Designing                           by: Janet L. Stickney                            JanetLynn17@Hotmail.com

 

I started making jewelry when I was 10, then later, when I was 12, found I had a flair for designing dresses as well. At first only my close friends had the pieces I made, but the other kids noticed, and I soon found myself selling copies, first at my school, then, all at once it mushroomed to include kids at other schools. For me, it was a hobby, and I enjoyed doing it, but once the demand grew I had to charge for them. Not a lot, but I started making money from it, which gave me the money I needed to start making different things, like fancy earrings, bracelets and necklaces. It was a closely held secret of mine that when I was 11 my mother had, at my request, started to teach me how to sew. I drew up several dress designs, and with Nana’s help, had made mom a dress, dad a tie, and my brother Ken and I matching shirts. By the time I was 13, and again at Nana’s suggestion, I had again tried my hand at designing skirts and dresses. The dress I had made for mom was my own design, and both mom and Nana really liked it, so I drew up three more designs, then made them using the standard sizes for girls. I gave the first one to my friend Janet, who wore it to school, which set off a deluge of requests the minute she told her friends. As the requests came in, I didn’t even consider just how impossible this all was. After all, I was only thirteen, yet I had orders for jewelry, dresses and skirts, more than I could possibly make in a short time, but I kept at it.

My parents, dad especially, told me that I had a gift, and with the amount of money coming in, he and mom called our lawyer and set up a company, but, because of the security issues, dad suggested that I use a different name, an alias, simply to protect myself. Since I had not even considered it, and dad did mention it, I agreed. But what name? It was my mom that suggested that since I was selling primarily to girls my age, that I might want to use a girls name. She said that the girls would feel more comfortable buying clothing and jewelry designed by what they thought was another girl. I agreed, and picked Claire Margaret. Those were my initials, and sounded classy to me. As sales began to pick up locally, my older brother suggested that I try selling on line. His reasoning was that if I were a hit locally, why not try nationwide? If he turned out to be right, well, things would get very busy, but my parents assured me that we should try it, so Ken, my brother, set up a web page, posted it, and the orders started to come in. I was working after school and weekends to meet the demand, and the money was being sent to an account in our bank. I only sold jewelry and those three dresses on line as the shipping was inexpensive. All at once, I was making a lot of money. Everyone in the family was getting real good using a sewing machine by the way, and we just kept up with demand.

Just before I turned 14 I got an e-mail wanting to know if I did any other dresses, and did I have any pictures of myself wearing my own work. Well, I had never used a model, or taken a picture of a girl wearing my dresses, so I asked around, but none of the girls that had bought any of my dresses would do it. I know. I asked all of them. I now had four dresses and two jumpers and some skirts and tops designed, and I didn’t know what to do. Over dinner Ken asked me why I didn’t do it myself!

"Just look at yourself" Ken said, "most of the girls you sell to are about the same size as you, you have shoulder length hair and you haven’t started a beard yet! You could do it easily!"

That drew silence at the dinner table, then my mother’s face lit up, and said that she thought it was a wonderful idea! I looked around the table and saw all of them smiling at me!

"Listen honey, all we have to do is fix your hair, put on a little makeup and have you model the dresses. Dad can take the pictures and Ken can post them. Nobody has to know but us. Think of it! No modeling fees!"

"But…but…I can’t…I mean, I’ll feel…I’ll look…"

"Beautiful honey" mom said, "You’ll look just beautiful. After dinner I’ll get a few measurements, and tomorrow I’ll get you a few things that you’ll need, then on Saturday we’ll get you fixed up and take a few pictures."

It was a done deal! Between them, mom and dad that is, they made it sound so easy, and since there wasn’t any way I could get out of it, I did the next best thing. I ignored it. But, true to what mom said, on Saturday morning early, mom got me up and began to make me look like a girl. At my age I didn’t have a beard, so that wasn’t a problem, just hips and boobs, makeup and hair. Mom fixed all of that, starting when she had me put on a pair of panties! I tried to say no, but she merely pointed her finger, and up they went. One look was usually all it took when she wanted us to do something, but if she pointed that finger at you, you knew she meant it. Over that went a pantybrief, but she used a small towel folded a few times to create hips. Then came the pantyhose, which I will admit, felt just great when I pulled them on. After that she wet my hair and used a few rollers, her curling iron, some hairspray, a pair of scissors and a pair of barrettes to create a very feminine hairdo for me. I was shocked at how little she had to do to make my hair do that! Then came the makeup, which I now know wasn’t very much at all, just some powder, blusher, eyeliner and lipstick.

