Executive Assistant         by: Jacki Pett

Part 3

 

Connie finally got home around five thirty.

"Did you girls have a nice afternoon?" She asked as she set her things down at her bedroom door.

"We had a great time." I told her enthusiastically.

"It was delightful. The workout felt great and I haven't loafed around like this in so long. It was nice for a change not to have to do for people. I love Carolyn and Jimmy to death but it's so nice to just goof off. This is like a little vacation."

I was glad Pat was enjoying herself. "Who won?" I asked.

Connie looked at the two of us with an impish grin. "Well, Park, of course."

We both laughed at the way she said it. I knew Connie had only an eight handicap. She was a very good golfer, so I'd been told. If that man won, he had to be either a terrific golfer or she let him win.

"He has this amazing hook and the fairways at the club are very tight. It wasn't an easy day for either of us."

"Do you play Jennifer?" Pat asked.

"I've played a little."

Pat acted as if she understood more than what I said, "Your Dad and brothers play?"

I winked at Connie's curious glance. Pat didn't see the exchange. "All the time." I would explain to Connie later, when we were alone. I had played a lot of golf and I wasn't too bad. Not good enough to make the team in high school but I tried. I tried anything to please my Dad. I just was never good enough.

"Jimmy's been trying to get me out to learn. Maybe I should get out with him."

"Anyone want a glass of wine?" Connie asked. We had two hours before we were to meet Park at the restaurant. Plenty of time to relax. Even for me. I was getting better at doing my hair and makeup.

I decided I better call Christy since I hadn't spoken to her since Thursday. My bedroom gave me the privacy I needed to talk openly with her.

"You're taking the client out again?" She sounded frustrated.

"We have to." I explained. "But I'd rather be with you." I wasn't as apprehensive as I had been about our relationship. How could I be? I was doing on my own, exactly what she wanted me to do for her.

"I wish we could be together too." There was a short pause. "Are you spending tomorrow with Virginia again?"

"Yes." I had promised Virginia her Sundays. That commitment I would keep,

I no sooner hung up the phone than Trish called. "Kim and I were wondering if you and Pat wanted to go out with us tonight?"

"We have that dinner engagement we have to go to. You remember, I told you."

"I meant afterwards. We could meet you and go out and have some fun."

If it were anyone else but Trish and Kim, I'd have worried. "I don't know."

"Well think about it. I'm sure Pat would enjoy getting out and I think it would be good for you too."

"I'm not sure." I was doing better but I could just picture the same thing happening that had taken place at the bar on Thursday evening.

"You're having dinner at Peter's. We'll drop by about nine and wait in the bar until nine thirty. If you change your mind, meet us there."

"Alright Trish." At least I didn't have to commit, then and there.

I had time to experiment with my hair a little. Using my curling iron, I gave it a little more curl than usual on the ends. I didn't over do the makeup, keeping my look soft. It just seemed more appropriate with the style of dress I was wearing.

When Connie came in to check on me, she helped me put the finishing touches. I took the opportunity while we were alone to tell her the story about my 'family' that I had told Pat. While she agreed that I would probably ease my predicament, she didn't like the fact that I made up stories. "Honey, you know what happens when you start lying."

"It's hard to stop?" I knew that. "But I'm already living a lie."

"I know Sweetheart, but don't make it worse by compounding it."

She was right. I shouldn't have told Pat my Mother was dead. Making up three brothers didn't seem so bad. I could live with that. "I'll be careful." I promised her.

She didn't press it.

"Very pretty." Connie said, as we both looked at my reflection in the mirror. "Your skin has really improved since you started taking care of yourself."

I really hadn't noticed much of a change but, like the other changes I had undergone lately, it was subtle.

I told Connie about Trish's call. I expected her to advise me not to go. Instead, she thought it was a good idea that Pat and I go out with them. "It'll give you another opportunity to watch and learn. The best way to learn is to spend time with other girls your age."

'Other girls my age' sounded so funny but I couldn't argue with her logic. I was constantly watching and mimicking others lately.

Short skirts and dresses made me feel only a little self-conscious now. The length of the beige print was below the knee. While the longer length of the dress helped, wearing something so strikingly feminine, didn't. Still, I felt that the way I looked that evening was the most convincing yet. I stepped into my matching heels, put on my new jewelry and my dabbed on my perfume.

Gazing into the mirror at the young woman before me, inhaling the scent of her perfume, I was excited with the image of myself. I felt I could appreciate how women feel when they work so hard to look attractive. I was anxious to hear Pat's reaction. It would be great to hear what Trish and Kim thought too. It could be worth it to go out with them. Maybe I could handle a scene similar to Thursday's, but I was sure Trish wouldn't do that to me, knowing how nervous it made me. The uneasiness I felt that night seemed to fade over time.

I was still the last to be ready. I had to transfer my things from the black purse to the new white clutch bag. It barely held all Jennifer's things.

Pat looked wonderful and so did Connie. I wasn't disappointed when Patty and Connie saw me. It wasn't what Connie said so much, "You look divine." It was more in the look on Patty's face when I came out of the bedroom. Her face lit up with what I took to be praise. I was more than satisfied.

Connie noticed my pearls almost immediately. She rushed over to me for a closer look. "They're beautiful. Virginia?"

"She stopped by with them this afternoon." I said with delight.

"She has exquisite taste." Connie remarked, inspecting the necklace. "They look lovely with that dress. You make quite a picture tonight young lady."

"Didn't Virginia want a picture of you in your dress, with your new pearls on?" Patty reminded me.

Connie didn't have to be asked twice. She grabbed her camera and took several shots of me there in the living room. I was getting better at posing and my smile was more relaxed than ever. After all, as strange as it seemed, I did feel pretty.

The look from the doorman and the valet didn't hurt either. As we got into Connie's Cadillac, I tried to remember if Connie had ever introduced me to either of them as Jeffrey? The looks they gave us didn't suggest that they saw me as a guy. No, I couldn't recall every giving myself away. They had seen me dozens of times without makeup but that didn't mean they didn't see me as a woman. Did they really know? The looks they gave me tonight certainly didn't betray my secret. I was glad.

The conversation on the way to the restaurant was pleasant. Pat and Connie did most of the talking. Pat loved talking about her family and I was quite content to just listen. I did tell Pat about Trish's invitation and she liked the idea of going out with my friends.

"I get out so little these days. It'd be nice to have a night out with just girls."

Connie, again, encouraged us to go.

I had spent enough time in heels by that evening to be confident in my walk. The click of my heels on the tile floor of the restaurant lobby was an interesting sound. It was a reminder of who I was and I liked the sound of it.

I walked into the restaurant, along side my friends, in high spirits. Even the looks we received didn't bother me. Most of the faces that rose at our passing quickly turned to Pat. She was a beautiful woman. Again, I did feel just a faint twinge of jealousy but that was silly and I got over it.

Mike Park was late and the maitre d’ seated us. That was the second time a man pulled out a chair for me and I was nice to be treated that way. The smile I had for the man was genuine.

Peter's was, according to Connie, one of the nicest restaurants in town. If you judged a restaurant by the way its patrons dressed, I had to agree. I was, if anything, underdressed. Many of the women were in evening wear, more elegantly dressed than any of us. The tables were adorned with linen table cloths and napkins. The dinnerware was real china with stainless place settings and crystal glassware. It did little to make me feel at ease.

When the waiter took drink orders, I asked for only water. Connie looked at me funny because she knew I would have liked a drink. She didn't realize why I didn't risk ordering anything. It was too big a chance to take. I would explain to her later.

Park showed up as they brought us our drinks. Pat and I had thought nothing of it when we took seats on either side of Connie at the small table. It wasn't till he arrived that I wished I had managed to take a different seat, away from the man.

I endured the kiss on the cheek, smiling the way I saw Pat do when he greeted her. That sort of thing I would never get used to.

He was his usual self. He loved to be the center of attention and didn't miss an opportunity to tell of his exploits, both business and personal. I had never heard a man brag about himself so much before and he sounded so ridiculous. I knew what he was doing, trying to impress us, but it was so obvious.

He tamed down the conversation a little when the meal came and I was relieved not to have to listen to him.

I did everything right, just the way I'd been shown. I sat properly, I ate like a lady. I watched Pat closely, smiling when it seemed appropriate, laughing at Park's jokes. It was one thing to act my part to the best of my ability but to do it for that man made it seem a farce.

I was just finishing my entre when he started touching my leg with his stockinged foot. I almost jumped out of my chair the first time I felt him. It only took an instant to figure out what was happening.

To cover my surprise, I said, "Excuse me." Pretending I only burped.

When he did it again, I tried to swing my legs away but the table leg was in my way and I couldn't move far enough to get away from him.

"So Jennifer. You're not married. What does your boyfriend think of us stealing you away on a Saturday night?"

They all looked at me, even Connie. I had to think of something to say. I had told Pat that I had someone. "Chris is very understanding Mr. Park."

"Come on now Jennifer, it's Mike. We'll be working together very closely. We should be friends."

He ran his foot up the back of my calf.

I kept my composure, despite his playfulness. "Did I mention that Chris is a model? He's also a body builder and does a lot of modeling with exercise equipment." It sounded silly as soon as I said it. I wished I hadn't. It had no effect on Park. He just kept smiling and stroking my leg. He only stopped when the waiter came to take our dessert orders.

I glanced at my watch. It was almost nine. It seemed that I had been checking the time often and it dragged by.

"Just tea, I told the waiter." I had enough to eat and I didn't want to over do it. I remembered how trim Pat was when I saw her in the bathroom, how flat and firm her stomach and legs were. I bet that she never ate dessert.

Not tonight, at least. She ordered only coffee.

He didn't let up. When I reached for my fork he reached out his hand and took mine in his grip. Holding it firmly, he said, "You know Jennifer, that boyfriend of yours better watch out or someone might come along and try to steal you away from him." He actually kissed my hand, right there at the table. I felt my face turn red. He was too much.

Connie knew how awkward I felt. She spoke up, "You girls really need to watch the time. Aren't you supposed to be meeting Jennifer's friends soon?"

Mike turned to Pat and I in surprise. "You're leaving?" He obviously planned on spending the evening with us.

"We're meeting some friends." I told him, content to see his disappointment.

"And I'm afraid that I'm going to have to leave you too Mike." Connie said apologetically.

I knew Connie didn't have any other plans that evening. She was just not going to waste her evening with Park. It served him right.

I had enough tea and looked across the table to Pat. She nodded she was ready to go too. "Well, if you'll excuse us." I pushed my chair back. Park rose, like any gentleman should, helping me first with my chair then Pat with hers.

"You girls have a good time." Connie told us.

I almost called her Mom. "We won't be too late." I told her, returning her cute smile.

Pat led the way between the tables. I was quite aware of the heads that turned as we passed. Men, young and old, took notice of our leaving. As we neared the exit from the dining room she turned back to me and asked, "Ladies room?"

I had nervously sipped water throughout dinner. "Definitely." What was left to fear about going into those places?

I took a few minutes to freshen up my makeup and brush my hair. I wanted to look perfect when we met Trish and Kim. I wanted to make my best impression yet.

There were other women in there but their presence didn’t phase me. I felt pretty confident about myself that night. I applied fresh lipstick, blush and powder.

Watching Pat, she seemed to do everything so easily and deftly. I wished I had the skill and confidence she possessed.

"He was his usual obnoxious self tonight."

It was obvious who she was referring to. "I couldn't believe some of the things he said."

"You haven't worked with men much, have you?"

I understood, or thought I did. "No."

"You might as well begin getting used to it. Most of them act that way. Especially around attractive women."

Her remark didn’t go unnoticed. It was nice that she thought I was attractive. "There should be a way to shut him up."

"Sure, there should be. But there isn't. You just have to learn to ignore it."

"I thought I'd die when he started rubbing my leg with his foot."

"I figured that was what he was doing. Wouldn't you just love to slap him across the face?"

I would have preferred to run. I never thought about slapping him, as any girl would. "Nothing would have made me happier." I told Pat, trying to respond as expected.

I couldn't help but notice the low cut, strapless dress on the woman standing beside me. I wondered what I might look like in her dress. I dismissed the thought quickly. A few more days and this game would end. The thought almost saddened me.

I didn't think to freshen my perfume until I noticed Pat dab on hers. I felt a little silly, mimicking her actions, but it did seem the natural thing to do.

We made our way across the lobby to the cocktail lounge. Standing in the arched entrance, we looked around for Trish and Kim. It was just nine thirty and I was beginning to worry that we missed them.

"There they are." Pat announced as she waved to them.

I turned to where she looked and saw them seated at a small cocktail table. They weren't alone. Facing our way, seated next to Trish, was a face I recognized from pictures Trish had shown me, her boyfriend Craig.

Pat didn't hesitate for a second. I reluctantly followed her.

Trish introduced Pat and then me. "You remember Jennifer. I told you about her." She said to Craig and Allen. I had never seen a picture of Kim's boyfriend.

What did she mean, 'she told them all about me'? I felt panic start to rise up inside me. I looked to the two I thought were my friends. I certainly couldn't look at the two guys.

Trish must have recognized my apprehension because she quickly added, "She's Connie Sackett's new assistant."

As they had with Pat, they shook my hand. It felt strange, both were big men, almost six foot tall and well built, but their handshakes were gentle as they took my small hand in theirs. Had the circumstances been different, I would have felt compelled to give them a firm handshake but I remembered to return only a limp one. So strange. Pretending with Trish and Kim was fun. Doing the same around Pat was both exciting and scary somehow. With guys it was so different. Being around guys unnerved me.

They were ready to leave. The guys followed the four of us outside to Allen's car. Pat got in back with Trish and Craig while Allen, Kim and I got in the front. I was glad Kim sat between us.

We made small talk. Pat told them of Park's disgusting behavior over dinner. I said little, feeling so awkward there with them.

I didn't feel any the more confident as we pulled into the parking lot for the Point Club, the place where I first met Christy.

It was more crowed than I had ever seen the place. We stood in a group near the bar, looking for a place to sit. There was one table near the door but it was small and wouldn't accommodate all of us comfortably. Near the door, where anyone could see us easily as they came and went, was not where I wanted to be.

I scanned the room as best I could, looking for Christy. I couldn't be sure, as crowed as the place was, that she wasn't there but I did feel some relief that I didn't spot her. I just happened to notice a group in the back of the room, near the dance floor, getting up to go. "There's a table." I announced to my friends.

We managed to reach it before anyone else could. From our table I could easily see anyone coming in and the couples on the dance floor prevented anyone from seeing us easily. I felt relatively safe from discovery there.

Everyone ordered a drink but me, despite Trish and Kim's urging me to have one. I couldn't risk getting carded.

It was difficult to feel comfortable and enjoy myself like my friends but as time passed I did begin to relax. Allen had quite a sense of humor and Kim encouraged him. As intimidated as I felt, being there with the two guys, I found myself laughing at his jokes and sarcastic sense of humor.

Trish and Kim danced with the guys from time to time, leaving Pat and I there at the table alone.

"It's been years since I've done this." Pat told me. "I really want to thank you for inviting me Jennifer."

"I'm glad you're having fun." I was glad she liked Jennifer and gratified that, despite the circumstances, I could show her a good time.

We were probably there an hour before it happened. Trish, Kim and the guys had just come off the dance floor when the band played a slow song.

Craig turned to me and Allen asked Pat at the same time. "Would you like to dance?"

I wasn't ready for the question. "Oh, I don't . . . "

Pat accepted Allen's invitation. "Come on Jennifer. I'm sure Chris wouldn't mind." She got up and took my hand, urging me.

I looked up at Craig's handsome smiling face. I had spent a lot of time preparing myself for the possibility of having to dance with Park. I wasn't sure if dancing with this good looking guy was better or worse. It was a slow dance. "I suppose so."

He held my hand as we stepped out on the dance floor. I put my arm around his shoulder as they had taught me. With my head close to his chest, I closed my eyes, pretending that I was standing there with a girl. I remembered to let him lead as the music touched me and my feet began to move.

Had he held me any closer, he would surely have felt my heart racing from nervousness. Craig's arm, around my waist, held me to him and from time to time, we touched.

Connie's words came back to me. "Let him take command. Just let your body go with the music." Easier said than done.

The song seemed to go on forever. We had to have been out on the dance floor for ten minutes or longer. As I prayed that the music would end, I caught sight of a familiar face approaching our table. Brook. I had no idea that she and Kim knew each other until she stopped to say something to her.

I wished that Craig would turn me so that I wouldn't be facing their way but at the same time, I was dying to know what they were saying to each other.

I didn't remember telling Trish and Kim, Brook's or Debbie's name when I told them about that Friday night and Saturday I spent with them, maybe I had. If I did, would they put two and two together? Would they give me away? As much as I wanted Craig to turn us, I wanted to watch the exchange between my two friends. We were only about thirty feet away but I couldn't make out anything they were saying over the music.

Suddenly, the two girls looked over in our direction. Kim pointed toward us. Pat and Allen were dancing right beside us. She seemed to be pointing at them. Craig finally turned us and I breathed a sigh of relief. Brook couldn't have had a chance to recognize me, at least I prayed she didn't because she surely would tell Christy what she'd seen.

To my dismay, Craig didn't stop the turn. He brought me right back to the position I'd been. I tried to look natural, as if dancing with Craig was nothing special. I glanced back in the direction of the table. They were no longer looking over toward the dance floor but were engaged in conversation again. Now I prayed the song would go on until Brook left the table but my prayers weren't answered. The song wound down to its conclusion and the band started right into a fast dance.

Craig had said nothing since we stepped out on the floor. It was obvious that Trish had asked him and Allen to dance with Pat and I. "Thanks Jennifer." It was just as obvious that he had enough and was ready to go back to Trish because he started to escort me back to the table.

I didn't want to go. "Come on Craig. Just one more." I asked him. Dancing fast was preferable to confronting Brook.

He shied away. "I don't dance very well."

"I'll dance with you." Allen said from behind me.

I showed him the smile I had practiced so often in the past few days. "Great."

Pat and Craig left, going back to the table, while Allen and I started moving to the music. Brook was still there when the pair sat down. All the faces at the table turned to look at Allen and I gyrating to the music. I maneuvered around so my back was to them.

I had not been particularly comfortable, learning to dance like a girl but I had paid attention. Now I mimicked the moves they had taught me. I understood why Trish and Kim watched us but so did Brook and that bothered me.

Allen seemed to be having a good time as we danced. He was very good and I felt I must have looked very awkward, dancing with him. I watched other girls dance and picked up on a few of the moves they made that I liked, imitating them.

Brook just wouldn’t go away and when the song ended and another started, I convinced Allen easily to dance with me again. About half way through the song Brook finally left my friends and walked away. From the dance floor, I watched her walk toward the door. I thought she was leaving but instead, she went up the stairs to the balcony. I watched as she crossed the walkway along the wall and pass out of sight, above me. The balcony held more tables, over the back of the lounge, out of sight of our table.

I was both mentally and physically exhausted when the song finally ended. I was glad to let Allen take me back to the table, holding my hand.

"Who was that you were talking to?" I asked Kim as we sat.

"She's a friend, a model I've worked with occasionally." Kim answered. "You looked really good out there." She added in a whisper.

I had felt foolish. "Thanks" She at least confirmed that I hadn't mentioned Brook’s name to Trish and Kim. Brook had no reason to suspect that it was me out on the dance floor. I was still curious about their watching me. "What were you and your friend pointing at?"

"Brook asked me where Allen was and I pointed him out, dancing with Pat. Funny, she thought she knew you but I convinced her she couldn't. I told her you were new to the area."

"Did you tell her my name?" I asked.

Kim's look was curious. "Sure, why?"

I couldn't explain then and there. "Oh, no reason."

I didn't feel completely safe, knowing Brook was still there but at least she was upstairs, out of sight. I had to assume her curiosity was satisfied and she hadn't put two and two together.

We talked. We laughed at Allen's jokes. I managed to somehow forget the charade for a while and just relax. We had a good time. The evening passed quickly.

Pat urged me back out on the dance floor again and Trish and Kim joined us. I still felt funny, dancing like a girl but at least I was with them and not Craig or Allen. I suppose I wasn't too bad a dancer, at least if I believed Trish's and Kim's compliments when Pat couldn't hear.

It was getting late when I just happened to glance over at the dance floor and was surprised to see Brook out there. She glanced my way too often and she made me uncomfortable. It was inevitable that our eyes would meet. I saw the recognition in hers. The smile confirmed that she knew.

Would she call Christy and tell her? Would Christy rush down there and confront me? I couldn't handle that. Certainly not in front of Pat and the guys.

I watched her, sneaking glances, waiting for her to go back upstairs. She finally finished her dance. I didn't know if she would come over to confront me. I decided that if she did start in our direction I would go to her before she got to us.

She didn't come our way. I watched and waited as she walked toward the stairs. She had to realize I was watching her. I had to turn in my chair to see her and she glanced over at me frequently, always with that smile.

