Dear Diary
by Barbi Satin
12/01/2000
It's now been one year since mother passed away. I still miss her terribly and think of her each day. I also feel ashamed at times when I just wish she were still here to protect me from father and to intervene. His hate for me seems to grow each day and he told me the day I turn eighteen I will be out of the house no matter what. It was never easy for me but now it will be unbearable. I was so stupid to let him catch me. Another month off from school so the bruises would heal.
I have to pass this year and advance a grade. As it is I will be twenty before I graduate and can escape from Redneck High. I now own the school record for being suspended for fighting. What a sad joke and injustice that is. Suspended for being a punching bag is more like it. It's always the same. One jock or another corners me and beats me half to death and then Mr. James let's them go and accuses me of causing it. No football hero will be punished but I get a weeklong suspension just for taking the beatings. Why did I have to be born in Texas?
I have the pills here but I want to live and to just go where I can have my dream. I have to go soon and it may be the end today anyway. He caught me last night again. He almost never comes home until after midnight but of all nights to not feel like drinking until late he chose last night. I saved up for a year for that corset and dress! I thought he would just beat me again but this is so much worse. They will probably kill me today. He is making me go to school in it. I have to go now. Why couldn't my mother have lived! He should have died.
12/10/2000
I was able to drag my broken body to the computer today for the first time. It didn't last long but this time they broke ribs. I am suspended until January now and they got away with it again. No Neanderthal jock can commit any sin. I am in so much pain but they ordered counseling and I have to go starting today. I wish it were a real shrink with an education but no, not in this dirt water town in the Texas Panhandle! Pastor Bubba is waiting.
12/11/2000
So I am nothing but an abomination to God himself? The redneck has such a thick bible thumper accent that was all I could understand as he ranted and raved at me for hours about hellfire and damnation. You are my only friend Diary, the only one that will listen. I have to go back today to school for a meeting and beg for a transfer across town to the bible freak academy where I hope they don't know about my sick perversions and what had happened.
12/13/2000
They will let me transfer and I start on January 2nd. Even if they know they will just rant at me and try to brainwash me into becoming a saved fundy wing nut like them. I almost puked when the headmaster said they would accept me because my father is a good man of God!
12/25/2000
Merry fucking Christmas world! I did get one present from my father. I had to make a bargain with the devil to get it but it may be worth it, if not I am as good as dead anyway. The Internet connection will be installed tomorrow and I can begin my search for someplace to go when I turn seventeen. He got it for me just to be rid of me a year early. The only good thing about this Redneck State is that they will allow me to leave home at just seventeen if there are "irreconcilable problems" at home.
12/29/2000
I have been locked in this room since the 26th now. My computer might be an old Win 95 Junker but it works. The past few days have opened my eyes to a new world. Worlds where I am not alone and there are others like myself out there. I started by searching for cross dresser personals and found thousands. I found shops online that sell expensive and beautiful outfits in satin, leather and latex modeled by dream girls I had not imagined existed. They have words for women like that here in the Bible belt. My word for them is just "HOT"!
I even discovered that there are women in this world known as shemales. Most of them bored me but I found a few on the Internet with websites that excited me. Gorgeous, painted harlots in leather and latex costumes I never imagined. I would give anything to be like one of them. I just want to look at the women and shemales and Masturbate but I must find a place to go. I will begin to place, as many personal ads as I can and hope someone will help. I plan on just being honest. I will tell my story and hope there is a woman or another like myself who has a big enough heart to save me.
01/03/2001
I started at "Holy Roller Academy" yesterday. One day and I already despise them all. Over one hundred assholes that live for Jayzus, Guns and to elect Republicans! So far all the replies to my ads have been from perverted men. God, I hate men! The men who beat me and then men who try to convert me, the men who are nothing but perverts! I am a pervert but in my heart I am a girl and not one of them.
01/15/2001
I will be seventeen tomorrow. Happy birthday to me. No one else will wish me one. I had a very interesting Email today. She called herself Aunt Sandy and sent me her photo. I have my doubts that she is real. The photo was of a woman who has to be a model. Why would a young, beautiful blonde goddess in a leather dress be interested in me?
