The following story is fictional, any resemblance to events or persons is unintentional.
© 2000 by Zoe Burgess, (New Zealand) All rights reserved.

 

The Dream        by: Zoe Burgess                         © 2000           zoegrrl_1@yahoo.com.au

 

Chapter 1

 

It’s funny you know? I mean, about the way things kinda turn out? Never really the way you planned.

I suppose it’s because you never can really understand everything that’s occurring, so you never know how everything is going to add up.

One thing I did know at the beginning though, was how much I hated being me.

Oh, I liked who I was, even if that did involve being a geek. I just hated what I was. I was picked on at school and always seemed to be getting into scrapes, those that thought themselves better than I just seemed to need to beat me up. They never really hurt me badly, just enough to make my life miserable. I guess it was because I didn’t fit in with how the other guys looked, or did. Not that I really wanted to, I couldn’t stand rugby, and while I did kinda like cricket, the thought of that really hard ball coming flying at me scared the crap outta me. I was always the last to be picked to play on a team, but I had quit letting that bother me a while back. I knew I was small, not weedy, but just slight. Sometimes that bothered me, but since most of what I liked to do involved my brain, I didn’t let the way my body didn’t fit the masculine ideal bother me. Except for the fact that it was supposed to be masculine, at least according to everyone else, that’s what really bothered me. I didn’t want to be masculine, I hated it, I didn’t want to have anything to do with it, all that guy stuff, I didn’t want to be a guy at all!

Yeah, you guessed it, I wanted to be a girl.

I had dreamed about it for so long. Not that anyone knew of course. You learn pretty damn quick when you’re little that if you’ve got feelings like this that it’s BAD. Most definitely WRONG. Plus I wasn’t eager to give the high school bullies any more excuses to pick on me. Not that they really needed any, but they weren’t that imaginative to start with, so giving them anything else was kinda like helping them, and that I definitely wanted to avoid, at least as long as possible. Which in the end turned out to be not that long at all ...

But perhaps I’m going about this the wrong way, as I’m 18 now, so let’s start at the beginning.

My hair fell down into my eyes, getting in the way of the book I was reading, so for the up-teenth time I pushed it back behind my ear again. The sun was out and lunch had started about ten minutes ago. As per usual I had found my tree in a quiet part of school, sat down in front of it, munched the little lunch I normally ate and got back into the book I had been reading the past week. I preferred this. Being alone that is, had done for all of my 15 years. I didn’t have to deal with anyone, and things were generally so much easier this way. I had some friends, but during lunch times we didn’t tend to hang together, unless we fancied some D&D - hey, I said I was a geek okay? Today just seemed like the perfect day for reading under a tree anyways. Plus the book was good.

"Hey, nerd!"

Two one syllable words, put together, forming a grammatically correct, if rather short, sentence. Impressive, considering the person to whom that voice was attached, and I most definitely knew that person. It was enough to pull me out of the book at least. I looked up through my fringe of sandy blonde hair and pushed my glasses up my nose. Yep, it was him.

"What do you want, Daniel?" I asked quietly, if with a slight note of exasperation, as the six-foot plus male frame striding towards me across the grass came up to where I was sitting. As per usual the inevitable gaggle of his clones, otherwise known as a small section of the first fifteen rugby team, were clustered around him.

"That’s Dan-The-Man, you little shit-head!" he retorted, laughing.

Remarkable. Two syllable words. I sighed, anticipating the crap that was going to come. Like it always did.

"What is it?"

"You got my friggin homework done yet?"

You know what it’s like. This little feeling like a light going on in your head. That’s what happened to me then. Bugger. He’d asked, no ... told me last week that I was going to do his math project, due today, next period in fact. Like I usually did I had ignored him, thinking that by the time this week rolled around his brain would have been filled up by another couple thoughts and this particular instruction would have been pushed out of his head.

"Um, err, ... no?" Yeah, great comeback by the genius!

This dinner plate-sized hand descended down and grabbed the front of my t-shirt, lifting me up to place my face just inches from his stooped own.

" "No"? Did I just hear you say ‘no’ to me?"

"Um, err, ... yes?" Great. 0 for 2.

"Fuck!" he growled (no, I mean it! He really growled!) "Do you remember what I said I would do you if you hadn’t finished it by now?!"

"Um, shower me with praises and thanks because of the encouragement I’ve given your learning process?" Hell, I knew I was going to get pounded, and things couldn’t really get any worse.

"Right. You’re dead shit Hall"

Out of the corner of my eye I could see a fist rising. I closed my eyes tightly and waited for the impact. Trust me on this one, there wasn’t a hope in hell I could do anything about it. I learnt that the first time.

"Hang on Dan! Not here, it’ll be seen!" Spouted one of the clones.

Wow, an original thought! I opened one eye, the fist was still there, but it didn’t seem as poised as it had been.

"Shit! Yeah! You’re right!" He cast his head around, his eyes finally alighting on a large bush/tree a few metres away. Suddenly he was off, dragging me by the front of my t-shirt like I was a dust-mite. Urk! Struggling to find purchase on the ground that was rushing by me everything came to a halt behind the bush before I really could.

Pain then just lanced through me as Dan’s fist impacted into my spine . Grasping my back I fell to the ground on my chest only to feel the impact of a booted foot in my side. I tired to scream but all that came out was a whimper. I had no air in my lungs to scream. Tears came to my eyes, and they trickled down through the dirt on my cheeks.

"Finally gonna get what you deserve you little faggot, you crying little sissy!" Dan said as he hauled me up to him again.

A fist appeared out of nowhere and collided with my face, blood spurting out of my nose. I was going to black-out, I knew it. Thank goodness for small mercies at least. As the world quickly shifted to a grey-ee black I heard from the ear that wasn’t between the ground and me some further grunts from Dan and him saying "This is only the beginning you little fucker" and then the impact of his spit on my face. The lovely nothingness enveloped me.

Your regularly scheduled programme will resume shortly.

There was some noise intruding, that much I could register. Although a large part of me wanted to remain where I was in that nice comforting safe place another part decided that it would probably be better to return, at least to find out what the noise was. Personally I cursed that latter part of me as soon as I started to wake up. Finally I started to make sense of the noise.

"Peter, shit mate, wake up for God’s sake!"

Ah, that’s what it was. I opened my eyes and moaned as the pain really hit me.

"Oh my nose!" I groaned. I tried to focus as I remembered loosing my glasses when Daniel had dragged me to the bush, and the person in front of me went from an unrecognisable blur to a slightly recognisable blur.

"Paul?" I squinted at him.

"Oh thank God! You really scared me there!"