Brook didn't immediately go upstairs. The bathrooms and phones were just out of sight near the base of the stairs and she was out of sight long enough to make a call. She might have just gone to the ladies room but I couldn't take the chance.

As soon as she finally appeared and started up the stairs, I turned to Kim. "I have to go to the ladies room." I could only pray that Pat didn't need to. My luck was consistent and all four of us got up to go.

I waited until Pat went in one of the stalls. I corralled Kim and Trish to a corner of the crowed room. "I have to get out of here." I told them in an excited whisper.

"What's wrong?" Trish asked. "You're doing beautifully. Aren't you having a good time?"

"It's not that. You know your friend Brook?"

"What about her?" Kim asked. She didn't understand.

"She's a friend of Christy's. She's one of the girls that helped Christy dress me up and take me to that arts and crafts show a few weeks ago."

Now they understood. "I'm not positive, but I think she called Christy just now. I know she recognized me."

I kept and eye on Pat's stall door and saw it open. I couldn't say any more. I was nervous that I had to go to the bathroom too. Afterward, like my friends, I freshened my lipstick and makeup and we returned to the table.

Kim and Trish told their boyfriends they had enough and suggested they'd like to leave. It took forever to get the bill and pay it. I was as nervous as could be, so anxious to get out of there. I was sure Christy would show up any second.

Finally, we got up to go. As we walked toward the door I looked back over my shoulder to see if I could see Brook, upstairs. I couldn't see her.

We wound our way between the tables, making our way to the door. I was still sure that Christy had to be on her way but it looked like we were going to make it. My heart nearly stopped when Craig turned to us and said. "I'll just be a minute." Allen joined him and they left us standing by the door while they went to the men's room.

The panic that had just begun to subside was back. I stood with my friends, my back to the noisy room, afraid to look back for fear of seeing Brook. Had I been looking, I would have seen her hurrying down the stairs to confront me.

"Hi Brook." I heard Kim say.

"Hi."

The sweet sounding voice came from right behind me. I had been prepared to head her off if she came to our table but there, standing so close to Pat, I had to brave greeting her.

I turned to her and smiled but Trish spoke up before I had the chance. "I didn't know you and Jennifer knew each other Brook."

She was trying to cover for me. It would have been disastrous if Brook called me by my real name, in front of Pat. "It's great to see you again." I told her. The look on her face wasn't difficult to read. She had this adoring grin on her face. She was admiring how convincing I looked that night. I must have been quite a sight to her. I didn't know what to do when she kissed my cheek. I returned the gesture. It was the appropriate thing to do.

There was a musical tone in her voice. "It's wonderful to see you too." Brook replied. I couldn’t help but wonder if Pat heard to odd inflection in her tone of voice. "You look especially pretty tonight."

All I could say was, "Thanks, so do you. I love your dress." I remembered my lessons, besides, she looked gorgeous.

"You're not leaving are you." Brook pressed, sounding very disappointed.

"Yes, I'm feeling a little tipsy and I have early plans tomorrow." Kim told her friend. It was a lie, Kim was fine.

"Can't you stay just a little while?" Brook asked me. "We haven't seen each other in a while and it would be great to have a chance to talk. Christy's coming and I know she'd love to see you."

So much for hunches. Christy was on her way. "We really have to get going." My palms were sweating.

She could see there was no point in pressing it. "We just have to get together again soon. I know Debbie and Christy have missed seeing you."

I was sure they did. "I'll call. We'll do something soon." I had to keep up the pretense, for Pat's sake.

The guys returned.

"We'll call." Brook assured me as we turned to leave. I had no doubt that I'd hear from them.

At least I missed meeting Christy. That would have been too much. This was exactly what she wanted of me and I believed she would have preferred me to be Jennifer all the time. While I was very attracted to her, that was too much. Soon, in a few days, I would go back to being myself.

Sitting in the car, as they drove Pat and I home, I had to stop and wonder. How easy was that going to be to do?

Connie was still up when we walked in. "Did you girls have a good time?"

"I haven't done that in years. It was great." Pat told her. "Jimmy's not much of a dancer so we don't do it often. I enjoyed it."

I was glad she had but I wouldn't have cared to repeat it, ever. I had to lie for her sake. "We really had fun."

It was late, we all said good night. I took my time getting ready for bed, waiting for Pat to finish in the bathroom. I carefully hung up my clothes and put everything away. I cleared out one of the small drawers in my jewelry box and placed my new pearls inside. The compliments I had received from Connie and the others made them feel like a prized possession. They were beautiful.

I was finished in the bathroom when Connie came into my bedroom.

"Are you OK Sweetheart?" She asked.

I had just finished moisturizing and was putting on my nightie. Connie sat on the bed. "I'm alright."

She could tell I had things on my mind. My major concern was how I would deal with Christy.

"You looked so pretty tonight at dinner."

I did appreciate her saying it but I had the feeling she would have told me that even if I looked horrible. "Did I?"

"Come here Honey." She patted the bed next to where she sat. I joined her.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just so hard sometimes, pretending." I admitted.

"You did beautifully at dinner Honey."

"There's just so many things to remember."

"You'll get used to it." She assured me. "You're doing so much better than you were. I see a big difference."

"But it's not just knowing how to walk and sit and the hundreds of other things. I feel like such and outsider. I don't know what to say most of the time. I just don't think like a girl. I don't know how." I admitted, frustrated.

She smiled that motherly smile of hers. She stroked my hair. "You have to be a little patient. It will all come in time. There's so much that seems to be almost second nature to you already. I've watched you."

Second nature. That was almost unsettling to hear but at the same time, reassuring.

"How did you feel tonight?"

I wasn't sure what she meant. "Nervous."

Connie smiled. "No, I meant did you feel attractive, pretty?"

I had felt so many things that night. There had been moments. "I guess so but when I see Pat or the others, I realize how plain and odd I really am." Strange how many times that thought occurred to me.

Connie put her arm around me. "Sweetheart, you're not odd and you’re certainly not plain."

"Compared to them, I am."

"You're just as pretty as they are Jennifer." Connie said seriously.

I smirked. "No, they're beautiful."

"Just because you don't look as glamorous as your friends doesn't mean your not as pretty. You'll see, as you become more comfortable with Jennifer you'll gain confidence and with that confidence, your inner beauty will come out. Just be patient. You have a lovely figure and pretty features. Most girls would kill for your beautiful big green eyes Sweetheart. You're a lovely young woman."

That was gratifying to hear, in a way. "I don't think I could ever learn to be comfortable, being Jennifer." I told her.

"Of course you can. We'll help you. Just think of the people you've got to help and guide you. You have people who care about you. There's Virginia, she'd do anything for you. Trish, Kim and the others adore you. Don't you think they'll do everything they can to help you?"

It was true. "I suppose so."

"And you know how I feel about you, don't you?" Connie asked, looking thoughtfully into my eyes.

There was no question there. Whenever I felt down or unsure, she was there, encouraging, reassuring me. I put my arms around her. "Yes, I do Mom."

Hearing that word seemed to please her so. "So you see, there's nothing to be afraid of. With all of us that love you, helping you, you'll be fine."

I felt like I had to let it all out. "I wish I could share more with people. Like I had more in common with the others." I really felt out of place in their conversations. "They talk about things that I know nothing about."

"What, for example?" Connie asked.

"Guys, for one." That was the first thing to come to mind. "Pat naturally assumes I've had experiences, that I’ve had boyfriends. How can I keep lying about 'Chris', my imaginary boyfriend?"

"You've done beautifully so far." Connie explained. "It shouldn't be to hard to keep up the pretense. You hear how your friends talk about their boyfriends. Just talk the same way about 'Chris'."

She made it sound so easy. "I guess I can."

"Of course you can." She agreed.

"There's so many things that are different. I listen to them talk about little things like how beautiful a bouquet of flowers is or their excitment over someone's children."

"You think flowers are pretty and you like children, don't you?"

"Sure I do." That was true enough.

"Well then, the only difference between you and your friends is the way you express yourself, your feelings." Connie made it sound so simple. "All you have to do is to learn to express yourself more freely. You don’t have to hide your feelings the way you used to, like most men do. Not anymore."

"We both know that men tend to hide their feelings. They're afraid to express themselves, afraid that to show the way they feel about things makes them weak in other men's eyes. We women don't have that fear. You'll learn in time and you'll be surprised how much better you’ll feel when you don't have to bury those feelings."

"What about when it's time to be me again?" I almost regretted asking the question, knowing how Connie loved having Jennifer around. I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt or disappoint her. That woman was more of a mother to me than mine had ever been. All she asked of me was to be happy. It wasn't her fault that I was in the predicament I was in. She supported me completely and I felt I owed her something for that, even if she didn't act as if I did.

I had to consider too, with the way my body was changing, how was I going to be able to be myself. The restraint I had worn had become increasingly uncomfortable as I had to make it tighter and tighter to restrict my swelling breasts. What was I to do about them?

She didn't react with the disappointment I had expected. "We'll worry about that when the time comes Sweetheart." She assured me, passing off my concern casually.

I guessed that Connie could see that the subject depressed me. "Tell me about your evening? Where did you go? What did you do?"

I told her everything that happened after we left them, both the pleasant and unpleasant parts. That was the first she learned of Christy's preferences and how she felt about my playing the role of Jennifer.

"Was it so terrible when you and Christy were together?" Connie asked. She seemed both interested and concerned. "Did she tease or make fun of you?"

Connie was glad to hear Christy wasn't like that. "I would have been really upset If she was mean to you." Now she was really serious. I could only imagine how Connie would have taken out her anger on Christy. I wouldn't want to be the person that got her angry. I felt that, as loving as she was toward me, her wrath toward someone who hurt me would be awesome.

She held me again and I enjoyed the feeling it gave me. "You make a great Mom. I wish my real mother was more like you." I opened my heart to her.

I saw her eyes glisten with tears. "And you're the daughter I always wished I had Jennifer. But don't be too hard on your mother. I'm sure she loves you very much. How could she help but love you?"

Ours was an odd relationship at best but I still cherished her love and affection.

It was after two and we were both tired. Connie got up to go. She reached the door and turned back to me with a question.

"I was surprised you didn't order anything to drink before dinner. I thought surely you would have something to calm your nerves."

Connie wasn't thinking. "I was afraid someone would ask me for my ID. Even you said I don't look much older than eighteen or nineteen."

"I didn't even think about that." She admitted. "We have to do something about that." She thought for a moment.

"Didn't you say you brought your birth certificate down with you?"

"Yes, just in case I might need it." It was in the dresser.

"I think I can help you. Let me borrow it for a while. I have an idea."

I didn't ask what it was. I got it and gave it to her. I figured she probably knew of someone who could get me an ID that I could use.

"Good night Sweetheart." Connie said again.

"Good night Mom." It felt right calling her that.

I laid there in bed, waiting for sleep to overtake me.

I awoke Sunday morning with thoughts of what I should wear, how I might do my hair differently. There was no question that having Pat there with us was the reason that I cared so much how I looked. She was so pretty and I wanted to try to look as convincing as I could. Connie hadn't suggested, in our conversation the night before that I was jealous, but in my heart, I knew that's what I was.

We didn't get dressed right away. I had breakfast, still in my nightie and robe. I wanted to simply ask Pat what she was wearing but I wasn't sure if the question was proper. Connie, unknowingly, solved my dilemma for me.

"What are you girls wearing today?"

"I was listening to the weatherman, in the bedroom. He said it's supposed to be warm. I thought I'd wear shorts."

I had hoped she'd say she would wear jeans. I had no shorts. "Jeans." I told Connie, a little disappointed.

I actually had to wonder if Connie could read my thoughts, if she could tell I was disappointed. She announced. "I'm going to wear jeans too."

I didn’t know she planned on joining us and was delighted with the news. "You’re coming along?"

"I thought I might. Virginia and I talked for a while yesterday and she asked me if I'd like to join you today."

"Wonderful." I told her. Having Connie along would make me fell so much more at ease.

I decided to wear my tight jeans. At least they looked like the ones Pat had worn the other day. Connie suggested my white blouse when she came in the bedroom as I dressed.

"My bra straps show through that blouse."

"That's nothing to worry about." She assured me. "As long as you're wearing one of your white bras."

I still felt a little funny, knowing it showed, but agreed to wear it. My locket, the one from Virginia, looked nice over the blouse. I wore my rings and my delicate gold bracelet. My small jeweled stud earrings looked nice with the outfit.

I kept my makeup light, at Connie's suggestion. I was so easy for me to overdo it, trying to make myself look as pretty as I could.

We finally got on our way to Virginia's at noon, about a half hour late. It was my fault because I asked Connie to help me do something different with my hair. I thought my hair was too short for the white bow she put in the back but Connie insisted it wasn't. "It looks really pretty like that." She said, admiring her work in the mirror.

I certainly was different than I was used to. Wearing a bow in my hair tickled that growing part of me that wanted to be accepted as Jennifer, wanted to look pretty. I liked it, a lot.

Virginia was waiting for us but she didn't seem annoyed that we were late. We had a great time. Unlike the first time I went to an arts and crafts show, I wasn't pretending for the sake of my friends and I was a lot more relaxed.

I kept in mind the things Conne said to me, about letting go of my male inhibitions. I tried to look at things in a different light and admire the beauty in the things we saw. The ability to comfortably express my reaction to those things would take me time but I tried to leave my inhibitions behind.

We spent most of the afternoon there, returning to Virginia's at dinnertime.

Dinner was light and we dined casually. We all worked together to cook the meal ourselves. Virginia had apparently given her cook the night off. It was fun.

Pat and Connie were given the tour of the house and grounds that Virginia had given me that first Sunday I spent with her.

We settled into comfortable chairs on the veranda afterwards and talked till dark. It was pleasant to pass the time with the people I had come to call my friends.

I rarely forgot myself and slipped out of character. Connie was right about many of my actions becoming second nature. I felt comfortable with them.

I had never stayed so late at Virginia's. It was after ten when we got home. Sunday was probably the most enjoyable, the most relaxed day I ever spent as Jennifer. I was almost sad to see it end.

I had been looking forward to Monday. It was chaos. Amidst everything else the week before, Connie and I had laid out the shoot to be done Monday. I would spend half the day with Pat, Park and Connie. The other half was my first shoot that would be my sole responsibility.

If that wasn't enough, a new client was due in late in the morning. I guess I hadn't given the meeting much thought. Connie and I, the I that was Jennifer, met with the client through lunch. I was hardly even nervous, feeling pretty confident about myself. I had dressed smartly that morning, in a skirt and blouse, and I felt good about the way I looked. Pat had also worn a skirt and blouse and I thought I was at least dressed as nicely as her.

The new clients were both men, from a men's wear manufacturer. They had no idea they were dealing with another man and I got a lot of satisfaction with the way they acted toward me.

The only thing I didn't like that day was that I didn't get to spend as much time with Pat as I would have liked.

Everyone in the office was getting used to Jennifer. I hardly heard any remarks from anyone, apart from the compliments they gave me on how nice I looked. No one slipped up and called me Jeffrey, thank God.

Another thing I hadn't given much thought to was having to answer all my calls as Jennifer. I knew a number of people in our accounts and had to make up a story about Jeffrey being gone and Jennifer taking over. I had no choice, considering Patty and Park could overhear. Somehow I would have to explain to those people on the phone, at another time.

Only a few of the models in the shoot knew Jeffrey and they had been cautioned about giving me away. I had picked who to hire for the shoot and I was very selective.

It was harried, remembering all the details, getting everyone to cooperate but no one gave me too much trouble. There was so much that went into orchestrating a successful session, I really enjoyed it and was actually disappointed when it was wrapped up.

Although we finished up at about five thirty, my day wasn't over. I still had all my paperwork to do before I could quit for the day. Connie was to take Pat and Park out to dinner around five so I was surprised when Pat appeared in the office door at about six.

"I managed to get out of going to dinner." She explained. "I thought you might like some company. I bought us some dinner." She held up a bag. "Do you like Chinese?"

Having her there didn't help me get finished any faster but it made the time pass more pleasantly.

We were just about to leave when the phone rang. It was Christy.

"Hi Sweetie."

"Hi." I was suddenly very apprehensive.

"I really felt terrible that I missed you Saturday night. Brook said you looked fantastic."

I wasn't sure if she was kidding or being sarcastic. I wasn't sure how to respond. She sounded sincere. "I'm sorry too."

"I've really missed you. When can I see you?"

As Jeffrey or Jennifer, I asked myself. I had been putting her off for so long. "I'm not sure."

She didn't seem put off. "Why don't we go out for lunch tomorrow?" She suggested.

"Lunch? Tomorrow?" I replied in surprise. That would be terrible. Pat would still be there and I still had to pretend. "I don't think so."

Pat couldn't help but overhear the conversation. She whispered, "Chris?"

I didn't think, I just nodded, yes.

"I can't tomorrow. The Jansen people are still here and I can't get away."

Pat injected, still whispering. "Our flight's at noon. We'll have to be out of here by ten thirty. Go to lunch with him." She encouraged me.

Christy knew about me already. There was no doubt that Brook described me to a tee. What was the point of pretending? She wouldn't be satisfied until she saw me as Jennifer, even if she dressed me up herself. Tomorrow was the last day I would have to carry on the charade anyway. I might as well. "Alright, where do you want to meet?"

She wanted to pick me up. "I'll be there at noon." She sounded so excited.

I suppose I didn't look too thrilled as I hung up the phone.

"He must be anxious to see you, with you being tied up with me all weekend. You two didn't have a disagreement or something did you?"

Was that what it sounded like to Pat? "No"

"Good."

If she only knew, I thought to myself. I tried to put the thoughts of Christy out of my mind. I was very unsure what my encounter with her the next day would bring.

It was about nine thirty when we got home and I was beat from the long day. Connie was already home and the three of us talked for a while before getting ready for bed. Pat told Connie about my lunch invitation and Connie thought it was nice that I was going out to lunch with Chris. She knew that it was really Christy I would be going out with. She didn't give the secret away.

I was going to miss Pat. She was really a sweet person and I had learned so much from being around her. If a young girl were to seek a role model, I imagined it would be someone like her. She was certainly mine.

Tuesday morning was almost as hectic as Monday. Again, fortunately, no one came into the office that knew Jeffrey. My secret was still safe. Still, Jennifer, did have to meet several clients and that probably would cause confusion, if not complications, in the future.

We wrapped up the final details with Pat and Park. He was a lot different from he had been Saturday night. I supposed he felt put out. The weekend certainly didn't turn out the way he had expected. He was pretty quiet and businesslike.

I didn't get away without a kiss from the man as they prepared to leave. I endured having him put his arms around me. Strange, I had been so terrified at his coming to visit. It hadn't turned out at all the way I expected.

I welcomed Pat's hug. She was so grateful for Connie's and my hospitality. I kissed her cheek, she kissed mine. It seemed so natural, so nice.

"I'll repay the favor when you come out our way." She assured us. As much as I liked her and really enjoyed the short time we spent together, there wasn't much chance of that. I was actually sad at the thought.

I watched her and Park as the climbed into the limo for the airport. I waved as it pulled away.

"I really liked her." Connie said, standing behind me.

"Me too." I said in a melancholy tone.

Christy was right on time. I waited in the lobby for her to pull up. The last thing I want was for her to come in and accidentally say the wrong thing in front of anyone.

Pat had put on a dress that morning. I wore one of mine, my jade gaberdine. The hem was not too high but still flattering. My gold link necklace and bracelet looked perfect with it.

Christy's eyes sparkled when I came out the door to meet her. I walk toward her car with a self assure ladylike stride, in my heels, with my purse slung over my shoulder. I didn't even let her park her car, meeting her in the driveway.

"Wow." She said as I walked up to the car. "You look fabulous."

She didn't sound the least bit sarcastic. "Thanks" I said, walking around the car. I gracefully settled into the passenger seat.

Christy just stared at me in apparent disbelief.

"So, where are you taking me for lunch?" I asked as if I nothing was out of the ordinary.

It took Christy a second to find her voice. "You look beautiful." She hadn't even heard my question.

"I thought you were going to feed me?" I didn't need her gawking at me.

She gathered her wits enough to ask, "Where would you like to go?"

"It doesn't matter, you pick it." I was feeling pretty confident. It seemed to have thrown her off guard.

Christy could hardly take her eyes off me long enough to drive. I got comfortable and lithely crossed my smooth stockinged legs.

She drove us to a restaurant I had passed often on the way to work. It was an Italian restaurant and it was one of those that was always busy at lunchtime.

I retained my poise and composure as the two of us walked into the restaurant. Christy was still in shock and was amazed at how cool and confident I appeared.

I wasn't about to tell her that it was all show. I was as nervous as ever, inside. We had to wait only a short while for a table and were escorted by a handsome young waiter to our table. I did everything right, waiting as the young man pulled out my chair and seated me, then Christy. With my napkin and hands in my lap, I waited for the meal to be served.

In the busy surroundings Christy couldn't have the conversation she probably wanted to have with me. She asked about work, I told her. She asked about the weekend, I told her what we did; the spa, dinner, dancing, the craft show and dinner at Virginia's.

