False Hopes
by Susan E. Witt
I carefully put the device on, then started to get dressed. The panties were stretched tight as I reached for the bra then put it on. My breasts were full and ripe, the bra straps snug on my shoulders. The dress was a soft blue that did nothing to hide the fact that I had a great shape. After stepping into my shoes I added some light foundation and lipstick, then grabbed my purse and headed out.
My sister had at first hated the fact that I liked to dress up, but she had eventually grown to accept the fact that no matter what she said, I wasn't going to quit, and one time, when we were teenagers, we had even gone out together as two girls. As I strolled through the mall that day I was alone, my sister at work. I began to feel more and more like a woman, and really enjoyed the looks I got. I passed as a woman easily, especially when I was wearing the device. I was 21, and looked like most any young girl anywhere. I wandered through the stores, picking at this and that, but really, I was simply enjoying the fact that I was out shopping as a woman. I bought a new bra, some panties and a skirt, then headed for home, fully satisfied. When I walked in the house, my sister was sitting there watching television.
"Oh" she said brightly, "you look very nice in that outfit! What'd you buy?"
"A new bra, some more panties and a new skirt, the red and black one we looked at the other night."
"That's nice." Monica said pausing, then, "Why don't you got put it on? I'm sure that it'll look just darling on you. Wear it with your black satin blouse and some black heels."
Monica, while never happy that I liked to dress up, always insisted that if I was going to do it, then I should do my best to look as nice as possible, so it wasn't unusual for her to ask me to try on anything new. I went into my bedroom and began to undress, then began to change clothes. I adjusted the new bra to hold my breasts a bit higher, the adjustment eliminating the slight sag that I had allowed when I went out. The new skirt was just above my knees, making my legs look great! I touched up my lipstick, stepped into my black heels, and walked out of our room without a care. Then I saw the two guys sitting there!
"Susan" she said, "this is Mike, and that's Bill. Bill and I work together, and Mike is a friend of his. Bill asked me if I wanted to go out on his boat; but I said that I couldn't possibly go, unless he would have to find a date for my sister, so he asked Mike to come along!" Monica had never done anything that before, and I was almost speechless! "Bill suggested that we all go out to dinner tonight…around seven, and I told him that I thought that was an excellent idea. It'll give us girls time to get ready!"
Mike and Bill stood up. "We'll be over about 6 to pick you up. Is that okay?"
"That'll be fine Bill, see you guys then."
After the guys left I faced Monica, angry as hell. "Care to tell me what that's all about? You and Bill? And what about me? And why drag some poor schmuck over here for me to meet? I'm not going out on any date…especially with a guy!"
"No, I think you will! You always knew that I wasn't happy to find out that you like to dress as a girl? And didn't I tell you that, a lot? And how many times have I told you that regardless of how you look, that you have no idea what it's really like to be a woman? Again a lot. Regardless of what I think about this Susan, I've also told you over and over that you look just darling as a girl, and that has always been true! You're not only cute, you're gorgeous when you take your time, and on top of that, you have a great figure! But you almost never go anywhere, except to go shopping, or you just stay at home so you can play dress up! So when Bill asked me if I wanted to spend the day on his boat, I didn't want to say no because I saw a way for you to see what it's like to be a woman, for real….instead of pretend!" Monica stood up. "This is your chance to feel like a real woman, and you're not only going to go to dinner, you're also going with us on the boat tomorrow, so my suggestion is that you take the time right now to make sure that you look as spectacular as I know you can! Wear that blue dress. It looks terrific on you."
"What if I say no?"
"Then you'll make Mike very unhappy!" Monica smiled, then…"I know you're worried, probably about being found out, you always are, but as far as I know that's only happened twice, and you were what? 15, maybe 16? Just take a good look in the mirror and tell me there is any way he would ever know! You'll just have to trust me Susan, but believe me, I think this is going to be the best thing you'll ever done for yourself! Besides, it's not like you're getting married for goodness sake, it's just a dinner date! Now go get ready! We have about two hours before the guys come to pick us up."
