This story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between this story and any actual person, living or dead, is coincidental. I’m sure that any recognizable names you might encounter are purely your own imagination.

The story contains mature subject matter. It may contain adult situations and/or language. If you're not old enough to legally read this (and you know who you are), then get out of here before it's too late. You've been warned.

Permission is granted to archive or repost this story as long as the text is unaltered, and my copyright and this notice are included. Oh, and this permission is conditional upon it's being available only on free sites. No membership fee, "Adult Check", or other means of skinning money out of people are allowed.

I'd love to hear from any readers with comments.
E-mail me at kim@kimem.net.
Earlier chapters and other stories are available at http://www.kimem.net

This part of the story is dedicated to Piper, who has been doing a lot of growing of her own lately.

 

Expo Summer               by: Kim EM                   © 2001 All rights reserved

 

Part 06 - The Truth About Adults

Previously:

I flew, frantically trying to change what I could see was going to happen, but I was already in mid-air. As I frantically twisted, one leg passed under the chain and the other above the chain... I tried, really I did, but I couldn't do anything to change my path, and I slammed into the chain full-force, right between the legs. All my eleven-year-old weight came down full force on my crotch, and the world flared white with agony, and then it turned black and there was nothing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter Twenty-three: THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS

Pepper lay on the cool tile of the recreation room, head down, intently watching the stairs. Her human had to show up soon. It had been an upsetting summer. First her human had come home smelling of blood and dirt, and nobody had let Pepper protect the child. Every day she had to stay home and wait while her person went elsewhere alone for hours on end, completely unprotected. She felt hurt that nobody gave her the chance to go along for protection, but she was frantic the day the youth came home all bloody. There had to be something she could do, but nobody gave her an opportunity.

Didn't they know that protecting her human was part of her job? Sometimes they treated her as just someone to pet and play with, and though she loved those times, it was her job to take care of the youth. The child was still too young, just like an overgrown puppy, and would need her protection. Would need? Had needed it, from the blood and bruises.

Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, her human had vanished for weeks, while the other humans smelled of fear and anxiety. Again, Pepper wasn't given the chance to protect her person. She spent the weeks curled up in a corner, feeling as though she hadn't done her job. Something had happened and again she had failed.

The little human had finally returned several days before, but different. Her person used to dress like a little version of one of the big humans, but now dressed like a little version of the other. It was all very confusing, but then most things the humans did was confusing. At least she was able to keep a protective eye on her person. Best yet, more new humans started visiting, dressed like hers, good smelling, and always petting and playing with her. Pepper sighed momentarily at the good memory, then returned to her watch of the stairs.

A few days ago, everything had changed again. Her person vanished once again, and the big humans bustled around the house smelling of rage and fear. The other small humans had visited several times, but HERS never showed up. Pepper was ready. If anyone tried to hurt the other humans, she would instantly leap to their defense. It was the least she could do till her own human returned.

If only she knew what was going on. It was all very confusing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter Twenty-Four: AFTER THE FALL

I can't say if it helped or hurt me, but when I was eleven I figured out the truth about adults.

Adults were strange, a breed apart. So big, so serious all the time. What happened to turn a kid into an adult? Was there some magic day where the kid woke up and stopped playing, stopped doing kid things, and headed off for work? I wasn't looking forward to it, I can say that for sure. I liked who I was, especially now. Why should I grow up into a totally different person? Now that I'd become someone I liked, I didn't want to change a bit. Still, I supposed, I guess there wasn't anything to be done about it. It was hard to imagine, but my parents must have been kids once, and look what happened to them.

I did a lot of thinking, I remember that. I'm not sure where I was, though I can vaguely remember being poked and prodded. I thought a lot, and I slept and dreamed. This went on for quite a while, but for some reason it didn't bother me. Everything was black, or gray, or something. But eventually I woke, this time to a world I'd as soon have ignored. There was no pain, but much of my body seemed numb. No, not numb, really, but it’s like I was feeling my body through a fog. That doesn't make sense either, but it's the best I can describe.

I opened my eyes to see a fuzzy-looking room. I was lying flat on my back, in a bed, an odd-table to my side. *Oh, no.* I knew this scene, I was back in a hospital. *Why?* What could have-- and then the memories reignited the terror of the attack. I'd been badly cut up, escaped, run naked through the park, then vaulted the chain but slipped and-- my mind went blank. I had a horrible idea what had happened. I tried to reach for my covers, to pull them back, but I couldn't will my hands to move.