Paul. He was the only one of the rugby team that I got along with. Late last year I had helped him with some physics assignments he had. It started off as a teacher assigned thing, but he turned out to be pretty cool, even to the point of him actually having a brain, unusual for a jock. He had since protected me whenever he was around, but unfortunately that wasn’t often enough.

He shifted his hands from where he had been shaking me and helped me to sit up. He handed me my glasses, which I put on.

"They were over there next to your stuff under the tree, when I saw them I knew they were yours, and I started to get worried".

I mumbled my thanks and looked down at the ground.

"So, who did this to you?"

"Um, ... Daniel and his goons" Paul had this way of making me fess up, so I didn’t fight it.

"Shit! That prick! I’ll kill him!" He started to get up, but I grabbed his arm, wincing.

"No! Paul, don’t! He’ll come after me when you’re done with him and it’ll be worse!"

"But I can’t let him get away with this!"

"Please Paul don’t do anything! Trust me! I’ve been through this before!"

I couldn’t help it, I started to cry. A tear trickled down my cheek and I snuffled.

"Oh God Peter, I’m sorry" Paul reached into his pocket and pulled out a hanky and wiped off some the blood, dirt and tears from my face as I sat there.

"Hey Paul, I haven’t found him, did you ... ?" a female voice said. Round the corner of the bush came the beautiful form of Karla, Paul’s girlfriend, and head cheerleader.

"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, her hand went to her mouth as she saw me.

"Yeah. I did. Daniel and his pack of idiots did this to him"

"It’s not so bad ... " I protested.

"Peter ... " he looked at me accusingly.

"I’ve had worse, kay?" I mumbled and tried to stand up. Bad. Idea. Dissyness set in and I swayed. Both Karla and Paul reached out and held me. I looked at the time on my watch. 12.50. Bugger, so much for lunch.

"Peter, you gotta tell the principal about this!" Apparently it was Karla’s turn now.

"No! I will be fine in a couple sec’s and then I’ll just get cleaned up"

I looked at the concern in Karla’s eyes and was touched. I wasn’t used to that kind of concern in someone’s face. Not from someone who wasn’t my mum at least. I was going to cry again, I knew it.

I snuffled "Thanks guys, but I know what Daniel is like, and reporting him will just make things worse rather than better"

Both Karla and Paul looked doubtful, but from their faces I could see they knew I was right. I attempted to walk and achieved that, kinda. They both let me go after a short distance and I hobbled over to my pack and stuff, which were still under the tree.

"At least let me walk you to the toilets then, just to make sure Daniel doesn’t get you again" Paul asked.

I smiled. Ouch. "Okay".

My side and back hurt heaps, and my nose ached like crazy. We slowly walked back to the central clustering of buildings which by this time were practically clear of kids, thank goodness. We went into the hall and then Karla spoke up.

"Come on Peter, let’s see what I can do for you" and started to pull me towards to girl’s toilets.

"Like ... what? Karla, No! That’s the GIRL’s!"

"Oh Peter, look, what do you want me to do, go into the guy’s with you? I’m like seriously not going in there. You need someone to help you tidy up, and Paul helping you in the guy’s is liable to get you beaten up again. Plus there’s nearly no one around anyways. Come on."

With that she pulled me spluttering into the girl’s toilets. Shyly I noticed no one was in there, so I got a bundle of toilet paper and wetted it. Karla took it from me and with me sitting on the sink bench by the mirror she proceeded to clean my face. The dirt came off pretty easy but the blood took a little more work and I winced a number of times. Finally I took the paper off her and went after the last bits. As I looked at myself in the mirror trying to get the last bits of blood I noticed Karla looking at me strangely.

"What is it?" I asked, turning to her.

"It’s just ... um, nothing".

"Ohhhh-kayyy". I turned back to the mirror again and tried to see if there was anything left. She looked at me that way again.

"What?" I asked again.

"Sorry, nothing ... Hey, you’d better borrow my brush as your hair’s all over the place"

Subtle change in topic. She was right though. She rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a hairbrush. I set about attacking my hair. It was almost down to my shoulders, but with what Daniel had done it was all over the place. Finally I had it looking okay. However Karla was looking at me that way again.

"Okay, this time no backing out. What is wrong?" I confronted her.

She looked kinda abashed.

"Come on I really want to know"

"You just looked like ... I don’t know ... when you were cleaning yourself up..." she paused.

"WHAT?!"

"You acted like a girl okay? You just looked like how a girl would be cleaning herself, aside from looking like a boy and everything".

I think I managed an "eeek" and with a look of shock on my face - I knew it was there - I spluttered out "HUH?!"

She must have registered the look on my face, because she immediately said "No, no, just you held yourself like a girl would, that was all!" She reached out to touch my arm and I drew back a little.

Meanwhile, a million different thoughts flashed through my head.

Oh Shit Oh Shit Oh Shit what if she knows?!

She can’t know, it’s not possible, you haven’t told anyone!

But what about what she said, about the way I hold myself?

you just let something slip okay, you just got too comfortable, just be more careful

then what do I say now?

Think, Think, Think

"Um, you’re probably just used to being around jocks, that’s all" Phew, good save!

"Yeah, you’re probably right" she said. Still looked kinda doubtful though.

"Well, am I presentable then?" My turn for a subtle change of subject.

"Yeah, gorgeous!" She grinned. I smiled too and we laughed. We tidied up and left the girl’s toilets, which I had completely forgotten about being in.

It was one by now, the bell rang and students appeared out of nowhere going to the first class of the afternoon.

Paul was still there though. I smiled and thanked him for his and Karla’s help and hobbled off to class.

The rest of the afternoon went by pretty normally, though a few people commented on my rather sore looking nose. I had walked into a door, I told them. Finally school was out and I walked out the front door of the school.

"Hey, Peter!"

It was William, one of the other geeks I tended to hang with if I wasn’t on my own. Probably the closest thing I had to a best friend. I turned around and smiled.

"Hi Will"

We started walking down the street together.

"Jees mate, what happened to your nose?"

"Walked into a door"

"Yuh-huh. Daniel?"

"Yeah" I sighed

"What did you do to him?" Though he knew that Daniel needed no provocation.

"Apparently I was supposed to do a math’s project for him"

"That shit-head! You going to report him?"

"Nah, you know..."

"Yeah"

We sighed together.

"Peter, you gotta do something though, you’re becoming more than just Daniel’s flavour of the month. He’s really getting stuck into you".