I had been getting dressed up as a girl for as long as I could remember, and Monica had known about it since we were kids. It was her clothes that I had used. She never really liked it, but since I looked "tolerable" to use her term, she never really made a fuss about it and once in a while she would actually help me a little. Over the years I had found places to acquired a number of things to make it easier for me to look like a female. I had started with that padded panty, then eventually bought a special kind of panty, one that had the built in parts that made me look like a girl there too. I liked it because when I wore it I had to use the restroom like any woman would, sitting down. I also had saved up and bought a pair of the very best, custom made breast forms I could find, matching my skin color perfectly, and virtually undetectable when I used the cover stick to hide the thin seam.
"You should probably glue those boobs of yours on Susan, especially since we'll be out on the boat tomorrow."
"Well," I said, I, uh, don't use them anymore."
You have…those are… your own boobs?!!"
"Yeah. I've had my own boobs since just after high school, but now they've…grown bigger."
"I'll be damned" she said, then went into her own room.
As I shut the door to my room and began to undress I thought about all those times I had been scared out of my mind at the possibility that someone would figure out that I wasn't a girl; all that terror punctuated with moments of sheer joy when I did something right. And, like many guys like me I think, I wondered what it was like for a girl on a date, and from what I had seen on the Internet, I was right. But now, for the first time, I had the chance to find out, and decided that Monica was right. I went in the shower and washed up, then back in my room to get dressed. In the beginning I almost never used any of the adhesive I had for my breast forms or the panty because there was a three day minimum. Once they were attached I had to wear them for three days or risk skin damage talking them off. I was completely dry by the time I made my decision, but I think I already knew that I would do it. I began by pulling the special panty on, using the adhesive on the edges, and very carefully making sure the seams were down tight.
The leg holes in the front were cut at the same angle that most high cut panties were, the rear part falling into the natural wrinkle below my own butt, and the waistband was effectively hidden by my panties or whatever else I wore. That effectively meant that if I dared, I could wear one of the newer and very skimpy two piece bikini's that girls wore. I never would, but I could if I had the guts to try. Holding a breast in each hand, I grinned, then grabbed the lacy pushup bra and put it on. If anyone were to see me naked like that, then you would think you were looking at a girl. With the special panty attached, I had a 36-25-37 figure. Smiling to myself at the vision I had created I sat down at my vanity and began to do my makeup.
I spent more time than usual doing my makeup but when I did that it was always worth the effort. I decided on the lace trimmed Pushemup bra with the matching panties, pantyhose, then the dress Monica suggested. I wore the blue sheath dress with the square cut neckline and was just above my knees. I brushed out my hair so that it fell in it's natural style, sort of a modified flip, lightly sprayed it, then put on the off white heels. I selected the small rhinestone earrings and a matching tennis bracelet for my jewelry, put on my lipstick and a bit of perfume, changed to the white clutch purse, and was ready to go.
Monica wore a dress similar to mine. We looked at each other, and for the first time in a very long time, I started to giggle, and she quickly joined me.
"I can't believe I'm doing this" I said.
"You glued that panty thing on didn't you."
"Yeah, but…"
"You should just give it up and start working as a woman! It has to be painful to try and hide those babies every day!"
"I'll think about it" was all I said.
Monica didn't say anything more, but I think I knew what she was about to say. She had been telling me for a long time that I might as well start living and working as a woman since I was always dressed as one whenever I wasn't at work anyway. I had thought about it several times but rejected the idea because I was afraid. We had any number of guys at work that were not what I would call open minded, and might present not only an emotional, but physical threat; that's why I always cast aside any thoughts of working as a female.
"You know what I think?" Monica asked me.
"What?"
"I think that you're afraid! You don't want to admit that you don't want to dress up as a woman because what you really want is to be a woman! Then it wouldn't be dressing up, would it?"
"I never said that!"