Most of the time she just stared. I just waited for her mouth to drop open but she disappointed me.

I didn't let up. A pair of attractive young women walked by our table. I made the comment. "Oh, isn't her dress just to die for." I really did like it.

"It's lovely." Christy said looking at me instead of at the woman.

Our lunch was served and I ate like the lady I had been taught to be. I caught Christy watching me, smiling, often. I was delighted with her reaction. It wasn't until she had paid the check and we left the restaurant that we could talk freely again.

"How did I do?" I asked as we walked to her car.

"Fantastic." She said beaming. "No one would ever know."

"I should hope not!" I said matter-of-factly.

"Have you ever changed Jeffrey." She said as we got into the car.

"Jennifer." I corrected her.

The smile returned. "Jennifer." She agreed.

Christy wanted to make plans to go out with me again, soon. She wanted me to come to her place after work. "We could invite Brook and Debbie over for dinner. Debbie's dying to see you."

I was sure she was. As much as I liked Debbie and Brook, I didn't think it was a good idea. "I can't tonight. I have so much work to catch up on." That was the truth.

"Tomorrow night?"

"I'm going to the spa after work." I had made plans with Trish and Judy. I didn't want to break the date.

"Thursday?" Christy pressed.

"All right, Thursday." I agreed. I didn't tell her that it wouldn't be Jennifer that would be coming, but Jeffrey. She would certainly have been disappointed.

Christy dropped me off out in front. I promised to call her that evening.

"Did you have a nice lunch?" Bobbie asked as I came toward her desk.

"Lovely." I told her. Bobbie really enjoyed it when I played the game.

"Connie's waiting for you in the studio." She informed me.

"Thanks. Any calls while I was gone?" I asked.

Bobbie thumbed through my messages before handing them to me. "Baxter, from Avon called and Joyce Irwin wants you to call her."

"Thanks." I went to find Connie.

"There you are." She said when I found her. "How did it go? Did you have a nice lunch?"

I told her, with delight, about Christy's stunned reaction. "She couldn't get over how convincing I looked. It was fun."

"I'm glad."

There was something strange about the way Connie acted. She seemed sad somehow. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Is something wrong?"

She pretended that nothing was bothering her. "No."

It wasn't my imagination. There was something wrong but she didn't want to talk about it. I didn't press her. "I better get to work." I didn't like seeing her down but I left Connie there and went back to the office to get busy.

I no longer felt so nervous about parading around work dressed as a girl. Everyone seemed to have gotten used to seeing me dressed as Jennifer. They weren't totally complacent about me pretending to be a woman. The girls in the office would look up and smile as I walked by. I couldn't help but smile back. The men weren't quite as at ease with me but I avoided them whenever possible. They had as little to do with me.

We didn't work late and were home by six. I hadn't called my mother or Tina over the weekend as I normally did. I only spoke to my mother briefly, my calling seemed to be a nuisance. Tina was glad to hear from me. We talked for half an hour. I had told her about the client visit we were expecting and she wanted to know how it went. I told her, carefully altering the story to leave Jennifer out of it and the part about Pat staying with us. Tina certainly wouldn't have understood that.

As she did, each time we talked, Tina wanted to know when I'd be home to visit. I honestly didn't know and that bothered her. How could I go home until the hormonal imbalance that had so changed me was cured? No, no way.

She was disappointed. "Not even for your birthday?" She asked.

My birthday was the farthest thing from my mind. September 20^th was weeks away. "I don't know right now. We're awfully busy."

How could I go see her?

I went to change after saying good bye to Tina. I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself, at Jennifer. I looked at my carefully set hair and the way my makeup made my eyes look so attractive. I looked at the way my lipstick highlighted my full lips. My hands ran down over my shapely figure, nicely defined by my flattering dress. I had done my nails only that morning and my hands looked so nice with my rings on my slender fingers.

I was with a sense of reluctance that I undressed. I stepped out of my heels, putting them in their place in the row of shoes that lined the floor of my closet. I carefully hung up my dress, put away my slip in the dresser. I rinsed out my pantyhose and hung them to dry on the back of the bathroom door, as I had done each night. I should have felt relief that it was over, but I didn't.

I hesitated to take off the pretty bra that had come to feel so natural on me. Again I stood at the mirror. This time in just my underwear and jewelry.

I filled out the small A cups of my bra. I remembered wishing, looking at Pat's full bosom, that mine were larger, more natural looking for my size. They were nice enough, as nicely defined as lots of women I knew, but they weren't as nice as Pat's. All I could think of was how the horrible rib belt was going to feel, binding my chest again.

I put each piece of my jewelry away carefully in the drawers of my jewelry box. I left on only my locket. I didn't have to put on the awful rib belt yet and I wasn't about to until I had to.

I pulled my spandex leggings on over my comfortable satin panties. I found my tee shirt in the drawer. My hair was fine for now. Connie and I weren't going anywhere so there was no need for me to undo what I had painstakingly done to make it look pretty.

There was plenty of time to do something about my nails. I could wait to remove the polish and cut them back. They had grown so long that I didn't really need the nail tips anymore to make my nails look long and pretty.

I helped Connie make dinner. She was still strangely quiet and sullen. Inside, I was sure I knew what was bothering her but neither of us wanted to talk about it.

After we ate and cleaned up we curled up on the couch. Watching TV meant that we didn't have to talk and that was easier on both of us. I had gotten so used to seeing my toenails with polish on them I had almost forgotten about them. It would have to go too, but there was time enough later.

I really hated seeing Connie so quiet and depressed. I couldn't stand it any longer. "Please talk to me."

Connie looked over at me with sad eyes. "I don't want to loose Jennifer." She admitted touchingly. "I know it's not fair to you to feel that way but I'm going to miss her terribly."

I knew it. I didn't know how to respond to her. How could I admit, even to myself, that I was growing accustomed to the role. No, I couldn't. The silence was so awkward. Connie turned her attention back to the TV but I could still see the haze of tears that glazed over her eyes.

"I'm sort of tired. I think I'll get ready for bed." I leaned over and kissed her cheek. Who had earned the right to call her "Mom'? Was it Jeffrey or Jennifer? "Good night . . . " I just couldn't say it.

"Good night Sweetheart." Connie didn't even turn to look at me when she spoke. She was hurting and I was the cause of her disappointment. I felt terrible.

Jeffrey or Jennifer, I would still moisturize each day. When I was done in the bathroom, I went to the drawer that held both my pajamas and my nighties. I started to take out the pajamas but put them back. What difference did it make what I slept in? There was no one there but Connie and I. I slipped the nightie over my head. In the same light, I left my same underwear on too.

My nail polish came off none too easily. It took me a few minutes to get it all off my fingers and toes. They looked so bare and strange without it.

I was very hesitant, sitting there on the edge of the bed with the nail clippers in my hand. It had taken so long for them to grow out to a nice length. I had taken such pains, shaping them to make them look pretty. I took a deep breath and clipped my thumbnail. I didn't cut it too short though. Once one was gone, the others had to go too. I trimmed them just a little beyond my finger tips. I took great pains to shape them afterwards. So they still looked a little like girls’ fingernails, so what. I'd seen lots of guys who wore their nails long. Well, maybe not lots of them and maybe they weren't shaped quite like mine were.

Then it occurred to me that guys also got manicures and wore clear nail polish. I felt a little better after doing my fingers and toes with my clear top coat. I convinced myself that they didn't look feminine.

I sat at my dressing table and, looking in the mirror at my reflection. I took stock of myself. I should get my hair cut, I told myself. No, I couldn't. That would be too much. I would just wear it in a pony tail. I couldn't bear the thought of cutting off my beautiful hair. Besides, there was still the Sundays I would spend with Virginia, as Jennifer. I didn't want to give them up. I looked forward to them now.

I knew that Virginia would be almost as hurt as Connie if I gave up Jennifer altogether. How could I hurt the two people in my life who cared so much for me. No, it went beyond caring. They loved me and I loved them. I just couldn't hurt them so.

At home, with Connie, I would be Jennifer. On Sundays, with Virginia, I would be Jennifer. I loved them too much to deny them they joy they felt from me living that role. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t just them I would be denying.

There was Christy to consider too. She was so thrilled with me pretending to be Jennifer that I was sure she wouldn't let me depart too far from that role. Our relationship was certainly a strange one but I cherished it just the same. Christy accepted, no, accepted wasn't the right word. She seemed to want me all the more as I became more and more like a woman. I couldn't imagine any woman, especially one so beautiful, feeling the way she did toward me. Christy was definitely another factor to consider.

I was only kidding myself, I admitted in the safety and seclusion of my room. I was beginning to enjoy being Jennifer. Never in my life had I felt so loved and accepted by my friends. As Jeffrey, except my relationship with Tina, I never felt so close to people.

I waited for a little while for Connie to come in and say good night, as she did every night, but she never came. That bothered me. I finally turned off the light to go to sleep but I could only lay there in the dark, wrestling with my troubled thoughts.

Sleep did little to ease my troubled heart. Despite a restless night, I awoke early. I laid there in my bed, struggling with the dilemma that was tearing me apart.

I had two choices. I could continue to pretend to be Jennifer or go back to being Jeffrey again.

The latter was the easiest to address. I should go back to normal, but what was normal. I was no longer the Jeffrey of six months ago. I was changed, both physically and emotionally. I wasn't the same person anymore. Going back, at this point, was almost impossible.

I still had to think about my family, about Tina. I was a long way from home and my life, my work was here now. I wouldn't miss my family and I convinced myself that my relationship with Tina was fizzling. She was nice enough but my world had expanded and she was of the old.

On the other side of the coin were all the reasons to continue to play the role of Jennifer.

Connie was the most important reason. She gave Jennifer all her support and she made me feel so loved. Never in my life did I care so much for someone. With all she'd done for me, both personally and professionally, didn't I owe her?

Then there was Virginia. Her motives still escaped me but her love for Jennifer didn't. She had done so much to make me see another side of me, a side of me that I liked. She asked nothing in return but my friendship. Just thinking of her and Connie made my heart swell with love.

I thought about the delight I had seen in Christy's face. The passion we had shared. Would I ever find another woman like her, willing to share her love with me? Hardly.

There were the people at work to consider. These were the only people who were aware of my past and yet they had accepted, even encouraged, Jennifer. There was no reason to fear them. When I weighed the pros and cons there was no doubt. Until my physical problems could be cured, there was only one sensible thing to do. For now, work and home, with the occasional discreet interlude with Christy, would fill my life. It was a relief to come to the conclusion logically, the same conclusion that my heart told me was the right one, for now.

The decision made, I couldn't wait to get ready for work and surprise Connie. I felt relieved. Like a weight was off my shoulder. It was the right thing to do, both for me and for the people I cared so much for. I couldn't wait to see her face when I came out of the bedroom.

I was sorry now that I had cut my nails and stripped them of polish. It felt so strange, having them so short but they would grow again. Quickly, I hoped. It was too late to put on fresh polish at that point.

I showered quickly and did my hair. With the decision I had made, other thoughts came to mind. Trish had commented how much nicer my hair would look if I had it highlighted. I could do that now. I had also wondered what I'd look like with bangs. Most of my friends had them and it seemed to soften their looks. Why shouldn't I try it too?

I didn't want to over do it. My navy slacks had always looked like girls’ slacks to me anyway. They'd do fine with my white blouse. I laid them out on the bed. Maybe the next day I would wear a skirt or one of my pretty dresses. After I saw how things went.

From my lingerie draw I took out clean pair of my sexy underwear. I debated about pantyhose, but not for long.

It was only a bra that made me feel a little uneasy. There would be no doubt in anyone's mind that I was wearing one. Only the people at the office might question my wearing it and I had decided already that I didn't have to worry about them. Still . . .

Once dressed, I put on my fine gold necklace and matching bracelet. I selected small jeweled stud earrings, nothing too gaudy or flashy.

My navy shoes where the ones that went with the outfit, they had only a low heel. They also had bows on the toes. I had worn them only in the store when we bought them. They were very comfortable. I liked the way they looked with my slacks.

I put on my makeup sparingly. Then decided I was silly to worry about it. It was already obvious that I chose to dress as Jennifer. It wasn't as if my wearing makeup, light or otherwise, would make a difference. I went back to my dressing table and put on my eyeliner and blush. When I finished, I was pleased with the way I looked. I put on my favorite perfume. I loved the way it smelled.

I heard Connie out in the kitchen, moving around. I peaked out around my bedroom door. Her back was to me. I came out quietly and walked toward the kitchen. I stopped in the doorway.

"Good morning Mom." I said.

She responded as she turned around. "Good morn....."

The look on her face changed to the look I hoped to see. I had done the right thing. Her whole face lit up.

"Oh Jennifer." Her hand went to her mouth. "Oh Jennifer." She hurried to me and hugged me. "I was so afraid I had lost my little girl." She kissed my cheek. "You don't know how happy you've made me."

If her tears were an indicator, I knew. I didn't want her to think the entire burden for my doing it was on her shoulders. I didn't want her to feel guilty, as if she pressured me into it.

"I'm glad you're pleased. I was a little afraid you'd think me strange for wanting to keep pretending to be Jennifer." That should do it, I thought to my self. Connie had to think it was my decision, not hers.

"Oh Sweetheart, not at all. I think it's wonderful. I'm so happy."

Hers weren't the only eyes that glazed over with tears. After hugging me again she held me by the shoulders, at arms length. Smiling at me, she said, "You look very pretty today."

It was gratifying to hear. "Thank you." All I wanted to do was please her and I had succeeded.

We were running late. We only had time to pour a glass of juice and take our vitamins. We would have something to eat at work.

Since I was going to the spa later, I gathered my things into my gym bag and put it in the trunk of my car. Sooner or later I would have to return Kim's leotard, after I bought my own.

Connie would be working late and I would have to drive myself. I planned on meeting Judy at the spa.

The girls had already convinced me that since so few guys did aerobics, no one would recognize me. Especially since I wouldn't be using the men's locker room. We'd just go work out and leave. I trusted them and agreed.

Bobbie was a little surprised to see me still dressing as Jennifer but she didn't seem to object. Her greeting was as cheerful as ever. Not everyone reacted the same way. I received a few questioning looks but I just acted as if everything was normal.

It was a very busy morning and I hardly got up from my desk except to go to the bathroom. I tactfully continued to use the ladies’ room in the studio, instead of one of the others on the first floor. There was no point in making the women uncomfortable by using theirs. Frankly, it would have made me more uncomfortable than them. It was one thing when I was out in public, around people who didn't know my secret, but around my coworkers was another thing.

I had promised to call Virginia when Pat had left. She wanted to hear every detail of her stay. I called her around ten but couldn't spend as much time on the phone with her as I would have liked. She was delighted and extremely supportive, as always, when I told her my decision to continue to dress and live as Jennifer. She was amazingly supportive of anything I wanted to do. She had played such a large part in my choice.

I almost told her about my wish to go shopping for a few things and about my thoughts about my hair but decided not to. She had done so much for me already and if I told her about my plans she would certainly have insisted on helping me. I wanted to do those things myself.

I was relieved that my morning went by uneventfully. It wasn't till lunchtime that I had a problem. Connie was tied up on the phone and said she'd meet me in the conference room in few minutes. A few of the girls from accounting were sitting around a table and since I got along so well with them, I asked if it was alright if I joined them. They welcomed me and we had a pleasant lunch together.

We were just about ready to leave when a few of the people from the layout department came in to have their lunch. Among them was Ginny. Ginny was never particularly friendly toward me. It wasn't just that she objected to the role I played, she didn't seem to care for me from the first day I arrived in Atlanta. We rarely said two words to each other, even though I’d tried more than once to make friends with her. She had grown even colder in the past week. I just didn't bother with her any more.

Her remark, in front of everyone, surprised me.

"Well, if it isn't our own little drag queen. How's the little faggot today?"

I didn't know what to say, I was so embarrassed. I decided it was probably best to ignore her. I didn't want her to know how much her remark hurt. Just that kind of reaction toward me had been one of my greatest fears.

Carol, one of the girls at the table with me didn't let it pass. "Why don't you leave Jennifer alone? She's not hurting you."

"She!?" Ginny blurted out laughing. "'She's a he, or have you forgotten?".

Another of my friends spoke up. "What Jennifer chooses to do is up to her. Why don't you just mind your own business Ginny?"

Several of the others came to my defense too. Ginny backed off and didn't say anything else. The incident left me feeling very uncomfortable. I just wanted to get out of there. I excused myself from the table. "Thanks for trying to defend me." I told the others. "I think I better get back to work."

I felt very self-conscious, walking back to my desk. I had very serious doubts about my decision to continue as Jennifer. It wasn't too far fetched to imagine the same embarrassing thing happening, day after day. Just knowing how Ginny felt led me to wonder how many others felt the same way? I even thought about quitting. All this ran through my mind as I made my way back to the office.

I hadn't been back to my desk for a minute when Carol and four of the other girls who had been in the lunch room came in.

"Don't let Ginny bother you Jennifer." Pam told me.

"She's a narrow-minded little bitch who doesn't care about anyone but herself." Linda added. "How you choose to live your life is your business."

I was a little overwhelmed with their open support.

"It doesn't matter how a person chooses to dress," Gwen said. "What matters is how they act. You're a very sweet person Jennifer. Forget about Ginny and her problem."

Their words touched me and I told them so. I never imagined I would get that kind of support.

Connie came out of her office to hear what was going on. Carol told her what Ginny had said to me.

"I'll have a talk with Ginny." Connie assured me when the others had left. "Don't give her another thought."

That was easier said than done. Her comment had left me with a sick feeling in my stomach and I didn't feel as if would get over it easily. Looking up at Connie, I recognized a slight hint of the fire in Connie's eyes that I had seen only one time before.

I didn't leave the office the rest of the afternoon. Connie and I worked in her office, on the Falmouth presentation that was scheduled for early the next week. I didn't become so engrossed in work that I forgot Ginny's remarks.

I was chased out of the office at five. Connie wouldn't hear of it when I told her I thought I would just go home and forget about working out. She made me promise to go.

I met Judy in the parking lot. I was especially sensitive to even the most casual glances from the people in the spa. No one in the class seemed to give me more that a second look. I’d seemed worry for nothing.

Judy's reaction to seeing me, when we stripped out of our warm up suits in the aerobics room, was very similar to Christy's the day before. It was the first time she saw me wearing Kim's leotard and she seemed surprised. I thought I looked pretty good in it despite the fact that I didn't fill it out the way she would.

"Jennifer, you look fantastic!"

I had to hush her up. She was a little loud.

"Thanks Judy."

If it hadn't been for the class starting, Judy probably would have kept fussing over me.

I felt better about myself by the time I got home later. Working out had a way of relaxing me, helping me take my mind off the things that bothered me.

"How do you think I'd look if I had highlights in my hair?" I asked Judy as we stood by her car outside the spa. Her hair was the same color as mine but compared to hers, my hair was lack luster, kind of mousy.

"You'd look great."

"I was wondering how I'd look with bangs too."

"Oh, you should. Definitely."

I had told Judy about my decision to continue as Jennifer for a while. I didn't detail all the reasons for doing it. She didn't need to know about my hormonal problem. She already knew how Connie and Virginia adored Jennifer so she wasn't surprised.

"You'd look fantastic with a new do. When are you going to do it?"

"I haven't decided yet." I admitted. I was still a little nervous about it.

"If you want someone to go with you just give me a call." She offered.

With all the support I received from my friends it wasn't so traumatic to plunge ahead with the transition to Jennifer, full time.

Connie wasn't home yet. I showered and started dinner. With Connie's help, I had been learning to cook and I wanted to make her a nice meal. I was well on my way when she walked in.

I’d chilled a bottle of wine and I poured us each a glass while she put her things away.

"How sweet of you. Thanks." She said, accepting the glass from my hand.

"It's the least I can do. It's fun."

"So you don't mind cooking so much anymore?"

Back in the condo I never cooked. I hardly ever cooked back home. "It's more worthwhile when you're not just cooking for yourself. I don't mind." Cooking for Connie gave me a lot of satisfaction. There was little else I could do for her to show my appreciation for all she'd done for me.

"I've got some great recipes I could teach you." Connie opened the oven door and sniffed the stuffed pork chops I was cooking. "It smells delicious."

"I'd like that." Funny, my mother could never get me to cook, I remembered. I hated to cook at home. The role reversal that I was playing had nothing to do with my new interest. The interest Connie showed in me had everything to do with it.

I wasn't so anxious to settle down in front of the TV that night. I had something else to do. At the kitchen table I stripped off the clear polish from my nails and painstakingly applied my pale rose color. I was quite content to carefully thumb through Mademoiselle and Glamor while they dried. Of all the magazines Connie had lying around, I enjoyed reading the articles and ads in those the most.

I told Connie my thoughts about redoing my hair. She thought it was a wonderful idea.

"Why don't we make you an appointment with Jimmy for Saturday?"

I remembered the first time I sat in Jimmy's chair in the salon. How strange I felt with the sissified man styling my hair. I had been so uncomfortable having the gay work on me. Now I couldn't wait to get back into his chair.