I tried hard to move them, but nothing... Was I paralyzed? *Oh, God, please not that.* If I were paralyzed, If I were paralyzed, all I could do is lay around being a burden to my parents. No, I couldn't live like that. But what could I do? If I couldn't move, then how could I...? Best to not even think of that. Maybe someone would come in soon, and I could find out what was going on.

I lay there, keeping myself from growing bored by remembering the faces of the teens who had done this to me. I engraved their appearance on my brain. If I ever saw them again, I wanted to be able to recognize them.

Eventually I heard the sounds of movement from the doorway, and a nurse came in to check on me. When she saw that I was conscious she came to my side. "You're awake, and so soon." She beamed at me. "How are you feeling?"

"Y cnnn mvv." My mouth was like mush, my throat on fire. I knew what I wanted to say, but I could barely force it out. She didn't seem to have any trouble deciphering, though.

"Oh, I know, Honey. Don't worry, that's just the nerve block. It'll wear off soon, now that you're awake."

"Hww lngvYbnnhrrr?" Damn. I hoped it would wear off fast. This was embarrassing, not being able to say what I wanted.

"It's been a week since you were flown in."

"Flwnyn? WhrrmY?"

"You're in Chicago, at Passavant Hospital." She could see I was starting to tire again. "Don't worry, you'll be okay. Just go back to sleep, and you'll feel better when you wake." I wanted to ask more questions, but almost before I knew it I was back in the land of blackness.

***

When I next awoke, I wasn't alone in the room. A different woman, wearing a long white coat, was standing by my side, making notes on a clipboard. When she saw I was awake, she lowered the clipboard and spoke. "Good evening, Kimberly. I'm Doctor Walker."

*A doctor. Really.* She was short and healthy looking, more like a farm girl that had gotten lost in the city than a doctor in one of the largest hospitals in Chicago.

"Good evening, Doctor... What's wrong with me? I mean, why am I here? I remember the attack, but nothing after that." At least now I could speak. My throat still throbbed, but I could control my mouth.

She looked silently at me for a moment, seemingly making a decision, then gave a small nod. She looked around, then pulled a small chair up to the bedside and sat. Without thinking I shifted slightly to face her. *Aha!* So I could move. That's one worry out of the way.

"Kimberly, that attack on you, it left you seriously injured. There were a number of incised wounds, a severe blow to your throat, plus the damage you took when you hit that chain." I started to ask about the 'damage', but she shushed me. "It's okay, I'll get to that in a moment. The wounds, they varied in seriousness. The blow to your throat bruised the larynx, and there were some serious concerns when you were brought in, but it's healing now. The slash to your cheek was just a minor cut, and it's already almost healed-- there won't even be a scar. The cuts to your chest were a bit more serious, but not too bad. They're healing, and I don't expect there to be any visible scarring, except that you might have to be careful in the future about tanning. I suspect that when you get sunburned or tanned, they might not tan properly, so you might show a trace of the wound under those circumstances." I swallowed hard and nodded. "The incisions to your posterior were rather deeper. They are healing, but will take somewhat longer to heal completely. Even after they are healed, there will be scarring. I'm sorry."

"He said it was a, a message. What's the pattern? Were they words?" I waited with some dread as Dr. Walker weighed her words carefully.

"It's, yes, the pattern forms a word. I'm sorry, Honey, but there's nothing I can do to remove it. Once it's healed there are some techniques that might make it a bit less visible, but I'm afraid the scars will always remain there."

"What does it say?"

She paused, sighed, then spoke. "The letters carved there spell 'FAG'. Do you know what that means?" I nodded, tears running down my cheeks.

"Y-yes. How could he do... how could..." I burst into tears, sobs racking my small body. She quickly came to my side and held me to her as the grief became too much for me to bear.

Another woman, this one dressed as a nurse, rushed into the room. The nurse, a striking redhead, came up to he bed and silently looked on as the doctor cuddled me against her. The doctor looked up and quietly said, "I just told her about the incisions."

"The word?"

Dr. Walker nodded. "I think she needs to rest a bit before I get to the other." The nurse turned and was quickly out the door. The Doctor clutched me tighter to her side and told me, "Lisa's getting something to help you calm down a bit. After you've rested a bit we'll talk about the rest."

I nodded, still sobbing into her side as the nurse, Lisa, I guess, came back in with a syringe. I gave her an arm and she swabbed it clean, then injected me with something.

***

Back in the gray and foggy dreamland the wound on my backside didn't seem to bother me as much. I couldn't understand someone who would do that to another person. I mean, why? Why would he carve me up, just for a few moment's thrill? Did he hate me that much? I had no idea who he was, but he had obviously known me. Did the fact that I was a girl who used to be a boy frighten him so? Or-- did he have some other reason for hating me?

