Copyright 2000 by Samantha Michelle. Permission given to post on Fictionmania and C.Sprite's Story Site.

Standard warning and disclaimer: All characters are fictional. If you see yourself, buy a new mirror. Contains subjects some people may find offensive. If you are one of them, why are your reading this? Protect your kids. If you are worried about them reading this sort of material, please censor free speech and use a safe surfing program such as net nanny. Or better yet, teach them early and lovingly to understand and accept different lifestyles. Before they learn they from bad experiences.

Constructive comments appreciated. I have a delete button and I'm not afraid to use it! Please send comments to sam@pobox.alaska.net

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Ditzyness - An SRU story         by: Samantha Michelle

 

I was doing my typical dateless Saturday routine. Visit the mall, buy some books, and watch the scenery. And scenery there was, because with the temperatures heading for the nineties, every girl in town seemed bent on indecent exposure.

I watched as two incredible foxes wiggled past. If their hem-lines went any higher, or their necklines lower, I mused they would be able to get by with buying belts. Then their perfume hit. It began as an itch in the back of my nose, and rapidly increased to a feather duster in my sinuses.

I managed a half-dozen incredible sneezes, and sat there with a dazed expression from forcing too much oxygen into my system. Being allergic to perfume was another reason I was dateless. It wasn't like I was ugly, rather, most girls thought I was a hunk. But giving my partner a sneeze instead of a kiss, or leaving her half-deaf from one of the unplanned explosions had ruined my self-confidence. Not to mention my reputation.

The tickling began again, and after about a dozen explosions, I realized I was in real trouble. And I didn't have my inhaler with me. Then I remembered there was a small pharmacy in another part of the mall and, with sneeze-propulsion, staggered in that direction.

By the time I got to where I thought the pharmacy was supposed to be, I was dizzy and feeling awful. I didn't see a sign, but there was a doorway, and with my eyes watering pushed it open. I was greeted by a cute young woman, who wordlessly handed me a box of tissues, and sat me on a stool. When my vision finally cleared, it looked like I had walked into a second-hand store. Or maybe a theater supply. The place was weird. I looked at the girl, who was wearing a pink paisley caftan that seemed to be constantly changing patterns. It made me dizzy.

"George, do you want some medicine for your allergies?" I stared at the girl, then shut my eyes as the room started to move on it's own. "OOPS, sorry, forgot to change." I heard a "pop". "You can open your eyes now."

I stared at her again. She was now wearing an iridescent green mini and painted-on crop-top. I almost hurt himself. She looked hot. Then it dawned on me. She knew who I was. "How did you know my name…?"

She giggled, and jiggled enticingly. "Your reputation, and sound effects, preceded you. Besides, I'm a wizard in training, and mind-reading is one of my current courses." She handed me a card. "Spells -R-Us". "So do you want something for that nasty allergy?"

"I was going to stop at the drugstore I though was located here…" She smiled.

"We have quite a line of imported, high-quality herbal and medicinal preparations, much more effective that the animal-tested stuff they sell over the counter." I looked at her, and the itch returned.

When the next round of sneezing stopped, she was standing several feet back. "Sorry, I just can't help it. I guess I'd better be going."

"Hey, wait, like the guy that owns this place will really be upset if you leave empty-handed." She rummaged in a cabinet, and pulled out a small glass pill-bottle. It looked antique. "These should work great, just read the instructions carefully to avoid side-effects."

I stared at the bottle full of tiny pills. The label was in minuscule handwriting. "I don’t know…"

"Hey, they're only 19.95 for the bottle, which is a year's supply. They're guaranteed to work better than anything you ever used before." She wiggled, which broke my concentration. "And they come with a money-back guarantee."

My nose started to itch, and she grabbed me a cup of water from one of those bottled-dispenser things. I was desperate, and pulled out one pill and gulped it down. "Ah.. Ah.. Ahhh…… Hmmm?" The sneeze had disappeared, along with the itch. In a moment my head was clear, and I felt almost human.

"They do work fast, but remember, read the instructions carefully."

I paid her with a twenty, and headed out the door. She was giggling as I left.. For some reason I felt really relaxed and kinda spacey. But I remembered her warning, and read the label. Only one tablet per day was needed, and should be taken before bed if possible. Care to be exercised when driving during the first week of use. The warnings were strange.