He was right. While Daniel wasn’t getting stuck into me like he had today, he still had been picking on me and generally trying to make my life a misery. Course, I ignored him mostly, because apart from the physical stuff, he wasn’t intelligent enough to actually do anything that would affect me. However, what affect he had wasn’t the point. That he had been stepping up his attention towards me was.

"Look Will, I wish I knew what to do. But I don’t. And until I do I think I’ll just try and avoid him as much as I can"

"Yeah, you’re probably right. Though if I come up with anything I’ll tell you" He smiled

I smiled too, somehow Will always made me smile. We walked the rest of the way home chatting about the latest physics assignment.

I stood outside my house and sighed. Come on you, it’s not like you can avoid it I lowered my head and walked up the path and opened the door.

"Peter, is that you?"

"Yeah, its me Mum, what are you doing home so early?’ My mother didn’t normally get home till about five-thirty, as it was it was just after four. I walked through to the lounge where her voice had come from.

"I finished a major piece of work at the office, and thought I would take the rest of the afternoon off as I had things to do around the house and..."

Her eyes went wide as she saw my nose, it wasn’t swollen, but it definitely looked red and sore.

"Oh Baby! What happened?!"

She was up off the couch, where she had been doing the laundry, in an instant and was careful looking at my nose.

"I walked into a door, wasn’t looking where I was going, was just stupid"

She looked at me in the eye.

"Is that really what happened love?" Jees, people really didn’t believe me today, I was going to have to work on my lying skills.

"Yeah, I guess"

She looked at me again. She knew that wasn’t what really happened.

"Peter, you and I both know you aren’t telling me what really happened"

"No, I mean, yes, I am!"

"Have you been fighting?"

"What? No!" that much I could definitely tell the truth about.

"No, of course not" She knew that wasn’t a lie, but she continued to look at me carefully.

I looked away. Mum was still a bit taller than me at 5’8" whereas I was 5’7" but she seemed to be able to make that inch seem like at least a foot. I’d heard that from other friends however that even though they were taller than their Mothers, they still felt shorter, so I figured I wasn’t the only one. It was just that my Mum could do it so well.

"Hmmmmmm, well, lets have a look at that nose now anyway, and we’ll discuss this further later, shall we?"

"Yes Mum. But it’s pretty much okay now anyway"

"I’ll be the judge of that young man" I winced inside "come over here" she said as she walked towards the bathroom.

Oh well, pick your battles.

"Okay Mum"

Once she discovered that nothing serious was wrong, and that it was just sore, she let up on my nose, though she remained concerned. You see, Mum tended to baby me a bit. I had an older brother and sister, Barry being the oldest and Cathy being the middle child. I was the youngest, so I suppose I was the last chance my Mum had to do all the Mother type stuff with. Sometimes it got overbearing and I avoided her as much as I could during those times, but just occasionally it was nice. Especially when I felt like she was treating me a little like her daughter. I wish.

"Peter?" Mum broke through my reverie

"Sorry Mum, what did you say?"

She looked at me with her eyebrow cocked (only she and I could do that in our family).

"I just said that you can trust me if you need to tell me anything about ... walking into doors"

"Muh-um! I knooow"

"Okay love, but just so you know that, okay?"

"Yeah"

She smiled. She became really beautiful when she did that, not that she wasn’t when she didn’t. But it really lit up her face when she did. She reached up and ruffled my hair.

"You really need to get that cut, you know?"

"Hey, leave my hair outta this"

We both laughed.

"Can you give me a hand with dinner later?"

"Yeah sure, what are we having?"

She teased me about brussel sprouts and meatloaf, and I joked about breaking her Dalton china. So I ran out of the bathroom and upstairs to my bedroom, before she could slap my bottom like she did when we were joking and collapsed onto my bed.

The phone brought me out of my nap and my hand shot out to grab the ringing device.

"’lo?" I mumbled

"Peter?" It was Will

"Yeah Will, wassup?"

"The gang’s going to be round here at about 7 for some D&D. Wanna come?"

I knew who the gang would be, who it always was. Will, me, Phil Gibbins, who we all called Gibbon. You know? Like the monkey? Of course Wil’s twin sister Lucy, Patty Broker, and Shawn O’Connor.

"Let me check with my Mum first, kay? Hang on a sec."

I bounded up off the bed, my back and side immediately protesting, and definitely letting me know about it. I groaned quietly and yelled down the stairs;

"Mom?! Can I go round to Will’s tonite for some D&D?"

"Sure honey, but make sure that you’re back by 10!"

"Muh-um!"

"You know the rules, it’s a school night!"

"Okay! Thanks Mom!"

I hobbled back into my room and slowly lay down on the bed.

"Will? I see you then, kay?"

"Cool, catchya"

I hung up the phone and let my eyes wander around my room. Not exactly the most masculine of spaces, but similarly not really feminine. I don’t think anyone just walking in off the street would be able to figure out if it were a girls or a boys room, and while I would have preferred the former, I would settle for what I had at the moment. Large computer set-up in the corner, bookshelves everywhere filled to capacity - sometimes beyond - a small vanity unit with a large mirror.I got some weird looks when I asked for that one, but I had explained it away as wanting to look after my appearance. My double bed was positioned under the window and to my right was the bathroom that I shared with my brother Barry. Not that shared would be an apt description. He had been away at Naval College doing goodness knows what violent-type things since the start of the year, and was back very infrequently. I had a big old freestanding oak wardrobe to my left that was really beautiful - well, at least I thought so - and the room was quite neat. Not that I was anal or anything, but I did like my room to be presentable. Not that anyone really got to see it, but that little whole in the logic I conveniently ignored.

I looked at my watch. Five-thirty, time to help Mum get dinner together, I got up off the bed and went downstairs.

"Pete, man, what happened to your nose?" This question greeted me as I walked down the stairs into Will’s basement, which doubled as his family’s gaming room. Phil always came straight out with the questions.

I looked at Will and he looked at me.

"Walked into a door" We said together and laughed.

"Yeah, right. So who was it this time?" That’s the thing about having geeks for friends, not only are they damned smart, but they have all been through the same kind of crap from guys like Daniel, so they recognise the signs.

"Daniel" I sighed as I sat down at the table where we always played.

"Still? Jees, I thought he would have gotten bored with you by now!"

"Nope, apparently it takes his brain quite a while to shift from one thing to another"

We all laughed and started getting ready for the game, remembering where we left off. Will was always Dungeon Master; it was his house after all. About 30 min into the game Phil piped up again.

"You gotta do something about Daniel though Peter"

"Gibbon, you know it’s pointless and it just makes things worse, it’s normally best just to let things blow over".

"But man..."

"Leave him alone Gibb, you know he’s right" Patty butted in. Not unwelcome though.