I gave up trying to understand. Maybe if they ever catch him, maybe then I'd find out why. I was just happy to still be alive. I knew where things would have gone if I hadn't managed to escape.

I must have fallen asleep someplace, because when I awoke, I was back to the hospital room and it was daytime. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, then I felt around the bed for the call button. After a long search, I found it and called for the nurse.

A minute or so later that felt like an hour, the same nurse I'd first woken up to strode into the room.

"Awake now, are we?" she asked brightly. "Do you think you might feel up to having some lunch?"

"I'm not hungry, not really. Can I get some soda or something? My throat's pretty sore." She nodded and left the room, returning momentarily with a pitcher and a glass filled with ice cubes.

As she poured the water, she introduced herself. "By the way, I'm Cathy, and I'm your nurse during the day."

"Hi. I'm Kimberly, but I guess, I guess you knew that." Cathy nodded and handed me the glass and I greedily drank the water, letting it cool my parched throat.

"I've been caring for you for the past week. Don't worry, Honey," she said, patting my shoulder, "it's going to be all right."

"The doctor, Dr. Walker, she told me about the knife wounds last night. It was last night?" Cathy nodded. I went on, "She never got to telling me about where I hit the chain. How badly was I hurt there?"

Cathy colored a bit and said, "I really can't tell you. The doctor will be back this evening to see you, and I'm sure she will tell you all about it then."

"You won't be here than, will you?"

"No, I'll be off duty, but Lisa will be here for you then."

"I kind of met her last night. Is it just the two of you?"

Cathy laughed. "No, we don't usually work _those_ kinds of hours. You haven't met Michelle, your nurse during the overnight. Don't worry, you're being well taken care of."

***

It was midafternoon and I lay staring at the ceiling, bored out of my skull. At a noise from the door, I turned to see a woman in a white coat stepping in. She walked up to the bed holding another clipboard, or maybe the same one. She looked down at me and said "Hi, Kimberly, I'm Dr. Burgess."

"What happened to Doctor Walker?"

Dr. Burgess settled at the side of the bed with a laugh. "Oh, she's still your doctor. I'm the surgeon who put you back together after your accident."

"Accident? I'd hardly call it that." *Sheesh, doesn't this place have any men doctors?*

"I guess not. Has anyone told you what happened when you caught the chain?"

"No. I guess it was pretty bad, though."

She looked serious for a moment, then finally spoke. "Yes, you could say that. You were found on the street at the park's edge, unconscious and bleeding. The local hospital wasn't qualified to do much more than stop the bleeding, and they had you flown here where we have specialists who could do the kind of surgery you needed."

*Uh-oh. This didn't sound good.* "And what... what did I need?"

She sighed and then went on. "I'll try and keep this simple. Basically, everything in your groin was pretty well mangled by the chain. I had to do a bilateral orchiect... no, let me put it even simpler. Your penis was torn up beyond repair as a functioning organ. Your testes appeared to have recently descended and they were crushed by the chain. Knowing the process you're already in, the best I could do was to take the salvageable material and create a neo-vagina."

*Did she just say what I think she said?* "A WHAT?"

'I couldn't save the penis, and knowing that you were planning on vaginaplasty as soon as you were eighteen, with your parent's permission I performed a vaginaplasty and created one from the available penile material. As part of the process, I also performed a labiaplasty using the scrotal tissue. "

She faltered and stopped as the tears began streaming down my face. "I thought that's... what you wanted? Eventually..." She trailed off in confusion.

I looked at her through tear-filled eyes. "It is, doctor, thank you, thankyouthankyou." I grabbed onto her and held her tight.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter Twenty-Five: KRAKATOA?

Late afternoon rolled around and I was watching television, or at least trying to. It all seemed to be either kid shows or game shows. I'd settled on channel seven, the one station that ran old movies. They weren't very good, but it was something to do. How, pray tell, do you take a two hour movie and fit it into an hour-and-a-half timeslot including commercials and have the movie make any sense at all? I'd read something about it in the paper a few months before. Some guy named Tartikoff at the station had come up with the idea, and he was making all sorts of money for the station.

Go figure.

They were running King Kong, and had cut the entire part with the dinosaurs. I was pretty disgusted-- that was the best part. Maybe someday someone would do a remake and leave in the dinosaurs and leave out King Kong. That would be cool.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement at the door, and my parents rushed in, accompanied by Gail.