She is in Boston and told me if I could get there she and "her girls" could help. After tomorrow the pressure to get out will be on. I have nothing to lose so I will write to her.
01/17/2001
Life at Hellfire and Brimstone High is exactly as expected. They all think I am gay and they keep trying to save my soul. They are all pathetic, inbred losers. I heard from the blonde again today. "Aunt Sandy" the leather vixen. She sent me her phone number and an address to write to her in case I get cut off. She told me she was interested but had to have a photo of me first. It was to be a fully transformed photo if possible and in what she called drab if not possible. She said that she would be making an investment in me and an average boy in a dress wouldn't do. I have no scanner and just one Polaroid I snapped after I dressed last month. I know she will like it and want me. I make such a pretty girl. I hate to part with that one photo I hid so carefully but I must risk it. I will drop it in the mail today.
01/28/2001
She sent an Email as soon as she saw the photo. It looked like an acceptance letter to a school. The letter explained that "The Academy" could not send perspective students money for travel. It just sounds too weird to me. I have nothing to lose however. The sons of bitches at school figured if they couldn't save me through talk they would beat "Satan" out of me. I can't be beaten like that again.
I have all my things packed and made a hotmail account. I will send you, my diary in several emails to the account for storage and I hope later retrieval. If they let me at a computer I will talk to you at that time. I will attempt to get into his bedroom tonight while he is passed out drunk and then take all his money. If there is enough I will hitch to Dallas and take a bus from there. If not I will just hope there is enough for food and hitch to Boston. It will be hard but anything is better than this.
01/29/2001
I have to say good-bye now dear Diary. One last entry before I head out the door and leave here forever. My worthless father spent all but his last $35.00 at the bar last night. I will have to eat just once a day and hope I can get a few decent rides quickly. I am guessing I have about 1,700 miles on the road ahead of me. I am afraid now, so very afraid of what is to come. I have never even been out of this hick town in my life and now I am off to Boston. I looked it up on the maps and I will have to make it to I 40 and then into Tennessee and then up to the real world. I will write when I can.
02/14/2001
Over two weeks out here on the road and I am only in Memphis. Rides are hard to come by and people mostly pass you by. Sometime I gain only an exit or two and I had to run from the cops in Oklahoma. They would have held me as a runaway and I guess I am just that. Running away from Hell!
I am hungry all of the time and the $35.00 I took from my bastard father is gone. Life out here is full of lessons to be learned and I had no choice but to learn a hard lesson or starve. I have $50.00 now and I earned it the hard way. My ass feels torn apart and my jaws hurt. A few of the truckers who gave me rides were decent guys and just let me ride for free. A few others saw how hungry I was and told me I could give them some ass and make a few bucks or get out. I got out the first two times but the hunger pain was too much. I puked after the first one. His cock tasted nasty and he made me swallow his cum. He gave me $20.00. I made $30.00 from the next one and thank the gods he wore a condom.
I have to go now. The machine here in this truck stop costs two dollars for five minutes of Internet time.
02/29/2001
I am at an Internet café in New Haven now. One last stop before I make my way back to I 95 and off to Boston. Five blowjobs and three ass fuckings later and I feel like a cheap whore but I can eat and even was able to clean up in a motel a few times. I felt so filthy and my skin smelled until that one trucker let me have the room we used. The worst part is the cold. The old coat that was always warm enough in Texas is just not warm enough for the bitter cold Northern States. As long as I order coffee they will let me stay here and it is warm and the coffee is good.
All through the south I felt like I was still trapped in Texas. Rednecks, hellfire preachers and they talked differently in each State but it was an accent I knew. Once I made it as far as Maryland the people all talked like the television newscasters in that weird unaccented tone. From the little I have seen the North is another world. People move faster and talk faster and don't seem to care about hellfire and brimstone bullshit.
I am headed back to the Interstate now. With any luck I won't have to run from any more cops and will get a few decent rides and be in Boston before I have to suck another cock.
