Dream Girl

by: Janet L. Stickney
Janetlynn17@Hotmail.com

 

When I first saw her I was about six, but by the time I was ten I knew she was beautiful beyond words. Blond hair that tickled the ears yet hung lower in the back, big blue eyes and a bright smile. The pale pink and white dress fit her perfectly, and the white shoes and tiny white purse only made her seem even more feminine. But what made her so pretty was the pale red lipstick which lined her small lips in a cupids bow that was only broken when she smiled at me. The girl was so pretty that I didn't want to see her go, but she did, with that wistful look only girls have. After that I would only get to see her once in a while, and as she grew up everything about her began to change. Her hair got short, then grew longer again, small breasts appeared and she got taller, her legs shapely and very nice, but always, the face was beautiful, and I loved her more every time I saw her.

Complex emotions ran through me whenever I saw her, my desire to see more of her compounded by the forbidden delight, almost a lust that she brought to me. Torn between the lust and the forbidden, I kept pushing her away, except when I could no longer stand it, then beckoned her to come out for the few stolen hours we would have together. As we both got older my ability to push her away grew weaker and she visited more often, daring the fates and putting me in great danger, but I could not resist her, and always succumbed to her need to visit. She had a name of course, but I never said it out loud, and while she always used my sisters clothes, she always chose what looked best on her. It had been almost three months since I had seen her last, yet I had been able to put her out of my mind until I felt that stirring deep inside, and knew that she was about to arrive one more time, tempting the fates once again.

On Friday night my parents as always, left for the cabin, leaving my sister and I home alone. Audrey had a date, and that left me home all by myself, which is when she chose to arrive. She selected the dark green skirt with a white blouse, pantyhose and low black heels plus a bra, then went to my room to get dressed. She always took about an hour to get ready and twenty minutes to get dressed, but when she was done and I saw her standing there looking back at me from the mirror, I knew it was worth it. From her blond hair to the elfin and feminine face, down over her breasts which had become a bit larger to her trim waist, then down to her shapely legs perched in the heels, she was still beautiful, and I loved her. I shook my head and she shook hers, I raised my hand and hers went up as well. She was me, and I was her. The name I had given her came to my mind, a name so soft and feminine that you would know it was perfect for her. "Jennifer" I said aloud, the very sound of it gave me chills, and I muttered her middle name, "Elaine".

For the first time ever I put the camera on the tripod, set the timer, and stood there long enough for the camera to capture her beauty. I took several more, then downloaded them to my computer so I could review each one, still startled by how much she looked almost like me! I had not noticed it before, yet there she was, her smile so demure, the posture just right, and with her hair brushed out like that, I had thought she looked different! I erased the pictures from the camera and put it away, ready to let her leave; only she wanted to stay, so I let her. When she wanted a soda I resisted, but with her constantly nagging me, I gathered my courage, eventually giving in to her, and walked to the kitchen, my heels making noises on the hard floor. I was positive the noise was loud enough to notify the neighbors she was out of the small bedroom. I was very nervous because it was the first time she had left my bedroom, but after a bit I relaxed and began to enjoy the freedom, even daring to walk out on the patio to stand in the darkness of the night. The cool air felt so different on my legs, but I loved it. I woke out of my reverie only when I saw a smooth feminine hand come to rest on the railing next to mine.

"Nice night, isn't it?"

To scared to reply I merely stood there, unable to flee, yet reflexively driven to quickly change and deny that the girl standing there, the beauty I had held so dear for so long was actually me. I dared not turn my head, instead gripping the railing so hard my fingers hurt.

"Hiding is hard, isn't it? Hiding the truth from yourself and others robs you of your self esteem and maybe even the love of your family at crucial times. Distrusting them isn't the answer, is it?" I said nothing, then I felt her hand on my chin, pulling me so that I faced her. My mother stood there, calmly looking at me as if it were the most normal thing in the world for her son to be dressed as a girl. "Let's go inside, maybe I can fix your bangs a little better."

Stunned, I let her take me inside, then stood in front of her as she used a brush to "fix" my bangs. Nothing was said as she brushed my hair, not even when she was done. I was to scared, and maybe, she was shocked. She and I both knew that 15 year old boys do not dress like girls, and certainly, they don't like it, but there I was, all dressed up, standing in the bright light of the kitchen, right in front of her. I felt like a bug stuck to a board as she looked me over without saying anything, until…

"Why don't we sit down honey" she said as she took my hand, "and you can tell me all about the girl I see."

"Can I…can I go change mom? Please?"

"No dear, I want you to sit down so we can discuss this."

I sat down across the table, my hands on my lap, bile churning away, threatening to expel, my shame so large that it took all my effort to stay there and not upchuck. Mom didn't sound angry, nor did she look shocked, yet I was scared as never before; the girl that I had harbored all my life, the little girl that had become a teenager, the girl that had stolen so many hours of my thoughts and driven me almost crazy, was now out in the open. If it had been anyone but my mother, I would have run away on the spot. Her eyes were gazing at me as I trembled, wondering what was going to happen next.

"We always wondered what you looked like, your father and I, but since you never let this…interfere with anything, we kind of thought it would go away. I guess it didn't." Mom paused, then…"With a little help you would look stunning. Did you know that?" I shook my head no, unable to bring myself to speak. "So", she started again, "what do we do now?"

"Let me go change mom! I promise, I'll never do it again….ever!"

"I'm sure that you feel that way right now" she said quietly, "but after playing dress up for so long, somehow, I don't think that you can just quit, do you?"

"It was just" I almost cried, "a…a…game! I'll quit! I'll never do it again!"

"I cannot" mom said softly, "accept that, since we both know it's not true. You'll try it again, certainly maybe not very soon, but sooner or later, whatever is driving you will demand it, and you'll get all dressed up again. Then what? Another round of denials?" Mom sat back, put her hands on the table, then smiled. "Audrey would be very angry with you, especially since…"

"I only borrowed her clothes mom, I never tore them or anything!"

"What I was about to say" mom went on, "was that if she knew that her brother was just as pretty as she was, she wouldn't like it very much, not after being named prom queen anyway!" Pausing, "How about this? We'll let you dress up, and I'll even help you, but in return, you have to quit hiding from everyone. For instance, if you're dressed up and it's time for dinner, then we'll expect to see you, just as you are, at the dinner table. We won't make you go outside, not unless you want to, and we'll promise not to let anyone tease you. Since your father is waiting for me to call him, why don't we take a little time to fix a few things, then I'll call him, and he can see just how pretty you are for himself."

"Not in this lifetime" I told her, "I can see it now. I'm all dressed up with dad laughing at me, or worse, not laughing! He'll never talk to me again, ever!"

"I doubt that honey, but in any case, that's what we're going to do, so let's go to my room and get you fixed up."

After an inner struggle that almost erupted into an outer struggle, I capitulated since I really didn't have any choice, and besides, in a way, I was glad that mom had finally met the girl I had hidden for so long. Relieved isn't the right word, because the tension surrounding my impending stare down with dad filled me with dread, but then again, my hiding was surely over. Mom took less than ten minutes to add earrings and a necklace, a bit of perfume and blusher, then fussed with my hair before she told me to redo my lipstick and picked up the phone to call dad.

"In case you're wondering" mom said, "we sort of set you up tonight. We told you we were leaving, figuring that you would take the bait and get all dressed up. Now we can face this together and come to an agreement."

Sitting in the familyroom waiting for my dad to see me dressed like that had to be just like waiting to be executed. You knew it was coming, that it would be deadly, and also, that there wasn't one thing you could do to stop it. In a few minutes I heard the car drive in and felt myself tensing up almost to the point of tears. The door opened, and I saw him. Tall and husky, exuding everything masculine that I lacked. He turned his head and looked right at me, then he stepped into the room and stood close, just staring at me. My dad is tall, well over six foot, and strong as an ox, while I am the same height as my mom and sister, about 5'7" or so. He has a strong face while I look like mom. Other than the obvious, we don't have any physical character traits that are alike.