A slip, a brand new bra which we stuffed with nylons, then one of my dresses. Red and green checked, it looked like a throw back to the 70’s, and it was in a way. It was a mini dress with a square cut neckline. I wore red shoes with it and a funky red hat. When mom said I was ready I looked in the mirror and almost fainted. I looked pretty darned good! "Cute" mom said! I was ready to quit right then, but mom insisted, and dad was soon taking pictures. I modeled all of my creations, including the other four dresses, two jumpers, and four skirt and top sets. It was okay I guess, but dad posed me in at least ten positions for every outfit, and since all of the tops I had made left my belly button showing, I also bared myself. By the time we were done it was after lunch, and I was ready to change into my own clothes. But mom said no, she had a surprise for me, and pulled it out of the closet.

"Lets try this on Claire! I think it’ll look cute on you!"

"Moooom!"

"Lets not have any of that Claire. Take the dress and lets get you changed."

Well, I went with mom, and changed into the dress she had bought. It was all white with blue piping, a fitted bodice and a flaring skirt. The shoulder straps were lace trimmed to match the lace on the hem. Then mom handed me a pair of low, white heels. I stepped into them and looked in the mirror. Struck dumb, mom took my hand and led me back to the familyroom where Ken and dad were waiting. Both of them popped out of their chairs when we walked in. I had my hands folded in front of me, unable to move. Mom gently pushed me forward and I stepped into the room.

"Damn!’ Ken said with a smile, "I always wanted a sister, now I have one!"

Dad must have known. He smiled at me, then came over and gave me a hug! Then, while we watched, Ken downloaded the pictures into the computer and showed us each one. We narrowed the entire file to two pictures of each outfit, and Ken immediately posted them to my website. During the entire time we worked on those pictures, I completely forgot how I was dressed and simply concentrated on what Ken was doing. It took about three hours for Ken to complete the new pages and get them posted. Afterwards mom told us we were going out to dinner. I started for my room, expecting to change, but she handed me a purse and the tube of lipstick, telling me I was fine, just like I was.

I can’t say I was eager to leave the house this way, but, and I didn’t want to admit this, I really found that I didn’t really mind wearing a dress. In a way, it was really neat to see my creations on what looked like a girl, but leaving the house? I was a boy, and I knew that boys don’t wear dresses. Visions of being laughed right out of the restaurant immediately came to mind, but needless to say, I had no choice in the matter. Mom fussed with my hair again, watched as I did my lips myself this time, then she spritzed me with some perfume! When she said I was ready, we went to dinner. Dinner went without incident. It was very strange sitting there dressed as a girl, the lightweight dress so different, the feeling of being half dressed strange, and with a gentle reminder from mom, I had to sit there with my knees together. After we sat down, I’ll admit that it wasn’t that bad, but again, I didn’t say that out loud.

When we got home, Ken checked the order page where we found almost eighty orders! Some of everything sold, but the dresses seemed to do just a little better. It was obvious to all of us that there was no way I could sew up that many dresses right away, but my mother said she would call Nana and my two Aunts to help.

I stayed dressed as a girl for the rest of the day, returning to my own self the next morning. Along with everyone else, I was sewing as fast as I could, but, well, we could not keep up with the orders that Ken kept piling on the desk. Dad took charge at that point, and found a shop that could make and ship all of the clothes for a small fee per item. My supply problems disappeared almost at once and I was able to devote myself to my school work and my designing. All was well for about a month. That’s when I got the e-mail. A very popular teen diva had seen my web site, and wanted to not only buy some of my clothes, but meet me! But she wanted to meet Claire, not Charles! In her e-mail she mentioned having some of my designs made just for her, and if they worked out, she would have her ensemble wear them on stage! In return, she would tell everyone where she got them, mention my name, and website! All at once everyone had something to say, but dad shut that down and ruined my day for me.

"Do any of you have any idea just how much money this is worth?" dad said, "Millions! This girl is very popular within the age group we sell too, and if this girl wants to meet Claire, then that’s who she’ll meet! And you" he said, pointing at me, "Will become the 14 year old girl that everyone out there thinks you are. This is too good a chance to pass up, and we are not going to miss out because you don’t think you look cute as a girl. Well, you do, and you will become a girl, starting the minute school lets out, and it’ll last for as long as it takes to insure that you are established. Any questions?" I had plenty, some objections too, but never had the chance to say them. "Good! Mary, get her what she needs. Paint her bedroom, whatever, just make sure that by the time school lets out in a few weeks that Claire becomes your average 14 year old girl!"

My life went upside down in a flash, and there wasn’t any way I could refuse. Unless I wanted to trash my future, embarrass my family, and make an ass out of myself that is. Ken had been right when he said that I was about the same size as most girls. It was an enduring cause of my angst in school. Almost every boy and even some of the girls were bigger than I was. I stand 5’1" tall and weigh 108, I have brown hair and blue eyes. About average for a girl, but only two thirds the size of the guys. I looked at mom, then back at dad, and finally Ken.