03/12/2001
Well my diary I am back to you for good. It will take me some time to get used to typing in these nails. I feel like I have no hands in them but was told I would get used to them in time. I feel like I need to introduce myself to you all over again my diary. Billy is gone now and as far as I am concerned he is dead. My name is Jennifer now and always will be. I have a long way to go and much to learn but Aunt Sandy will teach it all to me soon. For now I will learn to walk like a girl, talk like a girl and how to be a girl in all ways but one. She gave me the entire day to rest so I will fill you in on all of it.
After my last entry I left the café and went to the onramp of I 95 and then waited and waited as car after car drove past. The first car to stop was a woman and asked me if I was headed east or west. She was headed back towards New York. I stood there with my thumb out until 3:00 AM and the temperature was in the low teens and a hard wind was blowing.
A woman stopped at last and asked me where I was headed. She told me to hop in and took me as far as Providence RI. I grabbed a hot meal at a truck stop and headed back to an onramp and began to feel chills through my body and feel very sick. I lost that hot meal and began to wonder if I would see Boston before I died. I needed a Hospital but didn't dare go to one. I got lucky and a guy in his 20's stopped and gave me a ride the rest of the way and even gave me some aspirin to help the fever.
It was late morning when I arrived in Boston. I had seen big cities like it on Television but was still amazed at it all. I was too sick to think too much about it and I found a pay phone fast and called as instructed. Another woman answered the phone and I told her I was expected and gave her my name. She gave me directions and told me to come at 1:00 PM
I began to walk slowly and it took me until about 1:30 to get there. It was a pretty three story home made of red bricks and I rang the doorbell. The woman in the photo answered the door wearing a pink latex mini dress and GoGo boots. She was even more gorgeous than her photos. She looked at me like I was something the cat had dropped on her doorstep and asked me what I wanted. I told her I was Billy from the emails. She gasped at the site of me and said "Oh, my god honey". As soon as I made it in the door I collapsed.
I don't know how long I was out but when I woke up something felt wonderful on my skin. Everything felt soft, silky and warm then and I was sure I had died and that people like me did go to heaven after all. I knew I was still on earth when I moved a little and felt pain in the back of my hand.
I opened my eyes and saw Aunt Sandy sitting on the edge of the bed I was in. She had on a beautiful pink satin nightgown and a pink ribbon in her long blonde hair and looked like an angel. The sensation on my skin was from the sheets and comforter on the bed. They were made of satin and felt like heaven to me. I had an IV in my hand and she told me to relax. Her doctor had been there and the IV was just to hydrate me and give me antibiotics. I had pneumonia and was very ill. She gave me a kiss and told me to just sleep and recover and that we could talk the next day.
The next morning a female doctor was the first person to see me. She took out the IV and gave me a bottle of pills to take and ordered at least four more days of bed rest. The pills were in a sealed bottle and samples from a drug company and were called Keflex. She gave me another bottle of pills and told me not to start them until I had finished all the antibiotics and felt healthy. The other pills were called Premarin Conjugated Estrogens 5.0 MG and I was to take two a day for six months. I was embarrassed when the doctor told me to cut back to one if I began to have problems getting erections.
The doctor asked me if I felt like a girl trapped in a boy's body or if I just liked to feel the fabric's women wore and felt aroused in them. I told her the truth and that it was just a huge turn on for me. She gave my head a pat and said, hmm another little shemale to be. "Take just one a day then honey and stop at the first sign of less frequent erections".
Aunt Sandy came to see me after the doctor left. She looked like she was coming to skin me alive in the outfit she was wearing. It was a leather cat suit with thigh high boots and leather gloves. I felt a little afraid of her but she told me to relax and said she was sorry she kept me waiting. "I had to work this morning honey". She told me she had three "sessions" that morning and asked me if I had heard them screaming?
She told me she was what was known as a professional dominatrix as were her special girls. She explained to me that she hated all men with a passion and found that she could make great money tormenting them. "Don't worry sweet pea, you are not a male or at least not for much longer", she explained.
She asked me then about what had happened and why I was in such a mess when I arrived. I just started at the beginning and told her my entire story. She was crying by the time I was finished. She gave me a big hug and the leather she was wearing felt so soft and smooth and smelled so wonderful I felt my cock stiffen. She was just so gorgeous and sweet. She noticed the sheets tenting up and just gave me a kiss on the lips and told me she was happy she made me horny. She asked me if the way she was dressed was turning me on and I blushed deep red. "It's OK sweetie, don't be ashamed of it"! I admitted that it did turn me on and she seemed pleased.