"Your mother said that you would do this" he said sourly, "but I told her that she was wrong, that you wouldn't get all dressed up. I told her that my son didn't want to be a girl. I guess I was wrong." He sat next to mom, then, "Does this mean that…what does this mean anyway? Is this how you want to dress? Like a girl?"

Dad was just as confused as I was. I knew that I wanted to be a girl, but I also knew that it wasn't going to happen as long as I was a teenager. I wasn't going to go to school dressed that way, that much was for sure, but still, how did I answer him? If I said "yes, I want to be a girl", there was no telling what he would do. Clearly, he was disappointed in me. I had shattered his dream that I would turn out like him, but there wasn't any way that was going to happen. I'm not tall enough, and I don't meet the weight requirements for the teams at school. Dad, like me, didn't understand what was making me dress as a girl, and while I enjoyed the relief it gave me, he sat there with complete disbelief on his face. Mom said that they had both known for a long time, which is why I couldn't figure out why he looked so shocked!

"Honey" mom said to dad, "I think it should be obvious that we have is a son that wants to be a girl, which is why she always comes out when we're gone! We all know that you wanted him to play football, or maybe basketball, but we all know why he can't, so lets not dwell on that. What we need to do is let…" turning to me, "I'm sorry honey, what do you call yourself?"

I remained silent, afraid to admit that I did indeed have a name for the girl they were looking at. "Tell your mother" dad said strongly.

"Jennifer" I squeaked out.

"What we need to do" mom went on, "is let Jennifer feel as if she can trust us! That's why she never talked to us about this! Maybe…maybe we can have an outing together? We can go somewhere safe, like the museum? Or the zoo? Then we can all find out just how…sincere Jennifer is about this!"

Dad did not look pleased at the prospect that the three, maybe even the four of us would be together somewhere with me dressed as a girl, while I started trembling at the very thought of it. I had barely left my room, and now mom wanted to me to somewhere? Like dad, I wasn't eager to try that, but mom had that "look" on her face, so we both knew that sometime soon, even though she said she wouldn't force me, it was very likely that I would be outside the house, dressed as a girl, and dad was going to be there with me. The moment our eyes locked when he walked in the house, I wanted to disappear, just vanish into thin air and make the nightmare go away. The disappointment in his eyes tore through me like a bullet, tearing at my soul, virtually ripping out any connection we ever had. That hope he always enjoyed, the one which would catapult me to the ranks of a member of a sports team, or a tall strong son, became nothing but a disconnected series of unrealistic dreams that bore no semblance to the truth, my size, or even my own dreams.

I love my father, and really did want to be rid of the girl within myself and be more like him, yet no matter how hard I tried I could never achieve that goal, and sadly, by the time I found myself sitting there in front of him, I knew that I probably never would. I settled for studying instead of sports, computers instead of strenuous workouts, becoming a girl rather than withhold my desires. I was at the top of my class scholastically, yet my dad had always acted as if there was something missing. He never said it of course, yet I knew, and so did mom and my sister, that I had not turned out quite as manly as he wanted, and to prove it, there I sat, completely dressed as a girl, which for him was the ultimate slap in the face.

"What more do we need to know?" Dad asked, "saying it with disdain in his voice, "It's obvious enough to me, our son wants to wear dresses!"

"That much is true" mom said, "it's certainly obvious that Jennifer likes to being a girl, but the question of why isn't quite as clear, is it?" When dad didn't say anything, "Tell me" she said looking right at dad, "what if Jennifer were here to stay? What if our son decided to become a girl, a real girl, complete, physically? Would you still love her? Or would you push her away?"

"Of course I would still love her" dad said a bit vehemently, "she's our child after all!"

"Then" mom said, "you have an obligation to let Jennifer find out if this is what she wants!" With a sigh, "I can't say that I'm thrilled about this either, but if this is what was meant to be, then we have no choice but to let Jennifer find herself, and if that means that we help her, then we have to do just that!"

I had sat there silent, listening as my parents debated whether I should start dressing as a girl, and if they were going to help me! As much as I wanted that, I was unable to bring myself to say anything for fear that my admission would ruin any chance I had remaining with my dad, no matter how slim. For her part, mom seemed willing to at least tolerate my dressing, even though I knew that she didn't like it either. There was no telling how Audrey would take it, but she was already in college and we rarely saw her, so maybe she wouldn't say much. I could only hope that was true. We all sat there silent, each of us trying to cope with our own disappointments, which were written on our faces.

Dad, while not quite distraught, finally got the message that I wanted no part of killing myself to meet his expectations of me, and that hurt him, but seeing me dressed as a girl told him that I was turning my back on everything he wanted for me to be, the heir to his masculine pride. Mom on the other hand was ready to set aside her doubts and accept what she saw as the obvious, helping me if that's what she thought I needed. Lastly, I was torn between my life long desire to become a girl and my shame at hurting my parents. One might think that by just refusing temptation I could reclaim my position in the family, but the demon that dragged me to this point had been with me my entire life, and I had come to love her. The way she looked and smelled, the taste of the lipstick, the tension of a bra, all told me that she was right. I was a girl on the inside, but the boy wearing the dress was hurting those I loved the most. Sadly, I simply couldn't resist the girl inside.

Finally, dad asked me to stand up, and for the first time he saw all of me. I heard him draw in a deep breath, then watched him as he went in the kitchen. Without waiting I ran to my room, stripped off the clothes and took a shower, trying to wash away the guilt I felt. Leaving the clothes in a heap on the floor I went to bed, pulling the covers over my head, a childhood reaction to the fears that stalked me. There wasn't any "monster spray" that would make Jennifer go away, and even if she paused, waiting to attack me another time, the damage was done. I had become less in my parents eyes, and worse, my self esteem had sunk to a new low level. I was a 15 year old failure, and the tears in my eyes did nothing to make the painful lesson go away.

I was so tense, so exhausted when I got up the next morning, that I shook, knowing that I would have to face my parents and once again see my failure written on their faces. I slipped on my jeans and a shirt, then padded to the kitchen where mom was busy making breakfast. With a quick glance she set the waffles on the table then poured some orange juice into my glass. Silent, I was hoping that she would forget the tragedy of the night before, and life could go on as usual. She ruined that dream as soon as she joined me at the table.

"Your father and I talked last night" she began, "and while he is disappointed, he now understands why you never even tried to be more like him. I didn't have to explain that physically, you didn't have what those sports demand of boys, he already knew that, but he always hoped that you would fill out more as you got older; but that never happened, did it? He ignored the truth so he could hold on to his dreams, until last night that is. I always thought that you would look nice as a girl, but he didn't have a clue, so when he did see you, he went into shock. I wasn't kidding when I said that Audrey would be jealous, you are a beautiful girl, which is of course why your father went directly into denial last night. I told him I would ask you, because we both said that we wouldn't force the issue, but we want to take you out to dinner tonight, as Jennifer of course. Let's see if you really are the girl you say you are."

After the ugly thoughts I had tried to sleep through, I wasn't anxious to give my dad another shot at making me feel like a fool, so I shook my head no, but mom said that she really thought that I should reconsider, then told me that we would have all day to get me ready. I admit that going out as a girl was a very long held dream of mine, and now, with that very promise in front of me, I was more than scared, I was terrified!

"We'll do you hair real nice" mom said, "and I'll help you a little with your makeup, then we can select the perfect outfit for you. It might solve a lot of the problems you and your father have to work out, so I want you to think about it honey."