I said, "Nobody can tell anyone…okay?"

"Nobody will know honey. But, based on how you looked the other day, even your friends will be in doubt!" Mom sounded pretty sure of herself. "On Saturday morning we’ll get you dressed, then go do a little shopping. There are some things that you’ll simply have to have if we’re going to pull this off. We’ll all help you redecorate your room. By this time, ten days from now, Claire will live here, and nobody will know differently. Okay?"

It was a long few days as I anticipated becoming a girl again. Ken and Dad had taken everything out of my room so that they could paint it while I would be staying in the guest room for a few days. Mom and I carried all my new clothes and stuff to the guest room. Ken was busy painting the walls a light mint green. I looked in every day after school and saw that my room, once the bastion of young male pride was now becoming a room for a teen girl. Mint green and white paint, a white bed with a canopy, a vanity, and new shelves. It looked nice, but this was going to be my room!

Mom told me to come help her prepare dinner, and as we passed my bedroom I saw that my room was done. Mom told me we would start the next day, the day after school let out. All sorts of things came to mind, ugly things. But the next morning, mom came in and helped me get dressed again. This time I wore a skirt and top of my own design with some flats that mom had bought, plus, I had to carry this small purse. Since the skirt was a mini, I really felt as naked as I was! Mom drove, with my expectation of going into the mall right away dashed when she stopped at a small shop. I had no idea what we were doing there until we went in. Right in front of me were pictures of breasts! Looking around it was obvious what they sold, and I swallowed hard. Mom told her I was flat chested, and needed some help, some very good help. The woman didn’t even blink. It took about an hour to be totally embarrassed as the woman measured me, checked color charts, and fit me with a pair of perfectly formed breasts, sized for my frame and age. As I looked in the mirror I was shocked to see that it looked as if I had grown my own boobs over night. Mom helped me get the bra back on, I got dressed, and we left the shop. With every step the weight pulling on my chest was so new, so different that I was aware of them all the time. I felt them, and to me, they felt real! They were warm too!

My obvious concern made mom smile, and she told me that after a few days I would get used to them, just like every other girl does, and not to worry. But I’m a boy, not a girl, and boys don’t look like this, yet every time we passed a window I saw my reflection, and I saw a girl! Perky little boobs, nice legs, a cute face and no part of the real me showing. It was almost depressing. The first thing on mom’s list was to get me some lingerie, meaning bras and panties, slips and nightgowns. I wore a size 32A bra mom said. From there we went to the junior department where we stocked up on skirts and blouses, dresses, slacks and shorts, a suit and even a swimsuit! Shoes, both flats and heels in black, taupe, red and white, then she had my ears pierced. By the time we were done in the store I realized that not once had anyone realized that I was a boy! We took everything to the car, stopped for lunch, then she took me to her salon.

I won’t go into the details except to say that my hair was clipped, rolled, brushed and spritzed. There was no doubt that I now had a very feminine hairstyle. My nails were also trimmed, filed and painted a soft pearl pink. Even my fingers seemed to look thinner!

Everything was happening so fast, and the inner sense of my maleness kept me on edge. Mom was well aware that I felt out of place, but she never let me forget that we were doing this for a very good reason. We were going to try and fake out my sex to someone that really was a girl, and popular on top of that, and that scared me most of all I guess. All during dinner Ken and dad were staring at me, but both of them said that I was really cute and left it at that. Mom however told me that starting in the morning I was going to learn how to do my own makeup and hair, how to dress and what to select for what occasion. That night as I got ready for bed mom came in just as I removed my bra. My very first inclination was to stand there, but my arm went up to hide my breasts.

"There is no reason to be shy Claire, I have them too, remember? Get your nightgown on and come downstairs. I’ll make some popcorn."

I undressed, washed off the makeup, and slipped on the nightgown, wearing only the panties. The flannel kept me surprisingly warm. As I turned to walk out of the room I saw myself in the mirror, and the twin mounds pushing against the flannel reminded me that I was now committed to being a girl. I stood there and thought about it, and had to admit that it wasn’t so bad once I got over feeling naked in those short skirts. I smiled at myself, then went to watch television and have some popcorn.

The next morning mom and I went to deliver the latest orders from the factory so they could send them out. I wore a skirt and blouse with flats. I had done my own makeup and hair because mom insisted. After that, since it was early, I went back to my design board, taking it out to the patio. I was busy sketching new dresses when a shadow fell across me. Looking up I saw Marilyn, one of the girls I had asked to model my dresses. There was no way out, but by the look on her face, she didn’t recognize me just yet. That was reinforced because I wasn’t wearing a bra, and my top had only two thin spaghetti straps to hold it up. My nipples could be seen right through the top.

"Hi! I’m Marilyn."

"Claire" I said, pointing to a chair.