"Then why" Monica said with a grin, "did you spend all that money for that panty and those breastforms when you were in high school? I know they were all custom made, and probably had to cost several thousand dollars! Remember, I've seen you naked Susan! You looked great before, but now, with your own breasts, you look just like any girl that I've ever seen! Face it, you want to be a woman, and I just cannot see any reason for you to deny it any more! Can you?"
Before I could say anything the doorbell rang. It was Bill and Mike, our dates. Mike took me by the waist and walked me to the car, Monica locked the house. Dinner was nice, Mike attentive and funny, and almost made me forget that I wasn't a girl. When he walked me to the front door I gave Mike a peck on the lips and ran inside. I was panting hard.
"Mike get to you?"
"Yeah, I guess, maybe…a little."
"No honey. He made you feel like a woman." I said nothing, then…"So! What're you wearing tomorrow?" she asked.
"Tomorrow?"
"Susan! I heard him ask you to go out on the boat, and I also heard you tell him that you'd go! What are you going to wear?"
"I'm going to bed Monica, good night."
As I lay in bed my mind was a jumble of conflicting emotions. Mike had treated me like a woman of course, and to be frank, I enjoyed it! All my life I had told myself that I wasn't attracted to men, that being with one, as a woman of course, would be…icky, yet I could not deny that Mike made me feel…giddy with excitement, like the Cinderella story come to life in a way. Monica's question about my working as a female, my own knowledge of how I looked, and Mike's attention was almost enough, but when I pecked Mike on the lips it was such a natural act that I hadn't even thought about it, until I lay there in bed, realizing what I had done. Monica always told me that just dressing as a girl would never let me experience all the things a real girl would, like getting spending the day at a salon, getting your hair, nails and makeup done, or standing in a very long line to use the restroom to name just two. Another was just getting dressed! Guys brushed their hair, then pants, a shirt, some aftershave, and shoes, and twenty minutes later they're good to go. Girls on the other hand have pantyhose, a bra, hair, makeup, getting dressed, then jewelry, shoes, a matching purse of course, and maybe some hairspray. 45 minutes at least.
Anguish is envy frustrated, and believe me, I suffered envy for women and girls all my life, and that led to my constant and ongoing anguish. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I discovered places that sold things for guys like me, things that let me look like the girl I wanted to be. I couldn't afford any of them until I was 17, then I bought my first panty and breast forms, the ones I used until I graduated from high school. Then I faced a different challenge. I had my own apartment and could dress up all I wanted to, and I did for varying degrees of duration. Unlike when I was at home, every time I planned to dress up, the mere potential of it created a gentleness, an unruffled calm all through my body, yet there was always that feeling that no matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn't master the art of being a female and began to sense a growing resentment of what they, the girls had that I didn't. They had an innate femininity that just couldn't be faked. That's when I started on hormones. I craved the smooth creamy skin, wider hips and breasts that women have.
Dedicated to trying to become able to dress, look, and act like a real woman, I was facing a great divide, a chasm that seemed immense, and I kept aggressively exhorting myself to do better, regardless of the sometimes futile and usually pitiful results. Within the secret lair of my inner most thoughts I could not hide from the pervasive pulse that told me to be a girl, even though I knew that very few people would understand. Drawing the only conclusion I could, I researched my needs for months before finding someone that would even attempt to do what I asked. I took a weeks vacation, flew to New Jersey, then after explaining in great detail what I wanted, had to endure hours of cast making, probing questions, and color matching.
It was a profound choice, one that could change life as I knew it forever, but I was resolved to do it, and I did. It cost me several thousand dollars, but I thought it was worth it, just for the element of satisfaction I felt, which cautiously approached a sort of security. In my mind, if I looked exactly like a girl, then the rest would follow easier, and to some extent, I was right. Every time I wore them every sense of my being was stimulated. The day they arrived in the mail I rushed to try them on, staring into the mirror at the girl that I had created, enjoying the visceral thrill of just knowing I had finally done it. Then I went on a diet to reduce my 145 pounds to 130, hopefully losing the weight in my arms.