I went to sleep wishing Saturday wasn't so far away. I had other plans for Saturday as well. If I could get someone to go with me, I wanted to do a little shopping. I didn't want Connie to go because I wanted what I bought to be a surprise.

On Tuesday, I wore my black skirt with the pale pink blouse Virginia had bought me. It was the first time I wore any of the sheer silky pantyhose they picked out. They felt luxurious. I felt a little guilty for enjoying the way they felt on me. A guy shouldn't feel the way I did, wearing them. But I loved the sensation.

Like most days, it was hectic. I was hesitant, at lunchtime, to join the girls for lunch but Connie encouraged me. "There won't be a repeat of yesterday." She assured me.

She was right. No one had an unkind word. My friends were wonderful toward me, as always. Ginny's friend, Jackie, came in, saying nothing. Ginny never came in while I was there. I thought nothing of it. I didn't ask the girls if they heard what might have been said between Connie and Ginny. I wanted to just forget about the incident. I would have done anything I could to win over Ginny as my friend but, I learned later, I wouldn't have to. Ginny apparently quit the firm shortly after her conversation with Connie. At least I assumed she quit. I didn't ask and no one brought up the subject.

Christy called around three, to confirm that I was still coming for dinner. She sounded excited on the phone. I was still a little apprehensive about seeing her. I knew we would end up in bed and she would discover the changes in me since we were last intimate with each other. I wasn't sure what her reaction would be.

I had been my intention to go home and change before going to her place but we ran late at work and there wasn't time.

"Don't worry Sweetheart. You look fine." Connie told me as we walked out through the lobby. "If she was as delighted with you on Tuesday, as you said, in your dress, you have nothing to worry about."

Connie was right. Still, on the drive to her place, I worried.

Getting gas bothered me. "Use full service if it makes you more comfortable." Connie had told me when I first got the car. It was better than pumping it myself and having to go inside the station to pay. Still, the guys tended to stare and that made me uncomfortable.

Christy must have been watching out the window for me because she came out the minute I pulled into the parking space out front.

There was the same delight I had seen on her face on Tuesday. "Jennifer, you look fantastic."

She did exactly what I expected, and dreaded she might. She hugged me right there on the sidewalk. Out in plain sight.

"Can we go inside?" I pleaded.

Brook and Debbie were inside, watching out the window. They both beamed at me when we walked through the door.

"You’re pretty as can be." Debbie gushed.

Brook's reaction was the same. They both had to hug me. That wasn't so bad, inside the apartment.

I was definitely the center of attention. My concern about their reaction toward me, voluntarily dressing up as a girl, was unfounded. They were absolutely thrilled. They were a little more curious about me than I would have liked.

When it came to Debbie asking, "What are you wearing under your skirt?" it stopped being fun, even though I knew she was only teasing me.

Christy was the first to realize the questions were starting to embarrass me and she forced a change in the subject.

Debbie hadn't lost her sense of humor and as we sat down to dinner she took over the conversation with her jokes. A few of her sarcastic barbs were still directed toward me but they weren't cruel or demeaning so I took them the way they were intended.

All in all, I had a good time. I did enjoy their company.

We had no sooner finished cleaning up from dinner than Debbie and Brook announced that they had to go. I was suddenly worried again. Their leaving meant that Christy would have me all to herself and that meant only one thing.

At the door, the three of them wanted to make plans to get together on Saturday. They knew I spent my Sundays with Virginia.

I didn't want to tell them the plans I had for the morning. I had an early appointment with Jimmy. I would surprise them all.

"I have plans for the morning." I told them. "Would you care to help me do a little shopping in the afternoon?" I could go shopping with Christy and them as easily as anyone. Why not?

That was more than alright with them. They loved the idea.

With our plans made, Debbie and Brook said goodnight and left.

Christy brought out a bottle of Amaretto and we sipped and talked for a little while. Christy edged closer and closer to me, on the couch. It wasn't difficult to see that I excited her. She stared slowly, caressing my arm through the silky material of my blouse. Her passion heated up as she stroked my stocking leg.

I was too nervous. Christy took the initiative and kissed me tenderly on the lips. Soon our contact was not so tender and we were locked in a long passionate embrace, her lips pressed hard against mine.

I was not totally immune to her touch. The hormones had not completely robed me of my ability to feel aroused. I just wished that I could have mastered and erection but the rest of me wanted her desperately. When we eventually parted we both laughed. We had smeared our lipstick on each other.

Christy was definitely the aggressor. She led me to her bed. We undressed each other slowly, caressing each other’s soft smooth skin.

She opened the button on the back of my blouse and pulled it over my head. That was the moment I had dreaded. The moment when she discovered how much I had changed. I expected her to be repulsed but, to my delight, she was delighted.

She said nothing. The look on her face said it all. She was thrilled. Christy took my breasts in her hands and gently, skillfully kneaded my soft flesh. Her tongue caressed my tender nipples. Waves of excitement washed over me. It was like no sensation I had ever known. I didn't want her to stop.

I was so turned on. I found myself anxious to please her in the ways she had taught me. She was inexhaustible.

I continued until she begged me to stop. She surprised me when, after she finally calmed down. She pulled me over onto my back and pulled my panties down. She had, up until then, never wanted to see me out of them. I didn't argue with her. Modesty was a lost virtue after what she had discovered of me. Besides, there was hardly anything there to see, it had shriveled up to the point that it was hardly more than a soft fold of skin. My testicles were no bigger than small peas floating inside of their tiny skin sacks.

I didn't know what she planned to do to me. "Just lay back and enjoy." She told me. I didn't object. She began caressing my chest, kissing me again. Soon she was kneading and sucking on my nipples. The waves of sensation returned and I was lost in a sea of excitement. I was hardly aware when she began probing inside me with her finger. It hurt a little at first but not enough to stop her. The motion of her finger rhythmically going into me again and again, along with her fondling my nipples was almost too much to bear.

There was no explosion of passion as I had known in the past. It came upon me slowly, building to the point I thought I'd go insane. Then, with her smooth, firm body rubbing against me, it was over. I was spent and every muscle in my body was limp. It was wonderful.

How long we lay there, holding each other, I didn't know. I completely lost track of time. We eventually go up and I got dressed. If I hadn't had work the next morning, I would have stayed with her that night.

I did what I could with my hair and put on fresh makeup. Christy simply put on her robe. She waited for me in the living room, having poured herself another glass of Amaretto.

"You were wonderful." I kissed her tenderly.

"So were you."

"I never felt anything like that before." I admitted.

She smiled at me and just said just, "Saturday."

Now I had another reason to be anxious for that day to arrive quickly.

"You be careful driving home. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."

"I will." I told her.

All I could think of as I drove home was the experience we'd just shared. It was all consuming.

For some reason I wasn't comfortable with the idea of telling Connie what had happened. It would have been like going home and telling my mother the details of making love with someone. I did tell her I had a wonderful time and that Christy and her friends totally accepted me as I was. That pleased her.

Friday seemed to drag by. We were busy enough but my mind was on Saturday. I felt a little worried, going to eat lunch with the girls. I was just waiting for one of Ginny's friends to pick up where she left off. It was only a matter of time.

Friday wasn't the day. Everyone was very nice to me. For the second day I didn't hear on unkind remark.

Connie and I left work on time for a change. We had dinner out and went to a movie.

I was getting used to having men look at me when we were out. I had learned not to acknowledge their looks. Having older men stare at me didn't bother me as much as the younger ones but they didn't feel the least inhibited about being obvious about it.

In the theater lobby, as we bought sodas to take into the movie, I was acutely aware of a group of four young guys watching me. It was still a weird sensation to know exactly what they were thinking. I could play the role of a girl but I knew I couldn’t imagine ever accepting the affections of another man. It was too absurd to even consider. My experiences with Park had been bad enough.

Connie had noticed them watching me too. "Does it bother you?" She asked when we were seated in the theater.

"Does what bother me?" I didn't know what she meant.

"Having guys find you attractive." She explained.

"No, it doesn't bother me. It's not something I think about." That was essentially true. "It would bother me if they knew I was really one of them." No one was near enough to hear our whispered conversation.

"Have you ever wondered what it's like to be with one?"

"One what?"

"A man, silly."

She had to be kidding. I actually laughed. "No! Never." The truth was, for one fleeting instant while I was in Christy's hands, while she was driving me to distraction, I did wonder. The thought passed quickly though.

Connie dropped the subject as the movie started. She had picked the movie. It was a love story and as it drew to its heart wrenching end I felt the tears on my cheek. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. I never used to like that kind of movie but I had a slightly different perspective than I use to.

As Saturday came nearer and nearer I began to loose some of the conviction I had about changing my hair. By morning I was actually a little scared about going but after telling Connie how much I wanted to do it I couldn't very well let my fear show.

There was still a nagging thought in the back of my mind that I ignored. Sooner or later I would go home and see my family and Tina. Something told me I could just deal with that when the time came. After all, I could just cut it. I wouldn't look that different. For now I just wanted to look the best I could.

Any negative thoughts just disappeared as Jimmy sat me in his chair.

"I want a new look." I told him, showing him the picture from the book Connie and I had been looking at while we sat waiting for our appointment. It really was a pretty style. "And can you add some highlights?" I asked.

Some meant a little to me. What it meant to Jimmy, I didn't think to ask.

"Sure we can." He said with delight. He apparently remembered me but didn't seem to mind at all that I was the guy he had in his chair months ago.

I sat patiently, feeling just a little nervous, after he washed my hair and started highlighting it. I watched as he added the coloring and wrapped my hair in the narrow strips of foil. It seemed there was a lot of foil on my head when he finished.

Did I do the right thing? I asked myself as Connie and I sat and waited for the coloring to take. I was more nervous as he put his scissors to my hair. I thought he cut a lot.

"I’m only trimming your split ends." He assured me with a smile. The young man's sissified mannerisms made me nervous the first time I met him. Now I felt compassion for him. He really wasn't so bad. I found myself wondering if he ever crossed over and dressed as a girl. He had the hair and he was sort of pretty. No, a little too manly and chunky to be convincing, I decided.

It took him only a minute to give me the bangs I asked for. I watched in the mirror as I underwent the transition. Wet, my hair looked terrible but as he dried and styled it I became ever more excited with the outcome.

Jimmy did a fantastic job. No more was my hair a mousy brown. It shined with highlights and the style had done what I had hoped. The look was soft and pretty. My hair lay softly over my shoulders. No one could doubt now that I was the girl I pretended to be. I loved it.

I had watched Jimmy closely as he dried and styled my hair. I was different from what I was used to but the techniques I had been taught were the same he used. I would be able to do the new style myself, easily.

In the mirror, I could see that Connie thought it looked great too. She had approved of the style I picked from the book earlier. I could see her smile of delight in our reflections in the mirror.

"You look wonderful!" She told me.

My doubts were completely gone. "Oh, thank you Jimmy." I said with joy. I couldn't wait for all my friends to see me. Christy, Trish and the others were going to be really surprised. I only wished I had done it sooner. It would have been great to have Pat see me the way I looked now.

I didn't even mind taking out my purse and paying the seventy dollars it cost. That day, my purse held several hundred dollars of my savings and I was prepared to spend a good part of it that afternoon. There were so many things I wanted to buy.

"You’re sure you don't need me to come along?" Connie asked as we walked to our cars.

"I'll be fine. I'm going to drive over to Christy's and meet them then we're going shopping." It was sweet of her to worry but I felt completely at ease with the girls.

"Just promise you'll call me and let me know what you're doing. I will worry."

It didn't matter that we were out in public. I hugged her. "I promise Mom, really."

I was so anxious and excited as I drove to Christy's. I had dressed as casually as I could, wearing Christy's jeans. My others were just too baggy and didn't look right. It was the first time I’d felt brave enough, or rather confident enough to wear my cropped knit tee. I felt good about my figure and didn’t mind letting my bare waist show. Nothing could ruin my good mood. That morning I was truly Jennifer and loved the feeling.

The sky was cloudy overhead as I wound my way through Atlanta's busy streets. The way I felt, if it had been pouring down rain, I couldn't have been any more lighthearted. I didn't mind that people glanced my way as I drove by them. Even the looks from guys next to me at stop lights didn't bother me. I didn't feel as if I had the slightest worry of anyone taking me for anything but a happy young woman. I blasted the radio and enjoyed the music.

Brook and Debbie were already there. I recognized Debbie’s car and parked a few apartments down from Christy’s. I wanted to surprise them, kind of make an entrance, so to speak.

Their reaction, especially Christy's, was as great as I had hoped for. They had to touch my hair to make sure it was real and not a wig. I was thrilled.

"It's gorgeous!" Christy marveled then hugged and kissed me. I knew she really meant it by the look on her face. "See, I didn't even mess up our lipstick."

I felt a little funny kissing her in front of Debbie and Brook but they didn't seem phased by our show of affection. I was a guy After all and they knew it.

No one wanted to hang around the apartment. Debbie drove. Her car was bigger than mine and Christy's little cars. Going out with them, in their pleasant company, I felt great.

I was excited about shopping. I remembered the time with Connie and Virginia, how nervous I felt. I didn't feel that way as we headed for the stores that Saturday.

"So, what are we shopping for?" Debbie asked.

"Shorts, some blouses, you know, casual clothes." I had plenty of clothes for work and going out. "I think I need some new jeans so I can return these." I told her.

"Oh don't worry about them. Keep them. I have plenty." Christy told me.

"Thanks." That was nice of her.

"How much money do you have to spend?" Brook asked.

"About two hundred." That's about how much I allotted myself that day.

"I know just the place." Brook announced.

It wasn't a fancy store but the carried a lot of brand name labels. The store was pretty busy. As good as the prices were, a lot of young girls were there, picking through the racks.

Christy had a pretty definite idea of the kinds of clothes she wanted me to buy and wear and her taste wasn't far from what I had in mind. I wasn't overly thrilled with the tight blouses and tank tops she grabbed off the racks for me to try on. I took them anyway. She knew better than I did, what would look best on me I decided.

The dressing rooms didn't intimidate me the way they had in the past. As long as I could keep my panties on, no one would ever know. I didn't look any different from the other girls in the stalls around me. It was still a little odd, being surrounded by almost naked young girls.

Debbie and Brook continued to search for bargains for me while Christy kept me company in the dressing room. She wouldn't let me get away without trying on everything. She was having as much fun as I was.

There were a few tops I wouldn't have considered buying but Christy talked me into them. She was so much fun to be with, I couldn't argue with her. The things she picked out were simply what girls my age wore. While some of the tops were a little intimidating, I knew it was just a matter of my getting used to the idea that I could wear them. Shopping was so much fun.

After about an hour there, we left with a dozen new things for me and I had only spent about sixty dollars.

"You need to get some jewelry." Brook suggested.

"I have plenty." I told her and described a lot of the jewelry that Connie and Virginia had bought me.

"Wow, I'm impressed." Debbie said with a raised eyebrow.

"What about shoes?" Christy asked.

"I've got seven or eight pairs of flats and six or seven pairs of heels."

"Sneakers?"

"Just my aerobic sneakers."

"You need a pair of white Keds and maybe some black sneakers."

Lots of the girls I saw had shoes like that. I wanted some too.

"How's your lingerie?" Debbie asked.

I could see the grin on her face in the rear view mirror. She was a character.

"The only thing I need is some crotchless panties and some teddies." I said, kidding. It got a reaction out of them. Christy turned to me in mild shock. Debbie and Brook laughed.

Lunch was our next stop. They took me to a fast food place and we had burgers. The place was pretty busy and the four of us drew a lot of attention from men, young and old. I was glad to get out of there even though I was flattered by it.

I knew the expression, 'Shop till you drop', but I hadn't grasped the full meaning of it till that day. Before we were done, I found the shorts, like Pat's, and most of the other things that I had set out to buy. With my friends’ help, I had a ball.

I was exhausted when we got back to Christy's. We dropped the bags off clothes on the chair in the living room. I was thrilled that I was able to buy so much and couldn’t wait to try it all on at home.

Debbie and Brook only stayed long enough to have a drink with us and they left. I eagerly thanked them for their help. It was almost too bad they had to leave so early but being alone with Christy was all right too. I hoped for a repeat of Friday night's experience.

I wasn't prepared for the surprise. "I really had fun today." Christy told me. "It's too bad I made plans for tonight."

It came as something of a shock. I didn't know what to say. I had just assumed we would spend the evening together, maybe the whole night. I felt really hurt. "I guess I better be going."

Christy continued to be her same bubbly self. She acted as if nothing was wrong and I suppose, for her, there wasn't. "Why don't you call me if you get back early from Virginia's tomorrow?"

"Ok" I agreed, half heartedly. She kissed me good night. I gathered up my things and left. I’d lost the lighthearted feeling I had carried around with me all day. I felt betrayed somehow. I wanted her to myself. She had not admitted that she was going out with someone that night but what else could it have been.

I wondered, who was she going out with? Was it a guy, or maybe another girl? Was Christy gay like Debbie and Brook? Was I even right about them? I didn't know what to think. I had been let down and I felt rejected. I didn't want to share Christy with anyone.

Connie was surprised to see me home so early. I came in lugging my packages. "What are you doing home so early?" She asked.

"Christy had other plans tonight." I answered glumly.

Connie could see I was upset. "Don't let it get you down Honey. They'll be other nights."

"I suppose."

"What was she doing that you couldn't come along?"

"She didn't say."

"Well there's no reason to think that she had another date. She hasn't said she was seeing anyone else, has she?"

"No, not in so many words."

"Well, maybe she just had things to do?"

"On a Saturday night? No, I'm sure she was going out." I really wasn't sure of anything.

Connie tried to cheer me up. "That's alright Honey. We'll do something together." She suggested. "What would you like to do?"

It was sweet of her. I thought to myself, it was something a mother would say to her child. How in the world had I been so fortunate to find Connie and have her adopt me the way she had?"I don't know."

"We could go to the spa and work out?" She suggested.

I didn't feel like working out. I wasn't in the mood.

"We could go to the movies?"

We had just gone the night before. "I think I'll just put my things away and relax tonight." I said feeling down.

"Why don't we call Virginia and see what she's doing? I bet she'd be thrilled to see what you've done to yourself."

I had been anxious to surprise her with my new hair do. I was excited about seeing her on Sunday. That thought cheered me up a little. "Ok."

I didn't mention to Virginia that I'd been sort of 'stood up' by Christy. I didn't want her to feel I called her because I had nothing else to do. "Connie and I wondered what you were doing tonight. We thought you might like to do something with us." I couldn't resist. "I have a surprise for you." I told her.

She was delighted that I called. "I have a surprise for you too. Why don't you and Connie come over?"

I wondered what her surprise was. I looked to Connie and she nodded her approval. "Alright. We'll be over in a little while."

"Wear something nice in case we decide to go out." She suggested. "I see you in a little while."

I set the phone down. "Virginia said to wear something nice in case we go out. What should I wear?" I asked Connie.

"I think a nice skirt and blouse should do. That ought to be dressy enough for almost anything we decide to do."

That was fine with me. My dilemma was, which skirt and what blouse should I wear?

I felt better now we were going to do something. I didn't bother to put all my new things away.

One of the blouses Virginia had picked out for me that night we all went shopping together was really colorful. It had sort of an abstract print. At the time, I told myself I could never wear it. I took it out of the closet and tried it on with my short, ruby wrap skirt, another item I had never worn. I’d left it hang in the closet because I wasn’t all that comfortable about wearing it. I wanted to experiment with all sorts of things now, I decided. It actually looked really nice when I put the outfit together.

It didn't take me long to touch up my makeup and get ready.

The pearls that Virginia had gotten me looked perfect with the outfit. I wanted to show them off for her. I really liked them a lot.

"Oh, don't you look nice." Connie remarked with approval. "Virginia's going to be impressed. You should wear your jacket though. It's supposed to get cool tonight."

I had forgotten about the blazer that went with the skirt. I went back in the bedroom and got it.

"Very pretty." Connie said with a smile.

"Thank you." I agreed. I felt pretty too. It was a nice feeling.

I think I blushed when the doorman opened the door for us. "You ladies look lovely this evening." I appreciated the compliment.

It was still light out when we reached Virginia's. The late summer evening was beautiful with all the colors in the sky. The clouds were taking on a pinkish tint as the sun started to set. It was cooling off and I was glad I wore the jacket.

"Oh, look at you!" Virginia touched my hair. "And that outfit looks so cute on you. I just fell in love with it in the store. The pearls set it off beautifully."

"I really love these." I told her, stroking my pearl necklace.

"I'm so glad." A hug seemed appropriate.

"Doesn't she look so much better with her hair that way?" Connie asked Virginia when we sat in the sitting room.

"She looks absolutely stunning." Virginia agreed.

I enjoyed the compliments but those two would go on forever if left alone. "So what should we do tonight?" I asked them.

Virginia had apparently been giving it some thought. "Have you two eaten?"

"No, we didn't." Connie told her.

"Well we should go get something to eat and then I thought it might be nice to go to the theater."