"May cause temporary ditzyness"

"Overdose may cause temporary blondness"

"A few users may experience loose vowels"

"Improper use may be hazardous to your wealth"

"Should not be taken by males under the age of fourteen except under the supervision of a gynecologist."

I shrugged. The stuff worked. And I was finally feeling really good. So I went back to watching the hot bodies strut through the air-conditioned halls. I never got bored the whole day, especially when the jocks showed up in their cutoffs and muscle-shirts. I was surprised when my watch beeped, telling me it was time to head for home. As I was leaving, I saw a sign for a super clearance sale at Tina's lingerie, and dashed in. Ten minutes later I was heeded home, enthralled that I could get three teddies, matching panties, and two satin nightgowns for only 28 dollars.

I was almost home when I realized I had just bought women's lingerie, for myself. I carefully wrapped the packages in some newspaper, and carried them up to my room. And forgot all about them when mom called me for dinner.

For some reason I selected only a small portion, and a big salad. Mom asked if I was trying to loose weight, and I mumbled something about watching my figure as I gestured freely with my hands. She gave me a really strange look.

After dinner I called one of my old girlfriends, and we spent several hours chatting about everything from the weather to who was dating, and doing it, with whom. I realized I needed a shower, and once in the bathroom, decided on a warm soak. So I added some of my sister's bath beads, and relaxed. When I was thoroughly scrubbed, I noticed the hair on my legs, and decided it was past time to shave. Hmm. The pits needed it too. I finished, rinsed, and gave myself a thorough lotion rub.

When I got back to my room, I saw the packages on my bed. Dumping the towel, I grabbed one of the nightgowns, slid it over my body, marveling at how good it felt on my legs, and curled up in bed. I woke up sneezing, and grabbed the little bottle of pills. A quick check of my clock told me it was twelve hours since my first dose. Hmm. Probably need to take one twice a day. So I got up, got some water, and took a pill, then curled up and went back to sleep. It took a while, as my now longish blonde hair kept falling across my nose.

I woke slowly, and stretched. I had been almost a month since I got those great new allergy tablets. I wiggled against he sheets. My new silk baby-doll nightgown was just perfect for his hot weather. Mom thought it was obscene. But she wore those long cotton things that made her look like a grandmother. To bad she took away my credit card. I guess buying every new outfit I saw was a bit excessive, but shopping was sooo… much fun.

A glance at the clock told me I had a couple of hours before I was to meet Bill and Tony at the library for a study session. I grinned, and jiggled mightily as I hopped out of bed. I hoped they were planning on studying my biology while they were at it.

I checked the list on my mirror. Allergy Tablet. Birth Control Pill. Underwear. Bra. Textbooks.

Darn Mom, she wouldn't let me forget that I wore my favorite leather microskirt to school last week and spaced the panties. Just because I bent over at the bus stop and old Mr. Thomas rear-ended the police chief's wife. Geeze, you would think I was trying to cause accidents.

And there was no way I was going to forget my bra. I hefted one of my firm, overly sensitive beauties in both hands and tingled all the way to my toes. Unless I wanted to have a real pain in the chest, stuffing my triple-D's into their harness was not an option. It took a while to get all eight fasteners hooked. I sighed. "Support-R-Us" But I had to admit that for once mom was right. These industrials strength bras were an awful lot more comfortable than the lacy ones, and made me really stand out under a tight outfit. I wondered if I could dye one pink and wear it as a top?

One light-blue micro dress, and my favorite strappy heels later, I brushed out my hair, and put on a bit of makeup. A quick look in the mirror told me that Bill and Tony would have trouble adding two and two. Served them right for scheduling a study session in a public place. I checked the list again, and giggled,. I grabbed a pale-blue thong from my drawer, and pulled it into place under my dress.. Maybe mom was right, I had turned into such an airhead lately.

I wagged my more than ample tail at Mom and Dad as I fixed and ate a cottage cheese and fruit breakfast. And took my pills. When I reached for something on a top shelf, my Dad blew tea across the table. Yep, the dress was the right length. I made it out the door before they could lock me in my room.

I mused as I backed my car out of the drive that it was only a few weeks ago I was such a tom-boy, all flat and muscled. And giggled about the awful time I had getting the school to change me from football to aerobics. I guess taking my clothes off in the boys locker room convinced them. Life was really fun these days. I mean, like someone would believe that just a month ago I was a shy guy named George?

 

© 2000
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