I had a job in a smallish company as sort of an assistant manager, meaning that while I had the title, I normally did all the backroom work, like billing, collections and so forth. We sold mail order holiday stuff, like ornaments and small animations among other things. If I dared to begin working as a woman, I knew I wouldn't scare the public, I would be the one scared out of my wits. I had no idea what my boss, a hard ass named Kim would say if I tried it, and not wanting to lose my job, I kept Susan well hidden at work. The most daring thing I ever did was to wear a bra and panties with pantyhose to work once, although I wore a heavy sweater to hide my growing breasts. When I got up the next morning all I could think about was taking the next step, simply showing up at work as a girl. Mike had not done anything wrong, he had only prodded me towards the only conclusion I could see. Monica was right. I needed to be a girl full time if I had any hope of realizing the truth.
Since I had attached the panty, and I was going to be dressing as a girl for a minimum of three days, it wasn't much of a leap for me to make the decision. As I got dressed for a day on the boat, I picked out my best panties and the matching bra, then slipped on my white shorts and a cropped baby blue tee. Ankle socks and my gym shoes, then time at the vanity. As I brushed out my hair I thought about the one last secret I had. The one that nobody knew but me. The fact was, the panty would allow me to function exactly like any girl could, or would. Using special packets, I could even experience periods if I wanted to; I could also have sex with a guy if I dared, and of course, I would have to eliminate like a girl. Other than surgery, it was as close to being a female as I could get. When I was ready I stood there staring at my reflection, drawing a deep breath, knowing that I was about to venture into my version of womanhood, hopefully without fear. Since I had no, as in zero knowledge of the way girls reacted to guys, about all I could do was watch Monica, and maybe ask her if I had to. One thing was certain, Mike wasn't going to get into my panties, even if I could manage to be just like a girl!
From what I read on the Internet I wasn't the only guy that was desperately trying to be just like a girl, and it seemed as if we all shared the same fears; discovery, ostracism, maybe even violence. But I was driven, propelled forward out of the safety of my cocoon when Mike appeared in my life. Just his being there, treating me as a woman in every way, his…masculinity, drove home all of the things that I had wondered about. It wasn't just the attention he gave me or that peck on the lips, it was more; he gave me a sense of myself as a woman that I had never experienced before, one that confirmed what I already knew. I could no longer go on pretending to be a woman, I had to become a woman. With the drive to prove my femininity, I went in Monica's room and borrowed a pair of her shorts. Unlike mine which were mid thigh in length, hers were a bit shorter, thinner, and just a bit tighter. With my belly bare, the swell of my hips was evident, and I felt more like a woman than I ever had.
"Trying to impress someone" Monica said as she threw the covers back.
"Maybe" I said with a grin, "I've decided to take your advice."
"What? Be the girl you should be?"
"Yeah."
"And Mike is going to be your first victim?"
"Victim?"
"It's what all girls call the first guy they try out things with! Like…flirting, and kissing, and making them do things they might not want to do! Geesh girl, you have a lot to learn about handling guys!"
"I'll manage."
"Just be as feminine as you can, smile a lot, especially at the bad jokes, and you'll be fine. I'll be ready in a little while and we can talk."
Monica and I sat at the kitchen table, our kitchen table. About four months earlier we both realized that we could do better living together rather than each of us having our separate places, so we had moved in together, and not once since then had she said a word about how I was dressed or looked when I was Susan, only reminding me to be "girlish" as she put it.
"Mike seems like a great guy Susan, but he's a guy, and that means he'll try to get into your pants, so be prepared…or can you handle that?"
"I can handle it…if I have to, but I'm not going to let things get that far."
"Oh yeah?" she said with a grin, "we'll see about that won't we?"