I went to my room, put my shoes on, then went outside. The clear crisp morning air felt good, and as I wandered down the street I happened to see several of my friends headed for the practice field. As a group they were laughing and confident, willing to test their manliness against others or to satisfy some unknown primal urge from deep within, something they were willing to confront. I knew most of them of course, but we had little or nothing in common, so our paths rarely crossed, yet as I watched them, I thought about what was driving me; also an unknown urge to prove something, just like them! I stood there watching as they rounded the corner, wondering why they could find the courage to test themselves and I couldn't. Their desire to prove themselves on the gridiron or the basketball court made them feel manly and strong, then brave enough to hide the hurts. As I watched them swaggering towards the school, some in uniform, I envied them. They had the courage to find whatever truth they sought.

I ambled down the street deep in thought, the center of my focus fixed on what my mother had suggested. If she were right and I did agree to her absurd plan, I had to be sure that my father and I could find a way to heal over our mutual disappointments. I was on the corner wondering what to do when I saw Katie out washing her car. The only word to describe her is wow! She was the girl I wanted to be, and as I watched her I wondered once again if mom was right. I turned to go back home, which is when I decided that I also had to confront that great unknown that was driving me. Dad and I had to find our own truths, and we had to do it together. I went back home, walked in the kitchen to talk to mom, and saw both mom and dad sitting at the table.

"When do you want to start?" I asked mom.

"We can begin now if you like."

Dad looked up. "Does this mean what I think it does?"

I slowly nodded my head yes, then…" I can't help it, it's driving me crazy! I have to know dad, we both need to know, don't we?"

With my eyes welling up with tears, he spoke. "Okay then. To be very frank about this, I don't like this at all! It's not like I haven't heard of this before, boys dressing as girls I mean, but…I just never expected my son to be one of them! However, if what your mother tells me is true, and as much as I don't like it, I can't see that we have any choice, do we? We might as well face this now rather than later I guess, but I'll expect you to accept whatever happens with good grace and humor. What I mean is, if we see someone we know, I don't want to see you trying to hide. I want you to be yourself, and that's all, but just so you understand, we both agree that neither of us will put you in any situation that will embarrass you. Okay?"

I said yes, then mom and I went to my bedroom where, after a short argument with myself, I showed her my pitiful collection of stuff. She left for a moment, then returned with some bubblebath, gave it to me, and told me to take a bath in it, shaving everything I could reach as well as I could, with a casual reminder not to nick myself. I took the stuff and disappeared into the bathroom. About an hour later I emerged squeaky clean, my skin hairless as I could get. Wrapped in a towel I was mortified when mom began rubbing in a sweet smelling skin lotion, telling me that it would make my skin softer, so I stood there and let her continue. When she was done she left the room so I could get at least some clothes on, but first, she handed me a pile of things.

Sorting through them I found new panties and quickly pulled them on, noting that they were a little tight, but that worked because that helped me hold things in the right place. I slipped on my robe, gathered up my meager collection of makeup, and went to find mom. She took me into Audrey's room, then sitting at the vanity, she watched as I began to apply the foundation, making a few comments about the way I put it on. When I reached for the eye shadow she stopped me, handing me the powder, telling me to use it. I had never used powder, so I was a little shocked when, after hitting my face with the puff, I looked almost ghostly! But after brushing away the excess, my face looked much better than I had ever managed, and couldn't hide the grin that popped out.

I had always used bright colors for eye shadow, but mom showed me how to use softer colors which made me look better, such as a light green with gray, plum and tan over that. I had never used more than one color, but she showed me how to blend the colors, telling me that by blending I created a better look, and she was right. Since I had long practice, she watched as I outlined each eye in black, liquid eyeliner on top, a black pencil under, then black mascara to make my lashes look better. When I was done I went back to my bedroom to finish getting dressed, slipping the bra on, fastening the clip in front. I opened my dresser to get my birdseed breast forms, but they were gone! Two small boxes lay there, so I took them out, opening the first to see what looked like a breast!

"Audrey used those when she was about your age honey, she didn't develop quite as fast as the other girls, so she used these to help mother nature. Now they're yours."

I quickly slipped one into each bra cup, then sat on the bed to pull on the pantyhose. Once I pulled them to my waist, I dug out the padding I had made and stuffed them into my panties. The padding, nothing more than cotton batting that I had cut into small oval shapes that I could move and set right where I wanted them, which gave me hips and a rounder bottom. Mom grinned at me when I was done, and smiling back, I shrugged my shoulders, then reached for the skirt I had on the night before. Once I had it on mom handed me a thin white top, watching as I carefully slipped it over my head, then took me back to the vanity. I watched in the mirror as she used only a few rollers, but after a good dousing with hairspray, she started with a curling iron, making my hair a series of tight curls that looked randomly placed to me. When she was done, she began to brush out my hair, teasing a curl here and there, then brushing again. Within minutes she had created a very feminine hairdo for me, like some that I had only dreamed of creating!

"Put on some lipstick Jennifer, I'll get you some earrings and a bracelet, then we have a few errands to run."

"Errands?" I asked myself, "nobody said anything about errands", but as mom walked out of the room, I saw her turn and smile at me, which told me that she had a plan, and I might like it, then again, I might not. I put the earrings and bracelet on and stood there waiting as mom looked at me from head to toe, then she opened the door and motioned me out. Pausing because I had never been outside, as in go somewhere, I had to recall the image I had seen in the mirror in order to get my feet to move before I walked into the kitchen. I was scared out of my wits at the thought of leaving the house, yet with mom waiting and watching, once I took that first step, I didn't hesitate. Doing my best to swallow my fears, I quickly went to the car and got in, with mom joining me. As we pulled out the street was barren of people for which I was thankful. Then as mom turned out of the neighborhood…

"We need some time together alone" mom said, "and with your father around, I thought that this would be better for both of us." Pausing to watch traffic, she went on. "Jennifer is a lovely name, and it suits you; tell me, how did you chose it?"

"It's the name of my favorite actress" I told her without saying the last name.

"I see. Well, since we have this time together, tell me what you really want, not what you think we want to hear. If you really feel like a girl in a boys body, then I want to know that, but if this is just a…dress up game, then I think we should know that too."

"It's not a game mother, at least not for me, but I don't know why! I tried to…quit, but I never could!"

"I know, which is why we're allowing you to feel free enough that you'll be honest with us."

"Dad will never understand mom, he busted up his knee in high school and couldn't play any more, but he always pushed me to be what he couldn't, and he always ignored me when I told him I couldn't do it, and didn't like sports anyway! When he saw me last night I saw it in his eyes mom. He thought I was a failure before, just because I couldn't play, and when he saw me dressed like this, all I did was prove it to him! I'll be lucky if he ever talks to me again, let alone tolerate…this!"

"Your father never realized what he was doing to you, until last night that is. Yes, he is hurt, and yes, he doesn't like seeing his only son wearing dresses, but he is also blaming himself for not trying to understand you better! He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't understand why any man, or boy in this case, would want to become a girl! In his world, men are manly and strong while women are weaker and unable to do many things. That's a crock of course, but he was raised that way and can't easily change how he is. I know for sure that your father was shocked more by how you looked than the fact it was you honey. He never once thought that a boy could be pretty, so it never occurred to him, until he saw you that is. Jenny, he told me later that you look almost exactly like your Aunt Cathy did when she was younger! He told me that everything about you was so feminine that it scared him to think that his son was actually the girl he was looking at!"

"He wants me to go somewhere with him so he can embarrass me mom! I like being a girl, but I'm not going to, I mean, I can't let him do that to me! I have to go to school here for another two years, and as bad as he wants me to be a…muscle head, he'll do anything to make sure that he gets his way! He's always been that way around me, so why should I think that he won't do it now? Hell, I had the highest scholastic average in the school for three straight terms, and all he did was insist that I add to it by joining the football team! He can't accept the fact that I'm not like him and I never will be! He…"

"Stop that!" mom said suddenly, "Your father isn't going to try and embarrass you! That wouldn't solve anything, and might make things worse for all of us! It's true that he made mistakes in the past, but seeing you last night has caused him to wonder about a lot of things, not the least of which is the way he treated you!" Softening her voice, "Jenny, the only person that can help him understand what's going on is you! Somehow, you two have to find a way to come to terms with this, but you'll have to be the one that makes the first move, because your father doesn't know how. Tell him how you feel and what you want out of life. Tell him, but do it as Jennifer. He needs to see that even as a girl you have a lot to offer, and you have to let him know that wearing a skirt doesn't mean that you don't care, about him, yourself, or the rest of us!"