"But guys, Pete’s got to be able to do something, I mean, look..."

"Can you actually think of anything Gibb? Can you? ... No? Didn’t think so." Patty was probably the most assertive out of the lot of us.

Phil pouted, "It’s just that he could... "

He said under his breath, which we all could heard of course.

"What?" I asked him, hoping to drill him into the chair.

"It’s just that you could do something about your appearance..."

"What’s wrong with my appearance?!" I looked at myself. Loose cargo pants, a loose t-shirt and a baggy zipped-open hooded sweat. What I normally wore, ‘cept for those days when a loose shirt substituted for the t-shirt.

"Are you saying he’s asking for it Gibbon?!" Patty said dangerously. We could all see where that question was going. Patty was an ardent feminist, read everything she could get her hands on, and Phil’s statement was getting awfully close to excuses for rape. Though Phil apparently couldn’t see the direction of Patty’s questioning at that particular moment. Idiot.

"No, but he just always seems to..."

"Wha -tit?" Patty said through her teeth. The pit of my stomach suddenly caught a clue though and made itself known to me that it suspected that it knew where Phil’s train of thought was leading. Oh Shit

Phil clamped up.

"What Gibb? Spill!"

A couple of the other’s chimed in as I tried desperately to beam mental messages at them Shut Up! Shut Up!

"Yeah Gibbon, what’s your theory?"

"Say it Gibb!"

Bugger, so much for telepathy.

"LOOK! IT’S JUST THAT HE LOOKS LIKE A GIRL! Okay?" Phil finally shouted.

Oh Shit

My face must have fallen a mile. Everyone at the table went quiet.

Oh Shit I thought Um, um, um think fast

"Bullshit" I said "I’m not really dressed any different from you!" Ah-ha, attack the other guy’s masculinity, good plan.

"It’s not your clothes man" Bugger, so much for that approach.

"Then what is it?" Patty asked

"I don’t know, its just something about him ... I thought maybe if he just ... I don’t know, maybe if he wore more masculine clothes or something?"

"Oh stuff that" I said "walk around like a metalhead? That is SO not going to happen. I’d just look ridiculous!"

"Yeah, you’re probably right"

"Plus I wouldn’t let him. No way is he going to pander to Daniel’s warped worldview!" Patty added.

We all went silent.

"There is something you could do" Lucy said. Normally Lucy was quite quiet. She only said stuff after she had thought it all the way through, so that meant that not much came out of her. It wasn’t that she didn’t have anything to say, but rather that she wanted the stuff she said to be complete. We all looked at her.

"What Lucy?" I asked.

She looked at the table and I could almost hear the cogs in her head whirring. "Instead of hiding your femininity..."

"I’m not feminine!" Deny everything Nixon.

" ...perhaps we should emphasise it".

Will’s cogs were turning now too, I could hear them next to me. Twins! Jees!

"In what way Lucy?" he asked

"Hey, don’t I get a say in this?" I asked.

"Make him look like a girl. Completely I mean" Lucy replied.

Apparently Not. I started to wonder just if I could slide somehow under the table and slink out the door.

"But what good would that do, Daniel would have even more reason to beat him up?"

Thank you Shawn, the voice of reason, since nobody seemed to be listening to me.

"That’s just it, we don’t tell Daniel. In fact we set Peter, as a girl, onto him. We get photos of Daniel with Peter in some compromising positions, and blackmail Daniel into not just leaving Peter alone, but into leaving all of us alone. His masculinity won’t let it be known that he tried to get with a guy".

Okay, some weird other dimension shit was occurring here, and it was scaring the crap outta me.

"Hmm, that’s not a bad idea" Oh thanks so much Shawn, just when I was counting on you.

"Wait a minute here..." I squeaked

"No Peter it is a good idea" Will said "Remember when you dressed up for Halloween? Everyone there thought you were just a girl without a costume. Nobody recognised you at all"

"I was thirteen!" Though I had some wonderful dreamy memories of that night.

"But, you still haven’t gone though puberty yet have you?"

"WILL! Je-sus Ch-rist!"

"Have you?"

I pouted "I’m just starting to" and slumped down in my chair.

"I do think we could pull it off" Shawn and Lucy nodded at each other, and the others joined in.

"No, not a snow-cone’s chance in Hell, on a hot day" I said. This SO wasn’t going to happen.

"Come on Peter, it’s your only chance to be able to get back at him" Patty pleaded.

"Nope"

"Please?"

"Nuh-uh"

They all quietly looked at me.

"Look, guys. Even if I had the stomach for something like this - which I don’t - I honestly don’t think that I could pull it off. He would recognise me in an instant. What do you think would happen then, eh? I would get pummelled within an inch of my life, even if I survived. I’m not going to risk those kinds of odds. I may not have much of a life, but I kinda want to keep it. It’s just not going to happen".

They all looked disappointed, but I could tell they knew where I was coming from.

"Okay?" I asked.

The were some positive affirmation noises so I took that as a sign to move on.

"Come on, lets get back to the game".

I lay in bed later that night. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to be a girl. It was what I wanted more than anything else in the world. I just couldn’t do that. Jees, why couldn’t my life have been simpler? It’s not too much to ask is it? I turned on the light and got out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed.

I got up and pulled the suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe and opened it on the bed. It was full of girl’s clothes. My collection of stuff that I had bought over the last couple years, ever since I could afford to buy my own clothes. A large make-up case lay there too, as well as a few shoes. It all seemed rather pointless somehow though. Dressing up in my bedroom wasn’t what I wanted, I wanted to be me, completely and physically. To interact with everyone around me as a girl. Putting on girl’s clothes in my room just didn’t cut it.

I started to cry. I closed the suitcase up and put it back on top of the wardrobe. As the tears came silently down my cheeks I crawled back into bed, pulled the covers over me and turned out the light.

Like so many nights before this the tears look me into my sleep.

Friday dawned just as nicely as Thursday had. Though considering what had occurred yesterday, a nice dawn wasn’t necessarily such a good sign. As per usual I had woken up just a few minutes before my alarm, and knowing that it was a school day I decided not to go back to sleep. I pulled my protesting body out of bed and pointed it in the direction of the bathroom. Ow.

School was its usual ordered chaos - hmmm, now there’s an idea for that physics project...

Students seemed to fill up every gap of air between the walls, and all of them going in completely random, completely separate, directions - oh yeah, this could definitely work for the project. I walked my aimless path with my head in the clouds, thinking of the possibilities. Hey, I said I was a geek, so sue me. I was supposed to be heading towards the lunch hall to meet a few of the gang, but I had some time to kill, so I could wander a bit.