Fifteen tear-filled minutes later, they knew I was all right, and had filled me in about things at home. Short version: The police were still trying to figure out exactly what had happened, and would be interviewing me as soon as the doctors would permit them. It was front page news, and people were divided on the whole issue of my having become a girl... pretty much everyone in town knew the whole story now.

Gail and Tina had been haunting our house, waiting for news. Tina's mom, natch, had forbidden her to, but that didn't stop her. And, equally of course, her mom had forbidden her from coming to Chicago. My dog, Pepper, was moping around, waiting for my return.

Oh, and of course, Mom and Dad were anxious to know if they had done the right thing in approving the vaginaplasty.

After all that was done, they left the room for a while, I suppose to talk with one or more of the doctors, while I chatted with Gail. She filled me in on Tina and the family problems there. True to her word, Mrs. Libby had been pushing hard to get Chris released, claining that he had only done what was natural, given the 'freak' he'd trashed. She was one of the more outspoken townspeople against me, even being quoted in the paper as saying 'He got just what he deserved'.

Things were so bad at her house that Tina had slept at Gail's several nights.

***

The next day, the police came. Not much to tell. I told them what I knew, and they said they were sending an artist to sketch the boys from my description.

***

Somewhere in here my life seemed to be resolving to boredom with occasional visits from people. Aside from the regular doctor visits, Dr. Wayne from Columbus Hospital came daily, to spend some time talking about what had happened, and my feelings about it.

Mostly he wanted to make sure I wasn't _too_ traumatized by what had happened. Well, how could I not? Think about it and what had happened? On the other hand, without knowing it the teens had done me a big favor. If only they hadn't carved that word into my backside. All-in-all, though, the single biggest effect is that from that day forward I've never felt safe when alone. I used to be quite a loner; growing up friendless did that to a person. Ever since, though, the only time I'm really comfortable is when I'm with other people.

It's quite a change, and I can't say it was all bad, but sometimes I miss being able to take a long walk alone with my thoughts.

The only visit of Doctor Wayne's, though, that's really worth recounting is the one from June 30th. I was sitting in my room, alone of course, reading a paperback. Oh, yeah, sitting. Two weeks after the attack, I was still pretty tender underneath, but I was getting so sick of the damned bed that I just had to sit in one of the chairs. I'd also been walking for the past few days, nothing strenuous, but I wanted to be ready to explore the fair in another six weeks, and that meant I had to stay in shape.

The doctor entered the room without knocking, as usual. I think maybe he was going to try and surprise me, but ever since the attack I'd had a finely attuned sense of who was around me. As he sat down in the other chair, I looked up and said "Good afternoon, Doctor Wayne."

He looked surprised and said, "Damn, I thought sure I was going to surprise you this time."

"It's not that easy to do."

"I can see that," he laughed. "How are you feeling today?"

I shrugged. "About the same, I guess. I'm not having nightmares about the attack, if that's what you mean."

He frowned and asked, "Why not?"

"Why not what? Nightmares?"

"Yes," he replied, "most people, after something like that would be having nightmares for weeks, if not longer. You," he indicated, "say you've had none. You've told me before that after an initial burst of grief you haven't been sad, you haven't been angry. You haven't even been depressed. That, well, I hate to put it like this, but it's not normal."

I reached over and put my book on the rolling table. I thought a bit, and then looked back at the doctor, who was waiting expectantly. "Isn't it? Maybe not, but I can't help it. I'm really not feeling much of anything about it. Of course," I laughed, "I wouldn't recommend putting me, the kid who did this, and a loaded weapon in the same room. That could turn ugly."

"Uh-huh. Kim, the point is that you're not dealing with it yet. You seem to have all your feelings about what happened blocked. That's, well, not good. It _has_ to come out someday, and if it's not allowed to release itself naturally, it might explode out."

"Explode out?" *What the heck is he talking about?* "I'm not sure I understand."

He sat silently for a moment, then rose to his feet and sauntered over to the window. Looking out at the Streeterville neighborhood, he was obviously collecting his thoughts, so I remained silent. Finally he spoke, still looking away. "Kim, you're highly intelligent, much more so than the average eleven-year-old. Despite the mediocre grades you've had in school, the various tests you've taken this summer indicate that your knowledge base is already at the college level. You don't even talk like an eleven-year-old.

"It's almost axiomatic that high intelligence and emotional stability are in conflict. There's several theories why, none proven, but the fact remains that you're at risk as you grow up, especially as isolated as you've been in the past." He turned from the window, shot me a sidelong glance, then returned to gazing at the city. Your personality profile indicates that you're highly repressed emotionally, and..." He stopped and turned to face me as I started to interrupt, then put his hands up as if to stop me. "Please, no. I'm not trying to hurt you or make you feel bad. I just want you to know what I've found out and where things stand.