Marilyn sat down across from me, looking over at my sketches, but her eyes locked onto my boobs before she looked up at my face.

"Charles sketches too. He’s also pretty good."

"Yeah, I hear that." I said, trying to be coy.

"Charles lives here. I know. I’ve been here before."

"He’s not here right now."

"But" Marilyn said, "you are. I think you’re Charles! My God! I think you’re Charles!"

Just then mom walked out with some soft drinks, saw that Marilyn was clearly agitated, and sat down.

"Marilyn, honey, remember when Charles asked you to model his dresses? And you said no? Well everyone else did too, then along came the chance for those same dresses to become Internationally known, and we just had to have a model. Since everyone else said no, and we really needed a model, Claire volunteered."

Well, Marilyn almost swallowed her tongue when mom told her that, because she was staring straight at my boobs, which did not look like fakes in any way, and she was really confused. I helped out by dropping a pencil then bending over so she could see them for herself.

"But if this is Claire, where’s Charles?"

"He’s gone for a while Marilyn. Claire will be staying with us for the summer, maybe a bit longer. We aren’t sure yet."

"Well," Marilyn said, "the reason I came over was to invite Charles to a party at my house on Thursday. It starts at two as a pool party, then my dad is going to barbecue and we’ll play some music." Turning to me she smiled, "Why don’t you come Claire? You can meet all the kids. It’ll be a blast."

I looked up in stark terror at mom, but all she did was smile and tell Marilyn that I would be there!

Marilyn left, smiling, telling me she would look forward to seeing me again, while I was staring at mom. I was ready to yell at mom I was so mad, and I opened my mouth to say "no, I wouldn’t go", but of course, mom held up that finger and I fell silent. Never raising her voice she asked me if I intended to stay home all summer. When I said no, she grinned and told me that no girl my age would do that either, and in order to fit in, I might as well go to the party, and reminded me that I already had a swimsuit. I reminded her that while I looked okay in a skirt or dress, wearing a swimsuit cut for a girl would be a problem. "We’ll see" she said, and left me sitting there, sketch book in hand. But I had lost my train of thought on the dresses. My hand drew a picture of me in a swimsuit instead. It didn’t look good.

Two days later mom told me to grab my purse, telling me we were on our way to see the doctor, which confused me, but I did as she told me. As we pulled in at the doctors office I saw mom grinning. Once inside, the doctor saw me right away. Now, this lady had delivered me, and knew that I was a boy, but she didn’t even blink. Instead, she told me to remove my skirt and panties then climb up on the table. I had no idea what was going on, but Dr. Valerie Benson was my doctor, and I trusted her. She sprayed something on my groin, then, nothing but some grunts, snorts, and so on, which lasted for about half an hour. I saw her pick up a needle, then a bottle, and finally I was told to just lie there, quiet and still. Meanwhile…

"How long will this last Valerie? Claire is still my son after all!"

"Oh don’t worry Mary. It should last about three months, and if she needs me to do it again, just call me and we can fit her in."

"It looks so real! I still don’t know how you did it, and I watched you!"

"Don’t worry Mary. Claire will have full body function, and up to a point, will be just like any other girl her age, and best of all, nobody will ever know she is actually a boy. With those breast forms she has on, she can go naked and not be found out now!"

"I’m sure that you’re right Valerie, I just hope that Claire takes this well. I didn’t tell her why we were coming here."

"And you don’t think she knows!? Of course she knows! That spray was similar to what a dentist uses, but she could feel everything I was doing, it just didn’t hurt that’s all!"

"But she didn’t say anything!"

"Mary, listen to me. Claire likes dressing as a girl! Isn’t that plain to you? If she didn’t she would have jumped right off the table the minute I touched her!"

"But Claire never said…I mean, she always acted as if…"

I had gotten dressed again, after I checked out the new plumbing. Now I could meet the diva, go to Marilyn’s party, or do anything else I wanted, all as a girl, and never worry about it. I never told mom that I liked wearing girls clothes. In fact, it only came over me when we left the salon. That’s when I knew for sure. I liked being pretty, the taste of lipstick and the small of makeup. Having my own boobs, wearing pantyhose and skirts seemed, so…natural now. After just a few days as a girl I already loved it. That was scary in a way because I had never dressed this way before, but now, well, I looked like a girl all over. I never told mom how I felt because I wasn’t sure she wanted me to say that, but now, well, for all intents, I was a girl! It was all I could not to run my finger up and down the newly formed slit. I still wasn’t sure what Dr. Valerie had done, all I knew was that I looked like a girl, and I liked it…a lot, especially the way my panties fit me now. I walked out just as mom was talking, but she stopped when she saw me. She looked at me like I was an alien, so I said the only thing that came to mind.

"Thanks mom, I love it!" Then I hugged her.