However, disturbing my trains of thought an all too familiar hand reached out from behind the guy’s toilet door and grabbed me.

"Hey?!" I managed to let out as I exited the space I had previously been in and instantly reappeared the next moment in the guy’s toilets.

Yeah. Surprise. Daniel.

And he was pissed. I sighed and let my bag fall to the floor.

"Do you know, you little weed, that I got an F for not handing in that math’s project?"

I got backed up against the wall. As per usual his clones were with him. I started to wonder if they were per chance symbiotic in some way.

"No, not really" Though I had suspected that he would.

"Do you know that they might stop me playing again this weekend because now I’m failing math?"

By this time he was right in my face with the back of my head pressed against the wall. I figured that it was a rhetoric question.

"Oh."

"Oh’s right you little fairy. I am going to make your life a living hell from now on."

I was tempted to ask how precisely that would be different from what had been occurring recently, but decided that that probably wouldn’t be that constructive.

He grabbed me again and dragged me into one of the cubicles. Forcing me to kneel in front of the toilet he pressed my cheek hard against the porcelain seat. My nose protested wildly.

"This is all your kind are good for nerd"

He shoved my head further into the actual toilet and pressed the button. Cold water cascaded down over my head, soaking me thoroughly. I coughed and tried to breathe. He pulled my head back up and slammed it against the seat. My already sore nose decided that that was just simply enough and spurted blood all over the seat, and partly on Daniel.

"You little Fucker! You got your faggot blood on me!"

He thrust my head back into the toilet and flushed it again. At least the blood was being washed off this time.

He released me and I collapsed to the floor. My nose screamed pain and I was having a hard time breathing from all the water I had taken in. Then I felt a warm stream of water splash onto my face. Except it wasn’t water. That much I knew. I grimaced and when it stopped I looked up in time to see Daniel zipping up his fly.

His clones and him laughed themselves stupid as they walked out of the toilets. Daniel stopped and looked back at me.

"I hope you’re looking forward to our next encounter girl"

And he left.

I just lay there. Alone. Silent sobs shook my body as I crawled into a ball on the floor of the cubicle and the tears just dripped onto the floor.

I strode into the lunch hall. I didn’t care who saw the state I was in. Who gives a fuck anyways? I got a number of stares as I passed, actually more than just a number. But I was oblivious. I made a straight line for the table where the gang was clustered. Their faces registered what had happened to me as I walked up. I looked them all in the eye and then focused on Lucy.

"We’re doing it Lucy. Tonite".

Nobody had to ask what I meant.

Never make a decision when you’re hurt, distraught and angry. That’s what I was thinking right then.

What had I gotten myself in for? Here I was sitting in the middle of a couple girls, while my guy friends were busy arguing over the finer details of night-vision scopes on the other side of the room. It was after school.

"Peter?"

"Huh, sorry, what?"

"I asked you if you really wanted to do this?"

I sighed "Yeah Patty, I do. I think I’ve realised that if I don’t do something Daniel is just going to get worse and worse. And the outcome of this can’t be any worse than me telling the principal, can it? What have I got to loose? And at least this way we get to protect everyone".

"Okay then, here’s what we came up with before you arrived at lunch today..."

I hung up the phone.

"Cool, Mum gave me till midnight"

"Right, it’s 7 now" we were finishing souvlaki and Patty apparently had decided to take charge. Will’s and Lucy’s parents were out at a work do and we all were going to the movies. Supposedly. "So we’d better get moving’ she finished

I got handed a razor by Lucy and was pointed towards the bathroom (I didn’t mention that my legs were already shaven - normally wore track pants for gym so it wasn’t a big deal).

"Use the shampoo and conditioner in the white bottles, that my expensive stuff that I use only if we are going out. Its smells really nice".

I spent the next little while enjoying the play of the hot water over my sore body. Finally I finished up and checked to see if I could find any stray hairs. Nope. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my chest and another around my head for my hair.

I wandered out into Lucy’s bedroom. Shawn, Phil and Will stopped what they were doing and stared at me with some damned weird expressions on their faces.

"What?!" I squawked.

Patty grabbed the three guys and herded them out the door, all the while with them staring at me with the same weird expression. You’d think they never saw a guy in a towel before.

"Sorry guys, but out" she said "it’s time for just the girls in here".

"What’s with them?" I asked after she had shut the door.

She looked and me and smirked. "have you looked in a mirror yet?’

"Huh? No, they were all steamed up. Why?"

She propelled me towards the full-length mirror standing in the corner of Lucy’s room. Lucy, meanwhile, was just sitting on her bed and studying me with this intent look on her face.

I looked at the person facing me in the mirror. It was definitively me, that much couldn’t be ignored. But also somehow not, at the same time. It was like the beginnings of a female me. I had never seen myself like this before because I had waited till I had put clothes on to look at myself, so I could imagine, just for an instant, that I was a girl. This was different.

"Oh." I said.

"Yeah" Patty said "’Oh’"

"I’m really beginning to think that this might just work" Lucy said.

"What?!" I squeaked, "You mean to say you had doubts?"

"Course, but you never really know how things are going to turn out until they start to happen, so I kept quiet about them"

What could I say to that, I spluttered a bit, but the scientist in me knew she was right.

"Right" Patty said, "lets get on with this".

She pulled a dark blood red (almost black) velvet sheath dress of the chair by the vanity. You could tell it was going to look like it had been painted on. Short sleeves with a deep open scallop neck it screamed, "FUCK ME BABY," in about the majority of the world’s known languages. And a few that weren’t known I suspect. Patty tossed that on the bed and grabbed some back lace panties and bra.

"I think we’ll make you a B-cup ... but how?"

"Water-filled condoms?" suggested Lucy.

Nope, too jiggly" Patty said and Lucy nodded "We need something firmer"

We pondered for a little while. Finally I thought enough time had gone by for me to be able to suggest something without it seeming suspect.

"Birdseed?" I ventured quietly.

Lights flashed in both Patty’s and Lucy’s eyes.

"Perfect!" Patty said.

Lucy dashed out the door and we could hear her going down the stairs. The Anderson’s had an aviary in the back yard - so, if there was anything they had a lot of, it was birdseed.

Patty handed me the panties and the bra.

I looked at her with my eyebrow cocked.

"Oh!" she exclaimed and got out of the way so I could go into the bathroom alone.

After closing the door I took the towel off my body and put the panties and bra on. Rummaging around in the medicine cupboard above the sink I found some surgical tape and taped that rather unwanted part of my body back between my legs. I wiped some of the fog off the mirror in the bathroom and checked. Nope, no bulge. I opened the door and walked back into the room.