She told me that she was very much like me in many ways. The her "bastard of a father" had started to abuse her when she was just twelve years old and for a long time she saw her beauty as a curse. He had been a rich and respected Boson lawyer and could get away with anything. She now hated all men, as did I. She told me she was also what was known as a nymphomaniac. A woman who craved constant kinky sex!
She told me she had a few relationships with very beautiful lesbians but that something was missing. She loved the beauty and softness of women but also craved cock inside her. She discovered the world of shemales and found exactly what she was looking for.
At first she was very frustrated because all she found at the Boston nightspots were what she called "Dirty TS whores out to meet males and turn tricks". She wanted a nasty shemale lover and not some "Filthy TS man loving whore".
She began to search the web for boys like me who were girly, fetishists to transform into shemale lovers and work with her as dominants. She asked me if I wanted to be turned into a shemale and become her lover and a dominatrix who would torture males for a living. It was a lot to digest at once for a small town boy like me but I took one look at her and told her yes. She told me I was now Jennifer and that I would be her little southern Belle!
The deal was that until I turned 18 I would learn from her other girls how to dress and walk and a million other things. Until I was 18 I was off limits for sex but she told me she would introduce me to erotic upper body massage and that I was free to masturbate all I wanted afterwards. At the age of 18 I would make a final decision and undergo surgeries costing up to $50,000 or more. I would be under contract and work for her as a dominatrix until it was paid off and then for three more years where the money would be a split and banked for my future.
I would also have my own kinky website once I the surgeries were complete and become a fetish porn star. She asked me if I could make men suck my dick as I insulted them. "Men see shemales to be forced to do that". I told her I could and then she asked me if I was turned on by shemales. I blushed bright red and admitted I was.
"Welcome to the family"!!!!
03/29/2001
We all have the day off today. Boston is having an early spring Blizzard and no clients will call this day. I have never seen it snow like this in my life and it is just so pretty outside. For the first time since my mom died I feel like I am loved. There are two other "girls" here named Cindy and Kathy and they are shemales. Cindy is a pro dominatrix but is submissive to Aunt Sandy and Kathy in real life and like to dress in pink satin and plays pretend a lot. Cindy likes to be a bad little girl! She is a blonde with DD breasts and face like a Barbie doll and I am really attracted to her. Kathy is a total dominatrix and even Aunt Sandy submits to her when she feels like she has been a bad slut! They are both very sweet to me and are already like the sisters I never had.
I am all made up today in a long blonde wig, very slutty make up and a pink satin party dress with pink satin bloomers and long gloves with a pretty ribbon in my hair. I am nowhere near as pretty as the other girls but Aunt Sandy told me that when the surgeries are complete I would look like a girl she showed me on the web named Cindy Margolis but with bigger boobs and an extra working part!
I will change into a pink babydoll soon and we will spend the day all cuddled up snug in Aunt Sandy's bed and watch the snow fall. The girls can't have sex with me until my birthday but we do kiss a lot and they play with my nipples until I am so horny I have to run and masturbate. I love my life here so much.
12/04/2001
I am so sorry my diary; I have been away so long. I have learned so much though. About leather, latex and satin fetish and the psychology of domination. I spend my days just being a dainty little satin princess or attired in incredible leathers. I help out around the house and help make the meals at times. We always sit down and have dinner together and it is a loving family I have become a part of.
Aunt Sandy took many photos of my face and gave them to a doctor who made other photos from them. The doctor gave us ten photos and my Aunt told me to make a choice I would live with for life. The faces were all gorgeous and I fell in love with one that looked like a cross between Cindy Margolis and the porn star Jenna Jameson. That will be my face once I am finished. The hormones were stopped but I have enough tissue for the surgeon to work with. My aunt gave me a choice a C, D, DD or DDD cup and round or teardrop implants. I have decided to go with round DDD cups and to continue to train my waist so I can become such a bombshell I will look like a fetish cartoon!