Mom was so stunned that she didn’t say anything and followed me outside. Then she asked me.

"Claire! Why didn’t you tell me you liked dressing as a girl!"

"Why? What would have happened if you didn’t really like me to dress this way?"

"Well, when did you figure this all out then?"

" Before Marilyn stopped over. I guess I might have known before that, but didn’t want to upset everyone. I thought I knew the day after that woman gave me these breasts, but it was after we went to the salon. It was like a light came on inside."

"Well! I always wanted a daughter, and now it looks like I’m going to have one!"

Mom hugged me, and we went home. Not having any impediment between my legs felt so different, but it did make it easier for me to sit with my knees together, and nothing hurt. However, when we got home mom made me go to my room where I got the most embarrassing lecture on how to keep myself clean, and mom was adamant about it. She told me that I could catch all sorts of things if I did not stay clean, then she watched me as I did what she told me. I asked mom not to tell Ken and she agreed. For the next three days I designed more skirts and dresses, but spent some time at my jewelry bench. I enjoyed that the most, and spent one whole day just making things for myself. I also got used to my new shape, having to use the bath and so on. I got better at doing my own makeup and hair, and managed to figure out the bra after a few days. But it was what I saw in the mirror when I was alone and naked. Other than skinny hips, I looked like a girl. One night, when I was in bed, my hand slipped down and I felt myself. I wondered what it would be like to have the real thing.

On Thursday morning mom reminded me of the party at Marilyn’s, so I went up to my room to try on my swimsuit. I looked just like what I was supposed to look like. A skinny 14 year old girl. I knew in my heart that I looked like a girl, yet that familiar pang of doubt crept up and bit me again. At home, out in the wider public, okay. Nobody knew me or cared, and I was able to go about my business without any trouble. But at Marilyn’s I would be among kids that had known me almost since birth. If even one of them found out who I really was the very least that would happen is I would kill myself. Some of the parents, like Janet’s dad would go right off the deep end. I looked at my reflection a long time before I decided that if I was going to die, I might as well get it over with. I slipped off my suit, and got dressed in one of the dresses of my design, put a towel and my suit in a bag, added some makeup and a brush to my purse, then, with a wave to mom, left for the short walk to Marilyn’s house. On the way I met up with Janet, one of the girls I had asked to model my clothes.

"Hi!"

"Hi." I said

"My name is Janet. I live over there."

"I’m Claire. I’m staying back there, in the green house."

"You’re the girl that Marilyn told me about! You going to her party?"

"She invited me, and mom said it would be a chance for me to meet everyone."

I was playing a dangerous game with Janet. Out of all my friends, she knew me the best, and I figured that she would be the one to see through to the real me. But she didn’t say anything and we walked to Marilyn’s house together. Marilyn met us, her mom took our bags, and we joined her and some other kids on the patio. Most of the boys wore tees and shorts, the girls, like me, wore light weight skirts or summer dresses. Marilyn introduced me around, which was really strange, since I knew most everybody. But, nobody looked at me strangely, and I settled down. Sitting at one of the tables with Janet, we were talking about this and that when Marilyn asked us if we wanted to change so we could use the pool. Well, the guys went in the basement while all of the girls, including me went to her bedroom. This would be the time when I removed any doubts, and I was smiling inside as Janet led the way.

I was still pretty sure that both Marilyn and Janet held their doubts about me, which was confirmed when I slipped off my dress, unfastened my bra, then stepped out of my panties. Both of them glanced my way. Slyly done, yet I caught them both looking, so I turned, just a bit, and they saw a girl that looked just like them. Without any thought I grabbed my suit and pulled it on, grabbed my towel, and watched as both Janet and Marilyn undressed and put their suits on. It was clear that both of them were built about like I was. Heather was very well developed while Jill was almost flat chested. The four of us went down the stairs and to the pool. I had just set my towel down when Mike grabbed my hand, yanked, and over I went, right into the pool.

That fool had always been a prankster, and I half expected him to do something crazy, and as we both floated to the top of the water, I felt his hand on my butt! I ignored that, climbed out of the pool and glared at him and his silly grin.

"What’s the matter Claire? Can’t take a joke?"

"Creep" I said, and went to the other end of the pool and slid into the water. Heather moved closer, then told me that she heard that Mike had the hots for me! I listened, determined to avoid Mike more than ever before. Dressing as a girl was one thing, having a boyfriend was something altogether different. But Marilyn had it four and four, so if she put on some music and others started to dance, he would probably ask me. Looking around, I saw them all.

"My brother thinks you’re cute too, but he’s about as shy as they get."

Heather’s twin brother Bill didn’t look at all like her. She was a blonde, Bill has brown hair. She’s about my size while he is tall, almost 5’8" and heavier by 50 pounds.