I said nothing, wondering if mom was right, but facing my dad like this was just above being eaten by a shark on my list of things to do, yet maybe she was right. I knew that if I did get dad alone for a talk, I couldn't be an ultra feminine airhead or just a boy in a dress. I would have to be like mom and Audrey, just a normal person that happened to be a girl. "Ah, here we are" mom said as she turned in. Looking up I saw a glass fronted building without a sign on the door, so I had no idea what kind of place it was.

I was curious" mom said, "and looked it up on the internet. I found this place, called, and found out it was very close, so I brought you here to get fitted. I think you need it for your own self esteem."

"Get what?"

"Something that I didn't even believe existed, but just looking at the few pictures I saw, I thought that if it wasn't really expensive that getting you one would help you understand yourself a little better. Now then, lets go inside and see if what I think is true."

Mom never did tell me what it was that she saw, but quickly got out of the car, waiting until I joined her. Taking my purse in hand I got out and followed her inside. The smell of rubber filled the small shop, and looking around I saw masks of all kinds sitting on the shelves, some quite good. A guy stepped out from the back, and with a smile…

"Morning!" Can I help you?"

"I called earlier?" Mom sounded tense.

"Oh yes! This is the girl?" Mom nodded her head yes. "Well, come with me and I'll show you what's possible, as well as what isn't, then you can decide for yourself."

We followed him, watching as he pulled out several selections from a drawer, placing them on the table. It was obvious what they were, and I held back a grin when I heard mom draw a deep breath. He explained each one, what the person wearing it could and could not do, then added that each item was individually made to the exact measurements of the buyer, in the skin tone that best matched the persons skin of course. The price difference between the best and the plain was less than twenty dollars, so of course I wanted the best. After a nod from mom, he and I adjourned to a small fitting room where he took all of the measurements he needed. As he worked he asked me a lot of questions, smiling at me when I told him the truth. He told me that I could have it before two that same day if I wanted it, and with a nod from mom, I said yes. On the way out…

"Thanks mom! Thanks a lot!"

From there we went to the mart, which I would never have gone into, except that I knew that within a few hours I would look more like a girl than I thought possible, and that allowed me to relax enough to go inside with my mother. She let me pick out a skirt and blouse, one dress and some shoes, then updated my makeup kit before we went to a very small café for lunch. As we sat there people came and went, all without even a side glance at me, which made me feel really good, because it confirmed what had happened in the mart. Nobody gave me a second look there either.

"I was thinking" mom said, "that you should wear that thing for a few days, especially tonight. I was thinking that by wearing it you'll be able to talk to your father a little easier. Maybe, if you feel like a girl all over, what you have to say will be…from the heart? I don't know Jenny, in any case, you'll get a taste of what it's like to be a girl, having to use a stall all of the time rather than just rush in and use a urinal." Glancing at her watch, she rose, leaving money for the bill, and we went back to the small shop, about twenty minutes early.

"Oh! Glad you're here" he said, "Come with me". I followed him to his shop, undressing while he watched, then he helped me get it on, the panty quite tight. But after we seated things in the appropriate places, he and I pulled it to my waist. Standing back, he grinned, then reached for a small can of stuff and a little brush. "This is adhesive honey, I'll add some around the waist and legs. That way it won't come off easily, and nobody will ever know it isn't the real you!"

When he was done I looked in the mirror. There was no way anyone would ever know that I wasn't a girl, because the skin tone exactly matched my own! The thin brush of hair that outlined the groin was darker than my own blond hair, but he said that was normal. Then, after suggesting something, he said that for a few more dollars I could look complete, so I stood there and let him complete my "look". I eagerly got dressed, dropping the cotton padding in the trash can on the way out. I looked the same, but felt wonderful beyond my ability to express it! Mom paid him, then we went home. I took the new clothes to my room, once again eager to look at, and touch, the new me. I had my finger pushed inside of the panty when mom knocked on the door and came in. She did not catch me probing, but I was naked from the waist down, and what she saw stopped her dead in her tracks. I turned to face her, then unbuttoned my blouse and cast it off. Reaching for my bra fastener, I let it loose and tossed it on the bed, standing there completely naked. My breasts were small, yet firm, round and perfect, and with the magic he had done for me as a freebie, it looked as if I were a natural girl. Mom flopped on the bed as I stepped into my panties.

When I put the bra back on I reached in and pulled my breasts up to create cleavage, which made mom grin at my joy at being able to do it. Not even thinking about it, I went in my sisters room to get a specific dress, but Audrey was on her bed reading! She looked up at me, her eyes wide, about to say something when mom walked in. Standing there in nothing but a bra, and the tight panties, I did not look at all like the brother she had.

"Audrey, this is Jennifer, your ah…sister."

"But I don't have a…oh my god! It's you! But how did you…I mean, you have…you look just like a girl!"

"I can't tell you how Audrey, but I'd like it a lot if you didn't tell dad. I'm going to tell him myself, as soon as I get dressed. That why I came in here, to borrow a dress."

Without waiting for an answer, I went in her closet and pulled out the mint green dress and went back to my room, leaving mom to explain to my sister what was going on. I pulled on the pantyhose, then slipped the dress over my head and zipped it up, stepping into my white heels before I went in the bath to straighten out my hair, touch up my lipstick, and add some perfume. When I was ready, I walked down the stairs, my hips in full sway with each step. Dad was in his office. I went in and shut the door knowing that what mom had said was right; my wanting to be a girl was something that had to be settled between dad and I or we would never be able to talk, or maybe even trust each other ever again. He had to know the truth.

"Dad?" He looked up at me, saw the way the dress accented my breasts, narrow waist and hips, plus the dress was just low enough to expose some of my newly acquired cleavage. His eyes went wide as I sat across from him. "Dad, I know that I was never the son you wanted, but I couldn't help it! I'm not…"

"I know what you're going to say, but you're wrong. I'm the one that drove you to this. I could not accept that my son couldn't play football, and didn't want to either. I ignored all of the signs just to please myself, and for that, I accept the consequences, which is having you wearing a dress!"

"Dad" I said softly, "you had nothing to do with this; I've been dressing as a girl since I was about six, and by the time I was ten I knew that I wanted to be a girl, a real girl, not just a boy in a dress pretending to be a girl! I didn't like the way you always pushed me to be something I couldn't do, and I didn't like having you ignore what I could do, but…but I always wanted to be a girl, always!"

"Well, it looks like you have succeeded, hell, you almost look better than Audrey!" He stood up, so I did too.

"Dad, I need you to accept me the way I am! I need you to…"

"This is going to be very hard for me, you have to know that. You are the male heir, the one to carry on the family name, my only son! Now you want me to just ignore all that!" Pausing, "but I cannot refute the obvious, can I? If I say no, you'll just do it in secret, then move out the first chance you get, and where will that put us? I want you to know that regardless of what you may think, I have always been proud of you, even if I was an ass about it, but this, this is different, isn't it? You say that you want to be a girl, and while you look very nice, have you thought about what this will mean, and how hard it's going to be on all of us?"

"If I wanted to, I could take this dress off and prove to you that I am very serious about this dad, but I won't, not unless you tell me to anyway; lets just say that I am a lot more of a girl that you realize, and yes, I know this is going to be hard on all of us. But all you have to do is tolerate it while I'm the one that has to try and live with it!"

"What do you mean, you're more of a girl than I realize? What have you done to yourself?! Have you been taking drugs or something?"