"We went to the movies last night." I explained.

"No dear, I didn't mean the movies?" Virginia’s tone wasn’t condescending. "I thought we might go see 'Cats'."

"I haven't seen that in years. That's a great idea but can we get tickets so late?" Connie remarked.

I had never seen the stage play. I heard it was good.

"I have a box." Virginia told us. "It doesn't start till nine thirty. That would give us time to eat."

I was experiencing all kinds of new things. Connie picked the restaurant and we had a wonderful meal. In their company, I was the one to draw attention from younger men. It was very satisfying to know they were looking at me and not my companions. It was amazing, the confidence I had gained in myself.

A glass of wine with dinner would have been nice but I didn't dare. I made myself a mental note to ask Connie what she was doing with my birth certificate. I wondered how she was going to be able to get me some identification so I could pass for Jennifer.

I was told, "Absolutely not!" When I started to open my purse and suggested that I pay my own way at dinner.

"You're my guests tonight." Virginia insisted.

Arguing with the dear woman with her was pointless. I was learning that.

Not only had I never seen 'Cats' but I hadn't been to a stage show since I was little. The view from Virginia's box seats was wonderful and I really enjoyed the play.

I found myself looking at the women and their clothes, comparing myself to them. I looked much nicer than most. There were a few women I thought were overdressed, in evening gowns. I found myself wondering how I'd look in a few of the beautiful dresses I saw. I even commented to Connie and Virginia how beautiful I thought a few of the dresses were.

I’d thought the evening was going to be a disaster after my disappointment over Christy but I really turned out to be fun. I was out with my 'mother' and 'aunt'. They were more like family to me than my own.

Virginia made a suggestion when we returned to her house after midnight. "Stay here tonight. You can go to church with me in the morning." She asked both Connie and I.

"I'm afraid I can't." Connie said sadly.

I knew why. She was expecting her out of town friend on Sunday morning.

"You'll stay won't you?" Virginia asked me hopefully.

I hadn’t stepped foot into a church in years, besides, "I don't have anything to wear to church."

"Oh, I haven't shown you the surprise!" Virginia remembered. "Connie, you come too."

We followed her upstairs. I thought she would take us to her bedroom. That was the only room I had seen up on the second floor. Instead, we passed her door and we stopped at the next door down the hall.

"I know I'm being silly." She told us, "but I wanted you to have a place of your own when you came over to visit." She looked so excited as she opened the door and stood back for us to see.

I couldn't believe that Virginia had set aside a room in her home for me. The woman was so sweet and thoughtful. I still hadn’t figured out what I could possibly have done to deserve the love and affection she bestowed on me?

It was beautiful. Any girl in her right mind would have fallen in love with it. I was impressed.

The walls were covered with pink paper with white and yellow flowers. The bed was a large white canopy bed and the bedspread matched the wallpaper. White lace framed the canopy. The thick carpeting was almost stark white.

Pink and white nightstands stood on either side of the bed. They held gold lamps with white shades. There was a large low dresser that matched the nightstands. A huge mirror arched over behind the big piece of furniture.

Lastly, adored by ornate chairs on either side, was a dressing table with a lighted mirror.

"It's gorgeous." Connie remarked.

I saw something other than pleasure on Connie's face. I did have to agree with her opinion of the room. "It's beautiful."

Virginia beamed with joy. "I'm so glad you like it Jennifer. You should go look in the closet."

There was more? I did as she asked and pulled aside the mirrored doors of the big walk in closet.

I just stood there, amazed. One wall, about eight feet long, was full of new clothes, dresses, blouses, skirts, dozens of beautiful new outfits.

Virginia came up beside me and put her arm around me. "I could give it to you a piece at a time but I thought you might want a little more variety than you have, for work or whatever."

"You shouldn't have." I told her. On the floor were at least twenty pairs of shoes, All colors and styles.

"It makes me happy. I enjoy seeing you in pretty things. I just want you to be happy."

That was obvious. "But it must have cost you . . . "

"Money's not important if you don't enjoy it." She told me. "I'm just thrilled that you're pleased."

I looked back over my shoulder for Connie. I wanted her to see it all. Connie seemed to be lingering in the background. I knew something was bothering her but I wanted to show her. "Can you believe all this?"

She smiled but I thought it looked forced. "It's wonderful." She said. "You're a very lucky girl Sweetheart."

Her referring to me as a girl hardly bothered me at all. What did, was seeing her that way.

Virginia went to the rack of clothes and took down a dress. "You could wear this to church in the morning. It's so pretty and delicate. It will look precious on you."

It was white and trimmed in lace. The short sleeves were puffed at the shoulder and trimmed with the same lace that decorated the neckline. I could see that the waist was fitted. It looked so narrow that I couldn't imagine it fitting me. The dress flared below the waist with a conservative, just above the knee hemline. It really was a pretty dress and I couldn’t wait to see if it fit. I decided it wasn't the time to fuss over it. There would be time enough later since I didn't have a reason for going home anymore.

I was worried about Connie. We walked her downstairs. I hugged her and gave her the kiss goodnight that had become our ritual. "Good night Mom." I told her at the door.

"Good night Sweetheart." She hugged me a little longer than usual. Was she feeling insecure? Was she afraid I would prefer to stay with Virginia instead of her? That wasn't going to happen but I couldn't tell her that with Virginia standing beside us. No, Sunday, when I got home, I would reassure her.

I watched as she got in her car and drove away alone. I felt terrible, like I had abandoned her somehow. I watched from the front door till her car disappeared out the end of the driveway.

"It's late. We ought to get to bed if we're going to get up and go to church in the morning." Virginia suggested. "I'll just lock up. Why don’t you go up and start getting ready for bed?"

"I could help you close up?" I offered.

Virginia smiled. "No, that's all right Honey. I'm used to it. I'll be up in a minute."

"Ok."

I had hardly been in the room a minute when she joined me. "The bathroom's though here." Virginia opened the door next to the dressing table.

The bathroom was huge compared to mine at home. It had a long vanity with two sinks, a tile shower and a big contoured tub. There were jets set around the sides.

"It's a jacuzzi." Virginia explained, seeing my interest in the jets.

What I didn't see was a toilet. Virginia anticipated my question. "The toilet and bidet are in there." She pointed to a door across from the vanity.

I had seen bidets in the movies but I had never seen one in real life. I knew what they were for but I couldn't imagine using it. I just had to peek at it.

"There's fresh towels in the closet and I think you'll find everything you need under the vanity. I didn't know what you'd want for makeup. I figured you'd probably have everything you'd need with you. You can borrow anything of mine you don't have."

That pretty well covered it. "Thanks."

She led the way back into the bedroom. "There are nighties in the dresser and I bought you some new underwear."

She had planned ahead. I had just assumed the dresser was empty. "Virginia, you shouldn't have."

Smiling, she lightly stroked my cheek. "I told you, it makes me happy. I'll see you in the morning Honey."

"Good night . . . Would it bother you if I called you 'Aunt Virginia?" I felt so strange calling her Virginia. We had only joked about her acting like my Aunt in the past.

"I'd like that Jennifer. Of course you may."

I kissed her on the cheek. "Good night Aunt Virginia."

"Good night Honey. Sleep well." She closed the door behind her.

It was late and I was tired but I was more curious. I looked at everything in the closet. I even tried a few things on. I was shapelier than I realized, the white dress fit perfectly. The shoes were all the right size too. I shouldn't have bothered wondering. She knew all my sizes from our shopping spree.

There was hardly anything in the closet I would have called casual wear. There were one or two pairs of slacks but they were definitely dressy. All the blouses were the same way. There wasn't anything like the clothes I had bought that day.

One by one, I opened the dresser drawers. One held slips, both long and half slips. The next, panties, a dozen pairs in different colors. One drawer was just for bras and it held five or six pretty ones. Another contained pantyhose, the nice silky kind that I liked, at least two dozen pairs in assorted colors. I found the nighties, fancy ones of nylon with pretty lace trim. Had she forgotten anything, I wondered in amazement?

The bathroom was equally well stocked. Shampoo, conditioner, lotion. I wished I had my own but the big bottle wasn't something I could carry around in my purse. I would have to get a little travel size bottle, so I could have it with me wherever I went. Maybe I would get a bottle to leave at Virginia's.

There was deodorant, hair spray, neither were the brands I normally used but I would make do.

There were disposable razors so I could shave my legs if I needed to. Virginia didn't know I hadn't shaved my legs in months. From time to time I did need to share my armpits but that was the only place hair seemed to grow. It would have been disastrous if I had to shave my face but from what I had read about the hormones in my body, that wasn't likely to be necessary.

In one of the drawers I found a curling iron. In the next were electric hot rollers. They excited me. I wanted to play with when there was time, but not that night.

I decided I better get ready for bed. It was after two and Virginia did say that we had to leave for church by nine thirty.

I slid under the cool covers in my new pink chemise nightie. The lace detailed spaghetti straps were something new and unfamiliar but oh so comfortable. The chemise felt so nice against my skin under the new sheets. I had no trouble getting comfortable and drifted off to sleep easily.

There was no alarm to awaken me and I would not have awakened on my own. Virginia woke me and I opened my eyes to see the morning sun shining in through the sheer curtains over the big bay window.

"Time to wake up Honey."

My eyes adjusted to the light. Virginia stood at the side of the bed in her nightgown and robe. "Good morning." I said sleepily.

"Good morning Honey." She answered with a smile. "Did you sleep alright?"

"Oh yes. I love this bed." It was much softer than mine at home.

"I'm glad. It's time to start getting ready for church. I wasn't sure how long it took you to get ready in the morning. We have an hour and a halt till we have to leave. Is that enough, I hope?"

"Plenty." I assured her.

I was showered, my hair done, makeup on and dressed in an hour. I didn't need to borrow any jewelry from her, my pearls looked just fine with the white dress. The white heels I found in the closet looked wonderful with the dress. They had bows on the toes that were so pretty.

I was staring at myself in the mirror when Virginia came in to see how I was doing. "You're ready already?" She looked me over from head to toe. "I love that on you." She said smiling at me from the door.

"It fits perfectly. I just love it." If I was starting to sound like a girl, it was because I was beginning to feel like one. The expressions and mannerisms I so natural used were becoming second nature to me. Like walking and sitting and the hundred other little things I had learned and practiced every day.

I wasn't conscious of it at the time but I was also becoming more flamboyant in expressing myself, using my hands more and flipping my hair. The role I was playing was becoming less and less of a role and more a natural part of my everyday life. Had I realized I was changing so much I might have been worried, but I was oblivious of it.

She approved of the pearls with the dress. "I'm so glad you like them."

"They're the most beautiful jewelry I have." I knew that would please her to hear.

"We'll have to buy you some more nice things."

I started to say that wasn't necessary.

"Now don't you start that again." She told me smiling.

She was going to do exactly as she pleased and there was nothing I, or anyone else, was going to do about it.

"We better get going. We don't want to be late. Come on down to my room and I’ll loan you a little white clutch bag. You can't carry your black purse with that dress."

I had the white bag she had bought me at home but that didn't do me much good here.

She had made coffee but I preferred just orange juice. I hadn't had coffee in months, I‘d lost my taste for it. I realized I didn't have my vitamins with me. I had grown so accustomed to taking them that I felt guilty. Connie was religious about our taking them.

I was a little nervous about going to church but not too.

We were early. There was plenty of time for her to introduce her 'niece' to all her friends, and she had quite a few. I was introduced to men and women alike. Almost all complimented me on my lovely dress and told me how pretty I was.

I was pleased with the way I looked and the compliments I received. Who would have ever thought that I could feel the way I did about wearing women's clothes? I felt . . . pretty.

"So this is the young woman you've been telling us about." I heard the same comment a dozen times. I shouldn't have been surprised. Virginia looked very pleased with the way they accepted me. I had no trouble remembering how to behave.

I hadn't given a thought to what kind of church we were going to. I was raised as a Lutheran. The Baptists worshiped much differently than I remembered the services at my old church in New York. The singing was something I hadn't even thought about but I did all right. My singing voice was not so different from my speaking voice and I got away without sounding like a guy. I was lucky.

There were more introductions to people afterwards. I found myself in the middle of a dozen women all sharing the week’s news and gossip. The women's husbands formed their own little coffee clutch. I wondered what they were talking about? I certainly didn't have much to add to the conversation the women were having. They talked about their children and grandchildren and a myriad of other topics that wouldn't have interested their husbands.

One of the younger women in the group asked Virginia if we wanted to join them for golf that afternoon. I would have enjoyed playing, I wasn't aware Virginia played. There was a lot about Virginia I didn't know.

Virginia must have felt I wasn't too comfortable in that situation, surrounded by women gossiping, because she excused us and we left for home.

In the car, I commented. "They wanted you to play golf with them. You could have gone. I would have been alright."

"Don't be silly. I finally get to spend the whole day with you, you don't think I'd run off and play golf and leave you alone?"

"We could both play." I suggested. "I wouldn't mind."

She acted surprised. "You play?"

"I used to have a fifteen handicap." Nothing to be too proud of.

Seemingly impressed, she said, "I'll give Gwen a call when we get home and see if we can join them."

"I'll need to rent clubs." That was no big deal.

"No need, I have an extra set. We can run by Virginia's and you can get a change of clothes. I don't think you'd fit in any of my things."

Funny that the first thought that came to mind was what would I wear. I had an idea what would be appropriate. Maybe I was fortunate that I let the girls talk me into some of the clothes they had the day before.

"Do you have golf shoes?" She asked.

"No." Mine were in my golf bag in my bedroom up North.

"We'll stop and get you a pair."

"Could we run by home first?" I didn't want to go into a store dressed in my new white dress. It just didn't seem proper for shopping.

It didn't seem right to ask Virginia to wait downstairs while I went up to the apartment to get something to wear. I would have liked a moment alone with Connie to talk but it would have to wait.

I was disappointed to find she wasn't there. In the kitchen I found evidence that she had not had breakfast alone. "Connie went out early." I remarked. "I wanted to show her my new dress."

"She'll see it another time Honey." Virginia assured me.

While I was there, I poured myself a glass of juice and took my vitamins.

"You take all those every day?" Virginia asked, seeing me lay out the five different pills I took.

"Every day." I said proudly.

I decided to buy myself, at the first opportunity, a small pill container so I would always have a supply of my vitamins with me in my purse.

I hadn't taken anything I bought out of the bags. I wasn't even sure where the things were I was looking for.

Virginia enjoyed seeing everything I bought. "You picked this all out yourself?"

"Christy and a couple of our friends went shopping with me, they helped."

"I don't know why I didn't think to get you any casual wear. I don't know what I was thinking of." She chastised herself.

"I have plenty Aunt Virginia." I insisted but she just smiled at me. I knew what she was thinking.

I finally found the tan shorts I had been looking for. Next I wanted the new tee shirt I found. I continued rummaging through the bags.

"This would go really well with your shorts." Virginia remarked. She picked up the pale yellow tank top that Christy had picked out for me, from the bed.

"Really, you think?" It was snug fitting. Christy had insisted I buy it, and a few other things like it.

"Absolutely."

I grabbed the bag with the sneakers I bought and got out my new white Keds.

Virginia was rooting through my dresser drawer. She brought out a pair of socks. "Here, I knew you had a pair that nearly match that top." She held up a pair of pale yellow cotton socks.

"You can change at my house. We really have to get going if we're going to be able to meet them on the tee."

It didn't take us ten minutes, on our way to the golf course, to pick up new golf shoes. I was floored by the price on the box. I wasn't about to argue with Virginia when she took out her checkbook.

My game had suffered a little in the year and a half since I'd played but not too badly. I wasn't able to drive the ball as far as I was used to. Maybe it was the strange clubs, they were women's?

I didn't realize how much muscle I’d lost over the past months. My arms, as wiry as they were to start with, were even thinner and weaker than they used to be. I didn't know if the hormones had affected my muscle tissue.

I felt funny going out on the course in the figure hugging spandex tank top. It fit so tightly over my chest that it showed off the outline of my breasts. It made them look bigger and I had to wonder if they were still growing. I had seemed lately that my bras had to have shrunk in the wash, or had they? My soft fleshy breasts more than filled the small cups of my bras.

Still, I had a good time playing. The two women we played with were good company and not bad golfers. We were all pretty evenly matched and that helped.

We were followed by a foursome of men. Two were young, about my age, and two older. They looked like a pair of fathers and sons.

The group in front of us was very slow and several times the men caught up with us at the tee. They made casual conversation. The older men spoke more with the others. The younger pair opted to pass the time with me, although I would have preferred they leave me alone but I didn’t want to appear rude in front of Virginia and the others.

I felt very conspicuous in the tank top with them standing so close and staring at me.

They talked about our golf games after introducing themselves. "You have a very nice stroke Jennifer." The blond one, Craig, remarked. "I was watching you tee off."

I smiled a casual smile. "Thanks", was my only reply.

"I saw that chip shot onto number four. That was great." Jack added. "You look like you've been playing a while." He sat on the bench next to me.

"About six years." I told him. Jack was the better looking of the two. He reminded me of Mel Gibson.

They continued to make conversation as we waited to tee off. I smiled when it was appropriate. I didn't enjoy it but I also didn't let it show.

"So what do you do Jennifer?" Craig asked.

"I work for and advertising agency. I'm the executive assistant to the head of the division." I told them proudly.

"So you're a secretary?" Jack asked, apparently trying to clarify.

It wasn't the way he said it, his words didn't sound sarcastic, it was just that he made it seem demeaning, 'just a secretary.' I was proud of the work that I did. I may have started out as a secretary but I was much more than that now.

My reply was with a sarcastic undertone. "I'm not just a secretary. I report directly to one of the vice presidents of the company." I was so flustered at his comment that it didn't come out as strongly as I intended.

The two guys just looked at each other. I saw the faint smile they exchanged. I resented them taking me so lightly. It was one of my first experiences with the bias that so many women had to endure.

Fortunately for them, or maybe me, it was time to tee off. I hit my tee shot in the same direction as Virginas and we walked from the tee side by side, pulling our handcarts.

"Craig was cute. What were you three talking about?"

She thought he was cute. "He's a jerk." I told Virginia the comment he made and their reaction to my remark.

"Honey, you've got a lot to learn about men." She said in a motherly tone. "Most are like children who don't think before they open their mouths. Just be patient with them."

"I'll try." It sounded as if she thought I had an interest in men. Hadn't I just had the same conversation with Connie, I asked myself? There wasn't time then to correct her mistaken impression. There was almost no opportunity to talk to her without the others overhearing.

They caught up to us again on number eleven tee. If my sarcasm earlier had offended them, it didn't show.

Craig asked, "Your husband doesn't golf?"

"I'm not married." His question would have been humorous if I didn't recognize it as a ploy to find out if I was single.

Jack followed up his question with one of his own. "Engaged?"

They weren't subtle at all. "No."

"Maybe you'd allow us to buy you a drink at the nineteenth hole if you and your friends are planning to stop off after your game?" Craig offered.

I had no idea if Virginia and her friends planned on having a drink after but I definitely wasn't interested in their offer. "I don't think we're stopping for one."

I just wanted them to leave me alone.

A little later it occurred to me that I should have responded to their rude questions with a few of my own. I should have asked if they were married and why their wives or girlfriends didn't golf with them. I had simply been too nervous to think of things like that at the time.

They were right behind us on eighteen. By then I just wanted to finish and get out of there. I didn't ask Virginia if she was planning on stopping off for one. I should have, explaining to her why, but I waited too long.

"You don't have to have a drink. You can just order a soda." She suggested when I told her I wasn't interested in going into the small bar.

Virginia and her friend wanted to discuss the game they just finished. From the small table we shared, I watched out the window, looking toward the eighteenth green. I hoped they wouldn't stop. Maybe they hadn't seen us come into the bar?

I finally spotted the four men as they rounded the back side of the green. All hope disappeared as they made a direct line toward the clubhouse and the bar. I had no doubt they planned on coming in. I turned my attention back to my companions. I would ignore them.

"So how did you do?" Jack asked over my shoulder.

So much for them leaving me alone. "I ended up with a 78." He looked surprised. I had the feeling he didn't do as well. It was my turn to have a little fun. "How did you do?"

"An eighty one." He said sheepishly.

Craig came up behind him. "How did you do?"

He didn't look any better than Jack when he heard my score.

"Would you let me buy you a drink?" Jack asked.

I was about to say no.

"Go ahead Dear. We'll be right here."

I turned to Virginia in surprise. I hadn't expected her to encourage me. Jack had his hand on the back of my chair, ready to pull it out for me. "I don't know."

"Go on Honey, I'm fine." Virginia insisted.

Again she pressed me to go. "Just a coke." I told the two as I got up from the chair. We didn't sit with the two older men. The tables were too small to hold five people.

Craig held my chair for me as I sat. They made small talk. They stayed away from the topic of work, asking where I came from up North. My accent certainly wasn't southern.

They asked who Virginia was and I told them, "She's my Aunt."

"So you're just visiting?"

"I've just moved down."