"If you want," Heather said, "I’ll introduce you to him. I think it’s the only way to get his attention Claire."

Not wanting to let Mike have any chance at all, and knowing all about Bill’s shyness around girls, I nodded my head. Heather didn’t waste one second. She jumped out of the water, grabbed her brother, and led him over to me, made the introductions, then left. Standing next to him, dressed this way, gave me a whole new perspective on being a girl. He had more muscles than any of the other guys, and most definitely, and nice smile. Both of us were still awkward, unsure of what to do, but one glance at the other end of the pool was enough to make up my mind. In self defense only mind you, I moved closer to Bill. Mike saw it and quit watching us. Mission accomplished, or was it? Bill took my hand in his, helped me out of the water, and joined me at the table.

I’m not sure, I never paid any attention to it before, but Bill seemed to be smiling a lot more than I remembered. For the rest of the afternoon Bill and I sat there, not using the pool, not dancing, just talking. I found out he likes biking, wasn’t into that grunge scene, and liked a lot of the things that I liked! By the time it was time to go, Bill and I were fast friends, something we never were before. I went up to change back into my clothes, which is when I was assaulted by Janet and Marilyn. They wanted all the details of course, but I had nothing to tell them except that Bill seemed nice. As I was pulling my panties on…

"Jill has a big thing for Bill you know."

"Hey" I said, "Heather just introduced us today! We don’t have a "thing" going if that’s what you mean!"

"Well, he’s got the look Claire. He’s in love!"

I was pulling the dress over my head when Janet said that, so neither of them saw my reaction, which was stunned disbelief. I packed up my stuff, thanked Marilyn, and headed for the front door. But Bill was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs.

"Can I" he said in a somewhat stilted manner, "walk you home?"

I turned and saw the smirk on Janet’s face even as I nodded my head yes, wanting to say no at the same time. He waited until I was outside, then he took my hand! All at once I became aware the effect a girl has on a boy, something I wasn’t aware of before. As we walked along the sidewalk, I wondered what dad would say if he sees this! Worse, what would Ken say? I would be teased to no end, but as a girl, I figured there was no reason not to hold his hand, and that’s how we walked up to the front door, hand in hand. Dad and Ken were washing the car when we walked up, and there was no way either of them could miss the way Bill was looking at me, or the fact that we were holding hands. I had no choice but to introduce them, then Bill left, promising to call me. I did not see it when Ken winked at dad. Mom asked me how it went and I said okay, turning to go upstairs. I put everything away and joined mom in the kitchen.

"That boy? What was his name honey."

"Bill. Bill Pomerantz. He’s Heather’s twin brother but they don’t look anything alike."

"He’s cute" mom said, then handed me a pan. "Did he ask you out?"

"No. He said he would call." Wanting to change the subject, I asked, "How many orders came in today?"

"Ken said he sent almost 200 orders for that plaid jumper of yours, plus another 100 mixed. Ken also said that he is now able to send the orders directly to the factory, so we no longer have to drive them over. You design them, Ken posts them, we send the orders to the factory, and dad keeps the books. You are making a lot of money now Claire, so I think we can raise your allowance if you need it."

"Okay mom. Whatever you say." She poured the popcorn into the pan, then poured the butter on. "I’ll take this outside if you get dad and Ken."

Over popcorn we discussed my blossoming business. According to dad, after factory costs, I was making an average of $3.12 on every item, and we now had orders backing up! Dad suggested that we send over three more of my designs, let Ken post the pictures on the web page, and not let up. I agreed, and said I would make the dresses myself and pose for Ken in a few days. Then dad told me how much money I had in the bank. I almost fell off my chair. Ken piped in with the news that the success of my designs had caught the eye of a local paper, and they wanted to do an article on me. Both mom and dad said they would handle that, set the ground rules and so on if we decided to let him or her interview me. I was stunned at what had happened to me in just a few months. I had gone from a geeky kind of skinny kid that designed dresses, sewed them up, and made jewelry as a hobby, to a young girl with a ton of money, and maybe, a boyfriend. I was so shocked by what I had been told, and with all of the stresses put on me lately, I started to cry! I never did that before! Mom took my hand and whisked me upstairs.

I ran into my room with mom right on my heels. She shut the door as I lay on my bed crying. Everything I thought I knew about myself had been a lie. I wasn’t macho so much as your average teenage boy. Now, I had let another boy hold my hand, and what’s worse, I liked it! Bill was tall and strong where I was skinny and small. He would be handsome someday while I would be what? Beautiful? When I undressed all of the girls saw me naked, and they accepted me as one of them, but I wasn’t, was I? I had more money than I could spend, but I had just turned 14! What was I going to buy? Mom sat there, stroking my back, waiting until my sobbing stopped, then, she and I had our first mother daughter talk. As I blurted out the truth, my shame grew until I started crying again. I told her I liked being a girl. I told her I liked Bill and the way he looked at me, that I liked the way my body looked. In other words, I liked everything about being a girl.