"No dad, no drugs, but I am a girl on the inside and almost one on the outside, but that doesn't really matter, does it? Sooner or later I'll start taking the drugs so that I'll develop like a girl, and some day, eventually, I'll be a real woman, but right now, I need you to tell me that it's okay! That you'll care about me no matter what I wear! I let you down as a son, so I can't do much worse as a girl, can I?"

I thought dad was going to slap me when I said that. Instead, he scooped me into his arms and began to cry. I couldn't help it, I started bawling as well. As he stroked my hair I held his broad shoulders letting my mascara run out on his shirt. As we held each other tightly I could feel his strength returning, the pulsing throb of masculine pride being pumped up by his shame at having burst into tears. He held me at arms length, smiled weakly, then hugged me again. Whatever it was that drove him so hard before, it was gone. I could sense it as he held me, tenderly yet with strength. My shame at admitting that I wanted to be a girl had evaporated when I pulled that panty on, some inner will I didn't know I had rising up until I had confronted my father, dressed as a girl, with the unvarnished truth. We stood there holding each other for a moment longer, then…

"Those aren't real? Are they?"

"No dad, they aren't real, but they're as close as you'll get."

"You aren't going to school like this are you?"

"I'm not planning on it, no."

"Is that what you're wearing tonight?"

"I don't know dad, I'll have to check with mom."

"You better go check then, our dinner reservations are for seven."

Without warning, to dad or myself, I kissed him on the cheek, then ran out of the office, headed for my bedroom. Mom and Audrey were still entrenched in her bedroom, so I slipped out of the dress, pantyhose and shoes, ready to take a shower, which is when they both walked into my bedroom. Wearing nothing at all let Audrey and mom see just how realistic I looked, from the faint but detectable slit in my groin to the fullness of my hips and bottom up to what seemed to be breasts of my own. Audrey stared for a moment, then walked over and gave me a hug, telling me that her closet was my closet. I told them that I was going to take a shower, so they left, with mom telling me that she would do my hair again when I was ready, then they left.

As I stood in the shower I once again checked out the new plumbing, surprised that I could actually feel my finger inside of the panty! That told me that if I went completely stupid and had sex with someone, I would feel it, and maybe even enjoy it! I lathered up, rinsed off, then went in my room to get dressed, but on my bed was a complete set, bra and panties, with a matching garterbelt, and hanging from the closet door was Audrey's very best black dress! I had always liked that dress but had never tried it on, so I was thrilled that I was about to have the chance. I finished drying off and had hung up the towel when Audrey came charging in without knocking, which is when she saw me totally naked for the second time. Stopping to stare, I stood there with a silly grin on my face for a moment, then reached for the panties. Pulling them on I took my makeup kit and went in her room to use the vanity, with her trailing along behind me.

"When mom told me, I thought she was exaggerating, but damn! You look just like a girl!"

"That's the idea Audrey, if I look good I feel good, and if I feel good, I'll be a girl, won't I?"

While I started on my makeup she began to get undressed, something she had never done before. By the time she was down to her panties I was ready to leave, but she told me that it didn't matter any more. I was a girl, her sister, so it didn't matter if I saw her naked. What was I going to see that I didn't already have? Made sense to me, so I ignored her and finished putting my makeup on before I went back to my own room. I had to struggle with the unfamiliar garterbelt, discovering that I had to pull the garter tabs under my panties, or going to the can would be a real experience according to Audrey! The bra was thin black lace with underwire and pads that pushed my boobs up while pushing them together at the same time. As I fastened the small clip between the cups I relished the thought that I looked just like a girl, and with a smile on my face I sat on the bed to pull on the hose.

The glistening tan color enhanced my legs, making them shapely while adding a bit of shine to them, and as I stood up to get the dress I could not help but think of myself as a sexy young lady. I pulled the dress over my head then went in and asked Audrey to zip it up. When she finished, she pushed me down in the chair in front of the vanity, telling me that she was going to do my hair. Mom had brushed my hair out so that it lay in curls on my head, but Audrey began by brushing out my hair, then started putting it up! As I watched, she attached a small black hair clip that had small rhinestones on it. Since it was like a tiara, it was on top of my head, but not the focus. When she was done, the way she did my hair made me feel like a princess! I had trailing tendrils of hair the hung in curls, bangs that almost came to my eyebrows, and a long sleek neck!

"I bought these to go with the dress, maybe you would like to wear them?"

"I don't have pierced ears, so I can't wear the earrings Audrey."

"I'll fix that" she said, and within a few minutes, she had pierce my ears and I had black chandelier earrings with rhinestones hanging from my earlobes!

The necklace matched the earrings, and sat around my neck like a choker. I went back in my room, put on my lipstick and some perfume, then stepped into my heels. Taking the small evening bag I put my lipstick, some tissue and my wallet inside of it, then gave myself the once over in front of the mirror. I stood there in awe of what I had become. That frightened little ten year old boy in a pink and white dress had become a girl, a girl that some men would want on their arm. I stared at her, smiling and happy that I had at last realized a dream, yet deep inside lay that dragon called fear, ready to lash out and take away everything. Prominent in my thoughts was my father. He said that he loved me regardless, and promised not to make fun of me, yet like me, he was what he was, and nothing was going to change that. Our relationship had changed forever, good or bad yet to be determined, but I knew I would try, and only hoped that he would too. I would know when he saw me.

I heard Audrey go down, so I waited a moment, then opened the door and stepped out. The dress had two spaghetti straps just wide enough to hide the bra straps, a fitted bodice that merely drew the eye to the sweetheart neckline of the dress, and the wide chiffon skirt which was just above my knees, and flounced out with each step I took. There wasn't a more feminine dress available anywhere. When I reached the foyer I turned and saw everyone waiting in the familyroom. Audrey, as always, looked spectacular in her red sheath dress while mom wore her royal blue dress with the pearls. Both she and Audrey were smiling, but dad, wearing his charcoal suit, had his mouth open and his eyes wide as I walked in to stand next to Audrey.

"Who is this charming young lady" dad asked, "I don't recognize her!"

I went to him, took his hand in mine, then kissed him right on the lips, something I had never done before, leaving a red smear on his mouth. Mom quickly wiped it away, then dad told us to stand together, and using the timer, took a picture of all of us, as a family. Then he took several more of Audrey and I. Then we left for dinner at dads favorite place, the country club. In the past I would have fought every inch of the way if someone had tried to take me to the club dressed as a girl, but I was no longer worried, and in fact, looked forward to being out of the house again, especially looking the way I did right then. So, it was with a light heart that I got in the car, then later when we reached the club, I was the first one out of the car. I felt like a bird set free to fly with the wind, and stood waiting for the others before we went in the club. Audrey walked with me as we followed our parents, and I knew, right at that moment, that I was just as much a girl as she was.

Dinner was uneventful yet pleasant, with dad smiling, his usual gregarious self again. But more than once I saw him staring at me, the girl he saw a complete and utter opposite of the son he had tried to raise to be like him. Mom or Audrey would occasionally prod me to do something different, like the way I used my hands, but on the whole, I has having a great time. After dinner, mom, Audrey and I went to the ladies room. Before we left we all touched up our lipstick and began walking back to the table, then Audrey was snagged to dance by an old friend of hers, so I took her handbag and went to the table. With just mom, dad, and I sitting there…

"Jennifer" dad said softly, " your mother and I, we have come to a conclusion. After watching you, and taking into account what you told us, we don't believe it's going to be possible for you to simply give up being a girl, attending school one week at a time, then trying to become a girl on the weekends for the next two years, especially not after seeing you tonight anyway. We know that you said that you could do it, and we're sure that you meant it, but…but, we feel very strongly that sooner or later, you'll want to just say "the hell with it" and try to go to school as a girl. That might be dangerous, and certainly not in your best interest, but human nature being what it is, we feel that it's inevitable. Our concern about this doesn't take into consideration all of the times that you'll be so excited that you'll be exhausted, don't get all of the makeup off, make mistakes in how you do things, or any number of other things that will probably cause all of us great distress. That's on top of how the rest of the family is going to react to this"

Mom put her hand over mine, then, "Jenny, what we are saying is that we now believe you. We believe you when you said that sooner or later, you would become a woman, so, if we believe that, then we have no choice but to try to find a way for you to be the girl you say that you are."