Patty stared at me quizzically when I emerged.

She pointed at the panties and asked "How?"

I held up the little canister of surgical tape.

"Just to make sure nothing gets in the way!" We both laughed.

Then Lucy appeared through the main door to the bedroom, holding two small skin-coloured sacks.

"I still used condoms though," she said.

Patty helped me put them in the bra and I bounced them experimentally. They worked. Both Patty and Lucy gave them a squeeze and gave them the seal of approval.

Moving on again I put some jet-black pantyhose on before I realised that I was probably not supposed to know how to do that first time. I looked at Patty and Lucy. I don’t think they noticed. I don’t think so anyways.

Then came the dress. I shrugged it over my shoulders and rolled it down over my tummy and hips to find that it suddenly stopped only halfway down my thighs.

"Urk!" I exclaimed. And pointed at the hem line.

"Well, you did want him to notice you, didn’t you?" Patty asked.

She was right I suppose. But still ... girl’s gotta have some modesty!

I won’t bore you with the rest but suffice to say I was plonked down in front of Lucy’s vanity and my hair was blown, styled, and re-styled by Patty as Lucy worked on my make-up. They put on these really cheap blood-red stick on nails on too.

I knew the point was to make me as wanton as possible, but this was seriously not the image I had ever had in mind for myself.

Finally they pronounced me done and I got a chance to see my face in the mirror. What stared back at me was the face of an eighteen-year-old streetwalker - definitely female, and definitely cheap. Oh well, fly the friendly sky’s I suppose. My blonde hair was piled up in the back to resemble a complicated high ponytail with little wisps falling down the front to frame my face. The makeup wasn’t too heavy, but by no stretch of the imagination, it certainly was not light either.

Patty threw some three inch black stilettos in my direction. Now personally I hate stilettos. I think they look awful. I prefer nice chunky heals, and had bought myself shoes accordingly.

"These should be about your size, I had them once for a play I was helping with, and they were a tad too big for me."

I put them on a wobbled upright. I told you I had no experience in stilettos.

"Come on, you’re going to have to practice walking in them." They were taking my inexperience in stilettos as inexperience in heels. Thank goodness for small mercies.

We spent the next few minutes with me learning to walk in the shoes, with them coaching me on how to walk, sit, use my arms and hands, etc. Personally I was faking inexperience, but I thought it would be easier than trying to explain things that would take wayyyy too long now.

Finally I got the chance to see the full me in the mirror. Yep. Slut. I looked undeniably female. One that was after sex like a drift net went after fish; no real care as to what got caught as it trawled along. It was a bit of a shock though. Even when I had been dressed up for that Halloween part at age thirteen, I hadn’t looked this convincing. However, this was definitely not the image I wanted for myself, and that was the real reason I felt so uncomfortable.

"Oh well," I said, "I suppose we should check on how they boys are going"

We threw some make-up stuff into a small shoulder bag and went downstairs.

You could have dropped a pin in that lounge when the guys saw me. Their jaws dropped to the floor and their eyes bugged out. It was like a Warner Bros cartoon.

"You like?" I asked, and did a twirl

Phil coughed a couple times and broke out in a small sweat.

"Yeah, but you’re going to have to work on your voice"

"How’s this?" I asked, making my voice a little more melodic. My voice hadn’t dropped yet so that’s all it look.

"That’s fine" Phil croaked.

"Jees, Peter, you look ... wow ... I mean ... Um ... Christ ... It is you under there isn’t it?" Will asked

"Yeah, course, who do you think it is, Dumbo?"

That broke the ice a bit and we all laughed. To make them a little more comfortable I started asking about the gear they had. What they had was a digital video camera with a night-vision lens attached. I don’t know how they got that, but I thought it best that I didn’t ask. Shawn’s dad did some stuff none of us, including Shawn, knew about, and as a cop he always had stuff like that. There was a long range mike, and a digital still camera with a ultra violet filter and a black-light torch. All I had to do was get Daniel into the alley way outside the club he frequented, get him compromised, and they would do the rest. ‘All’ I had to do...

Finally after a while of discussing things we decided it was time to go.

As we rounded the last corner in Will’s car before the club I started to sweat. I was really nervous by now and my breathing got really hard. I started to hyperventilate. Patty saw what was happening and screamed at Will to pull over. It had hit me. Jees, what the hell did I think I was doing? I couldn’t do this, I was going to get killed. My life would be over. Mum, Dad, Cathy, everyone would know. Oh Shit. Oh Shit Oh Shit Oh Shit Oh Shit.

I started to get really light headed and my vision swam, I was wearing contacts, cheap ones at that, so my vision wasn’t 100% to begin with anyways. I was going to faint. I knew it. Suddenly Will’s hands grabbed either side of my face and turned me to face him.

"Breathe Peter, breathe!"

I let out a gasp.

"Ok you, long deep breaths, like me" and he breathed in and out slowly and I tried to do what he was. I think I got it because my heart dropped down from about Warp 9.98 to impulse power over the next few minutes.

Phil pulled out a thermos.

"I don’t think that’s a good idea Gibbon" Patty warned.

"No" Lucy said "I think she ... I mean he, needs it"

They passed me the thermos and I took a swig of the liquid.

"Gaug!" I exclaimed and coughed as whatever was in the thermos stripped off the inside of my mouth and throat.

But it definitely cleared my head. Whatever it was it worked better than smelling salts.

"What was that?" I coughed out.

"This stuff my uncle brews. When he and my dad go ice-fishing they virtually live on it," Phil replied.

I didn’t know about living, but I was considerably more aware and calm than I had been about ten minutes ago.

I could see the concern in their eyes.

"Come on guys, let’s do this".

I had gotten past the bouncer at the door remarkably easily; he didn’t even make my pay. However, I should have expected that though, given the reputation of this club. It was known for allowing teenagers to drink, more often that not, to excess too. The place was clean though, kind of the place where rich teenagers rebelling from Mum and Dad could hang and get drunk. Personally I didn’t normally drink. I was scared that if I did I would let something slip about the way I really felt.

I entered the club proper and checked my, or rather Lucy’s, watch. Ten. Daniel should be here by now. I scanned the horde of people there in the half-light, pointedly ignoring the leers and comments projected in my direction.

Stay focused. Don’t let it get to you. Keep your mind on what you’re here to do

Finally I spotted him. Half way down the club, by the wall, at a table watching the band. Perfect.

I smoothed out my dress, took a deep breath, and oozed my way towards him. I swayed my hips, head high, eyes piercing on where I was headed, striding heel to toe. I was paid for, and I needed my whole bearing to radiate this.