"I like being a girl too honey. Being a woman isn’t just physical, it’s mental as well. You like being a girl? Then be one! Be the most feminine girl you can be. If Bill excites you, let him hold your hand, and maybe kiss you. But always remember this. You are whatever you decide to be. All of us, Ken included, have watched you become the girl you had inside. When this began it was because we needed a model, but it has gone farther than that now, and I can’t see any way of going back, can you?"

"No" I said, meekly and through my tears.

"If that’s the case, and you want to be a girl, a real girl, then you are the only person that can do that. You have to become Claire, inside and out, in your heart as well your body. Is that what you want? To become a real girl?"

My wail had to have shaken the windows as I told her I didn’t know, but I did. I wanted to be a girl but lacked the courage to say it out loud. I was torn between what I thought my dad wanted, and what I knew to be true. Mom held me close until at last she said it for me. She told me that I wanted to be a girl, and all I could do was nod my head yes.

"Ken" I said, he’ll…"

"Honey, Ken loves the idea of having a sister! He thinks you are very pretty, and I’ll bet that if you went down those stairs right now and stood in front of him, he’ll hug you and tell you how pretty you are. Under that macho shell of his lies a soft hearted guy Claire, and all you have to do is give him the chance to prove it to you."

"Dad?"

"Your father still thinks this is simply so you can model the clothes, but that probably changed when Bill walked you home today. He isn’t that dense Claire. He probably figured it out already, but I’ll talk to him tonight. Why don’t you wipe off that makeup, redo it, and go talk to Ken. I think you’ll be surprised."

As mom watched I undressed right down to my skin, washed off the makeup, then put on clean panties, my bra and sat at my vanity to redo my makeup. I kept it simple. Powder, blusher and lipstick, a soft red that I liked. Then I pulled on a mini skirt and a top. I put on my white ankle socks and gym shoes, then added some perfume. Looking at mom, I saw her smile, went to give her a hug, then asked her if she was sure about this. With a nod of her head, I left my room in search of my brother. I found him at the computer in dad’s office. He was intently downloading orders, sending them to the factory, and he did not know I was there. I touched him on the shoulder and he seemed to pop right out of the chair. He looked at me with those great big blue eyes of his, then grinned at me. Without a word he put his arms around me, pulled me to his chest, and just stood there. Finally, he pushed me away and kissed me on the cheek!

"I told you I always wanted a sister, and here you are! And cute too!"

"You…you…don’t hate me for dressing this way?"

"Hell no! Why should I be mad? I have the best looking sister around here." He pulled me to him again and added, "If anyone bothers you, and you don’t like it, you tell me. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay?"

I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, then ran outside. My emotions were at a fever pitch and I had to get away to straighten them out. As I ran I could feel the pull of my breasts as they bounced in my bra, and it was exhilarating. I now knew what I was, and became determined to do exactly what mom told me. I was about to become as feminine as possible. When I went back in the house I felt as if I was an entirely new person, and that person was a girl named Claire.

The next day, almost at breakfast, Ken came in with an e-mail in his hand, yelling at us.

"She wants to come here! To our house! She wants a private fitting!"

"Who dear" mom asked, are you talking about?"

"The Diva of course! All I have to do is send her an e-mail telling her when!"

Well, we decided on a date, but couldn’t tell anyone. If we did she would be swamped with people, media and newspapers. I had one week and a day before she showed up. Mom winked at me and nodded towards dad, which I took to mean she had told him. So far he had not yet made and sign that anything was different, so I wasn’t sure. After the dishes were done, I went to find dad. He was in the backyard tending his flowers.

"Dad?"

He stood up, then turned to face me.

"I understand that we have a daughter now." I waited, edgy and tense for him to say something else. "You know, your mother and I always wanted one of each, but we were happy with two boys, and you know how much we love you both. Now she tells me that we do have one of each, a boy and a girl." He sat down on his small folding stool, still looking at me. "Are you sure honey? Is this what you really want? Being a woman isn’t like being a boy you know."

"Daaaad!"

"Okay okay, just thought I would mention it." He took my hands in his and smiled at me. "If you become my daughter there will be some new rules you know."

"I know" I said, trying to smile, but expecting the worst.

"For instance, you’ll have to let me spoil you without mercy, check out all your boyfriends, and of course, I’ll have to have plenty of kisses and hugs from you in return. Is that okay with you?"

I grabbed him so hard that we both fell on the ground, laughing, crying, hugging, and smiling. My epiphany was complete. I had discovered that my family loved me, regardless of what I wore. It simply didn’t matter now. Dad and I went in the house to clean up, then the phone rang. It was Janet. She and Heather were coming over, "with big news" she said. Twenty minutes later the three of us were ensconced in my room, the door shut, conspiracy thick in the air.

