more moments until Linda looked at the clock and said 'Look, it's nearly half past three. Hadn't we better put Emily outside now?'

'Oh yes of course' grinned Kelly, and she wheeled me outside and parked the pushchair next to the door. She put the brake on, leaned over me, and with a wicked grin said 'Now then Emily, the girls from Northcote Girl's Grammar School will be coming out in a minute, and most of them will be passing here on their way home. Several of the senior girls often drop in for a chat or some advice, and I know they're going to just love seeing you. So you just sit there like a good little girl and behave yourself.' Behave myself? What else could I do strapped helplessly into the pushchair with an enormous baby's dummy filling my mouth. I couldn't even protest.

Kelly gave a little chuckle and went back into the shop. She came out again a few minutes later with a placard. She held it up so that I could read what she'd written and it said THIS IS WHAT WE DO WITH MALE CHAUVINIST PIGS. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LAUGH AT HIM AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE.

I looked at it in horror as she stuck it on the window next to me. As if a bunch of schoolgirls were going to need any encouragement, and I settled down nervously to await the appearance of the girls.

Sure enough, a few minutes later I heard the sound of chattering voices, and some teenage girls wearing their school uniform maroon and white check summer dresses appeared from around a corner. They walked along the pavement towards me, and when they reached me they stopped, looked at me, and broke into shrieks of laughter. The first comment was the most obvious.

'I told you' laughed one, 'It's a bloke!'

'No' giggled one, giving her friend a playful dig in the ribs, 'It's a cute little baby girl! Isn't she sweet?'

'And all safely tucked into her pushchair' giggled another as she wiped a tear of mirth from her cheek.

Just then, Kelly came out of the shop and said 'Hi girls. How do you like our little baby? Isn't she gorgeous?'

'Oh she's adorable' laughed one girl, 'But what's it all about Kelly? Don't tell me this guy just let you dress him up like this.'

'He sure didn't Melissa' grinned Kelly, and then proceeded to describe the day's events from beginning to end.

As she explained the situation, the girl's expressions varied from amusement to obvious disapproval of my chauvinistic behaviour.

When Kelly had finished explaining how I'd come to find myself in such a humiliating situation, Melissa said 'Well he certainly deserved it. I'll bet he doesn't think that men are quite so superior now, that's for sure.' Suddenly she giggled and said 'Can we take baby for a short walk? I'd love to take her up to the children's playground in the park and show her off to all the mothers with their babies and toddlers. And he'd look so sweet sitting with them!'

Kelly chuckled and said 'Yes I see what you mean. All right then, but don't be too long. We'll have to let him go soon unfortunately.'

'Great' said the girl enthusiastically, and said to her companions, 'Coming?'

'You bet!' enthused one girl, 'Try and stop us!'

Melissa released the brake of the push chair, and began to wheel me along the street in the direction of the local park. Once again I found myself the subject of hilarity among the passers by, particularly the numerous schoolgirls who now filled the streets. We soon reached the park, and the girls pushed me up to the children's playground, where several mothers sat near their happy toddlers playing on the swings and in the sand pit.

Three prams were clustered together next to the babies' mothers, and Melissa walked up and parked me next to them in full view of the mothers. She looked at the little occupants, smiled, and then turning to the ladies said 'Aren't they sweet? How do you like our baby girl?'

The women turned their attention to me, looked puzzled for a moment, and then burst out laughing. 'Oh my goodness' exclaimed one, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye, 'She's gorgeous isn't she? And such a pretty dress and bonnet!' I squirmed in my pushchair restraints and blushed crimson with humiliation, and instinctively tried to explain, forgetting for a moment the dummy filling my mouth. Consequently the only sound I made was 'Ungh ummm nmmmmph!' This of course caused even more laughter.

'Oh I think she's trying to talk' giggled one of the women, 'How charming.' But seriously girls, what's this all about?' Once again I had to hear a rerun of why I was being punished and how Kelly and her friends had brought it about, and the women nodded their approval. 'Excellent,' said one, 'My goodness I'd love to do this to my husband. He's a real chauvinist if ever there was one.'