I have lost a lot of weight and always wear a corset now all the time and can get it closed to 22 inches. I am just so excited by it all. Just one more month and I will begin the operations!
02/30/2002
January was a long and very painful month. I was in Boston General for most of the month. The doctors told me I had done very well. There had been very little bleeding and I would heal quickly. My entire face was wrapped in bandages and my chest felt like a truck had run over me. I could feel an odd pressure on my chest. My buttocks were also very sore from the implants that would give me an ass.
The bandages came off at the end of January and there was still a lot of swelling. They offered me a mirror but I refused it. I would avoid all mirrors until the day comes when I am fully healed and have had the professional make over Aunt Sandy promised me. I have picked out a hot pink skintight satin mini flare dress and pink thigh high boots and long gloves as the very first outfit Jennifer Doll will wear. I will only look after the make over and after I am in the outfit dripping in diamonds.
I can hardly wait for the 14th of March!
03/15/2002
I am stiff and sore and have never been so happy in my life. I spent the night with Aunt Sandy on her special leather bed sheets. Bound and ridden as she took my virginity. I fucked her for hours and gave Cindy and Kathy blowjobs and let them take my ass. The make over was incredible. Long upper lashes and lower lashes, pink pouting lips and blush with pink eye shadow and heavy black fetish eyeliner. The cinched my waist down to 18 inches and zipped me into my slippery, glorious satin mini dress. I put on the boots, gloves and then long dangle rhinestone earrings and Aunt Sandy's real diamond necklace.
When I looked in the mirror my heart stopped and it was hard not to cry from the joy I felt. I looked like a Bill Ward fetish cartoon come to life and with every step I would wiggle and jiggle making the satins slip and slide all over my body and my cock stiffen.
04/04/2002
Life is good my old friend. I am fast becoming the most popular dominatrix in Boston and making a small fortune. The website will be ready next month and I love to model all the leather and latex outfits. I love torturing males and making them suck the cum from my cock. I am also a grown up now old friend and must move on to grown up things but I will never forget you and will keep you safe to pass onto my daughter someday. In a few years Sandy and I will be parents and raise a little female or future shemale dominatrix. Or for that matter whatever he or she desires most in life. Since I never changed my legal sex I can soon be a fetish bride. Sandy and I are in love and will soon be wife and wife. We have one last bit of business to accomplish and I will make one last entry when we are done dear diary.
12/25/2002
Merry Christmas world. The most wonderful Christmas ever in fact. Sandy and I are married now and so much in love it bring tears to my eyes just thinking about her and she feels the same about me. Cindy and Kathy were bridesmaids at the wedding and are now our special lovers.
Sandy and I paid a visit to Texas last week. We looked like twins both in silver lame' mini dresses with long silver gloves and skintight silver leather GoGo boots when we strutted into his bar. I sat down next to dear old dad and pulled out a Virginia Slims 120 and asked him for light. He took one look at me and his hands were shaking so badly he couldn't even manage to light my cigarette. "My face is up here lover, not on my tit's baby". I pulled my dress back and flashed the entire bar a quick show of my massive boobs.
Good old Brad, so predictable! I introduced myself as Jennifer and then introduced Sandy as my sister. We told him we were just a couple of bad girls from Hollywood taking a break from making porn films to see the country. Sandy and I took the dance floor and soon every guy in the bar was drooling. We even began to french kiss in front of dear old dad as we told him we were closer then most sisters and shared everything. "Why baby, want to see us eat each others pussy's?
To make matters even better Jim Carpenter the captain of the football team was there. He was all over us and he and Brad looked like they would come to blows over us! "Now, now boys, we don't mind a foursome at all", I purred. They never noticed the drugs we put in their drinks.
I finished up by shoving my shemale cock in Brad's mouth and shooting a load of cum. He just cried and when I told him who I really was he passed out cold from the shock.
It was a lot of work but we sent copies of the photos to every home in that dirt water town. Poor Brad and Jim on their knees sucking shemale cock while bound. They looked so cute when we made them 69 each other!
Poor pastor Bubba, he must have had a heart attack seeing "That good man of God and the local football hero sucking dick!
The End
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