"And you're staying with your Aunt?" Jack asked.

"No, I live with a friend."

Craig was blunt, "A girlfriend?"

"My adopted Mom." I answered. That was essentially true.

Jack asked, "So you haven't had a chance yet to see much of Atlanta?"

The small talk was becoming boring. "No. I work most of the time."

"You should get out and see more." Craig suggested.

I knew what was coming. "When I get some time to myself." I wasn't about to give them an easy opening. I wondered which of them was going to get to it first. It didn't matter, of course, I wasn't about to accept an invitation to go out from either one.

I thought to myself, if I really were a woman, Jack would be my preference to go out with.

I had been impatiently waiting for Virginia and her friends to finish their drinks so we could go. They finally pushed their chairs out from the table.

"Well, it's time for me to go." I announced to the pair. They had missed their chance, I laughed to my self.

I was wrong. Jack was the one who spoke up as I pushed my chair away from the table. "Some friends and I have tickets to the benefit concert next weekend, I was wondering if you'd like to go." He looked very nervous.

I remembered the times I had asked a girl to go out in almost the same way. I was always nervous, afraid she'd say no and be rejected. I always hated that moment of truth.

Craig looked dejected. He was probably angry with his friend that Jack had asked first. I could imagine the conversation they'd have when I left.

No way was I going to accept Jack's offer. "I'm afraid I'm probably going to have to work next weekend. We have a magazine shoot scheduled." It was a lie, of course.

Jack looked the way I had anticipated he would, dejected. His friend almost appeared to cheer up, given the small grin on his face. I could imagine what he was thinking. If he couldn't score, at least Jack didn't either.

"Well if you change your mind," He fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a business card. "The concert's Saturday night." He handed me his card. "Give me a call. My beeper number's there too." He added,

It was a fancy card with gold embossed lettering. I tucked it in my pocket with every intention of throwing it away later. I smiled across the table as they stood up with me. "I don't think I'll be able to get away but thanks for asking anyway."

I took some satisfaction in being on the other side of the fence. The side that did the rejecting. It was a nice change.

I was wrong. Jack was the one who spoke up as I pushed my chair away from the table. "Some friends and I have tickets to the benefit concert next weekend, I was wondering if you'd like to go." He looked very nervous.

I remembered the times I had asked a girl to go out in almost the same way. I was always nervous, afraid she'd say no and be rejected. I always hated that moment of truth.

Craig looked dejected. He was probably angry with his friend that Jack had asked first. I wondered what the conversation would be like when I was gone?

No way would I even consider accepting Jack's offer. "I'm afraid I'm probably going to have to work next weekend. We have a magazine shoot scheduled." It was a lie, of course.

Jack looked the way I had anticipated he would, dejected. The look wasn't very apparent but I was looking for it. His friend appeared to cheer up, given the small grin on his face. I could imagine what he was thinking. If he couldn't score, at least Jack didn't either.

"Well if you change your mind," He fished his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled out a business card. "The concert's Saturday night." He handed me his card. "Give me a call. My beeper number's there too." He added,

It was a fancy card with gold embossed lettering. I tucked it in my pocket with every intention of throwing it away later. I smiled across the table as the stood up with me. "I don't think I'll be able to get away but thanks for asking anyway."

I took some satisfaction in being on the other side of the fence. The side that did the rejecting. It was a nice change, almost fun.

"If you'll let me have your number I could call and we could do something another time?"

That I didn't expect. I didn't want him to call. I had to admit, he was persistent. "I don't usually give it out. I have your card. I'll call you." On a cold day in hell, I thought to myself.

As we walked out the door, I remembered my first encounter with men as Jennifer, what seemed so long ago. I remembered how terrified I'd been, with my palms sweating and my knees shaking. Sure, I was still nervous about meeting men but I wasn't nearly as terrified as that first time. I thought I handled myself quite well.

"What was it he handed you?" Virginia asked as we put our golf clubs in her trunk.

"His business card."

She smiled at me, asking eagerly, "Did he ask you out."

I really had to have that talk with her. "Yes."

"That's wonderful. He's very handsome. Where's he taking you?"

Did she actually think I had accepted his invitation? I was amazed. "I told him I couldn't go, that I had to work."

"That's a shame Honey."

A shame?

Her friends, who parked their car right next to Virginia's, prepared to leave.

"We had fun. It was very nice to meet you Jennifer. You play a good game. We need to get together for another soon."

I smiled sweetly. "It was a pleasure meeting you too and I'd love to play with you again. I enjoyed it." I did enjoy the game.

When Virginia and I got in the car, I continued the earlier conversation. "Aunt Virginia, I don't really have to work next weekend. I just didn't want to go out with him."

She looked at me, puzzled, for an instant. "Well, you'll meet someone nice that you like. You just need to be patient Honey. The right man will come along."

She thought she understood. She didn't. Virginia was too much. I didn't want to get into it then and there. I was too tired from walking eighteen holes.

It was almost six when we got back to her house. Neither of us had a desire to go out eat. I helped Virginia in the kitchen. We threw together a light dinner.

The wine tasted good with the pasta. "May I ask you a favor?" I asked across the table.

"What is it Honey?"

My thoughts went back to the hot rollers upstairs. My curiosity was peaked. I was anxious to try them. "Would you show me how to use the rollers in the bedroom?" I knew how to roll my hair in them but I had now idea what combination of the different sizes to use or how to arrange them in my hair.

"I'd be happy to Honey." She was thrilled that I asked for her help. "Right after dinner."

It didn't take us any time to clean up. I needed a shower, besides, Virginia said they worked best when your hair was wet.

Among the clothes in the closet was a pink nylon robe. It wasn't any shorter than mine at home but it was much nicer. I recognized the Liz Clayborn emblem embossed on the front. Wearing only clean panties, I slipped it on and sat at the vanity table where we plugged in the rollers to heat up.

"Can you make my hair look like hers?" I asked, showing Virginia the picture I had been carrying around in my purse for several days. I had seen it in one of Connie's magazines and had cut it out.

The girl with bangs, like I had now, had a head full of soft curls. Her hair was a little longer than mine, down to her breasts, but I hoped mine was long enough. My hair seemed to grow fast and I hoped it wouldn't take too long for it to grow to that length.

"I think we can do that." Virginia agreed.

I watched closely as she separated my hair just so and wound it on the hot rollers.

"There's lots of hair styling magazines that would show you how to do this and give you hints on different styles for your hair."

"I've seen them on the magazine racks." I just never picked one up to look at. Guys don't pick up that kind of magazine, much less buy them. There was no reason I shouldn't now. I would get some the next time Connie and I went food shopping.

"Are rollers like these very expensive?" I asked as she continued to set my hair.

"Just take these home with you. I bought them for you."

"I wouldn't feel right taking them."

"Nonsense. They're yours, just like your clothes in the closet." She reminded me. "All I ask is that you leave a few things here to wear for when we decide to go out and you need a change of clothes."

It was all mine. To do with as I pleased? It didn't seem right somehow, the idea of taking the clothes home with me.

Not that I didn't want to. Virginia had exquisite taste in clothes and she bought only the best labels. Most girls would envy my wardrobe and it was growing all the time. I was really pretty lucky, I remember thinking to myself.

"There, all done." She finished putting in the last roller. "I think that's going to look just wonderful."

"How long do I need to leave them in?" I had no idea.

"Well, you could use your hair drier and we could take them out in about a half hour or just leave them on overnight and take them out in the morning."

"I have a hair drier?" I hadn't seen one.

"It's right here." She went to my closet and took the box off the shelf. I hadn't even noticed it there. I had been too busy looking at the clothes below.

"Let's get you set up." She took it out of the box.

I sat there at the dressing table while my hair dried. Virginia brought me a magazine to read and left me alone. We couldn't talk very well over the noise it made.

I remember thinking what a weekend it had been. Getting my hair done, shopping and finding all the clothes I bought. Then discovering everything Virginia had gotten me.

I had been disappointed about Christy and I was still hurt but Connie had helped me put some of that hurt aside. I really enjoyed dinner and the play with Connie and Virginia. I thought about the woman at the play wearing their beautiful dresses and again my curiousity was piqued about how I might look wearing an evening gown.

I was a little nervous at church but the way Virginia's friends accepted me put me at ease. I even got a kick out of the looks from the women's husbands. The white dress I wore was so pretty and feminine. It was almost a shame that it was too dressy for work. I could just imagine how my friends would react to seeing me in it.

Playing golf was fun. Being flirted with, now that it was over, had been fun too, in a way. I remembered Jack's business card in the pocket of my shorts over on the bed. Maybe I would just keep it, just for fun. To remind me of the experience.

"You should be dry by now." Virginia said, coming up from behind me. I hadn't heard her come in over the noise of the hair drier. She had showered and changed.

My hair looked so strange when she took the rollers out, before she brushed it out. Again, I paid close attention to the way Virginia styled it. She showed me how to give it volume and get it to lay just so. I was delighted with the way it took shape.

It wasn't exactly like the picture, but close. My hair did need to get a little longer but it looked great anyway.

"I love it." I said, looking in the mirror, turning my head this way and that. Big full waves cascaded down from the top of my head to below my shoulder. My bangs were pulled off to one side. The words sensual and sexy had never crept into my vocabulary until that moment.

"It's very pretty Jennifer. You have beautiful thick hair. I still can't get over how pretty it looks with the highlights."

I was more than satisfied. "Do you think I could do this myself, in the morning?"

"I'm sure you could but it would be easier if you go to bed with it set." She told me. "You can pick up some inexpensive plastic rollers or, better yet, some of those soft foam ones. They're much easier to sleep in."

I wondered what it was like to sleep in rollers? It had to be uncomfortable. "Do you sleep in rollers?" Virginia had beautiful curly hair.

"Sometimes."

If she could do it, I could get used to it. I would give it a try, but not tonight, I told myself.

"I should really get home." It was after nine. I was anxious to see Connie and have her see what I did with my hair. The other reason I wanted to get home early was that I hadn’t forgotten Connie’s look when she left the night before and I wanted to have some time with her before we had to go to bed.

"You should wear one of your new dresses home. This peach one would look really pretty with your hair that way."

The peach dress was sleeveless with a softly scooped low neckline that let my hair lay against my skin. It's skirt was long , longer than any dress I had worn, almost to my calves. It was full and flowing. It, with my hair styled the way it was, gave me a soft feminine look that I liked. Who could possible mistake me for a man?

There were peach pumps to match. I wore my pearls but we both agreed that the dress would have looked better with gold. I wondered what Virginia was thinking and was anxious to see what jewelry she was going to buy me next.

There were so many new experiences I was learning to enjoy.

I was packing up to go, putting my shorts, top and socks in a bag to carry it home. My outfit, that I wore there Saturday night, was already on hangers and ready to go.

"Would it be alright if I take the white dress to show Connie?" I asked.

"Of course Honey. I told you. They're your things to do with what you wish." Virginia fetched it from the closet. She didn't let me leave without putting the curlers in my bag too.

"It's getting late. You be careful driving home and lock your doors. It's not safe for a girl your age to be out alone. Not even in her car." She told me at the front door.

As Jeffrey, that was something I never bothered to worry about. I was only learning to adjust my thinking. It wasn't safe for a girl alone to be out so late. For an instant I imagined what a rapist's reaction would be after accosting me. Then I thought, I wasn't as strong as I used to be. It could be a very unpleasant, if not dangerous experience. I felt a new level of empathy for women. I locked the car door after sliding into the front seat.

All in all, it was a great weekend. It left me feeling both attractive and with a new sense of confidence.

I received a pleasant greeting from both Carl the valet and the doorman, Lester. The looks that accompanied their greetings reinforced my excitement over how good I looked.

It was ten o'clock and Connie wasn't home yet. I was a little worried about her. It appeared that she hadn't been home all day, by the way the apartment looked. Nothing had been moved since I was there in the morning. Not even the vitamins I left on the kitchen counter.

I knew she might still be out with her 'friend' and I shouldn't worry but there wasn't a note where she'd gone or any message from her on the machine.

There was a message for me though. Christy called around six looking for me. She wanted me to call if I didn't get in too late. I decided not to call her. After what she did to me, I thought I'd just let her wonder where I was.

The oddest thought suddenly struck me. I had a way of getting back at her. Maybe I would tell her I had a date, a date with a guy. That would drive her nuts, I was sure of it.

She would ask who and I would tell her "Jack." I would show her his card and tell her how we met and what a great guy he was. I could make up something about him taking me out to dinner and the theater. I wanted her to be jealous. I wanted her to want me the way I wanted her. But no. I couldn't do that, could I?

I thought of Tina. I hadn't called her that weekend, as I had each Sunday. I almost regretted giving her Connie's number. What if she called and Connie answered the phone. The message on the machine was Connie's. I wondered how Tina would react to my living with a woman?

I felt a little funny, sitting there in my pretty dress in my heels with my hair looking prettier than I ever remembered hers looking. In fact, when I thought about it, overall, I looked prettier than she did. What would she say if she could see me?

I almost hung up the phone after dialing her. "Hi Tina."

She told me about her week and I told her about mine. It was getting difficult to have that kind of conversation with her, I had to twist around and change my recount of the week so much.

She sounded so lonely. "I miss you so much."

Did I miss her the same way? "I miss you too Tina."

"I was talking to my folks and they thought it would be all right if I came down to visit since you have so much trouble getting time off to come up."

That came as a shock. "I don't know if now's a good time Tina." I tried not to sound panicked but I wasn't very successful, given her reaction.

"Why not!?" She asked with concern. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath to calm myself. "Nothing's wrong. It's just not a good time. I'm working constantly and I wouldn't have much time for you."

"You're working nights and weekends?" She asked sounding a little peeved.

"Just about." I lied.

"Did you work this weekend, today?"

"All day. I got in about eight."

"Who works with you?" She asked.

This was the jealous side of Tina that I knew. She had no reason to be jealous in the past but that hadn't stopped her when I made plans that didn't include her. "There's a couple of us that work the photo shoots, and the models, of course."

I could have kicked myself for saying that. I had been downplaying the fact that I worked with models because I knew she didn't like that. I screwed up and mentioned them at the worst possible moment.

"Jeffrey, are you seeing someone down there?" Tina had a habit of being direct.

"No!" I insisted. Considering the way Christy was treating me it wasn't really a lie. That was nonsense. Of course I was cheating on Tina and I felt like dirt because of it. On the other hand, if Tina were to walk in and see me, see how I had changed, she would turn right around and walk out on me.

"What about the models?" She asked.

"Honest Tina, I'm not seeing anyone." What would she had said if I told her two guys were coming on to me that day and one asked me out? "I've been asked but I've said no."

She seemed to calm down a little. "Well you better not. I'd be down there so fast your head would spin."

"I believe you." It probably wasn't a good time to suggest to her that maybe we should start seeing other people, as I had planned to tell her the next time we talked.

I had no plans on going back north to live and work. I couldn't even imagine making a trip up to visit. How could I? No, my life was in Atlanta now, or at least till I found a cure for my problem.

"Well if I don't come down, then I expect you to come up for your birthday." She insisted.

My birthday was only a little over a month away. I had to tell her something or she'd be down for sure. "I'll be there, I promise."

"You better. I really miss you Jeffrey." She said again.

"I miss you too. I'll talk to you next week. Take care of yourself."

"I love you!" Her tone was familiar. She expected a reply.

"I love you too." I couldn't muster the same enthusiasm but I tried to sound convincing.

A lot of the exhilaration I had felt that weekend left me after talking to Tina. I went in my bedroom and started cutting off tags and putting my new things away. I waited and waited for Connie, putting off undressing. I so wanted her to see me looking so pretty.

I watched the eleven o'clock news. I didn’t even take off my shoes for fear she'd walk in any moment. As the news went off I finally turned off the TV. I was ready to give up and go to bed. My finger was on the light switch when I heard the key in the lock. I turned as the front door opened and rushed toward the foyer to greet her. I found there, to my surprise, a man holding Connie in his arms, kissing her.

I felt so embarrassed. They both turned at the sound of my approach. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean . . . "

"Hi Sweetheart." Connie said over the man's shoulder.

"Hi . . . " I answered meekly, almost calling her mom. I decided I better not, at least not in front of the man.

He was big, at least six foot two or three. He wasn't a young man. He had to be at least fifty but he looked to be in great shape for his age. He had salt and pepper hair and a kind face. He could have been the president of a company with his polished appearance. He was very handsome.

"Jennifer, I would like you to meet Kevin, Kevin Donaldson."

He extended his hand to me. "It's very nice to meet you Jennifer. Connie's told me so much about you. Actually, there's little else she talks about these days. You're certainly as beautiful as she's told me."

He was very flattering. "It's very nice to meet you too." My small hand was lost in his big paw. He had a great smile. It was the kind that made you like someone the instant you met them.

I couldn't help but notice the faint, pale ring on his ring finger when his hand closed around mine. It was unmistakable.

"I didn't mean to interrupt you two. I was just on my way to bed." I started to back off from the two.

"I was just going." He told me. Once more he kissed Connie. Not as passionately, but with tenderness, barely brushing her lips. "It was wonderful." He told her, looking into her eyes.

I had never seen Connie look that way. For the first time, she was not the self assured, always in control of the situation woman I knew. She was simply a woman who appeared to melt in the arms of a man. It was nice to see her in that light.

He turned back to me. "It was a pleasure Jennifer. I hope next time we meet we can get to know each other a little."

I began to understand what Connie found so attractive about the man. "I hope so too." His smile seemed to melt you.

With that he was gone. "I like him." I told Connie as she just stood there at the door for a moment. My words seemed to startle her.

"So do I, so do I."

It was cute, seeing her this way.

"Let me look at you."

I was beginning to wonder if she was going to notice.

"I love that dress and your hair. Did Virginia help you do that?"

"Tonight, after dinner. We were experimenting." I was glad she liked it.

She touched my curls then the strap of my dress. "Sweetheart, you look lovely. I can't get over how much the change in your hair has done for you."

"Really?" I was thrilled that she liked it so much.

"Really!"

I remembered the dress that now hung in the closet. "I just have to show you the way that white dress looks on me."

"All right," She said with a smile. "Go put it on."

I all but ran to the bedroom. I changed quickly. Fortunately, I had a pair of white heels in the closet because I forgot the new ones at Virginia's.

"Oh my, that is lovely." Connie told me when I made an entrance into the living room. "I'll bet you got a lot of compliments from Virginia's friends at church?"

"Everyone loved it. I can't tell you how wonderful I felt wearing it." It didn't even feel odd to say that.

Connie smiled again and there was just a touch of condescendence in her voice. "I think I can imagine."

How stupid could I be? The new experiences I'd been having, the feelings I was discovering, were feelings that Connie, like most women, discovered when they were children. At times, I must have seemed like a child to Connie and Virginia.

"I'm being silly?"

"Not at all. It's only natural for you to feel that way. I'm just so glad that you're adjusting so beautifully." The condescending tone was gone from her voice, replaced with the motherly tone I found so reassuring. "Don't you think you should get ready for bed now? It's late and we have work in the morning."

I was keyed up. "I don't think I can sleep."

I hung up and put my things away with care. After finishing in the bathroom and moisturizing, I went straight to the dresser drawer that held the nighties Connie and Virginia bought me. I found the one I was looking for under the white pajamas. It was red and delicately trimmed in lace on the neckline, hem and narrow straps, just like the one I left at Virginia's.

I found a clean pair of red panties in the other drawer and put them on. I really like the way it looked on me in my mirror. It made me feel much the way the beige dress did when I wore it, soft and feminine. I was beginning to savor the feeling.

I sat on the edge of my bed, contemplating. I made up my mind, got up and went to Connie's room.

Her door wasn't closed all the way. "Mom?"

"What is it honey?"

I pushed the door open. Connie was standing there in just her underwear.

I felt a little ashamed for intruding. I had never seen her that way. "I'm sorry." I started to back out of the room.

"Don't be silly honey, come in."

I did as she said but took care not to stare.

"That looks nice on you." She commented about the nightie. "It looks comfortable."

"It is, very." I kept my eyes everywhere but on her. She sensed I was uncomfortable.

"Since when can't a mother and daughter see each other in their underwear?"

Sweet, I thought. Too bad I wasn't as comfortable with it as she was. Her reference to our being mother and daughter wasn't in jest. There was none of the humor in her voice that normally went with our kidding about our situation. It was an arrangement I was comfortable with now. In fact, I enjoyed it. It made me feel closer to her.

"What's up?" She asked giving me her full attention.

"There's just something . . . "

Connie seemed to read me like a book. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she called me to her side. "Come here Honey."

I sat down next to her. I didn't know where to start.

"Tell me what's bothering you."

"I was just worrying about something."

"Something about Jennifer?"

Jennifer was just fine at the moment. Quite content in fact. "No, I'm all right. I was worried about you."

I looked up and saw her smiling. "You're worried about me? I'm all right Sweetheart."

"Remember, over at Virginia's last night? When she showed me the room she fixed up for me."

"Of course."

"Well, you seemed upset somehow."