After a few more remarks from the women indicating their low opinion of many men, Melissa said it was time to return to the shop, and saying goodbye to the women, she pushed me back to the tender care of Kelly and her friends.

'Thanks for the loan of the baby' she grinned, as Kelly took hold of the pushchair's handles, and after Melissa and her friends had bidden me a teasing farewell, Kelly pushed me back into the shop and through to the other room. At last I was back where I started. Well almost.

The girls stood in a semicircle around me, and Kelly bent down and removed my bonnet. Then she untied the securing ribbons of my dummy and pulled it out of my mouth. My relief was overwhelming, and as I moved my aching jaw from side to side I said 'Whew, that's better!'

'I'll bet' grinned Kelly, putting the dummy down on a table. 'So' she continued, 'Has our little male chauvinist pig learned that perhaps men aren't quite so superior after all, and that women are perfectly capable of taking control if they choose to?' Still strapped into the pushchair as I was, I realised that this was no time to antagonise her, and that if I wished to get out of this as soon as possible, I would be wise to be as compliant as possible. So swallowing my pride I said submissively 'You sure are. I know that now. You win.'

'Good' she smiled triumphantly, 'I thought our little lesson in humility would bring you to your senses.'

'But for how long I wonder?' said one of the other girls. 'Once we let him go, what's to stop him reverting to form?'

'My photos' grinned Linda, holding up her camera 'That's what.' She looked down at me, smiled wickedly, and said 'Now then Gerry, you may have got me the sack (For which I'm actually grateful because I've got a much better one now), but I'm going to do the girls back at your office a favour. You are now going to change your ways dramatically, and I'll tell you why. If you don't start treating them with the dignity they deserve as of this moment, those lovely photos of you dressed as a sweet little baby girl will find their way onto the pages of your company magazine and the local paper. There'll be no way you'll ever be able to bully those girls again, because if you try they'll just laugh at you. Your whole credibility will be shot.'

'And in addition' added Kelly, 'We'll line you up for another more lengthy session like today's. Linda knows where you live, so we can easily track you down any time we wish.'

'So are you going to be a good boy from now on?' grinned Linda.

I suddenly realised that they had me over a barrel, and that a dramatic change in my behaviour was going to be necessary if I wanted to avoid such a horrendous outcome. Now genuinely repentant, I nodded submissively and said 'I guess I don't really have any choice do I? And to be quite honest, maybe I have been pretty unreasonable in the past. OK, I'll definitely be treating the girls in my department more reasonably in the future. That's a promise.' I hoped that would be enough to placate them.

'All right' said Kelly, 'It seems that our little lesson has had the desired effect. But I'm warning you' she added with a flash of malevolence in her eyes, 'If we hear through Linda's ex colleagues that you've reneged on your promise, believe me you'll regret it. Understood?'

I nodded wearily, and suddenly she smiled and said 'Good. Well that's that done. Alright, now let's get you out of the pushchair.'

She unfastened the straps, and the girls helped me stiffly to my feet. Kelly undressed me, and as she unfastened the last nappy pin and the lump of soggy terry towel fell to the floor she said 'There's a shower through there if you want to use it.'

I gratefully went through into the shower room and heaved a sigh of relief as the hot water washed away my aches and pains.

Thoroughly refreshed, I went back into the other room where I dressed and went through to the shop to join the girls.

After a final but amused warning from Kelly to behave myself, I was at last permitted to leave, and made my way to the nearest pub for a couple of well deserved pints before I made my way wearily home, my mind buzzing with the events of the day.

But Kelly's harsh lesson worked. I seriously reconsidered my attitude to women, wit the result that my workplace became a great deal happier. And as I thought of my encounter with Kelly I couldn't help but grudgingly admire her strength of purpose.

And the day came when I went back to the shop to see her. This time my visit was considerably more amenable than the first, and she knew I was a changed man when I quoted the famous saying by Voltaire 'I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.' Kelly smiled. Peace had been declared.

 

THE END

  

  

  

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