"It's good that you've started making new friends, and I hope that continues, but I think it would be best if you continued to see me after you get out of the hospital. You need to learn to confront your feelings, and deal with the hurts you've had throughout your life, instead of locking them away. It doesn't have to be me if you don't want, but I honestly think you should see someone."

I looked across the room at him, and thought seriously about what he'd said. How could he... no, I knew that he knew a lot more about these things than I did. But I didn't feel like any explosion was building. It's just that over the years I'd never been able to fight back, never until the day of the attack. My only way to defend myself was to learn to not let the beatings and humiliation from the other kids get to me. If I couldn't have done that, I'd have gone crazy at a really early age. *But now he says that is going to be a problem? Then how am I supposed to protect myself when the next round of beatings begins?*

"I don't mind talking with you, or meeting with you. Most people still treat me like a little kid. You, well, you talk to me as I am, not as they'd like to believe I am."

He chuckled quietly. "I guess it comes with the territory."

"Doctor Wayne, the things you're telling me are scaring me a bit... I don't know which would be worse, the possibility of what might happen if I don't do anything, or what might happen if I do."

"Well," he said, "Think about it for a bit. That's really what it all comes down to, anyway." He walked back to the chair and sat again, seemingly relaxed. "If you give it some thought, I think you'll figure out what's best for you. And if you need to ask any questions, or feel that you _do_ need to talk, I'll be here."

"Thanks." I looked for a moment at my book, then back at the doctor. "Can I ask you something now?"

"Sure."

"It doesn't have anything to do with this, or at least I don't think it does."

He leaned forward, giving me his full attention. "Go ahead and ask."

"What happens when a kid becomes an adult? I mean, how does a kid go from playing and kid things to being so serious and busy? What changes to make them like that?"

He stared for a moment then burst into laughter. "DamnifIknow," he finally managed to get out. "I can remember being a kid once, and it just kind of happened. There really isn't any time when you stop being a child and become an adult. You just go along doing whatever it is you're doing, and one day you look back and ask yourself, "When did _that_ happen?"

"That's it?"

"That's it. There really is no secret. You just get bigger, and eventually you mature. Some people do it earlier, some later. A few never do. You, well, as shocking as it may sound, I think you're well on your way."

"Umm. I really _do_ have to think about that one for a while."

"I bet you do. Say, would you like to hear some good news for a change?"

I perked up at that. Good news wasn't exactly part of my language recently. Well, except for the surgery that really made my body into a girl's. That was a big one, but it came at quite a cost. "Good news? Right on."

"How would you like to go home tomorrow? "

"Home? Can I?"

"Yep. Before I came here I had a call with Doctors Burgess and Walker, and they agreed that if I thought you were up to the stress of going home, you could. After all, we wouldn't want you to miss the fireworks."

"Fireworks? That's right, I forgot about the fourth. Today's what, the thirtieth?"

"Right. I guess you've been a bit busy. Yes, you're right on the date. You'll be home for the whole holiday weekend."

I scrunched my face up, trying to think ahead. "Will I be healed enough to go to the fair in mid-August?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter Twenty-Six: THE TRUTH ABOUT CATS AND DOGS, PART TWO

Pepper lay, sulking. Not only was her little human missing, today the other humans had gone way, locking her in the recreation room by herself. She was used to it, being all by herself, but lately she'd been left home a lot, and that hurt.

WHERE was the child? It was her job to guard and defend the human, and she wasn't able to do it. Worse yet, while she was kept from doing her job, the human had been hurt. Why didn't they trust her? Why wouldn't they let her do her… what?

She heard a familiar noise coming around the block. Yes! It was the family's car. As much as she hated and despised the evil thing, it meant that they would be back!

She ran eagerly to the back door, waiting for the sound that meant they were home. There was the car, pulling up the hill and into the garage. There was the sound of the garage door closing, and the family crossing the patio. A key turned in the lock, and as the door opened she burst into the back yard. She'd been trained to not do that, but she was too excited to obey. She looked around wildly and THERE SHE WAS, her human!

She danced excitedly around the little person, happy to have her back, and finally ready and able to protect her. It was a job she knew would be needed, had been needed from the way the girl was limping, and the next time would be done in full, if only she could convince the bigger humans.

Pepper was a gentle dog, but she knew that if someone tried to hurt her human again, she could kill.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To Be Continued....

 

*********************************************
© 2001 by Kim Em. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.