"I called" dad interrupted, "a friend of mine. His sister runs an all girls school not far from here, and based on what your mother told me, and what I can see with my own two eyes, there shouldn't be any problems with you being discovered as a boy. She tells me that unless someone was very close to you, or a doctor, they would never know, so what we are suggesting is that we get you enrolled at a new school, maybe this all girls school."

I was stunned to the core of course, my parents had not only made a complete U-turn in just a few days, they were talking about arranging for me to attend school as a girl! I instantly had visions of cute little uniforms, but that was tempered by the fact that I might have to shower, play sports of some kind, which I hated, or even join several clubs, all populated with real girls! I had to swallow hard when I thought of all those girls, and me, a boy trying to be a girl. One mistake, just one, and I would be crushed under the publicity and ridicule. Before I said anything…

"Honey" mom said, "this is only an option, and while we think it's a wonderful option for you, we have decided that you'll have to decide for yourself. I can tell you that you'll be living at home while attending the school, so nothing will change there, and if you like, we can drive over there tomorrow so you can look around."

"All we're saying" dad added, is that as much as we don't like what's happening, we are willing to accept the obvious, but this will have to be your decision."

Audrey returned to the table, her friend in tow, plus another guy. Looking right at me, she introduced him as William Ermantopz, then sat one chair away, leaving room for him to sit next to me! After some inane small talk, he asked me to dance, but never having danced, not even with a girl, I held back, preferring to stay put. It was only when mom gave me the "look" that I assented and let him take me to the dance floor. As it turned out, he was a very good dancer, and I had no trouble following his every move, especially the one that moved south so he could look at my boobs. I laughed inside, because for the first time, I became fully aware of the impact a woman has on a man. I didn't say anything, but moved slightly closer to shut down that avenue of visual delight.

Nobody said much on the way home, and it wasn't until Audrey and I were together in my bedroom that she said anything at all. As my dress slipped from my shoulders…

"Jenny, can I say something?" I shrugged my shoulders, so…"Jenny, dad is, well, he's really confused right now. In his world, men don't dress as women, and they certainly don't become women. Men are strong and brave, they don't cry and they don't have sex with other men. Those are things that he uses to define himself, things that he doesn't know how to change. You threw everything he ever tried to teach you about being a man right in his face! Jenny, he did his best to get you to admire and become a man like him, because he doesn't know any other way! But now that you have openly let us all know that you want to become a girl, he is lost! He feels as if he failed you somehow, which is why you have turned your back on what he believes in." She spun me around so that we were face to face. "Jenny, I am a girl, and I can tell you that it's not always fun; watching the guys go off and do something else when you want them to be with you, always having to do your hair, wear makeup when you don't feel like it, go where they want to go, unless you want to stay home, and that's just to start with! You'll stand in line to use the can more times than not, wear clothes that you hate because your guy likes it, then turn around and wait on them, all without the slightest acknowledgement!"

Audrey sat on the bed watching as I silently hung up the dress, then went on. "I've known about you being into my clothes for years Jenny, and I even told mom, but you always put things back, so I didn't make a big deal about it, but I'm used to having a brother, not a sister! I know that I helped you get ready, but to be honest, I'm having a little trouble understanding why you would want to be a girl! I even looked up what you're doing! I need you to tell me that this isn't just a game you're playing on dad's head! Is this what you really want? To become a girl?"

"Audrey, you can't possibly believe that I would actually do this to pull a head game on dad do you?! Can you make yourself believe that I would hurt all of you, maybe even break up the family, tell dad that I wanted to be a real girl and possibly endangering myself unless it was true?" I slipped the hose down my legs while glancing at her. "I've always felt this way Audrey, as far back as I can remember, you have to know that, how couldn't you? I wore your clothes, that's true, but only because I didn't have any of my own!" I let my bra loose and tossed it on the bed, turning to face her. "Look at me! Even without all this, I never was very manly, and we all know it! I'm skinny with almost no muscles, and believe me, I tried! I tried to be the son dad wanted, but…I knew it was wrong! I knew in my heart that someday I would be a woman, a real woman. I don't care about the rest of it Audrey, guys are guys, and since I never fit in, not like dad expected anyway, just how different will it be if I'm wearing a skirt?"

She sat there watching as I gathered up my clothes and put them in the hamper, silent as I stood there wearing nothing but the panties. I couldn't even smile when I saw my reflection in the mirror. The immensity of what had happened in just two days was so over powering that my mind was reeling from the overload.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, but…damn! You look just like most girls I know! Do you have any idea how scary that is? I mean, one day you're my nerdy brother, walking around in jeans and a sweater and the next your a very cute little sister!" Audrey paused while I slipped a nightgown on. "Is it true? That mom and dad told you that if you wanted to keep on dressing as a girl that you could change schools?"

"Yeah, to an all girls school! I'm not so sure about that Audrey, I mean, with all of those girls there, sooner or later, somebody is going to find out that I'm not a girl, and we both know how that would turn out! I would be lucky if they only ran my ass up the flag pole!"

"I don't think so Jenny, most girls your age are still not as feminine as you might think. What I mean is, they're girls of course, but most of them are still caught between being little girls and becoming young women, and that means they will sometimes lapse into their little girl mode and get all giggly and shy. Other times they'll be perfect young ladies, looking all grown up and very mature, like you were tonight. What I mean is, they don't want anyone to see them naked either! In a few years that will go away, but for now, you'll fit right in since you're about as awkward as they are!"

"But why did dad change his mind so quickly? I mean, yesterday he was ready to disown me! Now he wants to send me to an all girls school? Just so I can keep dressing this way? He has something else in mind Audrey. Dad doesn't have it in him to just give up like that!"

"Then don't go! He can't force you, but if you keep playing dress up on the weekends, sooner or later you'll screw up, and then what? If you're asking me, I'd do it. If what you say is true, then why not? Being around all those girls will give you a better outlook on what it's really like to be a girl, and I'll bet that if you're as sincere as you say you are, then it won't be long before you start acting like they do, if for no other reason than to fit in!"

Audrey, like Katie, was the kind of girl that I wanted to become, sexy and smart, not snobby in any way, always ready with a quick smile and of course, she had a knock out figure. I slipped into bed with the events of the last two days churning around in my mind. I knew that Audrey was right about the other girls, I saw it every day in school. If I agreed to change schools my life would change more than I could have ever imagined, in ways that I hadn't even considered before. Audrey mentioned guys, more than once, how they treated girls and so on, and while I admit that I had thought of sex, it never got very far, until my finger slipped into the panty. Knowing that I could was a very long way from doing it, and that, I simply couldn't imagine. I did not view myself as cute, or even beautiful, maybe average at best, and on top of that, I didn't know much about being a girl. Beyond being able to dress myself and how to walk and sit, I was going to be lost!

I once again had a hard night as everything tumbled through and around my mind as I tried to decide what to do, then how to do it. I had burned so many bridges in the last two days that I was positive that even if I told everyone it was a gag, dad would take matters into his own hands and force feed me to an all girl school anyway! Mom would step in of course, but the force of dad's personality would win the day, and I would become a young girl regardless of what I said! But in my heart, I knew that I would never deny how or what I felt, and that left only one conclusion. I was about to become a student at an all girls school. There wasn't any other answer. In the morning when I got up I wrapped my robe around myself and went to the kitchen.

"Tough night?" mom asked.

"Yeah. I was having trouble seeing myself in a school full of girls."