"No Honey. I wasn't upset. I was happy for you." She insisted.

"You looked hurt." I went on. I knew I wasn't mistaken about what I saw.

When she didn't respond, I knew I was right.

"I just wanted you to know that no matter what Virginia does for me, or what she gives me, nothing is as important to me as you are." I wasn't sure I said it right, the way I had intended for it to come out. It seemed inadequate to express how I felt about her.

She still said nothing.

"She's like an Aunt to me and I appreciate all she’s done but I don't feel about her the way I feel about you."

Connie's eyes filled with tears as I spoke. The two of us seemed to cry together all the time lately. "What I'm trying to say is that I love you and nothing will ever change that."

She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight. "Oh Jennifer. How did I ever get so lucky to find you? You are the dearest thing. I love you so much. I have since I first saw you. You've become the daughter I never had and I adore you."

My tears came quickly and seemed to just flow in torrents. I held her as tightly as she held me. "I've never been happier." I told her.

Virginia had been right about it taking too long to set my hair wet in the morning. I was glad I tried setting it dry and slept in the curlers. It looked so nice Sunday night that I just had to wear it the same way Monday.

Monday held no surprises for me. I got a lot of complements on my new skirt and jacket and especially my hair.

Each day seemed to get better and better. Since the incident with Ginny the week before, everyone was very nice to me. It didn't take an Einstein to deduce that no one wanted to have to confront Connie as a result of harassing me. It did leave me wondering who was being nice to me because of that and who was really my friend. Carol and the others who stood up for me I was sure of. There were a number of others who were nice to me before the incident. I couldn't waste my time worrying about the rest.

Tuesday morning held a surprise for me.

Connie called me into her office around mid morning. "We had a call from Curlins. They've decided to start running a full page color ad and they want to discuss a possible layout."

I recognized the name. I had seen their stores in a few of the malls I'd been in. It was a small local chain of clothing stores. I didn't know why she was telling me this?

"They've asked that we give them a presentation, show them what we can do for them."

"Do you need me to put the usual portfolio together for you?"

"You'll need to do that, yes, but I won't be presenting it." She leaned back in her chair.

"Who's going to do it?" There was no one else available. The other sales people were all out of town.

Connie grinned. "You are."

"Me!?" She surprised me. "I'm not ready to . . . "

"Don't be silly. Of course you are." Her look turned serious. "You've helped me put together a dozen complex presentations. You know the pricing, the presentation techniques and what we can do for them. There's no one better qualified to do it. You've even directed photo sessions on your own. You're better qualified that ninety percent of our sales people."

Modesty aside, that was all true but I'd never done a presentation on my own. Not the least of my worries were that I'd be making the presentation alone, as Jennifer, in a strange place, in front of strangers. "Are you sure?"

Connie sat up straight and smiled at me. "Positive."

I parked my car in one of their visitor’s spots. I checked my hair and makeup. I had been dressing that morning when Connie came in and suggested I wear one of my suit outfits this morning. I had planned on wearing slacks but I took her suggestion without giving it much thought.

It was a linen outfit, a pale gray window pane plaid and it looked very crisp and smart. I had liked the silk shells that hung in my closet but hadn't had an occasion to wear them. The white one looked very nice under the collarless jacket.

I understood why she wanted me to wear the outfit now. I waited for my knees to stop shaking before I stepped from the car. Straightening my skirt, I walked carefully down the sidewalk to the front door.

I presented myself to the receptionist. "Good morning." I said to the girl, struggling to appear calm and cheerful. "My name is Jennifer. I'm here to see Mr. Brooks."

I was scared to death but tried hard not to let it show. I had this picture of having to stand up in front of a room full of men and give my pitch. It wasn't anything like what I thought it would be.

Mr. Brooks, a very polite and cordial middle aged man, came out to greet me. He escorted me to his office where I met two of his associates. They were all very pleasant, very polite to me. It helped calm some of my fears. There was always the nagging thought in the back of my mind that someone, somewhere, would recognize me for what I was, but this wasn't the time or the place.

Mr. Brooks associates, who I’d be making my pitch to, were a young man and a middle aged woman. It wasn't as formal a thing as I anticipated. We simply sat around a table and I fed them the facts and figures. I told them why our firm could represent their interests better than any of the other firms in town.

My palms sweated, my knees shook and, at times, when they threw questions at me one after another, I thought I might lose it. I didn't forget, for a second, who I was or the part I was playing.

There was none of the behavior, the harassment as I came to recognize it, that was exhibited by Mike Parks. The men were very professional and listened intently to my pitch. It helped when I realized I didn't have to contend with Parks kind bigotry.

The woman was equally considerate. She didn't have a clue that she was dealing with a man and I did nothing to make her doubt for a second that I was a woman, even when it came to accompanying her to the ladies’ room during a short break.

I had little trouble remembering how to act, sitting there with a man on either side of me and the woman across the table. I tried not to fidget too much, sitting up straight, only occasionally tugging my dress down to cover my legs. I was glad I had a lot of practice and it helped me to get through it.

I didn't try to give them a hard sell, that wasn't my way. I was honest with them and it worked. To my amazement, I won the account. It was a great feeling.

I almost goofed when I had the contract in front of me to sign. I almost started to sign it 'Jeffrey', but caught myself. With a flair, I wrote out 'Jennifer’. Connie had empowered me to sign for the firm should the deal go through.

With the signed contract in hand, I walked out their front door and wanted to shout for joy.

I knew it was just a little account. It was only a small, local chain of stores but I rode back to the office on cloud nine.

Connie wasn't as surprised as I was. "I knew you could do it." She said smiling, congratulating me.

"Yes you did!" I said, giving her a hug, right there in the office. We never did that sort of thing in the office but I couldn't help it.

I stayed on that cloud the rest of the day. I called Virginia at her office. She was thrilled for me. I tracked down Christy at a shoot and I found Trish at home to tell them the great news. I temporarily forgot that I was angry with Christy.

"The account's all yours Jen. Run with it" Connie told me when I calmed down and sat with her late in the day.

That was fine with me, but a little scary.

Wednesday was anticlimactic after the excitement of the day before. I was back at my desk, doing all the usual tasks that filled my days, but in addition, I met with the art department, scheduled three shoots, talked to the printer and spent an hour and a half on the phone with Carolyn Rogers, the woman at the presentation the previous day.

Patty called from La. It was great talking to her. I told her my good news and she was very happy for me.

I crossed my ‘T’s and dotted my ‘I’s. Connie and I sat down at five and discussed my plans. I was determined not to miss anything.

"I sounds as if you have it covered." She told me when I finished telling her what I had done so far.

Wednesday was almost as hectic and I loved it. The week was over before I knew it. The first shoot for Curlins was scheduled for Monday and I had everything covered by the time we were ready to leave the office on Friday night. I was proud of myself.

"I thought we'd have a little celebration dinner." Connie suggested as we packed up to go.

I wasn't about to argue with that. While neither of us had plans for the evening, I didn't relish the thought of going home to cook.

Christy had asked me to come over for dinner but I put her off. I still wasn't over the hurt I felt from last week and it was the only way I had of getting back at her. I couldn't tell her I was jealous and hurt.

"Great! Where are we going?" I asked as we headed for our cars. As long as I was with Connie, I was fine, I could handle being out in public.

"I thought we'd have a drink at Bristols then decide."

I was surprised she'd forgotten. "I can't go out for a drink."

"Of course you can." She insisted. Then she remembered. "Oh, here." She opened her purse and took out a folded piece of paper.

"What's this?" I took it from her.

"Open it and see." She waited anxiously for me to look.

I unfolded it and almost dropped the plastic coated card on the ground that was wrapped in the paper. It was a social security card with the name 'Jennifer Sackett' typed on it.

"Where did you get this?" I asked, surprised. It looked so real.

"I told you I'd take care of it. Don't you remember?"

Since she mentioned it, I did remember giving her my birth certificate. I looked at the paper the card was folded into. It was a new birth certificate and it was Jennifer's. It had the same birth date and place of birth as my original only it showed me, Jennifer Sackett, as being 'female'.

"Sackett?" I questioned. She gave me her name instead of my own, Mitchell.

"I didn't think you'd want anything to tie you back to Jeffrey Mitchell. That's all right, isn't it?"

"Sure, that's fine." It didn't make much difference. It was only a fake.

"How did you manage this?".

"I have friends." She said smiling. "Now you don't have anything to worry about."

"What happened to my old certificate?"

"I put it away in my safety deposit box, for safe keeping. You don't want to leave those things lying around."

I couldn't argue with that. Her voice or maybe her expression seemed a little odd when she said it but I didn't read anything into it.

"Here, let me hang onto that one for you too." She reached out and I handed it to her. "If you need it tonight, we'll have it. You should put your social security card in your wallet."

It was a comfort to have it. Now if I had a problem, I didn't have to worry. I just hoped no one would realize they were fakes. They shouldn't though, they looked very real.

"Now you can get yourself a new driver's license." She suggested.

That was a scary thought, going the Motor Vehicle office as Jennifer Sackett and admitting I used to be Jeffrey, Jeffrey Mitchell, a man. I would have to turn in my old license. If I didn't, they would check through my social security number and learn the truth. It would be so embarrassing but it might just be worth it. It would be a comfort to have a driver's license that had Jennifer's picture on it. Could I suffer the brief embarrassment was my only concern?

I followed Connie to Bristols. I had never been to the place but I'd heard of it from the girls at work. It was supposed to be a very classy lounge. A place where The yuppie, white collar crowd went on Friday nights. It was in the middle of the downtown business district where Virginia and I had strolled that Sunday a few weeks ago.

I was dressed for it. I still hadn't run out of new outfits to wear and I hadn't brought any of the outfits home from Virginia's yet. I had on my red print dress and black heels. I really liked the way it looked on me. One of the girls at the office told me I look ‘classy’ in it.

My hair still looked good. It held it's set all day and it still looked like it had that morning when I brushed it out. Sleeping in rollers was going to take me some getting use to, but the results were well worth some minor discomfort. The soft plastic ones I bought on Monday were better than the stiff hot rollers.

Finding a parking spot wasn't easy. We finally had to leave our cars in a parking garage and walk a block and a half. I wished I'd brought a jacket. My dress was short sleeved and it was cooling off.

The place was packed when we walked in. We had to squeeze past people to get to the bar. I rubbed by more than one person on my way to get a drink. It seemed that women tired to get out of the way as much as they could but the men seemed to enjoy making me squeeze by. I found myself face to face with a few guys in those cramped quarters. They just smiled at me and said 'hello' as I brushed by. I offered them no encouragement.

I was almost disappointed that I wasn't asked for my ID. The bartender was terribly busy and Connie ordered for us both.

"Let's see if we can find a place to sit." Connie said in my ear. She pointed toward the back of the lounge.

I led the way, squeezing past the throng of people that crowded the length of the bar. It was no better in back. There was no place to sit.

"Let's try upstairs." Connie suggested, taking over the lead.

The lounge had a second floor. A wide balcony ran completely around the place. I knew from the girls that there were bars up there too.

The only place that wasn't crowded was the stairs. The upstairs was as bad as down below. Still, I followed Connie. She must have spotted a place to sit, I didn't see one.

It wasn't till we were almost upon them that I spotted the group of people that had taken over a table on the far wall, right next to the balcony.

"Surprise!" They yelled.

Trish, Kim, Judy and Gloria were there. Carol from accounting, along with Pam, Linda and Gwen, were yelling as loud as the others. Barbara, from the art department, held up a drink in salute to me. I was surprised and delighted to find Virginia there too, laughing and drinking with my friends.

I looked at Connie and she was grinning like the Cheshire cat. "Surprise?"

"You planned this." I said, sounding like I was scolding when I was actually delighted.

"We had to have a party, to celebrate your getting the contract." She said meekly.

We partied hard. We ate and drank, we had a ball. More than once, the topic of conversation was me and how well I had adapted to my new life but not a derogatory word was said. I had a great time.

I was talking to Linda and Pam. "Do you play tennis?" They asked me. I had heard them, a number of times, talking over lunch about how they played all the time.

Tennis was another of the sports I tried to do well at in high school but I never won any notoriety for my game. My father didn't give me much credit for my efforts, as hard as I tried.

"I've played a little." I told them.

"You've got to come play with us sometime." Pam insisted.

"There's about six of us from work. We play on Thursday nights. You should come."

It was really nice of them to invite me. "I'd like that." I just had to figure out what I would wear. I had this picture in my mind of me serving in a tennis skirt. No, shorts would do when the time came.

As afternoon turned to evening, a band started to play downstairs. It wasn't long till Kim and Linda dragged me down to the dance floor. Most of the others followed. I felt funny at first, dancing with them, but they wouldn't let me go back upstairs. I was feeling the effects of the wine I'd been sipping and after the second or third song, with them all encouraging me, I started letting myself go and followed their lead, dancing like them. I really had fun.

I did worry that some guy might come up and ask me to dance. While some of my friends were asked, no one hit on me, to my relief. Deep down, I was a little jealous. I knew I wasn't beautiful like my friends but it would have been nice to be asked at least.

The party finally broke up around eight. The only ones left at the end were Connie, Virginia, Trish, Gwen and myself.

I had watched my drinking, restricting myself to only a few glasses of wine. I was worried that I might have lost my tolerance for alcohol and was afraid of getting drunk and making a mistake that could expose me. I was alright to drive myself home.

"Did you have a good time?" Connie asked when we got back to the apartment.

"I really did." I appreciated her setting it all up, getting everyone to come.

"I was watching you out there dancing. You did really well. I was impressed."

I reminded her, "We danced quite a bit that night Pat and I went out. I was still a little nervous though."

"You seemed to get over it." She said smiling.

I knew she was referring to the way I danced, just like the other girls. "I felt a little silly. I didn't know you were watching." Not that it would have mattered.

"You didn't look silly. Besides, all the girls dance that way. You fit right in."

Neither of us were hungry. We had nibbled on enough hors d’oeuvres to make up for dinner. I was a little tired. I was content to change and get comfortable in front of the TV.

I did wonder what Christy was doing that night? I wondered if she was sitting home, alone? Or was she out with a date? I was a little annoyed with myself for handling things the way I did. I had no right to get angry and feel jealous. I shouldn't have played games and lied to her about being busy. I thought about calling her then and there but I didn't. I was afraid I'd find out my concerns were justified. I decided I'd wait till Saturday and call her then.

Of course, that was before I learned that Connie had other plans for us Saturday. "I was wondering Jen,"

Connie had been referring to me as 'Jen', off and on for a few days. I didn't mind the nickname. The familiar was kind of nice, not so formal.

"I was wondering if you'd like to get out and take a ride tomorrow? We could go north and I could show you the mountains?"

I was actually thinking of going into the office in the morning, to try to get ahead a little, but it wasn't something I had to do.

All that I'd seen so far of Georgia was the city. "That sounds nice." I agreed, work could wait.

We got an early start. We drove North out of the city, toward Stone Mountain. It was only a little more than an hour's drive. It was wonderfully relaxing to get away from everything.

Stone Mountain was definitely an impressive sight but there were too many tourists. We didn't stay more than an hour and headed North again.

I was born and raised in the city. Tall buildings were my mountains. My mother and father took few vacations and when they did they were content to stay close to home. I had seen mountains, of course, mostly in New Jersey, but they weren't anything like the ones I saw that Saturday.

I suppose I needed to get away from everything for a day because it felt wonderful to drive aimlessly, just enjoying the views with Connie. We had lunch in a small, quaint roadside restaurant outside of Gillsville. I don’t think I once gave a thought to ‘Jeffrey’ that whole day.

We talked about her for a change. Connie told me more about her life that day than she had since I'd known her. I never knew she had been married once, when she was very young. I was shocked to learn that she had a baby by the man and he forced her to give the infant girl up for adoption. I couldn't fathom any man having enough influence over Connie to make her do something like that but, as she said, she was very young.

I imagined I was beginning to understand a little better why our relationship had blossomed. I was, in a way, filling the role of the daughter she had lost so many years ago. Judging by how old she said she was when she had the baby, her daughter would have to be close to my age.

The information, unconsciously, cemented my position with this woman. Now that she had found the daughter she had lost, how was I ever going to live with taking her daughter away from her again? I wondered for a second, what she'd named the baby?

We continued our trip, swinging East through the mountains, talking through the afternoon.

Shortly after the adoption of her daughter, Connie's husband left her for another woman. She was bitter, so bitter. His reasons for her giving up the baby were obvious. He wanted no permanent ties to bind them. It was obvious by her tone that she still loathed the man.

The experience hardened her for years. She redirected her energies toward her career and ended up where she was that day, a very successful business woman who would never allow another man to make a single decision for her. Her life was consumed by her work, leaving little time for anything else.

There were a few affairs over the years but she never let herself get too close to another man. She satisfied herself with married men. It was then that I understood about Kevin Donaldson. She still didn't trust men, even after all those years.

We turned South, down Route 17, passing through deep valleys and rustic small towns. The sky was clear all afternoon, only beginning to turn cloudy around five.

We took Interstate 20 back into Atlanta, stopping about forty miles out at a Pizza Hut for dinner. I was stuffed when we climbed back in the car around seven.

I felt much closer to Connie after our day together, with all she shared with me. She came into my room as I was getting ready for bed. She didn't say anything, she came up to me as I sat on the bed, rubbing my lotion on my legs. She sat beside me. I stopped what I was doing and just looked at her. "What is it?" I asked.

"I just need a hug." She told me.

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tight. I whispered, "I love you Mom." Emotion welled up inside me, as it did so often these days. I owed this woman so much for her loving support. She didn't treat me as some sort of freak.

She held me even tighter. "I love you too Jennifer."

She let me go eventually. She didn't get up and leave right away. She looked at me curiously. "How are you doing?"

I didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

She pointed to her chest. "You feel as though you've gotten bigger Honey."

I had. There was no doubt about it. "The medication's not working." I admitted. I tried to kid myself but it was useless.

"May I see?" She asked sweetly.

Why not? I lifted my nightie.

"Oh Jen. Why didn't you say something?" She asked. "Those hormones the doctor gave you haven't helped at all. You're almost twice as big as you were."

"I take the pills every day. He said it might take time."

"What about the rest of you?"

I knew what she meant. Connie had never seen what had happened to my scrotum. "It's worse."

"Let me see."

I reluctantly pulled down my underwear.

I read concern on her face."Oh honey. We've got to get you back to the doctor."

I pulled up my panties. "I don't want to go back to him." I told her.

"Why not?" She asked with concern.

"I'm embarrassed." I admitted. "They all know I'm a man there."

"We've got to do something Honey." She thought a moment. "Would you go to a different doctor, if I went with you?"

I thought a moment. It would be embarrassing, no matter where I went. "I suppose." I had to do something. I couldn't just keep putting it off. I was only kidding myself that my condition would correct itself somehow.

"Leave it to me Honey." She said with determination.

Once again, I put my complete trust in her. "All right."

We both went to church with Virginia on Sunday. I was thrilled that Connie joined us on the golf course too. She was a terrific golfer, much better than me.

There was no repeat of the previous Sunday's events and I was grateful. I did wonder about Jack, did he go to the benefit concert with his friends? Silly thought, I decided.

We stopped at Virginia's and I picked up a half dozen of the new outfits from the bedroom closet. There were still a dozen that remained.

"I've picked out some new things but they haven't delivered them yet." She informed me.

I couldn't wait to see what she had bought. We didn't stay there long.

Virginia followed us back to Connie's and we ate dinner there. It was a nice change, having her there at my place.

Carolyn Rogers and a Peter Boyle arrived at the office bright and early to oversee the shoot. I was at my peak and everything went perfectly. They were very impressed with the proofs I took to Curlins to show them on Wednesday. With their approval, the first spread would appear in Sunday's paper. They were very pleased with my work, as was I.

The pebble silk double breasted blazer and skirt that had been hanging in my closet untouched, came out Thursday morning. I wore my cream colored silk shell under the jacket. After putting it on I decided nothing felt as nice as silk.

I didn't know why Connie hadn't told me earlier. She waited until we were on our way to work. "I called my doctor and explained your problem. She suggested that we come in and see her before referring you to anyone else. She’s going to see us this morning."

"A woman?" I said apprehensively.

"Don't worry Honey. She's very good and who better is there to go to than a woman who specializes in hormonal problems?"

That made sense. "What kind of a doctor is she?"

"She's a gynecologist." Connie told me casually.

"A female doctor!? I can't go into a gynecologist's office."

"Why not?" Connie just looked at me in wonder.

I realized how silly my objections sounded. Calmly, I asked, "What name is my appointment under?"

"I thought it might be easier if I made the appointment under Jennifer Sackett. Doctor Winter didn't mind and thought it might make it easier for you."

I received more than a few compliments on my smart outfit. It occurred to me that I dressed quite well for a secretary, thanks to Connie and Virginia. I felt a little guilty that I had nicer clothes than most of the women in the office.