My own masculinity had failed me long ago, which to be honest, I didn't really mind because I didn't want it anyway! I thought that I was a woman, so why bother? For Monica to suggest, or even hint at the possibility of a relationship between me and any guy was, I was sure, a remote possibility at best. I stand 5'10 in heels, my hair is brown, shoulder length and just a tiny bit wavy. I have brown eyes, my breasts a firm and pert B cup, and with the panty attached I have a 36-25-37 figure. Unlike so many of the girls I see, with their long blond hair, lithe bodies, supple skin, puffy lips and implant enhanced sameness, I am by comparison, a rather average looking girl. And also unlike them, I have to work real hard at being feminine. Carefully shaving certain places, lotions to make my skin softer and smoother, extra care and special attention to makeup, and even longer learning all of the intricate mannerisms that girls have. That's why I never gave any credence to Monica's suggestion. I was sure that Mike would see that I wasn't as feminine as I should be, and thus I would be safe from any "moves" on his part.
Being a guy that wants to be a girl really is a colossal pain in the ass; from the constant fear of discovery to just managing to accurately create the smallest hint of the girl you know you should be. Many simply cannot do it. Their bodies are to big, to hairy, to muscular, their fears are greater than their confidence, or they suffer from guilt that strips them of their ability to act on what they know is true, regardless of the outcome. It's expensive as well. I once again looked in the mirror, asking myself if I were the dumbest person on the planet, or was I really the girl I looked like. If I were dumb I should stay home, but if I were the girl that I wanted to be, then I had to go. I picked up the lipstick, put some on, then sighed. Boys chase after girls for one reason, to mate and maybe have families. That meant sex, so I knew that if I went on the boat with Mike, and we hit it off, that I would have to face the probability that he would eventually want me in his bed. While I could perform like a girl, I had never thought that I would actually have to face that possibility. I simply did not think I was pretty enough that some guy might want me that way! In my heart though, I knew that I had to go, and maybe even sleep with Mike, because that was the only way that I would ever know, or find out the truth about myself.
Mike and Bill picked us up and we drove to the marina where Bill kept his boat. It was big enough to have a cabin below, a small galley, and a patio of sorts at the rear. I sat aft with Mike as Monica and Bill took the boat out further into the lake.
"You look great Susan!"
"Thanks."
"Just seeing you makes me want to…"
"What?"
"See you" he said with a grin, "a whole lot more!"
Mike was just a shade taller then myself when I was in heels, with very short dark hair, blue eyes, and a decidedly manly physique. He also had a cute little grin that he used a lot. I was sure that he had broken a lot of hearts along the way, so I merely smiled, then…
"Maybe", I said with a grin, "we'll just have to see, won't we."
We went across the lake first, then down the peninsula, about twenty miles, stopping at a place that was sheltered from the larger part of the lake. Monica motioned me to follow her, and we went below to the cabin. Opening her bag, she tossed me a swimsuit…my swimsuit!
"It's time" Monica told me, "for everyone to see how you look in this. I took it out of your room because I knew you wouldn't bring it." I just stood there holding the bra and bottoms. "I know you've tried it on Susan, now lets get changed; the guys are waiting."
It was modestly cut, and fit me really good. Monica stood there a moment, then stripped naked, right there in front of me. Looking over her shoulder at my stare…
"Well, why not? You're a girl aren't you? My sister?" Monica once again saw me naked, in all my glory. "Damn Susan! That's good! Better then good as a matter of fact! If I didn't already know in advance I never would!"
When we were ready, Monica and I went topside. Mike and Bill were leaning on the railing when we appeared, turning to watch us as we walked closer. Mike looked even more manly without his shirt on. Broad well muscled shoulders, a bit of hair on his chest, and a tapering waist. All in all, he was the kind of guy that many girls would salivate to get.
We had a lovely afternoon, then later a slow cruise back to the marina. Monica and I changed clothes, and after we docked, my sister told me that she was spending the night with Bill, and not to expect her until morning. Mike took me home, but not before stopping at the park, overlooking the lake.
"Susan?"