"But?"

"I'm going to do it mom, I don't have any choice, do I?"

Nothing more was said about it, and after some breakfast I went to my room to get dressed. I wore jeans and a top with my gym shoes and my hair in a ponytail with the minimum makeup I could get by with when I went downstairs again. Dad didn't say a word when Audrey whispered in my ear and we left in her car. As we drove away, she suggested that I get my hair done as soon as possible, and that I should let them wax my body to remove any excess hair! I knew what that was, they pour hot wax all over you, let it set up, then they rip the wax off in strips, yanking the hair out by the roots! Just thinking about it gave me the shivers! She pulled up in front of the mart and we went in, going straight to the lingerie department. With her help, I picked out three packages of panties, some pantyhose and three bras. Audrey paid for them, then, on the way home, I told her that I had decided to change schools. She knew what that meant, her brother was forever gone. She glanced at me, smiled, but didn't say anything.

That afternoon was much like any other except that I wore makeup and a bra; about four that afternoon I told mom that I was going to take everything off so I could go back to school, but she told me no.

"You and I are going to visit the new school tomorrow morning, and I suspect that you'll be attending there the next day, so there is no reason for you to remove anything."

"Mom? Is dad really in agreement with this? I mean he seemed to agree but…it was pretty quick!"

"Quickly? It wasn't quite as quick as you might imagine Jennifer. Your father and had talked many times about your dressing up, and while he didn't like it, he never told me to make you quit, so when this all came to a head, he wasn't very surprised at all. Not like he made you think anyway. We only want you to be happy, and it's been obvious from the moment this started that you were never more happy than when you were a girl! That's why he and I have agreed to this. We'll make sure that your happy and safe, but the rest is going to be up to you. Now, why don't we go set your hair in rollers so that you'll look extra nice in the morning?"

After getting up early, mom did my hair and once again watched as I did my makeup, then let me get dressed. I wore a simple pleated navy skirt with a white blouse and navy jacket with my white heels. When we were ready mom drove us to the school. It wasn't as big as I thought it was, and it wasn't as crowded as I expected. The lady that ran the place was very business like, and accepted my application without a word, then, as soon as mom gave her a check, I was handed a list of rules and places that I could get the uniforms. No mention was made that I was really a boy, so I was relieved about that. On the way home we stopped and mom picked up enough uniforms that I had plenty of clothes to wear. Two skirts, one sweater, one jacket, four blouses with ties, a pair of slacks and two dresses. The shoes had to be black, but that included sneakers, flats or heels, so mom bought a pair of each. The skirts were pleated, black and tan plaid and were just above my knees. The slacks, and dresses were tan, the jacket and sweater black. The ties were plain black. According to the rules, I could wear anything I wanted as long as it met the uniform code. I selected a skirt with the white blouse, tie and jacket with flats for the next day.

It wasn't anything like I expected it to be. It was just like a normal school except there weren't any boys, and all sports were optional. I was accepted by the other girls rather quickly, but after a few weeks, I began to understand what Audrey was trying to tell me. Brushing out my hair every day and putting on makeup grew to be a chore rather than a privilege, plus, I had to shave every other day or risk exposure because of my light beard, although I didn't say anything for fear of having someone say "I told you so". About three weeks after I started the new school, mom took me back to see the guy that had originally set the appliances in places. After some discussion, he redid everything, which was the first time I had seen my manhood in almost a month. It not only looked strange, it felt strange. Once he was done, she and I went to a very fancy salon where, to my great horror, I was told that I was about to be "waxed", "clean" the girl told me.

Mom merely patted my hand, telling me "we all suffer in the name of beauty, and I think it's time for you to start, don't you?"

I didn't scream, not once, but my skin felt like it was on fire every time the wax was yanked away. It took a couple of hours, and I'll admit that when she was done, my skin was flawlessly smooth, and after she rubbed in the lotion, silky soft as well. Then my hair was cut and styled, set in a soft perm to make it easy to take care of yet look very feminine. Figuring I was done, I looked for mom, but she wasn't anywhere to be seen, so when I was taken to the manicurist station, I didn't resist. My nails are very thin, which meant that I could never have longer nails although I did file them the best I could. The girl took one look at my nails and shook her head before she removed all of the polish and began. Cleaning, filing, another cleaning, then acrylics were added to my nails to make them both thicker and longer. When the stuff set up she filed them down, buffed the tops, then added a color, letting me pick it out. Since nail color wasn't banned at school, I chose plum, but asked her if one nail, my index finger on the left hand could be done in black with a diagonal tan stripe across it. She said yes, so that's how my hands looked when she was done.

Mom loved the "look" but dad didn't understand the one fingernail done differently, so I had to explain it.

"See, it's sort of a signal. All of the girls that have completed a sort of test, get to wear this design, and that tells everyone else that they have! I passed the test about a week ago, so now I get to wear the design! I'm on the insiders list now dad! Isn't that great?!"

"What kind of test?"

"A…a personal kind of test."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"I can't dad, it's supposed to be a secret."

"I guess it can't hurt. You seem to be adapting well Jenny, how is it?"

"Great! I love it daddy! I'm so glad that you let me change schools!"

"I'm glad you're happy" he said while sounding…stoic.

I went to help mom make dinner, relieved that dad had not pushed me to tell him more about the test. You see, in order to be in, you have to be able to prove that you're not a virgin by pushing a toy up inside of yourself, with at least one other member watching you. Carol was my witness as I slipped that thing into the panty, proving that I was not a virgin. But that was a secret, and I wasn't about to tell anyone that. Just having Carol see me do that removed any doubts that any of the other girls might have had, and secured my status within the school. As a Junior, there were many younger girls anxious to achieve and join in, so the design on my nail told them that I had made it to the "in crowd". The problem of course was that dad told me that I wasn't going to be able to date solo until I was 17, just like my sister.

Time seemed to fly by and too soon it seemed, Christmas break arrived. It was the one time I loved and dreaded at the same time. I like all of the pageantry, but it was also the time when all of our relatives arrived, some from far away. When they saw me I knew deep inside that the fur was going to fly, especially from my Uncle Greg. He's a dyed in the wool old style "men are men and women serve them" kind of guy. He has nothing but disdain for Gays, blacks, Jews, hell, almost everyone that isn't just like him! His wife, a mousy woman named Flo almost always faded into the background when they were together. I had not heard her say more than two hundred in words in my entire life! They have two kids, both boys, one of them my age. The eldest is in jail for armed robbery, and the other one, Mike, is headed the same direction, so I knew that it would hit the fan big time the minute they found out.

Then there were both sets of grandparents of course. Mom's folks live in Florida and dad's in Arizona, which meant that Audrey and I would be staying together thankfully, while Mike and his parents stayed in my room. I was so wound up by the anticipation that I even asked mom if I should become my old self while they were with us, something that I really didn't want to do, but in the interest of family…

"Not on your life Jennifer Elaine! This is our house, and you are our daughter! If they don't like it, they can leave, but you will not, repeat not, under any circumstances, hide!"

"I didn't mean it that way mom! I was thinking of Uncle Greg and that moron son of his, Mike! You can guess what's going to happen when they see me can't you?"

"Sure I can! They'll wonder where we got such a lovely daughter, and I'll tell them! Now, no more talk about that, we have cookies to bake! You start mixing the dough."

Like mom, dad seemed unconcerned about what I saw as a looming prelude to the Armageddon that was going to occur in our familyroom. In fact, they both told me to relax and refused to discuss it any more! Two days before everyone was to arrive, mom, Audrey and I went to the beautyshop, and we all got the works, which for me meant another round of waxing and electrolysis. My beard was almost gone, but mom wanted me to complete the process, so I had been enduring those treatments once a week, two hours at a time. My once mousy blond hair had long ago been dyed to a true strawberry blond, and since it hung below my shoulders, I was able to create many different hairstyles, but my stylist told me that it was time for me to take on a more mature look, and showed me some pictures. I hated to see it go, but she was right. I looked a lot better, and would be easier to take care of. We all had our nails done, then went home.