We worked till ten and then left for my appointment. I should have kicked myself for doubting Connie, even for a moment. I should have known better. To the receptionist, I was just another female patient. Only the doctor would know. Better it be a woman doctor than a man and Connie was there with me.

I was a little uneasy, sitting in the waiting room waiting for them to call us. Connie and I filled out the doctor's forms together. "You can't do that." I said quietly when Connie checked off 'female' on the sheet of paper.

"You don't want the doctor's receptionist or his nurse to know, do you?"

"No, but can't we get in trouble for doing that?"

"I already cleared it with the doctor. It's alright."

"Well, if the doctor said so."

"Miss Sackett," the receptionist called us and took the completed form. We were escorted to an examining room where the nurse handed me a gown, "if you'll undress and slip this on I'll be back in a moment."

The nurse asked Connie to wait outside in the waiting room but Connie set her straight, insisting she was staying with me.

I changed in a hurry. I didn't want anyone walking in on me despite the fact that I left my panties on and they would have had a very difficult time telling I was a man with them on.

The nurse was back in a few minutes and took three vials of blood from my arm as I sat on the edge of the table. She weighed me and I was hardly surprised to see that I weighed only 112 pounds. My blood pressure was a little high but that was probably because I was so nervous.

"The doctor will be with you in a moment." She told us and left us alone.

"I feel so silly." I told Connie.

"She doesn't need to know any more than she does." Connie remarked. "If the tests come back the way your last ones did, she probably wouldn't even be able to tell by the results that she'd been duped."

Connie had a point.

"Good morning." The doctor said, closing the door behind her. She did look surprised at the sight of me.

She was younger than I expected. She appeared only about thirty five, no older, and she was not unattractive.

"Good morning Carol." Connie replied. "Jennifer, this is Doctor Winter. Doctor, meet Jennifer."

I was tongue tied.

She smiled pleasantly as she addressed me. "I'm a little surprised, Connie explained your situation. She tried to tell me what to expect but . . . "

Her reaction was understandable.

"Which would you prefer? Jeffrey or Jennifer?" The doctor asked me.

The latter would probably be less confusing. "Jennifer's fine." What else could I say, I was so nervous."

She grinned. "Charming." She turned to Connie. "You didn't lie. He's delightful and very pretty."

I was sure she meant it to be a compliment. I certainly wouldn't have minded being thought of as handsome again. But then, when I thought about it, I was never handsome.

"Let's have a look at you Jennifer." The doctor suggested when the kidding was over. "Please lift your gown for me."

It was embarrassing, of course, to expose myself to this stranger, wearing woman's panties, but better her, than a man.

"I'm just going to pull these down for a second and peak." She told me. She had them down off my hips before I knew what was happening.

"Mmmmm. Jennifer, you certainly have suffered some changes." It was weird for her to touch me there. She pushed and probed a little but didn't hurt me. "All right, you can pull them up now."

I didn't waste a second getting them up.

The doctor was very business like. "Now we'll just examine your chest. Lift please."

It felt very strange but I followed her direction and raised the gown again.

She touched. She poked. She squeezed. "All right, you can put the gown down now."

She offered nothing. The expression on her face did not betray what she was thinking.

"What was your normal weight before you began noticing any changes?"

I gave her all the details of everything I'd experience in the past months. She wrote it all down, thoughtfully.

"Do you have the results of the last tests that were run on you? I’d like to have them to compare to today’s test results come back."

I didn't know to bring them.

"Here they are Carol." Connie withdrew the documents from her purse.

I thought I left them in the bedroom. Another of Connie's devious little tricks to help me from feeling nervous before it was necessary. Like not mentioning the appointment until she had to.

She scanned the tests from early July. They were a month and a half old.

"You've been on hormone therapy since these were taken?"

"Yes, faithfully."

Again Connie went into her purse. She handed the doctor the brown bottle that I thought I left in the kitchen cabinet that morning. "Every day." Connie reinforced.

She looked at the prescription and handed the bottle back to Connie.

After looking the readout over she said, "Alright Jennifer, you can get dressed now." She looked up from her clipboard. "When you're dressed, come next door to my office." She turned to Connie. "May I talk to you for a moment while Jennifer's getting dressed?"

"Of course."

"We'll just be next door." The doctor told me and she and Connie left me to dress.

I was very curious about what she was saying next door to Connie. I didn't waste any time.

"I was just asking Connie if you were undergoing therapy of any kind." Doctor Winter explained as I came in and sat in the chair next to Connie.

"Therapy? No, why?"

"Well, you've apparently undergone quite a transformation and I was curious how you're adjusting. You've obviously decided to adapt your lifestyle to accommodate the changes in your body. I'm simply concerned with the psychological effects."

"I feel fine." I assured her. I didn't want any part of going to a therapist, exposing my dilemma to anyone I didn't need to.

"Jennifer's very well adjusted." Connie assured her.

"I can see that." She said looking me over again. "By the way Jennifer, I love that outfit."

"Thank you." I responded smiling. I loved the way it looked on me.

She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, smiling, then directed her attention back to my folder on her desk. "Given the information here, and my brief examination, I have to believe we're dealing with two unique problems Jennifer. First, your body is, for some unexplained reason, producing high levels of female hormones. While the male metabolism is normally capable of producing these hormones, and it is very normal for it to do so, the levels in your system are very high. They are even a little high for the average woman."

"The second half of the equation is even more complex. The male hormones that your body should be producing are not in evidence, according to your last test results. Something has caused your body to stop producing them and seems to be combating the medication you've been taking."

She closed the folder and looked directly at me. "It's this half of the problem that most concerns me."

She continued, "Jennifer, I'm a specialist in hormone therapy and I have to admit that I've never seen a case like yours. There is virtually no history, to my knowledge, of a case where the male metabolism simply quit producing hormones without some type of trauma or medication. There is no precedence."

She confused me. "So what do I do?"

"For right now, nothing. Let's wait until your tests come back and I can confirm the results. They should be back no later than Tuesday. After that we'll set up a strategy to attack this problem. It will require close monitoring. I'll need to see you at least once a week for tests. We'll watch your progress very closely. I'll call you on Tuesday with the test results. We'll set up your next appointment then."

I assumed an easy answer would be found to my problem. The disappointment must have been evident in my tone. "Should I keep taking the prescription?"

She looked at me curiously, "It hasn't seemed to have any effect so far but yes, you should. There are a number of other things we can try but what you've been taking should have worked. We'll decide on Tuesday, what we're going to do." She stood up, indicating the appointment was concluded.

Connie and I thanked the doctor. "We'll do anything it takes, Carol. I'll personally make sure Jennifer keeps her . . . his appointments and faithfully takes the medication."

And Connie would. Of that I was confident.

As Connie and I rose, Doctor Winter added. "I think you should seriously consider some therapy Jennifer, to help you through this difficult time." She took a notebook out of her desk and flipped through it till she found what she was looking for. "This is the number of a highly respected specialist you should call."

She jotted the name and number on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

Connie glanced at the name, "What's her speciality?"

"Gender disorders."

I didn't like the sound of that. I put the card in my purse.

Coming out of her office, I didn't feel reassured. "What were you two talking about while I was getting dressed?"

"She was concerned about your mental condition with everything that’s happened to you and with you trying to live as a woman." Connie explained as we walked to the car.

"My mental condition?"

"She was just worried that you might be having emotional problems with pretending to be a woman. She didn't understand that there wasn't a problem. I told her you were quite well adjusted and happy." Connie said, trying to reassure me.

I wondered if I shouldn't have been more honest with Connie and told her how insecure I was at times. It would serve no purpose now, I decided. I did ask, "Do you think I should see her specialist?"

She turned to me. "I think we should wait and see what the tests show. If you feel the need after that, we can make an appointment. I think your doing fine though."

Connie was right. I was fine. I didn't like the thought of someone trying to probe my psyche, delving into my past. I was well adjusted, I didn't need therapy. I didn't consider for a second that my problem wasn't curable.

Friday was busy at work but not uneventful. A little after lunch, Cindy from payroll came around with the checks. "Here you go Jennifer." She said, handing me Connie's and my checks with a smile. She also had a sheaf of papers for me.

"Thanks Cindy." I remember thinking her smile was a little odd as I took the envelopes and papers from her hand. "You need to get those filled out and return them to me as soon as you can. Ok?"

I agreed to do it before I knew what I was agreeing to.

I didn't realize why she looked that way until a little later when I opened my envelope and saw the name printed on the check, 'Jennifer Sackett'. The papers she gave me were all the forms for a new hire.

"What's going on?" I asked Connie, showing her my check and the papers Cindy had given me.

"She looked at the name and then at me, smiling. "It' great isn't it?"

"But doesn't this mean that Jeffrey's been replaced with Jennifer?"

"Of course." Connie still didn't seem to understand my anxiousness. "I guess I should have told you. They figured that it would be easier when your name was changed to let Jeffrey go and show Jennifer Sackett as hired to take his place. It was simpler that way and I knew it would be easier on you."

I didn't get it. "Who?"

"The lawyers in the legal department Honey."

I was shocked. "You mean that birth certificate you got me is real, it's not a fake?"

"Of course it's real." She didn't seem to comprehend why I was excited.

"My name's been legally changed to Jennifer Sackett?" I was having trouble accepting it.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" Connie looked surprised.

I wanted an ID that would allow me to function normally, sure. I just never imagined that Connie would go this far to get it. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She must have gone to a lot of trouble to do this thing for me. She was waiting for me to say something. "Yes, of course I'm thrilled." I wasn't sure what I felt. "I'm just a little surprised."

Connie's apprehensive look changed to a smile. "I'm so glad. I thought you were angry for a second."

"No, not at all. It's wonderful."

"Good. It's better this way. There's no trail back to Jeffrey that could cause you any embarrassment." She thought for a moment. "How about we take off a few minutes early and swing by Motor Vehicle on our way home. We really should get your old licence replaced with a Georgia licence for Jennifer."

I was extremely nervous about doing that. For the first time, I would have to admit to someone that I was a guy, dressed up as a girl. I could just imagine the looks I'd get.

"I'm scared." I admitted to Connie.

"Don't be. I'll be right there with you."

"That will help but it wouldn't stop them from looking at me like I'm some kind a freak."

"We'll be in and out of there in ten minutes. I'll be with you. You'll be fine."

It wasn't all that simple. We were there for half and hour and I felt I was the center of attention as I stood up at the counter as the woman did the paperwork that resulted in my new licence. I was very nervous as they took my photo for the ID.

Connie stayed right at my side, as promised. I just couldn't relax while they took my picture for the license. When I looked at the licence outside, I thought the picture looked terrible.

It was the most embarrassing half hour I ever spent and I was so relieved to get out of there. As Connie drove us home, I tucked the new licence in the window of my wallet. It made everything seem so final. I had a new name, it was all very legal. I was a completely new person in every way.

I finally called Christy on Saturday. I told myself I had to stop being childish. I didn't even know for sure she was seeing someone else.

We went out for dinner, just the two of us.

"I've really missed you." Christy said, as she drove us to the restaurant.

"I've missed you too." I admitted.

"Were you angry with me?" She asked.

It was only a matter of time before the conversation would finally come around to what had been bothering me. I wasn't sure how to tell her. "I was hurt."

"What did I say?"

She really didn't know? I doubted myself even more. "It was nothing." I wished I hadn't said anything.

"No, something's bothering you. Tell me." Christy was adamant that I tell her.

She wasn't going to let it go. I might as well just say it and has it done with. "Remember two weeks ago, when we went shopping?"

"Sure I do. I had a blast."

"Well when we got home, I just assumed we would spend the evening together."

"And I had another commitment." She said with understanding.

"All I could imagine was you going out with someone else. I was hurt."

"Jennifer, you should have said something."

"You didn't have another date?" I asked.

Christy hesitated answering for a few seconds. "I did." She admitted. She looked embarrassed.

My heart sunk in my chest. I felt betrayed. "Who was he?"

"No one you might know, just a friend."

"Just a friend?"

"Jennifer, I don't know what kind of relationship we have." Christy started to sound defensive. "We hardly ever get to see each other. You almost never call me and when I call you, you seem to always have other plans. You have time for Trish and your other friends. This girl that came to visit, Pat, was more important to you than me. You were hurt!? I feel like you only see me when no one else is around." Christy took a breath. "I didn't have a date that night. I only told you that to try to make you jealous. I've been angry with myself ever since."

I was dumbstruck. I hadn't dreamed she felt that way toward me. What she said was essentially true. I couldn't remember how many times I said no to a date with her.

"You talk about commitment. I need more than you seem to want to give." She told me.

"I've just been so mixed up lately."

"You don't ask me for help? You know I care deeply for you."

"There's just so much that frightens me."

"What? Tell me?"

Wasn't it obvious? "I've been trying so hard to be something I'm not. I've done all that I can to please everyone."

"What about you Jennifer. What do you want?"

That wasn't so easy to sort out either. "I don't know." I had Connie, a loving, doting mother that I adored. I had to wonder if Connie would still be there for me when I was cured.

Virginia stood behind everything I did and was ever encouraging. I had to wonder the same thing about her. She seemed to love me as much as Connie but would she feel the same about Jeffrey? I didn't think so.

I had been more successful in my career as Jennifer than I could have hoped for. Jeffrey's was going nowhere. Would I have to give it all up as Jeffrey?

Then there was Christy, beautiful, sweet Christy. Who did she love? It was pretty obvious to me that it wasn't Jeffrey.

"I just want some normalcy in my life. I want the emotional roller coaster to slow down."

As we sat in the restaurant parking lot, Christy reached over and put her arms around me. "Let me help Jennifer. I don't want to see other people. You're all I want. Let's be more honest and open with each other from now on."

That was all ever I wanted. When we both composed ourselves, we went in and had dinner.

We went back to Christy's apartment after dinner and we made passionate love. We asked each other no more questions that night.

Sunday was hardly uneventful. I came home from Virginia's with my back seat covered with new outfits. Virginia's idea of casual clothes was a little different from what I imagined. Each article carried a brand name label and was the type of attire designed to thrill the rich, preppy style young woman. They were nothing like the things I had bought myself in the discount stores. My closet at home was stuffed and the one at Virginia's was filling up fast.

Virginia had also seen fit to accessorize me to match the new outfits. She had bought me a dozen new pieces of jewelry, all beautiful and expensive. I had new scarves, belts and shoes to go with everything.

It seemed that Virginia was more aware of the changes in me than I was. Everything fit perfectly despite the weight I had lost. Even the jeans. Some of the new clothes included what she referred to as 'some of my fall wardrobe'. I couldn't imagine what was to come next.

The next week was a blur. I was swamped at work and my relationship with Christy blossomed. All in all, I was happier than I'd been in a very long time.

Dr. Winter called on Tuesday with the test results. She wasn't very optimistic. "There are a number of new medications on the market that I want to try."

The results showed that the male hormone supplements were having absolutely no effect and she was convinced that continued use of them would gain me nothing. "We'll find a way to help you." She insisted. "Remember, this thing could reverse itself just as suddenly as it started." She said, trying to encourage me.

Deep down, I already knew that's what she'd say. I knew what she was doing, just trying to keep my hopes up. "Isn't there something else I could do?"

"I think you should call Dr. Yates now." Was all she suggested. "And I want to start seeing you twice a week, starting tomorrow."

Twice a week!?

Somewhere deep down inside me I was thrilled. At the conscious level it was terrible news. This Doctor was as much as telling me I was condemned to live the rest of my life as a freak. Suspended between man and woman. Not complete in either role. It was the first time I gave serious thought to my options.

Work was my saving grace. The days raced by. Work gave me little time to dwell on the changes in my life. I grew more and more accustomed to living and working as Jennifer. Less and less frequently did Connie, Virginia, Christy and the others have to remind me how to act, how to behave like a young lady. Most of the things they had taught me came naturally to me now.

Still, if it hadn't been for Virginia's insisting and that Connie and Christy would be there with me, I would probably never have agreed to attend the Heart Association's annual garden party with Virginia.

It was held at the home of one of the local doctor's. I was told he was some kind of famous specialist. That was apparent when I saw his huge, beautiful home. It was much larger than even Virginia's, with more property too. The inside, what little we saw, was lavish. The backyard was equally beautiful. The yard was enormous with beautifully manicured lawns and gardens. There wasn't a weed in sight or a branch of a tree or bush that didn't look as though it had been sculpted by an artist.

Connie and Virginia were busy mixing with the guests. Christy and I stood apart from most of the men and women who ate, drank and made idle conversation.

I felt good about the way I looked in my new print dress. The nice part was that I picked it out for the occasion. I no longer felt that I had to rely on someone else’s opinion on how to dress. It was rayon and felt so light and delicate. It flowed with each step I took. It was short sleeved with a scoop front adorned with a wide band of lace. The skirt wafted in the breeze, brushing my legs. The dress's waist was fitted to my slender figure, it fit beautifully. My figure wasn't perfect, like Christy's, but I was happy with it. I wished I could just lose a few more pounds but at 112 I was almost at the perfect weight for my size. The only thing that bothered me about the dress was the way the neckline was cut so low. It let the tops of my breasts show and that made me feel just a little uncomfortable. I’d had to go out and buy myself all new bras. I could no longer squeeze myself into an a cup. I had become more full figured and, in an odd sort of way, that pleased me. My clothes certainly looked and fit better.

Christy helped me with my hair. I had never worn it up and it looked really nice when she was done fixing it for me. I picked out my earrings, my favorite blue ones looked perfect with the dress.

"They're watching us." Christy said softly, turning toward me.

"Who?" I asked, curiously, looking around.

Christy turned completely around to face me, I assumed so no one could see her excitement. "Those two guys!"

I glanced over her shoulder, looking. "Where?"

"Don't be so obvious." She scolded me in play. "The two who just came out the door, over my left shoulder, but don't stare."

I swept the back of the huge house with a casual glance. When I spotted the pair by the door, I was surprised. "That's Jack!" I looked away quickly. "Oh God, it's the guy I told you about." I was flustered. I turned away, putting my back to the pair. I didn't recognize the man with Jack. It wasn't his friend, Greg.

"What guy?" Christy asked.

"From the golf course! Remember, I told you, the one that asked me to go to a concert with him. I hope he doesn't recognize me."

"So what if he does." Christy said, now curious. She turned to get a better look at the men. "Which one is he?" She asked.

She was making me nervous. "The one on the left. Don't stare." I pleaded.

"I'm not staring." She said with a smile. "He's cute."

"I suppose." He was a good looking guy but I didn’t think of him as ‘cute’.

"He's got a great tush." Christy gave him the once over. "The other one's not bad either."

I wasn't sure if she was toying with me or not. I tried to appear casual as I glanced back their way. What I was afraid would happen, did. He happened to be looking my way as I turned to look. The smile that appeared on his face said it all. He recognized me. He waved. There was little I could do but wave back. My wave, unlike his, lacked enthusiasm. Jack and his friend headed straight for us.

"Oh Shit!" I said softly.

"Just relax." Christy told me. "This could be fun. Just go along with me."

I didn't see how it could be 'fun'.

"Hi Jennifer. How've you been?" He said with a smile.

I returned his smile. "Fine thanks, and you?"

"Great. You missed a wonderful concert."

I may have. "This is my friend Christy." I hoped to divert his attention.

"Hi Christy. It's nice to meet you." Jack responded, taking her hand.

It's not like I didn't know that Christy was a terrible flirt but I didn't think she'd do it when I was standing right beside her.

Jack introduced his friend, Tom. "Would you ladies care for something cold to drink?" Jack asked politely.

I just wanted to get away from the pair but Christy obviously wasn't ready to. "That would be so nice. We'll go with you."

She slipped her arm into Tom's and glanced at me. She obviously expected me to do the same to Jack. What could I do? If I didn’t, they would think there was something wrong and I didn't want that.

I didn't enjoy walking in grass in heels but, picking my steps carefully, my arm in Jack's, we all went to get drinks.

The next hour passed awkwardly for me. Christy seemed to have fun. If there had been a way for me to leave the party, I would have but Virginia had picked us up and brought us.

Jack was very attentive and I was forced to make conversation. Christy passed the afternoon laughing and having a good time with Tom. I was pretty much left to fend for myself.

I finally couldn't think of anything else to say to the man. "Would you please excuse us?" I asked Jack. "Christy?"

She turned to me. "Did you notice where the powder room was when we came in?" I asked. I knew perfectly well where it was but I just had to talk to her alone.

She understood. "Sure, come with me." To Tom and Jack she said, "Now don't you go anywhere. We'll be right back."

"Why did you tell them that? I want to get away from them." I asked when we were out of hearing range.

"Why, aren't you having a good time? He's really cute and from what I hear he thinks you're something special too." Christy smiled when she said it.

I couldn't help but grin back at her. "That's me, 'special'."

"Tom asked me out." Christy confided in me when we were alone in the bathroom.

"He what?" I said, surprised.

"Yeah, he wanted to know if I wanted to have dinner with him tonight. He's asking Jack, right now, if he and you want to join us."

 

(continued in part 4)

 

I welcome any comments or critiques of this story.   Jacki Pett      JackiPett@netscape.net

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