One of Daniel’s clones spotted me when I was about half way to them, the crowd parting to let me through, and he pointed me out to Daniel.

His eyes locked with mine. My heart jumped into warp drive again and it was all that I could do not to made a mad dash to the exit.

He smiled. Not the smile I saw when he hurt me, but rather a sexual one. I had him. Eeuuww. I was going to need to take a seriously long shower when this was over.

Finally I reached him and smiled.

"Well, hel-lo there" he said. Oh Boy, that was probably his best line too.

"Hi" I said "You Daniel?"

"Yes" he said, still with that dopey grin on his face "who’s asking?"

"I’m a present from someone who had a lot of money on last week’s game, the game you scored the winning try in. I’m your thank you for that try".

A million and one emotions flickered over his face, finally settling on one of extreme triumph.

Oh yes. I had him.

"Oh Baby, you’re too good to be true"

I moved up to him, pressing my body lightly against his and whispered in his ear;

"All true" and my tongue flickered out and touched his ear. Make that two showers. And mouth wash.

He stood up off his stool. By the way his pants weren’t fitting so well, I guessed he had to.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and looked up into his eyes. Jees, he was big.

"So, you going to buy me a drink?"

"Yeah, sure ... what would you like?"

I was tempted to let him decide, just to make him more uncomfortable. But I thought that there was the possibility for that to be problematic.

"Screwdriver," I said, not letting my eyes leave his.

He snapped his fingers at one of his clones and the guy scampered. Classy, I thought. Like NOT.

His attention turned back to me.

"Want to dance?" he drooled

Not particularly "Sure honey, whatever you want," I gazed into his eyes, "I’m all yours"

He moved up onto the dance floor as a slow number started up.

Keeping one arm around me he pushed one of his legs between mine and swayed us in time to the music. I could feel his hard-on against my leg. Wow, he was big all over. What gene experiment did he escape from?

I let my hands play over his shirt, touching his chest through it. He was getting so hot it wasn’t funny

NO, I mean it, it wasn’t funny.

He moved his face next to mine and started kissing and suckling on my neck. Ugh.

"Oh God baby yes!" I cried into his ear, and dug my nails into his back. Hmmm, I wonder if I could draw blood? No, bad thought! Bad. Thought.

He pulled back and then plunged his mouth on mine. Yeah, plunged is the right word.

This tongue the size of a mature salmon started exploring the nether regions of my throat while Daniel’s hands encased the entirety of my backside. I yiped (as much as I could) and fell into him, my breasts pressing up against his chest.

I started to freak again about this point. Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit

Here was this guy that had done everything he could to hurt me, physically, emotionally and verbally. And I was letting him high dive my tonsils and put his hands all over my body. I wanted to hurt him so bad. I wanted him to feel everything that he had put me through. I wanted him to be scared.

Strangely enough it was this anger that stopped me from fainting at that moment. However he must have noticed me tensing, as he pulled back slightly.

"What’s wrong baby?" Oh, concern, how nice. NOT.

"Nothing sexy" I ran my index nail down from his neck to just above his crotch, purposefully stopping there and lingering, but not touching. Suggesting what could follow "Just need that drink now".

He gaped for a second and then blurted out "Sure!" and pulled me back to his table where my drink and purse were.

I looked him in the eye and drained the screwdriver in one gulp, my gaze never leaving his face Okay baby, my throat said, never do that again, and I’ll let you away this time

I moved towards him again, pressing my front against his. He was breathing really heavily and sweating slightly. I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Lets go somewhere more ... private," and the look I gave him told him what private meant.

I picked up my purse and took his hand, guiding him towards to exit. He came along like a little puppy. If I wasn’t scared senseless I could have laughed then.

The bouncer noticed us leaving and smiled at Daniel, not that Daniel really noticed.

I had him.

We moved into the alley way by the club and far enough down so we were under a rather pitiful street light.

He pulled me towards me and proceeded to continue playing tonsil hockey. I had never really ever kissed someone. I was kinda pissed that it had to be with Daniel. But I knew that when I did it for real, that would be my first time as far as I was concerned, not what I was doing now.

His hands went all over my body without pausing to stop anywhere in particular. Finally one stopped and kneaded my breast like it was Italian bread dough. He was so rough I almost felt sorry for the birdseed. I just hoped the condoms held out.

His other hand started to creep along the hem of my skirt and began to hike it up. Oh Bugger. I grabbed his hand away from there and moved it up to my mouth, which I had managed to extricate from his and wrapped my lips around his index finger, letting my tongue play around the tip. I started to move my mouth up and down on it.

He moaned and closed his eyes.

I moved my lips off his finger and just let my tongue lick the tip.

I opened his eyes again and I moved my tongue to brush his lips.

I slowly knelt down in front of him.

Okay you, steady here, keep it together. KEEP IT TOGETHER.

My nails caressed his crotch and keeping my eyes on his I drew down the zip on his pants.

Careful girl, you know why you’re doing this

I reached inside and drew him out, all of him.

Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit

He was right in front of me. He moaned again and rested his head back against the wall with his eyes closed.

just do what needs to be done

He was huge, throbbing, you could tell he was almost ready, already. I let my fingers glide down the length of it, revolted at having to touch his.

for king and country I suppose

I kissed the tip and shot my tongue out to lick around the top. Stuff the mouthwash, I needed soap and water.

His hands gripped my hair and he pushed me towards him.

That was it. I wasn’t going any further. Not with him. My hand shot out and the nails dug into the flesh of his penis. I pushed them in further.

He screamed.

He looked down at my face in horror as I stood up, still keeping my nails firmly in place.

"Don’t fucking move or I’ll make you bleed, you arsehole!" I drew out ‘bleed’ as it hissed between my teeth.

He whimpered but began to draw back his hand to slap me.

I dug my nails in further and he slumped.

"Nuh-uh, not a good idea wanker"

He looked at my eyes and slumped some more. I was angry then, and I knew he could see it. All the shit he had given me at school just boiled up and came through.

"Do you know who I am fucker?"

He looked at me and shook his head in fear.

"You remember at your high school, amongst all the kids you picked on, one little favourite?" I growled.

Confused, he still shook his head.

I moved my mouth to right beside his ear.

"Peter" I whispered.

His eyes shot open in recognition and he pulled away, loosening my hold on his penis.

Damn, lost it.

He stood up and grabbed my hair, pushing me to the ground.

"You little faggot, so you like fucking boys do you? Well, you’re gonna get some now!"