"Yes" I said as I turned to face him, which is when he kissed me. Not a peck, but a tongue down the throat grinding passionate kiss that seemed to go on forever. I didn't fight it because I knew it was coming and had planned on it. When I was getting ready for the days outing on the boat I knew that there was only one way for me to find out if I was just a guy in a dress or a really a woman, and Mike was my key to that road. After that first kiss I succumbed to his very passionate advances. He touched my hair, stroking it as he pulled my face closer to his, all in a flurry of mutually growing excitement. His hand rested on my leg; I wanted to tell him not to do that, but for some reason didn't, then he tried to put my hand on him. That's when I asked him to take me home. I had become scared and needed time to think about what I had done.
That fructuous earthy aroma that rises from freshly turned soil greeted me as I worked feverously in the small garden plot we maintained. Mike had drawn me to him, but to be frank, I was willing to let him do it. He made it to third base, actually touching my naked right breast, but home plate was still safe….so far. As I raked the soil and removed the weeds, my breasts free of the restraining bra hanging below me, moving freely under my shirt, reminding me like nothing else that I had turned not just a corner, but the corner. I was a woman, and while I knew it all the way to my soul, that small shred of my manhood was there, nagging at me, questioning my motives and my willingness to go all the way and become a real woman, and of course, made me wonder about Mike, and men in general. I thought that I could handle Mike, it was the rest that worried me.
When I was younger I felt guilty about wanting to dress up as a girl, but that faded once Monica found out; she didn't like it, but she would help me once in a while, and on those days I never had a doubt. Nobody forced me because I didn't need to be forced into it. I wasn't into the little girl look, only suffering some guilt, yet knowing that all I wanted was to be a normal, everyday girl. In my mind that goal had always been illusive. Then I began to grow breasts and hips, my skin began to get softer, then I met Mike, who confirmed that I was a girl, and he thought so too. Yanking out weeds and tilling the soil had always been therapy for me, allowing me the time to think about what it was that I really wanted, and how to get there. Now I was faced with my greatest challenge. Making out with Mike. Letting him touch me, then touching him, could only lead to one place, the one place where I knew that I would be doing things for him, things that girls did for their guys. I feared the uncertainty of it all the most.
Then again there was my work, the place I would have to be at the next day. The mere idea of becoming a guy again, just for the sake of a job almost made me sick. While the minimum time for the adhesive that held my panty on was three days, the maximum was 30 days, which meant that I had twenty seven more days; Finishing my chore, I went in the house and cleaned up, then started coffee before I went to take a shower. I was just stepping out of the shower when Monica walked into my room. Naked and still a bit damp, I opened the dresser to get clean panties.
"Looks like you had a fun day yesterday Susan."
"Yeah, it was okay I guess."
"Okay? Just okay? That's not what Mike says!" Monica sat on the bed grinning, then…"He says that you're the greatest kisser he ever met, and can't wait to see you again!"
"Yeah" I replied, "what else would he say?"
"Can I assume" Monica asked me in a more serious tone, "that my brother is gone, and I have a sister now?"
"I just can't stop now Monica! It's like I found…it's so…I feel…"
"Go ahead and get dressed honey, wear a skirt and we'll go have a nice lunch somewhere."
Monica and I went our favorite place, settling into a corner booth, which is when I told her that living as a woman wasn't the problem any more, that I was going to do it regardless, it was something else. I told her that after an hour of making out with Mike and all of the touching, I was so excited with feelings that I had never experienced before, that all I could think of was Mike and how he made me feel. Things that I could never before imagined doing were now pressing on my mind, and worse, I wasn't worried up about it. Those things that girls did for boys. I guess I wasn't so much afraid of doing those things, it was how easily I had accepted the idea of it! Monica laughed a little, then…
"Susan, people get their pleasures many ways. There are boy/boy couples, girl/girl couples, boy/girl couples, and there are even the weird ones that get pleasure from their pets! People are all different honey, and if Mike makes you feel like a woman, then I would say that's a good thing!"
"But what if he wants to…"
"We both know that you can Susan, so why not? It's not as if you can get pregnant, right?"
"It's all latex Monica, I'm sure that he'll be able to tell the difference!"
"There are other ways to make guys happy Susan, that's only one of them!"
"Let's just drop it Monica, okay" I said. But what she had suggested had been on my mind.