I won't go into all of the details, but suffice it to say that it was the most memorable Christmas I was ever at! Uncle Greg went ballistic when he found out, but for the first time ever, I saw Flo slap him when he started to call me names. Then of course there was Mike, who tried to lift my dress, just to make sure. I smacked him up side the head to get his attention, but it was dad standing over him that gave him reason to behave himself. My grandparents, both sets, seemed shocked at first, then grudgingly treated me as if I had always been a girl. Tumultuous as it was, I actually enjoyed myself. With Mike constantly staring at me and Uncle Greg with a leer on his face, it was mom that suggested to us that Audrey and I might want to model our new swimsuits. "You can sort of provoke them a little?" With both of us grinning, we went to change. Skimpy is the best descriptor of the suit that I wore, and Audrey's was almost scandalous. Every man there, from our grandfathers to dad stared at us with their mouths open, then we both went to change back into our Christmas dresses. After that, nothing more was said about my situation, and everyone was gone within a few days.

Life became normal again as soon as school started, and soon enough I was on summer break. By that point I no longer had to shave, my mannerisms were that of a young girl, only that once a month trip to have my appliances reset remained to tell me of my true status. I no longer though of myself as a boy in any way, and began to resent what mom called my "toy", so I was thrilled when our doctor finally agreed to help me become a woman by prescribing the right medication. Dad had long ago quit pouting whenever he saw me, and our relationship once again became stronger, in many ways stronger than before. I could tell him anything as Jennifer, while before, well, I couldn't. I was allowed to attend several dances but not date, which was okay I guess, because I wasn't the only one in school that couldn't date. As summer became fall then winter, I developed my own breasts, got wider hips and smoother skin, which meant that by the time I turned 17 and could date, only one thing remained to be done to make me a complete girl.

Life in an all girls school was a real experience as I quickly became aware that many if not most of the girls had the same kinds of thoughts that the guys did, although they expressed them differently. As in any school, cliques formed then broke up as we all matured, then new ones were formed. The smartest girls, the prettiest girls, those with money or status, the best anything I guess. Those that were left out of the cliques simply plodded through school without a lot of fanfare, but probably represented the majority of the students. I was in with the girls that were smart and second tier for the pretty ones. Only one girl ever gave me any trouble. Betty was part of the prettiest and had money to boot, which made her a snob first class with stars. She took it into her mind that she wanted me to repeat the insertion prank again, and when I refused, she started telling everyone that I couldn't do it because I wasn't a virgin, or I was a guy in drag! That last remark sent shivers down my spine, but gave me the opportunity to toss her from her wagon about a week later. I was changing to use the pool when she and her tight little group waked in, so, completely naked, I turned to face her. I saw her face get flush, then she left, her entourage in tow. At the time I thought that I had simply embarrassed her.

I was wrong about that, which became very clear that Friday night. Betty asked me to join her for a girls night out, forgetting to tell me it would be just the two of us. It happened when we were in a small shop trying on dresses. I had stepped out of my skirt and blouse when I felt her hands on my shoulders. She slid them down until her hands cupped each of my breasts, then kissed me on the back of my neck! I was so shocked that at first I didn't do or say anything, which she took as a green light and let her hand slip down to my panties! That's when I spun away from her, not saying anything, but making sure that I was facing her.

"Ever been with a girl before Jennifer?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Maybe you should try it then. You can't get pregnant with a girl you know, and who knows how to turn on a girl better than another girl?"

"I said no Betty, and I mean it!"

"How about I do you? You just lay there and let me show you the way to heaven!"

I put my clothes back on and stormed out of the shop, leaving Betty to either follow or find her own way home. She elected to let me take her home, but the ride was very tense, especially for me. I had spent over a year trying to be a female, and at first, while I had not felt a strong attraction to guys, over time, and my attendance at an all girls school, I had been inoculated with the boy virus. Slowly I had come to see the guys not as what I once was, but as possible dates or maybe even mates. Betty had seen me as the type of girl that turned her on, but that only threw me away from her! Everything she offered was what I was turning away from! I dropped her off at home, wondering what it was about me that made her offer me girl love! Disgusted with what had happened, I decided that I needed to go out on a single date with a guy! The problem was I didn't know any guys well enough to ask them. Audrey had moved to the college, so she wasn't any help, but when I called her to talk about what had happened, she mentioned Bill Ermantopz.

"I'm still dating his friend, and I know that Bill has asked about you a couple of times; why don't I see if he's interested? Who know? Maybe you two will hit it off!"

I told her to ask, but not let on that I wanted to know. As I remembered it, Bill was a little taller than I was, but not by much. Over a year had gone by, and I had sprouted up to a fast 5' 8", so I assumed that he and I would still be about the same height. Then I got mom to agree to a solo date and waited. At school Betty was back to her usual ebullient self centered ways, but I had somehow been inducted into her clique. I assume it was to let me know that she wanted me to keep my mouth shut. Bill called me on Thursday night, and after we rehashed our last meeting, he asked me out to dinner that Saturday night. The minute I put the phone down I was a nervous wreck! It was going to be my very first solo date! Somewhere deep in my mind I felt that I had to make it memorable to wipe away the stain of Betty's advance.

I sat there waiting, all prim and proper, a modest skirt and blouse with a sweater and low heels, jittery as I anticipated being on my first date. Mom laughed and told me to relax, and I tried, but failed. When Bill finally arrived I was out of my chair like a flash. Opening the door I saw him for the first time in a year. While I had grown a little, he had sprouted up to well over six foot and filled out quite a bit! His smile was the same, and as I let him in the house he took my hand and squeezed. I introduced him to mom and dad, then…

"Jennifer has to be home by one" dad told him dourly.

"On the dot sir, one o'clock."

We went to dinner first, then later a show. Bill was funny and charming, tall and handsome, everything a girl would want in a guy, yet while I knew that I was a girl, I felt a curiosity, wondering if I could have done everything he was doing. I cast that thought aside the moment his arm went around my waist. We had walked to his car when he circled me with his arms, turned me around, and smiled. "Jenny" he said, then kissed me. Whatever it was that had driven me to become a girl had been right. I trembled when he kissed me, soaking up the affection like a sponge, knowing that it wasn't wrong in any way. He took me home, kissed me again, then I ran inside and up to my bedroom. Leaning against the door, I knew that what Betty had offered me was not what I wanted. Bill showed me what I wanted.

From that point on I never looked back at what I once was, only at what I was going to be. Bill and I dated a few more times before I let him touch my breast, which left me quivering under his touch. Also just about then is when I got "the talk" from mom. Bill and I continued to date, but within a week of my birthday I had graduated from high school and left home for the hospital. When I emerged I was the woman I always wanted to be, sore but complete. The first person I saw when my eyes opened were my fathers. He was sitting in a chair, his head resting on his arms as he dozed, waiting for me to waken. I gently stroked his hair, not to wake him up but to let him know how much I loved him. As much as he hated my becoming a girl, he had managed to find the strength to let me be myself, even helping me find out what the truth actually was. He was everything I wanted in a man, and as soon as I could, I was going to tell him just that.

In the three years since I began the transformation from boy to girl, my father and I had started out badly, but over time we had each discovered the others strengths, and weaknesses, then began to grow as a family once again, even my grandparents accepting the obvious. I felt him stirring, and just as his eyes opened…

"Daddy…I love you."

"I love you too kitten."

What more needs to be said? I had it all.

 

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© 2001 by Janet Stickney. All Rights Reserved. These documents (including, without limitation, all articles, text, images, logos, compilation design) may printed for personal use only. No portion of these documents may be stored electronically, distributed electronically, or otherwise made available without express written consent of the copyright holder.
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