I looked at him as he stood above me. He was going to rape and kill me now. I knew it. But I wasn’t going to let him. If anyone was going to take my life it was me, and no one else.

My fist lashed out and contacted with his groin. I knew I wasn’t very strong, but my anger combined with what I had done earlier had the appropriate effect and he staggered to the ground. I stood up and lashed out with my foot in his face. He went down. I collapsed in exhaustion.

I crawled over to him and tilted his head back. His eyes flashed at me.

"We recorded all of this you know," I said, "It’s all on tape and stills. If you ever do anything to any of my friends or me again we’ll release them. At the very least you’ll get ridiculed amongst the whole student body and those nice little rugby scholarships will dry up. At worst you get done for attempted rape. Do you understand me?"

He grunted he did. His eyes burning in fury.

"And don’t think that we would hesitate for a minute in releasing them. I’m the bottom of the food chain at school, I don’t have anything to loose"

It was a bluff, because in reality I did. But I gambled on him knowing nothing about my life.

I shook his head by his hair when he didn’t answer. He grunted again. "Fuck you bitch I understand!"

"No, Daniel, fuck you" I said and got up. I stumbled back in the direction I could see the gang running towards me from.

Patty reached me first. Wrapping her arms around me as I collapsed, I burst into tears. Both girls held me and we stumbled back to the car. The boys weren’t far behind. Course they had been delayed with all the technical stuff. They all bundled me into the car and gave me some valium. Again, probably a good idea not to ask where that came from. Will got behind the wheel and drove off.

A few minutes into driving I had to ask;

"Did we get it?" I managed to snuffle out.

"Yeah we did," Will said.

"All of it?"

"Yeah ... all of it".

I looked up and met his eyes in the rear vision, the pain there was palatable.

What? But before I could ask him anything Phil spoke up.

"Guys I need to pee really bad"

"Gibbon!" a number of the others chorused.

I suddenly realised that I needed to go too.

"No guys, leave him alone, I need to go too," I snuffled.

Lucy looked concerned "You sure? I don’t know if that’s such a good idea"

Nope, I needed to go, and said so. I think it had something to do with the relief that I was still alive.

We drove around and saw a Burger Shack - a public space that was full of other teenagers. Oh well, it could be worse I suppose, at least it was the other side of town from our school. It wasn’t likely anyone we knew would be there. As soon as we pulled up Phil jumped out of the front and motored his way in a deliberate way that Moses would have been jealous. At least both of them had a parting of the waters in mind.

Speaking about waters, I needed to go, but Lucy, Patty and Shawn packed me in. I asked and Lucy got out. Will got out and muttered something about getting something to eat. I reached out my hand to take his arm but he shrugged it off and walked into the Shack.

I looked at Lucy questioningly. She gave me the universal "I don’t have a clue" look. I had to find out what was with Will. But first I had to go to the loo. I walked up and entered by the side entrance to get to the toilets. There were a few wolf-whistles, but I ignored them. I had had a night where nothing could bother me anymore. I found the girls toilets and collapsed into a cubicle without thinking. Oh wow, I needed that.

I tidied myself up and walked out of the cubicle and checked myself out in the mirror. Man, I looked like crap. I pulled out my makeup from my purse and started about fixing myself up. The fact that I was going to be going straight back home to wash it all off didn’t occur to me. But then again, a large chunk of my brain was shut down at that point anyways, something to do with a combination of the valium and the night’s events I think.

By the time I was finished I had been in there for nearly ten minutes. I finally looked kinda presentable, if you can what I was wearing presentable.

I sighed, wrapped my arms round myself and walked out of the toilet. But as I started to go out the side entrance of the Shack somebody grabbed my arm.

"Peter?!"

I put up my arm to fend off any coming blow and ducked.

"No, no, Peter, it’s me, Karla!"

I looked out from above my arm. It was Karla.

Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit

Suddenly she saw something in my eyes, "Oh my God Peter, what happened? Why are you dressed like this? What’s going on?"

Too many questions. Too many questions

"Karla ... I can’t talk, I gotta get home" I started to pull away.

"Peter, we’ve got to talk about this ... I mean ... you look..."

"Not now..." think girl think "Um, ... I’ll call you tomorrow, kay?" good one!

"No, I’ll call you ... what’s your number?" Bugger.

She wrote it on her hand as I recited it to her. I was too tired by now to argue anyway.

"Can I go now?" I asked as a tear trickled down my cheek.

"Oh Peter, are you sure?"

"Yeah, the others will be waiting, I’ll be okay." Maybe.

"Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow... kay?" She still didn’t look sure though.

"Yeah, okay" I clutched myself again and smiled, weakly I’ll admit, and moved off towards the car. I knew she was watching me. I could feel her eyes on my back.

"What did Karla want? If she’s going to hurt you I’ll ..." Patty looked peeved.

"No, no, she’s cool. Don’t worry. I just want to get home, kay?"

"Hmmmm, okay."

"We all joined Will back in the car. Didn’t look like I was going to get the chance to talk to him tonight.

The ride home wasn’t anything special. I just sat between Patty and Lucy and drifted off thanks to the warmth and the rocking of the car. Finally we pulled up at my house and they woke me out of my slumber. The house was all-dark, so luckily it didn’t look like anyone was awake. I clambered out of the car.

"Thanks guys. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?" I said this to everyone, but I looked right at Will. He looked at me, nodded and attempted a smile. That was a start I suppose, but whatever had affected him had been big. Patty squeezed my arm through the window and the car pulled away.

I turned around and walked up to the door. The night was perfectly clear, with no wind. My heels clicked on the path, echoing loudly. The moon lit everything clearly. It was so beautiful. Seemed kinda fitting.

I eased the key in the lock and slipped my shoes off before stepping onto the tiles in the entranceway. I padded my way up the stairs as the clock in the hallway chimed midnight. Slipping into my bedroom I let out a sigh of relief. I stepped out of the dress and panty hose and went into the bathroom to wash my face. I looked in the mirror and she looked back at me. I had toned down the streetwalker makeup in the Burger Shack toilets, so the person I really wanted to be stared at me. Rebecca. A tear rolled down her face.

I washed off the makeup and without looking again in the mirror went back into my bedroom. I took off my underwear and popped the whole outfit into a spare sports bag I had and threw it under my desk. Pulling a baggy t-shirt over my head I grabbed Bernadette, my big brown teddy bear, and pulled her into bed with me. Somehow I knew that I was going to need her tonight.

She and I cuddled one another and I drifted off.

 

to be continued ...

End of Chapter One.

 

© 2000
The above work is copyrighted material. Anyone wishing to copy, archive, or re-post this story must contact the author for permission.