"Okay" she said, then…"Did Mike tell you he might stop by later?"
"No! When?"
"Later…he said, so we have plenty of time. Have you called Marion and let her know that you'll look different tomorrow?"
"Not yet. When we get home."
About two hours later Monica and I were sitting on the patio; I was talking to the owner of the company I worked for. She listen without interruption as I told her that I would be coming to work dressed as a woman from then on, waiting for the laughter I was sure would follow, but….
"It's about time you've finally decided to be yourself!"
"So…you're not angry?"
"Of course not my dear! What do I call you?"
"Susan" I said softly.
"You dress whatever way makes you the most comfortable Susan" she told me, "and I'll take care of the rest."
I told Monica that everything was set and went into my room. For my first day at work as a woman I selected the light tan suit. Taking the skirt off the hangar and trying it on, I asked Monica to make a mark, then I removed the skirt and went to get the sewing machine out. After making the alterations I tried it on. The hemline was just above my knees. Perfect! I changed into a pair of short and a top, touched up my makeup, added a dab of perfume and some lipstick, ran a brush through my hair, finishing just as Mike showed up a few minutes later. Virtually ignoring Monica, he fixed his eyes on me.
"Um…guys?" Monica said, "I'll be out, probably all night, so have fun!" Monica winked at me as she left.
Mike was holding my hand while staring into my eyes.
"We'll be alone all night" he said, "whatever shall we do?"
Knowing perfectly well what I was going to do….."Yes" I said with a grin, "what?"
That afternoon I made love to Mike, not the other way around. I tempted him, teased him, and touched him. The texture of his skin, the smell of him, the hair on his body, his very touch drove me crazy with a growing desire, and my entire body tingled when he would touch me, and I responded to him. His lips on my breasts, his hand when he stroked my tummy or cupped my butt made me realize that I had become a woman, and wanted to prove it to myself, not him. I had no choice. I stood up and shed the remainder of my clothes, then pulled him into the bedroom where I slowly undressed him. I kissed him, stroked him and finally, when he was ready, I lowered myself to him. I felt his hands on my head, unable to watch as his face, but I knew that it was contorted in pleasure. There was one more thing to do. Use that panty I had spent so much money on. I reached for the lube, made myself ready, and rolled under him. I could feel him inside the panty, the powerful, lustful strokes steadily growing more and more urgent until he completed. With a sigh he moved off of me, grinning. It had been more than wonderful, it was the completeness that I craved.
Later, as I held him in my arms, I felt the fine hair of his naked back against my chest while my hand stroked the hair on his chest, reveling in just how much of a woman he made me feel. I tingled all over every time he touched me. I felt his hand begin to move across my back side, pulling me even closer if that was possible. Mike had shown me that I could be as much a woman as I needed to be, and all of my fears about doing things for him, things girls do for men, evaporated when I began to help him out of his clothes.
After we both took showers, I made him a small dinner, feeling more womanly than ever before. As I watched him, he grinned at me, and I almost thought that he was going to take me right there in the kitchen! I don't think that I would not have minded that at all. He made me feel…wifely. We ate dinner in silence, but his hand on my leg said more than enough. Later, as I rinsed the dishes, he came up behind me, put his arms around me, and carried me back to the bedroom. His stamina was…encouraging.
For a little boy that always knew that he should have been a girl, it was a very tough life. All the sneaking around, the "borrowing" of clothes and secretly playing dress up, knowing it was "wrong". That young boy grew to be a teenager that was compelled by an urgent need buy clothes to feed his need, yet always felt the overpowering weight of guilt, shame, and fear every time he dressed up. Sooner or later that boy faces a crossroads. Just dress up in secret and be miserable, or take the step to become to woman he always should have been. I took that step. It was a huge step, one fraught with danger at every turn; violence always a possibility, yet the completion of the journey brings great peace of mind. Sex is fun, but the mere fact that I dared to try, and had succeeded, was more than enough satisfaction.
My only advice….try.
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