"Bill is going to ask you to go to the annual picnic his dad’s office has!"

"So?" I said, not sure why that should be such a big secret. "It’s just a picnic, right, what’s the big deal?"

"Because Bill can hardly wait Claire! He has the hots for you Claire! He’s got it bad girl!"

"Maybe I shouldn’t go then."

They both snorted when I said that. We all knew that if Bill asked me out, I would go, and like mom told me, I would be as feminine as I could be. We traded gossip for a while, then they left. Somehow, some way, I had come to think of Bill as more than just a friend. I even had a dream of him kissing me. But that was my secret. Mom and dad spent the best part of the week making sure the house was ready, Ken and I helped clean up, then Ken printed out a small brochure for our Diva. Bill called me twice, and did ask me to go with him, and I accepted. Ken kidded me a bit, but other than that, nobody said anything. When the day of the Diva’s visit came, I wore one of my own dresses. Basically a shift, it had a round neck, but a keyhole design cut in front and back. I wore plain flats and minimum makeup.

When I opened the door to let her in, I didn’t even recognize her! Instead of a blond, she was a brunette, instead of blue eyes she had brown eyes. But we knew who she was, and I let her in, along with her mother. At 16, Diva wasn’t that much older than I was, and we seemed to hit it off right away. Once everyone was introduced Ken offered to show her all of the pictures taken of me in everyone of my outfits, so our mother, Diva, Ken and I huddled around the computer as Ken flipped through the pages until Diva pointed her finger. Ken noted the number and went on. Diva had selected five dresses and four skirts to have made. After that and at mom’s direction, we all went to my room where Diva undressed so I could take her measurements, noting how she wanted it cut. As she got dressed our mothers left us alone, and for the first time I got a chance to talk to the most popular pop Diva in the country. It turned out she wasn’t much different than most girls our age! She had a boyfriend at home, but they could only go out when she was in disguise, like today. I told her about Bill, and our first date which was coming up the next weekend. Like most girls our age, we swapped secrets about our boyfriends, and surprisingly, we became fast friends.

We traded our private phone numbers, e-mail addresses and home addresses, then I promised to make her clothes myself rather than have the factory do it. When she left, she and I hugged, then her mother drove away in a plain sedan, with nobody having any idea who she really was. I started on the dresses that day and had them done by Friday. Dad shipped them out while mom and I went shopping again. While we were on the way to the mall, mom mentioned that my hips, while fine in most cases, and using the towels a good alternative, I might want to consider something a lot better. I had to agree. The towels left small red marks on my skin, and in some cases, could be seen. So, instead of going to the mall, we went back to see the doctor. She was, by then, well aware that I had no intention of ever going back to being a boy, and with mom’s consent, started me on some tiny purple pills. She told me that I would now develop just like the rest of the girls. I could not have been happier.

Then we went shopping. I bought another pair of shorts, some tops, and shoes. I also had my hair and nails done at the salon, but this time I knew what to expect that time. By the time we were back at home I knew that the pills the doctor gave me were hormones, and they would cause my body to develop breasts and hips! True to her word, Diva mentioned my name and website at everyone of her concerts and the orders started to pour in. I think that every girl between 12 and 22 bought at least one of my dresses! All of her cast members had their measurements taken, which she sent to me, and I became the sole supplier of her costumes. All at once I was not only wealthy, I was well known!

Bill and I went to his Dad’s company picnic, and I had a wonderful time. Taking mom’s advice, I was as feminine as I could be. As the afternoon melded into dusk Bill walked me to a secluded spot, took me into his arms, and kissed me. Flashes of light passed before my eyes while thunder roared in my ears and I went limp in his arms. That was the very first kiss anyone ever gave me outside of the family, and it was wonderful!

As time went on, and before the end of summer, my doctor bowed to the obvious and started me on my way to womanhood, and I never looked back. Of course, I could not attend a public school now, my records still said male on them, but my parents arranged it so that I could attend a private school, which we could no afford. Over the next year my business mushroomed again when another group, an all girl group, asked me to do their dresses, and once again we took in a flood of orders. As my body was changing, swelling in the right places as the changes took effect, nobody in the family ever mentioned how this all started, or that it was odd. Everyone simply accepted it. As of the moment I have a modest bustline and some hip development, but both mom and the doctor assured me that at any time I would blossom and have a fuller figure. I’m looking forward to the future with an open eye now, and as a girl, I seemed to have found myself. My designs are better, still trendy, and the name Claire now denotes quality.

But, enough of this tale. Bill will be over soon. He’s taking me to the submarine races in the park. It should be fun.

 

© 2000

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